Verdict with Ted Cruz

Episode: The Wit & Wisdom of Sen John Kennedy One-on-One
Date: November 3, 2025
Guests: Senator John Kennedy, Senator Ted Cruz (host), Ben Ferguson (co-host)

Overview

This episode centers on a lively conversation with Senator John Kennedy about his book How to Test Negative for Stupid (and Why Washington Never Will). It’s a mix of insider tales, legal war stories, southern humor, reflections on political life, and Kennedy’s take on what’s wrong (and right) with Washington and America. Kennedy joins Cruz and Ferguson for a rollicking hour where wit meets war stories from the U.S. Senate, peppered with memorable quotes and practical wisdom.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Comedy and Sharpness of John Kennedy

• Book Title Origination: Kennedy jokes about originally wanting to title his book Always be Yourself Unless You Suck but the publisher denied it.

  • Quote: “The publisher, Ted, wouldn’t let me use the title I wanted... they said, no, that’s not gonna work.” (03:12)

• Senate Donor Roast: Kennedy shares stories of roasting Ted Cruz at a fundraising event, demonstrating his reputation as the Senate’s standup comic.

  • Quote: "Let me tell you what you have to understand about Ted Cruz. He is really, really, really smart. But so was the Unabomber. And therein lies the problem. You can’t leave him unsupervised." (03:47)

• Kennedy’s Brand of Humor: Throughout, Kennedy’s regional jokes and punchlines about his colleagues highlight his wit and willingness to poke fun at political heavyweights.

2. The Art of the Senate Cross Examination

• Cruz heralds Kennedy as “the most dangerous cross examiner in the entire United States Senate.” (02:09)

• Judicial Nominee Stories: Kennedy and Cruz swap stories about high-profile nominee grillings. Kennedy describes grilling a nominee unable to name constitutional articles, leading to a withdrawn nomination.

  • Quote: “If you cannot answer, what is Article 2? You will flunk first year civil procedure constitutional law.” (07:40)
  • Kennedy on a failed Trump nominee: “Just because you’ve seen my cousin Vinnie doesn’t qualify you to be on the federal bench.” (09:02)

• Not Just Partisan: Both recount going hard on nominees from both parties, emphasizing the Senate’s role in vetting, not rubber-stamping.

3. How the Senate Really Works

• Behind the Scenes: Kennedy and Cruz describe Senate “mean girls” culture — cliques, backbiting — equating it to junior high “where nobody ever gets out of sophomore year.” (17:37–17:46)

• Senatorial Dynamics: They discuss the grilling sequence in Judiciary Committee (Mike Lee, Cruz, Hawley, Kennedy — called “murderer’s row”), contrasting Cruz’s appellate style with Kennedy’s trial lawyer storytelling.

  • Kennedy on Cruz: "Ted could talk a dog off a meatwack and he could talk the hide off a cow..." (13:34)

• Trial vs. Appellate Lawyers: Cruz and Kennedy reflect on their different backgrounds — Cruz handling appellate arguments, Kennedy thriving as a trial lawyer, both agreeing the Senate values both intellectual rigor and relatability.

• On Colleagues: Memorable commentary about senators (Mitch McConnell, Chuck Schumer, Lindsey Graham) is sprinkled with good-natured jabs.

  • Quote: “I was asked to compare Mitch McConnell and Chuck Schumer. I told the truth. I said they have a lot in common. Each is very smart, each is very tenacious. And each of them could lose his place during sex.” (20:36)

4. On Writing the Book

• Purpose & Style: Kennedy explains he wrote a story-based, humorous look at how Washington works, aimed at the average American.

  • Quote: “This book is not about policy, per se. It’s a storybook. I use stories to make my points about policy.” (16:49)

• Three Main Goals:

  1. Revealing what the Senate is really like behind the scenes
  2. Explaining why “normal” is just a setting on the washer in D.C.
  3. Arguing that a return to common sense could fix DC, but not sugarcoating the entrenched dysfunction.

• Memorable Lines: “The water in Washington, D.C. is not going to clear up until you get the pigs out of the creek.” (17:46)

• Process: Dictated for hours at his kitchen table, transcribed, and heavily edited for clarity and plain-speaking.

  • Quote: "I tried to speak plainly. I don't try to muddy the water to make it look deep." (37:07)

5. Small Town America vs. The Beltway

• Rural Roots: Kennedy and Cruz discuss how “small town America is America,” voicing optimism that the national mood is swinging back in favor of rural interests after years of being overlooked ("flyover country").

