← UNRULY WITH SHELAH MARIE
UNRULY WITH SHELAH MARIE
37: I’m Not Your Symbol: Finally Being Seen on My Own Terms ft. Tabria Majors
00:53:14
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- [00:02]
A
Welcome to Unruly. I'm your host, Sheila Marie. I'm an author, a fierce advocate for black women, and the founder of the curvy curly conscious movement. In this space. I'm sharing what I've learned on my own journey while sitting down with some amazing women who are all navigating their own paths to healing. Because there's no better time than now to get a little unruly. Hi, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of Unruly. It's obviously your girl, Sheila Marie, and today I am here with an amazing guest, Tabria Majors. Tabria is somebody who's made being seen look effortless, you know, but as we'll hear today, visibility doesn't always mean safety. Tabria is a model, a creator, a disruptor who shaped the narrative of beauty and who gets to take up space as the first plus size model to appear in a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue editorial. She's become a groundbreaking figure in the industry. Tabria has worked with some of the biggest names in fashion, including our girl, Rihanna. Savage X Fenty. Yeah. And she's built a loyal following with her unapologetic. And she's built a loyal following with her unapologetic approach to self love and body acceptance. But beneath the campaigns and curated moments is a deeper story about perception, pressure, and power. What happens when your body becomes a symbol before your story is even heard? When you're praised for breaking barriers but still expected to stay in the box? This conversation is about beauty, boundaries, and the work it takes to become more than a brand or a body. Welcome, Tabria.
- [01:46]
B
Thank you so much. I'm so glad to be here.
- [01:50]
A
We're happy to have you. So we're going to start with some icebreakers. Okay, so these icebreaker questions are designed to be answered, answered quickly as possible. So kind of like get it started. All right, so first one. If your body could talk back to the world, what would it say?
- [02:06]
B
It would say, mind your business and leave me alone.
- [02:14]
A
Period. What is something that people assume about you that couldn't be further from the truth?
- [02:22]
B
I don't know if I don't want to say it couldn't be further from the truth. But everybody who, like, meets me in person and their perception of me is just my online Persona, they always say that they're very surprised how chill I am in person. I think I come across very, you know, bubbly, happy, go lucky. And not to say that I'm not, but I'm very mellow most of the time. So people are. I get that. A lot. Whenever I meet people in real life.
- [02:54]
A
Does it feel like people put pressure on you to perform a little bit? Like they expect you to be on.
- [02:58]
B
In certain scenarios, yes. But if I'm just meeting somebody casually, I don't think so. I've never had a bad or a negative interaction just meeting someone out and about. I've never had a negative interaction even for like a work event. Some may have been a little weird, but nothing that made me feel super uncomfortable or anything.
- [03:24]
A
I love that for you. Last icebreaker is what would younger Tabria think of the woman you are today?
- [03:30]
B
Oh, my gosh. My younger self would not even believe where I am. Like, if I. If I told my younger self, like, you're gonna grow up to be a model, I would feel like, okay, yeah, right? Because I never imagine this career for me. I was on the pre dental path. I wanted to be an orthodontist. So this is definitely a huge for me. But I wouldn't believe you. I wouldn't believe me if it was me telling my younger self that. But yeah, I'm very grateful for where I am today.
- [04:07]
A
So, Tabria, I think I came across your page maybe even around 2016ish. I don't even so long ago because I was like also in the curvy body acceptance space, and I was really online looking for women who I felt like could help me make me feel more confident about my own body. And I came across you. Now when I fell in love with you was 2020. For those of you who do not know, I need to talk about this moment. So today we're talking about being seen. And when we're talking about being seen, it really starts with your ability or inability to see yourself and to trust that you can put yourself out and see what the world is gonna say in 2020. Tabria started this Halloween tribute series, all right? And she started with Beyonce. So she did Bailoween. It's like Beyonce and Halloween. And that video even to date has like 4 million likes on Instagram. And the reach went way beyond social media. And then in 2021, she did a tribute to Ciara Siloeen. And when I say tribute, y' all, like, I know this is audio, but I need you to go and Google it and look it up because it was amazing. When I say tribute, I mean recreating the most iconic moments of these respective artists, including scouting locations, dancers, costumes, angles, shots. And it is uncanny how you were able to replicate these moments. And as a fellow curvy girl, it was so inspiring to see you embrace your body, but really beyond that, for me, as a spiritual and intuitive woman, I was like, that woman believes in herself. I think it took an incredible. Like, you really took a chance on yourself. And I, I just want to know where. What inspired you to do the tributes? What was it that made you go, hey, this is something that I really want to do?
- [05:59]
B
You know, it was. It was so random. I could have never imagined that it would have gotten as big as it did, but it was during COVID so, you know, we all had a lot of time on our hands at the time. And my. My friend and I, who he serves as like my creative partner, I guess, if you want to call it. But we worked on a lot of projects together, Matt. We were talking about doing like a cute Halloween photo shoot. Like, that was it. And so we.
- [06:32]
A
Because that's what everybody was on at that time.
