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- [00:00]
A
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- [00:26]
B
No purchase necessary VGW Group void where prohibited by law 18 + terms and conditions apply.
- [00:32]
C
Welcome to Unruly. I'm your host, Sheila Marie. I'm an author, a fierce advocate for black women, and the founder of the curvy curly conscious movement. In this space, I'm sharing what I've learned on my own journey while sitting down with some amazing women who are all navigating their own paths to healing. Because there's no better time than now to get a little unruly. Welcome back to Unruly Bae. It's 2025. How are you doing? I'm happy that everybody is in the swing of things. This year is going to be a great year, but undoubtedly it's going to be filled with a lot of change. Today's episode is all about change. Embracing it, thriving through it, and letting it shape us into stronger, more unruly versions of ourselves. Yes, please give me 14 of them. To help dive into this topic, we're joined by the incredible Simone Mariposa. Simone is a body liberation activist, a content creator, and a birth doula. Yeah, period. Wake that up. She first shook things up with her wewearwhatwewant movement. Empowering plus size individuals to unapologetically embrace their bodies and break free from society's expectations. Period. From uplifting others on socials to supporting birthing individuals as a doula, Simone shows us how transitions can be a pathway to deeper self love and empowerment. And I just wanna get right into it. Welcome to the stage Symone.
- [02:05]
B
Oh my goodness. Thank you so much for having me. It is such an honor to share space with you on this amazing podcast. So grateful.
- [02:12]
C
I'm so grateful too. I wanna start by. You know, I had asked you before how to pronounce your last name. Cause it's. I was like, is it Simone Mariposa? Or is it Simon Mariposa?
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B
Simon Mariposa.
- [02:25]
C
Oh my goodness. Are you. Where are you from? Are you Latina?
- [02:28]
B
So I am West Indian. I'm Guyanese. And Black American. However, I've always had a deep appreciation for Latinx culture. I learned Spanish at a young age. My dad spoke Spanish with me. And I've done my best to integrate parts of Latinx culture into what I do and what I talk about, just because it's especially the Afro Latinx experience as well. So that's like right up my alley.
- [02:53]
C
I love that. I saw an interview you did and I was like, okay, this is like a Latin channel. I thought maybe somewhere my family is Cuban, but they're not Afro Cuban, but they are Cuban. So I was like, oh, we got a little link up. I love that.
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B
Yes, ma'am.
- [03:09]
C
So, okay, let's start by doing a little icebreaker. I want to ask you, like two fun questions up front.
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B
Yes.
- [03:15]
C
Okay. So what is the biggest life change you've been through? And if it were a movie genre, what genre would it be? And I'll give you an example. For me, a big life change has been my fertility journey. And it's definitely given psychological thriller. It's definitely given, ah, in the middle of the night, door slamming. Ah, did I see that? Did I not? Is it there? Jump, scare, all that. So yeah, psychological thriller in the middle.
- [03:41]
B
Of the night is crazy. I can definitely see that you're thinking like, oh, is it time? Yeah, that's all lot. Yeah. Ludal phase, right? The ludal phase, for sure. I would say for me, one of the biggest recent transitions has been my move to Atlanta. I moved here in 2022 and I would consider that a dramedy simply because I've had. I've made so many friends, I've built a community. There's been lots of laughter and fun, but I've also cried at least once a week or every two days since I moved. And it's also been like a spiritual journey. It's been an evolution, isn't it? Yeah. There's a moral to the story and.
- [04:25]
C
Yeah.
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B
And I'm still on it. So the movie's actually. We're still in production actually as we speak.
- [04:30]
C
Okay. Period.
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B
Yeah.
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C
Okay. There's a budget, honey. The movie is filming.
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B
Yes.
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C
Okay.
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B
Yeah.
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C
You know what? I hear that a lot, especially with black women, that when they move to Atlanta, there's also this intense scene. Spiritual transformation too.
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B
Yeah. Especially for a city that is by black people. For black people. What? I moved here cuz, like I said, I'm from. Well, I didn't. I don't know if I mentioned, but I'm from LA and like, I'm from the hood, essentially. So like, you know, I've been around black people my entire life, but it was always a specific, like microcosm. But to go into a city where they're everywhere. There's all different types of us.
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C
Me too.
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B
Different niches and everything. It's like, wow. It was really. It was life changing.
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C
It definitely is. I still to this day, I'm like, wow.
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B
Yeah. So many different shapes and colors and types of black people. Like, survive, survive.
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C
It is whatever you're into. You can find other people that are into that here.
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B
Absolutely.
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C
Really cool.
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B
Yeah.
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C
So second icebreaker question is, you know, you're known for breaking boundaries in fashion. You're very open minded. And so like, where does your open mindedness stop? Like, in terms of fashion, what is one trend that you've seen recently that you're like, absolutely not. Like, I am open minded, but not that damn open minded. I'll give you an example for me is those damn red Megam mind boots.
- [05:51]
B
Thumbs down.
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C
Okay.
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B
Thumbs down.
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C
I don't know if they. I think they're designer. I don't care. They look like the tunnels that Mario and Luigi used to go in and out of. And I'm not fucking doing it.
