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Bill Curtis
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Peter Sagal
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is. Wait, wait, don't tell me. The NPR News Quiz. Sink your teeth into me, North Carolina. I'm your hot and saucy Bill McHugh. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at D PAC in Durham, North Carolina, Peter Sagal.
Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you all so much. We are delighted to be back in Durham, a place known for polite and kind Southern gentlemen, just like the J. Jason Isaacs character in the White Lotus. Later on, we're going to be talking to the comedian Lewis Black, famous for his back in black rants on the Daily show and for playing anger itself in Inside Out. And also a proud graduate of the University of North Carolina. I know that's a little surprising, but that's why he sometimes shouts at people in a drawl. We want to hear your delightful regional accent. Give us a call to play our games. The number is 1-888-92. That's one triple eight. Wait, wait. Now let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi. You're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hey, Peter. This is Tim calling from Swarthmore, Pennsylvania, right outside of the greatest city in the world, Philadelphia. Okay, I'm glad you clarified because I wasn't quite sure what you were going to say. Philadelphia, Swarthmore. I know. Famous for its college. What do you do there? Correct. I actually don't work at Swarthmore, but I work in higher ed communications at another local university. Oh, really? So you live in Swarthmore, where Swarthmore College is. But you're like, to hell with you when you work for somebody, El. You got that right. You know, sometimes you just gotta get away. Yeah, I understand, Rebel. Why don't you? Yeah. Well, welcome to the show, Tim. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, he's a comedian you can see at the Wall Comedy Club in Bakersfield, California, on May 3rd. It's Alonzo Bowden.
Alonzo Bowden
Hello, sir.
Adam Burke
Hello, Alonzo. How are you?
Alonzo Bowden
I'm good. How are you doing?
Peter Sagal
Next, he's a comedian and the host of the 5 o'clock somewhere news on Instagram. And he'll be opening for W. Kamau Bell at Chicago's den Theater on April 26th. It's Adam Burke.
Dulce Sloan
Hello.
Peter Sagal
Hi, Adam. Good to Talk to you. And she is a comedian you can see on tour in Honolulu April 25th, Nashville, May 2nd, and St. Louis on May 3rd. It's Dulce Sloan. I'll hear Dulce. It's Dummy Tim. Welcome to the show. You, of course, are going to play who's Bill this time? Bill, as he always does, is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose in your voicemail. Ready to go?
Adam Burke
Let's do it.
Peter Sagal
Let's. Your first quote is about a university's response to threatened funding cuts.
It's like Goliath versus Goliath.
That was a comment in a New York Times article about what university that, to many people's surprise, is standing up to the government. Harvard. Harvard, yes. The Trump administration is trying to yank $2 billion in funding from Harvard after that university refused to cave to their demands. Harvard's stance does seem brave, but like all Harvard students, if they lose their funding, their dads can take care of it. Were you guys surprised to see Harvard taking this stance?
Alonzo Bowden
I don't know if I was surprised, considering $2 billion to Harvard is like, what, 20 bucks? Yeah, you know, like, yeah, we'll go through the couches, we'll get the spare change, we'll cover the 2 billion.
Peter Sagal
Now, Harvard, they had the advantage of having an example of what happens if you do cave, which is what Columbia University did recently. Now, Columbia. I know, but they're paying for it now. They are required to devote most of their research to studying if the water is making us gay.
Lewis Black
And.
Peter Sagal
And, well, we'll find out. Research takes time. I have to say, personally, it is. It is so exciting to see people finally rooting for Harvard. This is a change. I actually wore my Harvard T shirt out in public the other day, and instead of people shouting, hey, jackass, they yelled, way to go, jackass.
Dulce Sloan
Wow, I can't believe you figured out a way to work out to include that you went to Harvard into that sentence. I was so deft.
Peter Sagal
Well, I mean, I've been doing that for years now for the first time ever, I may not get mocked for it. So how could I resist? All right, here is your next quote.
We're going to put the ass in astronauts.
That was pop star Katy Perry talking about her trip where this week with a crew of other women. Into space. Into space? Yes. Jeff Bezos, rocket company Blue Origin launched the first ever all female crew into space this week. Including Perry and Bezos fiance, Lauren Sanchez. It was an inspiring moment for women, including little girls everywhere, who now know that you can do anything if you have a rich boyfriend, which is what.
Lewis Black
I've been trying to teach these girls.
Peter Sagal
People are criticizing, you know, this 11 minute flight up and back for being like, just a dumb PR stunt. But it is a step forward for women in space. Think about it. The last time a woman went to space, they left her there for 11 months.
Alonzo Bowden
I have to say, Peter, as a, as a comic, when we do shows, the worst thing is when a bachelorette party walks in. You're just, this is going to be. And this. Now the whole country gets to see why we don't like bachelorette parties. This was just a giant bachelorette party. Look how rich we are. We're going to fly to space for 11 minutes, then we're going to come back and get drunk. And they.
Dulce Sloan
Yeah, isn't that the issue? Because that's the problem that people said when they said, like, this is feminism and inspiration. If they just called it space brunch, nobody would have care. You know what I mean? It's just zero G. Karaoke would have been fine.
Peter Sagal
I know I should say, by the way, that some of the commentary about this seems a little sexist. So I just want to say for the record that I also thought it was stupid when Michael Strahan went up there. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Lewis Black
Get off my boy, Strahan.
