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That's Gab G A B B. Watch what crap Crap. Who cares what happens when there's so much crap? Watch what CR. Well hello and welcome to Watch what Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on Ye Olde Bravo. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today to celebrate 20 years of real Housewives, it's the one and only Ronnie Caram. Hi Ronnie, how's it going?
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Hi. What's going on with you? We Woohoo.
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Woohoo.
A
Woohoo.
B
I am. I'm excited. It's a new season of a Real Housewives. This is our vacation week, but we. We had access to the screen a little earlier, so we. We decided to record this premiere ahead of time because it's too important to. To, like, put to scuttle on vacation week. So we'll just pretend like we're recording it on the proper day that it came out. To which I say, I can't believe they just did that thing on Love island last night when she did that thing and what's her face did that thing to him. I was like, what? And then he was like. He was like, no, but I really am into you. I was like, what a dick. Right?
C
I quit it. It's like, bye, bye, Love Island. I quit you two weeks ago.
A
Bye. Hey.
B
Oh, my God. And in the city this week. That was crazy. When Kenny was acting all manosphere and then Lindsay was like, who do you
A
think you're talking to?
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I was like, yes, Lindsay. Yes, Queen.
C
It's so crazy that Kyle and Amanda got into a fight. I never saw that coming.
A
Whoa.
B
Oh, my God. What a wild time. And on the Valley, I just was so happy that the Valley finally had an uplifting episode. I was like, we waited all season.
C
Wow, that's really.
B
What a week.
C
That's really putting some psychic energy out there.
B
What a week on Bravo.
C
No, but let me tell you what happened actually in the past, which is today for you guys. I had a visit. A couple things happened. First, I had wasps in my house and I got stung by one.
B
Which were they from Connecticut?
C
It was Heather and her mother. And then I got a ding dong at my door, and I was like, you know what? Why yell at people through the ring camera today? Why not be a decent person? I just got stung. Let's see what they're. Let's see what they're selling, you guys. They're selling Jesus. Okay, got this pamphlet
B
or happiness?
C
You are invited to attend Eternal Happiness 2026 Convention of Jehovah's Witnesses. And I guess. I don't know. I guess that's not Jesus. Is that Jehovah? Jehovah's hot too, I have to say.
B
Is he? I don't know.
C
I don't know. I've never been to a convention. His hair is shorter.
B
Do you want to stop celebrating holidays? Because that convention would be the one for you.
C
Future drama. The good news according to Jesus. Watch Jesus teach the crowds to combined to find a convention near you guys. This is July 3, July 4, July 5. People are going to be kind of Busy. I'm warning you right now, they're going to be busy.
B
Did you not hear what I just said? Well, no holidays. No holidays.
C
But if you're trying to get people, you know, you want to get people who are not with you yet, they're probably eating hot dogs and, you know, blowing off fireworks in cul de sacs and aiming them at people's homes.
B
Yeah. Am I right, everyone? Talk about crazy wasps. Wasps things. You know, it would be. I feel like if they had come over and they happened to have had some sort of, like, ointment for you, you'd be like, guess what, guys? I'm a Jehovah's Witness now. It was a sign.
C
Yeah, maybe. Although, I'll tell you, I don't need ointment. And what I discovered today is I'm a really manly guy. I didn't cry. You know what I said? God damn it. And then I ran around and I ran around in circles, and then I got tweezers to try and pull out the little thingy, little stinger thing. And I couldn't reach it because I don't really have flexibility because they stumble. So then I thought, well, it. It'll come out on its own because I'm a man.
B
Yeah.
C
And then.
B
Are you still in pain right now?
C
There's a little itch there, but it's not so bad considering how big the fucker was. I'm okay. I don't know why I'm still talking about it. My point is, I'm just proud of myself. I'm proud I was nice to people and I got stung and. Feel okay?
B
Yeah. You're doing great work. I've never been stung by a. Be a wasp or a hornet, Although there was one time when I was, like, a kid, I thought there was a mosquito behind me, and I reached behind me to, like, shoot away, and I felt. And like, I. I felt like a little burning sensation maybe I had, like, squished like a little baby bee in my fingers. I'm not sure. It's unconfirmed. But now I'm actually terrified of getting stung because I don't know if I'm going to have an allergic reaction, because I have no idea. Like, if I get stung, I want to be in the presence of people who could help me in case I am allergic, because I have no idea if I'm allergic, and I'm not. I mean, it seems like a lot to go to an allergist just to find out, but I just. I steer clear as soon as possible. This is a good way to say that. Speaking of dangerous, stinging things, Real Housewives of Orange county is back, and we're off to a brand new season. What'd you think about the season premiere, by the way? And by the way, yeah, it was, wasn't it?
C
I thought it was fun. And I love that the fashions just get worse and worse on this show. I mean, the fashions are really terrible on this show. And I'm not a fashion gay. I'm an old Navy gay. I'm a Marshalls sl. Old Navy family gay. Okay. And even I was like, wow, Holy fifth grade catechism, Shannon. What are we doing today?
A
What are we doing?
B
The whole. And also the fact that the last, like, 20 minutes of the show looked like the finale of Carrie. It was just. Everything was red. It was like, red, red, red, red, red. I was like, I understand there's some sort of, like, bal. Unspoken Valentine's Day theme going on here, but just like, the whole screen was red for an eternity. It was like eternal happiness. But the red version, it was so much. It was hard to look at.
C
For me, it was a lot of Valentine's Day does not mean that you need to have red lights shining right on top of you. Cast look like hot dogs at the 711 hot dog stand, you know, that are just rolling and they look in the red.
B
Crazy. And Tamara was trying to dress on theme, but she looked like she was actually dressing for Christmas. It's a. It really is actually a fine line between Santa garb and Valentine's garb. And, like, she crossed over to the wrong holiday by accident, which I thought was funny.
C
Yes. And of course, Tamara comes back.
A
I can't believe everybody was so mean to me.
C
It's a victim victim season for Tamra starting.
B
No, it's a growth. Like, I'm growing a better season.
C
I.
A
But I found.
B
I thought that was all very comforting, oddly enough. I was like, yes, of course Tamra is having this season. This is the. This is the rhythm of Tamra. She has a season where she's loud and she gets into fights. Then just a season where she's like,
A
I'm learning, I'm growing.
B
And then it goes back at the pendulum swings, and we have the same fights that we always have, which is that you talk about someone while you're in front of them, but not one year behind their backs. And it's always Gina and Emily leading the charge. Now they've recruited Jen into their army of stirring up between the OGs. It's like, in One way, it's very annoying. Like, honestly, like the moment that Emily and Gina and Jen started doing that with Heather and Tamara, I was like, oh, God, fuck these ladies. But at the same time, I was like, but this is the natural cadence of this show. This is the. The rhythm. You know, it's like the sun rises, the sun sets.
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Are you gonna get mad at a cow for licking a calf's ear? No, because it's nature.
B
That's nature. And part of nature is that Gina is going to insert herself into other people's drama and then insist that they confront each other and then do it for them and cause a shit show and then be like, I feel bad. So we are.
C
When they had an I feel bad in Gina's first scene, I died.
B
I couldn't.
C
I said, you know what? Thank you, heaven. Thank you for looking out for us.
B
She even mixed it up at one point. She even said, I feel badly. I was like, oh, when she did that.
