← UNRULY WITH SHELAH MARIE
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- [00:01]
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- [02:47]
Sheila Marie
Welcome to Unruly. I'm your host, Sheila Marie. I'm an author, a fierce advocate for black women, and the founder of the curvy curly conscious movement. In this space, I'm sharing what I've learned on my own journey while sitting down with some amazing women who are all navigating their own paths to healing. Because there's no better time than now to get a little unruly. Hi, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of Unruly with your girl, Sheila Marie. Today I have one of my favorite Internet people. She's a real person. She doesn't live on the Internet only, but I feel like I know her mostly through the Internet. So you know that feeling where it seems like everybody else has it figured out. And with social media now more than ever, there's this huge temptation to measure your sense of success to other people. Yeah. Clock it. Today's guest, Mailek, she reminds us that someone else's clarity is not your compass. And we're gonna get. Talk more on that later. Mailek Teal is someone who people turn to for clarity. We look to her for advice, for direction. As the founder of Curl Box, she's a woman who's built a career on wisdom, transparency, and radical self trust. Mailek helped a generation of women dream bigger, work smarter, and live more intentionally. Not just by being perfect, but by being clear. Maileik is the voice behind her podcast. It's amazing. If you haven't listened, what are you doing? It's become a rite of passage for the ambitious woman. It's a guide for those navigating the messy in the middle. And in this conversation, we're going to talk about what it means to keep going when the vision is unclear and the path is uncertain. This is when the path isn't clear. You keep going anyway. Welcome to the stage myleague.
- [04:36]
Mailek Teal
That's so sweet. Thank you. I know, it's. I feel the same way about knowing people from the Internet, you know, and I will see people out. And I'm like, have we met? Because, like, have. Is this our. Is this our first time seeing each other in prison? Because we have known each other for years, actually.
- [04:52]
Sheila Marie
Yes, that's how it feels. We have these. I mean, I. I feel like especially for us, like millennials, we grew up on the Internet, and we have a lot of parasocial relationships, and. And I. Sometimes people like to poo poo them, but you can really build real connections as you have.
- [05:06]
Mailek Teal
I think.
- [05:06]
Sheila Marie
You do.
- [05:07]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah.
- [05:07]
Mailek Teal
It's like, I was at the wedding, kind of.
- [05:10]
Sheila Marie
Right, Exactly.
- [05:11]
Mailek Teal
I'm like, I was at the proposal. Was it the wedding?
- [05:13]
Sheila Marie
We're there.
- [05:14]
Mailek Teal
How are we doing? How are you?
- [05:16]
Sheila Marie
Good. Okay, so I have some icebreaker questions. These are kind of like rapid fire. Okay, let's do it. So do you stand as soon as the plane lands, and if so, explain yourself?
- [05:25]
Mailek Teal
Yeah, I don't.
- [05:27]
Sheila Marie
Right answer.
- [05:27]
Mailek Teal
I don't. Yeah, I don't. Because I just am like, there's. They got to open the door, y'. All. Like, we. It's gonna be a minute. And when I see people doing that, I'm like, all right. You know, I just, I assume these people don't travel often, and if I'm just, like, being generous of what I'm thinking, it's like, maybe they need to stretch their legs. Maybe they're in a rush.
- [05:46]
Sheila Marie
That's it. That's always when people respond to me, when I say that, they're always like, well, I gotta stretch my legs. I gotta.
- [05:51]
Mailek Teal
I'm like, yeah, but I said, I.
- [05:53]
Sheila Marie
Don'T have a problem with those people. I have a problem with the people who are getting their bag and standing in the middle of the aisle, and now their butt's in my face, and I can't get my bag, you know?
- [06:01]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah.
- [06:01]
Mailek Teal
And to just go home, like, these people. There are people who have connecting flies. Like, I, I, I can be open to that. Like, if you're just going home, like, chill out.
- [06:08]
Sheila Marie
Right answer.
- [06:09]
Mailek Teal
Okay, yes.
- [06:10]
Sheila Marie
Are your days mostly wavy or straight?
- [06:15]
Mailek Teal
That's a hard one. That's a hard one. Because I would probably say a little bit of both. You know, I do have a sort of, like, straight personality, meaning I do really well with, like, a. A beat, you know, like a rhythm. Like, I do this, I do this, I do that. But what those things are, are wavy.
- [06:35]
Sheila Marie
Okay. I like that. So it's like flexibility within structure.
- [06:39]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah. Yeah.
- [06:40]
Mailek Teal
You know, I work within a certain amount of time. There are some things that I always do, you know, but what I do with the time is different.
- [06:48]
Sheila Marie
You appear, like, on the outside as somebody who really has it together and has. Is able to just, like, work in systems. I feel like I don't know that about you, but if I had to guess, I would say, oh, my Leak is like a systems.
- [07:01]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah.
- [07:02]
Mailek Teal
I would say yes and no. Right. Like, there is this thing of, like, it seems like I have it together. And I will say I do have a lot of my period. Like, you know, there are a lot of things that I think that I'm, you know, I'm disciplined. I'm.
- [07:16]
Sheila Marie
It's really good.
- [07:17]
Mailek Teal
I was just ranting about. Sorry. To just take you down a path. Like my son, he is so. He is seven. And it's like I get these reports about him. He's seven already. He's almost done with first grade. And I get these reports about him. I found something in my office and it's just like, just about how great he is. And I just. And I think he's just like naturally set that way. And I found myself trying to give him a talk yesterday. Like, you know, it's okay to just fall apart sometimes. Right? Like, so cute. You know, it's okay to just like not bring all your A game every day, you know, and so let's see. And so I just try to give myself to be human.
- [07:57]
Sheila Marie
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, we're all trying to figure this craziness out.
- [08:02]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah.
- [08:02]
Sheila Marie
What?
- [08:02]
Mailek Teal
I feel safer in that.
- [08:04]
Sheila Marie
Okay, that makes sense to me. I definitely get that. What is there a non negotiable in your daily rhythm right now?
- [08:11]
Mailek Teal
Non negotiable. I don't do things before 10 o'. Clock.
- [08:15]
Sheila Marie
You're the second person who's told me that.
- [08:17]
Mailek Teal
She's like, I don't do. Yeah, I don't do things for other people before 10 o'. Clock. Like, I'll do things for myself, but I don't do things for other people before 10. And I would say mostly five days a week. I stop for lunch at noon every day. Every blue moon. I'll like take a call or I'll do something that I want to do, but I stop every day for an hour for lunch.
- [08:37]
Sheila Marie
Do you work five days a week?
- [08:40]
Mailek Teal
Yeah, yeah, I do. Yeah.
- [08:41]
Sheila Marie
Okay. So you keep a pretty schedule like that again, it's going back to like flexibility within the structure.
- [08:47]
Mailek Teal
Exactly. Like, I'm very kind of nerdy in that way of like. Yeah, I do work Monday through Friday. You know, there are some days where I may not have anything to do, but I like working.
- [08:57]
Sheila Marie
I was gonna say also when the kids in school, I kind of feel like lends itself more to that. That because you like working when they're not there and then when they get home, you kind of want to play. And you know what?
