Angry Cops Ruins Brandon's Political Career | Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 236

Summary

---

Unsubscribe Podcast Ep 236 Summary

"Angry Cops Ruins Brandon's Political Career"
Date: October 26, 2025
Hosts/Guests: Brandon Herrera, Eli Doubletap, Donut Operator, The Fat Electrician, JD Delay, Finn, "Not Brandon Herrera" (Angry Cops as Brandon's impostor)

---

Overview

Episode 236 of the Unsubscribe Podcast explodes with rowdy camaraderie, irreverent jokes, and on-the-nose commentary as the crew welcomes classic guest "Angry Cops" (aka Rich/Not Brandon Herrera), sending up Brandon Herrera’s congressional campaign with satire, law enforcement/infantry anecdotes, and sharp takes on everything from criminal justice to pop culture. The episode is a rollercoaster of rapid-fire bits, dark humor, and genuine insights into law, self-defense, politics, and internet absurdities, with memorable running gags about "Not Brandon Herrera" sabotaging Brandon's campaign at every turn.

---

Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. The "Not Brandon Herrera" Bit & Political Satire

• Meta-joke: Angry Cops appears as "Not Brandon Herrera," lampooning Brandon’s campaign with over-the-top statements Brandon “can’t say on the trail.”
  • Running jokes about running for Congress, pledging wild policies ("You can hit cyclists with proper brush guards!" [29:06]) and generally saying things a real candidate would never say.
  • Comparison to Obama’s anger interpreter from Key & Peele—"You're like the Key & Peele Obama, the one that has to say the things for Brandon." (Donut, 04:41)
• Brandon laments his campaign may not survive his friend group’s humor:
  • "Here I was naïve enough to think my friends were gonna help make this easier for me." (Brandon, 20:08)
  • Not Brandon: "A vote for making politicians scared is a vote for Brandon Herrera." (20:40)
• Policy bits include: restoring felon gun rights, criminal justice, extreme pro-2A stances, and zany "District 23" laws ("You can shoot anybody in your house, regardless of legality", 34:42).

---

2. Gifts, Guns, Skulls & War Stories

• PO Box Unboxing: The crew opens gifts, notably a 3D-printed human skull so realistic they briefly researched whether owning human remains was legal.
  • "When they handed it to me, I was like, should I be holding this right now?" (Donut, 08:12)
  • Eli provides a historical tangent on war trophies and the origin of "Gung Ho." (09:19)
• Guns & Home Defense: Spirited debate about gun rights for felons.
  • “If you are considered so much of a danger to society... why did we let you back into society?” (Brandon, 16:57)
• Home invasion, law, and “castle doctrine”/“duty to retreat” are discussed from both police and ex-con perspectives.
  • "Most criminals, worst fear is breaking in while someone’s home—it becomes a higher felony." (JD, 38:39)
• Much dark humor about shooting intruders, the meaning of property, and a no-nonsense attitude on self-defense.
  • "My property is worth more than the life of somebody that would endanger me and my family." (Brandon, 33:41)

---

3. Commentary on Self-Defense Laws, Felon Rights, Law Enforcement

• Voting & Gun Rights for Felons:
  • JD: “I will vote for whoever restores my gun rights right now.” (16:07)
  • Brandon supports differentiating violent vs. non-violent felonies for gun rights.
• Police Anecdotes: JD tells stories about criminal law, including being in jail with a finger collector (10:55), and the reality of gun possession as a criminal.
  • "When I was a criminal, I loved the idea of gun control. Law-abiding citizens can't have guns, I'm still gonna have it." (JD, 19:39)
• Law Varies by State: Discusses how home defense, duty to retreat, and voting rights differ notably between Texas, New York, Florida, etc.

---

4. Internet & Pop Culture: Roblox, South Park, Reality TV

• Roblox Criticisms: In-depth, critical conversation about child safety issues on the Roblox platform.
  • "They're literally using Robux to pay kids, meeting them on apps to extort them for worse and worse things." (JD, 46:15)
  • Not Brandon sums up the corporate ethos: “You can keep players safe but... there'd be less of them on the platform.” (47:37)
• Reality TV & Love Island:
  • Detailed breakdown of the mechanics and weirdness of Love Island, how contestants get more out of post-show fame than prize money, and the spectacle of herpes outbreaks and drama.
  • "They're all running around with cold sores, trying to cover it up with makeup, but you can see it." (Eli, 74:45)
• South Park and Simpsons:
  • The group reminisces over how these shows lampoon politics and culture, with critiques on whether South Park still "has it."
  • Discussion of satire, public figures “leaning in” to being roasted by South Park ("If you let them know they're hurting your feelings, they're going to hurt your feelings more." - JD, 57:12).

---

5. Gun/Cop Culture, America, and the Hypothetical Invasion

• If America Were Invaded:
  • Wild, humorous war-gaming about how Americans would react to an invasion, including taxidermy jokes and fieldcraft.
  • "Do you know how great it would be? Rednecks sent to war in the Pacific did things like this." (Donut, 92:47)
  • “You just have like eight fucking Chinese sappy plates across the front of your body, you’re like, could have just left Taiwan alone.” (Brandon, 91:40)
• Methhead Super Soldiers: Comparing the U.S. sending criminals to war to Russian and Nazi practices.
  • “There are a lot of patriotic dudes that are locked up... point and they’ll shoot.” (JD, 105:52)

---

6. Miscellaneous & Running Gags

• Cyclists, Cars & Texas:
  • Ongoing jokes about hating cyclists, high highway speed limits, and vehicular chaos in Texas.
  • "I'm going to allow people to go as fast as they want with at least one alcoholic beverage." (Not Brandon, 29:03)
• Gifts & Merch:
  • Showcasing fan-made gear and poking fun at each other’s style and bodies.
• “District 23” Policies:
  • Anything goes! Satirical campaign promises to allow/ban absurd things.
• Face Off/Scientology:
  • Digressions into pop culture, including how much the group thinks John Travolta and Tom Cruise have real “Scientology powers.”
• Podcast Dynamics:
  • Heavy self-awareness about being just another bearded-white-guy podcast (53:47), but making fun of themselves for it.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Violent Felons & Gun Rights:
  "If you're considered so much of a danger to society... why did we let you back into society?" — Brandon Herrera [16:57]
• On Home Invasion:
  "If someone comes in my house, you're trying to kill my wife and my dog. I will make you dead for that." — JD Delay [33:47]
• On Corporate Ethics (Roblox):
  "You can keep your players safe, but then there would be less of them on the platform." — Not Brandon Herrera [47:42]
• On Invasion Fantasies:
  "I’ve always said if anybody ever invaded America, the biggest issue would be our government trying to convince rednecks not to taxidermy the invaders." — Eli Doubletap [92:35]
• Satire on Campaigning:
  "A vote for murder is a vote for Brandon Herrera." — Not Brandon Herrera [12:42]
  "Reminder, Richard High is not on the ballot!" — Brandon Herrera [29:14]
• On Punching Juveniles:
  "Punching juveniles is pro-Brandon Herrera." — Not Brandon Herrera [26:05]
• On South Park:
  "South Park are bullies, bro. They bully pretty much everybody, and if you let them know they're hurting your feelings, they're going to hurt you more." — JD Delay [57:00]

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [04:25] – Not Brandon Herrera reveals his bit: "I get to say everything real Brandon can't."
• [08:00] – Unboxing the 3D-printed "war trophy" skull – legality and historical context.
• [09:19] – Eli’s insightful tangent on the real "Gung Ho" slogan.
• [16:21] – Heated discussion on felon voting and gun rights.
• [33:10] – Debate about shooting home intruders and duty to retreat.
• [45:00] – Roblox segment: dark truths about the platform’s lack of child safety.
• [53:00] – Jokes about the bearded-podcast stereotype.
• [92:00] – War-game banter: "If America were invaded" and the taxidermy jokes.
• [105:52] – Recruiting criminals for war: meth, felons, and history.

---

Final Thoughts / Tone

The episode is classic Unsubscribe: chaotic, sharp, darkly funny, deeply knowledgeable, and unafraid to go places most mainstream shows dare not tread. The crew’s camaraderie is evident, and the rapid-fire bits—especially the “Not Brandon Herrera” improvisations—keep the pace lively and energizing for the full two-hour ride. Underneath the over-the-top humor, well-informed perspectives on gun rights, the law, military history, and internet safety shine through, making this a “must listen” for fans who want both laughs and real talk, especially regarding Brandon's quixotic campaign and the wild American zeitgeist.

---

Transcript

[Brandon Herrera]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home in auto policies. Try [e-mail] Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I'm Brandon Herrera and I get to say everything that real Brandon Herrera can't say on the trail.

[Donut Operator]

Oh, I hate this.

[JD Delay]

Men already.

[Donut Operator]

There's two of them.

[Eli Double Tap]

You boxing with the kung fu handlebars be so much more cool.

[JD Delay]

I thoroughly expect to get shot if I get caught in somebody's house.

[Brandon Herrera]

Just like I almost shot Connor last night and that would have been perfectly justified.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yes, that's what I'm talking about. Say hi to Eli.

[Finn]

He's racially ambiguous. Brandon, his hair is fucking fabulous. Donut.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

A dog joke disposition. And there's a fat electrician. Welcome to Unsubscribe.

[Eli Double Tap]

This video is brought to you by Echelon. Me and my friends over at the unsubscribe podcast decided that we wanted our own energy drink. And rather than starting our own from scratch, we decided to team up with somebody that was already in the energy drink game. Echelon Energy. If you've never heard of them, they have a cult following inside the US Military, and they're available on almost every US base all over the globe. Now, the original Echelon came in a 12 ounce can. It had 300 milligrams of caffeine and it was basically pre workout and all the flavors were spicy. I mean, this one's literally Mango Reaper. I'm not exaggerating, Exaggerating. This is literally banned in Canada and it's great, but it's not great for everybody in every situation. And that's what we were looking for, was an energy drink that you could just drink and not have your teeth start itching. So when Unsubscribe Podcast bought in, we created the unsubscribe line. None of these flavors are spicy, and the first two flavors we're rolling out are Atomic Cola and Cherry Lime Landmine, which we may or may not have selected exclusively based on how well they tasted mixed with other things. These are 16 ounce cans instead of 12. Each one has a hundred milligrams of caffeine and it is one of, if not the cleanest energy drink on the market. You read the other ingredient category on most energy drinks and it's like 30 words that you can't even begin to pronounce. But on Echelon it's literally carbonated water, phosphoric acid, natural flavors, Sucralose. That's it. Zero sugar, five calories. And the best part is we added hydration in there. With that small ingredient list, you're also getting sodium, magnesium, and potassium. So you're actually getting an energy drink that doesn't dehydrate the ever living out of you and give you a headache a couple hours later. So if you're at a military base, go check it out. It should be at the px. If you're not, you can pick it [e-mail] use code unsub. You're gonna save 10%. And with your guys's help, hopefully these will be in gas stations soon. And that'll be easy for everybody.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah.

[Finn]

F stop. F stop. Shudder. Three, two, one.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah.

[Finn]

Oh, Cody, kick is off.

[Donut Operator]

Y' all ready to get a difficult one? Hi, everyone. Welcome to the Unsubscribe podcast. I'm joined today by Eli Double Tap, Fat electrician, JD Delay, Angry Comps, Brandon Herrera, myself, Dawn and operator. Thank you so much for being here. This is a chaos podcast.

[Brandon Herrera]

Apparently, 20% more words than you normally have to say.

[Finn]

Oh, hey, that's enough from you, Cody.

[Eli Double Tap]

Poncho. Poncho, button up.

[Donut Operator]

See myself out.

[Finn]

He just fades away after you do your intro. Fade back at the end.

[Brandon Herrera]

Subtitles just say like mumbles and Pearl Jam.

[JD Delay]

Hold on, hold on. You guys smell that? Do that. That's a lot of testosterone at this table.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Oh, yeah. Hell yeah, dude.

[Finn]

The taco meats out. Everyone is sponsored by Poncho now.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Oh, yeah, we are.

[Brandon Herrera]

Well, I mean, the podcast is. I'm not sponsored by them. I just like their shirts.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Wait, is the podcast sponsored by Poncho?

[Eli Double Tap]

Yes.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, I did this ironically.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, but now we can talk about Poncha. No.

[Finn]

Which hopefully you can insert that ad here.

[JD Delay]

I forgot.

[Finn]

Oh, you have.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I have a present.

[Eli Double Tap]

Oh, me.

[Finn]

This went so well last time.

[Brandon Herrera]

Do you remember the last time this happened?

[JD Delay]

Adios, meows.

[Brandon Herrera]

Look at this guy.

[JD Delay]

There we go.

[Brandon Herrera]

Look at this sex machine.

[Finn]

Cody Donut. Brandon, who is it?

[Brandon Herrera]

Hi, everyone.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Hi, everyone. I'm Brandon Herrera, and I get to say everything that real Brandon Herrera can't say on the trail.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, you're like, oh, I hate this bit already.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I'm not Brandon Herrera.

[Donut Operator]

You're like the key and pill that Obama like, the one that has to say the things for Brandon.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I'm not Brandon Herrera's anger interpreter. I'm just a man named not Brandon Herrera.

[JD Delay]

With this camera set up, am I going to be in the frame with him when he does this?

[Donut Operator]

Yes.

[JD Delay]

Fuck me. Welcome to not getting a pardon now.

[Brandon Herrera]

Welcome to my world.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I give you the best presents real. Brandon.

[Finn]

Is this what you were waiting for? Weeks. Weeks.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I bought one poncho shirt and I was like, I know what I must do, but will I be strong enough?

[Brandon Herrera]

You bought the ponchos, grew the beard. You're like, I know what I have to do.

[Finn]

I did. I hate it. So where's your red. The red glasses? Cody, hand in those really quick.

[Brandon Herrera]

It's uncanny.

[Finn]

Now put those ones on.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, Put.

[Finn]

No, Rich. Rich needs the gold glasses.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Give me the gold ones because that.

[Finn]

Is a. Brandon, the Tony Stark glasses.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

These ones? Sure. Thank you, Brandon.

[Brandon Herrera]

Thank you, Brandon.

[Eli Double Tap]

The best body double.

[Finn]

What's your campaign? Tell me what you're running for.

[Brandon Herrera]

No, no, you're not a body double yet. Let me see. Yeah, you'll work. You'll work out.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

It's cold in here.

[JD Delay]

Can we talk about who you're running against? Not Brandon Herrera.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I'm not Brandon Herrera and I'm running against Tony Gonzalez, a man who moans when he wipes.

[Brandon Herrera]

I'm actually Brandon Herrera. And I unironically had no idea this bit was going to happen.

[Finn]

That's right.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Brandon Herrera, who's my best friend.

[Brandon Herrera]

You're like a kid when they're playing peekaboo. Like, no object permanence.

[Eli Double Tap]

Cody's in the corner with an erection. Like, technically, this isn't cheating.

[JD Delay]

Yeah, there's two of them, you know, twin dudes, gonna go, leave.

[Finn]

He's like, bye. He's like, no, no, stay and keep the outfit on. Brandon, come with me.

[Brandon Herrera]

Now there are two of them.

[JD Delay]

The twin brother thing on the Internet hasn't been good lately. Ever since the Island Boys started making only fans together.

[Brandon Herrera]

Thank you for reminding me that happened.

[JD Delay]

You're very welcome.

[Eli Double Tap]

Editor, zoom in on Cody's forehead and cut to the scene from Austin Powers.

[JD Delay]

Twins.

[Brandon Herrera]

Twins.

[Finn]

Basil twins.

[Donut Operator]

There's so many cool buttholes here that don'.

[Finn]

Good on paper as you do the mic.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Shit.

[Eli Double Tap]

You. I saw that.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

This is what real Brendon Herrera and not real Brendan Herrera do whenever we're nervous.

[JD Delay]

It's a nice stem.

[Finn]

So we got amazing gifts. Like two amazing. A lot of amazing gifts. But these two. This one was probably the best reaction.

[Donut Operator]

So yesterday we did the pepper box unboxing of the first time we did our PO box. And as soon as this one was opened up, we were like, holy. Someone sent us their Grandpa's like, war skull.

[Brandon Herrera]

Everyone was like, oh, yeah.

[Donut Operator]

We went.

[Finn]

Oh, my God.

[Eli Double Tap]

Holy.

[JD Delay]

Got marks on the back.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Robert kills there with your finger, dude.

[Finn]

Who's Jeremy?

[Eli Double Tap]

Who sent the skull?

[Donut Operator]

Jeremy. Jeremy. Billy.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah, Jeremy sent a skull. Billy sent us a helmet. But we thought that was real for longer. Long enough for me to start Googling the legal ramifications of keeping it like this.

[Brandon Herrera]

This paint job.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah, show the camera. Show the camera how detailed it is at, like, the base of the skull.

[Finn]

Like, on the bottom.

[Brandon Herrera]

Like, it is.

