HTDE: One-Liners and Free Throws

Summary

Wait Wait... Don’t Tell Me! – “HTDE: One-Liners and Free Throws”

Date: December 10, 2025
Host: Peter Sagal
Guests/Comedians: Mike Danforth, Ian Shellock (How To Do Everything), Kelly (listener), Jeff Hiller, Patton Oswalt, Tom Papa, Tig Notaro, Rachel Koster, Mohanad Elsheikhi, Dr. David Hu
Theme: Bringing humor and science to everyday predicaments—from how to make baldness less awkward, to whether you can blow a basketball off-course, and how to sleep on planes like a pro.

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Episode Overview

This special crossover episode features the hosts of “How To Do Everything,” with Peter Sagal leading a quirky exploration into creative problem-solving. The team tackles two listener questions—one from Kelly, a real estate agent looking for lighthearted ways to address her baldness during cancer treatment, and another from Jeff, who wonders if you can actually affect a basketball free throw with synchronized crowd blowing. Along the way, comedians contribute sharp one-liners, scientists provide answers, and the group exchanges classic banter about travel hacks, identity, embarrassment, and resilience.

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Key Segments & Insights

1. The “Pool Noodle Sleep Hack” (00:59–04:13)

Discussion:

• Peter Sagal shares a “life-changing” trick for sleeping on planes: use a two-foot pool noodle as a chin support.
• Inspired by a practical snowbird’s driver named Annie, who demonstrated poking the noodle up from her vest to serve as a makeshift pedestal.
• Peter tries it himself on a flight, sleeps well, and acknowledges the public embarrassment factor.

Notable Quotes:

• “She takes out the pool noodle and she sticks it in her vest so that it’s pointing up right under her chin.” – Peter Sagal (01:52)
• “Completely ignoring what other people might be thinking loudly as they looked at me and had a lovely hour nap.” – Peter Sagal (02:55)
• “I have no doubt that I look like a complete fool. But what’s interesting about this is people do not look good with those airline pillows.” – Peter Sagal (03:28)

Memorable Moment:

• The group jokes about creating an “emotional support pole” vest to fend off confused stares (04:01).

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2. Humor for Hair Loss: Kelly’s Story (04:23–15:26)

Discussion:

• Listener Kelly, a realtor undergoing chemo, seeks a gentle, funny “one-liner” to explain her sudden baldness.
• She shares her perspective on coping, embracing change, and “owning” her look, but wants to avoid awkwardness with new clients.

Notable Quotes:

• “I just like to make things fun and funny and comfortable for people... and would like a humorous or lighthearted way to address the elephant in the room.” – Kelly (04:26)
• “I was a tiny bit looking forward to being who I really am—which is a person going through cancer and chemo.” – Kelly (09:05)

Memorable Moment:

• Mike Danforth admits he enjoyed his own shaved head during cancer: “If only I could just shave my head. But my kids don’t want me to…” (08:10)

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3. The Comedians' (One-)Liner Clinic (09:43–13:01)

Discussion:

• The "How To Do Everything" team consults comedians for witty, empathetic icebreakers Kelly can use.

Best One-Liners & Quotes:

• Jeff Hiller:
  • “I like my hair, but I thought it was distracting from my bold lip color.” – (09:52)
  • “Cancer is bad, but looking like Cynthia Erivo is good.”
  • “I always thought I could pull it off because of my long neck; now I know I can.”
• Patton Oswalt:
  • “Hi, I’m Kelly, I’m your realtor. And if it helps, you can pretend Professor X is selling you a house.” – (10:36)
• Tom Papa:
  • “Sorry about this. I blame the vaccine.” (For certain clients, wink-wink.) – (11:38)
  • “Sorry if I look a little different. I started trimming my eyebrows and I couldn’t stop.” – (12:08)
  • “I know what you’re thinking: Do the curtains match the drapes? … I’ll tell you after we get through escrow.” – (12:18)
• Tig Notaro:
  • “I just got back from the hairstylist. I feel like maybe they went a little too short. What do you think? Maybe I should have brought a picture.” – (12:28-12:50)

Memorable Moment:

• Tig Notaro recounts difficult conversations about her breast cancer with her stepfather, highlighting the awkwardness of true vulnerability (14:16–15:25).

