18: Why Can't Parenting Can’t Be Fun? Joyful Parenting Elise R. Peterson

Summary

UNRULY WITH SHELAH MARIE - Episode 18: Why Can't Parenting Be Fun? Joyful Parenting with Elise R. Peterson

In Episode 18 of UNRULY WITH SHELAH MARIE, host Shelah Marie engages in a heartfelt and insightful conversation with Elise R. Peterson, a visual artist, writer, and host of the Cool Moms podcast. Together, they explore the complexities of parenting, emphasizing the importance of finding joy and maintaining personal growth amidst the challenges of raising children. This detailed summary captures the essence of their discussion, highlighting key points, notable quotes, and practical insights for listeners.

1. Introduction to Elise R. Peterson

Shelah Marie introduces Elise R. Peterson, highlighting her role as a visual artist, writer, and the co-founder of Little Sprouts, an initiative focused on mindful and joyful parenting. Elise's approach to parenting intertwines creativity, intentionality, and personal growth, making her a perfect guest to discuss why parenting doesn't have to be a purely stressful endeavor.

2. Celebrating “Cool Mom” Moments

Elise shares a touching moment with her son, Sergeant, illustrating the deep bond and mutual respect in their relationship.

[04:01] Elise R. Peterson: "Not everyone's parent is that cool. Do you think I'm cool?"
[05:50] Elise R. Peterson: "He's having this life experience for the first time the same way that I am."

Elise recounts a conversation with her six-year-old son where he reassures her of her coolness as a parent. This interaction underscores the importance of authenticity and honest communication in fostering a strong parent-child relationship.

3. The Continuous Challenges of Parenting

Elise delves into the relentless mental demands of parenting, emphasizing that the responsibilities never truly end.

[08:37] Elise R. Peterson: "I will never not be thinking of someone outside of myself."

Elise discusses the constant worry and care that comes with parenting, even during periods when her child is not physically present. This perpetual mental engagement is a significant challenge, highlighting the need for strategies to manage ongoing stress.

4. Transitioning from Self-Centered Life to Parenthood

Elise reflects on how motherhood transformed her from a self-focused individual to someone with a deep sense of purpose beyond herself.

[11:05] Elise R. Peterson: "I needed to have a child to, like, get my shit together for sure."

Motherhood acted as a catalyst for Elise's personal growth and healing, pushing her to balance her passions with her responsibilities as a parent. This transition was essential for her, providing a new direction and motivation in life.

5. Embracing Joy in Parenting

Both Shelah and Elise emphasize that joy is the "secret ingredient" to mindful parenting, advocating for finding happiness in everyday moments.

[18:57] Elise R. Peterson: "You're doing it all the time, so you might as well be having fun and finding some joy in it."

Elise shares various ways to incorporate joy into parenting, such as through music, art, and outdoor activities. She believes that embracing joyful moments can transform the parenting experience from one of mere responsibility to a fulfilling and enriching journey.

6. The Importance of Community and Support

Elise highlights the role of community in parenting, noting that it takes a village to raise a child effectively.

[34:33] Elise R. Peterson: "It takes a village to be able to build a mother."

Through her podcast Cool Moms, Elise creates a platform that fosters a supportive community of mothers who prioritize both their parenting and personal passions. This collective wisdom and shared experiences help parents navigate their unique challenges.

7. Navigating Shame and Judgment in Parenting

The conversation addresses the pervasive shame and judgment that parents, especially mothers, often face in society.

[50:47] Elise R. Peterson: "Shame is a useless emotion. It does nothing for you but put you in a spiral of self-doubt and blame."

Elise discusses how shame can hinder effective parenting and personal well-being. She advocates for releasing shame by acknowledging it and seeking help, emphasizing the need for compassion and support rather than judgment.

8. Practical Tips and Toolkit for Parents

In the toolkit section, Elise offers actionable advice for parents feeling overwhelmed and seeking more connection and peace.

• Incorporate Music: Use music to set the mood and create moments of connection.

  [26:23] Elise R. Peterson: "Music is a huge thing. It's such an easy way to set a certain vibe... to connect with your child."

• Identify and Express Emotions: Teach children to recognize and articulate their emotions using visual aids like emotion charts.

  [52:43] Elise R. Peterson: "Teaching your kids how to identify emotions in a moment... is something that I did."

• Set and Reinforce Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries and consistently reinforce them to create a respectful and structured environment.

  [53:37] Elise R. Peterson: "Being able to talk about emotions... and set boundaries is crucial."

• Engage in Creative Activities: Encourage joint creative endeavors such as painting or doodling to strengthen the parent-child bond.

  [28:52] Elise R. Peterson: "Art is a massive unlock for us... getting creative together."

9. Conclusion and Future Endeavors

Shelah Marie wraps up the episode by commending Elise for her wisdom and practical insights. Elise shares her upcoming project, a video series in partnership with the Line Home Hotel, which aims to continue fostering a community of Cool Moms. Listeners are encouraged to follow her journey on Instagram and through her Cool Moms platform.

[55:59] Elise R. Peterson: "Our website will be launching alongside of it so you can watch all of the episodes from our live experiences with very cool moms."

Key Takeaways

• Authenticity in Parenting: Being genuine and honest with your children fosters trust and respect.
• Balancing Personal Growth and Parenting: Embracing both roles can lead to personal fulfillment and effective parenting.
• Community Support: Building a supportive network of fellow parents provides valuable insights and emotional backing.
• Embracing Joy: Finding joy in small moments can transform the parenting experience.
• Releasing Shame: Acknowledging and addressing shame through compassion and support enhances well-being for both parents and children.

Final Thoughts

Episode 18 of UNRULY WITH SHELAH MARIE offers a profound exploration of mindful and joyful parenting. Through Elise R. Peterson's experiences and insights, listeners gain valuable strategies to navigate the challenges of parenting while maintaining personal growth and happiness. This episode serves as a reminder that parenting, while demanding, can also be a source of immense joy and personal transformation.

Connect with Elise R. Peterson:

• Instagram: @eliserpeterson
• Cool Moms Website: coolmoms.com
• Upcoming Video Series: In partnership with Line Home Hotel, launching at the end of the month.

Join the Conversation: Have a question or story for Shelah Marie? Record your message at speakpipe.com/unruly and it might be featured in an upcoming episode!

Transcript

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[Elise R. Peterson]

In the TurboTax app. If you didn't file with us last year. Oh, yeah, yeah. Just do your own taxes in the app by 218.

[Sheila Marie]

What if I have lots of forms?

[Elise R. Peterson]

All good, all 100% free.

[Sheila Marie]

What if I had three jobs?