[JD Delay]

It looks really.

[Eli Double Tap]

That looks real.

[Donut Operator]

That's why when they handed it to me, I was like, should I be holding this right now?

[Finn]

And it didn't help. In the letter, he started with, hey, my grandpa took this from Man King or something like this.

[Brandon Herrera]

You can see some of the layer lines if you look really closely now. But, like, on first glance, you would.

[Finn]

Never know also how excited we were to receive a human skull. Most people would be like, oh, my God.

[JD Delay]

We started screaming.

[Eli Double Tap]

There's tally marks on it. Oh, my God. Marks on the back of it.

[Brandon Herrera]

And that was. That was the moment I realized, man, I've got great friends. This is the friend group I want to be a part of.

[Donut Operator]

As soon as we picked it up, we're like, should we, like, be recording this right now? It is not an actual skull.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah, it's 3D printed.

[JD Delay]

And it's really good.

[Donut Operator]

It's really good.

[Brandon Herrera]

If it was real and none of us or. And we were never gonna put footage of that on the Internet, we would have had to, like, wrestle or draw straws for who was gonna keep it.

[Donut Operator]

Well, I was talking to Eli after it, and I'm like, eli, we both seen corpses before. Like, you were infantry. I did police things. I'm like, that. That looked real, dude.

[Eli Double Tap]

The other part, because, like, you guys had it first, and we were just kind of handing it down the line, so I didn't get to feel it yet, but I was already looking at all the painting on it, and, like, all the painting is accurate. Like, he did some homework on it, because it's like the emblem on the forehead is the 2nd Marine Division. That's the 2nd Marine Raiders. And then the side, it says Gung Ho, which is their slogan, because they were founded by Carlson Evans, who, like, learned all his warfare stuff from guerrilla fighters in China. And he's the one that popularized gung ho in the English language because it means work together.

[Brandon Herrera]

I already find your historical segments to be very interesting. They are much more interesting when you're holding a Skull.

[Eli Double Tap]

To be or not to be. The paint job is historically accurate.

[Donut Operator]

My favorite picture is the. Remember the. The female sitting there looking at the skull that, like, heard her suitor sent her? You know what I'm talking about. Jamie, bring that picture up. She's just sitting there looking at it.

[Brandon Herrera]

That's a real thing. They would boil skulls, the trophy skulls.

[Finn]

Like that was to their spouses.

[Brandon Herrera]

It's a real thing in the Pacific, back when chivalry.

[Donut Operator]

Have you seen that?

[JD Delay]

I guess not.

[Finn]

Yeah, no, I know.

[Eli Double Tap]

It was a thing where you would, like, send your sweetheart the skull of another guy that you killed as a war trophy.

[JD Delay]

That's romantic. I would just gush.

[Finn]

When did we go wrong?

[Eli Double Tap]

I'm just saying there's a direct correlation between the rise of Jody and when we quit sending.

[Finn]

Too.

[JD Delay]

Does anybody know the legality of owning human remains in Texas? Because I know it's illegal in Oregon. I was in jail with a dude who was in there for unlawful possession of human remains.

[Brandon Herrera]

Sorry on that.

[JD Delay]

Okay, so this dude was in there for three counts of unlawful possession of human remains. They found him with three different fingers, and they ended up. Only they reduced it to just two charges because two of the fingers matched. When they got the DNA back, the third one didn't match. So he got two felony charges for it, but he refused to tell them anything about it, who they were. They didn't. It was.

[Brandon Herrera]

Well, that's the shady part.

[JD Delay]

Yeah, yeah. He would not tell them. And he was a. He was a.

[Brandon Herrera]

Never mind off.

[JD Delay]

He was a public meth cook and a meth dealer, so I'm assuming that it was a collection sort of thing.

[Brandon Herrera]

Their mind off is a wild statement to police about finding human body parts.

[JD Delay]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I don't know if you've heard of the Supreme Court case. Finders keepers. And, you know, I always thought that the skull was real when we first saw it because it was so small, I figured it had to be Asian.

[Brandon Herrera]

Your Honor, my client clearly does not fall under the provision of losers.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Leapers and finders keepers would exonerate him of any wrongdoing.

[Brandon Herrera]

Of course.

[Finn]

I love.

[Donut Operator]

You know, my favorite Supreme Court court case is when you pull into your driveway, obviously you're at home base, so you can't be arrested.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

You have to say olliolioxin free, though. Yeah, if you don't say those words specifically, then you can still be arrested.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, but I'm home. Why are you pulling me over?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I made it. This is my safe space.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, so can you do a full.

[JD Delay]

High Speed chase and peel into your driveway.

[Eli Double Tap]

That's like grand theft auto. If you pull into the garage, the Supreme. Forget them.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, sick. I've committed a lot of murders, but because I keep wr car different colors, nobody's caught me.

[JD Delay]

That's a good tip. Not Brandon Herrera.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

A vote for murder is a vote for Brandon Herrera.

[Brandon Herrera]

That. No.

[Donut Operator]

Jamie, cut that out.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Now we keep his.

[Brandon Herrera]

I knew I would hate this bit immediately.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Me too. That's why I love it.

[Brandon Herrera]

I'm like, oh, rich has a gift.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Oh, what's.

[Finn]

What's that?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

The Beware Greeks.

[Brandon Herrera]

Giving, bringing gifts.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

That's true. There's that. But you do look quite Greek right now. Imitation is the highest form of flattery.

[Brandon Herrera]

Doesn't feel like it.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I want to be you.

[Donut Operator]

I'm gonna wear your skin. I'm gonna put your makeup on.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

If you don't let me do it.

[Donut Operator]

I'm gonna wear a burger.

[Brandon Herrera]

I'm gonna wear your skin like a cold.

[Donut Operator]

In Los Angeles or in the ring?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

In the ring.

[Donut Operator]

In the ring.

[JD Delay]

I'm literally going to.

[Eli Double Tap]

He, like, struggled to stay in character there too.

[Finn]

You're joking, right?

[Eli Double Tap]

No.

[Brandon Herrera]

In real life or in the ring? No, in real life, you are the.

[Donut Operator]

Two scariest looking fucking people.

[JD Delay]

What did we do? Yeah, what did I do?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

It looks like you guys make meth and run on illegal. Like 1%.

[Eli Double Tap]

I look like I run. Please.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

You ride in a one percenter motorcycle club.

[JD Delay]

I mean, I'm not gonna say I haven't called the house Pringles cooked meth in several years now.

[Donut Operator]

Like, my. My favorite part is, like, sitting down at. Like, we, we, you know, we. We go out to our breakfast and we come do the podcast. Sitting down at breakfast, like, what? The poor little waiters look at us and they're like, what did these guys do? Like, we got you guys. And then. And then.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Well, we're both running for Congress.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

Like, why are we here at 10 o'?

[Eli Double Tap]

Clock? It doesn't help that we all pull up in different cars and Brandon has a cyber truck, and you've got jacked up truck and everything. So you pull up in all these nice vehicles and we look like complete degenerates. And you're wearing your drug dealer glasses.

[JD Delay]

Like, and then we order hibiscus teas, and they're like, oh, this is clearly a grinder meal.

[Donut Operator]

Also, the funniest picture I took of you guys. I haven't seen you have it. JD Have I showed you that picture?

[JD Delay]

No.

[Donut Operator]

I took a picture of you guys. Like, it's total Hashtag girl moment.

[Brandon Herrera]

You guys are influencing.

[JD Delay]

Oh, I'm glad you got Zach in that. I feel like he felt bad he didn't get in the. The arm loop.

[Donut Operator]

It was the sweetest thing.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I was just trying to have a good time with my constituents.

[JD Delay]

We had just gotten mani pedis together.

[Brandon Herrera]

Well, he can't.

[JD Delay]

We're going to do a poetry read.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

No, he's a Democrat.

[Finn]

He can vote.

[Brandon Herrera]

I said, well, oh, there you go. That's fair. Hey, Nick. Can't vote here. You just can't vote.

[JD Delay]

I can vote.

[Eli Double Tap]

Really?

[JD Delay]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Brandon Herrera]

Did that get restored?

[JD Delay]

Yeah. So, like, it depends on where you live. It's funny how constitutional rights depend on where you live.

[Brandon Herrera]

Wild.

[JD Delay]

But in the state of Oregon, I have full voting rights.

[Eli Double Tap]

No shit.

[JD Delay]

And the state of Florida, it's. Once you get off paper, it's. A lot of people think felons can't vote nationwide. But like, most states have either a path to restoration or you automatically get restored once you get off of paper some. I think there's two states that let you vote while you're incarcerated.

[Brandon Herrera]

I know there were a couple states, like Virginia was trying to do it. It was kind of like as a plea to get more voters. It's like restoration of, you know, voting rights for felons and stuff like that. But at the time it was like a political manipulation. So, like, I knew that that was possibly a thing, but I thought most places didn't.

[JD Delay]

I'm not for sale, but I will vote for whoever the fuck restores my gun rights right now. I got you.

[Donut Operator]

Vote for.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Restoring felon gun rights is a vote for Brendan Herrera.

[Brandon Herrera]

Unironically. I do have a take about that. That pisses a lot of people off.

[Eli Double Tap]

Let's hear it.

[Brandon Herrera]

My whole thing was because people. Oh, would you want. You want felons to be able to own guns? Like, listen, first of all, I think there's a massive differentiation between non violent felon and violent felon. If you, you know, if you shot a guy while robbing a liquor store, this is a completely different conversation than tax fraud. Yeah, I feel like that's fairly reasonable. But on top of that, even when it comes to violent felons, if they're, if you've. If you are considered so much of a danger to society that they feel like you can never be trusted with a weapon for the rest of your life, why did we let you back into society?

[Eli Double Tap]

I feel the same way.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

My other question is, what did she do that she deserved that violent felony?

[Brandon Herrera]

Please take that wig off.

[Finn]

Right?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

People are need to ask these questions to give them their gun rights.

[JD Delay]

What was she wearing?

[Eli Double Tap]

In the words of Detective High, what was she wearing? Obviously not body armor.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Good thing he's not here.

[Eli Double Tap]

Oh, my God.

[Brandon Herrera]

Damn, Nick.

[Finn]

Here's the thing though is Brandon disappears.

[JD Delay]

When I was an active criminal.

[Brandon Herrera]

Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good. All of your favorite NBA players are black. I mean back.

[Eli Double Tap]

I mean both were right.

[Finn]

I'm just waiting for K. Cody to say it.

[Donut Operator]

Pack of menthols, any car.

[Finn]

Draft King Sportsbook. An official sports betting partner of the NBA. It's the place to bet on those NBA stars this season.

[Donut Operator]

New customers just bet five bucks and get three months of NBA league pass.

[Eli Double Tap]

What's that?

[Finn]

If I know boards, I don't know.

[Eli Double Tap]

But you're also gonna win 300 if your bet wins in free bets.

[Finn]

Hayden, bonus bets.

[Eli Double Tap]

Correct.

[Brandon Herrera]

Now, something I do understand.

[Finn]

You can't say that word.

[JD Delay]

Understand.

[Finn]

Download the DraftKings sportsbook app and use code UNSUB.

[Eli Double Tap]

That's code UNSUB.

[Donut Operator]

Bet five bucks and get three months of League Pass.

[Brandon Herrera]

Plus get 300 in bonus bets if your bet wins. Gambling problem. Call 1-800- gambler in New York. Call 877-8-HOPEPENNY. What? Hope New York. Hope NY.

[Finn]

Hopeny.

[Brandon Herrera]

Hopany.

[Finn]

Brandon just said hopefully not hope New York.

[Brandon Herrera]

It's spelled H O P E N Y.

[Finn]

So much better.

[Brandon Herrera]

Or text hopany467-369 In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-878-97777 or visit ccpg.org somebody else takeover. I'm having a stroke.

[Eli Double Tap]

Please play responsibly on behalf of Boot Hill Casino and Resort in Kansas. Pass through.

[Finn]

What?

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, pass through per wager.

[Eli Double Tap]

Tax may apply in Illinois. God Damn. This is one sentence.

[Finn]

21 plus. Age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario. Restrictions apply.

[Eli Double Tap]

Bet must win to receive bonus bets.

[Finn]

Which expire in seven days.

[Eli Double Tap]

Minimum odds required. NBA lead pass.

[Finn]

Auto renews until canceled. Additional terms at DKNG Co Audio. Limited time offer. You can't win big if you don't bet big.

[Brandon Herrera]

Sun Tzu said that when I was.

[JD Delay]

An active criminal, I always packed a pistol. I had a pistol on me all the. I've got one of the charges to prove it. Most of my high speed chases. I've been in 11 high speed chases. Most the time it was because, like, I can't get caught with this gun and this amount of dope. So I'm just trying to get that out the window and have the Cops not see me throw it out the window. If I can turn the corner, get rid of that. I don't care about going to jail for a stolen car in a high speed chase. I'm with that.

[Brandon Herrera]

But what a sentence.

[JD Delay]

Now that I'm in recovery, I bet.

[Eli Double Tap]

J has the coolest parades ever.

[JD Delay]

I haven't owned a gun since I've been in recovery. Now that I'm law abiding, like when I was a criminal too, I loved the idea of gun control. Law abiding citizens can't have guns because I'm still going to have it that I don't want an even playing field.

[Brandon Herrera]

You're literally proof from the other side.

[JD Delay]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

And that's why I'm all about restoring gun rights for felons.

[JD Delay]

A vote for Brandon Herrera gets me a pistol.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I want more guns in this man's hand. Brandon Herrera.

[Finn]

Brandon's like, why? Why does Rich.

[Eli Double Tap]

Why?

[Brandon Herrera]

You know, here I was naive enough to think that my friends were gonna help make this easier for me.

[Eli Double Tap]

Oh, you should see how hard we're gonna. Tony.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

If we're you, this hard.

[JD Delay]

That's where the support comes from, bro.

[Eli Double Tap]

You. You and Tony are in a cage fight, but you're locked in the ring with us.

[JD Delay]

You should see the size of the strap on I bought for Tony.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

We're all gonna have violent felonies and not able to own firearms after this. Like, damn.

[Eli Double Tap]

Damn.

[JD Delay]

Good luck. On the Internet.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

A vote for making politicians scared is a vote for Brendan Herrera.

[Brandon Herrera]

We legitimately had a hat that. That said that it was make politicians afraid again.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah. Something happened. What happened?

[Brandon Herrera]

So that was the crazy part because that in the context of why we made the hat and the shirt, that was something I genuinely believed in. But it was, it was in a metaphorical sense of like, make them afraid for their job.

[Eli Double Tap]

Lose their job. Yeah, yeah.

[Donut Operator]

That was the whole point.

[Brandon Herrera]

It's like, like make them afraid of, you know, for their position so that they vote correctly. Entire point of my first run.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Right, but did something happen that might have put like a wrench in that?

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, it was. It happened in July last year, the fourth of July.

[Eli Double Tap]

And we still know nothing about the shooter.

[Donut Operator]

Weird.

[Brandon Herrera]

That's really crazy.

[JD Delay]

You don't say.

[Eli Double Tap]

That kid, he was like, what? Pull up his imbd. He was in a Blackrock commercial.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, yeah, he was.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

He had a cool shirt, too.

[Brandon Herrera]

I won't say his name because again, these people.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, the Demo Ranch shirt. Yeah, yeah.

[JD Delay]

Brandon Herrera shirt.

[Finn]

Nothing came out against him.

[Eli Double Tap]

No. They. We know nothing about that guy.

[JD Delay]

We know it was in a rock.

[Eli Double Tap]

We know his name and he was in a black rock commercial and he likes it.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Fish sticks.

[Eli Double Tap]

Huh?

[JD Delay]

I didn't know any of that.

[Finn]

That's wild.

[Eli Double Tap]

What?

[Finn]

What?

[JD Delay]

Oh God.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Look at how malnourished that guy is.

[Donut Operator]

You know, he love.

[Brandon Herrera]

Right.

[JD Delay]

I heard there was an incident with some chicken tenders that happened yesterday on a cruise ship.

[Brandon Herrera]

Do what?

[JD Delay]

There was an incident on a cruise ship over chicken tenders. Speaking of delicious fried foods, there was a huge brawl that happened over a lack of chicken tenders.

[Brandon Herrera]

Understandable.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

It is like that sometimes acts of.

[JD Delay]

Violence for fried chicken is definitely a thing.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

All right. You know, and I'm really upset with the Asian community in doing that fight.

[JD Delay]

How dare they.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

It was definitely them. It would not be any other group. And then. And you know, and I hope that we can all heal from that.

[Finn]

I love everyone. You are the active duty police officer.

[Brandon Herrera]

And you're the one whose comments on social media actually have a career.

[Eli Double Tap]

I know.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I'm saying I love fried foods. And I'm sure that the Asian people that did that are very sorry.

[Eli Double Tap]

The holidays have arrived at the Home.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Depot and we're here to help bring.