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4. More Joke Suggestions & Kelly’s Feedback (15:31–18:58)

Added Ideas:

• Rachel Koster suggests: “Let people know that you’re in your Elmer Fudd era and that it’s wabbit season.” (15:36)
• Mohanad Elsheikhi: "I swear the house looks just like the picture, even though the picture you saw of me looked nothing like what's standing in front of you." (16:14)
  • Also riffs on ‘reverse hair transplant’ and “sometimes I just look too beautiful with hair; this is for you as a service.”

Kelly’s Response (17:27–18:58):

• Grateful for the comic material and excited to use the lines with clients.
• Shares joy at finishing breast cancer treatment and new confidence in light-hearted conversation starters.

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5. Science of Distraction: Can You Blow a Basketball Off Course? (22:42–28:37)

Discussion:

• Listener Jeff wonders if enough synchronized blowing in a stadium could affect a free throw.
• Mike and Ian consult Dr. David Hu, PhD in fluid mechanics at Georgia Tech.

Key Science Insights:

• A person’s lung capacity (about 3 liters) is insufficient; air jets disperse quickly in large spaces.
• Unless all 50,000 fans concentrated their blowing at close range (which is impossible), it would not affect the ball.
• “If you could concentrate all these 50,000 people into, like... one giant person… it’d be like a leaf blower.” – Dr. Hu (25:35)
• Only defenders standing “a couple inches away” with big sneezes/coughs could conceivably alter a shot, but not reliably—and possibly at the cost of sportsmanship (26:47–28:02).

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6. Closing Banter & Episode Wrap (28:41–30:27)

Travel Hack Returns:

• Recap of pool noodle method; Mike proposes sneaking a baguette or sandwich instead:
  • “You just fell asleep while eating a baguette.” – (29:25)
  • “It is incredible and I think very telling about the pool noodle method that it is less embarrassing to tell everybody around you you fell asleep while eating a baguette.” – Ian Shellock (29:37)

Sign-off:

• Show credits and encouragement for listeners to send more quirky “how to” questions for next season.

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Notable Quotes – At a Glance

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:52 | Peter Sagal| “She takes out the pool noodle and she sticks it in her vest so that it’s pointing up right under her chin.” | | 09:05 | Kelly | “I was a tiny bit looking forward to being who I really am, which is a person going through cancer and chemo.”| | 10:36 | Patton Oswalt | “Hi, I’m Kelly, I’m your realtor. And if it helps, you can pretend Professor X is selling you a house.”| | 12:28 | Tig Notaro | “I just got back from the hairstylist. I feel like maybe they went a little too short. What do you think?”| | 25:35 | Dr. Hu | “If you could concentrate all these 50,000 people into, like... one giant person… it’d be like a leaf blower.”| | 29:25 | Mike Danforth | “You just fell asleep while eating a baguette.” |

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Useful Timestamps

• 00:59 – Peter’s plane sleep hack (the pool noodle story)
• 04:23 – Kelly introduces her question about baldness and humor
• 09:43 – Comedians offer suggested one-liners for Kelly
• 12:28 – Tig Notaro’s advice and story
• 15:31 – Additional one-liners from comedians
• 17:27 – Kelly’s health update and reactions
• 22:42 – Jeff’s basketball/free throw science question
• 24:41 – Dr. David Hu debunks the crowd-blowing theory
• 28:41 – Closing banter on pool noodles, baguettes, and travel hacks
• 29:53 – Credits and sign-off

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Tone & Style

Light, irreverent, and supportive—mixing heartfelt personal anecdotes, sharp stand-up wit, and nerdy scientific detours. The episode underscores humor as a tool for resilience, connection, and curiosity.

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Summary Takeaways

• Embarrassment is fleeting; practicality and rest (even with a pool noodle) prevail.
• Laughter helps deflect awkwardness—especially around visible changes like hair loss, and the right joke can bridge the discomfort.
• Science says: Even 50,000 basketball fans can’t huff, puff, and blow the free throw down—a problem only “three sneezing Shaqs” could almost solve.
• Food as sleep support? Try (discreetly) falling asleep on a baguette and let the embarrassment take care of itself.

