#2819 Top Chef S22E7 Part Two: Pizza Party Behavior

Summary

Watch What Crappens #2819: Top Chef S22E7 Part Two - Pizza Party Behavior

Release Date: April 28, 2025

In this episode of Watch What Crappens, hosts Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam dive into the tumultuous world of Top Chef Season 22, Episode 7: Pizza Party Behavior. This two-part recap focuses on the second half of the episode, where contestants face the ultimate pizza-making challenge, leading to unexpected triumphs and dramatic eliminations. Here's a detailed summary capturing all the key moments, discussions, and humorous exchanges between Ben and Ronnie.

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1. Contestant Struggles and Creative Attempts

The episode kicks off with Henry grappling with his pizza dough. [02:55] Ronnie sets the stage by explaining Henry's predicament:

"So Henry has no flour, and everyone... he's just concerned that his shit's not going to work. And spoiler alert, it definitely does not."

Ben confirms the dough disaster:

"It does not work. And Ronnie even helps him by giving him some flour. But, yeah, it doesn't work."

As a result, Henry pivots to creating a sushi pizza, using rice as his crust. This unconventional approach immediately raises eyebrows:

"He's gonna make the literal thing that they showed you. This is so uncreative. Henry."

In contrast, other contestants showcase their unique takes:

• Shoy decides on a scallion pancake pizza, aiming for a giant scallion pancake base adorned with various toppings. [03:22] Ben critiques:

  "Shoy is doing a scallion pancake pizza... he's putting stuff on there."

• Tristan opts for an Armenian flatbread pizza, highlighting his versatility:

  "Tristan's gonna make a, like, an Armenian flatbread pizza... I was working with these crazy Swedes... this week I'm gonna cook Armenian food."

• Paola experiments with a Fugazetta doll, enhancing fermentation with milk and sugar:

  "Paola is gonna do a Fugazetta doll. You bloom the yeast on milk and sugar, making a faster fermentation."

• Vinnie focuses on perfecting his dough through relentless mixing:

  "Vinnie is... I just try and develop much as possible. And that's just. I just keep beating it and beating it."

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2. The Niagara Falls Anecdote

Amidst the chaos of pizza preparation, Lana shares a personal story about a trip to Niagara Falls, revealing a softer side:

"Lana is like, you know, I'm from New York City... we get close to Niagara Falls and they all get rain in their faces."

Ben expresses his surprise at the beauty of Niagara Falls, contradicting his initial unimpressed stance:

"But it's more impressive... I thought Niagara Falls was going to be this great thing. It's just like a little thing... I actually thought it was very pretty."

Ronnie passionately defends the majesty of Niagara Falls:

"I went there in sixth grade and I literally had my mind blown... I could sit there and just stare at those waterfalls for hours."

This exchange adds a light-hearted moment, showcasing the hosts' differing perspectives.

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3. Judging the Pizzas

As the contest progresses, the judges evaluate each pizza based on creativity, flavor balance, and execution. Notable feedback includes:

• Tristan's Armenian Flatbread Pizza receives praise for its thin, crispy texture and balanced flavors:

  "Tristan's... a flatbread in the style of dough. Very thin, crispy. It was spicy. It had tang."

• Paola's Fugazetta Doll faces criticism for being too soft and overfilled:

  "Paula's fugazetta was too soft. There's too many fillings... her pizza turned out awful."

• Henry's Sushi Pizza is met with disdain, leading to his elimination:

  "Henry's dough is dead. It did not rise. He's gonna have to make sushi pizza... it's doomed."

The judges' remarks are often interspersed with the hosts' humorous takes, enhancing the recap's entertainment value.

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4. The Winner and Elimination

After tasting all the creations, Tristan emerges as the winner of the pizza challenge for his standout Armenian flatbread pizza. The announcement is met with both surprise and applause:

"The winner is Tristan. Wow."

Contrastingly, Henry faces elimination due to his failed attempt with the sushi pizza:

"Henry's rice pizza... it sucked. Get out of here."

The hosts emphasize the high stakes and the competitive nature of the challenge, highlighting the emotional rollercoaster for the contestants.

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5. Humorous Host Interactions and Ongoing Banter

Ben and Ronnie maintain a lively and comedic dynamic throughout the episode, often poking fun at contestants and each other's takes. Highlights include:

• Ben's Mockery of Henry's Dough:

  "Why are you wasting your life? We raised you better than this rice."

• Ronnie's Jokes About Gail Simmons:

  "Gail's entire apple maps is filled with little pizza shops dotted along the way."

• Sarcastic Comments on Contestant Strategies:

  "She's putting cornmeal on the bottom to stop it from sticking... but she put way too much on there."

These exchanges keep the recap engaging, providing comic relief amidst the intense competition.

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6. Sponsor Mentions and Skipping Non-Content Sections

As per the episode’s structure, Ben and Ronnie briefly touch upon sponsors and advertisements but ensure the focus remains on the content recap. They humorously acknowledge ad segments without delving into them, maintaining the flow of the main discussion.

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7. Final Thoughts and Teasers for Upcoming Episodes

Wrapping up the episode, Ben and Ronnie reflect on the challenges and highlight the standout performances. They tease future Top Chef episodes, keeping listeners hooked for what's next in the culinary showdown.

"Next week is Restaurant Wars... it's probably a good idea they got rid of Henry before Restaurant Wars."

Their anticipation for upcoming episodes adds an element of excitement, encouraging listeners to stay tuned.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [03:22] Ronnie: "If your ratios are wrong, your pizza dough is just not going to rise."

• [07:53] Ben: "Yeah, I knew this was not gonna go well."

• [16:20] Ben: "Sometimes in life we have scallions. Sometimes in life, we have pancakes. This is a journey."

• [19:04] Ben: "Why do people like this even own restaurants?"

• [30:17] Ben: "I just got a text from my friend Tricia that says Padma and Martha."

• [39:37] Ben: "I'm so confused."

• [43:40] Ben: "And Spike's like, yeah, here's where you lost me on your first bite."

These quotes encapsulate the hosts' humor and critical observations, adding depth to the recap.