[Finn]

The excitement with decor for every part of your home.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Check out our wide assortment of easy to assemble pre lit trees so you.

[Finn]

Can spend less time setting up and more time celebrating.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

And bring your holiday spirit outdoors with unique decor. Like one of our Santa inflatables. Whatever your style, find the right pieces at the right prices this holiday season.

[Finn]

At the Home Depot. Am I wrong?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Was it some other group of people?

[Brandon Herrera]

Speaking of which, I. I am very excited that we might have the actual roof Korean coming on the channel.

[Eli Double Tap]

Oh, that's gonna be awesome.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah. Because we're talking about doing the Daewoo. The Daewoo rifle that was used of course. Like it's the famous picture right on the rooftop in the LA riots from the actual roof Korean. And we invited him on the channel. You started talking with him. We invited him on and he's down.

[Eli Double Tap]

Was it. Didn't he post a video a couple months ago where he was like walking down the sidewalk and he had like one of those fairly large yeti like drinking vessels and it has like the little handle on the lit on the screw in lid and he had like three fingers through it and he was walking and like some protester went up and grabbed him and he just went wham. And clocked him with it. And you saw like the yeti handle break off. And it was dented.

[Brandon Herrera]

Did he really?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I.

[Eli Double Tap]

He posted the video. I thought it was him. I don't know if he was just reposting the video of somebody else, but, like, when I first caught it, at a glance, I thought it was him that did it.

[Brandon Herrera]

Whoever did it was baller as hell.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

They try to take his echelon.

[JD Delay]

You can dent a yeti on a liberal skull.

[Finn]

He did.

[Brandon Herrera]

If a protester comes up and assault you, assaults you, they're no longer protesting. They're assaulting a fucking bystander.

[Donut Operator]

Well, that's life. If someone assaults you, you can hit them back.

[JD Delay]

That's I I. Oh, you're a protester.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, in that case, do what you want all the time.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah.

[JD Delay]

I got called a racist because I put out a shirt that says, you loot we shoot. Which is a very famous Florida thing. Like Desantis will come out before natural disasters. Grady Judd comes out before natural disasters and says, hey, if this hurricane hits and you break into people's houses, they have the right to shoot you. This is a you loot. We shoot state. And so I put up alligator head on this.

[Eli Double Tap]

You guys tell me people are like, play. The caption is mostly peaceful water bottle.

[JD Delay]

Mostly peaceful water.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

That looks like him.

[Finn]

Oh, that.

[Donut Operator]

That's him.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Boom.

[JD Delay]

Oh, he snapped two of them.

[Eli Double Tap]

Turn the volume up.

[Donut Operator]

Piece of.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I'm gonna play that thonk again.

[JD Delay]

I'm pretty sure that sound is one of the. The drum sounds in a Slipknot song.

[Eli Double Tap]

Piece of.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Here it comes.

[Brandon Herrera]

We need to edit that into, like, Phil Collins.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I can feel it hitting my skull tonight.

[Donut Operator]

Well, that goes into what we're talking about. We talk about sometimes, like, there's so many young men out there who have never been bonked in the face before.

[JD Delay]

God damn it.

[Brandon Herrera]

By the time you turn 18, you need to have been punched in the face.

[Finn]

Was that video I think that mandatory.

[JD Delay]

Can a vote for Brandon Herrera is a vote for getting punched in the man pleaser before you turn 18.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Gentlemen, punching juveniles is pro Brandon Herrera. Have we.

[Brandon Herrera]

God damn it.

[Eli Double Tap]

Have you considered if you just started sending out mailers, that you're going to ballish cycling in District 23?

[Brandon Herrera]

We. I have a story about that.

[Eli Double Tap]

They have the right to travel for one.

[Brandon Herrera]

As a congressman, you can't do that just like district to district. So that's more like state, like legislature, where you do it in, you know, Texas. I know that's a very boring answer, but we did talk to a state legislator at one point about making laws a little bit more Lenient against cyclists for some very specific things because my.

[Eli Double Tap]

God, cyclists are the people that hit them with their cars.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, those people.

[JD Delay]

Yeah. The heroes of the story.

[Brandon Herrera]

Well, because here's, here's my problem. How many times have you rounded a corner, especially up in like the hill country and shit like that, and there's a cluster of cyclists in the middle of the road where like, if you're going the speed limit on that road, it is very hard to slow down in time.

[Eli Double Tap]

As somebody that doesn't live here, if you've never been to Texas, it is dark as here at night there's like, if you get off the main highway, there is no street lights. And like I'm from the Midwest, so all the roads are cement colored and here they're black. So it's, it is dark, dark out. If you're cycling at dusk or night, like it's not. By the time I see you, even if I am paying attention, it might.

[Brandon Herrera]

Be too late or in the direction of the sun or something like that.

[Eli Double Tap]

Right.

[Brandon Herrera]

It's scary. I would never do it.

[Eli Double Tap]

Right.

[Donut Operator]

Well, they, they put their little flashers sometimes, like they don't do it all the time. They put their little flashers on the back of their bikes. But yeah, when I'm coming around a curb curve, I have to slam on my brakes and I'm like, holy. Almost killed a man.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah.

[Eli Double Tap]

And the speed limits here are crazy. We've talked about the speed limits here before. It's like back roads are those residential neighborhoods and shit where it's like 30 foot driveways. And the speed limit is 55 miles an hour on a road that does this.

[Brandon Herrera]

West Texas is basically the autobahn on the highways. If, if you're going like the speed limit is like 80 miles an hour and if you're going 80, you'll get nasty looks. 85, I think because there's, there's, there's nothing. It's just empty.

[Eli Double Tap]

When we went out the left lanes for crime, when we went out to drive tanks headed out there and Oklahoma are the only two places I've seen 85 mile an hour speed limit signs.

[Finn]

Which means 10 and then you'd have to do 10 over that just to be going the speed limit.

[JD Delay]

Like what, what's the point of even having a high speed chase with that type of a speed limit, bro, there's.

[Brandon Herrera]

That'S just called traffic.

[JD Delay]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[Finn]

Yeah. You, when you first came out and visited, you were going in 80 and a. Cops like, yeah.

[Eli Double Tap]

I was like, oh shit. A cops coming past me. I'm going nine over. Flew past me, looked at me like I was a idiot.

[Brandon Herrera]

Like, which is. It's kind of a necessity, though, because out there, there's, like, there's miles and miles between even an exit. Like, it's just nothing. It is flat and empty desert. Yeah.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

That's why when I go and become your congressman, I'm going to allow people to go as fast as they want with at least one alcoholic beverage in their country car.

[Brandon Herrera]

That's not true.

[Donut Operator]

Also ban cyclists, Brandon.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I'm also going to allow people to hit cyclists with the proper brush guards and taxes. That's how I'm going to keep this state tax free, by taxing bumper guards for cyclists.

[Brandon Herrera]

Reminder. Richard High is not on the ballot.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Real Brennan Herrera supports this message. No, not real. Not real Brennan Herrera supports this message.

[JD Delay]

I love sheriff in Florida, but if you guys seen how many times that dude has been hit on his bike. He's an avid cyclist. He's been hit three times. The last time, a girl was just texting while driving, and he. There was. Right. Here is the bike path, then here's the road. And he's in the road. And she smashed him, bro. And then drove off.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

And yet he still hasn't learned.

[JD Delay]

No, I think he still do. I'm pretty sure he's still doing. She's in prison for, like, foreign ever, bro.

[Brandon Herrera]

But, yeah, that wig has to be getting hot.

[Donut Operator]

You see my new.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

It's very itchy.

[JD Delay]

Cyclists don't go to heaven. Yes.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I forgot to put on the hairnet, and it's directly against my scalp. I'm pretty sure this is China mites all over it. You know, the kind that would have been in that skull.

[Eli Double Tap]

Richard has asbestos poisoning.

[JD Delay]

I heard Tony Gonzalez is an outfit biker, and he even shaves his legs so that he can go faster.

[Brandon Herrera]

This is true.

[Donut Operator]

We were talking about this this morning. I did a video recently about a dude named Gary Pico, and I'm sorry.

[Eli Double Tap]

What was his last name?

[Finn]

Peacock.

[Donut Operator]

It's Peacock.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh.

[Eli Double Tap]

Oh, okay, Okay.

[Finn]

I was like, that unfortunate guy.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

A vote for Tony Gonzalez is a vote for Peacocks.

[Donut Operator]

This little teenager, like, gives him the. Right away, pulls around him, but he follows the teenager back to the skit. Like the teenager was going to the skate park. He follows the teenager back to the skate park, and he, like, closes the teenager's door and, like, holds him in there, and he's like, you didn't give me the enough. Enough room to pass. You didn't give me enough Room to pass. It's like it was. It's the craziest.

[Eli Double Tap]

Like, he called the cops.

[Donut Operator]

He calls 911 the Peacock dude does, and he's like, you need to come here right now. He didn't give me enough room to pass. And it's wild because the teenager's really chill about it. He's just like, yeah, yeah. Like, what the are you so mad about, man?

[Finn]

I don't think he even did anything cranky.

[Donut Operator]

He didn't do anything wrong.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

He called the old man cranky. Yeah, it's such a slur for people over 60. Like, oh, you're cranky, huh?

[Brandon Herrera]

My favorite is this is why your kids don't come to Thanksgiving.

[Donut Operator]

Well, the old man, he was wearing like the, the tights and he had this giant ass helmet on his four thousand dollar probably bike.

[Finn]

They ticketed him. The police did?

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, they. Yeah, they ticketed him.

[JD Delay]

Thank God.

[Finn]

Dude, if he held the door shut.

[Eli Double Tap]

He should be charged with kidnapping, in my opinion.

[Finn]

No, we were just talking.

[Donut Operator]

That's what we were talking about. It's like, it should be false imprisonment.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

In District 23, you'll be allowed to abduct and hold people against their will. And providing bikes. No, not real Brandon Herrera approves his message. Abduct more Bice list.

[Brandon Herrera]

Did nobody pass 4th grade civics as to where you think a congressman's jurisdiction is?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I've never driven a civic.

[Finn]

American made for not real.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Brandon Herrera.

[Donut Operator]

Sure.

[Eli Double Tap]

I'm always blown away by like the comment sections on videos like that, because there was one the other day where there's like road rage. And this dude, like pulls up and cuts this dude off and slams on the brakes in the middle of the road and like, forces him to stop his car and gets out and starts storming towards his truck. And this guy pulls a gun out, doesn't get out of the car, but sticks the gun out the window, says, get the back in your car right now. And the dude like. And goes and gets back in his car and off. And the whole comment section like, wow, you think it's appropriate to just pull a gun on somebody?

[JD Delay]

Because. Yeah, yes, yes. Yeah.

[Eli Double Tap]

What? Like that's the best out. What do you want him to do? Get out and duke it out with the guy. And one of them smacks their head on the concrete and dies. Like, it completely defuse the entire situation.

[Finn]

People don't realize how fast you can die. And like, I get hit in the jaw, I get knocked out, my head slams against the concrete. Dead. This person wrong. And they Just died. That's happened multiple times.

[Donut Operator]

That's a big thing that's been going on online for a while now too, is if someone breaks into your house, should you be able to shoot them?

[JD Delay]

Yes, yes, yes, yes. If somebody's attempting to break into your house, you should be able to shoot, open my door. Pew, pew, pew.

[Brandon Herrera]

Is that.

[Donut Operator]

People like to argue too. They say, is my life worth more than your property? Like, yes, my property is worth more than your fucking life.

[Eli Double Tap]

My property is worth. You asked that question to yourself before you broke into my house and you decided my shit was worth your life.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yes.

[Eli Double Tap]

That's a you thing, not a me thing.

[Brandon Herrera]

On top of that, my property is worth more than the life of somebody that would endanger me and my family to take my property.

[JD Delay]

I assume if you come in my house, you're trying to kill my wife and my dog, and I will make you dead for that.

[Eli Double Tap]

So this is, like on Twitter right now. I was reading it this morning. There's a dude in Canada that's getting. Going through court right now, getting charged with murder because he shot someone that broke into his house. And they're saying, well, he was just there to steal stuff.

[Finn]

How would you know that? That's the biggest thing for me. Like, how would I even.

[Eli Double Tap]

You need to do that.

[Brandon Herrera]

Risk.

[Eli Double Tap]

You need to determine what his intent. Like, I don't have time to psychoanalyze some dude that just woke me up by breaking the fucking window. Like, I'm assuming the worst.

[JD Delay]

Yeah, like, fuck off. Well, you're talking about Canada. And they, they had a press release to leave your key fob outside your house so that people can just take your car so they don't end up hurting you or you having to hurt them too.

[Brandon Herrera]

No, if I wake up in the middle, in the middle of the night and you are in my house. Sorry. Your life is now on the table. Just like I almost shot Connor last night. And that would have been perfectly justified.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Absolutely. That's why in District 23, you're allowed to shoot anybod in your house, regardless of if they're there legally or not. Shooting people in your house should be everybody's right. No, not Neil Brandon Herrera.

[JD Delay]

God bless Merk.

[Brandon Herrera]

I live alone.

[Eli Double Tap]

So on the side, if you didn't, if you did accidentally shoot him, there's like a zero percent chance you were getting a headshot.

[JD Delay]

We have two people with law enforcement expertise here.

[Brandon Herrera]

It's because Connor's giving the finger.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

District 23, we are only going to make seven and a quarter hats. And larger people with tinier heads aren't real people. They can go back to Indiana or wherever they came from in their busted Jeep Wranglers or Ford Focuses or Rangers. Also, District 23 will take over Canada.

[Brandon Herrera]

When I'm elected, I will say that is literally polar opposite side of the.

[JD Delay]

Country with two people that have law enforcement could not get farther away.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yes, but it will be district 23 and a half. And no voting rights for Canadians. I'm not real Brandon Herrera and I support this message.

[Eli Double Tap]

Not real Brandon Herrera. Canada will henceforth be known as Cold, Cold Texas.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yes, we already named them Snow Mexicans.

[Donut Operator]

The Frostbacks.

[Finn]

Yeah, that's it.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

We will drop off Banjos and Garth Brooks just to wean them into our way of life and feel it.

[Eli Double Tap]

Oh, my God. It's the perfect jeans, right?

[Brandon Herrera]

I can leave.

[Eli Double Tap]

Brandon, get on his shoulders.

[Brandon Herrera]

Up here, big boy.

[Eli Double Tap]

Try the perfect jeans out as earmuffs.

[Finn]

Brandon, how perfect are they?

[Brandon Herrera]

Feels like the perfect jeans.

[Finn]

They're so flexible.

[Eli Double Tap]

I'm fat. I can actually do squats on them. Usually that's an issue. I'm not kidding.

[Brandon Herrera]

I'm picturing you do squat. Doing squats in the gym with these jeans.

[Eli Double Tap]

I could.

[Finn]

Dude, they are like. Like.

[Brandon Herrera]

Eli's just mogging on the audience right now.

[Finn]

Finn, make my dick talk. Now you're watching the ad. And pant season is almost here.

[Eli Double Tap]

It's always pants season if you're a adult.

[Brandon Herrera]

It's August in Texas. We're all wearing jeans.

[Eli Double Tap]

The perfect jeans.

[Finn]

That's right. Today we're talking about the perfect jean. Brandon, how my jeans feel on your neck.

[Brandon Herrera]

Feels like I need to talk to hr.

[Finn]

But they were comfortable, right?

[Brandon Herrera]

Absolutely.

[Finn]

Absolutely. This brand, the Perfect Gene, it's actually perfect. It's real denim, but not the heavy stuff.

[Eli Double Tap]

I just like how they finally say that. We can say your khakis, which works great pretty much everywhere. Except for Boston, I'm sure.

[Brandon Herrera]

Just means the valet is quitting. For a limited time, our listeners get 15 off their first order plus free shipping at The Perfect Gene NYC or.

[Finn]

Google the Perfect Gene and use code UNSUB15 to get 15% off.

[Donut Operator]

Off.

[Eli Double Tap]

It's finally time to stop crushing your balls and wear comfortable jeans. By going to the perfect gene NYC.

[Finn]

Our listeners get 15 off their first order plus free shipping.

[Eli Double Tap]

It's lighter, softer, stretchier, and it's not a sex toy.

[Brandon Herrera]

Not with that attitude.

[Finn]

Use that one.

[Brandon Herrera]

And again, that's free returns. Free exchanges. When you use code unsub15 at checkout.

[Eli Double Tap]

That'S 15 off at checkout for the perfect jeans. Connor loves Perfect James.

[Finn]

He does. They fit him really nice.

[Eli Double Tap]

Oh, pants.

[Donut Operator]

J.D. what were you saying?

[JD Delay]

So, from a criminal's perspective, I want to know if you guys have ever heard this. I need you for a second. Rich, sit that beautiful aspect down for one second.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Sexual harassment will be allowed in District 23.

[JD Delay]

Yes.