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For more oddball solutions and comedic camaraderie, catch up on “How To Do Everything” and stay tuned for future Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me! crossovers.

Transcript

[Advertisement Voice]

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[Peter Sagal]

Hey, everybody, it's Peter. Coming up, the season finale of our sister podcast, how to do everything, made by Wait Wait producers Mike Danforth and Ian Shellock. Now, this is a particularly important and wonderful episode because it features the me sharing my personal trick for comfortably falling asleep on airplanes. And I just want you all to understand that the fact that I'm telling you all about it for free rather than patenting it and becoming a sociopathic billionaire like I've always wanted to do, is just one more sign of my generosity to you. So if you've enjoyed listening to how to do everything, be sure to follow the show in their own feed. And with that, let my generosity commence.

[Ian Shellock]

We fly for work a lot for our other job producing the show. Wait, wait, don't tell me.

[Mike Danforth]

And right now we're actually in Phoenix, Arizona for a Wait wait taping.

[Ian Shellock]

Peter Sagal, the host of the show, is with us now. Peter, you say you have a new hack for sleeping on planes?

[Peter Sagal]

Yes, although I have to give credit to the person who taught me this. So my elderly father just turned 89, spent many, many winters in Florida, and he recently said to me, peter, we have to go meet a friend of mine. The friend was a woman named Annie. And Annie's business is driving cars back and forth from Florida where she lives, to the homes of snowbirds, people who come to Florida for vacation. So this woman walks in, she's there in the Chicago area to pick up somebody's car, and she is wearing a backpack with a pool noodle in it.

[Ian Shellock]

Oh, pool noodle.

[Peter Sagal]

A pool noodle. Although not a whole pool noodle about, say, a two foot length of pool noodle. And she's, like I said, all business. She's there to pick up the car, get going. She just flew in. But I say, annie, why do you have a pool noodle in your backpack? And she says, oh, it's how I sleep on planes. I asked her to demonstrate. She takes out the pool noodle and she sticks it in her vest so that it's pointing up right under her chin.

[Jeff]

Okay?

[Peter Sagal]

And then she mimed falling asleep with her chin falling in the pool noodle and being suspended there as opposed to the chin falling forward and waking you up.

[Ian Shellock]

So it's like the pool noodle makes a pedestal for your Head to rest on.

[Peter Sagal]

Exactly right as you can. The, you know, the classic Roman pose of putting your fist under your chin. Do that, but just imagine it's a pool noodle instead.

[Mike Danforth]

Okay, so it's like a goatee basically.

[Peter Sagal]

No, I don't think a goatee provides any structural support at all.

[Ian Shellock]

Is it more like a pedestal?

[Mike Danforth]

Yeah.

[Ian Shellock]

This sounds crazy, but you tried it.

[Patton Oswalt / Tom Papa (various comedians)]

I did.

[Peter Sagal]

It just so happens that we had a trip coming up and I have children, so I have pool noodles. So I took one of these pool noodles and I cut one down to about a two foot length and I put it in my carry on bag and sure enough I got on the plane and I was sleepy so I took it, I put it down my jacket and put my chin on it, completely ignoring what other people might be thinking loudly as they looked at me and had a lovely hour nap.

[Ian Shellock]

Wow.

[Peter Sagal]

Worked brilliantly.

[Ian Shellock]

You showed me and I love you. You looked like an idiot.

[Peter Sagal]

I have no doubt that I look like a complete fool. So. But what's interesting about this is do people do not look good with these with the airline pillows around their neck? No fools, right? I mean it's not a good look either. So I think it's just because it's novel.

[Mike Danforth]

Yeah, that's right.

[Peter Sagal]

Yeah.

[Ian Shellock]

I mean I think what it needs is really just to explain to other people what it is because otherwise they just think you're kind of insane. But if it had like how an emotional support dog has a vest that says, you know, I'm working, you could just say emotional support pole. Do not pet.

[Peter Sagal]

Exactly.

[Mike Danforth]

I'm a pole sleeper.

