#2771 Summer House S906: Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Loverboy

Summary

Watch What Crappens Podcast Summary Episode #2771: Summer House S906: Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Loverboy

Introduction In episode #2771 of Watch What Crappens, hosts Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam delve into the latest happenings of Bravo's "Summer House" Season 9, Episode 6, titled "Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Loverboy." Released on March 20, 2025, the episode offers a comprehensive and humorous breakdown of the drama, relationships, and memorable moments from the reality TV show.

Tour Updates and Hosting News ([04:00] - [05:00]) Before diving into "Summer House," Ben shares exciting news about their ongoing podcast tour, highlighting upcoming stops in Charlotte, Atlanta, D.C., Philadelphia, Boston, Detroit, Chicago, Texas, and Las Vegas. He invites listeners to support the show on Patreon for exclusive content and bonus episodes.

Episode Recap: Tensions and Transformations ([05:00] - [08:00]) Ben and Ronnie kick off their discussion with the central theme of the episode: Carl's Transformation. Carl, one of the house members, appears visibly confused and introspective, leading the hosts to compare his state to a character waking up with no memory in a thriller movie.

Ben Mandelker [07:10]: "I feel, like, he's always trying to convince himself that he's happy. [...] It's actually really sad."

Ronnie Karam [08:26]: "Look at me. It's like, you sound like an old horn from the 20s, dude."

The hosts express sympathy for Carl, discussing how his sobriety has changed his behavior and demeanor, making him seem detached and lost.

Interpersonal Dynamics: Paige, Craig, and Gabby ([08:00] - [15:00]) The conversation shifts to the dynamics between Paige, Craig, and Gabby. Gabby's newfound independence from Lindsay is noted, with Ben expressing disappointment over her reduced presence this season.

Ben Mandelker [15:50]: "Gabby has really kind of receded into the background this season."

Ronnie highlights Craig's overbearing nature and his tendency to take credit for minor contributions, creating friction within the house.

Carl's Pirate Party Planning ([15:00] - [25:00]) A significant portion of the episode revolves around Carl's ambitious plan to host a pirate-themed party, complete with a shipwrecked setup. Ben and Ronnie humorously critique his elaborate ideas and the practical challenges they pose.

Ronnie Karam [21:47]: "Maybe if one day, some, we were like, you have to quit board games, Ben. Maybe we'd see. He'd be like,..."

Carl's excitement contrasts with the hosts' skepticism, leading to a lively discussion about the feasibility and aesthetics of his plans.

Drama Unfolds: Relationships and Conflicts ([25:00] - [50:00]) The podcast delves deeper into the interpersonal conflicts, particularly focusing on Kyle and Craig. Their ongoing feud and lack of communication create a tense atmosphere, with Paige caught in the middle.

Ronnie Karam [44:17]: "Do you feel like a priority? And he's like, yeah, you make me feel like a priority this weekend."

Ben criticizes Craig's controlling behavior and emotional manipulation, highlighting the strained relationships within the house.

The Arrival of Lil ([50:00] - [65:00]) A pivotal moment in the episode is the introduction of Lil, a tall yoga instructor, who arrives to attend Amanda's birthday party. Ben and Ronnie humorously navigate Carl's nervousness and attempts to impress Lil.

Ben Mandelker [58:28]: "I'm really nervous that she's coming. And like, I just want someone to hug me, but softly because..."

Ronnie mocks Carl's over-the-top preparations and the absurdity of integrating a pirate ship into the backyard setup.

Final Moments and Reflections ([65:00] - [77:00]) As the party unfolds, tensions rise with unresolved issues between Craig and Kyle. Amanda expresses frustration over their constant disagreements, fearing it may impact her relationship with Paige.

Ronnie Karam [75:32]: "So, Jesse, Kyle, that worked really well for you. Great advice to be passing on Kyle."

Ben and Ronnie conclude the discussion by reflecting on the repetitive nature of the drama and their anticipation for future developments in the house.

Notable Quotes

• Ben Mandelker [07:10]: "It's actually really sad."
• Ronnie Karam [08:26]: "You sound like an old horn from the 20s, dude."
• Ben Mandelker [15:50]: "Gabby has really kind of receded into the background this season."
• Ronnie Karam [44:17]: "Do you feel like a priority?"
• Ben Mandelker [58:28]: "I just want someone to hug me, but softly."
• Ronnie Karam [75:32]: "Great advice to be passing on Kyle."

Conclusion Episode #2771 of Watch What Crappens offers an insightful and entertaining analysis of "Summer House" Season 9, Episode 6. Ben and Ronnie deftly navigate the show's intricate relationships, personal transformations, and the ever-present drama, providing listeners with both humor and thoughtful commentary. Whether you're a longtime fan or new to the series, this episode delivers a comprehensive look into the chaotic yet captivating world of "Summer House."

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This summary captures the essence of the podcast episode, focusing on the main content and key discussions while omitting advertisements and non-content segments.

Transcript

[Ben Mandelker]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ben Mandelker]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ben Mandelker]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ben Mandelker]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ben Mandelker]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ben Mandelker]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ben Mandelker]

Who cares what happens when there's so.

[Ronnie Karam]

Much.

[Ben Mandelker]

That Crappens hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the one, the only, the man who is currently in a spritzer feud with his dog. It's Ronnie Karam. How are you?

[Ronnie Karam]

Hi. What's going on with you baby?

[Ben Mandelker]

Not much. We are here today to talk summerhouse and then tomorrow we are flying off to Charlotte where we will be recapping the season finale of Southern Charm Saturday night and then following that on Sunday we'll be in Atlanta and we will be recapping the classic real houses of Orange County. Episod Bringing up Old Ghosts Season 11 Episode 16 it's where Meghan King Edmonds goes around saying, are you an O'Toole? Are you an O'Toole? And then there's many other funny things. It's a great episode. Excited to revisit it. Go to watchcraftins.com to get your tickets for either show, maybe both show. Be a roadie. Who knows. We're also going to plenty of cities afterwards. We will be going to D.C. and Philadelphia in about 10 days and then after that we will be in April, we are going to Boston, Boston, Detroit, and Chicago all in one weekend. So that's going to be a lot of fun. And then in May, we'll have two shows in Texas and Las Vegas. So it's been so much fun being out on tour. Come join [e-mail] watch what crap ends so you can watch us on video and you get access to our bonus episodes. Last week, we did airport snaps, where we sat around at an airport in Cincinnati and talked about all the people who were around us, and it was quite an experience. So that is all the news that is fit to print, unless I missed anything. Did I miss anything? Anything runny?

[Ronnie Karam]

I don't know. But here we are with Summerhausen. Season nine, Episode six, I don't know what it's called. Spritzer Feud Bubbles.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Ooh. Tensions bubbling.

[Ben Mandelker]

Tensions bubbling. That's what it's called. Oh, that makes sense. That's clever. That's nice. So we open up. We're in New York City, and they're being very jazzy about it. It's like, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun dun. New York City. And Jesse pulls up to pick up west. They're gonna have. This is a big bromance epis. Two of them. It's like a big, douchey, barstool, sports kind of love that they have this episode, which, regrettably, I thought was kind of endearing, but still, I was like, but also.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, but, you know, I found nothing endearing about myself. Nothing endearing. Don't get soft. Don't get soft on me.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm usually manipulated, but they wanted to. They wanted to tell the story about how these guys have kind of a cute bromance. And I was like, fine, I will succumb.

[Ronnie Karam]

I just, you know, the whole time they were driving in that car together, the boys are like, would you want to howl or do you want to bark? Some of us bark, and some of us, oh, it's like, oh, my God. I would love to just see these guys get beat up in Texas. That's what I want to see. I want to see these guys try and pull in front of, like, one of those big pickup trucks in Texas and just watch our asses get kicked. Because that's all I think of with guys like this. It's like, you're going to get your ass kicked one day, and I want to be there to see it.

[Ben Mandelker]

I was not about the dog thing, and I forgot, like, that was the thing that Carl used to do all the time. I Totally forgot about it. Because Carl reconnects with it because he's definitely like, I'm like a. I'm like a cool, cool guy again. I'm a dog. Ha. I'm a dog.

[Ronnie Karam]

Look at me. It's like, you sound like an old horn from the 20s, dude. But Carl has gone through this kind of transformation where he is really different and he just looks shell shocked. And it's before even Lindsay is the who. His sobriety has acted a different way towards him. It's like he's come out of. It's like, if you've ever watched those movies. Okay, have you ever seen one of those movies? Here's a trope that they do a lot or a TV show where someone wakes up but they have no memory. And then the whole thing is them trying to figure out who they were. And then sometimes they find out that they committed murder or something like that. Carl's that character. He just has woken up and he's like, who am I? I don't even know who I am anymore. Do I like soda? Do I like. What's soft? Soft. I'm going to call it soft. Maybe that's what I do. You know what? I'm going to make a pirate party. Oh. He just doesn't seem to know who he is. He's trying to, like, get little clues from places to figure out who he is.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, he's like. He's a very sad person. I feel, like, sad in terms of, like, he looks lost. I should say so then speaking.

[Ronnie Karam]

That's what I mean. He looks confused. Yeah, it's like. Yeah, it's like somebody with some maybe like, later in life where they're not remembering and there's just that moment of, like, looking confused. He's got that.

[Ben Mandelker]

I feel like he's always trying to convince himself that he's happy. Like, there's a look on his face like he's not happy. And he's trying to, like, find what. Something. And it's actually. It's actually really sad.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, I get that, you know, but I think the best part of life is just learning that you're not happy. Like, most of the time, I think life is just not happy. And it doesn't mean you have to be miserable and depressed, but it doesn't mean, like, you're. It just means you're not walking around every day. Oh, my God. I think sometimes people equate sobriety with, like, oh, maybe I'm not sober. So then I'll get sober or lose weight or whatever. It is. I'm going to do this thing, and then that's going to make me happy. And then you're like, this is really fucking boring. And I think part of it is just realizing that life is kind of boring, and that's. That's the path we're on, baby. It's called the human existence. You know, it's like how you deal with it being boring, you know, what do you do with your bo. What do you do with your boring life? That's what really matters.