[Donut Operator]

Dark Brandon, sit back down.

[Eli Double Tap]

Dark Brandon.

[JD Delay]

I'm not blind.

[Finn]

Whack.

[JD Delay]

From a criminal's experience, if somebody breaks in your house during the day, they're probably there to steal your. If somebody breaks in your house at night, they're probably there for you, not your.

[Eli Double Tap]

That makes sense.

[JD Delay]

Most criminals. So most states, it's an elevated charge if it's an occupied dwelling.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yes.

[JD Delay]

So like a lot of criminals, worst fear is that they break into a house while they think nobody's home. And then all of a sudden it's like this elevated felony where they can do 15 years instead of like 3 years for breaking in, trying to steal a flat screen TV or whatever dastardly they're doing. And you know, somebody's asleep in the house and they wake up and it's like, oh, now it's a 15 year charge. Have you guys ever heard that, that statement?

[Eli Double Tap]

No, no, but it makes complete sense.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

In New York State, it doesn't matter if there's somebody that's in the residence or not, you're still breaking into a dwelling. The dwelling is what makes it a felony. Not that, not the individual. Did I read you incorrect? Did I hear that incorrect?

[JD Delay]

Is it a higher felony for if there's an occupied dweller dwelling?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

No, but I will say this. When it comes out over the air instead of, hey, there's a. There's a burglary in progress. Well, they'll say it's a burglary in progress, but they could also say it's a home invasion.

[JD Delay]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

Like in, I think in South Carolina, where I policed at, it's a, It's a higher thing because it's a home invasion if people are occupying the dwelling at the time.

[JD Delay]

Yeah. It's considered like a violent crime if there's somebody there.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah.

[JD Delay]

At least in Oregon it becomes a measure 11. So that's like a mandatory 70 to 90 months, day for day. No good time, no earn time.

[Brandon Herrera]

Damn.

[Finn]

I know. Texas at night is when you have pretty much open rain to shoot them in or out. It switches from daytime to nighttime, I think. Even in the front yard, right?

[Brandon Herrera]

I believe so. But I mean, honestly, shoot them in yard.

[JD Delay]

Yard at night, in Texas, in District.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

23, you can shoot them in every yard.

[Donut Operator]

We the curtilage. If they're in your cartilage, that's what they call the front yard.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

What does bone density have to do with this?

[JD Delay]

That's what I was thinking.

[Finn]

That's what.

[Eli Double Tap]

So it is.

[Finn]

That's the rule for Texas, I think.

[Donut Operator]

In Texas you can just shoot people.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

It's a really good term.

[JD Delay]

I want to move here.

[Eli Double Tap]

Cartilage is like the adjacent thing connected to your house. That's still like your property or whatever.

[Brandon Herrera]

It's like castle doctrine. Expand that to. It's within my moat.

[Donut Operator]

Oh, that's the worst part. There are some states in the United States where you have a duty to retreat out of your residence. You have to run out of your house. If there's an option for you to get out of your house, you have.

[JD Delay]

To do that, even if it's a window.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

In some instances, you're supposed to attempt to. Because New York State is one of those duty to retreat states. So you're supposed to attempt if you can. I'm not. I've got. Hey, you broken my house. There's all my shit. There's weapons in the home, regardless. Or not if they're locked up. And there's also, you know, my property, like my wife. So I will shoot you.

[Brandon Herrera]

What's. What's fucking crazy, though, is if you have. Let's say you have. Have two kids in the house or something on the opposite side and you have. Homeboy breaks in. In the middle. Master bedroom, kids, bedrooms.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Can you shoot?

[Brandon Herrera]

Are you supposed to retreat? God damn it.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

In District 23, you're absolutely allowed to shoot felons when they are in between you and your loved ones. So, yeah, that would be.

[Brandon Herrera]

Actually, yeah.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[Brandon Herrera]

That's the person you said so far. I'm like, all right, way to go, Dark Brandon.

[JD Delay]

That's fair.

[Eli Double Tap]

Put that in the middle of the Venn diagram. Brandon and Dark Brandon get along.

[JD Delay]

As the only felon at the table, I thoroughly expect to get shot if I get caught in somebody's house.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Oh, God, please come over.

[Finn]

Oh.

[Brandon Herrera]

I don't think it works if you invite the felon.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Not in District 23. Oh, man. I just want another stateside kill.

[Brandon Herrera]

Another one. All right, Influencer.

[JD Delay]

Have you killed anyone? State side.

[Finn]

He's influenced him.

[JD Delay]

That you can talk about on the Internet.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I already did.

[JD Delay]

Okay.

[Finn]

Yeah.

[JD Delay]

Officer involved shooting.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

No. Now Decided to check out.

[JD Delay]

Oh, nice. Excellent.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, he did the self scan.

[JD Delay]

Yep. I love it. If you run on this I'm moving a. I'm buying a house here so that I can vote for you. If we could get disposal boxes.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Do you know how many Disney adults are going to be over some Texas guy's shoulder and be like, where do I put them?

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh yeah, dude, the shirt you were wearing on the podcast the other day was like that. Whereas it was like kill your local. And like the guy on the ground was wearing a Disney shirt.

[JD Delay]

Yeah, the. The Hell's angel sent that to me.

[Brandon Herrera]

What a.

[Finn]

What a wild.

[JD Delay]

One of their merch shirts.

[Brandon Herrera]

What a wild flex.

[JD Delay]

Yes.

[Eli Double Tap]

Cody.

[Finn]

It's processing. And Cody said he's like, no.

[Donut Operator]

Some people try to defend the, the stuff. Sometimes it's like, what an odd thing to say. What.

[Brandon Herrera]

It's a. It's a crazy self report.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah.

[JD Delay]

What a fucked up way to say check my hard drive, put me in the wood chipper.

[Donut Operator]

And we, we have politicians to this day who still like tried to defend those people online. Like what they call them minor attracted people.

[Brandon Herrera]

Minor attracted persons.

[Finn]

Dude, the Roblox video is insane. I didn't, I didn't realize it was that bad until meets Papa Meats video on it. Holy shit. Their replies to that this episode is brought to you by cbs.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

DMV is a brand new workplace comedy.

[Finn]

Turning misery into mag magic and chaos into comedy. Starring Harriet Dyer And Tim Meadows, DMV is here to serve you laughs.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Watch Mondays at 8:37:30 Central on CBS.

[Finn]

And streaming on Paramount.

[JD Delay]

Plus dude, it just keeps getting worse and worse. Every day it gets more up. And this started way before Schlep. It just got schlep. Got it big. But they, they sued Reuben Sims. They tried to. He beat them.

[Finn]

The CEO's responses is what's wild when.

[Eli Double Tap]

They, when they decided to good idea to open up a dating app inside the children's game. That's accused of. Oh yeah, that's their new thing, their new plan. They're. They're trying to get a dating app going in Roblox that the thing that's marketed as a children's game is heavily.

[Donut Operator]

Criticized for having half of all children under 16 play Roblox right now in the United States.

[Brandon Herrera]

Do they have ID verification on this app?

[Finn]

No, no. God no.

[JD Delay]

No. Absolutely. That would be unconstitutional and it would ruin their profit margins. They can't do that.

[Finn]

Did you watch a Pop and Meat one yet?

[Brandon Herrera]

I haven't seen any of this yet. I've been off the Internet for a while.

[Finn]

Like in that regard the board is what is wild in the statements they release they're like, well we have talked with the board and our numbers are fine. So we don't see the issue here. They just go directly off numbers are fine. They only care about their margins. And they put that for that is their public facing forward image is that. And they state that it is.

[Donut Operator]

Well, I, I had people in my comments, they're like, damn, Donut's not talking about shootings right now. He's going after this. It's a serious issue.

[Brandon Herrera]

Consider that now two lists I'm interested in running on the Epstein list and the Roblox list. Cuz what the is that all about?

[JD Delay]

Actively, that CEO is actively creating an army of Luigi Mangiones at the moment. Every word that comes out of his mouth, people are like, h I have a unibrow, dude.

[Finn]

It. Where is some of the statements? It was the statements that really.

[JD Delay]

It's crazy. They're so out of pocket that they tried to sue a YouTuber that was like I think 19 at the time. And he's just got like 1.1 million and he was just exposing what's going on on Roblox and they sued him to stop him and he beat their ass in court with they're an $89 billion corporation and this little YouTuber won. He's a gangster. I love.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, 89 billion.

[Finn]

Yeah, they were running. Oh, the tax. Did you see their tax problem too? He had that claimed as a small business.

[Eli Double Tap]

89 billion.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Compared to who?

[Eli Double Tap]

Russia with a B. Yeah, billion. How many countries have a smaller GDP than 90 billion?

[Finn]

As Papa Me says, you have Robux. You have a dollar currency system in your game. You are not a small business at.

[JD Delay]

All and are using those Robux to pay kids. They're meeting on the app to meet them on Snap and send them child. Then they're using those pictures to sextort the kids into doing more and more disgusting and grotesque things like with their younger siblings and household pets. The stories that are coming out of what's happened on Roblox is mind boggling.

[Brandon Herrera]

And what are their preventative measures? Like what are they doing about.

[Finn]

No, no, Cody go.

[Donut Operator]

No, that's the thing. They. So they. We. I think we talked about it shortly on one of the podcasts we had the other day. They, they have like separate like chat rooms set up where some of them are a simulator for going into a public restroom with a grown man man. And there's like, you have all these, all these YouTubers who are exposing that and it's like, why if, if I can find this as someone who just started a new account, why can't the Roblox security team or whatever the they have running over there, why can't they go in there and just delete all these rooms? Delete the, the, the IP addresses of everyone who's in those rooms immediately.

[Brandon Herrera]

I would say not only would I delete them, but I, I turn over.

[JD Delay]

The people involved to the Fed of people exposing it.

[Finn]

Yep.

[Brandon Herrera]

Watch testimony of former Roblox employees choosing shareholder interests over children's safety.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

And when asked about their approach to child safety, he said, quote, you have to make a decision.

[Eli Double Tap]

Right.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

You can keep your players safe, but.

[Donut Operator]

Then there would be less of them on the platform.

[JD Delay]

Or you just let them do what.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

They want to do and then the numbers all look good and the investors will be happy.

[Brandon Herrera]

Jesus.

[Finn]

That is a Roblox statement that, that.

[Donut Operator]

Is what we like to call just downright evil behavior.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

The.

[Donut Operator]

Thank you, hunter.

[JD Delay]

Yeah, bro.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

85 billion ready for this. Out of 196 countries, only 68 make about 100 billion and over. So 128 countries. Roblox makes more GDP than 128 countries.

[JD Delay]

Yeah.

[Finn]

And their total.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Would they.

[Finn]

They had like a 2.5 billion player, like active or what now? 2.5 billion players in the game.

[Donut Operator]

It's several million a day. Active players.

[JD Delay]

What was the country that just banned them?

[Finn]

There's been a few that have tried to or have banned. 380 million monthly active, with a total 85 million daily daily. 85 million.

[Donut Operator]

Yep. Like I was saying earlier, half of all kids under 16 play Roblox in the United States.

[Finn]

That is wild. And then they're just like, eh, we don't care. Let them do what they want.

[JD Delay]

If you're marketing China, Turkey, if you're.

[Eli Double Tap]

Marketing as a children's thing, why would you even allow.

[JD Delay]

Qatar and Kuwait banned them. But we've just got them chilling over here.

[Eli Double Tap]

Here.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

They also banned women's rights. So I mean, maybe they're on a.

[Eli Double Tap]

Why would you. Why would you even allow something called public shower or public restroom simulator on a children's.

[JD Delay]

Why would you allow Escape to Epstein's island or Diddy Party Room on there.

[Brandon Herrera]

If they're. If they're aware that this sort of activity is happening on their platform, why would they not be actively working with. Yeah, why would they not be active actively working with. Don't hurt the skull. Why would they not be actively working with the FBI to try to make sure these people are caught so their platform's safe?

[Finn]

I mean, because the margins Right.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I'm not gonna margins on.

[Brandon Herrera]

Can't be that good.

[Finn]

That's what.

[JD Delay]

That's.

[Finn]

That's.

[Brandon Herrera]

Aside from the blatantly evil perspective of thinking that that matters.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

What if they know that they're and therefore they charge them more for stuff and they're making more money off of escape to XT Epstein's Island.

[JD Delay]

The picture is literally Epstein chasing a screaming child through what looks like hell.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Technically, that's not a child. It's a Roblox person. We don't know what age they are. All right. It could be a 5,000-year-old dragon girl.

[Eli Double Tap]

God, what is that called?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

They do that Lolly. Lolly something disgusting. District 23 will take away perfect or not perfect. Pervy anime. Well, that was a Freudian.

[Brandon Herrera]

That was. Yeah. Richard, do you have anything to tell us?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I really like text mechanical.

[Finn]

Cody, you want to borrow my ghost bed pillow?

[Donut Operator]

Does it smell like you?

[Brandon Herrera]

Yes.

[Finn]

Do you feel that cooling technology?

[Donut Operator]

It's definitely not a hot pillow.

[Brandon Herrera]

I gotta get out of here.

[Eli Double Tap]

Give me my pillow. I'm the one that has to sleep here. You guys have your own houses and your own pillows. Quit touching it.

[Brandon Herrera]

All right, real question. Can the gang do a pillow fight?

[Eli Double Tap]

Not with these.

[Brandon Herrera]

They're slow motion. Pillow fight.

[Eli Double Tap]

No, they're heavy.

[JD Delay]

It'll hurt.

[Brandon Herrera]

Are they really?

[Eli Double Tap]

Yes, they're premium.

[Finn]

Dude, that would actually.

[Brandon Herrera]

That actually. I don't think I'd want to get smacked with that.

[Eli Double Tap]

I'm swinging it hard. Okay.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Your son.

[Finn]

You walk up and just tee off on your kid.

[Eli Double Tap]

If I smack you with this, you're going to be a ghost.

[Finn]

And get this.

[Eli Double Tap]

They're built to last with a 20 year warranty and they have a three month free trial period.

[Brandon Herrera]

What do they do with all the used mattresses that get returned?

[Eli Double Tap]

Not black lights. They have a complete sleep setup for spooky sex.

[Donut Operator]

Boo. Ghostbed has it all. Adjustable bases, sheets, pillows and full bundles to upgrade your whole bed.

[Finn]

With over 20 years of sleep expertise.

[Brandon Herrera]

Which is really amateur hour. I've been sleeping for at least 30 years.

[Finn]

Family owned and handcrafted in the USA. In Canada.

[Donut Operator]

Ew.

[Eli Double Tap]

Ew Canada.

[Finn]

Entrusted by thousands of happy sleepers like Cody, Brandon and Nick.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yep, they have over 60,000 five star reviews. And you get an extra 10% off when you use code unsubscribe at check check out.

[Finn]

Head over to ghostbed.com unsubscribe to get started.

[Eli Double Tap]

That's ghostbed.com unsubscribe.

[Donut Operator]

Use the code unsubscribe to sleep Better. And stay cooler. What'd you guys go do?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Last night, I introduced JD to jt.

[Donut Operator]

Oh, nice.

[Brandon Herrera]

Very nice.

[Donut Operator]

JT Was over there cooking sex Caleb.

[JD Delay]

Now there's another one in our tattooed man.

[Donut Operator]

Giant tattooed man.

[Finn]

The largest of the boys with the sweetest of the voice.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I forgot his name today when I was telling the story in Nick's car, and I called him Cupid. And I was just like, that seems super appropriate just for how sweet his voice is and how big he is. To just imagine him with, like, tiny, tiny wings just floating around.

[Eli Double Tap]

And you guys should hang out.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

You guys want tiny one Caleb in.

[Finn]

His diapers flying around with a bow?

[JD Delay]

He really is the nicest guy.

[Donut Operator]

No, he's one of the nicest people I've ever met in my life. But God damn, is he not a scary human being?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

If a boulder from the Never Ending Story, people, like, got up and was just like, how you doing? You want to lift everything? So be like Caleb.

[Brandon Herrera]

I feel like, because you guys, you know jd, Nick, and Caleb all together, just like the Viking, like, jacked tattooed guys. Yeah, we don't.

[Eli Double Tap]

We don't. We don't. We don't look like the TV show Vikings. We look like the Vikings from How to Train youn Dragon.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

You guys should know, you guys should.

[Brandon Herrera]

All start a podcast. There's not enough of those guys who look like that.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

You guys look like the army reservists that are like, yeah, and that's another one.

[JD Delay]

My buddy Nate Valhalla vft. He's big, red beard, tattooed, lethal.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, there's not enough bearded white guys doing podcasts these days.

[JD Delay]

This is true.

[Finn]

We need way more.

[Donut Operator]

Oh, so many more.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Oh, you don't really count.

[Finn]

No, no. Brown person, brown person.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

That's a good brown person beard, though. But that's because he has some Easton European in him.

[Finn]

My a. This is all I can grow. This is like eight years in the work.