C
And I felt like part of her is like, don't say, I feel bad.
A
Do not say I feel bad. I feel bad. Please. I'm going to use this forever verb. I feel bad that I never use the adverb. So I'm gonna use the adverb, isn't it? Yeah.
B
She said it three times, I think, in the. Over the course, the episode, including the badly version, the variant I just feel me out about. I was like, oh, my God, Gina.
A
I feel bad because I don't want anyone to feel bad at the reunion. You know, that's not how people should feel at the reunion.
B
But I'll tell you one thing I've got to say. Heather Dubrow, to me, she's the gift that keeps on giving. The way I laugh with every single scene she does. Her insistence that she is entering her fun era, her, like, I'm relaxed era, and then spends the majority of the episode berating people. I just love. I love that kind of. I am in my fun.
A
Error.
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This is fun.
B
Heather, who said that I inherited any money? God. And her mom. Oh, God. The mom is gonna be. Why do we have to wait 20 years to get Heather's mom to be like. Like a. Like a. A big, seasoned character? Like, this mom is gonna be a nightmare for Heather. I can't wait.
C
We split up. Note taking today. You know, one of us does half half the episode, the other does the other half. And I died when I finished. And the next scene was Heather and her mother. I was like, oh, Ben, it's like a gift to be you See, the universe is looking for you.
B
It is, because it's just like. It's like. Like pseudo WASPy Westchester mom, daughter. I mean, that's what I was raised around, so it's very exciting for me. And then on top of that, like, we had a scene, I think, two seasons ago where Heather was with her mom, and her mom is just like. Her mom is sharp as attack. Also 84. Shocking. I. I would have pegged her as being a 62. And. And her mom is like. She is like the. The ultimate boss. Like, we always thought Heather. Heather Dubrow would be like, the. The final boss. No, the mom is the final boss. And watching Heather go up against her mom and her mom, like, she's just never gonna be able to beat her mom ever. And it's just. It's gonna be such a joy to watch all season long.
C
It really is. So let's get going. Real Housewives of Orange County Season 20 Episode 1 we open with lots of old Housewives clips because it's an anniversary season. Okay? We hear lots of, like, I'm the OG of the OC and stuff like that. We see Vicki getting a video call from Gina. This is in regular time. And they tricked us because they're like, look, it's the old days. Vicky and her phone getting a call. And you're like, who is it? But then it turns out it's now.
B
The montage was trying to be like, look how many. How so many things have changed and yet so many things have stayed the same.
A
I thought it was like.
B
It was a weird montage. I felt like that. I didn't. I was hoping for a better, like, look how far we've come montage. Like, the trying to, like, they were kind of melding the past and the present together in a way. I was like, I see what you're doing here. I didn't really feel like they stuck the landing on this, I'm sorry to say.
C
Well, Gina's still here, so I'll tell you.
B
Gina is here.
C
Talk about not. Talk about not sticking landings. Gina Kiao still here. So she's calling Vicki and also getting the short shrift. I mean, Gina should be on the cast. Why not just bring everybody? Why just bring Vicki?
B
Yeah, yeah. Well, Gina's gonna. We know that Gina will be sauntering into the show at some point because we saw her in the trailer, but maybe it'll just be for one episode. But I do think that Gina should sort of be lumbering through with her ca. Casual, you know? So I saw you were at the supermarket today. How's that going? You know, like, she just sort of like, does a little check in.
C
Really said something mean to me a few years ago. I'd like to discuss. I got Gina.
B
Geez.
C
So Vicki's like, hey, girl, can't believe it's 20 years. Well, get a job.
A
Get a job.
C
Get out of traffic. Get out of traffic. It's your better day. You drive like that.
B
Yeah. And then we see lots of clips. We see the kids growing up. We do have that amazing season finale music, which was used in the very first series premiere to great extent and now is. Tried to take it up a notch, but I couldn't.
C
Scores my life.
B
It's so good. Such good music. Yeah. Oh, the finale music. And I love that someone finally put it on YouTube so we can always hear it, you know?
C
Oh, I didn't know.
B
So good. It's so good. Everything.
C
I'll subscribe. Subscriber incoming.
B
Sometimes I'll just do that. I'll just put it on, like, I'm doing chores and I'll just pretend like there's some sort of, like, words on screen talking about what I'm up to these. These days. These days, Ben is still cooking in the kitchen, but what he's not cooking is up anyone's because he's an independent person now. And she's like. Like toasting something. It's really. It's.
C
So. Well, Ronnie wonders, if he cuts his nails in a curved way, will he still get ingrown toenails?
B
And then there's usual proclamation of, I'm not happy with how this went, but it's where we're going, and I'm fine with that. And everyone will have to be fine with that because I have children.
C
Ronnie got stung by a WASP and visited by Jehovah's Witnesses. Or did he sting Jehovah Witnesses and get visited by a wasp?
B
Ben had a bagel this morning, but he's feeling cold. See what I did there? W H O L E Bagel.
C
That was cream. Cheesy.
B
It's a great, great piece of music. Okay.
C
It's solid. So Vicki's like, can you believe, girl? It's been 20 years. And then we see Vicky's clips, which are surprising Mike at college. He's horrified when Brianna didn't tell her she was getting married. She just eloped with that gross guy in Vegas. And God hates divorce. God hates divorce. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do with Don? Maybe not cheating on him with some Guy at the, you know, convention, the insurance convention named Brooks. Allegedly.
B
Yeah, how about that? Yeah, we see all that stuff. We see the, the broken bow on the cake. We see, that's my opinion, all the great moments, how far we've come. We saw that famous moment with Gina. Just kidding. There is none. So it was a great, great little montage.
C
I love the part where they got to that went, I feel bad. So then it's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. You know, one thing I love about summer is how easy everything feels. The days are more relaxed and I find myself reaching for the same comfort go anywhere pieces again and again.
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C
Vicki is telling Gina. She's like, you know what? The last thing I'm going to do now is fight at this time of my life. I'm just. It's a different Vicki. It's Vicki 20.0. You're going to see a different person this time.
B
And then we see that she's gonna be fighting cuts to Vicki.
A
Shut up. I don't care. God hate you.
B
Yeah, well, Gina, like, leave your phone on, because if I get into a pickle, I'm gonna need to call you. Okay, Well, I mean, that have to be an awfully big pickle. I mean, how.
A
How.
B
How small did you get on oic? I mean, a pickle is really.
A
It's like.
B
No, it's. It's an expression. G. Okay. Pray for me. Lord knows I'm going to be it. I'm going to need the luck. Pray for me.
C
So then we're in Puerto Vallarta, and Vicki's on the beach with Shannon stumbling up to her. Just Vicki and Shannon just stumbling all over the place together and falling down and holding on to each other. Seems half put on, but half totally believable. And I crack up every single time. I don't even care.
B
Yeah, normally I would say, oh, they're just doing that intentional wackiness. But I. In this case, I did believe when they toppled over later in the scene, I was like, I actually do believe that they fell over in that sand. I don't think that they work well in uneven surfaces. So they're sitting together. They've. They've got these two chairs on the beach. Sort of funny. We're celebrating 20 years at Orange County. We start off in a foreign country, but Shannon's like, oh, the beach.
A
How do you. How do you walk on this? It's. It's. It's rocks. It's. It's sand. It's. It's. It's. It's.