- [06:33]
B
Let's just do a little photo shoot. And so we, you know, chose Beyonce and we were like, okay, well, which Beyonce are we going to do? Because, you know, she really elevates and changes her Persona with each album cycle that she has. And so we were like, man, well, we can't just do, you know, because I think Black is King was out at the time. So we were like, okay, we have to do Blackest King, because that was epic. And, you know, we can't just not do Lemonade without doing, you know, self titled, without doing four Dangerously in Love. So we were like, oh my gosh, this is like, it was too hard. So we were like, we're just gonna do one from every era. And then we were like, what if we did like a little video? And literally from there, it just snowballed into what it became. And it was just saying, what if we did a video? Okay, well, which video were you gonna do going to do? We have to do one from every era. And when I tell you like, it. It was something that was truly meant to happen because everything was stacked against us. Everything. Really? Yes. I mean, I, I really wish we would have had the. The foresight to do a proper behind the scenes, but we did not have the manpower for that. We didn't have the budget for that. We were stretched then. But people really don't understand, like, the amount of work that goes in producing a video of that scale, whether it's, you know, I guess, yes, people in the industry do, but, you know, the. The average viewer, the average consumer, they truly don't understand what it takes. And that's why I love, like I. I don't know if you've seen it, but a lot of people who worked on centers, they're showing a lot of behind the scenes and stuff. And I'm like, yes, please show the process. It takes so much work to get movies made and even a music video, commercials, whatever it may be. But for us, just, you know, two regular people who don't have, like, super solid industry contacts, we did this project with all of our friends, you know, and it was just word of mouth, you know, somebody who can do this, you know, somebody who can do that, and everybody came together. And, you know, I, like you said, I believed in myself, but other people believed in me as well. And I was like, that was a lot of pressure, you know, because I. I didn't know what was going to happen. Who knew what. Who knew where this was going? You know, I didn't know. Nobody could have saw it, you know, but so many people agreed to work on the project for really low rates or for free. And it's. It's one of my most. My most proud moments of my career. And it's something that we did together. And it paid off ultimately, thank goodness, because it was. It was a lot of.
- [09:32]
A
When you say it paid off, what do you mean?
- [09:33]
B
I mean by the scale. I'm glad that so many people saw it. I'm glad that Beyonce saw it. You know, I got to meet her because of that, and no way you got to.
- [09:45]
A
I did not know.
- [09:46]
B
I don't. I don't talk about that, really. You know, she's. She's really private, and I respect that. But. But yeah, I. I did the Ivy Parks. I think it was their debut swim collection launch. I was in the campaign for it, and she was there at the photo shoot the whole day, so was like 15 hours with Beyonce. It was crazy. And just seeing her, you know, her work ethic, and it goes. It goes beyond, you know, her as a performer and a musical artist. Like, everything that she. Everything she touches that she's a part of that represents her brand. She is literally in it throughout the entire process. And she is honestly one of the nicest celebrities I've ever met.
- [10:38]
A
I hear that from everyone.
- [10:40]
B
She genuinely. I hear that from everyone is. She's. She's. She seems like a really good person, and I love that even more. So I was like, yes, I, you know, I did this for the right person. But. But even. But even still saying that it paid off, it was. It was a huge expense. Like, I paid for it out of pocket myself and I had, you know, I had an idea of what I was going to spend at first, and it ended up being some. Triple it, Quadruple it, Quadruple it. Like it was, it was way more.
- [11:15]
A
When you start in production, it just adds it as it keeps going quick.
- [11:21]
B
Like it could be a little thing, like even meals alone for people. You know, that's like a, a $3,000 expense just on catering, craft services.
- [11:32]
A
You. Yeah, you.
- [11:33]
B
It's a lot. It's a lot. So I, I was very, very nervous. But, you know, the year after, I think that that was one of my highest grossing years in for modeling. I, I made that money back, you know, and sometimes you just have to take a chance. And I feel like now I'm. Especially since I had my daughter, I'm much more reserved when it comes to decisions like that because she, she comes first in everything that I do. And I, I feel like I can't be making such outlandish productions anymore because I, I'm saving for her future and everything that entails. But back then I was all about just making quick decisions. Any idea that popped into my head, I would execute it. And that's something that I am trying to get back, that kind of fearlessness that I have because, you know, I am kind of more reserved nowadays. But. But yeah, that's. I love that time. It was so amazing.
- [12:44]
A
What would you say to like, a woman listening to this and she's thinking, like, I have this great idea. I really want to take a chance on myself, but I'm just scared because I don't know if it's going to pay off.
- [12:54]
B
I don't know if I'm going to. You never know. No one knows the future. And girl, trust me, I got all these astrology readings about it and stuff. And just because I wait before or after, because I was like, is this going to be worth it?
- [13:08]
A
Oh, period. Me too.
- [13:10]
B
No way.
- [13:12]
A
Okay, wait, so what type of reading did you get?
