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Ronnie
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Ben
Have you ever found the house of your dreams only to learn it has dark secrets?
Ronnie
Netflix's new series no Good Deed follows three families vying to buy a 1920s Spanish style villa that they think will solve their problems.
Ben
But as the sellers discover, sometimes the home of your dreams can be a total nightmare.
Ronnie
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Ben
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Ronnie
Watch what happen. So Kathy is having this existential crisis about how like the whole town loves him and everything and he's like but if the whole town loves me and then does that mean that you're in love with me, basically. And she goes, stop, stop right there. Okay? I used the wrong word. Okay, look. Do I think you're nice? Of course. Do I love, you know, seeing you help everyone out? Yes. Am I attracted to you despite the fact that it's like talking to a six year old? Yes. Am I concerned about this? Yes. Do we have a therapist in town? Only Dr. Dottie. Am I concerned about going to her for therapy?
Ben
Perhaps.
Ronnie
Is she my only option? This is my life, okay? This is my life.
Ben
So she's like, this is the reason I can't say love because my life is a mess. I don't take of my house. I don't take care of my butt. I don't even.
Dylan
You should see the state of my butt.
Ronnie
It's insane.
Ben
I have a bidet and I don't even use it anymore.
Kathy
Charming bears.
Ronnie
You don't understand.
Dylan
My butt is dilapidated.
Ronnie
I'm convinced that I can really love someone right now because I'm not convinced. I figured out how to love myself without.
Ben
Oh, you don't need to love yourself to love people. I've never loved myself. I can love anybody.
Dylan
Put a pin. Put a pin in that. That. She also says, even if you. Even if you were the person I loved, you're my tenant. I went, no, tenants pay rent.
Ben
Not in la. Not necessarily.
Ronnie
Suddenly she has like a. A moral code about the people crash on her bed and, like, learn skills from the tv.
Dylan
It's so weird. But she was talking about, I can't convince someone because I'm. I can't. I can't convince myself. I can't con. I can't love myself without Paul.
Ronnie
It's like, who's Paul? You know? You know, there was like an earlier draft where it was merely that she was the landlord and he was the tenant and the mayor was cracking down on, like, housing codes. But now the mayor's gone and the landlord situation's gone. So. But that was like a remnant that just floated through.
Dylan
She goes, I'm getting grief counseling from a snowman.
Kathy
What a.
Ben
So Jack's like, you know, I've got to thank Paul. Paul. I think Paul. That Paul probably saw the same amazing person that I see. And I've got to think, like, he wouldn't want this amazing person to think that this is anything less than amazing. You're amazing. You deserve a gold star. Yeah. Why is he acting like this? It's just so weird. Just put on a diaper, you little. Wow. It's fetishy. And Weird. I don't like it.
Ronnie
I don't know. I just don't believe anyone could love me as much as Paul loved me. I'll tell you, Paul loved me more than he hated Nancy Pelosi.
Kathy
I gotta say, I don't think anyone can love me as much as double stuffed Oreos and a glass of milk. That's love to me.
Ben
There have only been two men who've shown me consistent love. Ben and Jerry.
Ronnie
Okay.
Ben
Nothing better from the rest of you.
Ronnie
So now they're driving back. They're driving home after this. This moment. And then he's like, stop, stop, stop. The new glasses here. And he jumps out of the car and she's like, wait, what are you talking about? Because the. The. The thrift store, whatever. Reclaimed rags, is getting a new glass.
Kathy
Rambling rags or. Yeah, whatever.
Ronnie
They. I mean, they really expedited that glass because I don't think glass takes that. Is that going to get.
Dylan
Yeah, they had that. That would. That would have been like a really large. They would have to make that glass.
Ben
Specifically Amazon.
Kathy
That would take a while. He's helping them put it up. And I just want to say this. Installing glass is very difficult, and it is a skill. It is not something you can learn from hgtv. They never. And I watch. Yes, I watch a lot of. I'm an hgtv. I watch half of those shows. I love them. Never do they install a huge glass pane window. Because that's something for professionals.
Ben
Yeah.
Ronnie
Thank you. Thank you for finally advocating for window professionals. And on top of that, it's about.
Ben
Time somebody stood up for those people.
Dylan
We do find out that he says, I ordered it from the store. And she. And we also realized he doesn't know how money works. So this is the other thing. He's not sure how currency, because he didn't.
Ben
But he learned how to.
Kathy
But he learned how to order something on the Internet.
Dylan
Yes.
Kathy
But he doesn't know. I don't know. Did he learn Safari or is he using Opera or Firefox?
Ben
How did he get all the passwords to put in there without a fingerprint or something? I mean, whatever.
Kathy
But he doesn't have fingerprints. But he doesn't have fingerprints. So he can't.
Ronnie
Well, honestly, like, knowing Kathy, she probably has a really sad password. It's probably just like Paul.
Dylan
It is. It is just Paul. All lowercase.
Ben
Yeah, that's all. That is so sad.
Ronnie
So he's like, watch her type it in. So he's.
Dylan
They're. They're confessing. He's confessing to the store owner all of this stuff, and they're just kind of looking him going, yep, okay. And they're like, keep the clothes. No one can be mad at Christmas. And then I went, you needed it.
Ben
More than you have a problem. I'm so sorry.
Kathy
That.
Dylan
And they didn't notice the scarf. They didn't even notice.
Ben
Oh, that's a good point.
Ronnie
That the scarf at this moment.
Kathy
Yes, because that would have been a moment where Mel could have gone, said, I saw the scarf.
Dylan
The whole movie for me.
Kathy
She was. Yes, that she, like, she was by Frosty when she was 20 years old, and it's the best snow she ever had.
Ben
She's like, you may not remember us, but I remember you.
Kathy
Yeah, he.
Ben
Her.
Kathy
And froze all of her vaginal warts all in one hit.
Ben
Oh, right. Good Lord.
Ronnie
So then. So me.
Ben
But yeah, she didn't give a. This lady. And then she like, hey, wait a second. So. So you stole. It's like, yeah. She's like, oh, that's cool. You're hot. And he's like, wait a minute. But I didn't pay for that either. She's like, we literally don't care. We're hippies.
Ronnie
He's like, okay, I never like those galoshes.
Dylan
This is a front. This is a front. Yeah.
Kathy
Yeah. It feels like it's a front for just like.
Ronnie
It is. It is a front.
Kathy
Swingers.
Ronnie
Yeah. So Kathy is watching him in the store, and then all of a sudden, the deputy sheriff Ed, he, like, sneaks up, and then they have this comic thing where, like, he's, like, looking for Jack, and she's going to try to distract him, and she's like, oh, me over here. Come to my. Come to my diner. You should come to the diner, because they want. They really want to get a. Oh, there was a sketch. Okay, Ethel. There was a police sketch that was made. I don't think Ethel gave the description, because if it had been Ethel, like, the sketch would have been way hotter.
Ben
Yeah, the. The. The sheriff, she gave us a. She said she gave us a description, but we needed something of his face.
Ronnie
It.
Kathy
It looked terrible. Like, this guy had, like. He looked. It was like dark circles under his eyes. His hair was crazy. And then he looks the way you.
Ben
Guys described him in the opening of this movie, actually.
Kathy
Well, then. Because, like, your friend feel like he's about to die.
Ben
Guys, the way you guys describe this poor person at the beginning. Were you giving the description to the sketch artist?
Ronnie
Yeah. Iggy Pop has popped.
Dylan
Iggy Pop. Yeah.
Ronnie
Is very giving a lot of Iggy pop in this moment. So. So she distracts him because she's like, I. I like this moment. She's dragging him into this. She wants to distract him away from Jack, so she's gonna bring him into the diner. And she goes, hey, how does a bowl of soup sound? And, Ed, this was so weird. And I was like, what's happening?
Kathy
What? This was a weird comic. This didn't land.
Ronnie
I. This landed for me very much so. Oh, so Pop.
Dylan
He went.
Ronnie
I think I was like, what are you doing? I think he's like, oh, this is what a bolo soup sounds like. Yeah. I have to say, I think he's from the state.
Dylan
Wasn't he. Wasn't he in the state or. Yeah, he was in the states.
Kathy
Yeah. I'm glad you liked for me. I thought it was hot.
Ronnie
This movie could have used what's her name, who's also in the state, who's in Reno 91 1.
Dylan
Carrie Kenny.
Ronnie
Yeah.
Dylan
Yeah.
Ronnie
This. What. This movie is really weird.
Dylan
Weird character actors. We could have used more weird character actors.
Ronnie
I know. I'm gonna say this. My theory is that she had Lauren Holly's role, and then she had the dropouts. They got Lauren Holly because actually, a Carrie Kenny role, if you think about it.
Kathy
Y.
Ronnie
We have an announcement to the audience. Ronnie is getting furniture delivered.