Dulce Sloan
Now, I do know at one point they're up there and they're all taking selfies and someone gets their attention, goes, hey, everybody, look at the moon. Let's look at the one thing we can already see from the earth.
Peter Sagal
But they were marginally closer. You know, I should say that on board this ship were Lauren Sanchez, Gayle King, Katy Perry, and two women with bad publicists.
Lewis Black
Could you imagine being in the. And Moore on the bottom of this article?
Peter Sagal
No, it definitely seemed like a crew that was picked by guys, you know, in the Blue Origin boardroom saying, okay, what celebrity deaths could our company recover from? Wow.
Lewis Black
First straight hand. Now Gayle King. How dare you.
Dulce Sloan
Also Gayle King. King was defending this and she said, you know, she said, look, this is actually, this is science. And this trip proves that we. One of the things that Blue Origin is trying to do is show that we can shoot waste products into space.
Peter Sagal
Yeah.
Dulce Sloan
Which feels like a bit of a self owned.
Peter Sagal
A little bit. A little bit. All right, your last quote is a description of a particular vacation resort outside New York City.
It's like summer camp, except with a really fancy bed and premium craft cocktails.
Right now, that resort was appealing to the growing number of vacationers who are trying to recreate trips from when. Bless you.
Adam Burke
Their childhood.
Peter Sagal
Yes, their childhood. Very good, Tim. People are setting out to recreate their childhood vacations. It's a trend the Hilton hotel chain in their newsletter is calling time travel. And they say it is, quote, about recapturing the sense of joy, stability and comfort those memories are built on, unquote memories. Like the time your sister bit you in a Motel 6. Vintage vehicles are also back. This is true. That sounds amazing. I'd give anything to once again ride completely unrestrained in the back of a Chevy Caprice station wagon again.
Dulce Sloan
Are these people who had nice childhoods?
Peter Sagal
That is my supposition, yes.
Lewis Black
But the other part of this is that your family's not there. That's the other part of a childhood vacation is that you went with your family.
Dulce Sloan
I mean, I mean, urns are pretty transportable.
Peter Sagal
Okay, this is true. There's a lot of nostalgia for like, old school style travel. So, like, they've brought back the Pan Am airline brand for like charter trips. You can fly Pan Am again. And for extra verisimilitude, one third of the flights will be hijacked to Cuba.
Lewis Black
What word did you just say?
Peter Sagal
Verisimilitude.
Dulce Sloan
That's that Harvard panel.
Alonzo Bowden
That's Harvard, Yeah.
Dulce Sloan
In case Trump is listening. Realness.
Peter Sagal
Bill, how did Tim do on our quiz?
He gave us a great start. Three and.
Oh, well done, Tim. Thanks, Peter. Bye. Bye. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Alonzo. The drugs we take often pass into drains, toilets, and then into rivers and lakes. And it turns out that antianxiety drugs are doing what to wild salmon?
Alonzo Bowden
Stopping them from spawning?
Peter Sagal
No, it's sort of affecting their behavior.
Alonzo Bowden
They're swimming downstream. How about a hint?
Peter Sagal
I'll give you a hint. If you see a salmon riding a motorcycle without a helmet, now you know why they're daredevils.
Adam Burke
Yeah.
Peter Sagal
It makes them reckless. Reckless. Wild salmon scientists wanted to see what the drugs we're putting into the rivers via our wastewater were doing to the fish who lived there. So as an experiment, they dumped a bunch of anti anxiety meds into the water where some certain salmon were spawning. And they found out those salmon ended up being far more reckless than the others. These salmon were like, come on, guys, it's just a bear. What's it gonna do? Catch us in the air? What is it?
Lewis Black
What is reckless behavior in a fish?
Peter Sagal
Yeah, that's a good question.
Dulce Sloan
Is it like it lets itself get caught because it wants a lip piercing?
Peter Sagal
Something like that.
Lewis Black
Was this one of them schools that lost funding?
Dulce Sloan
Can I order Xanax salmon at the restaurant? And is that more?
Peter Sagal
And of course, the medicated fish were more likely to make it back upstream to spawn. But as many of us have experienced, once they got there, they weren't really interested.
Alonzo Bowden
Gonna have to start spilling some Viagra.
Peter Sagal
Yeah, exactly. Coming up, our panelists try some Easter innovations in our Bluff the listener game. Col Triple 8 wait wait to play. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait Wait, Don't Tell me from npr.
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Peter Sagal
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Bill Curtis
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Peter Sagal
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, don't tell Me, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Alonzo Boden, Adam Burke and Dulce Sloan. And here again is your host at D PAC in Durham, North Carolina, Peter Sago.
Thank you, Bill. Thank you so much. Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, don't tell me Bluff the listener game. Call 1 Triple 8 wait wait to play our game on the air or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page. That's atweightnpr. Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Anthony Oliveira calling from St. Louis, Missouri. St. Louis? We love St. Louis despite being from Chicago. We're cool that way. What do you do there? I'm actually a zookeeper here. Wow.
One of the great zoos.
Do you get to work with like the big fun animals like the tigers and lions and stuff? No, I actually work with the insects you have. You work in a zoo for insects? Are they responsive to your care of the insects? Like when you walk up with leaves, do all the centipedes crawl over and like, sit up and beg? No, they're really not great for companionship, but. Well, Anthony, it's nice to have you with us. You're going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what's Anthony's topic?
Easter. I hardly know her.
