#2778 Trailer Trash Bonus: The Valley Season 2

Summary

Watch What Crappens – Episode #2778 Trailer Trash Bonus: The Valley Season 2

Release Date: March 27, 2025 | Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam | Platform: Wondery

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Introduction to The Valley Season 2

In this special bonus episode, hosts Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam delve into the highly anticipated second season of "The Valley," providing a humorous yet insightful trailer trash analysis. They set the stage by highlighting their excitement about the new season, especially in the absence of other Bravo staples like "Vanderpump Rules" and the "Real Housewives" series.

Ronnie Karam [03:58]: “Now, the big worry here is that Jax has come out of the closet with his coke addiction, you know, right in time to promote his new podcast and this season of the show.”

Cast Breakdown and Character Developments

Jax Taylor’s Comeback and Struggles

Jax Taylor's return is a focal point of discussion. Ronnie expresses skepticism about Jax's redemption arc, referencing his past struggles with addiction while maintaining a critical stance towards his character.

Ronnie Karam [04:22]: “I'm not going to give him a break just because he has a coke addiction, but good for him for working it through and stuff, if he ever does. But Jax still sucks.”

The hosts analyze Jax’s new look, noting his apparent effort to showcase a “fresh” appearance with hand tattoos and a maintained full head of hair, despite still grappling with his personal demons.

Michelle Lolly [05:17]: “I am so excited to go on my first Virgin cruise. You know the idea of a kid free ship is very appealing to me and all these menus, it's like definitely a bonus.”

Kristen and Luke’s Relationship Dynamics

Kristen's quirky fashion choices—dressed like theater curtains—and Luke’s evolved appearance are subjects of mockery. The hosts comment on their outfits, suggesting a lack of cohesiveness and questioning the thematic choices.

Michelle Lolly [05:59]: “She's definitely giving kind of like a bordello decor look for her dress. She's like, seriously?”

Their relationship appears stable, with Kristen and Luke seemingly being the most harmonious pair among the cast, a point Ronnie highlights amidst the general chaos.

Ronnie Karam [17:07]: “She's the only one that looks kind of comfortable in this intro. Booging down. She looks great.”

Janet’s Continued Turmoil

Janet remains an emotional bull in the show, described as an "emotional terrorist" by Ronnie. Her struggles with anger and conflict continue to be a recurring theme, making her interactions particularly volatile.

Michelle Lolly [08:16]: “And she looks with a waffle. So that's.”

Fashion Fiascos and Styling Critiques

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around the cast's questionable fashion choices. From overly themed outfits to mismatched color palettes, Ben and Ronnie don’t hold back in their critique.

Ronnie Karam [09:10]: “Some things in season two, they get a bigger budget and come back in nicer clothes. Not this cast. No, this cast is very much like, you know, Friday night at the Cineplex Odeon.”

They specifically call out the absurdity of certain outfits, such as fuchsia shirts, skin-toned lips, and mismatched accessories, highlighting the lack of fashion sense among the cast members.

Plot Predictions and Future Conflicts

Ben and Ronnie speculate on potential storylines, predicting heightened drama and further deterioration of relationships, especially among the male cast members.

Ronnie Karam [35:14]: “Wow, she's okay, so I love that she tells Janet you and leaves. And look at stupid Janet. She's like, it's supposed to be my birthday at the bank today, but I guess we're just gonna all ignore that.”

They foresee Janet's ongoing conflicts and the possibility of more confrontations involving other key players like Kristen and Luke, suggesting that the season will amplify existing tensions.

Memorable Quotes and Highlights

Throughout the episode, the hosts share numerous memorable quotes that encapsulate their comedic take on the show:

• Ronnie Karam [30:01]: “It's gonna go viral, so I'm gonna promote my bar.”
• Ben Mandelker [31:22]: “I love you.”
• Michelle Lolly [44:42]: “This is why I feel crazy 24/7. I've never blacked out and hurt my friends.”

These quotes not only provide comedic relief but also offer snapshots of the dynamic interplay between the hosts as they navigate the absurdities of "The Valley."

Conclusion and Final Predictions

As the episode wraps up, Ben and Ronnie reiterate their expectations for a tumultuous season filled with exaggerated drama, questionable fashion, and evolving relationships. They express anticipation for the new cast members and the inevitable chaos that awaits viewers.

Ronnie Karam [56:38]: “Great. Well, we'll be there.”

Michelle Lolly [56:39]: “Absolutely. We will be. I can't wait. It's gonna be. Looks like a really good season.”

The hosts sign off with a blend of excitement and sarcasm, promising another season of "The Valley" that promises to deliver all the crappens the audience has come to love.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Ronnie Karam [04:22]: “I'm not going to give him a break just because he has a coke addiction, but good for him for working it through and stuff, if he ever does. But Jax still sucks.”

• Michelle Lolly [05:17]: “I am so excited to go on my first Virgin cruise. You know the idea of a kid free ship is very appealing to me and all these menus, it's like definitely a bonus.”

• Ronnie Karam [09:10]: “Some things in season two, they get a bigger budget and come back in nicer clothes. Not this cast. No, this cast is very much like, you know, Friday night at the Cineplex Odeon.”

• Michelle Lolly [44:42]: “This is why I feel crazy 24/7. I've never blacked out and hurt my friends.”

• Ronnie Karam [56:38]: “Great. Well, we'll be there.”

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This detailed summary captures the essence of the "Watch What Crappens" episode, offering an engaging overview of Ben and Ronnie's comedic analysis and anticipation for "The Valley" Season 2. Whether you're a longtime fan or new to the podcast, this recap provides all the essential insights and entertainment highlights.

Transcript

[Ronnie Karam]

Don't miss Good American Family.

[Ben Mandelker]

We have a little girl here for adoption. She has dwarfism.

[Ronnie Karam]

Starring Ellen Pompeo and Mark Duplass.

[Ben Mandelker]

Something is off.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's just a little girl.

[Ben Mandelker]

You think she's faking?

[Michelle Lolly]

She has adult teeth. There are signs of puberty.

[Ronnie Karam]

Inspired by the shocking stories that tore a family apart.

[Michelle Lolly]

I don't know what's going on. How old are you?

[Ronnie Karam]

You should get a lawyer.

[Michelle Lolly]

You have no idea how those people hurt this girl.

[Ronnie Karam]

The Hulu Original Series Good American Family.

[Michelle Lolly]

New episodes Wednesdays streaming on Hulu.

[Jax Taylor]

One of the reasons we love watching Bravo shows is for the luxury. I mean, come on. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Most of the time I can just watch it for the shots of the gorgeous city and the houses.

[Michelle Lolly]

And let's not Forget Lisa Barlow's $60,000 ring that she lost.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, heck yeah.

[Jax Taylor]

If you're looking for a way to experience luxury for yourself, try Virgin Voyages.

[Michelle Lolly]

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[Jax Taylor]

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[Michelle Lolly]

I am so excited to go on my first Virgin cruise. You know the idea of a kid free ship is very appealing to me and all these menus, it's like definitely a bonus. Made for Ben.

[Jax Taylor]

It looks like a giant gorgeous club with fabulous rooms. I cannot wait to go. Book now@virgin voyages.com or contact your travel advisor. We're supported by Audible.

[Ronnie Karam]

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[Jax Taylor]

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[Michelle Lolly]

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[Jax Taylor]

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[Ronnie Karam]

Become your best self.

[Jax Taylor]

One of my personal favorites is an oldie.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's called As a Man Thinketh.

[Jax Taylor]

It's a really good one I was given as a kid and just listening.

[Ronnie Karam]

To it as I go for my.

[Jax Taylor]

Walk really helps me out with the day.

[Michelle Lolly]

Start listening today. Go to audible.com crappens and sign up for a free 30 day trial. That's audible.com crappins. Guess what happens when there's so much? What happens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens?

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben. Hi, Ben.

[Michelle Lolly]

Hi. How are you?

[Ronnie Karam]

Good, how are you?

[Michelle Lolly]

You know, just, just making our way through the week.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, we've got a very special week. We are going to be in D.C. and Philly this week. We're so excited. In D.C. we're going to be doing Southern Charm, the first reunion. And in Philly, we're going to be doing Summerhausen, which is very exciting. So while you guys wait for that, we're going to do a very special bonus episode, a trailer trash of the season two. Normally these are on Patreon, so if you like this kind of stuff, go join Patreon. That's where they're at. Okay. Patreon.com Watch it crappens. It's also where you get our recaps for the end of White Lotus, which we're going to do the next couple of. We just did a catch up recap of that. You'll find Traders recaps there. Airport snaps where we mock people in an airport. Stuff like that. It's fun. It's also where you get the video version of this if you want to watch along as we take this down. Shot my shot. Moment by moment, millisecond by millisecond. Let's see, man, are you excited about the Val? How you feeling?

[Michelle Lolly]

Of course, the Valley was one of the surprise hits of last year. Couldn't none of us could believe how good it was. We all thought it was gonna be garbage and awful and just miserable to watch. And it was so good. And I'm just really looking forward to it. You know, we don't have Vanderpump rules coming back anytime soon and we don't have any housewives on the radar, actually. So. Yeah, thank. This is, this is what we're going to need to get us through the spring.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Now, the big worry here is that Jax has come out of the closet with his coke addiction, you know, right in time to promote his new podcast and this season of the show. And I, I cannot feel for Jax. I'm sorry. Okay. As someone with a coke addiction a while back, I know that it sucks. I know that it's hard, but Jack still sucks. And I'm not going to give him a break just because he has a coke addiction, but good for him for working it through and stuff, if he ever does. But Jack still sucks. Okay, here's Jax.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Right now on our screen.

[Michelle Lolly]

I mean, Appropriately wearing white. Just. He sort of is looking like a very fresh egg. You know, he's dressed like a addiction. He really. He really is. But he's got, like, this white blazer on. I mean, why. Why are you going for, like, kind of almost like a Miami look while you're trying to show that you're past your coke addiction?

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, yeah, Miami Vice. But here he is in his. And his seemingly full head of hair. Hahaha. Turn around, sucker. So Jax looking right into the camera and showing off. Did he always have these hand tattoos? He didn't always have these, did he?

[Michelle Lolly]

I think those are new. I don't know. I think those are relatively new.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, here he is. Yeah, he still can't grow full facial hair, so, you know, he's still got that part of youth about him. So he's there. The next shot is Kristen dressed like curtains in an old theater. So, like saloon theater that are closed.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah. She's definitely giving kind of like a bordello decor look for her dress. She's like, seriously? Seriously. And then Luke is walking with her, and he's filled out a bit since last season, so he. He sort of has got, like, kind of a different look as a result. His beard is. Is longer and more square. His hair is more filled out. He's wearing, for some reason, this, like, fuchsia shirt. It's not. I would not say it's like a great look for him, but it is a look for him.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, you know, he's in some Dockers and a pink shirt, you know, this bottom button kind of unbuttoned, but tucked. You know, I know the feeling. I know the feeling. Luke. But, you know, he's Luke, so that's good. And then we get Michelle. Wow. I'm wearing sunglasses.

[Michelle Lolly]

Look at me. I am Michelle Lolly. I am gonna be full of hot takes because I'm single and ready to mingle for season two.

[Ronnie Karam]

And then we've got Zach with a fan that he's clinking shut like Kenya Moore.

[Michelle Lolly]

And he's like, I've heard what everyone said about my hair. And instead of having it as a helmet, I'm gonna have it like a helmet with hair that goes up a little bit in the front so you can see it's my real hair.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm getting, like, bangs. I'm getting, like, upturned bangs. It does look a little more natural, though, his hair. So that's good.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah, it's.

[Ronnie Karam]

He really got slaughtered over that hair. Why are they giving them prop sunglasses? None of these People own these sunglasses. Like they're.

[Michelle Lolly]

It's like a photo booth.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, yeah.

[Michelle Lolly]

They're like, okay, here's a prop you can do a mustache, a fan, sunglasses, whatever you want. Just have fun with it.

[Ronnie Karam]

He's also going for a skin toned lip thing, which I'm not really sure what that's about, but, you know, bless his heart. And then we get to Brittany fanning herself because, you know, they live in the Valley. It's hot.

[Michelle Lolly]

She's got her Botox going strong. She's also wearing kind of fuchsia, fuchsia top, fuchsia belt.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's wearing a suit. Is she wearing a bathing suit with the belt?

[Michelle Lolly]

She might be. She might be wearing a bathing suit. Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

And she looks with a waffle. So that's.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah. And then we go.

[Ronnie Karam]

Then we go to these two. Oh, Janet. And what's his face?

[Michelle Lolly]

Oh, yeah, what's his face? I want to say his name is Brian, but it's not Brian. I forgot his name. Jason.

[Ronnie Karam]

Jason. No.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Jason seems like he's so nice, but he supports Janet, who's an emotional terrorist, so I don't trust him either. And I guess the girls are like, what's pink? Let's get a lot of pink in. So they're doing that and the guys are just doing things that should go with pink but don't. Like wearing like a fall orange.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Which doesn't go with this.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah. I think everything is supposed to be like reds and oranges and pinks, but like. Yeah, I feel like there's the. The colors. The color scheme is a little odd. The palette is odd for me, but, you know. Yeah, the. The Janet is now. This will be our first non pregnant Janan season, which is exciting. Janet is a terror, but I sort of enjoyed that she was a terrorist. She was really, really, really bad.

[Ronnie Karam]

And.

[Michelle Lolly]

And I held on to the. I held on to hope that she wasn't as bad as she seemed. And then she was as bad as she seemed. But I, you know, I enjoyed, you know, I always, like, I love a monster.

[Ronnie Karam]

She sucks. So then just basically the quality of the clothes, I have to say, you know, sometimes in season two, they get a bigger budget and come back in nicer clothes. Not this cast. No, this cast is very much like, you know, Friday night at the Cineplex Odeon in, you know, the five dollar Theater. And I'm sorry, I'm thinking of New York, not the Valley. But like, is this stained? Is Michelle's outfit? What is it?

[Michelle Lolly]

Is this thing she Found it out of the closet and. Yeah, well, this will do.

[Ronnie Karam]

Britney's bathing suit with the belt. And then this whole outfit is crazy. And then we go to three under four. Whatever. He says, what's this thing?

[Michelle Lolly]

Well, it used to be two under three, but now they're pregnant, so it's gonna be a three under four. It's Danny. Danny also got props on glasses. He's wearing a fuchsia blazer. I wonder if he got it from the same cheap place downtown that I got mine two years ago for the crappies.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, these are bad. And he's doing, like, the faux hawk from, like, what, 15 years ago kind of thing. And kind of a Quaker collared shirt, which I think is really funny because, you know, he just wants to have a million children.

[Michelle Lolly]

Is that what that's called, a Quaker collar? Because I have two of those shirts, and I'm like, what are these called? I'm getting rid of.

[Ronnie Karam]

I call them collars. I don't know what they're. They're actually called. I don't know. Fashion.

[Michelle Lolly]

Okay.

[Ronnie Karam]

But I call it because Quakers wear them. And then we've got his wife, what's her face.

[Michelle Lolly]

Nina Mia.

[Ronnie Karam]

Who Ben is still convinced is evil. You thought she was evil in the first. Well, you said she would be evil. But then she turned out to be really nice. But will she be second season?

[Michelle Lolly]

I don't think so.

[Ronnie Karam]

Who knows?

[Michelle Lolly]

I don't think she's evil. I really felt like I had a lot of good signals to say that she was evil. The fact that she would call Danny, Daniel, and she was very. She's very, like, surfacey. So I was like, oh, she's evil. Watch. She's gonna be the most evil one. But she shockingly managed to be just a very nice person who was trying to have a sort of, like, mature experience on reality tv. And I didn't know what to do with it.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, she's the only one that looks kind of comfortable in this intro. Booging down. She looks great.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's like, oh, my God, I'm not pregnant for five minutes. I'm gonna enjoy this.

[Michelle Lolly]

And pregnant.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm pregnant again. By the end of this, she's like, o just got it back. I'm pregnant. So I have an announcement to make, everybody.

[Michelle Lolly]

And then they give Jesse Lally. They give him also the egg yolk and Egg yolk and eggshell combo that they gave to Jax. Maybe it's the same shirt. Maybe they're just giving the douchebags this. This orange shirt, like, this is the color symbol for, like, the worst douchebags on the show, because here he is again. He's. He's wearing this. The shirt is back again, I should say. And he's got sunglasses as well. He still has his hair dental.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm.

[Michelle Lolly]

I'm still impressed that he. He continued. What does he know not to wear that little band anymore. He loves that band. He just has that band.

[Ronnie Karam]

And it keeps your hair dented. That's just how it goes. He's looking a little bit better this year. I like that he insisted on wearing his own pants. He's like, listen, you've already got me dressed like a magician, but I'm wearing decent pants, okay? I make money. So then we go to this beautiful lady for the Bachelor. What's her name? Jack, how did we get her name?

[Michelle Lolly]

Jacqueline. She really had such a bad. Like, she had, like. No, she. She was so wedged onto the show, she almost had no. No role. Although she did start. She got. She definitely was a little bit of a bone carrier, and she got some drama going, but she. Her personal storyline was never really very vital to the show.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, her and Zach there to start with. Everybody else. No, it's not. We'll get it in a second. But how do we not remember? God, I even recapped her on, like, two seasons of the Bachelor, and I'm still forgetting her name. That's terrible.

[Michelle Lolly]

Okay, I'll look it up.

[Ronnie Karam]

So I'll look it up. Then Kristen's like, I have sungl too, also. I like. That's why I have. That's why I have music things tattooed on my arm. I've listened to music before.

[Michelle Lolly]

Sometimes when I'm being really fun, I put these sunglasses on Jill the dog. It's hilarious.

[Ronnie Karam]

Seriously, she's so weird. She has a treble on a bass clef turned into a heart on her arm. But then up here, she's also got the treble clef again, like, you already got that. Are you just so drunk that you're forgetting that you're getting the same tattoos, but this time it's a heart. She's also got a necklace with a K and an L. Oh.

[Michelle Lolly]

Jasmine is the name. Not Jacqueline. It's Jasmine.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, duh. Thank you for looking.

[Michelle Lolly]

You know what's so sad is if you do a search on Google for cast the Valley, it brings up all these headshots, and they include everyone but Zach. So mean. They. Also, half this cast looks crazy in their photos that Google selects.

[Ronnie Karam]

You know, this picture that we're Showing now is the. The logo, and it's over a shot of the Valley. And this really does encapsulate the valley. Freeways. It's just freeways. This is like the part of the freeway I've almost died 20 times. It's like 10 freeways coming into one. And then they're like, oh, you're the next exit. Go over 10 lanes in five seconds.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Have fun.

[Michelle Lolly]

Is this Laurel? Is this. I'm sorry, is this like the 101 and the 170 when they peel off with each other? I think it is.

[Ronnie Karam]

There's like five freeways here. There's like a million freeways.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah, this is what it is. And it's a nightmare. And what's. Here's what's really terrible about. Let me tell people about driving on the 101 going west or north, whichever. You just. Whichever you decide. What happens is you're driving on the 101, and the left two lanes peel off and become the 170. So you need to stay in the right lanes in order to. In order to be on the 101. But let's say this. Let's say you want to get off at, like, Laurel Canyon Boulevard or Vineland Boulevard. So you stay on those three lanes, and you're in the three lanes. You're on the right side of the highway, ready to exit. But then Suddenly, after the two lanes peel off to become the 170, all of a sudden, your highway, the 101, merges with the 134, and all of a sudden, you hanging out in the right lane. Suddenly you're all the way in the left lane, and now you have to get to that exit. And you were all prepared to go to the exit because you're in the right lane. But now, surprise, you're all the way on the left side of the highway, and you had no control over it. And now you've got to speed over an entire highway to get to your exit. That is this intersection right here.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, this is. It's hell. It's hell. So then we go to some shots. Wow.

[Michelle Lolly]

There's Ventura Boulevard. That's Laurel, Laurel Terrace and Whitsit. That's where all the good stuff happens.

[Ronnie Karam]

And here we are, people on a boat. Let's press play.

[Michelle Lolly]

This is not part of the Valley of it. What's that guarantee? This is not part of the Valley. There's no place for a boat or a body of water like this in the Valley.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, this was a drive. This was a drive for sure. Hey, baby.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

What the. We did. That is so Kristen. Okay, so they're on a boat. It's Luke and Kristen. It's beautiful. He goes, hey, baby. And she turns around and falls. She's like, whoa. And she falls into a ring, and I love. That's just so Kristen to be falling during her proposal. So he's like, hey, baby, you want to get chicken nuggets with me for the rest of our lives?

[Michelle Lolly]

Seriously?

[Ronnie Karam]

Hey, baby.

[Michelle Lolly]

Seriously.

[Ronnie Karam]

What the.

[Michelle Lolly]

Will you be the catch in my lifetime, baby? Who would have thought?

[Ronnie Karam]

Would you be the catch of my lifetime, baby?

[Michelle Lolly]

Because they're fishing.

[Ronnie Karam]

They're unofficial.

[Michelle Lolly]

Seriously. I didn't think that being on this boat here by Rancho's Palos Verdes would ever lead to the moment of my lifetime. Seriously.

[Ronnie Karam]

I never knew that he really would take my love of wicked tuna so seriously. Propose while we're fishing. It was like, wicked was wicked tuna.

[Michelle Lolly]

I'm surprised they did not incorporate Jill into this proposal. Like how Jill will come up with a little. Little ring in a box, you know?

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, the dog.

[Michelle Lolly]

Jill. Jill, who they left all those rose petals for.

[Ronnie Karam]

And then Jill was like, it's me.

[Michelle Lolly]

Jill's Aaron. Or Jill's Aaron. Who would have thought Kristen and Luke have the best relationship out of all.

[Ronnie Karam]

I think all of us thought that Kristen and Luke probably had the best relationship out of you two losers. I mean, you've got Jax and you've got Lolly sitting here. We knew your relationship sucked. You both seem, like, abusive. And Jax in his stupid Jack's hat. Oh, my God. Yeah. By the way, he's got flowers behind fake flowers behind him that are shaped like his hat. Yeah. And what's his other shirt? He's wearing his Jax's shirt.

[Michelle Lolly]

And it says something like, dad life.

[Ronnie Karam]

Dad comma, dad life.

[Michelle Lolly]

Dad life. Yeah, dad life. Or in his case, absentee dad life.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, no kidding. Dad, kick my child out of the house so I can keep living there as I. Yeah, screw his mother.

[Michelle Lolly]

Not helping. Yeah, not helping at all. Dad life. Best relationship out of all.

[Ben Mandelker]

Jackson's been seeing people. He had a girl staying here at the house again last night. There is a song on my bathroom sink.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, it's like, why was there a.

[Ben Mandelker]

Baby wipe on top of it? She wiped her vagina. And it's on your counter.

[Michelle Lolly]

Okay, so there is a thong.

[Ronnie Karam]

There was a girl. There was a garl stained at my place last night. Brittany is just making up this accent now. Nobody talks like this, okay? Nobody says no.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

What do. You were just the first act of My Fair Lady. Nobody talks like that. And why are you wearing the blanket for a shirt? In the valley, it's 900 degrees.

[Michelle Lolly]

Jax. Yeah. This is a meeting of the minds over here with Michelle, Janet, and Brittany. And they are discussing what vaginas may or may not have been wiped.

[Ronnie Karam]

And over in the household, Brittany, it's season two. Do your roots. How is this the first thing we see of Britain? Brittany, you're still a damn mess, but you're better than Janet because Janet looks. Yeah, Janet. Janet's at, like, some banking convention in the Midwest. Like, who dressed Janet?

[Michelle Lolly]

I don't think Janet wants to wear this. She looks unhappy in it. She's like, I told my friend, she's a struggling designer that'll wear it on tv, and I regret every single moment of that promise.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, it's better than my friend who designs comforters. I'm wearing a duvet on the tv, and Michelle Lolly's like, oh, my God, I hate both of you.

[Michelle Lolly]

I'm wearing Rob Reiner.

[Ronnie Karam]

What she wears to you. What are these people?

[Michelle Lolly]

It's from. It's from Rob Reiner. It's just a. It's just a white, thin, lacy thing.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

[Michelle Lolly]

I just love Wayfair. Can I just say that? I love Wayfair, And I have been redoing my podcast space in here to become more of, like, a video podcast studio. And I've been using Wayfair to get. I got some beautiful chairs that I'm using right now for on camera that are great. And honestly, we're going to spread the joy to other rooms in the house because I think I'm going to get some new chairs for my dining room, and I'm going to use Wayfair to get the chairs.

[Jax Taylor]

Yeah, it really works for every room. I even did a patio.

[Ronnie Karam]

I did my whole patio and Wayfair.

[Jax Taylor]

Stuff, and it looks fantastic.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah, they just have so much cool stuff. They've got, like, you know, furniture and decor. They've got cozy couches and side tables and artwork and all sorts of cool stuff. But they also have, like, storage and organization and kitchen essentials. They really have everything.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah.

[Jax Taylor]

Super convenient because they really do have everything.

[Ronnie Karam]

All.

[Jax Taylor]

All different kinds of designers, all different kinds of styles. The huge selection made it easier for me to just shop for everything from there.

[Ronnie Karam]

I really got a lot of stuff from Wayfair.

[Michelle Lolly]

I'm constantly surprised by the things that I can actually find in There too. They just have such a wide and deep catalog of things. It's perfect for everything that I need.

[Jax Taylor]

Head over to Wayfair.com and find something that's just your style today.

[Michelle Lolly]

That's W A Y-F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home.

[Jax Taylor]

If you're looking for a way to streamline your streaming, Prime Video has got you covered.

[Michelle Lolly]

On Prime Video, you can actually add over a hundred subscriptions like Macs, Apple TV plus, and Paramount plus all in one app.

[Jax Taylor]

It's so much easier to just turn on Amazon prime now and get all of my subscriptions right in one little hub. It's amazing. I'm watching Severance right now on Apple and I'm also watching White Lotus on Max and boom. I can watch them in the same app right now. It makes it so much easier to not forget what I'm watching and what app I need to open.

[Michelle Lolly]

Check out subscriptions on Prime Video. I want to see Michelle Lolly have like. Like smile like, this is Michelle Lolly. You're finally freed from Jesse Smile. Enjoy it. Be happy.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Well, you got a thong with the baby wipe wipe on top of it.

[Ben Mandelker]

She wiped her vagina and it's on your counter.

[Ronnie Karam]

The new Moby Dick for Britney Zach. To new Moby Dick for Britney. Zach is wearing a tank top that's got like Real Housewives of Orange county cutouts in it.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yes.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's a new tattoo sleeve that makes. Wait, oh, no. This one just a party where he was been run over by a car. What's happening?

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah, well, something happened because Britney has like a scuff on her elbow. Oh, there's Sheena. Sheena's there. And then Zach is. He has.

[Ronnie Karam]

I don't know.

[Michelle Lolly]

Why is this like a zombie themed party? I'm trying to understand why there's. Why it's. Why there's so much graphic body arts going on right now.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, but it's only him. And then she's got some on her elbow, but no one else has any of that on them.

[Michelle Lolly]

She was like. Well, I was gonna look like I was. I wanted. I was gonna participate in the theme of looking like you're mauled by a zombie today. But then I was afraid that Summer Moon would get really scared, so I decided to refrain.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, well, this, I think, is a baby shower because look, they have this balloon arch thing back here with like purples and pinks and then like some kind of big balloon here. So do you think this is like a baby shower? Yeah.

[Michelle Lolly]

Right, but then it would be a baby shower for Kristen. Maybe. But then they all hate Kristen, so I don't get it.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, I don't know. Well, don't they have to make up? Well, she's not in any of these scenes, so maybe not.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know who this is for Dick.

[Ronnie Karam]

For Britney. Oh, so is this a party? I guess this is. They're all dressed up in something. Race car.

[Michelle Lolly]

This is them being wacky, doing, like a NASCAR themed event. So that'll be fun.

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay, $20 to start this wasabi. Weird as you're mean to my friend.

[Ronnie Karam]

Okay, so this is the wacky fun and games part. They're having a group dinner and Kristen's like 20 bucks to snort wasabi. So Luke does it, which isn't that his $20? Anyway, it's like their $20, you know.

[Michelle Lolly]

Trying to win the family also. So I guess Kristen is back in with the group. So, you know, we never got a reunion last season. Never forget. So there's so much that we don't really know where they stand. You know, we don't know what the vibe is with this group. Now, is Jax there? Is there? No Jax. Is this. Well, Jax is in rehab, do we think?

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, probably, because at the very end is Brittany and then Zach. And so we don't see Jax. We do see a new douche nozzle right here with his head to. We only get the back of his head here. Yeah, the comb over is comb overing. And then we. This girl's new, right?

[Michelle Lolly]

That's not Nia. I think that might be Nia with a strange angle.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, okay. Well, that would make sense. She's sitting next to Jesse. Let's see. She does look like me.

[Michelle Lolly]

I could be wrong. Maybe it is new. No, no, I don't think that's Nia. That's not Nia. No, no. Especially because we see Nia from that other shot is. I don't know who that is. She's an interloper.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. I think this is Nia. This head right here. But let's see.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

Weirdest. You're mean to my friend. I think you're toxic. I think you're a narcissist. This. And I'm happy I don't have to deal with you.

[Michelle Lolly]

Well, this.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, damn. Who's that?

[Michelle Lolly]

Lala. Lala. Coming in.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, this is Lala. Oh, Jesus. Why are they doing this? Come on, man. Your show got canceled. Go away. Stop the. With Lala.

[Michelle Lolly]

Look At Sheena next to her. Be like, yeah, I'm just gonna say it with my eyes. I'm with Lala. I stand with her.

[Ronnie Karam]

I have a nose ring now.

[Michelle Lolly]

No, I have a necklace that says Summer. You think it's for my daughter, but.

[Ronnie Karam]

Because he's mean to her friends, he's a misogynist. Which is not inaccurate. It's just. It's Lala, you know?

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah. And Jesse, meanwhile, trying to be like, stand strong. But he's got like fringe that's interrupting his hair. So he's getting really upset.

[Ronnie Karam]

He's like, hi, I've done ayahuasca, which is why I'm wearing this necklace. And I have still healthy hair for my age. So off. What about that?

[Michelle Lolly]

And I'm kind of upset that this umbrella fringe is getting into my hair also.

[Ronnie Karam]

I like that he's getting told off, but you can see through the reflection of his sunglasses what he's concentrating on. And it's her rack.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yep. And just the boobs. Nothing but boobs.

[Ronnie Karam]

He's like, all I hear are your boobs, sis.

[Ben Mandelker]

And I'm happy I don't have to deal with you.

[Michelle Lolly]

Well, this gave me a good laugh, so thank you for that. Scrotox, shoot your balls up. Danny's getting screw talks.

[Ronnie Karam]

He's gonna be funny dogs.

[Michelle Lolly]

He's gonna get in there, maybe he'll do his, his, his, his video game voiceover while he's getting. Doing the appointment. What was it? What was it that. What was the video game? He did it. Was it Walking Dead, the video game or something where.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, he's played Z. No, he's done the show Walking Dead. He plays a zombie in Walking Dead. He's. He's got a never ending job where, yeah, he walks around, he's like, that's funny.

[Michelle Lolly]

So he's gonna get screw talks. He's gonna be wacky. Okay, Jesse doing some sort of scream therapy. Hi, Mr. Kochi.

[Ronnie Karam]

You've been served.

[Ben Mandelker]

I already told him.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, now it's Jack's getting served. Done.

[Michelle Lolly]

What a. How special. How special that, you know, anytime that someone gets served on camera, I always feel like we are so blessed. And look at Jackson getting it looked.

[Ronnie Karam]

He's giving. He's. He's posing with his head down and his hands in prayer motion. And then he's slowly bringing his head up like, guys, yeah, it's me, Somber, getting served. Sucker.

[Michelle Lolly]

He's been through things.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, I already told him. Filing, restraining order and custody.

[Michelle Lolly]

It's like a very low end version of receipts. Proof Timeline. Silence. Restraining order. Custody.

[Ben Mandelker]

Restraining order. And custody.

[Ronnie Karam]

And custody.

[Michelle Lolly]

And chicken fingers.

[Ronnie Karam]

Do not forget.

[Michelle Lolly]

What is she eating? What is this, like a noodle bowl of some sort?

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah.

[Michelle Lolly]

Trying to say it's like some sort.

[Ronnie Karam]

Of fat, like Chinese food to go.

[Michelle Lolly]

Or jade noodles or something. She's got a big ass knife for it, whatever it is.

[Ronnie Karam]

But I like, whoever's eating with her is having a bowl.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah, Someone ordered sweet greens and she's like, I think I'm gonna get jade noodles, but I want big knot for it.

[Ronnie Karam]

And is there cake here on the side? I love this. These people order like me, you know, that's what you get when Uber Eats will go like to five places, like. And also I'll have cake and also a bowl. But don't worry, I got my own steak knife. Because in LA they don't give you.

[Michelle Lolly]

That, you know, I got my steak knife. Those noodles are real crunchy. I got my steak knife for it.

[Ronnie Karam]

In la. They're like, we're saving a treat. Eat with your hands. She's got. Sorry.

[Michelle Lolly]

Oh, no, that arrow, that arrow tattoo, that's. That's to remind you which hand uses the fork and which hand uses the big stick knife.

[Ronnie Karam]

And by the way, I'm with stupid. Wait, hold on. Let me stop saying which way is important.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah, she's having big meals. I'm at the point where I'm so in love with the man I want to become that I'm just not satisfied.

[Ronnie Karam]

With who I am anymore. What?

[Michelle Lolly]

Oh, so Jax's addiction is rooted in his aspirations to be a better person. Got it.

[Ronnie Karam]

But see, this is what I'm saying about Jax. He's like, I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do a very touching drug addicted video in my Jax's Studio City hat.

[Michelle Lolly]

But also, I'll also promote my bar at the same time.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's gonna go viral, so I'm gonna promote my bar. He's just so. I just don't believe a fucking thing, this guy. You're in love with a man you could become. You're in love with the man that you are, Jax. Okay? You just think that nobody else is on board and you just need to do the right. Get on.

[Michelle Lolly]

I also love how we're in the year 2025, and it's been probably a solid like decade or two since we've used camcorders. And still they're like, let's put the recorder with a little circle up at the top there. Just so everyone knows this is a.

[Ronnie Karam]

Home video and we Know this is fake because it's fully charged. That would never be Jax's camcorder. It would always be, like, blinking red, you know, like, must charge. Must.

[Michelle Lolly]

He'd be snorting the battery charge out. He's, like, going up to the pictures.

[Ronnie Karam]

Like.

[Michelle Lolly]

Jack, I'm so in love with the man I want to become that I just am not satisfied with who I am anymore.

[Ronnie Karam]

Michelle, the infamous male on Bravo. I'm gonna cry into a camcorder so people believe it. Also, look, he doesn't have the tattoo here.

[Michelle Lolly]

Oh, well observed. Well observed.

[Ronnie Karam]

And he doesn't have him here.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Where'd they come from? So he must have got them in rehab.

[Michelle Lolly]

He realized the man he wants to be. She's basically quoting Jerry Maguire. I love you for the man he wants to be and the man you already are.

[Ben Mandelker]

I love you.

[Michelle Lolly]

I love you, Jerry.

[Ronnie Karam]

He's like the human brain weighs eight pounds.

[Michelle Lolly]

That I'm just not satisfied with who I am anymore. Michelle admitted that she cheated on me.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, I don't blame her. Michelle admitted that she cheated on me. First of all, you didn't cheat. Jesse Lolly, my.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

You didn't cheat.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah. Come on. Yeah. Michelle deserved to cheat. And God Godspeed, she. I am proud of her. I am. I am proud of her for cheating.

[Ronnie Karam]

I like this look she's giving. She's like, sure did.

[Michelle Lolly]

Unfortunately, I stained my dress right afterwards.

[Ronnie Karam]

But, you know, I cheated on him a hundred years ago when this dress was first made. Nailed it. Cheated on him. Okay, let's see who she cheated with.

[Michelle Lolly]

Michelle admitted that she cheated on me.

[Ronnie Karam]

I have evidence that she's sleeping with a billionaire.

[Michelle Lolly]

1300 a night.

[Ronnie Karam]

Did you. What the hell? So now you're.

[Michelle Lolly]

Oh, Danny.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, on tv. Oh, that's Danny. So he's saying that she's like a.

[Michelle Lolly]

Danny a hook telling Luke. Wow.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's sleeping with a billionaire for fifteen hundred dollars a night. Who the tell? Some walking dead extra their business. I want to see evidence. Sir, I'm not telling some under five zombie. My what? I'm paying somebody to sleep with them.

[Michelle Lolly]

Also, in the background, there's a book that says Mexican today. And I don't know. I don't know if. I don't know whose apartment we're in. If this is Kristen's, though I like to think that Kristen found the book. I was like, I'd like to know what's going on with Mexico today. I'm buying a book. You guys know what's going on with Mexico today? Hold on, Let Me get the book.

[Ronnie Karam]

I think that this is someone who's just like, let's just get red books, you know, let's just get books that are the same color and put them together because they're all with red. It's with other red books.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah. I think it's probably Danny and Nia's house, actually, because I think Nia is the sort of person who organizes books by the rainbow. And she's like, I saw this on the complete edit or whatever that. The home edit. Remember we watched that. We've recapped the home edit once.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. She's like, we read books, go together. So supposedly now if she is getting fifteen hundred dollars a night, I mean, good for her. That's a lot of money. God damn.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah. Why not? Why not get paid for. For the things you enjoy? You know that $200 a night. Did you not keep me.

[Ronnie Karam]

Whoa. So he's saying, did you not cheat? And she throws a full. Damn. That's a full glass. That's a lot. That was like liquid.

[Michelle Lolly]

Good thing he had his hair already in a band, because otherwise his hairstyle would be ruined.

[Ronnie Karam]

That's why he always wears headbands, because he gets so many drinks drunk. So many drinks thrown in his face. So this is on a vacation, right?

[Michelle Lolly]

I think so, because there's like a tap in the foreground.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah.

[Michelle Lolly]

And that makes it sort of looks like a vacation rental. I feel like she went and got a pint glass and filled it all the way up so that way she could just. So she could do it to him. Because that is a huge amount of water to. From a cup.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Just to be prepared in a Jesse scene. Okay, you.

[Ben Mandelker]

When Jason goes out, he takes his wedding ring off.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, this is the storyline I wanted this one right now the stink is.

[Michelle Lolly]

Going to hit you, Jason. Now it's going to hit you. God, I love. I love pregnant Mariposa. I feel like she just wants to sit somewhere and listen to Fleetwood Mac.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, also, Janet's trying to. With Kristen. Like, Janet's never watched these shows.

[Jax Taylor]

You.

[Ronnie Karam]

You are barking up the wrong tree, man. Coming for Kristen. I hope Kristen ruins this chick's life for all this she's been trying to do with Kristen. Now, I point this out. I feel like in every episode we do of every show now, but these eyebrows. Stop. This trend has to stop. You guys stop magic markering on your eyebrows. You look crazy. And they're all doing it. Even Jax's are like this. Now. Now, stop it.

[Michelle Lolly]

You look nuts.

[Ronnie Karam]

Okay, so she's saying that Jason is going out without his wedding ring. Meanwhile, Janet is dressed like a catering napkin. Like, who folded her?

[Michelle Lolly]

Janet is so happy in this shot. Look at her. She's like, I did it. I finally got to kiss my husband.

[Ben Mandelker]

He takes his wedding ring off. There's been back.

[Ronnie Karam]

Okay, so who are these two bald guys?

[Michelle Lolly]

I don't know, but they're. They're clearly not supposed to be there because look at this random woman just laughing. She's like, who the invited these guys? Guys at the party?

[Ronnie Karam]

She's like, I'm the one who told. I'm the one who told. They're like, yeah, bro, wedding ring. We got into the.

[Michelle Lolly]

We got into the Valley party, bro. Can't believe it. Janet's like, who are these men? Why are they in my party right now? I am disgusted.

[Ronnie Karam]

Does Janet have one outfit that's not terrible? Please, I'm not even a fashion gay. Like, I don't sit here and stare at everybody's fashions. But come on, you guys, like, I live in the Valley now. I'm going to need some more effort put in. And I'm an old Navy gay. And even I'm like, girl, come on now. Why? And this. This. I don't expect much from the men, though. I have to say, I love the.

[Michelle Lolly]

Girl on the right. I mean, she's one of us. She's like, I got into. I can't believe it. I got into the show. I'm here. There's douchebags around. Janet's wearing something terrible. I cannot wait to tell my friends.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's like, how is this on television? Who is this guy? He looks familiar, though, this bald guy.

[Michelle Lolly]

He looks like he's should be in one of those Sonic commercials, you know, for the drive.

[Ronnie Karam]

Looks like the old guy who dances for Six Flags. You know, those old commercials. Or like, Michael Darby does.

[Michelle Lolly]

These two guys definitely have Michael Darby energy.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Okay.

[Ben Mandelker]

There's been background of Danny getting wasted and pansy and inappropriate.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, there's a background of Danny getting wasted and handsy and inappropriate. Oh, oh. So now she's like, we knew that would happen. How could you get wasted and alcoholic and inappropriate Danny? And he's like, it's because every time I go try to read a book, they're all red, and it just makes me drink and get handsy with somebody.

[Michelle Lolly]

I don't want to know what's happened with Mexico today. Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Do you know what happened with Mexico yesterday?

[Michelle Lolly]

I love you.

[Ronnie Karam]

Put your head right in my boobs.

[Michelle Lolly]

Well, that's where I want it to be. That's why what comforts me.

[Ronnie Karam]

Britney. There's no other option. So Britney is hugging Zach, who's sitting down, and she puts his boobs in his face. And she's like, come here. Hug mama. She like, hey, you got your boobs in. You got your face and boobs. Where else are they going to go? Britney, your boobs take up half the room.

[Michelle Lolly]

Britney. And she's got some sort of. Like, some sort of kerchief in her hair, like a ribbon of some sort that then her. Her ponytail. I don't know what you call it when you do your ponytail like that, where it's like a bunch of different balls dangling down. But. But then she's in a bright orange dress. She's definitely giving a different looks and patterns all at once.

[Ronnie Karam]

I think they're going to Mexico for the. For July 4th. And so she just put that red, white, and blue thing in her ear. That's my guess.

[Michelle Lolly]

That would make sense. Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

And he's like, I'm not gonna wear red, white, and blue, but I am white, so I'll wear teal or like a dark aqua. And I'm halfway there. Yeah.

[Michelle Lolly]

It's just such an honor to finally be invited onto the cast trip.

[Ronnie Karam]

Brittany's like, I'm gonna dress like they. They dress in America. Like a pumpkin.

[Michelle Lolly]

I'm gonna wear American flag in my hair, but also wear a little bit of light blue, too. Just because it's fun.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're exhausting. You give parent energy, and I'm done with it. My husband's not the one.

[Ronnie Karam]

Good for her. Jasmine telling off who I'm assuming is Janet, because she says, you give Karen energy, right?

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah. I thought she said you give parent energy. I was like, wow. But Karen energy. That makes much more sense.

[Ronnie Karam]

Let's see.

[Ben Mandelker]

Energy. And I'm done with it.

[Ronnie Karam]

Mr.

[Michelle Lolly]

It.

[Ronnie Karam]

Let's go back a little more.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're exhausting. You give carrot energy, and I'm done with it. My husband's not the one out here grabbing acids.

[Ronnie Karam]

Wow.

[Michelle Lolly]

Car.

[Ronnie Karam]

Wow.

[Michelle Lolly]

So that means that Janet each other this year.

[Ronnie Karam]

My God. So Janet sitting in front of a Casamigo sign is like, yeah, well, my husband's not the one out here grabbing asses. And Jason's like, could be.

[Michelle Lolly]

I mean, is this. Have they turned. Well, it looks like the big sign in the back says Brits. Have they turned? Jax's into Brits. Is that the whole thing?

[Ronnie Karam]

And there's a couple. He still has Jaxes in the Val. But she has Brits now in the Lisa Vanderpump Disneyland of West Hollywood. She opened a place called Brits on that street.

[Michelle Lolly]

That's right. Yeah. And look at it. There's this Casamigo sign and then like a poster of her like printed out from like a Hewlett Packard and taped onto the Casamigos sign. So doing great on this bar.

[Ronnie Karam]

It I can't be everywhere at once, you know.

[Kristen Doute]

Here comes one right now.

[Michelle Lolly]

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[Jax Taylor]

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[Michelle Lolly]

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[Jax Taylor]

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[Michelle Lolly]

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[Jax Taylor]

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[Michelle Lolly]

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[Michelle Lolly]

The days are getting longer. The sun is out more. I just went up to my garden box and she is blooming and it made me realize spring produce is now here and I am so excited for cooking with fava beans and fresh herbs.

[Jax Taylor]

The Whole Foods Market has what you're looking for with great everyday prices.

[Michelle Lolly]

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[Jax Taylor]

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[Ronnie Karam]

Breast, plus more throughout the store.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yellow really means savings at Whole Foods Market because their sale signs are also yellow. So basically whenever you see yellow, you know you're saving money.

[Jax Taylor]

I use Whole Foods all the time for little parties that I have to get, you know, little charcuterie plates put together. They have the best ingredients. I just love this place.

[Michelle Lolly]

Save on the best of spring with great everyday prices at Whole Foods Market.

[Ben Mandelker]

The one out here grabbing acids.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, so Nia's like, how dare you? They're like, in the el compadre. She's like, how dare you? Like, do you know how hard it is not to eat the shell on this taco salad without listening to you talking about my.

[Michelle Lolly]

The fact that you're talking about my husband when I put so much in for so much research into finding out what's happening in Mexico today. And here we are in Mexico. I'm ready. And now you're gonna ruin this moment.

[Ronnie Karam]

Mexico today. People are being mean to my husband. Britney's roots just keep getting longer and longer in every. In every episode. I love it.

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay, you're drunk.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, she's okay, so I love that she tells Janet you and leaves. And look at stupid Janet. She's like, it's supposed to be my birthday at the bank today, but I guess we're just gonna all ignore that. Well, here goes Janet not getting to the bank again.

[Michelle Lolly]

Michelle's like, is anyone else disturbed that I match all of the plates on the table?

[Ronnie Karam]

This lady by.

[Michelle Lolly]

I decided to dress like shredded iceberg table. What'd you say?

[Ronnie Karam]

Sorry, what were you saying? They got.

[Michelle Lolly]

I was saying that Michelle's like, I decided to dress the same color palette as iceberg lettuce today.

[Ronnie Karam]

I was saying, this lady's walking behind them like, I'm not clearing that table. These aren't tipping me anyway. They never.

[Michelle Lolly]

Definitely not lot. Yeah, definitely a lot. Look how messy that table is.

[Ronnie Karam]

Okay, so let's see.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're drunk.

[Michelle Lolly]

Well, she's a hooker, so it's fine.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, my God.

[Michelle Lolly]

These two are gonna be great to watch.

[Ronnie Karam]

You're drunk. And Jesse says, well, she's a hooker. Whoa. My God.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah, these two are gonna be like the Edward Alby duo of the season. They're just gonna be doing. Going low blow.

[Ronnie Karam]

They're really going there this year.

[Michelle Lolly]

She's a hooker, so it's fine.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm the mother of your child.

[Ronnie Karam]

This is why I. Well, I mean. Damn.

[Michelle Lolly]

Wow.

[Ronnie Karam]

Wow.

[Michelle Lolly]

It's getting dark.

[Ronnie Karam]

I love you. She's like, I am screaming behind my goal weight. How dare you? How are they getting this whole shot of her from behind an umbrella pole? How do they.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah, how are they not. How did they not swiftly just, like, get around that? But, like, how do they center that umbrella pole on the. Ah, come on now. I am the mother of your child.

[Ronnie Karam]

I am the pole of your child. How dare you. I keep this family sheltered from rain and sun.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah, these two are disaster. It's Great.

[Ronnie Karam]

I just love. I just love this show's like, okay, congrats. You had a great first season. We're giving you even less money for the next season. We're giving you a cameraman who's in film school, freshman and $5 to shop at the Joann's fabrics for your costume for the rest of the year.

[Michelle Lolly]

The clearance since they're going out of business.

[Ben Mandelker]

The mother of your child.

[Michelle Lolly]

This is why I feel crazy 24 7. I've never blacked out and hurt my friends. I can't.

[Ronnie Karam]

That's all we get of Zach. They're like, and now Zach hair somewhat more natural and lifelike than before. And he's like, this is why I feel fucking crazy 24 7. I. That's it.

[Michelle Lolly]

So now he is. He has. Now he has an even newer look. He has, like, a pompadour going on in the shot. There's a pompadour there. And then. And then he goes right to, like, backwards cap, which is. I don't know. Something is. That's a lot of hair to cram under that cap. I have to say. It's a lot.

[Ronnie Karam]

Does have a lot of hair. His hair actually looks really nice here in this one. I'm so jealous. It's nice.

[Michelle Lolly]

It's like very, like, alum. Thick, right?

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Very thick hair.

[Michelle Lolly]

Okay, so I've never blacked out and hurt my friends.

[Ronnie Karam]

I God damn. Oh, okay, so now we're. Now we're judging each other, like, on how shitty we are. Okay, so you are fine for now, except your beard is going to get out of control. I'm telling you right now, Luke. And then.

[Michelle Lolly]

Although, is he wearing a shirt Taking off. Is he wearing a shirt that says Valley Crew?

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, he's a little on the nose. He's branding what we're already watching. He hasn't figured out, like, you're supposed to brand another business, but he's wearing that. And then, Jason, you're taking off your wedding ring to flirt with other people. Don't blame you. I mean, you're married to Janet. And now we're gonna judge somebody because he blacks out occasionally? Come on. He's like, I'll go to church. I've got four under five.

[Michelle Lolly]

Four under five. I'm trying to figure out where they're eating. There's a lot of these, like, little French fries on all the glasses and the paper wrappers. Is that a place that we should know about that?

[Ronnie Karam]

H and H. Is it H and H?

[Michelle Lolly]

H, H. I don't Know.

[Ronnie Karam]

Is that what it says? I can't tell.

[Michelle Lolly]

I want to go there. It looks delicious.

[Ronnie Karam]

Johnny Rockets. No. What is it?

[Michelle Lolly]

I want to get a. I want to get a basket of fries and like a. A beer and a little. A little condiment in a. In one of those little containers on the side.

[Ronnie Karam]

Who's stopping you, buddy? Who is that?

[Michelle Lolly]

And a plast. And I want to. I want to. I want to have a glass of a cup of water that because it's free, they give you a really tiny cup for. So you have to go buy.

[Ronnie Karam]

Is that what it is? I thought that was a shot hot.

[Michelle Lolly]

I think that's just like a. That's just water on the side. So, you know, you're like, oh, I've got to go refill it 10 times because they will only give me the smallest cup.

[Ronnie Karam]

I know.

[Michelle Lolly]

Bastards.

[Ronnie Karam]

Okay. And Jason's like, listen, I make a lot of effort. I've eaten the least amount of fry sauce as all of you, so I don't know why I'm getting in trouble.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah, he has a lot of fries left in his basket. Everyone else went all through theirs, but his is. His are so high there, you can see them above the paper.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, he's the best body here. So he's like, I'm not eating these fries and I'm only having to sip it behind here, so suck at fry sauce.

[Michelle Lolly]

He's like, I see Jacks, I see Jesse. I'm not going to become one of them. I will only get one friend blacked out and hurt my friends.

[Ben Mandelker]

I can't take it. I want to scream.

[Ronnie Karam]

God dang it. That's how we talk in the Valley. Like, God dang it, I want to scream. And he is like, yeah, me too. Me too. Me too. Especially, oh, look who's here.

[Michelle Lolly]

Oh, other Logan.

[Ronnie Karam]

Lala is gonna ruin this show. I'm calling it right now. Why would they let Lala on here?

[Michelle Lolly]

Brittany just won something at Dave and Buster's. It looks like Point Crash.

[Ronnie Karam]

Okay, no, this is not as classy as the Dave and Busters, wherever this is. No, listen, okay, you don't know what I come from.

[Ben Mandelker]

We had to, like, get cans out of trash cans to, like, pay rent. I had to sleep in my car at the parking lot where I work. He had.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, get in line. Just kidding. But I love that they're getting. She's like, crying. She's like, you guys don't know how poor I was growing up. And they're getting a private chef I know catered dinner with, like, also, like.

[Michelle Lolly]

Guys, they're in the dessert course, it looks like. And this looks like it's some sort of fruit, but, like, maybe, like, an ice cream element. And they're all like, nia, this is nice, but our ice cream is melting. We have to start eating.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, I thought this was, like, a caprese, because see all the pretty.

[Michelle Lolly]

Oh, you know what? I think it's a caprese. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's caprese. Either way, could you wait till we.

[Ronnie Karam]

Get to our dessert? Coming.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Give it a second.

[Michelle Lolly]

Give it a second.

[Ronnie Karam]

Janet's like, I wore another terrible outfit for this. So why do we have to concentrate on you being poor?

[Michelle Lolly]

Okay.

[Ronnie Karam]

All right, let's see.

[Michelle Lolly]

Michelle Holly is like. Michelle, Holly's like, I just climbed out of a well and attacked someone through their television. How is your day going?

[Ben Mandelker]

So, like, hey, rent. I had to stick my car at the parking lot where I work. He has people watching me.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, no. So we go to Britney's house, and. But first of all, this. The way they transitioned, she's like, I had to sleep in my car after work. And then it transitions into Britney holding her baby. Like, that's cold, you guys. So Brittany's standing by a box that says bread.

[Michelle Lolly]

I was gonna say, I wonder where they keep the bread in this house.

[Ronnie Karam]

And she's holding the baby who's I think got a mullet, which I don't approve of. And then it goes into that recording TV filter. And she says, jax has people watching me. So he put cameras in that. I mean, that doesn't look like a hidden camera. So he's just, like, tapping into the.

[Michelle Lolly]

Cameras and watching them, I guess.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Jax is watching me.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yay, yay, yay, yay. Meanwhile, there's a camera crew there.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, so much.

[Ben Mandelker]

My husband's a rehab to attack me. Because you're going through something.

[Michelle Lolly]

Michelle and I are the most sane people in this whole house right now.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, God. This show really goes off the wire. So Jax is watching Britney through the cameras. He's pulling a ralph, and Britney is still into rope art. I'm not really sure what this is.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah, big rope just hanging there in the back.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. And then she comes for Mia, and Mia's like, oh, oh, you don't get to cry about going through a hard time. And that's why you're coming for me. Except I think that that's probably why Nia was just crying over her caprese, like, trying to get them to stop coming. Coming for her, because she went through hard times. So it's going to be like a trauma Olympics, which, you know, it's very, very.

[Michelle Lolly]

Nowadays, guys, that's a little draft. It's drafty in this house because she's wearing a blanket. And then we go to Jesse and he's also wearing a blanket. So maybe they're like in Big Bear or something like that. There's some work cold because he's wearing the same blanket. Although no one else seems to be cold. Just Jesse and Nia.

[Ronnie Karam]

Jesse's just hanging out with the camera crew, watching.

[Michelle Lolly]

It's like behind the scenes. Yeah, exactly. Just watching the women shoot their scene. Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's like we're the most normal out of all these people.

[Michelle Lolly]

Michelle and I are the most sane people in this whole house right now.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yes.

[Michelle Lolly]

I'm going through some. I just want you to be there for me. That's all I want.

[Ronnie Karam]

Kristen.

[Michelle Lolly]

So it's always the. It's always the dudes when the wife is pregnant. The dudes are like, I just need someone to be there for me. You don't have a child inside of you right now. Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's like, I'm holding a baby with a beard inside of me. And I've had this braid on for like an entire year. So.

[Michelle Lolly]

So I put the braid on cuz Nia said that's what was happening in Mexico today for me. That's all I want.

[Ronnie Karam]

Kristen.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's a reason. It's crazy Kristen. Not crazy Janet.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm done with them.

[Ben Mandelker]

Don't make.

[Ronnie Karam]

So now Luke's like, I'm going to walk around the. The hotel in my underwear. I'm very upset. No, Luke, this isn't Montana. Get your ass back inside. Nobody this nice hotel to watch you walk around in your. Your Hanes.

[Michelle Lolly]

Yeah. Put on a robe. Come on. Now.

[Ben Mandelker]

There's a reason. It's crazy Kristen. Not crazy Janet.

[Ronnie Karam]

For some reason. It's crazy Christian. Not crazy Janet. Oh, Janet's gonna be a victim this year. Now who's this?

[Michelle Lolly]

Hey, there's that new girl. That's that same one from that dinner party.

[Ronnie Karam]

Remember?

[Michelle Lolly]

We're like, who is that?

[Jax Taylor]

Where?

[Michelle Lolly]

I thought for a second it was Nia.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Why aren't they telling us who she is? That's so weird.

[Ben Mandelker]

She crazy done with that.

[Michelle Lolly]

Was she the girl who was smiling at us? She wasn't the girl who was smiling at us, was she?

[Ronnie Karam]

No.

[Michelle Lolly]

Okay.

[Ronnie Karam]

This is a different girl. So then on a boat, Brittany's in the captain's hat.

[Michelle Lolly]

Britney, she's like, I Got a knife. Not this knife isn't as good as the knife I got at home to eat my takeout, but it'll do.

[Ronnie Karam]

And Zach looks crazy. He's making that face of the Kravitz neighbor. Always spying on Bewitched. What's going on over here? Like this. I can't take one more second of this shot. I can't take a. Done with that.

[Ben Mandelker]

Don't make me knock your ass out. Knock me out.

[Michelle Lolly]

Brittany's wearing a new sailor cap.

[Ronnie Karam]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. First of all, what?

[Michelle Lolly]

Britney's wearing a little sailor cap and. And a lay. She just. But she's also, like, got her fork and a knife. She's like. She's, like, ready to eat her meal, too. And then there's some random dude next to her.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's not gonna stop eating her meal to fight. She's like, I'm in the middle of a bike. What? Sir. So then Janet is about to get in a fight with. Who is that? That's fighting with Janet? I can't tell who it is. Hold on. Let's listen to it. It's very important. Done with them.

[Ben Mandelker]

Don't make me knock your ass out. Knock me out, fan.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, someone says don't mean, don't make me knock your ass out. It's whoever's in an orange dress. It sounds like Michelle.

[Michelle Lolly]

Kristen, I think, says, you're a fan.

[Ronnie Karam]

Okay? So she's like, don't knock me. Make me knock you out. And Janet says, knock me out. She goes, you're a fan. Which is true because she got into all these people by being a personal assistant to Sheena. That's where Janet came from. And then she just kind of, like, kept climbing her way until she ended up badly dressed on this show. I've never seen someone climb a ladder this high and stay in Rayon the whole time. I've got to give her credit.

[Michelle Lolly]

And also, clearly, no Jax on this trip. Jax is really missing from a bunch of. This entire trailer. It's wild.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're a fan.

[Michelle Lolly]

I was. Terrible husband.

[Ronnie Karam]

Good father.

[Michelle Lolly]

I'm a great father. Terrible husband.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. You are not a great father. How can you be a great father if you're a terrible husband? You are not a good father, sir. You had Britney and your child move out of the house so you could stay there. Yeah, that's not a good father. I'm sorry.

[Michelle Lolly]

We saw. We saw how hands on.

[Ronnie Karam]

Say not.

[Michelle Lolly]

We saw how hands on you were. You were not. You were barely doing anything over there.

[Ronnie Karam]

And look at what sweatshirt he's wearing while he says that? Violent. It says violent. Yeah, it's probably violent or something, but.

[Michelle Lolly]

And then, of course, Tom Schwarz. A little. A little. A little dollop of Tom Schwarz and the entire thing, he's like, yeah, bro. Yeah, man.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Yeah. Great, dad. Yeah. What's your. What's your daughter's name again? He's like, I don't know, do stuff with your daughter. The Valley all new season, April 15th.

[Michelle Lolly]

Wow.

[Ronnie Karam]

Great. Well, we'll be there.

[Michelle Lolly]

Absolutely. We will be. I can't wait. It's gonna be. Looks like a really good season.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, yeah, it's gonna be. I'm glad. Janet's gonna get hers. And all the men are going down. Damn. All the men except Luke look like they're going down this year. All right, well, this was a fun one. Thanks, everybody, so much for being here. We will talk to you next week.

[Michelle Lolly]

Bye, everyone. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

[Jax Taylor]

Our way is the Amber way.

[Michelle Lolly]

It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto.

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Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney.

[Michelle Lolly]

Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Catherine D. Bernardo has our hearto.

[Jax Taylor]

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. Dana C. Dana D. You.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's not just a Sheila, She's a Daniella Etchells.

[Jax Taylor]

We never miss her call.

[Michelle Lolly]

It's Diane call Aaron mcnicholas she don't miss no Trickolus Jamie she has no less namey. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go.

[Jax Taylor]

For Hugo Hava Nagila Weber.

[Michelle Lolly]

We could all learn from Jennifer Kearns.

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She's our kind of mess. It's Jennifer Messer Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

[Michelle Lolly]

Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Manock's door. She's our favorite streamer Caroline Peacock, Kristen the Piston Anderson.

[Jax Taylor]

Get a bee in your bonnet with.

[Michelle Lolly]

Lacy B Rigging the funk It's Leslie.

[Ronnie Karam]

Plunkett, she gets a name from us.

[Jax Taylor]

It'S Lindsey D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino Fresh as a daisy. It's Maisie McHenry, we love her on the rocks It's Melissa Cox, Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the.

[Michelle Lolly]

Burg this is living without with Michelle.

[Jax Taylor]

Vivian I love Aya Olivia Williamson, tastier than Flanderson. It's Rachel Manderson.

[Michelle Lolly]

She sure is swell.

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It's Raquel, yes, we canna It's Savannah.

[Michelle Lolly]

Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman let's share with Sharon Eldridge the bay area.

[Jax Taylor]

And our super premium sponsors She's VVIP It's Amanda V Can't lose when you're.

[Michelle Lolly]

With Amy Baldwin somebody get us 10cc's of Betsy MD she's got a leg up It's Beth Ani we're taking the gold with Brenda Silva let's get real.

[Jax Taylor]

With Caitlin O'Neal don't get salty with Christine Pepper can't have a meal without.

[Michelle Lolly]

The Emily sides who, what, why, where.

[Ronnie Karam]

And Gwen Pentland it's our queen it's.

[Michelle Lolly]

Queen Laifa Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall Know your words with Jason Kurt we got our wish It's Jen Plish she not harsh She's Jill Hirsch she's a little bit loony Junie my Favorite Murdo Karen McMurdo she gets an.

[Ronnie Karam]

A It's Kelly B we love him.

[Michelle Lolly]

Madly It's Kyle Pod Shadley we're ride or die for Lisa Rider Baron she's a whiz It's Liz Sarthy always killing it It's Lola Al Kalani the incredible.

[Jax Taylor]

Edible Matthew sisters she eases our woes It's Melissa St. Rose Give him hell.

[Michelle Lolly]

Ms. Noel she's the queen bee It's Sarah Lemke Shannon out of a cannon Anthony let's take off with Tamla Plain.

[Jax Taylor]

She ain't no shrinking violet Coutar we.

[Ronnie Karam]

Love you guys.

[Jax Taylor]

If you like watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] survey.

[Kristen Doute]

Find yourself looking for a new job or change in career? Monster.com is here to help. We are not only here to bring you job postings but also AI interview prep and salary tools, expert career advice and top notch resume services. We've got everything you need to land your perfect job fit. Discover the magic of finding the ideal job with monster.com. your future starts now. Visit monster.com today. Your next job opportunity is just a click away. Have you ever wondered how a circus performer could become the most powerful woman in the Byzantine Empire?

[Ben Mandelker]

Even the Royals is a podcast from Wondery that pulls back the curtain on royal families from ancient empires to modern monarchs to show you the darker side of what it means to be royalty.

[Kristen Doute]

Before she ruled an empire, Theodora was a teen sensation in circus shows featuring dancing bears, burlesque performers, and blood soaked chariot races. But when her star came crashing down, she clawed her way from rock bottom to the very top, using everything from comedy to espionage to get there.

[Ben Mandelker]

Empress Theodora didn't just survive, she revolutionized women's rights across the Byzantine Empire, like changing laws to let women divorce men, own property and bring abusive men to justice. For all her work in pioneering, she's remembered as the most powerful Byzantine Empress in history.

[Kristen Doute]

Follow even the Royals on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to even the Royals early and ad free by joining Wondery.