#2785 Below Deck Down Under S03E09: Foaming at the Mouth

Summary

Watch What Crappens Podcast Summary

Episode: #2785 Below Deck Down Under S03E09: Foaming at the Mouth
Release Date: April 1, 2025
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Source: Wondery

---

1. Episode Overview

In episode #2785 of Watch What Crappens, hosts Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam delve into the tumultuous ninth episode of Below Deck Down Under titled "Foaming at the Mouth." The episode centers around escalating tensions between the crew and management, particularly highlighting Captain Jason's ineffective leadership and the incompetence of deckhand Vion (referred to as Vyond). The hosts provide a comprehensive recap, interspersed with their characteristic humor and critical insights.

2. Key Plot Points

a. Captain Jason's Management Challenges

Captain Jason faces his first season under scrutiny as his laissez-faire leadership style begins to unravel the crew's harmony.

• Ben Mandelker criticizes Jason's hands-off approach:

  "I don't like his hands-off approach to management. I think it's bullshit. And I think that we're starting to see that it's gonna lead to pure chaos."
  (04:09)

b. Vion's Performance and Crew Dynamics

Vion's lack of accountability and professionalism causes friction among the crew, particularly with Lara and Zarina.

• Ronnie Karam expresses frustration with Vion, a "Go Go boy" whom he roots for:

  "I also have a soft spot for Vyond because he's a Go Go boy. I love a Go Go boy."
  (04:33)

• Ben Mandelker further elaborates on Vion's incompetence:

  "He's ready to actually be a professional and responsible and be on top of things."
  (08:44)

c. Marina's Birthday Celebration and Crew Interactions

Marina's birthday becomes a focal point, revealing underlying tensions and favoritism within the crew.

• Ben Mandelker reflects on the inadequate celebration:

  "They fill her with love, but at the same time, they're also like, we love you, Marina. We're not going to go near you until we absolutely have to at dinner."
  (12:28)

• Ronnie Karam critiques Marina's confrontational behavior:

  "She could have been nicer about it, you know, too. Because I think you have the right to try and get the D that's on the board."
  (14:31)

d. Johnny and Alicia's Date

Johnny's blossoming relationship with Alicia is both humorous and cringe-worthy, highlighting his over-the-top romantic gestures.

• Ben Mandelker mocks Johnny's poetic attempts:

  "What an honor. But yeah, we had... this is when you start to really feel that rage that happens in Blow Deck."
  (05:07)

• Ronnie Karam satirizes Johnny's pickup lines:

  "She needs like a guy, not a wimp."
  (16:49)

e. The Foam Party Disaster

A planned foam party devolves into chaos, leaving the yacht submerged in foam and exacerbating existing crew conflicts.

• Ben Mandelker describes the overwhelming foam:

  "The foam was foaming, as they would say. And they had all these amazing aerial shots. It was actually legitimately very insane."
  (59:34)

• Ronnie Karam highlights the ineptitude in handling the foam:

  "They're now submerged in it. So there's this disaster."
  (60:04)

f. Guest Arrival and Issues

Guest William Cunningham III and his companion Cindy arrive with unrealistic expectations, leading to further complications.

• Ben Mandelker criticizes their behavior:

  "He met his companion Cindy last week. So they know they're gonna match up."
  (43:02)

• Ronnie Karam mocks their appearance discrepancies:

  "They look nothing like their Photoshopped pictures. I'm like, okay, do any of this."
  (43:44)

3. Hosts' Reactions and Insights

Ben Mandelker's Perspective

Ben consistently highlights the managerial shortcomings of Captain Jason and the disruptive behavior of Vion. He draws parallels between the unfolding chaos on the yacht and general incompetence in leadership roles.

"It's that time of the Blow Deck season where you start to feel your blood really boil."
(04:09)

Ronnie Karam's Perspective

Ronnie brings a blend of empathy and critical humor, particularly towards Vion and the superficial efforts of the crew to manage relationships and responsibilities. He underscores the importance of professionalism and accountability.

"I will say that the aquarium needs some work. That aquarium looks aquarium."
(06:56)

4. Notable Quotes

• Ben Mandelker:

  "He's the first person to get canceled over fish content, Ben Mandelker. Turns out I'm fish racists."
  (12:06)

• Ronnie Karam:

  "I think she's an idiot. So enjoy that."
  (41:39)

• Ben Mandelker:

  "It's like, you don't know how terrible Von is. But next week looks insane."
  (70:41)

• Ronnie Karam:

  "But it's so funny to me. So then the rest of the crew is going to party on the boat for Marina's birthday."
  (22:33)

5. Conclusions and Final Thoughts

Ben and Ronnie conclude the episode by reflecting on the mounting tensions and impending fallout among the crew members. They express anticipation for the next episode, hinting at Johnny's potential disciplinary actions and the continued unraveling of Captain Jason's leadership.

"It's gonna be... I'm very excited. I'm very excited."
(70:59)

The hosts also remind listeners to support their podcast through Patreon for exclusive content, video recaps, and access to their Discord server.

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Listen on:
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Note: This summary is intended for informational purposes and to provide an overview of the podcast episode for those who haven't listened to it.

Transcript

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[Ben Mandelker]

Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens?

[Ronnie Karam]

Hello and welcome to Watch what Croppens, a podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on Ye Old Bravs. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben. Hi, Ben.

[Ben Mandelker]

Hi. How are you?

[Ronnie Karam]

Good. What's going on with you today?

[Ben Mandelker]

Not much. I'm just, you know, I had a wonderful smoothie for breakfast and I'm just in a post smoothie glow right now. What's going on with you?

[Ronnie Karam]

Nothing. I actually have all the ingredients for a smoothie, but I just keep refusing to do it. I'm drinking more coffee instead.

[Ben Mandelker]

Party smoothie protests. Love it.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. I'm like, nope, spinach. You can suck my wiener. Okay, today everybody, we are going on tour again. We're back out next weekend. We're going to be doing three cities. So join us, won't y'all? We're gonna be at. We're gonna be in Boston, Detroit and Chicago. Okay, episode announcements are coming later this week, so hold tight. And then in May, we're going to go to Emos and in Austin and Dallas, Texas, we're going to be at the Texas Theater. And then on May 15, we're going to be in Las Vegas. We are going to add two more dates, two more cities, but we're not telling you yet. So. Yeah, wait and see. But keep checking. Watch what crappens.com the calendar page and ticket links and all that are right there. It's also where you will see a link to Patreon. Patreon. That's where you get our bonus episodes for White Lotus, which we're doing yesterday's was so much fun. We have a bunch of theories. The first one, we read over all the wallpaper and tried to figure out what that meant. So, you know, if you want to hear us recap wallpaper, go check that out. But no, White Lotus is so much fun. And all of our watch what Crappens on Demand videos are also on Patreon. Like this one today. Hi. You can watch me put on lip gloss. You excited? It's going to be.

[Ben Mandelker]

Wow. Wow, what an honor.

[Ronnie Karam]

Coming soon, everybody.

[Ben Mandelker]

What an honor. But yeah, we had. I. I really hope to see everyone at our next shows and we had so much fun this past weekend. I really can't stress that enough. Like, it was just a thrill. So today we are back in the world of Below Deck Down Under. As, as what's his face, Vyond proves to be once again even shittier and lazier than than he was the week before. It's just a slow and hilarious descent into his lack of competence. And I think it's, you know, it's that time of the. It's the time of the Blow Deck season where you start to feel your blood really boil. You know, in the beginning you're always like, oh, this is nice. Like, not much is going on. It's nice. And then like, at this point, which episode is this? Episode nine. This is when you start to really feel that rage that happens in Blow Deck. And yeah, it's another season under the belt where I am now addicted yet again because I'm so angry at someone.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, you know, look, I have a soft spot for Vyond because he's a Go Go boy. And so I love a Go Go boy. Now at first I was getting really angry because I'm always rooting for Go Go Boys. You know, for example, like when I give over my $5 or whatever, I say things like, are you studying? Like. And like, are you going to school? Yeah. And so in this case, I'm mad at him. I'm mad at my Go Go boy. But on a positive note, he'll probably return to the poll soon. So that's a win for me, you know, so keep it up, Vyond. See you soon.

[Ben Mandelker]

Keep it up. Also another great week of fish content, you know. So the moray eel was back. I noticed the more eel popped up, I think when some of them were. I think when Johnny was going to go out on his date, the more they. They'd like, they split the scene the. The screen into six sections. And it was like people getting dressed. And then one of the little squares was a close up of the moray eel. Just going like, the more eel.

[Ronnie Karam]

The big smile on his face. That's what I like about that smile. If the sea was an ocean and I was the man, like, if the. If the sea was an ocean, if the ocean was a restaurant and I was the manager, I'd be like, you know what? Your service is terrible. I'm not going to lie to you. Like, here's your service is terrible because you keep eating people and you can't do that because it eats into our profit margin. But on the positive side, they let you because you're always smiling. You're like such a good smiler.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, the mora eel was. You could see the mora eel was like wanting to go out with everyone. He's like, so where are we going tonight, huh, you guys? What are we gonna do? We gonna a bar, gonna club tonight?