Ben
Yeah.
Ronnie
So he will be away from us for the next five minutes of the recording. So it will just be us soldiering on without him during this very important movie.
Dylan
He's like one of the. One of the maintenance men. He died on the bridge.
Ronnie
Yes. Died on the bridge in action.
Kathy
Yes.
Ronnie
Okay, so. So Kathy brings Ed into the. Into the restaurant, and she. Alert. She lures him in with promises of chowders and beef barley soups. So. Yes, this is true. So then. Then the sheriff walks in and he. See. He goes up to the thrift store and he's like, well, the new glass looks good, but don't worry, we'll find out who broke in, because you can replace glass, but you can't replace the pain. To which Mel says, we actually didn't replace the pane. We have a whole new pan of glass here.
Kathy
Yeah. Yeah.
Dylan
Why would I want to replace pain? It's just. I gotta stay.
Ronnie
This was. This was Mel's big comic moment. You know, this.
Dylan
I gotta say, in a. In a Hallmark movie, this. This interchange would not have happened. And it was helped by. I don't know if this was written or what. Or. Or they just played. I Can't believe a moment like this. It's. It was tonally not like the rest of the script. I can't. Maybe it was improvised or I, I don't know.
Ronnie
But yeah, because he goes, no pain. P A I N like pain. Like the pain you feel. And she goes, well, why would I want to replace.
Dylan
Yes.
Ronnie
She's like, oh, she gets very deep. I loved it.
Kathy
Very.
Ronnie
Like. It's a metaphor. Okay. I'm just trying to have a scene here, so. Oh, my Lord, it's a metaphor. I know what I meant. What's important is. Okay, leave the metaphors around here to me.
Dylan
Yeah.
Ronnie
And by the way, who installed this glass? Because I'm, I'm, I'm carrying on a very important investigation about.
Kathy
Well, there are a lot of shots of him holding it going, like a lot. So clearly he did, but there was no one else. You didn't see anyone else do it?
Ronnie
Yeah. So she's like, you know, Jack did it. Kathy's friend. And he's like, well, I wonder why he would do that. I have to say, this is not great police work. I feel like this is. No, this is. These are not hot leads, I would say.
Kathy
No, no, it's very shoddy. It's. Again, again, if there was a gay man who made the snowman who is out for snow vengeance, he would then put in the sheriff's ear to say, look, maybe the, Maybe the gay. The gay man is the mayor. The gay man is the mayor.
Dylan
That would, that would, that would work for me.
Kathy
Listen, Sheriff Hunter, if you want to be up for election in six months, you better find this.
Dylan
Find my snow hunk, because I gotta.
Kathy
Ride that snow dick like a holly bell before New Year's Eve.
Ronnie
But instead, the sheriff is just like, really driven to get. Make sure there's no crime in this town whatsoever. We don't know why he's driven by this, but he is determined. I mean, these people don't even want to press charges. They don't care. No, the storyline has actually been settled. The entire arc of this story, it's done. He already confessed. They said, no big deal. Have a great day. The movie basically is over.
Dylan
Yes, the movie is over. Then he's decorating for this dance and then he sees this kid asking, trying to ask another girl to the dance. And we, I, I said, who the are these people? And I was just kind of like.
Kathy
In this weird chair.
Ronnie
Is this the chair scene?
Kathy
Yes.
Ronnie
Yeah.
Kathy
Sitting in this weird throne. So he's kind of hidden from these two kids that Are asking. We've never seen these two teenagers. Yeah, forever.
Ronnie
Was this. These. The kids? He. There was a moment during the montage where he introduces someone to someone. Maybe he. He introduced these two people together.
Dylan
It was so slight, something like that, but it.
Ronnie
It was.
Dylan
It was very little. And her. Her name, by the way, she's never named. Her name is Katie. Like in Mean Girls. Oh, yeah, same spelling. C A, D, Y, K A, D, Y.
Ronnie
So he's.
Kathy
So what was his name?
Ronnie
The thing.
Dylan
His name was Matthew.
Kathy
Oh, yeah, it was that.
Ronnie
They didn't want to push it, so.
Kathy
They didn't want to get sued.
Ronnie
Yeah. So he's sitting in this. In this throne kind of thing that kind of, like, hides him, and he's clearly about to overhear something. So you think, oh, he's gonna overhear something that's gonna move the plot forward, right?
Dylan
No, it's just him asking her to the dance.
Ronnie
It's one child asking another child if they want to dance. And then they hold hands and walk out. And so he's like, oh, okay, I've learned how to ask someone. Cool, cool. Now.
Dylan
Now I gotta ask her.
Kathy
Now he knows how to ask someone because he would never know. They just should have. Why couldn't they just shown a Christmas Netflix movie of him watching someone ask someone out that they've been doing? Because they only did that twice. And if they really wanted to do a correct callback, that would have been a perfect third moment for that clip.
Dylan
But, you know, it would have been nice location.
Kathy
This guy never read Truth in Comedy ever.
Ronnie
But also, like, how about have the student ask him? Be like, hey, hey, Jack, there's a girl I like. I want to ask her out. How do I do that? He's like, well, I don't really know.
Kathy
Great idea.
Dylan
Let's watch a Netflix movie.
Ronnie
And then they like. And then, like, he guides the kids. He's being this kind of more.
Kathy
This is great.
Ronnie
And then it's sweet and it's lovely. And then he, like, gets inspiration. He's like, well, if the kid can do it, I should be able to do it too. But instead, he just. He just lingers in a. In a random throne. That makes no sense. I don't know why that throne is part of the middle school dance decor, but it's there. He's hiding in it, and he overhears and decides he wants to do the same thing.
Dylan
Sidebar. Have your middle school dance ever been that elaborate?
Ben
Oh.
Dylan
Oh, my God.
Ronnie
It was. It was just like, you go to a Community house. And then they play like CNC Music Factory. And like the boys dance here, the girls dance here. And you make this weird.
Ben
We had a pretty elaborate one once. It was. Our theme was White Tonight. Nights in White Satin. I'll never forget it. And like, the decorations were incredible. And I still can't think of that song without being kind of traumatized because I was like, I'm not going to that. But then I saw everybody going and I was like, wow. So glamorous. I could have worn a ball gown. And I just gave it up.
Dylan
For what?
Ben
To sit at home and watch Facts of Life again.
Ronnie
I just listen that song yesterday. I used to be very coy at those dances. I would sit on the side and be like, I want someone to ask me. Not realizing that, like the way it works is the boy is supposed to ask the girl.
Dylan
Yeah.
Kathy
Oh, no. See, I got very involved. I would plan the entertain because our prom was in the cafetorium, so. Which was a cafeteria slash auditorium. It's where we had choir practice, but sometimes it would get interrupted by the lunch. Do it in a hotel.
Dylan
They didn't do it like a ballroom or something?
Kathy
No, because if you went off school campus, then Baptists would be worried we'd have sex. So they kept it all on campus. But ours was hypnotized. The Moon, which was a clay Walker country song. And I organized the entertainment and I was very involved in the entertainment. So I didn't have to worry about my date who wanted me to make out with her and go to an after party. And I was.
Dylan
Was terrified. That foolish girl, I was like, she.
Kathy
Said, do you want to come to this after party? And I said, I said, I can't do that. I gotta take down the choir. The choir steps. And then I have to go to that. To the Long Road Baptist lock in, which was right across.
Ronnie
And then I gotta hide in the locker room and watch the football team come back in.
Kathy
Oh my God. Yes. Yes. Oh, God.
Ben
The lock ins were the worst.
Kathy
Mine was great because half the guys took off their shirts to play. Shirts and skin. It was the best prom up.
Ben
Hey, I got robbed. What the hell? Yeah, we just.
Dylan
We just would. We just hid in. Hid in different rooms of ours and just hope people wouldn't find her.
Ben
Hope you wouldn't find her. What's going on in your church? Lock ins.
Dylan
And we just hid bodies all the time. Oh, where you get locked into the church? It's this basically so you can kind of supervise each other. And you. You want to make it because idle hands each other.
Kathy
I'm sorry, Jewish. You don't understand this weird.
Ronnie
Yeah, I don't know any of.
Dylan
And usually it was a church. You kind of got locked in with the church.
Kathy
They would often do carnival games like a corn hole or like. And then church leaders are there. You would get a prize.
Dylan
And then they proselytized you and you learned about religion.
Ben
Salesman for Jesus to kids. Like they. They put all the kids in the church and locked them in.
Ronnie
Sounds like a. It sounds like a timeshare experience kind of. Yeah.