Easter is this weekend. And if you are sick of the normal Easter traditions like the Easter bunny or wondering what the hell is exactly inside a Cadbury Creme egg, there is somewhere a brand new Easter trend on the rise. Our panel is going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win the weight waiter of your choice on your voicemail. You ready to play? Yeah, I'll try my best. All right, first, let's hear from Adam Burke.
Dulce Sloan
When Irving Berlin wrote in your Easter bonnet with all the frills upon it back in 1933, little could he have imagined that his rocking ode to vernal millinery would still resonate with the youth some 90 years later. But so it is with some of the biggest influencers on social media, not only celebrating the colorful headgear, but making bank doing so. I first did a shoot of me in a homemade Easter bonnet as a joke, says popular Instagrammer Tabitha clack, who boasts 2 million followers online. When the pics proved a hit, high end fashion supply company seems pricey reached out for a collab, as the kids say. Before long, Klak realized she could fit multiple sponsors on a single bonnet. With one of her 20, 23 pieces sporting a bottle of air freshener, several candy brands and a fifth of vodka, all artfully attached to her festive crown. This in turn motivated the competition with rival influencers trying to see how many promotional items they could cram onto their seasonally adorned noggins. I might have overdone it. Last year says beauty influencer Skyler Schapp, who somehow managed to attach five shoe brands and a compact air fryer onto her Easter 2024 bonnet, injuring her neck in the process. Undeterred, she plans to return this year with some Tylenol branded haberdashery with matching neck brace, of course.
Peter Sagal
Easter Bonnet influencers on the rise. Your next story in your Easter basket comes from Alonzo Bowden.
Alonzo Bowden
While Leah Winley of York, Iowa loved clothes, she also loved Jesus. So this year, she and her friends Andrea and Debbie all gave up buying clothes for Lent. Well, new clothes that is vintage is fine. Now as Easter nears, Leah's Lent fashion has started a huge craze. Everybody's wearing the new Easter vintage. Look around York, and it's not just regular vintage. They've gone Victorian. But apparently the local cineplex hasn't shown a Christmas carol for a while, so they're guessing how to wear the different items. When Andrea arrived at church in a corset, she was told by the very agitated minister that a corset isn't actually a shirt. Debbie thought her bustle skirt was quite elegant when she put it on, but it was also huge and she lost half of it climbing out of her Uber. The church elders, while impressed with the young women's efforts, asked that perhaps next year they could give up fruit or chocolate instead.
Peter Sagal
Vintage Victorian easterwear gets popular in Iowa. Your last bunny tale comes from Dulce Sloan.
Lewis Black
In today's edition of Voting Does Matter. Cooks and homemakers on the Internet are suggesting we dye potatoes for Easter because eggs are too expensive. Yes, I said potatoes. It's a move that had won our writer ask what in a great Depression is this? So this year we will celebrate the resurrection of my Lord and Savior by releasing hordes of well dressed children into a backyard to search for colorful tubers. There's even a recipe for deviled potatoes too. That's got to be an unsettling experience. You think you're biting into an egg, but no, it's a potato. And sure, dyeing and decorating eggs is the Easter tradition, but do you know why? No. Me neither.
Peter Sagal
All right, here are your choices from Adam Burke, influencers on Insta and elsewhere taking up the Easter bonnet to show off their paid promotions. From Alonzo, a group of ladies in Iowa go all Victorian in their Easterwear, or from Dulce. Because of the price of eggs, more and more people are hiding Easter potatoes on the lawn for their kids to find which of these is the real story of a new trend in Easter Going to go with Dulce's story about dyed potatoes. Dyed potatoes? You're choosing Dulce's story. Well, to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone who is familiar with it. Potato skin is not the same color as eggshells, which is part of the reason that they're not a good substitute. That was Amanda Mactis, the associate editor of Delish, who commented on the real story of potatoes being used in place of Easter eggs. She doesn't recommend it. Neither do we. However, Anthony, you got it right. Dulce was telling the truth. She gets a point. You win our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Well done. Thank you. Thank you. And now the game where we have local celebrities on to answer questions about things that are far away. Now, you might know Lewis Black as one of the most successful comedians of the last 30, or from his comedy specials, or from his Back in Black segments on the Daily show, or from his role playing, the actual embodiment of rage in the Inside out movies. But did you know he is a proud University of North Carolina alumni. We are happy to welcome him back to the place where he learned his genteel manners. Lewis Black, welcome to. Wait, Wait, don't tell me.
Adam Burke
Well, thank you.
Peter Sagal
It's great to have you.
Adam Burke
It's nice to be here.
Peter Sagal
So you are very well known and have been for a long time for your rants, for being. Getting angry and upset about things. Was that something you did from the beginning or did you discover it one day?
Adam Burke
I discovered it. I mean, and I really. I wasn't angry on stage. I. I realized that I was suppressing the anger.
Peter Sagal
Yeah.
Adam Burke
Finally, as I was rolling along, a friend of mine, another comic, came up who was. And he said, you know, you're. You're really angry and you should let it come out. You should go on stage and yell everything. And he said, I'm on stage yelling all the time, and nothing that I'm yelling about should anybody be angry about.
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Right.
Adam Burke
I mean, this is a guy who put plumber's helpers on his head. And so I did it, and it literally was. I went, that's it.
Peter Sagal
There's. You go.
Adam Burke
And that was.
Peter Sagal
So your life was changed by Gallagher. That's amazing. Who knew? So, I mean, they used to say about Don Rickles, who did insult comedy, that he was an absolute sweetheart in real life. Nicest guy you ever met. Is that like you or you, like, actually in real life? Not that angry?
Adam Burke
No. I mean, who could be that angry? It's exhausting.
Peter Sagal
I thought you actually thought you were the best at it.
Adam Burke
Well, I am. I wake up and either I'm looking at a newspaper, I'm turning the TV on, or I'm looking at my phone and within five minutes I'm livid. Something has occurred that has driven me completely nuts.
Peter Sagal
Yeah.
I think everybody listening and watching you right now have had that experience, but none of us have figured out how to make a living at it.
Dulce Sloan
Yeah, you don't work up to it, you don't go like, I'm gonna be irked first, and then like slightly annoyed, just straight to rage.
Adam Burke
Oh, yeah, there's no, there's no pedal.
Alonzo Bowden
Lou. I don't know if. If I ever told you this and. And to everyone, Lewis Black is a friend and one of my comedy heroes. I had to stop watching you. So I didn't do you. Because the rants just come out and then you realize, like, wow, I'm as mad as Lewis Black. I'm doing really good here. Yeah, I gotta calm down. A note. Love you, man. Love you from day one.
Adam Burke
You the same.
Peter Sagal
You've become. You've become so well known for it and so successful at it. It's what people expect. And I'm wondering if it's ever. If it's ever like, hard, if you ever have to like, take a moment, meditate and find your unhappy place.
Adam Burke
Oh, no, just always right there. No, I. And I'm sure you've experienced the same. I could be standing off stage talking to somebody about their, like their new dog or you got a puppy and kind of be waxing on with them about it. And then it's like showtime. And literally that's it. Boom. And now we're off. And I just started.
Peter Sagal
Wow.
Adam Burke
There's. It's just the way it is. I mean, I've been doing it so long, it's automatic.
Peter Sagal
Do people like. Because you're well known and beloved, do people ever come up here and go, wow, Lewis Black. Hey, condemn me.
Adam Burke
People, people. I have achieved something that is so bizarre they will actually tell me and I can't. Can you? You will. They just send. What happens if I say you can.
Peter Sagal
Do whatever you want? Because who know?
Adam Burke
Yeah, okay. So they will say, could you write. Could you give me an autograph for my brother in law and just write Tommy. I'm like, okay. And I have liter approach time after time. Can we take a picture? Do you want to do this? Yeah, let's do this. It's true.
Lewis Black
Yep.
Peter Sagal
For the radio listeners, a rude gesture was made.
Adam Burke
See?
Lewis Black
And that's a professional note that they're not going to have.
Peter Sagal
The one thing that we found out about you that I was genuinely surprised by is that you have been the paid spokesman for Aruba, the island vacation destination.
Adam Burke
Yeah.
Lewis Black
God bless.
Adam Burke
Yeah. That was a great gig.
Peter Sagal
I bet it was.
Adam Burke
That really was.
Peter Sagal
But I'm thinking to myself, like, what was the process where, like, some advertising agency said, okay, Aruba. Beautiful, lovely, laid back. I know. Lewis Black.
Adam Burke
The idea was that I obviously hated everything.
Peter Sagal
Yes.
Adam Burke
But I liked Aruba and reason enough for everyone to get on a plane and go there.
Dulce Sloan
I remember the slogan, Aruba, it's gorgeous.
Peter Sagal
Was the idea, like, it transformed you. So they'd say, like, Mr. Black, I'm afraid we've lost your hotel reservation. You can't stay. And you'd be like, okay.
Adam Burke
It was really something. But we shot. You know, it was like, we shot five ads in, like, three days. It was a lot.
Peter Sagal
Oh, yeah, it was tough. Three days in Aruba, but it was 110 degrees.
Adam Burke
And get me some sunblock. And does anybody have an umbrella? It's. I'm dying here.
Peter Sagal
I love the idea. Like, the whole idea of the campaign is that Aruba is so lovely, it can even make Lewis Black happy. And while making these ads, you are, in fact, miserable.
Adam Burke
Yeah.
Lewis Black
It's genius.
Peter Sagal
It really is.
Dulce Sloan
Because he's more Lewis Black than Aruba is Aruba.
Peter Sagal
Exactly. Well, Lewis Black, what a pleasure to have you here. We have. Yes, it is. Yay. We have invited you here to play game. We're calling Hush.
Now stop your ranting and go to sleep.
Since you're all about getting riled up, we thought we'd ask you three questions about calming people down. Specifically, babies.
Adam Burke
Seriously?
Peter Sagal
Seriously. So all you have to do is answer two out of three questions about shushing, and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might like for their voicemail. Bill, who is Lewis Black playing for?
Jolene Dugas of Durham, North Carolina.
All right, first question. Most people, of course, soothe their babies to sleep with lullabies. And one lullaby written by a father for his own little baby went on to become incredibly famous. Most people know that lullaby as what? A, the theme from Jaws, the theme from Jeopardy, or see Sir Mix A Lot's Baby Got back.
Adam Burke
I can't hear you. When I heard the E. You think it's C, it's B, right? It's got to be the Jeopardy thing.
Peter Sagal
It is the Jeopardy thing. Irv Griffin wrote it for his son, and he went on to create jeopardy. And by virtue of it being used as the theme song for so long, Mr. Griffin earned about $70 million in royalties from it. So.
Adam Burke
Wow. What was the song? What are these?
Peter Sagal
What were the words? No, there's no words. It's ta ta ta.
Adam Burke
No, they gotta be, go to sleep, you little prick. There has to be words.
Lewis Black
Now you owe Merv Griffin $3 million.
Alonzo Bowden
There are words now.
Peter Sagal
That was very well done. Two more questions here. Lullabies are common around the world, but they change as per different cultures. So, for example, a popular lullaby in Brazil has parents singing what to their child. A, someday you will grow up to improve your looks with plastic surgery. B, a monster crocodile is coming to get you. Or C, sir Mix a lot's baby got back, but in Portuguese.
Adam Burke
It'S gotta be the crocodile.
Peter Sagal
It is the crocodile. Yeah. A lot of apparently a lot of big global lullabies threaten babies with terrible outcomes if they don't quiet down.
Adam Burke
Then I could have had a child.
Peter Sagal
Yeah, you would have had a gift.
Lewis Black
Or falling out of a tree.
Peter Sagal
All right, last question. To be perfect, there are other ways to soothe babies. In fact, some parents swear by what soothing technique? A, playing YouTube videos to babies of Jim Cramer's show on CNBC, B, playing recordings of the baby's own crying back to them to see how they like it. Or C, placing them comfortably and snugly inside the gallon size Stanley insulated cup.
Adam Burke
Wow.
Peter Sagal
Yeah.
Adam Burke
I think they play the baby crying.
Peter Sagal
You're exactly right.
Adam Burke
Yeah.
Lewis Black
What?
Peter Sagal
Yeah. The idea is that babies are fascinated by other babies, even themselves, even when crying. So it works. Bill, how did Lewis Black do in our quiz?
No ranting about this. He won it all three in a row.
Lewis Black is a comedian, actor and host of the Rantcast. You can find his tour dates@lewisblack.com including, I should say, a date coming up in just a week.
Adam Burke
April 29th, I'll be at Memorial hall at Chapel Hill.
Peter Sagal
Lewis Black, thank you so much for being with us.
Adam Burke
Thank you.
Peter Sagal
Here in Durham, what a thrill. In just a minute, Bill chows down on his Jurassic lunch. It's our Listener Limerick challenge. Call 1- Triple-8-WAIT wait to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait Wait, don't tell me. From npr.
Bill Curtis
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Peter Sagal
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't TELL me, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Adam Burke, Alonzo Bowden and Dulce Sloan. And here again is your host at Deepak in Durham, North Carolina, Peter Sagal.
Thank you, Bill. In just a minute. Bill insists on reading us some of his latest poems. It's our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-88-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Dulce, A lot of people claim they don't have time to exercise because they're too busy doing chores around the house. But a new study suggests you can still get the benefits of exercise by doing what?
Lewis Black
Dang. It's not that.
Peter Sagal
Not that. Oh.
Lewis Black
Can I get a hint?
Peter Sagal
Go, go empty the dishwasher.
Adam Burke
Go.
Peter Sagal
Stop. Come on. Go.
Lewis Black
Doing stuff faster.
Peter Sagal
Yes, doing your chores faster.
Lewis Black
These sound like the same people that came up with stand up discs, maybe.
Peter Sagal
Using a data set that tracks the disk movements of thousands of people, they found that people who did not exercise got some of the same benefits just from doing their daily activities faster. So don't just iron your sheets, iron man your sheets.
Lewis Black
Who's ironing sheets?
Dulce Sloan
This is a great point.
Peter Sagal
This is some people do. I'm not what they do.
Lewis Black
Who are these antebellum researchers?
Peter Sagal
They're heating the irons in the fireplace as one does, unless you're a really.
Dulce Sloan
Persnickety clan member who is ironing.
Peter Sagal
No, this is great. I mean.
Lewis Black
You know what, they're never wrinkled.
Peter Sagal
See? How do you think that doesn't come naturally. But no, all you have to do is just do everything quickly around the house. And you get.
Lewis Black
Is it because it adds more steps?
Peter Sagal
It adds more steps. It stresses your heart, just like regular, say, exercise does. It increases, like, the load. And so you get benefits.
Lewis Black
That just sounds like a way to break all of your dishware.
Peter Sagal
Yeah.
Dulce Sloan
And should you make things heavier too? Like, should you have a broom made out of lead?
Peter Sagal
You should make your bed with a weighted blanket. You should clean your toilet with a brush attached to a 40 pound kettlebell.
Alonzo Bowden
I'm just wondering, how big would your house have to be to be able to build up speed doing chores? I mean, if you could afford a house that you can get a personal trainer.
Peter Sagal
That's true.
Dulce Sloan
And also someone to do the chores for you.
Peter Sagal
Adam, this week we read about a mathematical formula. BDE equals FAM6 plus FR2. And it goes on. It's part of a complicated new equation that calculates the perfect. What?
Dulce Sloan
Well, I think I know what BDE is.
Peter Sagal
Not that it doesn't stand for that in this case.
Dulce Sloan
Okay.
Peter Sagal
In fact, I'll give you the B and the E. It's best D ever. And it's still not what you're thinking of.
Dulce Sloan
Oh, is it literally a formula for happiness?
Peter Sagal
Yes, it's the best day ever. It is the formula for the perfect day. Ah, it's. And here it is. Everybody, you've always wanted to know.
Dulce Sloan
Didn't Lou Reed already come up with it?