- [13:14]
B
I got astrology readings from two different people, and one said it was going to go. Neither of them predicted that it was going to be as big as it was. One said it was going to go well, like it would meet my expectations. And one said it's going to be okay, but in, you know, like, reservations about it. And then I'm like, okay, well, maybe I just didn't vibe with that because I've had astrology readings before that have been super accurate. But. But yeah, I was, I was so nervous, mainly because of the financial investment and, you know, I'm asking so much of other people as well. I was like, man, I hope this pays off for. For everybody involved. And, man, it really did. It opened doors not just for me, but for so many other people, you know, who worked on that project. Even, like all the dancers I worked with, they were super appreciative because there were no jobs happening during that time. So, you know, that was.
- [14:15]
A
Oh, my gosh. And at the time, Covid was already.
- [14:18]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [14:19]
A
And even that is another added level of.
- [14:21]
B
That was another expense because, you know, that was literally the first year of COVID I had to have a Covid on site supervisor. Everybody had to be tested before every day of shooting. That was another added expense. Like, it was so much. So much. We went into it.
- [14:38]
A
Sabriya, here are your flowers, honey. Here you go. Take your flowers.
- [14:41]
B
Okay, thank you.
- [14:42]
A
Because honestly, even. Even if you're not in the industry, I feel like everywhere that I saw, people were amazed by the work ethic. And I know in one caption or in the Beyonce one, you were saying, like, you really wanted to tap into Beyonce's work ethic, and I feel like you achieved that for yourself. And you really should just get your flowers.
- [15:03]
B
Thank you so much. I appreciate that.
- [15:05]
A
Yes, absolutely. I have one technical question. Is it. Oh, it's Sierra's. Oh, like that video where she has the mic and she does. It's almost like the smooth, criminal moment.
- [15:15]
B
Oh, Promise.
- [15:16]
A
Okay, Promise. And like the leaning sister. We need to know how you achieve that.
- [15:20]
B
Listen, so I, you know, I work with a lot of people, and I was asking a lot of folks how that was done, because, you know, during my Googles, I found an interview with Diane somebody. I can't remember the director's name of the Promise video, but they were being so tight lipped about how that was accomplished. And I'm like, like, was it right, you know, was it just. Was it a string holding her? Was it a green screen? Like, what was it? And this is how. Another instance of how things are just meant to be. I was working with a guy. I was working on this campaign, and I asked one of the grips if he. The key grip was, which is a guy who does, like, the lighting and all the equipment and stuff. I asked him if he knew how it was done, and he was like, oh, I worked on that music video. And I'm like, literally. Literally it was. And so, yeah, it was two guys dressed in a green screen suit, and they were holding me up while I was holding the mic during that lean. But it was definitely Like, a lot of coordination that had to be done to, you know, accomplish it seamlessly, but. But, yeah, just green screen. Yeah.
- [16:37]
A
Okay. So you feel that you, you would like to bring a little bit of that version of Tabria into the present in terms of taking more risk and taking more chances?
- [16:46]
B
I would. I, I don't, I do have the desire to do one more Halloween project. There's one more artist I would really want to do. But, but also I, I don't want to just recreate other people's works, you know what I'm saying? Like, I want to do more original things as well. So I've thought about that for myself, whether it be, you know, TV or, well, really just TV. But I, I'm gonna launch my YouTube channel this summer, so that's kind of gonna be the gateway to get into that arena. And I've been presented with opportunities like that before with acting, but I, I didn't feel like it was the right fit. And I feel, I, I can't tell you, like, what projects I've been offered, but I, I feel kind of, I feel like people would think I'm silly for turning them down, like, as a first opportunity, but it truly just didn't feel like a good fit. And I, I do trust my intuition, so I, I was fine to say no. And it's okay to say no. You know, I. Going back to your question about intuition and other women like, trusting themselves, it is 100% okay to say no. If you're not aligned with something, it's, it's not for you. It's totally fine. What's next will be for you. So you, you truly have to believe that. And I do. And in this day and age, you really have to make things happen for yourself. You know, I feel like everybody who's, who's up and coming, they did it all on their own. Just because we're in the age, the digital age, the age of social media, a lot of brands and production companies, they want a polished product already.
- [18:39]
A
They want you to be a whole ad age. You have creative everything.
- [18:42]
B
You have to be a multi hyphenate nowadays. And I don't like that aspect of it. I like that there's a lower barrier of entry. Everybody pretty much has a chance to do, you know, whatever they want realistically, but you really have to be able to do it all. You have to be a one man or a one woman show. And that's the part I don't like about it because, you know, you really see the best of of people. When you collaborate and you can have that, you can get other ideas from other people that could help elevate you, you know, where you may be lacking, someone else can pull up the slack for you. So I don't know, it's like a catch 22 kind of, but I just, just go for it regardless. You seriously never know where it could take you.
- [19:31]
A
Speaking of creative and being a creative, if I were to, if someone were like to say, well, can you define what a content creator is? I would be like, just go to Tabernacle's page. Because you are literally, you create, you have a way of creating high quality content and then you always put yourself in it. I always feel like I get to you a little bit more. Even if you're not saying anything, you're not revealing personal information. It's just you have a very good skill at that and you always make it look fun.
- [20:02]
B
Thank you.
- [20:02]
A
And as a content creator, I know it's not always fun. It might look fun. So I want to know what, what are the things you enjoy most about creating content? Like what lights you up?
