#2833 The Valley S2E04 Part Two: Chakra Malignment

Summary

Podcast Summary: Watch What Crappens #2833 – The Valley S2E04 Part Two: Chakra Malignment

Release Date: May 7, 2025
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam | Wondery

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Introduction

In episode #2833 of Watch What Crappens, hosts Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam delve into the tumultuous events of The Valley Season 2, Episode 4, titled "Chakra Malignment." This installment, part two of their detailed recap, dissects the intense drama, interpersonal conflicts, and emotional upheavals that unfolded among the cast members. Signs of strained relationships, confrontations, and attempts at reconciliation take center stage, providing ample material for the hosts to praise, ridicule, and eviscerate the realities portrayed on Bravo.

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Key Plot Points and Discussions

Jax's Rehab and Media Speculation

The episode begins with a heated discussion about Jax’s sudden announcement of entering a mental health facility following his breakup with Britney.

• Ronnie (00:49): "When a young woman named Desiree vanishes without a trace, the trail leads to Kat Turris..."

• Jesse (02:21): "I'll just put it out there that profit on Atlanta is real good."

The hosts speculate on the authenticity of Jax’s rehabilitation, questioning the access he has to communication during his stay. They debate whether Jax is genuinely seeking help or manipulating the narrative for sympathy.

• Ronnie (02:40): "I guarantee Jax is the one telling the media that he's in a mental health facility."

• Jesse (04:04): "Rehab is not going to help because Jax doesn't see himself as the problem."

Interpersonal Conflicts and Betrayals

The conversation shifts to the strained dynamics within the group, highlighting Janet's actions and Jesse's confrontations.

• Jesse (03:21): "Who told him we were going on this trip? Like, how does he know all this stuff?"

• Ronnie (03:28): "He needs a narcissist shield. So that way he looks somewhat digestible."

The hosts discuss Janet's decision to block a problematic individual, leading to tensions and accusations within the group.

• Ronnie (05:42): "I just don't want... the fact that she was sending letters to Michelle, you know..."

• Jesse (07:08): "Can we both do this? Can we both move on?"

Attempts at Reconciliation and Healing

An attempt to mend broken relationships emerges as a spiritual guide, Willa, is introduced to lead a healing ceremony.

• Ronnie (20:11): "We found this wonderful woman. Her name is Willa, and she's going to be holding a healing ceremony for us..."

• Jesse (25:44): "I'm gonna pray to crystals and stuff like that. I pray to chicken wings. That's it."

The ceremony is met with skepticism and mockery by the hosts, who criticize the effectiveness of such interventions in resolving deep-seated issues.

• Ronnie (21:08): "I think she could put a metaphorical band aid on it for the night."

• Jesse (23:02): "They’re going to sit around and talk about stuff, I guess."

Emotional Outbursts and Escalating Tensions

As the episode progresses, emotional outbursts and confrontations escalate, particularly involving Janet, Jesse, and Jason.

• Jesse (27:30): "Michelle, it's hard to have any feelings for somebody who has already so bad..."

• Ronnie (32:37): "I'm sick. I need help. Help. I'm neglected."

The hosts highlight Jesse’s volatile behavior, comparing him to a character from American Psycho, and condemn his actions towards other cast members.

• Jesse (36:36): "A lot of singles here. Coming down, black eyes."

Final Confrontations and Departures

The episode culminates in dramatic departures and unresolved conflicts, setting the stage for future episodes.

• Ronnie (37:13): "You have to fix that. Outside forces aren't going to fix it..."

• Jesse (38:01): "He's coked out of his mind and drunk as. And miserable."

The hosts express frustration with the lack of accountability among cast members, particularly Zach and Jason, emphasizing the ongoing toxicity within the group.

• Ronnie (38:13): "I see someone who has to, like, relive his high school existence in some ways."

• Jesse (38:26): "I don't feel bad for him... Zach gives as good as he gets."

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Notable Quotes

• Ronnie Karam (02:40): "I guarantee Jax is the one telling the media that he's in a mental health facility."

• Jesse (04:04): "Rehab is not going to help because Jax doesn't see himself as the problem."

• Ronnie Karam (05:42): "I just don't want... the fact that she was sending letters to Michelle, you know..."

• Jesse (25:44): "I'm gonna pray to crystals and stuff like that. I pray to chicken wings. That's it."

• Ronnie Karam (21:08): "I think she could put a metaphorical band aid on it for the night."

• Jesse (38:01): "He's coked out of his mind and drunk as. And miserable."

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Analysis and Insights

Ben and Ronnie expertly dissect the complex web of relationships and conflicts within The Valley, offering sharp critiques and humorous takes on the cast's behavior. They emphasize the recurring themes of betrayal, lack of accountability, and futile attempts at reconciliation. The introduction of Willa as a spiritual guide is mocked as another superficial attempt to heal deep-seated issues, reflecting the hosts' skepticism towards reality TV's portrayal of conflict resolution.

The hosts also highlight the ongoing struggle of Zach as a mediator within the group, portraying him as someone caught in the middle of high school-like dynamics where the "straight guys" bully the "gay guy." This portrayal underscores the entrenched hierarchies and lack of genuine support systems among the cast members.

Jesse's volatile personality is a focal point, with the hosts condemning his abusive behavior and lack of empathy towards other members, particularly Janet and Jax. This critique serves to underscore the toxic environment fostered within the reality show, making it a rich source of content for Watch What Crappens to analyze and ridicule.

