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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Misha Brown
Every big moment starts with a big dream. But what happens when that big dream turns out to be a a big flop? From Wondery and Ill Media, I'm Misha Brown and this is the Big Flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails and blunders of all time. Like Quibi.
Ronnie Karam
It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to like get other people to do it.
Misha Brown
And the 2019 movie adaptation of Cats.
Ben Mandelker
Like if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie.
Misha Brown
Find out what happens when massive hype turns into fiasco. Enjoy the Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to the Big Flop early and ad free on Wondery Plus. Get started with your free trial at wondery.com/oh hi.
Ben Mandelker
Welcome to Watch what Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today, watching me from his webcam, just making sure I'm doing all the right things. It's Ronnie Caram. Hi Ronnie, how are you?
Ronnie Karam
Great. How's it going over there, buddy?
Ben Mandelker
It's great. Of course, I'm referencing Jax and his constant creepy behavior on the Valley, which we are recapping today. Before we dive into that, a few really fun things. First of all, Love island is back. We just recorded a free bonus episode about the premiere. It's going to be here on our crap and speed. It should probably already be up. And it's a preview of basically what you can hope to get all summer with Love island, our Love island coverage on Patreon, where we're going to go on there and just do a chatty recap of the latest episode. So if you are interested in that coverage, go to patreon.com watch what crappens and sign up on the bonus episode level. And you get the bonus episodes, which is what Love island is. And of course, if you do the crap on Demand level, you actually get to see us as well. For not just those, but for this right now, what you're hearing. So go check that out. We had so much fun talking about Love Island. I think it's gonna be a really good season with a lot of laughs. Also, in about a week, we have our show in Seattle, June 12th at the Neptune. We're recapping the season premiere of Real Housewives of Miami. If you want to come see us. And you should go to watch what crappens.com and you'll find links to get your tickets. Come with the group. Come on your own. Do what you want to do. If you come alone, don't worry about it. You'll meet lots of friends solo. Things are fun. They're fun to do. You listen to us on your own, probably so you can listen to us live on your own. But we're gonna have a great time. And then the week after that, it's gonna be Los Angeles, the grand finale of the Mounting Hysteria tour. That's gonna be at the Fonda Theater on June 19th. So we really look forward to seeing you at those shows. We're gonna have a great time. Let's send it out in style. Let's be big and rowdy and have the best time of our lives. And that's basically it.
Ronnie Karam
It's the best times of our lives, after all.
Ben Mandelker
Because right now we're in our Vanderpump Rules era. And soon you'll wind up in your Valley era. If you ever want to see what Chapter two looks like, it is a.
Ronnie Karam
Depressing era over there.
Ben Mandelker
God, I love it. Oh, my God, it's such a good show. I'm really sad and I, you Know, I hate to talk about shows on Bravo having not great ratings because I like to turn. I like to look the other way. And I don't. I don't like to lead with negativity, but the Valley's ratings have actually dropped this season. And I actually. Are people just. They. Are they just not able to take on the acid of the show right now or. Because I think it's great. I think there's so much going on with all the characters, and it is, like, intense, and it can be depressing. But I also think this is, like, what we want in a reality show. We want, like, lots of different people engaging in different ways all together. So I think it's kind of like having an A plus season.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah, I don't know. But they're not doing too bad. I mean, last. The last season was. Point, you know, was 400,000 people, which isn't great, you know, obviously, but that's about what, like, Salt Lake City gets. Yeah, that's what it's a little under, you know, below deck. It's Love Hotel went a little bit above that, which is nice to see. That's getting a little higher. So who knows?
Ben Mandelker
And, you know, numbers aren't the full story anymore. This is not the way it was in, like, the 90s 80s, you know, or the 2000s. Now they really care a lot more about, like, quote, unquote chatter. And I think the show does have a lot of that, but I think that. I think the Valley is. It is. It can be kind of a tough. It's not a hard watch. It's easy to watch it, but you do kind of feel like. Like it. Like heavy shit comes out of it. But I think I would rather that than to see sort of like aimless, manufactured drama. And I. I think the show is just, like. It's great. And by the way, congratulations to Jasmine for finally having a storyline. It took a season and a half, but you're there. You made it. You have a conflict with someone. Congratulations.