- [20:13]
B
You know, surprisingly, I enjoy editing the most. I hate film. Yes. I hate filming. Absolutely hate filming. It is my least favorite aspect of the creation process. I like the planning stage too, but I love editing. I love seeing like how that final result really comes together. And it's, it's like, it's an area that I can really, I don't, I don't want to say like flex my skills because I'm very much a novice when it comes to editing, but I can see like the progression of me getting better and learning new techniques and things like that. But yeah, I love, absolutely love the editing process. But thank you so much for saying that. I'm really trying to lean into being more of a content creator versus an influencer. And if you're thinking about getting into that space, the one piece of advice pretty much everyone will tell you is you need to make content for the viewer. You need to make unselfish content. Content that's going to resonate with your audience.
- [21:18]
A
But what does that mean? Explain that, like, you give people a.
- [21:22]
B
Reason to watch you. Basically everything just can't be about you. You need to be. What are the pillars you have to entertain, educate, or inspire? I believe those are like the three things you have to, what? You have to knock out one of those three in order to be successful. That's what any manager, social media strategist will tell you. But for me, I have to enjoy it as well. I don't think getting into content creation is something that you should do, you know, just haphazardly or like, you know, I want to make a lot of money, so I'm going to be a content creator. It's something that you really have to enjoy because you have to find the right balance of how you said, you know, sharing your personal life. You have to share a little bit, but you have to find that balance of not over sharing. I, I personally don't want to do that. I know there are people who don't mind, but I don't want to do that. And you have to find what keeps you going, what keeps you motivated in doing it, because you will burn out so fast. So fast. Yeah, it's easy to give up because, you know, you may not be seeing much traction and you may not be getting the engagement that you like. But I'm sure people have heard this, this analogy before, but if only 20 people liked your video, just imagine you speaking in front of 20 people. Those are 20 people who engage you and don't, and don't even think about if it's 202,000, 20,000. You know what I'm saying? Like, you really have to think a lot of people would be so afraid to speak in front of that many people. So you really have to appreciate all of the engagement you get, no matter how small, because every, every view matters. You know, you can't, you can't just discount the low views and you learn from it. You, you adapt, you elevate, keep it going. Um, but yeah, it's definitely a slow burn type of career for sure. Yes.
- [23:23]
A
My nephew just posted a video the other day and he said, imagine thinking 20 people viewing your. It's funny, he used the same number. He said, imagine thinking 20 people viewing your post isn't a lot. He was like, imagine getting jumped by 20 people.
- [23:35]
B
No.
- [23:36]
A
Yeah, that's a lot.
- [23:37]
B
Literally, that's a lot of people.
- [23:38]
A
That's a lot of people, nephew. Yeah, yeah, Jay, you had a point.
- [23:41]
B
With that one, honey.
- [23:43]
A
So you, you, you touched on lightly about trying to find the balance between the public and private. You're a mother now.
- [23:49]
B
Congratulations.
- [23:52]
A
How do you decide what is for public consumption and what isn't? It's.
- [23:58]
B
I don't have a hard line, but my, my rule of thumb is I want you to come to my page expecting to see me. I don't want you to come to my page expecting to see my daughter or expecting to see my partner or my friends and family. You come to abri Majors, because you want to see Tabri Majors, you don't want to see anybody else. And so that is. That's kind of like how I navigate my socials, especially, like, getting into a relationship and starting a family. I. I don't mind showing my daughter. I. I'm not hiding her from the world, but I definitely don't show her face a lot. It's not. It's not very often, but. But yeah, that's. That's kind of my rule of thumb. And I think if you are. If you do have children, you definitely should exercise caution with how you approach social media.
- [24:55]
A
Tricky. Yeah, definitely tricky. Let's talk about body positivity for a moment, because if the world knows you as somebody who is a model for body positivity, you always give the messaging that you love and accept your body, but you are also a model, and you're in an industry that is extremely brutal and behind the scenes, I know for a fact it's not nice. It's not this accepting age. And so how do you deal with the pressures of looking a certain way by also accepting your body as it is right now?
- [25:29]
B
You know, I. I've been very fortunate in my career. I haven't had many instances where people made me feel uncomfortable on set or. I mean, obviously any critique or ridicule I receive is from, you know, anonymous people online, but I don't want to. I don't think this is surprising, but surprisingly, the times where I did feel comfortable, it was from non American clients. So, like a French client or a British client, because the, you know, body positivity wasn't as normalized in their, you know, countries as it was here. And so that some of the things that they would do on set would be like, okay, like, yeah, so for instance, I was shooting.
- [26:21]
A
Do you have an example that you feel comfortable sharing?
- [26:24]
B
I was shooting with a French client, and it was. It was ready to wear. So, like, normal clothes, not lingerie or anything like that. And I was doing my test shots, and I did a test shot. And after you do that, you know, they'll assess and see if they need to change hair and makeup or whatever. And I could see the creative director, she was, like, blowing her face up like a. Like a puffer fish. And like. Like she had her hands around her face, like, saying, I looked, you know, fat or whatever she was trying to convey, but she was going like, you know, saying, my. My face looks really full. And they, like, I was looking dead at them. They saw me looking at them, and they didn't think anything of it. And they were speaking French and who, what they were saying. But I was the only model on set. She was pointing to my picture and doing that and I was like, oh my God, this is, it was the first shot of the day. I have to work a whole day with these people, you know, so things like that are, you know, and how.
