#2667 Hot Frosty with Reality Gays Part 2:

Summary

Watch What Crappens Episode #2667: "Hot Frosty with Reality Gays Part 2" Summary

Release Date: December 26, 2024
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Guests: Jake & Matt from Reality Gays
Podcast Network: Wondery

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1. Introduction to the Episode

In episode #2667 of Watch What Crappens, hosts Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam team up with Jake and Matt from Reality Gays for a special holiday crossover event. The episode delves into a detailed, humorous recap and critique of the Netflix film "Hot Frosty", blending sharp wit with candid discussions about the movie's plot, characters, and production quality.

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2. Recap of "Hot Frosty" Part 2

a. Plot Summary

The conversation picks up where the hosts previously left off in "Hot Frosty". The storyline centers around Lacy Chabert's character, Kathy, who struggles with running her busy restaurant during the holidays. Amidst her personal struggles, she encounters Chris Shell from Selling Sunset, played by Dustin Milligan. The plot introduces Jack Frost, a snowman brought to life through a magical scarf, leading to a series of comedic and chaotic events in the small town.

b. Character Analysis

• Kathy (Lacy Chabert): Portrayed as a beleaguered restaurant owner dealing with personal loss and business pressures. Her interactions with Jack Frost highlight her vulnerability and the town's indifference.

  Ben (00:03:11): "Kathy is just opened her very busy restaurant for the day... there's no way they're going to keep up with anything."

• Jack Frost (Dustin Milligan): Depicted as a sentient snowman seeking human connection. His awkward attempts to integrate into human society are a focal point of the hosts' humor.

  Matt (04:25): "This is why gay men need to be writing these movies."

c. Production Quality and Direction

The hosts critique the film's technical aspects, particularly the direction and cinematography. They note inconsistencies in camera angles and lighting, suggesting a rushed or low-budget production.

Ben (18:46): "When I was in college, I took a filmmaking class and... Everything had to be shot with like a mid shot. And it was so frustrating as watching this."

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3. Hosts' Discussion and Insights

a. Critique of Performances

The episode features a candid assessment of the actors' performances. The hosts express disappointment with certain casting choices, particularly highlighting Dustin Milligan's portrayal of Jack Frost.

Ben (25:00): "They could have made like, you know, a beefy Frosty... Travis Kelsey would have actually been perfect for this because he also has snowman energy."

They also lament the absence of more iconic actors like Aaron O'Connell, whom they believe would have elevated the character dynamics.

Robbie (27:18): "Aaron O'Connell would have been so perfect for this."

b. Mockery of Movie Plots and Tropes

Ben, Ronnie, Jake, and Matt engage in satirical commentary on the predictable tropes commonly found in holiday movies. They parody the "meet cute" scenarios and the superficial development of characters, especially focusing on the lack of depth in Jack Frost's backstory and motivations.

Matt (30:35): "They don't have cameras in this town... I have to make fun of my friend's movie."

c. Discussion on Film Direction and Cinematography

The hosts delve into the technical shortcomings of "Hot Frosty," pointing out odd camera angles, inconsistent lighting, and questionable directorial choices that detract from the film's overall quality.

Jake (19:49): "The shots were, like, oddly close... They needed a little bit more space."

They also touch upon the director's previous works, comparing them unfavorably to the execution in "Hot Frosty."

Ben (17:08): "It was Nancy Myers. I was shocked."

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4. Concluding Thoughts

As the episode progresses, the hosts continue their humorous dissection of "Hot Frosty," touching upon various aspects such as character interactions, plot inconsistencies, and production quirks. They maintain a lighthearted tone, using sharp wit to highlight the film's shortcomings while celebrating the absurdity of its premise.

Ronnie (54:19): "She's like, you know what if he's a snowman, he's a snowman. I'm a doctor."

The discussion wraps up with playful banter about potential improvements and hypothetical casting choices, reflecting their love-hate relationship with the movie.

Ben (31:35): "Maybe this year's the year I'll wrap a red scarf around my laptop and see if my Hallmark movie comes to life."

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5. Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Ben (00:03:11): "Kathy is just opened her very busy restaurant for the day... there's no way they're going to keep up with anything."

• Matt (04:25): "This is why gay men need to be writing these movies."

• Ben (18:46): "When I was in college, I took a filmmaking class and... Everything had to be shot with like a mid shot. And it was so frustrating as watching this."

• Ben (25:00): "They could have made like, you know, a beefy Frosty... Travis Kelsey would have actually been perfect for this because he also has snowman energy."

• Matt (30:35): "They don't have cameras in this town... I have to make fun of my friend's movie."

• Jake (19:49): "The shots were, like, oddly close... They needed a little bit more space."

• Ben (17:08): "It was Nancy Myers. I was shocked."

• Ronnie (54:19): "She's like, you know what if he's a snowman, he's a snowman. I'm a doctor."

• Ben (31:35): "Maybe this year's the year I'll wrap a red scarf around my laptop and see if my Hallmark movie comes to life."

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6. Final Remarks

Episode #2667 of Watch What Crappens offers a blend of humor, sharp critique, and engaging conversation as the hosts dissect "Hot Frosty." Their collaborative efforts with Reality Gays provide a dynamic and entertaining recap, making it enjoyable for listeners who appreciate candid and comedic breakdowns of reality TV and holiday films.

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Disclaimer: This summary is based on the provided transcript and aims to capture the essence of the podcast episode while respecting all relevant content policies.

Transcript

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[Jake]

That happens?

[Ben]

Hello and welcome back to our multi part recap of Hot Frosty. I am Ben from Watcher Crap and is Joined by my co host, Ronnie Caram. But also, this is our holiday crossover event. So I am also here with Jake and Matt from Reality Gaze. We're all doing this together. This is on our feed. It's on their feed. It's all of our feeds. Lots of feeding going on. What's going on, everyone?

[Jake]

Hi, everybody.

[Ben]

Hi.

[Ronnie]

Hi. Hi, everybody. Hello.

[Matt]

Hello.

[Ben]

So where we left off on Hot Foxy, which you can watch on Netflix, here's what we've discussed so far. Lacy Chabert wakes up. She has a cold house. She goes to her restaurant where she works. She encounters Chris Shell from Selling Sunset. And that's where we are. So.

[Jake]

That'S Chris Shell, Fat Shames her daughter. And did you catch that? Chrishell's name is Jan again.

[Ronnie]

That's another name. I feel like people don't.

[Jake]

Kathy. We have Kathy, Jan.

[Matt]

Literally, there's an old man later in the movie called Mortimer. Mortimer. And I. I. What was. Who was it? It was. Oh, I can't read some actress that I follow. Was it Annie Potts or somebody of that age on Instagram saying, hey, I'm doing a film and I'm playing the role of Ethel. No one please stop calling us Gertrude's Ethel. And we had an. Ethel was married to Mortimer in this movie.

[Jake]

This guy is this bro who's like, I just. That's why I became a screenwriter.

[Matt]

The guy.

[Ben]

Why. This is why gay men need to be writing these movies.

[Matt]

I wonder if he gay the same guy that wrote Bad Johnson. Did you ever see that? It's kind of the same type of movie.

[Jake]

No, this. This guy's written like three Christmas movies. That's his.

[Ben]

He has written Hot Frosty, the Santa Summit in Merry Measure and also the Santa Class.

[Jake]

Yeah, but it seems like he was trying to get his gritty mafia feature made and that didn't work. And his lease was. His lease was. His mortgage was. So he's like, I was gonna do this, like 2001, I wrote about Hot Frosty. And so here it is, Netflix. And the guy's like. They're like, oh, my God, this is gold.

[Ben]

So he literally has. These are the. These are the titles on this writer's imd.

[Matt]

Wow.

[Ben]

There are seven credits. Three Wiser Men and a Boy Christmas under the Lights. The Santa Class, Hot Frosty, the Santa Summit in Merry Measure, and then his very first feature, Web of Lies.

[Jake]

I told you that is what he wanted to write.

[Ronnie]

Did you just hate working with Madeline Stowe so much that he went to Christmas movies?

[Ben]

By the way, Madeline Stowe I'm waiting for her Hallmark movie where she. I want. I want her to be in one of these. Where she's very.

[Ronnie]

If she played the role when I. Blinking open and closed like it did.

[Ben]

In Revenge and Revenge. If she would have. I thought. I thought you meant like in the movie Blink that she was also in.

[Ronnie]

No, she had Botox eye and Revenge. So of her eyes was like twitching on its own.

[Ben]

Meline was Kathy. If Meline were Kathy, she would be playing the grief up so much, she would be walking into her restaurant like, good party.

[Ronnie]

Please just stay here and watch tv. Please.

[Ben]

Chocolate your pancake only on Sundays. That's.

[Matt]

It's still really.

[Jake]

It really. It really was the. If you watch Revenge and say, is this woman in on the joke?

[Ronnie]

She's not so good. She was good.

[Jake]

She was giving the most over the top. Like, it was incredible.

[Ronnie]

It was delicious. That was a great performance. My God, just the best. So we've just left off where Kathy is. Just opened her very busy restaurant for the day. There's, like, one other employee. There's no way they're going to keep up with anything. And so she leaves to go to the thrift store and bring a snack to those.

[Jake]

She's dysregulated.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. And she's like, well, I figured you guys might be so busy with a snow sculpture competition that you wouldn't have time for lunch. What's the thrift store have to do with the snow sculpture? Are just a lot of people in there buying scarves?

[Ben]

Not a single customer in there. And she's like, I also. I thought this was passive aggressive. I thought you guys would be so busy. Like, my restaurant is. But look at me taking time out of my busy schedule to bring you some egg salad that.

[Jake]

No, it's. It's not even that. It's like, at least egg salad feels like something that has some type of specificity to it. She's like, turkey sandwiches that, like, she just made, like, why not soup or something that feels like you could have done something with it. She's like, yeah, I just had my chef make up some, like, this gross loaf turkey. And the guy's like, mayonnaise. Give me some more mayonnaise.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

That guy loves.

[Ben]

Acts like she is, like, serving food to Jessica Tandy and whom Coronan. And these people are just like, they're like 60. They're fine. They're thriving, you know?

[Ronnie]

Yeah. But you know what? There are those people who always act really old, even when they're not. And it's so annoying. Because the. The wife is like, how are you doing outside of work? You have a man. You can't live in life without a man. Okay, so now listen. So my mother always wanted me to meet someone. And she always used to say, you'll never find the warmth unless you venture out into the cold. That's not true. That's hiring a doordash. You know, call someone to come over, see your neighbors are. You know what I mean? I. And I don't leave the house very often at all.

[Matt]

My mother would say, if you venture out in the cold, men will leave you and you'll die alone.

[Jake]

Wow.

[Matt]

Very different.

[Ronnie]

She had a point.

