#2788 Denise Richards & Her Wild Things: Sheens From a Marriage

Summary

Podcast Summary: Watch What Crappens Episode #2788 – "Denise Richards & Her Wild Things: Sheens From a Marriage"

Release Date: April 3, 2025

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Introduction

In episode #2788 of Watch What Crappens, hosts Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam delve into the chaotic and comedic world of Denise Richards through her Bravo series, "Wild Things: Sheens From a Marriage." As usual, the duo employs their signature blend of praise, ridicule, and sharp wit to dissect the latest happenings in Richards' life, particularly focusing on her tumultuous marriage with Charlie Sheen and the ensuing family dynamics.

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Recap of Denise Richards' Show

Denise Richards' Marriage and Divorce

The episode opens with a humorous take on Denise Richards' marriage to Charlie Sheen, highlighting the dramatic elements that have become staples of reality television. Ben shares a mock anecdote about signing divorce papers, humorously equating the act to "holding Aaron's dick" (Ben Mandelker, [04:01]). This playful banter sets the tone for their exploration of the complexities behind Richards' high-profile separation.

Family Dynamics and Interactions

Ben and Ronnie navigate through several key scenes from Denise Richards' show, emphasizing the strained relationships within her family. They mimic interactions between Denise and her daughters, Lola and Sammy Sheen, portraying the generational and emotional gaps with comedic flair. For instance, Denise's attempts to bond with her daughters over mundane activities like eating oranges ([12:20]) are mocked as overly simplistic attempts to bridge deeper issues.

Memorable Scenes and Humorous Highlights

One standout moment discussed is Denise's unconventional approach to addressing her "turkey neck" through a mysterious strappy device meant to "freeze" her neck ([15:58]). Ben quips about the absurdity of the situation, suggesting it could lead to a series of future comedic narratives around Denise's attempts to maintain her youthful appearance.

Another notable segment involves the family's visit to Tosca Nova restaurant, where Charlie Sheen makes an awkward appearance. The hosts humorously critique Charlie's changed demeanor and appearance, pointing out his higher-pitched voice and altered physique ([17:38]). Denise's interactions with Charlie, particularly her playful criticism of his neck enhancements, provide ample material for Ben and Ronnie's comedic commentary.

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Host Commentary and Analysis

Ben Mandelker's Perspective

Ben approaches the episode with a blend of skepticism and amusement, often highlighting the absurdity of reality TV tropes present in Denise Richards' show. His commentary on the exaggerated portrayal of family conflicts—such as disputes over "sippy cups"—underscores the often over-the-top nature of televised personal drama. At [11:16], he reflects on the challenges of modern psychology in handling the Sheen family's issues, noting, "We’ve reached the limits of modern psychology."

Ronnie Karam's Take

Ronnie complements Ben's analysis by emphasizing the performative aspects of Richards' show. She critiques the superficial resolution of deep-seated issues, such as Denise's attempt to present a united front despite ongoing family tensions. Her imitation of Lola's reluctance to engage with her father encapsulates the disconnect between on-screen harmony and off-screen reality ([13:03]).

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Notable Quotes and Highlights

• Ben Mandelker ([02:18]): "Denise. Literally every episode is Denise saying, 'I remember the first time I saw Aaron, I saw that dick.'"

• Ronnie Karam ([06:37]): "So back to Denise. She's like, 'Hey, honey, do you even remember how we got together?' Like, it wasn't even, like a first date."

• Ben Mandelker ([16:45]): "So she's trying to do it to him. She's like, 'You know, I would have fucked you even with your neck.'"

• Ronnie Karam ([21:47]): "I think he's mad at me."

These quotes exemplify the hosts' irreverent humor and their ability to highlight the absurdities within reality TV narratives.

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Conclusions and Insights

Throughout the episode, Ben and Ronnie provide a satirical yet insightful examination of Denise Richards' "Wild Things: Sheens From a Marriage." They effectively balance humor with critical analysis, shedding light on the manufactured drama that characterizes much of Bravo's reality programming. Their playful mockery serves not only to entertain but also to question the authenticity and impact of such shows on the personal lives they portray.

The hosts conclude by reflecting on the sustainability of reality TV personas, pondering whether the Sheen-Richards dynamic is a true representation of their relationship or a carefully curated spectacle for the cameras. This introspection invites listeners to consider the broader implications of reality television on family dynamics and personal well-being.

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Final Thoughts

Episode #2788 of Watch What Crappens offers a comprehensive and entertaining breakdown of Denise Richards' latest ventures into reality TV. Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam excel in their roles as both commentators and comedians, providing a rich, engaging summary that captures the essence of the show while offering their unique perspectives. For fans of Bravo and reality TV satire, this episode is a must-listen, delivering both laughs and thoughtful critique in equal measure.

Transcript

[Ben Mandelker]

Wondry plus subscribers can listen to Watch what Crappens ad free right now. Join Wondry plus in the Wondry app or on Apple podcasts. Watch what Crappins. Watch what Crappins. Guess what happens when there's so much what Crappens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is Charlie Sheen. Just kidding. It's Ronnie Caram. Hi Ronnie. How's it going?

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, hello.

[Lola Sheen]

How are you?