[Peter Sagal]

I think if this catches on, you know, the way that they come up and down and they hand out headphones to people who do bring, well they're going to start handing out pool noodles.

[Mike Danforth]

This is how to do everything. I'm Mike.

[Ian Shellock]

And I'm Ian. On today's show, how to help out your favorite basketball team while also spreading diseases.

[Mike Danforth]

But first, hey Kelly, what can we help you with?

[Kelly]

Well, I have breast cancer, I'm getting chemo, I have no hair and so and I'm in real estate. So I'm constantly meeting clients and building long term relationships and I'm out in the community and volunteer and all the things and I just like to make things fun and funny and comfortable for people and I'm totally content with where I'm at and I would like preferably a humorous or light hearted way to address the elephant in the room, which is my baldness because I no longer have long curly hair.

[Mike Danforth]

Oh, that's awful. And how are you doing with all the treatment and everything?

[Kelly]

Great. Yeah. Just, I mean, chemo's a beast, but, yeah, doing as well as I can.

[Mike Danforth]

Well, good. All right, so do we just leave that aside now and we joke about not having hair?

[Kelly]

Sure. Or joke about all of it? Yeah.

[Ian Shellock]

So have you, as you've sort of been out in the world, have there been times where, you know, an interaction has made you feel like, oh, I need to think about this, or are you just sort of like, predicting that?

[Kelly]

I think I've been predicting it. When I knew I was going to see people and they were seeing me for the first time bald, actually texted them in advance.

[Mike Danforth]

Oh.

[Kelly]

But, like, you know, I'm. I'm constantly meeting new clients who haven't seen me with hair. Although they may have seen my email or my photo online or something and thought, wow, this is super different. There's no long, curly hair there. But yeah.

[Patton Oswalt / Tom Papa (various comedians)]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

So with people that I know with knew when I had hair, then I say, hey, didn't want you to be surprised by my stylish new look.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Mike Danforth]

So what are, what are you doing? Like, how are you handling that then? What's the, what's the approach with the head?

[Kelly]

The approach is beanies.

[Mike Danforth]

Okay.

[Kelly]

I'm here in Spokane, Washington. It's winter and it's beanie season, so I can get away with tucking it down, but it won't be beanie season here forever. And it's gonna be a long time before I have hair again.

[Mike Danforth]

Yeah.

[Ian Shellock]

Before all this happened, did you think about your hair a lot?

[Kelly]

I mean, I've always had long curly hair and I've always gotten compliments on my hair from young, from old, from strangers, from new people I meet. Knew it wasn't going to be a big change to not have that as my identity because it was such a part of who I am.

[Ian Shellock]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

But like, like all of this, I'm just embracing it. It's like, okay, I let, let's just go for it. I'm not dwelling on, you know, the negative and anything like that, but, you know, in writing into your show, I figured I can't be the only one. I mean, people go bald from chemo all the time and people are in public or long term client relationships like me. So I'm like, this might not be the only one with this problem.

[Ian Shellock]

I mean, I would, I would say Mike, if you're comfortable. So Mike is a cancer survivor and also really likes not making people uncomfortable and likes making people laugh. Like what it did you. We haven't really talked about it. But like, did you think about this when you were going through it?

[Mike Danforth]

I. Well, I don't know. I loved it. I loved being able to shave my head because I didn't have to worry about it. But unlike Kelly, I didn't have cool hair. No, you don't.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Mike Danforth]

Like you've seen my head, it's fine. But having a shaved head, and again, I recognize for a man it's different maybe than for a woman. I never want to assume anything, but yeah, I thought it was fun to have a shaved head. And since then, when I just have my dumb hair that I have now, I've often felt like, man, if only I could just shave my head. But my kids don't want me to shave my head cause they don't think that would look good either. So it's really a no win, no win situation for me. Yeah, I mean, is there any, Kelly, is there any, are there any positives to this?

[Kelly]

Positives to having no hair and just positives to being bald? You know, the one thing I thought of is like I've been carrying and I don't know how this was for you, but I've been carrying around this cancer diagnosis and knowing all these treatments were coming and yet I looked fine on the outside and now I kind of feel like, wow, maybe you should cut me some slack because.

