#2643 RHOBH S1403 Part Two: Taking OceanSides

Summary

Watch What Crappens Podcast Summary

Episode: #2643 RHOBH S1403 Part Two: Taking OceanSides
Release Date: December 4, 2024
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Podcast Platform: Wondery

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Overview

In episode #2643 of Watch What Crappens, hosts Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam dive deep into the second part of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 14, Episode 3, titled "Taking OceanSides." This detailed recap explores the intricate dynamics, dramatic confrontations, and humorous moments that unfolded as the Housewives embarked on their OceanSides getaway.

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Key Plot Points

1. Arrival and Initial Interactions ([04:21] - [07:02]) The episode kicks off with the Housewives arriving at Kathy's meticulously prepared house, complete with donuts, fruit, tea, and champagne flutes. Newcomer Boz (played by Boaz) makes an early impression by showing up first, a recurring trait for new housewives. Ronnie notes, “[Boz] loves this VIP treatment... I work in marketing. I set the tone” ([04:44]).

As guests begin to arrive, the camaraderie among the Housewives is evident, with continuous compliments on appearances. Kyle’s obsession with designer bags is highlighted, particularly her penchant for stacking high-priced Birkin bags. Ben humorously critiques Kyle's excessive spending: “[Kyle] is just stacking them all in there, like, oh, my God, I can't believe I have all these bags” ([06:39]).

2. Tensions and Competitive Spirits ([07:08] - [12:06]) The hosts dissect moments of tension, especially focusing on Dorit’s competitive nature. Ben points out Dorit’s relentless drive: “I have such a big zit on my cheek. Everybody just ignore it” ([05:53]).

Kyle's unease around Zaria is another focal point. Ronnie observes Kyle’s internal conflict: “[Kyle] is really morphing, but she does sort of have Lisa's hair right now this season” ([06:30]). The competitive streak is further emphasized when Dorit participates fervently in various games, showcasing her determination to win at all costs.

3. Social Dynamics and Alliances ([12:15] - [21:29]) The episode delves into the complex friendships and alliances among the Housewives. Garcelle’s interactions with other members, particularly her relationship with Dorit, are scrutinized. Ben comments on their dynamic: “Garcelle’s trying to make hats her thing. It's one of the saddest ongoing storylines in Bravo history” ([03:57]).

A significant portion of the episode centers around Kyle’s strained relationship with Dorit. The hosts highlight Kyle’s reluctance to support Dorit publicly, leading to tensions within the group. Ronnie summarizes the conflict: “Kyle is going everywhere to lead a smear campaign against Dorit because she read a text message on camera” ([46:47]).

4. Emotional Confrontations and Resolutions ([27:26] - [48:10]) The heart of the episode lies in the emotional confrontations between Kyle and Dorit. Dorit addresses Kyle’s grievances in a heartfelt discussion, aiming to resolve their differences. Ben captures a pivotal moment: “I felt a punch in the gut... it was so powerful” ([47:05]).

Ronnie and Ben analyze the authenticity of these confrontations, often interjecting with humorous critiques. They question the genuineness of Kyle’s actions, suggesting that the drama may be exaggerated for the show’s narrative.

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Notable Quotes

• Ben on Revisiting Classic Shows:
  “I actually am really excited to hear George Orwell's 1984 again because last time I read that was back in middle school... now is the perfect time to revisit and listen to it on Audible.” ([00:23])

• Ronnie on Kyle’s Bag Obsession:
  “She just stacks them all in there, like, oh, my God, I can't believe I have all these bags.” ([06:39])

• Ben on Competitive Dorit:
  “I have such a big zit on my cheek. Everybody just ignore it.” ([05:53])

• Ronnie on Garcelle’s Sad Storyline:
  “Kyle's still trying to make hats her thing. It's one of the saddest ongoing storylines in Bravo history.” ([03:57])

• Ben on the Kyle-Dorit Feud:
  “Dorit put it in public with a totally different context that you did not like because the context exposed you for being the manipulator that you are.” ([45:53])

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Host Insights and Commentary

Ben Mandelker ([A]) and Ronnie Karam ([B]) provide a blend of humorous commentary and critical analysis throughout the episode. They often interject with witty remarks, such as Ben’s take on Kyle’s social maneuvers: “She just stacks them all in there, like, oh, my God, I can't believe I have all these bags” ([06:39]).

Their dynamic banter adds an entertaining layer to the recap, ensuring listeners are both informed and entertained. They frequently pause to mock the Housewives' extravagant lifestyles and over-the-top behaviors, highlighting the absurdities of reality TV drama.

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Humorous Highlights

• Trixie Monaco’s “Princess” Antics ([33:18] - [36:41]):
  Trixie’s self-deprecating humor as she refers to herself as a princess instead of a queen provides levity. Ben ridicules her status: “She’s like, I’m waiting to ascend to the crown. To the Crown. But I'm 30 in line because I'm a princess and I have brothers.” ([33:09])

• Kyle’s Mocktail Order ([24:54] - [25:19]):
  Kyle’s attempt to order an intricate drink name, “Hermes,” becomes a point of ridicule: “Just like, no alcohol. I can’t believe you could just order a bag here at the restaurant.” ([25:06])

• Duck, Duck, Goose in the Sand ([32:58] - [33:05]):
  The Housewives’ rendition of the game Duck, Duck, Goose on the beach is met with laughter, especially when struggling with the sandy terrain: “I was cracking up watching this, too. It was really funny watching this stupid thing.” ([32:58])

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Conclusions and Takeaways

Watch What Crappens successfully dissects the complexities of RHOBH Season 14, Episode 3, offering listeners both critical insights and comedic relief. Ben and Ronnie adeptly navigate through the Housewives' interpersonal conflicts, spotlighting the often-over-the-top drama that defines the series.