[Ronnie Karam]

The Moria eel is that person we know that's always like, hi, hi. Hi, everybody. Hi. And then they eat you, you know?

[Ben Mandelker]

Right? Yeah. Now there was. I also want to give another shout out. There's a fish that. This was towards the top of the episode. I don't know what type of fish it is, but it was sort of trapezoidal. It's like a trapezoidal fish that has little fins on the side and it comes, like, zooming towards the camera and then at the last second, veers off. Oh, I love that fish. That fish is doing great work.

[Ronnie Karam]

I call that fish.

[Ben Mandelker]

You know which one I'm talking about?

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Because that kind of fish is like.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's getting its thrill. It's like so excited, but it's like so happy. It's, like, not scary when, like when it swims towards you. You're not concerned. There was also, by the way, did you see that? There was like a dark fish that was tormenting a light fish. I did not appreciate what was going on there. You saw that early on there was two.

[Ronnie Karam]

I don't know why you have to make it like that is the only.

[Ben Mandelker]

Way I could describe it. Jeez, I don't know their names.

[Ronnie Karam]

What the hell's going on in your mind?

[Ben Mandelker]

It was a dark fish. There was a dark fish that was tormenting a light fish.

[Ronnie Karam]

The first person to get canceled over fish content, Ben Mandela.

[Ben Mandelker]

Turns out I'm fish racists, so. But that was happening.

[Ronnie Karam]

I will say that the aquarium needs some work. That aquarium looks aquarium. I think it's doing, like, natural he's trying to do the natural aquarium thing because, you know, I love a natural aquarium. I've gone into it a million times. Even though I couldn't do it myself, I tried it and I murdered a lot of fish that way. But I just, you know, at the end of the day, clean it, you know? Yeah, nature is better when it's cleaned. That's why we have leaf blowers and lawnmowers.

[Ben Mandelker]

And I agree. Just ask that that adorable stingray that they cut to all the time. I'm going through all the greatest. Because now I'm remembering them and I don't remember where they are in the end, in the episode. So I'm just like, front loading this recap with them because I want to make sure everyone gets their flowers. That stingray, at one moment, they just show that stingray just, like, flapping its wings so peacefully through the ocean, like, just having a great day. And there was also the kissing fish. Those kissing fish are back. I think we had them last season, too. And they're back and they're having a great time. So really, like, it's a festival down there under the sea.

[Ronnie Karam]

You shouldn't be kissing me. I'm your underling. And he's like, it was below deck. It doesn't matter here. So it's 22 hours before charter and we're still in the meeting with Serena, Lara and Vihaan because, you know, Captain Jason and I have to say, this is not working out well for Jason. Jason is having his first season of possible bad captainry. I'm just gonna say it. I know everybody loves Captain Jason and his kimonos. I love Jason, too. I think he's a little low energy without Asha there. I said it. And I don't like his hands off approach to management. I think it's bullshit. And I think that we're starting to see that it's gonna lead to pure chaos. So he's like, I don't wanna deal with this. You guys are adults. You do it yourself. I'm gonna go watch Netflix and see. Look at my natural fish. Beg me for a vacuum cleaner through the glass. Have a good meeting. And he leaves. So they're stuck doing it themselves and it's not working out so great.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. So they're trying to. Lara and Zarina are trying to get through to Vyond's dopey head that he needs to actually be a professional and responsible and be on top of things. And Zarina's like, you know, you've not once taken Any. You know, you've not taken any accountability. You just have an explanation for everything. Like, you've not once gone, yeah, fucked up. Not once, okay. You know, she asks you for something and you come straight back with an excuse and not a solution. And he's like, well, I'm very sorry, but I need to prioritize. What if I need to do on the deck, too? It's so hot outside, I can barely breathe. Like, how can you make a cheese plate when you're out there in the humidity? Sometimes you have to go inside to the air conditioning. That's not my fault. That's Mother Nature's fault.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. And he's like, and another thing is, my people need to go fill up their water bottles in the sinks. They need to fill them up. Like, you can't. You know, they have to go to the fridge. And I'm like, babe, they're not mad at your people for getting water. They're mad at them for standing around having coffee. You know, he's trying to, like, move the bear, you know, move the goal posts or whatever. So that his argument is correct. No, you're lazy and you're around all the time. I don't care if it's hot, you know, do. Do what the rest of us do when it's hot. Complain, you know, and learn to type.

[Ben Mandelker]

Or pass out, fall off the side of the boat from dehydration, die. But, like, you know, this, though, this is no excuse. So Lara's like, but that's not the problem. It's about the water, it's about the coffee, it's about the galley, it's about the little chats, etc. And he's like, would we like to have some Benta rent? Because there's so much to wash. There's so much to wash. You have to banter. You cannot wash without the banter. Everyone knows that. And she's like, but, yeah, honestly, I just feel like the deck team are doing what they want to do. And if I think, you know. But if I think back to my team on my boats, like, the decks are always. You know, they're friends with the boatswain, but at the end of the day, they have to be doing their work, and they can't be standing there having a coffee. They would never have a coffee in front of a bosun.

[Ronnie Karam]

And he's like, that's not the way I manage. I don't want to be walking into a room like, oh, my God, here he comes, and be the dick, you know, that's not how I want to manage. I'll do whatever I want. I don't care. I don't even care. I don't care what you say. Poetry doesn't write itself. Itself. Poetry doesn't write itself while you're shaming. All right. Shaming can wait. My heart is huge. It has so much to give.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, he. This is the problem with hiring a former Go Go dancer as your bosun, which is that he's still working for tips, even from his own, like, underlings. So, yeah, he just used to working.

[Ronnie Karam]

With his tip, you know?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

You want better poetry, write it with your tip. That's what I say. You'd win the whole show. We would be on your side. I'd be like, that man doesn't have to clean a thing.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. So Lara's pissed and she just feels like she can't get through to him. And beyond's like, I manage my team in a certain way and we can have fun and they can have that. And like, is that my fucking problem? No, I'm like, yeah, but you're. They're not doing their job as chaos over there.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So they're like, okay, let's just meet up for a 20 minute, for 20 minutes after preferentially meeting, and we'll make plans. And he's. And then we can all be happy. And he goes, well, I've been happy since day one, so it's not me, the one that's happiness. Okay. That's like telling a sick person, like, you know, what was I going to say? Sorry. Well, I'm healthy, so, like, you know, I was healthy. And you're the sickness. Sickness.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're the one who got us.

[Ronnie Karam]

You. Yeah, you're the one that got us all sick. I don't know what I was trying to say.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, it's like, if someone is still.

[Ronnie Karam]

Thinking about kissing fish and how inappropriate that is.

[Ben Mandelker]

Is ocean HR gonna get them in trouble. So also, I forgot to give a shout out to David the tortoise. They keep on showing that sweet. That sweet shot of David getting pet on the neck at the top of the show. Every episode now they just show David. I'm like, love that tortoise.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So he's mad and he's like, well, I've always been happy. So you're the one. If you're not happy, it's your problem, you know, if you're not happy in this marriage, that's on you. That's a you thing. No, you're the one sticking your dick into Your secretary?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yes. And Zarina's like, whatever, I think I need to have a beer. I'm so annoyed at Viana. I'm so annoyed at him that later on, I'm just gonna go kiss him on the neck. So then we see Alicia is telling Marina happy birthday and everything, and she's gonna shower. She's gotta get ready for her date and everything. And Marina's on the phone with her grandma, showing her the. The disco helmet that Jason gave her. I kind of feel bad for Marina because, like, her whole thing is that she feels a little disconnected from the crew. And then we see that she's just alone, putting on, like, makeup. And then everyone else is crammed into one room, like, trying putting on makeup and their looks and gabbing. And they're kind of. They do kind of ignore her, even though this is a night that really is for her. And it's actually above and beyond. Like, we've never seen a birthday party like this before for anyone on any below deck. So, like, they definitely fill her with love, but at the same time, they're also like, we love you, Marina. We're not going to go near you until we absolutely have to at dinner.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, but she also did kind of, like, purposely try and start getting snotty with Serena and Lara. Well, in turn Lara. Because starting a fight with Serena over a man, you know, and she could have been nicer about it, you know, too. But. Because I think you have the right to try and get the D that's on the board. They're limited. You know what I mean? So I think she was well within her rights, but I think she did it in kind of a way, like, ha, ha, let's see who wins now. And it's that. That wasn't good. So she's kind of put herself in a bad situation, but I don't think that she deserves to get stuck downstairs either. And this is another weird management thing when they say, like, okay, I'm not gonna assign roles to anybody. I'm just gonna see how the season works out. And then suddenly you're like, but I told you, you have to be in laundry, and that's it. No, fuck you. If you did that, then call me the third stew and stick me in laundry. But don't give me the. Don't give me hope, you know?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, Yeah, I think. I mean, it's jumping forward a bit. But I remember last week I said, you know, I understand why Marina's frustrated, but at the same time, she's only been doing the Laundry out of cycle once. But then this week it's like, oh, yeah, okay, it officially sucks. So then Lara. Lara, meanwhile, is just, like, complaining about Vyond. She's like, I literally just couldn't talk anymore because I was like, nothing. I say he is even gonna take it in. He's never going to say that. Like, actually, you know what? Maybe I do need to step it up a little bit. Nothing goes through him. I'm like, he's a good dancer.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So Alicia's getting ready for her date with Johnny, and Bri's like, oh, my God, you look so pretty. And she's like, yeah, thank you. It's a little bit nerve wracking, you know? She goes, oh, I know. I was so nervous about my date with Harry. Has Harry talked to you about my date with Harry? Has Harry talked to you about what he felt about our date? Oh, my God. Has Johnny talked to you? How does Johnny feel about going on a date? How are you reacting to this?