- [09:09]
Mailek Teal
I'm saying, yeah, yeah. So I like my work. I love my work. I kind of like working.
- [09:14]
Sheila Marie
And I love that you love your work. Absolutely.
- [09:16]
Mailek Teal
Yeah.
- [09:16]
Sheila Marie
When do you feel most clear?
- [09:20]
Mailek Teal
Such a good question. When do I feel most clear? Probably, I think I feel most clear after I have, like, met a challenge that seems hard. And I still am, like, steady in myself. And so I think every time I get to test who I am or who I say I am, I think that's when I feel, like, clear. Like I can have an experience where it does not feel good, you know, Or I don't love it, or I don't love the way a person is acting. And it's just like. Like, every time I am who I say I am, I'm like, dang, yes, you're still. You're still. Still you.
- [10:06]
Sheila Marie
Do you feel the clarity in the process, or is it only after you've overcome, like you're on the other side of the problem?
- [10:13]
Mailek Teal
I think in the process, because I think a part of being clear is giving yourself room to kind of, like, have that. That notepad of just like, okay, you know, writing things out, not having it all right, but just, like, matching it up against what you wan. What you. What you want to say, you know, and then just kind of being like, yeah, no, you know, and so I've gone through that of, like, at the end when I closed my business, there were some opportunities to sell it, but it was just like, if this is all gonna come back to me having a job, then, well. And I.
- [10:47]
Sheila Marie
That.
- [10:48]
Mailek Teal
That's not what I wanna do, you know? And it's like, money's nice, but, like, it not an exchange for my time right now. So you kind of just gotta let it go. And so I think it's like, yes, I am still clear if I can. If I can not cling to things, fight for things, beg for things. Like, I'm clear.
- [11:07]
Sheila Marie
I. I just listened to your last episode, and you were saying in there, you never. You're never happy with anything you had to beg for.
- [11:16]
Mailek Teal
If it's never.
- [11:17]
Sheila Marie
If it's a job, if it's a relationship, you always. Like, when you get it, it just. It doesn't work in your life. It doesn't feel good, right?
- [11:26]
Mailek Teal
No. No. And so if you feel yourself doing that, like, if that, like, noticing, like, clarity now, I'm doing it, you know, because there are some things that we really want, you know? But why do you really want it? It's just like, do it. Do I want to win? Do I want People to know I won. It's like, it all comes back to, like, I just sleep with myself every night, and I really do want to go to bed.
- [11:52]
Sheila Marie
Amen. I know that's right. So you're definitely someone that we look to. I don't know if you know that, but a lot of us. I think you do. A lot of us do look to you for clarity. You always seem to have the right words to say. You always seem to be able to be grounded, even when things feel shaky. Like, even right now, where there's so many transitions. I know so many entrepreneurs, business owners are in a big pivot phase right now. So was there a time, though, when you didn't have the clarity and you still showed up and decided to lead anyway?
- [12:24]
Mailek Teal
Yeah, you know, I'm sure. You know, I think that there are just some parts of me that I think the gift of, like, have. My parents were very young. You know, my parents were very young, and so I was kind of like, I don't know if they know what they're talking about, really. I kind of was like, I don't. They don't. And my mom used to always say, like, you. You would always, like, look at other people and be like. She said you would just, like, look at other people, see their car, see how they were living, and be like, what do you think they do? Or, you know, I would ask questions about, like, what kind of person do you think that is? And I think I kind of. Since I was really young, like, okay. And then I started to sort of pick apart. I did a lot of reading. I love, like, biographies, and just, like, there are all these little, like, common denominators and little things that people who kind of, like, move along do. And I think I kind of just picked that up along the way, tested some things out. You know, I've had some. I mean, I've had. I'm a villain in some stories, you know, and say more about that. Yeah, no one's gonna be happy with you all the time, you know, and some people are not going to like you. And I think that's just something you have to accept about being a human being. Right.
- [13:43]
Sheila Marie
Did you always have that ability to separate that, or is it something you had to learn?
- [13:49]
Mailek Teal
I think I learned it. You know, I think I learned it. I think that is the gift that I think both of my parents gave me is they both kind of had these nonchalant attitudes of just like, whatever. Like, yeah. So it's like, the gift of me being like, I don't know what they. I don't know about them, but also, like, they also had this way of just kind of like my mom. I remember being like, these people don't like me. I was like, third, fourth grade. And it's just like, I don't care who likes you. I like you. And that's enough. It's like, dang. But also she. Right. You know, she's just like, I don't care. Because I had this thing and I noticed it about myself now. It's like I was. I did well. You know, I was like, I started a new school and I did really good in the class. And the teacher waits till the end of the month to make this grand announcement about the student of the month, who, you know, he's. She does this. And I'm like, and it's me. And I was like, my mind's kind of blown. And then everyone hated me for the rest of the school year. And I just. That really bothered me. But I think it's just. You start to learn early that being who you are will. I think, what are the kids that trigger people or just impact them or bring up things for them? And it's just always kind of your job to kind of just know what's about them and what's about you and what's about them.
- [15:09]
Sheila Marie
That's it right there. You just gotta know what's about you and what's about them. Cause a lot of it is them.
- [15:13]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah.
- [15:14]
Mailek Teal
Like, I didn't know he was gonna do that. I didn't know there was some award. I just didn't know. I was just trying to be good.
- [15:19]
Sheila Marie
Exactly. There's a quote, and I want to say, Dr. Maya Angelou, but I can't confirm. But people will see greatness in you. They will see terrible things in you. And most of it will have nothing to do with you completely. Yeah.
- [15:32]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah. Yeah.
- [15:34]
Mailek Teal
Even making sure the good stuff, like, all the good stuff.
- [15:36]
Sheila Marie
Myleik, you ain't never lied. I have to remind myself all the time, do not take that in either way. Because then when it changes, because inevitably it will, there's going to be this big ego death and things going on versus just noticing that that's what, you know, people are feeling.
- [15:51]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah.
- [15:52]
Sheila Marie
Did you ever have any, like, fog? Did the fog ever set in where you couldn't access clarity, maybe post curl box or postpartum pandemic?
- [16:02]
Mailek Teal
Yeah, all that. All of those. You know, it's like I went into parenting or motherhood with a. With a idea of the type of Parent I was going to be. I was going to be very career focused because like I said, I do, I do enjoy work. I am a person who likes to work. I love that, strangely, you know, I do on things that I want to work. I love solving problems. I love, like, I, I do, I love working. And so I thought, like, you know, I'm not going to turn off my work for motherhood. And then, you know, you become a mother and then there's just all these. It was a tug of war, an identity, death. Who I thought I was, really how I want to show, how I wanted to show up for my kids. And just having a kid who I said, I did a panel recently and I was like, the kids I thought I was going to have are not the kids I have.
- [16:52]
Sheila Marie
No way. Really?
- [16:55]
Mailek Teal
Oh, God, yeah. This is the kids that I thought I might leak, you know.
- [17:00]
Sheila Marie
What kids did you think you have versus what kids did you have?