The hosts emphasize the recurring themes of competition, loyalty, and the quest for validation among the cast members. Their humorous approach underscores the sometimes absurd lengths to which reality TV personalities go to maintain their status and relationships.

Ultimately, the episode serves as both a thorough recap for dedicated fans and an entertaining overview for newcomers, encapsulating the essence of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and the unique perspective of Watch What Crappens.

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Additional Resources

For bonus episodes, video recaps, and exclusive access to the Discord server, support Watch What Crappens at www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Listen to Watch What Crappens on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Enjoy bonus episodes ad-free on Wondery+ by joining through the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.

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Note: Advertisements and non-content sections have been excluded from this summary to focus solely on the podcast's primary discussion.

Transcript

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[A]

Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Crappins. This is part two of a two part recap. If you're like, hey, wait a minute, I didn't hear part one. Guys. It's because we put out a lot of recaps. Go back and listen to part one. Okay, it's before this one. Bye. Enjoy the show.

[B]

So then Dorit is basically like, yeah, like you don't treat friends the way that she has treated me.

[A]

Oh, you Guys need to just keep giving a go by the boy. Waste not, want not. Two hands in a bush, your boy bushes. And God, my bush is like a python tick ticking like a tombow. Advice, advice, advice. Build a house before you sell a house. You know, I'm really out of sayings here. Anybody got anything?

[B]

Well, here's what I have to say. You know, it's a buildup here, let me emphasize that's a build up by sprinkling little water from my fingertips at you. It's a buildup, a build up, a build up, a buildup. And then you just get to a point where you're just like, you know what? No, like, you tell them to reach.

[A]

Well, here's what I'll say, though. The road less traveled is called fountain, and most people take that. But I'm sorry, the sun says quicker. I don't give a fuck what anybody says. Suck on that. What were you talking about?

[B]

You can't have your cake and your feet too? Is that how it goes? I don't think so.

[A]

So then we cut to Kyle with her fedora. She's like, oh, my God, hats make me so happy. What else do I want, huh, River? Do I want more hats? I'm going away for a girl's trip. God, I love hats.

[B]

Kyle's still trying to make hats her thing. It's one of the saddest ongoing storylines in Bravo history.

[A]

I just want to live my life like I get away. Like I get away.

[B]

I start dreaming of better days. Better days. I'm just gonna let things go to a higher place, like a getaway.

[A]

So then we go to Kathy's house and she set up donuts and fruit and tea. And so, you know, they're really doing this one up right. So they've got champagne flutes and Bo's shows up because she's new, so she shows up first. That happens to every new housewife except Dorit. I think Dorit was the only new housewife that's like, I'll be there five hours late.

[B]

I know. So Bose loves it. She loves this VIP treatment. You know, she's like, you know, you set the tone for the kind of trip that it's going to be right from the get go. I work in marketing. I set the tone. So then everyone's arriving slowly but surely. Everyone's saying, hello. Dorit is like, it's my girl to Boz.

[A]

And so she goes, oh, look. Look how cute you are. I just got your message. And I was like, ah, you are so cute. She was like, please stop texting me. Why is this woman stalking me? Three is like, look, let's show everybody how not problematic I am. This is neighbors.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Please stop calling me. Please.

[B]

Rose is like, last time I was with these women, fireworks. Boom, boom, boom. They were fighting. Are they going to continue fighting? Are there going to be different people fighting? Am I going to be fighting? I don't know what's about to happen. I was like, thank you for that complimentary tease. Those. You really do work in marketing. She's like, coming up next, the fight. Okay, great.

[A]

I have such a big zit on my cheek. Everybody just ignore it. I just noticed it. Okay, so now we get more. Yeah. Bose is like, crazy fighting, ladies. So then Kyle comes, and everybody's like, oh, my God, you look so pretty. Well, she didn't say that to Kyle. They were just like, hello, hello. But everybody else is like, oh, my God, looks so great. And Kyle's like, oh, my God, I'm so uneasy with this situation with Zaria. Like, a part of me, I just want to, like, pull her aside, but, like, I'm just not ready. I'm just not ready for it. I'm not ready for it.

[B]

Okay, well, we'll be patient. We'll wait for that moment. Kyle. So then, have you noticed Kyle is.

[A]

Doing this now with her hair where she pulls. She grabs both sides of her hair like this, and kind of gives him a little tug, like Vanderpump. I mean, she's really morphing, but she.

[B]

Does sort of have Lisa's hair right now this season. So then Kyle is like, oh, my God, look at my bags. They're like, it's like Russian nothing dolls. Look. And then so she has, like, a giant Birkin, which costs like 22,000, that she puts like a $35,000 bag. And then she puts another one that's like $30,000. She just stacks them all in there, like, oh, my God, I can't believe I have all these bags, huh? And Post is like, I have never seen that.

[A]

That's why you don't need Chirons to tell us how lonely you are. We just need to see your purse set up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So then there's like, ding, ding, ding. All the money that's being spent. And then Erica, you know, everybody's still saying how pretty everybody is because more people are coming. And then Sutton comes and she gets champagne, and she have a Jolly rancher in my mouth. Like, wow, A Jolly rancher with champagne. That's crazy. These ladies are nuts. Let me tell you something. I've never seen someone with champagne and a Jolly Rancher. What are these ladies? Absolutely nutty.