[Ben]

If you both into the cold, you might meet a very handsome ice sculpture that will come alive, and then you'll wind up having sex someday maybe.

[Ronnie]

Gonna an icicle. Have fun with that kid.

[Jake]

She ventures out in the cold. So one Christmas, she ventures out, put on her favorite red scarf, and went down to the pub, and I met the man of my dreams that very night. So on Christmas, we're not, like, spending time with family. We're gonna go slut it up down at the bar.

[Ben]

She's gonna put on that. She's gonna put on that red scarf like the tart she is.

[Ronnie]

I was waiting for her. Her husband to be like, wait a minute, we didn't meet in the pub.

[Jake]

Wasn't talking about you, queer.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, the love of my life.

[Matt]

It was what you said.

[Ronnie]

Yes.

[Matt]

And I met my husband, and it. Liter. He's.

[Ben]

Me just.

[Jake]

Oh, that kerchief, y'all. That was coded for me. I'm like, that's the gayest thing in this town.

[Matt]

If you're a man wearing a kerchief. You want something up your butt.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

She doesn't actually give. She doesn't actually give Kathy her special. Thank you.

[Jake]

Thank you. This. This drove me nuts.

[Ben]

She's like, by the way, this scarf just came in yesterday. It just arrived. It kind of reminded me of it because it's a red scarf. I've never seen one like this before. So I was, you know what?

[Jake]

It's got baby puke on it.

[Ben]

And then you walked in.

[Ronnie]

That's so weird. She's like, I got this scarf. It reminded me of when I met my husband at a bar. And I knew that it came in for. I knew this red scarf came in for a reason. So here, you take it. It's got jizz. All like, what are you giving me? Someone's come scarf. Why are you giving me this? Don't Ever trust a thrift store person who just gives you something for free?

[Ben]

There had to be a in town who'd want this.

[Jake]

Of course, those are. I remember. Remind me when I submitted to that man in the pub bathroom and. But the fact that this isn't her scarf and it's just some random piece of that came in and it has y'all. That means it has no magic in it at all.

[Ben]

That's the world.

[Matt]

But she knows it has magic in it.

[Ben]

The idea is that it arrived in her life almost magically. It like it was. It came like some. Some entity have it blow in the.

[Matt]

Wind in front of her feet while. Yeah, like have that. Have the magic. Yes, because everybody knows wind is magic in these type of movies. So just.

[Ronnie]

But you know what? So is passive aggression. So I would hope that the girl came over, Kathy came over and said, you guys aren't busy at all. I brought you turkey sandwiches, here's your bill. And then tried to charge them. And then. So she was like, oh, you're charged me for. I didn't order. Well, here's a scarf that's perfect for you and here's your bill. It could be like a reverse gift of the magi.

[Jake]

It came. It came here. Yeah, yesterday. It came here yesterday. And then you came in and I decided that you needed this because I.

[Ben]

Needed to get out of this store immediately.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Ben]

She's like, you know, this. This scarf came into my life and I just could sense that someday you would walk in with a turkey sandwich.

[Jake]

This was so stupid.

[Ronnie]

You walked in with the same thing. I ended up with a turkey. So here's the scarf.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Ben]

Kathy doesn't like it because she goes. She leaves with this scarf.

[Ronnie]

She's offended, as she fucking should be, like, does this count as my Christmas gift? She just leaves and is like, who can I give this shit to?

[Matt]

But don't forget then Mel, the woman looks at her husband and. And winks at him. So therefore she knows about magic, which was never followed up because she.

[Ben]

She conned Kathy into taking her like disease filled scarf that they've been trying to offload.

[Ronnie]

I mean, it's got like the bubonic plague or something.

[Jake]

We just on it. We just on it. She's gonna put it around her neck.

[Ben]

One last piece of laundry.

[Matt]

You just choked me out with this scarf. And now she's gonna choke. That snowman knows a snowman can't come if they're breathing.

[Ronnie]

You are sick.

[Jake]

They gotta be coming to you. Oh God.

[Ben]

So Kathy's wearing this for, like, all of, like, one afternoon. Because now it's like, evening, and she's walking through town and she's looking at the sculptures, and she's looking at the hot sculpture, pretending totally turn, still miserable. And then she looks at it and goes, well, clearly you've been doing your push ups. And he has very big nipples.

[Matt]

Oh, my God, his nipples are so.

[Ben]

Big with concentric circles. And so.

[Matt]

And I actually prefer bigger nipples on Guy, but it was even too much for me.

[Ronnie]

It's.

[Ben]

Well, just because they looked like. They literally looked like they were 45s.

[Jake]

They look like pepperonis.

[Matt]

I need to be the right size, I guess, because I don't trust men with super little nipples. It's like, you shouldn't.

[Ronnie]

We're monsters.

[Matt]

Yeah, I just don't trust it. It's like the guy in Guardians of the Galaxy. What's his name? Chris.

[Ronnie]

Whatever.

[Matt]

Small nipple Chris Pratt. Chris Pratt. Never. I never liked him because his small nipples.

[Ronnie]

He's a douchebag.

[Jake]

I wish I could play your quote going, oh, look at Gret Pratt.

[Matt]

No, you didn't see that movie. You don't know my life.

[Jake]

Yeah, that's exactly what happened.

[Ronnie]

So for some reason, she's like, okay, well, you've been doing your push ups. And then she stares at him a long time. And then she wraps the scarf around him. Excuse me. That is not only a gift, but that is also someone else's artwork that you're just up. Like, before the competition.

[Ben]

There's a gay teenager who's like, do you know how much time I spent working that man's club?

[Ronnie]

No, Ben, it's a gay old person. It's a gay octogenarian.

[Jake]

But she did that because she looked. The camera. The camera. It was Len Belvedere. I just have to say, I just watched a tick tock that a friend sent me that had when. When Mr. Belvedere said Wesley cheated on his test. Mr. So. And so. And he's like. And Wesley goes, I hate you. I wish you were gone. And the next scene, the people knocking on the door says, department of Immigration. And they take Mr. Belvedere away. I had forgotten about that.

[Ben]

There was the original Frosty the Snowman.

[Jake]

Anyway, see you later.

[Matt]

It's got dark.

[Ben]

Mr. Belvedere always comes back. Every Christmas, guys.

[Jake]

That's true. But one thing about this, the reason why they did that is she. She looked. The camera was really obviously doing this.

[Ben]

Yes.

[Jake]

But the director going, this snowman has a scarf. This three ball classic snowman has a scarf. He needs A scarf. But it.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, you're right. They didn't set that up well. Like, oh, he just forgot the scarf. No, he didn't notice. There are. The other ones are also short and rotund. And this one and gorgeous. You don't need to, like, come in here and put your own stamp on everything. Okay.

[Jake]

Wieners done by someone who went to Risdy. This is.

[Ben]

You don't have to.

[Jake]

Done.

[Ben]

You don't have to put. You don't have to put a finishing touch on it. I once went to someone's house and the. The mom. The. The grandmother. Where I was at my friend's grandma's house. And the grandmother's son had made a. A piece of art. Like, he had made something on a canvas. And there was a giant. It was like this abstract thing with all this paint. But there was this giant, like, black quail that the grandma had cut out, like a silhouette of a quail. And she had taped it onto the painting. I'm like, why did you do that? She goes, I just thought it needed a quail. I've always thought about that. Had, like, made this. Had, like, taken time and, like, made this abstract painting and gave it to her. And she's like, huh, Let me just cut out a quail real quickly and put it on there.

[Jake]

That is really strange.

[Ben]

She put a quail on the snowman.

[Jake]

She put a quail on the snowman. This queen took so much time.

[Matt]

The director was. I looked up the director, because I think you texted. Is very odd shots of, like, camera angles. And it felt like a new director. And I went and looked it up. Did you look up the director?

[Ben]

It was Nancy Myers. I was shocked.

[Jake]

Scenes.

[Matt]

He's done so much. He actually did some episodes of Schitt's Creek and a Shania Twain document or Shania Twain film that now.

[Ben]

Well, that.

[Ronnie]

The Holy Grail.

[Jake]

There you go.

[Matt]

Clearly he's Canadian, but he's done a lot of movies. And I went, oh, God. Because it did not feel like it.

[Jake]

Which tells me that. That probably Justin Milligan was early attached. And. And they. And they probably went. And Dustin Milligan brought the. Brought the director.

[Ronnie]

Let's be honest.

[Ben]

It was produced under his shingle.

[Ronnie]

I think these. These Christmas movies are like kind of summer stock where you just do it all in two weeks. It's like, just get someone to write it. Get all these people. You give them $5, they all show it because they're not doing any other damn thing, you know?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

And then they just all kind of do it so, you know, it's like haphazard.

[Jake]

But.

[Ben]

But going back to the direction of this, I. I did notice especially, actually, I noticed it in that thrift store scene. The shots were, like, oddly close. Like, I felt like they needed to, like, need a little bit more space because they were just talking about, like, oh, I found a scarf. Oh, you want a scarf? Here's a turkey sandwich. It wasn't like a total close up, but it was closer than, like, a medium shot. And I was just like, why are we so intensely focused on these people right now? Can we pull back a little bit? Can we add some, like, lightness to this? Stupid. Stupid.

[Ronnie]

It was probably dumb on the phone because, you know, when you do things with a small. A smaller camera, you're like, oh, my God, I can barely see my face. Maybe it was done like that.

[Matt]

Trying to just pinch it. Yeah, it felt like.

[Jake]

But it. It felt like it was done for like a smaller. Like a 30 or 35 minute show. I agree. It was done in that kind of smaller. Yeah.

[Ben]

When I was. When I was in college, I took a filmmaking class and I had. I lost. I like, didn't. I, like, lost a lens or something. So I had to shoot everything with like a. Some. This. You know, this is actually a terrible story, but the. Because I had to use. I lost my. I lost my wide angle lens. That's what it was. Or like, it wasn't working or something. Everything had to be shot with like. Everything was like a mid shot. And it was so frustrating as watching this. I was like, that's what happened. His wide angle. It was me.

[Ronnie]

No.

[Jake]

And no one had another. And they just had to keep going.

[Ben]

No, they. Netflix was like, we spent your budget on Coldplay. Sorry. You got to work with that.

[Matt]

Sorry.

[Ben]

That other lens. Yeah.

[Jake]

Did you guys notice in the actual snowman sculpture, it's almost like they ran out of time to do it because the snow. They did not show the. But they showed, like, the bottom half of him because we were gonna say, where's the snow penis? They. He was in snow. He was like.

[Ben]

It.

[Jake]

Like they'd been chiseled out of, like, marble or something.

[Ben]

So they couldn't just wait all day for, you know, Mr. Belvedere to finish.

[Jake]

I can't. Not Mr. Belvedere.