B
It's infrared.
A
It's.
B
It's ultra, you know, What?
C
I'm.
B
I'm. It's X rays.
A
The sun gives X rays.
C
I.
A
It's like. It's like a mri, too.
B
I. I am scared.
A
I am melting. I am.
B
Am I even a whole person? Like, okay, all right, Shannon, come down. Just take a seat. Okay. Hello to you, too, grumpy.
A
Oh, well, here's your pesos back. I went to the bunco.
C
You were to play Buckle. Where'd you find bucko? They don't even call it here. It's not. Where's Bunko? Show me where bunco. Oh, the Banco. Oh, okay. Yeah, I know where that is. Yeah, right. That there. Okay, you know what? So, Shannon, what, are you gonna move down here with me? What are you gonna move down?
A
She's like, wow, this is just a flipping vacation. Always sunny, being on a beach.
C
Have you guys seen where you live? You live where it's always sunny and you're on a beach. Go to Switzerland.
A
I just wish we had access to coastal experiences.
B
So she's like, you know what? I broke a coffee cup. I didn't even care. Thank you for littering on the beach. Oh, I guess it's my. I'm so. Okay. I'm still waking up in my mind. I was thinking, she had a styrofoam coffee cup, and she clenched it and it broke, so she left it on the sand. She just broke. She dropped a mug. But she had, like, Usual Suspects moment up in her apartment earlier today, I guess.
C
And I couldn't tell if she was talking about herself or Shannon because Shannon's
A
like, oh, well, it's just a flipping vacation. I see a different Vicky here.
C
She goes, yeah, like, you broke the coffee cup. I didn't even care. I was like, oh, was this, like, Shannon woke up and broke one of Vicki's coffee cups. Oh, that's calm about it. I couldn't tell. But Shannon's like, well, you are.
A
You are lighter here. You are lighter here.
C
Yeah, they don't use pads the same.
B
They don't use pads the same. Thankfully, this great thing about the country, different metrics. Yes, you're right. That is what Vicki was saying. And I just am deranged this morning. I have too much coffee in me. So Vicky is like, yeah, it feels good.
C
I wrote the notes.
B
No, no, no. I'm arguing with my own notes.
C
I'm like, between what I wrote and what I saw, which makes no sense.
B
No, I'm deranged. I also watch the show late at night, so who knows what, like, my brain is doing to Me. But we do see Vicky holding up an orange and she goes like, feels good to be back. This is definitely a woohoo moment. I'm definitely different than when I was a housewife. And we would see a quick clipper
C
yelling at the producers, going, really fuck off. Slamming the door in their face.
B
Buying a house in Mexico, Best decision, because I don't want them coming here, but I'll go there. I'm like, okay. It's just, it's so funny to me. Like, her, her political leanings. And then so happy just to be like, oh, best decision I ever made was moving to Mexico. Isn't that great?
C
Suddenly, I love immigration. I love, I love the other way immigration.
B
Yeah, other way immigration. Totally fine for her.
C
Here's a picture of Vicki and her final yelling at the producers thing. I will never forget this picture. Just Vicki, this door is slit open and Vicki screaming.
B
It's a great, horrifying, scary image. So Vicky is. Then. Then there's like an airplane, like a flying off back to who knows where. And she's. Oh, look, all those poor people are leaving Mexico. Bye, losers. Bye, you have to leave.
C
She tells us that her and her boyfriend Mike live in Cota de Casa. They also go back and forth between La Quinta and my favorite place on earth, Puerto Vallarta. So you know what? I gotta give a Spanish shot because I, I can't even roll my tug. Like, they all roll their tug. Like, how do you. How are you supposed to do that?
A
Oh, well, so can I. Can I bring my two dogs down? Can I bring down here?
B
And she's like, no, no, no, I don't let dogs down here. No, you can't do that.
A
She's like, oh, well, the dog psychic said Archie needs a brother, so I got him a brother.
B
And she's like, yeah, well, do you do everything that the psychic says? Like, do you need like two big hairy dogs that, like, eat your passport up? Because that's weird. That's weird.
A
Well, I got a new passport, so I wouldn't blame Troy for it. Poor Troy. Okay, I got a new dog named. He claws through everything, even our. Chews through everything. Even my glass baccarat butterflies.
B
Oh, that's.
A
I. I guess I just attract men
B
who chew through things like my heart.
A
Sorry. You know, the girls are out of the house and I do get lonely, but I go out to dinner with myself and two dogs, so everything's.
B
I have been known to.
A
To make a scene at the gastropub and say, troy, why did you make me eat this short rib with a sugary glaze on it.
C
What kind of birthday is this? Troy? Troy's just slowly eating a potato chip, watching her.
B
But then also her chair leg. So then Vicki's like, oh, wait, hold on.
A
Look.
B
This guy's. Look. Okay. Hey, can you guys. Can you massage our feet?
A
Yay.
B
Thank you. Imagine if those people were just, like, people just walking on the beach. That's what I was thinking.
C
You know, Vicky does this to, like, random passers by on the beach. Hey, you want to wash my feet? You want to wash my feet? Like, fuck no, lady. Jesus. I'm on vacation. Sorry.
A
Jeez. God.
C
You want to wash my feet?
A
Wait, you do this every day? What? What? Moist, Susie. Oh. What? I mean, well, wow, this is.
B
I have.
A
I'm sorry. I've got sand on my feet.
B
Are you.
A
Are you still willing to touch me
B
or am I just hideous to you right now?
A
You're willing to touch. This is beautiful. Hold on, let me take the Spanx off my feet. I've got three pairs. It's gonna be a minute. Popped one right in the face.
C
Sorry.
A
I warned you.
B
Let me just take off my sock.
A
I'm just kidding. It's not a sock.
B
It's just a Sarah Lee's cheesecake I stepped in earlier. Okay, let me just brush that off.
A
This is so beautiful, Vicki. Oh, to live like this every day, having strange men rubbing your feet, and
C
it's like, thank you. I worked hard for it. Yeah. You know, Mike and I argue all the time. He says, where's your identity? What is that? But you know, it works. All I've ever known, I still work 10, 12, 15, 30, 90 hours a day sometimes.
A
Really?
C
Like, all the time. I just can't stop working. I don't believe you. You're on the beach. Like, literally sitting here on the beach. I think you're delegating. I think you're delegating. And good for you. You know, you. You should be in your retirement and delegating. But she can't let go of the light. I work. I work. All I do is work. These poor feet guy are probably sick of hearing it. Like, lady, I'm rubbing your feet on a beach and you're complaining about work.
B
I know. I think, actually, Mike, I think said work is your identity. But I do like him asking a existential question. Where is your identity, Victoria? Like, I don't know, is it the State Farm office? But also the other thing is that the two of them sitting here on the beach, it kind of reminded me of, like, Barb and Star go to Vista del Mar a little bit. But it also reminded me of, like, every movie I've seen where two women get swindled by two handsome con men who are working together. I'm like. I'm just waiting for them to, like, come back to Orange county and have only, like, $3 to their. Yes.
C
So then they get their feet done, and then they get up and Vicky goes, okay, hey, guys, you know what? We'll pay you in a bit. Okay, bye. No.
A
What?
B
What?
C
No, ma', am.
A
That's a.
C
Put it on my foot tab. No, no, you better. They should push her down and take her. Whatever. I don't think she has a purse. But take her flip flops until she pays you. Well, I'll take something.
B
Yeah. Seriously. So she has a question.
A
The dosa migas are good. It's much better than the Trace Amigas. Sometimes when we're busy, we don't get
B
to see each other as much.
A
But whenever we do see each other, it's like no time has passed.
B
Now I'm going to pause for laughter at anyone associating me with getting busy because I just. I stay at home with my dogs and do nothing.
A
I play Sudoku.
C
So they're walking on the beach and, like, leaning on each other and stumbling around. And Vicky's like, oh, my God, the set's hot. It wasn't hot earlier. Why did I put on my shoes? Oh, my God. The sad. Hold me up, they fall down.
A
Are you kidding me right now?
B
So then we finally go up to Orange county, and Heather arrives at a place where you dye scarves. And the guy who's running it, I believe, was our tour guide in Ireland, Ronnie. I was like, is that Brian? Is that Brian who showed us Enya's house? He looked just like him.
C
I'd love to introduce you to scarves. Now, we don't talk bad about people here, but the English stole the scar. Us and our children.
B
Bono wore the scarf.
C
Go back to dyeing the scarves with the blood of our children that the English got. Okay, whoa, whoa. Can I just make a scarf? Jeez.
B
My second thought was, how long before we hear a story of you saying that you saw this, you saw this little workshop, and then you brought your nieces to one in Austin, and then now you have all sorts of scarves. I was like, this seems like such a Ronnie craft. It looks really fun. It's not a diss. I'm just saying, like, I feel like Ronnie is, like, already Looking up where he could do this scarf activity.
C
I would do that. I'm not much of a scarf person yet, but you know what? I always said I wasn't a culottes person. Guess what I'm wearing right now. So you never know where to take you.
B
They're the gateway drug to scarves. No, but I imagine you, like, dying scarves and then like. Like, maybe, like, framing it or something, Making it, like a wall. Some sort of, like, piece for your wall.
C
No, that's a good idea, actually. Maybe I will.
B
Yeah, I would do it.
A
Maybe I will.
B
Because you know what I love?
C
When I was a kid?
B
I loved spin art when I was a kid.
A
Ugh.
B
It was the best. Get that little piece of paper going really fast. You had the little drops. Oh, I love the spin. I mean, talk about, like, that's how you really know a little boy is gay. He's like, can I play the spin art again? I don't want to do these stars.
C
I still do it. Well, I do the draw. The poor art. You know, where you pull a bunch of paints into a cup and layer them, and then you pour it, and then you spin the thing around or you tilt it. That's fine. Whatever. I'm really into that. I even watch videos on it, where I just watch people pour paint on video. Super leading.
B
You know what?
C
I lead.
B
You know what I also loved when I was a kid? Did you have one of those things where it was almost like. Like, a book, but it had, like, a big circle that was cut out of it, and you put, like, a disc in the circle had, like, little. Had little shapes in it, and it would do, like, a c. You put your pen in the shape. It'd usually be, like, a circle, and you would draw the circle and move the whole disc over. And so. But when you were done, you had, like, a ring of circles or a ring of, like, little triangle shapes, and you make all these sort of, like, circular drawings of, like, patterns. You could not pull me away from that thing.
C
Well, you just need to open the store. Just figure out a way to transfer that onto women's clothing. And you could be Phil. You know, if it's.
B
If it's. Art and it's circular and it's symmetric, I am in.
C
Well, I have friends coming to this fell. And we were going to be dying stars. Heather's happy face is so scary. Just her eyes are so intense, and she's like, look at me happy. Heather cannot wait to try your scarf dying Phil.
A
And why Phil?
B
Wow. I'M so. It's so great because before we do it, donate things to the poor. We're actually going to paint them first.
C
No, Rita, you don't have to lay down. I didn't mean I was going to paint an actual poor for the poor.
B
Painting for the poor. Scarves for the poor painted by Heather.
C
So Gina comes in a trench coat. So I don't know why it was so funny. I just love Gina's new real estate outfits because some of them are so bad. This one was actually really nice, but the brown number that she does her confessionals in is just so.
B
It's not good.
C
It's not good. Gina. Of course it's Gina. So, you know, I don't expect good fashion. I expect the bad fashion. So I could just shake my head and smile because, you know, Gina's been on here, like, a decade now, and at this point, it's like, oh, wow, there she is.
B
There she goes again.
C
Yeah, here she goes again.
A
Good for her.
B
Trying for a look. Yeah. She comes in looking like McGruff the crime dog, and she's like, hi.
A
Like.
B
And so Heather's like, oh, my God. Congratulations. Let me see that ring. I. Hold on. Do we have any magnifying glasses? Does your trench coat have a magnifying glass? Okay, I just need to take a look. I still. Oh, my God. I. What is this? The size of a. Like, a dissected pea? I can't even see the jewel on it. So small and so poor.
A
Oh, my God. I almost forgot. I have a ring. I got a ring now. Oh, my God. I'm in my engagement era.
C
Well, Gina's ring. Live and in person. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. I mean, I do think. Do I think that's a natural lab
A
or a diamond lab?
C
Saw a lot of rainbows. Saw a lot of rainbows.
B
I am just happy that she found a vending machine that worked for her. So Gina's like, yeah, Travis, like, worked
A
with, like, a designer. Like, like, come up with, like, a prototype. Because, like, there was, like, a possibility, like. Like, that I might not like the ring. Which means, like, this ring is like, yeah, this is, like, fake as It's a prototype ring.
C
Did I invite you to my party yet? Hearts and heels, right? Hearts and heels.
B
Get it?
C
Hearts, heels. You're a heels. A heel with the heart.
B
I only have one of those things. You have to guess which one.
A
So Gina is like, yeah, because it's like Valentine's.
B
I love Gina.
C
Thank God you get it.
B
You caught on to this one. Much better than my Mr. Mrs. Claus party.
A
That was for Russia, Shauna.
B
It was for Christmas. It was for Christmas. Keep up.
A
How. Why don't you celebrate Christmas? Jesus was Jewish.
C
Give Gina a moment to think that out. You know what this group needs?
B
Fun.
A
What? And games.
C
That's what we need.
B
You know what? You know what this group needs? Fun and games. And of course, I am the person that should bring it to the. To the masses. Me, Heather. Debro. Heather.
C
We also.
B
More like it.
C
We also need to be reminded who's the richest one here.
A
Okay?
C
And I have a huge party every season where I spend more money than
B
any of you spend on your mortgages. A giant party that feels oddly empty and tries so hard to be fun and yet still is quite dull.
A
Okay.
B
See you there.
C
So Tamara comes in.
A
Hey, guys. You're awkward. Whatever. Scarves. It's a fun idea, but I'm not really artistic. I can't write. I can't sing. I can't draw. I can't paint. I can't do nothing. Yeah, none of this works.
B
So they start doing this. The scarf art. And then of course, Tamara's like, mine looks like nippers. And Heather's like, wow, it looks like the wind. What a strange assessment. Wow. She's like the wind.
A
You know what? I am the wind. I went to Bali, and it turns out I'm the wind.
C
Does that mean that.