[B]

Like, well, they seem to complement each other. And then Kyle's like, oh, my God, Sutton, we have the same bag. I love that one so much. And Sutton's like, same colors. Yeah, exact same color. I mean, classic Kyle, just sizing up bags, bragging that she has the same one if she doesn't have it already so she can brag about it. She's like, where did you get that? How much did you get that? I want that. Where do I get it? Every single time. It drives me nuts.

[A]

So then Dorit is just watching Kyle make small talk. And Erica's like, so, how are you feeling? She's like, oh, you know Erica, rough morning. Can Erica just catch a break? Dorit, do you ever shut up? I mean, my God, can you just say fine? Unless you had to hear about this for 30 minutes today, just say, I'm doing fine. Erica, how about you? How's the duck in your pool?

[B]

You know, it was a very difficult morning, but I went into my kitchen, and turns out there was a button for caring. I said I could use some caring, so I pressed the button, and coffee came out. Turns out it was called a cue rig, not a caring button.

[A]

The kids were really upset when I left this ride.

[B]

She sat at her own story, spilling coffee on the counter because she thought she was going to get care out of a faucet.

[A]

The kids were just so upset when I left the house this morning. They've never seen me leave the house before. The last time I saw bk, he did. He told me he didn't want to talk five times a day. Can you believe it?

[B]

But I didn't think he would mean we wouldn't talk at all. Grace time is over. Sorry. Just reliving my greatest hits from this season. So then, by the way, I feel like we were not giving enough credit for when they showed it in the previous leaves and maybe once this during the episode that when Kyle was like, I think I deserve a little bit of Grace and Rica's. I think I did that for you, Kyle. I just love when she said that.

[A]

I think I did that. Coil, coil time is over. So she's upset because now she doesn't get to talk to PK and she's left her poor children. So then Garcelle comes. Well, hello. Wow, you look pretty. Wow, you look pretty. Wow, you look pretty. Wow, you look pretty. And then Jennifer Tilly arrives, and she's like, oh, hello, Road Trip, road trip, champagne first thing in the morning.

[B]

Look, everyone. It's a Louis Vuitton boat. Isn't it simply magnificent? And she holds up a little Louis Vuitton. That's the shape of a boat.

[A]

Well, we are going to Oceanside.

[B]

Jennifer's holding up. It looks. It looks like a boat. It isn't. It's actually art. Very, very pricey. Kyle's like, it's not art. If it were art, it would light up with neon and be in my foyer. Stupid. So we see that her. Her boat thing cost $33,000. And she has all sorts of funky, like, all sorts of cool Louis Vuitton stuff that I've never seen before. So it's great. She's great. Everything she does is great. Even her accessories are great. I love her.

[A]

Those are very unique pieces. And I know because I'm looking at them, and I'm coveted that neighbor's gun. So I'm like, good now, man.

[B]

So the sprinter van arrives, and they're all gonna start piling in and everything. Kathy's like, I need my earplugs. And so I'm like, well, you gotta stop. You don't get out of talking to us with your earplugs in. So now they hop in, and now they're just like. They're just, like, making small talk in there. And Garcelle, they chose and everything. They raised their glasses, and then Erica.

[A]

Erica's like, so. Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

[B]

No, go ahead. Go ahead, say it.

[A]

I have a question. Who is the biggest star you ever went on a date with? And I thought she was asking Jennifer Tilly, because they say Jennifer Tilly's face. And I would like to know, because we've already heard Garcelles, but Garcelle jumped in. She's like, Eddie Murphy, Will Smith, Sean Penn, Vladimir Putin before it was problematic.

[B]

Bronson pin show, Mark. Mark Summers. Talk about a devil's hair.

[A]

So Erica's like, I didn't know about Sean Penn. Aren't you a little old for him? I mean. Well, it was when I was younger. Well, at any age, really.

[B]

Don't you see him a little happy be dating Sean Penn? So Erica says this, which I think is ridiculous. She goes, listen, I just want to know, if Garcelle dated Eddie Murphy, Sean Penn, and Will Smith, why did she.

[A]

Marry the man she married?

[B]

Why not marry one of them? You know?

[A]

I mean, that's what I would have done.

[B]

I'm like, how much do you know about these three gentlemen?

[A]

Yeah, and we know what you would have done. Okay, we've seen it.

[B]

Are you. First of all, who wants to marry Sean Penn? The guy is the most dour person on the planet. Will Smith has his own bag of issues. And Eddie Murphy, you know, maybe he's the best of the bunch there. I don't know.

[A]

Well, I think Murphy and Will Smith did get locked down, though. Sean Penn, I think he's been, like, married once, right? To Madonna? Who else has he been married to? Anybody?

[B]

I think besides communism, he's been married to self importance. Yeah.

[A]

So I used to do these parties by yearly, a couple of times a year, and he was always a guest there. And let me tell you, he dates them very young and very usually paid looking. So I'm not really sure.

[B]

Well, that's what's so funny about Sean Penn. It's as serious and as worldly as he is, he's still the same, just like, Hollywood actor. He came to my college my senior year, and I was taking a film class, and he came and like, talked to the class. There's like 12 of us in there. And the entire time he kept on like, moving his fingers around and like, no one was. I. I just assumed it was like a twitch from drugs in the 80s or something. But then he was like, oh, sorry, everyone. I'm just in character still from I Am Sam. I was like, okay.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

And then, like. And then he. And then like, he. Then they, like, showed a movie he was in. I forget which one. And then after the movie, he was like, he did like a talk and like, at the performing arts center. And like, Aaron Eckhart drove up to the campus also. So the two of them were just like sitting up there and they just started smoking cigarettes in the performing arts center. And it was just like, so they were so stupid. I mean, like, it's like, oh, congratulations, you guys are Hollywood movie stars. You're going to smoke cigarettes indoors at, like this performing arts center for, like a. For college kids. I was like, get over yourselves.