Ronnie Karam
That's not Danny. So that's nice, that whole thing. I can't take any more of that. So I'm glad that we've at least moved on to just calling Janet a Karen and being done with it for now.
Ben Mandelker
Looks like it's back next week. Just saying.
Ronnie Karam
But also, Jasmine's showing kind of her crazier side. Anyone who watched the Bachelor with Jasmine or any of those Bachelor shows knows the, like, frantic Jasmine side, where she's like, yeah, yeah, you know. You know, and they've been posting the clip of when she was on with Nick Vile when he was the Bachelor, and she's like, yeah, yeah, you know. You know, Nick, I really wanted to go on a group date, but, like, you didn't have me on the group date. So I was like, I was pissed. I was like, I wanted to kill you. You know what I mean? Like, not seriously, but, like, I wanted to kill you. Like, I want to strangle you. You don't want me to strangle you. You want me to do right now. And she starts strangling him, and he's like, whoa, whoa. And so I'm glad that people are starting to see cracked out Jasmine, because that is kind of how she gets when she's like. In this episode where she's like, no, she starts getting. That's why I do it like that. Someone says, why do you talk when you. When you do, like, Jasmine, Why do you do it like that? Because I saw the Bachelor, and that's how she does it. She just gets like this. She's like, I, I. I really don't know what to do. And I don't know. I don't really app. That's how she gets. She gets so worked up. And she did that in this episode, and it was so fucking funny to me. Like, there she is.
Ben Mandelker
Who is the Jasmine Purist out there who is like, I have some notes about this impersonation.
Ronnie Karam
I barely do one, but when I do, it's that. It's like, oh, my God. But, yeah, someone was like, she's not like that. Oh, yes, she is. You need to go back in history, Nick. She had some. Oh, did you see? I'm sorry. I'm talking so much already.
Ben Mandelker
Please bring it all on.
Ronnie Karam
But I haven't talked to you about this. You were gone last week. Did you see that? Nick had Janet on his podcast because he hates Janet, apparently, on his show. And so he was like, and if you ever want to defend yourself, feel free to come on my show. So of course she did, because she's fucking Janet. So he had Janet on, and Janet's like, you know, I'm just, like, super misunderstood. And the reason Danny, like, made me feel uncomfortable is because he'd already put his hands on a woman, and then he closed the closet door. I was like, okay, so you were saying it was some kind of, like, assault thing with you, so whatever. But anyway, he was like, but, you know, I mean, at what point do we let it go? Like, do I still get to be traumatized by Jasmine? Because I could still be Traumatized by Jasmine. And I was like, wow, he brought back the golden oldie from the Bachelor of Jasmine strength.
Ben Mandelker
He had a. He had a Jasmine card he could play. That's amazing.
Ronnie Karam
File Jasmine card from, like, seven years ago. Wow.
Ben Mandelker
That's. You know what? Sometimes you hold onto a card for a long time, and you wait and you wait for that moment, and the moment comes, and you play it, and it's. It's spectacular. So good job, Nick. You did.
Ronnie Karam
We're both card holders, I think, you.
Ben Mandelker
And I. I know, but the thing is, I always play my card at the wrong time. I either play it right away or I forget that I have it. And then I'm like, wait, can we go back so I can play my card?
Ronnie Karam
I'll wait 20 years, and then I'll play it, like, at a theme park when everyone's in a good mood and I've just had a couple drinks, and I'm like, do you remember what you did to me in October of 22?
Ben Mandelker
Well, I could have said the same thing about Misa Barton. Like, aha. So, yes. There was something else I was gonna say. Oh. I was gonna say this. Mama, I'll wait for. You know, I'll wait for the appropriate time in the show. Wait. I wait. There's something I want to play a card that we were supposed to play. We're supposed to play at this card two weeks ago, and we forgot to. We never really talked about the fact that we went to Pinkies in Las Vegas. I know you probably weren't expecting to talk about this right now, so as long as we're talking about. Mr.
Ronnie Karam
I thought we did.
Ben Mandelker
We didn't know.
Ronnie Karam
We.
Ben Mandelker
We mentioned it, and then we said, oh, well, let's talk about it on the Valley. And it's like, yes, let's talk about the Valley. And then when the Valley came, we forgot to mention it, but we went to Pinkies in Las Vegas, which is Lisa Vanderpump's new restaurant in the Flamingo. And it was.