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Conclusions

In this episode, Watch What Crappens provides an incisive and entertaining breakdown of The Valley Season 2, Episode 4, "Chakra Malignment." Ben and Ronnie navigate through the intricate drama, highlighting the dysfunctional relationships, unresolved tensions, and superficial attempts at reconciliation. Their candid commentary not only entertains but also offers a critical lens through which listeners can view the often exaggerated and contrived scenarios presented on Bravo's reality TV landscape.

By the episode's end, it’s clear that the group’s issues remain unresolved, setting the stage for further drama and conflict in upcoming episodes. Ben and Ronnie’s sharp wit and unwavering critiques ensure that listeners are both informed and amused, cementing Watch What Crappens as a must-listen for fans looking to dissect and laugh at Bravo’s most dramatic moments.

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Transcript

[Ronnie Karam]

Wondry subscribers can listen to Watch what Crappens ad free right now. Join Wondri in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

[Ben Mandelker]

When a young woman named Desiree vanishes without a trace, the trail leads to Kat Turris, a charismatic influencer with millions of followers. But behind the glamorous posts and inspirational quotes, a sinister truth unravels. Binge all episodes of Don't Cross, catch early and ad free on Wonder.

[Ronnie Karam]

Hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. This is podcast part two of the recap. If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed. It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap.

[Jesse]

More fun and games. Racing time.

[Ronnie Karam]

Racing.

[Jesse]

So I'm going to go ahead and fast forward through most of this.

[Ronnie Karam]

This is actually when the racing happens. We kind of jumped the gun, but the racing actually happens. Now we have all of our heats. We said, what happened? Danny wins because he has that experience as an actor. And then they pop champagne bottles and it's hot. Hilarious.

[Jesse]

Yeah. And so then Janet gets a headline on her phone and she's like, oh, my God, Brett, did you see this? And it's headlines about Jack. Jack's going to a mental health facility after his breakup with Britney. I love that some people are calling it rehab and some people are calling it a mental health sell it facility. Which is it? Is it like a.

[Ronnie Karam]

Like a shaky's pizza? I don't know. It's like, maybe it's none of the above. I do think it's strange that he has so much access to text. I feel like the whole thing in rehab is that you're kind of cut off from the world and the fact that he gets to, like, text every, like, 50 for 15 minutes, like, in between sessions, I was like, this does not seem right at all. You know?

[Jesse]

Yeah. So they're like, oh, my God, who's the source? Who's the tattletale? It's like, well, I don't know who the source is, but, you know, like, people know stuff that's a little weird. I'm like, how do they know this many details?

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, I'm. I'll just put it out there that profit on Atlanta is real good. So, like, she's. She's just putting it all out there. But honestly, I. I'll tell you who the culprit is. It's Jax. I guarantee Jax is the one telling the media that he's in a mental health facility. Like, to me, it's a very obvious. Of course. Yeah, do this.

[Jesse]

Yeah. Because of course he's doing it with the most sympathetic slant. Like, poor Jax, Brittany left him and now he's in a mental health facility. You know, and they're all. I all say mental health, right? They don't say rehab. So it's like being very careful with his wording, etc. Etc. So Brittany's like, hi, y' all. Don't anybody tell Jax and don't anybody takes Jax and tell him that he's in the tmz. Okay? I just don't want it to be there. Okay. I don't want. Like, how does he know all this stuff? Okay. Like, he knew we were going on this trip. Like, who told him we were going on this trip? And Jesse's like, I told him we were going to Santa Barbara.

[Ronnie Karam]

That was the quickest resolution of a storyline. Was like, okay, here it comes. Six episode arc. Who's the mole in the group?

[Jesse]

Five seconds later, I like, hey, I got you. I mean, come on, we talk every day. You got to support the only, you know, like the bigger narcissist abusive male in the group. All right?

[Ronnie Karam]

He needs a narcissist shield. So that way he looks like, somewhat digestible.

[Jesse]

Exactly. And so he's got to keep.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, Jazz, like, we don't want to tempt him to check out early because he can check out whenever he wants. And Jason's like, yeah, well, like, I spoke to him on the phone yesterday, and he still blames Brittany for a lot of what's going on. So. And I. And in my response, I said, jax, haha. Like, okay, great, Jason.

[Jesse]

He's like, yeah, you're doing great over there, Jason. So, yeah, none of this is going to help. Rehab is not going to help. Going to get help is not going to help because Jax doesn't see himself as the problem. No matter what he's telling you, no matter what he's saying on his Instagram stories, he always turns it around in the end and blame somebody else. He's not to get. Well, the problem is Jax.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

You can't just fix that.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Yeah. He needs to get Jaxed. So Jesse is like, I mean, I don't know why anyone would care that Jax knows that we're in Santa Barbara. I mean, what would set him off is us going on a trip and not telling him and then having him see it. Like, yeah, you can be team Britney and she deserves support. But why does Jax not Deserve support. Because Jax is the one sending abusive text messages.

[Jesse]

Because he's abusive.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, because he threw furniture. He broke a bar stool in a rage. You know, it's like, that's 100 the reason why you don't support him.

[Jesse]

Yeah. So he's like, well, I did want to talk to you guys about my friend, you know, because you guys have been, like, social bullying her and, like, calling people and told people to block her. And Janet's like, I did not tell anyone to block her, okay? I said I blocked her. And Jesse's like, your husband called me. And he goes, oh, yeah, I did say that. And she goes, oh, okay. Well, but that's different. That's my husband. He's not a person. He's my husband.

[Ronnie Karam]

I like that Jesse is more offended that. That Janet told people to block this girl than. He's more offended by that. Than this girl actually wanting to give sending out legal letters, which is kind of like basically using the law to block people. Right.