- [17:04]
Mailek Teal
I thought I would have like, you know, these little smart, you know, quiet. I was a, I was a chill kid, you know, like my godparents, they used to say we loved. They were like, we used to love taking you places because you were just such a little lady and you just like sat there and crossed your arms and, you know, I was like that. I was like, I was like a chill and mature, mature kid. And I thought, like, certainly those are. I'm gonna just have more me's, right? Right.
- [17:31]
Sheila Marie
Naturally.
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Mailek Teal
No, my, my. My first kid came and he was just like, you know, what is that? It's the new what the hell? Like, that's how I felt. That's how I felt every day of parenting him.
- [17:46]
Sheila Marie
Really.
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Mailek Teal
Like, this is. Who is he? Who is he? You know, And I think I had to take a step back from, wow, serving myself to really get to know, like, to, number one, get to know him, number two, learn how to parent someone like that. Because we just, most of us don't have the tools, you know, like, this is a kid who, for what I knew at the time, even someone who had done a ton of therapy is just like, kids who behave like this are bad, you know, And I was just like, this is like, there's no way to say that.
- [18:17]
Sheila Marie
And there's so much stigma on having polite, like, well behaved children, especially in the black community. So, yeah, we don't, you know, know, oh, oh, he bad. You know, and it's like Cat Williams said in his special, he's eating Skittles. He's supposed to eat Skittles. That's what Kids do like, you know.
- [18:32]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah, yeah.
- [18:34]
Mailek Teal
But my. I feel like my son was like, whatever it is, on steroids, you know, like, he. He hit, he kicked. He. You know, he screamed. And he was so smart. So a lot of the things he said so young. Like, his dad would say, you know. You know, they walk out the door, he'd be like, you know, say goodbye to your mom. You have best mom in the world. And he would be like, she's not.
- [19:00]
Sheila Marie
Wha. Cause would his argument be like, there's. How can I know? I haven't met all the moms.
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Mailek Teal
How can I know? I haven't met all the time.
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Sheila Marie
He said that she's right.
- [19:06]
Mailek Teal
I mean, he said she's just. Okay, first of all, I'm sorry.
- [19:11]
Sheila Marie
I affirm him, but I also feel like that's probably very hard to hear as a mom.
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Mailek Teal
And it was just that all the time she.
- [19:18]
Sheila Marie
Tissue, Malik. They really do. They do.
- [19:21]
Mailek Teal
It was that all the time of just like. So I took a lot of time to try to figure out how to nurture him. And so I spent a lot of time, you know, a lot of time working. I talk about Dr. Becky all the time. Good inside. A lot of FaceTime, a lot of texting, a lot of help me out. And then I think it made me a better parent for my daughter. And so she is like, I think in my mind, like, I have a daughter. I want her to. She's, you know, kind of, like, low maintenance. I was just thinking, you know, she's. Girl, please. She is like, I need three bracelets, three necklaces, dresses, do my hair like she is. I'm beautiful. Take my picture. Take a picture of my dolls. And so you, my children, are not like me.
- [20:15]
Sheila Marie
You're, like, in a certain way, you're a CEO all over again with these. All over again managing people and personalities and figuring it out.
- [20:24]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah.
- [20:25]
Mailek Teal
And my daughter's not ambitious just at, like, she is like. Like, me and my son, we were just like, we're s. She. We. Last summer, I said, okay, we're doing a 100 book reading challenge. The next day, she just comes up to me. She goes, mommy, I'm sorry. And I go like. I'm like, about what? She goes, I know Reed.
- [20:43]
Sheila Marie
I know Reed is crazy.
- [20:46]
Mailek Teal
Like, she said, you know, it like, y', all. Like, that's y' all thing. Y' all do that. That's y' all thing. I don't. I don't do that. And she's. She always. I joke. She talks with her shoulder. So Everything's kind of like, this is so cute. I'm too good for this. Like, ambition is not. Like, I did not come here for that. And we so need her.
- [21:07]
Sheila Marie
Okay, so this relates to the idea of clarity, because you had a vision, a clear vision of what you thought was gonna happen, and now you're living a reality that's different. So what do you do in that gap?
- [21:19]
Mailek Teal
Yeah, I think. I think. I think that's the whole point of clarity, is that it's always working right? Like, it's always, like, scribbling notes and scratching out. I used to think that. I don't think that anymore. That was true for me. This is no longer true for me. And just, like, what are my hard lines? I have so few hard lines. And just, like, I don't know. Like, now I have these two different kids who, you know, who inspire different parts of me. And just, like, my job, like you said, the CEO, like, my job is just, like, to support them and advocate for them. And that's kind of just what I've been doing, you know? So my kids have gone to different schools, and I have, like, moved a kid who I just was like. Like, my younger. My younger one who's just not into all that. Like, she needs a little bit more Runway to do her. She's more physical. She's more. You know, like, she uses her body like she could use a hoverboard. Like, this girl. She could use her body.
- [22:16]
Sheila Marie
She's.
- [22:17]
Mailek Teal
And I think to be so in tune with your body so young, like, she knows it.
- [22:24]
Sheila Marie
Don't they come with lessons and things that they teach you all the time?
- [22:27]
Mailek Teal
Yeah.
- [22:28]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah.
- [22:29]
Mailek Teal
So just go ahead.
- [22:30]
Sheila Marie
I'm sorry.
- [22:30]
Mailek Teal
No, I just don't want them to override their settings. Like, y' all know the settings. I'm just here to support the settings. Override the settings.
- [22:37]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah.
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Sheila Marie
Malik, that's. I just want to honor you for that as a mother, because I'm a bonus mom, but I just can't imagine that's so difficult. Cause you're constantly having to make peace. You constantly have to work towards acceptance, and then you're really trying to nurture them and find the best version of them. And I do think they come with lessons and change you. My bonus daughter, she just graduated eighth grade yesterday, actually.
- [23:00]
Unnamed Guest
Wow.
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Mailek Teal
Did she?
- [23:01]
Sheila Marie
Yeah. She's growing up.
- [23:02]
Mailek Teal
What?
- [23:02]
Sheila Marie
And I notice how much I have to be mindful of how I speak about myself and women's bodies. Like, if we're watching a show or anything, I'm always like, wow, she's so beautiful. That's so beautiful, you know? Or me, I'm like, oh, I love the way I look. And, you know, Whereas, like, before, if she wasn't here, I might be like, I feel chubby right now. Or say something negative about myself. And I don't say that. I'm like, if I say that in front of her, she's listening.
- [23:27]
Mailek Teal
She's listening. She. You are creating self talk. Right? It's like where these voices that we hear, where they come from, that will.
- [23:33]
Sheila Marie
Be her inner voice later. And I do.
- [23:35]
Mailek Teal
And we think we're doing something because we're like, well, I didn't say it to her, but you're saying it around her. You're saying it, you know, and that is having a daughter, trust me. Locked in, you know? Locked in because I want for her. Like, I grew up with adults commenting about bodies, you know?
- [23:55]
Sheila Marie
Yeah, me too.
- [23:56]
Mailek Teal
I grew up in hair. And is it good? Is it not good?