[Jeff]

Yeah, right.

[Kelly]

Look at what I'm going through. So I was a tiny bit looking forward to, to being who I really am, which is a person going through cancer and chemo.

[Mike Danforth]

So.

[Kelly]

Yeah, and yeah, I mean, I guess. Cause I'm trying to look on the bright side of everything. So it was like, okay, here's the next phase and here's what I really look like. So.

[Ian Shellock]

Yeah, well, we'll keep our fingers crossed everything goes as well as it can. Yeah, yeah. We'll be thinking about you as we try and solve this problem.

[Kelly]

Ah, thanks. Yeah, we're solving it for me. But I know there's others, so let's help all of them.

[Mike Danforth]

All right, Kelly, good to talk to you.

[Kelly]

Okay, you as well.

[Mike Danforth]

Okay, so Kelly wants a funny joke, a one liner to make things comfortable for people when they see her for the first time without hair.

[Ian Shellock]

So right now we are going to call up some very funny people to see if they can help. We'll start with a voice memo that Jeff Hiller just sent us. Jeff just won an Emmy for his role in Somebody Somewhere. Hi, it's Jeff Hiller and here are my Thoughts? You could say, I like my hair, but I thought it was distracting from my bold lip color. Or you could say, cancer is bad, but looking like Cynthia Erivo is good. Or you could say, I always thought I could pull it off because of my long neck, and now I know I can. Patton Oswalt, you got anything for Kelly?

[Patton Oswalt / Tom Papa (various comedians)]

Well, you know, based on my interests in my area of the world, but just maybe she should go. Hi, I'm Kelly. I'm your realtor. And if it helps you pretend that Professor X is selling you a house.

[Mike Danforth]

Thanks, Patton.

[Ian Shellock]

Okay, we got Tom Papa up next.

[Mike Danforth]

Have you ever had to talk about hair in your act? Has your hair changed over the course of your career?

[Patton Oswalt / Tom Papa (various comedians)]

You know, that's mean for you to ask that as a question.

[Ian Shellock]

Well, it was the way he really talked around what he was trying to say.

[Mike Danforth]

I wasn't trying to say I tried. What I was trying to say was what I said.

[Ian Shellock]

If you're gonna say what you're gonna say, at least treat Tom Poppa with the respect of being direct with him.

[Patton Oswalt / Tom Papa (various comedians)]

That was really. That's the way my wife, like, asked me to do something.

[Mike Danforth]

Tom, you know, I have only the greatest respect. The greatest respect for your wife and her methods.

[Patton Oswalt / Tom Papa (various comedians)]

I was thinking it kind of depends on who she's talking to. If you're dealing with a, like a Republican MAGA vibes, I would just lean in and say, sorry about this. I blame the vaccine.

You could say, sorry if I look a little different. This is just in general, a general one. You could just lean in and say, sorry. Sorry if I look a little different. I started trimming my eyebrows and I couldn't stop.

I know what you're thinking. Do the curtains match the drapes?

I'll tell you. I'll tell you after we get through escrow.

That's all I got.

[Mike Danforth]

Tig Notaro. Do you have any ideas for Kelly?

[Tig Notaro]

I would say to Kelly, the response I had immediately was to say something like, I just got back from the hairstylist. I feel like maybe they went a little too short. What do you think?

Maybe I should have brought a picture.

[Ian Shellock]

That's great.

[Tig Notaro]

That's what I would say. If I was looking for a way to diffuse a situation like that. That's what my gut says.

[Ian Shellock]

That is wonderful. I think that that's going to be really good for Kelly. Were there. Were there other things that at that time that you thought about or that you tried, that you remember?

[Tig Notaro]

Well, I was never bald, so there was no reason for me to say that. But I don't know if it's the opposite or what, but I did an HBO special and took my shirt off.

And I didn't give any information.

So I guess it is the opposite.

[Ian Shellock]

Do you. From that time, right after your diagnosis, do you remember. I don't know. Do any interactions you have with people, as people are kind of learning what was happening to you, people in your life, were there any awkward or just otherwise interactions that you remember?

[Tig Notaro]

I think.