[Brandon Herrera]

I think that's the Asian DNA.

[Finn]

Yeah, 100%.

[JD Delay]

You know, we get you some stem cell therapy for that. If you just rub it on your face.

[Finn]

Grow that stem cells on your face.

[JD Delay]

This part right here.

[Finn]

I can see how long I can get this.

[Eli Double Tap]

Get the Kung Fu handlebar babies in.

[Finn]

Half and just like, rubbing cracked babies.

[Eli Double Tap]

You boxing with the Kung Fu Handlebars. So much more. Cool.

[Finn]

Honestly, my quick movements.

[Brandon Herrera]

Eli, Eli, for the bit bit, you have to get the.

[Finn]

Just grow these out.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yes, I'll try.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yes.

[Donut Operator]

Do you remember the south park episode, Hackman, when they were talking about stem cells?

[Finn]

Yes.

[Donut Operator]

And he's cracking the babies, slurping them up.

[Finn]

Who was it?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Reeves?

[Finn]

Superman? Yeah, yeah, Christopher Reeves.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

That's him in the episode.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah. You're gonna crack him and just rub them.

[JD Delay]

Is that the one where Cartman had 37 aborted fetuses in his backyard?

[Finn]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

Is that the episode where he tried to like clone the Dell taco?

[JD Delay]

Yes.

[Brandon Herrera]

With stem cell cells.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah.

[Finn]

I didn't even know that. I don't remember that part.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Has anybody watched the new south park ones? They're like all on Trump and I've seen like bad reviews for them, but it's all like super right leaning, like pod like accounts on Twitter.

[Brandon Herrera]

Right.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

So I'm really like, grain of salt. Like, it's probably still funny. I just haven't had time to watch them.

[JD Delay]

Hilarious.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

They're great.

[Finn]

They're very equal on that. They've been very transparent. They make fun of everyone equally.

[Brandon Herrera]

I wouldn't say equally, but they do make fun of both. Like, it's definitely. They're. They're definitely more left leaning, which, like, it's fine.

[Donut Operator]

Did they ever. On our last president for falling down and just like being a Gary.

[Finn]

Really?

[Brandon Herrera]

No. Like, I even tried to look for it and I was like, damn, son of a bitch.

[JD Delay]

I don't think they ever actually directly did Biden, but. Or Kamala, but They definitely have made fun of the whole woke culture.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

And all of that.

[JD Delay]

You know what I'm saying? They just didn't go specifically. As hard as they're going on Trump. J.D. vance. I mean, they're. There's definitely a fire in their ass about that. And the end of the first episode of the season where they get an AI Trump and they're doing.

[Donut Operator]

They.

[JD Delay]

Part of the thing is Trump sued them.

[Finn]

Right.

[JD Delay]

Because they said something bad about him and he just runs around suing everybody with his tiny penis out and trying to Satan in the ass. And so he sues South Park. They have to pay him like $3.5 million and make 50 pro Trump ads. So they end with a pro Trump ad where he's walking through the desert and it's like Donald Trump walks through the desert for all Americans and our freedom and he's ripping his clothes off till he's butt naked. And then he like falls down of exhaustion and his penis pops up. Pops up and starts talking to him. And it's like a finger with googly eyes, but it's super graphic. It was an amazing end scene.

[Brandon Herrera]

I have not seen any of that. I guess my. My biggest problem with it is that for the clips that I've seen, at least. I thought the J.D. vance thing was pretty funny.

[JD Delay]

J.D. vance thought it was funny and I.

[Brandon Herrera]

Thought it was good.

[JD Delay]

And Charlie Kirk leaned into it immediately, which is what you have to do because south are bullies, bro. They are bullies and they bully pretty much everybody. And if you let them know that they're hurting your feelings, they're going to hurt your feelings more like Christy Gnome.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

She freaked out about Agree and amplify.

[JD Delay]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

It's like any spot in life that men we've been through. Like in prison, if someone knows you're hurting their feelings, like you can keep hurting their feelings. You got to lean into that.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

You can't ever let your feelings get hurt.

[Finn]

No.

[JD Delay]

If you show them that they're hurting your feelings, they're going to come harder.

[Donut Operator]

Show a little bit of weakness. This.

[JD Delay]

Yeah. Vance clearly media trained enough to go, that was funny. Charlie Kirk changed his profile picture to the picture that they made of of him. And I'm sure they're done with him. Christy Gnome, they ended that episode, that last episode with like five minutes of Christy Gnome in a pet shop just shooting dogs in the face, like brutally executing dogs, like every few minutes in that episode.

[Brandon Herrera]

In reality, it should have been the shoots a dog. It should have been the last ATF director.

[JD Delay]

Oh, yes.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Something we can agree on.

[Brandon Herrera]

That was third agreement of the episode.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Well done, sir.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yes.

[Brandon Herrera]

My biggest complaint is that from the. The bits that I've seen. So I feel like this has been true about south park for a while now. It's just not funny like I, I used to. I remember like south park was so funny when I was growing up and now like, the more I watch of it, I feel like they're just phoning.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

It in the Tegreny Farms, like, fell flat. Yeah. But they also, they also admitted that it fell flat because it went when they decided to bring Stan Marsh and Tally, like out of that element, they set fire to the entire farm. And T and Stan Marsh are looking at each other and. Or Randy Marsh are looking at each other and they're like, well, that didn't really take, did it? Nah, we tried. Yeah. It fell flat on its face. Which is a meta joke about how the integrity farms thing didn't really show.

[JD Delay]

That wasn't fun.

[Donut Operator]

I missed like one of my favorite episodes ever was where they were showing shoving food up their ass to poop it out their mouth.

[JD Delay]

That was so good.

[Finn]

The turkey, the fitness. Yeah. It was the way to lose weight. Cartman they had.

[Donut Operator]

What'S her dick that went to jail.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah.

[Finn]

Martha Stewart.

[Donut Operator]

Oh, yeah. Martha Stewart was like, here's how you base your turkey to shove it up your ass. And like, that's what south park was always supposed to be. Just like juvenile humor that we could sit down late at night and be like, yeah, this is kind of fun. Funny. Like dumb poo poo pee pee humor.

[Brandon Herrera]

And. And like, even. Even recently they've done funnier stuff where like, like I said, they do attack both sides. Like, not equally. I would not say equally, but they do go after, like, for example, the Disney stuff with what's Kathleen Kennedy.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Oh, yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

Like put a chicken it. Make it. Make it layman gay.

[JD Delay]

Put that chick in it and make it suck.

[Brandon Herrera]

Like that. That was funny. Like, I. That was the first South Park I've watched in a while.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

How Was your linguini, Ms. Kennedy? Put a chicken in and make your layman gay.

[Eli Double Tap]

Make it.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

You want to do what with your linguini? Put a chicken in to make a layman gay.

[Finn]

I haven't watched much of anything, really, on the cartoons. I used to watch more Family Guy. Haven't watched the Simpsons in decades.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, exactly.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, that. That humor. I haven't like, in probably like five, six years.

[Eli Double Tap]

The Simpsons get a lot less funny when everything they did 10 years prior starts coming true.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, those conspiracies go wild.

[Eli Double Tap]

They're nuts. It's a lot of stuff that they guessed right. Right.

[Brandon Herrera]

A lot of it's fake, though. If you ever look at, like, the dates, it's usually stuff that they parodied after it happened and some redditor changes the date it was released to before.

[Eli Double Tap]

Feel better. Yeah, Unless that's the Mandela thing.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah. Redditors aren't people.

[JD Delay]

No, just like cyclists.

[Brandon Herrera]

Unless you're on the unsubscribe Reddit. In that case, we're very proud of how you're doing with the fitness challenge.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Crushing it and Buffalo Public Schools. You did a great job of that.

[Brandon Herrera]

Excellent.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Reddit did a great job with that.

[Finn]

Guys are savages, all y'.

[Donut Operator]

All.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

For. For good.

[Finn]

For the greatest thing ever.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Good.

[Finn]

Crushing the fitness challenge.

[Brandon Herrera]

A vote for Brandon Herrera is a vote for holding public officials accountable.

[Donut Operator]

Thank you. Dark Brandon.

[Finn]

34 times.

[JD Delay]

Can you say something terrible?

[Finn]

You're in frame with Brandon. That got way more damage.

[JD Delay]

It got horse.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

No.

[Eli Double Tap]

What?

[JD Delay]

It got wholesome and my boner got soft. Say something awful.

[Finn]

You're like, don't. Do not do the wholesome.

[Brandon Herrera]

I will have to.

[Eli Double Tap]

Are we boxing today?

[Finn]

I Want to box today? Brandon, are you going to box today?

[Brandon Herrera]

Theoretically. Depends on how I feel once we're done with this.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Oh, you're talking to me or him?

[Finn]

You too, fake Dark Brandon.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Dark Brandon, you gotta keep the wig. I'm not gonna go get my wig knocked off. I'll box.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yes.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I forget how bad or good I am at it. It's been a long time. Time.

[Brandon Herrera]

Who all boxed yesterday?

[Eli Double Tap]

Me, Eli, Calvin, Finn.

[Finn]

Yeah, there's only four. And then we all. We all did rounds against each other. N. The first time I've had to. I started bouncing and I caught myself. I was like, oh, I'm actually. I am actually very serious right now. I do not want to get hit right now. I have to start playing. You put it perfectly. It's playing chess. I haven't played chess in a long time. When. With boxing. So I was like, oh, okay, Nick. Homeboy's cool.

[Brandon Herrera]

Quick.

[Finn]

Homeboy's very, very quick.

[Eli Double Tap]

Do not lie. Very, very fat.

[JD Delay]

He's not supposed to be quick. And the size that he is, it's daunting.

[Donut Operator]

It's terrifying.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, it's like a jetpack on a. Never mind.

[Eli Double Tap]

You started.

[Brandon Herrera]

No, now I want to know.

[Eli Double Tap]

Now I want to know.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

It's like a jetpack on a whale.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

That was the least offensive thing you said. All podcast.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I was going to say something else.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh.

[Finn]

I slipped inside 10 around. Of who? Nick.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Nice. In District 23, you're allowed to slip inside your friends.

[Finn]

Usually.

[Brandon Herrera]

Sure.

[Finn]

I can move somebody by going like, bully. He was the first one I hit.

[Eli Double Tap]

A wall and I was like, uh, oh, uh oh.

[Finn]

He weighs more than me. I have to retreat. I'm gonna get punched right now. Just catch a fish right here. Dude, you missed out.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

How hard do you punch in sparring? Is it like 60% or.

[Finn]

Yeah, you're just kind of going for.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

The quick one to be like, I gotcha.

[Eli Double Tap]

I want you to know that I could have hit you really hard.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, we just around with each other when we do our stuff.

[Finn]

Which.

[Donut Operator]

Nick, you're terrifying you, by the way.

[JD Delay]

What did I do?

[Donut Operator]

You guys keep putting it like. Like me and Brandon play around with each other. But you put like the last two times we've done the boxing thing. You put me in the ring with you. Who? You're a terrifying man. And then clean. God damn it. Clean.

[Finn]

Used to be.

[Brandon Herrera]

Who has the actual fighter.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah. Who was an MMA fighter. He has the best cardio of anyone I've ever fucking ran into. It's just kind of terrifying.

[Brandon Herrera]

He would spend half the round fighting from like an aggressive lean.

[Finn]

Yeah. He's very good at angles. That's very annoying. Very annoying. Like God dang it. And he, he was. He was way longer reach than me.

[Donut Operator]

Clean was laughing at me the entire time. It was. It was a fun boxing experience. I haven't done it in years.

[Finn]

It's a dude best. Best exercise you will get.

[Donut Operator]

It's fun as for sure died yesterday.

[Eli Double Tap]

Calvin keeps wanting to take people down.

[Finn]

Calvin did really good for not boxing much. I was very surprised. I was like, oh, you're comfortable fight hiding because you don't shy away from getting punched. Will you be like, ah. But you kept eye contact and you throw them back. I was like, oh, okay. This is proper. You're not doing that. Oh, turn away.

[JD Delay]

God.

[Finn]

Did you know it's smooth sack summer?

[Donut Operator]

Damn right it is.

[Brandon Herrera]

I need to quit.

[Finn]

Feel how soft they are.

[Brandon Herrera]

Was this a scratch and sniff?

[Eli Double Tap]

Wow, those are soft.

[Brandon Herrera]

Don't act like you've never done a sack check with the boys.

[Donut Operator]

Join the overtime. 12 million men worldwide who trust Manscaped.

[Finn]

The Lawnmower 5.0 Ultra features a constant RPM motor. And with a 60 minute runtime on a single charge, this little bad boy can tackle the most ambitious grooming section.

[Brandon Herrera]

The most wicked thicket, the gnarliest of hedges.

[Donut Operator]

This trimmer features dual skin safe blade heads now accompanied by an updated trimmer.

[Finn]

Blade and interchangeable foil blades for enhanced performance.

[Donut Operator]

They now have a special edition dropped it's purple for testicular cancer awareness.

[Brandon Herrera]

And all jokes aside, every purchase does help raise money for testicular cancer charities.

[Donut Operator]

Manscaped has already donated $50,000 to the testicular Cancer Society.

[Finn]

And that's why we're proud to talk about something that literally saves lives.

[Brandon Herrera]

Routine self checks matter.

[Finn]

Make sure you check your boys boys with your mouth.

[Brandon Herrera]

So if you want to look good, feel good and do good, grab the.

[Finn]

TCS Ball Hero Bundle.

[Donut Operator]

While supplies last, get 15 off your entire order by using the code [e-mail].

[Finn]

Visit manscape.com tcs to learn more about.

[Brandon Herrera]

How to check yourself or make a donation at TC Society today. Help save lives and balls trim your pubes.

[Finn]

God damn it. Smooth sack Summer.

[Donut Operator]

I got a question for you guys. We're talking about. We don't watch South Park. We don't watch Simpsons much anymore. What are you guys watching these days?

[Eli Double Tap]

Documentaries.

[Donut Operator]

We know you watch documentaries.

[Brandon Herrera]

That's called work, Nick.

[Donut Operator]

Well, in your leisurely time. You know, like once you put you got your two kids now Your wife, you at the end of the night when you're just like chilling. What do you watch now?

[Eli Double Tap]

There is no leisurely time. I'm watching the kids or I'm watching the documentaries because I'm working. I did watch Love island with Hannah all the way through.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, I would consider that leisure time.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah.

[Finn]

How was, how was that highly work?

[Brandon Herrera]

I'll put it that way.

[Eli Double Tap]

If you're married, I highly recommend it. It's fantastic.

[Brandon Herrera]

Cuz wasn't the one that you were saying like they're putting out episodes like daily.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah, it, like that. Just from like a creator standpoint when you watch it. Because I, I, I think their upload schedule was Monday through Thursday, an hour long episode and it was like they start airing the episodes while they're still, still on set filming. So like they're filming new and you're voting on the next, the whatever, whatever unfolds on the next episode is like gonna, you're, you're gonna find out the results tomorrow. So like I don't understand how it's.

[Finn]

A voting system like day of.

[Eli Double Tap]

They have like, well, they have like different things on the phone. Like you can vote who goes off the island.

[Brandon Herrera]

Kind of like Survivors.

[Eli Double Tap]

America's favorite or least favorite couple.

[Donut Operator]

What's the, yeah, what's the premise of Love Island?

[Eli Double Tap]

The premises. They take like 15 that are meant to men and 15 that are women and they put them on an island and if they can find true love and America buys it, they win a hundred thousand dollars.

[JD Delay]

So it's less than a Mr. Beast.

[Eli Double Tap]

It's, it's like literally a bunch of Hollywood people were sitting around in a boardroom and are like, what if we did Survivor? But instead of doing like athletic challenges or like moderately torturing people, we just had the challenges where they had to make out with each other and dry humping each other the entire time.

[JD Delay]

And at the end if you win, you get 60 grand after taxes to split between the two of you.

[Eli Double Tap]

Between the two of you? Yes, Correct. It's wild. But like the real reason they do it is because a lot of the people that are like the more popular people on the show are now like mega famous. Like there's a couple of girls and guys that were on this Love island show that now have millions of subscribers on social media, Instagram and, and it's like they're getting like makeup deals and clothing brand deals and all kinds of. So like they're going to, they make way more money after the fact if they're popular on the show.

[Brandon Herrera]

Makes sense.

[Finn]

This is wild. New episodes dropping Tuesday through Sunday, 6pm they air six days a week on Peacock.

[JD Delay]

Holy gosh.

[Finn]

With a one to two day delay. So they are filming, editing, kicking it out the next day.

[Eli Double Tap]

And that's. That's not. That's not like what we do where it's like one or two of us on camera with one or two cameras. There's like 50 cameras trying to articulate a story story of everything that's going on between 30 different people.

[Brandon Herrera]

15 couples.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah. However many it is. Yeah, it gets less or more depending on the episode.