[Elise R. Peterson]

Still 100% free.

[Sheila Marie]

What if I once saw Bigfoot?

[Elise R. Peterson]

That has nothing to do with taxes. So still 100% free.

[Sheila Marie]

Now that's what I'm talking about.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Now this is taxes. See if you qualify in the TurboTax.

[TurboTax Representative]

App excludes TurboTax Live. Must start and file an app by 2:18.

[Sheila Marie]

Geico's motorcycle expertise means I'm covered by people who know bikes like I do. I'm happy as a clam.

[TurboTax Representative]

No conclusive scientific research has shown clams can experience happiness.

[Sheila Marie]

I just meant that I feel really.

[TurboTax Representative]

Good about my coverage. I mean, even if you took the clam out for the best day ever, visiting the zoo, taking a scenic ride, knowing you're insured by specialists, and sharing a strawberry ice cream cone together, the clam would not feel happy and your strawberry cone would taste sort of clammy.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Ew.

[TurboTax Representative]

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[Sheila Marie]

Welcome to Unruly. I'm your host, Sheila Marie. I'm an author, a fierce advocate for black women, and the founder of the curvy curly conscious movement in this space. I'm sharing what I've learned on my own journey while sitting down with some amazing women who are all navigating their own paths to healing. Because there's no better time than now to get a little unruly. Hey. Hey, beautiful people. Welcome back to Unruly, the podcast where we undo, unperform, unlearn and become unruly. I'm your host. It's me, Sheila Marie. And before we dive in, I have a quick, quick, quick, quick, small, small, small, teeny, tiny question little request for you. You guys have been doing amazing supporting the podcast. We're back in the top 20 again of all podcasts on Apple Apple music. Oh, my God. But at the end of each episode, we have a question or a message or a story from a listener like you. Because this is a conversation. I don't want to just scream into the void. We transparency. We are all out of them right now. We have absolutely responded. I have. And we need more. So please go to speakpipe.com backslash unruly and leave your particularly Your questions or stories. We love those. So please leave those there and let us know how your unruly journey is going. Or if you have a question about an episode or you just want to talk, you know, it's the end, just, you know, hit me there. Anyway, what I'm saying is I'd love to hear from you, so please drop me a note. And you never know, it might make it into an episode, so. Enter today's guest, the phenomenal Elise R. Peterson. She is a visual artist, a writer, and the host of the incredible Cool Moms podcast. Elise doesn't just talk about parenting. She reimagines it as creative, intentional, and full of opportunities for growth and joy. Plus, she's co founded Little Sprouts, an initiative that's redefining what it means to parent mindfully and joyfully. Very demure, very mindful. We love this. Today, Elise is here to spill the tea honey on how to infuse parenting with purpose and balance our passions with the demands of raising tiny humans. Elise, welcome to Unruly. Thank you so much for joining us.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Oh, my gosh, Sheila, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited. I was telling you before we started recording that I like being on this side of the podcasting experience. Experience. I'm like, I. I know what to expect. I don't know what to expect. But, like, I also a little bit like not being in control. So I'm excited for talk about this.

[Sheila Marie]

Because you probably have to be control in a lot of areas of your life all the time. So this can feel like a break.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Yeah, completely.

[Sheila Marie]

I think we're gonna get into that. I think we are.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Yeah, for sure.

[Sheila Marie]

I wanna do a few icebreaker questions, if that's okay.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Of course. Okay.

[Sheila Marie]

What has been your most cool mom moment recently, in your own definition?

[Elise R. Peterson]

Yeah, my most cool mom moment. You know, I asked. I don't know if this is like the most, but this happened last night and we were talking about. My son and I. Sergeant. Sergeant is six. And so he's very much. He's almost seven, so he's coming into this age. Sargent.

[Sheila Marie]

That is such a cute name.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Oh, thank you. Yeah, I named him after this artist, Sergeant Claude Johnson. This is like a bit of a caveat, but, you know, I got really anxious about naming a boy that I was like, one day he's going to be a man. And I wanted to have a name that was like, strong but also rooted in the arts. So I found this, this black artist from San Francisco who was really popular during the, like, Harlem Renaissance time. Sergeant Claude Johnson, and then Sergeant. And he is.

[Sheila Marie]

That's a beautiful name.

[Elise R. Peterson]

You have to be careful what you name your children, because that is my son. He is a Capricorn. He is a little sergeant. He is very that. And he's very honest with me. So I really appreciate it and believed him. When I was talking to him the other day and we were talking about parents and his friend's parents, and I don't exactly remember what, like, the prompt or the question was, but I remember my response being like, well, I don't know. Not everyone's parent is that cool. And then I was like, well, do you think I'm cool? Which is kind of crazy. But I'm very honest with him. I can only be myself, especially at home. I have to take the mask off. So I was like, not everyone's parent is that cool. Do you think I'm cool? And he was like, I do. And he was like, thank you. Because I know if he didn't, he would tell me. I was like, do you think your dad's cool? And he was like, I do. I was like, yeah, you're pretty lucky. You do have cool parents. So that. That made me.

[Sheila Marie]

It's funny how much that matters, right?

[Elise R. Peterson]

It does to me.

[Sheila Marie]

I found it unexpected. I mean, I'm a bonus mom, but I find it unexpected how much you kind of care what they think of you. It's funny because, you know, you wouldn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Like, exactly. You know me well. So, like, yeah, if you like me, I know you love me, but do you like me? And so I feel very fortunate that, like, I like and love my son as a person and that the feelings are mutual. Yeah, it's very.

[Sheila Marie]

I feel like parenting is one of the most vulnerable journeys because you're very seen, especially for moms out there, like, you know, who've had babies since you were little. You have no time in the bathroom by yourself. You have no privacy. Like, if anyone on this earth sees you, it is them. And so that's for better or for worse. So it is interesting. I have another icebreaker question for you.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Yes.

[Sheila Marie]

If your parenting style was a playlist, what would the vibe be? Talk to us, let us know. What does it sound like?

[Elise R. Peterson]

Oh, my goodness. What is the vibe of my parenting playlist? Honestly, it would be really sporadic. It would be a bit nonsensical. I don't know what that says about my parenting, but, you know, it would be like some Billy Idol. It would. Then it would be Some Boss Mandelo. It would be. Be a lot of oldies, I think, where. I love that, you know, we. It's flexible. It is a playlist that can ex. That can really exist at any point in time. Because it's literally what it's like to listen to music at our house. Like in the mornings, I try to keep it chill. When we're getting ready, it's sade, it's oldies. But as soon as we get in the car, it's like, turn up on the way to school. That is it. It is.