[Jesse]

And he's blocking the guy from Baywatch.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, exactly. And especially when it turns out that the only person that Janet ordered to block her was Jason and Jessic. Yeah, but you don't understand this girl. She was on the verge of reaching 30,000 followers, okay? And now she's at 29.9999, and she's.

[Jesse]

Like, listen, I had nothing but wonderful things to say about this girl. I said, like, at least she's better than the hoes that Jax is dating who's posting screenshots about eating ass on her Instagram.

[Ronnie Karam]

And I say that I thought she was very nice to me, but the fact that she was sending letters to Michelle, you know, the fact that she. That. That you allowed that was disgusting to me. It's like, well, Michelle said things that were untrue. What did she say? Or Janet says, what did you say? And Jesse's like, she said, your friend's going around telling people that you guys aren't together and she's sleeping with other people. Go tell him. Flashback with Gina.

[Jesse]

Yeah, he verbat. She verbatim said she's somebody, and it's a guy from Baywatch Corner.

[Ronnie Karam]

No, that's not Michelle. That's. That's Sheena. Who said that? Not much, I guess. Michelle said it on the show. Whatever. This person seems like a lunatic. So Brittany's like, I'm super uncomfortable with somebody coming into our friendship and saying that there's all sorts of slander and stuff going on, and it can't be slander if it came Right from her mouth.

[Jesse]

So, Janice, like, well, are you together now? So you're not. Okay, then why are you defending a girl that you're not even together with against the mother. Mother of your child? Okay? And he's like. And Jason's like, because he still likes her and he wants to be with her still.

[Ronnie Karam]

Jason, this is when you actually are supposed to, like, chill out because Jesse's going after your wife.

[Jesse]

Yeah. You're supposed to, like, be standing up for your wife right now and being like, don't yell and threaten my wife. Yell at and threaten my wife. But he doesn't. He's just like. Jesse's like, don't manipulate this situation right now, Janet. And he. And Britney's like, who manipulated. He goes, I'm talking to her. I'm not talking to you. And Janet's like, what should I do? Like, I don't like that your ex is threatening a lawsuit against my friend. He's like, oh, stop trying to play that game with me. Okay, Jason, anytime now. You wuss. I'm sorry, is he not gay enough for you to yell at in public? Do you need. Do you need Zach to come stand in so you can, you know, yell at the gay guy? Are you just afraid of yelling at an Alpha, you wuss. This is the thing with Jason. Jason acts nice. He's not. I'm telling you, he's not.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, yeah. I was. I was a little surprised that he's not saying anything because Jesse is actually so out of line with this. Janet has actually very clean logic here, like her saying, I don't like that your ex is threatening a lawsuit against my friend. That is a completely valid thing to say. And then for Jesse to be like, oh, stop trying to play a game with me.

[Jesse]

Don't you like your games with me? I mean, Jason, you suck so much that I'm standing up for Janet. Okay. Be a better husband for sake. Yeah, I'm surprised he never got called out on that. What an absolute weakling. So he's standing there watching this, and Janet just walks away. And guess who stays there? Jason. To hang out with Jesse. The is wrong with you? How did he not get his ass chewed out for this?

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, maybe. I mean, who knows? I will give one little out, which is that maybe they have a relationship where she's like, I don't like it when you step in and try to be, like, chivalrous. Because sometimes there are people who are like, that are like, no, don't fight the battles for me. I will fight my own Battle. So maybe.

[Jesse]

Certainly did it when it was back.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, he did. And that's correct. It was. It was surprising to me. I was like, I can't believe he's just. He's just sitting there the most. He said. He literally said this. He went, whoa. That's all he did. I was like, are. Are you gonna let someone talk to your wife that way? I was shocked.

[Jesse]

And so Janet's like, well, I'm not playing a game. And he goes, you're not suited for this game. And so Brittany's like, whatever. And she just walks off. And Jesse just keeps going, you're not suited for this game. And Janet's like, well, she's like, standing away now. She's like, your friend shouldn't be threatening stuff. That's bullshit. And he goes. And then now Jason, of course, is still sitting with him. So he goes, and you know what? Your best friend shouldn't have been cheating on me for two years, but she did. And Janet's like, well, if I was married to you, I'd be cheating on you too. She walks off.

[Ronnie Karam]

Good for you, Janet.

[Jesse]

She's like, I've got a roll in my purse.

[Ronnie Karam]

I've got bigger things to deal with, like a dent on my forehead due to the low hood over my oven.

[Jesse]

So she walked off. And Jason stays to hang out with Jesse and then starts complimenting how hot he looks.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So then Michelle is talking about that. She's saying that Jesse spends thousands of dollars on moisturizer. And so then we see Jesse in his underwear again. And because they're back at the house, there's gonna be some grilling, and everyone's getting ready for the evening activities. And Danny is in the bedroom, and he's like, hey. Hey, Nia. How'd it feel watching me win? I won. I won the. I won it because I was in a movie that was a parody of the Fast and Furious. Right? You like?

[Jesse]

So Zach decides now is the time to try and work on Janet. So he pulls Michelle aside, and he's like, I should pull Janet aside right now. I should be like, hey, should we talk before tonight? What does Benji say? Benji? Benji says I should be shitting my pants because he's, like, terrified. He's, like, putting himself, like, on a plane to get the fuck out of here. I'm telling you that right now. Benji is scared. Look, Benji is shaking. Benji, stop shaking. Janice. Pulling. Benji.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Zach is now gonna give a peace offering. He's like, hey, Jona, let me get you a bear. She's like, okay, yeah, what sort of bear do you want? Because his voice gets, like, really high pitched because he's, like, nervous. He's like, what beers do you want? She's like, an ipa. Wait, what's that called? What? What's that? Ipa. Ipa.