[Ben Mandelker]

Where do I stand? So then Zarina and Harry are talking in the galley, and Serena's like, so, how are things going with Bree? Oh, they're really good. They're doing so well. The other day that I just passed her by the hallway and I sort of kind of smiled and almost acknowledged her presence. It was so intense. Everything's better than it's ever been before. And she's like, well, I feel like the Harry that you don't want your mom to see needs to come on out. Get the kinky Harry, the Harry that wants to, you know, tear a woman's clothes off and do have his way with her. And he's like, oh, yeah, no, he definitely is coming out. My plan is that we're going to get into bed, stay fully clothed and hold hands while we go to sleep tonight. So we'll work out.

[Ronnie Karam]

I plan on wearing seersucker and a hat made out of straw that's very flat. And taking her on a walk on a boardwalk, possibly with an umbrella to shade her from the sun. She's like, what are you, a castrato? What is this? What are we, in church? A little boy missing his nuts? You need to. The girl, Harry. The girl. Jesus Christ. I want to see a side of you that your mother's never seen, Harry. I want to see it come raging out of you. He's like, oh, so shall we watch Netflix?

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, guess what? I have a great plan. I've already put an extra lamp in the room and I'm going to do a little Bit of this, move my hands around. It's called shadow puppetry, so watch out.

[Ronnie Karam]

All right, this is a shadow, all right? A finger going into a hole. That's what I want to see. All right.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm not sure.

[Ronnie Karam]

Pornography. I don't think either one of us is old enough to see that.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's like, you're not missing maybe the lights off, are you, Harry? He's like, I'm not really sure I understand what that means. Not very religious, but. And if I were, I think I'd have the lights on. I don't know. Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

He's like, I want to show her that I think he. I'm really, really into a period and make it special, but the way that it's written is creepy. I want to show her that I'm actually really, really into a period and make it special. No, don't do that. So let me just get on, just schedule. Where are you when the moon is full? Just tell me that.

[Ben Mandelker]

So he is going to put a whole bunch of rose petals down on the guest cabin, which. I don't know. I don't know. I don't like it.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then that Marina, who's going to have to clean it up, she's going to love that Marina, who's not getting laid and has no chance to get laid because she's stuck in laundry all the goddamn time, has to clean up your roses. No.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, that's a L L. That's all for her. So Johnny, meanwhile, is ready to take, you know, Alicia. Is it Alicia or is Alicia? I still don't really know. After all this time, I haven't been able to. To really lock that name.

[Ronnie Karam]

I say Alicia, but they're saying on the show, alicia or Alicia. I've heard both. I don't know.

[Ben Mandelker]

Let's call her Alicia.

[Ronnie Karam]

Okay. So he, you know, he's like, you look so beautiful. He's just so, like, aggro. And she's like, oh, thank you. So do you. He's like, come, come, we go. We go on date. You are rice and grape leaf. I wrap you up, squeeze you tight. She's like, all right, all right. Just a drink. Let's just start with the drink.

[Ben Mandelker]

And so she's like. She's like, that's some serious bling that you're wearing. He's like, I love my rings. I used to be quite a fighter, but I don't fight anymore. My mother was not happy ever. So what actually got me out of the whole situation is one day I saw a picture from Two of my very good friends of mine, and they were thin and they were bruised like shit partially because I beat them up. And I have started, you know, head upping and reading books. And now I no longer want to fight. Now I just want to love, love the sweet Alicia.

[Ronnie Karam]

I started head upping. Okay, that's like a dumb guy. Like, that's, that's a vyond about to write a poem. You know what I mean? No one needs you to head up. Start the push. Start back on the push ups. You can do push ups without punching people. Okay, yeah, so, I mean, I don't do either, but still. So he's like, yeah, growing up, I had group that is always like this. And in high school, we were going out as crew. And I would always stand up for crew, but crew was sometimes wrong. So, you know, you know, I was like, okay, so you beat up a bunch of innocent gay people. Just say it. Just say it. Right.

[Ben Mandelker]

What sort of Greek version of Greece, which is very appropriate. Was he in like. I'm just imagining him like a leather jacket. Like, we are Kruger. We beat up, we beat up. We beat up people in hallways of Greece school. You want you, you think you like Greece. Now you see real Greece. Tell me more, tell me more.

[Ronnie Karam]

We are going to go tonight. We are going to score tonight.

[Ben Mandelker]

We go together like philo spinach and feta cheese. We go together like musaka and uzo. Chee chee chee. Cheek grease, Grease Zus and Hira.

[Ronnie Karam]

So she's like, do you chase after women? And he's like, only when my friend tells me to. And then cross. She's like, okay, all right, maybe let's change the subject. He's like, but you, you are amazingly beautiful. Like someone from other planet.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's like, is someone from another planet amazingly beautiful?

[Ronnie Karam]

I've never really seen that is like an avatar or no. She's like, like when person has bump in stomach and it starts pushing, pushing and then boom, Come out, look them in the face, eat their face. Eat my face. Like animal in stomach, sexy alien.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, God, I want to make out of that alien. I want alien to burst out my jaws just so I can kiss it on my face.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's like, that is so romantic. I mean, he's really a romancer. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Grappens commercial.

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Even the Royals is a podcast from Wondery that pulls back the curtain on Royal families from ancient empires to modern monarchs to show you the darker side of what it means to be royalty.

[Advertiser]

Before she ruled an empire, Theodora was a teen sensation in circus shows featuring dancing bears, burlesque performers, and blood soaked chariot races. But when her star came crashing down, she clawed her way from rock bottom to the very top, using everything from comedy to espionage to get there.

[Ben Mandelker]

Empress Theodora didn't just survive. She revolutionized women's rights across the Byzantine.

[Ronnie Karam]

Empire, like changing laws to let women.

[Ben Mandelker]

Divorce men, own property and bring abusive men to justice. For all her work in pioneering, she's remembered as the most powerful Byzantine empress in history.

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Follow even the royals on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to even the royals early and ad free by joining Wondery.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then the rest of the crew is going to party on the boat for Marina's birthday, and she's getting sushi boats. And, you know, they put a thing that says Happy Birthday. And she's like, oh, my God, this is so sweet. Like, you have a dryer sheet on your, on your, on your shoe there.

[Ben Mandelker]

And then a day. Or meanwhile, she's talking, she's talking about Von, and because they're being flirty and she goes, you know, I know I'm girl number three on Von's list, so, you know, I'm gonna give him that slow treatment like middle school. First you're gonna walk the hallway with each other, then you're gonna go driving jeeps through the mud with each other and then maybe have a little macro kiss. Crush some beer cans on your forehead. I don't want to rush nothing. So, Vion, hold your. Literally, hold your horses. Okay? That's. That's step four in the South.

[Ronnie Karam]

He's like, you've. But you're so gorgeous. Like, you've got green on tonight. Look at your green. Green, green, green, green. Yeah, it's soft. It's kind of like minty. By the way, don't ever take a mint. That's so feminine. All right. I just want. You stink.

[Ben Mandelker]

So then Lara's like, I'd like to give a toast to Marina. Marina, you're a force of nature like no one I've ever met before. And you are amazing and beautiful inside and out, mainly. Inside, mainly downstairs, mainly tucked away from everyone to see your beauty is so radiant that I don't want anyone, neither guests nor crew, to ever see it. So please enjoy the rest of your birthday down in the laundry room where you shall clean up, up all these napkins.

[Ronnie Karam]

Please enjoy this gift I've gone out of my way to get you. She's like, wait, these are tide pods. Exactly. Put the candle in it and get back downstairs.

[Ben Mandelker]

Rena's like, I was feeling really down, but now I can't be more happy that I'm now. I feel so appreciated. It feels so good, especially knowing that tomorrow I'm back on service. Most certainly will be back on service, because I did two charters in a row in the laundry. So definitely back on service. Yay.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's like, for now, we party. Why are you throwing your uniform shirt at my head? Clean it. It stinks.