Ben
It was a soul share. You give up your soul to them and your parents give them 10 of what they make. I went to one and it was like a new plate. My mom wanted us go with some neighborhood kids and. Or like country club kids or whatever and she put us in there. We had never been to this church. It was like a new lock in thing. So we go in there and they're like, guys, we are no longer going to have this youth group. And the kids were like, what? But why? Because you are getting too far from Jesus Christ. You are straying. We have heard that you are kissing. We have heard that you are going to parties. Pastor curfew. This is not what we do here. This is not what. They're like sobbing. And then all the k kids around us started sobbing. Get the out of here. And we couldn't. We were stuck with these crazy crying idiots all night long.
Dylan
Yeah, they locked me.
Ben
The other kids were like this.
Kathy
Please tell me you follow Christopher Ryne Stamy on Instagram or Tick Tock.
Dylan
Oh, it's so funny.
Kathy
Have you seen that? He's this southern guy that does these different voices of people, but he does the church wigs. He does. He's in wigs and he does the church lady that always cries during the.
Dylan
During the announcements.
Kathy
She's like.
Dylan
And everybody.
Kathy
I just want to let everybody know that we need a behind a church. Brother Timothy has got his cancer treatment and you know that van doesn't fit.
Ben
If we're parked there.
Dylan
And it's amazing prize during the church announcements.
Ben
Funny. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.
Ronnie
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Ben
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Ben
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Ronnie
Yeah.
Dylan
Are we to the point where he's walking in the police station?
Kathy
I don't know where to.
Ronnie
He walks in the police station and so the sheriff has put up yarn all over the. Like this obviously true detective style, and he's like, it's a tangled web and I just need a bigger picture. I just wish I had a photo of Jack. He's in this somehow. I know it. And. Well, because you know what? Because earlier he had walked down the street and he had walked. I think he. Right before this, he had walked by an atm. Is this where he was? By the atm?
Dylan
I think that was when he said, there's the ATM machine. He. He says, yeah. Oh, yeah, I need that.
Ronnie
He was like, all the cameras were off, but not the a. So now he has like a printout, but the printout's not good enough. Meanwhile, you're a police officer. You can literally just go find him and take a picture of him. But luckily he doesn't have to do that because Jack just shows up and he's like, hey, what's going on? Hey, cool art picture, cool art project. You're just taking pictures of people in town. He's like, I am. Would you like me to take your picture? And he's like, yeah, let's do it.
Ben
Yeah.
Kathy
This made me laugh. This was funny.
Dylan
This was fun. He's got a flip phone.
Ronnie
He's like, yeah, from like an LG. Like the LG I had in 2005.
Dylan
I don't get that.
Kathy
I don't get why he has a flip flop phone, but sure.
Dylan
So then he like, he's asking the deputy for advice because he's like, because I've never been on a date before. And I'm like, because you were born like four days ago. And he's like, how can you date? You're a 10. And then we have this discussion about what it is.
Ben
Yeah.
Kathy
The deputy is like, yes, and I'm.
Dylan
Not on your level. And he's like, are you kidding? Your smile, your mustache. And they go, this whole thing about pockets and, and he goes, it would. It really hugs your chest. And he basically says, he does.
Kathy
Says those brown. He says, quote those brown lapels, emphasize your chest. I don't know how he knows what lapels are again, but whatever.
Ronnie
Well, he was watching like D. The DIY channel, so I think it's a good chance he could, he could pick.
Kathy
I don't think they talk about lapels on Hometown.
Ronnie
Well, they should, they should add. And Ed at this point is thinking like, do I have a shot with this guy?
Dylan
I know, like the test, like in.
Ronnie
A long time thinking about it.
Kathy
Okay, did y'all. And so then he says, I don't know what to do about kissing. And he kind of explaining how to kiss. I, I don't know if it's because I'm a flaming homosexual, but I think just for the, for the plot, I really wanted them to kiss a little bit and this guy to fall in love with her.
Ben
Wacky. This was their wacky. Like, well, let's make a gay, like a gay insinuation scene.
Kathy
I know. And that was so stupid. And I'm like, if they actually had kissed, because that would have been much more.
Dylan
That would have been much better.
Kathy
Why does the snowman. Why does a snowman need to be straight?
Dylan
Right.
Ben
That's what I was saying at the beginning. This should be a gay man who's like learning to. Who's like very cold on the inside. I'm available.
Ronnie
And then Holly and her posse of, of middle aged women could watch and say, well, ladies, I guess we should have known this would happen to the martinis, you know, it would have been great.
Ben
Yes.
Dylan
He what, what the. What the deputy tells. Well, you know, if you're having. How does. Here's how you date. If you're having fun and you're paying attention. If she's having fun, you're gonna be okay day.
Ben
Yeah.
Dylan
That is the date philosophy. And that's when they. And that's when they're practicing, they. Then they start practicing dancing. And the sheriff says, he's like, what in the world is going on in this town?
Ben
By the way, the sheriff is named. The sheriff deputy is named Ed Schatz.
Kathy
I personally think detective shots. I think they should have kissed. I think they should have kissed. He should have fallen in love with Jack Frost. And then sequel, at the end of this movie, he realizes that's not this. So he. We see him making his own snowman with a twinkle in his eye. And cut to hot Frosty, too, with Chris Evans.
Ronnie
He was the one who made it. So now we go back to Kathy's house. I loved this moment. Please tell me you guys all notice this. We go back to Kathy's house. Jack walks in. Or Kathy, someone walks in. But Kathy's like, jack, I have the funniest story to tell you. Jack, what's going on? He's like, hey. He's like, okay. So Mrs. Johnson ordered one special. And he goes, sorry. Sorry to interrupt. I know you were showing a glimmer of a personality, but I have something more pressing to talk about. She just. Whatever.
Dylan
Mrs. Robinson was ordering the special, you know, it was a terrible story, too.
Ronnie
He's like, I was. I'm only about three or four days old, but even I have learned.
Dylan
Even I was checking out during that.
Ronnie
I can't listen to any more of.
Ben
Your M. Johnson stories, okay?
Dylan
I can't have this.
Kathy
If.
Dylan
I swear to God, if there's no one more Mrs. Johnson story, I'm gonna.
Ben
Throw myself in that microwave. I'm gonna put a birthday candle in my head and light it.
Ronnie
Every single thing has been about Jack. And Jack learning this. Learning about pizza and about the oven. She finally has something to share about her life. He's like, yeah, yeah, never mind. Anyway, I've got something to talk to you about.
Ben
She was so rude. And she's like, okay. I mean, I guess women are from Mars, men are from wherever the. And he's like, well, I'm just so nervous this. But I want to say, will you go to the school's Christmas dance with me? And she's like, what? You're going to a dance at a school? He's like, I'm the chaperone. It's like my job. Kathy, you want to go with me?
Ronnie
She's like, oh, well, I. I have. And he's like, you've probably been asked by someone. She's like, no, because I'm not in middle school, so it would not be normal for me to Be asked to a middle school dance.
Ben
But I don't date actual middle schoolers. Just.
Dylan
Just mental ones.
Kathy
Just mental ones?
Ronnie
Yeah. I don't have a date to the middle school because I'm an adult. I have other activities to do.
Dylan
And she basically. Then he says, kathy, I've been trying to lay low like you wanted.
Ben
It's just so obvious. But also hilarious.
Ronnie
No, I haven't been asked. It's not because I'm lonely. It's just because I do things like read books or watch tv. I have a car. I can drive. I can go shopping. I can go check in to see if that bridge has been fixed.
Ben
Last time I dated a child was on accident because I ordered something named Claire on Wayfair. I mean, Jesus Christ.
Kathy
Or no one asked you because you're a.
Ben
Poor, poor Kathy man. Kathy can't win.
Kathy
I'm sorry, poodle, you were saying?
Dylan
I was trying to do this dialogue that he. This line that some.
Ronnie
That.
Dylan
That the screenwriter went, oh, this is great.
Ben
Great.
Dylan
Yeah. He went, good one. I've been trying to lay low like you wanted, but for once I just want to stand tall with you. Even it's just one night.
Ronnie
Please, for once. He's been lighting up this town for five straight days and he's gonna act like he's been laying low.
Ben
Please, sir, I want to stand tall with you. What does that mean?
Dylan
I don't know. I don't know what that means.
Ronnie
He's going to stand tall and stand proud. Cuz voices that care are.
Dylan
Voices that care Are crying out loud.
Kathy
Are crying out loud.
Dylan
I know it.
Kathy
It was in my hair.
Ben
Isn't it?
Dylan
Voices that care, I believe.
Kathy
I don't know.
Ronnie
Stand proud.
Kathy
But when you sit. When you said Santa, that's where my head went and I went. Nobody else is gonna know that. So I'm not gonna sing it, but I wanted to. So the fact that we all. Ronnie didn't know what the we were doing.
Ronnie
I had no idea.
Kathy
But the fact that you.
Ben
I'm actually proud of myself. I'm actually proud of myself for being the least gay of all of us.