Ronnie Karam
Are you gonna come for Pinkies? I was. I'm surprised. I didn't know that you. You had such a distaste.
Ben Mandelker
It was just so Lisa Vanderpump. And so in many ways, I really liked it. I like the way it looked. I like. I like the vibe in there. But, Jesus, not everything needs to have berries on it. And this is not even me coming from a place of. Oh, I hate berries. Every single cocktail was, like strawberry or raspberry. Every single one. You could not get anything that was not strawberry, raspberry. We got the goat cheese balls because, of course, goat cheese balls. And they come with, like, a strawberry honey. I'm like, why? Why a strawberry honey with the goat cheese balls, everything. And by the way, goat cheese balls, I thought they were not very good. They were.
Ronnie Karam
They were overweight.
Ben Mandelker
They're right.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah, they were like that.
Ben Mandelker
But the espresso martini, I thought was very good.
Ronnie Karam
That was delicious. I mean, that comes with, like, a brownie cookie thing on top with a little tiny piece of cheesecake, that tricolor cheesecake, whatever. Neapolitan cheesecake on top. Delicious.
Ben Mandelker
It did.
Ronnie Karam
I had two of those. Those are great.
Ben Mandelker
It. They did not have the three beans, by the way, which we learned on below deck is like, you have to have the three beans on an espresso martini. So.
Ronnie Karam
And I asked. I said, why don't you have three beans? And they're like, oh, yeah. You know, some people really like that, but you don't have to. And I was like, yeah, you do. I said, how many people have talked to you about it? And they're like, a lot of people say it. I'm like, yeah, so just do it.
Ben Mandelker
Like, what, are you bucking tradition for pinkies?
Ronnie Karam
Oh, yeah. It's like a weird place to. To make a stand. You know, they're like, we chose cheesecake over the three beans. And I said, okay, I choose cheesecake, too. But then, I mean, three. Maybe that was the three colors on the cheesecake.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah. All the drinks were oversized in a hilarious way. There was a Bloody Mary that I wish I had gotten, and that was enormous and had all sorts of contraptions in it. I think the first thing I got was some sort of margarita. It was a spicy margarita that had no trace of spice whatsoever. And it was fine, but it was sweet because it's, you know, Lisa Vanderpump's restaurant decor was cool. Like, lots of, like, golden accents, lots of. Or I should say, brass.
Ronnie Karam
Like art deco.
Ben Mandelker
Art deco, but very great florals. Yes. But then, of course, since it's Lisa Vanderpump, the hosts, they stand. These two guys stand with, like, black blazers at this, like, desk, and they have, like, sequins on the shoulders, which is just so, like, gaudy. Vanderpump. And they had. The guy who sat. I was there before you. Right? And so the guy who sat us, he had such attitude. He looked like. What was Carmen Electro's ex's name? Dave Navarro. He's like Dave Navarro in, like, a tacky black blazer with sequins And I was like, could I get, like, I'm just want to get drinks? He's like. I was like, can we get a table? He's like, no. I was like, okay, there's two people.
Ronnie Karam
In here and they're both wearing fucking Spanx as outfits.
Ben Mandelker
So it's like 4:30pm so then he's like, there's. There's seats at the bar. It's like, fine. So we go. There were no seats at the bar. So he was lying. But whatever, it was worth it because he was so ridiculous. And then we eventually got the seats. But yeah, I think, like, I would rank it.
Ronnie Karam
I think the opening guard. I'm not done with this review, so you can rank it in a second. The opening garden thing was really pretty. You walk in and it's like a green room. It's all glass and it goes, you know, the ceiling is all glass and it's very pretty. And they have the fake greenery and all that. So that's very Lisa Vanderpump. I really like that. I loved all the interiors too. Here was my main problem with it. When you go to one of her places in West Hollywood, you've got like tourists there, but you've also got like West Hollywood people. I don't know, you've still got like people making, making an effort. Probably too much effort. You've got a bunch of crazy face people. There's good people watching is what I'm saying. When you go into the one at the Flamingo, you've got Flamingo people straight up. Sorry. That's it. I don't want to look at some. Someone going out looking like Guy Fieri on purpose sitting in the middle of this like, glamorous place. It's weird to me, but there still.