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm doing great. We're here to talk about Denise Richards and her wild things. Before we get into that, we are still on tour and next week we go to Boston, Detroit and Chicago in one fell swoop. Tickets are available. Well, the ticket links are available on our website, watchcrappens.com and then in May we to Austin and Dallas and Las Vegas, which is really cool cause we've never done a Vegas show. And I'm so excited to do our very, very, very first Vegas show. And then we have two other shows that we are gonna add to the schedule but they're not ready yet. So just wait. Okay. And also go to Watch what Crappens. Cause you'll find links to patreon. Patreon.com watch whatcrappens where you get access to crappins on demand where you can watch us. Hello everyone. But you can also listen to our bonus episodes. And we are the last two episodes of White Lotus. We already recapped this week's so check that out if you're a White Lotus fan. And then we've got the big finale coming up this weekend. So we can't wait to talk about that now. Today we are getting back into Denise Richards world. We didn't do it last week cause we had a really busy week. But also last week's episode. Really all you missed was what's his face. Why am I blanking out his name all of a sudden?

[Ronnie Karam]

Patrick. Sweet baby. Sweet babe. Patrick Muldoon.

[Ben Mandelker]

Patrick Muldoon going through his midlife crisis, which was him make doing a guitar song and having Denise Richards be in his video and then reminiscing on all those good times with Patrick. Sweet babe. Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Hey honey, are you jealous I'm doing a music video with sweet babe? Yeah, babe, I'm super jealous. You're hot. Worry about I like your dick better. I've always like your dick. You got the most amazing dick, babe. Denise.

[Ben Mandelker]

Literally every episode is Denise saying, I remember the first time I saw Aaron, I saw that dick. Like, it's like she keeps saying it as if she hasn't told us before. And she even does it this episode. It's like, yeah, I saw that dick.

[Ronnie Karam]

And I like, I want that dick. It's the dick stick with Denise Richards. So this one is my dinner with Charlie, episode seven. And we opened with one of her monologues, and she's like, yeah, you know, for Charlie and I, it was a whirlwind romance. After my first date with Charlie, nine months later, you know, before we got married, so many people wanted to design my wedding dress. Giorgio Armani flew us to Italy. We went to his villa. It was like a fairy tale. It was like that. When I met Erica, when I met what's his face, my current husband, that, you know, at midnight, his dick literally turned into a pumpkin. It was huge. It was huge. I wrote it to Armani's house. I didn't even know him at that time.

[Ben Mandelker]

People don't know this, but we had a Catholic ceremony, and we had to do pre kind of classes, and I don't even know how even passed, but we did. And our relationship, you know, it was easy. We had a very, very easy relationship. And then. Then. But we. Obviously, it was very different from the divorce. And I remember the first time I was signing those papers, and I was like, this is a big pan. And I realized I was just holding Aaron's dick, and I was just moving it on paper, and I was like, this is a big dick in my hand.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then we go to Hollywood, the heart of Hollywood. Vine Street. Hollywood and Vine. And they go into Bulford Steak.

[Ben Mandelker]

You would think it's Boulevard. It's just bouled. And so it's. It's their anniversary. Denise and Arend. It's our anniversary. So six years. Can you believe it? He's like, yeah, but we've been together 8. Yeah, well, we don't say that part out loud because the big pharma. Anyway, I know six years married, and we got married on tv is Nick, right? And we see a flashback, and I can't believe it has already been, like, at this point, actually seven years since we saw it. Six years.

[Ronnie Karam]

They're getting married. Of course, they missed. They left out the part where Denise was, like, five hours late to her own wedding and everyone was hot. And then there were helicopters from TMZ flying overhead. And Lisa said, oh, my God, I know all of the paparazzi. Hi. Hi. Tmz. Hi. In the same season that she was like, how would I even sell a story? I don't know anybody.

[Ben Mandelker]

Wasn't the wedding the last time, like, lvp. There was something significant, right? It was like, the last time LVP was with so and so. Like, where it was, like, in the same shot with Rinna or was. What was it wasn't there.

[Ronnie Karam]

They were all shocked that she even showed up to the wedding.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, that's what it was.

[Ronnie Karam]

So how dare she come to this wedding? She should be scared. It's like, hello, darling. All right, can we move this along? Ken. Ken might not make it through this.

[Ben Mandelker]

Just please move it along. You know, Lisa Vanderpump was just on the Bravo hot mic thing. Did you see. I saw a little clip of it this morning.

[Ronnie Karam]

I saw a little clip as well. Which one?

[Ben Mandelker]

Did you saw the same clip where she was like, well, you know, I. I don't miss. I don't miss Kyle, but I do miss what we had, you know, but you know when someone says, oh, you're a liar, you're a liar, you're a liar. You just got to move on from those people. But, you know, I do miss those late night phone calls and helping her navigate tumultuous relationship with her sisters all the time. Drama, drama, drama. Every single time I would just answer the phone call, I would be tending to my dying jiggy, and I would say, no, no, let me take the time out for Kai Richards to talk about how her sister didn't save a stick of challenge butter for her and they would be in a fight for six months over it. I would do that because I was so selfless.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, I did like that. You know, Kyle always had something to talk about because of her relationships with her sisters. You know, throwing them under the bus and such. God, those were good times.

