#2684 Southern Charm S10E05: The Taming of the Crew

Summary

Podcast Summary: Watch What Crappens – Episode #2684 Southern Charm S10E05: The Taming of the Crew

Introduction

In Episode #2684 of Watch What Crappens, hosts Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam delve into the latest installment of Bravo’s Southern Charm, titled "The Taming of the Crew." Released on January 10, 2025, this episode provides a humorous and incisive critique of the show's unfolding drama, character developments, and memorable moments. Ben and Ronnie blend sharp wit with keen observations, offering listeners both entertainment and thoughtful commentary on the reality TV spectacle.

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Personal Updates and Community Support

At the outset of the episode, Ben shares a heartfelt update regarding the wildfires in Los Angeles. Situated in Oceanside, California, Ben and Ronnie express gratitude for their safety, acknowledging the community's support during this challenging time.

Ben Mandelker [00:45]: "I'm feeling... Just want to give a really deeply heartfelt thank you to everyone who has been expressing concern..."

This segment underscores the hosts' appreciation for their audience, setting a tone of camaraderie and resilience before transitioning into the main content.

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Upcoming Events and Projects

Ben and Ronnie briefly touch upon upcoming events, including the anticipation of their "crappies" and tours in San Francisco, Denver, Salt Lake City, and Denver again. They also mention bonus content available on Patreon, highlighting their commitment to engaging with their dedicated fanbase.

Ben Mandelker [01:50]: "We have really exciting lineup of people already coming. I would say this might be our biggest, biggest crappies we've ever had."

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Deep Dive into Southern Charm Season 10, Episode 5

The core of the episode centers on Ben and Ronnie’s analysis of Southern Charm S10E05: "The Taming of the Crew." They dissect various plotlines, character interactions, and notable moments with their signature humor and insightful commentary.

1. Musical Cues and Show Atmosphere

Ben and Ronnie begin by discussing the over-the-top musical cues in the episode, likening them to a frenetic action movie from the twenties.

Ronnie Karam [03:27]: "It's like someone picks up a cup and they're like, I'm drinking lemonade, mama. What is this music?"

This observation highlights the producers' efforts to amplify mundane scenes, adding a layer of absurdity that Ben and Ronnie find both amusing and bewildering.

2. Character Spotlights: Venita and Sally

The hosts delve into character-specific storylines, focusing on Venita and Sally. Venita’s minimal presence and Sally’s relegated role become points of critique.

Ben Mandelker [04:58]: "Once a week. And when she finally does get to talk, they've even taken away her voice."

Ronnie Karam [05:34]: "Sally doesn't get any ballot. What's she gonna be nominated for? Lady who tries the hardest to show up on shows."

Ben and Ronnie express disappointment over the limited screen time and development of these characters, suggesting that Sally, in particular, has more potential than depicted.

3. Austin and Craig’s Relationship Dynamics

A significant portion of the discussion centers on Austin and Craig’s tumultuous friendship, marked by miscommunication and unresolved tensions.

Ben Mandelker [13:37]: "He’s like, well, nothing lasts forever anyway."

Ronnie Karam [14:29]: "She should have called that place Lower Bar. Actually, that's a better name than by the way..."

Their banter reveals underlying issues between Austin and Craig, emphasizing the complexity of their interactions and the impact on their friendships within the show.

4. Taylor’s Birthday Party Cancellation

The cancellation of Taylor's birthday party serves as a pivotal plot point, triggering a cascade of reactions among the crew. Ben and Ronnie analyze the emotional undertones and speculate on the reasons behind the cancellation.

Ben Mandelker [25:17]: "She goes, well, I'll talk to it, and I'll put it in a jar over my mantel..."

Ronnie Karam [26:16]: "Can't I just do what I do now with your sperm? I say, ew, gross."

The hosts humorously navigate the awkwardness and drama stemming from the party's cancellation, highlighting the show's penchant for intertwining personal conflicts with social gatherings.

5. Madison’s Investigative Role

Madison emerges as a central figure in uncovering underlying tensions, particularly concerning her interactions with Gaston and Rodrigo. Ben and Ronnie commend her detective-like qualities, positioning her as a potential standout character.

Ben Mandelker [60:07]: "I'm putting that out there. I don't have Southern charm people on there, huh?"

Madison's scrutiny of relationships and her role in navigating complex social dynamics receive praise, underscoring her importance in the show's narrative.

6. Rodrigo and Tyler’s Golf Etiquette

The duo’s interactions provide comedic relief, especially through their discussions about golf and personal habits. Their playful antagonism illustrates the lighter side of the show's interpersonal relationships.

Ben Mandelker [57:07]: "He's like, honey, you can either not know how to fold a shirt or you could not know golf clubs, but you can't not know those."

Their banter encapsulates the show's blend of humor and drama, offering viewers relatable and entertaining scenarios.

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Notable Quotes

Throughout the episode, Ben and Ronnie pepper their discussion with memorable quotes that capture their comedic chemistry and sharp observations:

• Ronnie Karam [04:12]: “People are showing up to work. Like, listen, I'm bored, so I'm just gonna make this into an adventure in the 1930s.”

• Ben Mandelker [13:00]: “He can’t handle any sort of constructive criticism because Craig Conover is living life perfectly, and how dare anybody say otherwise.”

• Ronnie Karam [25:54]: “I have a swimmer to my sponge, I don’t want that.”

These quotes not only entertain but also emphasize the hosts' ability to distill complex show dynamics into concise, humorous remarks.

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Insights and Conclusions

Ben and Ronnie conclude their analysis by reflecting on the intricate web of relationships and the recurring themes of miscommunication and personal growth within Southern Charm. They appreciate the show’s ability to blend humor with genuine emotional moments, making it a compelling watch for reality TV enthusiasts.

Ben Mandelker [63:38]: “With people dating each other's exes. And it makes me worried about my friends friend because I don't want her to go through the same things again with Gaston that she went through with the Shep.”

Ronnie Karam [65:17]: “She was like, what, you're just gonna sit in my backyard and make eyes at Madison and not tell me the whole gossip?”

The hosts emphasize the show's portrayal of real-life issues within a dramatic framework, acknowledging both its entertainment value and its reflection of complex human interactions.

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Conclusion

Episode #2684 of Watch What Crappens offers a thorough and entertaining critique of Southern Charm S10E05: "The Taming of the Crew." Through their engaging dialogue, Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam provide listeners with insightful commentary, memorable humor, and a deeper understanding of the show's dynamics. Whether you’re a die-hard fan or a casual viewer, this episode delivers a comprehensive and enjoyable analysis that captures the essence of Bravo’s popular reality series.

Transcript

[Ben Mandelker]

Wondry plus subscribers can listen to Watch what Crappens ad free right now. Join Wondry plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Watch what Crappins. Watch what Crappins. Guess what happens when there's so much what crappin? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me today is the irrepressible and wonderful Mr. Ronnie Caram. Hi, Ronnie, how are you?

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, hello, Ben. How are you?

[Ben Mandelker]

I am doing very nicely. I'm feeling. I'm still down here in Oceanside, California. I'm going to actually head back up to Hollywood after this. Just want to give, like a really deeply heartfelt thank you to everyone who has been expressing concern and reached out to both of us. Wildfires happening in Los Angeles. We're both really, really lucky in that we're okay and that our houses are okay. I mean, you know, it's not over, so, like, knock on wood. But it's really scary. And again, our hearts really just go out to everyone who was really impacted by those wildfires. But thank you so much for everyone who's like checked in on us. That was just really. It feels great to feel. To feel the community kind of like, you know, truly. I was gonna say reach around. Give us a reach around, you guys.

[Ronnie Karam]

Thanks for the community reach around.

[Ben Mandelker]

I mean, it is like they're gonna reach around us.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's so great to climax without even having to do anything during this time.

[Ben Mandelker]

Also, moving on, we have the crappies coming up very soon, so we're really excited about that. We're putting a lot of work and effort and we think we're going to have. Now we know we're going to have a really great show for you guys. We have really exciting lineup of people already coming. I would say this might be our biggest, biggest crappies we've ever had. So go to watchcrappins.com to both vote because the ballot is open and it's really fun to vote on, but also get your tickets. And also last night, Ronnie and I recorded a recap of the first two episodes of the Traitors on our bonus episode. We didn't do all three because we just didn't have time. I mean, I watched the third episode, but we have time to watch all three before recording. So that third episode will be attached to the episode four recap next week. Oh, my God. The Trader is so good. So glad to have it back. So go check that out on our Patreon. Patreon.com watchallcrapins.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yes. Very good. And then we are going to be in San Francisco and Denver in, like, two weeks from today, which is San Francisco.