---

Conclusion

Watch What Crappens #2819 offers an entertaining and insightful recap of Top Chef S22E7: Pizza Party Behavior. Ben and Ronnie navigate through the contestants' creative endeavors, judge's critiques, and the resulting drama with their signature humor and candid commentary. Whether you're a seasoned listener or new to the podcast, this episode provides a comprehensive and engaging overview of one of Top Chef's most memorable pizza challenges.

Transcript

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[Ben]

Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Happens. This is part two of a two part recap. If you're like, hey, wait a minute, I didn't hear part one, guys, it's because we put out a lot of recaps. Go back and Listen to part one. Okay. It's before this one. Bye. Enjoy the show. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

So Henry has no flower, and everyone. He's. He's. As a result, one thing that we also hear in the midst of all this is that pizza dough is very finicky. I think it was Bailey who tells us this, which is like, if you're. If your ratios are wrong, your pizza dough is just not going to rise. And so he doesn't have as much flour as he needs. So he's just concerned. He's not even. He's. He's just concerned that his shit's not going to work. And spoiler alert, it definitely does not.

[Ben]

It does not work. And Lonnie even helps him by giving him some flour. But, yeah, it doesn't work. So Shoy is doing a scallion pancake pizza. He's just going to make a big, giant scallion panc. And put stuff on there. And then Henry's still failing miserably. And Cesar's like, they wanted weird pizza, so I'm gonna hide under it. And then when. When. When they eat it, I'm gonna go, I'm rudabaga.

[Ronnie]

A surprise rutabaga from under the bed. Tristan. Meanwhile, Tristan's gonna make a, like, an Armenian flatbread pizza. Because Tristan is, like, amazing. Like, every week, he's like, yeah. So like, last week, it was like, I was working with these crazy Swedes. So here's. I hate this food, but I know how to cook Swedish food. And this week, he's like, guess what? This week I'm gonna cook Armenian food. Because I also know how to do that, too. I'm like, what does he not know how to cook?

[Ben]

Yeah, he really does know how to cook a lot. Paula is gonna do a Fugazetta doll. You bloom the yeast on milk and sugar, making a faster fermentation. Okay? So then Vinnie is. He's, like, mixing it, and he's like, I just try and develop much as possible. And that's just. I just keep beating it and beating it.

[Ronnie]

You know, what we do in the Nomad is that we. We take hollandaise sauce and we freeze it in a disc, like, shape, and then we toss it in the air just so it looks and feels like pizza. And we just put red sauce on top. It's wonderful.

[Ben]

So Lana is like, you know, I'm from New York City because now they go to Niagara. Niagara City Cruises. And so they put on ponchos to look at Niagara Falls. And she's like, I'm From New York City, but I still. Nature.

[Ronnie]

Thanks for the insight. She's getting a lot of, like, little, like the. The softer side of Lana. She likes nature. Yeah. So, yeah, they get close to the. To Niagara Falls and they all get rain in their faces. And then the next day, it's a really inconsequential trip to Niagara Falls. The next. Then we go back home and.

[Ben]

But it's more impressive. I'm sorry, Ben, but Niagara Falls is more impressive than I thought. Because I feel like people who go to Niagara Falls, like, oh, big. I thought Niagara Falls was going to be this great thing. It's just like a little thing. It's like nothing. That's what I've heard a lot, but I actually thought it was very pretty. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

I think Niagara Falls is amazing.

[Ben]

Oh, I went there, like, so unimpressed with Niagara Falls.

[Ronnie]

Ew. Ew. I'm unimpressed with people who are unimpressed with Niagara Falls. I went there in sixth grade and I literally had my mind blown. I thought I actually liked it more than the Grand Canyon. That's my hot take. I literally. I could literally sit there and just stare at those waterfalls for hours and hours on end. Like, I loved Niagara Falls so much, and I think they are big and beautiful, and whoever is shooting on Niagara Falls, you need to find out. You need to find out who hurt you that you feel compelled to shit on Niagara Falls when you know they're majestic and wonderful.

[Ben]

Yeah, that's a fail take anti Niagara Falls. So then back at the apartment, Cesar gets on the phone with his mom. And his mom is so cute because no matter what he says, she just goes, I love you so much. That's her response to everything. He's like, mom, I've been kind of nervous, but everything's okay. I love you so much. But I'm kind of scared. But I love you so much. And the other day, I made ice cream with pickles in it. I love you so much. I was like, this lady, is that all she says? It's cute, though. I like it.

[Ronnie]

She's basically like, on her end, it's like, you know, it's just him frozen, and she doesn't hear anything. So she just is like, I'm just gonna say, I love you so much until it'll fit. One of these times. Yeah. So it's like, guess what? It's the next day, and Henry's dough is dead. It did not rise. So he's gonna have to make sushi pizza. At the last second, he's Gonna have to do this. He has. He has rice that he brought from home and he's like, well, I guess this is what I'm gonna do. So I just.

[Ben]

When he did this. Come on, man. You're gonna make the literal thing that they showed you. This is so uncreative. Henry. I've been Henry.

[Ronnie]

I know, but the thing that's. The other thing is that, like, he's. His original pizza was gonna be like a pho pizza, so he's gonna have the flavors of pho, but it's gonna be on like a sushi rice pizza. So I was like, this is doomed. Even if it does work. And we know it's Henry. Let's be honest.

[Ben]

Yeah. I knew this was not gonna go well. I think everybody knew. I think we all knew this wasn't gonna go well. So meanwhile, Lana is doing oxtails and a tamarind barbecue sauce for hers. And then Tristan is doing his cr. Amazing looking flatbread thing. And Shway's got some lamb going. And he has made the mistake of doing something with a ton of vegetables. And people don't really think about this when you go vegetarian or something, or you just start eating a ton of vegetables, as I have recently. That takes long. That takes a really long. It takes a long time to make a good salad and cut all that. I'm sorry. It's too much. It's so much easier. Just like, throw some cheese on some tortillas and call it a day.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, it's a lot of chopping. So Massimo tells us that he's like, I got into cooking accidentally by getting a summer job at the pizzeria. I ended up falling in love with the craft this way. His wife was like, yeah, I know. You spent more time in that freaking pizza parlor than you did with our kids. That's. That's why I left you. So Bailey is someone else.