- [06:01]
B
Not feeling it. Absolutely not. I 150% agree. Those boots. Like, I'm not, I'm not a trendy person. I think that's like one of the things that I pride myself with when it comes to fashion is like, I'm a trendsetter and a rule breaker. So there's a lot of things that people do that I'm like, not feeling. I would say a trend that I don't like. You know, I'm here for like experimenting with clothes, but clothes that are shapeless, I'm not a fan of. I like the like silhouette and the symmetry and the way that clothes like cloak over our body types, regardless of what our body types are. But I'm here for accentuating the body, you know. And so when I see kind of like the more. Yeah, shapeless trend, I'm like, yeah, like frocks and things like that. Like not feeling. Not feeling that for me.
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C
You know what? I. I will never wear a shapeless garment for my body. It just does not compliment me at all. But my friend Tasha, she be showing up. It'll be like a burlap sack, but somehow it looks like a very cute dress on her. I think she just does it.
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B
That's a good point, I think, especially if you're like curvy because we know you got the curves.
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C
Okay.
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B
That's you.
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C
And we know you got the curves period, so.
- [07:19]
B
Thank you. Curvesy curves, you know what I'm saying? But I do think like it's beautiful to show that. And I think there can be this emphasis on like, you know, not wanting to hyper sexualize yourself. And unfortunately, when you have a curvy body, you're automatically seen as hypersexualized when you accentuate it. But it's more so about showing the shape. And you have. We have beautiful shapes, so why not?
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C
Why not? Love that. So let's talk a little bit about change. Okay, let's get right into it. So you've spoken about the power of self awareness as it relates to navigating challenges. Can you share like a pivotal moment in your life where like, owning your sense of self helped you get through that change?
- [07:57]
A
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- [08:24]
B
No purchase necessary vgw group void where prohibited by law 18 + terms and conditions apply. I would say probably in the like, when my content creator journey was starting to elevate and rise, I would say that there was this desire to kind of attempt to fit into a box. And so I would feel like I had to be confined to that. But when I recognized like, okay, is this me truly living in who I am? And when that wasn't in alignment, it was like, fuck it. We're gonna be outside and we're gonna be talking about wearing what we want, showing our skin, being free, not being afraid in certain arenas, to be authentic to who you know we are. And so I would say it was more so about realizing if I'm in alignment, if it feels true to who I am, and if it's not, then maybe it's time to pivot to what does feel like. Me.
- [09:18]
C
I love that I always let the feelings guide us. The feelings in our body, they show up. You don't know why, but it's like, you should still trust that.
- [09:27]
B
Yeah, I think, like, and another thing that has been a guide for me, like when you mentioned feelings, is that intuition, you know, and a lot of Us, we don't, like, sit in stillness to recognize what our intuition is telling us. And so we're quick to make a decision and quick to, you know, make things happen because it's on our list. Instead of like, pausing to be like, okay, what is my gut saying?
- [09:51]
C
Yeah, as I'm an Aries, and so we can be very impulsive. And so one of my life's lessons has been deciphering the difference between fears or self limiting beliefs and intuition. Like, is what I'm hearing. Is that really the truth? Like, hold on. Is this an old fear? Is this an old belief?
- [10:10]
B
That's good. And then you mentioned you being an Aries. I'm very much into astrology, so when you said that, and it's funny, before this, I was wondering, I was like, what is her sign? So the fact that you said that. Thank you. Thank you. Spirit.
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C
Aries, Capricorn, Gemini.
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B
Ooh, Capricorn Moon.
- [10:23]
C
Yep.
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B
Love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there is that level of practicality which makes you, like, second guess and think, like, okay, what is this that I'm feeling? But also there's power in that, like, ability to, like, go for it as well with that Aries energy too. Like, you. You, y'all are the babies of the zodiac.
- [10:39]
C
We are. We're the babies. We throw a fit.
- [10:43]
B
Exactly.
- [10:43]
C
So you. You talked about the. Sadly, no. I love us.
- [10:47]
B
Thank you.
- [10:48]
C
I love you, Aries. Hi, Aries. Mwah. We're the best and we know it. Don't tell anybody else. So your journey, you. You were talking about discomfort, right? You were like, okay, as I'm growing into content creation, I'm growing. And a lot of people will say that they want growth, right? These are the things we'll put on our vision boards. These are the things we'll say that I want to grow, I want to be this. I want successful, I want this amount of money. But there's not often enough talk about the discomfort that can come along with growth. How have you embraced the discomfort of change while staying connected to who you are?
- [11:22]
B
I think it's about literally going with the flow and stop trying to fight it. I. Because if you're a naturally stubborn in a lot of ways, like, I know for me, I'm a stubborn. I can be very stubborn. And so it'll like, my life will be going a certain way, but I'll be like, but I want it to go this way, so I'm forcing it. But I think the magic is in being flexible and really allowing yourself to flow and recognize okay. If my life is taking a different direction, let's see where that direction takes me. Because, like, we over, like, I know I have goals for myself and visions, like we all do, but we have a stern idea of how we think we're supposed to get to those goals and to those. And to accomplish those things. But, you know, the universe, God, however you believe it, whatever you believe in may be guiding you on this path for a reason.
- [12:13]
C
And how do you know when you should be flexible? How do you know when it's time to be flexible and when it's time to be firm?
- [12:19]
B
That's a really good question, right?
- [12:22]
C
I feel like that's something I've been working through my whole life, getting better and better.
- [12:25]
B
But, yeah, I think it is about kind of what you said, like, really sitting with your feelings. I think when you have a good relationship with your sense of self, which is kind of like what we're talking about, we're able to learn the signals in our bodies and in our minds and in our hearts. And so I think when there is a level of resistance to going a certain way, I do think that that's probably where we should discover, like, and search on that path and see where that takes us. But I do think when it feels right, even if the. Maybe the results aren't immediate, but it feels right in your spirit. I think that's when you're firm in your actions and your, you know, your plans.