Ben Mandelker
Were like this strange like Lisa Vanderpump, like elder gays that were there. Like, I was like, wow, that's true. There were these two guys. They basically look like Siegfried and Roy RIP to one of them. And then they just like that, like holding little dogs, like having this like, like a scarf around the neck, like sunglasses with like bejeweled sunglasses, spiky hair, you know, some sort of like flowy garment. It was hilarious.
Ronnie Karam
And then we were there for the EDM festival or whatever, the Electric Daisy festival, whatever that was. And so there were a lot of gays and like full on glitter, top to bottom. And so, yeah, you're right. That did make. That did make it a little bit better. But yeah, I mean, I thought it was okay. The crab dip Was decent. A little too fishy, but it is crab. And then what else did I have? I had. Oh, we had that, like, little sushi type thing. Remember? Like the little.
Ben Mandelker
I think we like that. Right.
Ronnie Karam
Crispy rice. That was good.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah, that was good.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah, it was. Yeah, I liked it.
Ben Mandelker
It was. It was fine. It was fine. I just.
Ronnie Karam
For a $25 drink, I mean, it better be good. And it had a cheesecake, so I forgave it.
Ben Mandelker
All the drinks were expensive. My real. My biggest. No was just that, like, every single cocktail had some fruity element to it. There was nothing you couldn't get. Like a dry cocktail you couldn't get.
Ronnie Karam
There's no everything on earth, my friend.
Ben Mandelker
They really took the theme of pinkies all the way to the cocktails. And it was. It kind of made me go bonkers. But I would say, like, I think it would, like, you know, I still think. Hot take. I still think Tom Tom is the best of the Vanderpump bars. And then pump is gone. So I guess this is. I guess this would be number two, right then.
Ronnie Karam
I think so, yeah. I haven't been to TomTom in a long time, so I don't know if they've gone downhill or what. I haven't gone there. Yeah. God, they open around opening time. I haven't been. Yeah.
Ben Mandelker
For sure.
Ronnie Karam
Since then. Okay, so let's get to this episode.
Ben Mandelker
Thank you for watching that.
Ronnie Karam
No, it was good to talk about. That was a good weekend. I enjoyed the whole weekend.
Ben Mandelker
It's a great weekend. Yeah. Yeah. I just felt like we didn't need it. We needed to address that, but now.
Ronnie Karam
Well, I also went to the Cromwell Hotel, which is going to be the new Lisa Vanderpump hotel in Vegas. So I wanted to see what it was like. I went to gamble there with my sissy for a few hours. Actually. I loved it. And I can see how it's going to be the Lisa Vanderpump Hotel. It's like a little boutique hotel. And all the walls are like leather. What do you call those buttons you put in? Tufted. You know, they're like tufted leather and then big crystal chandeliers. And I think they're just going to. My guess is they're going to redo all the carpet pink. And then they're going to put up, like, instead of that red tufted leather, it'll be like pink and black tufted leather. And then keep the chandeliers. I mean, it'll be perfect.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah.
Ronnie Karam
For her.
Ben Mandelker
Love it.
Ronnie Karam
For her. Love if you want to live in a pink lady, you know, whatever. While you're there, you have a place.
Ben Mandelker
Well, let's move from the glitz and glamour of the Flamingo and the Cromwell and go to the. The shambles of these people's lives over at the San Fernando Valley. So we start with it's parents and kids scenes. So we see Jesse, who is, you know, great. Thankfully very limited this episode. He's driving Isabella somewhere and he's like, isabella, I got all sorts of cheeses. I got string cheese and mozzarella cheese and I got booty cheese. She's like, no, not booty cheese. Oh, and your mom got slutty cheese. Or she calls it cheese.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called that slutty cheese. I should have just called that lying, cheating cheese. I'm a changed person now. So then we go to Brittany, who spends this episode mostly worried about boogers. And Cruz's nose comes up a few times. Let me look up your nose. She's also doing that laugh the whole time. And it's in full Betty and Wilma.
Ben Mandelker
You'Re a cool guy. You're a cool booger. Then we see Janet and she has a cloth. I guess the only toys that Janet has gotten her baby are some sheer pieces of fabric because I feel like that's all we see all episode. At various times. We go back to their low hooded house and she's sort of swirling around like this sheer colored fabric in front of the baby. And so she's playing, she's doing that, and the baby seems unimpressed.