[A]

But for the hilarious.

[B]

It's like, I love this, doing this.

[A]

And be like, like, sorry, I'm still in character for I Am Sam.

[B]

Yeah. And then he went off. And the rumor is he then went off to one of the sororities and banged someone over there. So it's like, of course. It's like, it's just like, you know, it's just ridiculous.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

Ridiculous.

[A]

So then Garcelle's like, okay, well, if you slept with the man that's now gay, take a sip. So people play this Game. And then Jennifer Tilly's like, if you slept with a man who had a crooked dick, take a syrup.

[B]

If you slept with Regina Gershon, take a sip. They're like, what? It's like, sorry, it's my movie. So then they're talking about drink. Yeah, they take drinks for crooked dicks. By the way, this, to me, is a much better version of, like, a drinking game on Bravo because it feels like it's actually organic, like, drinking game moment. Like, they're laughing, they're having fun, they're saying these things. It's also extremely quick. It's not like everyone's sitting at a dinner table and someone goes, who wants to play a game? I'll start. Never have I ever thought Sean Penn.

[A]

Or. It's usually, like, mean. It's like, okay, let me start a game. How many husbands have cheated on you? Kyle, you go first. Who hates street the most? Sip. Take a sip.

[B]

So now Jennifer's like, so it's on the itinerary. Kathy. And Kathy's like, well, we're gonna get there. We're gonna have a picnic lunch. We're gonna play some games, and it'll be really fun. So they. They show up and everything. And the hotel is next to the Top Gun house. And the Top Gun house is the house that they filmed Top Gun in. And there's, like, a Tom Cruise lookalike sitting on them.

[A]

He really does look like him, too. Really just like him.

[B]

Great work.

[A]

I saw the preview for the new Tom Cruise, Mission Impossible. Tom Cruise, you're not only saving millions of people this time, you're saving the entire world. And he's like, I'm gonna show you how I'm gonna save him. I'm gonna run like this.

[B]

The next sequel should be called Mission Impossible Aging, because I'd like to see him conquer that one.

[A]

Why does Tom Cruise run in movies? Like Shannon Beador at tap dances and the opening of Real House on Parallel Orange County.

[B]

So, yeah, they take a picture, and Bose is like, what? Wait, did Kathy order Tom Cruise? Because maybe she could have ordered somebody else. Next time I'm gonna tell her, give me Idris, okay? And that's on my order. I invented him. So Erica is like, wait, did Garcelle.

[A]

Take a Tom Cruise?

[B]

Because that. That would have been a real loss. I love that Erica wants Garcelle to date all these men in Hollywood who have had, like, just scandal after scandal.

[A]

She's just picking all the most horrible people.

[B]

Like, she needs to. She needs to fix this. She needs to update her references a little bit.

[A]

Yeah. So they all pose for a picture with fake Tom. And then next, my lifestyle popping bottom to the top. Words I'd be dropping. You won't ever chop me. Am I clear? Damn right, am I clear? Trixie, Is that a new song or are you just yelling at the waiter?

[B]

I think she needs a defibrillator. I mean, like, she's not making any sense. She's smelling burnt toast. So poor Trixie. Someone help her.

[A]

So they go, it's a beautiful hotel. Then we see their rooms are very pretty. This episode is very much like everybody just compliments their clothes and ooze and ahs and drives really rich cars and then compliments the hotel room. It's very. It's a brochure episode, you know? Yeah, look rich. And then people are like, oh, my God. It's a return to just fabulous rich women being rich and fabulous.

[B]

Yeah. So everyone's getting arranged in their rooms. Jennifer Tilly arranges her purses on a bench and she's like, I like my hotel room to look like a store. So then dorit is she has slippers that say fashion girl embroidered on them. And she facetimes the kids. And she's like, kids? All the girls are going to. Going to the beach. I've got it. I've got a change so I can call you. Then please stop crying. Mommy will be home soon enough. They're like, we're okay, mom. It's okay.

[A]

Whis. Is that somebody dancing on my countertops? No mommy partying over there. Sorry, I've just lost a load on your countertops. Hand me another bottle, Pete.

[B]

I was told the floor is lava, and I take those words very seriously. So until we get some further clarification, I'm only going to be on the kitchen islands.

[A]

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[A]

Let'S create so now they're getting changed for the beach and Trixie Monaco sings another song. She's like excuse me, you should bend the knee. Don't you know I'm California royalty.

[B]

Which is followed up by the main chorus which is I'm a princess, baby, I'm a princess, I'm a princess baby I'm a princess.

[A]

Which I like that it's not I'm the queen anymore because usually it's like I'm a queen, I'm a queen, I'm a queen and a queen. Now I'm a princess. She's like demoting herself.

[B]

I know. She's like, I'm waiting to ascend to the crown. To the Crown. But I'm 30 in line because I'm a princess and I have brothers.

[A]

How do I kill all my brothers? How do I kill all my brothers? I can behead one. I can poison another. I can hang one from the second floor. Whoa, Trixie. Getting dark over there.

[B]

I hate being on the fourth horse in the parade. I want to be the first horse, but I'm the fourth because I'm the princess and I have three brothers.

[A]

I was the queen, but the queen is dead. And now the queen is reincarnated. Gotta work for it again.

[B]

They were gonna make me queen, but unfortunately I was at Wagamama and I missed the call. So I'm on deck yet again.

[A]

I ordered the queen, but I gave the wrong number. So now I'm just a princess.

