#2676 RHOP S09E13: Panama Wack

Summary

Watch What Crappens Podcast Summary

Episode: #2676 RHOP S09E13: Panama Wack
Release Date: January 6, 2025
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Platform: Wondery

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Introduction

In episode #2676 titled "RHOP S09E13: Panama Wack," hosts Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam delve deep into the latest happenings of The Real Housewives of Potomac (RHOP) Season 9, Episode 13. As always, Ben and Ronnie blend their sharp wit with insightful commentary, offering listeners a comprehensive analysis of the episode's key moments, character dynamics, and overarching storylines.

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Recap of RHOP S09E13: Panama Wack

Main Plot Points: The episode centers around the tumultuous vacation of Mia Thornton and her entourage in Panama City. A significant plotline involves Mia's struggle with the sudden and unexplained disappearance of her children, Jeremiah and Juliana. The uncertainty surrounding their whereabouts creates tension among the group, especially between Mia and her friends Jacqueline Preston and Giselle Bennett.

Key Events:

• Mia’s Panic: Mia discovers that Gordon, her ex-husband, has taken her children and dropped them off four hours away without prior notice. Her frantic state is evident as she grapples with not knowing where her kids are.

  Ben [10:22]: "This really sucks for Mia. Being on vacation and having a spouse take away the kids to ruin your trip—it’s the worst."

• Jacqueline’s Support: Jacqueline steps in to calm Mia, assuring her that the children are safe and reassuring her of their location. This act highlights Jacqueline's role as a steadfast friend amidst crisis.

  Ronnie [12:43]: "Jacqueline really is the number one best friend, and we're going to handle it."

• Giselle’s Concerns: Giselle voices her doubts about Mia's trustworthiness, reflecting ongoing tensions and suspicions within the group.

  Ben [14:30]: "Mia’s being histrionic, and I’m just not buying it anymore."

• Karen’s Struggles: Karen becomes a focal point as her personal issues, including a drunken episode where she claimed to be Thomas Jefferson's concubine, continue to affect the group's dynamics.

  Ronnie [19:28]: "Don't be mean to Stacy. Be mean to people who deserve it, like Karen or Ashley or Robin."

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Character Dynamics and Host Commentary

Mia Thornton: Mia's storyline is central to this episode, portraying her as a figure struggling with control and stability. The hosts critique her inconsistent narratives and question her reliability.

Ronnie [14:42]: "She’s crying wolf too many times. It’s the Boy Who Cried Wolf scenario on repeat."

Jacqueline Preston: Jacqueline's unwavering support for Mia is both lauded and criticized by the hosts. They acknowledge her loyalty but question the wisdom of continuously backing Mia despite the ongoing drama.

Ben [34:14]: "She’s like, ‘Let me tell you, Mia is my friend, and Mia loves me more than anybody here.’"

Giselle Bennett: Giselle's skepticism towards Mia adds another layer of tension. The hosts highlight her role in challenging Mia's narratives, positioning her as a voice of reason—or contention.

Ronnie [32:10]: "Giselle, you have some nerve to say slob."

Karen Huger: Karen's character arc continues to be tumultuous. Her recent confrontations and erratic behavior are dissected by the hosts, who express both frustration and empathy towards her plight.

Ben [49:38]: "I think she is. I don't think she's gonna be full term. Probably two months."

Ashley Portero: Ashley's attempts to mediate and support Mia are met with mixed responses. The hosts appreciate her efforts but also critique her approach, suggesting it sometimes lacks authenticity.

Ronnie [45:02]: "If you want to be a rational adult and human being, be a rational adult and human being."

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Key Quotes

• Ben on Mia’s Situation:

  “If I didn’t know where my children were, I would lose my mind. Are they happy? Are they healthy?” [34:19]

• Ronnie on Hostility:

  “It’s a story for a reason. A little girl got eaten by a wolf.” [14:42]

• Ben on Karen’s Behavior:

  “I used to really, really like Robin. I actually would say I loved Robin, but she just kind of... she just kind of wilted.” [21:19]

• Ronnie on Apologies:

  “She apologizes off camera, but it doesn’t count if it’s not on camera. Everybody knows that.” [65:44]

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Analysis and Insights

Host Perspectives: Ben and Ronnie consistently take a critical yet humorous stance on the ongoing drama within RHOP. They dissect character motivations, question the authenticity of interactions, and highlight recurring themes such as control, trust, and loyalty.

Themes Explored:

• Control and Manipulation: Mia's actions suggest a pattern of controlling behavior, especially concerning her children and relationships within the group.

• Trust and Betrayal: The uncertainty about the children's whereabouts strains relationships, fostering an environment of mistrust among the housewives.

• Support Systems: The contrasting approaches of characters like Jacqueline and Giselle towards Mia underscore the complexities of friendship and support in high-drama settings.

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Conclusion

Episode #2676 of Watch What Crappens offers a thorough and entertaining breakdown of RHOP's latest episode. Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam adeptly navigate the intricate web of relationships and conflicts, providing listeners with both laughs and thoughtful critiques. Their ability to highlight the absurdities while maintaining a critical eye makes this episode a must-listen for fans seeking deeper insights into the ever-dramatic world of The Real Housewives of Potomac.

For those interested in bonus content, video recaps, and exclusive access to their Discord server, Ben and Ronnie encourage support through their Patreon at www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Ben [10:22]: "This really sucks for Mia. Being on vacation and having a spouse take away the kids to ruin your trip—it’s the worst."

• Ronnie [12:43]: "Jacqueline really is the number one best friend, and we're going to handle it."

• Ronnie [14:42]: "She’s crying wolf too many times. It’s the Boy Who Cried Wolf scenario on repeat."

• Ben [34:14]: "She’s like, ‘Let me tell you, Mia is my friend, and Mia loves me more than anybody here.’"

• Ben [49:38]: "I think she is. I don't think she's gonna be full term. Probably two months."

• Ronnie [65:44]: "She apologizes off camera, but it doesn’t count if it’s not on camera. Everybody knows that."

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Transcript

[Ben]

After the holiday hustle. There's nothing like giving your home a little tlc, right Ronnie?

[Ronnie]

Oh man. I go through every closet, I go through every bedroom. I Virgo out in the new year and it feels so, so good.

[Ben]

Well, I can tell you something. I am actually in the process of trying to revamp this room that I'm sitting in right now where I record the podcast and I want to get some chairs and I am going to go to Wayfair to get it done.

[Ronnie]

I actually just did that. I just designed my deck and was finishing it all up and I actually got most of my stuff on Wayfair. I got these amazing, huge deck like lounger chairs. They look stunningly gorgeous. I mean, they look fantastic and I got them for an amazing price.

[Ben]

Yeah. And by the way, I'm like looking on, on the website right now. So many things have free delivery and there's a lot of like one day, two day delivery. Like you can get it quickly.

[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

Yeah, and there's free and easy delivery, even on the big stuff. They'll even help you set it up.

[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

Who cares what happens when there's so much crap?

[Ronnie]

Well, hello and welcome to watch what crappens, a podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on y old bravs. Hello, everybody. Welcome. Hi, Ben, how are you?

[Ben]

Hi, Ronnie. I'm great, thanks. How are you doing?

[Ronnie]

Good. That's Ben. I'm Ronnie, everybody. Welcome to the show. Today is Real Housewives of Potomac day. But first we have the golden crappies, the annual golden crappy awards coming out this year. You know, a lot of people are trying to copy that now. There are things called the Golden Globes, there are things called the Grammys. I mean, whatever. We were the first and we are in New York City on Broadway on February 1st. It's People Are coming to do the show. I mean, we've asked a lot of people. We can't really announce it here. I mean, I guess we could, but we like to keep it as a surprise. But we've got big people coming to present awards. It's going to be star studded and we're so excited for this. It's going to be musical, it's going to be wonderful. So come get your tickets@watch crapmans.com Also, we start our tour in like a second. We're going to be in San Francisco and San Diego in two weeks. So come see that because we're there too. Then we're in Salt Lake City and Denver. I mean, it's going to be a whirlwind. So go get your tickets at. Watch what crappens.com and there's a lot of people asking where the Southern hospitality recap is. Well, because Bravo backloads, or what do you call it? Not front loads, backload end loads. Right where you do it towards the end of the week.

[Ben]

This is lots of loads.

[Ronnie]

Bravo's giving us so much loads, you guys.

[Ben]

It unleashes its load on us.

[Ronnie]

It's load timber or whatever.