[Ben]

I'm not surprised. That is kind of not impressive. Is Bailey and I. I thought Bailey when she came back with her new attitude, but Bailey's like the past few things. Chicken parm pizza can't come on.

[Ronnie]

An innovation.

[Ben]

Yes. What are you innovating?

[Ronnie]

That's like a California pizza kitchen kind of thing. Like, I. Half those ingredients are already kind of on the pizza. So you're just adding essentially fried chicken to a pizza, right?

[Ben]

Yeah. Yeah. You're putting chicken parm on top of a pizza. It sounds gross. So she's doing that as basic. I'm sorry. You are basic. And then Tristan is deciding that he is going to use the inside ovens, because they're allowed to use outside, like brick ovens or whatever. Or inside ovens.

[Ronnie]

Yes. And I'm also here to say it's totally inconsequential to this episode. They just had to mention their pizza oven sponsor, the Grosney or the Gosney or the Kate Gosney. So. But Caesar, meanwhile, he's discovering that, like the cocoa powder in his dough is causing his. His pie to sort of like stick to the peel. So he's got drama going on over there. And then Paula is just got too much stuff going on on her. So everyone's kind of like flopping right now. Everyone is falling apart across the board. Except maybe Massimo. Massimo's got his all right and everything. And Vinnie also is doing well because he makes pizza all the time with his brother. So, you know, they're doing that. But meanwhile they get. People start showing up and basically it's time. Basically it's time to. It's time to. It's time to serve the people.

[Ben]

Yeah. So let's see who's here. Guest judges, etc. I have to say, Gail looks great today. Love her outfit.

[Ronnie]

No patterns.

[Ben]

She gets a pattern. Free top, leather dress, like, leather skirt. Looked beautiful. Good for you, G. It's a rare thing, but it's great to see when it happens. And so, you know, we've got someone named John there. I don't know, Spike is there, Wily's there. You know, they're all there and they're making sending order jokes about Spike because Spike's like, wow, why did it take you so long to invite me to this pizza party? And Wiley's like, oh, they had to wait for the restraining order to clear.

[Ronnie]

So by the way, John, I think, I think he runs the vineyard that they're in. That's who John is. He's like, like, John also has a pretty aggressive comb over. I just want to also add. I noticed it.

[Ben]

So come over pizza.

[Ronnie]

Our innovation is that we took one part of the pizza and combed it over to the other part. So Lana's having issues with hers, etc, and Henry is saying, he's like, you know, there's no time for testers. You only get one shot at this. And my pan is ripping hot. Like, actually, I think you do have time for like a small test or a. Can't you make a teeny little racy little little rice pizza and just see the texture? Because you're gonna want to test that out before you send that out. That rice situation.

[Ben]

Yeah, I Gotta test people. Gotta test. Always test him. So then Eden's there. She's like, I feel like this is, like, a really difficult challenge because pizza means so much to us guys, doesn't it? And all in different ways. Like, to me, it's a good snack. To Kristen, dinner with her mom. To Gail, it's a. An outfit. You're doing great. Hire her. Hire her.

[Ronnie]

Specifically her wedding dress. She didn't have a flower girl at her wedding. She just had a little girl who threw pepperoni down the aisle.

[Ben]

Gail's like, everyone has a point of reference for pizza.

[Ronnie]

Yes. That explains why Gail's always like, please point me in the direction of pizza. I need a reference.

[Ben]

Gail's entire apple maps is filled with little pizza shops dotted along the way.

[Ronnie]

Her phone is actually just a small slice of Sicilian pizza. That's why she always needs, quote unquote, to upgrade her phone.

[Ben]

Well, you know what I like? I like a Sicilian pie. That's what I like. And Gail's like, I mean, personally, I like a thin crust.

[Ronnie]

Oh, that's funny. That's also how we describe your hair. Thin crusts.

[Ben]

And Kristen's like, the dough is most. Arguably the most important part. And so Tom asks Wiley how long he works on his recipes. And Wiley's like, ah, I'm still working on it.

[Ronnie]

Well, if it takes you as long as it took you to cut your hair, I guess it'll be a while before you perfect your recipe, huh?

[Ben]

So back in the kitchen, the scallion pancakes coming along, but Shway is worried that it's not thick enough. But it's still a great vehicle for toppings. So let's see.

[Ronnie]

Oh, and yeah. And so now we have our first batch of pizzas. So there's what's his face. Tristan's gonna makes, like an anchovy ranch to go along with his. And Kristen's like, oh, Tom, are you. And are you a ranch fan? And he's like, no, I've never seen it with pizza. I've never been offered. Actually, Tom, you have been offered. Unfortunately, Gail gets there before you. Sorry.

[Ben]

Come on, Tom. You've been offered ranch. Do you remember that time you were thirsty and Gail offered you her flask?

[Ronnie]

How does Tom Colicchio never had ranch with his pizza. That's wild.

[Ben]

He's what? Here's my question. Why do people like this even own restaurants? Like, is it just an Emperor's New Clothes kind of thing where the restaurant really sucks? Like Vinnie from Nomad who doesn't know how to make Indian food or has never eaten it or has to put holidays or. This is just like rich people restaurant stuff. You've never had ranch with your pizza? Why would I ever eat anything that you cooked? Why ever?

[Ronnie]

Ever?

[Ben]

No, I don't trust you anymore, Tom.

[Ronnie]

No schwei. Can you tell us about your pizza? And he's this guy and pizza thing and everything. And Tristan's talks about his. His Armenian pizza, and so. And then Lana talks about hers. Hers is a pizza with a honey nut squash sauce, tamarind barbecue, oxtails, buttermilk dressing, and fried plantain chips. So they all start eating. Sounds crazy.

[Ben]

Everything in this sounded crazy to me. But, yeah, not terrible. Except squash sauce. But at least she's using the squash as a sauce. So it's already wet.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Because squash already kind of up a lasagna earlier this episode.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

So, you know, they like schweize scallion pancake situation, and they thought that, like, the Lana's was baked well, you know, but, like. Yeah. So I think they like it. They like it there. They like it. I thought that Tristan did a great job. And it's definitely more of a flatbread in the style of a dough. Very thin, crispy. It was spicy. It had Tang. Come on, someone jump in here. It can't be all me.