[B]

I called up the castle and I said, maybe the queen. And instead I got a mattress. Cause accidentally, I called Casper. Anyway, still a princess. Still a princess.

[A]

Trixie's just losing her mind. So now everyone's gathering in the lobby and just going, oh, my God, you look so cute. Oh, my God, you look so cute. Oh, my God, you look so cute. Aren't these crazy ladies insane? And then now they go to the beach, and there's, like, a beautiful arrangement outside for them to sit at the beach with a table and umbrellas, and it's gorgeous. And Kyle's like, my sister is so extra like. I mean, I feel like she brought her living room to the beach.

[B]

And then Kyle places an order for a drink, and she goes, I'm gonna have the Hermes, whatever that is. Just like, no alcohol. I can't believe you could just order a bag here at the restaurant. Like, no, Kyle, it's a specialty cocktail, and it does have alcohol.

[A]

She's even trying to compete with pizza people's purses on the drink menu.

[B]

Yeah. So Erica's like, do you have a.

[A]

Do you have a drink called Sutton's Birkin? I would love that.

[B]

And then Kyle's like, I'm sorry. Erica's like, well, I'm gonna limit my cocktails to two, because I'm gonna have one now and one at dinner, because otherwise it gets real loose and get a flashback. Whoa, everybody, whoa, everybody, whoa. Whoa, everybody, whoa.

[A]

It's a whale.

[B]

It's a whale out there. Kathy, it's not a whale. It's a poor person on a surfboard. Oh, sorry.

[A]

Come back.

[B]

Carol's riding my banana. How did she do that? So they are served some food, and Jennifer's like, everything tastes better when you're sitting on a beach under a canopy. Am I right? And Kathy's like, oh, yeah, I know. It tastes even better when you just have servants serving you.

[A]

Well, I'll tell you, I feel much better because earlier I was having such a breakdown. It was so difficult. Those is like, oh, God, why? And then we see flashback Dorit talking to Erica and saying, it's the first time my kids have been there with that mummy, which we all know is a goddamn lie. Girls, we've been watching you on this show for many, many years now. You leave the kids all the fucking time. What are you talking about? They've got like 10 nannies.

[B]

Well, PK he ended up getting an apartment. And when I tried to talk to him about it, it was like he didn't want to talk about it. And then a few days later, I found out that in the process of him wanting to get an apartment, he got an apartment. Can you believe it?

[A]

And she's basically saying, we agreed that we were going to agree on things. And, you know, him getting an apartment that my kids are going to have to go stay in without me getting approval is not cool. The thing is, he doesn't want your kids to stay there. I mean, isn't his whole thing like, I don't want. I want to go party, leave the kids at home and fuck the kids. Can we send the kids to boarding school? She's like, no. He's like, please. No. He's like, fine, I'll move out into a non. Because, you know, this house is like, the floors are covered in nails, you know. He's like, welcome to my home. We've got dirty nails all over the floor. It's just part of the artwork. Don't worry about it. I can't bring the kids here. All right, then don't twist my arm. Goodbye.

[B]

Yes, you'll have to keep the kids at your place all the time. So she's just going on and talking about it, saying, I was just. It just was too impulsive for her. Etc. And so she and Boaz were talking about it. And then the other women, Garcelle, like, he listens in. And then Garcelle is like, are we not included in this conversation? She's kind of like, hello, we're trying to shoot a scene here. Can you try to open it up to the table?

[A]

Is during that thing where she's like, let me talk very privately just to you bears. Everybody can Hear every single thing she's saying, but she won't look at anybody.

[B]

Else, you know, Sarah, because, like, oh, okay. Well, she's talking about PK And I don't think things are going well, so that we gotten along, but now, you know, now they're not. And those kids and stuff. You know, this typical, like, divorce, divorce, divorce, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[A]

Does anybody want to ask about. So something's like, well, I have been through divorce. We know, Sutton. And I'm rich as hell. We know, girl. I don't need nothing. You know, I opened my store with nothing but a nickel in my pocket and a stick of gum in my mouth. Then I said, you know what? I want you gum. I'm doing this to myself. And I spit it out because I'm an independent woman.

[B]

And then Jennifer Tilly weighs in, and she's like, oh, it's very stressful. It's awfully stressful. And then she tells us that her ex was Sam Simon, who created the Simpsons. And you think this is gonna. I think this is gonna be like a sad monologue because she's like, I was married to him for seven years, and we were together for about 10 years, and then we got divorced, and I got a piece of the Simpsons in the divorce settlement, and nobody knew the Simpsons was going to go on for millions and millions of years. So, honestly, every day I'm like, thank you, Sam. Like, well, that really worked out for you. Also go Jennifer Tilly negotiating for a part of the Simpsons. Oh, I Godmother. Wow. Wow. Good for her.

[A]

Yeah. Well, actually, it was a sad story because I don't. I don't know if they cut this part out or what, but he's passed away. He passed away in 2015. So I guess it is sad. Yeah. He died in Pacific Palisades at 59 years old. What happened to Sam Simon? Let's see. He had terminal colon cancer. Colorectal cancer. That's so sad.

[B]

Do remember that.

[A]

Well, that is, he bequeathed his 100 million estate to various charities that he actively supported during his lifetime.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

So, yeah, she's got money. Money.

[B]

She's got money. She's got money.

[A]

So then Carol shows up with giant Kathy faces taped to sticks. They're like, oh, my God, Kathy. What is this game? You were so extra Cathy. And she's like, oh, my God. They're all, Kathy. I'm ready to be Kathy. I'll do it. So they all have to be Kathy faces for this game.