Because after my diagnosis, I spoke so publicly about it, it was kind of everywhere in the news. But I would say the most awkward things for me was my mother had died right before I was diagnosed, and my stepfather was my parent that I was now contact with.

In a way that had never happened before because we were very. Even though he raised me Since I was 2, he was just very standoffish and reserved, and we weren't terribly close. And so everything. All communication went through my mother, basically. So it was very odd to now be sick and having to call and talk to him about my breasts all the time.

[Mike Danforth]

Oh, yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

So that was terribly uncomfortable for me because I barely talked to him about anything, and now we were constantly in conversation about my boobs. So that was like a nightmare for me.

Did it get better.

Talking to him about my boobs?

[Patton Oswalt / Tom Papa (various comedians)]

Yeah.

[Tig Notaro]

I mean, sure.

[Kelly]

You know, it was.

[Tig Notaro]

I never was like, oh, I can't wait to call Rick and bring this up again. But it was totally fine. And he was. He really stepped up after my mother died, which was a real pleasant surprise.

[Mike Danforth]

That's great.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah.

[Mike Danforth]

Well, Tig, thank you so much for helping Kelly out.

[Tig Notaro]

Yeah, thank you.

[Ian Shellock]

Comedian Rachel Koster left a voice memo for Kelly.

[Advertisement Voice]

Hi.

[Kelly]

I hope that the chemo is effective and that you feel better soon, but in the meantime, while you are bald, you can let people know that you're in your Elmer Fudd era and that it's wabbit season. I hope that's helpful.

[Ian Shellock]

And last but not least, Mohanad Elsheikhi. What do you have for us?

[Jeff]

Yeah, I mean, honestly, that she's a. So I assume she's showing people houses and stuff. I guess she could be like, you know, I promise the house looks exactly like the pictures, though.

[Ian Shellock]

That's really good.

[Jeff]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I think. Yeah, I think, you know, there's so many things one could say, you know, like the. The picture thing. But also, you can just explain to him what. Explain to them what happened. You know, you went to Turkey, you kind of met stuff got Lost in Translation, and they did the opposite. They did reverse hair transplant.

[Mike Danforth]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

And this is what you're left with.

[Mike Danforth]

You should see my back.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Ian Shellock]

I went to Turkey to be a donor. Somebody. It's not a zero sum game.

[Jeff]

Or, you know, sometimes if, like, I just look too beautiful with the hair. I just want you to focus on the house. Yeah. Not me. This is for you as a service.

[Ian Shellock]

This is. I like this for Kelly. I feel like these are, like, they're funny, and they're also, like, I feel like she's going to seal a deal with these.

[Jeff]

Yeah. 100%. And. And, Kelly, just FYI, if you seal any deals using any of these jokes, I'm getting 10% out of that. 10%.

[Ian Shellock]

Okay, so we. We have Kelly on the line with us now.

[Mike Danforth]

So what's going on? What's the. Can you. Is it. Is it too personal to ask for a health update?

[Kelly]

No, no, no. I finished breast cancer treatment in June, so yippee.

[Patton Oswalt / Tom Papa (various comedians)]

So far.

[Mike Danforth]

Congratulations.

[Kelly]

Yeah, yeah. Super excited. Super grateful.

[Mike Danforth]

Is there anything practical from there that you feel like you could use Any. Any phrases you could adopt?

[Kelly]

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Like, oh, I went to do my eyebrows, but apparently I did too much. And I swear the house looks just like the picture, even though the picture you saw of me looked nothing like what's standing in front of you.

And then something Tig said. She said she had to talk to her dad about her breast. And my kids are young adults. They're 19, 21, and 22. And so having to talk about my. To my kids about my breasts, and I'm sure they don't want to hear the word breast coming from their mom.

[Mike Danforth]

Yeah.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Mike Danforth]

It's a tough one.

[Kelly]

So those are. Those are my favorite. All of them were fabulous. And I can't believe you got some of the best people to comment. I really appreciate that.

[Mike Danforth]

Sure. Well, Kelly, it's so good to talk to you, and we wish you continued good health.

[Kelly]

Yes, thank you very much. I have enjoyed continued good health.

