#2804 The Valley S2E01: Gotta Keep ‘Em Separated

Summary

Podcast Summary: Watch What Crappens - Episode #2804: The Valley S2E01: Gotta Keep ‘Em Separated

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Release Date: April 17, 2025
Podcast: Watch What Crappens | Wondery

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Introduction

In Episode #2804 of Watch What Crappens, hosts Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam delve into the Season 2 premiere of Bravo's reality series The Valley, titled Gotta Keep ‘Em Separated. The episode offers a detailed critique and humorous take on the unfolding drama, providing listeners with their signature blend of praise, ridicule, and evisceration of reality TV antics.

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Episode Overview

The Valley Season 2 kicks off with heightened tensions and escalating conflicts among the cast members. The premiere episode, Gotta Keep ‘Em Separated, introduces viewers to a tumultuous landscape where personal grievances and broken relationships take center stage.

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Key Plot Points

1. Britney and Jax's Turbulent Separation:

   • Britney and Jax navigate their messy separation, fraught with accusations of infidelity and emotional volatility.
   • Notable Quote:
     Ronnie Karam [03:07]: "It's like, people that I should feel pity for, but I can't."

2. Kristen's Transition into Middle Age:

   • Kristen showcases her struggles with aging and identity, leading to humorous observations from the hosts.
   • Notable Quote:
     Ben Mandelker [04:35]: "Kristen as we knew her on Vanderpump Rules was like a very different person."

3. Janet and Jason's Familial Challenges:

   • The couple grapples with parenting three young children in cramped living conditions, highlighting the chaos of their household.
   • Notable Quote:
     Ronnie Karam [10:27]: "Janet, of course, is going to come out with the most basic shit ever."

4. Danny and Nia's Overcrowded Condo:

   • Their struggle with insufficient space for their growing family underscores the show's theme of dysfunction.
   • Notable Quote:
     Ben Mandelker [13:31]: "She just wants one of them to eat her."

5. Jax’s Outburst and Lack of Accountability:

   • Jax's aggressive behavior towards Britney, including flipping a coffee table, sets the tone for his character's downward spiral.
   • Notable Quote:
     Ronnie Karam [16:29]: "For iPad, I need it to be a Britney vagina free iPad."

6. Michelle and Jesse's Co-Parenting Struggles:

   • The couple experiences friction over parenting decisions and Jesse's attempts to introduce new relationships.
   • Notable Quote:
     Ben Mandelker [22:03]: "I almost feel like Jesse has a midlife crisis."

7. Kristen and Janet's Attempted Reconciliation:

   • Efforts to mend fences between Kristen and Janet fall flat, revealing deeper underlying issues.
   • Notable Quote:
     Ronnie Karam [54:14]: "What'd she do to you? ... That's all Kristen did from what I remember from last year."

8. Danny and Nia's Parenting Crisis:

   • The couple debates whether to expand their family further amidst existing chaos.
   • Notable Quote:
     Ben Mandelker [38:31]: "I want him to have a room and a yard of space."

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Hosts' Insights and Commentary

Throughout the episode, Ben and Ronnie provide sharp, often sarcastic commentary on the characters' actions and the show's progression:

• On Jax's Predictable Downfall:
  Ben Mandelker [17:09]: "Jax is one of the least surprising people to ever be on Bravo."

• On Britney's Struggles:
  Ronnie Karam [16:39]: "Britney, really? You're giving your son an iPad to use that."

• On Janet's Manipulative Tendencies:
  Ben Mandelker [55:33]: "Janet is, like, trying to manipulate me like she does everyone else."

• On Kristen's Inauthentic Apology:
  Ronnie Karam [54:03]: "That's a gaslight apology, and you're including demonic behavior from Zach."

Notable Quote Highlights:

• Ronnie Karam [03:07]: "It's like, people that I should feel pity for, but I can't."
• Ben Mandelker [04:35]: "Kristen as we knew her on Vanderpump Rules was like a very different person."
• Ben Mandelker [17:09]: "Jax is one of the least surprising people to ever be on Bravo."
• Ronnie Karam [55:33]: "Janet is, like, trying to manipulate me like she does everyone else."

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Conclusion

Episode #2804 of Watch What Crappens offers an in-depth and entertaining analysis of The Valley Season 2 premiere. Ben and Ronnie adeptly navigate the complexities of the show's dramatic storylines, offering listeners both humor and critical insight into the often toxic dynamics of reality TV cast members. Their commentary not only highlights the absurdities of the characters' behaviors but also provides a satirical lens through which to view the ongoing saga of The Valley.

For fans of reality TV and those who enjoy a comedic critique, this episode is a must-listen, delivering both laughs and thoughtful observations on Bravo's latest offerings.

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Note: This summary excludes advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections as per the podcast's transcript guidelines.

Transcript

[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ben Mandelker]

That's because it's home project season, Ronnie. And Wayfair is the best kept secret for all things renovation and beautifying.

[Ronnie Karam]

And I really love a modern style and I can find that so easily on Wayfair. They've got every style there.

[Ben Mandelker]

You did your patio. I did my. I made my office into a podcasting studio and I did it with Wayfair as well.

[Ronnie Karam]

There's something for every style in every home, no matter your space or budget.

[Ben Mandelker]

Wayfair makes it easy to tackle your spring home goals with endless inspiration for every space and budget, whether you need a light refresh or an organization overhaul.

[Ronnie Karam]

Free and easy delivery, even on the big stuff. They even help you set it up. Shop the best selection of home improvement online. Get renovating with wayfair. Head to wayfair.com right now. That's W A Y-F A I R.com wayfair every style, every home.

[Monica Lewinsky]

When a young woman named Desiree vanishes without a trace, the trail leads to Kat Torres, a charismatic influencer with millions of followers. But behind the glamorous posts and inspirational quotes, a sinister throughout unravels. Binge all episodes of Don't Cross Cat early and ad free on Wondery.

[Ben Mandelker]

Plus, who cares what happens when there's so much that crapp? Hello and welcome to Watch what crap ins. A podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk talk about. I'm Ben Maner, and joining me today on a very special Valley premiere day is the one and only Ronnie Caram. Hi, Ronnie. What's up?

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, hello, welcome. Welcome to this very fine holiday.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yes, welcome to National Valley Day. We're so excited to talk about this show. We're also excited to be going back to Austin and to Dallas in just a few weeks. And then after that, we're going to go to Las Vegas. So please join us in May for our three big that we're doing as we come to the end of the Mounting Hysteria tour. Thanks to everyone who's come out already and thanks to everyone who will be coming out for these next next three days. Next three shows, go to watch a crappin.com to get all your details like dates, times, places, and most importantly, ticket links. And we will hope to see you all there. And of course, join us on Patreon, where you can gain access to our bonus episodes, like White Lotus, recaps with the traders, etc. Love island this summer, I'm sure. And then we also have Crappies on Demand, where you can just not only listen to. You can watch us. Hello from my childhood bedroom. And that is basically the news. Ronnie, what did you think about the Valley premiere?