[Matt]

Now look, this. This snowman has a twinkle in his eye and is ready to go.

[Ben]

Don't you remember the DJs? Like, it's finally ready to start. Thanks.

[Matt]

So she. She throws his scarf on him. And like you said, then his eye twinkles out of nowhere and she like, you're so right, Ronnie. Now that you say this, she's never happy this entire movie and I didn't realize it.

[Ronnie]

She never is. She's. And listen, it's like you're at risk for being honey. People would like you more. You know, it's like, I don't want to be like that. I think in this character, literally never smile. She's never happy.

[Matt]

She walks away. And then the wind blows and the snow flurries happen and it's oh, picture.

[Jake]

That is the most important thing, the.

[Ben]

Flash of the picture. Because she has obviously a shitty camera that requires a flash to take a photo of this very well lit snowman.

[Jake]

Yeah.

[Ben]

So she takes a picture and then something about like scarf. And then the flash of light is like all that he needs to become sentient.

[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

There's more to imagine when you listen.

[Ben]

I actually am really excited to hear George Orwell's 1984 again, because I last time I read that was back in, I don't know, middle school or something like that. And the world has changed so much with technology and everything like that. I feel like now is the perfect time to revisit and listen to it on Audible.

[Ronnie]

Especially when it's told by a full cast like that, like it's a full production. It's going to be like a radio.

[Ben]

Play, you know, that's major.

[Ronnie]

Go to audible.com crappens and discover all the years best waiting for you. That's audible.com crap inside. May I have a glissando? Snow.

[Matt]

Wind.

[Jake]

Snow.

[Ronnie]

Very realistic snow. Wind comes in snow around. God, I missed the 2023s.

[Ben]

Those are big. That. Those. That's. That's swirling snow animation also.

[Matt]

Yes, there was some animation that is not cheap. Hallmark is not doing that.

[Ronnie]

It was basically King Kong. So then we see an old. So, you know, now we see this guy because he's been magical wind. And it turns into a real man. And he sneezes, guys. Because he's a human for the first time and realizes that we're dirty pollutants.

[Jake]

Is he cold? I thought he was sneezing because he was cold.

[Matt]

I think he just had to get the snow out of his nose. Probably.

[Jake]

Got it.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Ben]

Got it.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Jake]

And his scarf is covering his junk, y'all.

[Ben]

Yes.

[Ronnie]

I never hated a scarf more.

[Jake]

What do we think about him naked? Like, what do we think about him as a. As a. As a male kind of object of lust?

[Ben]

We've been. We've been. We've been putting this off because we're not.

[Ronnie]

Objectify his ass. Ben, you go, Ben.

[Ben]

Okay. He was so cute on Schitt's Creek.

[Jake]

Yeah.

[Ben]

I feel like. Did they film this movie while he was prepping for, like, an Iggy Pop biopic?

[Jake]

I was gonna say it's Iggy Pop. Did you guys watch the show Orphan Black? He is like. He's like the guy on Orphan Black, the Her gay brother. That's what he looks like. He doesn't look good with long hair there. It's.

[Ben]

It looks. Terror is not right. It's like there's something is going on.

[Matt]

Too many cutters.

[Ben]

Like he's too thin or something.

[Matt]

Or like, when he was actually dead or supposed to be dead later on the movie, he kind of looked dead.

[Jake]

He looked like Jesus.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Ben]

Something was going on with the face, the teeth and the. It was like he was, like, buff. But I was like, this is. I was like, where was Aaron O'Connell? Like, our favorite Hallmark hunk is Aaron O'Connell. This would have been so perfect for Aaron O'Connell. He is so gorgeous. And he would have just had that perfect. He already has snowman energy. It would have just been perfect.

[Ronnie]

Yes.

[Matt]

And he could have watched someone flying a plane. And then. Because he actually flies a plane, and then he could have flown her in a plane.

[Jake]

I think, though, the aesthetics were. He could have flown her plane. The aesthetics were kind of off.

[Ben]

Off.

[Jake]

But like, I thought his whole performance throughout the. I'm like, you're charming.

[Ronnie]

And he was very charming. I thought he was.

[Jake]

His performance was great. But I just. I agree physically, it wasn't exactly a good fit. It's like, they could have get that kid. You know, the kid. He would have been too young. But, like, the other thing is, even though Dustin Milligan is maybe in his late 30s, he seemed much younger than Lacey Chabert. He did.

[Ronnie]

That was the issue that you guys are seeing physically. I think they were trying to, like, young him up because he looked like. When they try and put, like, Al Pacino in a younger role and they use, like, CGI to make him younger. I know they didn't spend the money because I just saw the snow blowing. But it may, like, the wig is a little weird. And then they look like they're trying to put makeup on him to, like, age him down. And I think maybe that's why he looks weird, because, I mean, I think overall he's super cute. And also he's doing that, like, goofy, like, oh, my God, I'm just so humble, you know, and maybe that's.

[Ben]

He. If you look at pictures of Dustin Milligan, he's, like, hot. He's like a hot guy.

[Jake]

Yeah, he's really hot.

[Ben]

How they did not really capture that.

[Matt]

I'm gonna say this. Frosty needed a beard because when he wears a bearded.

[Ronnie]

A beer belly is. Oh, my God. What's wrong with having a hot, fat Frosty? Have a chunky Frosty. What the man.

[Jake]

You could have. You could have made a beefy Frosty and.

[Ben]

Because, yeah, it could have been like, you know what? And honestly, it could have been like a Jason Kelsey. Not Jason Kelsey, but it could have been Jason Kelsey. Could have been Travis Kelsey. Travis Kelsey would have actually been perfect for this because he. He also has snowman energy. And I would believe him having childlike wonder. Okay, okay, okay.

[Matt]

I gotta step this back. What is snowman energy?

[Jake]

He does have snowmanages. It's a little bumbling. It's a little bumbling.

[Ben]

A little golden retriever.

[Jake]

Ish.

[Ben]

It's kind of.

[Ronnie]

Okay. Hairy, boyish. You know, it's like a boyish, but like a big hairy bear kind of thing. Like, you know that when he eats french fries, he'll Even get, like, little things of salt stuck in his beard, and he'll be like, should I tell him? And cute.

[Matt]

This sound like real life at all, Ronnie?

[Jake]

This just felt like a look into your.

[Ben]

I think we just. We all know it should have been Aaron OConnell. That's just it.

[Jake]

I don't. I. I really liked his performance. I don't think he was physically right. Yeah, I totally.

[Matt]

You're wrong. Oh, you mean Aaron O'Connell.

[Jake]

Yeah. No, I just said.

[Matt]

I get very defensive of Aaron OConnell. I'm.

[Jake]

No, I wasn't. I wasn't saying anything about Aaron.

[Matt]

I'm sorry.

[Jake]

I'm backing that up.

[Ronnie]

God. Aaron OConnell is. Was a good guy. Good. Gorge.

[Matt]

You don't remember? We covered a movie, and Ben and I basically beat off during our entire podcast.

[Jake]

He was so.

[Matt]

He's so happy.

[Ben]

Was it the mint one? The one with the.

[Matt]

The pioneer woman?

[Ben]

He was like, why does everybody have.

[Ronnie]

A dead wife in these? Like, why is the spouse always.

[Jake]

You know why? Because it's really easy. It's a really easy screenwriting things.

[Ronnie]

He had the dead wife.

[Ben]

Do you remember what happened in that movie?

[Matt]

I did Candy Coated Christmas. That's what it was.

[Ben]

Candy Coated Christmas. A blonde lady from the city comes to this town, and she knocks on the door, and a girl opens up the door. She goes, oh, hi. Is your mom here? She goes, no, she died in a car wreck.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Jake]

Yeah, that was a great film. That was a great film because it was terrible.

[Ronnie]

But, yeah, he's really cute. I don't remember him. But in small picture, he looks like Eddie Cibrian. I mean, this guy. Yeah, I'm gonna make it.

[Jake]

He's a wider Eddie Cibrian. That's exactly.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Have you put in Aaron Oak. Have you gone to Duck Duck? Go and put an Aaron O'Connell dick pic. I'm gonna see if there is one. There's one in his underwear. Oh, my God. He's you. We.

[Matt]

Aaron O'Connell has completely.

[Jake]

This has derailed us.

[Ronnie]

Well, there's also a lot of porn, so I'm going to turn that off. I think delivery guys are on their way up here. Okay. So anyway, Aaron O'Connell, huh? Love his.

[Ben]

Aaron O'Connell would have been so perfect for this. He just, you know, he's just not a big enough name. And unfortunately. And, like, I know that Dustin Milligan is also not a big enough name, but people can be like, oh, my God, that's the guy from.

[Jake]

The guy from.

[Ben]

Yeah, but Aaron O'Connell it's like he's been in Hallmark movies. That's just his lane. But I think I mentioned when we did do Candy Coated Nights that I. I went to a wedding about four years ago, and Aaron O'Connell was there as one of the guests. And it was like, oh, my God. I didn't get to talk to him, but I definitely was like, oh, my God, it's Aaron O'Connell.

[Jake]

I think Ben just said Candy Coated Nights, and I think that's your Hanukkah themed version of Candy Coated Nights is.

[Ben]

Actually Candy Burris's podcast. But Candy Coated Christmas is the one.

[Ronnie]

With O'Connell candy coated.

[Jake]

I just thought that was. That was the Hanukkah version of Candy Coated Nights.

[Ben]

My friend is actually. She writes these Hallmark movies, and she is Jewish, and so she. She does sort of like, try to get sort of Hanukkah e thing. She does. Well, no, she did. She actually. The Hanukkah. The one that was like, the Hanukkah Hallmark movie that came out last year or something like that. And I'm like, oh, that. The Jew in me feels like we should, like, cover that. But then I'm like, I don't want to have to make fun of my friend's movie. So it's just something I'm have to live with.

[Matt]

No, no. My. I have a friend who's writing. It's not coming out till December, but he's riding a sexy Christmas movie that comes out on Lifetime. I think it's called, like, a Carpenter Christmas.

[Ben]

Yeah, that was one of the ones that we were thinking about.

[Matt]

And it looks terrible, but it doesn't come out until later. But I'm like, oh, wait, we're friends.

[Ben]

Well, Danny Pellegrino.

[Ronnie]

Pellegrino wrote one. I was gonna suggest that one, but I didn't want to be mean to Danny Pellegrino.

[Jake]

Hard to. Yeah, you don't wanna. Because it's.

[Matt]

And I'd make fun of him. He's in the same business. He gets it, like, grow a big kid. People make fun of us all the time.

[Jake]

But for a movie that you've written, I don't. I don't know if I want to do that either thing.

[Ben]

I'm gonna celebrate Danny's. And also, I would much rather watch. I would much rather, you know, take on a movie with Lauren. Holly.