- [27:32]
A
Do you deal with that?
- [27:33]
B
I just had to suck it up at the time because there was kind of a language barrier. There was only one person who spoke like fluent English on set. And so I wasn't even, I wasn't even going to bother like going back and forth with them. But I did, I told my agent when I, when I wrapped and who knows what they did. You know, sometimes they agents are playing the game just like you are. So you know, who, who knows if anything was said. But you as a model, you have to have a thick skin whether you're plus size or not because you're going to be ridiculed, you know, all the time. And that's why you have to learn to not be so self critical as well because seeing, you know, hundreds of pictures of yourself every day is not, not really good for your psyche, to be honest. You know, it's not good for you to be analyzing those photos like that. So you really have to just kind of learn, you have to learn how to separate the work from your personal, you know, how you personally feel about yourself. But it's, it's, it's a journey. You're never going to be 100 okay with everything and you just have to learn to roll with the punches. Fortunately, now I haven't, I don't really deal with too much ridicule on my page. I feel like I've really fostered a pretty positive community when social media was really coming up, like when you started following me, 2016, that era, people were like so outlandish and just reckless. Just literally said whatever the they wanted to.
- [29:18]
A
Wow.
- [29:19]
B
Yeah, I, I feel like people have a slightly more decorum nowadays in my personal experience. But I, I mean I see how it's still so rampant even with the statue of the black woman in Times Square.
- [29:36]
A
Oh yes, there's a whole debate about that.
- [29:39]
B
It's insane to me how so what's.
- [29:42]
A
Your take on it?
- [29:43]
B
I, I can't believe that people are ridiculing this statue so much when she represents the average black woman. You know, that is, that is someone that you see walking down the street every single day and it kind of, it kind of bothers me when people say that's your auntie, that's your mama. And I'm like, no, that's, that's every girl. That's every black woman. You know, so many black women look like that. It's not just, you know, an older black woman, so many young black women look like that. And just really is so disheartening reading all those comments because you know, just when you think you've, you've made progress, how like I'm gonna mention Sinners again. I never know how to, I don't know how to pronounce her name, but Wumi, the actress that played in Wumi Mosaku. Yes. How everybody was like hyping her. I love her. Stunning. She is a phenomenal actress. Oh my gosh, I love her so. And I loved her since Clubcraft, since Lovecraft Country.
- [30:47]
A
Yes.
- [30:47]
B
Oh my gosh, same.
- [30:49]
A
Yes. And I was like, Sinners could be in the same universe anyway, 100%.
- [30:54]
B
But how everybody was like digging her up and so excited to see a dark skinned plus sized woman on screen as a love interest with Michael B. Jordan, like that was just, it was so incredible to see. And then literally two weeks later a statue is erected in New York City who has a very similar build to her and everybody is tearing her down. And it's.
- [31:19]
A
Yeah, I was a little surprised and.
- [31:21]
B
I'm like, when, when, when will we ever, you know, no peace. When will our bodies stop being so ridiculed? And I thought it was. Granted, I'm not a fan of like kind of empty gestures like that, like a statue or you know, like during, I agree. During the George Floyd protest where they wrote Black Lives Matter, I'm like, okay.
- [31:47]
A
And when they took it off, I'm like, I don't care.
- [31:49]
B
Let's enact some real policy that's going to make real change. Right. Regardless, you know, I appreciate the thought, but the fact that it's just sparked this.
- [32:00]
A
I would be more appreciative if it.
- [32:02]
B
Was reflected in policy, absolutely, 100%. But the fact that it's just sparked this insane debate, especially from black women, that's what I, that's what I've been so disappointed in. Like how are we the ones criticizing our own? You know, I, you know, I was.
- [32:20]
A
Thinking, do you feel that a part of the backlash is that black women in America feel like we don't get statues like that? So when we get a statue we want it to be this aspirational look like a goddess with abs and this. And you know what?
- [32:35]
B
I Mean that argument doesn't make any sense to me because that is who we see portrayed in media as black women. We see the best of the best portrayed. We see the light skin, we see the looser textured hair. If they are dark skinned, they are literally the most beautiful that you can ever seen. You know what I'm saying, Jody? Yes. We see those women portrayed in all facets of entertainment for black women. This was a perfect opportunity, you know, to display what the average black woman looks like so that everybody can see themselves in her. So no, I, no, I, I don't agree with that argument at all. You're like, nah, that. Got it.
- [33:20]
A
I got it. One last question on body positivity. How do you protect yourself from other people's opinions of you and perceptions of you? Because as you said, we live in a hyper visible time. Back in a hundred years ago, you would maybe see your reflection in a pond. You would see your maybe if you had an access to a mirror, but it wouldn't even be that clear. We are seeing ourselves so much more than ever. And it is not. I agree. I don't think it's always healthy. I don't think we should be analyzing ourself this much, looking in our phones, at our reflection, at our face filters and all of this. How do you keep the vision of Tabria sacred and not let it get affected by all of this outside stuff?