Dylan
Stand proud.
Kathy
Maybe sang that song.
Ronnie
It was for Desert Storm and it was the great, like, sequel to Where Are the World.
Dylan
And yeah, it was supposed to be.
Kathy
Voices that Care by David Foster, so.
Dylan
It was a David Foster song. Yeah, the world sequel.
Ronnie
I recently rewatched that, like, video like, I don't know, maybe two or three years ago. And the number that's not recently, honey, as opposed 15 years ago. Okay. And the Assortment of celebrities that they gathered for this. This song is so hilarious. And I'll always remember Meryl Streep in the front just singing along. I think they had Celine Dion. They had like, just some randos like Nelson I think was in it.
Dylan
Weird.
Kathy
You know what? I. I don't really want to be famous, but I want to be famous to do stuff like that where I can just show up and do coke with a bunch of celebrities and lip sync.
Ronnie
Like Kim, Kim. Kim K got to be on We Are the World. She had one hit. Betty Davis eyes. She got into We Are the World as a result of it. And now she gets to like when I watch that, the greatest night in pop and they have like, you know, all these huge stars. Michael Jackson. Kim K's got. She. She just struck a big at the right moment. I just enough to be part of.
Kathy
She did.
Dylan
She did have one song. Yeah, yeah.
Ben
It was a good one though.
Kathy
Yeah, it is a good one.
Dylan
Eddie Davis size.
Ben
Yeah.
Kathy
All right. Okay. So she says yes and she's like, but Jack, what are you gonna wear, dude? And I went. When you first heard. I went, wait, this is a pond 5. They looked up Pretty Woman. This is gonna be a pond five song.
Dylan
No.
Kathy
As soon as Roy Orbison started singing.
Dylan
I gotta say they spent three minutes of this movie doing this. And I was shocked. And, and, and I, I also wagered there was probably 30 seconds of just clothes being slow mo throw up in the air.
Ben
But I'd like to point out that they were all jacket based clothes. And he never had a problem with that.
Ronnie
Never.
Kathy
Well, that's what happens when you get great value. Stanley Tucci and he was designer because.
Dylan
That'S who that guy was wearing. He was also. We scarf the whole time. And it didn't go with any of the outfits.
Kathy
Anything.
Ronnie
No, no. The scar came back and he was. I was hoping they were gonna give him like a haircut, like the proper makeover.
Kathy
No, it's like.
Ronnie
Well, it's just like watching him go to like, I don't know, like, like Jose Banks or something. Like whatever.
Kathy
Like let us have the moment where he's kind of maybe a sloppy dress the whole time or kind of. And then they clean him up and she goes, oh, I wanted snow dick in me. Like at least have that moment looks the same.
Ronnie
Exactly.
Dylan
And they basically do the pre. Woman. They do the pretty woman thing with the earrings and sheets. Was it cufflinks?
Kathy
Why the you're so gay?
Ben
Why?
Dylan
I thought that too.
Kathy
Snowman earring.
Dylan
I thought that too. I was like, why would he get earrings?
Ronnie
You think that Kathy in this small town is gonna say the last part.
Dylan
Of your makeover is snowman earrings? That makes a lot better sense that they're cufflinks. I did not even think about him being committing couplings.
Ronnie
And it's so excited.
Dylan
I literally, I literally thought they were earrings.
Ronnie
But either way, I don't know why she did the Pretty Woman gag with him. Is he like supposed to represent, like, what is it?
Ben
Is he a hooker? I didn't really understand.
Dylan
He didn't know. He didn't know maybe he'd seen Pretty Woman in this time since I don't think he sleeps apes. I've glumped. I'm glad I still. I did think they were earrings. You know why I think? Because I saw huge, big mistake. I thought he. I thought he was opening it, like to give it to her for a minute. But she was the one giving it to him.
Kathy
Oh, that's stupid.
Ronnie
She's like, here, the last piece, some negligee. So they do this whole thing like water all over him just to get into like, you know, a blazer. And. And then he's like learning how to do a bow tie. And she's wearing a dress like a perfectly okay I.
Kathy
And the three people, two people. Watch this. This was some shitty ass dress.
Dylan
This was, this was nothing special. It really didn't show off her boobs or her body shape or.
Ben
It was just because she's so boring. She's just like, I'm gonna wear what, what an adult would wear to a school. Like a chaperone dance. You supposed to show up like it's your prom. You know, like you're supposed to like make it romantic. But she's like, I'm gonna wear a sweater.
Dylan
He's like, wow, look at that dress. That's. That's not a. It's like not even a wow dress.
Kathy
It's a basic Amazon dress.
Dylan
Yes.
Ronnie
It's like a slip dress or something. It's like, it's so. It's just so unremarkable. But then I also would if she wore like a. A beautiful, beautiful dress to a middle school dance. I also would have some issues with that. Like, why are you trying to dress?
Ben
Well, she. But at least she's making an effort, you know? Here's how I feel. I feel like this is kind of like a closeted gay relationship where it's like your first boyfriend and you're just so happy to have a boyfriend that you're like oh, my God, your jogging pants are so fancy. Like, I can't wait to go to the Olive Garden with you tonight. And then you go and you're like, this is it. You know, because you're in your small town and you're like, he's so hot. He's like the only gay guy here. I lucked out. And then you go to a place with a lot of gay people and you're like, fuck that guy. Was he in jogging pants and took me to an Olive Garden? Fuck him. I hope he dies in a fire. I think that Frosty is going to end up that way. Thinking about her that way. Like, that girl. She was terrible. She wore a sweater to the dance. Probably that.
Dylan
That felt strangely, like from your past.
Kathy
Yeah. Autobiographical. About me. You have an so you never overate on bread six in an Olive Garden because you're dating?
Ben
Never at all. I don't know what you're talking about.
Ronnie
So then he. He's like, guess what I. I got. Remember how I bought that very expensive piece of custom glassware with your money? Credit card.
Dylan
Yeah.
Ronnie
I also got you something.
Dylan
Okay.
Kathy
Why wouldn't they have a scene where he goes in and tells Mel he wants to get her something special? And Mel has a snowflake jewelry.
Ben
It probably brings him to extra life. Then he just turns into two of himself.
Kathy
Yes.
Ben
Well, here. Here's what I'll tell him. This is the. Here's what I'll tell this lady. Kathy. Kathy, welcome to dating someone hotter than you. This is your life now.
Ronnie
The gift is her abs. That's it.
Dylan
You ain't gonna get no more gifts.
Ben
I brought you gifts with your credit card.
Ronnie
Here you go. Yeah. He goes, well, I just figured it might be nice to commemorate our time together. It's a snowflake. Because I'm a snowman. And I swear to God, I thought he was gonna say, because I'm a snowflake. I've been doing a lot of. I've been watching a lot of Fox News, and I'm currently on the Snowflake.
Dylan
And I'm really triggered by all this. The next thing is he gives it to her. And like, she.
Kathy
He.
Dylan
He, like. We had this moment where he might do something, but he, like. Oh. And he, like, touches her breast and, like, moves it over.
Ronnie
Oh, my God. Because. Okay, so. Because she puts on the snow. The snowflake. The necklace has a big snowflake pendant. She puts it on, and the pendant is up at the top, clavicle to the left, and he's like, hold on, let me fix that for you. You mean to tell me this woman, who is 42 years old and has worn jewelry all her life did not realize her heavy ass pendant was on her shoulder? Like she was just gonna walk out of the house like that? He's like, wait a second.
Dylan
But this idea that he would be. If he Even he hasn't kissed her, if he's. He would be okay with actually touching the area near her breast.
Kathy
Well, he would know. He's a snowman.
Ben
He was naked the whole time. He doesn't have any modesty like that.
Dylan
But that's the thing. It's. There's.
Ronnie
There's those doctor hands too, by the way, because he's got that cold body temperature. That's like a doctor hand on our clavicle.
Kathy
Yeah.
Ben
Yeah. That's also something that's super weird. In the beginning, he was ice cold, but now it's, like, nice. When he touches you, it's weird. So then he. She's like all. She loves a necklace. And then someone's like, hey, are you ready for later? Let's do our secret dabs. So they do the dab thing, and they're gonna have a secret dance later, guys.
Dylan
Did y'all.
Ben
It's gonna be majestic.
Dylan
Did y'all notice that? I only did because there was. There was. There was as closed captioning. The song that was playing was. I actually wrote it down. Gold dust on the ground Nights half over now Soft touch open hands Love won't understand.
Ronnie
It was actually fun to appear in the Wicked movie, but it got.
Dylan
I have no idea what any of that means. And why is it being played in a middle school day dance?
Ben
Those kids are sick. At least it wasn't. You in your face. You in your face. I'm gonna. Your stupid face. Have you listened to music on the Tik Tok?
Dylan
I have. It is.