B
That's. I never knew the wind was so poor looking. So Tamara's like, the only thing that
A
I could think of is that Heather saw this Scott making on Tick Tock. Because this girl is obsessed with Tick Tock.
C
Let me see how there's Tick Tock. Wow, look at me. I'm on Tick a Tock.
B
This is almost as exciting as the HD network.
C
And so Tamara's like, of course.
A
Of course you heard about it on Tick Tock.
C
Because it cuts to Heather being like, I saw this on Tick Tock. Isn't it adorable?
B
And then. Then the. The lady who's working there is like, well, nice job with your scars. I'm just gonna put them into some. Some Ziplocs. I was like, okay, enjoy that wet Ziploc of fabric. We'll catch you on the mold side. And she's like, by the way, I've made some. I put a. A tray of supermarket celery and crudites on the side there on a stool. So enjoy eating it amongst the paint.
C
Like, this is a very funny Heather snack. She's like, let's have some little snackies. It just cuts to Celery. Wow. Delicious. It's another Heather event. Wow.
A
So I, I haven't seen you guys in a while. So Tamara, are you here to Bernadille.
C
You hear to Bernadine and we see a clip of Jeff Lewis's show where Jeff is like, well, you have a sharp tongue sometimes, Tamara.
A
And say, yeah, well after how they treated me last year, I'm just gonna blow things up this time. I'm like, you guys nothing, my friends, all you guys, I'm gon burn you down. I'm killing everybody this season. I'm gonna run you down the street.
C
And then it cuts back to Tamara.
A
She's like, no, that was just a joke. Come on guys. What are you talking about?
B
Cheers. Cheers. Sorry we have to interrupt the story to remind people that I am very fun. Cheers everyone.
A
Oh my God. So tm that was all just a joke. Cuz like when you say things like no one was there for you. Like I feel bad like cuz I don't want you to.
B
That's right, quote.
A
I don't like want that to be your interpretation of last year when like we all took a fiction without you and then you were left alone. You were crying like I'm you'll be here that you feel left out of the thing that you left out of. I real bad that you were like so upset that we were accusing you of calling bloggers.
C
Like, hello, do you guys remember the end of last season? I don't think Tamara's like miss Innocent in anything but you guys jumped on team Gretchen of all people that disgust, disgusting trash and then let Slade call with a voice changer to be like, oh, hello, it is me, blogger from the Internet. Tamra has been leaking things to me.
A
Ho ho ho.
B
And Heather's like, did you feel that way? Did you feel left out? And Tam was like, yes.
A
Because when everybody leaves me, it takes a good picture and I'm just sitting there left to do nothing but call the bloggers. How did it go? Makes me feel well when we're taking
C
a picture, I have no idea what's happening because I'm only thinking about myself. But you know, sorry if that hurt you. And Tamara's like, well, I was just
A
sitting there on the couch asking my eyes out. And then you asked you went to dinner with Gretchen.
B
Then Heather does that thing. I invited you to dinner. I invited you. I did.
A
I didn't. Gina asked me. She's like, hey, stupid you kind of dinner, nobody wants you. And I thought I didn't even know there was Dinner. Make no mistake, I know exactly who Anthony the bro is that this last year has been really difficult with our friendship. Her actions are different than her words.
B
I mean, Tamara, of all people, saying
C
that I, Heather Dubrow, have never been an exclusive person ever.
B
I always say, okay, come one, come all, anyone can work in my house. Give me your tired, you're poor, and I will give you a mop and a vacuum. I include everyone on my staff.
C
I'm not exclusive. I only have three gates before you get to the main gate, before you have to go underground, then cross a river of fire and over a gullet full of snapping alligators to get into my home. Me exclusive.
B
Stop. Very open person. Just me. Television's Heather Dubrow, one of the people. And then I love how she is. I love whenever she talks about Jeff Lewis because she's always like, but then you went on that radio show and you put me in a bucket. Bucket as all of them. This episode is all about buckets and boxes. I'd like to point out, because she's like, you put me in a bucket. And later on it's like, I put her in a box. So it's really about, like what you can find in Home Depot and put people into.
C
And also being lighter. Everybody's lighter. They keep telling each other, oh, my God, you're so much lighter.
A
I'm so much lighter this year.
C
Yeah. So she hates Jeff because Jeff was at a filming of this show years ago and then went on to say, like, heather Dubrow's mean to waiters. And I won't stand for it because I was a waiter one time and I will not stand for people being mean to waiters. And ever since then, it's been non stop between those two crazy kids. So she's like, wow. So not only do you talk me, you talk me on that show. And Heather's like, Tamara's like, fine, do
A
you want to be in the bucket and take me out of the bucket?
C
And she like throws a paintbrush across the room.
A
I want to be out of the bucket, too. I feel bad that I'm in the bucket. Can I sell the bucket? It's like I'm a wheel to now. Okay, fine, you're out of the bucket too. I'll turn the pink brush. Sorry, Rita. But you know what? You want to be a cauliflower or broccoli or whatever, we can just start talking about missing buckets and stop talking about what's on this stupid snack plate. He wants to eat broccoli foreign.
B
Let's not lump everyone together. That's what I'm trying to say. I am not an exclusive person. However, I do not want to be associated with other people who are poorer than me. Do you understand?
A
But Tamara, like, I'm, like, really sad that you felt beyond at the reunion. So, like, I'm really sorry. Like, I'm really sorry you feel bad. And she goes, oh, you know what? Thank you. Thank you so much. That's all I wanted to hear. Thank you. Thank you, Gina. You know, I always love Gina. Katrina's just such a good person. But Gina, I. I always get Gina, which is a lot. Me and Gina is just a lot.
B
Congratulations, Gina. You have been officially selected for Team Tamra this season. Your recruitment has already begun. And she'll be so easy too. Of course. So easy.
C
So Gina asked what happened at this girls trip, because Gina and Emily, of course, were left out of the ultimate girls trip. Filming which lol. You've only been housewives for 10 years. I just get completely left out.
B
It's so good. And she's, like, looking at the end, and Heather's like, it was bad this happened.
C
All.
B
Everything happened at the Quiet Woman. And so we see, like, the Quiet Woman.
A
And Tamara's like, the nuts are quiet Woman. So she says, we were filming for the Oz of a cast trip, and there was like, a sit down dinner and all these conversations were going on at once. Huh. And I will jump in and take it from here. And Tamara was trying to stir the pot and had a question about my inability to, quote, unquote, move on. I mean, what? I can't move on. Like, suddenly she's acting like David the way he would always be like, you can't move on. And I'm sitting there being the devoted
B
wife of his children, and he's out
A
there talking to some slut on the beach. And now you're gonna tell me that I can't move on from things in the past? I hardly believe it. Let me tell you about John Danson. Yeah. And then I got mad and I said, I don't know. Something about that not being able to keep a man in her house. Whoops. And I lost it. And I said, no, you're the drunk. Not very sweet of me, I guess. Well, I will tell you this. It was very embarrassing.
C
And some of the wives were saying how horrified they were. They'd never seen anything like that. And Tamara just starts cracking.
B
But enough about Wendy Malik's audition reels because, please, all the housewives.
C
Oh, my gosh.
A
Oh, my God.
B
That was so horrifying.
A
We're real housewives.
C
We should really hold ourselves to higher standards.