[Sheila Marie]

Wait, so do you play. You playing boss man DLo on the way to school?

[Elise R. Peterson]

Yeah.

[Sheila Marie]

I love that about school. 1250, they say I'm ready.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Literally. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, of course. Right now we're like heavy on the new Kendrick being in la. He's like, I want to hear Kendrick. I want to hear Kendrick Lamar. And for me, that actually is another cool moment when. That's actually another really cool moment when. When he requests certain artists or certain songs or resonates with music that I really love, whether it's new music, old, then I feel like, oh, I'm doing something right. Like, oh, you're developing taste. And that I think is really cool.

[Sheila Marie]

Such a rewarding moment.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Totally. Totally.

[Sheila Marie]

Let's start from the. We're gonna start from the challenging moments and then go to the rewarding, joyful moments.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Here, let's do it.

[Sheila Marie]

What's the hardest part about parenting?

[Elise R. Peterson]

There is no break, there is no reprieve, even when you are not in the physical presence of your child. Because I do, I co parent, so I do get, like, extended breaks that maybe other parents don't get that. I really appreciate whether he's gone for half the summer, gone for holidays, but even then, the love and the care and the worry never stop. And so even when I'm alone, I'm thinking about him. Even when he's away from me, I'm thinking about him. I'm wondering if he's okay, if he's having fun, is he safe? Like, all of the things. He is a constant, constant priority. And so I think that is the greatest challenge is that. I don't know. I don't know. I was gonna say I don't know if I'll ever know peace, but, like, that's maybe not the case. But I will never not be thinking of someone outside of myself. That has been the biggest change. Yeah.

[Sheila Marie]

Is he an only child?

[Elise R. Peterson]

For now, yeah. I don't know why I say for now, but yeah, he is well on my side. Yeah, he is my only child. He has brothers, but.

[Sheila Marie]

And his dad's for you.

[Elise R. Peterson]

He's my only one, so. Yeah.

[Sheila Marie]

So do you feel like before. So you. You don't feel like you ever get to rest like you did before becoming a mom? Like, mentally?

[Elise R. Peterson]

No, mentally, I don't get to rest the way I did. There. There are. You know, I have a lot of friends who don't have kids yet and. Or, like, aren't bonus. Parents don't have that level of responsibility. And they're like. Even when you have, like, downtime and you can relax, I don't. It takes me a long time to really relax, you know, because I'm constantly thinking about what I could be doing, what needs to get done. Some of that is just my personality, but some of that is also parenting as well. What can I be preparing and having in preparation for him, for us? So.

[Sheila Marie]

No.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Before I was a parent, my life was so selfish. Like, I lived in New York. I was working primarily as an artist and a writer and everything. Every decision I made was about me. What do I want to do, what do I want to eat, how do I want to spend my day, how much money do I need to make, et cetera, et cetera? Yeah, it was.

[Sheila Marie]

How do you feel about that transition?

[Elise R. Peterson]

Oh, so necessary. You know, this is like, unpopular, maybe an unpopular sentiment, but I needed to have a child to, like, get my shit together for sure. I think I needed. I. And I don't think this is the case for everyone. I think some people have children and they don't get it together. Some people don't need to have children. Some people desire to have children and cannot. But like, I was a person that I think I really needed something outside of myself to get me very laser focused.

[Sheila Marie]

Interesting.

[Elise R. Peterson]

I hear this so much drifting for a while, especially living in New York. You can kind of be. Yeah, you can be a teenager or in your 20s forever in New York. And so although I. I think I had accomplished quite a few things and I had so many things that I was really proud of at that point, I still didn't have a lot of focus. And I was okay with that, maybe despite my family, but I think having. Having Sargent and entering motherhood gave me a purpose beyond myself that was really, really, really necessary. And it helped me to continue to, like, rise into a much, much better version of myself, for sure. Geico's motorcycle expertise gives me the coverage I need.

[Sheila Marie]

Like 247 claims I'm on cloud nine.

[TurboTax Representative]

Clouds are wholly unable to support the weight of an adult human.

[Sheila Marie]

What's happening?

[TurboTax Representative]

Furthermore, clouds are not numbered. Even if you procured a jetpack and searched, you'd find no cloud number nine. However, at that altitude, you'd likely befriend a flock of migrating snow geese. Geese who'd encourage you to leave your 247 GEICO motorcycle claims insurance behind, as they would take you in and even share their dinner of crickets and clovers with you. GEICO assumes no liability for any indigestion that may occur from a clover cricket dinner. GEICO expertise for your motorcycle.

[Sheila Marie]

Yeah. So do you. So then, in terms. So in terms of, like, never having rest in your mind, is it okay, or does it really grind on you sometimes?

[Elise R. Peterson]

No, I'm worn out sometimes. You know, I think. I think that what has helped me to kind of reconcile a bit of that is that I've also made motherhood part of my. Well, motherhood is a massive part of my purpose, but I've also made it part of my career. And so, therefore, in starting cool moms, in illustrating children's books for me, that helped to make it make sense, because I never wanted to be just a mom. I always wanted to be a person that, like, pursued my natural gifts and talents and passions. And so I was like, okay, Lise, you're a mom now. What are you going to do with this? You know, maybe it's capitalism, I don't know. But I was like, I needed to, like, make. I need it to be more than just, we all got to live.

[Sheila Marie]

We all got to pay bills, pay mortgages.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Exactly, exactly. So how do I make it? How do I make it even more fun? How do I continue to put myself in position where I'm, like, learning and experiencing and growing alongside other people? Right. Because I think also parenting is so isolating. And I was like, I don't have the answers.

[Sheila Marie]

I don't have.

[Elise R. Peterson]

All I did was have sex, and now I'm a mom. And so, like, that's a massive leap from one experience to the next.

[Sheila Marie]

So, yeah, I do want to talk about community in. In a. In a little bit, because I think that's. You touched on such an important point. But I want to ask you what's actually been the most healing part of parenting for you?

[Elise R. Peterson]

Oh, I think, you know, I knew that healing was calling in pregnancy. I was having really prophetic dreams about things within my childhood that I hadn't healed from emotional holdups that I had. And I was just like, I don't want to bring a child into this world. I Don't want to have this energy in my being without working through some of my own personal healing. So it, like, catapulted me into a massive, massive healing journey. And I think having a child is like having a mirror. A 247 mirror. Excuse me. When you are feeling short tempered, when you are feeling just like, not at your highest self and you have a child who mirrors that back to you, you're like, okay, there's like, changes that I need to make. Or, you know, seeing my son has also really helped me see my own younger self and be like, you know what it literally least deserve. What did it literally least desire? And he's having this life experience for the first time the same way that I am. And so I've had to really, like, ground myself in a lot of compassion and patience, and not just for him, but for myself. Yeah. I think one of the most powerful things that I've been able to do in parenting is know how to apologize. That.