Ronnie Karam
And then she's gonna be all upset when her baby just has a dream of getting a spot at the Magic Castle and you're gonna fudgeing, wonder why. And she also has one of those things that's like a miniature ball pit that the mommy sits in and the baby sits in. Get the fuck out of my ball pit. This isn't for you.
Ben Mandelker
Baby only zone. Babies only ball pit.
Ronnie Karam
Get the the out of here.
Ben Mandelker
You stay on the side where you belong on the adult zone.
Ronnie Karam
Go make your shitty casseroles, okay? That's your ball pit. That's the adult ball pit. And how about you go soak Fritos in something and leave us alone?
Ben Mandelker
And why don't you get a real toy, not just some sheer fabric. You know, the old classic keychain, the big. The big keychain on the hoop that the babies put in their mouth. Like, what about that? That's a classic, not fabric. This child's not going to Cirque du Soleil.
Ronnie Karam
She's taking advantage of that 10 year going out of business sale at Joann's.
Ben Mandelker
I think the ones near us have gone out. They're done.
Ronnie Karam
I know. I heard that they're finally out, and I still don't believe it. I'll believe it when I see one, like, smoldering, you know what I mean? Because they've been. They've been going out of business for literally 10 years. I don't believe you. Joanne's I don't believe you.
Ben Mandelker
I feel like we really failed as a society on the joann's front. Like, how do we let that happen? How do we just let that one just fall through the cracks? I mean, I feel like we rallied for Red Lobster. You know, we got what's his face with the clock to Flavor Flav. He saved Red Lobster. Right. So where was the celebrity outreach for Joanne's? I feel like we. We. This is something that, like, you know who should have saved it? Ben Affleck's X. What's her name again? Jennifer Garner. I feel like she should have saved Joanne's. It seems like it would be really her. Yeah, I feel like it would have been her in her, like, wheelhouse.
Ronnie Karam
Do they even sell the kind of fabrics that Americans use anymore? Because I feel like Joanne's fabric sells things like co or like, chartreuse or like, something stupid. Like, they don't sell things that we wear now, like things that are made out of a garden hose, you know, because I bought some, like, more modern clothes from, like, Marshalls or Old Navy or whatever, and I'm like, oh, my God, I got a coffee drip on here. And then I go like this, and it just slides right off. I don't know if it's plastic. I don't know if it's what you make surfboards out of. Plexiglass.
Ben Mandelker
What is it, fiberglass, Gore Tex or cement?
Ronnie Karam
I think. I think clothes now are just made out of something magic.
Ben Mandelker
So I had to get some waterproof sneakers. We're never gonna get through this recap, and I don't even care. Well, I had to get some waterproof sneakers for my little Norway trip. And so the waterproof sneakers are all, like, made out of Gore Tex. And the waterproof sneakers are so stupid because Gore Tex. Yeah, they have, like, a Gore Tex. A lot of them have, like.
Ronnie Karam
What's that?
Ben Mandelker
That's, like, the waterproof material. And so, like, I think it was, like, Nikes or one of the brands. It's like, they literally write Gore Tex so big on the side. I'm like, why would I wear a sneaker that says Gore Tex loudly on the side of it? Who designed that?
Ronnie Karam
Janet, probably. I got some on Facebook that they. The advertisement is water being sloshed down on them. Why would I need waterproof? I don't know. But I was like, those are on sale. So I got them. And my feet sweat so badly because.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah, that's the thing. To be careful.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah. So I've worn them two times. Bye. I'm sending them back.
Ben Mandelker
They're not breathable. They're not breathable.
Ronnie Karam
I almost died. My feet almost died. They, like, literally died.
Ben Mandelker
You know what you should do next time? Wrap your feet up in some sheer fabric from Janet's house. They'll breathe all you want.
Ronnie Karam
It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Grappens commercial.
Misha Brown
Every successful business starts with an idea. And on the best idea yet, we're obsessed with those light bulb moments. Like how a bored barista invented the frappuccino during his downtime and then it got acquired by Starbucks. Or how Patagonia's iconic fleece was inspired.
Ben Mandelker
By a toilet seat cover.