[Ben]

Wow, Philip Tang. Add a cup of peanut butter sandwiches to that, and we've got Gail in the morning.

[Ronnie]

So.

[Ben]

The scallion pancake goes over very well. They kind of like that. That. And Tom's like, well, we're using the term pizza fairly loosely. I guess so. But, you know, he played to his strength, which is scaling pancakes, I guess. I don't know. Someone want to take this over? Sometimes in life we have scallions. Sometimes in life, we have pancakes. This is a journey. You get to put both together. All right.

[Ronnie]

Hi, this is Eden Greenspan here. I just want to add. Ew. Okay, so then Caesar. Caesar's working on his things, and now it's time for the next batch. Okay, everyone, by the way, before the next batch comes out, I just, you know, I love an exciting pizza party conversation. So everyone, Chicago deep dish. How do you feel about it? And John's like, that's. That's lasagna, in my opinion. And they're like, yeah, they can have their deep dish. Boo. Deep dish. Yeah. To me, it's like a pizza. Deep dish just likes a pizza. What a hot dog is to a sandwich. I like. We're like, okay, wait, let me do this. I can do it too. Because My dear friend Ali Wong is a comedian. Okay. Deep dish is the pizza. As Gale is a deep dish. The same thing, right? Wow.

[Ben]

Deep dish, otherwise known as Gail's wedding china. Am I right, Gayle?

[Ronnie]

Deep dish, also known as Gail's favorite spa treatment.

[Ben]

By the way, I will not handle any of this deep dish slander. Deep dish is amazing pizza. Who doesn't want more bread on their pizza?

[Ronnie]

I don't know. I don't feel. It's not more bread. I feel like it's just like a lot more tomato sauce. It's very.

[Ben]

A lot more dough. Well, yeah, you can tell them light sauce would. I mean, you can perfect it. But I mean, come on, get. Get the. Away from my deep dish.

[Ronnie]

I like deep dish. I like it. I do like it quite a bit.

[Ben]

But.

[Ronnie]

But I think it's probably on the lower end of my. Of my favorite pizzas. You know, I think, like, classic New York style is my favorite. If I'll buy Detroit and then maybe Sicilian and then probably deep dish.

[Ben]

Tom says it's, you know, deep dish is like to pizza what a hot dog is to a sandwich. I don't get that. Did you get that? Everyone laughed like that.

[Ronnie]

Like, hot dog is like. Hot dog may technically be a sandwich and that there's a meat in bread, but it's not really a sandwich. He's like, basically saying, yeah, I mean, okay, here we go. Pizza is to a hot dog. Okay. Deep dish is to a pizza what a mixologist is to a Michelin star winning chef. Joke. Why would you do that? You have a good path.

[Ben]

Disappointment. Pure disappointment.

[Ronnie]

It's like a son who has his entire world set up for him and decides to be a mixologist. I don't even understand it.

[Ben]

One day someone said, hey, Tom, it's take your. Take your son to work day. And I said, my son doesn't have a job. He's a mixologist. And they said, no, Tom, that means you take your son to your job. And I said, oh, hell no. No one respects mixologists. Nope, nope. He's a hot dog. He's a hot dog. He's like a hot dog compared to a sandwich.

[Ronnie]

You know what? It's like the beginning of a. You know when you're making a deep dish, you're rolling out that dough, and for a moment, you have a chance to make a thin crust. And said, you know what? He already had a chance. My son had a chance. Good luck making. Good luck making tequila sunrises the rest of your life.

[Ben]

So Henry introduces his chocolate pizza oh, no. Henry's not chocolate pizza. I'm sorry. He's the sushi pizza. So he's like, I fully embrace the sushi pizza. Walls down guys won $10,000 today. Nothing can bring me down now. So I made a pho version of pizza, which. Which really doesn't make any sense. But it's brisket marinated in pho flavors and topped with herb pesto and hoisin and sriracha, so hope you like it.

[Ronnie]

And leftover oatmeal broth if you want me to spread that on top.

[Ben]

I'm sorry. Please don't serve Gail's mouthwash with this. It's a dinner.

[Ronnie]

Spike's like, you went for it, man. It's like, yes, just like you pushing that tiny little hat on us for 15 years. Thankfully, it's gone.

[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ben]

So then Cesar introduces his, which is the mole Negro chicken thighs, black bean salsa with crispy chicken skin pizza.

[Ronnie]

And Spike is like, what was he? What was your dough made of? Which is. Excuse me. Excuse me. Hi. I just have a note from the afterlife. I believe the proper question is, did you mean to make such a disgusting brown dough?

[Ben]

What is wrong with you that you think this is acceptable to serve to me?

[Ronnie]

Hi, I just was speaking to Joan, Joan of Arc, and she says, what is that gross? You know, who needs a miracle, you, to get through this competition?

[Ben]

Joan of Arc just heard your description for pizza and set herself on fire. Again, thanks a lot.

[Ronnie]

I also was just haunting Joan Vanarc's house, and she says, remember me? And I said, no. Who are you? That's it.

[Ben]

She said, I'm the lady who was sitting next to Gail when she scratched and sniffed. And then I died and went to heaven.

[Ronnie]

By the way, I spoke to Marie Curie, and she said she'd rather die of radiation ten times over than eat that sad crust.

[Ben]

So they're like, okay, Caesar's like, it's standard pizza dough, and I put a bit of cocoa powder into it. Don't yell at me. And then Bailey comes out. She's like, hi, everybody, it's me, New Bailey. I did chicken parm pizza with bread, and I just, you know, I made a chicken thigh and a quick sausage. I hate long sausage. I love quick sausage.

[Ronnie]

Quick sausage.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

I use some AP with it. So just. Okay. So I decided to take the standard thing with, you know, pizza is Always just like dough with tomato sauce and cheese. Maybe some sort of, you know, spiced meat. And I said, well, here's what I'm going to do instead. Pizza with a tomato sauce. Mozzarella. Yeah, I use mozzarella. Provolone. Haven't heard that on a pizza before. Sausage on a pizza. I know, I know. Let's just like everyone, just hold yourself. And I put hold your chicken so everyone can consider yourself innovated. You've been Bailey, Bailey out.

[Ben]

You just got Bailey'd. Suckers. New Bailey out. So Spike's like, there's a lot of bread. Maybe that's what she was going for. And Wiley's like, yeah, but it, it's not cooked, unfortunately. And she put cornmeal on the bottom to stop it from sticking to the ovens, but she put way too much on there. And Kristen and Gail don't get.

[Ronnie]

Wow. It's like watching Gail get up from her seat on an airplane. So much cornmeal there.

[Ben]

I mean, it is nice to see Gail exfoliate every once in a while.

[Ronnie]

Well, I hear that when Gail wears her jort, she needs to put some cornmeal under her thighs. Otherwise it's sticky, sticky, sticky. Rude.

[Ben]

So Kristen and Eden don't mind the cornmeal, but Gail is like, I find that way too grainy. And Spike says it tastes like mass produced pizza. And Kristin's like, that's why I like it. Maybe so funny. Guys, listen, even though I like it, but we also spent the day licking tough stains.

[Ronnie]

We went through a challenge sponsored by Finish. So at this point, we're happy for any cornmeal we have. Anything that's not stuck to the plate, we're happy with.

[Ben]

Finish. I actually adopted a son from Finland just to pen pal with. You know, I donated some money to his family just to make up for the fact that my son's a mixologist. So he hasn't written me for a while, but I think I'll be finished. Tom, it's a dishwashing liquid. God, I wish my son was a dishwasher.

[Ronnie]

We don't have all day. I mean, I guess technically I have eternity because I'm dead, but listen, there are things that are happening. I don't know if you know this, but Susan Sontag is having a reading at 4pm so get to it.

[Ben]

Wow. You know, Blanche from the Golden Girls called me and asked if we brought up her name on the show today. And I said yes, everything's over. Blanched, she's still crying.

[Ronnie]

Oh, God. Did you Hear that? Paula had blanche trauma. Wow. Haven't we all? Oh, like, sorry, I guess you guys aren't in the afterlife yet. Sit next to Rue McClanahan while she picks her teeth.

[Ben]

Well, my good friend Liberace says, bring out the next pies. They don't like Henry's sushi Pizza at all, which I don't know why we're still calling it sushi Pizza, because it's not really, is it? I'm so confused.

[Ronnie]

It's. It's he. So. Yes. So they can't pick it up. So I don't. I don't know about sushi Pizza. It's up. Okay, one thing I do know. Here's something. There is, like, there are, like, ramen burgers, where people make patties out of, like, ramen noodles, you know? So I kind of feel like that could have been an opportunity for a pizza choice, you know, because he had all those. That. Those noodles, those vermicellis.

[Ben]

That's a good idea. Last night, I ordered. My family ordered Thai food, and so I had I just order a side of plain noodles because they all stick together in the container once they get there and they come out like a little noodle cake. Yeah, yeah. And then you can just pour your own sauces and stuff on there. So maybe something like that. But I think it still wouldn't hold up like a crust. The rice was just falling all apart.

[Ronnie]

And they also said the pho flavor wasn't strong. And it's weird because, like, pho, I feel like when you drink, when you have. It does have, like, a certain. Certain kind of, like, warming flavor with like. Like, you get a lot of, like. Like. Like anise. Like, star anise. And like.

[Ben]

Or.

[Ronnie]

Or, maybe, like, you get, like, those warming spices. But I can see pho flavors getting completely overpowered the moment you put it in, like, a pizza situation. So I just think this was doomed from the beginning.

[Ben]

You're doomed. So let's see. So Gail's like, it's a tartar with extra herbs. So let's talk about Caesar's Pizza. And Spike's like, well, there's such a thing as a good burn. Thank you. I wasn't talking to you.

[Ronnie]

I learned that from my dear friend Joan Rivers.

[Ben]

And then there's bad burn. Hey, Gail walked a mile lately.

[Ronnie]

So Wiley's like, yeah, we learned the hard way making donuts. That cocoa powder burns really easily. Didn't stop Gail from raiding your collection, though. Am I right? So Eden's like, well, I actually. I actually like the Whole mole sauce. But, like, when I picked up the pizza, I just. It just felt like I was holding up the sauce with this really soft dough. It was, like, disgusting. Get me off this show. Get me back to the Canadian version already.

[Ben]

I love the idea of mole sauce on pizza, though, so it's a shame that didn't work out. I love a mole. And Tom's like, there's my son there. Oh, it's a fly. That's a flop there. So Paula is getting nervous with her fugazetta because it's too soft. She thinks it's too soft. And now there's too many fillings. And now the pizzas are cooked, and she can't do anything about it. And here we go. So back at the table, Gail's like, I have a conversation piece. When you have a night off of pizza, what's your go to Wylie? Gail wanted to know because she never takes a night off of pizza. Am I right, Gayle?

[Ronnie]

So w's like, well, I. I always like a plane and a classic. Really? I. You. You could have fooled me, given that he had the plain, classic pizza of haircuts for a long time. So he's like. He's like, yeah, a classic New York slice is a good place to start. And Spike's like, yeah, I'm really simple. I like tomato sauce, fresh motz, because I don't say the full word. And a little bit of basil.

[Ben]

Tom's like, I'd rather drive mozzarella. I'd rather raise that, honestly. Better learn something. But at least mozzarella tries to see what his dad's doing at work.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, it melts better. Dried mozzarella melts better. Yeah. Gail knows, since that's how she Dr.

[Ben]

You don't even have to do it. You're, like, forcing yourself.

[Ronnie]

Can't help myself. I'm stimulated in heaven.

[Ben]

I just got a text from my friend Tricia that says Padma and Martha. Wait, it says, Martha Stewart has a new cooking show called yes, Chef. Is that the one that Padma's in?

[Ronnie]

No, Padma's on cbs. But I did see a promo for the yes Chef thing, and I'm like, I may have to watch this because it's Martha and Jose Andres. And you see them, like, deliberating. This is the clip. Martha looks at Jose Andres goes, oh, I just hate sending people home. And he looks at her and laughs. He goes, do you? And she laughs. He goes, no.

[Ben]

I'm in.