[B]

Yeah. And now it's Just, like, silliness. They're gonna do, like, a relay race. So they do a relay race, and it's, like, funny. And they have to, like, they have to race around Muhammad. I love that Muhammad is both the chief of staff for Kathy, but also, like the posts in the sand that they have to race around.

[A]

It is funny. It's just the sentence is funny. Carol's like, all right, everybody, you're gonna circle around Muhammad, right?

[B]

And when you pass me, you gotta drop a dollar in the bucket. Don't ask any questions. Just do it.

[A]

We're taking canned foods and pants. If anybody has any pants. I'm just looking for a new pair. So they. They're playing these games, and it actually is a really funny scene watching. I was cracking up watching it, and then Dorit keeps falling down after being like, I'm one competitive bitch. Nobody's gonna take me down.

[B]

She keeps falling on her face over and over.

[A]

It's very big brother. Whenever they're like, oh, yeah, this hanging on to a hot dog competition. I was born for this. Nobody's going to beat me at this because it's my turn to win, and now it's my turn to be head of household. Finally, here I am, taking the every single time.

[B]

What's actually kind of interesting now, looking back at this flashback, is that it's actually a subtle foreshadowing for something later in the episode, because we see an example of Dorit being competitive, and they're like. They're biking in carts. And Kyle is saying in the flashback, how the hell does Dorit not work out and get ahead of us in the biking court? And then we see that Teddy and Dorit are pedaling together, and Dorit yells at Teddy, goes, gotta win, Teddy. Gotta win. Like, well, it's the backstory for why Dorit was a little quiet in the flashback. We see later on in the episode, teddy didn't pedal fast enough.

[A]

Earl goes back to Teddy, who is somehow still getting mentioned on the show as if she's a main cast member. Stop trying to make Teddy happen. Stop it.

[B]

So they are racing, falling over. They also wind up playing duck, duck, goose. And which they're all kind of like, okay. Jennifer Tilly's like, I'm a professional poker player, but usually when I'm with my friends and we play games, they're a little bit more sophisticated, but, okay, Duck, duck, goose.

[A]

So Kyle's like, kathy is sometimes, you know, stuck in a nursery rhyme book about whatever. And Kathy's like, I'd rather be trapped in a nursery rhyme book than in real life. And so then we see Duck, Duck Goose, which. Why did this make me laugh so hard? I was cracking up watching this, too. It was really funny watching this stupid thing. So then that's hard in the sand, by the way.

[B]

I think Duck, Tuck, Goose in the sand is hard because you got to, like, jump up and get traction right away and start running and, like, that sand is not going to help you there.

[A]

Yeah, sand is bad. Oceanside, California. Now more Trixie. She's like, we lit. Yeah, we lit. Yeah, we lit. We're gonna turn the party till the song comes up. Yeah, we let. We lit. Will it. I'm a princess in a bush. A bush is lit. Oh, my God, the bush is on fire. Can I go on break now?

[B]

I'm a princess next to Tom Cruise. But it's not Tom Cruise. It's just a strange man in aviators. Because I'm a princess. I'm a princess. Ladies and gentlemen, Berlin. No, no, no. I know it's Tom Cruise house next door, but it's actually Trixie Monocle, not Berlin.

[A]

How did you get Tom Cruise this teeth? Don't let Tom Cruise. Someone found Tom Cruise and gave them back his teeth. Poor Tom. Cool Tom. So then, let's see. Everybody's getting ready to go out, and Bose FaceTimes, her daughter, and they're talking about her last day of school. And she's like, well, I had quite a day myself, girl. We had a relay race over here. Guess who won? And she's like, I'm assuming it's you, mother. Or either that or you lost and you are now buying the beach and having it demolished. Right on both fronts.

[B]

I invented demolishing. So then now we're in Sutton's room, and Sutton and Jennifer are getting ready, and Sutton's like, well, we still have to address the silent conversation on the other side of the table.

[A]

God, yeah. This is so sudden to be like, we are going to discuss people not talking to us at the end of the table. Do you understand me? Because I'm from the south and I'm going to teach people manners.

[B]

We are going to address the fact that two people at our table were having a normal conversation at a normal tone of voice at one side of the table. That's just not appropriate for reality tv.

[A]

And we can tell Jennifer is really her friend because she's just like, oh, that was weird. Yeah. She goes, well, I mean, it was not only weird, it's just like. It just exploded, everyone. Oh, it was really strange.

[B]

Like, literally nothing was weird about it.

[A]

No. She just knows how to give the reaction that Sutton's looking for. Sutton. Yeah.

[B]

And Garcelle's like, well, it feels like, you know, Bose doesn't have any history with Dorit, so she can be completely open and tell her everything, which, in a way, is good for Dorit, but at the same time, we want to get to know Bows, too. She's like, stop hogging bows. She's cool. We want her to be like, you don't get to glom onto her. We want to be best friends with her instead.

[A]

Yeah, Dorit's doing that thing, like, when there's a new guy or a girl, like a new staff member on Below Deck, and everybody's like, they're mine. You know? And, yeah, she's totally doing that. So now we're going to have to have a conversation about why people are whispering. So stupid. Okay, so then we go to Dorit's room, and Erica and Dorit. Erica probably is like, why am I stuck with Doritos literally all the time? So Dorit's clipping on some earrings, and she's like, you know, Erica, I have to address the elephant in the room. She's like, me?

[B]

No.

[A]

My vagina. No. But I don't care. Really, I don't.