Peter Sagal
I think he did. Yeah. But the formula. Because everybody wants to know what the best day ever is. Here it is. Ready? Six hours spent with family, two with friends, two of exercise, less than six hours of work, one hour of eating and drinking, and 1.5 hours of, quote, extra socializing. This replaces the former perfect day model. Bloody Mary, big lunch. Learn something bad happened to your ex in bed by 10.
Lewis Black
So I'm supposed to believe that the best day ever don't include no sexy time? That's a lie. I'm supposed to believe that hanging out with my mama is better than.
Peter Sagal
That's the same. Wait, wait, wait.
Dulce Sloan
Or. Or is. Or is that what?
Lewis Black
Lies, lies, lies?
Dulce Sloan
Or is that what they're calling extra socialization?
Peter Sagal
I think actually that is, now that I think of it.
Lewis Black
All right, just making sure.
Peter Sagal
I, I'm. I was thinking of asking you, Dulce, what your perfect day is. But we have children here, so, I.
Lewis Black
Mean, listen, my perfect day, watching my favorite TV show, having a delicious treat, being at the beach, and then adult time.
Dulce Sloan
All right, now express that as a formula where A is adult time.
Lewis Black
I can be expressed M, Y, B, mind Your beard.
Peter Sagal
My perfect baby oh, baby My baby Heavenly. Coming up, it's lightning. Fill in the blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air with us, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us if you'd like to come see us most weeks at the Studebaker Theatre in downtown Chicago, or come see us on the road. We'll be in Portland, Maine on the 26th and 27th of June, and at Tanglewood in Western Massachusetts on August 28th. For tickets and information to all of our live shows, go to nprpresents.org hi. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Peter, this is Alice. I'm calling from Park City, Utah. Hey, Alice. How are you? It's nice to hear from you. I'm good. Park City is great. I'm sorry you just lost the film festival. Or are you sorry about that? Not really, no. Sundance, of course, was in Park City and they. They just moved it away. You didn't enjoy that? I'm okay with not having the tourists here. Okay. Well, welcome to the show, Alice Bilker. This is going to read you three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, who will be a big winner? You ready to go? I am. All right, here's your first limerick.
I used to crave foods that the swine adore but now I eat kale with a primal roar with diplodocus feasts. My gut health has increased. Now I chomp on raw greens like a.
Or no, it's a three syllable answer. Oh, carnivore. Oh, so close. Many of these were carnivores. Older, very old. Prehistoric carnivores. Herbivore. Am I just, like, barking up the wrong tree a little bit? A little bit? I'm just gonna give you the answer. It's dinosaur. The latest food trend involves eating handfuls of, you know, your kale and lettuce and greens right out of the bag without any toppings or dressing at all. They're calling it dinosaur time, but I'm calling it just giving up. It's so weird. Dinosaur time used to be what you called it when you dated an older gentleman.
Lewis Black
That's called paying your rent.
Peter Sagal
This is a great note. This is a great way to get your important veggies in because it's so Time consuming to make a salad. On the other hand. No, it isn't. I just did it while standing here. Here is your next limerick.
Cords and sockets make night rest real sweet. Though I'm still not quite clear on the deep night terrors I'm shedding by grounding my bedding. I sleep when I plug in my sheets.
Sheets.
Dulce Sloan
Yes, indeed.
Peter Sagal
Companies like down to Ground and Earth and Moon are making headlines for their sheets that you plug into an electrical outlet. Surprisingly, these headlines are not couple murdered by their sheets. Here's how it works. You take these sheets, they got a cable, and you plug it just into the grounding plug of your electrical outlet. And they say as your body produces static electricity throughout the night, the sheeps ground the electricity and keep you balanced. It's simple and according to the website, it's quote science backed, so it is definitely legit.
Lewis Black
This is just an electric blanket. No, this is half an electric blanket.
Peter Sagal
Well, an electric blanket does something. It warms up, keeps you warm until.
Lewis Black
You get out of your hat.
Peter Sagal
This does nothing.
Dulce Sloan
These guys make the my pillow guy seem like Thomas Edison.
Peter Sagal
Really true. All right, here is your last limerick.
When AI learns to translate, we all win. Under sea clicks and whistles we'll call in. A bottle's nosed swimmer will be this round's winner. The limericks won by a dolphin.
Yes, dolphin. There you go. Researchers have developed a large language model that will hopefully eventually use AI to understand the language of dolphins. The lead researcher says the goal would be to one day speak dolphin, which is not going to be pretty. Knowing dolphins, they're going to be saying, hey, you check out that trainer. I'd like to balance his balls on my nose, if you know what I'm saying. It's not me. It was the dolphin. It was the dolphin. It's not me.
Lewis Black
I'm going to write that.
Peter Sagal
Scientists hope that when they deploy this in the wild this season, they can understand dolphins conversations with one another. Because that will be an important step toward our next goal. Blackmailing dolphins.
Lewis Black
We already. But like we, we taught, you know, Coco the gorilla is the prime example of us teaching animals to communicate, right? And she ain't really have nothing to say. Cause that's the thing that y'all keep forgetting. We be trying to talk to these animals. Maybe they don't want to talk to us. Have you met us?
Dulce Sloan
I don't, I feel the other way about it. I don't want to talk to a dolphin. I don't trust anyone that smiles all the time.
Peter Sagal
Yeah, Bill, how did Alice do.
In our quiz, Alice will be swimming with the dolphins. 2 out of 3 right is a win.
Congratulations, Alice. Thank you. Take care.