B
I guarantee no one was horrified. They were all very happy. So there's, like, there was a lot of talk, and I just don't understand why we had to go there.
A
And whatever between me and Shannon is done. Shut up, stupid. It's over. I'm a new person now. You know what? I'm a new person since then, but
B
it kind of affects all of us.
A
Okay, well, you know what? Shannon and I are a problem. That's why she shouldn't be on the show anymore. Yeah, Betch looking back, I had regrets about what happened at the Quiet Woman batch, and I was just up here with, like, the things that she had done to me and said about me and the video she put out about me.
C
And then we see one of these incriminating videos where Shannon is clearly tipsy.
A
She's like, I don't have a girl's time results. I feel with you. I laugh with you. I want a trip while you. You. You packed a book called how to not be a miserable Cow. Well, I'm trying to get away from awesome because I want to be a big girl like Shannon. So then Gina's like, well, but, like, you have to, like, come to a point where, like, you understand that you're probably not gonna get the apology you're looking for and, like, move the on, and I'm gonna help you by probably undermining any attempts that you guys make to become friends again. You know me, though. You know my whole thing. I just want to make things good with people.
B
That's our whole thing.
A
Am I making an excuse for calling her an alcoholic? No. Who needs one? She's an alcoholic. That's just me being pissed off, guys. Sorry, Tara. I'll go back to pretending she's not an alcoholic if that makes everybody feel okay.
B
Tamara feels lighter, different, and she seems to be listening. I base that on really nothing. She just held that cauliflower in such a way that I was like, maybe I take her out of the bucket and put her in the box.
C
So they've all decided they're they like Tamara again. And the question is, how are Shannon and Tamara gonna be at Heather's Hearts and Poor People party
B
commercials?
A
Here comes one right now.
B
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C
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A
Oh, back to Mexico. Viva Mexico. I am a little concerned that my
B
feet may have a parasite from all
A
that rubbing on the sand. The sand could get into your pores and then the amputations next.
C
So Vicki and Shannon head over to Andalay. As soon as they get out of the car, Vicki's like, do, do, do you have an extra padded bra on?
A
She's like, oh my gosh, are they too high? Now you're making me paranoid about my breasts. Thanks a lot.
B
Well, I've been struggling with mendy because I had this new trainer and he put too much weight on it. And like now then my right knee just like popped. And so basically now she's. No, she's not.
C
Everywhere these two go together, they're just hobbling in, limping in. You know, one's boobs are popping out of their double. Their double Spanx or whatever. So they come in and it's andales. And of course, Vicki knows everybody In Andalays. She even knows the donkey. So literal donkey and Andalus. And the lady with the donkey's like, don't worry. He's not abused at all. Okay, Very happy donkey, everybody. Don't get upset. TV audience.
B
Yeah, it doesn't want to even be in a pasture right now. It's like, I want to be in a crowded bar with drunk people pouring beers on my head. This is the dream.
C
The donkey's like, can I get a chip refill? Am I right? So Vicky's like, they love me at other lace. People go there. They ask me even when I'm not there. Yeah, I wanted to be part of the business, but they. They said, we're doing fine without you.
A
Oh, really?
C
Who do you think put you out the bat?
B
They ask me whenever. Whenever I'm not there, I'm like, here's what the question is. Is that crazy lady gonna be here again tonight, or can I drink in peace?
C
Is that lady and her husband who keep asking me to come home with them gonna be here? Just want to make sure.
B
And then a man who is the composite of every man that Vicky has ever dated walks up, and his name is Mike and Shantick.
A
You guys are just. You guys are great together. The way you can stand next to
B
each other and smile sort of in
A
the same direction, that's just the chemistry. Just amazing.
B
And he's like, yeah, he could do his thing. I could do my thing. Like, we have a great relationship.
C
Well, let me tell you, Mike fills my emotional love tank.
A
Woohoo.
C
And she tells us that finally she's 64 and she's in a good place in her life. And Shannon's like, oh, you're gonna love
A
being back in Orange County. You'll enjoy Gina and Emily this time, I promise. O. And the kindness of Jen Patranti. What a kind, stupid person. You're just gonna love her. She's just really dumb as rocks.
B
It's just like, you might as well
A
just put her in a.
B
In a glass and add some vodka on top of her, because it is just.
A
Just rocks here. Rocks.
B
So now, speaking of which, we see Jen and Emily going to dinner, and Jen's telling us, hi.
A
Adore Emily.
B
I would have never envisioned us being close, but. But here we are, and we see
C
clips of Emily being like, you're poor. Just admit you're poor. Nobody believes you got a Rolex, okay? God, you don't even have a house.
B
This makes me so sad, seeing Jen getting sucked down into the Emily and Gina alliance. So Emily orders a bowl of chicken because Emily is. Is trimmed up this season, and she's all about fitness. And she says, I. When I was dealing with everything going on with Luke, I wasn't taking care of myself, and I can't be a good mom if I'm not healthy. So basically what I said is, I give up. I'm just gonna go to the gym now.
C
Luke is still in question, but you can bounce a quarter off my ass. That's what's important. So they talk about kids, and Emily says, luke, they did do that brain scanning thing or whatever they were doing last year to help br swelling, but that didn't do anything. But they did transfer schools, and the new school is helping him learn better and stuff. And then they talk about how much easier it was when their kids were younger and they could just leave them with a nanny. And Jen's like, tell me about it. You know, my son Grayson, he got pulled over, and guess how fast he was going. 105 miles per hour.
A
It is crazy.
C
Can you believe that, Emily? Can you believe it?
B
I can't believe someone who is raised with Ryan and painted denim would wind up going speeding down a highway in Orange County. So then Jen is like. It's just, like, so out of character for Grayson.
A
I mean, I thought when he got
B
that 80s haircut, like, for sure he would be driving at a normal speed,
A
but I don't know.
B
It made me wonder, is there something else going on that's not who he is?
C
So Emily's like, yeah, well, when I need advice, I call Heather, because Heather's just the mother, you know? She's the mother of the group. Like, she's really just great at giving love to everybody. Right?
B
She's just great. And this is the point where I'm contractually obligated to say some great stuff about Heather before I destroy her for the rest of the season.
C
Have you talked to Tamara? I'm just still so mad at Tamara. And then we cut back to Vicki and Shannon, and Vicki's like, come on, Tracy, because what are we gonna get back? Come on. Sh's like, well, I don't know.
A
Last I heard, she likes who she is and doesn't need therapy. Oh,
C
why?
B
Why does she like sushi?
A
No, I said she likes who she is.
B
Well, I'm an empath. I'm an empath who like sushi. Yeah. Vicky, you're an empath.
A
Vicky.
C
Every narcissist on Bravo says this. I'm an empath.
B
Kristen. Vicky. Many more. I'm an Empath. And, like, I see sides of both. Like, I famously am, like, such an empath. That's why when I saw those people in the plane flying where I said, suck it, loser. But, like, when Tamara texts me and she's like, I want to see you again, like, I can't wait to hang out, like, I'm. My empath starts going off because I'm super empathy.
A
No, really. But my question is, do you even believe her? Because she's a kind of phony. Nope. I said it. My said.
C
What do you mean? When did she start riding ponies?
B
Come on, Vicki, you can't make sushi out of ponies.
A
No, I've never said that.