[Sheila Marie]

That.

[Elise R. Peterson]

That has been very healing for me because we will make mistakes. I have made mistakes. But, you know, my son, again, he is 6, but he's like, 65. He calls me out on my stuff. Oh, so how make it make sense.

[Sheila Marie]

And it's funny too, because we're like, wow, we want to raise me all the time. We're like, we want to raise critical thinkers. We want to raise, you know, kids who stand up for themselves, who know right from wrong. But then when they check your ass, it's like, hold on. Then it's you. Honestly, they're like, me?

[Elise R. Peterson]

Yeah. They're like, yeah. You know, girl, you're not absolved. I'm calling you out, too.

[Sheila Marie]

Well, well, not that one. Go sit down.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Yeah, Relax. Yeah.

[Sheila Marie]

So you mentioned your inner child. What has. How has the relationship with you and your inner child changed since becoming. Being a parent?

[Elise R. Peterson]

I think that something that I have worked on, one of the greatest lessons that I've learned in parenting that I know is directly reflective of my childhood experience, was like, not asking for help and being hyper independent.

[Sheila Marie]

Hyper independence is so common amongst black women. Yes.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Like, girl, you can't do it all yourself. And so motherhood will humble you in that way. And I think I have learned how to ask for help more. I have learned how to be a lot more forgiving. I'm working on that. But I am learning how to be a lot more forgiving. I have, like, very, very, very high standards for myself. I have really. I put so much pressure on myself. There. There has been, like, historically a trajectory Toward perfection, which is, like, an impossible destination. You know? Like, we're not. We're not making it there. We're not making it to perfection. But when I think about little Elise and when I've had these. These really, like, of. I've really reached her very deeply in, like, some sound bath meditations, and I'm just like, you just deserve love and to be cared for and to be gentle, and whether that's coming from you or coming from someone else. So I try to be really, really, really conscious of that and how I'm treating and talking to myself internally.

[Sheila Marie]

I love that. I love that for you and for little Elise, too. Me too. You talk about. Let's talk about joy. We talked about some hard things. You say that joy is the secret ingredient to parenting. Can you tell us more?

[Elise R. Peterson]

Yeah.

[Sheila Marie]

Yeah.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Well, I mean, you're doing it all the time, right? Like, there's never a time that you're not parenting. So, like, you might as well be having fun and finding some joy in it. And I think those happen in the small moments. Those happen in, like, listening to Boss Mandulo on the way to school and, like, having a good time.

[Sheila Marie]

That's, like, core memory, probably.

[Elise R. Peterson]

I hope so. Like, I hope this is core memory building. That is like when my. When I'm very focused in the kitchen and I'm cooking dinner, and I just want to hurry up and get it done so I can move on to the next five things I need to do. And sergeant comes in. He's like, mommy, can I cut up the. Can I practice using the knife to do this? And, like, instinctually, I want to say, no, go sit down so I can hurry up and do it. But then I'm like, this is. This is his again. He's having his core memories. This is his childhood, right? So being able to slow down and say, yeah, put your apron on. Let's do it. Let me show you how to do it. Like, and having those unexpected moments of joy, being able to laugh, finding shows that we both really like to watch together, I try to do. Like, even if it's just little things like that, being able to have some, like, quality time. And if nothing else, it's just like listening to him, you know? I think the joy comes in being able to treat him like a person, not like a child, not like my child, but his own person. So when he's excited. Excited about telling me something, I'm like, if I can't in that moment, I'm like, give me one second, because I want to Hear you. I want to hear what you have to say. And then I listen. And half the time I have no idea what the thing is that he's talking about. But I'm like, that is so cool. I love that you're so excited about that. It might be about a video game, you know, I'm like, I don't know who this is.

[Sheila Marie]

Roblox.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Oh, my God. I don't know.

[Sheila Marie]

Blocksburg. Honey, be building a house. If somebody came in my house and knocked on my door, I'd be like, oh, sister, tell em right?

[Elise R. Peterson]

I was mining this thing. And I'm like, that's cool. Yeah, tell me more.

[Sheila Marie]

Fortnite. I still do not understand Fortnite. After all this, we haven't even gotten my bonus sign. Loves Fortnite. And I just don't get it. I don't get it. And yeah, I can get the NCAA stuff, though. I could get up on board with that. But I don't know what's going on. But you know what you mentioned, something that I want to touch on really quickly is that I listen to a lot of women speak all the time about motherhood, about et cetera. I talk to a lot of women, and I've heard women before say that children are the most marginalized and oppressed group of people on the planet. Because who else can you have the option to hit, to abuse, to, you know, to be raped, to do whatever? And people will just say, well, that's your property. You can do what you want. Those are your kids. Like, if I walked outside of my house and slapped my neighbor, like, they could call the police on me. But your child, it's like, that's my child. Don't tell me what to do. And so I think it's interesting, I always thinking about what rights children have. And I love that you said you think of him like a human. And that is such a basic right, but such an important right to be heard, to just be heard, just to know. So many, so many of women listening can relate to this because they were not heard as children or are, or are working through this in their own parenting styles of just listening, especially in the black home. It really was. It's really agreed upon. There's a. There's like an unspoken agreement that children are seen, not heard, and that we like our children to be and articulate, but don't have too many ideas and don't speak back and don't ask questions. And I know me, I struggled with this as a kid. I don't know if I'm neurospicy or whatever, but I asked a lot of questions, and to me, they were. Claire. They were just questions because I didn't understand. I actually just wanted to understand. And the way you. You described it, like, red. And I'm like, well, which shade of red, though? Because there's, like, a lot of shades of red, and I just want to make sure that I'm on the same red that you're on. But that can be seen as disrespectful. And so how do you nurture humanity? Just seeing. How do you, like, balance that thing where you see your son as his own human in his own right? He's a baby human, you know, growing through the world, but still have a level of dis. Of. I'm sorry. Of respect and order in your home.