Lewis Black
Thank you.
Peter Sagal
Take care.
Bill Curtis
Bye now.
Peter Sagal
Bye. Bye.
Bill Curtis
This message comes from Lisa. Since 2015, Lisa has donated over 41,000 mattresses nationwide. Elevate your sleep with Lisa. Go to leesa.com for 20% off, plus an extra $50 off with promo code NPR. This message comes from NPR sponsor Dana Farber Cancer Institute. Dana Farber, Scientists laid the foundation for CDK4.6 inhibitors, new drugs that are increasing the survival rate for many advanced breast cancers. Learn more@danafarber.org everywhere. This message comes from Lisa. Leesa makes exceptionally comfortable mattresses designed for every body and budget. Elevate your sleep with Lisa. Go to Lisa.com for 20% off their award winning mattresses, plus an extra $50 off with promo code NPR.
Peter Sagal
Now it's time for our final game. Lightning. Fill in the blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?
Adam has one, Alonso has two, Dulce has four.
Dulce, you're clearly in the lead. Alonso is in second, and Adam is in third place. So, Adam, we start with you. Here we go. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, a federal judge threatened to open a contempt inquiry against the blank Trump administration. Exactly. On Tuesday, researchers in Texas said funding cuts have slowed that state's response to the blank outbreak.
Dulce Sloan
Measles.
Peter Sagal
Right. On Thursday, the Supreme Court said they'd hear arguments on Trump's plan to end birthright blank citizenship. Right. On Monday, the FAA announced a new system made to detect unregistered blanks.
Dulce Sloan
Um, drones.
Peter Sagal
Right. This week, authorities in Kenya caught two teens trying to smuggle blank out of the country.
Dulce Sloan
Four giraffes?
Peter Sagal
No. 5,000 ants. On Thursday, NASA confirmed that the James Webb Telescope has detected a possible sign of blank on a distant planet.
Dulce Sloan
Life.
Peter Sagal
Right. On Wednesday, a judge dismissed a lawsuit against the New Orleans blanks for their use of a fleur de lis.
Dulce Sloan
Saints.
Peter Sagal
Yeah, the Saints. After his wife explained that money was tight and they couldn't afford their annual family holiday, a man in the UK came up with an ingenious solution and blanked.
Dulce Sloan
Took him on the vacation he had when he was a kid.
Peter Sagal
No, he booked the vacation anyway with the kids, but not his wife. His wife said that this extensive house renovation, they had the money to all go on vacation. The husband said, I guess you're right. Went ahead and booked one for him and the kids and not her. It's a really smart financial decision because from now on, he'll never have to worry about going on vacation with his wife ever again. Or even living with her. Bill, how did Adam do with our quiz? I think he did rather well.
He's way out in front. Six. Right. 12 more points. Total of 13 in the league.
All right, along. Enzo, you are up next. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the White House confirmed tariffs of up to 245% on some products from Blank China. Right. On Tuesday, Blanca gave his first public remarks since leaving office.
Alonzo Bowden
Biden.
Peter Sagal
Right. This week, officials in Puerto Rico said the cause of an island wide blank is still unclear.
Alonzo Bowden
Blanca.
Peter Sagal
Right. On Tuesday, two attendees at Blank's town hall were tased with stun guns.
Alonzo Bowden
Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Peter Sagal
That's right.
According to new data, millions of people in Sweden are currently glued to their TVs watching blank hockey, watching 24 hour live coverage of this year's moose migration. On Tuesday, director Chris Columbus said he wishes he could remove Blank's cameo from Home Alone 2 Trump. Right. This week a woman went viral because she refused to take off a Zoom filter that made her face look like a plate of breakfast during a meeting. Well, specifically, she refused to stop using that filter that made her face look like a plate of breakfast during a job interview. Doing it over Zoom, she left the breakfast filter on entirely. Her eyes superimposed over fried eggs, her mouth on a slice of toast. She explained to the somewhat confused interviewer that she was, quote, not feeling well today and using the filter to help. That's one way to be memorable. She was not.
Alonzo Bowden
That's how you get a job at Waffle House.
Peter Sagal
Yeah.
Bill, how did Alonso do in our quiz?
Well, he's making it a very close race. Five rights, 10 more points. But his 12 is one short of Adam.
All right, well how many then does Dulce need to win the game?
Five to win.
Here we go. Dulce, this is for the game. They're on your side. Here we go. On Tuesday, Mark Zuckerberg took the stand at an antitrust trial to defend his company, Blank Facebook. Yeah, Meta. But Facebook as well. According to a new study, blanking faster could reduce risk of abnormal heart rhythms. Breathing faster, walking faster. This week, an election debate in Canada was delayed two hours so that it didn't interrupt Blank Hockey. Right. On Monday, the Vatican announced they were putting architect Anthony Gaudi on the path to blankhood.
Lewis Black
Sainthood.
Peter Sagal
Right. This week, Twinkies announced that they were now shifting their marketing away from families and towards single men. No stoners.
Lewis Black
Single men.
Peter Sagal
Twinkies is embracing its destiny and going right for the stoners. They announce the creation of the Munchy Mobile, which will tour the country's dispensaries and hand out free snacks to the customers there. It's like the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. If the Wienermobile kept forgetting to pick its little brother up from middle school. Bill, did Dulce do well enough to win?
She got four rights, eight more points, 12. That means she's one behind the Irishman who wins.