[Finn]

But it's like the cameras all the life. Because it is. All the rooms are, I'm assuming have cameras.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah, all the rooms are bugged. Even the bedrooms and the bathrooms and everything. Everything has a camera. And like they're like. They all have to sleep in the same room and you have to sleep with the person you're coupled up with. And like some of them, like they don't actually get along. They were just coupled up for the game. They're just like, that's your side of the bed. This is mine. Some of the time they're making out and cuddling. And then some of them. This just like massive lights are out, the blankets moving underneath. Like you figure out what's going on. Like every room has cameras.

[Donut Operator]

Also the. The producers of that have a heavy weigh in on what they're doing because we. We've had friends who have done stuff like that and like they have told us that the. The producers will just throw like a Molotov cocktail into the room. Like not literally like just throwing.

[Brandon Herrera]

Be really cool if they did.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, that'd be cool as just throw. Just throwing something into the room or like telling them to do a certain thing. And it's like just to create more drama.

[Brandon Herrera]

This is getting boring. Fireball.

[Donut Operator]

The other part, I mean that would be awesome.

[Eli Double Tap]

The other part.

[JD Delay]

Throw in the flash grenades.

[Eli Double Tap]

The other part that's funny for me is like there's been multiple times where the producers just come in at night and are like, you need to pack your and get out. We found something that you put on Facebook five years ago. One girl got kicked out. I think you'll have to borderless. Maybe one girl got kicked out. Not a white girl. I don't know what ethnicity she was, but she definitely was not white. And she had like a Snapchat live that somebody had screen recorded. It was like something that auto deleted. And she was doing her makeup and she said, I just got Botox in my Cheeks and it's swollen right now. So my eyes look, look. And like she didn't know that that was a racial slur. And then they found that video and in the middle of the night, pack your. You're gone. And kicked her off the show.

[Donut Operator]

That's not even hard racism.

[JD Delay]

Do we allow that? Is that hard racism? Soft racism. Hard. Awesome. Yeah.

[Finn]

I don't know.

[Donut Operator]

Asians are some of the most racist people I've ever met in my life.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

So I think you can.

[Donut Operator]

I think you can.

[Eli Double Tap]

I love.

[Finn]

I think I'm still surprised they just kicked a off for also. That's always the most terrifying part of if you think you did something on the Internet and it's gone.

[JD Delay]

No, it's not.

[Eli Double Tap]

Well, the other, the other part is like I, I could make this show so much better. I was like, I need you to get a 30 year old married guy that was like in the military. And one for the females as well where like they have a life coach because some of the decisions they make are just dog. Like, it'll be like, they're on Love Island, Nick. They're on Love Island. But it's like one, you know, broccoli haired, you know, pretty boy and he's got two girls that are just fawning over him. And I'm not you. It was one of the girls refused to do the makeout challenges and you could kiss her on the cheek and they did like the reveal all moment where they're like, how many people have you slept with? How many people have you sent nudes to? She had been with one boyfriend for seven years that she slept with. That was it. She'd never sent a nude, never done any of this other stuff. And then girl B that's fawning over him has slept with like 32 dudes and sent too many nudes to count. And he's like, I'm gonna pick the horror. Actually, that's the one I want to go.

[Brandon Herrera]

You. You know who we need now? Come to think of it, after you said that, you know who we need on Love Island? You need to have Justin Gouvernall on and tell him it's just naked and afraid again.

[Finn]

Experience a membership that backs what you're building with American Express Business Platinum. Enjoy complimentary access to the American Express Global Lounge collection and a welcome offer of 200,000 points after you spend $20,000 on purchases on the card within your first three months of membership. American Express Business Platinum.

[Brandon Herrera]

There's nothing like it.

[Finn]

Terms apply. Learn more at american express.com business platinum.

[Brandon Herrera]

He just shows up ready for naked and afraid, and it's Love Island.

[Finn]

He has a satchel on.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, he's wearing nothing but a satchel. He's like, I'm ready to survive in the wilderness for a month.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

He's like, oh, great, we get clothes.

[JD Delay]

Awesome. Dude, dude, dude. Awesome.

[Eli Double Tap]

Bang.

[Finn]

The.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

He still does the same thing immediately.

[Finn]

Jeff, Justin would.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

How many dudes did you send? Come here.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah.

[Finn]

E. One.

[JD Delay]

Gross.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Challenge accepted.

[Finn]

Love, Justin.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

So Justin's like, Quagmire in real life, I don't think.

[Finn]

What? Giggity.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

He's a giggity.

[Eli Double Tap]

Giggity.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

All right.

[Finn]

Yeah.

[JD Delay]

Horse.

[Finn]

What?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Respect women.

[Eli Double Tap]

Huh?

[Finn]

How many seasons have you watched?

[Eli Double Tap]

I just watched the newest season with her. It's like, I was just, like, sitting on the couch, like, on Reddit, posting while it's playing in the back. So, like, I'm, like, half cognizant throughout the entire show, but it's always like, oh, yeah, yeah, she's crazy. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, the episode's over. Let's go have sex.

[JD Delay]

I feel, like, perfect. So much more interesting than the. I'm watching. I'm just like, crime mafia and sci Fi.

[Finn]

Yeah.

[JD Delay]

I feel like a bunch of.

[Eli Double Tap]

It's. It's complete brain rot, but. Because the only thing I watch besides that is I ha. I need a note.

[Donut Operator]

Notepad.

[Eli Double Tap]

What date was that? Yeah, World War II. Blah, blah, blah. It's not nice to be, like, stupid. It's really nice to be able to do that.

[Finn]

Like, man, these people are real. This is. Wow.

[Eli Double Tap]

Well, the other thing is, like, real, quote, unquote. They have herpes outbreaks, and it's like, all of them have cold sores by, like, week two. It's hilarious. If you look.

[JD Delay]

Oh, yeah, they run that back.

[Eli Double Tap]

You. You're taking a bunch of sluts from Instagram that want to be famous and putting them in a house and telling them to make out with each other as a challenge on the show.

[JD Delay]

Herpes outbreaks.

[Donut Operator]

And they.

[Eli Double Tap]

Oh, yeah. Like, there's a. They're all running around with cold sores, and. And, I mean, they're trying to cover it up with makeup, but you can see it.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Oh, I got from Love island was herpes simplex, too, you know, and then.

[Eli Double Tap]

They'Ll bring a one girl on, and she's like, finally confesses, I'm a mom, which, whatever, that's fine.

[Finn]

But then, oh, the guys are gonna be like, ew.

[Eli Double Tap]

Well, so, like, some of the guys were. But then, like, my whole question is, like, okay, where's the kid?

[Brandon Herrera]

Great question.

[Eli Double Tap]

She's like, I'm a makeout challenge dick. But like, did you really just leave your kid alone for two months to go on island for a chance to win 30 grand?

[Brandon Herrera]

In the background, there's just a duffel bag that's like raggling around.

[Eli Double Tap]

It's.

[JD Delay]

It's a two months chance to win 30 grand.

[Eli Double Tap]

It's a while.

[JD Delay]

What the.

[Finn]

Oh, reality TV pays garbage. We've had friends have discussed this. They walk away with like a hundred dollars a day a lot of the times. Yeah, it's a very bad pay. And it is for the chance to get rich also. Exactly. It's like, well, he's four weeks old. He can take care of himself. It's like 30 grand.

[JD Delay]

You had a baby.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

You think they're gonna bring the kid on the show for, like, added drama?

[Eli Double Tap]

Well, and then like, the same girl that was the mom ended up sleeping with two guys on the show. Like, at the bedtime scenes, she's the one where you just see the pumping.

[Finn]

Comforter and it's like, needs a brother or sister.

[JD Delay]

Was it Chinese finger cuffs?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

We gotta grow this family.

[Eli Double Tap]

How are you gonna do that to your kid?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Well, she's not doing it to his kid. She's doing it to another man. Right, but, like, he's gonna be in high school one day and be like, in District 23. We won't allow that. None of that. Not in District 23.

[Eli Double Tap]

We won't.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

You don't do that. Not here. Love island can go. Stay home.

[Finn]

All right.

[Brandon Herrera]

I got nothing.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, we're not about that here.

[Donut Operator]

Okay. How do we create a reality show? Because obviously they're making millions of dollars.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Step one.

[Donut Operator]

We have to have Horace on him.

[JD Delay]

Basically married at this point, we're not.

[Finn]

Going to participate in it. You just do it the same highway.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, like fish tank.

[Finn]

Fish tank is the perfect example of.

[Eli Double Tap]

Oh, I know how to do it. I can make a bajillion dollars on a reality TV show. I just need the budget to get it so started.

[Donut Operator]

Also, Sam keeps getting kicked out of his house, though.

[JD Delay]

I like the idea of a bajillion dollars.

[Eli Double Tap]

Literally all, all, all you need to do. Because Survivor did it. And then they are like, oh, we have to change this right now. Survivor did an episode of Survivor where It was men versus women.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah.

[Eli Double Tap]

And I'm not you. You're 15 minutes into the first episodes. The dudes have fire and are cooking and they're celebrating.

[JD Delay]

1J.

[Donut Operator]

You seen that clip, too?

[Eli Double Tap]

Huddled up, crying in the Rain. And they're like, okay, we need to mix this up now. And then they move to the shuffle camp.

[Brandon Herrera]

The dudes are having a blast. This is a vacation.

[JD Delay]

The women were empowered for all of 14 and a half minutes. And then they were begging for patriarchy.

[Brandon Herrera]

They were empowered on the boat. Right. Ride there. And that's about when it's done.

[Donut Operator]

The dudes were catching the fish and they're like, yeah, we got so much food, we don't know what to do with it.

[Eli Double Tap]

But here's the thing. We do some variation of a show like Survivor and then you just take two.

[JD Delay]

Two very.

[Eli Double Tap]

Not politically, but like polarized groups of people. It could be Democrats versus Republicans. It could be Vikings fans versus packers fans. It could be literally anything where it's just a group of people that don't get along.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

P.A. cities versus Jews. Oh, God, I think it'd be great.

[Brandon Herrera]

What was the first one Versus Juice? Oh, well, that's already happening.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Oh, is it? Well, I mean, it's making great TV numbers. Everybody's talking about it.

[Donut Operator]

I was going to say I talk all the time about, like how the. There's the LA group of content creators and then we have like our San Antonio group of content creators. Like Texas versus Los Angeles.

[Brandon Herrera]

Austin versus San Antonio. Antonio.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, even that.

[JD Delay]

No, I do not go when invited to la. I always come when invited to San Antonio.

[Finn]

Like la.

[Donut Operator]

What games are we playing? Like. Like me and Brandon and Eli talk about it all the time. You got to pay us a lot of money to go to.

[JD Delay]

Yeah, exactly.

[Finn]

Second you land in that. I hate that airport. I hate just garbage. What are we. What games are we playing? In this hypothetical version, one of them.

[Brandon Herrera]

Needs to be boxing.

[Donut Operator]

Oh, it's a game name.

[Finn]

This is a reality show.

[Eli Double Tap]

Voted off.

[Donut Operator]

I was thinking the Survival Survivor.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Each person has to. When they get voted off, they have to say the nword and get canceled.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh.

[Eli Double Tap]

Oh, my God.

[Finn]

That is the. You are trying your damned.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah.

[Eli Double Tap]

For you.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Even if you don't say it, we'll bleep it out in post and make it look like you said it.

[JD Delay]

Yeah, everyone don't make money off social media afterwards.

[Finn]

No, that's 100%. You are giving living a hundred percent.

[Brandon Herrera]

You have been voted off the Internet.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Alex Rosin can't play. He's got a cheat code.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, just saying it.

[Finn]

You hand out passes.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Exactly. Then you walk up and then it's gonna be hosted by a black guy. That way you can be like you are invited to the cookout.

[Finn]

And the last Person that doesn't get it.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Say the word. Say it.

[Brandon Herrera]

What did they call that? What was that in Big Brother? Where they just had, like, the. The thing of immunity or some shit.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah, Survivor that. You can find immunity idols that are here. You can win them or whatever, except it's inward passes. I'm loving this game.

[Finn]

I just feel really good about finding mine early in the game.

[Eli Double Tap]

Cody. Cody finds one.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

He's just.

[Eli Double Tap]

Just says it immediately and throws it away. He flies off the island. He quits levitating.

[JD Delay]

His toes were barely on the ground like Mary Poppins.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

There's people. There's people, like, bargaining with, like, the producer, like, listen, I can't say the N word. Can I just say that Michael Brown didn't have his hands up?

[JD Delay]

Can I say that?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Can I say. Okay, can I say that, like, 13% of the population commits a certain percentage. Can I say that? Anything but that. Please, Please. I can. I can explain everything else away. Nope. You've got to say it. All right, Beauty. You got to say it again.

[Brandon Herrera]

I know what I have to do. I just don't know if I have the strength to do it.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Who would be a YouTuber that. We'd love to see the N word?

[Brandon Herrera]

What?

[Finn]

That's a strong statement.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Never mind.

[Donut Operator]

He already did.

[Finn]

He says.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Oh, jeez. I'm sure.

[Brandon Herrera]

God.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Surprised he's not canceled, by the way he's talking about.

[Brandon Herrera]

Can you hear that? That banging noise? That's the ladder being pulled up behind him.

[JD Delay]

How'd you get up there?

[Brandon Herrera]

Don't worry about it.

[Donut Operator]

Damn. I only started my YouTube career because of you, and you're up there now.

[Finn]

Good news. His wife's.

[Donut Operator]

What he find.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, his wife. We can't. We can't play this.

[Finn]

No.

[Brandon Herrera]

Play what?

[Eli Double Tap]

Hard to get the video for 7.99amonth. Actually, you can.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Oh, oh, oh.

[JD Delay]

It's a sore subject. It's a little sensitive, like herpes.

[Donut Operator]

Okay, so we talked about. We got this Asian skull. What about. What did. Billy. Billy sent us that one.

[Finn]

Billy. Oh, I didn't wear the shirt. We got a Born to Math.

[Brandon Herrera]

We could put up the shirt right here.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Editor, and you can buy it at Bunker Branding.

[Finn]

I was like, billy actually made us the.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

You can't.

[Brandon Herrera]

It's only for the autism shirts.

[Donut Operator]

We got the crayons on there and everything.

[Finn]

It's the full metal spectrum one.

[Eli Double Tap]

Dude, he got the Thomas the train pen, the puzzle piece pen, everything. It's identical.

[Finn]

The font, I don't know if that's real, but it's Perfect.

[Brandon Herrera]

Looks good, dude.

[Eli Double Tap]

Billy, let's go with much.

[Donut Operator]

It's going to be in the background of our podcast now.

[Brandon Herrera]

Eli's going to wear it and we're going to see if it's actually ballistic.

[JD Delay]

Rated o this idea.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, put it on.

[Donut Operator]

We're going to shoot Eli in there.

[Finn]

And I looked, I was like, that's plastic.

[JD Delay]

Ding ding ding.

[Brandon Herrera]

Well, that's the liner.

[Eli Double Tap]

That's not ballistic rated.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

Hey, stop it with Asian jokes.

[JD Delay]

Thank you for catching that.

[Finn]

I feel seen like I have.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I. I have a. A Vietnam era helmet. I could actually bring in the real helmet and you can wrap it with the real stuff.

[Finn]

You have K Pop.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

No, that's not for a K Pop. That's a Vietnam era helmet.

[Brandon Herrera]

I don't really listen to K Pop.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I do. My favorite song is Finger bang bang you into my life. South park reference.

[Finn]

Ah, see, I'm out of any of those.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

It's an old, old one.

[Donut Operator]

That. That is an old. Oh, Christian band, right?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, they. They. It's the little rings. It's not. It's not the Christian. Yeah, it's the. It's when they just become a little boy band and.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, but it wasn't a Christian band because they have to have the rings. The Purity ring episode.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Purity Ring isn't Christian bands. Purity ring is when the Jonas Brothers and Disney go on and he starts to try and like get a handy from his girl girlfriend.

[Eli Double Tap]

The.

[Brandon Herrera]

The Mickey Mouse is like get your kneecaps in.

[Finn]

Beat the out of him.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

What you're gonna do is you're gonna get those little 8 year olds wet.

[Eli Double Tap]

Huh? You're gonna sell some goddamn T shirts.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Oh boy, oh boy.

[Finn]

The they get away with is wild.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Dude.

[Brandon Herrera]

That.

[Donut Operator]

That's two people I would love to sit down with one day with Matt Stone and Trey Parker just like pick their brains about some of the shit that they did over the years.

[Finn]

One of the corridor got to work with them like on what they built their. Their deep fake movie. They did. So Matt and Trade did what? Matt and Trey did a deep fake movie. Let me get the actual.

[Brandon Herrera]

I'm. This is the first time hearing of.

[Finn]

This Parker deep fake. So they did an entire deep fake movie. Sassy. Sassy Justice Coconut cream pie in your face.