[Ben Mandelker]

All those times when she would plot and scheme against her sisters with me late at night. But apparently I'm the schemer. Oh, I miss those days of being gaslit by her in front of the group.

[Ronnie Karam]

So back to Denise. She's like, hey, honey, do you even remember how we got together? Like, it wasn't even, like a first date. He goes, I'm senile right now, babe. Can't remember anything, right? Cause we're old. It's hilarious.

[Ben Mandelker]

Senile or penile. You're right.

[Ronnie Karam]

Right. You know, I was your client, and I'll never forget I told my sister, I noticed your penis in your pants. And I'll never forget the first thing you notice that I had 5G radiation above my left earlobe. Thankfully, you stuck your penis in it and it fixed it.

[Ben Mandelker]

Whoa. How'd you see it? X ray vision. I'm telling you, big pharma. You got to be careful. Yeah, well, because you're stupid ass jeans. Okay, so she said. She said I should ask him out on a date. And I'm like, I don't want to date him. I just want to him. Okay, but I thought it might be inappropriate because I'm a client in your very reputable metal magnet healing business.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'll never forget when you told me. I mean, it was so romantic when you said one day, if you ever get cancer, only eat apples. I thought that was just the most professional advice I ever. So I you right there on the table. So she's like, yeah, you know, I'm always attracted to them, but, you know, seeing with my daughters, God, that made him real fucking hot.

[Ben Mandelker]

Me tell you, when he showed up going, commander with those tight jeans to my daughters when they took them to school. God, what a man. So now we're back into the restaurant, and Aaron's like, wow, time's flying. I mean, I used to have dark hair, and now I'm all white.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Did you see what they ordered? She's like, all right, so I'm going to have, okay, the wagyu meatball. All right, we'll do Mac and cheese, the potato, the pasta, spaghetti, the tomahawk. What else you want, honey? All right. Hey, is penis on the menu? I'm order a big penis right now, and it's not there. All right, just bring us 19 entrees.

[Ben Mandelker]

All right, we'll start with that weigh you. So he's like, yeah, my hair's gray. She's like, yeah, well, I can't see. I mean, well, you know, I can see, but it's not as clear as it used to be. I mean, I think it's Mother Nature that or in God that does that. I can't read anything. Like, I look at your dick. It is still big, but it's like a big, blurry big. You know what I'm saying? It's like. It's like someone blurred out an entire sentence on tv.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, Alexa. She goes, yeah, I think, you know, Mother Nature does that, right? And he goes, yes, you don't have to see me getting old. She goes, yeah, you know, so you're still hot, so that's good.

[Ben Mandelker]

So funny.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then she's telling us, yeah, I think with Aaron, like, we like each other. And that's there's respect and there's friendship, and that makes it different from my. My past relationship.

[Ben Mandelker]

And then all this food comes out, this. This wide assortment of. Of items. And Denise is like, by the way, you think my only pants is going to pan out? There was a pun there. Maybe I should start only puns, which is a pun on only pans.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, I ain't tell my daughters about the only pants. Sorry. Go ahead, Denise. Go ahead.

[Ben Mandelker]

I was going to make just like, when I saw Aaron's pant penis in his pants, I was like, you should start up on only pants. That's all. Sad pun, but it's entertaining to me at the moment.

[Ronnie Karam]

When I filed for divorce from Charlie, you know, I was moving out of the house. I was six months pregnant with Lola, you know, and then I hear my mom on the phone with him because she's pissed I took all the sippy, and he was pissed I took all the sippy cups. I mean, that's where we were at. Can you believe it, honey? Sippy cups. Jesus Christ.

[Ben Mandelker]

Wait, did he drink out of the CP cups? I mean, what didn't he drink out of? You know, put some vodka in the bird bath and go to town. You know, it didn't matter what vessel was, but the fewer the vessels, the angrier he got. So, you know, I don't think it really was about the sippy cups. It was about the fact that the family unit was moving and, you know, but I did leave a high chair for him, which he did apparently have sex with three hookers on somehow. I don't know how he did it.

[Ronnie Karam]

But God bless, then somehow snorted it, which is actually crazy. I mean, that man, he said it.

[Ben Mandelker]

Wasn'T called a high chair for nothing, so good for him.

[Ronnie Karam]

So they also got back together, and he's like, that's not important. Why are you saying, unfortunately, that's a good thing, right? She's like, I mean, well, I always wanted the girls to know I did everything I could to make that work done. Done.

[Ben Mandelker]

So, you know, we did see a couple's therapist that his lawyer found for us. And let me tell you something. That their therapist dropped us as clients. It's the second time in her career to ever drop a couple. Kind of like how I wanted Aaron to drop trou after I saw that outline in his jeans. And she pulled me aside and said, if you stay with him, you're gonna need therapy every day for the rest of your life, and I don't want to be that person. And that was just Based on the shit that we were sharing with her. If only she knew some of the other shit. Am I right?

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, well, life is short, babe, and you don't need tiger blood to do it. Oh, my God. The poor bastard with that thing. Fucking tiger blood. Jesus Christ. Don't even get me started on that.

[Ben Mandelker]

I love the idea of this. This poor therapist who, after, like, two sessions, it was just like, I'm out. I'm not doing this. I'm not taking on Charlie Sheen crazy.