[Matt]

I just would want people talking about my movie. I don't care if it's good or bad.

[Ben]

Yeah, that's true, too. I. Every time. Every year when we do this. I'm always like, I'm gonna write a Hallmark movie. And then I never do. And now here we are again. Another year has gone by and I have not written my Hallmark movie. But this year, maybe this year will be different. Maybe this year's the year I'll wrap a red scarf. Scarf around my laptop and see if my Hallmark movie comes to life.

[Matt]

I'm gonna wrap. Wrap a red scarf around my picture of Aaron O'Connell that's in my bathroom.

[Jake]

You just need to, like, give them. And it'll be. You just need to. And the idea is they give. Someone gives them a menorah, and they just keep giving the person the. A menorah.

[Ben]

Yeah, I think it should be that, like, you have, like, eight nights to do, like, like at the end of eight nights, at the end of the eight nights of Hanukkah, if you haven't done the thing. Save, like, the town library. Save the town synagogue.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Jake]

The world ends, there'll be no. No more oil. And that's it. Temple. And the earth is plunged into darkness.

[Ben]

So there's a lot of competition.

[Matt]

Just freezes.

[Ben]

Yes, there's got to be a lot of competition. But, you know, because the name of the game is that you always have to have a celebrity cameo, like the pioneer woman or whatever. Who would be our Jewess. Who would be. Or something.

[Jake]

Who would you get?

[Matt]

Like some. Some like a Jewish Broadway actress. You know, something like Lavin. Yes. Yes. Hey, I can get my. One of my good friends dog sits for her. I could get you Linda Lavin for this movie.

[Jake]

Okay. I don't know if you can promise. My best friend's dog sitter.

[Ben]

Can you get me Linda Lavin? Can we get Linda Lavin on the phone? We gotta. I've.

[Matt]

I've been in her house. It's a beautiful.

[Jake]

I promise you Linda Levin ain't doing no Hallmark movie.

[Ben]

No, I think I'm naming my. My Hanukkah Hallmark movie. Got a Latke of Loving to do.

[Jake]

Exactly.

[Matt]

Yeah. I think Nathan Lane's in it. Matt Bomer's in it. It's.

[Jake]

Wow.

[Matt]

So, yeah, it's supposed to come out on hbo.

[Ben]

Nathan Lee Graham is. Oh, I see. He's.

[Jake]

He's great. You would. You'd probably recognize him. He's a black queer actor.

[Ben]

Well, I'm gonna look him up right now.

[Jake]

Yeah.

[Ben]

Do it as long as we have.

[Jake]

He's like budget Billy Porter. You can't get. When you can't get Billy Porter, you get Nathan Lee Graham. Seriously, that's his career.

[Ben]

He's the Mary Kay place.

[Ronnie]

Okay, so Jack sees the thrift store from earlier, and he's like, clothes. And he leans up against the wussiest store window I've ever seen. You know, are those people in that store wondering why they're always cold? Because you got drafts and your glasses from 97 years ago. He just falls right through it.

[Jake]

How strong does he have to be to break that. Break that glass?

[Matt]

Well, is he made of ice?

[Ben]

Yeah, he's made a vice.

[Jake]

Maybe he has super strength because he also has super learning abilities.

[Ben]

Well, by the way, let's not. We. We skipped over a very important plot point, because this is. This is important for the building of the case against him. Before he gets to the thrift store, as he's walking through the town, an elderly couple goes walking through the plaza late at night.

[Matt]

Mortimer. Mortimer and Ethel.

[Ben]

Mortimer and Ethel are strolling through town to take a look at the sculptures because, you know, the sculpture competition is finally open, and they stopped having sex.

[Jake]

About 40 years ago.

[Ben]

Yeah, well, maybe. But you know what? That may all change tonight.

[Ronnie]

It's gonna change. Yeah. She got horned up tonight. Ethel loved it. And also, Mortimer makes a comment where he says, if this dog doesn't go, I'm gonna change it in for a goldfish. You don't deserve a dog. S. Okay.

[Jake]

It was such a weird thing to say.

[Ben]

Yeah. Sort of like shady. We find out much later in the movie. So Jack. Jack. He waves at them, of course. Like, he's hiding behind, like, a little. There's something that's obscuring his manhood. Snowmanhood.

[Ronnie]

His magical scarf. Not so magical after all. Little. Little glowy thing that goes in front of everything, blocking everything good. You know, I've been fighting those since the 80s.

[Ben]

So he go. Goes. He goes, hello. Hi, there. And this old man is so horrified to see a naked man in the street, he falls into the snow.

[Matt]

Falls.

[Ben]

This is why we never see Whatever. This is why we never see the.

[Ronnie]

The.

[Ben]

The Lynn Belvedere type who makes this sculpture. Because obviously, this is a little bit of a homophobic town that you cannot definitely. The gay panic. Oh, no.

[Ronnie]

I think it was, like, more like total penis panic, because they don't. You know, I don't even know if it was gay. I just. No one in this town work everyone who sees this. But, like, if we saw a naked guy that looked like that in the street, we'd be like, ah, you're a six, you know? But a little town like this, no one has literally seen a body like this, and they're all shocked and falling up.

[Jake]

You can go to Hollywood Boulevard and say that anytime.

[Matt]

So anyway, old man falls, he falls.

[Ben]

And he's like, what was that? But Ethel, Ethel, who's got a brain about her, she goes, I'm not sure. Let's go investigate. Yeah, she knows.

[Jake]

You see her, her mouth starts watering.

[Ronnie]

But Ethel doesn't even run over there. Her vagina does. Like, her vagina starts running, drags Ethel's carcass behind.

[Jake]

It, like, leaves her. It, like, leads her like. Like a. Like a. A divining rod.

[Matt]

Yes. No matter what age, you can always be a dick pig it all. If it's in you, it's in you.

[Jake]

It's like that thing in Donnie Darko that just, like, sucks people and takes them along like this. Lights. Yes.

[Ben]

I'm not familiar, but if Donnie Darko involves, like, hot men who are luring.

[Jake]

People into a young Jake Gyllenhaal Hall. A young chick Gyllenhaal.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, I saw.

[Ben]

I saw a scene of it.

[Jake]

It's a good film.

[Ben]

He was, like, in a movie theater, and then there was a creepy bunny next to him.

[Jake]

A creepy, creepy rabbit. Yeah. It's a kind of cult film. It came out, like, a really specific time for me. And like, my. My generation, we were all obsessed with it for a little bit.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Yeah, that was a good one. Oh. Back in the day.

[Jake]

I don't know if it hold up today, but it was good.

[Ben]

Yeah. I also like that Ethel sort of looks like PR from the great British business Take off.

[Jake]

She does.

[Matt]

That's who it is.

[Jake]

Yes. Oh, my God, y'all. That guy Dylan, I'm so obsessed with him. They say, like, basically, if a cat came to life and wished to be a human, it would be that guy Dylan, who's so beautiful.

[Ronnie]

Oh, he is so cute. I haven't watched this season, but he's the one with a little bit of shaved. Yes.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Everyone posts about him. What is so beautiful creature.

[Ben]

He's great. Great. He's great. I'm. I've only watched three episodes of the season, but in one episode, he just falls over for no reason.

[Ronnie]

But so I love that.

[Matt]

Oh, my God, he's stunning.

[Jake]

He's so sweet and.

[Ronnie]

But I'm about to ruin it for you. What? He's kind of like Meldora the Explorer if you really keep looking at him, because he's just so cute. Like, I looked at him the other day, I was like, he's so cute. Who does he look like. He looks like a cross between Dora the Explorer and a young. He's on entertainment, not Mario Lopez.

[Jake]

Oh, wow.

[Ronnie]

Am I thinking of the right person? You guys are looking at me like I'm crazy.

[Matt]

No, no, no.

[Ben]

The right person.

[Matt]

I can see that.

[Jake]

No, this is. This is. I don't think it's the same person. I don't think he looks like Dora the Explorer at all.

[Ronnie]

Wait, what's his name?

[Jake]

Dylan.

[Ronnie]

Thank you for saying that, because people are going to be so confused. Dylan from Great British Bike.

[Matt]

Bam. Yeah, you can British baking. I mean, he. I just looked at him. He kind of gives me a little bit like a John.

[Jake]

They keep saying the thing on the. The Internet was if a beautiful cat became a human, everything about his face.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, he. This isn't who I was thinking of.

[Jake]

No, I. I was gonna say Dora the Explorer. I did not know.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, well, I've just given a Dora the Explorer fetish away, I guess.

[Jake]

So it was worth it for that swiper coming.

[Ben]

So anyway, Jack has. So this. Jack has now. He ran away, basically, or whatever happened. And he winds up at the thrift store. He sees clothes in the window, and he goes, clothes.

[Matt]

A lot of mugging. A lot of mugging.

[Ben]

Yeah. He's really sad about clothes. I don't know why he wants clothes, but he just decides he wants clothes.

[Ronnie]

Well, yeah, because clothes keep you warm, which is weird. And also, how does he know what clothes is? This is the first time where I was like, wait, how does he know what anything.

[Ben]

What does he know? And what does he not know?

[Jake]

I'm surprised he can speak English. And the other thing is, he also knows. He also knows that stealing is wrong somehow. Like, he knows he should not steal, but he doesn't know what streaking is, and he doesn't know what cancer is.

[Ben]

Well, snowmen live by a moral code, so I think that's pretty obvious why he understands about stealing. Wow.

[Matt]

Well, he does steal clothes.

[Ronnie]

He.

[Matt]

He gets a pair of overalls that wink, wink, have the name Jack on them.

[Jake]

Like J. Frost.

[Matt]

Like Jack Frost, y'all. And so now he's. I. I wrote. Oh, yeah. So he's dressed in these clothes, and.

[Jake]

This costume looks like a costume I would call, like, sexy auto mechanic that you would buy from Amazon.

[Matt]

Say it looks porn adjacent.

[Ben]

Yeah, it's like, this is where also, like, you really. The. Like, when choosing an actor, I think if you're going to be doing this sort of, like, sleeveless jumpsuit thing, I think you need part of that audition. Process is gonna have to be evaluating the arms. And this guy's got very good arms. Like I would love to have his arms. But like, I think you want someone with like big arms. You want musli burly, like meaty, former football player type. Like football.

[Matt]

Oh God, my favorite type, you know.

[Jake]

Wow.

[Ben]

You know, that's great.

[Matt]

Except when they get that aggression from being tackled too much. Let's keep going.

[Jake]

They get the sun downing.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Jake]

All great.

[Ronnie]

He's found clothes and he. The reason he's named Jack is because name on the overalls is Jack. Which.

[Ben]

Right.