- [13:02]
C
I love that. It makes me think of one of my best friends, Justin Michael Williams. He defines intuition as knowing something strongly but not knowing why. And I feel like that that makes sense. And you trusting that intuition, that feeling, that part of you.
- [13:19]
B
Yeah, that intelligence. That's really good. Yeah, I think. Oh, go ahead.
- [13:25]
C
No, go ahead, babe.
- [13:26]
B
Well, I just. Intuition has been like, a big, like. Has been a flashing in my brain recently, especially over the past, like, two weeks, and about having that, like, spiritual discernment and once again, like, sitting with yourself and knowing exactly what it is that's being said to you. And so I think. I don't know. In this new year, especially in, like, 2025 specifically, I think a lot of us are building our own inner awareness and really connecting with that voice. Because we don't want to live the same life that we've wanted to live. No, we don't. We don't want to live the same life that we have been living. And we want to embrace change. And I think part of that is listening to your intuition, for sure.
- [14:08]
C
So in our journey, in our Pursuit to live this new life, to, like, trailblazing to a new version of ourselves with the world. It requires us letting go of past versions of ourselves. And I know in all my work with women, in my own personal work, sometimes we're scared of letting go of those old versions of ourselves simply because they're familiar, simply because I know her. I know how to navigate her. I know what she likes, what she doesn't like. And even the unknown, even if it is objectively better, can feel scary because it's unknown. So how do you balance honoring the past versions of yourself that are still valuable, still worthy, that have done things for you, learn lessons with you, but be open to new versions of Simone opening up?
- [14:56]
B
Yeah, I think it's about being really mindful of the lessons you learned as your past self and applying those in the future. I think that's, like, a really good way to make peace with, you know, the old version of ourselves and ensure that she is still the things that were present in that that were poignant and meaningful for us. We're taking that into the future because, like you said, our old self, our past selves, served us for a grand part of our lives. And so it's not to say, all right, we're done with her, moving on. She sucks. You know what I mean? It's about being like, yeah, she may have been going through it, but she was resilient. Like, she fought really hard for what she wanted. She was stubborn. And that stubbornness was built from the trauma that she dealt with. And that stubbornness also helped to guide her on where she is today. So there are those little things that we really want to keep in mind. Shadow work, for example, has a lot to do with our past selves. Shadow work has been a big thing, I think, in our collective and everybody who's on this elevation journey, making peace with the struggles that she went through and knowing that our lives are only gonna get better from here. And the struggles may not stop, but the lessons that we learn are going to help us get through the obstacles.
- [16:19]
C
I love that, that the. I remember I was in college. I don't even know why I have this memory, but I was going. I was going through, like, oh, my God. Crying over somebody who definitely didn't deserve my tears. And my friend was like, it's okay. It's okay. And I'm like. She's like, listen, good things are going to happen and bad things are going to happen. In five years, something really good is going to happen is something really. I was like, Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- [16:41]
B
Hold on. Why would you say that?
- [16:43]
C
Like, and now I understand that it's like, yeah, life is going to life, it's going to do her thing, but you become better, you become more adept, you become more flexible, and. Go ahead, babe.
- [16:57]
B
Yeah, I think, too, like, there's a level of perfection, perfectionism that we operate in and feeling like if anything bad happens in our lives and we're not doing life right, and then we, like, hold that over our own heads. Like, oh, my God, I can't believe this bad thing happened. Maybe I wasn't on the right path. And it's like, baby, none of us are absolved of any type of struggle or stress or worry. Like, that's the part of the human experience. We're all going to experience it. But I think the biggest lesson in that is to stay focused, like, to. Okay, all right. This bad thing happened, but what is the goal? Like, what is. Okay, this happened on the side. Okay, okay, let's stay focused on exactly what, like, our divine purpose is, what our life purpose is, what our soul callings are.
- [17:38]
C
Yeah. And I. I did want to say this. I forgot you were talking about shadow work and having different selves within you, and I touched on that in my book. And I argue that because I'm from the theater. Like, I have a theater background, but I argued that, hey, I'm a theater.
- [17:53]
B
Kid, too, so I get it.
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C
Does theater kids link up?
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B
Yes.
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C
It's like, we up right now. Theater kids are up. Okay, 20, 25 is all the. Yay. We keep coming out again. Come on now. Talk to me.
- [18:07]
B
Yes, ma'am.
- [18:10]
C
Sorry, I genuinely did not think you were going to say that. But I argue that, like all the past versions of yourself, I think we're resourceful and economical by nature, by design. I don't think that anything we go through or any version of ourself that we had to be is for. Is just for waste. So all of those versions of ours, this is my argument, is that all of them live within you, and it's your job to rein them in, call them in and direct them like an ensemble. There's nothing wrong with the part of you that's really stubborn. There's nothing wrong with you, with the part of you that can be angry and experience rage. It's simply when she comes on stage and it's not her time, when she's, you know, it's not her entrance, it's not her cue, then it's wrong. But it's just about us being able to rein in the ensemble and call on who you need at the present moment. But being able to do the calling, the directing is a skill. That's what we're talking about. Takes one.
- [19:09]
B
Absolutely. I do think it takes, once again, knowing yourself, knowing those parts of you, being able to identify them clearly and, you know, knowing what roles are needed. I think that's such a beautiful. A beautiful way to express that.