[Jesse]

Okay.

[Ronnie Karam]

So he, like, gets her beers. Like, hey, you want to, like, can we talk real quick with your hip hop beer? You want to do that? She's like, okay, I don't know what's going on right now, but sure, we can go outside.

[Jesse]

Well, so they go sit down. And she's like, well, you got me a bear first. So I like that. I like Dave and Buster's also rants. Just name basic things we can get along. Tater Tots, anybody? So he's like, you know what that's like. She says, do you have spray painted abs on? He's like, no, that's why I can't take my shirt off. See, it's not fair. Really. Hilarious. Okay, let's talk. So Janet's like, I hope he puts his guard down and realizes he said some really cruel things about me. So he's like, okay, well, we've had a good day today. Wasn't it fun reading all of Britney's rage text out loud? That was fun. And how Jesse yelled at you and your husband didn't stand up for you. This has been great. So I thought that maybe we could just continue the barrel of laughs.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So, you know, with our situation, like, things have, like, really gone sideways. And it's not just me, though. She goes, yes, it is, because. Okay, well, we're gonna talk about it. She goes, I mean, I'm a nice person despite the mean girl comments. Right, Right. Okay, well, there are a lot of things that have gone sideways, and I'm responsible for a lot of them, and I feel like you're responsible for a few of them. So I want to know where that. That there's always. I was solely sincere when I was apologizing and I thought that we had moved forward. Remember when I was wearing an Axel Rose wig at a party last summer?

[Jesse]

And he's like, but then you dropped me, and now we have no friendship. All of the sudden, like, I thought we were good, and then you didn't invite me to Big Bear? I'm like, I was so hurt at it. And she's like, yeah, well, we weren't in a good Relate In a good place. But then we got in a good place. But then Jason rented a house that was too small to fit everybody. So then I Was like, well, I have to exclude somebody, so am I in a good place with Zach? I hope that makes sense. I'm basically moving this on to Jason now, you know What? And not suggesting that you were stalking me and trying to murder my baby.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. It was Jason's fault for renting a house that was too small. And should I have had a conversation with you about it? Sure. Was it more fun to bring in three giggling gays with pink Crocs and make them do the stuff, the dirty work for me?

[Jesse]

Perhaps. But then Britney came to me after the opening of Jax's, and she said, we have to get lunch. I have to tell you, things got really bad with Zach. He went crazy, and we had to have him taken out of the bar. And she said really bad stuff that you said about me. And, like, she was, like, literally shaking. But she's, like, always literally shaking. Yeah, but, like, in a sad way. Oh. Oh. She goes, yeah. And, like, to say something, you hope something bad happens. I mean, if your goal was to cut me that night, you won. You won. Even my baby came out feeling horrible. And he's like, okay, well, I took full responsibility, okay? Like, I was blackout. So it doesn't count there. That's me taking full responsibility, Janet.

[Ronnie Karam]

You know, I absolutely said stuff that I should not have said. But here's the thing. I was blacked out, and I was having a private conversation with my best friend. You know, it's called talking shit. We're allowed to do that, okay? And this is basically a concrete example of how Britney has actively taken Johnny's side. And I kind of see that as a betrayal. So Janet's like, well, whatever happened last night, that night, I won't ever know because I wasn't there. Even though it's on tv, so I could just watch it because I was at home eight months pregnant. So I'm gonna pull the pregnant card again retroactively.

[Jesse]

I'm gonna keep. I'm just gonna keep pulling the pregnancy card. And she's like, yeah, but you know what? Brittany told me I have to live with that. And he's like, oh, my God, is this gonna go down the wrong path? I need Michelle. I mean, I. Y' all come here and hold my hand, y' all. That's, like, really hard. Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

What? No, you need my hand. Here's my hand. Okay. What's going on?

[Jesse]

He's like, I'm getting, like, so emotional right now. So, like, hold my hand.

[Ronnie Karam]

Here's a hand.

[Jesse]

Hold it, hold it. It's time for A commercial. It's time for a crappin commercial.

[Michelle Williams]

Some people get a wild haircut or book a spontaneous trip when life throws them a curveball. But Molly, well, she dove headfirst into a world of no strings attached sex, secret rendezvous, forbidden affairs and unforgettable adventures. And together we tell every juicy detail in Dying for Sex, Wondry's award winning podcast that's now streaming on a TV near you, starring Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate. And to top it off, we're dropping brand new bonus episodes where I sit down with the cast to spill all the spicy secrets, desire, friendship, self discovery and the ultimate bucket list of pleasure. This is a story that had everyone talking Listen to the original Dying for Sex and brand new episodes on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge the original series before anyone else and completely ad free on.

[Monica Lewinsky]

Wonder at 24, I lost my narrative. Or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family know knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks both recognizable and unrecognizable names about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up, they connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad free right now by joining Wondery in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts.

[Ben Mandelker]

Everyone has that friend who seems kind of perfect for Patty. That friend was Desiree. Until one day I texted her and.

[Jesse]

She was not getting the text. So I went to Instagram. She has no Instagram anymore. And Facebook. No Facebook anymore.

[Ben Mandelker]

Desiree was gone and there was one person who knew the answer.

[Ronnie Karam]

I am a spiritual person, a magical.

[Ben Mandelker]

Person, a witch, a gorgeous Brazilian influencer called Kat Torres, but who was hiding a secret from Wondery. Based on my smash hit podcast From Brazil comes a new series, Don't Cross Cat, about a search that led me to a mystery in a Texas suburb. I'm calling to check on the two missing Brazilian girls.