[Ronnie]

I'm officially. I'm so in for this show.

[Ben]

Okay, so Massimo starts off he's like, I started my career as a pizziologist. Anybody? Anybody? Applause, applause, applause.

[Ronnie]

Wow.

[Ben]

Okay.

[Ronnie]

At least for my hair's board. Wow. Pizziolo over here. Pizziolo hair.

[Ben]

Oh. So, yeah, so then they. I'm sorry, I got lost there. So he's. He does a perseade. What is that? What is that?

[Ronnie]

I think. Isn't that, like, with, like, Spanish sauce?

[Ben]

Oh, okay. With some.

[Ronnie]

I think it's like. I think it's like a parsley sauce or, like, chopped parsley. I don't know. I'll look it up.

[Ben]

So this is the one with potatoes, mussels, and clams. And he's like, you could probably have this at Una Pizzeria Napolitana in the Lower east side. And they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not pat ourselves on the back there. Hair.

[Ronnie]

Okay, so Paola has made some pork with pineapple, caramelized onions, chimichurri, amorne, whatever that is. Maybe it's a reference to Rebecca.

[Ben]

Yeah, Rebecca.

[Ronnie]

And then finally, finally some Gouda. Okay, good. On pizza, I'm not sure if Gouda is a pizza cheese. I mean, I like to think every cheese can can work in this, in a perfect world, but Gouda, A Gouda pizza? I don't know.

[Ben]

I'm not usually for a fancy pizza. Like, I don't want you to fancy it up for me, you know, Just give me some cheese. Just. Let's just stop with this fancy.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, I know we have to innovate, but, like, Gouda, I'm just not seeing it. And so hers is.

[Ben]

Gail is. That's what she uses for her contacts. Gail, please take out your Gouda so you can actually see the dish before you judge it.

[Ronnie]

It. Gail just has two. Two circles of Gouda in her eyes, I guess. I know we gave the disclaimer last week, but I feel like it's never a bad time to remind people we love Gail. This is just what we think Padma thinks about Gail.

[Ben]

Why don't we just make a little thing that we put at the beginning of Top Chef that we can just, like, throw on there, like an ad that's like, no Gails were harmed in the. In the making of this podcast.

[Ronnie]

Viewer discretion advised. Yes.

[Ben]

If you or anyone you have loved has been harmed or traumatized by a girl, here's a number you can call.

[Ronnie]

No celebrities were actually involved in Gail's life.

[Ben]

No celebrities were in the making of this lunch out with Gail because she's never had a celebrity lunch before. Okay, let's get back into this.

[Ronnie]

I just want to give a warning to all. No, I just wanted to give a warning. The following program features many references to Gail Simmons. All of my dear friends, Lena Waits. Please be advised.

[Ben]

So let's see. So Paula talks about her pizza. Then Vinnie comes, and he did his brother's Reuben pizza. And he's like. And a Reuben is not complete without a pickle. So I put a Nomad pickle right there on the top. As you'll see, sauerkraut, Thousand island whipped ricotta, some Nomad gray. So enjoy that. Enjoy that.

[Ronnie]

So. So they start to eat, and first they start talking about Paula's Gouda pizza. And Tom's like, you know, the dough's too soft. I mean, if that's milk, you know, use milk, it's gonna be soft. Everyone knows, use milk, it's gonna be soft. Even my mixologist son would know that. That because he deals with liquids for a living. Who would do that?

[Ben]

I know that. I know that milk makes you soft because it's all we fed my son for the first few years of his life. And look at him tossing drinks around for a living. Soft as they come.

[Ronnie]

You know, they say the milkman always rings, knocks twice. Guess what? He has to do that because he does it too softly. Milk makes it soft.

[Ben]

The mailman. The milkman could have been a chef if he had just followed his father's footsteps. But no. Have fun driving around the truck all day.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, have fun being worried that the thing you're gonna sell is he gonna spoiled before you ever get there. Congratulations. You're stupid.

[Ben]

And Kristin's like, yeah, it tastes like milk bread. And Gail's like, yeah, it feels like brioche. What are you taking a nap? Gail. Gail's mattress is made out of. Unbelievable.

[Ronnie]

Sorry. My dear friend Ali Wong said I should venture into mattress material. I'm not quite there yet. She said, it's a new frontier for comedy.

[Ben]

So Wiley liked the pineapple braised pork shoulder on Paula's dish, but wasn't into the chimichurri. That's where it started feeling a little murky for me. And it had too much on it. So now let's move to Massimo. They like the lightness of his crust, but Spike's like, okay. And he's got a bubble here. I see a bubble. Largest bubble we've seen so far. Look next to you.

[Ronnie]

Largest bubble, you say, Stick the landing, Ghost Padma, stick the landing.

[Ben]

So Gail's mad that the to the potatoes weren't crispier. And Spike's like, so what do we think about. Do we think it's sacrilegious to put cheese on any seafood? Well, Gail puts it on his lingerie, so I don't see why we should be mad at pizza.

[Ronnie]

It's pretty controversial. I mean, as long as you can find enough cheese to cover that large bubble, if you know what I'm saying. So then they're talking about the Reuben, and they like it. They're like, you know, Gail likes that. It seems like Vinnie's having fun, and Tom's like, yeah, I mean, it tastes like a ribbon. If you like a ribbon, tastes like a ribbon. Well, I don't know. Like, I can imagine like, that. I actually think a Reuben pizza sounds like a great idea. But, like, there's also a part of me that's like, well, if you're just making a Reuben, it's just. It's just a Reuben with just a different bread. Right, Right.

[Ben]

I mean, well, Reubens aren't made on white bread anyway. Aren't they? Aren't they made on Eat meat? So I don't know. I'm. Even when I ate me, I don't. I'd never had a Reuben, so.

[Ronnie]

The Reubens are delicious. I don't know. I kind of feel like you take a whole sandwich, you take the sandwich, and you just swap out the bread component with the pizza bottom, and then. I don't know. I think I just don't like Vinnie because it's a good idea, and I. I really shouldn't be trying to scrape around for a bath. Bad for criticism. It's a great idea.

[Ben]

Oh, it uses rye bread. That's what.