Misha Brown
On the best idea yet, we dive into the untold origin stories behind the products you're obsessed with and the bold risk takers who made them go viral. These are the wild ideas and insights that made Birkenstock the best selling sandals since Jesus and made Super Mario the most played video game in the history of attention span. Yeah, Nintendo almost became a ramen company until Super Mario saved it. New episodes drop every Tuesday. Follow the best idea yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. And if this podcast lasts longer than 45 minutes, call your document. Every big moment starts with a big dream. But what happens when that big dream turns out to be a big flop? From Wondery and wellmedia? I'm Misha Brown, and this is the big Flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails and blunders of all time. Like quibbing.
Ronnie Karam
It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to, like, get other people to do it.
Misha Brown
And the 2019 movie adaptation of Cats.
Ben Mandelker
Like, if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie.
Misha Brown
Find out what happens when massive hype turns into major fiasco. Enjoy the big flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to the big flop early and ad free on Wondery. Get started with your free trial@wondery.com plus.
Ronnie Karam
So now we go over to Sheena. Sheena's on the show now, you guys. She's doing such an amazing time. And just in case you've been wondering what Sheena's been up to, enchilada time. And these enchiladas.
Ben Mandelker
Enchiladas are back. So everyone's there and having a good time. There. We see, by the way, Jared Jarrett, who is one of. She's the gay. He's one of Janet's gays who last season, remember when she was on the phone, the two gays were in the background, Simon and Jarrett. And they were like, oh, my God. They were like, whatever.
Ronnie Karam
Yes. Heels from the Little Mermaid who just come by. Yeah. You're so fabulous. You are hilarious. You are so right, Janet. You are so right. World peace could come through it through casseroles. You are so right, Janet.
Ben Mandelker
So Janet says that Jax has been texting her all day. Oh, God. And she says, yeah. He just says, hey, you guys okay? And I said, you know, like, yeah, we're okay. I mean, we're dealing with our own stuff, but proud. Proud of you for staying in there. Everybody's like, oh, please, God, I hope he stays in rehab. God, I'm so over it.
Ronnie Karam
So, yeah, I think I was holding out a lot of hope the rehab would help him. I still wanted to fight for me a little bit. Just a little bit. What are you doing? And so Brock asked Brittany how she's feeling, and she's numb. You know, I can't even, like, focus on things right now. I got so much going on. I just got so much going on.
Ben Mandelker
I'm just, like, numb right now. But I think that has more to do with that plastic surgery I had last year. I still can't really smile that much. Can't really feel things around my. Around my lips, but that's okay. I'm holding. I hope they'll feel something soon because she's on my smile.
Ronnie Karam
Who stole my smile?
Ben Mandelker
Brittany has to. I would hate to say this to someone in general, but for Brittany, I'm gonna say this. Stop holding out hope. Because every episode she's like, I was really holding that hope that this one fixed things. Every single thing. She's always like, I was holding. I hope that we can figure out cold fusion. It's like, no, stop holding out hope for things that are never gonna Happen. Okay, Hope. That's a dangerous word.
Ronnie Karam
Hope, you listen. Hopelessness is not great either. So I'm not saying we should all be hopeless, but I would prefer action to hope. Hope doesn't do shit. You know, when people run their political thing and they're help. Like, Obama did that years ago. And of course I voted for Obama, but I was like, hope, really? How about action? How about say, fix the potholes? That's what you should. I don't want Hope, okay? I didn't even like her. On Days of Our Lives. Fix the pot. I'm gonna say the same thing. I told you. I'm gonna say the same thing to you. I told the Hope from Days of Our Lives. Fix the potholes and stop crying.
Ben Mandelker
I did love that storyline. On days when she went out there on the streets and just filled in potholes, she's like, I hope I can make an impact on the streets. You're like, damn it. Yeah, hope floats. It's more like hope sinks, okay? It hopes. It sinks your life.
Ronnie Karam
Hope things. Hope lies. Hope lies to you. Okay?