[Brandon Herrera]

Call it Justice Sassy.

[Finn]

Just so. It's a web series created by Trey Parker. Matt Stone.

[Brandon Herrera]

It was so good that none of us had heard of it.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah. What a great web series.

[Finn]

What happened 8 I mean a lot of people didn't hear about it and it. It's still an 8 on IMDb.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Oh, that's good.

[Brandon Herrera]

Dear God.

[Finn]

But this is 2020 and Nico and Sam are one of the few people that are doing AI face changing Deep Fish. So they actually reached out to them like, hey, can you work on this for us? And they sat down, did everything together and filmed it together. They did all the deep fakes, showing them what to do, how to do it. They got to work with him like every day for four months or something like that.

[Donut Operator]

Oh, that's cool.

[Finn]

That was one time I was really.

[JD Delay]

You know, Kendrick, right?

[Brandon Herrera]

Fred Sassy.

[JD Delay]

Yeah. They're doing like, they're literally doing a movie with Kendrick Lemon Lamar.

[Finn]

No.

[JD Delay]

See, which I'm really intrigued to see what that's going to be Sassy Justice.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

He's just going to go to Toronto and hunt. It's going to show Drake in a cage.

[JD Delay]

It's crazy. The people that are getting catfished by deep fake celebrities and they're literally sending them Snapchats. Like, did you guys see what happened with the Ronnie Radke situation with Tommy Lee's wife?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I only heard a little bit about.

[JD Delay]

It, but go on. So, like, I guess Tommy Lee's wife thought she was talking to Ronnie Radke on. On his Snapchat. That had like two followers or 60 followers and two posts or something. And she'd been going back and forth with them for a while and her and Tommy Lee were fighting and she literally showed up at a house that she thought was his one night and I guess he had sent some like, deep fake actual videos. So she really thought that it was Ronnie Radke and like she's like messaging him. I'm here outside of the house and it's like, not his house house. It's not him. He had no idea. But Tommy Lee like hits Ronnie up in some messages and he's like, man, what are you with my wife for? And he's like, dog, I have no. Like, I. I love you. I grew up listening to you. You're one of my favorite people. I'm not with your wife. And he's like, no, this. She was thoroughly convinced that she was having an affair with Ronnie Radke.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Is this a woman on Tick Tock?

[JD Delay]

Yes. Yes.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Decided that she was going to stop doing Tick Tock, marry Tommy Lee, divorce her husband, and then cheat on him. Cheat on Tommy Lee with Ronnie Rad Key.

[JD Delay]

That is how the story goes. Yes.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

What a dumb.

[Donut Operator]

I didn't want to say it.

[Eli Double Tap]

Did. Did you hear about the. The Disney lawsuit going on Right now about. They were at Disneyland like a family and the wife had a severe food allergy.

[Brandon Herrera]

So. Yeah. Yes, it was in. It was in Disney World. It was in Disney Springs, like this little like Irish pub, club, restaurant or whatever. The one with the Disney plus.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

Thing. Yeah. Because they. They signed up for like a free trial to Disney plus.

[Finn]

Well, go on. What happened to the wife first?

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, well, when she had an allergic reaction to like food that she was promised that, you know, there wouldn't be.

[Eli Double Tap]

Shellfish or whatever it was.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah. She ended up. She died.

[Finn]

Yes.

[Brandon Herrera]

Like the wife died. And I want to say they wanted something very reasonable. It was like $50,000.

[JD Delay]

It was only 50,000, which I thought was weird. Like you were undershooting it here, bro.

[Brandon Herrera]

You lost your wife especially for something that was very demonstrably their fault.

[Finn]

Yes.

[Eli Double Tap]

And apparently the reason their defense was they signed up for a free trial of Disney plus. And in the terms and conditions of the free trial of Disney plus is you're not allowed to sue Disney for anything ever.

[Brandon Herrera]

It had to go to. It wasn't that they weren't like completely liability free. It's like they had to go to arbitration or something instead of like a court.

[JD Delay]

That's what.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah, okay.

[Brandon Herrera]

I think, I think that was the. That was the breakdown, which is still evil.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Why do you think he only asked 50 grand? What did she do?

[Brandon Herrera]

Was ate shellfish, clearly.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

But yeah, but like, why was that? Like if I loved my life, I'd be like $10 million. This guy was like 50 grand. Pay for the expenses. Thanks for saving me.

[Eli Double Tap]

I think it was literally just like on the Carfax.

[JD Delay]

She was ran harmonious.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

She just ran out and went away.

[Finn]

That's such a. It's like, how much do you want to suit? They took your wife 50 grand.

[JD Delay]

Your wife is worth more than 50 grand for sake.

[Brandon Herrera]

I think he just wanted to cover like funeral expenses. And yeah, like it makes very reasonable.

[JD Delay]

It's super. But again, way more reasonable than what would be.

[Finn]

It's their fault because they told they had a specific meal for it. That's the thing. It's like, yes, she is allergic to peanuts or shellfish. And then they served it anyways and then she died. That's where I'd be like, ma.

[Brandon Herrera]

And they like double checked with the server. Like they, they. To my understanding, the way it was presented, they did everything right.

[Finn]

Yes. And that's the hard part where it's like, how do you return with like, I just want 50 grand.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah. He probably only wanted 50 grand because she was also allergic to penis. Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

If you killed my real person.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, dog.

[Finn]

I'm going like, if my wife died, I.

[Donut Operator]

There's a mass cast incident happening in Disney World. If you kill my wife, I don't.

[JD Delay]

Care where it's at. Everything becomes a target. Rich environment.

[Eli Double Tap]

L shaped ambush.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Can I just say, wouldn't it be absolutely wonderful to do like an L shaped ambush with each other?

[Brandon Herrera]

Other.

[Finn]

This is the best group of boys.

[JD Delay]

The best group of boys.

[Brandon Herrera]

It's just like the male fantasy it.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Is just to like be like, hey, guys, China attacked us.

[Finn]

What?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah. And Mexico's with them. No way.

[JD Delay]

All right.

[Brandon Herrera]

All right, boys.

[Donut Operator]

Dibs on the saw.

[Finn]

And shift. Oh my. Look at Rich and Nick.

[Eli Double Tap]

They are.

[Finn]

God, they're doing so good on this ambush. And pause. You guys good? We're good. High five.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

We need ammo. Who are we sending?

[Donut Operator]

Trout.

[Finn]

Run it.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Because you're thin, you're lean, you're very hard to hit. You're gonna be a runner, boy.

[Brandon Herrera]

Just don't cry in the stairwell when Rich is. Rich is getting stabbed by a German.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yes.

[Eli Double Tap]

I hope if anybody ever invades America, it's a demographic of people where their gear is gonna fit me. Because that was.

[Brandon Herrera]

It's not gonna happen.

[Eli Double Tap]

I know.

[JD Delay]

That's not gonna be a thing. We. We discussed this yesterday with Trout, bro. Where heads are too big.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Starving people don't have a full fridge, buddy.

[Brandon Herrera]

Okay?

[Eli Double Tap]

It's the worst part.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

You could take two units.

[Eli Double Tap]

I'm gonna have to get like four of their chest plates and just make chain mail.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Your nickname's gonna be the ogre. You're just walking around with and draped.

[JD Delay]

Over your shoulder like, you know, like.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

They cross the wrong border.

[JD Delay]

Be civilized to collect ears, bro. Put them on a necklace, Chinaman.

[Brandon Herrera]

You just have like eight. Eight fucking Chinese sappy plates across the front of your body. You're like, could have just left Taiwan alone.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Nick's literally bored. And just like, you shouldn't have came here, Ling Wong. Like, oh, Mr. Nick, I'm so sorry.

[Brandon Herrera]

I made.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

No, but you took out my goatee. You paint some very cool things on my head. It's very nice.

[Donut Operator]

You just imagine I'm slicing that all for Nick. Like, Cody, what are you doing? Ah, don't worry about me.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I don't understand why you got a bash hoe in back of my skull and put your ding dong inside. That's very rude to my country.

[Donut Operator]

Like, Nick needs his skulls.

[Finn]

I couldn't even imagine. Because there's no rules of War.

[Eli Double Tap]

At that point.

[JD Delay]

No.

[Finn]

If you trust me, I know how.

[Brandon Herrera]

Everybody explain to Eli what war is like.

[JD Delay]

Yes, please tell me. What is war?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, you got the medal.

[Eli Double Tap]

I've always said if anybody ever invaded America, the biggest issue would be our government trying to convince rednecks to not taxidermy the invaders.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Do you know how great.

[Donut Operator]

It's funny. They sent rednecks to war in the Pacific and they did things like this.

[Brandon Herrera]

Y' all ever seen a Chinese jackalope?

[Eli Double Tap]

Parachutes start falling, the parachute start falling, and the town just gets over. Like the tornado siren, loudspeakers telling everybody the bag limit not to take cover. You're only allowed four. We need enough to go around if.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

If we're gonna psy up a group of people and, like, play music to freak them out before we hit them. What song are you guys gonna pick? All right, you first. What song would you play over a loudspeaker to, like, psych out an enemy?

[Donut Operator]

Me.

[Finn]

It's raining men.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

It's raining. Oh, that's fucking dangerous. That's scary.

[Finn]

When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together.

[JD Delay]

Use polls to settle dinner plans, send.

[Finn]

Event invites and pin messages so no.

[JD Delay]

One forgets mom's 60th.

[Finn]

And never miss a meme or milestone.

[Brandon Herrera]

All protected with end to end encryption.

[JD Delay]

It's time for WhatsApp message privately with everyone.

[Finn]

Learn more at WhatsApp.com Nicholas I'm a Barbie girl.

[Brandon Herrera]

Ew.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Gross.

[JD Delay]

You know that song by. What was her name? Carly Rae Jefferson?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

That Friday.

[JD Delay]

Friday. Oh, no, that's gotta get Rebecca Black. Yes, Rebecca Black. Thank you.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Mine is all the things I do. Mine is Tiptoe through the Tulips by Tiny Tim.

[Finn]

Because it's eerie. Oh, yeah, it's here.

[Brandon Herrera]

Party in the usa.

[JD Delay]

Good one. Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

I would go hard.

[Finn]

Yeah.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I'm waiting for somebody to do something heavy metal.

[Donut Operator]

They don't. I would go metal. Like I was thinking, welcome to the jungle.

[JD Delay]

Slaughter to prevail.

[Donut Operator]

So you know what's about to happen.

[JD Delay]

Lift that.

[Eli Double Tap]

I take it back. I want Phil Collins. And the ambush starts right at the boom.

[JD Delay]

That's kind of rad, dude.

[Eli Double Tap]

Cover fire.

[Brandon Herrera]

Fire.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

And tracer says I can feel it.

[JD Delay]

Boom, boom.

[Finn]

The ptsd, the.

[JD Delay]

Goosebumps.

[Finn]

They're retreating. They're telling their new soldiers coming in. What you have to look out for?

[JD Delay]

You invade us, there's not going to be ptsd. You're not going home.

[Finn]

You hear These songs run, just run.

[Brandon Herrera]

The enemy is up for life because we gave Rich the ox.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

They're like, all the white women had aggressive pit bulls coming after us. They said they were friendly, but it was not the owner.

[JD Delay]

I'm not into fucking dudes, but invade America, I might make an exception.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Dude. Just, I mean, I'm not going to lie. The content, great content.

[Eli Double Tap]

Well, you got it.

[Donut Operator]

You got a generation of men who were raised on the global war on terror, terrorism. Like, yeah, like that's, that's all that America has known, at least when we were younger. Like, you're, you're still in it, you're still doing the army thing.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I'm just waiting for the next generation war. So then I can be like, I.

[Donut Operator]

Think you just got like a couple million angry dudes. Like alcohol.

[Finn]

Yeah.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

And our wives.

[Finn]

And our wives.

[Eli Double Tap]

The other thing that I think about is like, obviously not me, but like, like you and Eli and all the dudes that were actually over there. Like, I'm sure at some point in your deployment somebody tried to kill you or you saw something where you're like, that's a really good idea. That was clever. And then you just have that bag of tricks in your bag of tricks now. I hate IEDs or types of ambushes, setups, anything.

[Finn]

I still hate. A majority of the things that almost got me killed was dumb military decisions.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Those are some of the things that got me saved, was. I was just like, this doesn't make sense. Can we change this? They're like, yeah. And we literally did a 180 in the middle of a street, quarter of a mile down that street that we were going to go hit the next convoy. Like, the guys lost their legs. And I was like, oh, that would have been me. But instead of going across the city in a star, I was like, why don't we just go in a circle? They're like, oh, that's a good idea. Rich or high, they can go.

[Finn]

Crazy concept.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Private high, that's a good idea idea.

[Finn]

But IEDs, we could have some fun with those.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Oh my God. All the drones.

[Donut Operator]

Oh, yeah.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Like I'm going to say, do you know how many. Like everybody has a rifle that can poke somebody at 300 meters? Like everybody?

[Finn]

Yes.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Like, you're not safe anywhere. You get 300 meters within a building, any building. And that American's like easy pickings.

[Finn]

And we got big ass guns. Like a 762ak, that's shittily made was the worst thing we were coming up, up against. If you're Looking at, like, you think.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Chinese TEU armor is going to stop on 9 mil?

[Finn]

No, I mean, like, the 338la.

[Brandon Herrera]

That is. That is a very funny thought. That, like, the PLA is going to war with contracted body armor that doesn't even meet their own specs because it was literally from the wish.com factory.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yes.

[Finn]

You could see that happen.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

We need to throw bodies at them. We have 1 billion people. America's like, we've got 30, 57 trillion rounds. I think we're okay. Are you guys gonna bring aircraft into this?

[Finn]

Because you.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

You can only get so far at the Rockies. You know, eventually we're gonna be level with planes just shooting them.

[Brandon Herrera]

Eli, you like Metal gear? Have the M82A2.

[JD Delay]

Oh, see?

[Finn]

Oh, and then you're just going down the list to check off those on your. Your firearms.

[Brandon Herrera]

We're unlocking kill streaks. Yes.

[Donut Operator]

Like, they. They don't think. I'm not gonna have a side bunker beside my house where I poison all the food.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

That's what I'm talking about.

[JD Delay]

Do you know how many of them.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Are gonna be like, oh, Pepsi, this is great. They're Russian now. This is great. Pepsi is so delicious.

[JD Delay]

How come it.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

The. It is fizz is gone.

[JD Delay]

Oh, whatever.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Arsenic injected into every can.

[JD Delay]

What the are you doing?

[Finn]

Poisoning the meat.

[JD Delay]

What?

[Donut Operator]

Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it.

[Brandon Herrera]

No, don't use the don'. Freezer. Be.

[JD Delay]

You know all that fentanyl you sent over here? Yeah. Come get this food.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Do you know how many, like, sock puppet episodes I would have with, like, dead heads just, like, with their jaws, so they're like, well, what'd you do.

[Brandon Herrera]

Wrong there, Ling Wong?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Well, I invaded America from the South. I thought it would be a good idea.

[Eli Double Tap]

Some of the content from you YouTube would be out of control. On today's episode of Brandon Herrera, we're loading Benadryl into a shotgun PLA versus a hat man. Round one. Just film his trip.

[Donut Operator]

You get hat man.

[Brandon Herrera]

I just have three PLA soldiers just in a pen.

[JD Delay]

Do you know how much fun it.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Would be you're still shotgunning them?

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, no, no, no.

[Eli Double Tap]

He's.

[Brandon Herrera]

He's able to speak again.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I would just have a soundproof basement with, like, two dudes in there and just constantly playing the same Miley Cyrus song of. Of party in the usa.

[Brandon Herrera]

That's just like the experience of a normal dad in 2017.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, but normal to them is not normal to us. Normal to us is not normal to them.

[Donut Operator]

Rich, I'm super glad we're actually good people.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

This is a no for yourself.

[Eli Double Tap]

That invasion comes riches. Oh, it's raining minorities.

[Finn]

I had to watch before.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

It's not racist to say, go back to where you came from if you're shooting invaders.

[Finn]

I had to watch US Soldiers dying before I deployed. It was just part of, like, desensitizing training.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Oh, they made you kill your buddy. That's weird.

[Finn]

This is what they would play to soldiers of. Why not to get captured.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Who?

[Finn]

This exact statement said, be like. And that's why. Run, shoot yourself. Do not get captured by any American.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Who did that to you?

[Finn]

You didn't have to do that.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

No, that's. That's the worst thing you can do.

[Finn]

Oh, yeah, we had to watch a lot of that.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

What?

[Donut Operator]

Who?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Oh, hold up.

[JD Delay]

What.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

What element of you made you do? Your division did it. Your battalion did it, Your brigade did.

[Finn]

Brigade.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Brigade.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Your brigade commander is a retard.

[JD Delay]

You never had to d. No.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

That's the dumbest shit ever.

[JD Delay]

Are you kidding me?

[Eli Double Tap]

That is the.