Ben
I'll take some poetry, so.
Dylan
You're right. So Brandon, the teacher there, I forgot who he was.
Ronnie
He's the son of Lauren Holly, I believe.
Dylan
The son of Lauren Holly. And there's another girl there. He's like, ready. And that's when you said they did the. And that's. She's like. And they're gonna. They're gonna do their group dance. And Brandon's like, we love him. We never did a background check, but the kids love him too. See? See him sitting. Sitting on their. His laps all the time? It's really interesting.
Kathy
Yeah, it's really great.
Ronnie
Yeah, we have this, like, slow dance moment where they're gonna be like. So, like. Because the two kids that they go, they have like a slow dance and. And by the way, learning that the boy is the son of the sheriff and the sheriff is not even chaperoning this guy this cares so much about crime. You would think he would be like, I don't want my son getting up to any funny business. No touching. At the middle school dance.
Dylan
He would be footloosing, like, yeah, also.
Kathy
This dance was trash. And I'm not a great dancer, but I would do better than this. This was trash.
Dylan
I also.
Ben
Well, they didn't even play the music. I was like, what. What is the music playing? It was like in an echo chamber. I think they played the music live.
Dylan
Yeah.
Ben
And they didn't, like, have a voiceover of the music. So we, the audience couldn't really hear the music. It was just some weird. It was not. It was a badly done musical number. And I love a musical number.
Ronnie
Yes, it was a strange group dance, I think solely so that way it could be put in the trailer maybe. But it was bizarre. But then Jack is dancing so hard that he starts to sweat. And then he's going, he's gonna. He's gonna die. He's gonna dance to death.
Kathy
Well, they look, realizing she looks at an ice sculpture and she sees the ice sculpture melted. And she goes, oh, no, that's.
Ronnie
She's too dumb to understand what the temperature is. Oh, wow. That's where I. Or is it cold in here? I don't know. Let me look at that sculpture.
Dylan
I believe in her head, that is what she's decided, that he became a snowman.
Ben
That.
Dylan
That is. That was the moment where she said, oh, he needs to be outside because he's an actual snowman.
Ben
Yeah, she saw the litter. She needed the literal snowman represent.
Dylan
She needed the actual literal snow. Snowman to figure that.
Ben
Yes, well, and also he told her at the beginning of this dance, he pointed to the snowman, said, look like somebody you know.
Dylan
That's right. He also drew a small snowman too, in the doctor's office, if I remember.
Ronnie
That, and said, look, yes, he did commercials.
Dylan
Here comes one right now.
Ben
Audible's best of 2024 picks are here.
Ronnie
From memoirs and sci fi to mysteries and thrillers, Audible's curated list in every category is the best way to hear 2024's best in audio entertainment.
Ben
Like a stunning new full cast production of George Orwell's 1984 and Percival Everett's.
Ronnie
Brilliantly subversive James Audible.
Ben
There's more to imagine when you listen.
Ronnie
I actually am really excited to HEAR George Orwell's 1984 again because I. Last time I read that was back in, I don't know, middle school or something like that. And the world has changed so much with technology and everything like that. I feel like now is the perfect time to revisit and listen to it.
Ben
On audible, especially when it's told by a full cast like that, like it's a full production. That's going to be like a radio play, you know, that's major. Go to audible.com crappins and discover all the years best waiting for you. That's audible.com crap ins.
Ronnie
We know you're listening because you can't get enough drama.
Ben
But there are some things that should stay drama free, like getting birth control.
Ronnie
Accessing gender affirming care, getting tested for.
Ben
STI eyes health care shouldn't be dramatic, but lawmakers insist on attacking our rights to get the care we need and deserve.
Ronnie
Your gift to Planned Parenthood helps all people, no matter their race, sexual orientation, gender identity, zip code, income or immigration status get affordable, high quality care without judgment, stigma or drama. So don't wait. Make your gift now@planned parenthood.org protect they do this whole, like, flash mob thing, whatever. And so she's like, okay, you got.
Ben
Come on. Tell you something. I know this is 10 hours. There are workmen here right now removing a hot tub that was left over from the last house. And they're like, we got it, we got it. It's no problem. I said, have you ever done it? And they're like, no, but I'm sure it's totally fine. Nothing to worry about. Please just go do your work and don't worry about this. So I come back up here, I have this ring camera and it keeps giving notifications. And you just see them running back. It's like, ding. And you just see a little guy running.
Dylan
Oh, no.
Ronnie
Something that's going terribly wrong on your.
Kathy
Something's going terribly wrong, Ronnie.
Ben
Whatever. At some point, you just get used to it. It's every day. It's always.
Kathy
Oh, God.
Ben
All right. Sorry to interrupt you.
Dylan
He basically says, let's go outside for some air. She says, and she's like, I've never had so much fun. Dancing is so great. Life is so great. And she's like, I'm just cold out here, just miserable. Like, just throws cold water on everything. And he's like. He starts rubbing her shoulders, like, does that feel good? Y. You had a normal body temperature.
Ben
Yeah, no kidding. She's like melting him to death.
Dylan
I didn't say that. Keep rubbing. Ah.
Ronnie
She's like, it's worth it.
Ben
I like the new character.
Kathy
Yeah, I like that.
Dylan
Mean, just. Just really yells and screams.
Kathy
I feel like you're the ID of her. I like it.
Ben
Yeah.
Ronnie
Yeah. And then he's like, you know what? Let's. Let's get you inside, little lady. Princesses shouldn't be out in the cold.
Dylan
Yeah. She's like, fine.
Ronnie
So then they go inside. Then they. They go inside because they're about to kiss. They're about to kiss. They're about there. They're about to kiss. And he's like, no, no, let's get you back inside. We shouldn't be making out at a middle school dance. So then she's like, was it. Was it something, Everything you said?
Ben
Well, it's certainly nothing you did. I mean, it's like everything you said and everything you did. There's nothing to keep me here. But he gets all emo and runs inside, and she's like, was it something I said? And he's like, no. I mean, it was your breath, but still. This has been the best night of my life. But the truth is, I can't do this to you because I know what. You know what it's like to be left behind. You're still gonna die and leave her behind. Whether you.
Kathy
Yeah.
Ben
Or not. You may as well leave her with you.
Kathy
I can't do what? A Capricorn.
Ben
Yeah, you. You tease.
Ronnie
Okay, this is boy behavior.
Dylan
It is.
Kathy
Literally.
Ronnie
Yeah.
Ben
He's learning. He's learning quickly, I'll give him that.
Kathy
Yeah.
Ben
You may be a snowman, but at the end of the day, you still a man. You see?
Ronnie
So she goes, it's okay. You know, for someone who has no relationship experience, you're one heck of a romantic. He goes, I thought you weren't a hugger. And she goes, I make an exception. I'm not gonna lie. I got really horny just now. Let's take this to the next level. But then can you check the janitor's closet?
Dylan
The Shaft music hat happens. And the sheriff is back to. To see. He sees. That's when. That's when he sees the atm.
Ronnie
Oh, this is what it is. Because he's.
Kathy
Oh, they're just running back and forth on the video.
Ben
They got it. No, they got it. They're good. They're getting it.
Ronnie
So he's. Oh, that's right. Because before he was just taking a picture because he just wanted a picture of Jack for no good reason. But now he's walking and he's like, trying to figure out this. He's trying to figure out this crime. He's like, who are you? Some youthful prankster? Are you deviant? Stimulated by the freezing cold? Your naked flash long. You see the face of the elderly horrified by your exposed nether regions. Oh, hi. Sorry. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
Kathy
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
Ben
Merry Christmas.
Ronnie
Hi.
Ben
So then he is looking around the scene of the crime, and he's like, you like that art, don't you, monster? And he comes across the atm and he's like, wait a minute. That has a camera on it. I got you now, you son of a bitch. So I was thinking, oh, my God, he's gonna get him turning into a snake snowman. Because if he has ATM camera and it's pointed right at where he was the statue, he's gonna see him turn into a. No.
Ronnie
From us.
Dylan
No, it's just him streaking again.
Kathy
He would have seen him turn into a snowman, and then he would have gone to the Ronnie. You missed this. We decided that the gay villain is also the mayor, and the mayor is making him prosecute. Find the. Find the snowman. He would have gone back and said, no, he's a good snowman. And the gay queen says, that's it. Here, you little. You're gonna get him. You're gonna put him in jail. Then I'm gonna a snow dick.
Ronnie
Now let me say something.
Dylan
Shade button.