- [23:59]
Sheila Marie
That's a greeting when they see you. Hey, girl. Ooh, you gave way.
- [24:03]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah.
- [24:04]
Mailek Teal
And so I try to be a firm. I don't want to be too neutral. Right. I don't want to be too neutral. Like, yeah. You know, because she's like, am I so cute? Because people around her are saying these things, you know? And so she's noticing and she's just trying to make space for her, to find her way, you know? Cause now she's in a. Like, can I be her? Or like, she's always looking for herself in a book or on a show. Like, she's always like, which one's me? You know? And I'm like, okay, I feel like.
- [24:32]
Sheila Marie
Your kids are going to be amazing. Just go on to produce or not even produce. Be amazing in this world.
- [24:38]
Mailek Teal
I hope so.
- [24:39]
Sheila Marie
Yes. And so it is. Yes.
- [24:41]
Unnamed Guest
Yes.
- [24:42]
Sheila Marie
So while we're on the topic of motherhood, I do want to talk about this. I was talking about this on Threads a while back, just about the inescapability of grief at large, but especially when it comes to my own fertility journey. And you commented, and basically in so many words, said, there's grief either way.
- [24:58]
Mailek Teal
Yeah, that there's grief.
- [24:59]
Sheila Marie
You know, I was one of those women also, too, that had grief because I wanted children, and now I have children. And there's grief here, too. Do you wanna share a little bit about that?
- [25:09]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah.
- [25:10]
Mailek Teal
I think the only reason why I felt qualified to speak to some of that is because I attempted to freeze my eggs at around 35, and I took all the medicine, spent all the money and got to the end, and it was just like, yeah, not you. Like, your egg count is too low. You've already entered.
- [25:31]
Sheila Marie
That's what they said to me.
- [25:32]
Mailek Teal
You're premenopausal. It's this, it's that. And I didn't even have anybody I wanted to have kids with at the time, but I was just like, really dang. No. But the grief I felt from, like, being told no, it hurts. Meaning, like, just being a person, that's like everything I go after, I get. What you talking about? You know what I mean? Like, I. I do this. Like. Like, no's don't apply to me. And it's just like, oh, snap. You can. Your body's. Your body, and science is science, and it is what it is. Like, so just this idea that I could think I had done everything right, you know, focus on this thing first and try to do this insane. Like, it was just. It was a. It was a gut punch.
- [26:13]
Sheila Marie
Same.
- [26:13]
Mailek Teal
It was a gut punch. And then my therapist. I was talking to my therapist, she's like, get a second opinion. I'll get a second opinion. She was like, so it's like a further karate chop to the throat right where it's like the second opinion also said, yeah, your. Your. Your egg count is very low. She. But the thing that she said is that she was just like. But I think my. I think it was like, I had like a 2% chance of. Of having children.
- [26:42]
Sheila Marie
She was like, similar to mine.
- [26:44]
Mailek Teal
Yeah, she was like, 2% is not zero. And I was just like, whatevs, you know, and so kind of went through that little part. And then I met someone, and there was so then. And he even said to me, so.
- [26:58]
Sheila Marie
You were already having all of these conversations before you met him?
- [27:02]
Mailek Teal
I did, yeah. So when I meet him, which is like, I think this is. This is a must have conversation. So when I meet him, I'm like, I have a 2% chance of having children, like, in the next couple years. So this is a conversation that I have to bring into our dating today. Even though. And he told me. He was like, you know, I do have to admit it is a little uncomfortable to have just met you and to be talking about children.
- [27:30]
Sheila Marie
You know, you're like, well, here we are.
- [27:33]
Mailek Teal
Yeah, it's like, your biology is not. You don't have to worry about biology, but I do. And so that's what we're gonna do. And so he and I went through that. Initially, he didn't want children, you know, so that was Another kind of like. So I felt like there's a lot of different waves of grief that I felt like I had gone through. And then it was like. Then he was just like, okay, I wanna talk to you. I think I do wanna have kids. And so I was like, oh, Lord. And then it's that thing of, like, getting called to the carpet where you think you want something and then somebody brings it up. It's like, oh, shoot.
- [28:05]
Sheila Marie
Like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
- [28:06]
Mailek Teal
Hold on.
- [28:07]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah.
- [28:08]
Mailek Teal
So, you know, and then I. I had both of my children naturally. I got pregnant with my daughter on the first try, which that was another kind of grief because I was just like, what the hell? Like, this doesn't. This wasn't supposed to happen like this. Right. This was supposed to be. I was supposed to try a bunch of times. I was supposed to be disappointed. I was, like, prepping myself.
- [28:26]
Sheila Marie
Wait, I'm sorry to clarify. Forgive me if this is an appropriate question, but you got pregnant with your daughter without doing any ivf, Nothing?
- [28:33]
Mailek Teal
No. My son and my daughter, after doing all of that. All of that.
- [28:40]
Sheila Marie
That's crazy. God works in mysterious ways.
- [28:42]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah.
- [28:43]
Sheila Marie
And so you were surprised both times, or was it act. Was it a surprise? You were actively like, nope. I know. This is.
- [28:48]
Mailek Teal
I said. When he said he wanted to try, I said, here's. Here's what I can do with. Like, here's what I can do for my mental health. Because I said, we can. I'm not gonna take clock dates and all that. You know, I'll do my. Like, I'll. I'll. I'll. I'll be aware of it, but I'm not gonna be on top of it. I'm gonna just chill out. So when we. I kind of slowed my travel down, I was like, I'm just gonna, like, try to turn down the volume on the stress, and we'll just see what happens. And we got pregnant. I had a miscarriage. I'm sorry. And this was the part that was super traumatic. I had a miscarriage. I knew I had a miscarriage. Lady walks in the room, Congratulations. No, that's not why we're here. She had the wrong chart.
- [29:32]
Sheila Marie
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God, Miley, I am so sorry. Like, if you've never been through, you don't know what that feels like. In the moment.
- [29:42]
Mailek Teal
I walked out of the appointment, I never saw the doctor. I could not continue. Like, it was too much.
- [29:54]
Sheila Marie
Oh, my goodness.
- [29:55]
Mailek Teal
So at that point, I said to him, I'm not doing any doctor intervention. Because at that Point at the surge, I thought, yeah, at that point I was like, maybe I was going to that appointment and I was gonna be like, well, what can I take and what can I do? Because I just had a miscarriage after that. I was like, nah, I left. And I said the only thing that I. I remember a friend saying, this is the most fertile window to try is after you've miscarried, like, do try not to let the grief get you. Just go for it. And so I got pregnant with my son, had my son. I was like, said to dad, like, I cannot have another child before. I'm unwilling to try until I reach the 18 month mark. So at the 18 month mark, he looked at me, I looked at him and I was like, about to go out of town. I was like, this is it. This is the only day I'm willing to try. Got pregnant with our daughter.
- [30:52]
Sheila Marie
Dang, Miley, your kids chose you, girl. They was like, this, my mama, I'm coming right now.