[Ronnie]

That's what? Rye bread and.

[Ben]

Yeah. So did he make, like, a rye crust?

[Ronnie]

I don't know if he made a rye crust, but I think he just. He basically put, like, pastrami war corn beef. I think it was pastrami and Thousand island and sauerkraut and Swiss cheese and melted it on a pizza. Like, kind of sounds perfect.

[Ben]

I don't know. So then Massimo is having a glass of wine with people, and he's like, every now and then, our careers bring us to beautiful places. Yesterday. Today, we're in paradise. Look at my hair. You are all in paradise right now. It's a good hair day for me.

[Ronnie]

So now the judges are judging, and Chris is like, chefs, we asked for a Top Chef pizza party. Tom, do you think they delivered, like. Like our friends at Domino's? They're not a sponsor. They're not a sponsor of this episode. I Know, I just. I love sponsor talk. Okay. Sponsor lingo just really gets me going.

[Ben]

It's like. Well, you said delivered. That was pretty funny. Listen, we did get some tasty pies. Maybe some not so tasty. Padma. Padma.

[Ronnie]

Well, no, it's Kristen. Listen, I know we. I know we didn't get not everyone delivered, but does that mean they're digiorno? All right, well, our friends at Giorno will have. I can send to each and every one of you home with a pizza crust. No, no, I just said that on spec. Okay, that's fine. Vinnie, Tristan, and Shwai, can you stay here? So the Vinnie, Tristan, and Schwei are at the top, and they have the best pizzas. And Shuai's talking about how he's not good at making doughs. So scallion pancake was something that he felt would be a really great vehicle. And Tom really liked the toppings. And Gail's like, you know what? There was acidity in that salad. There was a spiciness in that lamb. It challenged our idea of what pizza. I think that's what I. We asked of you. You were magnificent with the scallion pizza. All right, G. If you liked it so much, stop wearing it as a hat, for crying out loud. Let the man have his moment.

[Ben]

Well, you know, you used a scallion pancake as your vehicle.

[Ronnie]

Wow.

[Ben]

Gail was the first one to try that. Drove right to a tree. It was embarrassing.

[Ronnie]

Wow. You're shifting the looks she got when she tried to plug in a Chevron with tech round nozzled into a scallion pancake.

[Ben]

So Tristan's pizza, he says, you know, I took all the things that I wouldn't do on a pizza, you know, like ranch. And I had ranch Today, everybody. Big step, small step for ranch people. Huge step for Tom. Kind. I had ranch. That was my day. Thanks for asking. Tristan, you can go.

[Ronnie]

Wiley liked the idea of, like, the kebab flavors, and that worked well. It was clever. And Spike's like, I mean, you spoke to my Greek heart on this one. That ranch anchovy dipping sauce, I mean, that took it to the top for me. I. If I could have put a tiny little hat on that pizza, I would have.

[Ben]

And now Vinny's up, and he's like, you know, my brother made this pizza for me, so this is me eating my words, because I said, what a stupid idea. But people liked it, so I copied it, and you liked it, so you're suckers. But I didn't steal from Nomad today, so that's something I stole from. Yes, brother. Yes, brother.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Well, you know, it was a great idea. It was executed well, and I could close my eyes, and if I close my eyes while I was eating, that it would. It was like I was eating a Reuben. Wow. Gail said the same thing when she took a bite out of the wall yesterday.

[Ben]

And Wiley liked it. He's like, oh, such a light heartedness. God. That was the pie that made me smile. God. So Spike gets to announce a winner, and the winner is the chef that really brought the flavors forward, the balance and the textures. It's Tristan Dun dun dun. Wow.

[Ronnie]

I didn't think Tristan was going to win because they said it was more like a flatbread than a pizza during the, during the judging, but maybe just tasted really good.

[Ben]

Yeah. I don't know. I didn't get, like a clear idea of who was going to win this one. Who do you think was going to win?

[Ronnie]

I thought Vinnie was going to win. I felt like they were setting that up, but Kristen's like, kristen, congratulations. Not the first mini. How many wins is this now? Three. Okay, well, that's definitely three more than Henry's ever gotten. That's for sure. Hey, Henry, remember when we used to give out immunities for quick fires? You won today, right? Oh, that's too bad.

[Ben]

Oh, well, you're screwed. So Tristan's like, I beat the two Italian guys, so that was a win. And now they can step to the side. And Henry, Paula, Cesar, the three of you had our least favorite pizzas. And one of you will be sent straight to hell. Okay, so Henry, why are you standing here? And he's like, oh, my God, I had my walls down this morning. And then they just went back up, I guess. Where are my walls up? He fucked up his dough, basically.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. And so she's like, so what was the original plan? And he's like, like, well, it was, it was supposed to be just the flavors. And I, you know, I guess the original plan was an actual pizza instead of a mound of rice with pho toppings. What do you mean, what was the original plan? The original plan was clearly pizza.

[Ben]

Yeah. And he's like, you know, but then I decided to do the sushi pizza because they, they told us about sushi pizza. So I was like, well, I'll just copy that instead. And so. And they're like, so you did a rice crisp crust? And they're like, so did you try to crisp that or did you mean to serve a soggy rice? You.

[Ronnie]

How many times have to crawl back from beyond the grave to tell you how to ask a question. Also, I could have gone for what? A good old classic. Henry, how did today go for you? Because from the way it tasted, it must have been a awful day. Ah.

[Ben]

Hope your day cooking was better than our day eating. Henry, you loser. He's like, why the cross? Oh, sorry. Go. Me?

[Ronnie]

No, I'll leave this one be. You. Henry should probably talk. We've been talking a long time today, huh?

[Ben]

So Tom's like, nah, I couldn't pick it up. You know, I couldn't do anything with it. Like, what am I supposed to do with this? I picked it up, fell apart, picked it up again, fell apart. I mean, what. What is this rice? I mean, it's crazy. What are you gonna do, just put some raw beef on top? I mean, what the hell was this? This is absolutely ridiculous. I. I took one look at that plate, I said, go to college. Do something with your life. Why are you wasting your life? We raised you better than this rice.

[Ronnie]

Talk about not getting up. Wow. That. That crust was like G after two Molsons. It's like that old song. I get knocked up I mean, I. Never mind.