[Ben Mandelker]

Damn it. So now back on the Johnny and Alicia date. Johnny's like, so what would you like to have? And she's like, well, if I guess, I guess I'll have some rum, some cherry and rums. Like, yes, rum just for flavor. How does he. How does he be? How is he so, like, sexy timing over, talking about, like, r. Like. Like everything he says is like, oh, yes. Yeah, beautiful.

[Ronnie Karam]

He is just too much. It's like, would you like to share a pizza? It's melting. Like, my heart. I will get your oils all over me. Warm on the inside. It's like, all right. Pepperoni is fine.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Marina is. You know, they're. They're. They're all having fun on the boat and everything, and they're playing a game and. Or they're talking, and Adair's like, do I have a sweat mustache? And Leon's like, oh, my God. Have you ever seen a girl this gorgeous? If I want a girl, I've got to step up my game. I've got to really compete with that sweat mustache.

[Ronnie Karam]

What rhymes with sweat? Like, writing poetry in his head. So I want to know what's happening on this date. Do you reckon? They're kissing and they're like, oh, my God, 100% kissing. So we go back to the date, and she's like, I'll take you to Italy one day. I've done a lot of traveling in my life, you know, My sister's done more, but of course she would, you know. I mean, how do you get a little lonely? Because I am a people person, you know, it's like, you can always go on your own and meet people on the way. A little bit dangerous, though, eh? I love a dangerous woman. You get into danger. I do this.

[Ben Mandelker]

Ah, yes. All that head upping. So let's make a toast. Mentally, around the world, for me, the best part of the day is when I come into your galley and tease you, honestly, coming in there. I don't want anyone. And then, Puff, you arrive. Nice to meet you. I'm Alicia. Nice to meet you. I'm Johnny. Welcome aboard. Fuck. That was a great Puff. The biggest Puff I ever saw on this yacht.

[Ronnie Karam]

Most romantic story I've ever seen in my life. Have you ever gone into a bank? They're like, hey, how are you? And then you're like, hey, how are you? Are we married now, Puff?

[Ben Mandelker]

I never have more money.

[Ronnie Karam]

You know what? I don't really trust your sweet nothings, but it's nice to hear them. And he's like, oh, then I will keep telling. Telling you. You have amazingly beautiful, deep eyes. So deep I look into them. I feel like I might get trapped down here.

[Ben Mandelker]

Please stop. I. I really can't deal with. Please, Please. You're too much. Your mouth is. Why are you so close to my eyelids right now? This is. This is too much for me.

[Ronnie Karam]

What are you doing? Head up.

[Ben Mandelker]

I don't want to look at skinny men with bruises anymore. That's why every time Harry gets hurt, it's very painful for me.

[Ronnie Karam]

So now, would you like me to read menu? Pizza, cheese, margherita.

[Ben Mandelker]

And then, poof. Nightly specials have arrived.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm marrying this menu.

[Ben Mandelker]

This menu is from another world.

[Ronnie Karam]

So she comes back and the girls are like, oh, my God, tell me more. Tell me more. She's like, well, I mean, it was lovely. You know, he did stick a piece of pizza on his wiener and ask it to marry it and buy. I mean, otherwise, it was great. Missed you guys, though. And so the boy is like, did you kiss her, bro? Did you score this, like, Grease, this.

[Ben Mandelker]

Episode, it is literally in so many ways. So then everyone, there's. Now it's time for hot tub time. So they're all getting into budgie smugglers and everything. And they're. They start to play, of course, never have I Ever. But, like, there. Never have I Ever is more entertaining to me than housewives. Never have I ever. Because it feels, like, authentic. Never have I ever. It feels like people who. This is like, you're drunk. You're in a hot tub. You. You would play this game as opposed to, like, you've just sat down at, like, a day spa to have salads, and then you're gonna start playing the game, right?

[Ronnie Karam]

So they're playing me. Actually, I like this one less because I feel like they're just whoring each other out in these versions, you know, There Never have I ever. Is. Never have I ever given A blowjob to. We had about to correct that right now. All right, we come over here. No, that's game work.

[Ben Mandelker]

It means it's impactful, as opposed to, like, Lisa Rinna being like, never have I ever gone to a Kurt Lagerfeld show.

[Ronnie Karam]

Never have I ever sold a story to Page Six about somebody returning a dog to the wrong place. Lisa Vanderpump. Lisa Vanderpump is drinking.

[Ben Mandelker]

So they. So they're playing it, and so it's like, never have I ever had sex in a car. And then it's like, never. Johnny's like. Like, never have I ever been with a person of the same sex and said, poof, I'm gay now. And Lara dranks like, oh, my God, Lara. You met.

[Ronnie Karam]

You had sex.

[Ben Mandelker]

You made out with the girl and everything. She's like, moving on, moving on. It was one of my dogs in the countryside. No big deal. Okay, Vian, truth or doubt?

[Ronnie Karam]

And I also don't believe that none of these guys have ever gotten to bj. They're stuck on a boat, okay? That's like prison. You know, everybody's sexuality turns when they go in prison. You know, if they're. If you got time to lean, you got time to pee.

[Ben Mandelker]

Just want to say, I'm not accusing Laura of bestiality. I just was imagining her, like, her getting kisses from her dog.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, it sounded like bestiality. I was like, damn, Ben's on one.

[Ben Mandelker]

Took a dark turn.

[Ronnie Karam]

Poof.

[Ben Mandelker]

Dark turn.

[Ronnie Karam]

So now she's like, okay, moving on. Truth or dare. I like that better. We can whore each other more easily with that game. So game over. So Van's like, truth. And she's like. Like, who do you fancy the most? And he's like, idea and poetry. And so they cheers. And then Lara dares Alicia to kiss a guy she wants to kiss the most. So she kisses Johnny.

[Ben Mandelker]

She does, because she likes Johnny. I mean, he is so. He is so cheesy, but she does like him. And there was actually, like, a nice moment in the van on their date when they're heading there, where she put her hand out so that way he could hold it. I was like, oh, I kind of like them. So they are making out. And then Adair's like, I'm not playing these games with y'all. You're all too fucking berserk. It's gonna rain. Oh, I'm gonna go inside, guys. So she leaves. And then now the moment you've all been waiting for. The raunchiest couple on the boat. Is gonna get it on in the guest room.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So he takes Brie, Harry takes bree to the VIP 2 room and she. She sees the flowers, she's like, oh, made the bed. That's so cute. How did it feel? Is that too personal of a question?

[Ben Mandelker]

Where do I stand with the bed?

[Ronnie Karam]

So then beyond and Adair are talking and it's less exciting, you know, so he. They make out a little, but she's like, I'm on a bed. So she goes. And then Beon goes into Johnny. He's like, haha, I kissed her. You see, poetry works. He's like, this is why I do head up. Up.

[Ben Mandelker]

I do.

[Ronnie Karam]

I do head up.

[Ben Mandelker]

If all. If only you had a cheese plate to really seal the deal.

[Ronnie Karam]

But it wasn't that good because Johnny asked about Harry and Vion says, oh, she's in a cabin. I want to go up to her and be like, I don't think this is the right guy for you. You know, you need like a guy, not a wimp.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, she, she had. She's. She can think for herself.

[Ronnie Karam]

And she write another three page poem with only two syllable words or shorter. Vihan.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, she made an assessment. She's doing okay. She's happy. So. So then Brie and Harry are like, they're getting. It's getting really hot and heavy in that room. I'm so happy to spend time together. Me too. I really like you. I really like you too.

[Ronnie Karam]

So have you ever peeled orange with a spoon or do you use your fingers? She's like, I've used a spoon before. Me as well. Oh my God. I'm getting to know so much about Harry.

[Ben Mandelker]

So now it's the next morning and Bree's like, we had a great time last night. Kind of what I needed to move past the plateau. There's sides to Harry that people don't know. Literally. He's so skinny. You don't realize that he's actually a three dimensional person. But he's 3D. He has. He has an actual side.

[Ronnie Karam]

So I guess it sounds like Harry's got a big wanker.

[Ben Mandelker]

Good for him. Well, good for him. Good for him. He's like, there's sparks. The sparks are fine. Absolutely. I think it's. Yeah. I mean, things went well. We basically turned on a podcast and listened to it for 20 minutes and then went to sleep. So it was pretty hot and heavy.

[Ronnie Karam]

It was all about cereal.

[Ben Mandelker]

It got dark really quickly though. So I don't know how Best Buy fit into it, but somehow it did.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then Alicia is serving leek and celery soup with toasties. Okay.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

And then for dinner, she's gonna do curry and rice, which sounds great. So Adair tells Jason is radioing people, and Adair just goes, have you ever heard the saying, I'm sweating like a hoe in church?

[Ben Mandelker]

I think she says it to Johnny or something like that.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, Johnny, he's like, you crazy. You are crazy, woman.

[Ben Mandelker]

At least we say sweating like a pita in a gyro shop. So I'm just trying to go through all my Greek references. I'm running out really quickly. I think you better by now, right?

[Ronnie Karam]

Huh?

[Ben Mandelker]

I thought be better after ngk. I thought be like, I know. I know all the Greek references. So Jason is like, all right, group here. Here's our next group. They're all awful. So we have William, he's a real estate agent from Florida, bringing along a tight neck group of douchebags. Since it's going to be his Cindy's birthday, William would like her room to be decked out in flowers upon arrival to make her feel special. Like, we just kind of of busted right through our flower budget for Harry and Bree. So that's unfortunate, but we'll try to make it work.

[Ronnie Karam]

And we find out that Corinne is coming. And Corinne is from the Bachelor, and she's still Corrine on the Bachelor. She was like, it's so hard because, like, I live with my daddy and my mom and a nanny, and it's going to be so hard to be away from my nanny because she's the only person who knows how to make my special pasta. And they're like, oh, what's your special pasta? And she says, well, pasta and butter and parmesan cheese. Wow, it's one talented daddy Corinne.

[Ben Mandelker]

I. So I think I actually watched the season with the season with Corinne of the Bachelor that she was on. You said the Bachelor. She was on the Bachelor. But I remember. I also, I remember the big scandal. Yeah, the Bachelor. I remember the big scandal with demario. That was like a big deal. And so I remember that. But it was kind of funny because, you know, when Jason's like, korrine is a Tyv personality, and then we hear Lara's voice dubbed over saying, oh, and she was in House of Villains. People are not. When people see Corinne Olympos, they're not thinking, oh, famously from House of Villains. We all know what she is from. And I just love that they're like, we're still. We're gonna push this NBCU in Synergy. Wherever we can house the villains it is.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then we find out she's bringing her sister and they want to have a funk. Oh, my God, how fun. And they also want a foam party, which was one of the funniest things when they tried to do a foam party on Med. And Carl was like, yes, I can't get the foam to work, Frank.

[Ben Mandelker]

I know. I was thinking about that, like that sad, sad foam party that they had. They just had like that little like when. When what's his face. What? Why am I blanking on his name that you just did his voice for. But like, he's like, oh, God, this fan machine.

[Ronnie Karam]

This is the wor foam machine I've ever seen.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, tonight's is the exact opposite. Like, tonight I've never seen so much foam. It was absolutely insane. But I was totally thinking about that scene with that sad ass foam machine. So they're gonna have a foam party. And Zarina's like, was that gonna be horrible for your deck? And Van's like, of course it will be. And naturally I won't help clean any of it up, so.

[Ronnie Karam]

And Laura's like, well, the foam. The foam will probably help clean the deck. And Serena's like, that's true. It might actually get cleaner. It's like, damn, self cleaning party.

[Ben Mandelker]

I love it. So they want to do jet ski. They actually want to arrive on jet Skis because these people are soulless. And so that's what they're going to do.

[Ronnie Karam]

They're adrenaline junkies. All right, so now Harry and Adair are gossiping and Harry is like, oh, how was the kiss? Is he a good kisser? And saying, we didn't make out, we just kiss. You know, that kind of thing. Nothing. I can get pregnant from him.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, just. I ain't trying to be smacking face with, with. With Von right now.

[Ronnie Karam]

I like what she said earlier. Sorry, but I'm choice number three. How much does he think he's going to get?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, she's gonna make him work for it. So then Laura's like, okay, heads of department, we need to have a chat about what we're going to do interior wise. So they coordinate. Like, she's basically like, hey, I want a dare during these hours. That way the girls can have breaks. Which admittedly, this is a conversation that should have happened a few charters ago, I think. But now she' like, I think they were trying to be friendly, like, hey, when you need her, call for her. When you need her, call for her. And now she's like, okay, I am reserving a dare for 10 of the 12 hours, and you can have her for 30 minutes because you're not doing anything with her in the first place. Cause all you guys are doing is drinking coffee.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. And she says, well, I gave him a chance, and he didn't take it, so I'll be controlling then. Let's see how he likes that. And now it's one hour till charter, and it's 15 till crew lunch. Oh, my God. What's gonna happen? I forgot to do crew lunch. Oh, my God. And then Serena helps her. She's like, why is your cutting like this? We need it on the counter, otherwise it will fling off and kill you. Do you understand? I just saved your life. God, it's good to be able to help someone finally.

[Ben Mandelker]

So they serve crew lunch and everything, and they change into their whites. And Lara's telling Marina about. Marina's asking about, like, what the deal is with Adair and everything, right? And Lara's like, yes. So I'm going to restructure the interior a little bit so the girls can get breaks. So, Marina, you're obviously up early in the morning. She goes, so does that mean I'm housekeeping again this trip? Yes, it does. She's like, but do you still plan on doing rotation with surface and housekeeping like you had said in the beginning of the season and gave me hope that I could actually see the waves during daylight hours? No.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's like, no, I won't be rotating because you're stronger in housekeeping 100%. And this is your fault for being decent at housekeeping. You should have learned. There have been 97 seasons of below deck, and no one has learned not to be good at housekeeping yet. So you're an idiot. So enjoy that. And I need Bri on service because I get to hear things like, did. Did Harry have a conversation with you about the fork you used at dinner? How did Harry feel when you turned your back to him as you rolled over in bed to sleep? I need to hear about these things, you know? And you get to do service. Sometimes you do service in the evening. She's like, I just get to run plates.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's like, well, and you do such a lovely job at that. Plates go up, plates go down, and back to the tide pods you go, so anyway. And Dare's like, but what about Brie? I mean, that's not fair. What if. Why don't they just switch? Because they're supposed to switch. I mean, that's not the night Brie is like, I'm sorry. Adair is, is being a bit, a bit mouthy, I think, to her boss. And Laura is not happy about it.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, I mean, I guess I get it, but. But it does suck that Lara was like, okay, there's a chance. And now, no, you're stuck on laundry. That's just it, cuz I'm the boss. Which I guess she has the right to do. But I mean, that's a good girlfriend to be like, well, that sucks. I know you wanted to do service. Sorry, that sucks for you, Marina. And Laura's like, she better watch her ass.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, it definitely sucks for Marina. But at the same time, like you said, it is ultimately Lara's call. And it's like, well, you're really good down there and breeze good with the service. So I, I'm not going to move people around because you want to like, chat with the guests. Like, it's just not a priority. But it would if she were nice, if she were a mensch, she would allow her to have some sort of service moments, but.

[Ronnie Karam]

Or she just followed through what she says in herself because she said in the beginning, I'm gonna rotate you guys so everybody, so someone doesn't get sick of being down there and blah, blah, blah, we're gonna do this in a fair way. No one's the boss of the other. You'll both get your chances. And then she never did that. I think she's an or.

[Ben Mandelker]

She should have just said, I'm gonna have you guys do both upstairs, downstairs, and I'll see which one like. And I feel like you, you excel at. And that's where you guys will land for the season. And then everyone knows, you know, don't be good at laundry.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, exactly. So then Marina is like, why do you think she's putting me in housekeeping? Because you seemed okay with it. Like, Bri, I'm not going to be on housekeeping the whole season. Right. Like, maybe she should hear more, you know, like maybe if we said it. And she's like, that's not my call though. And if you really think that I'm going to ask to be on housekeeping. Sorry.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, yeah, that's not gonna work out. What Marina really should do is have a conversation with Lara and say, I'm loving this. I'm loving, you're such a great boss. And like that birthday party you threw for me was so wonderful. And I was wondering, I know that I'm on, I'm down here, but I was wondering if you can Give me a few more shots at service, because I would love to grow in that department, and it would be really meaningful to me. And I just do, like, a nice, like, heartstrings moment. And Laura will probably sit, say no, but at least you tried.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, but Lara's pissed. She does not like that Adair mouthed off to her. And it's 84 degrees and 89% humidity.

[Ben Mandelker]

Commercials.

[Ronnie Karam]

Here comes one right now. So the guest come, and William Billy Cunningham III is a primary charter guy guest. He's from Miami, a real estate agent, only drinks tequila, and met his companion Cindy last week.

[Ben Mandelker]

Wow. So they get on jet skis.

[Ronnie Karam]

Thankfully, she's Cindy iii. So they know they're gonna. They know they're gonna match up.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's Cindy Adams Cunningham iii.

[Ronnie Karam]

What a gross. What a gross name.

[Ben Mandelker]

So, I mean, he has ham in his name.

[Ronnie Karam]

So they arrive as a Cunningham.

[Ben Mandelker]

He's a Cunningham.

[Ronnie Karam]

Bacon.

[Ben Mandelker]

That doesn't sound kosher.

[Ronnie Karam]

Eat it. Bacon. That. That envisions your death before you take a bite.

[Ben Mandelker]

The Iago of hams. So then they are approached, and Zarina's like, well, they look nothing like their Photoshopped pictures. I'm like, okay, do any of this.

[Ronnie Karam]

I mean, Jesus Christ, stop filtering.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, I was like. I was like, welcome to 2025. So they all arrive, they get the tour, and Marina is putting sticky notes on suitcases so she knows who's is who's. Because there's a ton of suitcases, of course. And so Jason is trying to help out, but she has a system. And she's like, no, no, no. That one doesn't. That one doesn't have a tag. He's like, well, they all have to go up to the next level anyway, don't they? She's like, yeah, but we labeled them. So then we can go put them straight to the rooms so it's, like, messed, messy, so it's less messy where they're walking. And he's like, but they have to. They have to go up now. She's like, no, no, no. She goes, well, fine, whatever. It's your decision, Captain. So she's really sassy with him, which is not a good idea.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, he's not. He's not liking that. And she's like, I mean, it would be nice to manage one thing without being questioned. You know, I know how to do housekeeping, so why would you try and ruin my systems? Don't ruin my system. And she hasn't said that to him. That's to us. And then Serena and Alicia do Some prep. And then Marina goes and tells Bri. She's like, oh, my God, I almost flipped with the captain. And she's like, why? She goes, do you know? Because we do suitcase. She goes through the suitcase thing. And she's like, but I shouldn't have said anything. I should be quiet. And Bri's like, oh, my God, I can't believe she said something.

[Ben Mandelker]

Harry told me that in these situations, you always tattletail. So I'm going to go right to Laura. So Harry is asking Vyon when they're gonna be ready. And Vian says, like, in an hour. And Harry's like, well, should you want them to be coming down? And you're still setting up. I mean, I do think you need to ask Laura how quickly how much longer they're here for dinner. Because if you come down, he's basically saying like, should we be cleaning their social media?

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, because Harry's fucking around, by the way. I think they're showing Harry fucking around. And he's like, are we supposed to be working? He's like, oh, we've got time. And Harry's like, no, you should ask Laura because it's not gonna be good if we're not pre. And Via's like, he tells us he's not lead deckhand, bro. You're like the bottom of the pile. Why are you bossing me around? This is completely out of order. And I'm not only mad because he's the only one that get laid and I'm the one who works out.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. And he's like, harry is bossing me around. That's unacceptable. Now I will do exactly what Harry told me to do. So he calls up Lara and is like, hello, can I get a quick update on how long they're going to be until they here? And she's like, yeah, probably 20 minutes. So, you know, hurry up. So basically he's like, okay, I guess we have to hustle. He's just mad because he was having a fun time slacking off, and Harry ruined the fun time. But, like, he has no drive and no sense of urgency.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Brie goes right to Laura and she goes, I have to express my feelings about something. She yelled at the captain. She was, no, she didn't. What about. She goes, yes, she did. She said, move bags around. Like, that's a terrible idea, but if you say so. Kimonos are terrible. Who wants to buy a kimono? Then she strangled him with the kimono belt. Oh.

[Ben Mandelker]

And then she said she's not very interested in Going to the Philippines in the next few years, and, oh, he was livid. So then they're like, oh, so the guests are coming out, playing water toys. They're being awful because they're, like, on jet skis, going really close to everything, and it's really dangerous, and they're, like, really almost killing each other. Other. And then they're jumping off the side of the boat, and they're jumping off the side of the boat that they're not jumping off the side they're supposed to be jumping off the side of the boat for, and they're just all awful. Also, there's someone there. Did you. What was his name? Was his name save. Was his name Savior?

[Ronnie Karam]

No.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, it wasn't Savior. Someone has a stupid name, it's gonna come up, and I'm gonna tell you right now, I hate him.

[Ronnie Karam]

Savior. So Jason's like, I know guests are adrenaline junkies, but I prioritize safety over adrenaline. So I'm gonna leave it up to them to be safe, because I. Micromanaging.

[Ben Mandelker]

Or managing, I just want to drive a boat right onto a dock.

[Ronnie Karam]

What I believe is in watching fish swim around and naming them. All right, that's what I believe. I'm going back to the bridge. Thank you very much.

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay, so they're going to go snorkeling, which is fun, except for the fish, because we actually see shots of fish just, like, swimming, having a nice time, and then they come, like, plummeting into the water, and the fish are like, oh, Jesus. And they have to, like, scurry away. So they're going to go do that.

[Ronnie Karam]

That.

[Ben Mandelker]

And then Lara's asking if Adair can help in laundry, and Marina gets to go on a break. So, I mean, you know, the upside is she gets to actually put her feet up for once. So now they go snorkeling. This is where the fish are terrorized by these people also, by the way, say what you will about these people, but they have great lung strength. That one guy snorkeling, went underwater and then swam below like a. Like an arch in the coral. How do you do that? I would never be able to hold my breath long enough to get all the way down.

[Ronnie Karam]

Did he ever. Those engine things swim around?

[Ben Mandelker]

He did it with the strength of douchebaggery. Like, I don't know how he did it. Like, it motored him through. It was very impressive.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, that's why the Billies of the Cunninghams have made it all the way to the third, right. Very, very fit people.

[Ben Mandelker]

They've got strong lungs.

[Ronnie Karam]

The very Cunninghams. So Serena's like, oh, I'm gonna feed these guys. Like Russians, Wealthy Russians. They like luxury. They're getting caviar. They like, you know, I'm just putting as much caviar on the table. I don't even care if they eat it, you know, let's do this.

[Ben Mandelker]

She does do this. She literally serves them chicken with caviar, which makes no sense. And they're like, sure. So then for the record, I would eat chicken with caviar. Yes.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, I don't know that I've heard of that, but I don't know. I haven't heard of a lot of things. I'm not a very fancy person.

[Ben Mandelker]

Even these people like chicken with caviar. I haven't heard of that, but it worked. It worked, worked.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So it's not good, but whatever. Whatever floats your boat. I'm. I'm poor than you. I'm like, I don't get it. So then Jason gets into the peanut M&M's, which, like, brings me back a little bit to his side, and he goes, see what happens when I've got no digestive? I guess he, like, makes a little burp, and Marina's like, what? You get cranky and you start micromanaging everyone? Ha ha ha ha. And he's like, I do not micromanage. And if you can't manage yourself, that's where I'm going to step in. And don't talk to me like that again. I was like, oh, my God. That's the first person I've ever seen able to feel anger with a peanut MM in his mouth. I mean, wow.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, that's because he's trying to enjoy his peanut M and M moment, and he's got someone sassing him. And he's the boss. He's like, no, no, no, sweetheart. This is my Eminem moment. And the M stands for. The M does not stand for micro, nor for managing. So you better step off.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, I'm mad and mad. All right, look, even the little characters on the. On the yellow bag are angry now. They're scowling at you. She's like, oh, my God. This is true. I've never seen Eminem before. I'm so sorry. I take it all back.

[Ben Mandelker]

I mean, it's bad enough that that green Eminem traded in her sexy, sexy high heels for some sneakers. Oh, so angry. A bit. That. And now I've got to deal with this. Wasn't that a culture war thing? Like, I can't Believe they put sneakers on the end.

[Ronnie Karam]

The lady M. Sexy green M M.

[Ben Mandelker]

But it was also, people were upset that she was wearing sneakers. Like, come on, tootsie, why are you hiding it? If you got it, show it. Come on, put on those heels. Duts.

[Ronnie Karam]

Sneakers aren't sexy. So then she apologizes, but he's not having it. He's pissed. So they get ready for the wig party and Lara goes down for a 25 minute nap. And then Vion's like, where's the dare? I want to ask out on a date. I'm going to take one of the roses and I'm to give it to her. Oh, she's not that into you. I'm sorry. She just doesn't like you and you're already. But you picked her third and you're still trying to figure out a way that you can go steal Bri back.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So meanwhile, Alicia is getting confused in the kitchen. She's forgetting things. And so Zarina's saying, you know, when you become a head chef, you're more of a mentor. And with Alicia, I'll help her and guard her as much as I can. But she gets so distracted, she keeps making curries for no good reason. Like, we need to make lobster and there's a massaman curry on the side. I'm like, what are you doing? Why do you always make curries? Every time I turn around, I'm learning a lot about a personality right now. And a personality is a big bowl of orange curry.

[Ronnie Karam]

You know, it's my job to be a mentor, a mentor to my girl. So it's kind of like a stand and deliver moment. Stand and deliver Curry? No, not curry.

[Ben Mandelker]

Why do you keep serving these things that require so many forks? So.

[Ronnie Karam]

I want chicken noodle soup with a five pronged fork. Do you understand? All right, it's going to take you far.

[Ben Mandelker]

I just want a nice, clear broth and a knife that they can sort of balance a few drops of it and pour them.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Lara compliments the tables, and then Marina orders Adair to go down and start the cabin. The guests come up for dinner. We see what it is. She's like, here we are. This is a misspelling in our notes, but it's a funny one. She's like, here we are. Choking. Carrot puree and caviar.

[Ben Mandelker]

The following foods will enable you to choke more easily, making our lives much, much simpler once we heave your bodies off the side of the boat.

[Ronnie Karam]

Serena watched about five minutes of Korean season of the Bachelor and has decided something appropriate. Appropriate would be something that could possibly kill her. So let's please bring up the choking.

[Ben Mandelker]

Here we go. This is a bubble gum and peanut butter shot. You just take it in one shot. You will therefore choke and die. And then we will have a nice, easy day. And if you are alive, we'll give you some carrot puree and some caviar to make it more elevated.

[Ronnie Karam]

But no, it's chicken and caviar. And Corinne's like, yeah, we're like caviar people.

[Ben Mandelker]

People.

[Ronnie Karam]

Do you have a nanny to, like, maybe cut mine up and feed it to me? So they love this caviar and chicken idea. They're like, wow, that chef has really got it going on. Says Billy Cunningham iii. Put in quotes.

[Ben Mandelker]

Billy Cunningham. More like Billy satisfied him. So Adair is talking to Von. How are you? And he's like, I'm good. Would you like to go on a date with me here as a rose? Oh, okay. I was hoping it'd be, give me a beer. But that's okay. I'll take this rose. I don't mind.

[Ronnie Karam]

Hey, they got four wheelers around here.

[Ben Mandelker]

You mean cars?

[Ronnie Karam]

No, four wheelers.

[Ben Mandelker]

You.

[Ronnie Karam]

What are we supposed to do? Go on a date? They got a mud pit. They got air rifles. We can shoot some cans off of logs. I mean, what the hell?

[Ben Mandelker]

Question. Since we're in Europe, they got one of those. Those big. One of those big dinosaurs made of cars that eats other cars, like maybe Peugeot, since we're.

[Ronnie Karam]

So he hands her a rose, and she goes, oh, wow. Creative. A rose.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's uninterested. Only pussies watch the Bachelor.

[Ronnie Karam]

I love how much she's not into beyond. It's so funny to me. So then Serena is stirring some truffle sauce. Stir it more quickly. It's quite thick. I'm worried it's about to explode.

[Ben Mandelker]

Darling, why is the truffle sauce so orange? Oh, I put curry powder in it. Is that okay? All right. So now the next course arrives, but so do foam provisions. I like that idea of a foam provision, AKA two guys with a fo. Like, literally the sort of foam machine that looks like it has been. It will be used on Ghostbusters to take out Mr. I mean, Mr. Puff Stay Puff Marshmallow. Mr. Puff Puff Stay Puff Marshmallow Man. Or as he is known formally, Mr. Puff. This thing is a cannon. This is not a. This is not a machine. This is a cannon. And we know because it arrives on a boat, and it's like the size of a Klieg light.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, my dog really hates me playing the piano. And he just made it evident because he rubbed up against the wall and unplugged the piano. So I will take the hint.

[Ben Mandelker]

Wow. Okay, that was passive aggressive.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, that was a straight up aggressive. Damn.

[Ben Mandelker]

Bueller's like. I can tell we're close to the end of the recap because it's gonna be piano time soon, so let me just abort that situation ahead of time. Where's my. Where's my phone party, dad?

[Ronnie Karam]

So now the guests are talking about the wagyu beef filet and the lobster and truffle cream. And Billy Cunningham III is like, whoa, this steak is like, special. And one of the guests is like, yeah, I heard Billy likes to go down and dirty on ya. And his girl's like, yeah, why are you talking? Please stop talking. It's like, yeah, he likes and make the girl feel better or something like that.

[Ben Mandelker]

So anyway, Zarina downstairs goes and like, Von's like, sitting in a bank hat in the crew mess. And Serena just goes and kisses him on the cheek and then like, sits on his lap and it's like kissing his neck. It's kind of like one of those things where it's like, oh, we're just mates. We're like boy girl mates, so we're going to kiss, but also kind of like maybe more than that. And. And Johnny's like, get a room. And Von is happy to have this attention. And he's like, I need a massage. So he's like, I don't know. I kind of feel like it's like one of those moments where, like, if Adair walked by, I know she would probably be very put off by it. Right? And. And he should know that too. So if he's really. Yeah, yeah, precisely. So either way, it just. Even though it's Serena doing it, I still feel like I somehow blame Von for it, you know?

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, he's grosser.

[Ben Mandelker]

So he could also say, no, no, no, I'm not interested in you.

[Ronnie Karam]

Right. Yeah, like, I don't care if I don't care about Serena, I just don't want to hear her cry about it. Then I'll care.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, I don't want.

[Ronnie Karam]

You know.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, she should have no crying more.

[Ronnie Karam]

But if she doesn't cry about it, then who cares? So then Vi is telling the. He's telling Harry that Johnny's going to rinse the boat and then go to bed at one. So whatever doesn't get done tonight, write it down. And Harry's like, okay, we'll all just crack on straight away in the morning. Surely it'll all work out. It's just a foam party. Oh, God. Saver. Saver is his name.

[Ben Mandelker]

Saver, not savior. It's Saver. Saver, spelled S A, Y, V, O, R. Like, it's like, say anything, but it's instead. It's instead of. You're actually not saying anything. You're saying specifically. Specifically save. Or.

[Ronnie Karam]

I would love to see. I like that. He's, like, on a luxury yacht as someone with a name that pinches pennies. So that's nice. So he's like, will I die if I eat the foam? Oh, God. This is what we get for bringing a saver onto the boat. That was foam.

[Ben Mandelker]

So the foam starts to it. It. Like, it is so much foam. Like, this thing is. How does it even shoot out this much foam? It is like a portal to a foam dimen. And the foam is pouring through like. Like, we opened up. We opened up a vortex to the foam world. And now that we have the foam is like, finally. And it's like that scene in the first Avengers where, like, that portal opened up in the sky and all the monsters came out of it. That's what. That's what was happening, but in foam form.

[Ronnie Karam]

There was, like, in Mr. Mom, when he puts, like, dish soap in the washing machine or something.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yes.

[Ronnie Karam]

The whole house is flooded with bubbles, and the kids are like, oh, my God, this is why dads aren't mom foams. Oh, the 80s. So by the way, Saver is so stupid. He goes, will I die if I eat the foam? And then he eats some phone, and he's like, what? He starts barfing over the side of the boat, and he's like, I got it out. Whoa, this is sick as hell, bro. Let's keep partying.

[Ben Mandelker]

The foam, it takes over everything. Like, they are submerged in it. And this was. You know, sometimes they do. Like, sometimes when they have parties on below deck in the yacht, they, like, try to make things into a club. And they put up some streamers and everything. And it's cute, but it's not, like, nothing even close to it. But this time, the foam was. The foam was foaming, as they would say. And they had all these amazing aerial shots. They had drones going around, and you could see this was taking up the entire back of the yacht. It was actually legitimately very insane.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So then after the party, Johnny's like, where is V? Where is V? We. And they're like, I don't Know no one's seen him. And he's like, I have to clean alone. And it's all this foam. It's not good.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, because Vyon is there. He was there. And then the moment time to clean up, he's like. He like pushes the thing broom twice and he's like, well, this is a lot. And he goes downstairs and then he goes in the crew mess and then he, like, eats food and he hangs out and then he goes to bed and Johnny is alone with all the stuff. And even if Vyhan is scheduled to go to bed, then as the head of department, when you see that this is such a mess and you know that one person is not going to be able to do this, you know, in three hours of time. You buck up and you help out and you do it and you get the job done. But he's like, what? I have to go to bed because it me hot tomorrow and how to refill my water bottles.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So he's useless as usual. So then Adair tells Marina she gets to go on a date, which is just what Marina wants to hear. She's like, wow, really? Don't make him fall in love with you folding a towel. You know, it's like, he ain't going to fall in love with me. Just know me for three weeks. I mean, Jesus Christ, that's enough time to impregnate me. But it ain't enough time to fall in love. Get real, girl.

[Ben Mandelker]

So now Johnny is just like, pushing foam around. There's gotta be a way to clean foam more effectively. There's gotta be like, some, like, there are foam parties all the time in these places and, like clubs. There must be like a way. There must be like something that you spray on it that makes it deflate. But he's just pushing it around and it's, it's, it's. Nothing's happening. And Lara's like, okay, well, good luck with that. So he's just, he's just left alone and he's up till 1:37, still pushing the foam around. He still doesn't even finish. And then there's. On top of the foam, there's all the other stuff you're supposed to do on the lates as a deckhand in terms of cleaning the deck. That's so he doesn't even.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, here's how you clean up foam. Do you want to hear?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yes.

[Ronnie Karam]

After a foam party, the foam usually dissipates naturally, but you can speed up the cleanup by spraying the area with water or using A hose to wash it away. It's biodegradable and safe for the environment and lends an extra party note to eels.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, he was. He was spraying. He was spraying the foam with water, but I don't think it was really making an impact because it was like. It was special Greek foam. This was like foam.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, file a complaint with AI because that's who said it.

[Ben Mandelker]

Chat. GPT never went to a fan party.

[Ronnie Karam]

Hey, Wrong. Hey. They should call you a wrong.

[Ben Mandelker]

Hey, you're wrong. AI A wrong.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Johnny's upset, but orders are orders, and I did the best I possibly could. If I was fucking octopus, I would clean better. But I only have two hands. Two hands that will beat a man that messes with my friend. Just kidding. Now these two hands open book. Maybe I can kill foam with book. Read foam. Read.

[Ben Mandelker]

Unfortunately, I only have two. Two hands and I can't use those hands to clean foam because I'm too busy saying, me and my friends, my crew, we were like this, yes, good use of hands. So he basically can't do it. It's all himself. He does as much as he can. So in the morning, I think Harry's not early.

[Ronnie Karam]

Three or something, which is crazy.

[Ben Mandelker]

He's up late, but it's like, there's too much. Too much foam. So Harry. Harry is out there and he's like, oh, it's filthy. This will make for an ample tattletale later for today. So he is trying to clean it up, the place looks like. And meanwhile, Serena's making some breakfast and everything. And Johnny, you know, when Vion's waking up, Johnny's telling Vyond, like, by the way, I only was able to finish a third of the sun deck. I didn't write on the board, but. And everything. So Harry is trying to clean it, and Adair is like, wow, it's real dirty out here. He's like, I know, it's really dirty dirty. And then guests are come even worse. The guests are coming out and the guests are out there. And so now you got this dirty deck. And the guests are. It's supposed to look clean and. And, like spotless and beautiful, and it's not.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So we're trying to figure that out. And meanwhile, Jason tells Lara. You know what Marina said to me? She goes, I didn't hear, you know, but there was a point in the crew mess, and she kind of cornered me on, like, what's happening with service and housekeeping? And it was a bit of inappropriate time because Adair was there. And then Adair got stuck in and trying to give me ideas on how I should rotate the ghost. And I was just like. He's like, excuse me, do I have the right to bitch occasionally? Because I was just about to tell.

[Ben Mandelker]

You he's trying to enjoy some M and M's.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

So it sounds like Marina's about to get in more trouble for. I mean, Marina should get in trouble. Marina was totally out of line. But it sounds like she's about to get into more trouble than Von will be for all of his ineptitude. So then meanwhile, well, the shit's terrible out there, but Von's downstairs just drinking some sort of. Of like, you know, health smoothie or whatever. So he's really on top of everything. And now they're going to lift up anchors and everything. They're going to move. It's cleaning and cleaning and cleaning. And so now Vyon decides. So now it's almost breakfast time. It's 20 minutes before breakfast. And so, you know, one thing that the deck crew does is that they. They spray the teak with that, like, foam stuff to get out stains. And now Vyon has decided, because he now wants to be responsible to clean the stains that are all around the table, even though it's about to be breakfast. And Harry's like, but they'll be able to eat here. Shouldn't we wait until after the done eating? He's like, no, we have to do it now. We have to be professional. We're gonna do it right now. So Harry has. Is building an immense case for a big juicy tattletale later.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. And Lara's like, why are you cleaning this now? We're about to have breakfast. It's extremely unprofessional. And he's like, well, it was supposed to be done last night. I don't know what happened. Johnny should have done it. And she's like, well, he was sat here for hours. He goes, exactly. And you know, then Harry should have done it if it wasn't done last night. He points to Harry and she's like, okay, but this is still not the time to clean. He goes, oh, do you want me to just leave it dirty then? No. How about you fucking help your crew do their job instead of sleeping and eating all day, you lazy fucking motherfucker. Oh, my God, he's the worst. How about he's one of those go go boys that just toe taps.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. Oh, 100%. He probably takes tons of breaks. Harry's like, let's just get it done and talk about it. Later, after it's cleaned up, and Van's like, no, I'm going to go to the captain right now about this. So he's going to go. He's like, I'm going to tattle before Harry tattles. And by the way, Vyond knows about.

[Ronnie Karam]

To get tattled on. It's so funny. I will go before you can tattle on me.

[Ben Mandelker]

But by the way, Vyon can't stand that Harry tattles. I mean, no one wants to deal with a toddler. But if Von focused more on being a leader and actually like, instilling, like, the hierarchy instead of trying to be friends, Harry would be like, you know, a. Harry would probably have less to tattle about. But also, also Harry would probably not. He would probably be intimidated to tattle because since there's no sense of hierarchy out there, it's just like the Wild West. So he's like, I gotta tell someone that this is a disaster. Right.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, Harry is a tattletale. But you're supposed to go to your superior. If, like, if your immediate superior is not doing their job, your only course of, you know, action is to go to the superior above them. That's the only way to go. But that's not the same in reverse. I mean, Vion looks like so unprofessional going to the captain to complain that stuff isn't getting done when he's supposed to be the one managing the stuff getting done.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. So Lara's like, whatever. So she goes and goes, starts. She starts complaining to Tsarina and she's like, tsarina is making a risotto. So she's like stirring really, the entire time. So Lara's like, I can't speak with Vihan. He was doing K2R when the guests are up and coming for breakfast. And I'm sorry, but cleaning the deck while the guests are up there for breakfast, it's unprofessional. And he's been up since 7:00am and that was 9:00 that he was doing that. Why wasn't it done? And so Tsarina's like, well, did he say? Did he respond? Lara's like, oh, well, he went to Captain. It's bullshit. He doesn't take any responsibility or any accountability and he blames everyone else and honestly don't know what to say or what to do.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then Vion goes to Jason and he's like, well, you know, I woke up and there was mess and there was cake and Harry was supposed to do it. But then Lara blamed me for it. And I can't have someone commenting stuff like that if she has no idea what's going on on the outside. Well, you don't know what's going on out there either, because you're not there. Your insides are eating, eating the cake, eating the cake that you're complaining about.

[Ben Mandelker]

The other stories of what's being told what's not really the truth. And at the end of the day, I look like the bad person. I really am trying my hardest.

[Ronnie Karam]

And Jason's like, excuse me, excuse me. You get nothing for nothing right at the end of the day. There now, with five charters in and you know the job. Don't throw people under the bus. Let's get it perfect. You know, I'm over this drama with them. If they, they can't get it together, someone's going home. I'm like, yeah, but also, you tattletailed about Marina to an underling too, when you had already taken care of it. So it's just like a tattletale kind of an episode. But also, everyone has a point.

[Ben Mandelker]

Everyone has. The thing is, when you're on a tiny boat, when you just want to vent to someone, it just kind of comes off as tattletailing because, like, whoever you vent to is part of some sort of hierarchy.

[Ronnie Karam]

But I think ultimately Jason's at the top and he's doing a very bad job managing, managing Vion. He's doing a shitty, shitty job managing Vyon. He's seen over and over that this guy's fucking up. He doesn't give him the helmet of death, he gives it to everybody else around him, even when Vyon's the one up every single time. And now he's acting like, oh, the kids are fighting. No, that's your underling and you need to fucking take care of him. Why are you more offended that Marina made a smart ass comment at you than you are that this guy almost drowned a gas because he took a leaking thing into the water? You know, it's weird about that. I don't know what's up with Jason. Like, I generally like him. He's not mean or he's not bad, but I just. I don't know, I wonder how much. I don't really understand what he's doing.

[Ben Mandelker]

He seems to be really. It's weird that he doesn't seem to be picking up on how, how terrible Von is. But next week looks insane. Next week is Johnny punching the wall, which will probably mean that he's gonna get fired because people are, like, crying and.

[Ronnie Karam]

But this week, they made it clear, clearer that Johnny is mad. They've. They just kind of showed that on its own up until now. But tonight, Tonight's the first time they've shown us that he's. It looks like he's mad at Vihan for causing all this drama and being a little gossip and trying to turn everybody against each other. That's what it looks like.

[Ben Mandelker]

At least I wasn't clear. I. I rewounded a few times because he says someone's name, but it's also when he punches. And I couldn't hear what he really said, but because Vion. Because Harry's like, I'm gonna leave this boat. I don't care. Because Vion is trying to talk about Harry. And then we see Johnny punching something and it sounds like I hate him or whatever. I don't know. It looks really good. It's gonna be. I'm like, I'm very excited. I'm very excited.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, we'll see you next week, won't we, everybody? Thank you so much for being here. Go to Patreon for the video versions of these and our White Lotus bonus episodes and to get dates for our live shows coming up next weekend and through May and June. Go check out watch what crappens.com and we'll talk to you next next time.

[Ben Mandelker]

Bye, everyone. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King Our.

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[Ronnie Karam]

Always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo she ain't no shrinking violet Coutar we love you guys. If you like watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] survey.