Ronnie
I would like to. I would like to say something. This sheriff has enough. Has enough connections and wherewithal to be able to pull a video from an atm, which means you have to go through certain processes, fill out some forms. And yet he does not have the ability just to go into Kathy's diagram diner, which is where Jack is currently in the kitchen cooking up food. So Jack is there. Like, all he has to do is walk in there. But Jack is there and he's. He's making eggnog for the diner and. Or for the cafe, I should say. And he's got fans all on him in the kitchen because it's hot in the kitchen to keep him cold. And he's like, I want to bring this eggnog out to the people. And she's like, but it's hot. It's hot in the dining room. She's like, I know, but I just want to say hi to everyone.
Dylan
Ah, anybody but you.
Ronnie
The stakes are so high right now, guys. He's willing to risk his life for that eggnog.
Dylan
She says, then she's like, everyone, this has become my favorite tradition the night before Christmas. So now we know where we are. Family. So apparently everyone's just here on Christmas Eve. We're just family co workers. She's making her people work. No one's there with their. No one's there with their families. That.
Ben
This is why no one likes this lady. I'm telling.
Dylan
Gonna fill up my offers.
Ben
The reason the whole town's there is because they have a family member that she's forcing to work there. They're like, okay, I guess we'll just do Christmas at the sweet potato place.
Ronnie
Yeah, well, we have family and friends. And then co workers. And then the sheriff comes out of the bathroom and goes. And criminals. We've all been wondering who committed the crimes. And that's when Lauren Holly's like, was he wearing sunglasses in the bathroom?
Kathy
That was great. I swear.
Dylan
I swear to God, I don't know if that was written or not.
Ben
And Kathy's like, wait a minute. How long have you been in the bathroom?
Ronnie
He wants to make an entrance. You guys, I'm out here every day working for you, keeping you safe. And what do I get? Never a thank you. Always a giggle, a patronizing remark. Since I've been sheriff, we haven't had a single murder in hopes for rings. And they're like, well, we've never had a murder.
Kathy
Mel's like, we haven't had anything in a hundred years.
Dylan
There's 34 years.
Ben
And it's Mel who's saying it. She's like, we haven't even had a murder in a hundred years. You probably killed whoever you got that scarf off of, and that's why it's still under.
Kathy
And Lacy Chabert says it's Christmas Eve and what? And Craig takes his glasses and this is where he should have looked at the camera because he says, crime doesn't take a holiday.
Dylan
This was a direct camera address moment.
Kathy
Yeah, he should have done that. I would have loved that.
Dylan
This is where to me, this is where he. Jack says, it's okay. Me saying, sorry, it's not enough. This is where for me and Ronnie, this activated my part of my brain, where this is like Jesus being taken in, like, being arrested and saying, you guys, I'm doing this for you.
Kathy
So Craig Robertson is Pontious pilot?
Dylan
Yes, yes, exactly.
Kathy
Sure. Okay, great.
Dylan
Yeah.
Kathy
Right.
Dylan
And I think either that or he's the one. And I think. Think she's of course, Mary Magdalene. Yeah, yeah. And it's. She should be Judas, though.
Ronnie
Judas.
Dylan
Yeah. I'm Sorry. Christ, I betrayed you.
Ronnie
So Jack is like, I. I broke the.
Ben
I got $3 for charging extra at your mom. Normal.
Dylan
Oh, God, what will I do now? Now I'm a go hand myself with the other AMS AGMs.
Ronnie
Jack is like, listen, I broke the law. I have to accept the consequences. They're like, well, the consequences are that you're being arrested for lewd behavior. I'm going to be on the sexual predators list. Okay, you know what? Actually, I'm going to rethink this for a moment.
Kathy
Than us. He's different than us. He can't be in a prison. And then you see. Did you see, like, the one black man extra in the back who is dabbing his eyes because apparently this is making him cry? Y'all, the extra. The extra works. Extra work was giving on this.
Ronnie
I mean, it was just buggy.
Dylan
The doctor was also.
Ben
There was also a really pasty, bald white guy in the front who just kept going, darn it.
Kathy
Yes, it was. I encourage people watch the scene, but then go back and just watch the extras, which is what we did, because we were.
Dylan
Love it.
Kathy
We were starting to get high at this point when I was watching the movie, and we laughed and laughed because is it. Is it is Ardmore little feeder extra.
Ronnie
Wow.
Dylan
That is. That is a layup level also.
Ronnie
Yeah. So, you know, so Mel is like. You know, he's. He's different from us, Nate. This is. Mel's the thrift shop lady. And then Nicole, I guess Nicole's the waitress, I think. I don't remember who Nicole is. She goes, what do you mean different? And then Dottie. Dr. Dottie, off of three martinis and five eggnogs, steps forward. Well, he's a snowman that magically came to life. Remember that muscular snowman from the snow sculpture festival? Remember the one? All us. You.
Dylan
I know.
Ronnie
This group of ladies remembers. It happen.
Dylan
I'm a doctor.
Kathy
She said, I'm a doctor. I'mma see y'all at the QAnon meeting next week. I'll be there.
Ronnie
Jane Jay, like, Zodadi says this legitimately crazy thing, oh, he's different because he's a snowman that magically came to life. And everyone goes, oh. Jane goes, I thought he looked familiar. That explains why he's so comfortable without a shirt on. Okay, this all makes sense.
Ben
Like, what the hell? Everybody believes that he's a snowman. They're like, it's Christmas, girl.
Dylan
She goes, it's Christmas. And that's when I went. That's when I Wanted, metaphorically threw up all my papers.
Kathy
Well, Mel says to her, she says, well, a man that sweet has got to be magic, don't you think? And then I thought, no, that's fair. I. That's when I would believe. Because men are pigs. And. And so I don't believe that he is a snowman.
Ronnie
And she's like, you're right. He is a sweet man. In fact, that reminds me, I've got to tell you the story, Jack. He's like, sorry to interrupt. I don't care about your story. I am very sweet.
Dylan
Oh, then, so later on this, where he's being fingerprinted and he's like, you burned your prints off?
Ronnie
Ah, he has no fingerprints.
Dylan
Yes.
Ronnie
So it's hot. And so he's like, sweating. And he was like. He was. You burned your prince off? And Jack is like, no, I was born like this. And then Lady Gaga enters, makes a surprise cameo dance break. It was one.
Kathy
They could afford it.
Ben
She's like, I'm sorry. I would sing, but I'm an actor now. So. Yeah, this. This whole, like, hand wringing over what's going on with the snowman. So then, of course, she comes in and she's like, you better let my man go. Please, Please don't crucify him. And he's like, oh, he's gonna say he showed his wiener to people behind a scarf. But still she. Now he's like, you better give me the bail of $2,000.
Ronnie
Well, also, when Kathy storms in to confront the sheriff, she goes, nathan Aloysius Hunter.
Kathy
Again, I don't know where they this guy gets his names, but sure.
Ronnie
And the sheriff is now losing his mind because he's like. He's a sleeper agent. Yes.
Dylan
Everyone's gone nuts. Really.
Ronnie
So she's like, okay, it feels crazy.
Kathy
But then when you think about it, makes sense.
Ronnie
Yeah. So then she's like, fine, I'm gonna go to the restaurant. I'm gonna see if I've got two grand in the safe, which I probably do since I'm the only business that seems to be operating in this town. Right back, right back.
Dylan
You should make that in a night. That's the thing that would have been in your till.
Ronnie
You're not spending any money on repairs. Yeah.
Ben
Let me guess. Your sweet potato pie sucks.
Ronnie
Yeah. Your car, 1977. Your stare would have still be broken if it were not for a match.
Dylan
You're a miser.
Ronnie
Yeah. You're not.
Dylan
You're not doing anything.
Ronnie
You got money. Okay.
Kathy
And he says, I'm Going, Craig, Craig. Rob. The sheriff says, I'm going home. You can bail him out on the 26th.
Dylan
That is the cruelest thing possible. Just.
Kathy
She's like, no, no. And she says, you're. And he said, you're lucky I don't lock you up. And then. And then because. And Christina, you better make a meme of this for our. For our social videos. Craig Robinson says, hell, we might make a podcast out of this you're welcome show. You are welcome. We just did it. Only five hours long. We did it.
Ronnie
She's like, you're lucky I don't punch you in the face. But I haven't punched anyone in the face since my husband died.
Ben
I'm sorry, what, did he die again? Bruise.
Kathy
A bruise.
Ben
Cancerous bruise. Cancerous bruise. After he fell down the stairs. The cancer stairs.
Dylan
Exactly.
Ben
I think Kathy killed her husband and.
Dylan
The owl attacked her. The owl attacked him?
Ronnie
Yeah, the owl. So Jack is very ill. He is sweating. Yeah, he's dying and everything. And Kathy's like, he needs I sweater. He's sweating. And he's like, well, sleeper agents are trained to regulate their body functions. Not my problem.
Dylan
He. He has actually lost his mind at this point.
Ronnie
He thinks that he's a sleeper agent. It.
Ben
Who.
Ronnie
Like Russia, United States. By breaking glass and shrieking.