- [19:24]
C
Did you. Did you ever watch Dave Chappelle? His show?
- [19:28]
B
Yes.
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C
Oh, yay. Period. Do you remember he had this one sketch where it was like. When keeping it. Keeping it real goes wrong.
- [19:35]
B
Yes.
- [19:36]
C
Do you remember that? And it was like a lady like, ah, ah, ah. Because me, I keep it real. I keep it real. I keep it real. And. And then. So for those who didn't watch it, like, it's basically this clip or this little sketch about this woman, and she's a black woman, and she don't let nobody play with her. So she is always gonna. If you disrespect for, she's gonna come for you. And it leads her to the sketch. She ends in jail, and she's still in jail. Like, I don't care. I kept it real. I kept it real. I kept it real. And I. When I think about that, I think about, like, how many black women do you know that have that trigger that, like, you could do something to me and I'll fight you? Like, I'll end up. Or I'll do something that could compromise myself just because I won't let anybody disrespect me. And I think about it like, that part of you is great, is divine, is wonderful. But, babe, you can't let her mess up your whole thing you got going on. It's better to be able to know how to rein her in and not be. You know, I feel like this psychologically relates to triggers, like, being easily triggered. Like, bam.
- [20:32]
B
Yeah. Yeah. Especially when, like, there's been so much discourse about our nervous systems and how a lot of us have completely dysregulated nervous systems. And so that's why a lot of us have hairline triggers or hair. Hair triggers. I forgot what they're called. But it's because we're constantly on go. I think when you have this level of defensiveness because you're always feeling like you have to be on attack mode because someone's going to attack you first. And that's been one of the biggest things for me, because, trust me, that woman who's like, you can't tell me nothing. How many of Us have been that.
- [21:06]
C
Yes. Cause we don't feel safe. We don't. We don't feel safe and there's nobody to protect us. So we have to become that protector. And I. So the impulse I think is intelligent, is intuitive. It's just the, the timing and the ability of what you do with that. That impulse.
- [21:25]
B
Yeah, that's beautiful. I love that you said that.
- [21:26]
C
I don't know. I hope that came off right. Guys, don't smoke me online. Okay.
- [21:30]
B
Now you ate that. Ah, yeah.
- [21:33]
C
So. So, okay. One last question about change.
- [21:38]
B
Yeah.
- [21:40]
C
We are currently. It's January 16, 2025. In four days we are going to have the inauguration, we're going to have a new president. So we've been talking about our individual experience with change, but there's about to be a very big change in our country coming up. Also on the same day of Martin Luther King Jr's birthday. What holiday? What crazy universe. Weird, right?
- [22:06]
B
Weird Coincidence. Coincidence. I think not.
- [22:12]
C
So I've heard a lot of discourse about people that are like, I am not even gonna say 2025 is gonna. I don't even. Because I don't know what's it gonna be. There's like this looming sense of anxiety, this collective fear and dread of like we don't know what's coming. But a lot of us are like, it's probably not gonna be positive. So. Or I guess positive is subjective, but positive for us.
- [22:35]
B
Yeah.
- [22:36]
C
So how do you maintain confidence and self love when everything around you feels uncertain?
- [22:43]
B
You really gotta have a very strong inner dialogue and it has to be like on point. And I think if you are someone who prioritizes personal elevation and spiritual growth, I really think it's about keeping your eyes on the prize once again. I think it's about having tunnel vision on what you are attempting to create in your life and then aligning with those who have those same goals and then you creating community based on those goals. You know, it can be very difficult when the outside world is reflecting the exact opposite of what you are attempting to achieve. And that's gonna be the case for many of us. You know, thinking about history, right. There are people in civil rights times who were attempting personal growth, but they were literally like fighting for their lives every day with Jim Crow, you know. And so it's like we are not any different. But I do think we have a better. There's more conversation about how to elevate around the community. And between you and I and posting on our social medias and just in the world that we are finding ways to be better equipped. And so one of those ways to do that is to really stay focused on that and help the community when we can and, you know, pull others up when we can. You know, it's about having these little pockets of safety that we have to create for ourselves. Because unfortunately, we know that in our country it's not really safe for people like us. Unfortunately, unfortunately, we have to find that safety in our community and within ourselves and with the universe and God.
- [24:31]
C
Yes, Trust, right? Trust that, like, I'm not here just to be punished and have a terrible life. Like, yes, I'm here for greater things. And that trust that man. I don't know how it looks now, but I'm still gonna move forward on my path.
- [24:45]
B
Yeah, yeah. And we. And honestly, we ain't got no choice but to move forward.
- [24:50]
C
We have no choice. Cause where we going?
- [24:52]
B
Where are we going? And it's like, if you wanna stay stuck and stagnant and in fear and the anxiety, then sure, by all means, go for it. There may be something there for you. But if you have that wisdom to be able to recognize when it's time for you to elevate and move past it and not get distracted, then use that wisdom. Cause it'll have to be you.
- [25:12]
C
And I think you said it, you touched on it earlier where you were like, the intuition is feeling the feelings. Like, feel those feelings. Like, yeah, be scared, be angry, be mad about the election, be nervous about 2025. And then move through it and move through it. We can't just stay there. We have to move to the. There has to be another step in the process. After feeling the feelings, what are you going to do with them?