  • Kennedy: "Small town America is America... The people, they get up every day, they go to work, obey the law..." (29:06)

• Political Underpinnings: Kennedy connects Trump’s original rise to this dynamic: “Even though he’s a billionaire and even though he’s a New York developer, he doesn’t talk down to people.” (30:41)

6. Political Life, Party Switching, and Louisiana Lore

• Lawyer to Politician: Kennedy recounts a circuitous route through education, law, and Louisiana politics, including switching parties as the Democrats “left” him.
• Colorful Political History: Recounts old Louisiana stories, such as Edwin Edwards’s famous bumper sticker (“Vote for the Crook. It matters.”) and political one-liners.
  • Kennedy on party switch: "They all got mad at me... but the mistake they made, they let me live." (43:29)

7. Reflections on the Senate’s Work

• Biggest Surprises
  • Upside: Learning that advancing good ideas is less important than killing bad ideas.
  • Downside: The extreme dysfunction and difficulty making real progress (“you have to inch along”).
• Advice & Outlook: Both favor Republican control and using all legislative tools, bemoaning missed opportunities under McConnell’s leadership (“left so much good policy on the table”).
  • Cruz: “It remains the most politically indefensible decision I’ve ever seen.” (45:26)

8. Kennedyisms & Closing Zingers

• Kennedy shares one of his favorites, delivered in a Judiciary hearing: “Christmas tree ornaments and Jeffrey Epstein, two things you know didn’t hang themselves.” (47:37)
• On Schumer: “He’s polling right up there with clubbing baby seals... but to be fair, he’s still above chlamydia.” (38:30)

Memorable Quotes by Timestamp

• 03:47 (Kennedy): “Let me tell you what you have to understand about Ted Cruz... He is really, really, really smart. But so was the Unabomber.”
• 06:41 (Cruz): “When John begins cross examining, is there a cross examination you’ve done in the Senate that’s your favorite?”
• 08:08 (Kennedy): “You’re a smoked turkey, man. You’re dead as fried chicken.”
• 09:02 (Kennedy): “Just because you’ve seen my cousin Vinnie doesn’t qualify you to be on the federal bench.”
• 13:34 (Kennedy): "[Ted] could talk a dog off a meatwack and he could talk the hide off a cow..."
• 17:46 (Kennedy): “It’s like high school, but nobody ever gets out of sophomore year.”
• 17:46 (Kennedy): “In Washington, normal is just a setting on the clothes dryer. This place is a different world.”
• 20:36 (Kennedy): “Each... could lose his place during sex.”
• 29:06 (Kennedy): “Small town America is America... They get up every day, they go to work, they obey the law...”
• 30:41 (Kennedy): "[Trump] doesn’t talk down to people."
• 37:07 (Kennedy): "I tried to speak plainly. I don't try to muddy the water to make it look deep."
• 38:30 (Kennedy): “He’s polling right up there with clubbing baby seals.”
• 43:29 (Kennedy): "They all got mad at me and they tried to hurt me, but the mistake they made, they let me live."
• 47:37 (Cruz quoting Kennedy): “Christmas tree ornaments and Jeffrey Epstein, two things you know didn’t hang themselves.”

Notable Segments & Timestamps

• Kennedy Roasts Cruz at Donor Event: 03:12–05:24
• Legendary Cross-Examinations and Judicial Nominees: 06:41–10:21
• On Senate Cliques and Culture: 17:08–17:46
• On Writing & Shaping the Book: 16:49, 37:07
• Small Town America’s Resurgence: 28:14–32:38
• Edwin Edwards and LA Politics: 41:13–43:53
• Senate Surprises & Frustrations: 44:00–46:13
• Kennedyisms and Zingers: 20:36, 38:30, 47:37

Tone and Takeaways

• Humorous & Relatable: Kennedy’s blend of self-deprecating humor and folksy wisdom, combined with Cruz’s and Ferguson's banter, makes this episode both entertaining and insightful.
• Insider Access: Listeners get a rare look at the personalities and processes shaping today’s Senate, including plenty of color commentary on its foibles.
• Storytelling as Politics: Both guests agree — if you can’t tell a story, you don’t belong in politics.
• Underlying Message: The show is as much a call for common sense in D.C. as it is a cautionary tale about how the “swamp” operates.

Final Recommendation & Closing

• The hosts unabashedly recommend Kennedy’s How to Test Negative for Stupid for its humor, honesty, and peek behind the curtain of Washington politics.
• The episode closes with a classic Kennedy line and encouragement to "buy the book — it'll make you think, laugh, maybe even day-drink."

For a blend of irreverent wit and political insight, this episode is a can’t-miss — especially for those curious about the real (and really funny) inner workings of the U.S. Senate.