[B]

No, by the elephant, I mean the other earring. You know, it's just. If you see the other earring, you can see it's just a much better earring. Come look at this earring. Look at it. Look at it. Look at this earring. Erica, this is the most beautiful earring you've ever seen. Has it not?

[A]

I like, she sees that. She has a hoop on. She goes, no, no, Erica, do you see it? Hold on. Switch it out to the sting. Oh, look at that, Erica. Isn't life better now? All right, I don't give a. Why am I stuck with the reef? Is there anybody else on this show? Can we finally get a gay man on this show so I have somebody to talk to? Is ridiculous. Bring the duck. Could we bring the duck on the show?

[B]

So now the women gather downstairs at the bar, which is like, oh, you look. Look at your gorgeous. Oh, look at this beaut. Wow. What are you. This is gorgeous. We have a tequila. You look beautiful. All the good stuff. Like, you look great. No, you look great, as usual. And then eventually, once they're all gathered, then they. Kathy ushers them outside to this table, and Quan, the maitre d, goes, well, we have an amazing experience waiting for you. Best Table in the house. And they sit down at this table that's like in an intersection. Did you notice that? They're like, it's the best table in the house. And the background, two streets, a traffic light, and more pedestrians than you've ever seen in California. Just. It was like the today show set. Like, so many people walking by and cars. I was like, this is real. What? How? This. It's nighttime. Okay, maybe during the day you have a nice view of the ocean, but at night time, all you're looking at are tail lights and baseball caps.

[A]

Well, they're doing that so they'll get the customers in there because there's nobody in there. So they're like, oh, hi. Sit on the boardwalk. Would you just have a TV crew filming. So he's like, we have a beautiful five course menu showcasing Baja style cuisine. Okay, little mocktail to toast with everybody. Kyle. And she's like, oh, my God. Thank you for saying mocktail really loudly. Okay, do you have any non alcoholic beer too? Like, sure, Kyle.

[B]

So waiting on my Hermes bag. By the way, can you tell the waiter from lunch? Thank you so much.

[A]

So Jennifer is like, why don't you make a toast? And Kyle's like, to Kathy, my beautiful sister. Thank you so much for bringing us all together. Nothing goes unnoticed. And I laughed so hard today. Like, literally so hard. It was like, so funny being so happy. Even though mom moved out, it's really depressing. Anybody want to ask me about Mo? Now's your chance. So no. Okay.

[B]

They all like, cheers. Yay. That was really nice. Okay, now let's have a lovely dinner. Oh, can I also say something else? Can I say something else? Of course you can, Kyle. I do want to say that. Dorit, I don't know when you and I are going to speak, but I would like to have a conversation because I don't want there to be awkwardness. And she's like, well, obviously you and I did not leave in a place, you know. You know, we didn't finish it. It feels like we barely got started. And I think that's important that we address the elephant in the room because the elephant's been there too long.

[A]

No, it's not you, Erica. Is it my vagina? No, Erica. I don't care that I'm out of this conversation.

[B]

The elephant has been there way too long. And quite frankly, race time is over.

[A]

Elephant. So Kathy's like, is there an elephant here? It's like, kathy, Carol, branding manager, get over here and brand that. That one was pretty good. That Was good, guys.

[B]

Carol, I got you this little plastic trunk. Just attach it to your nose and swing it around a little bit. Look at that. Carol's the elephant now. Okay. Keep that on for a week, would you?

[A]

Sutton's like, when elephants get angry, they are very dangerous animals. I don't want to be around angry elephants. Do you remember that elephant that saw a woman kill another elephant and he remembered that woman and then went to her village and trampled that woman? I don't want to be that woman. By the way, elephants are badass. And that's my favorite elephant story ever, is that some lady helped kill an elephant and that elephant's mother remembered that woman and came back to her village.

[B]

And killed her ass.

[A]

I love that. Don't. With elephants. Team elephant.

[B]

I love an elephant with a vendetta. So treats like, okay, well, Kyle, everyone knows things are going on between you and I. And everybody knows that a sudden party, you know, I had a conversation, they got heated and then used to armed off because you're an immature rat.

[A]

Karl's like, and then we see the flashback to that. And so Dorit explains it to us as if we haven't been watching this. She's like, kyle and I had a little start at the cerealism party, but that conversation was very one sided and it didn't get anywhere. So now I finally have a chance to tell Kyle what I feel in front of everybody again. So she needs to understand the deep and the hurt of my pain. Wait a minute. You've got a deep pain? My pain. Erica, how deep is your pain? 3. My pain. I don't know what the you're talking about, but I love pain.

[B]

Dre's time is over. So she says, you know, I heard that you were upset and why you thought it was okay for you or you to. For you to publicly say that I exaggerated your friendship. And Carl's like, I was reacting to the way I felt like I was being treated by you. And she goes, well, but that Bravo, Khan. I mean, you said you were really, really hurt. And I thought, gee, I mean, I have to go back and see it because, you know, you said, it's public. And I thought, gee, I must have been so terrible to Coyle. And then I showed it to Erica and I showed it to Kathy and I mean, the, you know, my favorite Richard sister. And I said, Erica, you know, Erica was not surprised, but was actually quite surprised that it was so team. Yeah.

[A]

So she's bringing Erica into it now. And Erica's like, oh, God damn, It Kyle's like, well, what do you mean, surprise? But I think she thought it was going to be worse. It was clearly a choke coil. No, but that was just, like, one of the little pieces because, like, there's, like, so many pieces to this puzzle that's, like. Not just that. It's like a. A lot of things. Like, it's hard for me to list them right now, but it's like, a lot of things. I mean. Yeah. Yeah. So she's.

[B]

Here comes big guns.

[A]

What's that?