[Ben Mandelker]

San Diego. Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yes. And then after that, Salt Lake City in Denver. Right?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yes.

[Ronnie Karam]

Right. So, yeah, a bunch coming up. So go check it out at our website. Watch our crappings dot com. We're also on video today for Crappings on Demand on Patreon. So let's get moving. Buddies. Buddies. Okay, so here we are. It's my favorite are Southern Charm episodes where nothing happens but the music is like a frenetic action movie from the twenties. I mean.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yes.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's like someone picks up a cup and they're like, I'm drinking lemonade, mama. What is this music? Why is it like the Little Rascals robbing a bank?

[Ben Mandelker]

The musical cues were crazy on this episode. And, you know, just saying it right now, I feel like one thing we missed when we talked about Salt Lake City is the musical cues were crazy on that show. Also, when. When they discovered that Britney was recording. Did you. We didn't even mention this how the chorus went. It was like a little alarm going off. Remember? And I was cracking up. So. Yes. Bravo. Great work with your, like, over the top musical cues this week.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. You may not be sure on your casting yet or what you're doing. You know, you. You seem to be getting your footing on this half reboot or whatever is going on on this show, but God damn the music. People are showing up to work. Like, listen, I'm bored, so I'm just gonna make this. I'm just gonna turn this into an adventure in the 1930s. Let's. Someone's unlocking their door. It's like, I love it. Okay, so we. This. That's what's happening right now. And, you know, we have Madison, who's now the voice of reason, you know, doing the narration or whatever. But it's like. And Venita's just, like, brushing leaves off a chair and checking to see if there's a worm in her tree, which there is. I was like, well, good to see you, Venita. We'll see you next week.

[Ben Mandelker]

As our note taker, Shelby writes, it's our Vanita doing something scene to start off the episode. Poor. Honestly, poor Vanita. She's, like, relegated to the sidelines, stuck into some random montage, and that's all we see of her. Once a week. And when she finally does get to talk, they've even taken away her voice.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's like, no kidding. I know. Now she's all laryngitis, doubt.

[Ben Mandelker]

So she is. Yes. She finds something in a plant, and that's. That's almost her only moment this episode. She actually gets a bonus scene for once.

[Ronnie Karam]

And then JT's mixing electrolytes into Fiji water. So that's fun. And talking to his plant because that's like, the only person who will still film with him. And trust me, that plant would be out of there if it could walk. It's like, how dare you call Patricia a bitch. Even the plants are like, how dare you, sir? No one fucks with Patricia. The plants walking away.

[Ben Mandelker]

Then we see Sally watering her plants. Sally. You know, I kind of. I have a. I have. I am deeply enjoying Sally on this show. And I feel a little sad that we didn't actually put Sally on the ballot. And I'm not gonna add her now.

[Ronnie Karam]

Sally doesn't get any ballot. What's she gonna be nominated for? Lady who tries the hardest to show up on shows. And actually, that is a good award. I mean, she has put in the effort to be on these shows, and she's here, you know, so she did it. Goals.

[Ben Mandelker]

She should have been on the new. And I feel really bad that we put Molly on because, like, in the. Earlier in the season, it seemed like Molly had more upside, but now I think it's actually Sally. I think Sally is the future more than Molly.

[Ronnie Karam]

I don't know. I think Sally and Molly both have very basic names, and they're both very good for the show in the future. Not right now, but, you know, they need some time to marinate.

[Ben Mandelker]

What if we change Molly's entry on the best newbie to the Dash lly Girls.

[Ronnie Karam]

Vowel Double Ly Girls, anyone? You know? No, I think because Molly made more of an impression and that's it. That's when nominations were. And that's it. You know, Sally has. She still has time, you know, for next year.

[Ben Mandelker]

Next year.

[Ronnie Karam]

So of course we'll forget all of this by next year as we do. Like, I was just thinking, today is receipts proof, timeline from last year or this year. It is. You're right.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, it was last year. Yeah, it got into last year's ceremony. Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Okay. Well, the point is Southern charm. And what was I going to say? Oh, have you read the gossip about Sally? That's been really fun. She came out and said she's like a robot surgeon. Or whatever. And, like, she makes her own money and all this, so.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well.

[Ronnie Karam]

And when I say rumors, I mean, I read Reddit, you know, everybody knows what I mean by now, hopefully. But Reddit, they're saying, oh, no, it's. And by the way, I think this is still a damn good job, and people need to leave people alone about stuff like this. Like, she's not doing anything. She's still making 400k, but people are like, oh, she's not a robot surgeon. She works for the company that puts the robots in the place, and she just has to be there in case it breaks or something. She can call the right people to come fix it. You know what I mean? But I think that's still something. And then one of the rumors was, like, she got kicked out of her last hospital because she was doing Tiktoks, which somehow makes me like her.

[Ben Mandelker]

She was not doing the TikTok. The robot was holding the camera, and she happened to be singing a song. That's all.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So whatever, you guys, I think that still counts. So you leave Sally alone. I'm fine with a robot lady who does tick tocks in the break room while everybody else does the surgery.

[Ben Mandelker]

Did you go, girl? Yeah. Did the surgery go well, then end of story. So then we. Then we see Austin. This is hilarious because Austin sits down at his desk in his house to do whatever simulation of work he's planning to do. I'm like, what. What are you doing at your laptop right now? What. What. What work are you preten?

[Ronnie Karam]

I was like, that's a really nice office for somebody who doesn't really do a lot.

[Ben Mandelker]

You know, it doesn't work.

[Ronnie Karam]

But I guess now he does because they. He has the beer, which we all know. I mean, that's a teeter Harris. And then he does. He's also got this restaurant with Craig. Oh, now.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, that's right.

[Ronnie Karam]

We don't know about yet on the show. But yeah, he opened this restaurant called, like, by the Way. I don't know, something so stupid. Something so Southern. Yeah. Apostrophe. The. Apostrophe Grill.

[Ben Mandelker]

The Ellipses, I think it.

[Ronnie Karam]

Is called, by the way. I'm gonna look it up, by the way.

[Ben Mandelker]

By the way. It's our restaurant.

[Ronnie Karam]

By the Way. Craig and Austin tease opening date of by the.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Shep comes in. He's like, gosh, I haven't been here in forever. I just passed my old house. And we see flashbacks to when he built that old house, which, by the way, in retrospect, like, that house is just like a big tall, like it's like a slab of a building that's just. I was like, who wants to live in that giant like five story house where there's like three feet between each wall, you know, this is so tall and narrow.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, but it's a very L, you know, it's very LA too. It's just kind of stuck in this Charleston place. I love Charleston. What a pretty place. I actually really liked it, but I just thought stairs. Yeah, stairs. So, yeah, Austin's place is very tasteful. I think it's done very well.

[Ben Mandelker]

Whoever it is actually quite tasteful.

[Ronnie Karam]

Whoever.

[Ben Mandelker]

Whoever helped him out for the scene. Good, good work. Because I don't believe it's.

[Ronnie Karam]

I feel bad for the house because the house got all tasteful and now they're like, all we need is one thing to be replaced. The guy says, terrace heater. And then spits all over the walls.

[Ben Mandelker]

I know normally there's like tarps down everywhere just, just to protect all the furniture from the saliva that's flying in all directions. So then flying.

[Ronnie Karam]

I have an instacart driver who's just on it. Robert Raybert is his name. Let me tell you, Rabert doesn't fuck around. I ordered this 15 minutes ago and he's almost here. Girl. Raber, you go, I believe in you. Just watch car come, come through the hills of Austin. Like.

[Ben Mandelker]

He'S like, I was just in the neighborhood. So Shep is. So Shep's talking about. He's getting an energy drink. He's gonna get an energy drink out of Austin's fridge. And then Austin's like, that's an energy drink. Which is. I don't know.

[Ronnie Karam]

Until these guys just want to do coke. You're like, look at that. This is what I've got. While we're on camera.

[Ben Mandelker]

Austin's power of observation knows no bounds. So he's like, by the way, are you aware of Taylor's birthday on Friday? And Shep is like, gosh, yeah. Did you get the invite? He's like, no, are you kidding? She won't even have. She won't even shake my hand. Oh, it's barely. We'll even touch it. And then we see a flashback of how we asked her for coffee and she was like, no, thank you. Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Austin's like, are you gonna crash the party? And he's like, no, I'm going down to a concert with a bunch of 19 year olds. It's gonna be so fine. What are you gonna do? What happened with cry garsh. I'm just good chef. Just trying to make things okay with our friendships. Why can a Shakespeare play? And Austin's like, well, I thought I was trying to do a good thing. I just went over there and I was like, bro, why don't you ever want to see me anymore? And then, you know, you never know how Craig's gonna react. But he got really mad. He got really mad. But this time there were flowers behind him, which is so upsetting.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, he just, like, can't handle any sort of constructive criticism because Craig Conover is living life perfectly, and how dare anybody say otherwise. Okay, Austin, you're really not one to talk about handling constructive criticism. Okay, I was sort of on your side a bit. Like, I was empathetic to you saying that you missed your friend, and I thought that was actually one of your few valid things you've ever said. But you cannot be the one to say that Craig can't handle any constructive criticism when Austin Kroll, the person who loses his mind every single season when people tell him to grow up, is trying to say these things.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, Shep and Austin together, you know, it's hilarious. So he's like, oh, my gosh, is he so thin skinned then? Now, like, talking like, it's not even bringing anything up anymore.

[Ben Mandelker]

And again, now Shep talking about thin skinned.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yes. Can't understand why the girl he tortured for four years won't go have coffee with him while she has a boyfriend. So Austin's like, well, my expectations have been like people's expectations. When they're cracking open one of my beer, they're like, right here. They're like, right here. Really low bar. But you know what? I'm not going to bring it up anymore because I just want to lower the bar. You know, I'm just going to lower the bar, I guess, which is what the restaurant scene is going to do. The second I open my doors to.

[Ben Mandelker]

That restaurant, which is what every girl says before they start dating me.

[Ronnie Karam]

She'S.

[Ben Mandelker]

Going to lower the bar.

[Ronnie Karam]

And they should have called that place Lower Bar. Actually, that's a better name than by the way, because it makes sense, because Craig's a lawyer, kind of, and I don't know, Austin's lower, so it's kind of still mixing their stuff.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, it's like a real Anthony and Cleopatra situation, if you ask me. I mean, I told you guys in Camden, Craig and I will never really be close, mainly because I'm old money and he's new money. But, you know, I'LL just say it's because he likes pillows.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. And he's like, you know, Craig and I have. We've just known each other for so long. Even though sometimes I know, I wonder how well I know him. I'm just not as hurt by his nonsense. No, you're avoiding him because he's the only one who's still got his foot on your neck about being an assaulty drunk. So it's pretty obvious that that's what's going on with you. And so Austin's like, I don't know. I want this to be better. And Chef's like, oh, you know, nothing lasts forever anyway. You know, a maid dies, you just go dig up another one, put them.

[Ben Mandelker]

In her plate, you know, I mean, we hope it does. Friendships, the best times, you know, always come to an end with different people. I mean, there's a lot of Shakespeare plays like that. Henry iv, Part one and two are about that. And then he just starts laughing because he realizes, why am I talking to Shake about Shakespeare to Austin? This guy barely even knows what, like, Dilbert is.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, but I also love that Henry iv. It's like, you know, Henry IV is basically friends. So then this is a true comedy.

[Ben Mandelker]

Of errors.

[Ronnie Karam]

The haberdashery of it all. You know what I'm saying?

[Ben Mandelker]

This is honestly much ado about nothing.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

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[Ronnie Karam]

So then we go to Ellis Creek Fish Camp and their slogan is Cook them up, Eat them up.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's a restaurant opened by Leanne Lockin. Cook them up, Eat em up. So Taylor is there with her mom, Leslie. And there is just the sweetest gay who is taking the order. And he's like, hi, sweetie, how are you doing there? What do you want for today? And they're like, it's gonna be my 30th birthday. He's like, well, guess what? I'm gonna give you some key lim later on. So I was like, I love this guy. Next time we go to Charleston, we're going to this place and just saying it's our birthday.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. He's like, you know what's for 30, right? Key lime, kind of bitter. But we're still trying to pretend it's sweet. Let's send it right out. Yeah, I'm trying to speak 3o today, which is unfortunately how I. He's like, oh, it's your first year of being a real adult. She's like, oh, well. My mom was calling it the year I officially turned a decade too old to date any guy on this cast.

[Ben Mandelker]

She called it expiration day. So Taylor is, by the way, her.

[Ronnie Karam]

Mom, Leslie seems like just such a sweet lady. But why is she wearing a hammock as a necklace? Why? That is a full on hammock. I would put my butt on that and just start swinging around. Girl, what are you doing?

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm trying to develop a theory that below a certain latitude, geographic latitude, in the United States, you start really looking towards maritime features for jewelry and decor. So it's like, does something. It's like, does this sort of look like it could be a cargo net. I'm gonna turn it into a necklace. Like, we were watching. Like, we were watching this show on Netflix called Later Daters, which you would like. Literally, Rhonda, you would absolutely love it, because there's several, like, older women who are, like, right in, like, the Ronnie Alley. Like, there's one lady named Pam who's like. She's a drunk. She just talks like this a lot. She's like, oh, that's insurance companies. You know, I don't believe anything. You know, they're always trying to get you. And I was like, oh, this lady's made for Ronnie. But one lady. Actually, there's one lady. I'm in my kind of Gainesville. Her whole house is filled with, like. Like, everything's, like, rustic, rustic. Everything looks like it's been through a shipwreck in her house. But she's like, I'm just trying to find a man who loves the George or bulldogs. And it just. She just supports my. My new theory that. That. That ladies of a certain age, under a certain latitude in the states, want everything to look like it was a found treasure.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yes.

[Ben Mandelker]

The Caribbean.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Yeah, that is definitely a thing. So Taylor's having lunch with her mom, and her mom's doing that thing like, oh, wow. 30. God, I remember. 30. I already had you. I already had the kids. I mean, look at that. Look at you doing nothing. Me doing a lot. God, I hate when moms do that. My mom's like, when I was 30, you were already. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I remember, because that's. I think the year that you did your infamous monologue, I could have been something. That was great.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. Leslie has this, like, very. She. She has kind of a. An undermining kind of moment here, but it's, like, spoken in a. In a way, as if it's, like, really supportive. She's like. She's like. You know, I keep thinking about how, when I was 30, how different our lives are. I mean, I was married. I just had your brother. And I just think about how great it was to be a mom and to have a family.

[Ronnie Karam]

And now look at you. But, hey, congratulations. You have a key lime pie.

[Ben Mandelker]

That's what I was gonna say.

[Ronnie Karam]

I had a.

[Ben Mandelker]

Children. But you've got a slice of pie coming your way, so that counts for something.

[Ronnie Karam]

I have. I have physical children. But you date mental children, and that's something, honey. So good for you.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, look, collard greens. I love collard greens as much as my daughter loves Being alone in life.

[Ronnie Karam]

And also, how does Leslie stay so thin? Because all the food in the south is ridiculous looking. It is, like, huge. She's eating some kind of chicken sandwich that's as big as her head, and then it's got pieces of bacon or something that look like big old Angetti's florals. I'm like, what is this? Why is that the size of a small child? And you're like a wrist. You're as big as a wrist there.

[Ben Mandelker]

So. But then the scene does. So that's how the lady from Gainesville on that show talks. So everything, like, is around Val. I can't wait to go on a date with him again. So. But the scene does turn serious because they start talking about Taylor's brother who passed away, like, nine months before the scene. And the mom is basically actually. What she's really trying to say is, like, I was already on the road to the happily ever after, whereas you've had to deal with so many setbacks and challenges, both in terms of, you know, getting thrashed online from this TV show that we're on right now, and also your brother. And so, like, I'm just so proud of you for how you've dealt with all the setbacks in your life so far.

[Ronnie Karam]

And it's Taylor's birthday as we've gone over, but she just wants to be left alone because she's so. She's depressed, you know, which her mother is not really helping at this because she just keeps bringing it. She's like, mom, I don't want to talk about it. She's like, we're gonna talk about it. And they do. And it's actually a nice scene, you know, and it is sad. And so she decides that she doesn't want to do anything for her birthday. And then we go to Craig's house, and he's like, chicken. And, like, a couple actual chickens come in, which is, you know, I guess the. The longer you just want something to be careful what you wish for.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. And she's, like, arranging flowers. I love the idea of, like, little chickens wearing Lily P. Or come in. So. So why don't you come to the.

[Ronnie Karam]

Bar with us anymore?

[Ben Mandelker]

That's not that far away from an Austin impersonation, if you think about it. But she's like, she's bought a bunch of flowers and is arranging them. And he's like, I feel like in another life, you were like, a florist. She's like, craig, it's called being a girl. Just do it all. Get out of my way. Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

And then we see a flashback of him in the car, like, well, Taylor canceled her party, so I was thinking we could have an impromptu party. She's like, oh, my God, Craig, I hate improv. Please, no. Yes. And, you know, I only believe in no, but.

[Ben Mandelker]

Normally I would say no, because I hate all your friends. But I did bring this really cute, like, light green baby girl dress that looks kind of like the shape of a bell. And I was like, what if I actually. What if I actually put the bell back into Southern Belle? And I thought, let's do it. Let's give it a try. So, yeah, let's do that.

[Ronnie Karam]

I was actually. I was actually so jealous of her, too, for being able to wear that dress. Because who can wear that? Like, I know, Cinched at the top, and then it comes out like this giant belt. If I wore that, I would be like a bell that just doesn't ring because they put too big of a ding in it. You know, like, you shake the bell, and it's just like, if I were.

[Ben Mandelker]

A bell, I'd go.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, I wouldn't ring. I was so jealous. I was like, why is Paige wearing my figure as a dress? God damn it. So offensive, Ronnie.

[Ben Mandelker]

So he's like, chicken, you better get comfortable with my sperm. And she's like, I think I'm pretty comfortable with it. She's like, no, because part of the sperm process is that you have to decide what happens to your sperm if you die. She's like, oh, my God, Craig. She's like, so I'm gonna leave you my sperm. She's like, what, is there a return policy? What am I gonna do with your sperm?

[Ronnie Karam]

Can't I just do what I do now with your sperm? I say, ew, gross. I slap you and push you away until you get it all over yourself. I don't want that.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, but, like, in the romcom world that I live in, I die. And then you're like, but I still want to have his children. I'm like, what part of that. Where's the comedy in that romcom there? Like, the guy dies, and she's gonna have the baby.

[Ronnie Karam]

What?

[Ben Mandelker]

What in the Nicholas Sparks are you talking about?

[Ronnie Karam]

That's his dream. He just wants to die and have someone want his children. So she's like, I would never do that. I'm going to have a child and then not actively give them a dad. What the damn quail are you talking about?

[Ben Mandelker]

What in the P.S. i love you are you talking about?

[Ronnie Karam]

Maybe. I know, but you Know, instead of just throwing it away, I want you to, like, have the choice. Craig. Girl, ain't nobody want a little Craig running around. I mean, you're very cute, and you still have your hair.

[Ben Mandelker]

She goes, well, I'll talk to it, and I'll put it in a jar over my mantel, and then I'm just gonna throw it at someone outside. It's like, it's my gift to you.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's like, so they've ordered barbecue. And I'm sorry, what were you gonna say? I interrupted you, didn't I?

[Ben Mandelker]

I was just gonna say that your sperm may be your gift to me, but my gift to me is ignoring you for the rest of the day. Craig.

[Ronnie Karam]

Your gift to me is sperm. My gift to me is spermicide.

[Ben Mandelker]

Hey. So I ordered barbecue because even though I would have liked to have cooked for everyone, I think you were right. She goes, yeah, I know Austin. Does he know that Taylor's got canceled and people are coming here? Do you think that maybe you want to send him an invitation, say, oops, sorry, meant it for someone else, no party. That was a joke. Ha ha ha ha. And make him feel bad? Because I think that'd be funny.

[Ronnie Karam]

No, I haven't talked to him since he came over here and, like, knocked my hustle. And by the way, I love that you said knocked my hustle that one time, because I'm gonna say it 10 times in this episode now.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, but just please remember, Craig, that when I said knock my hustle, I meant, like, ability to work, not to do the dance, because I see you already starting to do the steps, and it's not the right usage.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, the other phrase that I've been using a lot is put your sperm on my sponge, which you haven't really taken up. But you know what, B. So way babies. Shut up, Craig. So, I mean, Austin just confuses me because, like, he makes things up. Like, you just saw him at the gym. You see him once a week because you have a business together. How much does the guy need?

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, I mean, that's why I was, like, dumbfounded when he said that. I was like, if you don't value all the time we spend together as, like, there's something lacking our relationship, then you should go and find a new friend, because I'm never going to be the bar guy again. I said, go find a new friend. But also, why aren't you inviting me to hang out? It was, like, really fun money.

[Ronnie Karam]

So I'm never gonna be a bar guy again until I open a Bar with Austin in about five minutes.

[Ben Mandelker]

I know. Called, by the way. Yeah. Are you gonna keep talking, Craig? No, it's called by the way. By the way. What's it called? Yeah, what is it, by the way?

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, for Christ's sakes. That's the name of the bar. All right, I'm gonna open a little tea shop next door called the Lipsies.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm gonna open up a bar next door called. So then.

[Ronnie Karam]

So he's like, yeah, Austin wants to just blame people for stuff, you know? So in Austin's mind, people are the problem, not him.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, that's true too, because Paige is saying that, like, Austin's filming at the Mouth to blame her for the, like, why their friendship broke up. So he's like, yeah, I think he'd rather us break up. 100%. Now, I'm not gonna say my usual 1,000%, because I'm actually gonna reduce this down to 100% in this case. I ran the numbers. It's only 100%.

[Ronnie Karam]

Also, I'm in Charleston. They don't get my full thousand here.

[Ben Mandelker]

So he's like, well, I'm 10% less enthusiastic here.

[Ronnie Karam]

It'll be a thousand percent once I'm back in the city. So he's like, I'll take my jersey off. Like, I'm gonna take my jersey off the wal and just head back to the bars. Like, guess what? Guess what makes me happy. She. You and your boobs. She's like, okay, Craig. Or your butt? It's like, okay, Craig, shut up, Craig.

[Ben Mandelker]

There's only one right answer, and it was my bell shaped dress, and you got it wrong. So now we go to Madison's, and she's out on her swing, and she facetimes her mom, and she's basically like, so guess what? I made these. I made this flower bouquet. And her mom's like, sure, Madison, you made it. She's like, and I also made this lemonade. Sure, you made the lemonade. Madison was like, I love that.

[Ronnie Karam]

Her mom knows that Madison's just like kind of trying on a new role, and she's like, wow, aren't you the best little housewife? She like, I am. I'm trying to be, cuz I got some. Brett told me some news. And then she talks about him having a spot on his kidney, which is crazy. And so, you know, the mom's like, all you can do is love him, love him, comfort him, you know, have a can opener ready, because corn is the key.

[Ben Mandelker]

And I mean, honestly, if you really think about it, Lemonade's just, like lemons and sugar and water, so you can work on that. I think that's something you can do, Madison. So come on.

[Ronnie Karam]

You know what? You're not a cancer doctor, so you can't do anything about that. We can only do what we can control. Make better iced tea. Honey, please.

[Ben Mandelker]

I mean, listen, the expression is when life gives you lemons, et cetera. And I think you could really pull up on the lemonade part.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then we go to Rodrigo's house for Rodrigo and his boyfriend to be the fabulous gaze of southern charm. Why do you fold like that? Why don't you fold? You fold. You're folding, stupid. I fold around a magazine. Well, I guess you did it then. Yeah, I did.

[Ben Mandelker]

I don't know why you bitch at me all the time. He's like, I don't you all the time about my inability to fold properly. And he was like, well, I liked everything lined up. I think it's for my glory days at working at Abercrombie Hypercompian Fitch, spraying fierce on everybody that walks by. And we see a picture of Rodrigo probably, like, in 1999 or whatever. And he has that, like, emo hair that, like, goes forward into the side, but spikes. It's like. It was like the proto Kate Golin.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Yeah. The prototype for Kate. That's funny.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

So he's like, yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Austin calls up, and he's like, what are you doing, man? Tits. What's he call him? Sugar tits.

[Ben Mandelker]

Baby tits. Baby tits.

[Ronnie Karam]

Baby tits.

[Ben Mandelker]

Rodrigo's like, oh, hi. What's up? Not much. I. But I, like, woke up today ab.

[Ronnie Karam]

Cromy to being called baby tits by a frat boy. We can't keep a relationship.

[Ben Mandelker]

This is a disaster. I'm a gay failure. So Austin's like, yeah, well, I woke up today to find out that Taylor's party is canceled. And he's like, like, oh, well, I don't know if you talked to Craig or not, but I think he's hosting a party today. And also, Austin was all too happy to tell Shep that Taylor was having a party that Shep wasn't invited to. But now that Austin is the one that's actually not invited to the party.

[Ronnie Karam]

He'S like, yeah, it's just a season of people being not invited to things. It's super weird. And it's also weird that Rodrigo, they're like, let's get a game here to be the center of the uninvites, you know? Cause it's always up to Rodrigo to be like, you're not invited. You're not invited to this party. You're not invited to that part. No one's invited anywhere.

[Ben Mandelker]

That's a gay dream to be the ambassador of the uninvite, turning all these very happy people down. Oh, yeah, you're not invited. Sorry. Yeah. So, yeah, Rodrigo's like. And Austin's like, I did not hear about this party from Craig. Which I guess tells me everything I need to know. Let me just type that into my work computer. Austin, you're just typing on a cereal box. Like, I said, my work computer.

[Ronnie Karam]

So he's like, oh, Lord. Damn, are you guys good? He's like, well, I mean, that's what I'm trying to figure out. Austin, you just walked out of his house two days ago. What do you. What do you. What are you not able to figure out? So he's like, well, what happened? So he tells him the whole story, and he's like, well, I thought it was being a place of being, struggling, you know what I mean? When I was just like. Like, I don't want to call you anymore because you're, like, a loser now, you know? I thought it was gonna be great.

[Ben Mandelker]

And Austin's like, I see what Craig's doing. I know exactly what he's doing. He's not extending the invite to me because I told him something he didn't want to hear. Yeah, I mean, you had a fight with him, so he's not gonna invite you to his party, so that. That is how that usually goes.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. He kicked you out of his house, so. So Rodrigo's like, yeah, you know what? I feel like you guys might have a little tension still. O, don't you guys open a fucking detective agency. Seriously, all of you.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're really called IT Agency, by the way. So Austin's like, all right, whatever. So they. Tyler, you know, they hang up, and Rodrigo's like, jesus Christ on a cross. Are you kidding me? And Tyler's like, come take my pulse. I need an emotional support dog. So then we go to Craig's house. House, and they're bringing out. Craig and Paige are, like, bringing out stuff to, like, the. The backyard, and they're trying to, like, figure out how to do it, and they're, like, rearranging stuff and putting the food out and everything and. And doing all the.

[Ronnie Karam]

You know. But what if we put out the food and then bugs come? Don't put out the food, Craig. I shouldn't put out the food. Yeah, good. Good job. Stupid.

[Ben Mandelker]

This is, like, my I'm not kidding either.

[Ronnie Karam]

You can't just put up food in the backyard in the South.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, no, I. I don't know how that works. You can't. Yeah, Craig's like.

[Ronnie Karam]

That's like leaving the blonde teenager outside. You'll get Shep and Austin on your lawn in about 20 minutes. You can't do that.

[Ben Mandelker]

This is my dream scenario. Like, I built a backyard for entertaining, and I just want to be the house that my friends can just show up to. Or we can all call an audible and just like, be like, you know what? Let's go to Craig's for the night. I'm like, yeah, that's absolutely not the house.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, sorry. Go ahead. I'm sorry.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, I was gonna say, as we're gonna say the same thing probably, like, that's fine. But you live like 25 minutes away from everyone now. And like, this is like the classic thing that couples do. Like, breeders do this all the time. Actually, probably gay people do it too. I'm gonna say all couples do this, which is that they. They then post up in the suburbs and they get like a house with like a pool and a barbecue, and then they don't go out anywhere. And you are the one they're like, come to. Well, I mean, if they want to hang out, they come here. We've got everything you could possibly need here 45 minutes away in the middle of Dolesville.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, that's true. People do do that. I got a house where people do not want to come over because it's up a very steep hill. You have to really like me to come there because I make you work to get there.

[Ben Mandelker]

I just realized, Ronnie, I just called all of suburbia Dolesville, which was so mean of me because I actually really enjoy suburbia. But you know, you know what I'm talking about. When it's like that one couple that they will never.

[Ronnie Karam]

That's me. I moved to the Valley. Just say me, Ben. Just say me. Okay, I moved to the Valley.

[Ben Mandelker]

But you come in my house. House. You come to my house. But you know, there's some people who will not leave their house. And they just expect you to always go to their house. And they're always like, well, why would we leave our house? We got everything we need here. It's like, well, because your house is out of the way and sometimes you have to come.

[Ronnie Karam]

You don't have everything I need here. Do you have. Do you have a 30 year old muscular man in a jock strap punching his dick for no Reason while he's doing a box step on a table. You don't. So stop inviting me to your house and pretending that you have everything. Okay.

[Ben Mandelker]

And there is that kind of, like, suburban dad thing where they're, like, so impressed with their own grill that they just think everyone else is as impressed with their grill and whatever, you know, microbrews they're doing in their garage. And it's like they're basic ass grilling. You know, sometimes we don't want that. You know, like, or, like, we want that, but we want the variety. We don't want that to be, like, every single time we hang out, we have to go to, like, Cecil's basement bar on marriage medicine or Craig's pool or something like that. Mix it up. You want to mix it up, you know?

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. If you have everything I need, then you've got the food in front of me, then where's the person that I say, I don't like this. Could you send it back and bring me something else and make sure it's not on my bill? I need that person.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yes. So, yeah. So anyway, Craig is, though, having the best time ever, and Paige is like, by the way, is my eyelash falling off? Just don't. Don't touch. Just. Just look, Craig. Oh, Craig, you just looked me in the eye. Sorry, Jake. And I got excited because that is.

[Ronnie Karam]

Such a guy thing to do is my eyeliner. Ow. Ow. Please, you didn't have to take a. Put your finger into my eye. So she's like, don't touch. Just tell me. He's like, I don't know. You'll have to ask a girl or a gay. And she's like, you don't have eyes.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, I do have eyes, but the thing is that I touched my finger after I left the sperm bank, and so there's. Okay, Craig, that's enough. I've never been.

[Ronnie Karam]

It makes you feel better. I did put a pair of your eyelashes on my sperm sample, so.

[Ben Mandelker]

Why would you do that, Craig? That's just strange.

[Ronnie Karam]

Really hoping for a daughter.

[Ben Mandelker]

So they set up, and people will start showing up, and everyone's saying hi. And Molly shows up with a dick cake because she had bought a dick cake. It was like a cookie cake to give to Taylor for her 30th. That was like, entering your 30s. Doesn't suck too bad. But because Taylor's not having her party, she had to bring this to Craig's party, which is awkward because Molly and Craig used to basically sex, and they're.

[Ronnie Karam]

Trying to edit it The Paige is just scandalized that she would bring this cake. You know, she says, I was trying to have a classy party, and it looks like she's really mad at Molly for bringing a dick cake. But, you know, Paige doesn't give a one less dick I have to deal with. You want this one, too? Deliver Craig. And Molly's like, whatever. It's not like I actually touched his wiener. It was all sexting. And then we see shots or flashbacks of her saying, like, me and Craig were texting, and Craig saying, yeah, it was never, like, real. It was just all online, which I'm believing less and less now.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, well, you think it has. It's tied into the breakup or something?

[Ronnie Karam]

No, no, no. But I think they probably banged.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, it could have happened.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then the thundercloud rolls in, and now it starts raining. You know, Paige is like, I hate it here.

[Ben Mandelker]

This is stupid. That's why they're stupid. And then Venita shows up. So Venita actually gets a scene that's not at her house with Charles. Her voice is still. It's still gone. But Paige is like, oh, my God, your voice, it sounds amazing. I love it. She's like, thank you. And then they're all hanging out, avoiding the rain and everything. And Craig's like, hey, hey, Rodrigo, why did Taylor cancel the party? And Rodrigo's like, you know, I'm just getting vague information in this game of telephone, but I think her mom came to town and depressed the fuck out of her. So here we are in the suburbs.

[Ronnie Karam]

Was she wearing the hammock necklace? That's a sad one. Yeah, I heard she went with her mom, did lunch with her, and then she got upset, and then she just canceled the party. Which does sound kind of weird. You know, I mean, Taylor was saying. And I didn't think it sounded weird until Madison phrased it, you know, a different way later. But it is kind of weird because she didn't say she was going to cancel on that scene, right?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, I think she just. But she got progressively sadder and sadder and sadder while her mom was talking to her. So then she was like, yeah, yeah, I'm just gonna have this soft shell crab and call it a day. Commercials.

[Ronnie Karam]

Here comes one right now.

[Ben Mandelker]

Meanwhile, the other group is, like, chatting, and Vanita is asking if Craig was grilling, and Paige is like, no, we got it catered and stuff. And the original theme was supposed to be Hawaiian, but Paige is like, yeah, I didn't know what was going to happen. But when Craig Said, taylor, cancel the party. I was like, well, why not have everyone here?

[Ronnie Karam]

Or.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's been a while since I just sort of made fun of everyone to their faces.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's nice to give people dirty looks in my own space.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

And so then we cut back to Rodrigo and Craig talking. Like, if you talk to Austin, and he's like, no, I'm not really talking to Austin right now. Well, he seemed a little perturbed that you were having a party, so. And he's like, yeah, well, he came over the other day, and he was, like, mad at me. Like, he doesn't think I'm a good friend. So I'm like, why would I invite you over here?

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, how did he word it? Was he just like, oh, Craig, I invited you over there, or I wasn't invited. So I see how it is. He was like, yeah, it's like, that's what happens when, like, look, Austin, if you don't think I'm a good friend, and if you. If you don't consider this beautiful pool and manicured garden to be part of the friendship, then I don't. And I'm not gonna chase you down and convince you to be my friend. Even though last week I literally was, like, mad that. That I wasn't invited to what you were doing.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So now it stops raining, so everybody comes back and, like, wow, trees. How pretty. And then Leva comes, you know, to just liven everything up as she does, and, you know, a bunch of everybody starts coming. So now it's party time. Right? And so now Ryan and Molly and Rodrigo are talking about Molly dating. And Ryan's like, oh, my God, girl, How are you single in Charleston right now? She like, cuz I hate everything. That's my girl. That's my girl right there. I love her. Yeah, I'm gonna get a poster of her and put her up in my room. This is what little girls need to see. This girl, you know, have your kids start watching Southern Charm.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, seriously. She's like, why am I single? Because my options are Thomas, Ravenel and Shep.

[Ronnie Karam]

So literally, have you looked? Have you walked around downtown in this town, go to a food court and then ask me why I'm single? You?

[Ben Mandelker]

And Rodrigo's like, yeah, I think the ratios are off. I think there's, like, more women than men. She's like, yeah, it's a mess, and it's always been a mess. And then he's like, yeah. And then when you think about the gay man, I mean, just makes the ratios even worse. She's like, listen, I'm only here for the TV show, otherwise I'll be back in la. I debate dating. And then I'm like, I just look at all the guys here on this cast and I say, you know what? Nevermind. Let's just be an old maiden.

[Ronnie Karam]

You know what's so crazy is I really wanted to get into dating, and I started looking around the room and my ovaries literally froze themselves and dropped out like they were in a refrigerator's ice machine. It was crazy. So at least I can save them for later.

[Ben Mandelker]

So then Ryan is talking to Vanita and he's like, hey, where's Manny? Is he in New York? And Vanita's like, oh, did I not tell you? He's like, love is like. She's so sad. Ask her, ask her, ask her. Vena's like, yeah, Manny Moves moved to New York for Broadway. And apparently I didn't realize that Manny was a singer. I thought he was like a. I thought he, like, played instruments, but apparently he's a singer. And. And apparently he was in Illinois. So Ryan's like, oh, so we got the Broadway gig. And she's like, yeah, he's not coming back. Oh, so he's gonna be back this weekend, do you think? She's like, no, he's. He's not coming back. So next weekend he's not coming back. So at the end of the month. Stop it.

[Ronnie Karam]

So what is his musical? Oh, Illinois. I was wondering why you said Illinois. I was like, that's not where Broadway is.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, Illinois, the show.

[Ronnie Karam]

What is it?

[Ben Mandelker]

It's the show. Did it win? Did Illinois win the best?

[Ronnie Karam]

He sings people who like people. That's. I know that. I know that much. He's from Charleston. He's now based. He's gonna make his Off Broadway debut in Illinois. So it's off Broadway. Still good though. But last night, last seen in Freestyle Love Supreme, Las Veg, the original off Broadway cast of Forbidden Broadway, Next Generation. He's a songwriter who holds a degree in classical piano. Yeah, he's. He's getting the. Out of there. What were you thinking? It's not gonna stay there.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, he's not gonna stay hanging around in Charleston. Yeah, no, he's got a gig, so.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, he's got a.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, Vanita and Manny, they realize. They realized very quickly that they're not gonna do the whole thing that Paige and Craig are gonna do, which is waste three years of their life pretending like there's gonna be a future with these. This geographical issue. There's. Manny was like, yeah, bye. She's like, yeah, I'm not leaving. I've got a TV show down in Charleston. He's like, yeah, I've got a musical up in New York, and it's over. I mean, I felt bad for Vanita. It looked like Vanita was left behind, and, you know, poor thing, she just.

[Ronnie Karam]

She was like, new York is his dream. Broadway's his dream. But I was not included in a lot of the plans, so that sucks. But, you know, I have to say, I don't think he was that into you. And honestly, I don't think you were that into him either. I think Vanitas and kind of the position that the gay guys are in in this town where you just meet one that's free and you just take it. It's like, you know, it's not even about, like, whether I really like you. It's just like, there's two of us here. We are going to date. Okay? And I think that's what it is with a lot of single people. Well, single women in Charleston, from what we see from this show, you know, you're hungry. You take the first sandwich that comes through. That's it.

[Ben Mandelker]

I felt bad for her because she said she actually really, really liked him and that her mom liked him, too, which is rare. So. So I don't know. I mean, part of me is kind of like, well, I'm rarely ever going to say that the woman go chase the man, but, like, really, what's going on in Charleston? They barely have you on this show. Might as well go to New York, be with the guy you love, and.

[Ronnie Karam]

Enjoy a worm in a tree. She had a worm in a tree scene this episode also, I don't know that it was that. He. I think the point is he didn't ask her to come. He didn't plan to meet with her.

[Ben Mandelker]

He got it in his eye.

[Ronnie Karam]

And then we see their breakup scene, and she's sitting on the ground, and he's sitting above her on, like, a couch, and she's like, oh, so you got the Broadway thing. So it's gonna be four months. And he's like, it's more than four months. So four months, Right? Probably more than four months. So four months.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

We should have a talk. And then she's just like.

[Ben Mandelker]

So then meanwhile, everyone's eating. Yeah, everyone's eating food. Yeah. And so Sally, Paige, and Madison are sitting around the pool talking. And this is great, because these are like. These three are like the girlies. Like, I love When Paige finds her people, because when she starts gossiping with her people, it's, like, so fun. You feel like you're sitting there gossiping with her and. And she really. I think that she has really only liked Madison. Out of everyone down here, like, Madison's the only one. Because Madison's like, a strong woman who, like, doesn't deal with bullshit. But then Sally joins, and it turns out, like, Sally is in the mix, right? Because Sally is so funny in this scene because they're all three of them are so messy together, and it's great. So Paige is like, well, I'm glad. I'm so glad this worked out. Out. And Madison's like, me, too. The vibe here is just way better between the three of us. Let's pretend no one else is here at this party. Such a good idea. Okay, I'm going to close my eyes. Let's pretend Craig isn't here. And the party's already improved so much, y'all.

[Ronnie Karam]

I don't know about you guys, but Taylor never even told me it was canceled. What about that? So I was like, I didn't even get invited. They're like, oh, oh. And Paige is like, so you beef with her? And she like, no, we don't beef. Like, I don't really, but it's just like.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're not like, besties. Is that what it's like?

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, well, she's dating my ex. And Paige is like, got it. That'll throw a wrench right in there. Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

Now. Now, Wait a second. Were you guys serious? You and the guy? And she's like, yeah. I mean, you know, I said I love you to Gaston. Wait, hold on. Can we, like, pause this conversation? So is it. It really is true there's someone named Gaston in the mix in this group? Because that's just hilarious to me. I mean, we have someone named Jesse Solomon up north, but like Gaston? That's ridiculous.

[Ronnie Karam]

Does anyone work like Gaston? What? Does anyone twerk like Gaston? What? Does anyone love to eat their jerk like Gaston? What are you talking about? Never mind. You're no Bell.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're no My dress.

[Ronnie Karam]

So congratulations, you just won the Nobel Prize.

[Ben Mandelker]

Guess what? I'm gonna watch that new E show called Total Not. Bella was so.

[Ronnie Karam]

Stupid, so she's like, yeah. I mean, we said I love you, but that's not why. I mean, that's not why we beef is what you said. So northern. I just. I have history with Shep, you know? And Paige is like, ew. Oh, God. Craig, bring the rubbing alcohol.

[Ben Mandelker]

History with Shep, that just sounds awful. It's like. No, I know. It's a small history. Like a two hour history. Oh, okay. He said in a funny way, so I approve of you again.

[Ronnie Karam]

So I guess that's actually the longest I've ever heard of Shep lasting. So congratulations. Oh, I didn't say you lasted that long. It was mostly two hours of me doing the helicopter and sighing flat.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, and I'm talking about the Vietnam War documentary. Oh, gosh. So Paige is like, so Taylor found out. Sally's like, yeah. And I wasn't sure. It just. It wasn't during their relationship or anything. And then she said some things about me and. Classic.

[Ronnie Karam]

That is classic. That is super classic.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, come on, tell us, girl.

[Ronnie Karam]

What are you doing here? And you're not eating the beef. You're not giving the beef. Do something.

[Ben Mandelker]

And she's like, pretend to make lemonade to not drink something right now. Come on, give it to me.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, she spread that I was a hooker. And Paige is like, oh, my God. But she said high end hooker, so that was at least nice. She goes, yeah, that was nice. Like for politicians and staff. That's really sweet. She did the same thing to last to me last year. Well, not that I was a hooker, but that I was like, well, basically a hook.

[Ben Mandelker]

Wait, what did she say about you, Paige?

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, she said I had another boyfriend in nyc. And I was like, well, I hope he's hot.

[Ben Mandelker]

I mean, kind of. I mean, I don't know her boyfriend at all. But I'm definitely curious now what people like about him, because I personally don't think that he's very attractive. So therefore he can't be even likable. Remember? You know what I'm saying, guys?

[Ronnie Karam]

Why is he even around us, y'all?

[Ben Mandelker]

And Sally goes, well, he can hear you from a mile away. And Massey goes, wait, he's here. She goes, no, no, I'm just talking about his ears. God, that was so mean of me. Ha.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, that was pretty cold, actually, but still funny. And he's like, yeah, I mean, it's just really weird because, like, he. He was still. There was some overlap. And Pete's like, oh, my God. She's like, yeah. And there was like, July. Like, it overlapped because he met my family on July 4th. And this is such a Charles Charleston thing to say. She's like, he was on my dad's but boat. And then like two weeks later, he was with her. And Paige is like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. I literally just got a Stink bug in my mouth.

[Ben Mandelker]

This is wild. So Paige is like, this is. And so then she's like, well, I need to see a picture of this person because before I can pass any further judgment, I need to have some reference. I have to know what his facial hair looks like. I need to see something about these ears, nostrils, everything. Give me the goods. So she looks at it and she goes, wow, that's not what I was picturing. I mean, he's cute. He's like cute. Like, she says he's cute in the tone of like, I don't want to disrespect your taste level, Sally, but this guy is a ugly ass beast. That's what she's basically saying.

[Ronnie Karam]

I, I don't think he's ugly, do you?

[Ben Mandelker]

No, he's not people. I don't think he's ugly at all.

[Ronnie Karam]

I think he's very like the weight.

[Ben Mandelker]

But I think the way she's saying it is like, I mean, I'm shocked that you would hook up with someone that looked like this. This. So I'll just say he's cute, cuz, like, you know, an approval cute is. He's cute. Oh my God. Not he's cute.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. I think it's also the supportive thing when someone's talking about a shitty man. You're not supposed to be like, oh my God, he's hot. You have to be like, I mean, you know, he's cute, but I mean, who knows? So I mean, I'll be like. I said, first sandwich that passes through, send him over here on a tray, you know? So Sally's like, yeah, we were hot and heavy for a moment. Look at this picture. And then she shows a picture of them making out at a bar. Which means she's one of those people who take selfies of herself making out with people. Which, yeah, it's both gross. But I've also been friends with this girl my whole life. Like, I know this girl so well and I want to have her over later.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, I, I really like Sally. So Sally says, like, you know, we were like best friends and, you know, he was. Oh no, I'm sorry. She talks also. It gets more complicated than this, this. So she, she basically says that there's a guy named Andrew. And she says, yeah, me and Andrew were best friends and he was the one that got me through the Gaston. And I helped him get through the Taylor because I guess, Wait, Taylor had hooked up with Andrew at some point, so they were both exes. So they now they are dating each other. So this whole, like, Sally and Taylor overlap continues to get more and more complicated.

[Ronnie Karam]

This is like being in a gay bar. Bar. This is like being in a gay bar. I mean, everybody's each other here. It's like being in a group of gay friends. Everybody's had sex with each other. And so Paige is just, like, trying to compute all this. She's like, okay, well, then I'm happy that you have a new man. Well, how did you and Gaston leave? I mean, you're all friendly. Y'all friendly or what? She's like, don't speak. Well, oh, my God. Have you his brother just tell us, because I like that everything Sally says with a dot, dot, dot. Well, then I fucked this guy. It's like, oh. It's like every twist with Sally is another guy she's fucked, which is hilarious. And they're like, what? What is it? And Paige is like, give it to us, Sally. And she goes, what, you're just gonna sit in my backyard and make eyes at Madison and not tell me the whole gossip? I invited you to my home.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, nobody knows this, but we had a conversation yesterday, me and Gaston, and they're like, yeah, first time since July. Madison's like, well, what happened happened, girl? And Sally's like, well, he told me to keep his name out of my mouth.

[Ronnie Karam]

Hell no. Oh, hell no. Oh, hell no. Because he heard that I was like, now listen, like, you know here that I was talking about himself. And I said, listen, there's a lot I'm keeping to myself. Paige is like, that's it. Get out of my house. It's not how we do things here.

[Ben Mandelker]

Sally's like, so it was like a two minute conversation, and it escalated very quickly, and he started raising his voice, and I was like, I think I ended. Ended the phone conversation with, thank you for reminding me of the kind of person you are, even though you can still hear me. God, I'm so mean.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, it just proves to me that nothing has changed. So then we go to Tyler and Rodrigo on the little putting green, and Tyler is like, I don't know the difference between these clubs. And Rodrigo's like, do you want some nasty sprayed on you? I've got it right. What was the cologne called? It's saying right now, madison, Fierce. Do you want me to spray some fierce on you?

[Ben Mandelker]

He's like, honey, you can either not know how to fold a shirt or you could not know golf clubs, but you can't not know those.

[Ronnie Karam]

Okay, okay. So party, party, party. Ryan is getting shown the golf stuff. There's so many new people. So Ryan's the other new gay. So he's being shown plants. And then he's like, yeah, Craig is talking about how you've gotten. You've gotten Craig to do things, you know, like, domestic things. She goes, yeah, dishes, or, you know, maybe we should put our laundry away.

[Ben Mandelker]

And he's like, but he's like, what. What don't you do? She's like, well, I don't cook. It's not that I can't cook. It's that he just always does it. And also, I can't cook. He's like, oh, okay, cool. So Madison, meanwhile, I was talking to Rodrigo. She's like, rodrigo, be honest with me. Why did this Beta party get canceled today? And he's like, well, I think that, like, emotionally, Taylor's just spent. And. And I just. I feel like the stress of Sally coming around and having her say things. Say. Having things to say about a relationship with Gaston's like, a lot for her. Well, what if there was some truth to what Sally was saying? I mean, why is Gastone calling Sally?

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, did I say that part out loud? Oh, it's like, why is Gastone calling Sally? And I want to just hear Madison order Mexican food because, you know, she's like, I would like a NATO. A quesadilla, some su.

[Ben Mandelker]

In an order for breakfast tomorrow to get some hoevos rancheros, please.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, I think that Madison is the best detective on this show. I think she's got very good detective qualities because she's like, well, wait a minute. What if there's truth to what she's saying? I mean, why is Gaston calling her? And why'd he call her yesterday? And Rodrigo's like, wait, he did? To say what? To silence her. Are you serious? I mean, they shouldn't be having communication. Like, from my knowledge, you know, I heard they were both, like, very toxic. So, like, oh, my God, who am I going to invite? Who am I gonna meet? And Madison's like, but from what I heard, it was just to say, hey, listen, I'm hearing what you're saying about me, and you need to keep your mouth shut. And this is the part we see in the preview where he's like, this town is like a soap opera on steroids.

[Ben Mandelker]

With people dating each other's exes. And it makes me worried about my friends friend because I don't want her to go through the same things again with Gaston that she went through with the Shep. Well, I hate to break it to you, but Taylor is remind. She seems to me like someone who dates in patterns. So buckle up for round two, Rodrigo.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So he's like, well, wow, that makes this party cancellation seem just even a little more woof. And she goes, yeah, like his idea. I was like, oh, I didn't even think of that. He's, like, trying to hold her back, and he doesn't want her to shoot with Sally, so he's like, you can't go. But that actually makes sense. And she said, makes sense. He's hating the dirt bat. She's dating a dirt bag.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm just gonna say it right now. As long as we're in trader season, I'd like to nominate Madison to be on the next season of the Traders, because I think she'd be excellent on it.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, she would be.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm putting that out there.

[Ronnie Karam]

I don't have Southern charm people on there, huh?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, I kind of wish. I think the casting department needs to listen to us. I think we have a good instinct on who to cast on that show, and I think Madison. Madison should have. Well, whatever, put her on the show. Okay, so now it's. Now it's nighttime, and they're eating the dick cake and everything, and Craig. Craig and Mass and Paige are in the kitchen together. And Masson is like, wow, Paige, you do a great job cutting flowers. You know, by the way, what's. What's going on with engagement? You. What's. You're like, just not engaged. And Craig's like, well, we basically are. I mean, and I threw sperm at her today. Craig, please, you don't have to tell everyone about the sperm situation.

[Ronnie Karam]

And she's like, I think I socialized a lot today. I deserve some credit. And he's like, you did? You see? And it's. It's fun, isn't it? She's like, wow, I did what I could. Well, Craig, what's going on with you? I mean, where are you with the boys? Because, like, Austin texted me, and he said it was very clear you were doing it, what you were doing at Patricia's. And I said, what? Taking it for Craig? And he was like, we're not here to bash Craig. And then spittle came through his phone and actually hit me on the eye. I mean, I have to tell you, that man will never change that. Spittle is the strongest thing about him.

[Ben Mandelker]

Did you tell Craig, did you tell Madison that Austin came over the other day? Yeah, he came over here and he basically knocked my hustle and said, I'm a bad friend and I Guess where I'm at is if we. What we do already isn't good enough, then he has to move on. And so, by the way, I'm going to do my new thing, which is I'm going to put my hands in front of my chest and them weigh them side to side a little bit, in and out. Cuz, like, I don't know. If it's not good enough, then he has to move on, because I'm never going back to the guy that he misses.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, I mean, I was like, this is crazy. Like, you're a grown man. Like, what the. What grown man goes over to another grown man grown man's house crying that he misses them. Excuse me. Men can be friends as well, ma'am. Okay. I think that friends. Guy friends can miss each other. I mean, what the heck? And also, this kind of proves what Austin and them are saying, that Paige is kind of a rogue roadblock. But I think it's kind of in her defense. I think that it's safety. I think if you're. If you're with somebody, you're like, stop hanging out with losers, you know? And I think that might be a little bit of what's going on here. Or at least don't let those losers push you around as much as they do. And if they have a problem with it, then get rid of them. And to someone who's never heard that that's an option before, it's like, whoa, you know, that is an option. Which is why he's now drunk with the power of, like, we don't have to be friends. I'm never going back friends.

[Ben Mandelker]

There I was, like, dumbfounded. I was like, we're not dating. Like, what are you talking about, Paige? I think Austin wants to be you. Dress included. Beta.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's like, I. I know. I better watch my back. So, Madison. Yeah. Craig's in love. He don't want to be with Austin anymore. Sorry, it's over. So he's like, I thought it was good, but last night, I had to do the inevitable. I had to record a podcast by myself. And Madison's like, oh, wow. Really? Were there two words that actually went together in that whole thing? How'd that turn out?

[Ben Mandelker]

So I guess you're really not interested in building an audience, huh? He's like, yeah, like, doing the podcast with him and stuff. It's like, you know, I like doing it, but not when he acts like this. I love when you get riled up. I'm so riled up right now.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then Craig and shet meet up and Craig is trying to kiss his butt and warm him up with some gardening shoes. And they go to a bar to get some non ass alcoholic beer and stuff. And they're like, wow, this beer is amazing. So Chef's like, whoa, I texted you this morning because that's what Shakespeare did in Henry the 19th.

[Ben Mandelker]

As you like it. Anyway, what are we gonna do about this Tempest between you guys?

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, yeah, like, we've had great, great times. The Internet knew I was coming to get you, and just as it did in Romeo and Juliet, it sent me a montage of our best time times. Here's the time we were doing coke downtown. Here's the time we were doing coke on the east side. Here's the time we were doing coke on that boat on July 4th. And then that dad got mad at a guy named after a Beauty and the Beast character and kicked him off the boat. Oh, gosh, what good times. Thanks, Siri.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, and here's a montage of us on a bender. And here's a picture from that bender. I think this was the twelfth night of it.

[Ronnie Karam]

So he's like, it gives me goosebumps. Speaking of Shakespeare. So all the good times we've had around the world in the United States, let's say, talk like this.

[Ben Mandelker]

The world United States. Yeah. Shep is like, but we don't have to live in the past, Even though I'm going to say that our friendship is purely rooted in just having a past. So Craig is like, well, as soon as we accept each other for who we are or who we become, in my case, an enlightened person. Took ayahuasca. Now is a good little boy. Yeah, exactly. You know.

[Ronnie Karam]

You know what everyone's always called me? A lush. No. A deadbeat. No. A loser. No. A mediator. What's that?

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, it's someone who can look at two friends and say, all's well that ends well. Oh. So he's like. He's like, just, just, just think it's important to at least try to maintain the bonds that were formed over the years, you know? And of course they're going to be afraid, you know, or try to repair them. Trying to repair them. It's a beautiful thing, you know? And I know Austin feels bad. Feels bad. He's a little confused right now. He sat down on his computer. I was trying to figure out what is the concept of working at an office station. It's really going through it. It's really doing a number on him right now.

[Ronnie Karam]

So he Goes through this whole thing of, like, look at me just trying to make things better between two friends, as if I wasn't talking Craig to try and turn Austin against him so that Austin would be on my side instead of both of them ganging up on me and calling me a dirty alcoholic that needs to stop assaulting women.

[Ben Mandelker]

So, like, my thing is I just kind of, hey, are you gonna give him a chance or. Or, like. Or you're not, like, not still pissed, but you're just, like, a little frustrated. Right? So, like, what's the deal? It's like, look, you and I, when we have disagreements and, like, don't understand each other, we can take space because there's nothing tying us together other than our friends friendship. So I honestly think the solution would be to take a step back from the podcast. Oh, gosh. The podcast where you guys just ramble on. Yeah. Because then how. How you live your life won't annoy me.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. And he's like, well, I guess that's a good idea. I'd never liked that stupid podcast anyway because it puts you guys together instead of me in the center. Good for you. Get rid of the podcast. And Craig's like, yeah, I mean, I do all the work. And he's like, yeah, you know, I noticed that when I did your podcast live, you kind of did it all. He's like, yeah, I do it for business. And he does it to party. To me talking to Lauren, to Tommy, Lauren until two in the morning faced. That's business for him. It's pleasure.

[Ben Mandelker]

Garsh, now that you guys are taping your podcast, nothing's gonna stop the Kelsey brothers from reaching the top of the chart Hurts.

[Ronnie Karam]

So they agree that maybe they can get back to a good place. And then he gets a text, and he's like, oh, JT just texted me. And we go to one minute, JT's.

[Ben Mandelker]

Apartment with, like, very frantic music. The music's like. And all JT is doing is, like, his hair. And it's like, what's. What sort of product is he gonna put in next? What sort of cologne is he gonna put on it' and then finally, JT's like, Want to meet up? So Craig's like, Dear JT, would love to meet up with you, buddy. Seems like a lot of miscommunication going on here. Hit me back.

[Ronnie Karam]

No, that's actually what JT says in his text.

[Ben Mandelker]

Whoops. I. I was reading what JT wrote, but I forgot that he wrote it. I thought I texted myself by accident. I was like, is this my sperm? Did my sperm grow up and text me?

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I got distracted because guess what? I just got a notice for my delivery has best just been delivered. The page collection blanket from Sewing Down South.

[Ben Mandelker]

Wow.

[Ronnie Karam]

Just came while we were recording Southern Charm. Guys, that's blanket. It's all X's. It's. It's Paige's blanket with X's on it. Oh, my God. I can't wait to cuddle with you later.

[Ben Mandelker]

That's so funny because I came on the last episode of Southern Character Charm.

[Ronnie Karam]

At the sperm up, I had to have clean hands. It was crazy. The nurse said that my sperm still came out with barbecue sauce on it, so I'm going to have to try again.

[Ben Mandelker]

But still, the nurse also texted and said, please take Paige's eyelashes off all our sample cups. I'm like, but I think it looks nice anyway.

[Ronnie Karam]

Replacing with googly eyes.

[Ben Mandelker]

I just know that Austin's going to get really mad if I have coffee with J. J.T. anyway, I'm gonna have coffee with J.T. because it's gonna make Austin really mad. Ha.

[Ronnie Karam]

But J.T. did his, like, I'm fitting into Charleston scene where he's like, standing in the mirror in a towel, which nobody asked for. Okay. And he's got the blow dryer right up to his head. And he's just staring at the blow dryer as it like shellacs his. His bangs up into. Into Republican congressman mode, you know? And the of like that horror, like a gate slowly opening. And then it's just JT Blow drying his bangs. It's a show.

[Ben Mandelker]

Cut to next week, Whitney. I can't believe Craig met up with J.T. mother, what do we do about it? Mother.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yes. And now they're all furious with Craig for daring to go meet with someone they've all decided is fired.

[Ben Mandelker]

Fun times, everyone. Thanks for being here. Southern hospitality, by the way. We will have a recap of that up next week if you're wondering about that. And we will catch everyone on the next episode. Have a wonderful weekend and stay safe.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

Bye.

[Ronnie Karam]

Bye. Everybody.

[Ben Mandelker]

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[Ronnie Karam]

No shrinkin Violet Coutar we love you guys if you like, watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] survey.