[Ben]

Load temperature. Bravo launched the season premiere of Southern hospitality on Thursday when we were still kind of like semi on vacation. We did some recaps last week. Needless to say, we will have a recap of Southern hospitality because spoiler alert. It was absolutely amazing. Shockingly amazing. I don't know how you feel, but that's how I felt. So we'll, we'll have that coming up this week. Before we dive into Potomac though, let's just, I just want to talk a little bit about the ballot because I'm so excited. The ballot is live. The link [e-mail] it's also on our social media. But I'm not going to go through nominations because there's, this is really like, this is the wide net round where we have lots of names and things in all the categories and it's up to you guys to whittle it down. And then our top five from each category will be the official nominations and those will come out mid month. But the categories are Best Bravo show of the Year. Bravo Liberty of the Year. Best Non Housewives Show, Best Moment, Best Fight. Best Villain, Most Cringe. The Worst Biggest Fail. Best Newbie, Best Quote, Best Supporting Character, Biggest Scandal, Best Group Scene. That's a new one. And also another new one. Most Chaotic. So thank you to everyone who responded to our Instagram posts when we're looking for ideas. That was really, really helpful. It's a really fun ballot. I think it's a really hard one too. It was a great year of Bravo. Now what's also exciting is that we do have some nice peacock representation this year and even Hulu with secret lives and Mormon wives. We decided to welcome them under the umbrella of the crappies. And I think our lives are all the richer for it.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, I mean, if we cover it, it counts, you know.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

So there you go. And speaking of, the Traders is coming back this week. We've got so many shows on our docket right now. We're already not covering some things on Bravo so we're not going to be able to keep up with everything. However, we are going to start with the Traders over on Pat on and we'll have a, a two part cast preview coming out later this week, which is going to be super fun. And for everything else, I mean, I don't know, we're gonna do it for as long as we can do it. Then we'll announce something later. Okay. But we're gonna, we're gonna keep up with as much as we possibly can because it's so good. It's an embarrassment of riches. I'm just humiliated by the riches.

[Ben]

It really is. I mean, there's a lot of, lot of good stuff on Bravo right now. So we Are hashtag blessed to be doing this job.

[Ronnie]

Now does Potomac count? I don't know. Up and down, up and down. Potomac is having a. Potomac is suffering from this. They all realize Mia is so full of shit that they don't even know what to do anymore. They don't want to play with her, but they have to. And the rest of them are just kind of checking out. Giselle is on her I have to be nice season. So she's like sticking with that. Karen's just behaving herself because, you know, she's a fall down drunk, as we've all seen from that. That drunken video of hers that out last week where she proclaims to be Thomas Jefferson's concubine, et cetera, et cetera. And, you know, we've got some great newbies going. We've got a lot that's. It's been a good season. It's been a good season. It's faltering. Much more than lasts, it's faltering. And it's one of those seasons that's like, don't end, just end. Why do you guys feel the need to keep going? You've got nothing, you know, You've got nothing. End on a high note. Okay, end it. What is this? Episode 13? Next week's gonna be episode 14. When they said next time, I was like, no, next time. Credits cred. Next time. Three part reunion.

[Ben]

Yeah, it was. I think it's been like a really strong season. Although the past few weeks have been kind of faltering a little bit. Maybe like Bravo timed it that way so that way some of the weak episodes aired during the holidays when we weren't paying as much attention. I'm hoping it writes its ship because.

[Kieran]

This week's episode was like, maybe not.

[Ben]

The most compelling for me. I'm rooting for the show and I think the show has done a great job.

[Ronnie]

But, yeah, overall, you know.

[Ben]

Yeah, but you know what? I think that Bravo. Bravo has a lot of different shows, so they don't all have to go on for 14 to 16 episodes. Some can be nine episode seasons. Some, like, certain shows can do the 14, but this one, like, there should have been like a 12 episode order and just like, just like, just we could tighten it up. That way we don't have to sit through endless scenes of patter about who knows what. Like, we could just get to the good stuff, you know, and just like, dude.

[Ronnie]

Yes. So we start with me. We're in Panama. Okay, this episode is number 13. It's called Rumble in the jungle, because I have rom pretty good. Okay, that's good.

[Ben]

I like that.

[Ronnie]

And we're with Mia and Jacqueline, and they have just found out that Gordon dropped the kids off four hours away from home. So Mia's on FaceTime with her mom, Veronica, you know, who, by the way, Mia has spent her entire career on this show making us not trust her mom. So I don't know why her mom's like, the bastion of trust now, but she is. So she's like the objective mom in the next hour is I need to know that my kids are with her, because if not, I'm gonna get on with them with the flight and I'm gonna go get my kids. And this is because she tells us that Gordon didn't want. We don't know why, actually, but Gordon went and picked up their kids and then took them to a different ba. She told us Gordon took the kids to a different babysitter' house four hours away.

[Ben]

Yeah, she. I. The tail end of last episode was her saying that basically Gordon was like, insisting that he takes the kids, and then he takes the kids and then he, like, drops them off four hours away later. Which, you know, I have to say, like, as much as we're always like.

[Kieran]

Gardens and maniac or like, every time.

[Ben]

Mia says that, it's like, it's sort of funny because it feels like she goes that really quickly. But at the same time, it is probably very difficult to deal with this situation. And I was like. I was like, this really sucks. This definitely really sucks for Mia. Like, that is when you're on vacation and you have like, a spouse who is basically playing games and being like, okay, I'm gonna pick up the kids and drop them off somewhere and make like, ruin your vacation. Because people do this. And it's so up that. Like, that. That separated couples do this. But I've definitely seen this kind of. These kind of hijinks happen before. And yeah, that sucks.

[Ronnie]

But I've also seen just Mia full of entire time. So I'm not really sure what she's. I'm not sure what she's saying, cuz last time she said he took her to a babysitter four hours away. Unless I misheard it in the last episode and we didn't recap it, so I don't even have notes for it. But from what I remember, she said he took it to a different babysitter four hours away, but now she's saying we have no idea where. Where the kids are. And he's not answering and stuff like that. So I don't know if it was a fight about, like, he didn't want the kids to be left with somebody he doesn't know. He wants this other babysit. I don't know what it is.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

But crazy. Be mania. Be mania. Ing, as you said. And so they're. Now it's the search for the children, right?

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

So she's saying. We see a flashback to yesterday on the Sprinter where she's telling. She's saying, Gordon, for some reason, doesn't believe that I'm really on this trip with you guys. He thinks that I'm probably on vacation with Ink.

[Ben]

Oh, yeah. And then Jacqueline is like, yeah. And so he came over and he took the kids because he wants to control Mia, and he used the. Uses the kids to do so. So now we come back, and Mia and Jacqueline, they're just, like, on the patio now.

[Kieran]

I mean, it's like, I'm just trying not to panic. I'm not gonna have a whole panic attack.

[Ben]

And she just talks about why. Like, this is another example of why she's getting a divorce and everything. So she's, like, sort of, like, losing her mind, etc. And Jacqueline's like, I'm going to take care of it. Okay. Number one best friend, but not a sidekick, but number one best friend. We're going to handle it.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Jacqueline really is. Jacqueline sounds kind of like an abusive husband in a Lifetime movie sometimes. Like, she. She has a lot of the same lines. Like, no one else understands, but I understand. No one else gets it, but I get it. Nobody gets you but me. Just stay in mama's arms.

[Ben]

I just love that she got so mad earlier in the season about, like. About when she was accused of being up Mia's ass, and she's like, I am not. I am my own person. And, like, literally every episode since then has been her. Like, I have this. Don't you worry. I'm the one who can do this for you and no one else. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

So then she. Jacqueline's calling somebody, and then Mia's like, well, I just want to confirm the kids are with.

[Kieran]

Bleep.

[Ronnie]

With. Okay. Your kids are with the C word. I mean, what are we calling our nannies these days? Who knows what she said under the bleep? I'm assuming it was their name, but I just always hear the C word now.

[Ben]

Yeah, it's just the C word. The kids are at Cut Fitness getting a workout in.

[Kieran]

So she's like, if I can confirm that, then I can go about my day. Because if they're with her, then they're good.

[Ben]

And they're like, so someone's like, hey, what's going on? On the phone? And Jacqueline's like, excuse me. Mia can't talk, so I'm her representative. Jacqueline, we're having a little bit of an emergency. Mia doesn't know where Jeremiah and Juliana are. And also, where is Ink? Is he behind a counter? Okay, good. You found him. Okay. Did Gordon drop them off at some. At the Seward's house? And they're like, yeah, okay, well, see.

[Ronnie]

This is why I'm like, what is going on on this show? Because the person who answers the phone is like. Like, yeah, like, you know this. Why are you calling me? You know, it sounded like, why are you even bothering me with this when you know what's going on? And, you know, obviously, at this point, I don't have a ton of trust for Mia, so I'm just kind of rolling my eyes now because I don't believe her there.

[Ben]

Right. Do you feel like Mia and Gordon had a plan? Like, oh, yeah. He's like, I'm dropped the kids off tomorrow at this place. And then she's like, yeah, sure. And then she goes on camera and then acts like she had no idea this was gonna happen.

[Ronnie]

I wouldn't doubt it. I don't think that. Because it's not even wor Making up conspiracy theories, but it seems like she's being histrionic and does. And I don't. I'm just not buying it. I just don't believe her anymore, you know? And that's the sad thing. Crying wolf, guys. Crying wolf. Okay? It's a story for a reason. A little girl got eaten by a wolf. I think in the end, wouldn't have.

[Ben]

Happened if I were there. Jaclyn, number one sidekick to that girl. I'm the best friend that girl could have had.

[Ronnie]

I don't even know the ending of the the Boy who Cried wolf, because the boy cried wolf so many times in the story, I got bored and stopped listening. So I don't even know the end. That's. That's the thing. Like, you cried too. Well, you cry wolf too many times. And I start saying that a boy who cried wolf only deserves 12 episodes. And then it happens.

[Ben]

All I have to say is the Boy who Cried Wolf shows why it's important to have mental health resources, because that child, for some reason, he went out there and decided he was going to make up a tale about wolves every single day, and he needed. He Needed someone to talk to. I think. I think he.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

That'S what we've decided. Okay. So Jacqueline's like, okay, well, the person. The person's like, yeah, the kids are with us. And Jacqueline's like, okay, well, we just couldn't get in contact with Gordon, and he, like, he hasn't. He wasn't answering his phone. And we called the C word, and she didn't answer. So Mia's just kind of freaking out. She's having a panic attack. She doesn't even know where they are. Look at her. She's lost her mind. And Mia's like.

[Kieran]

Like, yeah, actually, can you have your mom, like, okay, I just texted your.

[Ben]

Mom to confirm, and she hasn't responded.

[Kieran]

So I just want to make sure that they're there, because Gordon hasn't responded. And I'm actually ecstatic to know they're.

[Ben]

With your mom, but I just want to know if they're where they were.

[Kieran]

Because now that I know that it's comforting.

[Ben]

I'm like, so have you found the kids? Have you not found the kids? What's going on here?

[Ronnie]

Yeah, well, not really, but she knows they're with the other nanny. So I guess one nanny is the daughter of the other nanny. And is what I'm getting. Isn't that what it sounds like? Like, there's one nanny who lives where they live, and then there's another nanny who lives four hours away, where they also kind of live. I don't know. So then she's joint.

[Ben]

It's just joint practices.

[Kieran]

We call each one of the joints our nanny.

[Ronnie]

Crack. The nanny's back, so she's like, well, cut. Fitness. The C word was our nanny since Joshua was born. And then we see a picture, and she's like. And she was also the mother of the bride in my wedding with Gordon because my mom was incarcerated. So we were really close. So they're fine now. I'm gonna go fucking for a week pretty much.

[Ben]

So Jack is like, okay, so we're good. Like, we can relax now, right? Is there anything you need me to get. Do you want me to get you a little small box of frosted Flakes with some milk for breakfast? I can do that for you. Actually, I'm the only one who can do it here in this entire resort. I will do that for you, Mia. She's like, okay, yeah.

[Kieran]

All right, well, I just. I just need a shout out.

[Ben]

Tequila. Okay. So that's no on the Frosted Flakes. Got it. I'm on top of it. Tequila.

[Ronnie]

Mia's. One of those kids that if her kids were missing and somebody put the milk carton down in front of her with the kid's face on them, she'd be like, well, I'm gonna eat some cereal right now, because there's nothing else I can do. So I've already got the milk.

[Kieran]

I mean, you know, it's not gonna make it any better if I go looking for my kids on an empty stomach.

[Ben]

So I'm just gonna have the cereal. Jack, the Frosted Flakes, please.

[Ronnie]

Okay, so let's get some tequila, girl. And Jacqueline's like, thank God you're fine, baby. I got you, baby. I got you. I know what you're going through. I know the other girls don't get it, but I get it. And I love you. And the other girls don't love you, but I do. And I know you're. Great job. Okay? We're gonna figure this out together. She's like, okay, that's enough. Thank you. You're done here.

[Ben]

So Stacy goes to Kieran's room, and Stacy is like, well, I washed and I borrowed toothpaste and deodorant from Giselle. It was a wild and wacky moment between two girlfriends on a vacation. Back to you, Kierna.

[Ronnie]

So I forgot. Did she lose her two tooth or her luggage or what happened with her?

[Ben]

There was, like, a scene last week where she forgot to pack her toothpaste. So she, like, knocked on Giselle's door, and Giselle came to the door, and she was, like, in her, like, bonnet and pajamas, and I don't think she was ready to be on tv. She was like, oh, hello. And she asked for toothpaste from Giselle. That's, like, all it was.

[Ronnie]

And she actually had the nerve to say, no one wants to share a room with Stacy, not even T.J. excuse you. How many men have run out of your life screaming and yelling, how dare you be mean to this new lady who I love?

[Ben]

Yeah, I love Stacy. I think Stacy's just wonderful. Don't be mean to Stacy.

[Ronnie]

Stop. Go be mean to people who deserve it, like Karen or Ashley or Robin. Bring Ashley. Bring Robin back and be mean to her for once.

[Ben]

Well, we're about to have a whole bunch of Robin. Although poor Robin Dixon. She was the only one in the traitor's trailer who didn't get to say anything.

[Ronnie]

Oh, no, you're really lucky Juan's not here.

[Ben]

I want her to say that at the round.

[Ronnie]

You're lucky Juan Dixon isn't here right now. The second she gets tapped.

[Ben]

She's gonna be probably first one eliminated. Let's be honest.

[Ronnie]

Or she's a traitor. I mean, they couldn't put Robin as a traitor. Cause they'd be like, okay, who do you think is a traitor? It's been Robin. Who? Robin who? Robin who?

[Ben]

Like, why. Why did they cast Rob? I don't. I just don't understand. She was just fired from Potomac for being a dud. And they're like, but you know what, though? Let's put her on the marquee reality show in the Comcast family. Let's put Robin Dixon on this show that just won the Emmy for best reality show that everyone watches. People who don't even watch reality shows watch the traitors. Let's put Robin Dixon on that. Like, why? Why? You don't get into that.

[Ronnie]

I feel bad. Robin. I normally don't feel bad for people who have been fired from shows, but I do feel bad for Robin. I just feel like she did so much. I mean, she tried to have a trash, trash, trash truck company. Remember when she wanted to have the garbage truck?

[Ben]

Oh, yeah.

[Ronnie]

I mean, she's done so much to stay on this show. We just were like, get out, Robin. Get out and close the dump truck behind you.

[Ben]

I used to really, really like Robin. I actually would say I loved Robin, but. But she just kind of. She just kind of wilted.

[Ronnie]

She peed her off. She petered off. She read. I just want to point out that my little headphone thing broke, and so I currently have it tied to my ear with a twisty tie from the garbage.

[Ben]

Okay, I love that for you.

[Ronnie]

I'm not Robin Dixon industrious.

[Ben]

Talk about Robin Dixon industriousness. Talk about that can do attitude of Robin Dixon. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ashley]

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[Ronnie]

So we see a flashback to six weeks ago at Lake Norman and Stacy's telling K if I have to sleep in a bunk bed, I am so excited it gets to be with you, my new bestest girlfriend. End.

[Ben]

So now we're back to Panama City and Stacy is like, can I come here? Can I be in this room?

[Kieran]

And Ker's like, listen, baby, I'm enjoying that I have my own space. And this is like the K. Stewart.

[Ben]

Suite up here, which I didn't know her last name was Stuart until at that moment. So basically there's like laughing about like being roomies and stuff. So now it's time to go to the sprinter van and they're, they're getting in and Stacy's like looking at Ashley's. Is TikTok dancing? I believe. And Ashley's very proud of it, as usual.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, yeah. And Ashley, you know, it's so cute seeing Ashley do so many TikTok dances and just never really getting better at it. I don't know. I like that it makes me feel better about my piano playing. Cause every day there I am plinking away. Do I get Better never. But I still keep doing it, you know, it's enjoyable, guys. Just be happy being mediocre sometimes. Just really, really run at home, you know what I mean?

[Ben]

You should score one of her TikTok videos. It'll be like an old timey like, like, you know, silent film badly.

[Ronnie]

I'll play Wind Beneath My Wings and just like plunk every. Every couple of chords. Just mess up a chord.

[Ben]

It'll be more like, like a little. A slight breeze beneath the wings. Because I don't think she's really flying enough that a full wind could get under the wind. The wings. But maybe like a, like a, like a little like you're blowing out a birthday candle under the wings.

[Ronnie]

So for anybody who is falling for Wendy as a tour guide, let this line help you out. Well, ladies, we're heading to Panama City. We're gonna do some shopping, we're gonna do some eating, some authentic stuff. Okay? It's gonna be fun. Come on.

[Ben]

I love doing authentic stuff.

[Ronnie]

Ronnie can't wait to do some authentic.

[Ben]

Stuff when we go on tour this year. Can we do some authentic stuff? Let's see. We can do some authentic St. San Diego.

[Ronnie]

Sounds great.

[Ben]

All right.

[Ronnie]

So Karen's like, well, last night was overwhelming. A little bit. But we didn't talk about or. We'll get from you an update on Greg. You're not there. You're welcome. I'm about to fit off the table. Scrap from the table. Enjoy.

[Ben]

We decided we'd give you a scene at long last.

[Kieran]

So now you can address the group for the first time. She's like, thank you. She's like, well, I love my man. Like, I was talking to him last night and he was like. He said. Because I'm like, not home. He's like, eating pizza for breakfast and like dinner. And he like, misses me like, so much.

[Ben]

And Giselle's like, as he should. And then we see flashback to home life etc.

[Ronnie]

And K's like, listen, nobody cares about Ka. And I'm so sorry. So sorry.

[Kieran]

Thank you.

[Ronnie]

I'm sorry about it. Because we all want to do. Right.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

I mean, I. I do like her, I think. Like, she seems so sweet and she's so beautiful and I love her outfits and stuff, but she's just not firing on any cylinders. And so she goes into her things with Greg, which nobody cares about her thing with Greg either because it's kind of like, grody. Like, he just seems, like, not nice. And I know that he's probably coming off like that because he just doesn't want to be on camera, but he's coming off as a total. So she goes into her relationship. I just don't care, you know, I don't care. So she talks about that he's divorced, they have kids now. They say in more and she's like, he has pizza every. Every day when I'm gone. Well, he probably does when you're there too, because your whole storyline is that you don't cook. Just fucking f F the k ffk.

[Ben]

Yeah, it's. It was like. It was like a little bit of. They're finally like learning about Kierna's life. It's kind of funny that this, like we're. We're in episode 13 and they're finally asking Kieran, oh, tell us about your relationship with Greg. And you can tell that they just.

[Ronnie]

Made Karen do it too. Cuz Karen doesn't care. Karen's like, well, you know, one thing we haven't talked about is her relationship with him. H. You never know. It's 2024, that one. Do it. You're on.

[Ben]

Sure.

[Kieran]

Let's hear about the Real Housewife who's.

[Ben]

Married to a social worker.

[Kieran]

That's going to be great television. Go, Kiana, go.

[Ronnie]

Could you please go save Robin Dixon from Robin Dixon's home? Unfortunately, Robin. Robin is suffering from having to live with someone named Robin. So let's see what we can do about that. My social worker.

[Ben]

So Kieran talks for quite a bit about Greg and how she. About her salon and Greg and moving in. It's been 90 days and now they're on a her schedule now. And his stuff was there then her stuff was in the house. They moved in together. You know, all the intricacies and beautiful nuances of bringing boxes over to someone else's house.

[Ronnie]

And then we see a clip, we see a flashback that was really good even when it first happened. So I'm really glad. They're flashing back to where she brings boxes in and she's like, we need more room. You need to give up some of your room. And he's like, it's like, wow, you guys should show that every episode. So then back to the Sprinter house. Wendy's asking when the house is going to be done and she's like, like, literally like four and a half weeks. So then Giselle is like, well, Karen, n. While I was love lagooning, I spoke with Raymond and he said that you gave him a list of he needs to do. And she like, oh, he told you that? He did, did he? Well, he Does. And here are some of the things on there. All right. Well, one of them is. It's simple stuff. Like, when we first got together, he would always open my door. Doesn't do that anymore. Like, why don't you open his door? That man can barely walk. He's using the door handle as a. As a. Something to hold him up.

[Ben]

Also, I think that's a really bad sign if your husband's not opening the door for you anymore. Like, I think you. I think you need to put a little bit more, like, consideration into this. Like, if he can't do the simplest act of chivalry for his wife, it's not a great sign.

[Ronnie]

Do you think it just lets it shut in her face?

[Ben]

Maybe he's just, like. He's just so preoccupied thinking about golfing in Florida that he forgets there's even a door there. He's like, oh, sorry. Zoned out for a moment.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. He does not open the door for me. He. He does, however, bump into it and then back away. Stagger back backwards away from it. And then I open it. Well, he didn't see the door, Karen. Also, I have a feeling he's not opening the door because he's behind her. You know what I mean? You know, he is. You know, he's stumbling behind her.

[Ben]

It's sad that I'm more interested in, like, the logistics of their door opening process than Kieran, his entire life storyline. So Giselle's like, oh, it's okay. Karen's like, yes. And he's hard working on some other.

[Kieran]

Things that were required. You know what I'm talking about.

[Ben]

And Wendy's like, what were you talking about? Authentic stuff. And Giselle's like, oh, he's going down. He's going downtown.

[Ronnie]

He's starting the village. He's traveling to the village. That's what he's doing now. And they're like, oh, right. She goes, well, you know, he does that better than opening the door.

[Ben]

But are you reciprocating? And Karen is like, not yet, because.

[Kieran]

There were a few more things that are very serious on my list that need to be taken care of.

[Ben]

So Giselle is like, so you want him to go downtown? And he's doing that. And she's like, yes, he started the.

[Ronnie]

Journey downtown, but she won't give him blow jobs, basically. And so Karen's like, I cut it off. And then we see a flashback to the dominatrix night in 2020 where they were talking about this, and she said, I've retired my mouth. I Had a lot on my plate the last two and a half years. So my mouth is done. That night was very famous because that's where Candace found out that Ashley had written a character letter for what's her buns?

[Ben]

Was it Monique?

[Ronnie]

For who? For Monique. And then it became a huge fight after that. All in Playboy bunny costumes. Do you remember? That's one of those episodes that will live forever in my head.

[Ben]

Yeah. So Giselle is like, so what does Ray have to do to get a slob knob?

[Kieran]

Giselle, you have some nerve to say slob.

[Ben]

And Giselle is like, I said slobnob. Slobnob. What are you talking about?

[Ronnie]

I don't know. Slob knob.

[Ben]

I just hope to listen.

[Ronnie]

If you want him to open a door, you need to work on his knob a little bit. And she's like, no, I won't do it. So, you know, I mean, just goes. Just in case anybody's like, you know, I need a break from everything going on with Karen. Now let's talk about Karen getting eaten out and going down on Rey. Save it. Right? That'll save it.

[Ben]

So. So then Jacqueline is like, girl, we had a whole situation this morning before we got there. And now she's like, you and Mia? And she's like, yes. We didn't know where the kids were for, like, two hours. I had to step in with an emergency small box of Apple Jacks. It was scary, but luckily I was there.

[Ronnie]

And now she's like, but wait, where were the children? I mean, I know, listen, I may not be the best mother in the world, but I can tell you this at all times. My children are on a countertop.

[Ben]

You know when they say mothers should be accountable, I literally am accountable. They have to be on accounter at all times.

[Ronnie]

I may not let my play. My children play with marbles, but I let them play on marble all the time.

[Ben]

They say.

[Kieran]

They say, no man is an island.

[Ben]

Island, but all boys should be on one at kitchen island.

[Ronnie]

So she's like, where are the children? And Jacqueline's like, well, they ended up being at the C word's house, you know, the grandma. And he dropped them off there.

[Ben]

But what Grandma cut Fitness.

[Ronnie]

Oh, grandma old grandma cut. And he dropped them over there, but he wasn't answering any of the calls. And now she's like, wow, was she about to call the police? And she's like, no, but she was having a panic attack. She was like, jacqueline, thank God you're here. I couldn't do this without you. Jacqueline, please don't Leave me. I can live without my children, but I can't live without you. Jacqueline, please.

[Ben]

So she's like, wow. She's like, well, the fear that I would have, that I would feel, like.

[Kieran]

The gut wrenching, that feeling, like, I.

[Ben]

Would just feel that. And like, I have no idea how Mia is sitting here on a bus, acting all calm and cool and collected. I'm triggered right now, hearing this. Nothing else matters if I don't know the whereabouts of my children. Are they happy?

[Kieran]

Are they healthy?

[Ben]

Are they on a kitchen island somewhere? Can we take them to an Ashley.

[Kieran]

Furniture and just put them on something?

[Ben]

Are they safe? If I don't see those things, if I don't know those things, you're not gonna see me. I'm like, yes. But to be fair, she now knows where the children are and they are safe, so she doesn't have to freak out anymore.

[Ronnie]

You know where your children are with Michael? I know. Oh, that's much better.

[Ben]

Much better.

[Ronnie]

I mean, Ashley doesn't get to go off about safety when she had children with Gollum on, like, the 80th floor of a high ris with no child protections.

[Ben]

Those kids are pushing around Tonka trucks on a craps table right now. I guarantee it.

[Ronnie]

Those kids have wet maps on a pole somewhere.

[Ben]

They think they're on a merry go round, but they're just being spun on a roulette wheel.

[Ronnie]

Did I tell you I went to Jumbo's clown Room last week?

[Ben]

I saw it on your Instagram. You did? I have never been. How was it?

[Ronnie]

So the gays were like, let's have a gay night. And I was like, okay. And they said, we're gonna go to a strip club. And I was like, so I'm sorry. We talk about Mia. So I'm like, I went to a strip club club. So I was like, oh, there's male strip clubs. Because, you know, for men, that's just a dude standing on a bar punching his dick, you know? And so I was like, whatever. Let's do it. So we show up at Jumbo's clown room, which is girls. It's not boys. And it. They're not really strippers, per se. Like, they wear little G strings and, like, bikini tops and stuff, and they can just. They can dance their fate. No, it's not really burlesque because they don't do the. Like. It's not that. Because burlesque is kind of taking off clothes, right? This. They just appear. Well, they take off something, I guess, but they appear in very little and stay in very little. But they do the full on dance with the bar. Like, they climb up the bar and then slowly come down. Can I tell you, I've never seen happier people in my life. Like, they look so empowered. I was like, I want to grab a bar with my legs and just be able to hover in the. In midair with perfect posture. And then the only time it was really bad was they have to pick up their own dollars at the end, because then they have to get on their hands and knees and literally crawl around the floor getting dollars. And I was like, okay, the empowerment, you know, I guess you can't give them too, too much empowerment if you're the strip club owner. They're like, they've had enough empowerment. Make them clean it up off the floor. Don't give them a broom or nothing. But can I just tell you, the gays.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Sat there and the. We sat at the strip club thing, it was like half gays and then half straight guys who owned some jazz club named Potato, named Baked Potato, which we're gonna go to one day. So anyway, it's all the gays just going, oh, my God, you're amazing. How do you do that? You are so talented. Matt Marr at the end going, sugar.

[Kieran]

You are so stupid.

[Ben]

Sticker, I can help you out.

[Ronnie]

It was the gayest night at a strip club ever. Those girls loved it. They didn't have to really do anything. You know, they had. They could save their butt pops for later.

[Ben]

Yeah. You know what? I think what they need to do is they need to do a projection of a giant QR code, and then everyone could just Venmo their tips.

[Ronnie]

How have they not started doing that? You know, back in the day when Atlanta first started, I was saying. I was saying they should get QR codes or swipeys on their VJJs. And then we heard it on Atlanta later. Later, Kenya said it later. I was like, I've never felt more important in my life. Like, I was the first person to come up with that. But how did they not have swipe machines in their butt cracks? At least still. Or now you could do the little tattoo.

[Ben]

Just tattoo your Venmo. I mean, you know, if you go to get, like, a mani pedi now, a lot of places they have, like, a ring with, like, Venmo QR codes attached to it. And you can just like, tip, tip your nail technician just through Venmo, which I think is like, the best thing of all time. So, like, that's so great.

[Ronnie]

Like, I'M going to put a Venmo just on my car. I'm going to put one. I'm going to put a little QR code on my forehead. I'm going to do it everywhere.

[Ben]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. We'll just put a giant Venmo as our background for crap is on demand. Like, tip us for something. I don't know.

[Ronnie]

Let's go back to Jacqueline causing shit for no reason. So Jacqueline's like, oh, yeah, G's losing it. And when I tell you he's not okay, let me tell you. But you know what Mia says, he may not be okay, but thank God for you, Mia, you angel from above. Please never leave me or I'll kill my. I'll do it right now. Don't ever leave me.

[Ben]

Me. So they arrive at. They. They're going. They go to a city and they arrive. It's hot. And Wendy's like, look at the architecture of Panama. Authentic. And Jac goes, looks a little bit like Atlanta. And they laugh.

[Ronnie]

And so then they. They split up, you know, And Wendy's trying to do her tour guide thing. She's like, welcome to Costco, viejo. I love Costco. You can get very, very large portions of Turkey here to use for at least two weeks for your children.

[Ben]

It's an authentic sample. So they. She's like, it's home to different shops as well as beautiful churches. This is the architecture I was referring to earlier. The architecture of Atlanta as seen in Panama. It's finally here. Like the man on the horse.

[Ronnie]

And the men are like. Like, God, I can't whistle. God. That really killed me in the strip club, too. I really wanted to be able to go, yeah, lightly. Yeah, I can do a light one, but I don't have any, like, gusto behind it. You know what I mean?

[Ben]

I can't do that thing where people stick their fingers in their mouth and they make that. I don't know.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, they make it real loud. I like that. Yeah.

[Ben]

When they do this thing, I'm like, how's that even. That. That's actually. I don't get how that noise can come out of your mouth by putting your fingers in. I feel like Karen Huger in a Breathalyzer Ray, breathe into this thing.

[Ronnie]

So the guys are whistling at them and Wendy's like, baby, when the Godiva goddess walks through, it's a situation where. Whether in the continental United States or in a architecture. So then they go to. Some people go to a hat store. And then Karen's like, oh, you could come Here for the Hattitude party. Nobody laughs. And then Mia, I don't know, they basically all split up and start looking for different things.

[Ben]

They are basically browsing through tchotchkes. They're joking, there's bananas and everything. And then they're trying on hats and hats are too big. And then there's like a fedora and it's like, oh my God, it's giving Michael Jackson doing Smooth Criminal. And then they're saying, oh, we should get like one for Wendy's daughter for being a great host. They're like, oh, who should we get hats for? And so then Ash is talking to me.

[Ronnie]

I thought this was so sad. They're like, let's get a hostess gift. A five dollar straw hat from a pant mall keychain store. That's so sweet. You shouldn't ask.

[Ben]

I know. Let's go to the Chatsky shop and get her a three dollar gift.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. So now Ashley. Oh, sorry, Ben.

[Ben]

No, same thing as she's basically like.

[Kieran]

Hey, so Mia, like where were you this break? Where were you at breakfast this morning? And she's like, oh, I was like finding my kids. Hashtag mania.

[Ronnie]

Well, Jacqueline just told me in the car. So Gordon just dropped them off. Well, he came to Jacqueline's house to pick up the kids to say he wants to spend time with the kids. And then, you know, how did you get four hours away in Virginia? And now he's in Martha's Vineyard. Okay, wait, so the kids were at Jacqueline's house? So then who's taking the care care of the kids at Jacqueline's house?

[Ben]

I do. They share a nanny. I forget. There's so many nannies and there's so many. There's so many tertiary characters in Mia's life that I just can't really keep track of all of them at this point. There's like the nanny, there's this person, there's that person. There's this person from high school. There's that person who did joint. There's doctor. What was the doctor's name again? It was like Dr. Ball, Dr. McDaddy or Dr. McDaddy.

[Ronnie]

I don't know how I still remember that. But yeah, Dr. McDaddy.

[Ben]

Yeah, like ball liquor, you know, same thing.

[Ronnie]

So then Ash is like, oh my God, that's crazy. She goes, yeah, and Stacy's saying that too. And she's like, yeah. And then he gets the kids and he drops them off and goes on vacation. And he's like, yeah, and I'm good that the Kids are there, you know, because now they're gonna have the time of their life. They just sent me a picture, and I don't know what I was expecting, but I was not expecting this. I want to go stay at the grandma's house. This looks amazing. It's like one of those island pools. It's, like, got a waterfall, and, I mean, it looks like heaven over there.

[Ben]

Yeah. And she's like. She's like, yeah, but, like, why do.

[Kieran]

I not know that they're there? And why are you not answering my phone calls? And K's like, yeah, I get it.

[Ben]

So Ashley says, I am sympathetic to the fact that Mia doesn't know the whereabouts of her children. That's like. That's harrowing. But there's some, like, discrepancies about some of the things that she said about Gordon in the past. So I'm like, so now we see flashbacks of Mia being, like, all over the map about Gordon and everything. And Ashley's like, I will tell y'all that if there were. If there were me, I would probably have left the trip. I think that she's just trying to get the heat off of her. Because don't forget, one of the issues is that Mia tried to draw Giselle's daughters into the mess. Yes. And Giselle didn't like that. And so now Ash is basically saying that Mia is trying to have a get out of jail free moment by having issues with her kids.

[Ronnie]

Right. Which is not going to work with Giselle anyway. Right.

[Ben]

Now.

[Stacy]

Hello, ladies and germs. Boys and girls, the Grinch is back again to ruin your Christmas season with Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast. After last year, he's learned a thing or two about hosting, and he's ready to rant against Christmas cheer and roast his celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire. You can listen with the whole family as guest stars like Jon Hamm, Brittney Broski, and Danny DeVito try to persuade the mean old Grinch that there's a lot to love about the insufferable holiday season. But that's not all. Somebody stole all the children of Whoville's letters to Santa, and everybody thinks they're Grinch is responsible. It's a real who, Bill? Who done it? Can Cindy Lou and Max help clear the Grinch's name? Grab your hot cocoa and cozy slippers to find out. Follow Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Unlock weekly Christmas mystery bonus content and listen to every episode ad free by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts.

[Ronnie]

So then Ash is like, well, you know, I didn't know you were having that type of morning, but this morning, I woke up feeling some kind of way. You know, the things you said a couple weeks ago, then you doubled down on last night. I mean, that's crossing a line with Giselle, and I just don't like that, you know, and it's not your business anyway, though. You know what I mean? And so Mia's like, well, I have so much going on. I don't give a. Ashley, I don't have the capacity right now. She's like, well, I don't know how to show up for you. Then she goes, then don't.

[Ben]

So in some ways, Ashley seems like she might be correct on this one.

[Kieran]

Because Mia's like, I can't engage about this.

[Ben]

So then Ash is like, you know, being Mia's friend is, like, exhausting. Like, I've tried to be supportive, but, like, Mia, at some point, you need to take responsibility for yourself and be a rational adult and human being. Unacceptable on every front. Which is funny to hear Ashley say, be a rational adult and human being, but, you know, know it. Do you?

[Ronnie]

Yeah. So now they're trying to play the rest who are there. Like, Karena and Stacy are like, wow, poor thing. She's really going through it. I mean, he's like, oh, my God.

[Kieran]

My heart is still racing.

[Ronnie]

I am so concerned. How much are these sunglasses? 20. I'll give you 15. No. Oh, go yourself. Okay, 15.

[Kieran]

Great.

[Ronnie]

Gracias. So worried about my children.

[Kieran]

My heart is racing.

[Ben]

I feel for you. I can't believe you didn't know where your children were. If I didn't know where Arabella was at any given moment, I would lose my mind. Whereabella, Arabella. Sometimes I go to the grocery store and I see a mini bond bell, and I say, mini bond bell. What about Arabelle? Where is she? And then I realize she's right next to me. Oh, what a relief.

[Ronnie]

So Stacy's like, oh, my God. Why would he do that to you? It's all about control. When he wants me to come home and be his wife, that's what he does. So then they decide he's not gonna ruin this trip for her. Okay, so then don't let him ruin.

[Ben]

This trip where we've gone to a tchotchke shop in the middle of Central America.

[Ronnie]

This is a trip where we have.

[Ben]

Finally seen architecture that's authentic. Authentic architecture and tchotchke. Shops.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. So then now Karen is like, I get it, though, because Mia is who she's it. She who Mia is who she is. And it's kind of repetitive. So, you know, whatever. So then now we go over to Giselle and Jacqueline, and she's like, you know, I know that Mia's going through things, but that's no excuse. And last night, she doubled down on the thing about my daughter Zah. And Wendy's like, you're better than me, because I would have cleared that whole table if she had said something about my daughters.

[Ben]

Excuse me, representative of Mia. I'm sorry, what did you say?

[Ronnie]

Nothing. Taught her a sense.

[Ben]

Sorry to interrupt. I got very excited as a representative of Mia. And I just want to say this. A lot of times with Mia, when she gets upset, she does lash out. She says things and she doesn't think. But I can assure you, as someone who knows Mia probably better, better than anyone here, she doesn't mean it. She's going through a lot. Everyone, if you'd like to say something to her, you can get in line, and I will see if she's willing to talk.

[Ronnie]

And Giselle's like, whatever. Mia sucks. And then now Kieran decides to get Wendy a little gift, and they get her, like a little banana pipe thing for happy Eddie. And then they all meet back up and they give Wendy her cheap ass little gifts. And the producer's like, so, Wendy, will you ever wear that hat? She's like, I will not.

[Ben]

Yeah. So then they all. They all, like, go to this. Where the. The gift exchange happens at this rum bar. So they all sort of gather and they are going to taste different rums and everything. They all order rum, except for, of course, Karen, who decides that she is going to have, I think she has a non alcoholic drink. And Karen is like, I'm so proud. She's like, you know, I don't have to be sober. I'm just not drinking with these bitches. And I think they get the message. Hence, that's why they're all making these elaborate excuses for me not drinking, you know?

[Kieran]

Oh, I'm so proud of Karen. Sobriety girl who said I was a.

[Ben]

Sorry. She's like. They're saying, oh, I'm so proud of Karen.

[Kieran]

Sobriety girl who said I was sobriety?

[Ben]

Yes.

[Ronnie]

You sound super sober right now. So do you think Karen's gonna go to jail? I do.

[Ben]

I think she is. I don't think she's gonna be the full term. I think she'll probably do like, two months. But I think she's gonna.

[Ronnie]

Because that was the deal. They. I read that if she took the deal, it would have been two months, but she refused to take the deal. And then that video was shown, and it's. How did she not take the deal? It's just so stupid. So I think she's gonna get, like, six months to a year. I'll back.

[Ben]

Yeah. I mean, surely they had access to that video. Surely she had seen that video. So you got to take the deal.

[Ronnie]

Dumb move. Dumb move. So they're doing this tasting and stuff and kind of teasing each other and whatever, you know, they're all guessing the wrong spices and stuff. Then Ashley calls the boys, and she's like, so, guys, how are you doing? And they're like, dancing on a countertop somewhere, and they're like, hello, mother. We've missed you so much. I met a really nice lady right now who told. Who taught me how to hold a dollar in my butt crack.

[Ben]

So she's like, okay, great.

[Kieran]

I'm glad you guys are doing well. So have your dad sense and a picture to me.

[Ronnie]

Bye. I just asked if I could sit on my new friend, my new auntie's lap, and she asked me for $20 once. I got up.

[Kieran]

Hey, Dylan, are you. Do you have tassels attached to your chests? Sure do, mommy.

[Ronnie]

So then, let's see here. So now Wendy brings up the kids. She's like, are the kids okay? And she's like, they're at their. They're at their dad's house, so everything's fine. And now it's time for a game because, you know. Know that's what we're left with in this group. There's literally nothing else going on. So Wendy's like, okay, let's imitate each other. So they do. And they don't really do good imitations of each other, but they do pick little idiosyncras. Idio. Idiosyncrasies. Yeah. Is that right?

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Idiosyncrasies. That's not sound right.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Doesn't feel you got it right anymore.

[Ben]

You landed it. You got it right. Great. But, yeah, they're doing. It's. It's. You know, it's funny. They're making fun of each other, and they're making fun of how Giselle always goes. Yeah. So that was kind of funny. And then some things that, like Wendy, I guess. Wendy, apparently, I never noticed it was. Can I say something? That's like, apparently her go to phrase to interrupt. So it was Fun. It's funny times.

[Ronnie]

And then fast forward, fast forward, fast forward, fast forward.

[Ben]

It was a scene.

[Ronnie]

It.

[Ben]

It was the same.

[Ronnie]

So then Ashley's like, so back in the day. Back in the day, there was an idea that Jacqueline and Mia shared a guy who was good with his mouth. And Giselle goes, oh, yeah, Ink. And Jacqueline's like, no, it was not ink. And Wendy's like, did Ink eat your box? She goes, I can't remember. She goes, oh, okay. So it was Ink. You guys shared Ink. That guy. That little guy gets a lot of play.

[Ben]

Yeah, he really does. Well, he's the perfect height for it. So then he basically. We have flashbacks to Mia saying, my ex was really good in.

[Ronnie]

All he has to do is blow kisses. They're like, you know what, Ink? Just stand there and blow bubbles for a while. Okay, back up. Everybody just back up.

[Kieran]

Blowing kisses in the wind.

[Ben]

So, yeah, so they're like. So now Jaclyn's being coy. She's like, I really don't recall. And then Mia is. It's like the story is always changing with whatever's going on. Like, they shared a guy at some point. Was it Ink? Was it not ink? And then it's like, oh, no, it was a different guy. It was like Ink's friend. But then the four of them all took a shower together. So maybe there was foreplay that happened in the shower with Ink and Jacqueline. It's hard to say. And then we see a flashback of last year. Oh, my God. Jacqueline and Mia took a shower together in Miami. So it's like all this stuff. And the thing that struck me, what was so odd is like, Jaclyn is trying to. To say something. She's like, well, it was 20 years ago, and I'm not. It's not the person that I. What I am now. I was exploring because you're always allowed to explore. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And Mia's like. She. Mia tells us. She's like, okay, quiet, Jacqueline. You're saying too much. Like, enough, enough. Zip it, Zip it. I'm like, mia, you're the one who opened this all up. It was you. You who got the reason why anyone knows anything is because of you. And now you can tell Jacqueline to be quiet.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, of course. So then Giselle's like, well, I guess he's just shareable. He's like a little lunchable. Pass it around. And everybody takes a cracker. Is. You were supposed to eat lunchables. That's never how I ate them. That was mine. There's barely anything in there. You better get your finger away from my one of three crackers. You're going to lose it.

[Ben]

I've never had a lunchable, but my favorite, favorite thing that I loved were handy snacks, you know, Was that what you were talking about was like, little.

[Ronnie]

Still one of my favorite things, actually. That's why I was so disappointed we weren't a straight strip club. I was like, well, I got a.

[Ben]

Handy in here anyway, or snack, snack. And I got that little red, like, thing, the stick that you put into that cheese, that fake cheese you spread on the cracker.

[Ronnie]

Oh, yeah. Those were called handy snacks. Oh, yeah. I love the cheese.

[Ben]

I love that. And I. What I would always do is the first two crackers, cuz I think there was three, maybe there was four. The first few crackers I'd put like a decent coating on. Nothing major, but I would save like a big cheese moment. The final one, I'd be like, load it with all the cheese so you have this big, like, cheese cracker moment. Ugh, just the best.

[Ronnie]

I think that's what Jacqueline did with Ink. So Jacqueline's like, so. Well, it was a period of time where we were finding ourselves. And I'm not embarrassed by that because everybody has to find themselves. And when. Why not find yourself with friends? And let me tell you, the first time I found myself was when I was in the middle of a bukkake. And Mia said, jacqueline, I never want to live without you. And I wiped some stuff off of my eye and I said, right back at you, sister, for life.

[Ben]

And I said, excuse me, I have to stop this bukkake because my friend needs some honey smacks. I'll be right back with a small box of those for you.

[Ronnie]

And I told Mia in that moment, this is not about bukkake, this is about you. Cocky.

[Ben]

And then we hugged, and I said, you know what, Mia? You can't spell bukkake without a K. Which is my way of saying, would you like some special K? The cereal in this case, that's what.

[Ronnie]

I ate when my children were missing. Okay, so then Stacy. So basically Wendy's like, well, thank you for the additional information about your past, Jacqueline. We love that. And this is what I'm saying about the cast just being like, these two are idiots. Like, don't even play into them. You know what I mean? Even though everybody else did kind of start this between them, but they're just like, whatever. So now they have to change in a bathroom because Wendy made some reservations to eat and doesn't want them to all go back to the hotel. And they're like, we have to change to the bathroom. She's like, yep, you do.

[Ben]

You have to. So an hour later, they all change, and then they come out, and then they all are in their evening looks, and they're not. They're. Listen, I don't blame them. This seems like not a great place to change into an outfit. The back bathroom of a rum bar. So they come out.

[Ronnie]

They also could have worn what they were wearing here to the night thing. I mean, I know it's housewives, but I know you want to keep the glamour by changing your outfit, but you kind of kill the glamour by changing in the bathroom.

[Ben]

I get the sense that the resort is far away from civilization, so they don't want to go back there. But couldn't they have found some hotel in the city and, like, rented a room or two for the night? And then that way they could just have a home base. I don't know. But either way, they're. Now they go back into the sprinter van, and Mia facetimes with ink, and.

[Kieran]

She'S like, oh, my God, I love you. I wish I can come over. I think that, like, when I land on sun Saturday, I'm just gonna, like, get back on another flight, and I'm.

[Ben]

Just gonna, like, come directly to you.

[Kieran]

I'm gonna bring you the panama pee.

[Ben]

And ash is like, I'm trying my.

[Kieran]

Best not to judge, but I am certainly I wouldn making a booty call on my way to getting my kids.

[Ronnie]

And they're like, yeah, go home to get your kids. Ink can wait. She's like, well, actually, she's telling us. I have three children, and my oldest is in Atlanta, so ink is in Atlanta. So I'm kind of going to see one of my kids, even though I never see that kid anymore. Like, literally, who cares about that kid? Am I right? But I do have one there, so you can't say that I'm not going to see my kids, because I do have kids. Kids there. And listen, ink can't get on the roller coaster either, so he might as well be one of my kids.

[Ben]

So, yeah, it's really convenient that Mia has the, like, the backup kid, because there was also that issue where she flubbed, and she goes, well, my. My children's dads. And they're like, children's dad. She goes, oh, yeah, I've got. I've got another kid. Oh, shoot. And now it's like, wait, you're going to Atlanta? I'VE got another kid in Atlanta. Like, ah, shoot. Can't quite get her.

[Ronnie]

So then Stacy is on the phone with T.J. and, you know, he's being as charming as ever. And she's like, wow, are you guys playing tennis? Are you having fun? And he's like, well, you look very cute, by the way. My camera right now. You might want to point the phone to the camera because I'm shirtless.

[Ben]

So.

[Ronnie]

So.

[Ben]

And Mia's like, oh, my God, tell.

[Kieran]

TJ to put his pecs away.

[Ben]

And TJ Goes, well, actually, you've got your pecs out.

[Kieran]

She goes, I have breasts and you have pecks.

[Ben]

Stage goes, correction. I mean, I don't see TJ Without a shirt often. So when. So I was just like, wow, that was a surprise.

[Ronnie]

So then, let's see, they go to the restaurant and they make a toast. Wendy's like, a toast to Panama. A toast to architecture. A toast to realistic things. What'd she say? Not realistic things. Authentic things. A toast to authentic things.

[Ben]

By the way, the restaurant's called Cannibal. I don't know.

[Ronnie]

It's. They're bad servant. It's back. You can be accountable again. Yeah. I just read that Armie Hammer is gonna get another chance. He's. They're gonna try and make Army Hamm again. So.

[Ben]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

I don't even think he was a real cannibal, right? Didn't he just, like. Didn't he just have, like, cannibal foreplay yet?

[Ben]

Cannibal kink. But it was. It was upsetting enough that he had to disappear to the Caribbean and become a rental car salesman for a little bit. But he's coming back the cannibal.

[Ronnie]

But I feel like I tell people I want to eat them all the time. Is that weird? Is that a weird thing to say? I mean, it's mostly like, my nieces, like, I'm going to eat your father.

[Ben]

Well, Ink, I don't know, you know. Anyway, so Wendy, she's like, yeah, toast to Panama. So then Stacy's like, k, there's some stuff that I read about you, about your court case. And we see there's a headline that Kieran is suing Deborah. She goes, how are things coming along with that?

[Kieran]

She goes, oh, yeah, well, it's going great. I mean, it's like, oh, you know, it's great. It's. Everything is fine. Like, I have a quarantine and got pushed back.

[Ronnie]

Back.

[Kieran]

So it's being pushed back. And now it's going to be in.

[Ben]

January, and she's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Start from the beginning. I'm like, start from the beginning. What else do you need to know? You were there. You saw it.

[Ronnie]

Deborah, let's not start from the beginning. So Kieran's like, well, I'm suing Deborah. And Giselle goes, that's still a thing. And she goes, yeah, it's still a thing. It's a thing for me. It's always going to be a thing for me until I finish suing her. And so she's like, listen, this is part of my healing process. Process. It's a scar that I live with in some form for the rest of my life. Now. I don't care how amazing it looks, it's still there.

[Ben]

And for some reason, I'm just happy to see it through and get some justice. So, basically, yeah, she's suing. Like, it's a civil suit and a criminal suit. And Giselle's like, but civil law, you know, she doesn't have any money.

[Kieran]

She goes, well, that's your problem.

[Ben]

And she's like, but how is she going to pay you?

[Kieran]

She's like, I don't care. And I don't care if it's your husband, I don't care if it's your dog. I don't care if it's your cat. Cat.

[Ben]

Well, that's good, because I'm pretty sure the dog and the cat are not gonna be able to pay it.

[Ronnie]

And so, yeah, definitely not paying you, but, you know, good luck.

[Ben]

But I think she's totally right. It's not her problem. How ultimately, it's about justice more than the money.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, you hit somebody, you get sued. That's just how it is.

[Ben]

Yeah, exactly. So they order. Giselle, orders some food for Karen, orders ribs for Karen. And, you know, you know, Wendy talks about how Karen and Giselle really, at the end, they really love each other. And. And Wendy asked about shopping, and Kieran's saying that Ashley walked out. She's like, yeah, it was great. But Ashley walked out. And Ashley's like, yeah, shopping was a little overwhelming for me today.

[Ronnie]

So then she goes into her whole thing. We couldn't locate my children. Gordon wasn't answering the phone. Every time I tried calling, it would say, hello, Mania's not here right now. Please leave a message for Mania. And they're like, wow, that's crazy. And Karen's like, you knew this whole time you were with us? And she's like, well, now he's taken a flight and gone to Martha's Vineyard for The weekend end. And so she's like, yeah, everything. Yeah. It's like, I knew guys because I'm really close with Mia.

[Ben]

Yeah. And Mia's like, it took everything.

[Kieran]

I mean, not to go to the airport and take my ass to Atlanta to see Ink.

[Ben]

It was so hard.

[Ronnie]

So she's like, but now I've spoken with the kids, and they're good. And they're in bed now. Now. And so Wendy's like, mia, I'll be honest with you. You know, I think you're a big girl and you can handle yourself, but at this point, is your friend. Well, I really hate your guts and hope that you die in a fire. But seriously, my concern is your children. Not really, but it's a good reason to give you. And I don't think you're doing what's best for them. And I don't think being around. No, I know what you think. You're doing what's best for them, but I don't know that they should be around in this moment. I don't think him being around in this moment is what's best for them. Meaning Gordon. Gordon. Like, if Gordon is as dangerous as you're saying he is, stop leaving the kids with Gordon. Right.

[Ben]

Yeah. And Mia's like, but what do I do?

[Kieran]

How do I go to, like, a judge and say he's like an unfit father? Like, he's never even harmed the kids.

[Ben]

And Karen's like, but, Mia, you have full custody, right? I'm like, isn't that. Mia has false custody? So isn't like, you don't even. I don't get it. I guess maybe she was asking about maybe a. What do you call it? Restraining order. Because it sounds like the custody is already working out.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, she has full custody, but still, she didn't know that Gordon was going to come take the kids, you know? So in order to keep him from doing that, he still has rights as their father. So I guess she would have to. Yeah. Get a restraining order or something. I don't know. So basically, Karen's like, well, I was in the same situation, and I showed up with the cop, and I had them meet me where my child was. And it sent a clear message. And then the cop took off his shirt and kissed me. The cop was named Blue eyes. It's a romantic story, but it's also a story about calling cops if they take off their shirts and you're dating them. Otherwise, don't bother with them. They'll just lie about you and make videos of you pretending that you're doing nasty things when all you're trying to do is explain that you're Thomas Jefferson's concubine. What were we talking about?

[Kieran]

I drove three hours immediately to get my son. Perhaps I would have taken me two.

[Ben]

Hours if I hadn't crashed into a median on the way.

[Kieran]

But, you know, you get the point.

[Ronnie]

So Mia's like, well, I don't have an answer for this. And Giselle's like, well, Mia, I want my kids to be in a safe space, too. And it's like, oh, God, okay, well, here we go with this thing. So then they have nothing going on. So she's like, okay, well, Karen told me you doubled down on going after my children. And Somi is like, I apologize to you off camera, but I did apologize to you. And she's like. Which is strange. It's like, if you really meant an apology, you would have done it at the table. You would have done it at the table. It doesn't count if it's not on camera. Everybody knows that.

[Kieran]

Okay, well, I'm sorry that you have certain parameters on when someone apologizes to you.

[Ben]

And Giselle's like, well, you apologize if you really mean it. Da.

[Kieran]

I do. I really did mean it. And it was probably a really poor example to use, but I was just trying to say that I'm tired of being under a microscope for what I do on my social media. And then my life is kind. Is really kind of, like, wild and crazy, but I'm at least being authentic.

[Ben]

It's like, you're not under a microscope. It's just that you tell one story to your friends and make them sit down and have a serious moment, and they hold your hands and they actually, like, put energy into trying to help you. And then they go on social media and they see a totally different story. It's not a microscope. It's a billboard.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Because. Yeah, you're. You're giving on a microphone. You're like. You're invalidating your own stories over and over again, Mia. So. And they're all tiptoeing around it because she's cloaked herself in the victim cloak. Right. She said that she's in danger, so. Or her kids are in danger, so they can't fully come after her. But basically they're like, you're a compulsive liar. What gives is the question. So then Ashley's like, well, Mia's doing things in an unconventional way, and it's challenging our belief system. You know, there's just so many Moving parts. And I just don't know that the decisions. What are you even saying? Why are you saying like this?

[Kieran]

I'm starting to wonder. What if Jesus Christ is even real. My belief systems have been totally challenged by Mia because of this.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, what are you even talking about? So then Jacqueline's like, I know you're all concerned, but let me tell you, as somebody who knows Mia better than any everybody in the world, Mia is my friend and Mia loves me more than anybody here. So are there any other questions?

[Ben]

And she's like, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. No, I will not stop. Because she has been the center of conversation for every single table. Conversation. It's like, yeah, I think that was her. What she's trying to do. She's trying to be the center for the show. She has something to discuss because of the things she's.

[Ronnie]

So we get a flashback of Mia Gordon's in mania. And then 24 hours later, I'm with Gordon right now. 24 hours later, Mania came to get me last night. So then flashback. So then we see a flashback to 2022 when Mia had the almost cancer. Do you remember that? I forgot that Mia was one of the almost cancer storylines on Broadway. Bravo.

[Ben]

Yeah. And basically it's a series of flashbacks to show that Jacqueline, Jacqueline, like jumping up to Mia's aid to speak for Mia, be a spokesperson. Be like, be careful, she might have cancer. Or like, you don't understand what she just went through. She broke a nail earlier this morning. You guys have to be more considerate. So we see all these flashbacks, cuz they're like, Jacqueline, you're going to make a fool of yourself yet again on this if you try to die on this hill for her.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. And then back at dinner, Mia's like, I'm here to celebrate liberation them.

[Ben]

When he's like, yes, and authentic stuff in Panama.

[Kieran]

And there is no liberation going on at this table. It's just a bunch of miserable. Okay.

[Ronnie]

So then I was like, I'm not miserable. Who's miserable? I mean, okay, so me. It does have kind of a point with. With Giselle, at least. So then Stacy's like, well, I don't know who she's talking about being miserable, but she's not talking about me. I just saw Pax.

[Ben]

So then Wendy is like, she's like, well, those 613 girls. And she just laughs. And Stacey's like, what's a 613? And Wendy's like, It's the shade of blonde. It's 613. That's 613. She's like, well, I was like, is that an area code? Are we calling someone? Are we giving out a special prize sweepstakes? Congratulations. You just won a million dollars. The area code. 613. Like, no, 613 is like, you know, blonde. Blonde. Blonde is the color. Like, blonde moment. Like, oh, okay, I get it now.

[Ronnie]

Well, the only person who should be wearing 613 is Karen. Mia, you're a goddess. And as a brunette, I'm sorry, but Ashley girl, no.

[Ben]

Yeah. And then Giselle's like, well, you wore that when you were a stripper, right? Because it was like her blonde wig. And me was like, I did.

[Kieran]

I did. And I said, I haven't been blonde since I was an entertainer. Get straight treat. Yeah, I love it. I'm rocking it.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

So Giselle's, like, trying to come for her for being a stripper. I mean, listen, Mia's the easiest person to come forward. Giselle, why are you having so much trouble? This was a huge fail on Giselle's part. This is bad. So then Karen's like, well, I think that Mia would agree that she got some work to do in the repairs in the repair area of some relationships in this group.

[Ben]

And.

[Ronnie]

But it's not unforgivable, you know? I mean, listen, have I forgiven the squirrel that ran in front of my car? Caused me so much embarrassment. Embarrassment in the press. Yes, I've forgiven the squirrel, okay, With a little blonde 613 wig. Word off into oblivion.

[Kieran]

You know, that 613 squirrel, it did.

[Ben]

Startle me, and it caused me to be so shocked, I was slurring my words for the rest of the evening.

[Kieran]

But you know what? I forgive it.

[Ben]

Even though I may face jail time because of that 613 squirrel.

[Kieran]

It's all right.

[Ben]

I. I learned to forgive, and I.

[Kieran]

Hope you all forgive Mia for that, too.

[Ben]

And Mia is like, all of your.

[Kieran]

Feelings, and however you guys feel is valid. I'm not going to discard it. So you guys can feel however you want to feel about me, because I have things to focus on.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. And I don't like this kind of language on a housewife show. Okay, can we get this modern language out of Housewives? Everyone's feelings are valid, and I respect your family. What the is this? This is Housewives. This is not the modern social world. I don't want to hear everybody's feelings are valid. No, they're not. Not. And that's a lie anyway. It's one of the biggest lies we tell each other in modern times is everybody's feelings are valid. No, they're not. Some feelings are stupid. Okay? They're just.

[Ben]

Ronnie, I just want you to know your feelings are valid on this.

[Ronnie]

Thank you. Thank you so much. All right, everybody, it's over. We canceled the show. No, I'm just kidding. It's over. Thanks for being with us on Potomac Day. Go get your tickets for the Golden Crappy awards. Coming up, a star studded event on Broadway February 1st. Also, we start the tour the weekend before that in San Francisco and San Diego and the weekend following that in san. There's another. Oh, Salt Lake City and San Diego. No, Salt Lake, San Diego and Denver then. Yeah, which is like cousins with San Diego, wouldn't you say? It's like winter cousins. They're like similar. They've got a lot of like mountain guys and burks, you know. Anyway, the point is, guys, we love you. We can't wait to see you. You're going to be able to vote for your crappies nomin soon. So check our social mediastagram.com the votes voting begins right now. Right, Ben? Today or tomorrow, it's up.

[Ben]

They went up during the podcast. It's amazing.

[Ronnie]

So go vote. Vote for your phase for round one and let's get it moving, shall we, guys? We sure love you. We'll talk to you next time.

[Ben]

Bye.

[Ronnie]

Bye.

[Ben]

Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alice and King.

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Let'S go on a bender With Lauren.

[Ben]

Fender we're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron, She's a wiz It's Liz Sarthy always killing it It's Lola Alkalani.

[Ronnie]

The incredible edible Matthew Sisters she eases our woes It's Melissa St. Rose Give.

[Ben]

Him hell Ms. Noel, put on a kettle for Rebecca Weddle she's the queen bee It's Sarah Lemke Shannon out of a can and Anthony let's take off with Tamla Plane she ain't no shrinking violet Coutar.

[Ronnie]

We love you guys. If you like, watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] survey.