B
When Tam and I stopped talking, it wasn't because of anything she did to me. It was just like, she was innately just a terrible person. And we see, like, videos of them. And, like, over the years, we see
C
Vicky on a podcast, on her podcast saying, ah, Tamara, you gave birth to your daughter. Like, you had words. Go apologize and move on.
B
And so then we have to say, I'm sorry.
C
The Tamara post surgery. Oh, my God. So Tamara makes a. Like an Instagram video telling off Vicki. But it's when she had just gotten her. Not only her story, she looks like King Aegon from House of the Dragon after he gets burned on his dragon. She. Her face is just literally burned. Tamara does not give a. Is what I'll say, because she literally is Freddy Krueger. And she's like, you know what? I'm mad.
A
I'm kind of tick tock.
B
Yeah, she.
A
She.
C
Sometimes it's okay to put down the phone. You know what I mean? Like, recovery.
B
Yeah, she. She. She definitely did look like that king, like, Ben the name batch. So Vicki's like, yeah, like. But then I had sepsis at the brain, and I look at that differently. What I'm trying to say is Tamara's, like, a lot more tolerable after you've had brain damage. This show cracks me up, which is.
C
It cuts from Tamra looking absolutely crisped, like she's burned to a crisp. Fighting with someone on TikTok. To cutting to Vicky going, yeah, well, I had sepsis of the brain. So, you know, I'm different now. I'm a different person now. Sepsis in the brain really, really, really changes you.
B
I'm not gonna get in the weeds with this stuff.
A
Wait, there's weeds? How do they have weeds inside a bar?
B
I see. Now you can hear. So then we go to Emily and Jen back to them, and Emily's like, by the way, I saw Tamara Bravo Con and said hi and she was pissed at me. And I'm like, why are you pissed at me? When the last time we saw you it was at the reunion and you should in my pod. Oh, okay.
C
Emily trying to out victim somebody. Emily, you literally, you literally put her up for calling bloggers and did all those fakey, fakey scenes to be on Team Gretchen. Whatever. So she dissed your podcast.
B
Who cares? Who cares?
C
Come on.
B
Kelly Dodd, Kelly dod.
A
Who cares?
B
So Jen is like, well, I was
A
talking to Heather about the Tamara thing and I said, I love the forward thing in our relationship, but the hang up with me is like, do you
B
just like, not have a boundary? And we see, you know, this was, this was a thing from last year and for a few years where we're always like, why does Heather, why is she always so nice to Tamara? Tamara's so mean to her. Why is she so nice to her? So I've, I felt this way for a long time.
A
How, however, I feel like it's one
B
thing if it's coming from us, but when it's like now Jen and Emily raising this topic, I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. Because you guys are hypocrites too. We as the audience can raise this. Like, why do you have such a blind spot for this person who undermines you time and time again? But you guys are underminers too. And you guys have flip flop too. And don't think we didn't notice or remember Emily spending like an entire season or two teaming up with Tamra to take out Katie Janela initially, you know, know. So now Emily being like, yeah, she has a blind spot for Tamra. I'm like, do you not remember the, the show that you've non for the past few years?
C
Yeah, you're all gonna end up kissing Tamara's butt. Whatever. So Jen's like, yeah, you know that thing with Heather that really bothers me, you know, But I, I asked her and she said her friendship with Tamara is genuine. And we cut to a scene of Heather going, my friendship with Tamara is absolutely genuine.
A
Hate the. Okay.
C
And Emily's like, do you believe that, though?
A
I don't know. I don't know.
C
I really don't. Because, you know, last year after the reunion, we went to dinner. Oh my God, thank you so much. Restaurants. I really, really enjoyed that dinner.
A
And you know, we were talking about
C
Tamara and Heather was really leading the charge on Tamara being a terrible person. So I'm not really sure what's going on now. Because then the very next day, she called Tamra to check on her. It's called shit talking. Oh my God. I talk people I love all the time. But yeah, not allowed to. It's nicer than being like, you're an asshole to their face. You're supposed to say it behind their back.
B
Yeah, exactly. Heather, like, to me, I get it. I do. Like when Heather stands up to Tamara, you know, it's. It is frustrating when Tamara does things that actively undermine Heather and Heather just sort of like rolls with it. But that being said, they do go back a long time and I think her vibe is kind of like, look, Tamara, Tamara can be real garbage. But I, There's. But I, But I love my garbage.
A
And.
B
But I also have to vent. I have to vent about her. Otherwise I'm never gonna be able to like, deal with her. So she's like, I put her in a box. She's just like, different. She's just, she's Tamara. She's not going anywhere. So I'm figuring out ways to cope with it, you know?
C
Well, Heather also looks at it. It's like work friends, you know, she's like, well, you gotta work with somebody. So, you know, I'm always gonna be nice the next day, even if I'm mad because Heather came back to the show and a big complaint from the people still on the show were like,
A
you just dumped me the second that. That you weren't on the show anymore.
C
She's like, right, Well, I didn't really consider that dumping you. It's just, you know, I was limiting my calls to a certain price bracket.
B
I was speaking to my friends who have the winery. Yeah, I think, think like, it's just. I forgot I was gonna say. But yeah, they're all. The thing is this, they're all two faced. If you think that any of these people do not talk about anyone else. It's wild. They all talk about Tamara. Tamara terrorizes all of them and then they're nice to her. So I don't know, I just think it's like, I think that they are. If you, if you told me that after that reunion, Heather was the only person talking about Tamara, I would say you are full of poppycock. Because they all were clearly talking about Tamara that reunion at that dinner, like, how could you not be talking about Tamara? Tamara was, you know, Tamara's Tamara. And so they're all there. They're being like, can you believe this? Can you believe that I can believe this. And now they're Gonna be like, well, Heather was the one who led the charge on it. I just don't believe I. I believe they haven't participated as much as everyone else did. But they're just gonna basically hang Heather out to dry. They're probably worried that it's gonna get out that they talk. They all know that someone's gonna narc. It's probably gonna be Gina. They all know news is gonna get out. Like, so and so was saying this about you. So and so was saying this about you. So, like, you know what? Let's put it all on Heather. So that way she's the one who deals with Tamara's wrath.
C
Well, there also, if you remember, at the end of last season, everybody was anti Tamra. I mean, it was like a really go getter thing. And then Tamara was teamed up with Katie Janela, you know, because she realized the whole cast was against her. So she teamed up with Katie Janela. But then she lost that one because Katie was fired. And then, you know, she. Now she's left on her own. So they're like, okay, we finally got rid of Tamra, but she's back. So why the are you still filming with Tamara? Thought we all. It's like we all ganged up to get rid of Tamara, and now you. Now you're still, like, keeping Tamara in the circle, I think. And, you know, guys, she doesn't hire and fire. It's like she's hired on the show. Deal with it. No one wants to watch Jen mope around with her 11 dogs, you know, and troubled children for the whole season. And Emily, you know, talking about protein and Gina trying to find any piece of ram that doesn't fit her properly. Like, we need more. Okay, you need Tamara, so just get over it.
B
Yeah. So then, yeah, so Jen's talking about how Heather was leading the charge, and she goes, you know, at some point,
A
Heather just needs to say, enough. Am I the only one that feels that way?
B
So now we go back to Tamara, and she's with Sophia and Eddie, and they're doing stuff around the kitchen and everything. And Tamara's asking if Sophia uses an iron. And she's like, for my hair?