- [33:58]
B
You know, I think with getting older, I really think you just learn to be more comfortable with yourself and to like tune out any negativity. But for instance, I just broke my foot like a few weeks ago and I've been healing from that and I was so sorry, but thank you. If it was my fault. But, but it really got me down because I was like really into my fitness journey and I had to take several weeks off. But it made me so thankful that I am in good health and able to move. And I'm, you know, I'm out of my boot now. I'm able to get around fairly well and starting to work out again slowly. But it just made me that much more thankful for my body that I'm able to give and essentially do whatever I want every day. You know, so many people don't have that privilege, unfortunately. So. And usually when people ridicule you, it's a projection of something that they're uncomfortable with in their, in themselves. But, but yeah, I. Health is just so important to me and you can't, and being well, you can't just look at somebody and assess them from what they look like. I am genuinely one of the healthiest people I know amongst my friends. You know, I period when I was pregnant and going to all of my OB appointments, I had a home birth with midwives. But I also went, you know, went to the hospital and got checkups there as well. But I had a great team of doctors, all black women. And they, you know, they told me I would probably end up having a C section because my baby was reading. She was reading large, she was big, she was a 10 pound baby. And they, you know, and they, they delicately said it, but, you know, they made me very aware of my weight and, you know, the statistics that come with that. And I was, you know, I was getting really nervous because I'm like, man, I'm planning for this home birth. Like, how many plus size women have a successful home birth? You know, that doesn't happen. But ironically, Ashley grand did. She had a home birth as well. But, but yeah, I was, I just felt like so, so defeated already. And I was pregnant. You know, I shouldn't have been feeling like that. I should have been encouraged in my decisions. And I had a perfect labor. I don't even like, oh, my gosh, I love. I know. And that's why I say I don't like talking about it, you know, because people have such traumatic experiences. But it's good to talk about it so people can hear positive stories.
- [36:47]
A
No, Tabria. I was gonna say, as a woman who has not been through childbirth, I'm 40 and I've been trying, but it hasn't worked out. Had a few miscarriages and all the things. And I go to the doctor and for you it's weight. For me it's age. And so they'll say, oh, you know, you're old. It is so important to hear stories like yours. It is so important because when I hear your story, I'm like, right. Everything they say is wrong. You know what I'm saying? That there's still. Our bodies are amazing and adaptable. Yeah, I mean, it's, I respect doctors.
- [37:16]
B
I respect them.
- [37:17]
A
I do go through, obviously, experts, but, you know, we still have to believe in our own bodies and have our own.
- [37:22]
B
Yes. Because at the end of the day, you do know your body best, you know, and yeah, I was able to do that successfully. And I, I knew so many people who were pregnant at the same time as me, and at least half of them, and they were all on the thinner side, none of them were plus size, but at least half of them had complications with their Labors and whether it was like gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, and they were by society standards the perfect bill of health. They looked healthy and they had issues. You know, it's, you never know, you never know what someone's going through. You don't know what's going on internally with somebody. So who are you, who are you to judge? Who are you to say anything?
- [38:06]
A
This is a message for people to stop linking weight to being unhealthy and meaning that just because you're skinny, you're healthy, doesn't work like that. Okay, I want to actually talk about something really quickly that, you know, models are typically seen and not heard.
- [38:21]
B
Yes.
- [38:22]
A
The thing about you is you're seen and you're heard. You are very vocal politically. You've been consistently speaking out on issues like immigration, the LA fires, the election, healthcare. And I, first of all, thank you. I love that for you because I know it's in the industry, it can be tricky. So how do you navigate that line between like, dang, if I speak up for Palestine, am I gonna lose jobs or is this gonna be bad? How do you toe that line?
- [38:51]
B
Well, first of all, I think if a brand or, you know, a company doesn't work with you because you are vocal and are passionate about a good cause, you don't need to be working with them anyway, you know, and I know a lot of people feel, feel one way or another about this. I do feel a responsibility to speak up about important issues with my platform. I think you do have a big platform. People don't expect you to be an expert, but you know the difference between right and wrong, you know, and it's, it's very, especially with the things that are going on now, it is very clearly one thing is right and one thing is wrong. And this administration is what's wrong with this country right now.
- [39:42]
A
So cosine, cosine, cosine.
- [39:46]
B
It's a no brainer for me. And it is kind of, it does feel kind of like isolating that not a lot of creators do this unless they're, unless that's like what they do advocacy work. But that's, that's not all I want to do. I love making the cute outfit videos and blogs and stuff like that. But I do, I do like to showcase that you can do that stuff and you can have a voice and speak up for those who don't have a voice. And I think it's important to use your platform. If you have one, use it. I think a certain social responsibility Comes with that. And like I said, nobody's expecting you to be an expert, but at least you can link an article or something to where you can read further. It's very easy to mitigate that. Or you can get creative. I remember when, when October 7th happened, Jackie Aina, she posted like a recipe making the watermelon mint dish over a Palestinian sound or audio. And I was like, that's a good way. You know, you may not feel comfortable. Yeah, I love Jackie. She gets so much unnecessary hate. I'm like, y' all are tripping. She's amazing. But I was like, that's a good way. She may not be comfortable, like, vocalizing it, but she showed her support. Use her platform, you know, and yeah, if you do that, it makes all the difference, you know, So I think it's important. I feel like everybody should. Should show their support for good causes, period. Yeah.