- [25:36]
B
Right? And then we talk about like our. You mentioned like past selves, right? The past version of you was going to stay saf. Stuck in. That is going to manifest from that place of anxiety and fear. But what does that manifest? The universe sees your feelings and they're like, oh, you want more of that bet? So we're going to give you more of that. So it's like, okay, acknowledge those worries, acknowledge those anxieties. And then remember who you are and what you are put on this earth to do. And then that's going to be magnified. And you never know how that's going to shift the trajectory of the world. You just never know.
- [26:07]
C
Never know, never know. And this is really giving quantum mechanics, quantum physics tease, string theory tease. Also, if you guys are listening and you know any experts on quantum theory that happen to Be black women. We would love to have her on and talk more about that because I see it come up so often and. Are you into Quantum stuff? I know I am.
- [26:28]
B
Yes, I am. I wouldn't. I'm not an expert, because I know, like, when we talked about speaking, that was, like, one of the things that I mentioned.
- [26:36]
C
That's right. I just. I'm sorry. I forgot that.
- [26:38]
B
No, it's okay. It's perfectly fine here. I'm. I'm. I love this conversation, so I'm grateful, regardless. I wouldn't say I'm an expert to the point where I can, like, lead a conversation on it. So I wouldn't. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that. But there are some people that I know, so I can maybe find.
- [26:55]
C
Do you want to share for the girls, maybe one experience you've had with Quantum? I don't know what you call, what version you study, but, like, what is it called? What is it, and how did you use it? What happened? Step into the world of power, loyalty, and luck. I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.
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B
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C
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B
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- [27:31]
B
Do a service for play the godfather now@champacasino.com welcome to the family. No purchase necessary vgw group void where prohibited by law 18 + terms and conditions apply. I. I know that tap tapping is one of them, right?
- [27:46]
C
I recommend tapping so highly.
- [27:49]
B
Tapping is powerful. It completely shifts your energy. It regulates your nervous system, and it imprints that new language into your body. And I always say, and into your, like, mind and your voice. Like, it's using. I'm a chakra girly, too. So it's activating the chakras as well. So you're using your throat chakra. Speaking truth, you're using your. Well, your touch is kind of like your root chakra and your heart chakra. So that's kind of where that's coming from. And then you're thinking it at the same time, which is, of course, your third eye. And so that does help you to shift into that new reality. And when you're affirming it with those energy centers, it helps to shift you to that timeline. So I definitely have noticed a shift when it comes to, like, tapping and also grounding meditations, things like that. I always say, like, as a man thinketh in his heart. So is he. I mean, that's in the Bible, but it's a. I think it's very, like, relevant within the world. I'm not a full follower of the Bible, but I do love it in its. You know, in its senses. But really creating your own reality with your thoughts, your words and your actions and aligning them all.
- [29:00]
C
I love that. Yeah, it's awesome. So let's talk for a second about fatness and fetishism. Okay. You. In 2018, you wrote an article. Was this the same year that Drake said I like my girls bbw?
- [29:14]
B
Sure was. I think it was. I think it was.
- [29:16]
C
I know, because I'm. I. When I was, like, 2018, I'm like, it had to be around that time where I feel like that one line is spurred, like, a very strange response publicly where. Okay, I don't want to jump ahead, but. Yeah, I gotta say now, but where I feel. This is what I heard. And Simone, you correct me if anything I say does not align with what you heard. I heard things like, oh, I love the hug up on that. You know, I love her roles and this and that and all of this. Like, but it was purely from a sexual perspective. That's what I like. I feel like Dababy was saying stuff about Lizzo at that time, and a lot of people, you know, were commenting on how much they love of black big women. However, I'm gonna read your. I'm gonna read a quote from your article because I think it ties in in your article. Her article is called I am not your bbw, Debunking fat stereotypes, misconceptions, and fetishization.
- [30:11]
B
Yeah, that word is. That's a big word. That's a big word for Elmo.
- [30:15]
C
Fetishization.
- [30:19]
B
Fetishization. There we go.
- [30:20]
C
Oh, I didn't say it right. Okay, I'm gonna let you say it.
- [30:23]
B
Yes.
- [30:24]
C
Thank you. Because I've been. I practiced, like, five times, and I kept getting it wrong. But you wrote, our fatness does not make us undeserving of respect, dignity, or humanity. And I want to say this because a lot of times. And you spoke on this too, so I can't wait to hear what you're gonna say. Cause a lot of. A lot of people were like, that's my preference. That's my preference. Oh, I can't have a preference. Let me tell you something. A preference is I like vanilla over chocolate. That's a preference. When you are saying that you only engage with fat women in the bedroom, that is a fetish. If Your attraction to a big body is only. Is purely sexual and you have no interest in her humanity otherwise. Baby, that is a fetish. Okay, yeah. Get help Anyway, Sorry.
- [31:13]
B
No, that's a fact. Thank you for saying it this thing because I talk about it all the time. So when I see people who aren't like fat people in that aspect, I'm like, I appreciate that that perspective is shared because I say it all the time and people like try to crucify me for it because they're like, what? You can't.
- [31:28]
C
I see that it's like, I can't. Like, what is you talking about?
- [31:32]
B
I have been gaslit so many times with this topic to the point where I'm like, all right, y'all listen. The people who. And the crazy thing is when I talk about this, like on my social media channels, the women are like, yes, yes, yes. It's always the men who are like, well, what you mean we can't like you? And it's like, so do y'all not. Is it cognitive dissonance or is it just willful ignorance? Like, which one is it?