[Ronnie Karam]

This is, like, literally too crazy.

[Ben Mandelker]

We've reached the limits of modern psychology. Go on, out. Get it out. We're done.

[Ronnie Karam]

So now we go to townhouse number two. And they're in the kitchen. Lola and Denise are standing at the island.

[Lola Sheen]

Hi, Mom. Can I eat this?

[Ronnie Karam]

And it's just an orange. What? Can you have a little, tiny fucking orange? Yeah, Lola, you can eat a tiny fucking orange. Geez. Hey, I'll have one with you. All right.

[Sammy Sheen]

Well, I just don't know, Mom. I don't know.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's like, yeah, well, you're. You're a tiny little orange. And you know what? You know what I call Aaron? A big little banana. Anyway, I'll have one, too. The banana and the orange, if you know what I'm saying.

[Sammy Sheen]

Mom, stop.

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay, well, your dad wants to go to lunch, and Sammy's not going because she doesn't want to. And she apparently doesn't like hanging out with anyone aside from herself. So your dad wants to see you, so you got ready to go. You can have all the oranges you want.

[Ronnie Karam]

So she's like, you know, the girl has been through a lot with her dad. It's been real up and down. And we cut to Lola, and she's.

[Lola Sheen]

Like, I'm just, like, so close with my dad right now. I think that is such a blessing. I think Jesus every day for that.

[Ronnie Karam]

And she's like, I would.

[Ben Mandelker]

I would.

[Ronnie Karam]

And then we cut to Sammy. She's like, I would literally do anything to not go to lunch with my dad. He doesn't deserve this nose.

[Sammy Sheen]

I just really want to have, like, Taco Tuesday with my dad. Thank you, Jesus, for Taco Tuesday.

[Ben Mandelker]

And my dad, well, no matter. No matter what, at the end of the day, you got a big dick for a big dick. And even though you girls are over 18 will always be your parents.

[Ronnie Karam]

So she's like, yeah, Mom. So then she is like, you know, charlie should get together with the girls more. You know, it's important to see your kids, you know, and. And they should see us get together more because it's important for your kids to see that you can get along with their exes. You know, it's why I slept with that lizard for so long. I said, listen, I'm willing to do a lot for this family.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'll do anything for it, you know, okay, we're gonna go to Tuscano. Blah.

[Sammy Sheen]

And she's like, oh, no, mom. Like, I know everyone there since I used to work there, Mom.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, well, I know, but, you know, they're giving it to us free because I called and I said, I'm Lola's mom, you know, so congratulations. You feel like a movie star, for one.

[Lola Sheen]

Well, I'm gonna need therapy after.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, honey. Even to therapy for a long time. There's a lot to unpack there. As Andy Cohen would say, it's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin commercial.

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[Ben Mandelker]

So now we go. Now it's the evening and Denise and Aaron's like lying in bed shirtless. And then she comes in, she's like, hey, why don't you take a photo of me? And he's like, okay. And she's like, look, look, look here. Before and after. And she has a before and after. Her neck looks different and she's talking about her turkey neck and what she's done with it.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, she has like a strappy thing that she's putting on and it's supposed to. It like freezes her neck and we see a close up of it and it does do it. Whatever it did worked.

[Lola Sheen]

I want.

[Ronnie Karam]

What is it? I want that. And they didn't say what it was. I thought it was going to be some product that she was going to be like, yeah, and that's why you've got, you know, I've got my only turkey necks videos coming out. You know, it's basically, guys, come on. They fuck my turkey neck. And, you know, once I get enough subscribers, I reveal how I get it up so I can't stick their penis in there anymore. Huge deal. Great product.

[Ben Mandelker]

You know, I would for sure lift my neck if I didn't have to do the surgery. I mean, someone's putting you the fuck out. You could be lights out. Like, who the fuck wants that? I mean, when your eyes are closed, you can't see all the big dicks in the pants around you.

[Ronnie Karam]

So she's trying to do it to him. She's like, you know, I would have fucked you even with your neck. Even without your neck up, you know, you look really good, Aaron. You still got it, you know? We could do it on your balls, though. Yeah, we'd be. He's like, so you're saying I have big, droopy balls, babe? She's like, no, I'm just kidding you. Don't be.

[Ben Mandelker]

So now we head to Tosca Nova restaurant, where Denise, Charlie and Lola all show up. And this is Charlie's big arrival. This is like, bravo. Bravo's so happy. This is all Brava. Wanted. They just wanted Charlie Sheen camera. So they sit down and he is like. It's just weird. I don't know. Like, I guess he's like. He's, like, old now, and he's had, like, some sort of surgery, so it looks, like, a little different. And his voice is much higher than I remember it being.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, I don't remember him talking like this. He's like, either.

[Lola Sheen]

Hey, guys. How are you?

[Ronnie Karam]

It's been a minute, huh? Spend a minute. Good to see you guys. Good to see you. And I just like to say here I'm part of the scene. Richards party. Okay, great, great. You can see me now. Don't be great. Hey, guys. There's a little awkward, right? She goes, hey, I need to take a look at your neck because I want to get mine done, you know? I'm sick of trying, guys. Trying to. I got enough subscribers, and now in my turkey. Only turkey, guys. He's like, all right. Why do we gotta highlight my neck? What is this? What is this? Is this what they do on reality tv? I've never been on reality tv. I'm doing this for you, Denise. I'm Doing this for you. This is what we're doing. Turking that content crash. Great. Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

Sure, sure, sure, sure is. Okay, well, it looks good. Okay. It looks like you never would know that. You're like a 100. He's like, well, that's hilarious. Thanks very much, Denise. It's good to see you, Charles. Yeah, well, it's good to see you too, Denise. Yeah, good to see you. Any chance that somebody actually applauds? My presence is awesome.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, well, I'm applauding you, Charles. So Lola comes.

[Lola Sheen]

It's like, hi, my. Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed to be back here. No, I will not get you a glass of water. Oh, my God.

[Ronnie Karam]

So she is shown to the table.

[Ben Mandelker]

You'll say what her next thing is where she. She's shown to the table.

[Sammy Sheen]

And she goes, this is, like, so nostalgic for me. I was so young, young when I worked here. I was 17.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's, like, 19 now.

[Ronnie Karam]

All youth. So then we see a shift photo when she was working, and Charlie came, and they. You know, they're smiling and he's like, yeah, you remember that day, kid? Ah, that was a good day. You know, I remembered Lola. I visited Lola. I had a couple of hookers at the hostess stand waiting for me. You know, she was so young. She was 17. I said, you're almost young enough to get on the streets, you know? And when they posted for a picture, you know, when we posted for a picture, nobody knew I was your dad. I mean, what the hell? What the hell, kids? You know how hard I've worked. Now nobody knows who I am. Come on.

[Sammy Sheen]

Yeah, they thought I was just, like, a fan, you know? And I was like, thank God. Thank Jesus for that.

[Ben Mandelker]

So he's like, yeah, well, did you. Did you keep it a secret out of shame or just to protect me?

[Sammy Sheen]

She goes, well, I kept it a secret because I didn't want people to treat me any differently. Like, how funny is that?

[Ben Mandelker]

And she says, my relationship with my.

[Sammy Sheen]

Dad is, you know, it's definitely improved. We started getting pedicures together, like, every two or three weeks. And that's become our favorite thing to do together. You know, he used to get pink with sparkles on top. And it was sort of weird because he'd always have, like, three prostitutes. So we sort of fill up the whole sit and nail salon. But whatever, it was fun.

[Lola Sheen]

Yeah. Like, he made fun of me a couple of times when I got crucifixes on my two big toes. And he said, like, where's the Third one. Weren't there three on the hill? And I was like, well, you know, I'm the martyr in the middle. You can only have so many toes, dad. Geez. We.

[Sammy Sheen]

We did have, like, a tense moment at one pedicure because he made a joke. He said, today is, like, Taco Tuesday. And I was like, please don't make fun of Taco Tuesday. It's a sacred night.

[Lola Sheen]

He asked me to pray over his Taco Tuesday. And I was like, I don't have a. A prayer for tacos. I mean, I do have one for, like, lizards now. I came up with that one. Can I use that one?

[Sammy Sheen]

So we prayed for Godzilla together, and then he painted Godzilla's face on all. All ten of his toes.

[Lola Sheen]

Unfortunately, she almost cut off his small toe because she was crying so hard by the end of the Godzilla prayer. So I guess it worked.

[Sammy Sheen]

It was really moving. It was nice that there was a rabbi there.

[Ronnie Karam]

All right, all right. This is cool. Look at this. Here we are just completely comfortable on camera, huh? You know, I've never done a reality show, Denise. And she goes, ah, yeah, you know the Housewives thing they wanted you on? He goes, well, I never saw that show until about three days ago. I stumbled onto this fight between you and Lisa Rinna. I mean, wow. Geez.

[Ben Mandelker]

Which is great because it gives us an excuse to see. Once again. You're so angry. Oh, Denise, you're so angry.

[Ronnie Karam]

Now you're feeling dirty. That's what's happening. Oh, I'm playing dirty.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're so angry. You're so angry.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, you know, I don't have the backstory, so I didn't know whose side to pick. I mean, obviously I picked yours, you know, because you gave me that gift of a high chair back in the day, so that was sweet.

[Ben Mandelker]

Wow. You know, the. The things I saw on that. That. That journey. I'll tell you, no, no coke has. Or any healthy has ever compared to snorting the high chair. Anyway, what was I saying?

[Ronnie Karam]

You're like, all right, well, I can tell you this much. This lunch is not going to look anything like that. It's not going to look anything like that. All right, so I was thinking this morning, you know, that, like, the considerations for what you'd order to eat on a date. All right, what would they be? Lola.

[Lola Sheen]

And she's like, oh, my God, Dad, I've never been on a date. Only with the Lord.

[Sammy Sheen]

Yeah, I really struggle with finding boyfriends. You know, it's really hard for me to trust someone because I never Know if they're just like, a fan of my dad and like, one guy who had a crush on me literally had a poster of my dad on his wall and he was just like a little bit obsessed or a lot like, I don't know, like, very weird. I. I definitely don't want to go on another date with Patrick Muldoon. It was just really strange.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, that makes more sense because who the has pictures of Charlie Sheen up in there? Like, what young person is like, like, you know who I love Charlie sheen. Like a 17 year old who's, like, super into Charlie Sheen.

[Ben Mandelker]

What has Charlie Sheen maybe become kind of like a. Like a. Like one of those actors that, like young people, like, you know, like, sort of ironic. I mean, they.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm sure it was released on Netflix or whatever.

[Ben Mandelker]

I mean, a lot of kids grew up with Two and a Half Men airing, you know, so they knew who he was and maybe it's like, cool. And they probably have 17 year olds.

[Ronnie Karam]

Dan, if you're still like 100 years ago.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, yeah. If you're 17. You were. That's true.

[Ronnie Karam]

You were.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're. Well, if you're 17, you were born in 2008. I think two. I think two and a Half Men was on, like, through all the 2000. I feel like it was on for like 40 years. It was never. Not there.

[Ronnie Karam]

Wow.

[Ben Mandelker]

You know, and so then I'm sure there's like, you know, them. Maybe they found like, like hot shots. And so he came, became like a cult character. They. They were, you know, they were young when he had his big flame out, you know, maybe. Oh, yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

I don't know. So now they're talking about Charlie and Denise's first date. He's like, yeah, we're so. My condo. We were watching a baseball game.

[Lola Sheen]

So you did, like a little dinner.

[Ronnie Karam]

He's like, no, no, I stopped at the liquor store.

[Lola Sheen]

Okay.

[Ronnie Karam]

That's what I did. So.

[Lola Sheen]

That's so romantic. Jesus liked wine.

[Ronnie Karam]

Wow. By the way, you know, there was a little crack there too. I'm not gonna lie. I just stopped in the parking lot. Lot. So that was fun.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. I just want to say Two and a Half men went from 2003 to, I think 2015. So maybe my theory is not strong because they would have been little. Little kit. Like really young during Two and a Half Men's time on the air. So I retract h. So that's just.

[Ronnie Karam]

That's just a part of pop culture that I just never let touch me. I was like, I. I Rebuke you. I was like, I rebuke you. So. So then Denise is like, yeah, I stopped in the liquor store and I brought the food and ice cream. You want to know what we had? Oh, yeah.

[Lola Sheen]

That was the best time ever.

[Ronnie Karam]

That was so, so fun. She goes, yeah, that is true. It was a very fun time. I had steamed vegetables.

[Lola Sheen]

Of course you did, Mom.

[Ben Mandelker]

You know, the one thing I will say about you and I going through the difficulty we did is you knew I always had your back at the end of the day when I divorced you. You knew I had your back when I left you. And he's like.

[Ronnie Karam]

He's like, oh.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's like, you know, I never was gonna say this or that. I'll hold a press conference. You know, I always had your fucking back.

[Ronnie Karam]

And my sippy cups. Am I right? She had my back in my sippy cups. So maybe we shouldn't discuss that right now. Right? Yeah. Because if you didn't have my back, we wouldn't be able to have moments like this. Wonderful moments like this.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. And then Denise tells us that, you know, like. Well, Charlie and I were married for four and a half years, which is almost sort of like double. His show, Two and a Half Men, kind of. But we had. He. No, he had been sober for about four years. And I never thought someone would be so committed to sobriety, would fall back into it because they never really been around him. But then after I got pregnant with Lola, it just started to turn fast. So. Yeah, I hope this doesn't damage her. I don't. I hope this doesn't give her a complex that it's her fault that he went off the wagon, went Looney Tunes for the rest of his life. But anyway, now I've said it on tv.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. You know, and it was a big fight. And I just packed my belongings, Sammy's belongings. I called their nanny to meet him at the Beverly Hills Hotel. And when the nanny came, she. I, you know, I left Sammy with the nanny, filed for divorce on my way to a table read. Not good.

[Ben Mandelker]

I mean, look, I got. I got my kids, I got the nanny. And as I was driving down the street to the hotel, I sort of honked my horn a lot and said, hey, has anyone got a lizard they want to offload on me as long as I'm packing things up?

[Ronnie Karam]

I took a nice long sip from a sippy cup. It felt good. That was a good day. That was a big day in my life. So she goes, yeah, come on, Charlie. I had your back I had your back. He's like, well, this soup is really good, huh? You should order the soup.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's like, ah. So then he gets something, and it has, like, carrots in it. And he's like, so is this carrot or is it squash? Because there's a giant E. Coli carrot alert right now. So is this a carrot or some kind of squash? I'd like to get to the bottom of it now. She's like, well, I think it's a sweet. Oh.

[Sammy Sheen]

Lola's like, I think it's a sweet potato, dad.

[Ben Mandelker]

Actually, it's like, well, to me, that looks like a carrot, so eat it. Don't be such a puss.

[Lola Sheen]

Oh, my God. You just can't eat anything anymore. I remember when I was really young, there was, like, a spinach warning. I was, like, 18.

[Sammy Sheen]

Yeah, it's like a sepia tone memory.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's like, wow, look at lit. Charlie worried about germs, okay? Contaminated vegetable. I mean, listen, look at the history of what's gone into his body and the people he surrounded himself with during his divorce. I mean, Jesus Christ, he was blowing a monkey the first time I. The first time I let him visit the kids. Jeez.

[Ben Mandelker]

Like, well, I think I've survived much worse than eating the E. Coli carrot. And Lola's like, I think this is.

[Sammy Sheen]

Where Sammy gets her dark humor from. That's where she gets all her E. Coli jokes.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's like, well, hopefully.

[Ronnie Karam]

How is she?

[Ben Mandelker]

Is she good? Does she still remember what I look like? She's like, I don't know. She got a new nose.

[Ronnie Karam]

So I tried to ask her how she was doing, and she tried to charge me a subscription. I said, you better watch your damn mouth, young lady. All right.

[Ben Mandelker]

Lola's like, I don't know.

[Sammy Sheen]

I mean, she got a spray tan the other day.

[Ben Mandelker]

There's a lot going on with. A lot going on with Sammy that killed me.

[Ronnie Karam]

How's your sister?

[Lola Sheen]

She's good. She got her spray tan.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's like, awesome. That's awesome. So in the confessional, Sammy is sitting with Denise, and she's like, yeah, me.

[Lola Sheen]

And my dad haven't spoken in, like, a few months. It comes in chunks. Like, the first 13 years were really bad, but then they were okay. And I was just like, I mean, is it a sweet potato or a carrot?

[Ben Mandelker]

That was. It was so strange that Sammy decided to talk about that while impersonating her sister.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, sorry. Sorry. Me and my dad. Okay, just pretend I was saying it like that. I think he's mad at me.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. I'm, like, mad at my dad, but I'm mad at my sister too, so I will mock her while talking about my dad.

[G]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

On my, like, Charlie Sheen Google alert. I read a while back that he got mad that she has an OnlyFans, and that caused big fights. Huge fights.

[Ben Mandelker]

I just. I feel like Charlie Sheen has forfeited the right to complain about embarrassing his people, embarrassing the family, like, even when he's right.

[Ronnie Karam]

You know what I mean? Like, you don't. No one wants to be like, oh, my God, my teenage daughter's on OnlyFans fans. But, you know, yeah, you're right. He's free.

[G]

He doesn't.

[Ben Mandelker]

He doesn't have it right. He's done.

[Ronnie Karam]

I haven't over my children, so I can say that, but you can't.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, you're like Bueller. You will never go on Only fans. Exactly. So Denise is like, you know, my kids have been through a lot with her dad, and it hasn't really been perfect with he and Lola or any of his kids. So I hope he does recognize that, you know, because he's missing out, and she's getting. She's getting choked up talking about it.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Yeah. I was curious to see you since you had your neck done. Would you do your fucking neck again? God damn, Charlie. Jesus Christ. And then it cuts to her and she's like, yeah, I wanted to see how it looked, but I think I'm good on getting my neck done.

[Ben Mandelker]

I mean, any chance you can call up Emilio so we can see what's going on with his neck?

[Ronnie Karam]

He asked his soup if this is a potato or a carrot, and his neck said, is this a fucking. And the carrier said, is that a neck or a playing card? You know? What the. Is that thing a shelf?

[Ben Mandelker]

By the way, why was it strange to me? I don't know why, but why was it so strange to me that Charlie Sheen ordered a lentil soup? I just don't see him as someone who orders a lentil soup.

[Ronnie Karam]

His order was odd. He ordered lentil soup and the calamari, which I thought was. I thought both things were odd.

[Ben Mandelker]

I really. You know what? I have to say? I. I don't enjoy a lentil soup. I find them to be a very sassy.

[Ronnie Karam]

I love lentil soup.

[Ben Mandelker]

Really?

[Ronnie Karam]

I make it. Yeah, I make it every couple weeks. I ate a lot of lentil soup.

[Ben Mandelker]

I like lentils. It's, you know, one of my favorite Barbra Streisand movies.

[Ronnie Karam]

Chickpea. Can you hear me?

[Ben Mandelker]

No, I. I do like lentils, but I just feel like lentils soup.

[Sammy Sheen]

I don't know.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's like too, like bitsy and bitsy and grainy. Not grainy. It's like little, like little bits and bobs in my soup. I don't know. A lot of tiny soup. A lot of tiny, tiny little things. Yeah. I want my soup to be like either a puree or like a chowder. I want it to be chowder.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, I'm into like a lot of shit in my soups.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

So she doesn't like his neck, basically, but to him, she's like, oh, it looks fucking great. It looks real fucking good, you know?

[Ben Mandelker]

And he.

[Lola Sheen]

He goes, yeah, you know, I'd let.

[Ronnie Karam]

Him do it again if they want to. Unless I'm playing a character that lived in a turtleneck. I mean, I don't know. I guess I could do that. Am I right? God, this reality TV thing. Random killing it. Am I killing it?

[Ben Mandelker]

God, his turtleneck bit is great. So, yeah, it looks good. It looks good. And then Charlie's like, well, see, this is not a. This is not a date meal. And he points to Denise's pizza because I guess that's a reference to his Westwood apartment date. She's like, yeah, well, it's because I had two pieces of the pizza. I was like, okay, two. You're gonna take this with it? She's like, sure.

[Lola Sheen]

You know what's funny? Like, I could never picture you guys being married.

[Ronnie Karam]

Channel. What? How could you not picture? I mean, what mother is not like, yeah, had your back during the crack cocaine and hooker stories. You know what I mean? Like, regular family night over here.

[Sammy Sheen]

Sometimes. Sometimes I think about, like, if you were still married and like, if we all lived in the same house, what.

[Ben Mandelker]

That would be like, yeah, yeah. So here's what you can do. Imagine 10 prostitutes walking in like Thanksgiving. Yeah. Except it's all the time.

[Ronnie Karam]

Imagine trying to give you your breakfast out of a wine bottle. It's cuz you stole my sippy cups. I mean, why are we still bringing that up? Jesus Christ.

[Ben Mandelker]

And then he's sifting. Then Charlie starts sifting through more carrots and he's like, wow, I'm really hitting the jackpot with this place, by the way. I love that. They're just Bravo's so excited that Charlie Sheen is on camera, that literally nothing has happened. We're watching him, like, sifting through carrots right now. Denise is like, yeah, I'm mad, you know, I'm glad we did this. Not mad. I'm Glad. And we should do this more often. Get together, put carrots in front of Charlie, watch him freak out. God, it's hilarious.

[Ronnie Karam]

Your superstar, Charlie Sheen.

[Lola Sheen]

And you're a superstar, too, Mom. Jesus, you guys are both superstars. I'm scared of being famous. Like, what would people say about me?

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, well.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, do what I do. Just don't read anything, because if you don't read it, it doesn't exist.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, you know, it's funny. He's giving her that. That advice because, you know, God, he would tweet me things that were disgusting. I mean, I became a shell of myself after his tweets.

[Ben Mandelker]

Jesus, it's. I mean, it is so funny how Denise really is, like, she holds so much compassion for people because I would never talk to this man again. And she talks about how he was slamming her in the tabloids and this and that. What?

[Ronnie Karam]

I mean, we've seen one. It's like the worst mother of all time. What a shitty mother.

[Ben Mandelker]

I mean. Yeah. Was this, like, what, around 2005 or so? 2004. 2004. I don't remember when it was.

[Ronnie Karam]

I don't remember. Somewhere in there, I find it better to just. Just not remember years. And then we see some stuff on the screen, and Denise is talking about, like, you know, like, he was slamming her. Meanwhile, she was not doing that back to him. He was spiraling, and she was raising her own kids. And plus took in his sons from Brooke because both parents were unstable. Brooke had to go to substance abuse treatment. And so she was raising Brook's children and her own children at the same time. And he's going off on her on Twitter and stuff, which is so shitty. And also still shitty of Brooke when Brooke just came out this week and had an article like, denise doesn't pay me shit to do a show. I've never seen a paycheck from that show. And now she won't even call me back. I think Denise has done enough from you or for you, for you to be able to shut your fucking mouth, Brooke.

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay, yeah, I agree. I agree. So now Charlie is like, you know, Brad Pitt said something so smart. He said, if I look good in a picture, I'll take it. But he would never read the story attached because he knew exactly what I was going to. Man, I am such a fan. Never met the man. And Lola's like, I met him. And they're like, what? And she's like, yeah, I know he used to cook you breakfast. I'm so jealous.

[Sammy Sheen]

He's like, yeah, yeah. I used to be friends with his kids because we used to go to beach camp. So we just, like, sleepover and probably would make breakfast in the morning.

[Ronnie Karam]

Figures that Charlie would be a fan of fucking that guy. I mean, have you read any stories about him and his child rearing lately? Good God. He's like, God, I really. I really respect that guy. Guy.

[Ben Mandelker]

What a dad.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, Brad, What a dad. All right.

[Sammy Sheen]

Yeah. It's just funny because I never knew my dad was such a big fan.

[Ben Mandelker]

And Denise is like, well, I wish Brad Pitt would make me breakfast. Like, to see his jeans, if you know what I'm talking about.

[Ronnie Karam]

One time I woke up and I thought, oh, my God, that's Brad Pitt. But I just couldn't see where it very well. It was Aaron's dick. It was Aaron's dick.

[Ben Mandelker]

It was just a dick.

[Ronnie Karam]

I was like, you're so good. And a river went through it. And he was like, honey, it's my dick.

[Ben Mandelker]

I said I loved you in 12 Monkeys, but then I realized it was just 12 inches, if you know what I'm saying.

[Lola Sheen]

That's so funny. Like, I never knew my dad was such a big fan of Brad Pitt. Oh, you know what?

[Ronnie Karam]

I think this is it. So thank you for this. The reality TV experiment has passed. I'm great at it.

[Lola Sheen]

And let's do this again.

[Ronnie Karam]

Maybe next time you could just take me to an actual farm and have me cow and I could walk away with E. Coli instead of trying to trick me through carrying.

[Lola Sheen]

That would be great.

[Ben Mandelker]

And they leave and seen, and that is the episode. So, yeah, fun times. Next week, it's the season finale. Thanks, everyone for being here for another light and frothy Denise Richards and her Wild Things recap. And we'll be back with more recaps throughout the week. Go to watchcrappens.com to get your tickets and to join our Patreon. Bye, everyone.

[Ronnie Karam]

Bye.

[Ben Mandelker]

Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King.

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[Ronnie Karam]

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