- [41:23]
A
Last thing before we let you go, I want to talk about motherhood.
- [41:27]
B
Okay. Yes.
- [41:28]
A
Because is your baby.
- [41:29]
B
She'll be 2 in August, so she's closed. Mm. Yeah.
- [41:35]
A
How has becoming a mother changed you?
- [41:37]
B
Oh, my gosh. Well, I've definitely become more emotional, for sure. My goodness. I was kind of. I wasn't too emotional before. Like, rarely did I cry, you know, but. Oh, my God, I feel like I'm crying every day for something. It's crazy. I have. And like, I'm saying all these things as if they're negative, but it's true. I have mental health issues now, like dealing with anxiety, which I don't think is ever going to go away, but you're always going to be worried about your kid. But it's also just softened me as an individual. And I don't. I'm not as rigid as I used to be. I. I was someone who was very hyper dependent. And now that I have a partner, this is my first time, like, living with a man, you know, in a romantic sense. So it was. I learned a lot really fast. Like, everything happened really fast with us, but it's been going so well. And, you know, I know there's like this. I hate to call this a trend, but this trend of being. Not being child free, but vocalizing why you're child free. And I do think that is very important to show all aspects of motherhood. And again, sometimes I feel guilty about talking about the situation because it's. I. I have the perfect setup right now. You know, we have my. My boyfriend and I. He is an incredible dad. He's so hands on. I don't have to like, brief him on what needs to be done. He just does it. His family is so hands on. Like, we. We have a village, you know, we don't have to pay for daycare. We have help. And I know that that is a privilege that, you know, most people do not have, but we. We have our.
- [43:30]
A
His family lives locally. You guys are in la, right?
- [43:32]
B
So.
- [43:33]
A
And so his family lives in la.
- [43:34]
B
Yeah, they help us out. Like, we get two days off every week of just us. Yes, we. And we can prioritize our relationship and have our time and then, you know, still have time with our daughter. With our daughter. But like I said, I understand we're in a very privileged position. We both freelance. We don't always work five days a week, so we do have the luxury of that time. But, you know, I do like being a voice to show, like, you know, it can be a positive experience, you know, if you. If you have everything set up in the right way.
- [44:10]
A
But you're the main person I need to hear from because I work exclusively with women. Tabria. When I say top to bottom, like, I employ women. We. Yeah, I work. My retreats are women. And I hear so much of how hard it is. I know that sometimes I'm like, well, maybe I'm kind of sit this one.
- [44:29]
B
Out a cakewalk, you know, but it's.
- [44:34]
A
But support is huge. Support is the major, you know.
- [44:37]
B
Yeah.
- [44:37]
A
Having the right partner, having that village.
- [44:40]
B
You know, it makes all the difference in the world. And parenthood, motherhood.
- [44:44]
A
You know what I want to say.
- [44:46]
B
Oh, no, go ahead. I was. Sorry, I was going to say. And that's why motherhood has been such an enjoyable experience for me. So that's all I was gonna say. But yeah.
- [44:55]
A
Oof. This is gonna bless people. I feel like you just have such a. Is an energy coming through your words that's really needed right now. One thing that's come up for me as I'm just. I'm a very spiritual, intuitive person as I'm talking to you over and over again, is that I almost feel like you're guided by your future self without even knowing it.
- [45:13]
B
Oh, my God.
- [45:14]
A
Like that happened with the Halloween series. Like, there was a future version of you who knew that this was a part of your journey, even if you didn't know how. And with motherhood, there was a future version of you that knew. And it's almost like you're tapping into that quantum ideology where you're here, but then there's like a future version of you.
- [45:31]
B
I believe that you know, time is. Isn't real. I believe that there are multiple realities happening at once, so that could very well be what's happening. Or that could be what my intuition is. It's just my future self. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
- [45:46]
A
What is one way you'd want. What is one thing you'd want your child to see in herself as she grows?
- [45:53]
B
Honestly, I. I want her. I want her to be compassionate and kind and not to, like, toot my own horn, but I. I really value that about myself, and I think that it's something that we just lack so much nowadays in society. I. You know, I am a mom now, so I am a bit more busy, but I make time for my friends every month. I don't ever want my friends to say, like, oh, we never see Tabria anymore because she's a mom. No, we have monthly hangouts that we do. I value those relationships, and I cherish those relationships, and I want my daughter to. And I don't want her to just, you know, model it after me, but after everybody. I want her to just be kind and be empathetic and compassionate towards everyone. And I know she will be, you know, being raised by. By me and. And Trey and his family that help us. My family, they live in Atlanta, so they're not here all the time, unfortunately.
- [47:01]
A
Oh, they're here with me.