- [31:53]
C
Wow. It seems my. When I hear a like, popular conversation. I wouldn't say like anecdotally, maybe it's different. But popular conversation from what I have heard as a. I am not a big bodied woman. I am curvy. But I don't think I would lead this conversation. It's not a appropriate. But I. I will say what I have heard is it sounds like a lot of men only care about fat bodied women in a utility sense. Like what they can do for them. Oh, I love big girls could cook. Yeah. Big girl gonna get me right Big girl gonna know where to eat Da da da. A big girl gonna keep me warm A big girl, she'll do whatever. Like insinuating like big girls have lower standards or something and they're easier to be with because they don't expect much. Like Babe, she's still a full human being.
- [32:43]
B
Listen, not only am I a full human being, but I am quite literally me. Like, do you see me? Do you feel this energy? There are so much magnetism and magic and allure to me. Why would I ever limit myself to your practical use? And that becomes the issue, which is why I always, I admit, I tell these men, like, listen, you. You gonna be shocked when you realize I'm a. I'm a. I'm a princess sitting on the couch and then you bringing me the food. You feel me? You're gonna be really upset when you see that and not from a sense that like. Cause the thing is I'm very naturally nurturing. Like I'm a lover, I'm a giver. And that's just who I am. Just because that's just the heart that I've always had. But when it becomes an expectation based on how I look is when I automatically try to flip it. Like I'm, like I can't even be. And that's the frustrating part too. It's like I don't even feel comfortable being that nurturing version of myself because I don't want them to think it was expected of me. This is the gift I'm giving to you, you know, and it's something that comes with time and eff and energy given to me so that I feel the desire to reciprocate it. And I know there are a lot of plus sized women who feel that way. You know, we feel we can't always be fully present in the ways that relationships are like, meant to be and how they can be because there's a level of expectation from us and sorry.
- [34:00]
C
I should have said this in the beginning. I am using the term fat. But from what I know from other influencers and when books I've read, like the Body is Not An Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor. Did I say Sonia?
- [34:14]
B
Renee?
- [34:15]
C
Okay, got it. Thank you. And is that fat? We're using it. It's a reclaimed word in the same way women call each other bitch, like it's reclaimed. So there is a negative. If I'm correct. Am I correct in that?
- [34:27]
B
No, you're correct.
- [34:28]
C
You're absolutely correct that there's a negative connotation. But a lot of women have said I am calling myself fat to reclaim it and has a sense of power. So I'm using fatness in that way. I'm not using it in a derogatory. But Simone, do you have a preference? Like what do you feel like in popular. The way when people talk, do you align more with like plus size curvy. I see there's a lot of like, words mean things and they're important. So I'm just curious.
- [34:54]
B
Yeah, fat is the word. That's my go to. I have no problem using the word fat. I don't mind being called fat. Now if it is in a derogatory sense because like you said, words mean things and intention can, you know, feel different things. So if it's used in a rude way, then that is of course going to upset me because that's an attempt to insult me. But when it Comes to being described like I'm a fat woman. I also say plus size curvy, not so much. I mean, I am curvy, but also there are a lot of fat women who aren't curvy, you know, so I think it's, it is a level of, it is a huge level of reclaiming that the community has done, which, and I'm proud of that because that word has been used to tear me down, tear us down in so many ways. And so to use it from a place of empowerment is healing for a lot of us.
- [35:39]
C
When is the first time you felt that the world treated you differently because of your body?
- [35:47]
B
Probably about three. I've been plus sized my entire life. I've always been bigger than kids. Yeah.
- [35:53]
C
Three years old.
- [35:54]
B
Yeah, I used to take, I used to take ballet classes and I love ballet. I still love to dance. And I remember recognizing that I didn't look like the other girls in my class and that caused me to stop dancing. Um, and it had a major effect on me and I started to internalize a lot of the things I heard about me. And it's so funny you mentioned that. Like, when's the first time I was looking back on old pictures of me when I was young, I just thought it was like weird and big and awkward and like, and it's like, girl, you were the cutest little, little honey bunch. And like, you know, it's like. And, and I think a lot of, once again, the shadow work, bringing back shadow work has been able to heal that version of me that, that, that young, plus size, little chunky monkey, you know, four year old, five year old, six year old self who felt off a lot of that was how other people thought about me. And then it became my inner voice.
- [36:50]
C
Mm. That really breaks my heart to hear that at three years old you started to recognize that that is so young.
- [37:00]
B
Yeah, it's unfortunate, but I mean, I'm grateful for therapy and you know, being affirmed in my family like my family never made, made me feel, you know, any type of way. And that's a big reason why I do this work, is to, you know, be a light to people who are still feeling this way and I'm still internal, are still continuing to internalize what's been said about them. And it has become their truth. And my desire is to help them recognize that there is a different truth. And there is our truth, there's your truth. And you can discover that by repairing your relationship with your body and knowing that you are plus size. You're big, you're fat. And it's carried you through so much in your life. It deserves the same level of adoration as bodies that are more conventionally attractive and accepted.
- [37:48]
C
If you could say anything to 3 year old Simone in that ballet class, My Shayla, my Shayla, what would you tell her?
- [38:02]
A
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- [38:33]
B
I would just affirm her like, you are so beautiful and talented and you, you move with such grace and you deserve to be at the front of the class, proud and excited to be there. Like your energy and your light and your magic is important and you have the power to change the world. So keep going. I would just tell her to keep going. I really would. Like, you got this.
- [39:01]
C
I hear that so often when I ask women to speak to their younger selves that they always tell them to keep going. And I wonder, and it makes me think of like, that, that, that knowledge is so hard to access in the moment.
- [39:14]
B
Yeah.
- [39:14]
C
Because like, I wonder if present day Simone also needs to hear keep going. Ooh, keep going. You're so graceful. You move so wonderfully. All the things, right?
- [39:25]
B
Wow.
- [39:26]
C
I don't know. You. You did it, Simone. You brought it up.
- [39:29]
B
Wow. No, you've really got me together on that because, like, especially with what I'm going through in my life, I think for me, similarly, like, the question was, one of the first questions was like, what major transitions are you going through? Like, have you gone through recently? And I think I've been shifting in terms of what I've been talking about on my social media platforms. You know, I talk about fashion and beauty. Like those things are important to me. Cause, I mean, I like to look cute and I be dressing andle. Thank you very much. But also knowing that a lot of these are spiritual, internal, intentional practices, like dressing up, looking beautiful, adorning yourself. Like, literally, we talk about like glamour magic. Like, that's been a major thing that's been, you know, talked about in the interwebs. Like, that's glamour magic. You affirming yourself in your Beauty. And I think that's like largely what contributes to the light that I have that I'm so grateful to God and the universe and my spirit team for. It's because I like, continue to affirm that with my like, rituals and the things that I do.
- [40:30]
C
Yeah, you better have some rituals. I know. That's right.
- [40:33]
B
Yes.
- [40:34]
C
So I want to ask you one final question before we move on to the toolkit part. And I feel like this is just such a beautiful question to end on. I was, I was stalking your socials and I saw that someone asked you what's the stupidest thing you did for love? And your answer was honestly, nothing. I would never let love make me do stupid things. And I wow, that's such a boss bitch answer.
- [41:02]
B
So crazy. Oh my God, Simone, girl, damn.
- [41:07]
C
I'm like, girl, teach me how. I be doing stupid shit all the time and listen and, and that's the.
- [41:13]
B
Thing is like, I, I don't want to sit here and pretend like I'm perfect. And I've like, never made mistakes, of course, you know, but I think it's like for me, I've never viewed love as a thing that would make me do things out of my character or like something that I regret doing. Rather, true love aligns me more and more with who I am.
- [41:30]
C
Oh, oh, you ate with that.
- [41:35]
B
Listen, and, and like, and especially now because for me, like, I'm single, right? But I've also been open to love recently and like figuring out what that looks like for me and be like opening my heart to the possibilities of that. And as I've been aligning more and more with my truth, a big thing has been like, okay, what are your boundaries? And I think a lot of us, especially as women, we're taught that love means you remove your boundaries because you love someone with your entire heart so that do anything for them. I don't think that's the case. I don't think that's what true love looks like now. That's not. That mean doing anything for them doesn't mean not being pre, like being present. Like, of course that's love. When you show up for your partner, you go through the trials and tribulations with each other. However, if you're going outside of your character, if you're going outside of how you've operated when you're by yourself and you're completely shifting things, I wouldn't say that's love. I think that's self sacrificing.
- [42:30]
C
Good night. Good night. I'm leaving. Clocking out, guys, I'm not doing this podcast anymore. I'm outta here. Wow. You got me together, honey. That is such a beautiful way to say that. This sounds like. Am I right? This just sounds like that, that emotion, that thought sounds like it comes from someone who values herself more than being in partnership with somebody.
- [42:54]
B
That's a fact. I, I had just posted a video about decentering men, decentering dating, whoever it is, that date. Because a lot of us get validation from other people and our partnership. We get, we are defined by how loved we are. And so it's like, okay, but how much do you love yourself?
- [43:12]
C
Listen, I am working on the very tricky, tightropy type of journey where I am married to someone that I love deeply, who's a man. And decentering men at the same time.
- [43:25]
B
Yeah. A lot of women have been doing that in relationships with men being fully married, having full families and everything. But it's because we as women were taught to be self sacrificing. And you know, and I'd seen this very briefly, I'd seen a tik tok or it was some video about how a lot of self help books that are written by men often focus. Yeah, you saw that.
- [43:44]
C
It's like, I don't, I don't take any advice for men because you could never. Who was, where are the kids?
- [43:50]
B
Right, Exactly.
- [43:50]
C
Who's cooking your meals? Who was washing your clothes, who's washing your house?
- [43:54]
B
And, and the thing is, and on top of that too, it's like, because the man, like the masculinity itself is very self centered. Right? It's very self serving. You do things for yourself. You're immediate people and that's it. So they're taught to start giving to the world. Right? They're taught to start like giving their time to other people. Women, we do that naturally. Feminine people, we do that naturally.
- [44:18]
C
Hello.
- [44:18]
B
So the inverse of that, the way to help ourselves is to start giving into ourselves. So I think that's the pivot. Like that's been my. And the thing is, for a long time, even in my, like I'm not doing nothing for love. Like I'm not doing crazy shit for love. I still was like giving too much of myself. But I've been pouring into myself now. So now I'm interested to see what dating and loving relationships will look like from this place of knowing myself and centering myself.
- [44:43]
C
Right. And yes, to reiterate, I don't take advice from men because I can't operate like a man.
- [44:50]
B
Sorry.