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, my gosh. It's so. I mean, it's, like, so depressing and fun. Such bad clothes and, like, it's like, below Ross dress for level. Level. Like, these were bad. And it was just heartbreaking, heart filling. I don't know. There's just so much terrible good stuff happening. It's like, people that I should feel pity for, but I can't. That makes sense.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, they're really. Their lives are just, like, all in the shitter. It's so funny because the way this show was originally pitched last year was, look at all these different couples learning to, like, be adults in the Valley. They're adulting, they got kids, they're figuring out a way. And this year, all their lives are garbage. And they're all angry, and they're angry at each other. And it's kind of. It's. It's sort of amazing.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, it's nice, you know, for anybody who's into gardening or farming or the Bible, you know, watching people all really reap what they sowed. That's a lot of it. It's a lot of horrible seeds that we saw planted, like, a decade ago, coming to fruition now. Then it's like, what did you think was gonna grow out of the jackseed? What exactly did you think was gonna grow? You thought Jax was gonna grow up and not be terrible? No, terrible people grow up and they're even more terrible. Enjoy that. Enjoy the next two decades of your life. You know, and it's like I said, there's a lot of things that I know that I should be feeling sympathy and it coming. And I like that. I like that.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

I feel like the world is requiring a lot of sympathy right now, and it's important to be able to show sympathy. And I feel like I'm showing it in a lot of my life. So it's nice to have a show to come to and just not be expected to show it. It's like, nope, you all suck. And it's going to be fun watching you ruin yourselves. For the next five years.

[Ben Mandelker]

Absolutely. And I have to say I'm really loving Kristen's segue into like middle age. I think, like, I feel like she's just like two ponytails away from being and some bell bottoms from being like the crazy lady who comes to the farmer's market. And I love this. I love this path for her. And every time she shows up on screen, I just giggle. Like she just, you know, you know, Kristen as we knew her on Vanderpump Rules was like a very different person. And now here she shows up, she's like, she's just like world weary. She's exhausted and she just flops around. And I love it.

[Ronnie Karam]

I think Christian is like 10 years away from being that woman in the Kyle Richards dog video.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yes. 100. She is heading down that path.

[Ronnie Karam]

Kyle Richard is going to be chasing her down the street, filming her on a phone, being, why did you drag your cops up the car? There are dogs up the curb. And this Kristen's just gonna be like, you, your friends go, just cause you. Your dogs don't mean you can say nothing to me.

[Ben Mandelker]

You know, in 10 years from now, Kristen will be 54. She'll be. She will be dragging along three dogs on the sidewalk. And then in her spare time, she'll be, I feel like following fish around the country or something or maybe Dave Matthews or I don't know. But I think like, she's gonna be like that lady at the concert who's like, oh, yeah, yeah. I remember coming to see these guys 30 years ago. They were great. Still the same. They just. I just jam out with them all the time. They mean so much to me.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So everybody's sitting down in their confessionals, getting ready to be filmed for the first time of the season. And a producer saying, wow, Brit, I know what it's like going through a divorce. It's tough. Yeah. Especially when you're dealing with someone like jx.

[Ben Mandelker]

And we see this is all because it's the beginning of the season. It's very montagey. It's sort of like a trailer. It's kind of vaguely like coming up this season, but it's not. It's like interspersed with them sitting down. So it's sort of like deconstructed a bit. And so we see Jack screaming at Britney, being like, what are you doing this last five months, Brits? And then she's saying that she. They're just like fighting about this like, hookup that she had. And she's saying, like, I'm gonna File a restraining order.

[Ronnie Karam]

Why?

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm taking Cruise. I'm getting full custody, and I'm putting her writing order against you. And I don't need you running around town getting drunk with all these little sluts, which is. It's a great way to start the show.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. And she's. Kristen's in Jackson's kitchen now saying, you can't be around Cruz because you're like a ticking time bomb. Like, if this isn't rock bottom, like, here's another drink. Get there. Just please, please get there.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. And then Carl. I meant, not Carl. Hi, everyone. No. Jax is basically getting into a car to go to rehab. And he's like. He's like, I need rehab. I need help. So then we go. Seven days earlier. This is a. This could be quite a week on the Valley, I have to say, because we didn't even. We didn't touch on some of these scenes yet. Seventies earlier.

[Ronnie Karam]

Only seven days earlier. That's crazy.

[Ben Mandelker]

I know. It's a lot. It's a lot. So we're at Jesse's house, and he is setting up his. He's so performative. He has. In his living room now it's like, definitely American Psycho. And he set up, like, a book of, like, Zah Zaha Hadid and, like, Renzo Piano. And he's like, trying to be all, like, artsy and, like, architectural. It's like, sir, don't even try. We know. And so he's. He's saying how he's really loving now that. Now that Michelle's moved out, he's like, we're separated. We're waiting for our divorce to be finalized. And, like, now in my own space, I can organize my suits by color.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

I can make sure there's not a single fleck of dust anywhere in the apartment.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's like, finally, my dog's life.

[Ronnie Karam]

Hell. Yeah. It's like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I can organize my suits now exactly how I want. And he does this thing where he looks into the camera and just kind of this, like, too much. Like, it hurts. It scares me a little bit. And he's like, yeah, co parenting is not going well. I guess it's that he acts relaxed, but he's so intense that it's scary, you know?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

And he's like, we're arguing all the time about stuff. She doesn't want Isabella. And makeup. I put makeup on Isabella, you know, that kind of thing.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. She's. He's basically putting on passive aggressive eyeshadow and Isabella, by the way, can tell that there's tension in the home because she's just busy knocking pillows off of chairs. That's, like, her whole thing this season. So he's like, isabella acts and looks exactly like me. And I'm sure Michelle loves that. And then we. I love. It's so. These people are so toxic. I forgot how toxic Jesse and Michelle were until just. Even this opening scene, I was like, oh, yes. Being dunked right back into this pool of depravity.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So five hours later, we see Isabella in Michelle's car. And it's like, look, I shot a stupid. And she's like, where did. You're. You are too young. Young do wear eyes shadow. Why are you wearing eyes shadow? It's like, daddy made me.

[Ben Mandelker]

So now Janet and Jason, they're. They're at home with their son, who has a little helmet on, which is cute. And Janet's like, before having a baby, I was like, you're gonna get hit. You're gonna get on. You're gonna get barfed on. And that's gonna be, like, the worst part and the gross part. But, like, now I just, like, don't care at all. I was like, oh, my God, Janet, that is such an amazing insight that. That every single person has had before you. Congratulations.

[Ronnie Karam]

Janet, of course, is going to come out with the most basic shit ever. Like, I never knew how excited I was to have babies, but do you know how tiny their toes are and their fingers? Yes, Janet.

[Ben Mandelker]

Now, congratulations.

[Ronnie Karam]

So. And I just love snot suckers, because that's where you suck up their snot through a straw. And then sometimes it goes in my mouth. But when it's your own baby, you don't care. I would fucking care. I would be like, I would blow it back at the baby's face.

[Ben Mandelker]

I could use Janet sucking some snot out of my nose right now. I got some allergies. I'm like, bring that over here. Help me out. You can have my snot.

[Ronnie Karam]

Is that really what you want, Janet? Sucking snot out of your nose? Oh, Janet, gross. So, yeah, she's like, yeah. I mean, if it's your own baby, you don't care about the baby snot. I slap that baby with this with the hose and be like, learn to blow your nose. I was not put on this earth to suck your snot out.

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay, so then we go over to Kristen and Luke, and Luke is like, so when was the last time you talked to Janet? Oh, seriously. When she called me and she cried and she's like, oh, I wish we could all be friends. Oh, she's dead to me.

[Ronnie Karam]

Gibson, stop licking your wiener. I see you. And the dog's like, sorry. And Luke's like, so how are you feeling? How are your boobs? Are they sore? She's like, yup. And he says, yeah, I just want to improve our chances of getting pregnant. You know, increasing physical activity is a good thing to do, you know, Also not drinking. And she's like, huh. All right.

[Ben Mandelker]

Who do you're with? Kristen Doty. She will be drinking, I think back to, like, the 70s, and people were, like, chain smoking in bars and restaurants. And I'm sure, like, when I was born, people were doing these kind of things, and, like, look how I turned out. Seriously. Seriously.

