Podcast Title: UNRULY WITH SHELAH MARIE
Episode: 3: WTF is a Grief Doula!? ft. Asha Eduard
Release Date: October 22, 2024
Introduction
In the third episode of UNRULY WITH SHELAH MARIE, host Shelah Marie engages in a profound conversation with Asha Eduard, a full-spectrum death doula. This episode delves into the often-overlooked role of grief doulas, exploring their vital function in navigating the complex emotions surrounding death and loss. Shelah Marie, an advocate for black women and founder of the Curvy, Curly, Conscious movement, seeks to shed light on the transformative support that grief doulas provide.
Understanding the Role of a Death Doula
Defining a Doula
Asha Eduard begins by clarifying the broader concept of a doula. [02:32] She explains, "A doula is someone that helps an individual transition from one state of being to another state of being." This transition can pertain to various life events, such as pregnancy, abortion, or death.
Types of Doulas
- Birth Doula: Assists individuals transitioning into motherhood.
- Abortion Doula: Supports those undergoing an abortion, providing emotional and practical assistance.
- Death Doula: Helps individuals and families navigate the emotional, spiritual, and practical aspects of dying and grief.
Full-Spectrum Doula
Asha identifies herself as a full-spectrum doula, covering the entire journey from fertility to postpartum care and, in cases of loss, stepping into the role of a death doula. [05:04] She highlights the adaptability of her role based on the needs of her clients and the sociopolitical climate, such as the heightened need for abortion doulas during the Roe vs. Wade debates.
Asha Eduard's Journey to Becoming a Death Doula
Clinical Background and Spiritual Calling
Asha shares her transition from a psychotherapist to a death doula. [10:26] She recounts, "I went to Howard University and I was part of a community mental health practice," where she encountered clients dealing with severe trauma, including sexual assault and miscarriage. This experience, coupled with a spiritual calling received during a visit to Haiti, guided her to integrate her clinical expertise with her Haitian heritage to support women holistically.
Training and Development
Asha's dedication led her to become a trauma-informed yoga instructor, reiki practitioner, and eventually, a full-spectrum doula trained by her family. [13:17] Her multifaceted approach ensures comprehensive support for her clients through various life transitions.
Stigma Around Death and Cultural Perspectives
Western Culture vs. Ancestral Practices
The conversation shifts to the cultural stigmas surrounding death. [13:59] Asha observes that while many ancestral practices embrace death as a natural part of life, Western culture often shrouds it in fear and avoidance. This disconnection stems from a lack of education and ritualization surrounding death from a young age.
Ancestral Veneration
Asha introduces the concept of ancestral veneration, explaining, "Ancestral veneration is a process of you uplifting and acknowledging the ancestors that have come before you." [21:53] She emphasizes the importance of honoring ancestors through rituals and ceremonies, fostering a sense of continuity and support from past generations.
Epigenetics and Intergenerational Trauma
Asha connects ancestral practices to modern science through epigenetics, stating, "If our mother was experiencing trauma throughout her pregnancy, we pick that up... We come out into this world with certain markers on us already." [25:04] This underscores the importance of healing not just individually but collectively, as it affects generations both past and future.
Spiritual Abilities and Experiences
Baby Mediumship
Asha reveals her unique ability as a baby medium, sharing personal anecdotes of communicating with spirits. [37:18] She narrates a childhood experience where she interacted with her grandmother's spirit, highlighting the innate spiritual connections children often possess.
Communicating with Spirits
In a poignant story, Asha recounts performing a final cleansing ceremony for a client's loved one, facilitating a peaceful transition. [43:08] This ability underscores her role not just as a doula but as an intermediary between the physical and spiritual realms.
Toolbox for Navigating Grief and Death
Seven Stages of Grief
Asha outlines the seven stages of grief as a framework for understanding the grieving process:
- Shock: Initial disbelief and numbness.
- Denial: Refusing to accept the reality of the loss.
- Anger: Feeling upset and directing frustration towards behaviors.
- Bargaining: Seeking ways to reverse or mitigate the loss.
- Depression: Realizing the inevitable and seeking mental health support.
- Acceptance: Integrating the loss into one's life and moving forward.
Practical Tools for Healing
- Identifying Grief Stages: Recognizing where one is in the grieving journey.
- Releasing Emotions: Encouraging methods like journaling, recording songs, or creating keepsakes.
- Involving Children: Using keepsakes to help children understand and process loss.
Example Rituals
Asha suggests creating keepsake books or blankets with photos and memories of loved ones to honor their presence in daily life. [35:00] These rituals help maintain a connection with the departed and facilitate healing.
Community Interaction: Listener Q&A
A listener shares her struggle with setting boundaries as a new mom, expressing guilt over asserting her needs. [51:22]
Shelah Marie's Advice:
- Permission to Set Boundaries: "Give yourself permission to create the boundaries that you need."
- Clear Communication: Ensure that boundaries are clearly communicated to others.
- Letting Go: Accept that not everyone will respect your boundaries and prioritize self-care regardless.
Conclusion
The episode wraps up with Asha sharing her contact information and avenues for listeners to engage further:
- Instagram: @ingraceyoga
- Online School: In Grace University
- Website: InGraceYogaTherapy.com
Shelah Marie expresses profound gratitude for Asha's insights, emphasizing the transformative power of embracing grief and death with grace and support.
Key Takeaways
- Death Doulas Provide Essential Support: Assisting individuals and families through emotional, spiritual, and practical aspects of dying and grief.
- Cultural Stigmas Hinder Healthy Grieving: Western avoidance of death contrasts with ancestral practices that honor the natural cycle of life and death.
- Ancestral Veneration Promotes Collective Healing: Recognizing and honoring ancestors can heal intergenerational trauma and foster a sense of continuity.
- Practical Tools Facilitate Healing: Understanding grief stages and engaging in meaningful rituals can aid in processing loss.
- Empowerment Through Boundary Setting: Establishing clear boundaries is crucial for self-care, especially for new parents navigating their roles.
Notable Quotes
- Asha Eduard [02:32]: "A doula is someone that helps an individual transition from one state of being to another state of being."
- Asha Eduard [10:26]: "I came back home and I made this big declaration that I'm ready to do the work. And I surrendered."
- Asha Eduard [21:53]: "Ancestral veneration is a process of you uplifting and acknowledging the ancestors that have come before you."
- Asha Eduard [25:04]: "We heal seven generations ahead of you, you heal also seven generations behind you."
- Asha Eduard [37:18]: "Children are so close to the veil. They are."
- Asha Eduard [43:08]: "As a death doula, when individuals are about to transition, we do a final bath with herbs, with Reiki."
This episode of UNRULY WITH SHELAH MARIE offers invaluable insights into the role of grief doulas, the importance of cultural practices in coping with loss, and practical tools for healing. By bridging clinical expertise with spiritual practices, Asha Eduard exemplifies the profound impact that compassionate support can have on individuals navigating the darkest moments of their lives.