[Jesse]

Maybe get some undercover crew there.

[Ronnie Karam]

The family are freaking out.

[Jesse]

They are lost.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm Chico Felitti, you can listen to Don't Cross Cat on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Jesse]

So Janice, just looking at them like, what the fuck? Because Janet's like, just staying calm, you know? And so she's like, okay, a lot smoothed on. Lots happened. I want to move forward, okay? And he goes, okay, yeah, because friends get fucked up and say things black and blackout that they didn't mean, which isn't their fault. So thank you for letting me take responsibility. And she's like, zach, let's move on, okay? So we don't have to be best friends. He looks at her like. Like how smoothing you were.

[Ronnie Karam]

So can we both do this? Can we both move on? Because all I'm asking, let's just have a good time together. Let's move forward. Okay? Okay. Kumbaya. Group hug. And Neil's like, huh? Do I have to be part of this group hug? Okay. I guess I'm sucked into it. Okay. Do you still need to hold my hand? It's a little clammy. Oh.

[Jesse]

So then we get a spiritual guide named Willa coming over, and Kristen's like, it's bravo. So, like, we get spiritual guys to help us, like, resolve fractured relationships instead of apologizing. So that's what we're going to do tonight.

[Ronnie Karam]

And by the way, congrats. If your name is Willa, then you are a spiritual spiritual guide. I think that's just kind of one of those things. If you name your child Willa, you just put them on the path. Like, yeah, I want my child to be a spiritual guy. I've named them Willa. Yeah, they. They're just. They're. That's just gonna be their lot in life. They will be a spiritual guy. They will be a ceremonialist, as Will declares her.

[Jesse]

Yeah, don't. Don't name your children, like, positive names, because they always have to live up to that. I'm naming my child Won'ta. Like, no one. I don't want anything to anybody expecting anything from my child, you know, like, leave my child alone.

[Ronnie Karam]

There's no question that our group is fractured. So I found this wonderful woman. Her name is Willa, and she's going to be holding a healing ceremony for us as well as a gratitude circle where we will all sit in a circle and hopefully still receive tips. Like, I still work to text her.

[Jesse]

I was going to say, you got to leave it up to an ex waiter to still be trying to hold gratitude circles. Like, girl, you got fired from that job years ago. Let it go.

[Ronnie Karam]

I mean, we all know Will is not gonna be able to heal every part of this group or even some parts or even any part. I mean, not even Jesus Christ could do that himself. But I think she could put a metaphorical band aid on it for the night. I like a really, really big band aid. I'm like. Or literally nothing even close to a band aid. How about, like, she puts. Like, she puts snot on it. I don't know what she even puts on it. Like, there's nothing she can put on it. This is.

[Jesse]

She can't make all of you less terrible people, okay? Like, I think this whole episode is teaching us if we're really paying attention to the lessons. You're terrible people. And you have to fix that. Outside forces aren't going to fix it, okay? Jack's going to. Whatever. You guys sitting around in a Kumbaya circle with some fucking flake wearing rock deodorant and dreads like, it's not gonna work. Okay? You're terrible. You're still gonna be terrible after this. All of you. Thank God so you can keep your jobs on this network. So they have to go around and talk about stuff, I guess. So they start gathering around, and Jason's like, so, Jesse, if you and Michelle talked. Mike, have you spoken? He's like, who's Michelle? Yeah. No, I didn't speak to Michelle. She didn't even want to take my white flag. God, talk about someone not taking life seriously.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. We also had a. Actually a nice scene of Kristen trying to ovulate because they break for a moment. And so she got. She found out that, like, her ovulation was off or something like that. Like, she thought it was good. She. Her window was open, but it's closed. And she sort of just has a moment where she's just, like, saying, like, she hates her body. And, like, it was actually a really. I thought it was actually a really thoughtful scene. You know, really kind of illustrated some of the, Like, I feel like sometimes, like, pregnancy infertility just sort of gets thrown around on Bravo so much. Like, it's just, like, just another, like, bullet point in an episode.

[Jesse]

But.

[Ronnie Karam]

But I actually really.

[Jesse]

So, Kristen, it was like, yeah, like, I have this thing, and it was telling me, like, I. I'm, like, ovulating. So I was like, I.

[Ronnie Karam]

You.

[Jesse]

But then, like, I just opened it again and said, my window closed. Like, what the. That's just so. Like, can I. Am I ovulating or not? It's like, okay, okay, you're ovulating Just kidding. You're not ovulating. Okay, you're ovulating. No, not, not ovulating. Now it's like, Jesus Christ. What the hell?

[Ronnie Karam]

Seriously? Seriously. So basically, yeah, so the guys are. The bros are sitting out there by, by the Clif. And Jesse's clearly drunk, but he's like, the more drunk he gets. He's just. He doesn't become sloppy seeming, he just becomes more evil. That's. That's his like his eyes sounds like lacquer.

[Jesse]

And he just. Yeah, he's gonna kill somebody. I'm telling. He's like American Psycho without the Riz. So then Zach pulls Britney aside and she's like, wait a minute, why are you crying, Zach? I thought you had a good conversation with Janet. And he's like, but like Britney, she said that you went to lunch with her like the day after that stuff happened. Like what the. The Britney. And she goes, well, it was that bad. It was that bad. Z. Cuz it's a television show. I'm a single mother now. I gotta pay my rent.

[Ronnie Karam]

Then why did you try to. Why did you. Why the did you tell her? She's like, I mean, I mean, maybe I shouldn't have. But at the same time if, you know, if she said things to you that. Things about you, I would have told you. It's like, no, I don't think you would have. Yeah, probably right, because she's talked a lot about you. I haven't told you. So it looks like they're about to have a big fight. But she does the right thing, which is that she just basically like. Like she just hugs him a lot and like lets him motorboat her boobs. And they seem to be totally fine.

[Jesse]

Yeah. Britney is not the girl you go to expecting any kind of trust. That girl is going to turn around and say everything that you've ever said and try and get you in trouble the next day. She would do it to everybody, I have to say. At least she's even in that, you know.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

So.

[Ronnie Karam]

So the. The sun's sun's going down. Everything and Willa has come back and now it's time for the ceremony. So Luke tells everyone it's time for the ceremony and it's gonna be. It's gonna be funny. They're putting out mats and everything and Will is like, hello everyone. I'm Willa. I'm a ceremonialist, which is something I've just invented. I'm an embodiment guide.

[Jesse]

The is that.

[Ronnie Karam]

And I'm a sacred photographer.

[Jesse]

So Just is link. Did you just make up your entire LinkedIn? Is there one word of truth on it? What the is a sacred photographer. I also get the out of here with that. And embodiment guide. No. And ceremonialist. No. You're someone who has serum. No. Willa. No.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm also a consultant at McKinsey and Partners.

[Jesse]

So if you want to says no. Won'ta says no.

[Ronnie Karam]

Get the out of here with that embodiment guide. I'm going to guide you through some embodiment.

[Jesse]

Guys, I'm not have a beetle here.

[Ronnie Karam]

I have a beetle here that would like to embody you. So I'm just gonna lead it along if you don't mind.

[Jesse]

Gu. I'm taking soul photographs. Very sacred photographs. Okay, Jesse, yours came out blank. Michelle, yours is pretty faded. Anybody else want to try? Is this camera working? Is this thing on?

[Ronnie Karam]

So Brittany's like, I'm not good at this because I thought I kind of like laugh nervously. So don't mind me. She. I just don't know. But I don't know anything about crystals and sage except they're not to put onto your dress. But, like, maybe if we just like rolled up in the big fat joint, like pass all around, we would be giggling and getting along and just be like a real chill. Real chill man up.

[Jesse]

Yeah, I'm gonna pray to crystals and stuff like that. I pray to chicken wings. That's it. You got any of those? I'll probably. So then they have to like, go around and say stuff. And Jasmine's like, this is stupid. I don't do this. So she just gets.

[Ronnie Karam]

Keeps getting roped into stupid things like this and casseroles, etc.

[Jesse]

So they have to go around and say what they're releasing and what they're accepting. So Brett's like, I'll go first. Okay, well, I'm releasing hatred, resentment, the ranch Dresden, that's been in my refrigerator for six months because I've been living there and I am accepting happiness and getting back my sparkle. And also new new Jar Ranch, if anybody got it, you.

[Ronnie Karam]

And Janet's saying that she just hopes that while Jax is in rehab that she can. That Britney can focus on herself. So Michelle's up and she goes, I have a lot of releasing to you. Stress and anxiety, accepting a new life with happiness and love in R. Briner. And. And they keep cutting to Jesse and he's doing that thing where he's like clenching his jaw and like he's. He's not blinking, so that way his eyes can Tear up.

[Jesse]

Up.

[Ronnie Karam]

And he's like. He's like, do I want to get up there and throw flowers on the ground and say I want to release any animosity towards Michelle? Then he's like, I'm gonna pass.

[Jesse]

But you're crying, Jesse. Look at you. You're just crying. Just go up there, Jesse. You're crying. He's like, no, I'm crying for the effect. Everyone watch these black eyes drop tears and know who the evil one is. It's the evil woman. So he's so immature. My God, men on this show.

[Ronnie Karam]

So we're like, do the mandala. Listen, we got. We got Will of the ceremonialist, secret photographer and embodiment guide here. You better do her mandala, okay? Otherwise, I'm gonna turn this. This catch up right around. We're going right back to la.

[Jesse]

Yeah. It's like, come on, man. Like, you gotta sit there and fake cry to try and get pity from everybody. No one's feeling it after yelling at the women earlier. Give me a break. Like, what planet is this guy on? So he's like, yeah, feeling things, guys. So then Jason gets up and he's like, we're leaving Dockers. Accepting Dockers. So that worked out great. And Janet's like, release anxiety. Get, like, new beginnings. I love Dave and Busters and basically, basic things. Chicken fingers, anyone? I'm crazy.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm just gonna pick up Stasi's storyline from 2017 and see it through the finish line.

[Jesse]

Yeah, she's really struggling hard with that.

[Ronnie Karam]

Neo's like, I'm gonna call in peace, love. And I'm gonna release Santa Clarita. May I never have to go there. And then Danny's like, I'm releasing Pride and accepting a new role as a zombie in a video game for the Switch. Okay? And then Jasmine's like, I am releasing any hope that I'll have any sort of important storyline on the show, and I'm accepting a paycheck. Thank you.

[Jesse]

And then they just cut to Melissa and it, like, blacks out her face. Or, like, puts a black square over her face. Like, she's not even here. Don't let her talk. Don't let her even speak, everybody. Okay? So we go to Luke, and Luke's like, yeah, guys, like, you know, I've been missing in California. I've been missing family. But you guys, you're like, family, right? Like, ew, Ginger.

[Ronnie Karam]

Ginger. Gross. Stupid. Get out of here, Van Gogh.

[Jesse]

You start crying because they're his family. And Janet's like, well, I knew you Were my family when you won me 3,000 tickets at Dave and Busters.

[Ronnie Karam]

Willa. They cut to Willa and she's like, I don't understand what this Dave and Buster's is, but it sounds like it's two people that need embodiment coaching. So.

[Jesse]

So they're like, I guess I'll be cheering on capitalism today. Hope they tip well.

[Ronnie Karam]

Will. It's like, I am a ceremonialist. I am a sacred photographer. And what people don't know is I kill it with skee ball. So I hear you, sister.

[Jesse]

So then, thank God Jason is here to stick up for a piece of crap abusive man. So Jason's like, yeah, but guys, there's a person missing tonight. Let's just shout it out for Jax, guys, because, God, he's a co parent and he's doing great at that. Kicking his autistic son out of the house so he could live there to screw whoever he wants while his mom lives in an Airbnb and does all the child rearing. God, what a good guy he is. So let's just hope Jax is doing okay tonight. And Brittany's like, girl, I'm just like. I just. I'm glad he said something because I was gonna bow. I was gonna bow. I was gonna bow, cry.

[Ronnie Karam]

And then the music sort of becomes uplifting, but also emotional. We go to Los Angeles and then all of a sudden we're watching a video from Jax and he's like, hey, everybody. You know, the first couple days here, I was very standoffish. I just felt out of my element and I didn't want to be here and I didn't like the people here, and I don't want to hear anybody. There's no one to fuck. I mean, just kidding. I could fuck everyone. Doesn't matter. Whole as a whole. Am I right? But getting emotional every day, to be honest, I'm finally finding some emotions that I didn't know I had. I mean, I hate the fact that I'm here and she's out there and I know she's going on trip, but sometimes I just feel like. Sometimes I feel a little alone. I'm like, oh, God, he's doing this whole thing. Like, he's so happy. And he's like, I'm not happy. But he's like, oh, guys. Like this just raw Jacks. Like, we know you are angry and rageful, and this is all a front because we've heard the texts.

[Jesse]

Yeah. He's like, hey, guys, I've learned new emotions, and one of them is that Britney is neglecting me. That's an emotion, right? So Britney's neglectful, basically. Threw me in hospital, ran away. I mean, what am I doing in here alone? Like, we're married.

[Ronnie Karam]

Like.

[Jesse]

Like, it's supposed to be sickness and in health, and she's out there partying. I'm sick right now. You're not. You fucking broke your wedding vows. Sir, you are no longer. You are currently getting divorced. You don't get to, like, cry about religious ceremonies that you partook in. Okay, yeah, he's like, there's demons inside me, guys. There's demons. And Britney. Britney's out partying.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm sick. I need help. Help. I'm neglected. Yeah, you're neglected because you earned that neglect. You've earned it in so many different ways. So you have to sit with that neglect right now. And also, just like. Like, when, like, do you really check in on Brittany? Did you check in on Brittany after all the times you heard her? I don't think so. So. He's so gross.

[Jesse]

And of course we get the violin music because it's Bravo. Stop trying to sell me jacks. Just stop. So now we go back to the ceremony, and Danny's like, well, guys, I gotta go. I booked a voiceover gig. Spoiler alert. All right, that's enough of that. All right. And that's a free one. That's free for all y' all. Okay? But I'm gonna leave. Whether or not the voiceover gig is real, I do not want to be confronted about grabbing women's asses and getting perverted and sexual assaulty when I'm drunk. So I'm gonna go ahead and leave.

[Ronnie Karam]

Bye. So Neil walks him out, and then Luke has a balloon that says gratitude on it. And he's like, okay, I want everyone to say something that you're grateful for. Here's the. Here's the balloon. Or it's like a. And. And so first, Brittany's like, well, I'm thankful for my son. And he's just, like, the light of my life, and I miss him so much right now, and I'm just super grateful for that. And everybody, also, I want to say I'm grateful for. For Memo's beer. Cheese. That was really nice, too. Okay, here, Jesse, this ball's for you. So she throws the ball to Jesse, and he's like, I'm in the middle of a very toxic situation right now, and the fact that Isabella is thriving is amazing. So I'm grateful for that. Yeah. Michelle, now it's time for your Your now you have to talk and be emotional too. Good luck. So he sends the ball to her.

[Jesse]

And she's like, it is very difficult to have any feelings for somebody who has already so bad. I see your drew colors shining through. I see your drew colors and that is why I admit you. And Jesse goes, and Zach, don't roll your eyes with Michelle the way you did with me. And Zach goes, I didn't roll my eyes on her. I rolled my eyes at you. And he's like, I'm gonna go over there and bury that guy. I'm gonna bury him off the cliff. Not that that makes much sense, but.

[Ronnie Karam]

It doesn't make any sense.

[Jesse]

I'll still do it.

[Ronnie Karam]

Throw him. I'm gonna throw him. And then when he lands, he will have landed with such impact, he will self buried himself, which I will take the credit for. So Michelle's like, well, let me think for a moment because it is hard to still searching spinny wheel. It's been a long time since I had good memories. And then we see all these flat. We get this weird montage of like photos and a life, a life long ago of Jesse and Michelle in their happier years, which never looked that happy if you ask me.

[Jesse]

No. And then we get a montage of their horrible years and him just like being an. And then she says, you know, but a great moment was when we were words deciding to have a child together. And she's crying and he's crying and Jasmine's crying, Janet's crying. We see a black box of a face sitting on over a body. So Melissa's presumably crying. Who knows? They won't show her yet. I don't know if she didn't sign a release or what. And then Jesse gets up and storms off. And Zach's like, see Jasmine? See what I mean? And then basically Jesse's like, all good things come to an end, right? But it was good. At one point, we traveled the world, we worked together. There was a lot there. There was a lot guys single.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah.