[Ronnie Karam]

I love that the camera just stays on her. Like, her not getting the irony of what she just said. Okay, so they've been together. Oh, now we see Jasmine and her girlfriend Melissa. So Melissa is the girl in the trailer that we're like, who's that? That's Melissa. Awesome. And she's finally ready to be on camera. So they're talking about wanting to get married and getting a ring. And Jasmine's like, yeah, yeah, Melissa, she's definitely the one. Definitely the one. She's amazing. You know, she works in tech. Like, she's dorky. Like, in the best way. In the best way. She's great.

[Ben Mandelker]

Great.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's great. I love her. Are you getting me a ring? You getting me a ring? Give me a ring. Give me a ring. It's like, oh, babe.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. So then we go to Danny and Nia's condo, and they have all these kids and they have no room whatsoever. And Danny's like, last year I had three under two, and everybody says, gonna get easier. Well, guess what? They're all lying because I got three under three, and it's way harder. I'm like, these. These people need to get out of this tiny little box right now. Like, I'm. I'm. I'm feeling uncomfortable. I'm feeling as uncomfortable. Was trying to watch Severance in that cramped little office that they all walk around in. Like, please find a patch of grass and just live there. I need wall. I need, like, open space, no wall.

[Ronnie Karam]

Santa Clarita. Am I right? Santa Clarita. So they put things down and they're. You know, every time they try to do something, they're screaming babies, you know what? You should have another one. Sounds like hell. This sounds like hell. This show is a. This show is the seventh ring of hell. Okay.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yes.

[Ronnie Karam]

So now we go to Jackson. Brits. And Jax is doing his crazy thing of just stalking around the backyard with the leaf blower. That's Jax's thing. Like, I'm a dad now. This is what dads do. You like it? Yeah. Yeah. Getting those leaves blown. Like Jax can't find anything to do that's not disruptive to those around him. You know what I mean? Find a quieter hobby, bro. It's a.m. p.m. Out of coffee. What the.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, what happened to that? So Jesse comes over and he's. They go inside and Jax is like, Brittany and I have been like separated for like almost nine months and it's like not going well. She's in a. She's in a rental and we're like allowed to date other people. And by the way, we've harped on this before, but it is still so fucked up that he has made Brittany go to a rental with their child instead of just vacating the house himself. Anyway, he says it's toxic and it's broken. And he's like, but there was a lot of love there for a long time. And by love I mean I just like to motorboat her boobs. So there's a lot of that for many years.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. And he's like, dude, I mean, like, I mean, Brittany just keeps calling saying, hey, I want to work on our marriage. I want to work on our marriage. And I'm like, okay. So like I just went to the old iPad and she's still talking to Julian, she's still talking to Julie. And we find out after the uts that Brit has been seeing one of his friends. So we cut to Brit, who's with Michelle, and she's like, well, I come home because he's on his iPad. Well, it's my iPad because like Cruises Cruise uses my iPad. And then the text messages were on my iPad. You understand you following this? Because there's my bad and it's my iPad. And Jackson's on my bad. Then he asks, we have son because the sun. Lets read the. It's not a difficult story, Britney. Just get it out.

[Ben Mandelker]

So I said like a sexy video. And Jack saw it. And I mean like we were separated, so like, whatever. And Michelle's like, yes, I understand. And Britney is saying like, you know, Jackson, I still co parented and like still doing our podcast together. It's been very successful, you know, so I didn't want to like to stop doing that because we got separate, right? Yeah. Yeah, he did. You know, I thought we might be Heading in the right direction, be able to work out our marriage and search. But then all hell broke loose, and that completely changed everything.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm sorry. I know that Jax is, like, the major villain in this couple, but, Britney, really? You're giving your son an iPad to use that. You're sending sexy photos, sexy video. You're sending sex videos and then having them to cruise. I mean, Jesus Christ, come on, get.

[Ben Mandelker]

One of those silly things, like those iPads that are, like, covered in the thing around the. Around the edges that, like, a frog, you know, has, like, all the padding where there's, like, nothing on there except some little games that go boop, boop boop on. Like, why are you giving the adult.

[Ronnie Karam]

I say, for iPad, I need it to be a Britney vagina free iPad. Like, is that too much to ask? For Christ's sake.

[Ben Mandelker]

I just. The point is, like, get. There's a. There are a number of, like, child iPad options out there. Like, why are you giving the adult iPad? Don't do this.

[Ronnie Karam]

So now let's get back to Jax being the villain. So she's like, yeah, he got real mad, and he flipped the coffee table, and then it hit my knee and it turned black. And then I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I'm squirming and I'm cr. And it was just terrifying. And he was like, you're cheating on me. You're cheating on me. You're still talking to him. This is terrifying. And exactly where we thought Jax would end up. Everything that happens to Jax this season is Jax orchestrated, and it's exactly what you think would happen to Jax. Although he's kept that house longer than I gave him credit for.

[Ben Mandelker]

Jax is one of the least surprising people to ever be on Bravo. Like, his trajectory is just painfully obvious. And you can just go back to any of the old Vanderpump Rules episodes, and it's all there.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then, Jack, surprising than sitting on the toilet in the morning and seeing a poop sing a poop flip there afterwards.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. So Jax is telling. He's like, you know, she was planning on moving back into my home, but yet sending inappropriate messages. And, like, what? Because she told me, like, oh, let's work on this marriage. Then I see that she still text this guy, and I'm like, put yourself in my shoes. Like, what would you do? I mean. I mean, yeah, you probably wouldn't, like, would. Would be mad. You probably wouldn't throw things, you know? And Jesse's like, that's because you have no emotional regulation.

[Ronnie Karam]

And he's like, you should have done what I did and just bought a new BMW.

[Ben Mandelker]

Bro, Bro, Just put some eyeshadow on your child and see how she reacts. That's my. That's my. My plan.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Jackson's like, I mean, like, we can hook up with other people. Like, we're separated by my friend. My. My friend, my friend. Oh, really? Didn't you like Faith? I mean, how many people do you think that fact. Jax is in the circle? He's most of them.

[Ben Mandelker]

Wait, let's just go back to season two. Weren't you sleeping with Kristen who was dating Tom Sandoval at the time? Wasn't. Weren't you the Julian at one point?

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Jax is like, yeah, I went full on his rage. And like, it's bad. It was bad. It was my. It was bad. It's bad. And I've gotten angry like that before, but that's the worst it's ever gotten. And Cruz was in the other room. Thank God he didn't see anything. Yeah, he didn't see anything but like the, the amount of ruckus you probably made. You just were talking about how you were screaming and yelling. You knocked over a coffee table and she's crying and you're like, thank God he didn't see anything. That poor child is scarred life, sir.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. And Jax is so sorry that it's all Britney's fault. And really the only reason he's sorry is because Cruz had to see how he's treating his mother, you know, And Jesse's like, yeah, because, you know, that's how he's gonna treat women. So like, yeah, but you're also Jesse. So it's time for a commercial. It's time for a Grappens commercial.

[Chico Felitti]

At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up, they connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts.

[Monica Lewinsky]

Everyone has that friend who seems kind of perfect for Patty. That friend was Desiree. Until one day I texted her and.

[Ronnie Karam]

She was not getting the text. So I went to Instagram. She has no Instagram anymore. And Facebook. No Facebook anymore.

[Monica Lewinsky]

Desiree was gone. And there was one person who knew the answer.

[Ben Mandelker]

I am a spiritual person, a magical.