[Ben Mandelker]

This may sound crazy. I don't think life is boring at all.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, you've never really had an addiction, so you don't know the. And I don't mean it like, in a. Well, you wouldn't know. I don't mean it like that. I just mean it. What I'm talking about is when you're addicted to something, there's a certain thrill that comes from that addiction, right? So the drugs or the alcohol or the food or whatever it is. So when you take that away, you're like, oh, my God, this is boring without that. And, like, normal life kind of is like that. You don't have those stimulants pumping. Know why I'm going on about this? Or to demean your happy.

[Ben Mandelker]

Bury your soul. Bury your soul.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, I don't mean to demean your happy life either. I just mean you already know what it's like, so you know how to fill your time, you know?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, no, I am lucky that I don't have an addiction. Now. Excuse me. I'm going to pause the podcast and go get 5 gallons of cold brew. Okay, bye. No, no, no, I get what you're saying. Like, if, like, you know, I can. I can. I should say I can imagine. I am fortunate that I don't. I have. I don't have any, like, hardcore addictions and that, like, maybe, like, life can seem a little dull or less vibrant when you come down from that. But I don't know, has not been my. My. My experience, but I can understand how that can be someone's experience.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, and I think that you're someone to look up to, too, because for someone like me, you know, I look at someone like you, and you do know how to fill your life with really positive things, you know? I see you do it. You. You really do. You have a full dance card. You keep it moving, you know?

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, I mean, hopefully that's a good thing. Maybe it is. Maybe I'm secretly, like, very sad and I just have to fill myself with activities But I actually don't think so. I think I'm actually pretty happy. And sometimes I do think I'm actually addicted to, like. I know this sounds ridiculous. This is not the same as heroin, but I do think I'm addicted to certain things. Like, I buy a lot of board games. I buy a lot of cookbooks. And I'm like, I have to. I don't need to buy these things. But I keep buying them because I love them and they make me happy. But then I don't. I don't cook out of my cookbooks. Or some of the games sit on my shelf for, like, three years before I play them. And I feel like that's probably some sort of addiction on some level. But you know what? I think it doesn't compare to drugs, hardcore drugs. So I'm gonna just sort of quietly wrap up that commentary.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, we never know. Maybe if. Maybe if one day, some, we were like, you have to quit board games, Ben. Maybe we'd see. He'd be like, how do I fill my time?

[Ben Mandelker]

I will tell her. I will be like, you stole my goddamn house. I mean, I would be like, you're gonna watch out. You better watch out. If you take away my games and my cookbooks so I could leave it.

[Ronnie Karam]

I don't know why we're here. The point is, Carl's confused. Carl looks confused.

[Ben Mandelker]

He's always excuses the woofing. None of this excuses the woofing.

[Ronnie Karam]

That's right. And I think that's a car full of douchebags. But I'm glad you found it cute.

[Ben Mandelker]

I didn't think the car full of douchebags was cute. I thought what was cute was Jesse and West at the house. But the car with. Well, because the car also had Carl in it, too. I mean, but like, in the house, they put the beds together.

[Ronnie Karam]

You can't have. You can't have car without Carl.

[Ben Mandelker]

Doggy on board. Can I say. Oh, I want to talk about this. Since we're talking about dogs. I'm sorry. We're here. It's happening. I went. It's bagel Thursday today, as some of you may know. And I went to. I went to. I got my bagel, and then I went to Blue Bottle afterwards across the street. Because I was like, I'm gonna have a nice quiet moment with a cold brew ice. Nola, I'm sorry. And the people next to me had a bulldog. And it was in there. At first, I was like, well, whatever. Bulldogs are so cute. They're these big, big silly dogs. But this dog, like, was fascinated with the floor and started licking and licking and licking and licking and licking and licking. And I looked down, there was a puddle of dog saliva, of slobber. And it was just growing and growing and it just kept on licking. And it was. It was shiny. It was. It was like. It was three dimensional. It had ripples and bubbles and everything. And it was wide. And I was disgusted. I'm sitting here eating this bagel, looking at this growing puddle of saliva, and I just got so mad because the owners were just sitting there like, da, da, da, da, da da. And I'm like, what? Like, if you know your dog is going to be leaving puddles of saliva in a place where people are eating or drinking, you got to keep that dog outside. I am sorry. And so I am really upset about this. And I don't blame the dog. Dog. I blame the owners. People be better. Be. Be more responsible because there are people like me in the world who are absolutely disgusted by your dog's slobber pools. Okay? And service message.

[Ronnie Karam]

One, you know how girls on this show feel. And two, that dog was just saving that floor from infection. Leave that dog alone. So what if it licked the floor? The floor should thank it. Dog lick is very.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, this wasn't just like a dog licking the floor. It wasn't like a few. Like, animals do that. It's fine. This. I almost took a photo and I'm like, I will not take a photo, Ben. You can just move on with your life. See, and here you. And here you said I had a happy life. And here I am getting so angry about a puddle of dog goo.

[Ronnie Karam]

I know. I think we're starting to see the dark side.

[Ben Mandelker]

Am I happy? Am I happy? Because look how triggered I am by it. You know, I thought about licking a floor.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's what dogs do.

[Ben Mandelker]

Let the dog alone.

[Ronnie Karam]

Let the dog live. You think the dog's sitting there? Like, I'm gonna take a picture of that guy being persnickety in a store and he's drinking his nola.

[Ben Mandelker]

No. If you could have seen, it was like someone had spilled some like. Like half a bottle of corn syrup on the floor. It was disgust. It was. It's too much. People. Come on. So I don't know.

[Ronnie Karam]

Live your best life. Lick on licky.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, you can lick outside. Do it outside. Don't do it. Where someone could be putting their life flip flops.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, that dog probably quit doing coke recently, and now look at it. It's just trying to find some joy in the world. Just fucking leave it alone. We all deal in our own ways. Okay, so then we go to Paige and Craig picking up Gabby, because Gabby is Lindsay free this week. So we'll see how that goes. Frankly, I think it leads to a much better Gabby that she's not like, a walker for Lindsay, because I feel like she's a crutch for Lindsay, like a walker. And Lindsay's just like, you're my support. You're my support. And so it's nice to see the walker, you know, loosen up and go have some fun.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. I mean, Lindsay needs that walker. She always has someone in that capacity. And it will lead to interesting drama if Gabby decides to become independent. Unfortunately, Gabby has really kind of receded into the background this season. It's like she's. She's just sort of. You forget she's on the show. She's just not doing much, which is too bad, because Gabby's been wonderful in the past. But anyway, she gets in the car with Craig and Paige, and Craig is like, I got you some drinks, and we'll have some snacks. And she's like, oh, my God, you got drinks. This is like the best Uber ever. Paige quietly to herself in the front seat is like, I got the drinks.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's like, this fucking guy. First had to see his foot in the sink in Charleston, and now I've got to let him take all the credit for me gathering the cans of Poppy.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Craig taking all the credit.

[Ben Mandelker]

Did you see, by the way, that poppy sold for $1.6 billion?

[Ronnie Karam]

Holy crap.

[Ben Mandelker]

Those two people from House Hunters that. We recapped an episode on Dwell. Hello. Of House Hunters, the people who founded Poppy. And this, like, two. That's 2020 or 2019. So it's before Poppy was big. We kind of invented Poppy, is what I'm saying. They just sold for one.

[Ronnie Karam]

You're welcome, Poppy.

[Ben Mandelker]

Six billion.

[Ronnie Karam]

It was me going on Dwell. Hello. And talking about how shitty your soda is that propelled you to this $1.6 billion deal.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, that hot, hot. That hot, hot guy who was part of that couple. That's what I always remember.

[Ronnie Karam]

I remember nothing. So they're in the car and making small talk and stuff, and Paige is like, it's Amanda's birthday on Wednesday, so we're going to do, um. We're going to have Kyle stay sober, not make her cry. And I don't know, we're thinking about something with avocados. Not really sure. Let's do a guacamole. That'll Break her, Craig. No one is stealing her guacamole.

[Ben Mandelker]

So then in the other car, Jesse's like, this is good. Like, everybody shake hands. Okay, I'm gonna go take a hookah. This will be great. And that. Everyone's just. Everyone's just driving. Everyone's driving. And Paige is like, so, Gabby, I'd like to say that you didn't miss much last weekend, but you actually kind of missed a lot. I was kind of iconic. Like, I'm probably gonna make the season trailer and honestly, maybe the mid season trailer on it, they'll just go back and show more of it. It was so good.

[Ronnie Karam]

I just want you to know, my thigh gap is gonna make every cut of the season. You're gonna see it in every preview this season. Nobody's got a thigh gap like me. Sorry you missed it. You. You fucking loser. Oh, by the way, Kyle was trying to yell at me about Craig. I mean, talk about getting some balls. Yeah, he called me a liar on national television. Well, in his defense, you are on national television and you're a fucking pathological liar, Craig. Okay?

[Ben Mandelker]

You do have a tendency to lie while on national television. So he's like, yeah, he went on to watch what happens and he said, wow, Craig lit a house on fire. And I was like, what? Like Craig? He didn't say that, but he accused me of being a liar. You just lied while defending yourself. Oh, okay.

[Ronnie Karam]

Call me a liar. I'm a mayor. A mayor and a literature expert. You're not Craig.

[Ben Mandelker]

He went on to what? Kyle went on to watch what Happens live and called Patricia a. It's true.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's true.

[Ben Mandelker]

I swear to God.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, you want to watch what happens? And he accused me of being a liar. And I'm like, what? I don't lie about anything ever. I don't lie.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's a story because I'm a storyteller. She's like, well, because Craig told him he was going to invest in another alcohol company. I mean, even if I had, like, what bearing does it even have on Kyle's life at all? I mean, that space is massive. Kylie and Kendall are sisters and they each have a alcohol brand. Yeah, Kyle, he's like the. Yes, thank you, Craig. Thank you for reminding us that you're basically like a Kardashian just exploring the space.

[Ronnie Karam]

And Paige is like, oh, my God, not the Jenners. Please don't bring them into this. He's like, it's a huge space. Like, it doesn't even affect Kyle. So then in the douche car, the guys are like. And Wes is like, oh, hey, Emeril. Last summer, we barked a lot. Like, I don't know if you want to bark with us, but it comes with a free lady scarf that you get to wear. Wear on your head and a trucker's cap that kind of floats five inches from the top of your mushroom hair.

[Ben Mandelker]

So he's like, that's cool. I'm more of a howler. Oh, like, thanks, Emerul. By the way, I just want to let you know more. It was really cool hearing you howl. This is probably the last time we're actually going to have a conversation with you all weekend. Thanks so much for being here.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. He's like, wow, somebody howled. And now it smells like syphilis in this car.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm really sure they literally don't talk to Emeril the whole weekend. Like, you forget, Emerul's, like. Emeril's only role in the show, it seems, is that he just brings people in anonymously in the middle of the night, and he didn't even do that this weekend.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, he just talks about a lot, you know?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then Jesse's like, oh, guys, you.

[Ben Mandelker]

Know, I don't know if you've ever.

[Ronnie Karam]

Heard Lexi's work, but it goes like this. Woof, woof. It's, like, so cute, you guys.

[Ben Mandelker]

Wow. I'm, like, not even off of Manhattan. We're already talking about Lexi. Carl's like, is she staying back on the city this week? Second. Yeah, she's in Toronto. Her best friend had. Had a baby. They've already put so much mascara on its cute little face. It's so amazing.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. She said it's like a baby boy, and it's already more mature than every guy in this house. So actually pretty amazing. So Carl gets a call. He's like, hold up, hold up, hold up one second. Got a call. Got a call. Want to authorize the pickup for my draft? Oh, yeah, sorry. I was a little surprised. My. My party tomorrow.

[Ben Mandelker]

Sorry. We're just. Sorry. I was gonna talk some table stakes because we're going down a vortex. I just want to funnel all this information into the corporate jargon because we're gonna open the kimono on, like, basically soft sodas, and, you know, it's just gonna be a real, you know, like, come to the table, move the needle moment. Carl.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Guys, let me tell you a little backstory. I'm from Pittsburgh, and they're famous for Pittsburgh Pirates. We call them cake eaters, So I love pirates. They eat Cake. So I'm gonna show throw a shipwreck party, all right? And guess what? My ex fiance is not going to be there. Let's fudge.

[Ben Mandelker]

Go. Yes.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yes.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's like, really hard for me to have, like, my first pirate party without my ex fiance. I just need, like, a little bit of time and space and just, I want everyone in this house to just treat me a little bit of tenderness right now.

[Ronnie Karam]

Kind of ironic. I'm having a pirate party when the wench is gone.

[Ben Mandelker]

I would walk the plank, but that board is pretty hard. Do we have a soft plank I can walk on?

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. I invited a girl, guys, because I'm talking to a girl. She's, like, really cute. I'm attracted to her, and I have a feeling if she's into me, she's going to be kind of like olive oil from the film version of Popeye. So let's see, let's see.

[Ben Mandelker]

Hey. Hey. Does Paulie want a cracker? I mean, like, whatever you want. Like, it's really whatever. Whatever you want. Like, I don't want to make a decision. I just. I just want Polly to hug me.

[Ronnie Karam]

Does Paulie, like, maybe want a cracker that's gluten free? I mean, I'm into that if you need that. Like, I'm here to support your boundaries.

[Ben Mandelker]

So is the cracker soft? So.

[Ronnie Karam]

Guys, I'm starting a soft cracker company.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yo Ho Ho won a bottle of 7Up.

[Ronnie Karam]

So they do it in Europe. In Europe, they call it bread, but here I'm gonna call it soft crackers.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's like my teeth before I got the veneers.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. Hello, I'm Dax Shepard. And I'm Monica Padman. And we are in our seventh year of hosting actors, musicians, athletes, presidents, CEOs, scientists, and professors. Monica and I do three weekly shows with celebrities on Monday, experts on Wednesdays, and crazy stories from listeners on Fridays. It's got an ample dose of irreverence, humor, and vulnerability. We regularly get sides of our guests that were previously unknown. And it is a celebration of all the messiness that makes us human. We like it here.

[Ben Mandelker]

We love it here. We're chatterboxes, and it's a good excuse to talk.

[Ronnie Karam]

Also, we're friends, barely hanging on by a thread. We're so excited to officially be a part of the Wondry network. So follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts and subscribe to armchair expert on YouTube. Have you ever wondered how a circus performer could become the most powerful woman in the Byzantine Empire?

[Ben Mandelker]

Even the Royals is a podcast from Wondery that pulls back the curtain on royal families from ancient empires to modern monarchs to show you the darker side of what it means to be royalty. Before she ruled an empire, Theodora was a teen sensation in circus shows featuring.

[Ronnie Karam]

Dancing bears, burlesque performers, and blood soaked chariot races. But when her star came crashing down, she clawed her way from rock bottom to the very top, using everything from.

[Ben Mandelker]

Comedy to espionage to get there. Empress Theodora didn't just survive. She revolutionized women's rights across the Byzantine.

[Ronnie Karam]

Empire, like changing laws to let women.

[Ben Mandelker]

Divorce men own property and bring abusive men to justice. For all her work in pioneering, she's remembered as the most powerful Byzantine empress in history. Follow even the Royals on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to even the Royals.

[Ronnie Karam]

Early and ad free by joining Wondery Us.

[Ben Mandelker]

So west is like, hey, did you, hey Carl. Hey, did you invite Shorty to the party? And he's like, yeah, I invited a girl.

[Ronnie Karam]

He tries so hard. Hey bro, did you buy Invite Shorty? Please stop. Someone uncringe him. I, I'm so cringe every time these, him and Jesse, every time they talk, I'm just like, oh, my butthole clenched.

[Ben Mandelker]

He's like, hey, Shorty, it's your birthday. Want to party like it's your birthday. We don't even give a fuck if it's not your birthday. So he says, yeah, invite a girl. She, she sent me a selfie last weekend. She's really pretty. She's tall. She's got a good body. And her name is Lil, which is funny because she's tall, but her name is Lil. It's like, are you tall or you Lil? She's like, is she a shorty? Is she a literally shorty? Is she Lil or is she Shorty? I'm really confused right now, guys.

[Ronnie Karam]

I was like, hey, Lil, you look a little tall. And then I had wait for a response. I had to wait for a response, but I got a selfie. So it worked out. Worked out. We're basically getting married.

[Ben Mandelker]

We've already decided our couple name, which is going to be Carl. Carl. Our couple name is Carlo. Carl.

[Ronnie Karam]

Adding in, we're a decent hotel.

[Ben Mandelker]

We haven't decided if we're, we're, we're, we're not sure if we're Laurel or a Carol, but I think we're going Carly. Oh. So he's like, yeah, so she. We started like, she. She slid into my DMS in last year and we started messaging in October. And then like, fast forward to this summer and you know, she's got a good personality. She's energetic, she's yoga studio instructor. And like, I'm just. I'm feeling it. I'm feeling Lil.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Emerald's like, obviously you're still looking for a connection, right? He's like, yeah, yeah, looking for a connection. But like, guys, truth be told, let me tell you a secret. I haven't had sex since last summer, so. But wasn't the thing last summer that he wasn't having sex with Lindsay, So I don't think he even had sex last summer, did he?

[Ben Mandelker]

I don't think so. And by the way, by the way, something else. Wasn't he kind of like shaming Lindsay for like, moving on and like after their breakup up really quickly with Tanner, like, you were texting with Lil in October. I'm sorry, you may not have gone on a date, maybe you didn't have sex, but you were already playing the field in October, sir, so don't think that got by us.

[Ronnie Karam]

I wasn't seating it, so I would say that's quite a difference. My field isn't pregnant, so honestly, I.

[Ben Mandelker]

Thought I was just talking to Lil Wayne. Turns out it was the yoga instructor, white woman, ironically enough.

[Ronnie Karam]

I actually was actually texting Lil Wayne as well. And I was like, you look a little short. I did not get a text back. I did not get a selfie from Lil Wayne. So, you know, I'm like 5050 right now. Which as the cake pirates would stay in my state. Arg. So still winning.

[Ben Mandelker]

Lil Wayne, by the way, does have a message for everyone. He says.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Jesse's like, yeah, guys, we're gonna get Carl late this weekend. Lindsay's not gonna come, right?

[Ben Mandelker]

Right?

[Ronnie Karam]

And he's like, no. Yeah. I want you to find your Pirate's Booty.

[Ben Mandelker]

Bark, bark, howl, howl, brah. Debating whether or not to go on a tangent about Pirate's Booty. Am I going to do this? And the answer is, I'll do a very quick one, which is that apparently the. The founder of Pirates Booty declared himself the mayor of a town that he lives in in Long island and was like, I'm the mayor now. Everyone's like, no, you're not. He's like, yes. And he, like, is trying to have like a. A full on takeover of this town. And this happened yesterday. This is fresh pirate booty news. So, you know, give updates as they Come through.

[Ronnie Karam]

And then the makers of poppy soda were like, sorry, we just bought your town. We're having it burnt down.

[Ben Mandelker]

Poppy versus Pirates booty. The rivalry continues. So we go to the Hamptons, and the first, the Craig Van pulls up, and Paige is like, oh, my God. Home sweet home. And Craig's like, is Lindsay coming? And Gabby's like, like, no, she's returner's family. You know, Pedro's like, oh, thank God. Just sick of pretending to be happy for her.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then, so hard walking into somebody's room with orange juice and saying, hello, Mrs. Mrs. Lindsay, are we feeling okay today? Are we gonna have a good day today, or is it going to be a rough day today? Thank God.

[Ben Mandelker]

Ew. So then, guess what, guys? Ubereats all over that patio or the front stoop. UberEats is clearly sponsoring the show, and we know that because it gets mentioned every three seconds.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, so they're furnished by UberEats. It says @ the end. I read up on it.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, that's right. It does say that. Yeah. So they got a bunch of snacks, which is really fun. And then guess what?

[Ronnie Karam]

My home is also furnished by Uber Eats. I'm sitting on a cardboard container right now. It held a salad. This smells a little bit like body odor, because that's how onions smell the next day.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. So this front door, there was, like, one moment this season where it opened up nicely. And ever since then, the door continues to stick. How is this door still messed up? This door is like, this is such a camera hog, this door. This door's like, no, you won't just open me. I am gonna have my moment. You cannot take my moment away from me. You are gonna have to barge down this door. Cause I'm getting on this camera.

[Ronnie Karam]

The door is the Lexi of doors. It's like, I'm not committing to opening until you're committed to me. I'm not a loose door. I'm a really, really rigid door. So.

[Ben Mandelker]

Also, official rip to Bailey, because last weekend. Because this is only the third weekend in the house, I think. And last weekend, they did the perfunctory, oh, is Bailey coming this weekend? Like, no, she's having boy trouble. And then this weekend, they don't even ask about Bailey anymore. So she's officially gone.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Bailey's.

[Ben Mandelker]

She shined bright. She was like a star. She shined bright. She shone bright. And then.

[Ronnie Karam]

And then she ran from the old people. This happens with stars, you know?

[Ben Mandelker]

She's like, ew, Chris.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Paige walks in. She's like, oh, My God, I love air conditioning. It just feels so regal and classy. Oh, my God. I need help setting. Okay, guys, we need to set up for Amanda's party to let her know that we really love her. So order some dominoes and throw some guacamole on the floor. Okay, are we ready?

[Ben Mandelker]

Does anyone know how to play the trombone? I'm hoping someone can stand in the corner when she walks in and go.

[Ronnie Karam]

We just really want someone to represent Amanda's personality. So we hired Rachel Dratch to just stand at the door and make this face.

[Ben Mandelker]

I would love Rachel Dratch to join this cast. Like, she's just Rachel Dratch just hanging out with them. But it's never acknowledged that she's Rachel Dratch, but she's just there, you know, being like, hey, Carl, you want to make some pizza? And be like, sure. Rachel Dratch.

[Ronnie Karam]

Rachel Dratch. Pizza, huh? God. Last time I saw something that flat was when I saw that family of five get run over by a semi on the freeway. So Craig's like, paige, where's your room? She's like, we're staying in Lindsay's room this weekend. I demand a penthouse. What am I posting?

[Ben Mandelker]

Paige is like, yeah, we're going to stay in Lindsay's room this weekend. Because I've always been a such a fan of Cocoon, and I wanted to really feel like what it was like to be Jessica Tandy. Want to wrap myself around those companies, those blankets.

[Ronnie Karam]

It'll be nice, you know, not having to walk to the bathroom because there's a bedpan in that room. So I say we just do it there. I've always wanted sponge baths over the weekend.

[Ben Mandelker]

I always wanted to go to sleep to the sound of the Victrola next to the bed.

[Ronnie Karam]

The only thing that plays on that TV is Jeopardy. And Wheel of Fortune over and over again. It's gonna be glamorous. So Gabby. I mean, Sierra comes. She hugs, she says hi to Gabby. Gabby's like, I need a glass of wine. Craig, do you want a glass of wine? He's like, I'm okay. I'm gonna have a beer or root beer. Thank you, though. I'm like, I said addiction last week on my show. So I'm just gonna have some root beer today. Thanks, though. Really gonna follow through on that storyline.

[Ben Mandelker]

But I'm gonna give myself the option to not be sober anymore, which is why I'm saying I'm gonna have a beer or a root beer. Like, those are two wildly different experiences that you're gonna have.

[Ronnie Karam]

Just so you know, the viewers can choose their own path on that one.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's like being like, no, I'm good. I think I'm gonna have some orange juice or maybe, like, a shot of vodka. I don't know. I have to figure it out. You're setting yourself up for two different paths.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Paige is like, ew, people who don't drink wine are gross. Let's drink. Gabby, she's like, yeah. So they drink, and then the guys arrive and pirates say, hell, arg.

[Ben Mandelker]

Carl does it so much that I'm starting to think that he might have, like, a puppy king kink. You know, like, you know, the pups.

[Ronnie Karam]

That.

[Ben Mandelker]

That whole. There's that whole kink where, like, you dress up, put on the thing, and you're like a puppy, and then you like. It's like a weird affection. It's not weird. It's everyone. Everyone's kink is allowed. But it's like, you are you.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm not a puppy there. I don't care. Your kink shame, you know, when you lick the floor.

[Ben Mandelker]

I don't care.

[Ronnie Karam]

Send me your letters. And you know what? What are we gonna get letters from? Puppy kinks? They don't have opposable thumbs. Sorry, who are you gonna complain to? Puppy kink people. I'm not fucking a puppy. Stop that. Just stopped.

[Ben Mandelker]

See your role play all the way through. If you complain to us, that means you're failing your role play because you should. You have pause, and you're not supposed to understand English.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, go lick a floor somewhere.

[Ben Mandelker]

Go like. Go lick the floor of blue bottle. Okay, so everyone's saying hi, and then. And then Amanda and Kyle arrive across. Oh, I think I'll see her. And so they walk in and. And you know, Amanda's like, hi. Wow. Oh, my God. Amazing. I'm overwhelmed.

[Ronnie Karam]

Happy birthday. And she's like, honestly, I thought I was 33 for a really long time. Like, I keep forgetting how old I am. All I know is that I'm old enough for Kyle to have completely stolen my youth.

[Ben Mandelker]

Kyle, she has actually a nice little comment here. She talks about how she's really been healing herself mentally, and. And she's diving into the things that her depression and anxiety were holding her back from, so good for her. And then now Craig is drinking alone in the living room because Kyle's basically not saying hi to Craig, which is so funny to me. And Kyle's like, craig is like, fine, I guess I won't say hi.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'll just Hang on, Club Send it. I guess.

[Ben Mandelker]

Hang on, Club send it just makes me laugh.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Paige is like, okay, we're going to eat snacks. We're going to have a pizza party. We made a lot of effort, Amanda, a lot. She's like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. We have everything. Carl's like, this weekend I want to address elf in the room between me and Greg because what he did was super, super shady. And we're gonna have a discussion about it.

[Ben Mandelker]

So then we see flashbacks about this whole mess and Kyle's like, look, was it wrong of me to let my emotions get the best of me? Yes, it was. But the bottom line, I was lied to and I was hurt and like, so now like, it's about saving whatever friendship there's is there. And probably like more importantly, making sure that it doesn't affect the relationship between Paige and Amanda. And then afterwards I can get shit faced and pee in a bush.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So Carl's like, hey, you guys, you know what we need for our party tomorrow? I think we're gonna reload that cooler tomorrow. Get ready for a reload. It's Carl 9.0. Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. People say I'm not fun anymore, but what could be more fun than reloading a cooler?

[Ronnie Karam]

Cooler reloaded. Falling down flights of stairs.

[Ben Mandelker]

Big announcement, guys. Big announcement. Carl, you have the floor. Guys, I may just start doing it right now. Carl 5.0. Reloading a cooler right now. Who wants to join?

[Ronnie Karam]

Carl's like, yeah, if you're gonna do that, you better stake out a non out corner. Corner of non elk.

[Ben Mandelker]

Already ahead of you, bro. I'm gonna stake it out and then afterwards gonna have some sunny day. Ha. So then I don't know why Carl's energy is giving me very much like that. Like, hey, just got done with soccer practice. I could go for something purple stuff. Nah, Sunny D. Yeah. So Gabby is like, okay, girls, what do we need to change into? What do we need to do? Because I. And then she bumps her head into something. So she bumps her sunglasses on her head.

[Ronnie Karam]

So now Carl is crushing a box with his foot. Carl's like really manic this weekend. He's like, look how fun I am with that. Lindsay. Crushing a box. Yeah, crushing a box. Not out corner. Pirates. Lil. Lil. Have I mentioned Lil? Have I stopped my load too fast? This is a lot, guys. Like the first five minutes I've said pirates. Lil. Lil. I've crushed a box and I've said non alk. Are we still on the same page? That's Carl. 9.0, baby.

[Ben Mandelker]

You know what? Rhymes with Lil Phil. As in, I'm gonna fill that cooler right now. Oh, so fun. I'm having so much fun right now.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, I'm gonna remix you a little Phil Collins, bro. Come on. That's a little depressing. This is Carl 9.0, okay?

[Ben Mandelker]

I would never say no to that. Just so you know. And so I was like, wow, okay, look at you, like, with your tall privilege, sticking your whole foot in the garbage can without having to, like, use a step stool. That's pretty cool. So, by the way, how was Jersey? You met up with your business partners. He's like, yeah, yeah, we got to trademark. We got trademark on the name. And by trademark, I mean I just called someone up and then said, oh, I'll meet you at Kinko's. I've got a delivery. Move the needle.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm actually impressed that he got a trademark, because I would imagine that it's not easy to get a trademark on something called soft drinks, but.

[Ben Mandelker]

I know.

[Ronnie Karam]

Good for you.

[Ben Mandelker]

But even honestly, like, his thing is soft bar. But I have to. I would think that soft bar would have already been taken. Unless. Is it just such an idea that people are like, yeah, this will never take off. I don't even bother trademarking it. I'm impressed that he got that trademark so far.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's unbelievable. But listen, I haven't announced the brand on social. It's not a fish. So, like, it has been publicized, and that's coming next week.

[Ben Mandelker]

That's you.

[Ronnie Karam]

That dude is gonna be huge. It's gonna be big. It's gonna be soft.

[Ben Mandelker]

We're gonna do a soft launch. See what I did there? I'm gonna be announcing my new company. It's called Soft Bar. So Soft Bar is a Mindful consumption bar and cafe at Williamsburg. Die. Just let it die. Just.

[Ronnie Karam]

Just die in a Mindful consumption bar. How about a Suck my dick bar?

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay, that is mindful. Now that's the real mind. Mindful consumption bar. A suck my dick bar. Line up the glory holes.

[Ronnie Karam]

If I ever line up for a place called a Mindful Consumption Bar, just fucking have a group of puppies murder me. You know, sex puppies murder me.

[Ben Mandelker]

Just roll me around on a. On a. On a bulldog slobber puddle, okay? Because I am not dealing with this. Look, you can have. You can have a Mindful consumption bar. You can have a place in Williamsburg. You cannot have both, okay? It's gotta be one or the other, because I'm barely tolerating mindful. I Don't know what mindful consumption is. I just annoyed by it. And Williamsburg just is that just put me over the edge. Okay, it's fine if you want to do a non Elk bar. I'm not going to shade you about that. Or as I like to call it, a coffee house. But you know what, though? The mindful consumption. Get out. Get out. I don't want to hear it.

[Ronnie Karam]

By the way. Hi. Williamsburg. Lived there for seven years. 475 Kent Avenue. Hey, baby. Miss you. And it was before it was completely douched out. You know, it was a long time ago that I lived there. But we did have like a lot of metal workers. It would be like a time restaurant, a coffee shop, and then like some guy with like a really long beard, you know, and like steampunk, you know, steampunk style. And he'd be like, guys, I do medical metal work. Anybody need metal work for their apartment? Yeah, I'll try and think of something. Jeffrey.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's a lot of, like, suburban people who are like now doing like, you know, 1905, like, farmer cosplay. Yeah, there was a lot, like Grips of wrath cosplay. You know, there was a lady who.

[Ronnie Karam]

Who like grew tomatoes on our roof. And it was just not built for that, you know? Yeah. And there were like, Jeffrey the metal worker, his name was spelled like J E, J O, F, F, R I, E, Y, E, E. It's like, oh, God. Okay, Jeffrey, how am I supposed to look up your metal shop, sir?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, exactly. So anyway, he is Mindful Consumption Bar and Cafe in Bloomsburg. And we're just gonna like be serving non alcoholic drinks that are like more premium, premium, more sophisticated, more elevated. And they're just like always going to be haters. Like, I don't know, like Ben and Ronnie. But like last summer, Lindsay had her feedback and we see her being like, no, it's like. But honestly. Okay, print this. Thank you, Lindsay. Thank you, Lindsay Hubbard. Because at that time, I told her that I wanted to start a bar. And you know what? It was a bad idea.

[Ronnie Karam]

So guess what? I went back to the table, I refined my idea, and now I can't wait. Oh. So, I mean, I guess you are giving her credit for telling you to rework it because you reworked it.

[Ben Mandelker]

So you're admitting that you had. No, you just had a general idea and you wanted to dive in head first. And look, I. I am giving to Carl because his thing just sounds so pretentious. Mocktails are delicious. And there are so many. And like, I think There is definitely a way to do, like, a place where you go in and just get some amazing mocktails and have some bites.

[Ronnie Karam]

Of course. Listen, there's plenty of people, especially in Williamsburg, who want to spend $25 on a glass of punch and let them do it.

[Ben Mandelker]

But, like, I just. You know what? I just can't deal with the mindful consumption branding of it. Like, just drives me nuts. I can't.

[Ronnie Karam]

I've always been a fan of mindless consumption. That's how I roll. I'm an Old Navy bitch. That's how I am.

[Ben Mandelker]

Just don't tell me how I'm consuming your mocktails. Just say that they are on the menu and I will show up if I to.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, I'll be mindful if I want. You know, that's my own path. So then we. Carl's like, so come on, Kyle, let's talk about you and your emotions, your very serious storyline of competing bubbles. So you're gonna try and talk to Craig. And he's like, yeah, yeah. You know, I've never, ever in my life felt more wrongfully attacked. That's huge.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. Like, when you put your blood sudden tears into something as an entrepreneur and as a founder, there's like. Like no delineation between business and your personal life.

[Ronnie Karam]

Right?

[Ben Mandelker]

And, like, you've seen that firsthand. Like, I take. I take things personally. Like, when I. It's like, oh, it's just your business, but it's like, not just my business. Business is, like, personal. So, like, I'm, like, upset and like, we just can't go back to how it was. I mean, look, we see how it goes is like, founder is like being a founder now just a personality trait. Like, I feel like I never heard people really refer to themselves as founders as much as, like, it just. It started with Danielle last year, and now it's like, well, I'm a founder. Founder. That's my job is that I'm a founder. No, it's like a status. Like, you did that, but it's not like, who you are. Like, that's not like, I don't go around being like, well, I'm a founder since founded a podcast with Ronnie Caram. I'm a member.

[Ronnie Karam]

Four founders.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

And CEOs. Don't forget commercials. Here comes one right now. So then Jesse's calling Sierra into. Into his and west room, and they're, like, playing around. And then Amanda and Paige are, like, playing around in their room, and Amanda's like, oh, my God, I woke up with the biggest Pimple on my chin two days ago to the point where my whole chin was swollen. I'm going to name her Bertha.

[Ben Mandelker]

So she's being as compelling as ever. And then Gabby is. She's upset because there's too many flies in the room. And then now west and Jesse are together, and Jesse's like, hey, I love that Sierra walked up to our room. That was, like, the closest that she's gotten. Right? Right. Wow. She's like, yeah, that was, like, a little progress. Like, yeah. I mean, next thing, she might come in here for a slumby.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. You know, I don't know that we're gonna be in Slumbieland. Like, you know, a big win for me would be like, hey, maybe like, bye. You know, like, eye contact. Like, she won't look me in the eyes till just a sad little boy who didn't do anything.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm gonna talk to her. I'm gonna ask her, hey, you wanna come in for a slumby? You know? Cause, like, I'm friends with, like, both of you, and it shouldn't be like this. Like, there's more the merrier at the slumby.

[Ronnie Karam]

So we get flashbacks of Jesse being so close to Sierra, and he's like, yeah, I'm like, half between two friends, and, like, I wish we could, like, all sit and get along and, like, just be chill, you know? Like, maybe I can love a little Sierra and, like, help her realize he's not such a bad guy. I'm gonna do that by sitting with her on a floaty and talking about how hot her cans are. I mean, God.

[Ben Mandelker]

Are there any girls you're excited about? He's like, oh, sorry, that was Jesse who asked that of Wes. And Wes is like, no. Like, am I. Are you asking about, like, am I dating anyone? No. He's like, oh, really? That's bullshit. Because I see a girl whose name pops up on your phone all the time. I don't know who you're trying to tell, but I know.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. He's like, yeah, well, like, truth be told, like, I like attention, you know, so, like, my phone's juicy. It's a juicy shoddy, you know? And I'm like, whoa, phone, step off the curb. You know what I'm saying?

[Ben Mandelker]

Producer's like, so have you been spending time with a specific girl that you're not talking about? He's like, no. I mean, no. Like, the one that Jesse's talking about, like, lives in Montana. And, like, if I was, like, seeing someone serious, like, he'd probably be the first to know. Or maybe him or my mom, because I'm cute, you know? And, like, well, maybe not. I think it's Jesse. Sorry, Mom.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Uber Eats Combs. Uber Eats is here, and Emeril is like, hi. Thanks for coming by. May I stick my penis in you?

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay.

[Ronnie Karam]

No. Okay. Well, if you'd like to come back later as an arrow that floats on the screen, feel free. You know where I am. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Paige is on her phone looking at a metaphor for her relationship with Craig. Basically an empty room. And, like, what are you looking at, Paige? She's like, I'm looking for Daphne, my cat. Because she's just, like, so iconic and just way more interesting than Craig ever is. But Daphne does not show up.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then Jesse comes in, and Sierra's like, oh, my God, join us with your outfit. And he's like. I was like, what are you guys getting dressed for? Because, like, Lexi's not even here this weekend.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, yeah, y'all. Oh, cool. Wow. Jesse and Lexi talk at dinner already. Classic. And so Kyle's like, I can't believe that you use that outfit without legs here. He's like, are you guys saying this is a good or a bad outfit? I can't tell.

[Ronnie Karam]

All right, guys, let's do a toast to Amanda's 33rd birthday. You know, when I got it for her birthday, I robbed chronically toast. So. All right, who's counting? All right, who's counting? How old is she? She's like, I'm old as. But at least I'm not as old as Kyle.

[Ben Mandelker]

And Wes is like, hey, how old are you? Person at the corner of the table who we've never talked to before, and Emeril's like, 36. How about you? He's like, I'm 29. So I'm like a cute little kid, basically.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So then Jesse and Sierra are like, you look good. You smell good. Oh, my God. So then Amanda cuts a cake, and she's like, have you guys seen the new way they cut cake on Tick Tock? They just, like, put a cup down and then drag the cup out, and it's full of cake.

[Ben Mandelker]

I hate that so much. I'm so bad. Yeah, I've seen it.

[Ronnie Karam]

You're like, and then what, dogs lick the cup?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, put them all down, probably. So Jesse's like, wow, look, they're talking about Tick Tock slicing. Like, it looks like that Kyle and Craig are getting along. Did they squash the beef? Did I. Did I miss it? Hey, you guys. You guys are getting along well. Like, did I miss the squashing of the beef? Should I sing a song to celebrate? I was like, well, I sent a couple of texts to try to, like, address it ahead of time. And I don't know. I don't want you to think I'm avoiding it, Craig, even though I wouldn't say hi to you earlier until just now.

[Ronnie Karam]

No, I don't feel like you're avoiding me. I just. I texted you back, remember? And he's like, well, Craig, it's all about friendship, you know, it's not like an odd. Oh, gotcha. You know, I just want to talk. He goes, I do too. And that's why I said we should talk tomorrow. He's like, oh, but I think it would be, like, easier to talk sooner than later. He's like, actually, it's. I've been in traffic and, like, I would like to do it tomorrow because that's how people control things. They control the time.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, it's like, you know, you both were in traffic and you actually got to the house before Kyle.

[Ronnie Karam]

Craig's such a fucking douche. Craig's just trying to be like, oh, I control. And he even says it later. It's like he's trying to control. Control things and show that he's the bigger per. Like the bigger man of the group by, like, demanding when the meeting is gonna be. Wow.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. And Kyle's like, I mean, wow.

[Ronnie Karam]

I.

[Ben Mandelker]

Don'T want this hanging over my head. Let's, like, squash this so we can enjoy ourselves. We can party tonight and have a good time.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, but Craig doesn't care. He likes a nice, awkward scene, you know? So he's like, yeah, I'm not gonna do it today. And Amanda goes, okay, so you guys are gonna talk tomorrow? No, we're gonna talk tomorrow tonight. Why can't we just do tomorrow, dude? He's like, oh, I just know Kyle wants to do it tomorrow. Like, what's the big deal? Let's just do it tomorrow.

[Ben Mandelker]

All right. Well, I didn't guess. I didn't realize it was a timing thing. It's like, you know, my goal was to take this head on. Like, I know we have some things in our chest, but, like, for me, like, trying to minimize this awkwardness, like, what the was that? And Kyle and Craig are kind of in a open collar battle right now because they're both wearing shirts where there's, like, no but buttons on the car. They just. It's just like splayed out polo shirts. And, like, I'm gonna show more of my chest. I'm gonna. You're gonna see more of my clavicle, and I'm gonna win the argument.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, yeah. And Craig's like, no, I won't talk. So he goes, and now it's just totally awkward. And Carl's like, oh, well, I'm here to celebrate Amanda's birthday, so thank God it's awkward, because I don't think we've ever had a birthday for Amanda that wasn't completely awkward. So, yeah. Nailing it.

[Ben Mandelker]

Does anyone want to help me finish filling up the cooler? It's getting awkward in here. So now Kyle's kind of walking around outside. He's like, dude, Craig is like, a psycho. Such a sucker. So then. Then Amanda's like, I'm just at a point where I'm so sick of Kyle fighting with Craig. Like, I'm always wondering about it. Like. And, you know, I. I don't wonder if it's gonna really affect my relationship with Paige. I mean, with Hannah, and Kyle had a big falling out, was so awkward for us, and now she's really famous, and I don't get to be, like, friends with her while she is super famous. So, like, if I have to miss out on page two, that's gonna be a real bummer for me.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. And so Kyle's just stalking around the backyard going, sucker. He's such a sucker. So he comes back, and he's like, jesus Christ. And so they're talking about, are they gonna party tonight? And Emeril's like, yeah, yeah, I'm down. I'll buy a table if you guys are down. I'm Emeril. I'm a table buyer.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. So they're gonna go out and everything. They're gonna change and talk about. They're gonna go out, all that fun stuff. And west and Jesse are getting ready, and Gabby's hanging out with their. On their bed. They're playing with Gabby. And then over in the other room, Amanda and Sierra are cleaning out the. The kitchen. And they put. They put the birthday cake in the oven because Sierra says that'll keep it fresh. Is that a thing?

[Ronnie Karam]

No, that's literally not a thing.

[Ben Mandelker]

Maybe.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm not sure where that comes from.

[Ben Mandelker]

Maybe it's. Maybe it was, like, really humid. I noticed when. When Kyle went outside, when he opened up the door, the door had condensation on it. So maybe if it's really humid, they're worried that, like, keeping the cake out will not be good, but they don't want to put the cake in the fridge or dry out?

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, I think it just doesn't have room in the fridge. So they're gonna put it in the. Which makes sense. Put it in the oven because it's like another cabinet, I guess.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

But, yeah, I don't think it would keep it fresh.

[Ben Mandelker]

I was just praying that someone would preheat the oven just to see what would happen, just to see the chaos.

[Ronnie Karam]

So now people are leaving and Paige and Craig are having their romantic night at home. Paige is like, my body hurts my body in my brain. This situation with Kyle's awkward and Craig's like, well, I don't mean to fly off so fast, but, like, he just wants to do it and I don't want it to be quick. I'm like, it's not gonna be quick. And like, he doesn't deserve this convo so he can do it on my time.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, shut up. It's such a stupid fight. It's so stupid. And the fact that you're pulling this, like, power play when this is sort of the exact kind of like the. The language that he's using is the exact sort of thing that he complains about from Austin and Shep and so now just shows hypocrisy. So everyone goes out to the bar. It's fun. And then Paige is like, asleep in the bed. And Craig's like, are you sleeping? She's like, are you still sleeping?

[Ronnie Karam]

Mm.

[Ben Mandelker]

How about now, Craig?

[Ronnie Karam]

So it's 2:26 and people are arriving home and the kitchen is still a damn mess. And Jesse's like, Amanda's birthday over, and Carl's like, guys, this is serious. Gotta have a Mac and cheese. So they pig out and do their late night thing and they giggle and laugh and Gabby's having the best time with them. So then. Then the next day, west is talking about how he had so much fun with Jesse. And, you know, this is like the boys week. Like, we're renewing it. And so if that little fucking girlfriend comes in here and ruins it, you know, get in his rear view.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. And then this is where Jesse drunkenly is like, we gotta put the beds together. So they like, move the beds together because they're gonna have like a slumber party. Which is. I thought it was cute, except what drove me nuts was that he's pushed the beds together. He caused the rug to like, wrinkle. Not wrinkle. Like it rippled. And he never smoothed out the ripple. Cuz I could still see it when they smushed the beds together. And I was like, how do you just stand there with a big ripple in your carpet? That's. It's like.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's easy to do when it's not yours. It's like a rental house so that. Who cares?

[Ben Mandelker]

And when you're drunk. Yeah, yeah. They got drip on it.

[Ronnie Karam]

Ain't my rug. Ripple it.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. So they fall asleep together in this double bed situation. Now, in the morning, everyone wakes up, because that's what you do in the morning. Morning. And Paige is like, oh, my God, I don't feel good. I had. I woke up feeling so sick and nauseous. And I think it's because I remembered that I hadn't broken up with you yet. Craig and I. Yeah, I think I'm overexposed to you. It's like radiation. Oh.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then Kyle's going for a run, and she's like, oh, my God, you're so chipper this morning. Is it because you didn't get wasted last night? Isn't it nice to wake up sober? And he's like, not my first thing. Not my first time waking up sober, but thanks. But thanks.

[Ben Mandelker]

God, Craig, my arms hurt. That's how I know I'm getting sick when my arms hurt. Also, when I see your face, that's a good way to know that I'm gonna be getting sick soon.

[Ronnie Karam]

So she's like, yeah, you feel awkward last night? I mean, I feel like it was really awkward. He's like, yeah, but, like, that guy said crazy shit. Like, we're not as tight as we used to be. And, like. Like, if I didn't come out of the Hamptons with you, maybe we would never have made up because, like, he doesn't, like, deserve my friendship. Craig's so gross. How does Craig manage to go from so charming at. In some seasons to just so gross? I know instantly. And then he can swing back and forth. It's amazing.

[Ben Mandelker]

So easily. So easily. It's like you just go from being like, oh, but Craig is so sweet. He's like a golden retriever to being like, oh, fuck you, Craig. But I guess that's like, the magic of Bravo. Paige is like, I'm a little annoyed with Craig for, like, reasons between me and Craig in our own relationship. But now I have this extra layer of being mad at Craig for avoiding this conversation with Kyle, and that's, like, really stressing me out. Like, my arms hurt so much from the stress, and he's making me, like, more anxious. And I think that, like, what's making me Mad is he's not realizing that he's making me anxious. Also, I'm just starting to realize what if I'm like, allergic to kangaroo? That could explain a lot of this arm situation.

[Ronnie Karam]

He's like, well, I'm gonna talk to Kyle, but it's on my terms, okay? Cause, like, I don't even know think he knows how, like, serious this conversation's gonna be. Okay, pillow man.

[Ben Mandelker]

All right.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then we go back to Kyle comes back from his run, and Jesse goes in and pours water all over Wes bed to wake him up. And so they go work out. And now someone's here with a pirate ship. Oh my God. I'm so nervous because Lil's coming. Lil's coming to the party. I don't know if, if you guys remember, but in the beginning of the episode, Lil, she was front loaded and she's pretty tall and she sent me a selfie. So it's huge, huge day for me.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm like, really nervous because a tall person named Lil, which is kind of like a oxymoron, she's like, coming to the house and it's like, I'm really nervous that she's coming. And like, I just want someone to hug me, but softly because. But also hardly because she's coming and I want to go all out for Lil, who I've never met before and I definitely haven't had sex with. So, like, I'm just going to do shipwrecked. I'm going to have a. I'm going to have the, the. The meal, the party catered, and there's going to be like, there's going to be a c. Cutery. See what I did there? Shrimp.

[Ronnie Karam]

It was good.

[Ben Mandelker]

Lobster. Yeah, it was like, so good. It was just like, everything for Lil. Everything for Lil.

[Ronnie Karam]

Originally it was going to be called soft cutery, but it was really hard to find only soft things to put on it.

[Ben Mandelker]

So I was going to do like a little thing party where everyone comes dressed as Lil. But then I realized no one knows who Lil is. So, like, maybe next year. Just so nervous.

[Ronnie Karam]

So the boat guys go build this huge boat in the backyard, and Gabby and Emeril talk about, like, what they're gonna do. He's like, do you want to go to the gym? And she's like, I would rather eat the ranch off the floor.

[Ben Mandelker]

By the way, I'm Gabby. Nice to meet you. He's like, yeah, no, we've met before. Oh, I thought you were new this weekend. No, I've been here just no one talks to me. So then now people are sitting around the bed, and Amanda is like, Amanda's going through bikinis and stuff, and it turns out that this is, like, her new gig is that she. You know, we knew last year that she wanted to step out and design a bathing suit line for women with larger bosoms. And so now. Now it seems to be coming true because she was reached something called Southmoon Under. Reached out to get her input on swimwear hair.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So her job is frankensteining together different bathing suit pieces. It's just gonna go perfectly with her line. So then Gabby's like, well, I like the bottoms more than the tops. I'm like, both me and you. Me and you both, girl. And Amanda's like, yeah. So, like, I can change, like, anything about swimsuits, but, like, they just give me samples. And then I'm like, put this one with that one. It's, like, really hard. Hard.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Gabby is saying. She's like, you know, as much as I have, like, opinions and feelings about Carl, I'm, like, really glad, because now they're watching Carl, by the way, in the backyard as he's, like, really smiling and so happy about this pirate ship. And Gabby's saying that she's just, like, happy. Like, even though she's Team Lindsay, she's happy that Carl seems to have, like, I don't know, like, a spark of life behind his eyes for the first time in, like, two years. So he's like, you know, she's like, it's like watching a baby take a first few steps.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, when you're just allowed to just go in there and stupidly spend money on a huge budget, that makes no sense, and there's nobody there to tell you that's a stupid idea. You're gonna be happy.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, stop talking about his business. Let's talk about the pirate ship.

[Ronnie Karam]

That's what I mean.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh.

[Ronnie Karam]

Like, who hires a pirate, like, an actual pirate ship for a pirate party? You know what I mean? Like, put the shark fins on the ground and call it a day. He's like, I'm gonna spend a hundred thousand dollars on this party. We're gonna have a pirate ship. We're gonna have fireworks and a secretary and a girl named Lil. I'm gonna ask her to do the wave, and she's gonna look like one of those things in front of the car wash. It's just got air throw flowing through.

[Ben Mandelker]

So over at the. Over at the gym, people are working out, and Jesse's like, hey, Emerald, it Was kind of like shocking to see that you didn't get laid for the first time last night. And Emerald's like, I know, I'm a disappointment to myself. I. I'm gonna go crawl into a cave. You won't see me for a while. I'm total failure.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, they're gonna send me back to the miners. And Kyle's like, hey, Emerald, you know, could you help wingman Carl? Yeah. Teach Lil what a swing is. And they're like, yeah, bro, we're bringing like 20. And Emerald says, yeah, bro, I'm bringing 20 girls to this party.

[Ben Mandelker]

So wow. Like, wow. So, you know, by the way, like, let's go, let's do it for Carl. Let's move for Carl. Because these days I'm clear headed, like one track only on Lexi. And Kyle's like, oh, did Lexi say anything? Like, hey, be good. And Jesse's like, yeah, I think specifically what she said was, don't you dare look at another woman, otherwise I am going to fly right down there and stab you in the eyeball with a chopstick. Which is so cute. She so cute when she talks like that.

[Ronnie Karam]

So, yeah, now they're talking about Jesse and her and like, if they're official or not. And he's like, well, we haven't, we haven't had like the official conversation. Like, we're moving slow. Like we haven't had sex yet, you know, because like, she just wants to have sex with people that she's exclusive with. And I actually like that we got this info because that was kind of my question. Like, you don't have to boo up immediately. Just don't have sex with her. Why is that such a problem? So I guess that's what they're doing. Doing. So there you go.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, exactly.

[Ronnie Karam]

Little masturbation never hurt nobody. Come on.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, Kyle's like, I feel like there's going to be a lot of girls at this party and this could be like your last chance of survey the scene before an exclusivity clause is in the mix, you know, like really, like open the kimono, you know what I'm saying?

[Ronnie Karam]

So, Jesse, Kyle, that worked really well for you. Great advice to be passing on Kyle.

[Ben Mandelker]

Jesse's like, oh, yeah, wow. Don't even put that in my head. So meanwhile, Paige walks outside and she's like, oh my God, this looks so good. Of course I'm talking about my ensemble. Everything else looks like shit around here.

[Ronnie Karam]

Craig's gonna love this pirate ship because he's immature too. And Craig's like, oh, my God. It's a pirate ship. That's fucking cool. So the guys come back, and Carl's like, okay, guys. Welcome back, boys. Welcome back. We are the boys. So we're gonna need all hands on deck to set up this park party. And so the guys just walk away and jump in the pool.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, I made a pun, guys. All hands on deck. Get it. Well, we're gonna be, like, making ocean with this, like, blue tarp. And, like, in the middle, we're gonna be building, like, a little island. But, like, people are gonna come stumbling. By the way, what this. This vision that he has, what it really turns into is that there's a giant blue tarp with a pile of dirt in the middle of it. Great. What a fun time at a party, hanging out on a tarp with some dirt.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. When they start piling that dirt, I was like. Like, I need to be an Airbnb person that rents my house for this show, because I would just be sitting here with a notebook, like, and ding. Aunt ding.

[Ben Mandelker]

You'd just be Paige. Paige. Bnb. Oh, dirt in the backyard on a tarp. Okay. Ding. Ding.

[Ronnie Karam]

I. Bing. So west dives in the pool. Like, no one's helping them, Right? And Carl's like. Carl's like, well, I'm not gonna ask Craig for help. He'll probably steal your idea. He'll probably come out with a pirate company.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. So then. So Sierra's floating in the pool, and Jesse is, like, trying to get on her raft, and she's like, g, I knew you wouldn't be helping. Don't flip me over. And he's like, wow, this is kind of, like, turning me on a little bit. She's like, what? You're. You're nuts. She's like, yeah, sorry, sorry, you're a 10.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's like, yeah, we definitely flirt, but, like, I mean, I'm not into him, but, like, like, 90%. He'd probably take the chance if he got it, so.

[Ben Mandelker]

Of course he would. Well, first of all, she's drop dead gorge. And second of all, it's Jesse, and part of me thinks that he is. Well, first of all, if he's, like, so gaga over Lexi, but the moment she's not there, he's being super flirty and handsy with Sierra, which, honestly, you can paint Lexi to be jealous, but, like, if someone is selling you this love story and being, like, meeting your family and. And then. Then the moment you turn around, they're being handsy with someone else, I think she has a right to be a little annoyed by that. If she.

[Ronnie Karam]

If.

[Ben Mandelker]

And I almost feel like doing it on purpose to. To get a rise out of her. Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Some of it, like the commenting on girls Instagrams and stuff like that. I think, okay, you're being a little over dramatic about caring about that. But then he seems to be just kind of trying to go even harder to piss her off.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Even though she's not there to see it.

[Ben Mandelker]

But I think he's playing games with her a little bit, like. Cause he. He knows that this is going to get back to her. He does does know this and he knows it's being filmed. So I don't know. I don't trust this was this. This moment here when he was sort of on top of Sierra, I was like, this is not setting those fights.

[Ronnie Karam]

So he'll have it out.

[Ben Mandelker]

Absolutely.

[Ronnie Karam]

He can blame her and be like, she's just so jealous, bro.

[Ben Mandelker]

That's just crazy. I can't deal with this. It's too much for me right now.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So then they're, you know, they're. Sierra now has a bell, and she's like ringing it for Carl. And they're like, yeah, can we get a jingle for Carl? He's doing a great job. She's like, yeah, jingle, jingle. And then Jesse's like, yeah, and can we get a jingle for Carl's wiener? Getting some action. And she's like, his wiener. She just drops the bell. He's like, oh, my God, is that a good sign? Oh, my God, my wiener just fell a little short now it's a ship that gives things back now. Oh, it's a hard bar. It's a hard bar. Programming coming undone.

[Ben Mandelker]

So now they're getting all dressed up and for. Into pirate gear. And Jesse FaceTimes Lexi, and he's like, hey, what's up, mama? You like our fitzies? Yeah, my hat makes me feel like I'm like a doofus. She's like, oh, my God, I think it looks so good.

[Ronnie Karam]

So he's like, yeah. You know, as much as I'm enjoying boys weekend, I'm still thinking about Lexi. You know, I miss her. You know, I want to talk to her. I don't want anything to jeopardize this. Like, I'm not gonna try and get numbers, you know, to party. Like, I'm not doing anything suspicious. Could you get your hand off my boob? Sorry. Sorry.

[Ben Mandelker]

Sierra, meanwhile, I. I like that. What's. I like that. Sierra is always like, for these parties. She's like, you know, I'M a model, and I don't need a whole bunch of pervy guys from Long island trying to come on to me. So this time. Time, I'm gonna dress like a giant bird.

[Ronnie Karam]

She is. I like that too. I like that every single time. She's like, I'm gonna make myself as unfuckable as possible for this party because half these people are from, like, Staten Island.

[Ben Mandelker]

So she's like, no, because you did that last year, I think during the alien thing, right? During the alien part, she dresses like a big old alien. So now a bunch of people go into the kitchen and Wes is like, are you Fred Frenstone's wife? And Gabby's like, I'm Halle Berry from Die Another Day. Which doesn't really make sense with the pirate theme. It's just I wanted to dress like her.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's like, yeah, she's shipwrecked. And so then she got stolen by pirates, so whatever. I have this wig and it looks really cute on me, so fuck off.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's like, I'm not gonna dress like a pirate, okay? I said, here's your tenuous link to the theme. I will give it to you. You. And you have to accept it.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Amanda and Paige start talking about Craig and Kyle. Stupid beef. And Paige is like, oh, my God, no. Like, they're so emotional. I'm just annoyed with Craig, you know? Like, we went to dinner and he fed me kangaroo. Not even kidding you. And then he said, I'm going to be busy this fall, but he wants to make sure our relationship is a priority. Disgusting. What a pig.

[Ben Mandelker]

Mina's like, what? She's like, yeah. I was like, what the fuck does that even mean? Like, I'm gonna go. I'm like, going on, like a 35 city tour. Not to Charleston, thank you very much. And I'm so nervous for it. Like, anxious. And now I have to feel like you're gonna, like, feel like your second best when you're the one bringing me to a kangaroo place. And Amanda's like, is he not supportive? Well, that's what I said. I was like, I want you to feel like you're a priority. Even though, I mean, it's Greg, right? But, like, work will always come first for a lot of things. And, like, everything I'm doing this year is, like, what I've wanted since I was like, five years old.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. She's like, this is what I want. And then she goes, oh, yeah. And he said that he never thought he would be in this submissive of a relationship. And Amanda's like, yeah, that's not good. She's like, yeah. So I have this feeling that when I'm on tour, I'm going to fucking hate Craig. Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

And.

[Ronnie Karam]

And by the way, you don't already hate Craig is what has me a little bit worried.

[Ben Mandelker]

I think she does. She does hate Craig already. She's just starting to. She's like, it'll be too much like a. It'll be too hard for America for me to see me just decide that I hate Craig. So let me just prepare them and I'll unleash my hatred for Craig in a few months when I'm hitting him currently right now. Meanwhile, Carl is in the kitchen and he is trying to blow into a conch shell. So he's like, hold on, everyone. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on one second. I got to make this good before Lil gets here. This is like really hard right now. I just have to blow softer.

[Ronnie Karam]

This is what I got for ordering a soft conch.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm really nervous.

[Ronnie Karam]

So now the party starts and you know, the costumes are great. Everybody's like partying and Lil comes and she's. Oh my God, you looking so good. What do you think? Eyeliner? Yeah, it works for you. Your eyes are like pop. You're like. You're like a lemur. You. You've got like lemur energy. God, I love lemurs. I'm a lemur. So.

[Ben Mandelker]

A question. Do lemurs engage with mindful consumption? Cuz that's pretty cool.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's like, you're like from. You're like a lemur from the movie Madagascar. He's like, yeah, yeah, totally. You've seen that?

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, yes. Is that a movie about me and Lindsay where you get mad and get scarred and then Carl is mad against guard?

[Ronnie Karam]

So, yeah, it's been happening to me for years.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's a cycle. I mean, am I rusty? Yeah. It's also my pirate name, by the way. Rusty. Rusty Carl. Am I awkward? Yeah, but it's just me figuring out or just like adopting a Persona for tv. I don't know. I'm just nervous.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Jesse comes to meet her and she's like, I'm Lil. I'm a yoga and a fitness instructor, and I really want Carl to come to hot yoga with me. I mean, can we set some goals in life? All right. God, have you ever a lemur? Just me.

[Ben Mandelker]

You know, I want to do yoga, but I feel like I want to go on a date with you first and then I'll do hot yoga. I have a question. Can you do hot yoga when your stomach is full from pancakes on a Wednesday? Just curious.

[Ronnie Karam]

And Jesse's like, guys, guys, who's got time today? Just like, do it tonight. Hey, are you going to stay here tonight, Lil? Invite her over her, Carl. She goes, oh, my God, is this your wingman? You should be a pigeon.

[Ben Mandelker]

I thought it was a lemur. Yeah, well, you're a lemur and a pigeon together. You're a hybrid. You're a terrible hybrid in a. That. That was created in a. In a mad scientist laboratory. This is getting a little scary. I'm a little nervous about this.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then the girls are talking, and they're talking about Lil. And she's like, yeah, well, Carl went to the soccer game by himself and he sat next to this girl's parents. And then they connected. So.

[Ben Mandelker]

They know each other because of. Of her parents. She's like, correct. Sarah's like, it's just so weird seeing him talk to another girl. You see Carl be like.

[Ronnie Karam]

And now he's carrying a mermaid through. He's like, the mermaid's here. The mermaid's here. No budget was. No cost with. No cost was spared. Sorry, I can't really speak English today. I'm so excited about the mermaid.

[Ben Mandelker]

Sorry, I can't speak English anymore because I've taken on a new language known as corporate jargon. Oh, I'll have that affidavit put into the synergy, please. Thank you very much. And.

[Ronnie Karam]

Ls like, should I be worried? Because lemurs fuck mermaids. It's just how the world works. So a little worried here.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're either a mermaid or a pigeon.

[Ronnie Karam]

I love that this was a parent setup. I think that's so funny that Carl just happened to go to a game and talk to the parents and they're like, we have a daughter. Want to date her? Her name's Lil. No one will date her. She's really into hot yoga. I said, honey, no one wants to date. Go on a date after hot yoga. You'll smell. Am I right? I mean, it takes a good hour and a half for her to stop sweating. But you'll like her. You're sober. You want to do it. Do a Lil.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, at first I thought that she was a young boy rapper named Lil Ian. Turns out her name is Lillian. So I was a little confused there at first, but it all makes sense now. So, Carl, we could. Emeril is talking to women. That's exciting. And then Paige and Craig are sitting on there's like this raft in the fake ocean. They sit down on it, and Paige is like, if there's anything like a bed, I'm going to find it. God, my arms hurt so much.

[Ronnie Karam]

He's like, yeah, you know what? I feel like we're going to end up lost at sea one day. Wouldn't that be amazing? You know why? Because you can't do podcasts.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's funny because I already befriended a volleyball just in anticipation. I froze the volleyball, too, just in case. So Paige is like, no, I don't want to be lost at sea because, like, I don't do good on boats that are under 52ft. Yachts only for me. How you feeling, chicken? Rhetorical question. You're supposed to ask me how I'm feeling, because I'm the one with the hurting arms.

[Ronnie Karam]

So do you feel like a priority? And he's like, yeah, you make me feel like a priority this weekend. She goes, good, I try. He's like, well, I didn't say you don't make me feel like a priority. I just said I hope I stay a priority. Like, you know, like, when you go going to her, like, I don't want to, like, feel like it. Like I'm forgotten, you know?

[Ben Mandelker]

Person with hurting arms would like to speak now. You said you were. You're worried that I wasn't going to make you a priority. He's like, yeah, tour thing. Yeah, but I just. I don't want you to, like, resent me because I'm working and, like, have, like, real success. Like, my career is, like, way different than when we met. And I just. I don't feel bad about that, Craig.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, but, like, it makes me feel like I can't bring stuff up to you because, like, it's going to be an attack or, like, I'm not rooting for you. Look, I'm rooting for you as single Page to have a career. It's just like, I'm rooting for you as married Paige with babies, to never have a career. Do you understand?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, but, like, when you bring up stuff, it's always like, hey, can we have a hive of killer bees in the backyard? And I'm like, no, I don't want that. Like, like, negative 1000%, you know? He's like, yeah, but, like, it makes me want to not bring stuff up. Like, I think you're gonna, like, attack me or, like, I don't know, like. Like that I'm not rooting for her. And, like, it's really not that it's Just, I'm just asking for like some clarity on nothing in particular. I just making sure that like after our three years we're still good and like that's gonna like happen with us because like, you know, do we have status check ins or like a year end review or something? Like how do we do this?

[Ronnie Karam]

It's like, yeah, I'll give you a yearly review and then I'll let you know if you're fired or not. By the way, it's coming up in September, so.

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay.

[Ronnie Karam]

Fucking Craig. I mean, I have to say they're really good at making you root for her to break up with Craig because I'm just ready to see her dump fucking Craig already. What a douche.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, I love the looks that she gives like the. I just love how Craig was and.

[Ronnie Karam]

What a time to freeze.

[Ben Mandelker]

What a time to freeze. Oh, we're back.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

I mean I love how Craig was so blindsided when it's just like all there on screen, like, like just every look that she gets, like failure. Well, that was everyone. Thanks for listening. Our Southern charm recap will be up on Saturday at some point, like after the show probably, maybe even Sunday morning, who knows? So if you're wondering where it is tomorrow, that's where it is. Thanks for your patience on that. And of course, if you're in North Carolina in the Charlotte region, then come see us because it's fun and we're have a great time on Saturday night there in Charlotte. And then in Atlanta we have have at classic Orange County. We'll have a great time there as well. All weekend will be fantastic. Catch you on the road or just catch you here on the next episode. Bye everyone.

[Ronnie Karam]

Bye.

[Ben Mandelker]

Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ronnie Karam]

Shrinking violet Coutar we love you guys. If you like, watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondry com survey.