[Jesse]

A lot of singles here. Coming down, black eyes.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then Jason goes after him to see if he's okay. And Jesse at this point has now transitioned into wearing nothing but that sort of like light gray underwear. It's like stone, stone underwear. And he's like, I'm gonna drive home right now, so go the fuck downstair. Please, please. He's like, yeah, well, it's a tough situation. I can't imagine how hard this is to be do. It's hard to be doing this with Your ex. I mean, the only one I feel worse for is Jax. God, what a hero he is. And just say, okay, you know what? I am done. This. Get the out.

[Jesse]

He's yelling at Jason to get out of his room. What was that about? It was weird.

[Ronnie Karam]

Why is he upset right now?

[Jesse]

What is coke rage? I mean, I don't know. I guess we're not allowed to say until it comes out on the show, but that guy's, like, clearly coked out of his mind, too. His eyes are black. Okay. They are dimes. And he's like. He's got, like, clear coke rage. Or allegedly. That is only me alleging. I have no facts, but he seems like he's coked out of his mind and drunk as. And miserable. He's a miserable human being. So, yeah, things aren't going his way. He didn't get all the pity that he wanted. And good for Zach for sitting there rolling his eyes at Jesse. Thank you. Yeah, good for Zach, speaking for the audience, because this is a bunch of. And I hate when the whole cast rallies around people like they've done to Jack Jax for 15 years now, acting like, oh, what, this? Just him. Poor Jackson, my Ryan, guys.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. And honestly, Zach gets it from all sides on this show, and I feel really bad for him. And I think. I think that, like, he's doing a great job just, like, staying afloat with this group of people.

[Jesse]

Yeah, I don't know that I feel bad for him. I mean, Zach gives as good as he gets. Like, I don't think Zach is, like, some innocent little thing, but it's nice to have Zach there to stand up to people like Jesse, who no one will say anything to.

[Ronnie Karam]

You know, I'm just. I just feel like Zach. I feel like I see a dynamic play out with Zach and the. And the guys. That is very high school like it to me. It really is. Like, the. The straight guys, like, going after, like, the. The gay guy. He's, quote unquote weaker. Like, I think we. You mentioned it just before with Jason. We saw it with Jesse. Jesse saying those things. He's not gonna say those things. The other bros, there's just something about it. And I feel like sometimes, like, the. The girls kind of beat up on him too, a little bit every now and then. Like, Jack, Zach is no angel, but I just feel like I see him on the show and I see someone who has to, like, relive his high school existence in some ways. So, you know, sometimes I feel bad for him having to deal with all.

[Jesse]

That you know who also feels bad? Stick Benji. Benji feels really bad, you guys. When does Benji get to go? When's his turn? Benji regrets ever leaving me and Benji welcomes me back with my nespresso paws back into his life life. So yay, Benji. All right, everybody, that brings us to the end of the val. We will see you Friday night here in Austin. To recap, Summer house. And then we'll see in Dallas the next night. To recap, Evander Pump rules. And we'll see you next week in Las Vegas. If you want tickets for any of those or Los Angeles and Seattle coming up in June, go over to watch what crapins.com. join us tomorrow or Friday rather for a trailer trash video on demand. Crappings on demand for the Real Housewives of Miami trailer. We'll talk to you next time. Bye bye.

[Ronnie Karam]

Watch what crap INS would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King it's always a party on Allison Block.

[Jesse]

Our way is the Amber way.

[Ronnie Karam]

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[Jesse]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Jesse]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Jesse]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Jesse]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Jesse]

Gets an A from us It's Lindsey D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Leno Fresh as a daisy It's Maisie McHenry we love her on the rocks It's Melissa Cox Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the.

[Ronnie Karam]

Berg this is living with Michelle Vivian.

[Jesse]

I love a ya Olivia Wilson Williamson Tastier than Flanderson. It's Rachel Manderson she sure is swell. It's Raquel, yes we canna It's Savannah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman let's share with Sharon Eldridge the Bay area.

[Jesse]

And our super premium sponsors She's VVIP It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.

[Ronnie Karam]

Somebody get us 10cc's of Betsy MD.

[Jesse]

We'Re taking and the gold with Brenda.

[Ronnie Karam]

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[Jesse]

Neal don't get salty with Christine Pepper can't have a meal without the Emily sides Let's go into the woods with.

[Ronnie Karam]

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[Jesse]

And Gwen Pentland it's our queen it's.

[Ronnie Karam]

Queen Laifa Nobody holds a candle to.

[Jesse]

Jamie Kendall Know your worth with Jason.

[Ronnie Karam]

Curse Hail the cork master the master of the cork Jennifer Corcoran we got our wish fish It's Jen Plish she's not harsh She's Jill Hirsch She's a little bit loony Juni my Favorite Murdo.

[Jesse]

Karen McMurdo she gets an A It's Kelly B.

[Ronnie Karam]

We love him madly It's Kyle Pod Shadley we're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron she's a whiz It's Liz Sarthy always killing it It's Lola Al.

[Jesse]

Kalani the incredible edible Matthew sisters she eases our woes it's Melissa St. Robert roast we're on the floor with Molly Dorset There's a chance of meatballs It's.

[Ronnie Karam]

Rebecca Cloud she's the queen bee It's Sarah Lemke Shannon out of a cannon Anthony let's take off with Tamla playing.

[Jesse]

It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo she ain't no shrinking violet Cootar. We love you guys. If you like, watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] [e-mail].

[Monica Lewinsky]

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