Podcast Summary: UNRULY WITH SHELAH MARIE
Episode Title: Don't Isolate, You Need Community To Heal
Guest: Melissa Ifill (IYA Ony Soyi)
Release Date: November 5, 2024
Introduction
In Episode 5 of UNRULY WITH SHELAH MARIE, host Shelah Marie engages in a profound conversation with Melissa Ifill, also known as IYA Ony Soyi. Melissa is a licensed therapist, Lukumi Priestess of Oshun, and Sacred Transformation Wellness coach. Together, they explore the vital role of community and sisterhood in personal healing and holistic wellness.
Melissa Ifill’s Journey and Professional Background
Melissa Ifill shares her unique blend of traditional spiritual practices and modern clinical tools, emphasizing the importance of integrating body, spirit, and mind in healing. She explains her focus on working with Black and Brown women, highlighting the necessity of "bottom-up practices" that prioritize the body and spirit before the mind.
Melissa Ifill [04:53]: "Traditional healing practices take us back to basics. If we understand that trauma lives in the body, then we also know that these healing modalities can be formed into our everyday way of living so that healing is actually a way of life."
Traditional vs. Modern Healing Tools
The discussion delves into the differences and synergies between traditional spiritual tools and modern therapeutic techniques like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and brain spotting. Melissa emphasizes that while Western science has started to validate ancient practices, traditional methods have inherently addressed the holistic nature of trauma long before modern modalities emerged.
Melissa Ifill [06:15]: "EMDR is scientifically using specific skills to connect the left and right parts of the brain, ensuring the body feels safe enough to reprocess experiences."
The Importance of Community in Healing
Melissa recounts her experience during the pandemic, where the death of writer Jasmine Waters highlighted the isolation many women felt despite shared experiences. This realization propelled Melissa to create communities like RAW and later Reflecting Joy, fostering spaces where women could support each other’s healing journeys.
Melissa Ifill [17:47]: "Being in community propelled their own healing journeys. Women were experiencing growth and tangible development of the self that promotes further healing."
Understanding Trauma Responses: Introducing "Tend and Befriend"
A significant portion of the conversation introduces the often-overlooked trauma response known as "tend and befriend," particularly prevalent among women. Melissa explains how societal expectations and biological factors like estrogen and oxytocin influence this response, fostering connections and nurturing behaviors as a coping mechanism during stress.
Melissa Ifill [20:16]: "In women, when stress occurs, we look to develop bonds and connections. Estrogen amplifies the impact of oxytocin, enhancing our ability to connect."
Creating and Sustaining Sisterhood
Shelah Marie and Melissa discuss practical strategies for building and maintaining meaningful communities. Melissa shares that authentic connections fostered through trust, mutual support, and vulnerability are essential for sustainable sisterhood. They emphasize the importance of expecting and navigating pain within relationships as part of the healing process.
Melissa Ifill [37:28]: "Whenever we think about any kind of community, we should expect pain because we're dealing with humans who have their own experiences and worldviews."
Toolkit for Listeners: Practical Exercises
As the conversation nears its end, Melissa introduces actionable tools for listeners to implement in their own lives. She guides Sheilah through a "Check-In" exercise designed to help individuals listen to their bodies and emotions, fostering self-awareness and personal growth.
Melissa Ifill [44:42]: "The check-in encourages you to find your calm, connect to the feeling, ask the feeling a question, and then free write your response."
Conclusion and Final Thoughts
The episode concludes with Melissa offering resources for further engagement, including her website and social media handles. Shelah Marie reinforces the episode's key message: healing is deeply intertwined with community and authentic connections. Listeners are encouraged to embrace both the joys and challenges of building sisterhood as a path to holistic wellness.
Notable Quotes with Timestamps
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Melissa Ifill [04:53]: "Traditional healing practices take us back to basics. If we understand that trauma lives in the body, then we also know that these healing modalities can be formed into our everyday way of living so that healing is actually a way of life."
-
Melissa Ifill [06:15]: "EMDR is scientifically using specific skills to connect the left and right parts of the brain, ensuring the body feels safe enough to reprocess experiences."
-
Melissa Ifill [17:47]: "Being in community propelled their own healing journeys. Women were experiencing growth and tangible development of the self that promotes further healing."
-
Melissa Ifill [20:16]: "In women, when stress occurs, we look to develop bonds and connections. Estrogen amplifies the impact of oxytocin, enhancing our ability to connect."
-
Melissa Ifill [37:28]: "Whenever we think about any kind of community, we should expect pain because we're dealing with humans who have their own experiences and worldviews."
-
Melissa Ifill [44:42]: "The check-in encourages you to find your calm, connect to the feeling, ask the feeling a question, and then free write your response."
Resources Mentioned
- Melissa Ifill’s Website: melissafill.com
- Social Media: Instagram and TikTok (@alyssaifill_csW)
Key Takeaways
- Holistic Healing: Integrating traditional spiritual practices with modern therapeutic techniques enhances the healing process by addressing the body, spirit, and mind collectively.
- Community’s Role: Building and sustaining supportive communities is crucial for personal growth and healing, especially for Black and Brown women.
- Understanding Trauma: Recognizing diverse trauma responses, such as "tend and befriend," can lead to more effective and empathetic healing practices.
- Practical Tools: Implementing exercises like the "Check-In" can foster self-awareness and empower individuals to listen to their bodies and emotions.
- Embracing Vulnerability: Authentic connections, built on trust and vulnerability, are essential for meaningful sisterhood and communal healing.
For more insights and practical tools on personal growth and holistic wellness, subscribe to UNRULY WITH SHELAH MARIE and join the conversation towards reclaiming your true self.