[Monica Lewinsky]

Person, a witch, a gorgeous Brazilian influencer called Cat Tourist, but who was hiding a secret from Wondery. Based on my smash hit podcast. From Brazil comes a new series, Don't Cross Cat, about a search that led me to a mystery in a Texas suburb.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm calling to check on the two missing Brazilian girls, maybe get some undercover crew there.

[Ben Mandelker]

The family are freaking out.

[Ronnie Karam]

They are lost.

[Monica Lewinsky]

I'm Chico Felitti. You can listen to Don't Cross Cat on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Ben Mandelker]

Here comes some classic Jack's accountability, which is none at all. He goes, I don't have an answer for you. What I did was wrong. I lost control. I saw red. I had an out of body experience. You're like, okay. But I'm like, oh, here it comes. Show me a guy that wouldn't handle the situation the way I handled it. It literally many men.

[Ronnie Karam]

Literally 10% of other men.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, Real, real man, grown men, adult men. Like, not everyone flips a table and screams at their wife and is basically like borderline abusive like that.

[Ronnie Karam]

So back to Brit. She's like, I mean, he writes, hey, right? It's just got so much worse, you know? And I cannot let Cruz be around him by himself. Check. You have to be very careful, Britney. If he's escalating. It takes one second for something to. And when something happens, there is no going back.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's like me the first time I caught Rob Reiner's eyes. Sir Brittany's like, hey, he needs to stop partying so hard because those are the worst spots ever. Yeah, I don't miss that. Absolutely horrible days. I almost feel like Jesse has a midlife crisis. You're done with your thing, right? Because I'm going to talk about Jesse now. Okay, cool. So, like, I want to go out more. I want to just drink more. That's what he's always saying. And I'm like, aren't you. You 44 years old? Like you're supposed to be coming down.

[Ronnie Karam]

Exactly. So then back to Jax. Jesse's like, well, you know, I went through a small phase of hookups, but I'm like, God, I'm a relationship guy. Look how much respect I treat my relationship with, you know, just me. Real relationship guy.

[Ben Mandelker]

Jack's like, yeah. So how's your. How's your new relationships? Oh, it's great. I mean, she's completely different from Michelle. I mean, I've been a pretty big whore, and now I'm in a relationship with one of the strongest women personalities I've ever met. Women personalities. Strongest women personalities.

[Ronnie Karam]

Let me guess. She's 26. And Jesse's like, she's a magnificent diffuser. That's why I really like her. I mean, it's amazing to hold someone who. Be with someone who holds up a mirror to yourself, because at the end of the day, I'm one handsome motherfucker, and I need to be reminded of that.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, Michelle never did that. She just let me do what I.

[Ronnie Karam]

What?

[Ben Mandelker]

She let me do what I want to do and then complained about it after. Like, that's okay.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Michelle would have had valid things to say, but she just said them at the wrong times for you. So if she. If she had. If she had known what you were gonna do and then told you not to do them, then you wouldn't just be calling her a fucking mag right now. I see. I see.

[Ben Mandelker]

It sounds like every time Michelle steps up to you, you think that she's a total craven bitch. And so then she. Probably sick and tired of all the fighting every single time she had something to say, so then she just shut up and complained afterwards, and that's not good enough for you either. Got it.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So she says that Jesse is always getting pissed at her, like, what's her. Your problem? And she's like, I do not have a problem. I don't know her. She lives in a different country. You know, I just know what you're doing, and that is what I don't like. And she's like, but. But thank God I have Aaron. He is the bowler opposite. He does not dog down to me. And then we see pictures of Aaron, who has crazy eyes.

[Ben Mandelker]

Crazy.

[Ronnie Karam]

Every time they show a picture of.

[Ben Mandelker]

Aaron, he's like, this is. So basically both of them have already rebounded, which is just. This is going to be such a disaster. And she's like, aaron and I met a couple of years ago. We would casually run into each other on a hike or a coffee shop up. And he just brightens, like, my day and breeze, like, yeah, I just Feel very genuine person at heart. It's him is Aaron is the genuine person. And I never had that feeling with Jesse. Huh, that sounds awful.

[Ronnie Karam]

So shot girl, I know what was going on with you and I get it.

[Ben Mandelker]

I get it.

[Ronnie Karam]

And Cruz is yelling and she's like, oh, my God, why is everything happening to me? So then we go to Janet in a plant place and I just want one of them to eat her.

[Ben Mandelker]

I know.

[Ronnie Karam]

Let's assume it's a little shop of forest. Hey, damn it.

[Ben Mandelker]

She'll just spit her back out. Like, even I have standards.

[Ronnie Karam]

So feed me see more. Not that.

[Ben Mandelker]

Not that. So they're gonna. So Janet and Britt are going to be doing some terrarium work. And she's like, Brit picks out a thing and the guy's like, oh, that's gonna grow to be feet. She goes, oh, I need something that's over six feet in my life. And so. So they set up and everything.

[Ronnie Karam]

Some six feet don't have to wear heels in his shoes.

[Ben Mandelker]

So they said, Jack starts calling her incessantly calling and texting. And she's just ignoring, which is great. And also, by the way, I like these little terrariums they were making. And I have to say, when I get back to la, I might. I'm a little terrarium curious now. I'm not gonna lie.

[Ronnie Karam]

Go for it. I support that. So then he's just calling obsessively and Janet's like, so is he calling you obsessively? Yeah, I was with the stage directions. Just said, now. He just called me twice. And then he said, how's cruisy? And then he said, oh, not gonna answer my calls now.

[Ben Mandelker]

I just want to see Britney have fun this summer. Like last summer. She was like, really sad. And like, Britney's like one of the most wonderful human beings I've ever met in my life. Like, she's just down to have like a good time. Like, I've never been like, like, hey, you want to order Taco Bell? And her heard a no from Britney. Okay? She's just like, hell yeah. Let's order four nacho cheese dips. That's my girl.

[Ronnie Karam]

I love Janet. Coming in here trying to take the Vanderpump rules Taco Bell thing.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's totally trying to do it.

[Ronnie Karam]

We just love Taco Bell, me and Brit, best friends, forever stalker Janet over there. So Janet's like, does he realize that he needs help? And Britney's like, well, I mean, sometimes it says yes, but then sometimes it's like, I'm J. Tyler. I don't need nothing.

[Ben Mandelker]

And so Janet's like, it's wild. It's wild. Yeah, well, we. Well, now he's spiraling because he knows I'm having this white party. And I'm like, why can't I just have one night?

[Ronnie Karam]

My life.

[Ben Mandelker]

And we see that there's an invitation, that she's invited everyone to party downtown, where the dress code is. White party.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, white party. Which is funny because Jax has a cocaine addiction. So it's like. It's not a slam or a promise. So she didn't invite Jax, of course. So he's gonna have a competing party. He's invited. Now he has to, like, make it about himself. I mean, come on, grow up. You are 45.

[Ben Mandelker]

You are 4.

[Ronnie Karam]

Take 5. So then the plant guy comes back in, and the phone starts ringing again. Jax is a psycho. And so Janice, like, are you ever gonna answer? You know what? You should have the plant guy answer and be, like, hot. Hello, Britney's phone. You know, like, sexy.

[Ben Mandelker]

Like, he's like, okay, no, thanks. So then we go to Nia, walking down the street to a place called Casita, where she meets up with Zach and. And others. So. So Zach is like, oh, my God. So, like, has Britney talked to you, like, within the past couple days about, like, what has transpired? She's like, no. I was at her house, like, three days ago, and it was, like, really scary.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. And she's like, you know, ever since I heard that Jackson, Brittany were breaking up, like, me and Kristen were like, no, save your marriage. You know, if he's willing to do the work, you guys can figure it out. But from what I've seen, there's just so much pain, so much deep, deep stuff happening, it's hard to rebuild. Zach's like, well, I have seen his behavior get progressively more aggressive. Progressively more aggressive. Like agro. More aggro. Aggressively aggro. Le.