Ben Mandelker
So, yeah, she. Brittany, is saying, like, you know what, Jax, you just going and, like, signing this lease without, like, talking to me and, like, knowing that I still had, like, this rental home for, like, two and a half more months. Like, I really just, like, screwed me over. And she. Yes, he did. And she just says that she just needs to move on. She goes, I need to move on. I just know. I know I deserve better. If only you actually would move on instead of. I know. I'm not even saying that because it sounds like I'm blaming Brittany and she does not deserve to blame. Here he is the real. In this situation. I just want her to stop holding out hope about Jax because she keeps on saying she's holding.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah, like, stop holding out.
Ben Mandelker
She's getting so close. She's getting so close. Adam. We can see, like, we know that next episode. It looks like she's finally going to inch towards that divorce. But it's been really. It's been hard all season watching her saying that she's gonna hold out hope. Like, stop. Stop holding out the hope.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah, he's. There's no changing that. So now we go outside. They go outside, and, you know, the kids are swimming and stuff. And so Janet and Brock and Brittany are all talking, and Janet's like, wow, you guys, last night was so heavy. I mean, it was just like, bam, bam, bam, bam. It's a shark party, right? My. Right, guys. It was like I was attacked. I was so Attacked last night. I'm, like, traumatized by it. I'm never gonna recover from this. Like, they could have killed my future baby. Do you know that I could get pregnant and the trauma from last night could possibly. They're trying to kill my future baby.
Ben Mandelker
I bought a Baby Ruth from the supermarket, and I swear it melted in my hands because they destroyed it just with everything they were saying. Baby Ruth is dead.
Ronnie Karam
And Brock's like, is that your old version of fun? Just going at each other? Oh, God, I love. I love Brock being so above it all. You're still skirting around the edges like a fucking snail cleaning the side of a fish tank. So shut the up, Brock.
Ben Mandelker
Stop moralizing you. You come from Vanderpump rules, okay? This is your bread and butter. So Brittany is like, by the way. Oh, I have a question. Since I wasn't here last week, did you like Lala on last week's episode or did you not?
Ronnie Karam
Like, I never want Lala back on my TV again. I don't need her. Of course she was yelling at the right person. So that's fine. Bring back Sheena. Leave Lala at the side. I don't Lala showing up there to just tell people off. Like, I've had enough. How about you?
Ben Mandelker
You know, I have to. I actually liked Lala last week because it was the. The, you know, Lala. Lala using her powers for good. So I liked her yelling at Jesse.
Ronnie Karam
And I appreciated that and it was nice to see. But it's also like taking the most obvious stance. It's like, here I am showing up to get the most obvious stance. By the way, I moved down the streets, so hire me for this fucking show. I have rent to pay.
Ben Mandelker
Can I. Yeah, seriously. By the way, also, since we're at Sheena' I love how Sheena's new house in the Valley is like every other Castlemaine's house in the Valley. It's the same freaking layout. Door, central hallway, hallway, kitchen here, living room here, staircase right there. I mean, it is shocking how they just all keep buying the same house from each other.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah, it's nice. But that's like a three million dollar house. I mean, that's a. That's an expensive house.
Ben Mandelker
Listen, I was like, she got the Uber Eats commercial money now.
Ronnie Karam
Uber Eats ain't paying you $3 million, are they?
Ben Mandelker
Well, at least. Well, I mean, at least you're gonna get enough for the down payment.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah, well, that's.
Ben Mandelker
Just get yourself in the door and then you'll just hope to Figure out the rest.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah. So Brittany's like, well, I was having fun until the cameras left. Like, I feel like that's all of your lives. So what happened after the cameras left? Janet's like, I don't know. Where do we even begin? The year was 1920. Everything's in black and white. I'm in. The only one in a nice press dress. It has polka dots.
Ben Mandelker
All right, picture it. Sicily, 1942. Okay, Janet. So she goes. She goes. Well, at Britney's shark party, after filming ended, Sheena was talking to Zach and she mentioned Jared. And Zach said some pretty horrible things. I can't even repeat what he said. Like, why don't you just say, like, he should just go himself? I mean, I should just be a little nicer. Not so wildly offensive. So this is why I mentioned that Jared was there. Because it turns out there was a whole saga between. There was some gay and gay violence between Zach and Jared. That is. They don't really care to illuminate. They don't even flash Jared on the screen. So we even know who Jared is. Because I had to actually rewind. I was like, was that Jared? The guy before. Okay, that was Jared. There was a crazy backstory.
Ronnie Karam
Why would Zach like that queen anyway? