Podcast Summary: UNRULY WITH SHELAH MARIE
Episode 22: Let That Sh*t Go! Release What’s Holding You Back ft. Oludara Adeeyo
Release Date: March 4, 2025
Introduction
In Episode 22 of Unruly with Shelah Marie, host Shelah Marie engages in a profound conversation with mental health therapist and author Oludara Adeeyo. This episode delves deep into the transformative process of letting go, particularly focusing on the unique challenges faced by Black women in embracing self-love, acceptance, and holistic wellness.
Meet the Guest: Oludara Adeeyo
Shelah Marie introduces Oludara Adeeyo as a "powerhouse" in the mental health arena, highlighting her work as an author and self-advocate dedicated to helping Black women reclaim their wellness. Oludara is celebrated for her books, including Self Care for Black Women, Affirmations for Black Women, and her latest release, Meditations for Black Women. Shelhah emphasizes Oludara’s commitment to providing practical tools and inspiration for personal growth.
Personal Journey: From Media to Mental Health
Oludara shares her transition from a career in media, where she worked with prominent outlets like XXL and Cosmopolitan, to the mental health sector. This shift was catalyzed by the passing of her mother in 2013, after seven years of caregiving. Oludara reflects:
"I had to let go of the vision I had of my career in journalism... I had to accept that maybe that's just not what my life is supposed to be."
[05:54]
She discusses the toll that high-stress environments can take on one’s mental health and the importance of finding fulfillment beyond societal expectations.
Lessons from Grief and Self-Care
Oludara recounts the significant lessons learned from watching her mother battle illness, emphasizing the urgency of pursuing personal happiness without delay:
"Don't wait to pursue your happiness."
[11:04]
Shelhah connects this to the common pitfall of postponing self-care until achieving certain milestones, urging listeners to integrate small acts of self-care into their daily lives immediately.
Defining Self-Care Beyond the Surface
The conversation shifts to the essence of self-care, moving beyond superficial social media portrayals to genuine practices that nurture the mind and body. Oludara outlines her personal self-care routine:
- Resting and Therapy: Despite being a therapist herself, Oludara emphasizes the importance of having her own therapist to address personal traumas.*
"Self care for me, it looks like resting, it looks like I go to therapy."
[12:43]
- Community and Connection: She highlights the value of a supportive community in maintaining mental health.
"Community is a very, my family is a very big part of that."
[13:14]
- Physical Routines: Maintaining physical health through sleep, hydration, and movement.
"Trying to drink enough water... making sure I'm taking my shower every day."
[17:06]
Psychological Barriers to Letting Go
Oludara delves into the psychological challenges that hinder the process of letting go. She explains the concept of the "stages of change" and how being overly focused on the change itself can prevent actual progress:
"We're caught up in just like the thought of it all... I'm caught up in just like, being afraid to make a step."
[18:11]
She encourages self-compassion and patience, recognizing that contemplating change is a valid part of the journey.
Redefining Strength and Overcoming Societal Expectations
A significant portion of the episode tackles the societal narrative that equates suffering with strength, a belief deeply ingrained in many Black women. Oludara and Shelah discuss the importance of reimagining strength as emotional vulnerability:
Shelah Marie shares her perspective:
"The true strength is in feeling emotions... we have to name emotions. That is a true strength."
[26:24]
Oludara Adeeyo concurs, emphasizing that vulnerability is a form of resilience:
"Vulnerability is strength... you are allowed to have your feelings."
[26:24]
They advocate for embracing emotions as signals rather than signs of weakness, challenging the notion that Black women must always be the unbreakable pillars in their communities.
Debunking Myths About Self-Care
Oludara addresses prevalent myths that deter Black women from prioritizing self-care:
-
"You don't have time for self-care."
"You always have time for it. Even five minutes a day is good."
[29:38] -
Self-Care is Selfish:
She argues that taking care of oneself is essential to effectively care for others, debunking the idea that self-care detracts from one's responsibilities.
Shelah Marie adds:
"I want to prioritize myself... but I feel like the guilt and shame is stopping me."
[30:55]
Oludara encourages listeners to embrace being "the villain" in others' stories if it means prioritizing their wellness, reassuring them that change is a natural and necessary part of growth.
Practical Tools for Letting Go
Shelah Marie and Oludara Adeeyo discuss actionable strategies to facilitate the process of letting go:
-
Acknowledge and Share:
"Acknowledge it... tell someone who can hold you accountable."
[22:12] -
Embrace Emotions:
Recognize and accept emotions without judgment, allowing oneself to feel and process them fully. -
Counterintuitive Approach:
Shelhah introduces a method from parts work, which involves confronting fears directly rather than avoiding them:"Instead of running from the fears... run and dive right into the waves."
[40:07] -
Affirmations:
Oludara highlights powerful affirmations from her book, such as:"I give myself permission to live my life according to my own plans."
[39:22] -
Therapeutic Modalities:
Discussion about EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy as an effective tool for trauma resolution."EMDR helped you work through your phobia of pests?"
[35:04]
Highlighting Oludara’s Work: Meditations for Black Women
Oludara introduces her latest book, Meditations for Black Women, a collection of 75 mindful meditations designed to inspire and empower Black women. Each meditation is paired with quotes from influential Black women and includes reflections and actionable items to encourage personal growth.
A favorite affirmation from the book shared during the episode:
"I give myself permission to live my life according to my own plans."
[39:22]
Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Shelah and Oludara conclude the episode by reiterating the importance of self-care and letting go as acts of self-empowerment. They encourage listeners to prioritize their well-being, embrace vulnerability, and break free from societal pressures to live authentically.
Shelah Marie wraps up with a powerful reminder:
"Letting go is not losing, it's winning. It is being the version of yourself that you choose to be."
[46:03]
Shelhah invites listeners to support Oludara’s work and continue the conversation around self-care and personal growth within their communities.
Key Takeaways
- Embrace Vulnerability: Recognize that feeling and expressing emotions is a form of strength, not weakness.
- Prioritize Self-Care: Even small, consistent acts of self-care can significantly enhance well-being.
- Let Go to Move Forward: Releasing what no longer serves you can free you from stagnation and promote personal growth.
- Community Support: Surrounding yourself with a supportive community can aid in the journey of self-improvement.
- Practical Tools: Utilize affirmations, therapy methods like EMDR, and actionable strategies to facilitate letting go.
Notable Quotes
-
Oludara Adeeyo:
"Don't wait to pursue your happiness."
[11:04] -
Shelah Marie:
"The true strength is in feeling emotions... we have to name emotions. That is a true strength."
[26:24] -
Oludara Adeeyo:
"I give myself permission to live my life according to my own plans."
[39:22] -
Shelah Marie:
"Letting go is not losing, it's winning. It is being the version of yourself that you choose to be."
[46:03]
Connect with Oludara Adeeyo
- Website: oludaradio.com
- Social Media: Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, Threads (@oludaraadio)
- Book: Meditations for Black Women available on Amazon and major bookstores.
Tune in to Unruly with Shelah Marie weekly for more transformative conversations on culture, wellness, and personal growth.