Unruly with Shelah Marie: Episode 7 - "Your Pleasure, Your Power!" Featuring Erica Hart

Release Date: November 19, 2024

In Episode 7 of Unruly with Shelah Marie, host Shelah Marie engages in a profound and candid conversation with Erica Hart, a black queer femme activist, sexuality educator, and breast cancer survivor. This episode delves deep into the intersections of sexual wellness, social justice, and personal healing, offering listeners insightful perspectives and practical tools to reclaim their pleasure and intimacy.

Introduction: Setting the Stage for Sexual Wellness

00:01 - 01:24

Shelah Marie opens the episode by introducing Erica Hart, highlighting her multifaceted identity as a kinky poly cancer warrior and an educator committed to helping individuals reclaim their bodies and pleasure. She passionately emphasizes the importance of discussing sexual wellness, a topic she believes is often overlooked.

Shelah Marie (00:01): "Today we're diving into a topic that, in my opinion, doesn't nearly get enough attention, and that is sexual wellness."

Icebreaker: Dream Dinner Party

01:24 - 04:11

To warm up the conversation, Shelah poses a playful icebreaker to Erica. She asks who Erica would invite to a dream dinner party focused on sexual health and social justice. Erica’s choices reveal her deep connections to influential figures:

Erica Hart (02:17): "First and foremost, Whitney Houston, always. I don't even know if it makes any sense... Dr. Ruth just passed, and I want to have some conversations with her."

Shelah continues with a second icebreaker about designing a "Sex Ed for Grownups" curriculum. Erica responds by stressing the foundational importance of teaching consent beyond just sexual contexts, linking it to broader issues of bodily autonomy and systemic oppression.

Erica Hart (04:16): "The first mandatory lesson... would be a consent lesson... Consent isn't everything, it's about bodily autonomy in all aspects."

Exploring Intimacy: Innate vs. Learned Practice

07:22 - 09:49

Shelah transitions the discussion to intimacy, questioning whether it is an innate ability or something that needs to be learned. Erica argues convincingly that intimacy is indeed taught, using the example of her one-and-a-half-year-old child learning to express affection.

Erica Hart (07:29): "Intimacy, sharing, being vulnerable with people is something that really is taught."

Erica highlights societal tendencies to shy away from vulnerability and emphasizes the need to reconnect with others authentically.

Ericka’s Personal Journey: Topless Activism and Body Reclamation

09:49 - 18:10

Shelah references Erica's impactful article in Paper Magazine, which chronicles her decision to appear topless at Afropunk 2016 as a black woman with a double mastectomy. Erica shares the emotional and societal challenges that led to this powerful act of visibility and reclaiming her body.

Erica Hart (13:43): "This is why I'm topless... We are still sexual beings. We still desire pleasure and want to be desired."

She discusses the difficulties in finding representation of black breast cancer survivors and the hypersexualization of black bodies, which often leads to exclusion from narratives of vulnerability and healing.

Radical Sex Positivity: A Broader Perspective

19:06 - 32:48

Shelah asks Erica to elaborate on radical sex positivity, a concept Erica passionately defines as an intentional examination of how systemic oppressions like white supremacy, capitalism, and various forms of phobia hinder access to pleasure.

Erica Hart (19:21): "Radical sex positivity is not just being excited about everything under the pleasurable sun... it's about examining how systems of oppression prevent us from experiencing pleasure."

Shelah connects this to personal experiences of guilt associated with pleasure, notably among women, and Erica emphasizes the importance of autonomy and intentional pleasure as acts of self-love and resistance.

Kink, Polyamory, and Wellness

24:46 - 32:48

The conversation shifts to Erica's involvement with kink and polyamory, exploring how these practices have influenced her wellness journey. Erica describes participating in play parties as a means of reclaiming control and experiencing consensual pain, which contrasts her involuntary pain from medical treatments.

Erica Hart (26:15): "Participating in impact play post-diagnosis was like reclaiming the pain I had gone through. It was affirming to relinquish control in a consensual setting."

They discuss the significance of safe spaces for exploring sexual identity and the importance of consent within these communities.

Challenging Structural Oppressions Affecting Black Bodies and Intimacy

28:24 - 34:40

Shelah references Melissa V. Harris-Perry's "Sister Citizen Shame" and discusses how Erica's insights align with challenging overarching societal structures that impede black bodies' ability to experience intimacy and pleasure. Erica attributes white supremacy as the most significant barrier, linking it to environmental injustices like Flint’s water crisis and systemic issues in the prison-industrial complex.

Erica Hart (28:24): "White supremacy insists that white people are supreme and deserving, while black people are forced to fight for basic needs. This undermines our sense of worth and autonomy."

The Role of Pleasure in Black Wellness

34:40 - 37:10

Erica highlights the revolutionary nature of pleasure for black individuals, countering the societal narrative that black people must continuously work without respite. She frames pleasure as an essential aspect of health and resistance against dehumanizing systems.

Erica Hart (35:14): "Pleasure is such an assault to white supremacy as a black person, that is revolutionary."

Healing from Birth Trauma and Reconnecting with the Body

37:10 - 43:28

In a heartfelt exchange, Shelah and Erica discuss personal experiences with birth trauma and miscarriage. Erica shares her story of an emergency C-section, emphasizing the importance of self-compassion and listening to one’s body.

Erica Hart (43:28): "Having that experience post-breast cancer, I was in survival mode... It took me a long time to realize there was no one to blame. My body did not fail me."

They underscore the necessity of therapy and community support in healing from bodily trauma and reclaiming a positive relationship with one's body.

Debunking Myths: The Illusion of Virginity

45:16 - 46:19

Erica challenges the concept of virginity, explaining that it is a myth rooted in cisgender heterosexual patriarchy. She deconstructs the various misconceptions surrounding virginity and emphasizes bodily autonomy beyond traditional definitions.

Erica Hart (45:16): "Virginity is not real. It’s a myth rooted in cis patriarchy."

Encouraging Playfulness in Sexual Relationships

46:19 - 49:32

Shelah and Erica discuss the importance of incorporating play into sexual relationships as a path to healing and deeper connection. Erica introduces the idea of play parties, explaining their structure and the safe exploration they provide for couples and individuals.

Erica Hart (47:14): "Play party is key. There are different sections like spanking, wrestling, needle play... you can participate or just watch."

Shelah expresses her admiration and curiosity about these spaces, acknowledging the liberating potential of playful intimacy.

Toolkit for Unruliness: Practical Tools for Listeners

49:32 - 51:38

As the episode nears its end, Erica shares practical tools for listeners to incorporate into their personal journeys toward sexual liberation and wellness:

1. Undoing Internalized Oppressions: Actively work to dismantle personal biases such as anti-blackness, fatphobia, transphobia, and homophobia.
2. Sexual Self-Care: Encourage listeners to purchase lubricants and sex toys, advocating for self-pleasure as a form of empowerment.

Erica Hart (49:32): "Buy some lube and perhaps a magic wand and get to work... there are sex toys for just about everything."

Shelah expresses gratitude for Erica’s openness and the invaluable insights she provided, highlighting the episode's transformative potential for listeners.

Community Call-In Highlight: Aftercare and Emotional Safety

52:00 - End

In the community call-in segment, Shelah addresses a listener's question about providing aftercare during emotional releases and sharing sessions. She shares her "5-4-3-2-1" grounding technique to help regulate nervous systems and emphasizes the importance of accessible mental health support.

Shelah Marie (52:20): "5-4-3-2-1 involves engaging all five senses to bring oneself back to the present moment."

Conclusion

Episode 7 of Unruly with Shelah Marie offers a rich tapestry of discussions surrounding sexual wellness, intimacy, and the broader societal structures that influence personal healing and pleasure. Through her conversation with Erica Hart, Shelah Marie provides listeners with both deep insights and actionable tools to embrace their unruliness, fostering a community grounded in self-love, acceptance, and holistic wellness.

Where to Follow Erica Hart:

• Instagram: @iheartericricka
• TikTok: @iheartericricka
• Website: ihearica.com
• Podcast: Hood Rat to Head Rap (Hosted with her partner)

For more transformative conversations and practical wellness tools, subscribe to Unruly with Shelah Marie on your preferred podcast platform.