Kathy
Yes. Yes.
Ronnie
So Kathy's like, I just. I don't think I. I don't think he. I don't think I thought this through. But just in case I don't make. I'm sorry. Jack is saying this. He's like, in case I. In case I don't make it. In case I die here in this jail cell like so many other heroes of this country.
Kathy
She's like, no, listen, the other snowman.
Ben
Yes.
Ronnie
She's like, savior. Just in case cases. I'll be right back.
Ben
She runs back to the restaurant, and she looks. And she doesn't have enough money, but she's going to try it anyway. And he's like, I will not take your less than $2,000. And guess what happens? The entire town shows up and they're like, you free our prisoner.
Dylan
They say, give us Barabbas, Give me.
Ben
Pop or give me death.
Ronnie
So then she goes back to the diner. Well, she goes back. Back to the. Actually, she doesn't even bring up. She doesn't even rally the town, which is, by the way, how shitty she is. She's like, hold on, I'll get the. I'm going to go to where the entire town is, and I'm going to find my Money. And she goes, she doesn't have enough money. She doesn't even ask anyone to help out. So she comes back, she's like, I've got $84. He's like, well, that's not enough. And then, but then the town is like, no, no, no. Cuz doesn't the town come out? Don't they like.
Kathy
Town comes out and they're rallying around her and there's starting to put all this money and they put it in a hat. And then because he's a cheap, he's sitting there actually counting the money in the hat and he says, you're $10 short.
Ronnie
The. The child arrived. Turns out the child is the son. It's a twist. It has very little anything to do with anything. And. And he's like, come on here, dad.
Kathy
What a lit dick of a story.
Ronnie
And so then he's like, I'm help. He's like, what are you doing? What are you doing here? He's like, I'm helping. Helping dad. It's like. And then the sheriff is like, this man did a bad thing. He's a sleep rage from Russia trying to. Because he's my friend. Well, you shouldn't be friends with adults like that. So I would reconsider that if I were you.
Ben
So they finally get him out and then Jack comes out. But it's too late, guys. Jack dies. He dies in the snow.
Ronnie
He comes out, he's like, oh, you know, they lay him down in the snow on the snow bank on the side of the police station. So that way the cold brings him back to life, but it's too late.
Kathy
I wish she would have actually melted like like that person like that drinks the wrong goblet in Indiana Jones. That woman.
Dylan
The, the. The budget would have never done that.
Ronnie
But here's what I love. They leave him on the snow bank. They realize it's too late. He's gone. He's dead.
Dylan
The doctor goes, kathy, he's gone.
Kathy
Yeah.
Ben
They're like, leave him, Kathy, step away. We're leaving now.
Ronnie
Just leave him in the back. They just leave him on the side.
Dylan
Dead body.
Ben
They all. The entire town is like just body.
Ronnie
A dead body. They leave a carcass on the side, the sheriff will burn it.
Ben
And the most unrealistic thing here is that nobody was like, hey, wait a minute. Give me my money back.
Dylan
No.
Kathy
Oh yeah, yeah.
Dylan
Well, mor. Mortimer did want his money back.
Ronnie
Mortimer tried to come. Yeah.
Ben
Well that's good. Good for him. He's like my wife almost that dead person I want my 20 back at the very least.
Dylan
So she does. She kisses him, then takes the scarf. Then he's awake.
Ronnie
Well, because they all start walking. Well, because they.
Dylan
The kiss was the magic. Magic.
Ronnie
Because of life. Like sh.
Kathy
Saying I gotta say whenever that everybody's walking away from him. And then you hear Kathy and the entire town again. Like community theater goes. And all turned to look at him and I lost.
Ronnie
We all agreed. We all agreed. No one say her name today. Kathy. Who said her name?
Dylan
Who was that?
Ronnie
Oh my God, it was Jack. We forgot to tell Jack about the rule. Don't say Kathy's names today.
Ben
Well, Jack is still with us. We don't know why. And guess what? He's not only back to. He's not only reanimated. He feels hard and he feels. His skin hurts.
Dylan
He's uncomfortable stiff down there.
Ben
Yeah. He's like, my nuts are like. They're up in my throat right now. My skin hurts. She's like, you're cold. Oh, he's cold.
Ronnie
He's cold.
Ben
I'm not the only frigid person in this relationship anymore. Okay? I love you.
Kathy
I love you.
Ben
You.
Ronnie
And Mortimer's like, I'm cold. She's like, shut up.
Dylan
Shut the up.
Kathy
Shut up, Mortimer. And then we get.
Ben
So he became a real man all because she.
Ronnie
Yeah. Cold. Oh, get it? Coldplay.
Ben
Wow.
Ronnie
So apparently. So we have a nice little Pinocchio.
Ben
Twist here and would have been cheaper.
Ronnie
They should. Yeah, they really. They should have done.
Kathy
That is a vaudeville joke and I respect that joke.
Ronnie
What about Ice Anything by Ice Spice. Come on.
Dylan
I spice something. That's too edgy. They couldn't have gotten her.
Ronnie
Yeah, they would never. But so now he's like. He is now like. Not only is he now warm blooded, but he also lost all of his skills. Cuz now Kathy's doing the repair.
Kathy
Yeah, she's fixing the heater.
Dylan
Did you guys notice at the very end when they kissed, he did become a real man.
Ben
He's like not exactly.
Dylan
The doctor kisses the teacher and then everyone else starts kissing like in the background. Everyone now it's like broken the curse. Now everyone can everybody.
Ben
Love is the mailness. We should spread it, y'all.
Dylan
Do you notice he. He inscribes that book that he. That, that, that, that, that, that book with. With that says home repairs. And he says, I know who your second love should be. It's you.
Ben
Yourself.
Ronnie
Oh God, don't do that.
Dylan
I hated that.
Ben
What a. I hated that too. And does this mean you're Cheating already or what? He's like, guess what? I'm not gonna love you. But you should love yourself, okay?
Ronnie
You should repair yourself. I have to. By the way, what's the name of the, what's the name of the woman? Something mixing. What, what's her, what's her.
Dylan
Katie Mixon.
Ronnie
You know what she was, we talked a lot about Craig Robinson, but she was also, she was fantastic going to town. She was in every scene she was making these little faces. She was like, like she was just, you know, she was, she did look.
Kathy
Different colors in some scenes because some scene she was very bronze. And then in other scenes she was not.
Dylan
She was, she was making the most of what she had.
Ronnie
The.
Dylan
Everyone was working really hard in this movie to elevate the material.
Kathy
The most unrealistic thing in the entire movie for me was the fact that this woman did not have $2,000 in her bank, but that she was suddenly going to buy tickets to Hawaii over Christmas. Do you know how? Imagine that's a ten thousand dollar trip.
Ben
Well, listen, she wasn't willing to address to go into her savings for some like melting dick, but now that it's real dick, she's, she suddenly had it. You see how it works?
Ronnie
Listen, she's like, oh, he's still an idiot. I'm taking him to Rebecca Hoboth beach in Delaware and I'll just tell this.
Ben
Wife I'm thinking of the hamburger, her Hamburger Hut. You know.
Ronnie
I want to, I want to bring something. I want to bring up a very important point. When Jack was dying on the side of the police station there and the entire town rallied to put in the few scraps, even the children put in a few dollars to save Jack. Let me tell you something. There was one person who did not put in a single dime because she didn't even bother to show up. Chrishell. Where was Chris?
Dylan
Where was, where was, where was her favorite customer?
Ronnie
Favorite customer apparently decided not to come in on the traditional new, I mean, Christmas Eve meal and help out the town snowman. So I don't know. I would rethink Chrishell's loyalty to you because I don't think it's going both ways.
Ben
Yeah, she's probably home monitoring her child that she's locked in a crate for eating a pancake or with some chocolate chips in it on the day.
Ronnie
She's like, she's like, susie, you put me in an awkward position asking for that chocolate chip pancake on a Tuesday. I, of course I had to say yes because I don't Want to be a. But maybe next time you think about what this does to me before you ask dumb questions.
Dylan
And now, one Tic Tac, two Tic Tacs, three Tic Tacs. There we go. That's it for dinner.
Ben
You're done. Well, that was it. That was the glorious Frosty Jack Frosty. Hot Frosty Hot Frost.
Dylan
Frosty. Do you. Do you guys think the. To me this was the worst possible way this could have ended was with him becoming human and because it feels like she needed a man all along. It wasn't.
Ronnie
These movies are. Every single one of them is that like women. Don't, don't. Don't be ridiculous. And have.
Kathy
It would have made more sense for them to get married. And she became a Snow Queen because she's a.
Ronnie
Then they moved to Greenland.
Kathy
Yes.
Ronnie
By the. The way, like, he was not long for this world because it was going to get warm soon and he was going to die. So they had to do a workaround. They had to make him become a human.