[Elise R. Peterson]

That is. That is the delicate balance I think of being a mindful parent is being able to see your child as their own person, showing them the respect that they deserve as a human that exists in this world, but also implementing a level of respect as the person that cares for you. Right? And the person that makes all the things happen, that keeps you safe, that has your best interests in mind. And so I don't, like. How do I do it? I don't know what I do. I just. You know what? It's. It's hard. You know, I had a. I had a humbling moment last night, actually, or it was like, two nights ago. I was tired. I just wanted to order pizza. I thought that was gonna be, like, an exciting moment. I was like, sergeant, I'm ordering pizza. What do you want? Pepperoni, cheese, veggie? And he looked at me, and we had just gotten back from the grocery store, and I had, like, bought some pork belly. And he was like, I thought you were cooking the pork belly. And I said, you better get this pepperoni. You better get this pepperoni on this pizza. And I was like, if Mommy cooks that, I was like, I have dishes to wash, then food to cook, then more dishes to wash after that. And I just, like, went through the whole thing of, like, I am tired. Can we be fair? And then I was like, well, you know what, Sergeant? I can order the pizza, or you can go cook dinner and figure out what you would like to cook dinner, and you let me know what you want cook. And so he looked at me with, like, the death stare. Then he went into the kitchen. No, he did not. Oh, my God. No. I'm almost embarrassed to tell you, Sheila, because he went into the kitchen, he Started moving pots and pans around. He came back and he was like, I don't know how to cook. And I said, well, I guess we're having pizza. And so I went. So then I went, but now I'm feeling bad, right? I'm trying to set boundaries, but I'm feeling bad.

[Sheila Marie]

So I'm going to the kitchen.

[Elise R. Peterson]

I don't know why I'm feeling, but.

[Sheila Marie]

Because, you know, shame has come up. We're gonna talk about shame, and we really need to, because I've noticed at least three times during this conversation already where you've started to shame yourself for something that was, like, completely normal to me or benign. Like, yeah. Why women are so hard on ourselves. We can talk about that in a second. But I just wanted to pull that out there. No judgment over here, honey. Unruly is about non judgment. So we already have enough podcasts. There is enough podcasts already that exists that will shame black women and will shame you for what you do and what you don't do. This is not the podcast for that. So we never gonna shame you over here. Okay.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Yes, we love that. We love that.

[Sheila Marie]

Well, this is.

[Elise R. Peterson]

I get, like, a shame.

[Sheila Marie]

Yes. So I don't want you to do that because I feel like you're such excellent mama.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Sheila Marie]

What are some before we move on? Cause I want to just one final thing about joy for people, for women listening who are like, all right, yeah, yeah, you said joy, but I'm busy. I got a lot of things to do. I got a lot going on on my plate already. What are some small steps for women to incorporate joy into their everyday parenting practices?

[Elise R. Peterson]

Yeah, number one. Or not even number one. But one of the primary things that I love that brings joy is music. I love incorporating music into the things that we do. It's such an easy way to, like, set a certain vibe, set a certain move, and have, like, a moment of connectivity between you and your child, whether it's music that he loves. You know, he puts me onto his little YouTube songs, and I'll put him onto music and I'll try to teach him about sampling. And he's, like, sometimes listening, sometimes not. But.

[Sheila Marie]

Like, you just feel like your son is going to be such a virtual, so he's so cute.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Oh, I appreciate that. I, I, He's. He's such a special light already. I'm just so excited to see how he continues to evolve. But I think the music thing is really, really, really intrinsic to my parenting experience. And joy. So is outside being able to be in nature together is so important for us. Like, sometimes, from what I can tell, because my friends laugh, because sometimes I feel like my son and I sometimes live like roommates versus mother and son. Like, he does his own thing, I do my own thing. I come and check in. I'm like, you good? You good? You hungry? Did you get a snack? Okay, cool. I'll see you in a bit. But when we want to be connected, I'll say, do you want to take a walk? And I love that we live in la. I love that we live in a place that predominantly has really nice weather. So just getting outside allows us to have conversation. It allows us to be observant of things outside of just the two of us. Because sometimes it's just too much of this, you know, too much togetherness, too. Too much in each other's space. And it's like, oh, wow, look at that tree. Look at that bird. What do you think about that? I think being really, really mindful and present in those moments is another great tool in the toolkit of joy. Music outside and then. And art. Art is a massive unlock for. For us as well. It was something that I always did as a kid. I grew up predominantly as an only child. And so I would just get lost in my doodles and in my painting. And so it's something that I really enjoy that I'm, like, looking down at my floor because there's paint on my floor. He was painting the other day. I'm like, I need to get that up. But, yeah, it's like a very cool thing when we can kind of get creative together. Yeah. And spend time together.

[Sheila Marie]

Love it. It's funny that you say music. Cause I didn't even realize how much that is a core part of my approach to being a bonus mom as well. I didn't even think of that. But one tradition that I do is that, well, music is a huge thing. The kids know me. I'm very festive and I'm very. I'm just very. I like to get in theme, get in character. Like, I have this acting background, so it's always there. So the kids be so sick of me. Because anytime we go to see a movie, like if we're going for. If we're going to watch Jurassic park, we're listening to the soundtrack on the way there. And on the way home, if we went to see Wicked, oh, they knew the whole day before, I was playing the whole soundtrack. Breaking down the show. Da, da da. This is what happened. This is who Elphabet is da da da. And we were. Me and his daughter, sailor, we watched stranger. All of us watch stranger things together. And best believe I was waking them up. Running up that hill, up that field then. And I'll just, like, I just get. Music gets me so into things, so I didn't even realize that, but thank you for that tip. So, ladies, take that with you. That's such an easy way to implement, especially on, like, a commute where you're already have to do it. You're already driving. It's not an extra thing on your to do list. Put on some funny music or whatever. Ask them what their favorite song is. Sometimes I do that. Like, what are you listening to right now?

[Elise R. Peterson]

I get thumbs up, thumbs down. We'll like, go. And I'm like. I'm like, thumbs up or thumbs down the song. Should I keep playing or should I go to the next song? And he'll thumbs it up. And I'm like, okay. I didn't know you'd be into this. Okay. That's cute.

[Sheila Marie]

It's like your personal little algorithm. Love that.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Literally.

[Sheila Marie]

So let's talk cool moms. This is such a vibe. I feel like it's a very cool name, too. Pun intended. What inspired you to start this podcast? And how has your journey through your own motherhood evolved through these conversations? Because I know they change you. They change me these conversations as well, deeply.

[Elise R. Peterson]

I mean, you know, as I was kind of chatting with you about before, when I lived in New York, when I become pregnant, my life was very centered around self, and that worked for me. Like, I needed that. I was in my 20s. I became pregnant at 29 and had my baby at 30. And I always say, like, that was, like, a really good time for me to leave the party. It was, like, not too soon for me. Didn't feel, like, too late for me. I was like, you know what? I can be a mom at 30. Yeah, that feels right. And so. But in, like, in my pregnancy, I remember I had this really specific moment where maybe I was, like, six months pregnant and hanging out with friends. We're like, gallery hopping in Chelsea. And I was like, oh, my goodness, do y'all. Are y'all gonna still wanna hang out with me after I have the baby? Like, I won't be able to move around in this way. I just had this, like, whole existential moment of what? I think I was still cool as a mom because motherhood was something so detached from my reality, and it was so. The landscape of motherhood has changed so much. Since my mother or her mother before her, I'm like, I don't know what mom motherhood's gonna look like for me. I don't think I'm gonna, like, all of a sudden move to the suburbs and, like, be a part of the pta and, like, that's it. You know, that's part. Sometimes that sounds very nice, but I knew that that wasn't gonna be my experience.

[Sheila Marie]

That was me my whole life. I don't wanna be a part of that. Now. I'm like, can I do decorations for the cheer banquet?

[Elise R. Peterson]

Oh, my God, absolutely. I mean, yeah, I'm in the classroom. I volunteer for sure.

[Sheila Marie]

And I love it.

[Elise R. Peterson]

And it's amazing. It's, like, such a privilege to be able to do that. But before I even had gotten to that point, I had the privilege of having access to these women that I really respect and admire, personally and professionally, that were already mothers. And so I started just, like, asking their advice. How had motherhood changed them? Like, what did they want to share with me? And after getting some of these jewels and these gems from these women, I was just like, this is too good not to share. I need to, like, figure out a way to share this with people on a larger scale. So then Cool Moms came to life. Cool Moms was birthed at the same time that I birthed my son. And, yeah, and it really is a platform that amplifies mothers who prioritize their passions that say, yes, I love being a mother. And I also do this and this and this and this. And for me, the greatest gift that I can give to my son or my future children is living in my purpose. And I know that so many of the women in my family gave up their purpose, gave up their passions for motherhood in order to focus on motherhood. And I knew that I didn't want to give that up. I wanted to really be able to embrace both. And so, as Cool Moms has evolved and I've grown in my own motherhood, I've been able to just, like, extract so much wisdom and insight from women on how they approach their careers, how they approach motherhood, the ways in which they ask for help. I mean, I. I absolutely. It's this idea of. There was a guest I had, Imani Cohen, who's also known as the Hood Healer. And I think the title of her episode is It Takes a Village to Raise a Mother. And, like, that's what Cool Moms has done for me. Like, it takes a village to be able to build a mother. We don't have all the answers. And so I love being humble enough to know that I don't have the answers and to seek the guidance and wisdom of a community of moms from cool moms.

[Sheila Marie]

That's so important because parenting doesn't exist in a vacuum. Nothing does. You know, there's this big illusion of being an individual here and it's to our detriment. Right. How do you approach creating a partnership, whether that's with a co parent or extended family or a community that supports parent your, your particular parenting style.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Now that is where that is. So it's, it's one thing, right? Because as adults we and we move out of our home environments and we create the reality in which we desire, right. We create the communities. I have my kind of rhythm and my beat. But whether you're, when you're co parenting, when you are parenting within the lens or the experience of like your extended family, you know, you are also parenting under the idea of the perception that people have of you maybe before you became a parent. You know, to my family I'm always going to be Elise, fill in the blank. Whether it's 5 year old Elise, 14 year old Elise Elise of like this time capsule that they've created of me. And so it's a constant evolution of having to reintroduce yourself to the people that feel like they know you the best. And that's constantly happening in motherhood. Right. There's so many things that I'm like, oh, this is how I approach motherhood. And so I need you to understand and respect who I am today and how I approach parenting. And I think that I've been very fortunate that my family has been able to like grow and evolve with me. But the thing about boundaries and what I have learned in therapy is that like you think you're like, okay, yeah, I'm going to set this boundary and it's cute. And I've told everyone, everyone's in the know, this is what I need, this is what I don't want to do. But the thing about boundaries is you have to continue to reinforce them. It's not like a one time conversation. And so I think that is a big part of the weight of parenting in a new way as it relates to your co parent and the ideas that they have about raising a child and having to constantly reintroduce yourself to them and giving space for both of you all to evolve in parenting. Right. I think especially in the co parenting piece, my God, you got to pick and choose your battles. You know, there was, like, a small thing that happened. There was a small thing that happened in co parenting that I don't even think Sergeant's dad was aware, but. And he, like, got him a lineup, right? Sergeant has freeform locks. His dad was, like, really excited. He had spent the holiday with his dad. His dad got him a lineup. And I was just like, oh, my God, Why? He didn't need it. That's my. In my mind, I'm just like, he didn't need it. Why would you do that? Like, his natural hairline is gorgeous. Like, he didn't need the lineup. But I knew in that moment, like, that's not the response that was needed. It wasn't going to be helpful. It wasn't going to move anything forward. He obviously was excited and proud, and they had this moment of bonding. So I was like.

[Sheila Marie]

And Sargent enjoyed. He liked it. He liked the way it came out.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Ultimately, yes. But he didn't like the actual. Cause he's never gotten a haircut in his entire life. So he was, like, a little bit like, mm, I don't know about it. I'm sure his dad was, like, convincing about the lineup. But ultimately, Sargent ended up liking in the end, and he looked handsome, and he was totally fine. But it was definitely about me having to recognize when something is not about me. It's not harmful. It wasn't, like, a big deal. And it was a moment for them to bond and connect. And so I had to put my feelings to the side and be like, okay, this was for y'all. Happy for y'all.

[Sheila Marie]

First of all, I want to honor your ability to do that. That's very nuanced and sophisticated and emotionally intelligent. To be able to separate. Well, these are my feelings about that thing. Is it. Was it harmful? Is me expressing myself gonna move our relationship forward? Eh, probably not. Like, that's. That right there is such a skill, and I feel like the more we can learn it individually, we can put it into our parenting as well to, like. Cause I think parenting also, right. Is about picking and choosing your battles and not going so hard on everything when I. So I'm not a parent, as I said myself. You know what? I don't know what to say now. I feel different about it now. Now that. Yeah, you sound like you a sailor lives with us. So it's just like. It's so weird because I have to keep differentiating because I know that I don't want to ever eclipse her mom. She has a mother who's alive and well, and present in her life. So it's like, I'm not her mom, but I feel like a mom. I don't know how to explain it because. But. But I haven't had my own yet. Fingers crossed. Send me vibes. But parenting. When I speak to women about being a mother, the number one response I get is about how chaotic and exhausting it is. I do get those, like, oh, it's wonderful, but maybe this is a part of subconscious reason why I haven't conceived successfully yet is I hold in my mind all of those stories I've heard when I was growing up and from women around me. Oh, you'll never eat hot food again. You'll never drink hot coffee again. Say goodbye to your neck Netflix. Say goodbye to your sex life. Say goodbye to your body. But when are you having a kid, right?

[Elise R. Peterson]

You're like, well, I have not been sold on this dream. I don't know.

[Sheila Marie]

Yeah, I was like, you guys made it sound horrible. And I love that women are feeling. It's. It's kind of a catch 22. Because I love that women are feeling that they can be honest with each other. I love that we're talking about these things more. But I just never. I hear some women say, well, why did I think motherhood was going to be rainbows and butterflies? I'm like, baby, I never had that idea at all. No one ever told me that. I got told the exact opposite. So with that said, how do you. Because you're in such a positive space and you're really here for providing you're adding to this conversation we're having. How can mindfulness help us rewrite that narrative to include more joy, more ease, and more connection?

[Elise R. Peterson]

Yeah. Well, I think, number one, I think it's changing your mindset that, like, having a child is a privilege. It is a privilege to be able to be a guide on another human's journey into themselves. Like, no one gets to be closer to that person for the first 18 or however many years of them getting to know themselves. And, like, that is such a massive privilege. That is so cool when you really take a step back and think about it. I get to watch Sargent discover things about the world, things about himself, develop his own opinions, his sense of humor. Like, I get a front row to that every single day. And I think trying to keep that at the forefront of my mind is paramount in really enjoying parenting. Because, again, I think that that mindset of, you know, you'll never have this or that, there are definitely those moments. But the cool thing about Parenting, and really about life, is that you create your reality. You create the dynamic in your household. You know, you can do things however you desire to do them. Like, free will is a real thing, and we should really exercise that more. And I think I get to also be curious and be a kid in many ways when it comes to parenting, you know, And I have him help me in creating our dynamic. I'm not trying to have all the answers. I'll ask him, you know, this Christmas, for example, historically, I'll send Sargent to Maryland with my family to have Christmas with, like, my extended family, his aunties, uncles, et cetera. And I'll go do. I don't know what I end up doing. I end up go having time to myself. But this Christmas, I was like, you know what? What do you think about us having Christmas in la? And, like, we can do whatever we want to do. And he was like, that would be so cool. He was like, maybe we can go to Little Tokyo for Christmas. Maybe we can. I was like, yeah, why not? Like, we can literally do whatever it is that we want to do. And I think that that mindset shift allows you to have more joy, allows you to be more mindful in parenting, but then also submitting to the fact that, yeah, things will change. Because this is a massive life chain. You do have to share your food sometimes. And then sometimes I tell Sargent, no, actually, I made this for me. I didn't make this for you. Because those are important boundaries, too, you know, when you go out in the world, everything is not for you. Everything is not catered to you. And that doesn't exist in our household either. I love you. You have access to whatever you'd like here. But if I made myself something, I made it for me. If I decide to share it with you, then what a bonus for you?

[Sheila Marie]

Yeah, I love that. As you were talking, I started to get emotional. That's so interesting. I didn't think that would happen, but it was just as you were describing how much fun you have with your son and how you. And it just really reminded me of how much more enriched my life is now that my bonus daughter lives with me and how much I enjoy it. And it was for the same reasons that you were describing about your son is I love seeing her grow as a person. I think she's really cool, human, not even a child or my bonus daughter. Like, I am excited about who she's gonna be in the world. I love hearing her thoughts. I love spending time with her. I love seeing her fashion sense Develop. I like seeing her taste developed. And it's what she gravitates to, getting her opinion on, watching her get good grades on a test, like those little wins. And it's like, it makes me think about what you said about the selfish thing, like it's true. And take it one step further. I think me and my husband are happier now because we're less selfish. We have less energy and time just to, like, pick apart minutiae and this and that. It's like, hey, is this like, wow. It's like full circle. It's like, hey, is this a big deal? Is this harmful? Maybe I'm using your metrics here. And like, hey, I'll pick and choose my battles. It's never that deep because we know the energetic experience we want her to have in a home. And that's really beautiful. So thank you for bringing that full circuit. First full circle. I want to ask you one more question about shame. Because it came up and even me, I've had shame as a bonus mom. And even having miscarriages and trying to conceive. And there's just things. Women are shamed no matter what. Mothers are not. I think that it's just a pastime. The patriarchy we live under loves to shame women for any choice. For being sexually liberated, for being too prude, for being a mother, for not being a mother. How you mother and then when you become a mother. I just feel that moms are literally judged at every turn. No matter what decision you make. You babied them too much. You didn't baby them enough. Put the baby down. Don't spoil them. All these, I mean, ad nauseam. And even me, when I. I had to fight through it. I saw a video go viral the other day of a kid in Walmart throwing things. She was just having a tantrum. And I saw the comment. You saw it, right? And what was your. What was your initial? So for those listening, if you didn't see the video, it's a girl. How old does she look like? 10 or something?

[Elise R. Peterson]

Yeah, yeah, around 10. Maybe a little bit younger, but yeah.

[Sheila Marie]

Yeah, maybe between 8 and 10. And she's. I don't know. You don't? I didn't see a parent. I think there's a parent with her, but I didn't see one. All you see is her in Walmart and she's taking things off the shelf. And she's definitely trying to get everyone's attention. And she escalates by getting like, that Welch's fake champagne for kids Cider Yeah, yeah, there you go, there you go. And throwing that. And then that breaks and then it escalates. But the comments were all like, this is why you need to beat your kids. And you know, or where's the mom? The mom needs to go to jail. The mom should pay for all of that food. And I had. Did not have that reaction when I saw that video. I don't know. What was your reaction?

[Elise R. Peterson]

No, I was like, my God, what is wrong? Like something is clearly wrong. This child, like, you know, when it first started, not benign, but it's like, well, wait a minute. It was like tossing a few things off the shelf. And I was like, okay, well what's going on here? But as it progressed, it was like, this is clearly a cry for some sort of help because people, people who are feeling whole and centered don't behave in this way. So clearly this child is using really extreme non verbal communication to say something is not right. How does somebody reach this child? And like beating that child, I mean, is never the answer.