- [30:58]
Mailek Teal
They insisted on me. And so when we got pregnant with her, I had grief because I was just like, oh my God, what did I get myself into? I do want this, but it is. And so, Sheila, after I had the kids, there was a lot of grief. And I think that we just don't give women enough permission to talk about the grief. It's happening now because you should be grateful. There are other people who want kids. You wanted this. You went through all of that and it's like, like, yeah, but how do you know?
- [31:31]
Sheila Marie
How could you ever really, like, could you ever myle. Really say, oh, this is something I want. Could you ever choose it? How? We have no idea what, how to scope, grasp what it will actually be like.
- [31:44]
Mailek Teal
And I don't think you know what the child is going to trigger for you. It's always, it's something different, right? Like some of the things that my friend had issues with, I don't have issues with, right? Like, like my son, he cried. He cried like all day, every day. All day, every day to the point where now I just tell people, your kids crying does not bother me. Like, please, like, crying just sounds like music to me at this point.
- [32:10]
Sheila Marie
You got used to it.
- [32:11]
Mailek Teal
Like, yeah, I had to build, but I had to build that, right? I. Having kids brought up so much for me. It was like, damn, did anybody ever even love me? You know, it's like, sing to your child. Because now we have all this access, like, if you sing to them. I was like, what songs? You know, So I was like, I'm Trying to sing to my child. I'm trying to connect with you.
- [32:28]
Sheila Marie
Working with some. Yeah, no, no, no, not that one. Not that one. That's our lullaby.
- [32:33]
Mailek Teal
I don't know any lullabies. You know, I'm like, did anybody ever play with me? You know, I just. It's all these things that came up that and. And something that I. That I love, that I work with Dr. Bakey on is just like, access to your desires. Right? My kids like my son. Nothing's enough. It felt like nothing's enough. You know, he wants more. And I remember saying to the child psychologist, like, how do I equip him for just a life where you're not going to get everything? And it was just like, you can over here, validate. You can validate them. There is nothing wrong with wanting more. And I'm not getting it, you know? And I think that was the piece that I didn't have. There's nothing wrong with wanting more. There's nothing wrong with. He said to his dad Yesterday, I need $26 million, sir.
- [33:24]
Sheila Marie
He goes, me too, friend. Me too.
- [33:26]
Mailek Teal
He. He goes. He goes, that's not even a lot, girl.
- [33:31]
Sheila Marie
These kids, sailor. She's on TikTok. I hate that she has social media. She's like. She's. We're out the other day and she's pointing at a Wraith. Not a Wraith, a Porsche. I'll take that as my first car. I'm like, you'll take that?
- [33:45]
Mailek Teal
What do you mean?
- [33:46]
Sheila Marie
What are you, sister, you're getting a Toyota?
- [33:49]
Mailek Teal
Come on. For you to scrape up. Hello.
- [33:53]
Sheila Marie
But there is so much. What I love hearing you talk about your journey to motherhood is that in the midst of chaos, you're still able to find your clarity, like, your bottom line. I am 18 months. That's it. This is when I'm trying. I'm stopping here. And by the way, I absolutely agree. I told Ace, I was like, just so you know, babe, I'm not doing any more interventions if it doesn't happen for me naturally. I'm not. I'm not doing ivf. I'm not doing, like, it just. You. You get it? Like, being in those waiting rooms and you're there and all the women around you are pregnant and all the. You know, it's just like. It's like I said, you know what? I do want children, but I also, like, love myself.
- [34:31]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah.
- [34:31]
Sheila Marie
And I don't wanna put myself. I don't even want this to be my entry point, because it feels like something that we Talked about earlier, it felt like begging to me. Felt like, please, please, please. I was like, yes. I don't like this energy.
- [34:43]
Mailek Teal
Yeah, that was it. That was it. That's what I. I think it's tough. It's tough. And I'm surprised that I had the children. I'm surprised because I had kind of given up.
- [34:54]
Sheila Marie
Me too. Right.
- [34:55]
Mailek Teal
Like, all right, well, I guess I'll.
- [34:56]
Sheila Marie
Live a different life. That's cool too. But I love that, I love that it happened for you. My leak. Absolutely. And I also really enjoy the way you protect your children because I'm not sure if I've ever seen them. I don't think you show them online sometimes.
- [35:10]
Mailek Teal
Do they have red hair?
- [35:11]
Sheila Marie
Am I imagining that?
- [35:13]
Mailek Teal
Yeah, you probably are. Their hair is. Their hair is a little bit on the dustier side. My daughter, like, she has like brown hair, but I show them sometimes. Like I don't put them, I don't always put them on my feed. I do share them sometimes in my stories and I do that because. And I. And sometimes I grapple with it. I do understand how important it is to see it, to believe it sometimes. Right. It's just you do need to see what is possible for you. I had my daughter, my son a month and a half before I turned 39 and I had my daughter at 41 years old. And I think sometimes it is important for you to see 100% that somebody of a certain age had children.
- [35:57]
Sheila Marie
Absolutely. It's inspiring. Yes. Mailek. But I think you have a really expert grasp on how to be how you built in the public eye. But you still keep so many things sacred. How do you find that balance?
- [36:13]
Mailek Teal
You know, I've been on the Internet a long time and so before people were using their real names on the Internet. Right. So it's like I was in message boards and I. And message boards were violent. Like people would go low. Like if you. Whatever y' all think the Internet is doing now, it was really like. So I had a, you know, all these different, like gossip sites and boards like that. Those are the places that I know how people are. And I think there's some things, because I know that there are things that exist in me, exist about me out in the world. But I think there's just, it's less about. It's just like to me, it's just like a self protection thing of like, helps me stay in integrity because I still have fantasies about kicking people's asses, you know, and so I do. And this just helps me stay in integrity.
- [37:09]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah.
- [37:10]
Mailek Teal
Like, this helps me. This helps me be a better person. To not really even set you up to fail. Right. To not even put you in a place where we're all misbehaving. You know, I don't want to. You don't want to? Because I know you don't mean it. Because there has not been a single time that I have connected with someone who was awful, who continued to be awful.
- [37:35]
Sheila Marie
What do you mean?
- [37:36]
Mailek Teal
You've never. Meaning I have. If you have talked trash about me or you have done something rude or you have gotten in my comments and if I get together with you, you don't continue to misbehave. That's not. This is not even what you want to do. And so I am going to make it easy.
- [37:53]
Sheila Marie
It sounded a little bit like a threat there.
- [37:55]
Mailek Teal
I'm just saying. Yeah. I'm going to make it easy for us to both be in integrity and maintain our character. Right. I don't want to do it, and you don't really want to do it either. And I know that because all you have to do is really contact these people or sit with them or talk to them. And they are not tough, man.
- [38:12]
Sheila Marie
It's so true.
- [38:12]
Mailek Teal
They're not mean. They are actually really sweet people who are hurting and they just need a hug.
- [38:17]
Sheila Marie
Great way to look at them.
- [38:19]
Mailek Teal
They need some attention. And it's just like, let's do it this way. We don't have to do it that way.
- [38:26]
Sheila Marie
How often are you able to take that approach versus going to hell? You know, I need to go there more often.
- [38:34]
Mailek Teal
Yeah, I think I can do it. I can do it a lot more. I think I just. Having children really helps me see that. Right. I think because my kids really, you know, it's like when they are misbehaving or throwing a tantrum or something like that, it's like, oh, you just needed a hug or oh, you were hungry or, oh, you know what I mean? It's rarely what you see.
- [38:56]
Sheila Marie
Okay.
- [38:57]
Mailek Teal
You know, it's a good thing. It's rarely the surface. It's rarely the, you know, you threw the toy because you were trying to hurt me. It's like you threw the toy because you didn't feel heard, you thought I didn't see you, or, you know, something like that. And so they have helped me become even more generous.
- [39:12]
Sheila Marie
So, yeah, if we think of adults as toddlers, it'll maybe help a little bit because, yeah, they're not. We're not that different. That's a great way to look at it again. We're talking again about not internalizing it and not picking up something that isn't yours, which is really a great way to protect yourself and reserve your own personal vision and energy completely. How do you define progress in seasons where there are no applause, there are no external markers? I know a lot of us are conditioned to that. We grew up on social media. But, like, how do you know when you're progressing, even if there's not anybody there to see it or witness it?
- [39:47]
Mailek Teal
You know, I. I think I talked about this when I was younger on my podcast about how difficult it becomes to, first of all, like, why we even care about progress. Right. Which is kind of the talk I was trying to have with my son. So it's like, you know. Cause he had gotten his second sticker chart in, like, you know, he just bl. Flows through these. Gets these sticker, you know, and when he gets. He gets a prize. And I was like, you know, when you become an adult, there's no sticker charts, there's no prizes, and you have to find a way to be motivated, you know, to do things without getting stickers and without getting prizes. And so I think sometimes when you talk about progress, I think if you're really living your life, sometimes it's hard to see. You know, sometimes it's that thing of, like, you don't notice it until you're walking down off the mountain. You don't even know you were at the top of the mountain until you're starting to walk down into the valley. Right. You didn't even know. And so I think that I don't really progress. I think when you talk about clarity and just, like, showing up and just like, every time you get an opportunity, like, the wave comes and every time you ride it, I think that's progress. You know, it's like when you do things a little bit differently, when you close the gap on. When you close the gap on how long it would have taken you to do something, or like, when you finally stop begging, like, oh, my God, all of that is progress.
- [41:12]
Sheila Marie
Keep track of that. How do you. How do you remind yourself, hey, hey, Myleik. This time it took you X amount versus that time?
- [41:19]
Mailek Teal
Yeah. I would tell you I had a situation probably like a month or two ago. And I tend to beat myself up at night. Okay. When the day has ended and I'm gonna get in the bed, I think about something I did or I said or something someone said to me, and I start to be like, oh, my God. Like, I am a bad person, or that was bad. And this happened to me. And I just started, like, notice. I was like, oh, I'm noticing it. And I probably. I probably was able to shut it down in, like, probably, like, three, four minutes. And I was like, that's progress. Because there are times when that would have followed me for days. There. There are times when I would have wore that. There are times when I would have altered myself. And I was just like. Like, I'm noticing it. I'm noticing it. And if I'm noticing it, I'm working with it, and I'm welcoming it. And this is a thought. This is. Doesn't mean that, like, I don't need to intertwine myself with it. And I could just, like, continuously find ways to, like, let it be like, it's in Times Square. That's what I don't think we realize about a lot of the things we think. It's just, like, standing in the middle of Times Square. You are not Times Square. You are in Times Square.
- [42:35]
Sheila Marie
That's a bar.
- [42:36]
Mailek Teal
When you're ready and when you're ready to leave, you can.
- [42:41]
Sheila Marie
You are not Times Square. You're standing in Times Square. Yeah, I love that, because then you can be a witness.
- [42:47]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah.
- [42:48]
Mailek Teal
Oh, I'm thinking that, right? I'm not. I'm not. All these different billboards and things. This is other people's lives, other people's shows, Broadway shows, Verizon people. This is not me. This is happening. That's it. It ain't even. Don't even have to be happening to me.
- [43:04]
Sheila Marie
Perspective. Exactly. Right. I'm leaving. I want to talk about growth for a second, because you said so much of my growth and healing is reflected in what I don't do. And I was like, ooh, what don't you do?
- [43:18]
Mailek Teal
You know, I am still. I think I'm on the Internet. You said it. You know, it's like, the Internet is a really interesting place where I think people will be subconsciously or unconsciously using you as their compass or, like. And I don't think I like the way that I live. Like, this is not. It's not fake. You know, not to say that there is some stuff that I. That might be fake. Who knows? We'll find out.
- [43:48]
Sheila Marie
Curated, maybe, but it's not. It's still real.
- [43:51]
Mailek Teal
Yeah, it's just like, you know, and so I think sometimes when I start to notice that, like, okay, there's some social climbing. There's some. There's some not so good people here. Like, I said, I do have fantasies about, you know, know, I was raised by very young parents who. Who were very activated, you know, so it's like I've watched my mother, like, slap somebody in the grocery store, you know, So I was like, that's. That's my wiring, you know, so it's just like, I am wired to want to do that stuff, you know, I. That's. I have that. You know, I have the desire. I have the urge and. And not doing that. Not saying, like, not stooping to people's levels, not trying to do what I see other people doing, you know, that's.
- [44:43]
Sheila Marie
So hard for me.
- [44:45]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah.
- [44:47]
Sheila Marie
Not. Not because I. I think the great thing about me is I'm very open, and I. And I love ideas, and I. I love. I just love ideas. I'm very open. But the bad thing is, is sometimes I'm like, wait, wait, wait. That's what they're doing, though. That's not your thing.
- [45:01]
Mailek Teal
Yeah.
- [45:01]
Sheila Marie
And I definitely get guilty of that. How do you stay in your lane no matter what trends are doing and people are going, how you stay clear? I'm like, this is my lane.
- [45:11]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah.
- [45:11]
Mailek Teal
I think it just goes to, like, how does it feel in your body? Right. Like, they're just. I just. You know, how do you feel in.
- [45:19]
Sheila Marie
Your body when, you know, when it's like, this is a yes.
- [45:22]
Mailek Teal
I think it's just like, I'm trying too hard.
- [45:25]
Sheila Marie
Yeah.
- [45:25]
Mailek Teal
If I have to try too hard to do it, it's probably not for me. And that doesn't mean that I don't do hard things. But I think if it's like. If it's taking everything in me to, like, you know, when people are just like, I can't. Even if it's taking me everything in me to open my laptop to get to it, it's probably a chance. I just don't want to do it, you know, and not that I want to do it, and it's hard. It's just. I don't even really want to do this. I'm feeling like I have to do this. And, like, I feel like that it happened to me in my business. Like, I felt like I was no longer good at what I was doing. Doing, you know, I was no longer good at it, and I think I was not good at it because I was not interested in it, you know? And that's just a hard thing to be, like, kind of not interested in this anymore, you know?
- [46:14]
Sheila Marie
And then what happened at that moment.
- [46:16]
Mailek Teal
Then you try to do it harder, right Right, right, right. You just try to do it harder and then you realize this is not working. And if you are lucky enough, you will put it down, you know, and so I put it down. Like, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't need to make this mean anything about me other than just do it again. I love that.
- [46:41]
Sheila Marie
You didn't need to make it mean something about you.
- [46:43]
Mailek Teal
No. Yeah.
- [46:44]
Sheila Marie
And what happened after you put it down?
- [46:47]
Mailek Teal
Freedom. I put it down and I took a year off, which I had never in the history of my life, ever.
- [46:58]
Sheila Marie
None of us. Myleik. I'm thinking I'm planning one right now for myself. Cause I think I realized the other day, like, I'm fried.
- [47:06]
Mailek Teal
Fried.
- [47:06]
Sheila Marie
I just fried.
- [47:08]
Mailek Teal
Yeah. Pandemic. Two children running a business. There were so many things that were happening in that business and just all the different people, all the different, you know, there's just a lot of stuff that I went through with that. That one day I said, I'll write a book and I'll share, but it was hard. And I just was like, yeah, I don't want to do this anymore. And I kind of panicked because I was like, you know, I got real bills, you know, I live nice. Like, can I really get off the track? Like, can I get off the hamster wheel? And it's just like, yeah, like, I saved money and I got off and then I did something for myself. So then I. I ended up taking like a nine month long life coaching course. And I initially did that, that to really try to get better at, like, the passion work that I do. Right. So it's like, I have always kind of been this person where it's like, I'm going to do the thing that makes the money and then I'm going to just like for free. Like all my podcasts, all my retreats, like, a lot of stuff that I do, that stuff doesn't really cost a lot of money because that feels like service. Right. And so I was like, I want to just get better at my service. And a part of the, the course is you actually do have to coach people, period. Like, you have to do 70 hours, I think. And so I was like, okay, I'm gonna just do my 70 hours. And I loved it so much. I loved it so much. And my therapist was kind of laughed because she was just like, I mean, what did you think your podcast was? What do you think your retreat was like, of course you love helping people, you know, and so to get this kind of like front row Seat to support. I really. I think I learned so much. Like, I really love supporting people. I really love encouraging people. I love listening to people. I love helping people untangle things. And so I was. I feel so energized. There is no job I have ever had where I can look at my calendar and be like, oh, my God, today's gonna be a good day. Like, I wonder what happened. I wonder what they did. I wonder, you know, are they okay? And it's just. I. It's. It's a dream. And so I then became encouraged because I was doing it for free. My therapist is like, I want you to tell me one person who does what you do for free. Right? And so I charge, you know, and it's just. It's just work I love. And so I took the year off. I did long lunches and coffees with friends. Like, my partner started teasing me. He would be like, everything you do is like four hours or four days. They were like, you're like, I'm going to dinner with friends. I'll be back in four days. You know, like, I just started doing really long living things.
- [49:42]
Sheila Marie
Just living.
- [49:43]
Mailek Teal
Just being a lot of fiction, a lot of. Like, last yesterday, I bought my kids how many? Almost a thousand water balloons. Like, I threw water balloons with the kids. They love that.
- [49:54]
Sheila Marie
I love that.
- [49:55]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah.
- [49:56]
Mailek Teal
So chilling. Like, you know, And I. A gift to my younger self. I was just like, all of that would have been in vain if you just don't gift her some time off. Off, you know? And so the ego does show up. Like, I want people to know I'm, like, still around, or I'm still. I still matter. But, you know, I think age. I'm mature now. I just turned 46. You know, age. And really just being present, sitting with the work is how I think you just kind of move through that. Like, I don't have to do that.
- [50:25]
Sheila Marie
I feel like the gift of growing, though, is this wisdom that you. You really cannot mimic or replicate. It only comes with going through experience, taking action. Like you said, boldly ending things, beginning things. And I think that's the beauty. You can't. Really cannot mimic that in any other way.
- [50:45]
Mailek Teal
No. Until you do it. That's what I try to tell all the clients I work with. Like, there's no hack. There's no spreadsheet. There is no. There's nothing. But to do it, you know, action breeds more clarity. That's it.
- [50:57]
Sheila Marie
The more you do, the more you're like, ah, I hated that. Nope. Or I love that. You know, you can't really. Like you said, you can't really read that in a book. You gotta get out in the field.
- [51:06]
Mailek Teal
Agreed.
- [51:06]
Sheila Marie
What do you say? Final question before we go to our toolkit section. What do you say to the woman who struggles to dream bigger for herself? Like, I just don't know how. I don't know if I can do it. I have struggled believing in myself.
- [51:20]
Mailek Teal
I would say to her, you are not struggling, which is probably, like, what I would say to talk to that feeling, right? What is that? What is that? And really sit with it and try to untangle why you feel like you can't take the next step. Right? And then I would say, what is the smallest thing that you can do toward that? And it might just be opening the book. It might just be, like, starting the email draft. It might just be taking. It's like, it. Sometimes it's just too big, right? It's just too big. The thing that you want is too big. And so, like, let's just break it down into the smallest step and then take the step, right? And if you are not. If you struggle with, like. Like you said, like, dreaming bigger, I think it's just like figuring out what you desire, because I think there's just a lot of noise around what is bigger because your life might be. I can tell you this. Most of the people that I work with are living the lives that they want. I do this exercise where I just have them lay out, like, a perfect day in their life, and there's maybe, like, three things they don't have. You know, interesting. It's. Everybody's mostly doing what they want to.
- [52:48]
Sheila Marie
Be doing and just not realizing it.
- [52:52]
Mailek Teal
That's it. I've. I've never seen. I've never done this exercise with someone, and everything's out of whack. It's just like, maybe they're missing the partner or the dog or, you know, the location they need. Maybe they need to move, or maybe they need to, like, move to a place with more windows. But I've not seen anybody completely, like, misaligned. And so I think that's the part that's hard is not being able to recognize that you are living a lot of the life that you said you wanted. And I think the other part. The other thing that I would say that I notice in my work is that whenever people feel misaligned, they always think it's something about the job or about the career or they need to do something different. They need to start a podcast, a newsletter, and really, it's like, there's another exercise that I do that kind of like, gets you to look at your entire life. And it's like, most of y' all need to go play. Okay? A lot of y' all need to go play. You need to go play. And. And I was having a coffee with my partner recently, and he works in the arts. And I was saying to him, tell my kids go to a lot of museums. I go to more museums because I'm with him. I see a lot of art, and we paint in this house, we draw in this house. And I said, what has blown my mind in working with a lot of, like, high achieving, goal oriented women is how art and aesthetics are missing from their lives. And instead of just, like, filling that cup, they're thinking they need to change the job or they need to go do something else. And a lot of times, times you need to watercolor. You need to update the aesthetics in your home. You need to go to a museum. Art matters. There's this book that I love that I recommend. It's called you'd Brain on Art. Your brain needs art. It needs music, it needs poetry, and we strip it away. And we just want people to work.
- [54:43]
Sheila Marie
Work, work, work, work.
- [54:45]
Mailek Teal
But a lot of you would be more satisfied with your jobs if you would go play and go play some music and go to the museum and go run through grass and throw your head back like things would. Sometimes things become more tolerable because you are like, you are at a deficit. You are not looking at all the different areas in your life. You're just like, I'm gonna just do more work or change my work.
- [55:07]
Sheila Marie
Right? It's like, we should have never ended recess. We all need that.
- [55:12]
Mailek Teal
Or art class or theater, right?
- [55:15]
Sheila Marie
And I hate to see them constantly defunding art in schools. It makes me so sad as artist to the core. And so I believe you, and I never thought about that, that sometimes if in our life we're feeling uninspired, it's like, well, where is the art? Is it around you? Like, is it? And art can look like so many things. But like you said, man in the summers. My bonus star, he, her father, he doesn't like her to have her phone a lot.
- [55:42]
Mailek Teal
Okay?
- [55:42]
Sheila Marie
So she's only allowed to have it a certain period of the day. And unless she's at camp, if she's home, he always makes her do something with her hands. Like, go do something with your hands. She likes to crochet or draw or mold. She has, like, a little pottery Thing she does. And.
- [55:56]
Unnamed Guest
Yeah.
- [55:56]
Mailek Teal
And it's like.
- [55:57]
Sheila Marie
But we don't do that.
- [55:59]
Mailek Teal
We need to do that.
- [55:59]
Sheila Marie
We tell the kids to do that. But then what do we do?
- [56:02]
Mailek Teal
What do I do?
- [56:03]
Sheila Marie
I'm gonna speak for myself. I go back on their phone.
- [56:05]
Mailek Teal
Yeah.
- [56:05]
Sheila Marie
And I need.
- [56:05]
Mailek Teal
I've been watercoloring. It's amazing.
- [56:07]
Sheila Marie
Okay. I am. That's gonna be our summer thing. I'm gonna get into it.
- [56:11]
Mailek Teal
It's so good.
- [56:12]
Sheila Marie
I. I almost.
- [56:13]
Mailek Teal
And so forgiving, right?
- [56:15]
Sheila Marie
It's forgiving.
- [56:16]
Mailek Teal
It's very forgiving.
- [56:16]
Sheila Marie
Oh, that's kind of sweet, the little metaphor there.
- [56:19]
Mailek Teal
Yeah.
- [56:20]
Sheila Marie
Yes. That's funny. Cause we were about to go into our toolkit, but I think you just gave it right there.
- [56:25]
Mailek Teal
Okay. What were you gonna say?
- [56:26]
Sheila Marie
This is like, we have an unruly toolbox, and every guest puts a tool in there. And if you are gonna leave a tool for clarity, whether it's an idea, a mantra, an exercise.
- [56:42]
Mailek Teal
Yeah, I would. I guess a tool that I would give is. Is. I think that goes so great with this conversation would probably just be to sort of, like. I call it just, like, being where you are. And I know that you. I. I follow you, and I know that, like, it's about wellness, but I think something that you do really well, it's just, like, approachable wellness, you know? Like, maybe you don't want to meditate for multiple hours a day, and maybe. Maybe some of this stuff is just, like, going over your head. It's too lofty. I. I get it. I'm that person. Like, girl, just say it. Like, I ain't got time for all this. You know? Just. I am like that. And so something that I do that's really small, but really, like, meditative is just to be where I am, just to be. Like, notice your first sip of coffee or your first drink of water, and just, like, notice it and feel it and just, like, try to, like, be in your body with it. And sometimes I just will ask my. I'll ask my body a question, just like, what do you. What do you want me to know? No wrong answers. Your body never gives you wrong answers.
- [57:45]
Sheila Marie
The body never gives you wrong answers?
- [57:48]
Mailek Teal
Never.
- [57:48]
Sheila Marie
That's a bar, too. I love that. Just ask your body, what do you want me to know?
- [57:53]
Mailek Teal
What do you want me to know? And it'll be like, go for a walk. Like, don't do this today. You know, it's. And trust. Trust. Like, we were born wordless. Trusted.
- [58:07]
Sheila Marie
Oof. My brain just went in a million ways. Because one time when I was still studying acting. It was a vocal coach, and she was talking to us about how babies have the most honest and pure form of vocal communication. They speak directly when they need something. They get their needs met through their voice. They don't care if they're loud. They don't care how it sounds. I have to get it out. And this is my main way to communicate. And as we get more sophisticated with our speech, we get less dishonest.
- [58:37]
Mailek Teal
Yes.
- [58:37]
Sheila Marie
We don't. We talk. We don't talk to. And we. And we also disconnect from our inner voice because this gap. There's this gap forming that, like, did I really think that? Oh, I don't know. Should I say that? Oh, I don't want to. And then before you know it, you don't know how to speak anymore.
- [58:50]
Mailek Teal
Here, you've edited yourself out of your life completely.
- [58:54]
Sheila Marie
Boom.
- [58:55]
Mailek Teal
And you're not who you are, you know? And it's just like, that's some of the. Like, what I love to do when I work with people is I'm like, I don't need your best self. Your best self is not welcome here. Because. Because I can't work with the best self. I need you. I need you messy. I need you petty. I need you. That's how we can work.
- [59:15]
Sheila Marie
And that's it. And that's the lesson that you gave us today is just, clarity is not this big one moment. It is an ongoing process apart.
- [59:25]
Mailek Teal
Ongoing. It's micro moments, like shortened windows noticing. You know what I mean? And I think, like you said, just not begging.
- [59:32]
Sheila Marie
Not begging. That's it. Take that. If you take anything from this conversation, let it be that. Do not beg anything. MyLeague. Thank you so much.
- [59:41]
Mailek Teal
Of course. Thank you.
- [59:42]
Sheila Marie
Thank you for reminding us that the path to clarity can be wavy and windy, that the fog might set in. It doesn't mean you're a failure. It's not chaos. Looks like organization and chaos are similar.
- [59:54]
Unnamed Guest
Yes.
- [59:55]
Sheila Marie
And if you're in your season and, you know, don't rush out of it, be in it. Ask yourself new questions, hear the answers, stay soft, stay in art and make MyLeague. Where can people find you? I know they're going to be. They already know where you at, girl. But let. Let them know.
- [60:09]
Mailek Teal
Yeah, I am at MyLeague. My L, E, I K. Everywhere. MyLeague.com. at MyLeague on social, like on substack. That's the. I hated my name growing up. And now it's like, it's unique, you know? So I'M my leak everywhere.
- [60:23]
Sheila Marie
Thank you Myleik. It won't be the last. I'll see you on the Internet later, I'm sure.
- [60:28]
Mailek Teal
Yeah, and hopefully sometime in Atlanta. Cause you're in Atlanta.
- [60:31]
Sheila Marie
Yes, I am.
- [60:32]
Mailek Teal
I know. I will see you around. I'm starting to creep back outside.
- [60:35]
Sheila Marie
I know, right? I be dipping my toe outside every now and then.
- [60:39]
Unnamed Guest
Yes. Yes.
- [60:40]
Sheila Marie
Thank you so much. Thank you for listening and stay unruly and stay clear y'. All. Until next time. Thank you so much for listening. Be sure to follow or subscribe so you never ever, ever ever miss an episode of Un Unruly.
- [61:19]
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