[Ronnie]

I don't think he needs that. He knows what everything is. Why can't he just say my name's Jack and I come to. To come to life every once in a while when people give me a scarf. Why is it like the first time fairy tale for Jack and no one ever understands where he came from? Who made him? Who's Jack? What my. What makes Jack Thck. Does Jack do this all the time?

[Jake]

He's extremely self aware in that he knows he was born when she is. He said she took a picture of me. So he doesn't really know. He knows he was born then, but he doesn't know anything else.

[Ronnie]

It's so 2024, isn't it? It's like it's not the scarf or the love that brought him to the life. It's the attention from a phone camera.

[Ben]

Is he aware all this time? Like was he just frozen in snowman form and like observed?

[Ronnie]

That's.

[Jake]

Those were my connection. Those were. Those are my.

[Matt]

Oh my God. Like trapped in eyes.

[Jake]

Yeah.

[Ben]

It's like having like guill bar syndrome or something.

[Jake]

He saw her.

[Ronnie]

He.

[Jake]

Like it was like. Like, like a stroke. You can't move and you just have to watch everything going on around you.

[Ronnie]

Yes. It's like she was his awareness. Terrific.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Jake]

Diving bell and the butterfly. Blink your eyes.

[Ben]

I was gonna say what that butterfly. Movie commercials.

[Jake]

Here comes one right now.

[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

Matt, what were you gonna say?

[Matt]

I'm horrified right now. I don't know what I was gonna say. Completely out of my hand.

[Ben]

Diving bell.

[Ronnie]

Sorry.

[Jake]

I, I, I. Diving bell. And the butterflied. You.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Took me out. Took me out, y'all. What happens next?

[Jake]

I don't even know.

[Ben]

He basically. Okay, so now it's the next day. Kathy wakes up in her shitty, shitty house. The heater is still not working. There's still a hole in in the staircase. She's living in the middle ages and no one's checking on her. Even though the chef in the diner is aware of Kathy's conditions, he has not offered to help whatsoever or asked anyone in town to help. He's just like, he. He's just doing his thing. So she wakes up.

[Ronnie]

It takes a village to raise a child, not take care of an adult. Adults should take care of themselves. Okay.

[Jake]

Whose husband has recently died? I think it's pretty recent, it seems.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, I need a. I guess I need a timeline on that because I love to judge people's grieving. Like, I like to be like, you should be over that by now. Like, how long. How much do we have to talk about this? You know?

[Jake]

Yeah, but if it was three months ago, it seems really early to move on with a snow.

[Ronnie]

Months ago. She's a. Because I can't. I can't believe she's treating her dead husband like that.

[Jake]

That's the thing.

[Ronnie]

Five months. I totally get it. Go girl.

[Jake]

Three months. She's a. Yeah.

[Ben]

I thought that part of me honestly thought like, this was gonna be some sort of like, dream or something where she's like, coming out grief and realizing the snowman never existed, but was like.

[Jake]

That would have been better. That would have been better than what happened.

[Ronnie]

It would have been better if he realized she didn't exist. He's the fun one.

[Ben]

Maybe the. Maybe the original. Maybe the first draft was that Lauren Holly never existed and that she was mechanism.

[Ronnie]

I honestly with myself because I was like, who's that? Like, when she came on the screen, she immediately made the movie 5 million times better. And I'm like, she's so familiar. Who is that? And I couldn't figure it out. I had to look up the cast and I was like, lauren Hall Holly.

[Ben]

Wow.

[Ronnie]

What a blast from the past and what a. Just all around great picket fences.

[Jake]

She's fantastic.

[Ben]

I think she was cast mainly because of her last name is very holiday forward. You know, that's.

[Ronnie]

That's a.

[Jake]

That's a great. She's been in a couple other Hallmark movies. I looked, I looked her imd because I was thinking we haven't seen her in a while, but I looked. She has consistently worked. She was on CSI for like seven years.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Oh, I didn't want that one. Which one?

[Jake]

I'm not sure. There's like.

[Matt]

Secret Agent Man, Cis Living room, whatever they're called.

[Jake]

Cis Peoria.

[Matt]

Yeah. Ben. You should change your last name to Christmas so you can write a Christmas.

[Ben]

Ben Christmas. I think it has a nice name to. Nice ring to it.

[Jake]

Ben Christmas.

[Ben]

Lauren Holly. Yeah, there was some. There's something I saw her in where she was like. She played the villain. Oh, she was a great villain.

[Jake]

She's Great in everything.

[Ben]

And.

[Jake]

And she's. And when she was in Picket Fences, she was like a complete male fantasy. Like, she was. She was like the. The. The. The. The. The police. She was in on the police force, and she had big old boobies.

[Ben]

Her and Costas Mandalore. Wow. Oh.

[Jake]

Cost us Mandalore.

[Ronnie]

That is.

[Jake]

That's like. That's something unlocked.

[Ben]

Oh, don't encourage Sunday. That's right. She was. She was. She was the villain in any given Sunday, right? Didn't you play Dennis Quaid's wife? And she was like, you get out there. You play. You're.

[Jake]

This is now a Lauren Holly appreciation podcast.

[Matt]

Get off Lauren's Holly's dick.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. I love Lauren Holly. She's a badass. Well, she's not even here yet. Okay, you guys.

[Matt]

No, she's not here.

[Ronnie]

It's true.

[Matt]

Lacy Sher. Still has to meet Jack Frost right now.

[Ben]

She meets.

[Ronnie]

Lacy shows up, and Jack is talking to the other snowmans who didn't get crushed and robbed. And. And she's like, he's talking to them. He's like, guys, look, I can talk. And I even have arms.

[Matt]

I have my arms.

[Ronnie]

You guys, look, I'm touching myself. You could do it too, guys. All you need to do is find a really sad widow with a scarf that she didn't want.

[Jake]

Can you imagine?

[Ben]

He has such snowman privilege.

[Jake]

He does.

[Ben]

It can happen to you too. They're like, look at us. We're three ballers.

[Jake]

I got three. I'm a three baller. If I. If I came to life, I just rolled around.

[Ben]

I would look like George went, you got made.

[Jake]

You've got snowman. Pretty privileged.

[Ben]

Yes. Don't talk to me about if I will. And I could just be.

[Jake]

You know, they'd walk around like Demi Moore and the substance, that last creature. That's what they would look like come to life.

[Ben]

I was too scared to see that movie, but I really want to see it. But I'm just.

[Ronnie]

It's.

[Jake]

I will say this as a horror person. I. I like scary movies, and I don't like a lot of gore. It was a lot for me, but I'm.

[Matt]

I'm glad told me not to watch it.

[Jake]

You would not be okay with it.

[Ben]

I want to support Demi Moore saying.

[Jake]

She'S fantastic in it. She fantastic.

[Ben]

She could have gone the Lauren Holly way, But you know what? She didn't. And I. I want to support Demi, but I don't.

[Jake]

So is Margaret Qualley.

[Ronnie]

I want to see that movie. But it. There was a short that just came out. It was one of those horror anthology things and it was just the same plot. If this that to me more so. I mean, I don't know that I need to see. And also I don't want to be, you know, talked. I don't want any anti aging remedy, medication or propaganda unless it's real. Just let me touch my face, okay? I'm putting it in there. Like, leave me alone. Okay. Why don't you make a movie about Bruce Willis getting plugs and that killing him, okay? Make it. Make it fair, you dicks.

[Matt]

Well, yeah, well, I don't think he would remember that.

[Ronnie]

Well, neither would any of us because that was.

[Jake]

Oh my God.

[Ben]

Snowman. Am I right? So he's talking, he's basically bragging and he's like doing bootstrap theory to the other snowman. You know, like guys just work hard. And so she walks up, she goes, excuse me. Hi. Hi. What's going on? He goes, oh, my God, it's you. Look, you're the scarf lady. You're the, you know, you're the. The sad scarf lady who came and.

[Matt]

Yeah, he's like, look what happened to me.

[Jake]

You made me human.

[Matt]

I was snow. And now I'm not made of snow. And you're not made of snow, but you're still freezing.

[Jake]

And at this chance picture you took.

[Ben]

Of me, I'm not sure you got my answer angle at this point.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Jake]

Why do you not call for police saying this man is is because me.

[Matt]

Because think of who your police sheriff is. He's not well.

[Jake]

Or why not you run away or scream or spray him with mace. Because this is a crazy thing to say to someone.

[Ronnie]

No, you can't do that anymore. You just have to be like, do you want a starburst? And just like one at him on the way out.

[Matt]

In the meeting of if we think about falling from for Christmas. Okay. An icon iconic holiday. Literally. Lindsay Lohan fell on cord over street. We needed more this the meet cute was failed on this movie.

[Ben]

No. That's such an amazing point. There was.

[Matt]

That is the most important part of a hall. I've been watching finding. I've been watching Finding Mr. Christmas on Hallmark, which is the competition reality show. But they talk about these pivotal moments.

[Ronnie]

That's a thing. Oh, yeah.

[Jake]

Oh, it is very much a thing.

[Ronnie]

Jonathan hot, hot like Christmas person for the Hallmark channel. Oh my God.

[Matt]

It's Jonathan Bennett and Melissa Peterman that host it and it wow to ho.

[Ronnie]

To be a casting couch director at that set. That's Gotta be.

[Matt]

The guys are gorgeous, but they made them recreate the Meet cute and they talk about that's the pivotal moment. And usually, always in a meet cute, what. What happens?

[Jake]

Someone usually bumps into someone with coffee.

[Ben]

Or dogs with leashes.

[Matt]

Dogs with leashes? I. I don't know.

[Ben]

Political rallies.

[Ronnie]

One person had a stroke, and then the other person has to find a way to get through to them. And then they come back to life for five minutes and then they bang.

[Matt]

Someone's furniture is delivered and they drop a couch on a neighbor, whatever.

[Ben]

Instacart. But, you know, heart.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Ben]

I totally think this is actually a very salient point. There is literally terrible nothing even close to a meet cute. It's just he's there and she walks. She's walking to work.

[Jake]

A stark raving mad person. Yes. A lunatic. That's what it sounds like when he starts talking and that. And. But she's the last skeptic in town because everyone in town is like, that's definitely a snowman.

[Ben]

Yeah. Yeah. They.

[Ronnie]

They. I mean, the normal. She's just not a normal person. If somebody. I was made of snow, I'd be like, are you sharing it? Or, like, am I gonna have to go through your pockets? Are you offering? Like, why would you bring that up?

[Ben]

But I think this is to show that she's a caring person. First. She's a caring. She's caring before. She's a Karen. And she says, aren't you cold? You look really cold. So she's concerned about this. She's like, this is someone who is troubled and they are cold. And we don't get these sort of people in this town, so we should take care of him. And he's like, I know. I. I actually feel good. And she's like, well, I have a diner and I have a business. And I. I think I would like to risk my Yelp reviews by bringing in this deranged man into my diner.