[Mike Danforth]

Hey, if you have any questions you'd like us to take on, go ahead and send us an email. You can send us an [e-mail] we are.

[Ian Shellock]

This is our last episode of the season, so we're taking a little break. But in that break, we're gonna be working hard for you. So even though you won't be hearing new episodes of the show for a little bit, send us your questions, and we will get back to you probably long after your emergency has already been resolved.

[Mike Danforth]

But know that we are hard at.

[Ian Shellock]

Work doing something you can also leave us a voicemail. We have a voicemail box.

[Mike Danforth]

It's called a phone number.

[Ian Shellock]

We have a voicemail phone number box and the phone number is 1-888-gagax5 that's G A gag axe5.

[Mike Danforth]

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[Peter Sagal]

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[Kelly]

And I realize that sounds like a lot, but I train really hard and.

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[Kelly]

In order to recover.

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[Mike Danforth]

This message comes from Babbel. Babbel's conversation based language technique teaches you useful words and phrases to get you speaking quickly about the things you actually talk about in the real world. With lessons handcrafted by over 200 language experts and voiced by real native speakers. Start speaking with Babbel today. Get up to 55% off your Babbel subscription right now at babbel.com NPR spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com NPR rules and restrictions may apply. Hey, Jeff, what can we help you with?

[Jeff]

Well, I've had this.

Question kind of pondering around in my brain for a long while now. You know, at basketball games, especially free throws, you know, people in the stands kind of act crazy, scream wave signs and things like that, try to distract them. And I've always thought, you know, like, they're professionals. They do this, you know, a million times. It's not going to work. But what if there was something that would actually work? And the best I could come up with would be, like, an entire section of fans, like, blowing air some way or another to try to, like, like, adjust the path of the ball as it's going towards the. The basket.

[Ian Shellock]

Blow, blow. You're imagining everybody behind the basket blowing at the ball.

[Jeff]

It'd have to be perpendicular, not behind. And. Yeah, like, either. Like you're blowing out a birthday candle or maybe everyone has those little, like, handheld fans, you know, like in the summer, you know, something like this kind of like, you know, if you're at a concert and they turn the lights out, but everyone does their, like, cell phone light.

[Mike Danforth]

Sure.

[Jeff]

It's like, you know, if enough people are doing it, is it enough to matter?

[Mike Danforth]

So create resistance that would impact the ball enough that it would throw it off and they'd miss the shot.

[Jeff]

Exactly, yeah.

[Ian Shellock]

Let me ask you this. When you're at a basketball game, do you try blowing during a free throw just to see if one man can make a difference?

[Jeff]

Not a chance. No, I'm not.

First of all, that definitely wouldn't work. And second of all, like, the person in front of me would be like, what the heck's happening here?

[Mike Danforth]

So you don't believe in the butterfly effect, I take it, Jeff?

[Jeff]

No, I guess not.

[Ian Shellock]

You know, I feel like the right person to help with this is a PhD, an expert in fluid mechanics.

[Mike Danforth]

David Hu is a professor at Georgia tech's George W. Woodruff School of mechanical Engineering. David, could people blowing at a basketball affect a free throw?

[Patton Oswalt / Tom Papa (various comedians)]

Yeah, this is an interesting problem. I worked this out at my kid's orthodontist the other day.

It all depends on how far they're sitting away. So if someone's making a free throw, they're in the middle of this whole. This stadium, and you've got 50,000 seats around you. I mean, people have a lung capacity about three liters.

[Jeff]

Okay.

[Patton Oswalt / Tom Papa (various comedians)]

So they could. If you exhale that, the issue is they're not going to get close enough to generate a strong wind near the basketball. Maybe you've heard a saying like you can blow out a birthday cake, but you can't suck out a birthday cake candle.

[Ian Shellock]

Oh, I haven't heard that, but it makes sense.

[Patton Oswalt / Tom Papa (various comedians)]

We move in different circles.