Wow. There you go. In just a minute, now that we know people are recreating their childhood video vacations, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what will be the next surprising vacation trend. But first, let me tell you all. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Doug Berman, benevolent overlord Philip Gaedecker writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew here at dpac. A very special thanks to everyone at wunc. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program was produced by by Jennifer Mills, Miles Groenboss and Lillian King. Special thanks this week to Vinnie Thomas and Monica Hickey. Missing Peter Gwynn, do not chase Reward if found. Our jolly good fellow is Hannah Anderson. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilllog. And the executive producer of Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now, panel, what will be the next vacation trend?
Alonzo Bowden
Alonzo Boden, walking because no one can afford to fly.
Peter Sagal
Adam Burke.
Dulce Sloan
Jeff Bezos is going to unroll Blue Origin economy where it's a square shaped capsule with it's just Amazon delivery driver. Just become an Amazon delivery driver.
Lewis Black
Dulce Sloan, IG baddies are going to the Poconos instead of Miami because the Poconos sound like islands.
Peter Sagal
And if any of that happens, we're going to ask you about it on Wait, Wait, don't tell me.
Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Adam Burke, Alonzo Baldo and Jose Sloan. Thanks to our fabulous audience here in Durham, North Carolina. Thanks to all of you for listening wherever you might be. I'm Peter Sagan. We'll see you next week. This is npr.
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Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! Episode Summary: "WWDTM: Lewis Black"
Release Date: April 19, 2025
Host: Peter Sagal
Guest: Lewis Black
NPR's weekly news quiz bringing humor and current events together.
The episode kicks off with host Peter Sagal reintroducing the show from Durham, North Carolina, highlighting its reputation for blending humor with news. Peter enthusiastically welcomes listeners and sets the stage for an engaging episode featuring comedian Lewis Black. He introduces the week’s panelists:
Peter encourages listener participation, sharing a brief interaction with Tim from Swarthmore, Pennsylvania, who joins the show to compete in the news quiz segments.
Peter presents the first news quote: "It's like Goliath versus Goliath." This refers to Harvard University's refusal to comply with the Trump administration's attempt to withdraw $2 billion in funding, positioning the institution as a bold opponent against government pressure.
Peter quips about Harvard's resilience, noting that unlike Columbia University, which faced repercussions, Harvard students would likely secure support from affluent family members if funding was cut. This sparks laughs and light-hearted jabs among the panelists.
The next quote involves pop star Katy Perry’s statement, "We're going to put the ass in astronauts," celebrating her participation in Blue Origin’s first all-female crew to space. The panel discusses the mission's impact on female representation in space exploration.
The panelists critique the mission as a possible PR stunt while acknowledging its role in inspiring young girls. Dulce Sloan jokes about renaming the mission to something less extravagant, like "space brunch."
The final quote describes a vacation resort outside New York City as "like summer camp, except with a really fancy bed and premium craft cocktails."
Dulce Sloan humorously reflects on the impracticality of certain retro vacation trends, suggesting whimsical alternatives like zero-G karaoke.
In the Bluff the Listener game, panelists are presented with statements about recent studies on anti-anxiety medications contaminating waterways and altering salmon behavior.
Peter explains that the drugs make salmon more likely to return upstream to spawn but less interested once they arrive, leading to humorous banter about the unintended consequences of pharmaceutical waste.
Introduction and Career Insights
Peter Sagal welcomes Lewis Black, celebrated for his intense comedic rants and roles in popular media, including the voice of Anger in Inside Out. The conversation delves into Lewis’s discovery of his angry persona on stage:
Advertising Adventures
Lewis discusses his unexpected role as a spokesperson for Aruba, the vacation destination. The panel teases the juxtaposition of his famously irritable demeanor with the serene image of Aruba.
Comedy and Personal Life
The dialogue touches on the challenges and dynamics of maintaining his angry persona off-stage, with Lewis affirming that his rants are a natural extension of his personality, not a facade.
Anthony, a zookeeper specializing in insects, participates in the Bluff the Listener game. The panel humorously questions the practicality of his work with insects, leading to witty exchanges about the companionship (or lack thereof) of centipedes.
In another game segment, Lewis Black takes the stage to answer questions about baby soothing techniques, showcasing his trademark humor.
The panel explores diverse cultural lullabies, including Brazil’s crocodile threats to quiet babies, blending global perspectives with comedic insights.
Alice participates in the limerick challenge, striving to complete news-related limericks accurately.
Alice successfully completes two out of three limericks, earning her the panel’s praise and winning a prize.
The panel engages in a rapid-fire fill-in-the-blank game, testing their knowledge on recent news topics.
The segment underscores the panelists' sharp awareness of current events, delivered with characteristic humor.
In a forward-looking discussion, the panelists speculate on emerging vacation trends, blending creativity with comedic exaggeration.
The conversation highlights the panel’s imaginative takes on societal shifts in leisure and travel.
Peter Sagal wraps up the episode with acknowledgments to Lewis Black, the panelists, and the Durham audience. He teases upcoming games and encourages continued listener participation. The episode concludes with brief mentions of future live shows and appreciation for the show's crew and sponsors.
This episode of Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! masterfully combines current events with sharp wit, engaging both panelists and listeners in a lively exploration of newsworthy topics, all while featuring the distinctive humor of Lewis Black. Whether discussing hefty university funding battles or the quirky evolution of Easter traditions, the show delivers insightful and entertaining commentary that keeps audiences laughing and informed.