[Jake]

Right. And before that, she says. He says, yeah, but I've never had food before. And she goes, okay, come. Come with me. Come with me. You're obviously on Angel Dust or something where there's an alternate reality. Reality.

[Matt]

Someone's on bath salts.

[Ronnie]

Well, you. Yeah. Well, you clearly don't live in California, because if somebody said, I've never had food, I'd be like, congratulations. How are you doing that? I certainly don't want to ruin this for you.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Ben]

He's just been cast in three movies.

[Ronnie]

Exactly. He's like, I've never eaten, but I'm rich. God bless you.

[Ben]

She doesn't seem to be scared, but I know. I think what they're trying to go for is that she. She. She's like, oh, this poor man. I. I need to help him. Like, I need someone who.

[Ronnie]

It's not.

[Ben]

Not well.

[Matt]

It's some jelly.

[Jake]

It's that kind of thing. Which I think if they would have made her someone who, like, works at some kind of, like, help facility that helps children or something, like, she made her whole life into helping people.

[Ben]

I could understand children. She does. She helps children who want to have chocolate chip pancakes.

[Jake]

That's true.

[Ben]

Inside of Sunday.

[Ronnie]

Helps children get diabetes.

[Jake]

He gets. He keeps saying later. I want to help people like you do. What you. You've been here how long?

[Ronnie]

You've.

[Jake]

You've. You've helped. She. She brought you in for one meal, and she helps the whole town. It was such a weird thing.

[Ronnie]

Well, because he's taking it, like, service. Like, you do service. You're so. You're so charitable. Like, no, you have to tip me, like, this is not a charity.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ben]

Why do you want to help people so much? I feel like if you're a snowman brought to life and you've got childlike energy, all you want to do is play. You want to throw snowballs around. You want. You want to make snow angels. You want to yourself.

[Jake]

You want to.

[Matt]

Everything I needed in a montage. I needed him to show how great his snow skills were.

[Ben]

Yeah. Yeah. He should have made, like, amazing snow forts. He should have just done.

[Ronnie]

That's true, you guys. He should have had snow talent, and he had none. He showed nothing except being cute and, like, funny.

[Ben]

Listen, we've all seen this, by the way. We've all saw this movie before. Let's not. Let's. Let's not be direct the bush. We all saw this movie before. It's called Edward Scissorhands.

[Jake]

Yep.

[Ben]

And what we were missing, we were missing the ice sculptures and the haircuts for a moment. We got there with Lauren Holly. We'll get there, too. Lauren Holly. But the Lauren Holly moment was basically Ronnie's favorite Kathy Baker, you know, haircut.

[Ronnie]

Love her.

[Ben]

Baker.

[Ronnie]

What. What a talent.

[Jake]

What's just picket fences for us today?

[Ben]

You're right.

[Ronnie]

All the time.

[Matt]

All the time.

[Jake]

If we.

[Ronnie]

If we.

[Jake]

If we bring up Tom Skerrett or 5ish Finkel, we will be batting a thousand.

[Ronnie]

We bring up quite often on the show, but not Tom Scarrett. I'm sorry. You know, Tom Scarrett, really Talk about privilege. I mean, that guy just coasted through. What did he ever do except just look like he belonged in overalls and everything he ever did? That's an overall person. Randy. He seemed nice enough. But you know what? It was really about Kathy Baker, Iish and Lauren.

[Jake]

Come on.

[Ben]

Oh, my God.

[Jake]

Tom Scarrett, boy, I. I did not.

[Matt]

Ronnie really went in on that one.

[Ronnie]

Scarrett do. Like, he literally rolls out of bed and reads a card, and everybody's like, give him an Emmy.

[Jake]

He had a very serious mustache. He had a very serious mustache.

[Ronnie]

I think that's why I didn't like him.

[Jake]

It made it seem like he was serious.

[Ben]

He was always contemplative on Picket Pimp.

[Jake]

He was contemplative. Contemplative, yes.

[Matt]

We were at.

[Ben]

He.

[Matt]

They go into the diner, and he's eating jelly from jelly packets and.

[Jake]

And candy and.

[Ronnie]

And.

[Jake]

And. And, like, just bad things for him. So obviously, snowmen love candy.

[Matt]

Snowmen love candy.

[Ben]

I. Yes. Eyes. You would think they would like carrots, to be honest, but Isaac is like.

[Ronnie]

Who wants to eat their own nose?

[Jake]

That's their nose, though.

[Ben]

Yeah, that's true.

[Ronnie]

That would be just weird. Like, oh, my God, that guy himself.

[Ben]

Outside all the time.

[Jake]

What if he screamed? If he saw someone eating a carrot?

[Ben]

That. That's actually great.

[Jake]

That would have been actually something they could do.

[Ben]

That would be good. So Isaac the chef is like, who the heck is that? And Kathy goes, don't worry about it. I don't know.

[Jake]

Just a drifter I found on the street. That's what y'all. That's what this is. That's it is.

[Ronnie]

But, you guys, this is how people get away with it. They're hot. Because if this was like, a homely homeless man, nobody would be acting this way. And trust me, I live close enough to the 711 to know the difference there, my friends. No one gives this poor man anything. He acted like I was the second coming when I gave him some Starbursts, okay? I was like, this poor guy gets nothing. And sorry, it wasn't money. I just didn't have any. He didn't have a Venmo. That is my friends Michael and Mike. They have a person who's currently without a home or whatever I'm supposed to say. Now he's living outside their house, and he lives in his car, and they're like, that is the hottest guy ever. Oh, my God, he's so hot. I'm like, this guy just coasts. No one. No. No one yells at him for parking there. No One's mean to him. I bet he has a Venmo because he's hot, you know, and he's getting away with more.

[Matt]

You know, it's like that guy who was thrown in jail. He was like a mug shot. It was like. Yeah, he was like a mixed race guy with blue eyes and everyone freaked out. And then I think he ended up doing porn. I don't know if he's back in jail. I don't know.

[Ben]

I think he's like an active, like, proper model now.

[Matt]

Oh, really?

[Ronnie]

Wow. Good for. Again.

[Matt]

And it all happened because he Pretty mug shot because you're hot.

[Ronnie]

You know, it's hot privilege. And I. I'm sorry if the 711 guy hears this and it's offended. It's not that you're not hot. I just mean, you know, you're not.

[Jake]

You're not guy in the car hot.

[Ronnie]

You're not guy in the car hot. Sorry.

[Ben]

Yeah. Jeremy Meeks was like. He was jail in Sacramento. He now has 1.5 million followers on Instagram.

[Ronnie]

And he is holy mother.

[Ben]

High end and like fashion modeling. He did not. He did not even go down the only.

[Matt]

Really?

[Ben]

Yeah, he's doing proper, like. Yeah, he's like. He's like an actual fashion model.

[Matt]

I mean, he's a gorgeous, gorgeous man. Oh, wow. Look at him.

[Ben]

He is. He's doing. You know, he would have been good in this, so.

[Ronnie]

Oh, yeah, I recognize this guy. I just googled him. Wow. Yeah, he's stunning. This guy's a beautiful guy.

[Ben]

So Isaac the chef has the only one who has any sort of sense. He's like, well, should I call. Call the cops? And she's like, no, we can't tell Sheriff Hunter. He overreacts about everything. He arrested someone at the movies once. And we. I'm like, of course. Thinking about PB Herman, right? Are we?

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

Want to tell Kathy what happens at movie theater?

[Matt]

Sometimes if you're arrested in a movie theater, it's all.

[Jake]

If you're arrested in a movie theater, you're. You're masturbating. Yeah. That's what you're doing.

[Ben]

She goes. She explains it was for. She goes, it's excessive candy unwrapping. Apparently it was a noise violation. Apparently. Apparently he was trying really hard to get into his candy wrapper. And he kept saying, oh, God. Oh, almost there.

[Matt]

I will say that is Jake. When someone unwraps his camp. When I see Jake is the person, I don't.

[Jake]

But I will get and. And. And look at them and just stare or go, no.

[Matt]

You one time looked at someone and went, really? In the middle of it.

[Jake]

I just save it. Like on Broadway, if I'm. I'm like, seeing something and. Because the. The audience behavior in Broadway has become like, just people acting like barnyard animals.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Jake]

And. And I. I will be. I will be the. The biggest bitch to anyone who's doing like that. And. Oh, yeah.

[Ronnie]

But you know what? Can I just say, as someone who's about to hit 50 at the end of this year, it's so hard because as you get older, you really do start craving candy that's wrapped, like, for whatever reason. I've been having Werther's for a while because they have sugar free Werther's that really. And I eat them like by the bag full. I really eat a ton of Werther's. That was the first. That was my, like, entry level, you know, gateway drug. Then for some reason, I. One day I was like, I want a Starburst. And I got Starburst.

[Jake]

I can love Starburst.

[Ronnie]

I'll eat two packages of that a day. I just love it. And now I love Reason Chocolate Reason. Those are also wrapped. Everything I'm into now is wrapped candy. I don't know how it happened, but it's like your evolution.

[Jake]

Like, you're moving into the Euro trash version with reason too. You're moving.

[Ronnie]

Oh, it's so good. The thing.

[Ben]

If you have to unwrap your candy, do it quickly. Because I think what happens is people try to be quiet about it.

[Ronnie]

So they're like, you can't do that with a Starburst. Those are waxy and they're stuck to the candy bin. You can't get them open slowly. You have to be just.

[Jake]

I just grab. I just grab a plastic bag and like, pop it over someone's head and suffocate them.

[Ronnie]

That might be better for me, actually. I'm gonna do that around. Just put me out of my misery.

[Matt]

I. I can't eat them because of my braces.

[Ben]

I was at a Broadway show recently, and there were a bunch of. There was like four old people in front of me. They're like senior citizens and they'd gotten drunk at intermission and they're just, like, talking, just like having a conversation. So I was like. So I go, sh. I do the full sh. And I did it again. But the best part was that I had emboldened the two women from Staten island next. And the lady. Because once I, like, open the floodgate, then everyone was doing It. And the lady leans into these old people and goes, if you guys can't be quiet, I'm going to call the usher right now.

[Jake]

So anyway, that Staten island energy just overflowed. And that's all.

[Ronnie]

I miss it. I lived in Staten island for a year. I miss it. What a. What a place. Okay, so there he's like, well, should we call the cops? And she's like, no, we over reacts. So they're like, what if he's dangerous? And then a server is like, your friends eating the jellies. Why are we gonna. Are we gonna criminalize eating jelly out of the packet too? Just put childhood me into prison.

[Ben]

The jelly to prison pipeline is real and we need to make sure we do not.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Ronnie]

I only went to church to drink the little creamers in the reception area.

[Jake]

Oh my God.

[Ronnie]

After church, reception area. And eat the jellies of the thing. So sue me. Take me to prison.