[Ben Mandelker]

More agro.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's like crazy knots.

[Ben Mandelker]

Seriously? Seriously. I've arrived, everyone. I heard Zach getting into a loop. I thought I'd just come and break up that situation here. Hi, everyone. Hi. Oh, yeah, well, I'm glad you're here because, like, Nia and I were just, like, catching up on, like, progressive and aggressive things. And he was like, yeah, Britney's like, weekend with Jax. Did you hear about this? And they're like, oh, seriously?

[Ronnie Karam]

Seriously. So I've seen jocks be A for years, but I've never seen him flip a coffee table me. That is terrible, by the way. Some of my Friends saw Janet at Pilates and the Janet said, oh my God, you and Kristen are fine now. I was like, are we? Are we? Are we?

[Ben Mandelker]

So Kristen is. This is hilarious because Kristen, you know, in between seasons, she has the wind in her sails because everyone was on Kristen's side during the last season and so she knows the Internet supports her. So now Kristen is no longer begging for an audience with Janet. Now she's making Janet kiss the ring. And I love when Kristen gets in these modes. She's like, seriously, you want to talk to me? Like, really? You can't just like, go up to m post and ask her questions? Like, really?

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So is like, well, she had a conversation with either of you to like, try and resettle things. And they both say no. And Zach's like, cuz I was so riled up after, like, her behavior and the things she done to me all summer. Like, I definitely said things and I take full responsibility for it. And then we see the fight last year when they're like, zach, come on, stop yelling at Janet. Because, you know, stress can make a woman lose her baby. And he's like, I don't care. I don't care.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Nia is saying that she missed all of this because she didn't listen to the podcast where all this shit went down. And Kristen's like, yeah, that's when I lost my shit. And you know where she publicly says that Zach and I didn't want her pregnancy to go to full term. Seriously. So we see Janet on. On the Gabbing with Gibb podcast where she's like, I just want to be surrounded by people who want my pregnancy to go to full term. And it's come to my attention that like, Zach and Kristen have demonic behavior and they don't want that at all.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's such an idiot. Oh my God. It's come to my attention that Jack, that Zach and Kristen want my baby to die.

[Ben Mandelker]

So it's wild that she literally just.

[Ronnie Karam]

Saying so Kristen's like, yeah, her. And you know, know she knows that I've been on my own fertility journey, including having a loss. And just because I don't like her, it doesn't mean I don't like her child. I mean, I haven't even met her child. How do I know whether or not her child's a yet?

[Ben Mandelker]

Probably is though, let's be honest, Zach. But like, also, Janet would literally call Brittany and be like, why is Zach there? And like, there were definitely pictures that weren't even posted. And like, I don't even know how she knew I was there. Unless she definitely embedded a tracker in me. I'm like, yeah, this is. It's a lot of hair there to embed the tracker into.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's in your hair helmet. So, yeah. So he's like, yeah, Britney and I are each other's person here. We're like each other's person. Like, we've been through so much. Like, she helped me pick out this bright pink doily, see through shirt and matching jacket and shorts. So like, that's huge. And for Janet to come between that, I'm like, like, why are you letting Dummy mcdump Pants. Why are you letting MC Boring Pants come in between us? I mean, I don't know. Maybe they're like secret lesbian lovers. Maybe they're like.

[Ben Mandelker]

I mean, that's the only way I can understand. Like, what other reason would be. Would it be for Britney to be so far up her punani? That's how lesbians have sex, right? Anal. Right. Anyway, Brittany has made like a little home in there. She's like a little squirrel, okay? Like, there's like straw inside Janet's asshole. Where like, Britney Squirrel has sort of like, she's sitting there, she's gathered nuts. She's in there, she's getting ready for the winter. How long do I have to go on with this metaphor? Because I can go for a while.

[Ronnie Karam]

And the producer is like, well, at least you're not bitter, Zach. And he's like, yeah, you should be telling her to get over and like, suck a dick. Actually, she doesn't suck dick, so whatever else she does.

[Ben Mandelker]

Neil's like, anywho, I think we're all good now. So now we go.

[Ronnie Karam]

I refuse any talk. Talk of oral because that doesn't get someone pregnant.

[Ben Mandelker]

Also, is Nia like a trad wife? Because, like, she's sort of wearing like kind of a pioneer, like a little bit of like a pioneer dress. I was like, is she going down the trad wife path? Is she going to be our new Whitney Levitt? You know?

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, I don't know. I don't know if you can be a trad wife and married to an under 5 zombie actor from Walking Dead.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's trying to make it all happen.

[Ronnie Karam]

I don't see two things work together there.

[Ben Mandelker]

Jesse is. We're at Jesse's house and we see feet walking up, which we know it's Kristen because we see the tattoos, but they try to make it seem like it's someone else. Like maybe it's the girl from Orange county. And he opens up the wine, and it's Kristen. Kristen's at the door.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, so she's not living in a different country. She's living in a different county.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yes.

[Ronnie Karam]

Sorry. Correction from earlier. So hell frozen over, Are there, like, pigs flying? I'm at Jesse's. So she goes in, and he's like, hi. And he's like, hey, good to talk to you. So excited to have you back here to talk about our future friendship.

[Ben Mandelker]

So, you know, it's fair to say that Jesse and I had a colorful past. And we see flashbacks of him screaming at her, scolding her. They did not show him tweaking her nipple, which that probably should have been in there, but basically just being terrible to her.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. And she's like, well, last time I talked to you, like, at least about Isabella, you know, at that birthday party, he goes, okay, look, you know, we decided to have something here at the house, and we invited a bunch of people. And I said, if I'm gonna invite Michelle, I might as well invite the boyfriend so we can all meet. That sounds healthy, right?

[Ben Mandelker]

You know what? Kristen was very specific about Michelle dating somebody last year. And we see that the. The shot of Kristen at the elevator going, like, she had a boyfriend for a year. And she. He's like, if I find out that Aaron was the boyfriend and the guy who broke up my marriage, that will not go over well.

[Ronnie Karam]

First of all, the guy that broke up your marriage is you, okay? And second of all, stop being nice to Kristen just to get information out of her, because you know what? It's. That's what he's doing. He just admitted it. He's like, well, Kristen's the one who knows about her affair, and she's the one who's going to talk about it. So I had her ass over here, and I'm gonna get. I'm gonna become her friend. So she will throw this guy under the bus, and I can see the. Out of Michelle. But you can't do this to Kristen because Kristen will take the bait. Kristen is totally gonna do it.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, Kristen's gonna wind up in a jam again, which is hilarious, because he's then gonna, like, drop her. Once he gets the information out of her, he's gonna drop her. And then she's like, but I thought we were friends. And he used me and Michelle aren't. So Jesse's like, like, you know. You know, you were right about almost everything, Kristen. And I think that on a subconscious level, you know, there. I. I kind of knew it. And I think that the suppression of what I actually knew just turned into resentment. She's like, of course, of course. Just like Freud said. She's like, yeah, which led to anger, which led to hatred, which led to me just hating your face. But, you know, you didn't deserve to have me project that onto you. No one deserves that except Michelle.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, my God, thank you so much for the apology. I've been, like, waiting for an apology and I finally got an apology. This was amazing. We're best friends. Michelle's been Rob Reiner for 19 years.

[Ben Mandelker]

Know that if I'm telling you I am correct about something. Okay, don't call me a liar unless it has anything to do with face. But I hope everyone feels really stupid because I feel so validated.

[Ronnie Karam]

Stupid. You're being used. So she's like, oh, my God, everyone should take a page out of Jesse's book or. And he's like, yeah, you know, like, I'm just working on evolution, you know, right now I'm a man, but I could be a tortoise one day. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, totally, Totally. It's good being friends. It's so good being friends.

[Ben Mandelker]

Let's go to the Galapagos. So he's like, divorces. I mean, it's tough. You think, you know, you think I was like, so excited to see my ex wife with her new boyfriend. I mean, like, even if you're like, well beyond is still not going to be comfortable. Chris's like, no. Oh, that's awful. Awful. I have to go through. It's like, yeah, it's like, you know, family separated. Now it's going to be like team Jesse or team, Team Michelle. And it's. It's already happening. She's well, guess what? I pick team Jesse and this won't backfire whatsoever.

[Ronnie Karam]

Now let's go to Danny and Nia for a lunch date. And Mia's having one of the biggest crises she's ever had on this show. She's like, should I have avocado toast or tacos?

[Ben Mandelker]

It's hard. Danny is like, well, we are at home with three kids, 24. Seven. That's if you got three kids 24. Seven and each one's going 5 mph in the same direction. What time do they get to Buffalo? Riddle me that, bro.

[Ronnie Karam]

There are just so many babies in my house. You know what I'm saying? I came home the other day. One baby was in the toilet. The other one was trapped to flush the baby. I said, jack, stop trying to flush Britney down. My toilet. I've got three under three over here, buddy.

[Ben Mandelker]

We are too blessed to be stressed. Am I right? And J, like, she's just, like, sagging on. On the table, like, yeah, easy.

[Ronnie Karam]

So.

[Ben Mandelker]

So they're eating.

[Ronnie Karam]

Hey, by the way, stop joking around there. Stop telling people we want to have a fourth baby, all right? We don't want to have a fourth baby, do we? She's like, yeah, because, like, you don't even understand. Like, I want to get pregnant. You won't let me. And, like, you don't get it as a guy. Like, my body is ruined. I just want to finish having babies so I can stop having my body ruined and I can get my body back.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's like, all right, well, I mean, you know, what about. Here's the thing is my son doesn't even have a room, okay? I want him to have a room and a yard of space. Have you ever heard of. Of Santa Clarita?

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, no, Santa Clarita. Here we go with Santa Clarita. He's like, you Want to be 4 under 4? We moved to Santa Clarita. I get my big mansion. Marriage is compromised, and so is Santa Clarita. You know, that's the town motto of Santa Clarita. They said, welcome. Elevation compromised. Everyone here has settled.

[Ben Mandelker]

Welcome to Santa Clarita. You got pressed out of somewhere. That's the. That's the town look. Go. Let me guess. You got pressed out.

[Ronnie Karam]

So he's like, all right, you want another baby? We go to Santa Clarita, babe. And she's like, no, no, we can't do that. I want my body back. He's like, well, you can get your body back at Santa Clarita. She's like, oh. So then we go to Janet, and Jason and Danny and me are there pre partying before the white party. So, you know, they're goss. They're making some gossy goss. And Danny's like, whoa, whoa, let's talk about tonight a little bit. And Jason's like, yeah, the whole Jackson Brittany of it all. I just don't understand. How would anyone not like my wife? I mean, she's amazing. I wish they could just all be like us. The picture perfect marriage. Am I right now? Okay, she's drinking a cocktail of snot. She'll be done, and just look away. Right, Janet?

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, obviously we're in the couple's chat. I mean, the fellas chat bros. And then the girls are like, ugh, not chat. And the girls are telling us, like, that they Looked at that once, that group text and like, disgusting and awful bit of humanity. So Jason's like, well, it's almost like getting mad at us that we're doing this. And like, world's like, well, you know, Jax was getting mad that we're they were going to go to Brits. And he's like, well, me and the boys are gonna go down to Jackson tonight for a party. And I'm like, who are the boys? Because we're the boys. Because we're the boys, we're working at Brits. That's funny. Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Everyone on this thread has chosen downtown la. And Janet's like, I think he's bitter, but because Britney is not inviting him, which he has every right to do. Okay. And so they're like, yeah, you know, we get why she'd betrayed. And Jason says, yeah, he feels betrayed because of what Julian did. You know, I mean, that's one of his closest friends that nobody's ever heard of, even though they've known Jax for 10 years on the show. Although we do see a little picture of him being somewhere like at the game night or something. I don't know what this, like, at the carnival night?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, something like that. But either way, Jason's like. He's like, look, Julian was one of Jax's closest friends, but at the same time, I cannot condone acting aggressively towards Britney. After finding out you're a man, you're a dad, you've got to be able to regulate your emotions. You just have to. Commercials.

[Ronnie Karam]

Here comes one right now.

[Michelle Williams]

Some people get a wild haircut or book a spontaneous trip when life throws them a curveball. But Molly, well, she dove headfirst into a world of no strings attached sex, secret rendezvous, forbidden affairs and unforgettable adventures. And together, we tell every juicy detail in Dying for Sex. Wondry's award winning podcast that's now streaming on a TV near you, starring Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate. And to top it off, we're dropping brand new bonus episodes where I sit down with the cast to spill all the spicy secrets, desire, friendship, self discovery, and the ultimate bucket list of pleasure. This is a story that had everyone talking. Listen to the original Dying for Sex and brand new episodes on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge the original series before anyone else and completely ad free on Wondry.

[Ben Mandelker]

Then we go over to Jax's, the bar, not the house, because he's having a big party. His big alternate party to Britney's white party, which is basically like it's like, jax, Tom Schwartz, a very strange man. And then, like, Tom Schwartz is one of the triplets or the twins or whatever.

[Ronnie Karam]

Like a sycophants from Twitter that he's probably invited at the last minute.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, it's definitely a sideshow on the energy. Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

You know, I'm bummed I'm not invited to Britney's because, like, those are my friends. Those are my friends, too. I mean, Jesus, what are you gonna. All of them, you know? I mean, Jesus, like, she's painting me as the worst human being alive, probably. I mean, the worst. The worst human being. There have been other human beings. Like, why am I the worst? Why?

[Ben Mandelker]

He's like, producer goes, well, I mean, you were on Villains, and you didn't finish, but you got beat on Villains. And Jack's like, yeah, I lost the five seconds. So how much of a villain am I, really? I'm like, well, you're still a villain. You're just now an incompetent villain. Villain.

[Ronnie Karam]

So, yeah, yeah, you're on that show for five minutes, yet you were the most talked about for being an idiot. Like, you got more hate than everybody on that show from being on it for five minutes.

[Ben Mandelker]

So, yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

And then we get shorts, you know, useless shorts. He's like, wow, look at this. You've got a jean jacket. You've got a vest. This is great. You've got a bar still. Who is that, wallpaper? This place is so cool, Jax. Wow.

[Ben Mandelker]

I didn't know you could just have a bar that's just, like, a room with a little. Some decorations from Michael's and some wood paneling, I guess. I guess we could have done that all along Instead of spending $70,000 on a starry, starry night thing over one table. Huh? Wow. I'm not upset about this at all.

[Ronnie Karam]

So we go back to Janet, and she's like, this will be the first time in a long time that I've seen Zach or Kristen. And listen, I know that Kristen has a good heart. And I miss Kristen. I just miss her so much. It's like being at a kid's birthday party without a pinata. I need something to beat on. Okay?

[Ben Mandelker]

There's so many happy memories that happened before Zach. Zach is the real problem here. Demonic behavior. So she is going to try to, you know, make good with Kristen because, you know, the Internet's mad at her. So she's like, I'm not trying to start over this new friendship, because that has not worked ever. But I just want to, you know, see where we're at. So then people are arriving at the party, and, you know, Janet. The cars arrive, and Janet's like, is, oh, my God, I see hair. I. I see hair. AKA Zach. And she. And someone's like asking, did Zach change his hair? And she's like, no, still Lego.

[Ronnie Karam]

You know, still looks like a Lego. So basically, party, party. Everyone's going party. Everyone's like, oh, my God, we're out of the house. This is amazing. We're adulting. And then we go to Jesse and Michelle, and the minute she sees him come in, she's like, ew, God, I thought he would wear a suede. I thought he would wear a Zud. I'm surprised he is not wearing a Zude. And she's there with her boyfriend, Crazy Eye Aaron. And she's like, I try to avoid Jesse at all. Cause as you will see me display right now when I try to have a parenting discussion with him at a party in front of my boyfriend.

[Ben Mandelker]

So it was a lot of hellos, a lot of cross cutting, a lot of activity. People are like, oh, my God, Brit, you did a wet look. She's like, yeah, I put loop in my hair. And everyone's just saying hi. And then we go back over to Jax's and Schwartz is saying that they finally got Mozzy's stick set tomtom. So that's exciting. And Jax is like, oh, cool, huh? Yeah. So how's the bar doing? He's like, yeah, it's doing. It's great. But I'm worried about you. I'm worried about you because I've never seen you so high strung. Mainly because I've been too wasted myself to see it. But the other night, Brittany pulled me aside and like, we had a hard time. Her. She said she doesn't feel comfortable being in the same room as without. With. As you without company.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, sorry. It's also having her. Having her. Like, who wouldn't having her? So now I can't throw around a coffee table. Like, what is the coffee table coalition going to cancel me? Like, what the.

[Ben Mandelker]

I didn't know you were capable of that type of behavior, to be honest. Like, nothing about you punching walls or ripping off your sweater to get into fights as real of season one indicated that you would ever have a temper.

[Ronnie Karam]

He's like, my. Another guy infiltrated my marriage, bro. Like, imagine seeing your wife sending new naked pictures to somebody. Like, that's ridic. He infiltrated my life, Jax. You were already eating and being emotionally abusive and doing all the other. I can't with this whole Jacks and this whole. I'm telling you again, I'm not here for this. Jax is a victim season. I don't even care if he goes to rehab. He's still a piece of. Okay. Getting off drugs does not fix everything about a person. This person forever.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, it is. It is feeling very, like, redemptive already. And it's like, I don't know why that is ever. Why this is brought up, that this guy infiltrated the marriage. Like, you flipped a coffee table over and it, like, landed on your ex. Your. Your estranged wife. And you're like, yeah, but a guy infiltrated our marriage.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Then go. Go knock his coffee table over. Why don't you go knock his. He was the one who was your friend. He's the one who betrayed you. So go. Go knock his fucking coffee table over, you abusive piece of.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, so? And then he. And his worst is like, yeah, but, like, the way you reacted, that's not valid. He's like, I know, I know, but she flies off the handle on me all the time. And then it gets. Then it gets hypocritical. She's so hot and cold. And then she was at the house right after all by herself, and we almost hooked up. Like, wait, so you're going to say that your violence was, what, validated? Because she actually. She actually speaks back to you. And then you're also going to sort of be like, and by the way, it didn't even mean anything because also, she wanted to hook up with me.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, like, how abusive could I be? She still wanted to me is what he's basically saying. And he's like, yeah, like, she wants her cake. She wants her cake. She wants to eat it, too. You know, you can't do that a little bit. I don't even know what that means, really, but I'm going to say it. And Schwartz is like, well, you're headed towards rock bottom. Bottom, you know, and you need to worry about that. And he goes, yeah, I have a little boy. A little boy is looking up to me. Oh, God bless that kid.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, a little boy who is looking.

[Ronnie Karam]

He's looking at Zillow to see his own house because you kicked him and his mother out to live somewhere else. I doubt that that kid's gonna grow up and really look up to you, buddy.

[Ben Mandelker]

He's like, I'm supposed to be his hero. I'm just going off the rails. Which reminds me, they don't have any rails loose.

[Ronnie Karam]

Do you have any rails?

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm off Rails.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. And he's just in a bad place, guys, you know? So poor Jax, he's 45 and he's in a bad place. So then we go back to the party, and Aaron and Jesse are talking with Michelle, and there's like, so how are things going, Jesse? And he's like, good.

[Ben Mandelker]

Did you see Isabella's pictures from school? They did, like, a little parade for the Olympics, and she drew the Eiffel Tower.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, yeah, she showed me all the pictures from Paris. She sure did. And then he tells us that he met this guy at Isabella's birthday party, which he invited him to, and he's like, yeah, you know, he walked into the hornet's nest of guys just judging him, and I. I guess I said something along the lines of, say, hey, does anybody here want to blow me besides this guy? So, yeah, I don't think he likes me very much. Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Danny's like, oh, wow. So how old is Isabella, by the way? She's four. You have how many you've got one under four. It's not. Not a good number pair in there. She's like, yeah, she is four. And my only problem with Isabella is that she wants everything. And I think that comes a little bit from you, Jesse. And he's like, well. And she goes, yeah, you over buy. He's like, yeah, well, it's not that she gets everything that she wants. She doesn't even understand the thing that things cost money, okay? She can't even be spoiled.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's like, yeah, because you do not deer about money, Jazzy. And he's like, oh, I teach her. Trust me. Every time I say, your mom's trying to drive us out of money, you know? So, yeah, she knows. She knows. And I say, you know what money is? It's what your mom's stealing out of your account, okay? To some other dude. Okay?

[Ben Mandelker]

So then Aaron, Aaron, the boyfriend goes, well, do you get her everything that she wants? Then everyone just sort of like, is like, like, you should probably see your way out of this one right now, Aaron.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, go away, Aaron, you're new here. And also, Michelle, why are you trying to start a fight at a party about your parenting? She's like, all I want to do is not keep. Not keep going with Jesse in public, by the way. You are spoiling our child. And he's like, I can spoil her and give her whatever the she wants because I'm her dad, so stay out of my parenting. You're not her dad. Dun, dun, dun.

[Ben Mandelker]

They just continue to be as terrible as can be. I think that she's doing it. The reason why she's saying it in public is because I think she really likes getting him mad. I think that like, she finds like, deep entertainment and seeing that he cannot. He cannot help but be furious. And so she's just pushing buttons for him. You know what? God bless. She should. She should push buttons because he's an asshole and he should have his time ruined. So then there's just like more party time, more hellos and everything. And Kristen's like one of my good friends, by the way, just did Pilates with Janet. And then she said Janet was like, oh my God, you guys, I'm going to be friends with like Kristen. And then Janet said like, ow. Because she fell off the reformer. It was hilarious. I wish I'd seen it. But I kind of feel like I did see it cuz like my friend told me the Pilates story so many times. I feel like I was there.

[Ronnie Karam]

Anyway, so she's like, oh God, here we go. Ugh. And Janet walks in, she's like, hi, Kristen. Can we talk? Okay, Kristen, look, I know a lot's happened and I want you to know that like last summer was so hard on me. You know, the way you were bullied and not invited anywhere, that really hurt me. So I'd like you to apologize for not being invited anywhere. That would be great. It's like you. She goes, you. I mean, why would you want to be friends with me? I mean, you said that I wanted your baby to die. Like what the. And she's like, oh, yeah, I guess I wanted to apologize for that. She was. Yeah, I would hope so. She's like, okay. Well, Britney came and said, you know, Zach is saying he doesn't care if you miscarried.

[Ben Mandelker]

Wow.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Britney, you know, Britney's a real great friend too, by the way.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, remember Britney was at the heart of the whole controversy last year. Yeah, this whole thing. Janet was mad at Kristen because Kristen told Michelle that Janice. But it was Britney. It was Britney who started everything even before Janet. Okay, so Brittany, I can't believe Brittany just went and told that to Janet. So Janet said that that her up. And Kristen says, well, I don't condone that. She goes, well. She said, well, especially if you're eight months pregnant really will fuck you up. She goes, but it doesn't change that he's my best friend and I wouldn't drop a friend because he made a fucking mistake. And she says, just because Jack's my best friend, what I don't want, like, all what? I don't want your baby to come full to term. Seriously? Seriously. And Janet's like, you know what? I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I roped you in with Zach's demonic behavior. Yeah. She said demonic behavior, like, five more times.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. She's like, I mean, basically, if you want to be friends, I think we should be best friends and just ice out Zach.

[Ben Mandelker]

Right?

[Ronnie Karam]

We should just get rid of Zach completely. She's like, no, he's still my friend. She goes, okay, well, if you want to be friends, we can get rid of him. You know, she. This is a gaslight apology, and you're including demonic behavior from Zach. Like, demonic. I mean, come on. And she's like, well, it's hard to separate you from Zach, so that's where I'm coming at.

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay, well, that's something you have to work on. And Jan's like, fine. And are you sorry for anything? For anything I did last summer. I had no demonic behavior.

[Ronnie Karam]

What'd she do to you? I mean, she outed you for saying that Michelle is a trumper, and so she's probably a racist that you are still denying to this day and was probably true. So that's all Kristen did from what I remember from last year. Does she do more?

[Ben Mandelker]

No. I think that was basically it. You know, I think that, like, it just escalated. But I don't think that Kristen did anything that was, like, above and beyond. If only we'd had a reunion opinion, some of this could have been hashed out. So Kristen is like, janet tried to paint me as a complete liar last summer. I see flashbacks of that, and she's like, there's so much power to be had that if you can't just, like, say, yes, I did it. And that's like, why? I'm sorry. And then we see flashbacks of Kristen trying to apologize to people, and, like, no one wanted to hear it from her.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. And Kristen's like, your apology feels, like, so not genuine. Okay. And she's like, well, I wish you. You. Well, I wish this had gone better, but it didn't. Enjoy your demonic friend. Okay. Demonic behavior. I'd just like to leave you with that demonic.

[Ben Mandelker]

Hold on.

[Ronnie Karam]

I have some baby snot in my throat. All right, we'll talk later, Kristen.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm just, like, fed up at this point, and I'm realizing, like, we're not going to get to a place of peace just yet. Yeah. Janet is, like, trying to manipulate me like she does everyone else, into believing her own. And I just don't see a future where we'll ever trust Janet. I can.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then we go to Michelle and Jesse. They're still talking. And Michelle's like, I met with a woman today that is one of the best into getting kids into school. So she gets do millionaires and billionaires into schools. Okay, but that's not you guys. Why are you talking like you're a top millionaire? Be quiet.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. Jesse's like, oh, you know what's interesting is that you made a decision to meet with somebody about our daughter. She's like, excuse me. This is Rob Reiner we're talking about. He has connections in all the good private schools.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. She's like, call a lawyer. That is absolutely allowed. Jesse. He goes, okay, fine. She goes, I'm not doing anything wrong, Jesse. And he's like, well, what if I want to look at schools in Orange County? Because that's where she's going to be going to school. Orange county it is okay.

[Ben Mandelker]

What? No, Isabella is not going to school in Newport. It is not an option. She lives in Los Angeles. I live in Los Angeles. I don't want to have this conversation.

[Ronnie Karam]

And he's like, but I could live in Orange County. She goes, no, no, no. There. That is fine. But she goes to school in Los Angeles. She will stay in school in Los Angeles. She is not moving to Orange county because you have a girlfriend in Orange County. That is it.

[Ben Mandelker]

The subtext is what part of the TV show called the Valley sounds like? It's called Newport Beach. We have to stay up here, you idiot.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. And he's obviously just trying to trigger her, you know. He's like, yeah, then I'm gonna move our baby. What do you think of that?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

So she's like, okay. So he's like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're getting a little aggressive.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's like, I don't think Jesse was expecting me to move on, but I did, and I think it hurts him a little bit. And the thing about Jesse is that when his feelings are hurt, all he wants to do is get revenge.

[Ronnie Karam]

So she's like, okay, if you want to go to Orange county, then maybe I will dig our daughter Voldheim. And he's like, you never get full custody. Never. Never. Oh, that is not Drew. And so she's saying, he's just trying to hurt me, you know? And she says, well, okay, when you move to newborn, we can have the conversation, but before then, we can go to court and the judge can decide.

[Ben Mandelker]

Jesse's like, Damn it. Would I love to move to Orange County? Yeah, Love it down there, bro. And I think my business could really thrive. I could get onto selling Orange county, whatever that show is. It'd be awesome. Would Isabella have better education? Probably. But Michelle will never let it happen. I mean, just look at how Junikia's kids turned out. Smart kids, bro. Look at them.

[Ronnie Karam]

Look at all the kids who have come out of Orange county and tell me that it's a bad place to grow up.

[Ben Mandelker]

Tamara's kids, Lynn Curtin's kids, Vicky's kids. They're killing it, man. Killing it.

[Ronnie Karam]

Everybody's doing great over there. I'm surprised that Michelle's not more open to the idea because she would be in the closet over there about, like, being, like, hardcore Republican.

[Ben Mandelker]

I know. They actually do seem so Orange County. They seem so Newport Beach. But I think at this point they're now. I think that Michelle does love her LA lifestyle. She's, like, not yet ready to sort of like, pack up the bags and just settle down in Orange County. And I think also she's like, we are doing a TV show called the Valley. Like, this is our. This is our new thing, and I'm not going to give this up. It's. It's bad enough that we're actually not even in the Valley. We're in West Hollywood. We're just barely on this show. You know, I'm not going down to Orange County. This is my chance.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So she's like, whatever, you are wrong. My baby is not moving to Orange County. Okay? And so she's telling Nia, can you believe this? And then Jesse is talking about hurt all the guys and goes, look at the conversation over there. She's just so resentful. Done.

[Ben Mandelker]

Jesse, the least resentful person on this cast, Right?

[Ronnie Karam]

The person who's like, putting yellow eyeshadow on just to piss her off and threatening to move her out of town. Yeah, she. She's really got a problem. So then Kristen's like, last summer was bad, but this summer is going to be a lot worse. So we see shots of later in the season, which is basically a show. I mean, they all go through this this year. I mean, Jason is accused of taking off his wedding ring when he goes out without Janet. The other one, what's the little five, four into four. What does he do?

[Ben Mandelker]

Danny has an issue. There's something with Danny. I mean, at one point, Britney yells at Nia. I mean, wow, that's like a shock. Like, that someone would yell at Nia. But like, it's just all imploding. I mean, these people are just miserable and they're just falling into a pit of deeper misery in the valley.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yay.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yay. Everybody loves it.

[Ronnie Karam]

Thanks so much for being here. Go get tickets for our Texas and Vegas shows over at watch whatcraftens.com and links to our patreon where you will find videos and bonus episodes. We'll talk to you next time.

[Ben Mandelker]

Bye everyone. Watch what happens. Would like to thank its premium sponsors Ain't no thing like Allison King Our.

[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ronnie Karam]

It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo she ain't no shrink. If you like, watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] survey.