Ben
Yeah. Or like he just died. And then she was like, well, I.
Dylan
Never learned to get on with her life.
Ben
Yeah, no, that's probably too sad. But yeah. The whole becoming a human, it's almost like they're devaluing snowmanship. And I didn't like that. I didn't like that. They were just like, well, that's not valid. You know, I mean, humanity become humid. Yeah. Like the only dream is to really become human. And I think that he was the happiest thing on there and he wasn't human at all. So why did we have to bring him down to our level?
Dylan
Definitely demoted himself. Yeah.
Ben
Yeah, he did. And she ruined it by kissing him. She gave him the human cooties and turned him into a human. I mean, it's actually just become a horror movie if you're. If you're a snow person and you're watching this. This is some zombie. She just burned him. And now he's. He's like. To them, he's like dead. He's a monster, you know, and now it's going to happen. They're like, oh, my God, are they going to come for our children next? Watch out for the kissing frigid lady.
Kathy
Yes.
Dylan
And then there's a bunch of bloopers, y'all. And that's one of the best parts of the movie.
Ronnie
Bloopers were funny. I was with them.
Kathy
They were great.
Dylan
That's the movie. That's our 11 part series.
Ronnie
Well, it only took five hours for us to get through it.
Ben
So I think this is our longest one ever, actually.
Kathy
I think so, too.
Ben
I literally have a whole new house of furniture and a hot tub removed. And a roof. I've got the roof done today. I mean, it's been a very busy day over here.
Kathy
Very busy day.
Ben
Thanks for. Thanks for putting up with that, you guys. And thanks for doing this. This is such a lovely tradition.
Kathy
It's a wonderful tradition.
Dylan
Thank you, guys.
Kathy
Wonderful, wonderful.
Ronnie
Thank you for listening and making it through this enormous marathon. And we will catch you next year doing the same thing with a whole new shitty, amazing.
Kathy
Yes. Happy holidays, everyone.
Dylan
Happy.
Ben
Bye, everybody.
Dylan
Love you.
Ben
Bye.
Ronnie
Watch what Crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King it's always automatic with Ashley Auto.
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Sides Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall we got our wish It's Jen Plish she's not harsh She's Jill Hirsch She's a little bit loony Junie, my Favorite Murdo Karen McMurdo we love him madly It's Kyle Pod Shadley let's go.
Ben
On a bender With Lauren Fender She's.
Ronnie
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Ben
She ain't no shrinking violet. Coutar we love you guys. If you like, watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey@wondery.com survey.
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Hello ladies and germs, boys and girls. The Grinch is back again to ruin your Christmas season with Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast. After last year, he's learned a thing or two about hosting, and he's ready to rant against Christmas cheer and roast his celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire. You can listen with the whole family as guest stars like Jon Hamm, Brittney Broski and Danny DeVito try to persuade the mean old Grinch that there's a lot to love about the insufferable holiday season. But that's not all. Somebody stole all the children of Whoville's letters to Santa and everybody thinks the Grinch is responsible. It's a real who, Bill Whodunit. Can Cindy Lou and Max help clear the Grinch's name? Grab your hot cocoa and cozy slippers to find out. Follow Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Unlock weekly Christmas mystery bonus content and listen to every episode ad free by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery App, Spotify or Apple Podcasts.
F
They say Hollywood is where dreams are made, a seductive city where many flock to get rich, be adored and capture America's heart. But when the spotlight turns off, fame, fortune and lives can disappear in an instant. When TV producer Roy Radin was found dead in a Canyon near LA in 1983, there were many questions surrounding his death. The last person seen with him was Lainey Jacobs, a seductive cocaine dealer who desperately wanted to be part of the Hollywood elite. Together, they were trying to break into the movie industry. But things took a dark turn when a million dollars worth of cocaine and cash went missing. From Wondery comes a new season of the hit show Hollywood and Crime. The Cotton Club Murder. Follow Hollywood and Crime, the Cotton Club Murder on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of the Cotton Club Murder early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus.
Watch What Crappens - Episode #2669: Hot Frosty with Reality Gays Part 4 Summary
In Episode #2669 of Watch What Crappens, hosts Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam, along with recurring guests Kathy and Dylan, delve into their humorous and critical analysis of the Netflix series installment titled "Hot Frosty with Reality Gays Part 4." As part of their daily podcast dedicated to all things Bravo and beyond, the hosts meticulously deconstruct the plot, characters, and production choices of the series, all while maintaining their signature blend of praise, ridicule, and evisceration.
The hosts begin by summarizing the basic premise of the series, highlighting its central character, Jack Frosty—a snowman who magically comes to life and interacts with the residents of a small town. The series intertwines elements of romance, mystery, and supernatural occurrences, set against the backdrop of a middle school dance and various town events.
1. Jack Frosty’s Character Arc:
Inconsistent Development: The hosts criticize Jack Frosty's inconsistent behaviors and motivations. They mock his inability to regulate his body functions, exemplified when Jack "starts sweating" and fears dying at the middle school dance.
Notable Quote:
Ronnie [04:10]: "Am I attracting you despite the fact that it's like talking to a six-year-old? Yes. Am I concerned about this? Yes."
2. Sheriff Ed’s Investigation:
Ineffective Policing: Sheriff Ed is portrayed as overly obsessive yet ineffectual in his investigation of crimes in the town, such as the break-in involving a new glass pane.
Notable Quote:
Kathy [06:07]: "Installing glass is very difficult, and it is a skill. It is not something you can learn from HGTV."
3. Middle School Dance Scene:
Awkward Execution: The depiction of the middle school dance is heavily mocked for its unrealistic choreography, questionable song choices, and the inexplicable use of a "throne" as part of the decor.
Notable Quote:
Ronnie [10:37]: "This movie could have used what's her name, who's also in the state, who's in Reno 911."
4. Kathy’s Role and Interactions:
Lack of Supportiveness: Kathy is critiqued for her poor support of Jack, especially when he pleads for help to avoid arrest. Her dismissive attitude and lack of teamwork are subjects of ridicule.
Notable Quote:
Ben [28:28]: "She was so rude. And she's like, okay. I mean, I guess women are from Mars, men are from wherever the."
1. Musical Numbers and Dialogues:
Poor Integration: The hosts critique the film's failed attempts at integrating musical numbers, with songs played live without voiceovers, leaving the audience confused.
Notable Quote:
Ben [41:44]: "It was a badly done musical number. And I love a musical number."
2. Character Makeup and Styling:
Unrealistic Makeup: Jack Frosty's transition from a snowman to a human is mocked for its unrealistic portrayal, including the inexplicable acquisition of tattoos and inappropriate use of accessories like snowflake earrings.
Notable Quote:
Dylan [34:38]: "Just really yells and screams. I feel like you're the ID of her. I like it."
3. Plot Twists and Resolution:
Forced Endings: The episode highlights the film’s convoluted ending, where Jack’s transformation into a human and subsequent death lacks coherence and emotional impact.
Notable Quote:
Dylan [68:59]: "That was my favorite moment... because they just leave him on the snow bank on the side of the police station."
Throughout the episode, the hosts employ a range of humorous observations and running jokes to emphasize the film’s shortcomings:
Comparison to Classic Films: They frequently compare the series to iconic movies like "Pretty Woman" and "Where Are the World," pointing out the lack of depth and originality.
Mocking Dialogues: The naturalistic yet nonsensical dialogues are a recurring target, with lines like "Why would he get earrings?" being lampooned.
Physical Comedy: Physical aspects such as Jack Frosty’s "condemned underpants" and the impracticality of installing large glass panes are sources of ongoing humor.
In wrapping up their extensive review, Ben, Ronnie, Kathy, and Dylan collectively express their disappointment with "Hot Frosty with Reality Gays Part 4." They lament over the film's failed attempts at blending genres, the lack of character development, and the disjointed narrative structure. Despite the numerous flaws, the hosts acknowledge the entertainment value derived from their comedic critique, turning the series' shortcomings into moments of hilarity.
Final Quote:
Kathy [69:37]: "Love you."
Hosts' Final Remarks:
Middle School Dance Critique:
Dylan [16:34]: "I literally thought they were earrings. You know why I think? Because I saw a huge, big mistake."
Sheriff’s Inefficiency:
Ben [07:02]: "But he learned how to."
Plot Resolution Mockery:
Ronnie [29:47]: "I'm sorry, what, did he die again?"
Overall Film Flaws:
Ronnie [63:08]: "Every single one of them is that like women. Don't, don't. Don't be ridiculous. And have."
Watch What Crappens continues to deliver its unique blend of humor and critique, providing listeners with an entertaining take on reality TV and beyond. This episode stands out as a comprehensive examination of a flawed series, with the hosts' chemistry and comedic timing making for an engaging and insightful listen.