A
She's like, no, for your clothes, bitch.
B
So I just spat so much all over my entire computer doing that.
C
So we find out that Sophia decided not to go to music music school because she doesn't want to go to la. So she's going to go to school locally, and Tamara's gonna get in her apartment, and then we go to Emily's where we see Annabelle still being a terrorist. She's like, annabelle, do your laundry.
A
Laundry.
C
Saying, annabelle, let's do a load.
A
You do alone.
B
Yeah. Good luck. Good luck with that. So then we go to Jen, and we see the kids that are there, and Jen's like.
A
Like, grayson, we got a ticket in the mail.
B
Were you here when Dawson was. Was here lot laughing about it. And Grayson's like, how many times has he been pulled over? Am I right? And so we see that Dawson's still in the Marines, hasn't fainted recently, and Harrison got graduated with an engineering degree. And the. I don't know. Evie is growing up. The kids are all right, right? Except for one of them is speeding.
C
Except for the one who's speeding. Oh, my God. When she goes, evie's becoming a woman. And then she says, I mean, we've had fights on how to put a tampon in 10 times.
B
Not. Not the ear.
C
What an odd fight.
B
And then she's like, oh, could you
C
please not use the kitchen tongs?
A
Eevee.
C
As, of course, as a man, I'm like, what is a tampon fight about?
A
Out.
C
You know, I'm just imagining all kinds of things. So she's like, do you know how much that ticket was, young man? He's like, 500, like, 700. There's not enough in and out in the world for you to sell to make up for that ticket. And Ryan is just smiling with his, you know, crazy spray tan. He's like, yeah, it's my boy speeding.
A
Yeah.
B
And now we have Wacky Shannon walking down the street with her two dogs. And there's, like a. There's like, a sign up on the sidewalk that has mahjong or Is my Valentine or something like that wrong?
C
Is my Valentine.
B
Yeah. So she's like, oh, this will be a great photo opportunity. So she, like, gets her two golden retrievers to sort of pose in front of it, but they. She's having. She's having trouble, and she's, like, just trying to get this to sit down,
C
and, like, whoa, sit down.
A
Where are you running to, my song?
C
Is my Valentine being pulled down the street? And then we see that there's a sign that says, please keep dogs off the grass, as she keeps trying to put the dogs on the grass.
A
Maybe we need more dogs. Can we. Can we get some more dogs here to help with the photo? Thank you.
C
So she talks to Stella a little bit, who's still in Paris, and talks about how she's so proud of her
A
kids, but, you know, I Am kind of lonely. But living in Corona del Mar is what makes me happy. Now watch me place my dogs in
C
front of this sign.
A
God, they won't sit. Okay, I'm gonna go get my dog's dog ice cream.
C
Some dog ice cream.
A
Oh, God, it fell on the sidewalk.
C
Please don't eat off the sidewalk.
A
You're gonna get parasites. Oh, he's eating off the sidewalk.
B
Was that what that was? I was so confused. It looked like Shannon was getting a like whipped cream in a cone. And I was like, was this for the dog or is this like Shannon's locale dessert?
C
I think it was like an ice cream place where they give you the doggy cone. And they're like, oh, you know, here's
A
a little whipped cream.
C
You know how you can get that at Starbucks?
B
Oh, yeah. I was like, not told. I just couldn't tell if this was like something, if this is like a pet oriented thing or like Shannon was like, can I get some whipped cream
A
on a cone, please? Thank you very much.
B
Which then doesn't matter because she drops it on the sidewalk anyway because Troy is like a nightmare.
C
Yeah. So then we go to Vicky, who's still in Mexico, and here's brother Billy. He's like, what are you drinking milk out of the cart, Billy, that is disgusting. He's like, it's my milk. I don't drink it out of the carton.
A
I want you.
C
Oh, God. You brought your milk from Florida. Cheese.
B
Did he really bring his milk from Florida? Oh, Jesus.
C
Mexican milk. He's like, I'm not trusting. I'm gonna bring mine. My suitcase. By the way, Billy, I saw you at a massage parlor last.
A
Ah, you cannot prove a thing.
C
I saw your location. It was the massage parlor, and it was 1:30 in the morning. Those are dirty massages, Billy. He's like,
B
family is important to me. And it's important for me to tell all of America when they're getting handies at a massage parlor. You know, nuclear family, that is. And so she's like, you know, specified that it was.
C
It seemed weird because she goes, family's everything to me. Nuclear family.
B
You need a woman in your life. I'm like, Vicki, I'm starting to think that that's not really in the cards. Like, Billy, Billy leads a bachelor lifestyle. It's almost confirmed. And I worry that Michael is going to do more the same, like, never marry, like, never have kids. And, like, because Billy's happy and he's doing good. But I'm like, oh, God. And we see by the way a picture of Michael says Michael 40. I was like, I like what? Michael is 40. I don't know. I don't know what life is anymore. How is Michael 40?
C
It was cracking me up. As she says, oh God. Billy just needs to find a woman. Where is he gonna find a woman? Okay, anybody looking for a guy getting jerked off in Mexican massage parlors who's drinking milk that he brought in his backpack from Florida? No. Just get. Get ready to pay for Billy's vacation for the rest of your life.
A
Hey everyone.
B
This is the end of part one of this recap for part two. Keep an eye on your podcast feed. It's is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors. She answered the call. It's Adia Paul. Ain't no thing like Allison King.
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Milo's money valid for 30 days.
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Episode Title: RHOC S20E01 Part One: Speak From The Heart
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Release Date: July 10, 2026
In this lively, irreverent episode, Ben and Ronnie break down the dramatic and delightfully messy premiere of The Real Housewives of Orange County Season 20, Episode 1. As the franchise celebrates two decades, the hosts revel in the show’s cyclical nature, mock the fashions, dissect cast dynamics, and spotlight the episode’s theme: the ever-elusive "growth" and "speaking from the heart." Along the way, Ben and Ronnie riff on everything from terrible party lighting to the evolution (or lack thereof) of Housewives friendships, punctuated by hilarious tangents and notable impressions.
Montage Analysis: The episode opens with a montage blending past and present RHOC moments, leaving Ben and Ronnie underwhelmed but amused at how much (or little) has changed.
Vicki’s Return: Vicki Gunvalson is back, declaring herself changed—but as always with the OG of the OC, the proof is in the shenanigans.
The Tamra Pendulum:
The Gina & Emily Intervention Machine:
Heather Dubrow’s ‘Fun Era’:
Scarf Dyeing as a Metaphor:
The “Bucket”/Box Convo:
The episode is a seamless blend of specific scene breakdowns and tangential Bravo-fan banter. Ben and Ronnie’s affectionate mockery maintains a jubilant but sharp vibe—faux exasperation at Housewives tropes, glee at the cast repeating old patterns, and playful asides about their own lives and Bravo’s oddities.
The tone is casual, hyper-referential, and full of in-jokes, yet highly accessible to anyone familiar with RHOC or Bravo at large.
Watch What Crappens delivers a pitch-perfect recap for Bravo superfans, skewering the RHOC premiere’s attempts at change while lovingly celebrating its reliably petty cycles.
Best enjoyed with a glass of wine, an eye for cringe fashion, and an appreciation for the eternal "woohoo."