- [44:51]
C
Because if I'm A mother and I leave my children with somebody else all day every day and basically have someone else raise my children. I will be a bad mother. Wouldn't I, Right. If I was just self centered and just was like so focused on my goals that nothing else mattered. I didn't cook my own meals, I didn't clean my own house. I'll be lazy then, huh? Yeah. So I look for advice strictly from women who are living a life that I can actually emulate.
- [45:17]
B
Ashe. Amen. Love it.
- [45:19]
C
Period. And on that note, I love this. This conversation was so fun. I love that I get to do this.
- [45:25]
B
I know. And you're amazing at it. I love the community you've. I've always. I've admired it since I first encountered you. So I'm grateful.
- [45:32]
C
They're the best. I absolutely adore them. And so this is the toolkit. So we like to give our unruly listeners something to walk away from that's practical. Like, all right, I love this conversation with Simone. What's one thing I can latch onto a practice, an affirmation, a skill, a tool? One thing you want to leave our listeners with that they can add to their unruly toolkit? It. Ooh.
- [45:56]
B
I would say an affirmation that I really love is that is one that says I'm free from the limitations from others. It's similar to what I'd said about us internalizing what has been said to us, what's been said about us, and it becomes our truth. And so when you break free from those limitations that have been put on you, you're really able to soar. It's like similar to what we just talked about. Right? She literally said, said I'm through accepting limits because someone says their so they're so.
- [46:26]
C
Oh, and if I try, I'll never know. Get it? Come on, Cynthia.
- [46:33]
B
Cynthia.
- [46:34]
C
Cynthia.
- [46:35]
B
Ate that real bad. No crumbs left. No crumbs.
- [46:38]
C
I was in the theater, like, baby.
- [46:39]
B
Oh my gosh. See, I wasn't able to see it in theaters, but I did buy it and I watched it by myself and with my mom. Oh, the tears. I. I'm actually grateful that I wasn't in theaters cuz I would have been screaming the entire time, cried. I would have been like, ma'am, can you please shut up? I'm trying to listen to Cynthia. You're just crying too loud.
- [46:57]
C
I'm so irritating. I'm the last person you want to watch a movie with cuz this me the whole time. Those are real tulips. They actually Planted a whole field.
- [47:06]
B
Yes.
- [47:07]
C
So. So on Adina Menzel, she was the original. So, like, everyone gets their own riff. And this is. And my family's like, can you shut up? So I could like.
- [47:15]
B
I actually need you to be quiet for a second because this is like quite literally the first time, and I don't. We can talk about this afterwards. Maybe a post. A post movie talk, then by all means, host it.
- [47:25]
C
I'm irritating. And I love that about. And I fully love and accept that about myself. How about that?
- [47:30]
B
Listen, I fully love and accept that about myself. Isn't that the one you do?
- [47:34]
C
Yes, that's it. Okay, so you're a tapping.
- [47:36]
B
I'm a tapper.
- [47:37]
C
Yeah, we tap because we just. Yeah, guys, I recommend EFT tapping. I recommend. I could not recommend it to you enough. I'm going to say this, and then we got to get out of here. But this is the main reason I recommend tapping. Traditional talk therapy is expensive and inaccessible to a lot of people. And you could be in therapy for five years and still have a lot of unresolved issues. Tapping, you could do four sessions of eft. Well, tapping you can do by yourself. Eft, you need a guide. But if you did eft, guided by a specialist who does emotional freedom technique, you could have four sessions and see a very markable. Like you could see a change that you could track. So for those that are just. It's inaccessible. It's. It's too expensive. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
- [48:23]
B
Okay, I know that's right.
- [48:24]
C
What an amazing conversations this was. Simone Mariposa. Mina te quiero mucho tamien. Oh, mucho gutas. Oh, mucha gracia, Mommy. Her journey reminds us that embracing change is not just about surviving. Okay? It's about thriving, evolving, and learning to show up for ourselves with love and compassion. And before we wrap up, can you let our listeners know where they can find you if they want to look you up, hang out with you online?
- [48:54]
B
Oh, my gosh, sure. So you can find me on Instagram, Simone Mariposa. YouTube, Simone Mariposa Everywhere, really? Simone Mariposa. There are some. I think TikTok and Facebook are the Simone Mariposa. And also my website is thesamonemariposa.com also available for doula services in Atlanta. So if you are expecting and you would love someone there who's going to affirm you on your birth journey, I am available.
- [49:20]
C
Oh, my gosh. Yes. We didn't even get to touch on that. There's so much to talk about, but she's also a birth doula. We might need to have you back to talk to you about your birth doula work. Absolutely. And to our lovely listeners, our unruly babes, thank you for tuning in. Remember, change is not something to fear, it's an invitation to grow. And speaking of growth, we are growing steadily on this podcast, but we cannot do it without your help. Help? I this is the only thing I'm asking of you. Please share this podcast. Text it to somebody right now. Text this episode to somebody that you think would enjoy it. Put it on your socials, tag me on Instagram, like subscribe. Put a review. All of it helps us so that we can keep providing more unruly content for you. Okay? I love you all. And until next time, stay unruly. Thank you so much Simone. If you have something on your mind, find a question or something you want me to answer, just send in a voice note@speakpipe.com unruly I can't wait to hear from you. Thank you so much for listening. Be sure to follow or subscribe so you never, ever, ever, ever miss an episode of Unruly.
- [50:36]
B
Foreign.
- [50:48]
A
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- [51:14]
B
No purchase necessary. VGW group Void where prohibited by law, 18 plus terms and conditions apply.