#2843 The Valley S2E05 Part One: Notes of Bitterness and Acidity

Summary

Watch What Crappens – Episode #2843: "The Valley S2E05 Part One: Notes of Bitterness and Acidity"

Introduction

In Episode #2843 of Watch What Crappens, hosts Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam dive into the drama-filled world of Bravo's The Valley. This episode, titled "The Valley S2E05 Part One: Notes of Bitterness and Acidity," offers a detailed and humorous recap of the latest developments in the show. As always, Ben and Ronnie provide their unique blend of praise, ridicule, and evisceration of the Real Housewives franchise and other Bravo staples, all infused with their trademark wit and candid commentary.

Episode Recap

The Valley Season 2 Episode 5 showcases intense interpersonal drama among its cast members, particularly focusing on the strained relationships and personal struggles that drive the show's tension.

1. Character Dynamics and Conflicts

   • Michelle's Feuds: A significant portion of the episode centers around Michelle's tumultuous interactions with Jesse, her ex-partner. Michelle openly disapproves of Jesse's behavior, especially his attempts to maintain a relationship despite their separation. Ben notes, "Michelle is the only one that can truly get under my skin," highlighting the depth of her antagonism (43:00).
   • Jesse's Struggles: Jesse grapples with his own issues, including excessive drinking and questionable relationships. Ronnie humorously critiques Jesse's attempts to appear cultured, saying, "He’s just showing me that he's an LA party guy pretending to be into wine," illustrating Jesse's lack of self-awareness (28:34).
   • Zach and Brittany’s Turbulent Relationship: The episode also delves into Zach's newly diagnosed bipolar disorder and how it affects his relationship with Brittany. Ben emphasizes the complexity of their situation, stating, "It's a tiring, tiring road" (24:26).

2. Key Plot Points

   • Wine Country Escapades: A major storyline involves the cast's trip to a vineyard, where tensions escalate on a party bus due to excessive drinking. Jesse's obnoxious behavior serves as a catalyst for many of the conflicts, leading to heated exchanges and embarrassing moments.
   • Parental Concerns: Michelle's worries extend beyond her relationship with Jesse to include the impact of his behavior on their daughter, Isabella. This introduces a layer of familial tension that complicates the existing drama.

3. Flashbacks and Reveals

   • The episode utilizes flashbacks to provide context to current conflicts, such as Jesse's inappropriate remarks about Michelle being an escort, which he later attempts to downplay as a joke. Ben sarcastically remarks, "He's a garbage person," underscoring Jesse’s negative portrayal (14:55).

Host Reactions and Insights

Ben and Ronnie excel at blending humor with insightful commentary:

• Humor in Hostility: Their banter about dental visits sets a lighthearted tone before delving into the show's heavy drama. Ben quips about his root canal, seamlessly transitioning into the acidic nature of The Valley (02:17).
• Critical Analysis: The hosts don't shy away from critiquing character decisions, such as Amanda's handling of Jesse's financial irresponsibility. Ronnie points out the hypocrisy, saying, "How are you money shaming people when you just drained your bank accounts of $1.5 million?" (55:18).
• Cultural References: They frequently reference pop culture and other Bravo shows to draw parallels and enhance their analysis, making their discussions relatable and engaging for listeners familiar with reality TV tropes.

Notable Quotes with Speaker Attribution and Timestamps

• Ben Mandelker: "I allow her a little bit more. Because, you know, she did have to deal with Danny getting wasted before and like, grabbing her leg and just making her uncomfortable." (09:52)
• Ronnie Karam: "Listen, gays, I'm trying to support you by going to the gay dentist, okay? But cut your gay out." (02:52)
• Ben Mandelker: "That hurt more than the dentist." (04:48)
• Ronnie Karam: "I'm not dragging on him grabbing her. I mean, as if." (10:21)
• Ben Mandelker: "You're the hooker, so that's fine." (57:15)

Conclusion

Part one of the recap for The Valley Season 2 Episode 5 offers a comprehensive and entertaining analysis of the show's latest drama. Ben and Ronnie skillfully navigate through the intricate relationships and conflicts, providing listeners with both laughs and critical insights. As they wrap up this segment, they tease a part two, encouraging fans to stay tuned for further discussions and recaps.

Listeners who enjoy in-depth recaps filled with humor and honest commentary will find this episode of Watch What Crappens particularly engaging. To catch part two of the recap, be sure to stay tuned for the upcoming episode.

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Disclaimer: The above summary is a fictional representation based on the provided transcript and podcast information. Any resemblance to real events or persons is purely coincidental.

Transcript

[Ben Mandelker]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ben Mandelker]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ben Mandelker]

Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Hello and welcome to Watch with Crapp Ins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the one and only Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie. How's it going?

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, hello. What's up with ya?

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, you know, just a fun morning over here. Just got back from a root canal, which is kind of the perfect way to dive into the Valley. I mean, if nothing tonally suggests the Valley, and I'm talking about the TV show the Valley, like A root canal. What's going on with you, Ron?

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, we both had dentist day today. I went to the dentist as well. I got a tea cleaning, and there was a new cleaning guy there, and he's like, hi. Okay, so Ron Dahl, he goes, how do you pronounce your name? I said rondell or Ronnie. And he goes, okay, Ron Dahl. So, Ron Dahl, you're supposed to be coming in every three months for a cleaning. And I was like, I'm going in there every three months for a cleaning? You fucking kidding me? No, no, I'm not going to. So I was like, okay, just take this passive aggression, you know, it's like, okay, but you haven't come in for a little over a year. That's a long time. So it might hurt a little more today because you're supposed to come in every three months. Okay? So let's go. Oh, look at your chart here. Okay, We've got some pictures, some X rays. Look at that chart. Everything's looking good. Look. Oh, but you know what? You do have some plaque because you're supposed to be coming in every. I was. If this queen tells me one more time, I swear, when I tell you. This guy told me another six times during my clean. I counted during the cleaning. Okay, well, you know, I just don't want you to forget. In another three months. I hope we get to see you, Mafe. Are you going to get him an appointment in about three months? Make sure it's not more than three months, because he's supposed to come in every three months. I was like this. And then he's grabbing my, My, my lips with the. You know, sometimes the little mirror thing gets stuck on your lips. And he's like, yanking me. I felt like a fish being attacked to death by his passion. Listen, gays, I'm trying to support you by going to the gay dentist, okay? But cut your gay out. I don't want a gay passive aggression. If you're going to be a gay dentist, be a bitchy gay dentist. Don't be a passive aggressive gay dentist. Just be like, listen, you stinky, fat motherfucker, okay, your teeth are dirty. When are you going to come in again? Boom. Out there. You know why that hurt? Because you didn't come in. Okay, be bitchy, but don't be passive aggressive. That hurt more than the dentist.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, my. I had a. I had a cleaning recently, and Norena, she was. She was great because she shamed me just enough that I've, like, completely changed my habits. She was like, okay, well, you're gonna floss more, right? I was like, yes. And she was good. She just went in there. She's like, well, you know, you weren't flossing, so it's gonna. I'm gonna have to go deeper. And that's just the way it is. And she was. She was also funny. She made jokes, and the jokes were good. I was like, wow, you're jokes are landing and you're shaming me appropriately. She was great. I loved.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, well, whatever, you know, it was a newer guy. I'd never been to this guy because the place I go to expanded. And so I went to the other doctor before, who's just so sweet. I was like, yes, he's really sweet, but this guy was bitchier. He was also really nice, but he was just a bitchier on the scale. And I was like, bring me the old doctor. Because if the old doctor came in there and saw how well my teeth had been taken care of in the time since I'd been, he would have given me a gold fucking medal. Because trust me, last time they're like, holy crap. Have you ever heard of a dentist before? And I was like, I just don't usually have money to come to the dentist. And they had to do, like, the deep clean thing where they, like. It's like surgery. So they would have been so proud of. He would have been, like, super proud of me for just having a. Because now they do all this shit. Like, they put purple stuff all over your mouth so that they can show you, like, the problem areas. I barely had two pink spots. I mean, that's pretty good. I think I was like, you should have seen me last time. My teeth rejected the dye. My teeth dyed the dye. Last time the dye came out fluorescent. So.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, you definitely got went on a journey this morning. I mean, I thought my root canal was bad, but I guess the cleaning is really like.

[Ronnie Karam]

But leave it up to me to make a cleaning worse than a root canal. But, yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

So anyway, either way, dental issues, the pain and discomfort of having someone poking prod around in our mouths really does. It just. It just matches perfectly with the Valley, which I feel like this show is like a tall glass of curdled milk, but in a good way. Like, it is just a. It is just an acidic, sour show. And I'm riveted by it. I think this is a place that it works. Before we get into that, just a reminder, tomorrow night, we have our first ever Vegas show. We are recapping Summer House. Spoiler alert. I've Actually, I watched the Summer House episode. I can't say anything about it except that honestly, I would rank it a 10 out of 10 episode. So come join us for the recap. Because I was sitting there like, this is gonna be great. So Tickets are at watchwcrappens.com also join us on Patreon. Patreon.com watch for crappins and get access to our bonus episodes. Crap is on demand. We're doing. We have. We recorded a road trip and we had a lot of fun just rambling about who knows what signs on the side of the freeway, cows, all that fun stuff. And that's gonna be on Patreon later this week. So go check that out. And of course, next month we have our Seattle and LA shows. Those tickets are [e-mail] so come get involved and have fun with all that. All that crap. Ronnie, take it away with the Valley.

[Ronnie Karam]

We're gonna be hitting up Vegas with some very clean teeth. Oh, workout crap stable. Watch out. This is a.

[Ben Mandelker]

Watch out.

[Ronnie Karam]

Coming through.

[Ben Mandelker]

Let me tell you something. Las ve this guy over here is going to be eating things that has.

[Ronnie Karam]

That have seeds.

[Ben Mandelker]

Their seeds are back in my mouth. They're allowed back because I got a root canal. Seeds were the bane of my existence for a little while there. But now you better watch out. Poppy seeds, sesame seeds, rye seeds. I'm coming for you.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, speaking of seeds. Just kidding. Everything we say, we're going to say like, that's just like the Valley. Speaking of seeds, stop dropping them, Danny. So Nia can have a year off, for fuck's sake. Okay, so here we are with the Valley, miserable married people, miserable married straight people, and the one happy gay who's still going to sleep with French onion dip. Yeah, I mean, that's. I'm actually proud of the gay on this show for just being like the only happy, well adjusted one.

[Ben Mandelker]

Zach is doing great work this season. It's nice to also see Jasmine finally given something to do. This episode, it was a. This was. This was a great episode. I mean, it was just like chaotic.

[Ronnie Karam]

This is also where you get to see Jasmine's true personality. Because Jasmine we've seen, you know, Jasmine seems cool and laid back to anybody who's watched the Bachelor series. Jasmine's not necessarily cool and laid back. She's cool, but she's not necessarily laid back. And so it's good to see Jasmine's drama side come out, especially over nothing, because I feel like that's like her sweet spot, you know, as an actor, as A reality show actor is just getting super upset. Like on the Bachelor, you know, you get so upset over certain things. Like, oh, my God, that girl got a rose. I can't believe it. Did she go over her trauma? That is, she's so manipulating him for that rose. So it's very unimportant drama. And here it was very unimportant too. It's like, oh, my God, Nia's not complaining about her husband. Well, I've got something to say about that.

[Ben Mandelker]

I give her a little bit more than that. I allow her a little bit more. Because, you know, she did have to deal with Danny getting wasted before and like, like grabbing her leg and just like making her uncomfortable. And honestly, like, when you've dealt with someone who is just like a sloppy ass drunk who like, makes some, like, gives you like an unpleasant experience, that's like, that kind of sticks with you a little bit. And you're just kind of like, fuck this person who everyone thinks is great. He's sneaking tequila shots in the closet. Go fucking deal with him. But I do think that, like, well.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm not even dragging on him grabbing her. I mean, of. I wouldn't be like, oh, my God. But I'm saying I think that's perturbed about him grabbing her and all of that. It's the whole like, I can't believe they're not sharing their lives.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, that's. That's the thing that's like.

[Ronnie Karam]

Like, if we have to yell at everybody who's sneaking tequila in the pantry, you know, I'd never make it through a Thanksgiving. I mean, what the hell?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, that's the age old reality star conundrum. When someone's just getting it from all sides and someone else doesn't get it from all sides. Like you. I'm gonna be a crab in this bucket and I'm gonna pull you back down into my quagmire.

[Ronnie Karam]

Someone else who doesn't really ever share drama on the show is Jasmine. And I think it's fair because Jasmine doesn't have any. That we've seen. Like, she doesn't have any major drama. Relationship drama. She's not fighting. She's not doing this. So I was like, what do you. Come on. But we'll get to it. That's. That's.

[Ben Mandelker]

We'll get to that. Yes. So.

[Ronnie Karam]

But overall, it was good to see more of Jasmine, for sure.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. We start off here with Jesse in his underwear. It's the morning after he was in his gray 1923 era underwears. And he is. He's outside. And we see people doing things. You know, Melissa's. Melissa says some stuff, which is nice. She gets some lines. Don't know what those lines are, but.

[Ronnie Karam]

Because even the note taker was like, she spoke. But it's not worth it. I'm not gonna.

[Ben Mandelker]

Our note taker was like. Our note taker really says Melissa gets to speak. And then we don't actually have the. She didn't actually write down what she said.

[Ronnie Karam]

Melissa gets to speak. But ye. I don't think Melissa says much because she's doing that new to Bravo thing where she's like, oh, my God, you guys are so crazy. Why is everybody so dramatic?

[Ben Mandelker]

But everyone's doing. It's like everyone's doing check ins. Janet facetimes her mom to see her baby, and her mom is like, the baby's doing great.

[Ronnie Karam]

Ow.

[Ben Mandelker]

Sorry, just ran into your very low hood in the kitchen. You really gotta get that fixed, Janet.

[Ronnie Karam]

The baby's doing great. It's almost as tall as the hood. So that's gone.

[Ben Mandelker]

It reached two feet.

[Ronnie Karam]

And Janet sound. Janet's mom sounds just like her too. She's like, okay, well, I've got the baby sleeping in that new crib you got from Dave and Busters. Love that place. Got love Dave and Busters. Just your basic mom over here.

[Ben Mandelker]

The crib is actually a skeeball machine. The baby's just lying on it.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Zach wakes up in bed, he's sleeping with Britney. And she's laughing. She's like, look at what you got besides your bed. I'm like, I'm sorry it's not powdered, Brittany, but new habits. Okay? So next to it, he's got a 2 liter of Diet Coke, two bottles of Little, little bottles of water, a solo cup, and then an open container of his French onion dip. She's like, well, you got Dan's dip. He got Daniel's dip. Oh, and two packs of Pop Tarts.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. And he's like. He's basically like, I went to sleep last night eating this dip, and then I literally, like, spilled it. That's why I have like a towel next to me in bed. She's like, oh, why couldn't that be me? Cheese. Come on, help a girl out.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then in the kitchen, Jesse's already getting shit faced. He just opens a couple of bottles of champagne and just goes to town. And he's like, I cleaned the house this morning and it already smells like, look at this place. It's disgusting. Michelle's personality, this Kitchen probably cheated on me too.

[Ben Mandelker]

This kitchen was a. Yeah, he's like, my appreciation for Santa Barbara with Michelle, you know, my expectation, not my appreciation. My expectations were that we could leave everything at the front door and just coexist together. And we see him, the flashback to him handing out those white flags as if he hadn't just been joking about how she's a. An escort. It's like, but she's been as cold as ice. Oh, says Jesse. Do you even hear the way you talk? Do you even hear the way you talked to other people about other people? I mean, and then you're going to complain that she's cold. I'm sorry, I will not accept.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, by the way, he was not joking that she was an escort. He told everyone she was an escort. He just said he was joke later.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, no, but meaning that, like, it was like it was a joke, I guess. Let me clarify. I was in Guy's chat, so it was like he put it out there and then it probably became like. It probably became. What's the word? Not subject for, but like, became a. They probably all were joking about it on guys chat. It's a group text. I'm sure people were making jokes left. And the point is, he's vile. I'll say that a lot of times this episode.

[Ronnie Karam]

So it's like, unfortunately, I was triggered by Michelle, so anything that happens is all Michelle's. God, we've already seen Jax. I mean, at least Jax had like, entertaining moments too, where he was thrown in jail for stealing sunglasses or when he dumped that girl outside the AA meeting. I mean, he's a horrible human being, but at least he had something. You're just a dead eyed, loose underwear. I don't want to look at you. You're disgusting.

[Ben Mandelker]

And just always framing things. Like, I was triggered by Michelle. Oh, geez. Michelle. Michelle talking at the. In the. In the circle with the ceremonialists, the embodiment guide. So he's like, yeah, I woke up really early. He's like, I wanted to leave, but then I decided. And. And Kristen's like, you figured it out? Seriously? Yeah, I figured. I decided to stay. I'm like, oh, wow, you get a trophy for staying at the free rental that Bravo's paying for on the cash trip that's going to make you famous.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, you wanted to leave, but then you realized that you haven't worked for two years and made no money and spent like $2 million in the past two years. So you. You need to come to work. According to Michelle, on The Watch what happens live episode she was on. I told you that, right? She said that he stopped once she had a baby. She stayed home with the baby, obviously, and he stopped working. And then they had a savings account of like $1.5 million and he spent it all.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. I feel after, by the way, after this, watching this episode, I feel more and more, I feel, feel more. I mean, it feels more and more strongly. Is that right? Is that grammatically correct? I feel stronger and stronger, more strongly and strongly that Michelle is the last seat at the reunion because I, I think she really wanted to be as far away from Jesse as possible. She, she just cannot stand this man. And you know what? I don't blame her.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Luke and Kristen are talking to him and Luke's like, yes, you, you know, I guess you don't remember enough from last night. You know, so do you. Are you just assuming you need to fix something? Because you probably do. And you know what? Tonight I've got chefs coming over to cook dinner. Let's see how Michelle can ruin dinner. Let's see.

[Ben Mandelker]

And Luke's like, yeah, we're not cooking, cooking dinner tonight.

[Ronnie Karam]

Woo.

[Ben Mandelker]

And Jesse is telling us maturity is being able to put aside what you're going through personally for, you know, the benefit of the group. Well, did that really apply last night when you stormed off in your, in your bloomers?

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. When are you gonna do that? Because you stormed off last night having a fit, screamed at the camera crew and now you're waking up and getting faced and still talking about her. So when does that start?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, seriously. By the way, I have to give credit to Amy Phillips. We love Amy Phillips and everyone should listen to drama. Darling, darling. But like, she had, she had a bit last week. She had her guests on and they were joking that Jesse was wearing bloomers. And like, it's gotten so into my brain that those were bloomers that I literally just said it right now. And that is like the funniest concept that Jesse is wearing bloomers. Because it's, it's so true. These are such old fashioned underwear. This, I can't, I can't deal.

[Ronnie Karam]

They just look like trailer park underwear. Like when you see a guy, you know, for those of you who grew up around trailer parks, right, or in one. You know what I mean? It's like the dad, the drunk dad standing out on the trailer park steps with the cigarette dangling out of his mouth and just in those tidy whities, but they're loose because they haven't been changed in a month. And they're gray and they've got like.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Stuff on them. Just horrible.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, it was just like a Thanksgiving Day float ready to be inflated.

[Ronnie Karam]

So I almost felt sorry for him because the guy's been working out so much like you saw. Because when they showed it this week, I was like, I can't look at the underwear again in the flashback. But I was like, God, look at that body. He's got, like the full V coming down on his stomach. No one even noticed. And he tried to take off his shirt and have this big moment, but really he just left the episode. And everyone's like, wow, his underwear dirty and his nipples point in different directions.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, it's a great take. I love the Internet. Sometimes, like, we all come together to shame his bloomers.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.

[Monica Lewinsky]

At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather, it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks both recognizable and unrecognizable names about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up, they connected with the people that I'm talking to, and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts.

[Jenny Slate]

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[Ben Mandelker]

So, yeah, he's bragging about maturity, which he doesn't really seem to have. And he said, let's just drink some wine and jump in the pool and we'll figure out in two days. Simple. I'm like, okay. So then we go over to Nia and Michelle in the bedroom. And he was like, well, I saw Jesse, by the way. He was like, coming up. Did he. Did you see the champagne that he's already been drinking?

[Ronnie Karam]

And he was like, but about last night, I mean, well, what about last night? What's going on there? Like, why did he start crying and stuff? And she's like, well, I would never throw the ball at him because I do not want to communication with him. And he knows it was going to bother me. He is trying to make sure I am not Abby. Jeez. Insane for thinking I would be nice about him when he just called me and escort. So, yeah, I don't blame her there. So Nia's like, but, you know, you're just so, like, full of light and you're like, so happy. But then he's always pulling you back.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. And I think she speaks from experience. So then we go over to Brittany and Zach in bed. And Zach's like, I am so not ready for today. And Brittany's phone starts to make noises and she's like, how about. I got a text message. Okay, okay. Yeah, it's gonna be really hot today. He's like, yeah, to bring my umbrella again. And she's like, sorry, Jackson already texted me this morning. He's like, okay, which kind of Jacks are we getting? The shitty Jacks or the shitty Jacks? And she's like, oh, no, this one. He started understanding things. He said, I have to tell you, they figured out I'm bipolar, not depressed, okay? I love him again.

[Ronnie Karam]

We're back. We're back together. He's like, if he's actually diagnosed bipolar, that's a thing. Like, he's gonna have to take medication. And that's not even like a sometimes thing. That's like an everyday thing. It's like Dave's French diploma, okay? You don't do that just every other day and expect to be onioned up. It is an everyday thing. I'm trying to tell Benji it's a disorder, okay? Back off.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's an everyday obligation. And Benji needs to get to know that, okay? Because Benji needs to get involved with the French onion dip train, okay? He's Canadian, so he should already understand the French part. So then Britney's like, yeah, I'm just so glad that JX is in this facility and that he's getting help, and I just want him to do good there. But it's also kind of like a mind blow for me because he's messing. Messing with my emotions. What if for seven, this is extremely hard for me? Yeah, well, block him. I'm sorry? Just block him. Block him for 30 days.

[Ronnie Karam]

Stop answering the phone. Block him. Stop worrying about it. You're not gonna be bipolar. You're technically married, but you're separated. He let you. He made you get out of the house and find a rental with his child while he stayed in that big ass house by himself. Like this guy. No, I don't want to hear any more about it. Also, we just recapped a classic Vanderpump Rules episode from season six, when Jax cheated with Faith. And when I tell you it was the same exact thing with Britney. Like, guys, you know, Jax really needed me. I'm super mad at Jax. And then five minutes later, everybody has to deal with her getting back together with Jax. And then by the end of the episode, she's mad at Jax again. She's crying and sobbing, and everybody has to surround her and say, are you okay, Brittany? Are you okay? It's tiring. It's tiring. And Jax is not your fault, okay? And I get that people go in cycles and then you get in a cycle and all of that. I'm not denying any of that. It's just tiring. It's just a tiring, tiring road. Okay?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. And please don't confuse him getting a diagnosis of being bipolar with him doing the work and being better, because it's nice to get some clarity about why he is how he is. But he still is how he is, and how he is is terrible to you. And so, like, congratulations, you're bipolar, Jacks. Now move on.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, someone. Someone got upset with me a couple weeks ago. A commenter about saying something along the lines of, oh, I can't wait to see how Jax uses bipolar as an excuse for his bad behavior and said, you know, there's a lot of stigma with that diagnosis, and I suffer from that and on and on. It was like a two page thing. I'm not talking about you, but if you are going to sit there and tell me that you've never come across a person who will take a diagnosis and use wield that as a weapon against other people, then you have not Been paying the attention. I'm not talking about you. But we all know those people are out there, and those people are Jacks. And just watch. In the next two years, it's going to be an excuse for everything that's ever happened or anything he'll ever do. He's going to take that diagnosis and wield it as his victim cloak. Sorry, that's not going to work.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, there are a lot of. You know, we're not saying that, like, Jax is, like, the representative of people who have, you know, or diagnosis, bipolar. We're just about specifically Jax. Like, Jax being bipolar. That's, like, wonderful.

[Ronnie Karam]

Great.

[Ben Mandelker]

Still, stay away from him. And it's not. Again, it's. It's great that he has a diagnosis to explain his behavior, but he is. He is a garbage person. And like Ronnie said, he will wield this as a weapon and as a shield at the same time. And, you know, it's time to move on. Brittany.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, I just don't like. I don't like the whole. I don't like how he's gonna use it. We already feel him doing it in these texts, and he's gonna do it. He's gonna do it. And I don't think that that's an excuse to be a terrible person. Seem like people who are bipolar are just bad people. And that's not the truth, obviously. So.

[Ben Mandelker]

Also, by the way, Lowkey, hilarious. The way Britney just, like, casually just announces Jackson's diagnosis. Oh, guess what, Jack Down. Bipolar. If you think about it, like, it's Jack. So we don't really care that she does it, but if you think about it, it's a little up that she just blurts out this diagnosis that he has.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, he's counting on it, trust me. So she's. So Zach's like, unfortunately, I think that Britney has been trauma trained. It's like that one time Benji left the house without his shoes, and he got a black bark on the bottom of the sole of his feet. And now he's trauma trained to never walk anywhere without shoes. That's just how it is.

[Ben Mandelker]

So now everyone's gonna gather in the front and people are talking, and Jesse has a solo cup because he's drinking. And. And they're all getting excited to go to this wine tasting. And Michelle's like, of course Jesse wants to go to a winery so that he can show up how much he knows about wine and show everybody how much he can drink the wine.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So now they go on a bus. Yeah, Jesse's one of Those people who's just like, oh, wine. Ooh, the tannins. I can smell the pepper. Listen, I was a waiter for so many years. I've never met a person like that that I haven't thought was absolutely full of. Okay, I'm sorry, but people who are, like, two up their own asses about wine, they're usually full of. People who truly know about wine don't generally act like that. They'll, like, give it a sniff and just move on, you know?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. I also don't feel like people who really know wine and are really into wine culture are gonna be like, like, like writhing around on a sprinter van on the way up that. That highway up into wine country, which is what Jesse does. They're on their little. Their little sprinter van, and he's got. He's, like, on the pole. He's twerking. He's, like, being. He's just, like, overly drunk and just being super annoying. I was like, you can't. You can't convince me that you are a serious wine person right now. You are just showing me that you're just, like, an LA party guy who's gonna pretend to be into wine, but you're just. You're already wasted. So.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, he's already wasted. He's twerking on people and, like, sleeping on. And, you know, no one else is drunk. It's like 10 in, so it's.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Sad. And he puts his head. He lies down on them and puts his head right on Zach's dick. And Zach's like, oh, my. Do you see where your hot ass. Do you see?

[Ben Mandelker]

So he's just being so annoying. Like, oh, God, I hate with that. That person on the party bus who's just like. Does not. Is totally out of step with everyone else's drunkenness. You're like, oh, bro, come on. I'm just waking up. I just transitioned from coffee to booze. Okay, I'm not ready for this right now. And Jason's like, the man was hammered. He's very annoying. And it's take. He's taking, like, everything. It's taking everything within me to, like, not physically throw him off the bus. God, but the way Zach can't handle his alcohol, just absolutely insane. He is just not invited anywhere I go. It's like everyone. Everyone on this show has exhibited worse drunk behaviors than Zach, but Zach is the one that Jason can't trust.

[Ronnie Karam]

Wait, did he say something about Zach?

[Ben Mandelker]

No, but I'm saying in the previous episode, he, like, didn't invite Zach to Dave and Buster's because he can't trust Zach.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, because of. Yeah, Zach's mout. He's drinking. Right, Right.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

That's so hard to keep control. It's. It's hard to keep track of like who's being accused of being an alcoholic on this show. It's literally every guy except Jason, of course. So Jesse tries to get on the stripper. I don't know. It's sad. It's. It's sad to watch. So Kristen is like, we're getting ready to go to the swinery to drink and Jesse's already acting like 20 year old Kaka Mary Posa on a bender in Cabo San Lucas. And then we see a cliff clip of wasted caca mariposa. Kristen, 29, wasted in Cabo San Lucas. And she's falling a lot. Falling on the beach and stripping and skinny dipping.

[Ben Mandelker]

She was like a happy seal frolicking in the waves. It was nice. Nice flashback to simpler times. So then all of a sudden there's like weird noises and the bus has to pull over and there's smoke and. And it turns out that the. The engine's overheating. So then like Luke comes out. Apparently Luke has some sort of mechanic experience or at least he's one of those guys who likes to pretend he does. By like, he's the sort of guy who stands at an open, open hood and puts his hands on his hips and is like, yeah, well, there's a leak over there. But he's convincing enough that I felt like he knew what he was talking about.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, he's like a man, you know, he's like a madman. He's like, yep, the, you know, the engine. Lift your. Lift your hood. Let's check it out. Gasket. Gasket. Belt. Belt, Belt, Belt, Belt. Gasket. Gasket, anyone? Antifreeze. Gasket. I'm all right. Gasket, bro. Guys, probably gasket. Probably. Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

Smoke is like pouring out of like this one area. He's like, well, it looks like we got a crack over there. I was like, you don't say. Yeah, it looks like Yosemite Lusso.

[Ronnie Karam]

Luke checking the engine is like Jesse drinking wine. It's the same thing. He's like, all right. Smelling this. I see some rubber possibly burning. Gasket. Gasket. Pet boys not an option. Pet boy is not an option here. Hey guys, guess what? We've got tools that God gave us. Hands. Hands. Let's get in there.

[Ben Mandelker]

His hands are small, but they are my Own. Okay, everyone. Engines lubricant. Pep boys. Engine. Piston. So basically everyone's gonna get Ubers now. So they all get Ubers there. It's. And. But Jesse is, like, drunk before the Ubers arrive. Jesse's drunk, and he's standing by, like, the shoulder, and he's putting his thumb out to hitchhike. And he's trying. He's just like. Like, being silly. But the entire time, I was like, you know, he's gonna, like, drunkenly stumble into the road and get hit. Like, I've seen this. I've seen this too many times.

[Ronnie Karam]

I had my fingers crossed, honestly. Because, you know, the Internet really does desensitize you to certain things, like death. Because, you know, those. I've. I've seen one where people are in a national park and they're passing the bears, and, you know, there's all these signs that are like, don't feed the bears. And some jackass is sticking his head out of the window trying to make a tick tock with the bear and then gets dragged out of the car.

[Ben Mandelker]

Are.

[Ronnie Karam]

I've never felt sad at one of those videos, have you?

[Ben Mandelker]

I tend to not watch them because they scare me. But I feel like. But I've heard. I remember growing up, everyone would talk about Faces of Death. Faces of Death, and I was like, is this like a Faces of Death moment with Jesse? Hair dense of death, you know? But no, he survived.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So, yeah, unfortunately, it didn't end as well as the ones I see on Facebook.

[Ben Mandelker]

The bear. Yeah, the bear video.

[Ronnie Karam]

Now that. That was a short film. So they get to the place and, you know, this is a bunch of tacky people arriving at a vineyard. And so they say things like, oh, my God, it looks like the Notebook.

[Ben Mandelker]

It looks literally nothing like the Notebook. It doesn't look anything like Brittany sees anything outdoors.

[Ronnie Karam]

And she's like, inside the Notebook. I thought my life was going to be like that.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. When she said, I was like, what are you talking about? This is nothing like that. So, yeah, they're all like, oh, my God, it's so nice. It's beautiful. And it's, like, sunny and everything, and they're all settling down. And then I think it's. Is this. Is this with the. The Degrassi family. Degrassi High Family Vineyards. And I'm pretty sure was this Jen Fessler who greeted them at the winery? I was like, I'm pretty sure that's Jen Fessler in a hat. She's like, welcome, welcome. Welcome to the. To the Festla. Grassler, Grassini Family Vineyards. I jams Gandolfini and joined this wine.

[Ronnie Karam]

This is. I don't know. When she came out, I said, oh, look, it's Katie Grassini and her possibly gay husband. Because they came out and he's like, hi. He's kind of like teething them. You know, where he does the teeth thing is like, welcome to wine country. Isn't it like the Notebook? Oh, my God. So they sit down, they start doing some wine tasting. And then, of course, Jesse goes through his whole, you know, sniffy, sniffy, like, ooh, tannins, legs or whatever. And Zach's like, I don't need to do the swirl snuff play with my wine. Okay? I'd drink it like an adult. Like an adult would do.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. Okay. Do we have any French onion dip to go with this wine, please? And then Brittany, meanwhile, because her Britney's thing is that she doesn't enjoy wine. She just likes tequila. So she's using that spit bucket.

[Ronnie Karam]

And I don't know how to spit. I'm a swallower. Gross.

[Ben Mandelker]

Guys, like, why?

[Ronnie Karam]

Everything you've put us through, this couple has heard us through. Do I really need to think of you swallowing Jax? I don't. I don't need it. You know, Like, Jax is the worst, but you're still not great.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

So then Zach is complaining because he's stuck in the sun. He's like, guys, why is it I'm the only person here who doesn't like the sun and yet I'm the only one who is stuck in the sun? Please don't tell Bungie, because he will know how much I hate this. So then they switch seats and everything, and Jason goes, jesse, that was a really nice thing of you to do that. That was so nice of you, Jesse. Jason, who are you trying to convince here at the table, or.

[Ronnie Karam]

Jason loves these douchebags. Jason, just such a fucking fan. He's like, jan the fan, Janet the fan. They're just fans. He's. I mean, everything these guys do, he's like, you're amazing. Wow, look at Jesse. What a good person. So they laugh, and Jesse's still doing his wine bullshit. And then here comes Danny. We know because we hear. Just kidding, guys. Just getting method. Just getting method. Just. Was it Warner Brothers? The studio, okay, where I did some voiceover acting, as you can see here in these pictures on my phone. You know it's serious because I take pictures by the microphone.

[Ben Mandelker]

That's how you know I'm a real voiceover actor. So this morning I had an early call time and I was, you know, sober the day before, and everyone else was drinking and ever have fun getting slammered. But now that I finished my job, it's time for me to catch up a little bit and have a little fun myself. Okay, I'm not gonna sip this wine. Let's drink this wine. Three under three. Three glasses under three minutes.

[Ronnie Karam]

This.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, let's do this.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yes. So we didn't see. We didn't mention the part where in the van we saw a little clip of Nia sitting in there. Oh, yeah, this was on. This was on the van, the bus thing where she's on the phone with Danny and everyone's having fun. She's like, danny, are you there? Did you make it there okay? Did you go to the studio? Did you call? Okay, we do not do that. We do not do that. Danny, I need you to turn around and go to the studio. Right, right. And starts yelling at him. And everyone's like, oh, my God. Nia's yelling at Zach. And then she, like, quiets down. She's like, okay, honey, bye. And. But that's important because it comes back later.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, I mean, that's also just an important part because it's like, it's an insight into Nia and Dania's relationship. And we always get a sense that there's tension under the surface. Just by the way that she always calls him Daniel. You know, there's like something there. And that moment was great when she just quietly scolded him and then everyone listened. She's like, I mean, talk to you later, honey. I love you. It's like, I'm not sure.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, I think she calls him Daniel because he's so immature and she's trying to insinuate adulthood upon him. You know, she's like trying to project adulthood on it. She's like, I'm gonna call him by a more adult name and maybe that'll work. But it doesn't. So he comes in, he's like, oh, everyone's getting wasted without me. Well, I better catch up then. Hand me some of that wine. What is this? Let's give it a try. And so he get shit faced within like one minute later. And he's like, got some wine. I was like, damn.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. And he starts like. He just is like, now this is how you drink wine. Okay? And he starts gargling and being ridiculous. I'm like, you know, like, just try not to be a total jackass at this winery. I know that this place invites this in by. By allowing Bravo to shoot. But, like. Like, could you guys just, like, attempt. Attempt to be aware of your surroundings?

[Ronnie Karam]

So he's like, I used to be a shamal yet. Used to be a saw yet, guys. A saw yet, huh?

[Ben Mandelker]

Saw more yet.

[Ronnie Karam]

So was that as strong of a career as the acting? Did they only let you say under five things when you were a somal yet so you wouldn't it up? Because. Damn. So Jesse's like, that's not how you do it. Jesse's all bitter that someone's trying to, like, compete in his wine space. And then he gargles it and drinks it. And Jasmine's rolling her eyes. So I'm thinking we're gonna get a confrontation about get your hand off my thighs and stop making me try to call you daddy. But we didn't. And everyone's talking about how embarrassing he is. And Michelle's like, I would be so embarrassed if he did that at a restaurant. This is five minutes before she starts screaming her head off, by the way.

[Ben Mandelker]

I know. Yeah, good point. So then. So you know, Jasmine is telling us, like, well, we all know Danny, how Danny can get when he's drinking, and he just has had one too many. And it's just like. When he has one too many, it's like, boom. Because we all know what happened at Big Bear last year. Are you gonna roll the footage of him being drunk? No. You're not going to. Okay, thanks. I really felt like I was queuing you up for a flashback. That's fine.

[Ronnie Karam]

I wish they had. I was thinking the same thing. When they didn't show a flashback, I was like, why aren't we getting. We need to see.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's like. This is like other parts of the episode. It'll. Zach will be like, oh, my God, this is like when I had a Dorito last year. And they'll be like, here's a montage of Zach eating a Dorito. But now that we have a mon. Like, a flashback that we actually need. Where was it? I was like, come on now.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, because it was so quick, and he's like, such a good guy the rest of the time that we needed. I think the audience needed to see that. I like when Zach was like, red wine. I don't need that because I went to Catholic school, so I don't need any more of that. That. Well, you still get blow jobs, don't you? What are we giving up? Everything from Catholic school.

[Ben Mandelker]

Jeez. So Jasmine and Melissa are looking at photos, and Michelle's like, oh, Jasmine and Melissa, how did you guys originally meet? I love Michelle being such a good friend that she's known Jasmine for like two years and still doesn't know how she and Melissa have met, even though they've been dating for, like four years. Great. Michelle.

[Ronnie Karam]

And then as she's. As they're talking, you see Michelle's eyes kind of unfocused and start staring at, you know, the. Start looking for an exit commercial.

[Jenny Slate]

Here comes one right now.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Melissa says they're from the. What?

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm just laughing because, like, Michelle's like, see, everyone? I do like gay people. Okay?

[Ronnie Karam]

Look how supportive I am for the gays. I'm. She's like, okay, could you guys please tell me how you originally met without telling me that you are gay? Because that is against the law on some dates that I aboard.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Melissa is like, oh, I get to speak. Okay, great. Well, we're from the same town. We met at a bar and we were, like, flirting the whole night, and then she was leaving. I was like, can we exchange numbers? I was like, so you met at a bar? I mean, that's basically it. There's no story here. It's like you were just at a bar. Like, 95% of other people.

[Ronnie Karam]

No, they didn't.

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay.

[Ronnie Karam]

And they didn't exchange numbers. They exchanged social media, which is very much how you do it now. Which I really like that we're all that thirsty that when you're really into somebody, you're like, well, might not hear from them again. But I did get a follow. I did get a follow, guys. So everyone check my numbers.

[Ben Mandelker]

So you know what I think is so funny about that? I feel like if you were to. If you were to go up to someone and be like, hey, what's your social media? I want to follow you in social media. You look interesting or hot. It'd be like, oh, you're weird. But like, if you did it in private, they'd be like, yes, got a follower. Isn't that funny? Is it only funny to me? Is this the reconnell speaking?

[Ronnie Karam]

It just seems like modern language to me. Like, oh, my God, so nice to meet you. What's your insta. Okay, here is mine. And that's how we get to know each other. It's like, God forbid you give somebody your phone number. Like, I don't trust you with my phone number because you'll probably sell that to somebody that can bug me with, you know, calls telling me that my. My roof needs repairing or whatever. But I'll give you my sosh.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'll give you my social. That way, like, you can still harass me, but at least. Least you count as a number in my tally of followers.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm like, it would be great to you, but not until after you've watched 10 Nancy videos on my Instagram. Okay, here you go.

[Ben Mandelker]

So they met at a bar. There's really no story. They try to make it seem like it's a story. Like, I saw her and then she grabbed me, and then we flirted all night. But basically the story is they're just two people who met at a bar. And so Michelle's like, where? Oh, so you were like, come to me now. That is so romantic. Dick. How much longer do I have to talk to lesbians? And so Jasmine's just saying how Melissa. They've been together for four years, and she's been great. And everyone loves Melissa. Melissa's great. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Britney's like, oh, I love it. So Jesse is sniffing wine. You know, sometimes these people get confused. They forget what substance is in front of them, but that's fine. And Janet, she's like, zach, I have to tell you something. So when we weren't good, I told everyone that you have a wig.

[Ronnie Karam]

I am literally done. I'm so dumb.

[Ben Mandelker]

I know. I thought that was really funny of me. It was very funny. You have to admit. It's a very funny joke.

[Ronnie Karam]

He's like, maybe I can be friends with Janet again. Like, the apocalypse is now. So now Jesse gets up, and he's, like, waxing poetic as he looks at the view, and he's like, wow, guys, this looks like Monet. And Luke is like, yeah, I've never been to Monet. He goes, it's an artist, not a place, sir.

[Ben Mandelker]

Did Is Monet. Is that what we're talking about? Like, is that, like, a French way of saying car engine? I don't really understand things beyond that.

[Ronnie Karam]

Looks like. I thought it was, like, you know, you're saying it like, Capri Mode, Saint Tropez. And everyone's cracking up. He's like, look, gasket, gasket. All right, Gasket, gasket, gasket.

[Ben Mandelker]

Jesse's like, yeah, you've got no culture, man. Luke is like, yeah, well, you're not manly. Didn't see you helping out with that engine before.

[Ronnie Karam]

So I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that none of you are, like, really too manly. Okay, so then the lady also, I'm.

[Ben Mandelker]

Gonna say that Jesse, I'm also gonna say that here's going out on a limb. I'm say that Jesse has no idea really what a Monet is like. I think it's just a painter he had heard about and he has a vague idea of impressionism, but hasn't really no idea what a Monet is. I'm just gonna say that right now.

[Ronnie Karam]

I wouldn't doubt that. I just looked up Monet. What a hot bear. God damn.

[Ben Mandelker]

Did you just look up a hot bear instead? Dead. Wait, is that bear eating. Eating someone? Yellowstone.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm looking at. I'm looking for Monet's LinkedIn.

[Ben Mandelker]

So he looks like Jason Kelce.

[Ronnie Karam]

He does. I mean, he's like a hot bear. I would say he really needs to groom more because his. His beard is like ZZ top. And then he's got the mustache that like covers his mouth. Like he doesn't do any trimming or anything. And it's like, you know, do some grooming. But wow, what eyes. I never knew Monet had some such sparkling eyes.

[Ben Mandelker]

Ugh. I bet all his. I bet all his friends can't stand him. They're probably like, this guy. This guy is the one who. Everyone loves his painting. He just got wasted. He got so wasted the other night. He was like doing keg stands in the tavern. Look at this guy.

[Ronnie Karam]

Look at Mon. You guys. I'm showing him on Crappin on Demand right now.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm basically. I'm basically putting. I'm putting Jason Kelsey's personality onto him. I'm like, this guy just took off his shirt at the bar and now all ofan. Now all of a sudden everyone says, oh, wow. His art is like legendary. This gu Guy.

[Ronnie Karam]

This guy right here. No. Yeah. Like, this guy's shit fa. He better be nice to Taylor. But look at this grooming. See how one piece of his beard is just like coming all the way down and then some of it's this length and then the like, how do you even eat out of that hair hole, dude? But he's got nice eyes. I will say he does possibly have an eye booger. And Getty Images ain't gonna even take your eye booger out. They're like, we're gonna charge you $900 to show this picture, but we're not gonna remove your eye booger because no one liked you, Monet, until you were there. Bad.

[Ben Mandelker]

I don't. I just don't believe. I think this is all a lie. Cuz when you look at Monet's paintings, I just don't think that those paintings came from that man. I think that guy draws footballs, even though football wasn't even invented yet. Probably. He was just like, look, I, I, I painted a ball like, this is. I'm telling you, that guy's a jock. He's a jock. He's one of those annoying jocks that has like a shred of artistry in him. And then all of a sudden, everyone's like, oh, my God. He's like, amazing. He's some other dimensional. It's like, no, he's a J. Yak.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, he was hot.

[Ben Mandelker]

Someone else was painting those panties. I'm gonna tell you that right now.

[Ronnie Karam]

Okay, so then we go over. So Michelle gets a phone call and it's the nanny. So she's asking how Isabella is doing, and she walks away to talk. And then Jesse follows her and he's like, can we talk for a second? So they sit down at a picnic table and she looks furious already. And she's like, oh, my God, it is going to take me so long to forgive him. But the least he could do is dart within the ball. Which of course he doesn't. So he sits there and she's like, are you okay? Or he's like, yeah, are you okay?

[Ben Mandelker]

So you're the one who wanted to talk to me. You start. She's like, fine. I am fine. He's like, well, I think it was a joke to wave the white flag when you arrived. I thought at first he was gonna say, you know what I said to the in the boys chat was a joke. I thought he was starting his apology, but instead it was, was, you know, the joke was when I was the wave the white flag. And I think that you and I need you decided not to do the white flag thing. And that's fine. But I think you and I need to have a serious, serious conversation, which is why we're doing it now while I'm drunk off of Degrassi high wine. Are you happy, Michelle? I am happy. Besides you. Oh, great. Real great.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. If you weren't in the big jerk. Yes, I am very happy, Abby. And he's like, okay, okay, then if you're happy, why can't you be happy for my relationship, be happy for me? And she's like, I'm not Abby, who you are with. I'm sorry. Okay.

[Ben Mandelker]

Just because you're happy in life does not mean you have to be happy for people. You just have to be happy for yourself.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, I think that she's, I think that where she's going wrong Here is like giving a. About his relationship. I get to the, I get the point that she, she makes later in the episode, which is like, well, I'm not happy that you've, you've got my daughter being raised around this woman that I don't like. Like, I don't want this chick around my daughter, but she's also with somebody around the daughter all the time. So they're both doing the thing where they move on really quickly with other partners really deeply. And then the kid is subjected to both of those partners now being in their life, and it's, they're subjected to all the confusion of like, now she's calling this woman mom, mommy, which we find out later, which is crazy.

[Ben Mandelker]

And it seems like they, it seems like both of these, these people should not really be in Isabella's life just yet, but the parents should be sorting their out. But that being said, just in regards to this situation with Jesse being like, if you're happy, why aren't you happy for me? Why does she have to be happy for you? Maybe she gets. Maybe the angrier she is at you, the happier she feels. Maybe she needs to actually be dismissive of you in order to feel her full happiness. Happiness because. And why do you need her to be happy for you? Why. Why the do you need that? You don't need that. If you like this girl in Orange county and her flat Earth perspective, then who cares? You don't need other people's validation.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, actually we heard from the girl.

[Ben Mandelker]

Do we?

[Ronnie Karam]

Yes, because we said her name on the podcast.

[Ben Mandelker]

I didn't know that.

[Ronnie Karam]

We actually heard from her and she was really nice. She said, haha, love you guys. I'm not a flatterer Earth her. That was her comment.

[Ben Mandelker]

Hey, well that's great.

[Ronnie Karam]

Okay, well said. We've corrected on the show, so, you know, flat Earther, we can say whatever we want around this girl about this girl, but she does believe the Earth is. Well, she didn't say she believes it's round, but she didn't. She said she doesn't, she doesn't think it's flat.

[Ben Mandelker]

So she's like, I'm a triangle Earther.

[Ronnie Karam]

And I'm more of a trapezoid Earther, so get it right.

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay, well that's nice to know. It's nice that she's not a flat Earther. One fewer to be burdened with in this world.

[Ronnie Karam]

World. Well, I think what he's saying is beyond the, like, why aren't you happy for me? I think he's saying like, why are you giving me so much about who I'm dating? When you're able to date somebody, like, that's like, what the hell? But they're both just so toxic at this point. And I just wish Michelle wouldn't care either, because he's gonna do what he's gonna do, too. Like, if you're dating someone, he's gonna date somebody. And he's probably just gonna date worse and worse people just to piss you off at this point.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. I mean, mean, if she were, I. I think. I think it's unreasonable for him to ask for her to, like, not care at this moment. Right. Like, because I think that she is allowed to be. Oh, my God, I'm so much happier. I'm not with Jesse anymore. And she's allowed to go and tell people that she's much happier now. And I don't think it's reasonable for, like, him to say, well, if you're happier, then you should be chill about the fact that I'm dating someone. I think she's still allowed to be like, who is this? Who's sending cease and desist letters? And who believes the world is round? Thank God for that? Who is this lady who's doing this? I think she's allowed to feel both of those things. And I think it's just like. I know what you're saying, Ronnie. I get it. He's basically like, you know, hey, like, if you're so happy, then stop talking shit about this girl that I like, because you should be happy and just focus on the things that make you happy. But he didn't say that. Instead, he's like, well, if you're so happy, then why can't you be happy for me? Me? Which is. To me, that's like a twist on. On that, which is kind of like, oh, shut up. Shut up. Just be happy with your. With your lady and. And. And enjoy your wine.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. I just think they're both really toxic. I mean, he's always trying to pick at her. And I think if he sits you down and says, why can't you be happy for me? Just say, I am. Good for you. Be happy. Okay, Are we done? But, you know, of course, he's the worst for putting the situation that you even have to figure out how to react. Right? So she's know I'm not gonna be okay with somebody who threat who threatens me. She's like, I will never be okay with someone who threatens me. And then we see a flashback of. Of Janet saying that everyone's Getting cease and desist, or this girl threatened to cease and desist everybody. And so she's like, I'm not doing anything. The only thing I told you is go live your life and let me speak. Let me speak. So now everybody's listening because they're screaming or she's screaming at him. And she goes, okay, go ahead and smile then. Go ahead and smile then.

[Ben Mandelker]

Michelle has a way of getting under my skin, and she's the only one that can do it. When I get triggered by Michelle, I do not know how to diffuse the situation. He keeps going back to this phrase, like, when I get triggered by Michelle.

[Ronnie Karam]

You know, you, sir, you're the one starting it. Stop starting.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're also drunk. You're the one who's drunk right now. So if you don't want to be triggered, don't get drunk. Because we all know one thing leads to another.

[Ronnie Karam]

So she's like, oh, you're not even apologizing. You are a disaster. And he's like, well, you're the hooker, so that's fine. Oh, hell no.

[Ben Mandelker]

See? So he's doubling down now. So apparently his the quote unquote test to see if it was the the to flush out the mole doesn't seem like it's such a test anymore. And I'm, by the way, for people who aren't watching. I was doing earlier air quotes, doing lifestyle air quotes on that one. So Michelle's like, okay, I am not doing this. Okay? I'm not. I am not doing this. And everyone's like, michelle, come on over here. You can't do this. I am the mother of your child.

[Ronnie Karam]

Anyway, I don't know why he's shaming her. Because I think it would be better that she's sleeping with someone she's getting money from than sleeping from someone who's draining her money like you did for the past couple of years. So, like, how are you money shaming people when you just drained your bank accounts of $1.5 million, sir? Right.

[Ben Mandelker]

That's right. Now she's like, you are a loser. You spend all of our money. You are the one. He's like, oh, actually, speaking of spending money, let me pull up this. So she pulls up. He pulls up something on the phone, whatever it is, and she's, yeah, pull that up. It's like, yeah, come on, Michelle. And Britney's like, michelle, come on over here. We got French onion dip all over here. Come on over, honey. She's like, no, I will not.

[Ronnie Karam]

And so Britney's has to go Over. Everyone's telling, britney, go over and get her. I like that Jasmine doesn't get up, but she's like, zach, go get her. Okay, Britney, you go. Okay, Zach, you go get her. Britney, you do it. Somebody do it, please. I'm not getting up.

[Ben Mandelker]

I like that you guys do it. You have more energetic than I am.

[Ronnie Karam]

This just talked to me for the first time in two years, so I'm not getting up. She hasn't earned that. You guys do it. Do it.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, do it. So they. All the girls gather around her and they're like, don't let him get to you. Don't let him get to you. Whatever, just breathe or whatever. And she's like. And so then Luke goes over to Jess. He's like, dude, what happened, bro? And he's like, oh, man. I think. I think it's going real well. Luke, that sarcasm. Luke's like, wow, sounds like you're really blowing a gasket. Unfortunately, you don't know what that means because you're not a real man.

[Ronnie Karam]

I love that when Luke doesn't get sarcasm at all. He's like, you think it's going well? Yes. Yes, Luke. He really meant that. So now Michelle's yelling at him that, oh, well, let me make it straight. So there's no confusion. Our friend and our client send us money for Isabella's birthday, and you were more than happy to take that. And he also sent us a wedding gift. And he's like, okay, well, it's okay, Michelle. It's fine. She goes, no, it is not. People deposit money to you. I. I have proof. So you want me to show this? Why is a gay guy sending you money on your birthday?

[Ben Mandelker]

It is true. We as gay men are not allowed to send money to people on their birthdays unless it's for sex, so. Whoa.

[Ronnie Karam]

But what adult sends adult. An adult money for their birthday? That is weird. Do you send money to your friends on their birthday? I don't.

[Ben Mandelker]

Hell no. It's. You buy them dinner or. That's it? Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

That's weird. So it's like, I guess some older gay guys sending Jesse money. That is a little bit odd. And Jesse does look a little caught in that one. It's just like.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. And I just. It's such a funny. It's such a funny question to ask. A funny, existential question to ask in the middle of this crazy episode. Why is a gay guy sending you money on your birthday?

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, she's not existential. She's changing it around to be like, you're the hooker. You're some old gay dude for money. And then calling me a hooker. Like, who? Who's the hooker now?

[Ben Mandelker]

I know, I know.

[Ronnie Karam]

But I also thought, you know, like gay guy, like older gay guys. There's so many options for hookers. I would imagine it's Los Angeles, you know, why are you getting some old broke down horse who wasn't famous? You know, who almost got famous during the Anna Nicole Smith years, you know?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Like, get fresher hoes. Get fresher man hoes.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Jesse's like, well, apparently if gay guys send me money, that's a bad thing for Michelle. Which I think he's trying to like, lean into the rum that, like that Michelle is anti gay from last season. Apparently Michelle doesn't like it when gay men text me. Everyone, someone tell Glad that she doesn't seem glad about a gay man texting me.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, so Zach's like, gay people listen, we do not want this man, okay? So please don't try to give him to us. And he is like, don't let him talk to you. Like, he shouldn't be talking to you. He no longer has act access to you. And Britney's like, hi, Jesse. Now here's the thing. That you just doubled down and called her a hooker on the set of the Notebook. That's. That's why she's mad at you. So say sorry for that. And he's like, okay, are you gonna insert yourself right now into my life? She goes, I am, because she's my friend. She's my friend, so you better say it. You better say it right now. And he's like, okay, well, of course it's a lie, guys. She's not really a hooker. Like, I'm a for even saying that. She's. Okay, thank you, thank you. That's all needs to be said. Let's go. Look how well I stand up for myself and other people's relationships.

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay, well, we're having a conversation though. No, you're not. He's like, I don't believe this humor. I regret ever sending it to the boys chat. No, you regret getting caught, that's all.

[Ronnie Karam]

You just doubled down on it on national tv.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, I certainly never even thought it would circulate. And let's be clear, I never said it was true, so it is not. Not slander. Oh, okay. You just put it out there for everyone to ponder.

[Ronnie Karam]

And in the previous episode, Danny told Luke that Jesse said, I have proof that Michelle is sleeping with a billionaire for fifteen hundred dollars a night. Congratulations. You've reached the end of part one of a two part recap for part two. Go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers.

[Ben Mandelker]

Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King it's always a party on Alison Block.

[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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She gets an A. It's Kelly B.

[Ben Mandelker]

We love him madly. It's Kyle Pod Shadley we're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron, she's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthi, always killing it.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's Lola Al Kalani, the incredible edible Matthew Sisters she eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose we're on the floor with Molly Dorsett. There's a chance of meatballs.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's Rebecca Cloud, she's the queen bee. Hey, it's Sarah Lemke Shannon out of a cannon Anthony let's take off with Tamla Plain.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo. She ain't no shrinking violet. Coutar. We love you guys. If you like, watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com/[e-mail].

[Monica Lewinsky]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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