[JD Delay]

You're so proud.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

You're like, yeah, we desensitize.

[JD Delay]

No, no. Oh, my God.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

That's such a horrible decision. Before you put young men in battle.

[Finn]

No. So, so rich. Guess what I never did when I was doing patrols got captured. I stayed still. See, it works. I would never stay still because that was the one thing they're like, watching. What happens when you stay still? I mean, anyone that pause, they hold position and not move. And then it train.

[JD Delay]

Boom.

[Finn]

Shoot them. And they're like. This is why you continue. If you're pulling security, if you're pulling guard, if you're moving, bob weave, move. Continue to change positions. Like, do not stand still even when you're in vertical superiority. If you're behind a 50 cal, move your fucking head.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

So what they're doing is they're showing you, like, videos from the enemy of, like, soldiers dying. Unfortunately. Unfortunately. But it's because. Okay, okay.

[Finn]

And what do you think was?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I'm like, straight up torture scenes of them, like, torturing America.

[Finn]

Oh, no, no. None of that.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Holy. I'm like, I'm the Taliban.

[JD Delay]

This is an American soldier, and I'm.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Pulling out his eyeballs. You see what happens if you don't wash your feet in the field?

[JD Delay]

And I'm like, what?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

No, no. From a tactical aspect of. You see how he stayed still? That's how they were trained on him. Unfortunately, that American died. Don't do that. This. Okay, that's different. It's very different than I was like wait, hold on.

[Eli Double Tap]

I think we're psycho.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Is just showing Americans getting gutted on the planes of Iraq and being like, you see what'll happen if you don't check in with your battle body every five minutes. Drink water, hula, get the.

[JD Delay]

I feel like that's a proven method though. Like in school when you're going through sex ed and they want you to like wrap it up, they show you pictures of like Lindsay Lohan's infected with all that on it. You know what I'm saying? And if you get a DUI to correct that, you go to a class and they make you look at all these pictures of like decapitated kids and weird that happened from drunk driving.

[Donut Operator]

That's, that's what they would show me as a young sailor. Like don't buy a motorcycle. Cuz we would have young sailors like take a jixer or something and just slam it into a building. Body parts would be everywhere.

[Brandon Herrera]

They showed that my motorcycle safety course.

[JD Delay]

Like the guitarist from Mastodon last night died on his motorcycle.

[Brandon Herrera]

Really?

[Finn]

Night. Oh, 51 years old that I same. I didn't realize they did that with the Navy. The motorcycle thing, like just don't get a motorcycle. That's what they would tell us. And they would show this.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, they would show us just like the pig, like the gnarliest Rex ever.

[JD Delay]

And we have made you too reckless and fearless to be on one of these things with two wheels.

[Donut Operator]

Cuz you're, you're giving young men like money they never had in their life. You know, even though it wasn't a lot of money. But it's like you have enough to buy like a jixer like some like that.

[Brandon Herrera]

We all watch Tron Legacy growing up.

[Donut Operator]

I thought, yeah, it's like don't do that.

[Finn]

And you're the most testosterone you're ever going to be in at that point of your life.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah. You're a 21 year old jacked kid who has a couple, couple hundred dollars a month. Like you might want to buy a motorcycle. So I agree with you with that. But, but also like, like I think they were good on your point because like if someone slid into my house in a foreign country, I would take you down to the basement and no one would ever see you again.

[Brandon Herrera]

See, I'm, I'm excited for the Pepper Box movie that we eventually make on the hypothetical scenario of Yellow Dawn.

[Finn]

Is that what it's going to be called? Because I love that name.

[Brandon Herrera]

It's a working title.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

It's more like Yon.

[Brandon Herrera]

Cars.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

And by the way, speaking of what you said, I. I'm pretty sure that you can't buy any jixers after the Civil War.

[Brandon Herrera]

So.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Hey.

[Donut Operator]

Like, are you still trying to keep your career as a police officer?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I'm homeless, dude.

[Eli Double Tap]

Hurt.

[Brandon Herrera]

Heard that.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I'm having a lot of fun talking about US Invasion with you all. Question? Yes, I did, like, some of the things, like the tactics that, like, Russia used when it was, like, taking prisoners out and, like, putting them in Wagner group. How effective, like, legitimately? Because can they be trusted or will they be able to get the job done? Or will they just do their own thing? If. Hold on. If we gave. Gave, like, a bunch of meth, like, people that were arrested for, like, meth and violent felonies. More meth. And we're like, here's like a pistol with, like five rounds in it. You got to go behind enemy lines and get your own guns and stuff, but you can do whatever you want.

[JD Delay]

I'm going to tell you right now, at any point while I was incarcerated, if they would have been like, yo, we want to send you to war. I would have been like, sign me a. You kidding me? There are a lot of patriotic dudes that are locked up, so it would seem like people would be mad at the government about that or some. No, all those dudes in there are super patriotic. They would love the chance to go and kill any stuff, bro. You just point and they'll shoot, bro. Get them in there. And if you give them meth, they're. I mean, there's probably going to be some butt, but they're definitely going to kill, too.

[Brandon Herrera]

I was going to say, what a thing to do. Like, oh, yeah, and if they gave you meth, like, yeah, of course they're going to do that. Oh, oh, yeah. We did that quite a lot.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yeah.

[Brandon Herrera]

Not only the United States, but, you know, Nazi Germany and everyone.

[JD Delay]

Like, super soldiers.

[Brandon Herrera]

That was just like a thing you got issued that, like, with your green beans and toothpaste.

[JD Delay]

Yeah.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Here's your Panzer Chocolata. Enjoy the next three days of not sleep.

[Finn]

Best Best videos is watching those soldiers tweak out.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, they're like. Pupils are like that big climbing a tree.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, my fuck. We're in Paris.

[JD Delay]

And it doesn't even just have to be criminals. Strap the pedophiles to, like, the outsides of tanks and use them as human shields.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I like this.

[JD Delay]

Maybe catapult. Well, drop them out of drones and just drop them on top of people from such a high distance that they Splat.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

No, we have to use them.

[Eli Double Tap]

The.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Be used as, like, anti mine detection.

[JD Delay]

Perfect.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yes.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

We're just like, hey, guys, walk through this godforsaken desert.

[Finn]

French for legion. So they take a lot of criminals, and it's how you can just have a new start. One of my buddies, he was part of that. Before 911 kicked off, he was in the French for a Legion. Now, he was a good, like, perfect dude. Really smart, intelligent. He just wanted to learn French and joined the French Foreign Legion to do that.

[Donut Operator]

Because the. The big thing about the French Foreign Legion is you can just go in and have a new idea.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yes.

[Donut Operator]

So I. I knew a Navy diver buddy that did that. Like, he. He was prior.

[Eli Double Tap]

Prior or after Navy?

[Donut Operator]

No, like, he. He was prior Navy. He was bored, and so he joined the French Foreign Legion. But he was telling me that, like, you get a new Social Security number, you get a new name, you can start over. Because they'll take anyone and make them cannon fodder, basically.

[Finn]

And Enos, they're like, hey, okay, what's your name? He gave his actual name. And, like, what's your name, though? This, like, oh, shit.

[Brandon Herrera]

You.

[Finn]

Okay, That's.

[JD Delay]

I know a dude in Miami who'll do that for 600 bucks. Well, they were like, I used to be that guy.

[Finn]

He was like, here you go. Here's your stuff. He was a comms guy. But when they deployed to this is Africa and Mogadishu, and they had one attack, an ID exploded on one of their vehicles. And then immediately, because the majority are fucking criminals, they were like, oh, okay. The local populace just blew us up and didn't tell us. Okay. They rounded up the kids, strapped them on the side of the vehicles, and then they strapped all the kids around their vehicles, drove around, did a patrol, and then drove back, dropped the kids off, and then that never got attacked a single time after that. They were like. And that's when you have the issue of criminals doing it, because they're like, they blew us up this one time. So we took care of it, and then no one attacked us after that.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

They learned the lesson.

[JD Delay]

Jesus.

[Finn]

Yeah, dude. French for legion.

[Brandon Herrera]

There's what. There's what's right, and there's what's effective.

[Finn]

Yeah, that's.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah.

[Finn]

Enos was like, it is a wild story. Cuz you are five years. You have to sign up minimum. You are there six days a week.

[Donut Operator]

And you have to learn how to speak French, too. That was a big one.

[Eli Double Tap]

Yep.

[Donut Operator]

There you have to learn how to speak French.

[JD Delay]

You Mean in other countries, to participate in certain things, you actually have to adapt to their culture and learn their language.

[Brandon Herrera]

We JD part of it.

[JD Delay]

That's crazy as.

[Donut Operator]

That's oddest thing I've ever heard.

[Finn]

Racist.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I want my battle buddies to click their tongues and speak in Gaelic.

[Brandon Herrera]

Speak in gate.

[Finn]

What was that? What were you doing?

[Brandon Herrera]

Like click tong. Speak in kick.

[Finn]

Same thing.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah.

[Donut Operator]

Why do you have to attack show like that, dude?

[Finn]

Wait, I think Dave's the only one that knows Gaelic. Dave, you know Gaelic, right? How do you say, hey, how you.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Doing, David, King, Queen and Wilton. Oh, King Queen. That's very nice, Dave.

[Donut Operator]

I didn't know you knew Gaelic.

[Brandon Herrera]

Yeah, yeah.

[Donut Operator]

So used to be anyway. Not so much anymore.

[Eli Double Tap]

Catholic school is even longer last.

[Donut Operator]

That means you. I love my bed.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

All of those things are true.

[Donut Operator]

We should.

[Finn]

I'm glad we got that.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

And District 23 will allow you to love your bed.

[Brandon Herrera]

Just, you know, requiring people to pass a basic citizenship test where, you know, you learn how to actually use our roads and understand the road signs and not, you know, take a 180 degree turn in the middle of a street and kill a family of three.

[Eli Double Tap]

The crazy part about that video was his lack of a reaction to that completely.

[Finn]

Huh.

[Eli Double Tap]

And like didn't give a shit.

[Finn]

Yeah.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

That guy's seen like 80 people fall off trains and get like d limbed. He did not.

[Finn]

There was that sign, that one picture of. There is a sign that says do not turn around. Like right there too. Yeah. He's like, just cut it. Cut a real quick on a freeway.

[Donut Operator]

What? What is it? Rich torso decapitation. That's what happened to that entire family of three.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Oh, we just call it dead.

[Finn]

Yeah, I like that.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

That's a very. I hear confusion for it, but I didn't know know.

[Finn]

I don't know.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I never heard that term before.

[Donut Operator]

Slid under the truck.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

So like their torsos were like cut.

[Donut Operator]

In Twain from here up. Yeah, it was done.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I heard of like degloving and like demasking.

[Brandon Herrera]

I'm not sure. Demasking?

[Eli Double Tap]

What's that?

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Your face gets ripped off. Yeah, just like what happened Scooby Doo hor. Yeah. In that horrible incident with those two actors, John Travolta, and they both were demasked.

[Donut Operator]

God, that is such a good movie too.

[JD Delay]

It really is.

[Brandon Herrera]

I've never seen it.

[Donut Operator]

You've never seen Face Off?

[Brandon Herrera]

No.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Scientology makes really good faces.

[Brandon Herrera]

I understand the premise. Like that one I get.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

But do you think we could do that with Eli and like one of the Asian captures that we get when they invade America.

[Donut Operator]

And then we send Eli back to their line.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yes. With, like, a vest.

[Brandon Herrera]

No, no, no, no.

[Finn]

That's going to. Nothing I want to do.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

No, no, you love it. Stop it, stop it.

[Finn]

Just ripping my face.

[Brandon Herrera]

We rip your face off. Like, I hate this part. Like, you're not going to love the next part either.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah, that's what we use the for.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Oh, but we could just tell him he's going to get, like, 99 pristine tacos when he dies and goes, we need more tape.

[Finn]

His eyes aren't squinty enough.

[JD Delay]

Speaking of John Travolta, did you hear John Travolta is trying to leave Scientology.

[Brandon Herrera]

I didn't know.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

He didn't know.

[Donut Operator]

He started.

[JD Delay]

Yeah.

[Eli Double Tap]

You can't.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

How do you try to.

[JD Delay]

I. I don't know. I think he tried to. He said something about leaving. I think they released a sex tape of him and a bunch of minors or something. I don't know.

[Brandon Herrera]

Oh, what the.

[JD Delay]

But he said something about leaving Scientology. I thought maybe you guys would have.

[Brandon Herrera]

I'm just thinking of a guy going into Tom Cruise's office. Like, Travolta's gone. I'll be outside.

[JD Delay]

So with how much money they've both donated and the way Scientology works, they're supposed to have superpowers. I think one of them's invisibility, and one of them's shooting fireballs.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Well, Tom Cruz hasn't aged, so he's definitely got one of something.

[JD Delay]

Have you guys looked into Scientology at all?

[Donut Operator]

Are you with us right now?

[JD Delay]

No. Scientology is weird as. And I'm not. Like, I didn't want to talk about it while I was on probation out of Florida because they literally own clear water.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yeah.

[JD Delay]

And they have so much pull and sway that, like, anytime anything with Scientology would come up, I. I'd be like, really want to talk some. But my freedom.

[Brandon Herrera]

But are you being legitimate with the superpower? Yeah.

[JD Delay]

No, like, legitimately, once you reach a certain level. And the way to ascend to these levels is by giving them money.

[Finn]

The south park episode does a fantastic.

[JD Delay]

Job with the chef Y. Oh, and Lord Zenu, the alien that lives in a mountain.

[Finn]

And they're just flashing on this green. This is actually what they believe.

[JD Delay]

This is actually is.

[Donut Operator]

So.

[Brandon Herrera]

Look, just because you've never seen Tom Cruise shoot fireballs out of his hands doesn't mean what I don't. Evidence doesn't mean evidence of absence.

[Donut Operator]

Yeah.

[JD Delay]

I don't know that he can't.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

And I've never seen Epstein touch a child.

[JD Delay]

Oh, Jesus. Boom.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Roasted.

[JD Delay]

So are we gonna get that list?

[Brandon Herrera]

I fucking hope so. That was the one thing I've always been transparent on from day one. They're like, oh, well, just because there's certain Republicans that I'm like, no, I don't give a fuck. I don't give a right, left, whatever.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Brandon. I think we both need to come clear and just let everybody know that we only took one ride on the jet and it was just because we were with our family.

[Brandon Herrera]

You can speak for yourself. Always sunny. Yeah, I was there for the jet skis.

[JD Delay]

We need, need to make a song.

[Donut Operator]

Don't kill kids Implications.

[JD Delay]

Kids isn't good.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yes.

[Brandon Herrera]

No, I just, I don't give a who's on the list. Like, I, I, I understand that there's not like some Excel spreadsheet that he kept that just like, oh, here's everybody who's ever child.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

I don't know. I think, I think there absolutely is a log of people that, like, showed up and he's just like, there's like.

[Eli Double Tap]

A little stink, like a, like an.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Anime character that says, like, they did something to somebody.

[JD Delay]

Well, maybe we don't have has it.

[Brandon Herrera]

I, I guarantee you somebody has it.

[JD Delay]

Yeah. And I guarantee you CIA and Mossad probably have that.

[Brandon Herrera]

Part of the reason why it's probably not getting released is because the people who did have it and the people who knew about it.

[JD Delay]

Yeah, dude, did you guys see that? They actually released the paperwork, the FBI cooperation and confidential informant paperwork for Epstein when he got that case in Florida.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Like that, like, basically dropped.

[JD Delay]

Yeah, like, like it just recently came out. Or maybe it was out before and I'm just finding out about it. But, like, I had the paperwork in my phone. I'm like, holy. He was absolutely cooperating with the FBI and he got like, this sweet deal that gave immunity to people that are un named. That's crazy. I've never seen anything like that before.

[Brandon Herrera]

Alexa, who was Ghislaine Maxwell's father?

[JD Delay]

Yeah.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

What did he do for a living?

[Donut Operator]

Alexa, what did Jelaine Maxwell's father do for a living?

[Eli Double Tap]

Elaine, Maxwell's father is Roboto Maki Suiri.

[Finn]

What did he do for a living, Alexa?

[Brandon Herrera]

All right, then keep your secrets.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

In District 23. We will make Alexa tell us what Ghislaine Maxwell's father did as a living.

[JD Delay]

So confirmed massage agent. And he made textbooks for school kids.

[Donut Operator]

In the United States.

[JD Delay]

Yeah. Yeah. Our curriculums that our kids learn from from came from him.

[Finn]

I think on that joke, you can end the podcast.

[Donut Operator]

Bye, everyone. I was joined today by Eli Double tap, fat electrician JD DeLay dark Brandon.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

Yes.

[Donut Operator]

Angry Cops. Brandon Herrera, myself, donut operator. Thank you so much for being here.

[Not Brandon Herrera]

We love you.

[Finn]

Have a great day.