- [47:02]
B
I love that. I go there, like, four times a.
- [47:05]
A
Year, so I'll tell them you said, hey. Oh, my gosh. By the way, speaking of family, when. When you. When the whole Halloween thing was going on, I think it was the Beyonce one, and I was posting it. You're. I think it's your uncle. I think if I remember. I can't. I wish I could remember the name. I tried to find the DMs, but.
- [47:23]
B
It was so long ago.
- [47:24]
A
He loves you. He was like. He was riding for you. He was making sure nobody wasn't saying nothing crazy about you. He was in my DMs, like, yeah, that's my niece. And, yeah, he was telling me, yes, she did that on her own. We're so proud of her.
- [47:34]
B
Da, da, da, da. I need you to find that.
- [47:37]
A
I'm gonna find it. I'll DM it to you. I'll DM it to you. Because he was riding for you. And I said, you better ride for yourself.
- [47:42]
B
That's hilarious. I hope I know who it is, child.
- [47:46]
A
What if it's not even. You're like, I don't even know that man.
- [47:48]
B
Sheila. Sorry. To this man.
- [47:51]
A
Something he said made me feel like he did.
- [47:53]
B
Really?
- [47:54]
A
I care. I'm just gonna find it and I'm gonna send it to you.
- [47:56]
B
Oh, that's hilarious.
- [47:57]
A
So last thing, you have a podcast, Milk Dress.
- [48:00]
B
Yes, yes. With Bobby.
- [48:03]
A
Tell us about your podcast A little bit.
- [48:04]
B
Yeah. So we talk about all things motherhood, parenthood, and I think it's just. It's great to have honest conversations about everything about modern day parenting. And we speak to a lot of experts in the field. So I've learned so much by talking, by being the host of this podcast, because we've spoken with sleep experts.
- [48:28]
A
Don't you. You learn so much.
- [48:29]
B
Pediatricians, pelvic floor therapists. And it's. And obviously, you know, other. Just other working moms, too. And it's just. It's so great hearing different perspectives and different walks of life and how they're, you know, going through the parenting stage. And the one thing that we all have in common, that I think all moms have in common, you just figure it out as you go, you know, there's no one way to be a mom. There's no one way to be a dad. And. And we're just all trying to figure it out. What may work for me may not work for you. And I think at the end of the day, that's what people need to understand. Just respect people's. People's boundaries, you know, respect what they do as a family, as long as they're not harming their children, whatever, you know, let them. Let them be. The formula from day one, if you just want to nurse exclusively, do that, whatever it is. But yeah, parenting, it's. It's a lot of ups and downs. It's a roller coaster for sure. But the one thing that I really like about this too, is that most of the experiences that I've heard have been very positive. And like you said, I think we need to hear more positive parenting experiences. It can be bad, and I know probably for the majority of people it is, but it can be such an amazing, fun, loving experience too. So. Yeah.
- [50:05]
A
Aw, I love that. So, Tabria, at the end of each episode, we have an unruly toolkit. And this is just an imaginary toolbox. And every guest puts a little tool in there. And so if you were gonna put a tool for our women in there, maybe for about loving their bodies more, just stepping into their own power to be seen. What tools? Some people leave an affirmation, some people leave a practice. Whatever.
- [50:29]
B
Whatever you want to see, but I don't want to. I feel like this is just so basic. But for me, it's not. But I am in therapy for the first time ever, and I'm unpacking so much that I didn't realize that I have issues with. So whatever it may be, whether it's therapy, if it's medication, you know, if it's group therapy, that has been, you know, especially if therapy can be expensive, group therapy may be a more affordable option for people. And I know, like, that sounds scary, like exposing all these details to strangers, but, like, when you. When, you know people are just experiencing the same thing with you, you feel so, so much less alone. You know, you feel very supported. So any one of those things, I. You know, I've done them and they have helped me tremendously. So, yeah.
- [51:34]
A
Thank you. Thank you so much. Tabria.
- [51:37]
B
Thank you.
- [51:38]
A
I enjoyed speaking with you. You have such a beautiful, sweet spirit and such a light, and I hope that life reflects all of that back to you ten times over. Tabria, she didn't. I mean that.
- [51:50]
B
Thank you.
- [51:50]
A
Tabria didn't just talk about being seen, you know, she showed us how to reclaim our lens. Tabria reminded us that being seen as a symbol might come with an applause, but it doesn't always come with an understanding. And that's our job. Our job is to create our own understanding. Tabria, thank you for sharing your truth, your clarity, and your refusal to shrink.
- [52:11]
B
Thank you so much. I had a blast talking to you.
- [52:16]
A
Absolutely. Thank you, everyone, for listening. If you've ever felt reduced, remember you are not alone, okay? We in this together, stay unruly. Stay in your body, sister, and I will see you next time. Tabria, thank you so much for joining us.
- [52:31]
B
Thank you.
- [52:35]
A
If you have something on your mind, a question or something you want me to answer, just send in a voicemail note@speakpipe.com Unruly I can't wait to hear from you. Thank you so much for listening. Be sure to follow or subscribe so you never, ever, ever, ever miss an episode of Unruly Audio up.