[Sheila Marie]

We can't go beating somebody up. You see what I'm saying? Like, who else can we just beat on because we don't want. You know what I'm saying? I feel like the idea, the choice to physically reprimand your children I think should be a whole episode on its own. I want to bring. There's someone I'm thinking of who talks about it on her platform a lot. I can't remember her name off the top of my head, but I think that's like. So that's a whole loaded topic. But I feel like so many people jump straight to that. And maybe I saw myself in that girl because I was also a very angry child and I used to throw things and do. I did something similar to that. That's crazy. And I remember feeling so ashamed at everybody's reaction. But what was happening on the inside was I was needing boundaries, I was needing guidance. I was needing to really just be heard. I didn't feel like anyone was listening to me. And I was really struggling from being the only black person in my house. It was really affecting me and I didn't have language for it. And so when I saw her, I saw like, she just needs help. And I also felt a lot of empathy for the mom because we also don't know if there's developmental delays. We don't know if there's any. If she's on the spectrum in any way. We don't know. We just don't. We don't know happened before they got to the store. But I just felt that sad for the mom that our impulse is to shame women so much for the. Like no one said in that video, I didn't see one comment that said that dad should pay for everything. Where's the dad? I only heard, where's the mom?

[Elise R. Peterson]

It's always, where's her mother? What happened with the mom? The mom should have done this. But yeah, I saw that and I just thought, you know, I used to teach special education for middle school and high school and I predominantly focus on children with emotional disturbances and like mild learning disabilities. And so for me, it really took me back to like, that little girl really needed someone to like sit down and listen to what she had to say. And clearly she had not been, was not in a space where people could listen, didn't have the skill to be able to articulate how she was feeling so that people could hear her and respond. And so as a, as a human function, as just like an inherent human trait, she physically expressed herself. And like, obviously the context wasn't the right, like it. There are social norms that this didn't abide by. But she's a child and so she just needed compassion. Yeah, she just needed compassion.

[Sheila Marie]

Agreed. And if there's anyone listening who maybe their child doesn't go in Walmart and throw things and break things, but they've had moments where they felt shame either for their role in a situation or shame on behalf of like what their kids are doing, like, what would you say for them to do with that shame?

[Elise R. Peterson]

I mean, you know, obviously this is something that I'm working out myself. I think shame is a, it's such a useless, you know, it's such a useless emotion. It does nothing for you. Shame does nothing for you but put you in a spiral of self doubt and blame. And I think it's really about releasing that because I think a lot of times the, the, the solve for shame is acknowledging and really asking for help. You probably need help with something when you're experiencing shame and for some reason you feel like you can't or you shouldn't ask for help. I imagine that mother, that parent, the dad, whomever is taking care of that child knew they needed help, but maybe didn't have the resources, maybe didn't have the voice to ask for help. And then you end up in a situation like that. But like, if we're really talking about community parenting, that was an opportunity for other adults to come in and say, hey, mom, dad, like, how can we help you in this Moment you need help. You know, I think that is like what real humanity is. That is what allows people to not move in shame, is when they're able to have the help and support that they need.

[Sheila Marie]

So thank you. Yes. More of this. More of this. This is why I love having conversations like this. You've. You've been. This has been such a. I feel selfish every time I have a guest on the show because it's me who loves to have these conversations and I feel like I always learn something new. And you've shared so much wisdom today. Now let's get a little practical. This is the toolkit section of the episode. And so for parents out there feeling overwhelmed, wanting to find more connection, more peace, what are some quick wins they can try? Is there anything you could tell them? Like maybe a grounding ritual or a fun family activity? Activity? Maybe it's the music that you've already mentioned or just even a quick mindset shift just to turn things around.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Yeah, totally. Of course. Music, 100%. I think also being able to teach your kids how to identify emotions in a moment and teaching yourself that, that's something I did. So to kind of like scaffold this. When Sargent was really, really young, before he was super verbal, I would have a big sticky pad on his little kid table and have like a smiley face, an angry face, kind of like a pensive face, like all of these different faces that showed emotions. And I would tell him, point to how you feel. And so that would be a way for us to like, level set and be like, oh, okay, I see where you're at. And then I would ask him, do you need space? Because the same way that we need space, I want him to be able to respect. And I'm like, actually, I need you to leave my room, because I need. And so that's something.

[Sheila Marie]

And like not being from one only child to the other.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Yeah, literally. Literally. And so that being able to talk about emotions, but as parents, you owning it as well. You know what, Sergeant? I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now. I need a moment. I'm feeling really frustrated right now. I need a moment. And being okay with like showing your child a range of emotion, it's not always okay, actually. Mommy's really sad. Mommy's really tired. Mommy's really proud. I did this thing today. I think just incorporating that, that language into your lexicon is super important for your, for your child to also then be able to have those connective moments of like. Sergeant told me the other day, he started crying. It was about the pizza and the pork belly. And he started crying about it. And I was like, why are you crying? He's like, I'm just expressing my emotions. And I was like, oh, you're.

[Sheila Marie]

You wanted pork belly, mom.

[Elise R. Peterson]

And I made the pork belly also. I ended up making it because.

[Sheila Marie]

Oh, you fold it like a chair, girl. You want to fold the pork belly.

[Elise R. Peterson]

I sure did get right in that kitchen and made that pork belly because I fold too.

[Sheila Marie]

I love that.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Sometimes you gotta, Elise.

[Sheila Marie]

But yeah, you are amazing, amazing person, amazing mama, amazing podcast host, and amazing guests. Thank you for sharing your heart, your humor, your wisdom with us today. You reminded us that parenting isn't about perfection. It's about presence, y'all. Okay? We gotta remember that. It's about finding joy even in the mess. And so for everyone listening, I hope that you're feeling inspired to lean into your mindful parenting bag. You know, whether that's, you know, in with your child, your relationships, your community, your co parents and Elise, from cool moms to little sprouts, you are such a reminder of what's possible when you parent with intention and creativity. Do not forget to check Elise out on Instagram, lease R. Peterson and Aycoolmoms. Elise, where else can people find you? Is there anything you want to leave them with if they want to follow up with you?

[Elise R. Peterson]

Oh, my God. Yes, yes, yes. I am launching my video series, talk series with cool moms that I did in partnership with the line home Hotel. I'm launching it. Yeah. At the end of this month.

[Sheila Marie]

Congratulations.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Thank you. So you'll be able to, you know, if you follow. Hey, Cool Moms, our website will be launching alongside of it so you can watch all of the episodes from our live experiences with very cool moms across the Line Hotel and cool Moms. I'm really excited to be on the lookout.

[Sheila Marie]

Congratulations. We look forward to following along on that journey with you. And thank you so much for joining us at Unruly. Elise. We thank you.

[Elise R. Peterson]

Thank you so much. Sheila. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Sheila Marie]

If you have something on your mind, a question or something you want me to answer, just send in a voice [e-mail] unruly I can't wait to hear from you. Thank you so much for listening. Be sure to follow or subscribe so you never, ever, ever, ever miss an episode of Unruly.