[B]

I was gonna say here come Kyle's big guns. Everyone get ready.

[A]

Yeah. Hold it down. Yeah. It's like so many more things. I mean, it's like, tick, tick. I mean, enough already. Enough ticks. So she says, okay, well, I was really offended by the way that man said that comment about Teddy. And then. So we see a flashback to Bravo con when that dude is like, my question is for Kyle. Why do you keep thrusting Teddi on these women when they clearly don't like her? Girl, you're trying to make fetch happen, and I just want to know why. And she. I'm not trying to make Teddy happen. She's just very much happening in our lives. Right, guys?

[B]

So then Kyle says, back to present. You know, you're Teddy's friend, and you've always been friends, and you wouldn't say anything because it's not the popular thing to say, and you're worried about what people are going to think. Like, what this is. This is why you're gonna distance yourself from Dorit is because Dorit didn't jump in on a question that was directed towards you, Kyle, by the way. And it's like, kyle, I am not you. That's you. That's always been you. Which dorita is correct, because Kyle is always afraid of giving an unpopular answer.

[A]

Yeah. So. But, I mean, not really because she's still friends with Teddy. I mean, that's one of the most unpopular housewives of all time, you know, and she got rid of Ann pump, who's also one of the most popular, so. Yeah, but I do see what you mean. Yeah, she was, like, a popularity for sure. And I think she saw both of those people as kind of standing in her way. You know what I mean? Like Teddy. Not Teddy, but vanderpump. So anyway, I mean, obviously it's not, like, a deep thing to say, but Kyle, let me see. Yeah. So Dorit's standing up to her, but she's like, no, it's not. So clearly, Kyle is not mad at anything tangible. At least that she's willing to share. Kyle's making some shit up. She's obviously mad about something else that she won't share. Probably all the people you like like Dorit more in real life. But Duria's like, well, listen, Kyle, I'm the one who tells you, don't pay attention, Coyle. I don't give a flying if what anyone's opinion is. Oh, so that's why you looked at me and, like, went like this and, like, shrugged. Where's the footage of that? There was no footage of that. She didn't do that. She just. She just shook her head like you didn't want to speak up for Teddy.

[B]

This is such a weak argument. The fact that this is where Kyle is leaning in. I mean, it's. Both of them are incredibly weak. But, like, to think that this is supposed to bolster the initial weak argument is laughable. So Dorit says, but I didn't want to speak up or draw any more attention to that guy, even though he was quite hilarious. And the comment he made, I mean, it's not my business. And if that's. And if that's because I didn't. If all of this is because I didn't stick up for Teddy, and Kyle's like, are you not listening? It's all the little pieces. Little, little, little pieces. Okay. And you know what the final for me was? When you showed my text to everybody, I'm like, kyle, you sent that text to be shown. You wanted that text to be read out loud, that you made an effort to try to, like, to show that you're a really good friend to read. It was intended to be public, but Dorit put it in public with a totally different context that you did not like because the context exposed you for being the manipulator that you are.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And so this was the text where Kyle sends a wall of text saying, you know, we've been friends for a long time, so maybe we shouldn't fight at the reunion. We can work it out later because, like, we shouldn't lose friends over this. When she had been, you know, as Dorit says, she's been ignoring me for months, and now the night before the reunion, I have to make nice with that new. No, it just doesn't work for me. And so she's like, well, Coyle, I've never, ever, nor would I ever Eva share something that you would confide in me about.

[B]

Well, I don't think you are that person. I don't. Okay. And you know who Else isn't that person. Teddy, why don't you stand up for Teddy Moore? She's like, well, you. You spent the last few months making sure every. Every little talk show and radio show about everything that you do. You made sure they knew every single thing, and you're making sure you are painting me as that girl.

[A]

So then we see clips of Kyle being like, I don't know where I am in Dorit. I just don't know. And on Kelly Ripa's podcast being like, well, I saw that she read my text message on camera, and I've never been so hurt. I just cried. I cried. It was like a punch in the gut to me. It was so powerful.

[B]

Kyle going everywhere to lead a smear campaign against Dorit because she read a text message on camera. Dorit's like, and that was the most hurt that you've ever been in 13 years by any friend ever in the entire world. Really, Kyle?

[A]

Well, nine out of Erica's agree. Nine out of ten Erica's of Erica's agree. It was very crazy. Kyle. Wait, wait. What are we talking about? You pain again? No, Erica, about, well, Dorit, God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason. Can you let me talk?

[B]

Drew's like, it's okay, Kyle. It's time for you to listen.

[A]

He continued, and everybody at the table is kind of like, oh, God, here we go. And I think the audience, too. I mean, this is episode three. This is just, we get it street man. And Carl's never gonna admit to anything, but it is funny watching somebody just stand up to Kyle and then Kyle having to come up with new excuses over and over that are just lies. She's like, come up with five now.

[B]

Yeah, I'd love it. I love to read standing up to Kyle. I love Kyle just not having any. Any good reason for why she's turned on Dorit. She. It's like, it's so feeble. Watching Kyle flail is so wonderful. The only thing that's, like, sad about it is just knowing that they are inevitably going to become friends again, because that's what they always do.

[A]

Yeah. All right, everybody. Well, thanks so much for being with us today. We've got a big week coming up, including sold on SLC coming out this week and premiering on our patreon. So go join there. And also, don't forget to get tickets for the golden crappie awards and all of our live show tour stops. They just went on sale. They [e-mail] it's going to be a really fun tour this winter and spring. We cannot wait to see you guys. Go get your tickets right now. Love you guys.

[B]

Bye.

[A]

Bye.

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