[Ben]

I get knocked down so I stay down again Ain't nothing gonna get me up Right, Gail?

[Ronnie]

Right, Gail? Hey, you know what's funny? The lights are flashing behind me for some reason. There's, like, a carnival in my room right now. Ronnie.

[Ben]

Oh, let me see. Hold on. Come back over to your window.

[Ronnie]

Look at my lights. I think that's my. My light's way of saying, five minutes left of this recap, you idiots.

[Ben]

Red light. The red light's blinking.

[Ronnie]

So I know that because I work in comedy now.

[Ben]

In the afterlife, Cesar's pizza is new, and he's like, well, this was a new challenge for me. I know you guys wanted something different. So I was like, maybe chocolate with pizza. So I tried it, and Spike's like, yeah, here's where you lost me on your first bite. Yeah, unfortunately. Yeah, I got a sense of bitterness. It just. It wasn't pleasurable. Okay. And then, you know, burning on the bottom. I just. You did not do pizza any favors today. People thought I was nice now. Nope. Tiny had his back.

[Ronnie]

Tiny. Tiny had a rage. Yeah. They basically said they didn't get any crunch. The cocoa really fucked everything up. Paula, did your pizza turn out the way you wanted to turn out? Because it was awful. And Paula's like, no, no. I think I put too many toppings on it. Timmy Churro had a lot More fatness than wanted once the cheese was all melted. And I'll just say this. Between the lasagna and the pizza, I don't think I'm ever cooking Italian food ever again.

[Ben]

You know, these. These milk doughs, you know, they're softer doughs. You know, it's gonna flop, you know, because it's milk dough. Tom, let's stop. Let's stop giving away Gail's 23andMe results.

[Ronnie]

We're on TV23 and need more, like, K, N E A G. It's wordplay. So, yeah, Spike is, like, his place. Like, yeah, there's too much. Too many toppings, too wet, etc. Okay, we'll call you back in a little bit while we pretend to act like there's no one going home other. I mean, like, there's actually a chance that someone other than Henry could be going home. All right, thank you, everyone.

[Ben]

So they do that. They talk, and they repeat a lot of the same stuff, but guess what, Henry, please pack your shitty rice and go. And Tom's like, oh, we'll see you at Last Chance Kitchen, Henry, which surely you will fail, so it'll be fun.

[Ronnie]

We'll see you there at Last Kitchen or assignment to call this episode Waste of my Time Kitchen. Obviously, you're gonna lose the Katiana, who I assume is gonna be standing there facing you.

[Ben]

But listen, you know, we know that you're upset, and you've had a very insecure time with your walls up, so we're gonna have the nicest woman to ever be on this show, and she only says the words, words, I love you, honey. And that is Cesar's mom. Cesar's mom. Do you have anything to say to Henry? Rice pizza. That sucked. Get the out of here.

[Ronnie]

He's like, oh, well, so he's gone. He seems so nice, but, yeah, he seemed like he just. I think the competition was too much for Henry since the beginning. Poor guy.

[Ben]

Yeah, poor Henry. I feel bad for him because, yeah, he is a nice guy, but he's really good.

[Ronnie]

But it's just. It's a lot. It's hard.

[Ben]

I mean, he made it pretty far. This is. There were, what, seven people in this one? Somebody. He made it, like, halfway through, so that's pretty well more than halfway, because don't they start out with, like, 90 chefs now?

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Well, next week is Restaurant wars, and I have to say, it's probably a good idea they got rid of Henry before Restaurant wars because that. I just. I just didn't want to see Henry have to go through that. Yeah.

[Ben]

I couldn't take the secondhand stress, but yeah. Are they bringing back the person next week from last chance kitchen? Because they didn't mention that. That.

[Ronnie]

I don't think so because Katiana. Let's see. Katiana went last week and then I think it's only been like, this is only the third week of people going to last chance kitchen. So I don't.

[Ben]

But didn't he say this is the last. Oh, no, he said this is the last immunity. He didn't say. He didn't say it's the last. Okay. It's not the last. Last chance kitchen.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

Okay. Okay. All right, everybody. Well, thank you so much for being here. This was super fun and long. What a long one. My God. But really padded. Padded that with some padding out Padman padmington bear. All right, everybody, thank you so much for being here. It was super fun. Get tickets for our Texas shows and Vegas shows in next week in May over at watch what crappens. And thanks for being with us on video and patreon, everybody. We sure love you. We'll talk to you next time. Squirrels fly when the moon starts shining diamonds in the street but they're certain where they're mining Flip on the booby snack a scooby doo your dirty two.

[Ronnie]

Shelves.

[Ben]

Rain roar and the mustache twirling pour it in your pocket but your trompers are a burst land.

[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

Berg this is living with Michelle Vivian.

[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

Somebody get us 10cc's of Betsy MD.

[Ben]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

And Gwen Pentland it's our queen It's.

[Ronnie]

Queen Nobody holds a candle to Jamie.

[Ben]

Kendall know your worth with Jason Kurt.

[Ronnie]

We got our wish It's Jen Plish she's not harsh She's Jill Hirsch She's a little bit loony Junie, my Favorite.

[Ben]

Murdo Karen McMurdo she gets an A It's Kelly B.

[Ronnie]

We love him madly It's Kyle Pod Chadley we're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron She's a whiz It's Liz Sarthi always killing it It's Lola Al.

[Ben]

Kalani the incredible edible Matthew sisters She eases our woes it's Melissa St. Rose we're on the floor with Molly Dorset give him hell. Ms. Noel, there's a chance of meatballs.

[Ronnie]

It's Rebecca Cloud she's the queen bee It's Sarah Lemke Shannon out of a cannon Anthony, let's take off with Tamla.

[Ben]

Playing It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo. She ain't no shrinking violet Cootar. We love you guys. If you like, watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] [e-mail].

[Ronnie]

We know some travelers crave an ocean breeze. Others don't want to deal with sand.

[Ben]

And oftentimes those two people end up together.

[Ronnie]

Compare properties side by side to find yourself poolside, oceanside, and still in a relationship. Find your perfect somewhere with hotels dot com.