[Ben]

So then we finally meet this sheriff. Okay. Sheriff Nathaniel Hunter. So they are. They're observing the broken glass at the thrift store and you know, he's like, oh, it's a smash and grab. This is no good. And what's been stolen? Overalls and galoshes. Okay.

[Ronnie]

And.

[Jake]

And it wasn't even. They were selling at the store. It was. It was his.

[Matt]

It was that queen's personal galoshes for when she does trash man play with mail.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Your train cans aren't lit lined up correctly. Yeah, but what are you gonna.

[Jake]

What are you gonna do about it?

[Ronnie]

What are you gonna do about it? Sorry, I had myself muted.

[Matt]

You put some trash in the recycling and now you're gonna get punished.

[Ronnie]

You didn't mix out your bottles. Now bend over.

[Ben]

He's like, well, I took a vow to protect and serve, and I failed to uphold that vow last night. And I am sorry, lady. I'm going to establish a task force that will basically just be me and my sidekick and we are going to find the perpetrator.

[Jake]

This is when the tone where I go, okay, this is interesting.

[Ronnie]

This is.

[Jake]

This is funny. But it's like what they did is normally that's. This is the most important. The. The first thing we see the. The man. The man and the woman of the important storyline. And I'm like, why am I more interested in seeing the funny stuff that the cops cop says?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

And yeah, he was definitely the stealer of the film.

[Jake]

Tonally. I was like, this is weird. It's almost like you decided you needed something else. But then he brought a whole other dimension that you. That you weren't. Weren't anticipating.

[Matt]

No.

[Ronnie]

Well, he's also the only real character in it. I mean, the lead character. One of them's just like, hi, you're a snowman. Wow. Do you want to come have some pie? And then the snowman's like, I'm goofy. I'm a snowman without clothes. Like, no one really has a character. So it's like, finally someone comes in and they're like, here's my thing. I'm a cop who tries too hard for no reason.

[Ben]

Like, I am enforcing a very intense police state in this small town.

[Jake]

Yes.

[Ben]

And then we find out, because he's like, I want to hard talk a. Search every.

[Jake]

In house, outhouse, around house.

[Ronnie]

I just love the film. What am I going to say? Patrick Swayze, RIP all right, let's get this going, boys.

[Ben]

We find out the stakes could not be any higher because we find out that these galoshes have been handed down from generation to generation to generate generation, and that they cannot fall into the wrong hands.

[Ronnie]

Go to Old Navy Girl. It's called. It's called disposable fashion. Try it.

[Ben]

Actually, what really happens is that Mel goes, oh, it's. I don't really care. It's fine. Like, oh, okay, whatever. Stakes. That's fine.

[Matt]

They don't care. They're like, sure.

[Jake]

It's. It's almost like Craig Robinson's working his ass off to raise the stakes, and everyone else is like, it's okay.

[Ben]

It's fine.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, completely ignore him.

[Ben]

I didn't like them anyway.

[Matt]

Snowman.

[Jake]

It's a snowman.

[Ben]

They were meaningless. They were meaningless galoshes that I wanted to be rid of anyway.

[Ronnie]

That's funny, basically. So let's see. They're like. Well, what are they talking about?

[Matt]

Well, the sheriff. Yeah, the sheriff. He's. He's basically. Also, there's this weird scene where the sheriff, because he's talking to Mel in their shop, and it's Mel, the sheriff, sheriff. And then I think the guy, her gay husband or the deputy. I forget. There's three of them, but there's a shot of them kind of walking. Did you notice that? Toward the camera. And the cameraman is a weird shot.

[Jake]

Yeah.

[Matt]

But you can actually see whoever is holding the light is moving the light, and you can actually just see shadows. And because they were trying to. It's harder, obviously, to light someone with darker skin. So he. Craig Robinson has this, like. It looks like someone just took their phone light and it's shining on his face. Meanwhile, Mel, who's very pale white, is completely fucking blown out and looks like she's on. This is niche filmmaking, but I noticed it.

[Jake]

I. Since we're talking about it, I need to point out that on every appearance of the Craig Robinson character, if you listen to the score, it sounds like the movie Shaft. It's like, yes, it was. This is a black character.

[Ben]

He's.

[Jake]

He's got all his food. Y. He's got his fly.

[Ronnie]

Now this is very. Yeah, this is white. White guy written for sure.

[Ben]

I'm sorry that. That Richard Roundtree wasn't alive to see it.

[Matt]

There, there. He's telling them every time.

[Jake]

Time, y'all. Every time shifts that sheriff, that music happens.

[Matt]

But what happened, Ronnie, is he basically says, I'm on the case. Meanwhile, Lacy Chabert is talking to Snow Ho and whatever the. And she's like, that's where he Find out, y'all. Because you. I'm glad you brought it up. He still looks at her and she's like, what's your name? And she. He says, I don't know. She calls him Jack. And he looks at her and says, God, I. I mean, kudos to the actor for making this sound somewhat organic.

[Jake]

He did. And that's crazy.

[Matt]

He said, the last thing I remember was someone was staring at me, putting a scarf on me, and then there was a flash of light in my face.

[Jake]

And that's when you call the hospital. You go. Not go to the doctor, who it doesn't. Who doesn't have a degree. You say, you.

[Ben]

I.

[Jake]

You take him to a facility because something's wrong.

[Ben]

Crisis is real, and it has gotten into small town America, including this poor man. So Kathy is like, okay, so is this a prank? Okay, I get it. Okay, fine. Prank the saddest girl in town. Thanks a lot, guys. I have a hole in my staircase. I don't need to.

[Jake]

Husband's been dead for four months, Ronnie.

[Matt]

Maybe that's why she's not happy, because they all know her, but they just keep teasing her like cancer. He's dead, and just pranking her.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, they're like, hey, Kathy, guess what? We're having a couple's dinner tonight. Can you. Oh, sorry, guys.

[Ben]

That star God damage. I finally figured out what's going on here. You were the one who built that really hot snowman that I was kind of attracted to. But I also offloaded that awful scarf onto. No offense, Mel. And now you destroyed it, and now you're showing up pretending to be the. The snowman. I get it. Okay? Gag Is up.

[Matt]

Gag is up.

[Ronnie]

So then she's like, oh, my God, Are you a prank? Are you a pranker? Oh, my God. You built a snowman that looks like you're you. And. And is that what this is? I mean, what is this? Are you really a snowman, or are you someone so obsessed with yourself you're building snowman about yourself? And he's like, I feel strange. And she's like, but how did you know I took that photo? Were you following me? Is this part of the joke? How could we do this? We don't have cameras in this town.

[Jake]

But, like, asking these questions makes it even crazier. Like, the fact that they're trying to explain this makes it worse if they with it.

[Ben]

Yeah, they're trying to make it, like, try to make her seem like a real person who would be skeptical of the situation. So she has to go through these perfunctory, like, moments of, like, right out and conspiracy.

[Matt]

So they really need to have people on meth for this to make sense. And then it would work.

[Jake]

It's.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Jake]

Meanwhile, we have an I, which we already see because they're doing in the the credits and the bloopers. Craig Robinson, Joel Truio are basically just doing an improv song called Crime Doesn't Pay. And I can only imagine that this. He was just playing on this. That they had a little thing, a little keyboard, and crick r just started doing it. And, like, this is going in the film.

[Ronnie]

And it was the best part of it. It was so funny. Right? So he's singing the song about crime in Hope Springs. And he's like, you better have your bill, cause we're taking you to jail in Hope Springs.

[Matt]

It's so good, so good.

[Ben]

He's just singing it like, I just love. He goes back, he's like, I'm so disturbed that, like, our. Our. Our streak of having no crime for, like, a month has been broken by a streak back to the police station by a streaker. I've got to go back to the police station and sing this one out. Because before this investigation goes any further, let's get on some keys and let's, like, sing a sweet song, and then we'll. Then we'll start looking into it.

[Ronnie]

So he gets a call, is that boss, there's another crime last night? And he's like, oh, gosh, it was streaking. A man was running naked in the plaza. Round one. Old Mortimer and Ethel Jennings saw him while walking their dog. Ethel's vagina still hasn't walked Home.

[Jake]

Her vagina broke free of its mortal coil.

[Ronnie]

Keeps running around the town looking for the man.

[Matt]

She's insisting it's a public service. Yes.

[Ben]

Ethel is hot for this guy. So that was a funny.

[Ronnie]

That was a funny line.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Ben]

So the sheriff is, like, hard on crime. People respect that. For months, we haven't needed to write so much as a parking ticket, partially because I think only one person in this car drives and it's, you know.

[Jake]

Yeah, they're like 60 people in the town, tops. Yeah.

[Ben]

And she. By the way, does she really need to drive her car across the street to get to Kathy's? I don't think.

[Matt]

No.

[Ben]

But she goes. You go. For weeks. For six weeks before my reappointment as sheriff, we have had. We. We have a crime spree on our hands. Coincidence. Conspiracy. Oh, I didn't pick up on this. So he really thinks that, like, he's up for. Like, his job is in peril because he's up for reelection. And so now he thinks that someone's actually.

[Jake]

He.

[Ben]

He alludes. Get him out of office.

[Jake]

He alludes to the mayor and he having some type of.

[Matt]

And it's never brought up again.

[Jake]

And it is completely dropped. Yeah.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

He says that the mayor is trying to. Is trying to impede his running so that he can lose. But this is where they kind of lose, too, because a sheriff is an elected position, and then he's, like, willing to piss off literally every single person in town, like, for no reason.

[Jake]

And also, we work for the people.

[Matt]

And also we never meet the mayor.

[Ben]

I really, honestly, I thought it was going to be Lauren Hollywood sense. Lauren Holly is the mayor. She's the big bad of this entire.

[Ronnie]

Probably that's why she's, like, all mean about it.

[Ben]

No. No chocolate chips. Outside of Sunday law.

[Jake]

Lauren Holly just feels like someone who is. She's like, runs some type of, like, just brothel. That's kind of what it feels like for older ladies.

[Matt]

Massage parlor for a small town. Yeah, kind of. My dad used to go to. He loves.

[Ben]

So. So. So they're just talking about. Basically sheriff. The sheriff is mad. And he's like. A man is defined by his actions, Ed. And now it's time to take actions. Bring this man to just justice.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Good day for justice.

[Ben]

Good day for justice. It's also a good day for questionable medical practices, because now we are at.

[Jake]

This is where. This is where I was starting to just. This is where I was starting to kind of lose it because. And we're only 25 minutes into the movie. The, the fact that Dr. Dottie is another name. Dottie. Is that what she calls her?

[Ronnie]

Yes. Oh, oh, oh, yeah.

[Matt]

We almost, we almost forgot. I've, we've seen a lot of these movies at this point. Have you ever seen a character put on sunglasses, take them off and look directly into camera. Camera to the audience?

[Ben]

Yeah, that was great.

[Jake]

I feel a lot of this, I don't think a lot of this was in the script. I think he was riffing and I think it was fantastic.

[Matt]

Later on in the movie, he takes his sunglasses off again and says something and doesn't look in the camera. I'm sorry, I need to call back.

[Jake]

And then, and then I think, Lauren, Holly, improv this line and said, why were you wearing sunglasses? The bathroom. Yeah, I really think that was improv. I really, I, I, I would submit now that this movie might have been 40% improv. Yes, I think this movie might have been 40% improv. The best, the funniest line.

[Matt]

Sorry, I didn't mean to go back, go back to the doctor, but I just had to bring that up.

[Ben]

So the doctor comes in, Dr. Doy walks into the room and she's like, oh, hello. Hey, hottie. Is it time for a physical exam?

[Ronnie]

Kathy's like, oh, this is Jack. Just met him this morning. You know what? So weird. I found him talking to sculptures lady. You were the one sitting there looking one in the eye and giving one a scarf last night. Who are you shaming?

[Ben]

Yeah, you were the one like, literally Mel gives you the scarf and like, honey, go get laid. And instead what do you do? You give your scarf, your, your, your around scarf to a snowman. This is on you a little bit.

[Jake]

And remember, her house still has no heat. She could use all the scarves. She could.

[Matt]

You could. What a. What an ungrateful.

[Jake]

So.

[Ronnie]

Not gonna.

[Jake]

They take his temperature and they're like, wow, you're really cold. And he goes, I was a snowman. I don't remember anything before last night. And they kind of go, oh, okay.

[Matt]

But when they take the temperature again, then they're convinced.

[Ben]

Yeah, well, well, he's really. Well, first of all, he so going back to this issue about what does he know and what does he not know? He tries to eat the thermometer, which.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Ben]

Which is strange.

[Ronnie]

We all try once. I mean, that's part of it.

[Matt]

I did as a kid, my mom.

[Jake]

I was really worried that she was gonna, that we're gonna have to watch like a faux sex scene between them and I was gonna have problems with how that works.

[Ben]

Yeah, well, I, I kept on thinking like, how is this movie going to tackle global warming? Because that's going to be a real issue for Jack.

[Matt]

Yeah, Stuck.

[Ben]

He's not going to last long in this one.

[Matt]

No, not at all.

[Ben]

But we gotta work around because the.

[Ronnie]

Villain is just Al Gore. It's coming.

[Matt]

It's coming.

[Ben]

So the thermometers aren't working because they're basically saying that his, his body temperature is like 30 degrees and doy is like, well he's ice cold and he's sweating and the thermometers are saying that he's cold. So it means either he's dead or he really is a snowman.

[Jake]

That's my scientific opinion.

[Ronnie]

Yet he's not dead. So here we are.

[Jake]

This is, this is the thing. Wouldn't it. It be we need to get him to a hospital. Something is really wrong?

[Matt]

No, like why would they do that?

[Ben]

No, no. Yeah, they're. They, they. They don't believe in big, big pharma in these cars. So they're gonna keep him here and do is like, well, maybe he's telling the truth. And Kathy's like, oh sure, and I'm the queen of Alovia.

[Jake]

Do you know what that is? That's where they had like. It was like there were a couple of. Couple of. Of movies like Christmas Prince and like this was it this not the Selena Gomez when the Christmas switch or something like that. Some of them were in Aldovia. So there, there is an Easter egg for people who love these movies.

[Ben]

I was wondering. I was like, that seems.

[Jake]

I was like, I. I caught it. And I went. And I went, oh, that's got to be something. And so, yeah, I googled.

[Ronnie]

You googled it, eh?

[Jake]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

So she's like, oh my God, you're a doctor Dotty. What do you actually think? And she's like, look, everything's about Christmas flying reindeer. So the scientist in me knows they shouldn't exist. But what would. What would.

[Matt]

But wouldn't it be better if it.

[Ronnie]

Did the world be better if they did exist? You know, it's the first pair of. It's the first six pack we've seen in this town. Let's. Whatever you want.

[Matt]

I think, I think Dr. Dottie is on Adderall and she need or something because then she immediately just meets this man who Lacy's calling a drifter. But she immediately says, how would you like to stay with me hot in my doctor house?

[Jake]

Please?

[Ben]

Ye.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. She's like, I'll take you this was.

[Ben]

Not the attending doctor on Kathy's husband because that might.

[Matt]

I mean, look, right.

[Jake]

That would explain why everyone in the town has died prematurely for the last 10 years.

[Matt]

We're going to get to it later. But I already questioned all the medical advice, mainly because the doctor notes I saw were written in comic sans like that. That is something I could never get past.

[Ronnie]

When he finds the cancer diagnosis, it was written in comic sand. This show is so. Show has.

[Matt]

It was so at. When I saw that, that's when I went. I believe in it all.

[Ben]

She's a con artist.

[Matt]

She's a con artist.

[Ben]

She is a literal con artist who came to this town to start a new life running from the mob. And she's.

[Ronnie]

That's why she's so willing to just Everybody.

[Ben]

She's like.

[Ronnie]

She's like, you know what if he's a snowman, He's a snowman. I'm a doctor.

[Matt]

I'm a doctor. She says, come live with me. And he says, but I want to live with Kathy, and as long as.

[Jake]

The Paretes don't find out where I am, I'm fine.

[Matt]

But then the doctor. Dr. Doy immediate, who is also supposed to be Lacy Chabert's good friend, says, oh, even take care of herself.

[Ronnie]

Stupid.

[Matt]

Have you seen her house? God, what a jump.

[Jake]

A disaster.

[Ben]

Hot tip. Don't step on the third stair. It doesn't exist.

[Jake]

I had to go over there last week and do her laundry. It's that bad.

[Ben]

It's that bad. No one even wants to help Cat. They want to help the snowman. But they're like, yeah, she's a lost cause.

[Matt]

Someone wants to help. That's true.

[Jake]

And. And there's. He's like, but no, Kathy, I want to stay with you. And that's when she says, I can't. She's like, but I trust you because you put the scarf on me. And.

[Ronnie]

And so now it's a scarf that's magical.

[Ben]

Yeah. And he.

[Jake]

So now it's.

[Ben]

I'm pretty sure that's what's keeping me alive. But I don't know if you guys clocked this, but later on, there was definitely one or two scenes where he was not wearing the scarf. I'm like, yes.

[Jake]

I, I.

[Ronnie]

It also doesn't make sense because scarves keep you warm. And he's. He can't be warmer on guys.

[Jake]

It's.

[Ronnie]

It's.

[Jake]

Yeah, I. I wrote that down too. And I said, that's. That.

[Ronnie]

It's.

[Jake]

It hurts me to think about that. The the scarf would actually make him a little warmer.

[Ronnie]

Right.

[Matt]

Justice for snowman continuity.

[Ben]

So after. After some badgering, Kathy gives in. Is like, fine. He goes, thanks, I love you. And she's like, you do not love me. He goes, no, I. I love you. And she's like, you don't. You don't love me. Stop saying you love me. I was like, okay, this is fun. I like that she can't accept affection. This is good. Did you.

[Jake]

They do have the thing where she's looking at the Lindsay Lohan movie. She's like, that looks like a girl I went to high school with.

[Ben]

Okay. At this point, now they go back to her house. Yes.

[Ronnie]

You guys, a question? I'm sorry. I know this is already 10 hours, but I need. I need a break because I need to ask something. So Lindsay, who. Who was Gretchen? She was Gretchen Wiener. But, yeah, wasn't Gretchen Wieners, like, the main normal girl in Mean Girls that was trying to get in with the mean girls, and then she went through the whole journey? Who is Lindsay Lohan?

[Jake]

Lindsay was the new girl.

[Ben]

Lindsay was the new girl. Gretchen was, like, in with the popular.

[Jake]

Girls, but Gretchen was airhead. Gretchen was, like, kind of the. The One of the mean girls.

[Ben]

The.

[Jake]

The airhead was Amanda Seyfried.

[Matt]

She was like, Airhead was Amanda Seafried. Gretchen was kind of like.

[Ben]

She went to England.

[Matt]

She was kind of like the girl with skin issues in the craft who wasn't really bad bad, but like a sidekick bad, but still following the mean girl.

[Ronnie]

Okay, thank you. Because I. And I even saw the musical Mean Girls, and I was like, well, I thought Gretchen Wiener was.

[Jake]

Oh, I hated it. I hated it so much.

[Ronnie]

It was not good.

[Ben]

You know what's. You know what? It's. It's sad that some of these musicals can't last longer than our recap of this movie.

[Ronnie]

We're the longest. We're the longer running than Cats.

[Ben]

Why don't we wrap up this episode with it? Watch what crap. INS would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always automatic with Ashley auto.

[Ronnie]

Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney.

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Have a heck of a time with.

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

Shrinking violet Coutar we love you guys.

[Jake]

Foreign.

[Ronnie]

If you like, watch what crappens you can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondery.

[Jake]

Hello, ladies and germs, boys and girls.

[Ben]

The Grinch is back again to ruin.

[Jake]

Your Christmas season with Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast.

[Ben]

After last year, he's learned a thing or two about hosting and he's ready to rant against Christmas cheer and roast his celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire. You can listen with the whole family as guest stars like Jon Hamm, Brittney Broski and Danny DeVito try to persuade.

[Jake]

The mean old Grinch that there's a.

[Ben]

Lot to love about the insufferable holiday season. But that's not all.

[Jake]

Somebody stole all the children of Whoville's letters to Santa and everybody thinks the Grinch is responsible.

[Ben]

It's a real Whoville Whodunit can Cindy Lou and Max help clear the Grinch's name. Grab your hot cocoa and cozy slippers to find out, Follow Tis the Grinch.

[Jake]

Holiday Podcast on the Wondery app or.

[Ben]

Wherever you get your podcasts. Unlock weekly Christmas mystery bonus content and.

[Jake]

Listen to every episode ad free by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery App.

[Ben]

Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

[Matt]

They say Hollywood is where dreams are made, a seductive city where many flock to get rich, be adored and capture America's heart. But when the spotlight turns off, fame, fortune and lives can disappear. Disappear in an instant. When TV producer Roy Raiden was found dead in a Canyon near LA in 1983, there were many questions surrounding his death. The last person seen with him was Lainey Jacobs, a seductive cocaine dealer who desperately wanted to be part of the Hollywood elite. Together, they were trying to break into the movie industry, but things took a dark turn when a million dollars worth of cocaine and cat cash went missing. From Wondery comes a new season of the hit show Hollywood and Crime, the Cotton Club Murder. Follow Hollywood in Crime, the Cotton Club Murder on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of the Cotton Club Murder early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus.