#2764 Southern Charm S10 E14 Live in Minneapolis: Barber of Say-villain

Summary

Watch What Crappens Podcast Summary: Episode #2764 – Southern Charm S10 E14 Live in Minneapolis: Barber of Say-villain

In episode #2764 of "Watch What Crappens," hosts Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam take their trademark irreverent humor to Minneapolis, diving deep into Season 10, Episode 14 of Bravo's "Southern Charm." This detailed, long-form summary captures their lively discussions, sharp critiques, and hilarious insights as they dissect the latest drama unfolding in Charleston.

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Live from Minneapolis: Setting the Stage

The episode kicks off with Ben and Ronnie sharing their experiences in Minneapolis, poking fun at the city's art scene and customer service quirks. Ben humorously laments, “I lost my nipples flying in here” (02:45), setting a lighthearted tone. Ronnie adds her own brand of sarcasm when she mentions receiving a complimentary tater tot hot dish, exclaiming, “It was delicious” (03:52). Their playful banter immediately engages listeners, showcasing their chemistry and comedic timing.

Diving into Southern Charm: Episode Recap

Ben and Ronnie swiftly transition to their main focus: recapping "Southern Charm" Season 10, Episode 14. They express both frustration and amusement at the show's ongoing storylines, particularly zeroing in on the tumultuous relationships and dramatic confrontations.

Craig and Austin: The Addiction Saga

One of the central plots involves Craig and Austin grappling with Craig's battle with alcoholism. Ben criticizes Craig's attempts to portray sobriety, mockingly suggesting, “You should get a lawyer” (12:33). Ronnie echoes this skepticism, noting, “He’s trying to have a moment right now” (28:00). They highlight Craig's manipulative behavior, particularly his interaction with Paige, where he professes, “I am trying to get sober” despite clear signs of relapse (26:27).

Ben further ridicules Craig’s contrived narratives, saying, “I’m gonna take care of the eggs before you crush them” (32:45), emphasizing the absurdity of his actions. Ronnie points out the generational misunderstandings around addiction, remarking, “Being an alcoholic means you drink in the morning” (31:36), highlighting the superficial portrayal of serious issues on the show.

Craig and Paige: A Frayed Relationship

The hosts delve into the strained relationship between Craig and Paige, marked by petty disputes and a lack of genuine connection. Ben comments on their tenuous bond, “They’re so good at it. We just roll off your tongue” (60:51), referencing their habitual name-calling and superficial interactions. Ronnie observes Paige’s growing disdain for Craig, noting her evident frustration during joint activities like cooking breakfast (25:03).

A significant moment discussed is Craig’s incompetence in the kitchen, where he blames the housekeeper for malfunctioning appliances. Ben sarcastically advises Craig, “Do you even have a lawyer?” (10:20), underscoring his inability to take responsibility. Ronnie laments the lack of authentic communication, saying, “I can’t do this anymore” (25:03), reflecting Paige's desperation to salvage the deteriorating relationship.

Vanita: The Self-Inflicted Villain

Vanita's storyline takes center stage as Ben and Ronnie critique her manipulative behaviors and fabricated relationships. Ben mocks Vanita's deceitful actions, stating, “You love her even when she is a traitor” (05:19), highlighting her tendency to create drama for attention. Ronnie jokes about Vanita’s lies, mentioning, “Please see below. As if the world needs another fucking podcast” (08:38), emphasizing the repetitive nature of her deceit.

Their discussion paints Vanita as a character who thrives on chaos, deliberately escalating conflicts. Ben remarks, “This latest one is she went on US magazine... She ended up paying for it” (15:00), pointing out her continual pattern of dishonesty and manipulation.

JT's Controversial Racial Storyline

Perhaps the most contentious topic is JT's alleged racist remarks to his barber, a storyline that Ben and Ronnie approach with both skepticism and humor. Ben narrates the scenario, “So JT told him that there's some black girl who has been coming onto him” (66:20), questioning the validity and context of JT's comments. They mock the convoluted nature of the situation, with Ronnie exclaiming, “I don’t know what’s going on” (66:29), reflecting the confusion surrounding the incident.

Ben sarcastically urges JT to confront the barber directly, saying, “Call him right now” (72:18), which underscores his disbelief in the serious portrayal of the event. Ronnie joins in, commenting on the absurdity of the situation, “That's why it's being brought to your attention” (66:20), blending humor with critique of the show's handling of sensitive topics.

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Humorous Character Critiques and Insights

Throughout the recap, Ben and Ronnie provide biting critiques of various characters, blending humor with sharp observations:

• Madison and Ryan: Ben mocks Madison’s disinterest, saying, “She’s pregnant with Randy’s baby” (12:19), while Ronnie highlights the absurdity of their interactions.

• Sally: They hilariously "appreciate" Sally’s minimal contributions, with Ben asserting, “I like that she’s a robot surgeon” (54:28), poking fun at her seemingly irrelevant role.

• Charles the Dog: Their playful jabs at Charles, the family dog, include mocking his cautious behavior, “Move a little slower, please” (38:22), adding a light-hearted element to the recap.

Mocking the Show’s Production Choices

Ben and Ronnie don’t hold back in critiquing the show's production and storytelling decisions. They ridicule the unrealistic scenarios and exaggerated conflicts, such as Craig’s over-the-top lie about being sober or Vanita’s fabricated relationships. Ben sarcastically remarks about Craig’s "Venetian blinds" 07:58, symbolizing the superficiality and pretense pervasive in the show’s narrative.

The Racial Controversy Unpacked

The racial storyline involving JT serves as a focal point for Ben and Ronnie’s sharpest critiques. They dissect the sequence of events that led to accusations against JT, portraying it as a classic game of telephone with unclear contexts. Ben humorously simulates a confrontational call to the barber, “Call him right now” (72:18), highlighting the farcical treatment of serious issues on reality TV.

Ronnie questions the authenticity of the accusations, suggesting miscommunication, “Maybe I need to call with JT” (75:10), thereby diminishing the gravity of the situation and mocking the show’s attempt to inject controversial topics.

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Concluding Thoughts: A Satirical Take on Reality TV

As the episode wraps up, Ben and Ronnie express their exasperation with the repetitive and exaggerated storylines of "Southern Charm." They emphasize the show's tendency to prioritize drama over genuine storytelling, with Ben cynically stating, “They think that funny. Okay, it's not funny” (64:17). Ronnie concludes with a sarcastic nod to upcoming serious storylines, “The most racist shit I've ever seen on TV” (64:26), reinforcing their critical stance.

Despite their harsh critiques, Ben and Ronnie maintain an underlying appreciation for the entertainment value of such reality shows, mocking while simultaneously acknowledging their addictive nature.

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Notable Quotes from the Episode

• Ben on Craig's False Sobriety: “You should get a lawyer” (12:33)
• Ronnie on Paige's Frustration: “I can’t do this anymore” (25:03)
• Ben on Vanita’s Lies: “Please see below. As if the world needs another fucking podcast” (08:38)
• Ronnie on JT’s Racial Comments: “I don’t know what’s going on” (66:29)
• Ben on the Show’s Superficiality: “I’m a lawyer and a storyteller” (12:22)
• Ronnie on Character Interactions: “Have you ever tried to throw a hammer at his head?” (64:00)

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Final Verdict

In this episode of "Watch What Crappens," Ben and Ronnie deliver a comprehensive and entertaining critique of "Southern Charm" Season 10, Episode 14. Their blend of humor, sarcasm, and insightful commentary provides listeners with a candid perspective on the show's latest developments. By highlighting the absurdities and repetitive dramas, they offer a refreshing take for fans and casual viewers alike, all while maintaining their signature irreverent style.

Whether you're a die-hard reality TV enthusiast or someone looking to understand the intricate dynamics of "Southern Charm," this episode of "Watch What Crappens" provides a thorough and engaging analysis that is both entertaining and thought-provoking.

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Note: All timestamps correspond to the podcast transcript provided.

Transcript

[Ben]

Don't miss Good American Family. We have a little girl here for adoption. She has dwarfism. Starring Ellen Pompeo and Mark Duplass. Something is off. She's just a little girl. You think she's faking?

[Ronnie]

She has adult teeth. There are signs of puberty.

[Ben]

Inspired by the shocking stories that tore a family apart.

[Ronnie]

I don't know what's going on. How old are you?

[Ben]

You should get a lawyer.

[Ronnie]

You have no idea how those people hurt this girl.

[Ben]

The Hulu original series Good American Family premieres March 19th. Streaming on Hulu. One of the reasons we love watching Bravo shows is for the luxury. I mean, come on. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Most of the time I can just watch it for the shots of the gorgeous city and the houses.

[Ronnie]

And let's not forget Lisa Barlow's $60,000 ring that she lost.

[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

I am so excited to go on my first Virgin cruise. You know, the idea of a kid free ship is very appealing to me and all these menus, it's like definitely a boat made for Ben.

[Ben]

It looks like a giant gorgeous club with fabulous rooms. I cannot wait to go. Book now@virgin voyages.com or contact your travel advisor. We're supported by Audible. Expand your life by listening. Explore over 1 million audiobooks and exclusive audio titles that will inspire and motivate you.

[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

Oh, Minneapolis.

[Ronnie]

Hi, Minneapolis.

[Ben]

Oh, my God, you guys. Wow. We're so excited to be here. Hi. So good to see you guys. I lost my nipples flying in here. Yeah, I lost my nipples and my nuts. My nuts are in my throat. My nipples are on the street somewhere. How do you live like this?

[Ronnie]

It's cold. It's cold. But we love coming to Minneapolis, Minnesota.

[Ben]

We love coming here. You guys have such a good art scene here. And everyone is so. I mean, nice to the nice. Nice to the degree that I get pissed off when they're not overly nice. We were checking in, and the guy's like, oh, your honors, what's your honors number? Or whatever. So I gave him my member number, and he's like, you have three different accounts. And I was like, oh, well, that sucks. And he's like, well, you can combine them. And I was like, great, do that. And he's like, here's your numbers. Calls, customer service. And I was like, what has happened in this town?

[Ronnie]

I don't know. When I checked in, they just gave me a complimentary tater tot hot dish. So I don't. I don't know what happened to you.

[Ben]

That's how it goes.

[Ronnie]

It was delicious.

[Ben]

It's karma. You're a good person. You get tater tots. You're a bad person. Your nipples fall off. Your nuts are in your throat. No one will fucking do your honors for you.

[Ronnie]

Now, I have to say, Minnesota has given us many, many wonderful things, like hot dishes, Prince Luke, Janelle from Big Brother. But I have to say thank you.

[Ben]

Oh, that's kind of lukewarm, you see?

[Ronnie]

But I have to say thank you, Minnesota, for giving us Carolyn. Thank you.

[Ben]

Oh, Carolyn, Carolyn. That's so crazy to be here.

[Ronnie]

That's crazy. I wonder if Bob the Drag Queen is from here also.

[Ben]

You know, people look at you and you're a little different. You got boobs up to your face. It's really hard. I could never be a traitor. It's not like me. I was born weird. You love her even when she is a traitor, she's like, how would they betray me? You're a traitor. What are you crying about now?

[Ronnie]

You know, the Traitors is done for the season, which is very sad. You know, one thing that's really fun about watching the Traitors is that you get to watch people actively lying every single week on your tv. And I was like, what's gonna fill that void? Well, ladies and gentlemen, Jax Taylor has a new podcast.

[Ben]

This fucking guy. I was Kind of hoping he'd keep the old one with Brittany. Cause, I mean, I never listened to that. But when they put clips on the Tiki Tocky, I always crack up. Cause it's like, jax, you're a piece of shit. He's like, I'm changing. You know, I'm changing. Sorry, not texting. I'm just looking for Jax. Okay, so this podcast is called in the Mind of a Man.

[Ronnie]

You know what? It's about time someone stopped and asked men what's going on in their lives.

[Ben]

Unless the entire thing is this. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, then I don't want to hear it. What do you want to bet his first guests are the Tate brothers?

[Ronnie]

I think they're booked.

[Ben]

Yeah. James Kennedy took a picture with the Tate brothers. And then everyone's like, james Kennedy, Jesus Christ, you're already in trouble for abusing your girlfriend, and now you're hanging out with the sex traffickers, you know? And he's like, I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. I didn't know. I just thought they were someone famous. I don't know. I saw him in a picture one time, and then the next day, the Tate brothers posted. That fucker begged us for hours for a picture. He followed our plugs around that whole club.

[Ronnie]

There's probably someone very confused in the audience. That's like, the Tate brothers. Did they invent the Tater Tot hat.

[Ben]

Dish in the mind of a man? Live 2025 with Jax Taylor. What do you think he's talking about?

[Ronnie]

Let's see. Cocaine. Yes.

[Ben]

Oh, he doesn't do that anymore. Oh. And I can tell you right now, I'm not ready for this new season of. Oh, my God. Jax hasn't done cocaine in a week. We all have to be nice to him. Fuck you. I haven't done cocaine in five years, and I didn't get shit. And neither will you, by the way.

[Ronnie]

I feel like the first episode is gonna be called Work in Progress. Guys. I'm just a work in progress. You know, I make mistakes. It's just what a guy is. It's so hard, you know, the women, you know, they want so much from me. I'm just a guy, guys. Just a guy.

[Ben]

Just a guy. And you know how on Fox News they have that sound effect? I know, because my parents watch it. Don't judge me. They have that sound effect that between stories, they go. And it's literally just like Megyn Kelly in the back going, it's gonna Be like that on Jax's podcast. And next, in the mind of a man.

[Ronnie]

But wait, there's more. Because if that's not enough compulsive lying for you, great news, because also joining the podcast world this week, Bryn from Roni with a new podcast called. Please see below.

[Ben]

Please see below. As if the world needs another fucking podcast.

[Ronnie]

It's about relationships and love and everything in between.

[Ben]

I'm a captain of industry. So her poster is her sitting cross legged in black tights and a white turtleneck going like this. And then her podcast page is just filled with different weird pictures of her. And one of them is literally this.

[Ronnie]

That's the name of the first episode. Just a creaking door opening. Can't wait. Can't wait.

[Ben]

So excited. All right, well, today we're here to talk about Papper. Nice Papper Popper, Be nice to your brother.

[Ronnie]

Does anyone have a Lorazepam?

[Ben]

Honey, scratch my arm. You need your ambulance. That feels good. Do you guys watch White Lotus.

[Ronnie]

Popper?

[Ben]

No.

[Ronnie]

Well, we're going to talk about some very decent people today. Also from the Southern Charm.

[Ben]

All right. Previously on Southern Charm. Austin and Craig were still mad at Shep for getting kicked out of BravoCon for being a drunk idiot.

[Ronnie]

I can't be around that behavior. I'm a leader of industry now. Pillow industry.

[Ben]

Come on, guys. I'm different now. I found out I can be an alcoholic because I spent three days out of town doing ayahuasca and I found love with someone half my age. I'm just a good little boy.

[Ronnie]

Gorge. Well, the Lord almost did us a favor and killed off JT in a four wheeler accident. But the little beta ended up living with a limp. Ms. Patricia, I've given all my friends a cane and I'd like you to have one also.

[Ben]

Why would I need another cane? I've already got one with batteries in it to shock Randy. Watch.

[Ronnie]

Stop. Please make us up. After pissing off Ms. Patricia, JT pissed off the guys. And one very born for corn girl when he talked trash at an indoor golf business for douchebags.

[Ben]

Ms. Pat didn't like the cane and Madison's husband called me to make sure there was no hanky panky going on on our friend trip.

[Ronnie]

Madison. JT Called Patricia a bitch and said you were trying to have an affair with him.

[Ben]

JT, you're like a ferret with hair, plaids, and a limp. In what world would I have an affair with you?

[Ronnie]

I never said that.

[Ben]

Uh huh. You said Ms. Patricia was hooking on King street and Madison was pregnant with Randy's baby.

[Ronnie]

You're a liar, Craig.

[Ben]

A liar. I'm a lawyer. I'm a lawyer and a storyteller.

[Ronnie]

And Chet pretended to find love with a young beauty queen that wasn't into him. So he could try to make America think that he had a soul that felt something besides cirrhosis. Unfortunately, every time she saw him, she looked like she smelled a fart.

[Ben]

I'm gonna send a textual message. Bloop. Morning, Sienna. I love seeing you and no one else. But I'm not gonna convince someone they love me for three days. Especially when I know deep down they do. I have Venetian blinds.

[Ronnie]

And here are two. Wherefore, therefore shall you. Ever since I saw the choppers land in Ken Burns pivotal documentary the Vietnam War, I knew my heart could land in your life just as easily.

[Ben]

My wooden teeth soften every time you walk into a room. And I know you love me too. Cause I can see it on your tiny freckled little lips.

[Ronnie]

I hope you understand my feelings and exalt them. And those around us can say that. They can say whatever they want. They can take away my ayahuasca, but they can never take away my freedom.

[Ben]

I know that together forever, we will have live, love, laugh, love. Shep. Okay, my TED Talk is over. I got the youth vote with that one. Oh, my gosh.

[Ronnie]

It's a text from Siena. Did someone fart?

[Ben]

But I got you a megalodon tooth Chip.

[Ronnie]

Oh, amazing. Megalodon teeth in the audience, everyone. Okay, everyone, thank you. Thank you for the megalodonty. All right. Oh, beautiful. We have many shark teeth.

[Ben]

Gosh, so many shark arsh teeth. Amazing.

[Ronnie]

That's huge.

[Ben]

Thank you, Ro H Dalcy and Ro H. I couldn't hear you very well. Sorry. But thank you. I got my own backlon tooth. Well, Shep wasn't the only one pretending to have a love interest. Vanita got so desperate after pretending to drown in a two foot deep pool that she faked a relationship with a two foot tall man.

[Ronnie]

Hey. Hey. I am sick of this group always leaning into slander and rumors. By the way, Taylor, your boyfriend made out with about five different girls in this room, just so you know.

[Ben]

Oh, yeah. And also, new female victims were brought onto the show so we could all watch trash men ruin their lives.

[Ronnie]

Hi, I'm Molly.

[Ben]

Molly comes with her own music. Hey, I didn't say it was good music. Lighten up, girl. Also, there's Sally, who gives blowjobs in steakhouse parking lots.

[Ronnie]

I'm Also a robot engineer who hates her implants.

[Ben]

And in other news, Whitney's still a misogynistic old perv. A couple of the most boring gay guys ever born were brought to the show to do nothing. And me, I'm still the alpha up in this bitch.

[Ronnie]

And see.

[Ben]

I don't even care if Madison stays on this show as long as she continually does the voiceovers. That's all I really need from this show. You may think nothing happens on this show until you watch that. Previously, last week. This person was stupid. That person's disgusting. Everybody but me. Smells like pickles.

[Ronnie]

By the way, we have to give a shout out before we start this recap. We have some super premium sponsors here. We have Jamie. She has no last namey.

[Ben]

Yes, girl.

[Ronnie]

And don't get salty with Christine Pepper.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

We love you guys.

[Ben]

All right, let's get going. So we start off with everybody unpacking after that tumultuous trip to the Bahamas. Popper. No. That's literally all we said to each other all day. Yeah, that's Ben finally got caught up on White Lotus, and we'd just go, pop up. Let your brother make a protein shake.

[Ronnie]

So Austin is unpacking, and he has a spot on his green sweater, and he's like, jesus, insane right now. And then he smells it.

[Ben]

I'm like, oh, imagine how everybody who's ever talked to Austin feels.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, if that stain appears after a night in Austin's room, you're not sniffing it. Okay.

[Ben]

Molly's unpacking with her dog, Zoe. She's like, hey, Zoe, I feel so obese today. So hard being a model who likes cookies. Am I right?

[Ronnie]

And then we see Taylor. Taylor's, like, Karening out quietly in her. She's like, well, I cannot believe they were so rough with my luggage. It's luggage. It's supposed to be thrown around.

[Ben]

Also, you dated Shep. You've stood up for that luggage more than I've ever heard you stand up for yourself.

[Ronnie]

Well, she literally loves a man with baggage. So Rodrigo finds a $500 poker chip in his luggage, which I genuinely felt bad about. I was like, I don't know. For, like, one moment, I was like, guys, we have to stop this show. We have to figure out what to do with this chip.

[Ben]

There's such the gay couple on this show that he's like, honey, I found a $500 chip, and his husband's with a bottle of wine. Like, it's like, put the husband on. At least he tries to act alive.

[Ronnie]

I know.

[Ben]

Poor Rodrigo's like, you've got one of those lobotomy machines right here. It's just like, guys, did anybody hear from jt?

[Ronnie]

And then finally, we land over at Casa Craig, where he and Paige.

[Ben]

Oh, I love the turn on Craig. I just love it. God, it's been like two years of. Every time you say Craig's name, everyone's like, ah. He makes pillows. He's in love with Paige. We all bought it. We all fucking bought it. We should know better by now. How many of us in here date men, for Christ's sake? There's a whole army of us in here. You'd think at least one of us would turn to each other and go, let's just stop this.

[Ronnie]

But also, I know why there was a groan, too. Because we all know what's coming in this scene, okay? It's the feet in the sink. It's a feed in the sink. So Craig and Paige, they get up.

[Ben]

Out of bed at 1:30pm now, the Paige influence.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. They go down to the kitchen to make breakfast. The first order of business is that Craig can't start his stove up. And he blames it on his housekeeper. He's like, it's not starting because I think the housekeepers are in here. And they were, like, messing with the burners.

[Ben]

Craig, we've seen you try to use a blender. You know what I mean?

[Ronnie]

You stabbed a wall.

[Ben]

You know, the housekeeper was at home just like, mar, motherfucker.

[Ronnie]

The things that housekeeper has to clean up. And then you're still gonna call her out on tv, pulling knives out of.

[Ben]

The fucking wall, walking around with putty to make the holes over every day.

[Ronnie]

And then he's gonna pretend like he actually uses the stovetop when there is two full on books on the backsplash, The Snoop Dogg cookbook, and then, like, the Sewing down south catalog. Those do not belong on a backsplash. That's where they will collect grease or fall into a flame and start a house fire.

[Ben]

Some people like to do that. My mom just put a piece of art she got at the thrift store. It's very colorful. She's like, I'm putting art on my backsplash now. And I was like, oh, that's nice. Thinking, like, she would hang it up. I got it over there. It's leaning on the fucking stove. I was gonna warn her, but then I was like, you have a will, right? Would you make me some eggs? It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

This is so true. As I've talked about on the podcast, I've been sort of building this office space into a little bit of like a video video studio space. And I've been turning to Wayfair for everything. I got some chairs, I got a little background thing all on Wayfair and at a great price. And it was delivered really quickly.

[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

It's so much easier to just turn on Amazon prime now and get all of my subscriptions right in one little hub. It's amazing. I'm watching Severance right now on Apple and I'm also watching White Lotus on Max and boom. I can watch them in the same app right now. It makes it so much easier to not forget what I'm watching and what app I need to open.

[Ronnie]

Check out subscriptions on Prime Video. So he makes these dry ass eggs and then he sits. They were dry.

[Ben]

You know they're dry.

[Ronnie]

They were dry.

[Ben]

You can't cook. I couldn't believe that Paige even said that. She's like, make me breakfast. I was like, do you have a death wish? Why would you do that to yourself?

[Ronnie]

But she does love comedy. I think that's why. So, first of all, signs everywhere that they were going to break up first. As many people noticed, they each had their Own jug of orange juice. That's a bad sign, is it? They. They're this long into a relationship and they can't share an orange juice together. They can't bring their orange juice together.

[Ben]

I wouldn't share shit. I like those couples who have separate rooms. I want, like, a separate room, a separate kitchen, a separate bathroom. I'll just see you down the hall. Every once in a while, get a blowjob and go back to bed. Get out of my room. Don't put your fucking lips on my. My oj. They were on my D.

[Ronnie]

But truly, like, when Craig sat on that countertop, it was bad enough he was sitting on his countertop because people don't sit where you're preparing your food. But then he swung around and put his foot in the sink. And not just in the sink. He had, like, his big toe out of it and the rest of the toes inside it. And I was like, is this. I couldn't tell what was grosser, the fact that he was putting his foot juice on the dishes or putting the dish juice on his feet and on throughout the house. And you just see Paige. Paige has retreated as far away as possible in the kitchen. She's just sitting behind, like, some desk and she's just looking at him like, I can't do this anymore.

[Ben]

I know. Like, run. If I wasn't so lazy, I would run right now. You clearly don't have friends with babies because the kitchen sink is basically baby asshole. And everybody knows it. It's like the baby bathing thing. Everyone's like, oh, it's my baby. They put it in the sink. They're washing it while they're making your salad. I'm like, next time we're going to a restaurant. Also, you can tell that this couple has nothing going on or that Paige really hates him because they have nothing to shoot. So we see them wake up, they go downstairs and she's like, make eggs. And the next thing you know, he's serving the eggs. I wanted to see that whole 10 minute scene of Paige just being like.

[Ronnie]

She was absolutely disgusted this entire time. As we all were. As we all were. So she's like, okay, well, I guess I'll ask what happened on the trip. He's like, oh, where to start? I mean, there's me and Austin. We had like, a breakthrough. Cause, like, I was trying to figure out what the issue was. And so it turns out, like, yeah.

[Ben]

Surely it's not that I, like, tried to steal our business that we've both built up for $5 certainly it's nothing like that.

[Ronnie]

He's like, yeah, he accused me of getting sober to keep up an image. I was like, I don't think that Austin actually accused. I am so mad that I have had to take Austin's side so, so many times this season.

[Ben]

It's weird. It's a weird feeling.

[Ronnie]

It's unfortunate.

[Ben]

Yeah. I don't think he said, you know, he didn't say, like, you're curating an image and that. Yeah, he did say that, right?

[Ronnie]

No, he didn't. No, he's. Austin said, you're trying to act like you're this Martha Stewart person, but he didn't say you got sober because of that. He just said, you're trying.

[Ben]

No one's ever accused Craig of being sober.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

Even Craig. Craig's like, guys, I'm an alcoholic.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Craig's leaving out the part that this conversation about him being sober and an addict happened while he was fully drunk.

[Ben]

On a beach holding an entire bottle of fucking champagne for himself. And we see a flashback of Austin being Craig. This is insane right now. Craig, Craig, I feel like you have this careful curated image and now, like, you have to pretend like you're that. But I'm rich. Just Craig's explanation for everything.

[Ronnie]

But wait, it worked. Because then the next day, Austin was like, hey, do you want a soda water? So we're best friends again.

[Ben]

So, yeah, I was finally like, no, I'm getting sober kind of. Cause I'm an addict. Do you want a bloody Mary to talk this over? So Paige is like, yeah, it's just so fucking weird. Like, if one of my friends was saying, like, I'm trying not to drink for a couple of months, I'd be like, clearly, you're not dating Craig.

[Ronnie]

I cried when I said addict. Like, he's really trying to have a moment right now. He's, like, hoping Diane Sawyer calls him up and is like, tell me about being an addict.

[Ben]

I'm sorry. He's trying to pull a carl even with his, like, soft. I'm not taking it. I'm sorry. I'm taking it.

[Ronnie]

You just. You feel. You feel paper thin and like, you feel powerful, but, like, cold. But like a piece of paper.

[Ben]

I've worked a long time to get paper thin and cold. Craig, listen, you're a kind of lawyer, not a kind of judge. Do not judge me, you motherfucker. And he's like, yeah, like, I just really. Like, I like it only talk to you. And like, my parents and I never said it to anyone, you know, I come from a family of alcoholics, and I bet you anywhere his mother was on that couch going, no, he doesn't.

[Ronnie]

I know.

[Ben]

Who in our family is an alcoholic, honey, who.

[Ronnie]

So then we go over to Austin's house where his sister Katie comes over and she's like, I guess tell me about your stupid trip. It's like, oh, thanks for asking. Well, Craig and I talked, and on the last night, he, like, opened up to me about his struggles with. Was insane. And then I guess I should have known and seen that. Cause, like, I knew that he was, like, addicted to Adderall, but I, you know, knowing he was addicted to Adderall, I didn't think he was, like, an addict. You know what I'm saying? It's insane right now.

[Ben]

So we're still calling coke Adderall now that the sister's like, I'm just trying to get the language down here.

[Ronnie]

She's like, yes. Sometimes you need the other person to say it for you to really understand it. Or you can just watch with your eyes and listen to them.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Watch the coke go up their nose. That is a good clue.

[Ben]

Yeah. He's like, you know, I just, like, I've always thought as an alcoholic, as, like, someone, like, who wakes up in the morning, like, pounds. Pounds, drinks, you know, like, you do that. No, like, they have to do it, you know, or they, like, wake up on a beach after getting kicked out of a casino or something. Or, like, have threesomes, you know, and then magically forgets about them the next day. Day left, grabbing their wieners, going, that's insane, Madison. Insane right now.

[Ronnie]

So he's like, yeah, yeah. It was just like. It was insane. Like, we just were both crying. We're both, like, teary eyed. She's like, huh? Yeah. It was just like, we really buried the hatchet. She's like, so we're going to close the chapter on this topic, right? We don't have to talk about this ever again, right?

[Ben]

She was like, yeah, addiction comes in all forms. Like, you can't stop cutting your hair like a Republican congressman. I mean, we all have our things. He's like.

[Ronnie]

It was. It was like, honestly, like, a great moment. And, like, we told each other that we loved each other. And it was, like, nice for, like, the first time in a long time, I felt like I was having a best friend connection with Craig. She's like, do we still get free pillows or not?

[Ben]

Last time we did lions together, we put them in the shape of a heart. Like, we're really Back. We're back. So then we go back to Craig and Paige, and Craig's like, you know, sometimes I think, like, me getting better when. I'm sorry, you have not taken the journey, sir. You don't get to just zip to the final location. He's like, here's a bowl of chips. I win. No, you have to earn that shit. So he's like, yeah, sometimes me getting better, it holds a mirror up to Austin, and he looks at. At himself, and he's like, wow, I was way hotter before. Being inspirational. So hard.

[Ronnie]

Well, you know, like, sometimes I feel like the generation that we grew up in, like, hearing the word drug addict and alcoholic meant that you drank every single day, all day. Also, could you take your foot out of the drain? The sink is overflowing.

[Ben]

Yeah. Being an alcoholic means you drink in the morning. Did my mother raise these people? I swear to God, I have never heard such loose. Like, you're only an alcoholic. They all think that you're only an alcoholic if you drink in the morning. Jesus Christ.

[Ronnie]

I also love Paige acting like she's, like, a wise, older matron. She's like, well, in my generation, we grew up knowing what an addict is. You're 13 years old.

[Ben]

You were, like, caught drunk on TikTok. That's how it happened when I was a kid. She's like, you know, like, you hear words like drug addict and, like, alcoholic, you know, it means you drink all day, every day, you know? Or like, you beat your wife up or like, you put your dog in a dress, you know? Or, like, I don't know, becoming a DJ in your mid-40s.

[Ronnie]

For me, it was cyclical. Like, I would be good for a few months, and then I would go too far and realize I was actually never good for a few months.

[Ben]

It's like, yeah, you're an alcoholic because your personality was totally different from one minute to the next.

[Ronnie]

Oh.

[Ben]

Or it just means I'm dating you because she's like, stop acting like that, Paige, or stop acting like that, Craig. I think that's what it is. That's why it's changed.

[Ronnie]

I got to the bottom. Well, I got to my bottom when I could just see it on Paige's face. She just had this look on her face like I just wasn't the guy she had seen herself marrying. But to be fair, that was also the look after our first kiss.

[Ben]

Actually, now that I'm looking at her, that's the face she's making right now. Paige is, like, stirring her dry eggs around, like.

[Ronnie]

Well, I got really lucky that you were still there, Paige, like, when I made the decision to ask for help, and you were, like, there and ready. She's like, yeah, and I was really lucky that you gave me a stool next to a cricut machine, so that's cool, too.

[Ben]

So he's like, yeah. It wasn't until almost losing Paige for me to actually change my behaviors. She was like my rock that I crushed up into tiny little powders. Sorry, sorry. I'm better. I'm better. You know, you do it for yourself. But, like, she's the first thing in my app. I have an app. It's like, why do you want to be sober? Paige says she's going to kill me if I have one more drink on television.

[Ronnie]

I'll always be grateful I didn't lose you when I hit my bottom, and I don't plan on going back there. And she's like, and you.

[Ben]

What's wrong with you?

[Ronnie]

It's just so fun to pretend things that Paige is going to say.

[Ben]

Okay, here's mine. All right, if this makes you feel better, I'll hit my bottom.

[Ronnie]

Do you know when my bottom was, Craig? When every time I get on the plane to Charleston.

[Ben]

She'S like, now. Now you can lose me. You know, Listen, you're not going to lose me when you hit at rock bottom, okay? You can lose me right now right at mediocrity. Just hit right at mediocrity. Okay? But know that if I ever need to leave in the middle of the night with kids, they're probably not going to be your kids.

[Ronnie]

So now we go over to Madison's house where her mama's come over. It's the. You okay there?

[Ben]

Yeah. I have to get this screenshot up of Madison's book case.

[Ronnie]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Get that ready.

[Ben]

So, Brett, someone said she can't read. I think she can read. I think. It's not that I think she can read. I just don't think she reads, like, books. I certainly, like, I certainly don't think she reads a book called the Great Depression. I mean, girl. And I get it. You know, you have bookcases and you have to fill things. Finally, I just started buying shit from Home Goods, you know, like, it's a metal shark. You know, it's a Buddha. The sharks come and get the Buddha. And I have a sign that says 100% that bitch right in front of the Buddha, you know, and then a couple Harry Potter books, because, you know, I'm into literature. But, yeah, this was the best One. The great Depression. The search. Tom Clancy. She didn't read no Tom Clancy.

[Ronnie]

She's not reading Tom Clancy.

[Ben]

She did not do it, okay?

[Ronnie]

Oh, wait. She has a book that just says the Caribbean.

[Ben]

Tater Tots, the novel. Nobody's believing you. So, yeah, her mom's there, and they're talking about, you know, corn. That's what they talk about.

[Ronnie]

Her mom's like, oh, you've always had that little mouth on you. I mean, do you remember that one time when you went into that restaurant and I couldn't find you? And then there you. We finally found you, and you were ordering a three course meal. I mean, every course was just corn, so it was pretty easy. But there you were.

[Ben]

Then that waitress came over, and you accused her of leaving off the sour cream, and you called the manager over and got her fired. Honey, we were so proud of you. We were just so proud of you. That's right. That bitch never learned, did she?

[Ronnie]

My daddy used to say, don't kill her spirit. Just let her be what she is.

[Ben]

Well, I got some good news. Brett don't got cancer no more, so that's good. Unfortunately, he still don't have personality either. But, hey, can't fix everything at once.

[Ronnie]

So, anyway, the test came back, and they say that he is 86% born for corn. So we're very happy here.

[Ben]

So they're talking about babies, and the mom's like, what if you have twins? And she's like, oh, hell no. I wouldn't go that far, Mama, I'm gonna ruin this body. And she's like, yeah, honey, you worked hard for that body. She goes, not really. This is 5050 me. Let's face the truth.

[Ronnie]

So now the thing that everyone loves is the big Southern charm music while everyone does things around town. So the.

[Ben]

And it's just Charles. This is Charles being walked.

[Ronnie]

He's like, charles made it out of the backyard today, guys. He got to walk down the sidewalk.

[Ben]

And he's like, move a little slower, please. Some of us are trying to enjoy a cigarette. God damn it.

[Ronnie]

Charles walk along like he's a big dog, and then he sees a beetle and freaks out.

[Ben]

So, yeah. So then she talks to JT on the phone, by the way. So this Vanita saga just keeps on saga ing.

[Ronnie]

All right.

[Ben]

Start whipping out my cell phone again. I'm like a lawyer with only an.

[Ronnie]

Iphone and a storyteller.

[Ben]

So Venita's latest lie. I mean, sorry. We all love Venita. I don't want to see Venita Turn into a villain. Because I actually like. I'd like Vanita, but she's kind of turning into a villain and it's hilarious. She's doing it to herself because she just keeps telling lies. This latest one is she went on US magazine or in us. How do you do it? You went to US magazine. Inside. She went inside. Touch. Inside US magazine. Okay. She told them, imagine saying you imagine having a girlfriend and then having your best friend spend $5,000 on you. Because she's saying that they went to buy that jacket and she ended up paying for it. And meanwhile, he's saying that he has some girlfriend and then why is he letting her spend $5,000 on a jacket? This and that. So he posted the jacket I wore to the episode one horse race 5000 filmed on camera. At the time it was funny. We laughed it off and I PayPal'd in full. And now it's another little lie I get to deal with. Almost over. Oh, dat. I don't know what odat means, but he posted the PayPal receipt. So she got caught again.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, I'm surprised he called it a little lie. I thought everything was sort of like a big lie to him, but he's.

[Ben]

Like, we are slash were best friends. And I forgot my credit card in her car by accident. I was hobbling with a cane a few days later after Patricia kicked me in my nuts and told me to get out of this town before she burned my house down. And I paypaled her back in full after she insisted I we. What is with the I, we and R? They get out of here. You don't get part of our movement, sir. And not hobble me back to the car to get the car and hobble back. This is fun. Dot, dot, dot. Okay, so Vanita, back when it was all okay, Vanita was talking to JT she got an invite to Madison and Ryan's summer soire. She's like, how do you say that word?

[Ronnie]

So Vanita invites JT because it's just real slim pickings down there in Charleston, I guess.

[Ben]

He's like, will the whole friend group be there? Craig, Austin, Sally.

[Ronnie]

She's like, yeah, we're shooting a TV show. It's the season finale. Are you going to be there? Will you please go with me? I've got no one left.

[Ben]

Yeah, listen, I talked to Madison about it. She really wants you to be there because she's been wanting to have a party with a pinata. So I'm bringing the bats. Just please come. Please do it for Me.

[Ronnie]

So she's like, yeah, JT can be just really wishy washy, but, like, you know, he kind of puts me in this headspace of like, maybe there's a possibility of a shot between the two of us. Finita, we just want so much more for you. Please stop doing this to yourself.

[Ben]

Please stop it. Stop doing it to me. Think about how this affects me. So then we see Molly and Taylor who are going for ice cream, and they go in and get some little pup cups for their dogs.

[Ronnie]

That sounds like a gay kink. I'm just going to say that right now.

[Ben]

Pup cup.

[Ronnie]

The pup cup. I was low key stressed during this scene because they got. Was it okay? Who else was stressed about this? I know you guys know what I'm gonna say. They got pup cups. They got ice cream scoops. They got lattes, which, by the way, lattes and ice cream, sort of. Okay. And then they had dog leashes. They had so many things for their hands. Pace it out. Have the lattes after the ice cream.

[Ben]

No, you can't pace it out. It's counter service. The minute you sit down at your table, there's 15 other fucking people there who just got off the bus and you have to sit there.

[Ronnie]

They're walking across the street with their pup cups and their ice cream and their lattes melting in their hands while they're balancing the dogs. Going crazy. I was like, put something down. Don't order so much. I'm losing my mind right now. Commercials.

[Ben]

Here comes one. Right now.

[Ronnie]

The weather is warming up, which means it's time to plan outdoor brunches and spring picnics. Whole Foods Market has great everyday prices on quality proteins and produce to make your gatherings more delicious.

[Ben]

At Whole Foods Market, you can save every day. Look for the yellow, low price signs that help you save money without compromising the quality you expect from Whole Foods Market.

[Ronnie]

Find responsibly farmed Atlantic salmon, no antibiotics ever, ground beef and boneless, skinless chicken breasts, plus more throughout the store.

[Ben]

Yellow really means savings at Whole Foods Market because their sales signs are also yellow. So basically, wherever you see yellow, you know you're saving money.

[Ronnie]

Oh, you know, when I walk into Whole Foods, especially when I'm like, dropping off a return or something like that, I go browsing through those aisles and I look for those yellow signs and I am saving.

[Ben]

Save on the best of spring with great everyday prices at Whole Foods Market. Elevating my style used to mean breaking the bank. But with quints, I get high end, versatile pieces at prices I can actually afford. Now I can upgrade my style by snagging killer luxury essentials that sync with my vibe and my wallet.

[Ronnie]

Quint has all the must haves, like Mongolian and cashmere sweaters from $50 iconic 100% leather jackets and comfortable pants for every occasion.

[Ben]

And the best part, all Quint's Items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands.

[Ronnie]

By partnering directly with top factories, Quint cuts out the cost of the middleman and passes the savings onto us.

[Ben]

And Quint only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices along with prem fabrics and finishes. I love it.

[Ronnie]

I have my eye on this beautiful Italian wool overshirt that's on their site right now. It is goo goo gorgeous, especially the caramel color. And honestly, I might treat myself to it later this week.

[Ben]

Indulge in affordable luxury. Go to quint.comcrappin for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N C E.com crappens to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints.comcrabbins I liked when they went up to order and Molly was like, hi, I'm a depressed model, so I'm gonna go ahead. I'm gonna get a coffee and a gelato. Okay. And then Taylor was like, whoa, whoa, girl. It's the first time we've ever seen Taylor's face move in the entire run of. She's like.

[Ronnie]

She learned how to move it in the Bahamas because they showed that clip of her. They were like playing some game at night and it's like, oh, my God, Taylor has a personality again. Or for the first time.

[Ben]

I don't remember that.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, they showed up. I don't. They were like in a bed, right? And she was like, ha ha ha ha ha. They're like, look, she laughed. She was like. They were like. They were playing around and she was being funny and they're all like, she was laughing and they were laughing with her for once. It was weird.

[Ben]

So, yeah, they're spilling shit everywhere. And so they're talking about boys, you know, And Molly's like, yeah, I slept through therapy, so I feel like Molly sleeps through therapy a lot. Just don't call the therapist. Just save yourself the time. Save yourself the guilt. I sleep through not going to therapy, you know, And I wake up and I say, fuck, that was better than fucking therapy. Thank you.

[Ronnie]

I'm imagining what her voicemail was for her therapist like, hi, you've reached Molly. I'm out getting a pub cup. Leave a message after the beep.

[Ben]

Sorry, I'm not gonna meet. I'm not gonna be able to meet for therapy today. But I do have goals. I'm gonna carry a latte, a pop cup, a gelato, and a fucking dog at the same time.

[Ronnie]

So they're basically. They sit. They sit down and they're like, talking about the vacation. Like, have you recovered and everything. Yeah. And she slept through therapy. And then they start talking about Shep, which is kind of fun because, I mean, it's not like high level talk, but it was like a good try and I supported it because Molly's like, shep was probably crying in the ocean about Sienna. Oh, my God. And then Taylor's like, yeah, he probably added, like, 5ft to the ocean because these tears. So many tears.

[Ben]

So many tears. It's like an audition reel. And she's like, yeah, like, everyone was really trying to get me to get with Shep. It's like, so embarrassing. And it sounds like two actors sitting at a commercial audition. And they're like, oh, my God. I heard this. This audition shoots in Afghanistan or this commercial shoots in Afghanistan. What are you going to do if you get it? Well, I guess I'm gonna fucking go to Afghanistan. That's how she's talking about dating Shep. Every time they show her talking about dating Shep, she's like, yeah, Shep's really cute.

[Ronnie]

And like, I have a crush on.

[Ben]

You think she's really sad about his girlfriend. So that's something. I was like, girl, just don't take the job. Wait tables for a while. You know what I mean? Sometimes it's not worth it. And then they're going, no. Yes. Yes. That's how it is on this show. That's the audition process. They make you bang one of these people on the show. Nobody needs that in their life. It's over. Walk away from these men. I want a whole season of these men having to masturbate and get turned down by everybody. Do you guys remember when they went to LA on a guys trip, how the women reacted to them? I need a season of that. They were just like.

[Ronnie]

They're like, whoa. So speaking of these handsome devils, we then go over to Shep's house where he walks in with his bag and he, like, unpacks a bunch of seashells, which. Try to contain yourself, ladies. I know. Stop throwing the panties at the stage. I know that got you so excited.

[Ben]

Right now I'm gonna file these down and call them shark teeth. I've got so much ass in this suitcase.

[Ronnie]

Gosh, usually I get what I want and yada, yada, yada. I'm a spoiled brat. Just kidding. I'm a little boy. Anyway, the thing with Sienna hurt, but I'm just trying to let the heart win these days. And then I'll get shit faced tonight and wake up on the side of the road somewhere. It'll be great.

[Ben]

I'm gonna call my dad, Rip. At first, when I read this back, I was like, his dad died. Like, I didn't remember his dad dying. His dad is named Rip, so. And I love every time he talks to his dad. The dads on this show are so universally disappointed. It's so fucking funny. Austin's dad is just shit faced at this point. Every time they sing, he's like, welcome home, son. His mom's like, oh, God, Austin, what you do now? Then we've got Thomas Ravenel's dad, who's like, you stupid son of a bitch. I gave you everything. Everything.

[Ronnie]

So now Shep is telling his dad, Rip. He's like, gosh, I just got back from Cuba. So did you guys see in the news today that, like, Cuba suffered, like, a nationwide blackout? The entire paragraph that was not the power grid did not fail. That was like, oh, God, we think Shep is coming back. We're turning off the lights. Everyone's like, oh, God, he's coming back. Don't we have an embargo on these people?

[Ben]

The nation has suffered an outage of welcome mats. There are just no welcome mats left on any doors. Please go home, Shep. Go home. So his dad's like, how'd the Bahamas go? And he's like, well, I sort of felt like a lame duck president.

[Ronnie]

I felt like Chester Arthur in the last two months of his presidential term.

[Ben]

Gosh, I knew something was a mess. And it just got worse.

[Ronnie]

Well, you know, some things happen and you just have no control over it. It just wasn't meant to be. So you just gotta move on. Kind of like my hopes and dreams for you, son.

[Ben]

Looking back, I just. It's. I think it's good to get your heart broken. It feels good, you know? That's what life is about. It's about bumps. All right, son, We've talked about that.

[Ronnie]

Not that kind.

[Ben]

Bumps and bruises, you know? And, like, it's your story. It's a tapestry.

[Ronnie]

It's like if Ophelia made a tapestry. That's what life is like.

[Ben]

A lame duck tapestry. I'm gonna look fondly at this One day. I know, but at the moment, it's not so nostalgic.

[Ronnie]

Have you ever given a shark tooth to a tapestry before?

[Ben]

Well, you've got a full summer ahead of you. I would suggest going back to Cuba and saying something anti presidente. Dad, you're not gonna get me with that one again.

[Ronnie]

So back in the bench of melting ice cream cones, it's Molly and Taylor. And Molly's like, I mean, this whole Shep in Sienna thing, like, I'm not, like, in love with Shep or anything, but I've been told if I want to stay on the show, I should be so, yay, he's hot. Sort of, right?

[Ben]

I'm just like, I know. I cried that day that he cried about that girl. But I got my period, so I, like, literally would cry about anything, you know? Not that Chef's done anything to make me feel stupid. It's just everyone else in the group. Listen, hanging out with this group should make you feel intelligent. I think if you're hanging around these people, the best thing that could happen is just feeling like. I know words.

[Ronnie]

My favorite is when they talk shit about Shep right in front of Taylor. Cause Molly's like, I mean, it's Shep. He's a disaster. Everyone can see he's a disaster. No one would date him in the first place. He's disgusting. I mean, I lose respect for anyone who'd spend any time more than 10 minutes with him. Am I right? And Taylor's like, yeah.

[Ben]

And they asked Taylor about it in her confessional, and she's like, I mean, I hope that they date, because, I don't know, they could date. What? Was I saying something?

[Ronnie]

Molly says that regarding Shep, she's not going to put any eggs in that basket. I'm like, you better not, because he has very violent reaction to eggs.

[Ben]

You better put those eggs in the freezer and don't let them out until you've changed cities is what I'd suggest. So she's sorry, I got lost. So Taylor's like, yeah, you know what? Like, meet someone organically, like Gaston.

[Ronnie]

Molly's like, fuck all.

[Ben]

Just go somewhere where there's TV cameras, organic TV cameras, and find out who's single. Boom. Or not. So, Sally. Now we go to Sally. Sally's kind of my new favorite. And I don't really know why, because she really doesn't do much except, like, I don't know, admit to blowing people and stuff. But that's my kind of girl. What could I say? I really like her.

[Ronnie]

I love Sally.

[Ben]

I like that she's like, I'm a robot surgeon. And people are like, she checks the robots. She like, makes sure the robots are working. I'm like, that counts. Leave. Leave her fucking alone. Stop diminishing her accomplishments.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, and I like that her mom is like, what's her name? Julie Haggerty from Airplane, you know, because. Because they're riding along. She's like, well, time for me to get the implants out. She's like, oh, honey, I always thought your implants were really pretty, but they were pretty before also. She's like, thanks, mom. Anytime, sweetheart. We all make mistakes.

[Ben]

Really? That's how you read it? Because I read it like her mom's like super pissed because she's like, oh, mom, I can't wait to get my implants out. And her mom's like, God, they were so pretty. Like her boobs before she was mad that she got implants. And so she's like, well, I'm gonna get it back. Well, good luck with that. Can you go back to heaven? God, what a pair of cans you had. And then look what you did. You just threw them down the drain. Like, sorry, mom. Jeez.

[Ronnie]

So Sally tells the whole story about how she got these implants to please her ex fiance. And at first she liked them, but then, you know, she didn't like them anymore. So now she wants them out. So she goes to this plastic surgeon and he is like, you know, he's gonna does his examination. So she opens up her shirt and he's looking at them and he goes, wow, your breasts are great.

[Ben]

Damn it, you've got nice cans. He's like, jesus Christ, start. I was like, godamn. Normally I sail across the channel, but this time I want a motorbike.

[Ronnie]

The weirdest part was when Lexi from Summer House showed up and was like.

[Ben]

Guys, this is like my biggest insecurity.

[Ronnie]

I've never in all the time that we have seen these exams on Bravo, cuz Lord knows they happen every other week. We have never seen a plastic surgeon get such an obvious on screen boner.

[Ben]

He did. I know. I was like, wow. He's like, God damn it, your tits are nice.

[Ronnie]

I mean, this is like taking a knob to a Picasso.

[Ben]

They always said, do what you love and the money will follow. Am I right, toots? So she opens her blouse or whatever and her boobs are out. And I learned so much about boobs. And so she's like, I mean, you wouldn't think I ate there for the first six years of My life. Am I right? Is that weird? Jk. Jk. But she opens her blouse and she's like, I just don't like that they're always looking in different directions, you know? Cause they're like that. And he's like, they're not supposed to face forward, honey. No man wants a pair of eyes staring at him. Check, please. So she's like, you know, I never should have gotten these implants, but I made a mistake. And her mom goes, we all make mistakes.

[Ronnie]

Speaking of mistakes, we now go to Craig and Paige, and he has given her a beverage in a can that's a nakuzi. And she's like, wow, a koozie. You know, I never even heard of these before I met you. And now they're all over my apartment. He's like, I know. Pretty cool, right? That. That wasn't a positive thing.

[Ben]

They're only in my apartment because the trashman refuses to pick this trash up. So he's like, grilling hot dogs. And she's like, so when is Austin coming? I'm about to die of boredom. And he's like, he's on his way. We haven't hung out since becoming friends again in the Bahamas. So he comes over and she goes, I'm just gonna ask, what does quality time mean? Because normally when men get together for quality time, wars ensue.

[Ronnie]

So she's like, oh, wow, you guys are matching in stupidity. So they're all saying hi and everything. He's like, wow, this is insane. I haven't seen this backyard in forever. Since I was here three weeks ago to tell you you never invited me over to your backyard.

[Ben]

I was like, oh, you don't even love me, Paige. You haven't seen me in 10 weeks. And she's like, I don't date you. It's bad enough hanging out with one moron that I actually date, okay? So she's like, do you want to see our bees? Otherwise known as a weapon. Hold on. Put some of this honey on your face.

[Ronnie]

You can see. Paige is so horrified that Craig actually went through this beekeeping situation. She's like, I am not going to take care of those bees for the rest of my life. It's bad enough that I have koozies. I don't need bees.

[Ben]

So Craig's like, the reason I got these bees is just to show Paige what a real woman is.

[Ronnie]

Like.

[Ben]

She's really goal oriented. All she cares about is family. Paige is like, oh, my God, fucking kill me right now.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Well, then she flies off and she rips their dicks off their body, and I'm gonna implement that into our culture.

[Ben]

So then Craig's like, welcome back to the yard. Have you seen me turn on fireplaces with my phone? I saw Craig. Jesus.

[Ronnie]

Insane.

[Ben]

Paige.

[Ronnie]

I just haven't talked to him forever. It's like, I hear you're coming to town, and I'm just, like, sitting there. I don't get to see you. And she's like, well, my loyalty is to Craig for now. So he put his foot in the sink. You have about 10 minutes left in this relationship.

[Ben]

So I heard you and Craig made up and acted like pussies together. How was that? He's like, God, God, Jesus Christ, Paige. And Craig's like, no, I guess that was funny. He's like, yeah. She's like, yeah, crazy. Real pussy, huh? And they're like, ha, ha ha. Craig. Craig. Austin and Paige realize they really do like each other because they both hate Craig.

[Ronnie]

So then Austin shares that he almost wore linen pants today, but he didn't. He's like, I asked Audrey. I was like, I'm going to Craig's house. Should I wear linen pants? Paige is like, how old is she again? 26. How old are you again? 36. Does anyone have a towel? I have a lot of saliva on my face now. Never gonna ask him questions again.

[Ben]

Have you asked her how she feels about standing inside a car wash every time you say a sentence.

[Ronnie]

Question. Is she trying to, like, progress within this relationship? She is. Oh, that's so sad. Whoa.

[Ben]

We did say the L word. Well, to be fair, lesbianism would be more attractive to her after a couple of months with you.

[Ronnie]

Was the L word Lysol? Because. So she's like, yeah, okay, well, you don't have to do that.

[Ben]

It's amazing. Like, you guys have been together six months, and you don't have to do that decision disgusting thing where you're like, oh, let's commit to each other. Let's have babies. Let's have a family. Let's move in together cooking hot dogs on a grill. Look at me. Oh, fireplace. I can do it with my phone.

[Ronnie]

What? It's like, what's wrong with my dreams?

[Ben]

He's like, yeah, I'm not even gonna think about that until the two year mark. You know, I'm not gonna even be like, hey, hey. Why? Why do you think of moving here? I mean, the best thing is having a girlfriend who's not even here. She can't see me.

[Ronnie]

Oh, my God. Craig and I have been dating for like, two and a half years. And, like, so, like, right when we started dating, he was like, are you gonna move? And I'm like, I've known this man for six months. It's ridiculous. And the answer is and always will be, no, I will not.

[Ben]

But is it so weird to talk about your dream of children, like, six months in? He's like, yeah, we talked about that. She wants four, dude. Four.

[Ronnie]

Wow. Paige wants three kids. No, I don't want three kids. I want to go to three Zara sales by the end of the year.

[Ben]

I want two. Craig, you don't listen to me. And he's like, but you said if we don't have one of each, though, you'll keep having a. You'll keep trying until we have a girl. That's why I only froze my boy sperm.

[Ronnie]

You know, when I'm with him, I've, like, noticed that, like, things are, like, not as common and cool as he makes it seem. Like, did she just, like, snap at him a bit, or is she. He just, like, annoyed with her? Like, I'm going to be honest, they're, like, so on opposite sides of the spectrum of life.

[Ben]

Wow.

[Ronnie]

Congratulations, Austin. You looked at Craig, you looked at Paige, and it's a good three years to realize that. Welcome to the rest of America.

[Ben]

Paige is improvising, hanging herself in a noose. And Austin's like, I don't think she liked him. You know what my favorite thing to do with Paige is to make fun of Craig. Am I right, Paige? And she's like, yeah, we're so good at it. But best of all, it's just so easy, you know? They just roll off your tongue.

[Ronnie]

Have you ever tried to throw a hammer at his head? It's so fun.

[Ben]

You know, you guys are the only ones who thinks that funny. Okay, it's not funny. It's not that easy, okay? She goes, um, not easy. I'm sorry, are you trying to remember what a spatula does again?

[Ronnie]

And now, guys, out of nowhere, a serious racial storyline.

[Ben]

Here we go.

[Ronnie]

The episode just sort of going along, like, oh, what happened to my scream?

[Ben]

Southern charm. The most racist shit I've ever seen on tv. Coming home to teach me about race. Can't wait.

[Ronnie]

Out of nowhere, I was like, just like the episodes go, wait, what's happening now on the episode?

[Ben]

I know. I was like, nothing's happening in this show. I do like the implant storyline, though. Wait, what?

[Ronnie]

So Leva calls up Finita. Ronnie.

[Ben]

How are you? Really busy, but I decided to check in. So how Are you doing?

[Ronnie]

So Vanita's like, oh, my God, I am distraught. I almost just drowned again. But that's besides the point. Ryan called me. I know. That is really crazy.

[Ben]

Why would he do that? Why would he call you?

[Ronnie]

Okay, he said, I need to tell you something as a friend. And I was like. He said I was getting my haircut, and my barber was telling me, the cookie dough.

[Ben]

Don't eat the cookie dough with your bare hands. That could poison you. Your dad's gonna kill you.

[Ronnie]

Leva, this is serious, okay? A barber was talking, okay, don't do coke at work.

[Ben]

Please do that at home. There's no coke at work.

[Ronnie]

And then. So apparently the barber said that, jt. Okay, the. This is what the barber said verbatim. And then we see a flashback to Ryan on the phone saying, okay, okay, so g. Oh, God. Jt. JT told him that there's some black girl who has been coming onto him, and his girlfriend is gonna be so pissed. Oh, my God, this is too much.

[Ben]

And Levitt's like, wait a minute, Lamar, take the kids. This is serious. He said some black girl? Are you sure that that's what he said? Some black girl? Is that what he said?

[Ronnie]

Yes. And also said that the name of the barber was Zachary Daiquiri. The story was really strange. It's a weird story.

[Ben]

I mean, that doesn't sound like jt. I know his mother. Normally, racists don't have mothers, so this is.

[Ronnie]

I don't know. It's strange. I mean, a very polite white woman from the south saying something racist.

[Ben]

I don't know, insane. I mean, you know, I don't believe that. I know jt. Like, I don't believe he speaks that way. Like, I've never heard about that. You know? You know what? There's been, like, so much challenge against jt, you know? But are we wrong about jt? Would he say, some black girl? Would he say it? Call the barber. Do you have the barber's number? Call that motherfucker. Call him right now. Call him. Lamar, call the barber. We're gonna put you on group chat. Lamar won't do it.

[Ronnie]

Hold on. We do have a witness to what happened. Local Charleston resident Emmy Jarrett. Guys, Will didn't say it. How many times the barber was bullied at law school?

[Ben]

Why you have to do this to me on camera? Every single time.

[Ronnie]

This is what I get. This is what I get for trying.

[Ben]

To make it prison. So Leva's like, yeah, I mean, maybe I don't know this guy at all like. I mean, I've hung out with him like 7 minutes total this season. We've all seen it. So. But you know what? Like, I don't know Ryan at all either. So, like, I don't know, like, maybe I need to call with jt. I'm not good with a game of telephone. So what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna get jt, we're gonna go to some restaurant that's outdoors so I can escape quickly, and then I'm gonna kind of say what you said, but I'm going to make it sound a lot worse, which is nothing like the game of telephone, which I absolutely fucking hate.

[Ronnie]

So then it's like, dun dun. 30 minutes later, I'm like, why is this episode so serious all of a sudden?

[Ben]

And why does nobody on this. Have this show have anything to do? It's like, meet me for toast. I've got some tea. I'll leave you out there.

[Ronnie]

All right, sit down. Did you get your waffle tots? I sure did. So JT has no idea what's about to come his way, which is funny because he thinks he's gonna do a happy go lucky JT scene. He's got all his banter ready. He's like, well, I think I still have PTSD from the Bahamas. You heard I left early, right? Should we make that a thing? Make it a storyline, right? What do you think?

[Ben]

Bunny picked out a new coyote. Want to talk about it? She's like, sit down, stupid. So how have you been?

[Ronnie]

Oh, you know. Hey, did you hear about what happened in the hotel room with Vanita? You want to talk about that? That was awesome. Right?

[Ben]

Well, I mean, I did hear a little, like, Vanita gave me kind of the lowdown about the Bahamas. She told you about what happened in the room, right? The hotel room? She goes, yeah, I assumed it wasn't the fucking conference room of the hotel. Jt, yes.

[Ronnie]

It's like, well, there's definitely chemistry and attraction. She's like, jt, I'm not trying to prolong this storyline. We have some. Something else to talk about. He's like, no, no, let's talk about Vanita some more. Okay, here's the thing. I didn't know you had a full fledged girlfriend, jt. He's like, well, you know, I mean, there were definitely flirtatious Bobs that probably were. I was probably a mess up bomb. And maybe I shouldn't have eaten her branzino, but, you know, it was a real comfy couch.

[Ben]

Listen, I'm not Trying to demonize you, okay? You're enough of a gargoyle as it is. You don't need my help. What I'm trying to say is. Well, she called me yesterday and said, do you want me to come to the swore? And I was like, what the fuck is the swore? You know, I just have to process things after the Bahamas. I was maligned. I was maliciously maligned.

[Ronnie]

Okay, that's nice. There's more stuff. There's more information that you should know about. I don't want to perpetuate something if you didn't say it. But I also want you to know, like, what's being said. And what's being said is that Republic is the best fucking bar in the South. It's not my fault that it's such a fucking good bar and club.

[Ben]

See, like, look. I mean, look, the gay guy, Ryan, goes to the same barber as you. He does. He's the only guy who deals with plugs that well. So, yeah, he goes to the bar and he said that. You said verbatim. Verbatim, there's some black girl trying to get me to break up with my girlfriend. And Vanita's, like, distraught. Okay? And he was. And she's distraught, and, you know, like, verbatim, you said some brown girl or some black girl or something.

[Ronnie]

He's like, what?

[Ben]

No, no, no.

[Ronnie]

That sounds racist. It's like, yeah, that's why it's being brought to your attention.

[Ben]

That's why we're talking about it. You think Leva does toast with everybody.

[Ronnie]

And. Yeah, I mean, she was just like, I thought we were real friends. He's like, yeah, I mean, we are. We are real friends. God, I'm sorry that she thinks that. Like, this is yet another time where words are being put in my mouth and I have nothing but respect for. What was her name again? Vanita. Vanita.

[Ben]

The fact that Ron has trolled me is extremely offensive. You're gonna call me a racist behind my back to someone I actually care about on top of that. That is so ugly. It's so sinister, it makes my blood boil. Damn, jt.

[Ronnie]

He's like, I will never see that barber again.

[Ben]

I say.

[Ronnie]

I'll say. I'll say.

[Ben]

A line cut from Gone with the Wind. I shall never see that barber again.

[Ronnie]

And I will never see Ryan again until he walks that shit back. Because this is absolute bullshit. This is not how I roll. Especially. Cause I got that limp and stuff.

[Ben]

Who's the barber? Call the barber. Do you have his plug? Call him. Call him right now. Just do it. Just do it. It'll be fun. It's gonna be amazing.

[Ronnie]

All right. It's like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. He's like, howdy Doody. Welcome to the barber salon. How can I help you?

[Ben]

Peter's plugs. What's going on?

[Ronnie]

Welcome. Welcome to Shoulders and Heads. I can't call it Head and Shoulders because that's copyright. How can I help you?

[Ben]

Chucky Special will make you look like a fucking doll for 50 bucks. Come on in. Last till Monday.

[Ronnie]

Welcome to Media Mediocre Sam's.

[Ben]

Hey, I need you to do me a monumental favor. More than the Beaver working at a bank. Look, you requested. Cause that was a weird cut to ask for, honey.

[Ronnie]

So your other client Ryan says this barber said that JT said that some black girl on the show is making me sound like a racist. Can I just ask?

[Ben]

And it's trying to ruin your relationship. Say that part. I mean, come on. Don't make me call him.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, all that. Can I just ask, Did I ever use the word black? Or some sequence of words like some black girl or girl black. Some or girl girl, girl, black. Some girl black.

[Ben]

Did I recite the lyrics to Black Old Son?

[Ronnie]

Did I. Did I ever talk about Garcelle's hit movies? Black girl missing.

[Ben]

Number 36 is on its way out on small screen soon. So he's like, no. When you were getting your hair cut for me, I said, how does it look? You said, make it look dumber. I said, okay. I just started stapling away. I said, what's going on with that TV show? I can absolutely not believe that they would cast a two foot tall person to be on. And you said, there's a love interest with a cute little black girl on the show. Name was Vanita. And that's. That's the gist of it, honey. That's all I said. I mean, there wasn't really much context else around that. Now, you know, I might have fucked that up because I am articulate or nothing.

[Ronnie]

It was a mess.

[Ben]

I'm sorry. Maybe I said it wrong. I'm just not articulate.

[Ronnie]

It was a messy bar, Barbara. Let's be honest. So he's like, if I said if it was off or something, if I relayed it wrong, just blame Chelsea, okay? She's the messy one here.

[Ben]

Chelsea, are you on the phone with those Southern charm people? Tell them something for me. You're all pussies. I miss her. Chelsea.

[Ronnie]

Jt, after making that proclamation of I will never, ever go back to that barber now. He says, well, you and I are good.

[Ben]

Keep that glue gun warmed up, because I'll be there soon. So he's like, all right, no problem. Talk soon. So Lev is like, oh, my God, I'm so glad you did that quickly, because it was a lot, and I really want to go.

[Ronnie]

So JT's like, Vanita's not some girl. She is someone that matters to me deeply. I mean, not enough to fuck, but enough to pretend to fucking. Well, I have a girlfriend on the side. You know what I'm talking about?

[Ben]

So what do you think happened with this. With this JT and the barber thing?

[Ronnie]

I don't. Oh, I don't know. I think there were just messy people, and I don't know what goes on in barbershops in Charleston. I'm just gonna. I'm gonna let that stay there.

[Ben]

Really? You don't know what happened? I think he probably said, oh, there's this real cute black girl on the show. There's a love interest there. My girlfriend's gonna kill me. And then Ryan heard. It was like. He said some back. They're like.

[Ronnie]

Here'S the thing. To me, it does sound like it probably was telephone, that, like, JT said one thing. The barber then relayed one thing, Then Ryan heard another thing, and then it just was a game of telephone. But also, it's Southern tarp, so I have no idea what's going on. So I'm just going to be like, well, we'll just see. We'll have to see how that one.

[Ben]

You will have to wait. Because then next week, we see in the previews, Ryan's like, I'm telling my side of the story.

[Ronnie]

It's Ryan's big moments.

[Ben]

Freaking out. So we see Vanita in bed, and JT calls her. He's like, hey, now, listen, I met with Leva, and I am still shaken, and I don't know if you talked to her or not, but I'm upset. You know, you're just. I'm just. It's horrible. And I'm upset that you got hurt and insinuate. I mean, what's going on? And Lev is hurt because her husband's black. And, you know, I go like, I'm going like, this hurts, and you're hurting, and you're black, and he's black. There's just so many black people around here. She's like, what am I supposed to do?

[Ronnie]

She's like, hey, just stop saying black. Cause you were just let off the hook. And I feel like you're about to fall on the hook again. He's like, I know. This is sick, man. This motherfucker just called me. And his husband is also black. And this has all the looks of a fucking target job by a psychopath.

[Ben]

I have.

[Ronnie]

Ron made me out to be a racist mother rocker.

[Ben]

Yeah. And scene. That brings us to the end of Southern Chime.

[Ronnie]

Thank you, Minneapolis, for coming out tonight. We love seeing you and we will see you at the next show. Good night, everyone.

[Ben]

Thank you.

[Ronnie]

We love you guys.

[Ben]

Out of this chair.

[Ronnie]

Bye, girl.

[Ben]

Thank you.

[Ronnie]

Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King Our.

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[Ben]

Violet Cootar we love you guys if you like, watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] survey have you ever wondered how a circus performer could become the most powerful woman in the Byzantine Empire?

[Ronnie]

Even the Royals is a podcast from Wondery that pulls back the curtain on royal families from ancient empires to modern.

[Ben]

Monarchs to show you the darker side of what it means to be royalty.

[Ronnie]

Before she ruled an empire, Theodora was.

[Ben]

A teen sensation in circus shows featuring dancing bears, burlesque performers and blood soaked chariot races. But when her star came crashing down, she clawed her way from rock bottom to the very top, using everything from comedy to espionage to get there.

[Ronnie]

Empress Theodora didn't just survive, she revolutionized.

[Ben]

Women'S rights across the Byzantine Empire, like changing laws to let women divorce men, own property and bring abusive men to justice. For all her work in pioneering, she's.

[Ronnie]

Remembered as the most powerful Byzantine empress in history.

[Ben]

Follow even the Royals on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Ronnie]

You can listen to Even the Royals.

[Ben]

Early and ad free by joining Wondery Plus.