But basically air jets, they travel a certain distance, but then air has very low density, and it's basically got all this stationary air around it. So as you're pushing the air around you, pushing the air out of your mouth, you can create this jet. You can blow out a birthday candle pretty well if you're just within 2 or 3 inches of this candle. But if someone puts that candle a foot away from you or two feet, all the air that you pushed out is basically, it's slowed down by the air around it, and it just does not get very far. And if you could concentrate all these 50,000 people into, like, I don't know, somehow have one giant person that would be almost having like a leaf blower or maybe some really big, like a couple really big strong people coughing right next to the person, like right next to the ball, then maybe you could deviate a little bit.

[Ian Shellock]

So it sounds like the crowd is going to be too far away. But, you know, there are the players, the defensive players standing right next to the free throw shooter. They could probably lean in and be a couple inches away as the ball leaves the hand. And as far as I know, that's legal. Could they blow the ball enough off course?

[Patton Oswalt / Tom Papa (various comedians)]

They'd have to time it really, really precisely. Right when that person's releasing the ball, just to change the directory, you'd have to have not just even one person, but I think.

A few people. I think if they really focused and really coughed or sneezed on the ball, but that probably has more effect on the person trying to shoot this thing too.

[Mike Danforth]

If you have three defenders waiting for that shot to go up. And I think, doctor who, this is a question I have. These are not regular people.

[Jeff]

Right.

[Mike Danforth]

A lot of these people are 7ft tall. Do they still only have 3 liters of lung capacity or do they have slightly more because they're giants?

[Patton Oswalt / Tom Papa (various comedians)]

Yeah, the average person has three liters. I mean, volume goes as height to the 1/3. So if you basically get someone that's 50% taller, 50% taller.

1.5 to the third. Yeah, you could maybe you get double. Maybe you get Double that?

[Mike Danforth]

Yeah.

[Patton Oswalt / Tom Papa (various comedians)]

What if you had six leaders?

[Mike Danforth]

If you had, then just imagine this. Imagine a scenario where you had three Shaqs. Two on one side, one on the other side blowing on that basketball. Do you think they could affect the trajectory of that ball?

[Patton Oswalt / Tom Papa (various comedians)]

They've got to get really, really close and get their timing right. And if they all sneezed, sneezing and coughing, you know, it's, you'd have to do some kind of like the body can only generate those speeds outside of our conscious control. Like when we cough, it's, I mean, it's almost like it's like a third of a leaf blower. 15 meters per second. It's like many, many miles per hour.

[Mike Danforth]

Wow. Okay.

[Patton Oswalt / Tom Papa (various comedians)]

If you're close enough. So three shacks sneezing. I think someone has to put that to the test.

[Mike Danforth]

Well, Dr. Hu, thank you so much for helping us, helping us out.

[Patton Oswalt / Tom Papa (various comedians)]

Well, I'm happy.

[Mike Danforth]

Well, that does it for this week's show. What'd you learn, Ian?

[Ian Shellock]

I learned that you can use a pool noodle to sleep on a plane.

[Jeff]

Yeah.

[Ian Shellock]

If you're willing to look like an idiot.

[Mike Danforth]

Here's a thought I have that I think could make sense, could make this doable. What if you just brought a baguette on the flight? Because a baguette is something you can eat. You could even if you do, following Peter's method, tuck the baguette in your shirt, rest your chin on it and I think you have an excuse that would take away the embarrassment. You just fell asleep while eating a baguette.

[Ian Shellock]

You're right. You're right. And it is incredible and I think very telling about the pool noodle method that it is less embarrassing to tell everybody around you you fell asleep while eating a baguette.

[Mike Danforth]

Well, that just opens up the world to any number of foods. You could say you fell asleep eating a foot long sub.

[Ian Shellock]

You could do. I fell asleep eating a pool noodle.

[Mike Danforth]

This bread is so hard. I just got exhausted.

[Ian Shellock]

How to Do Everything is produced by Skyler Swenson with Hina Srivastava.

[Mike Danforth]

Technical direction from Lorna White.

[Ian Shellock]

This is our last new episode for a little while, but we will be, as we said, working hard to help you with your how to questions. Keep them coming to howtopr.org or use.

[Mike Danforth]

Our phone number and leave a voicemail at 1-888-gagaxe5. Just trips off the tongue. 1-888-gagaxe 5 I'm Ian. And I'm Mike.

[Ian Shellock]

Thanks.

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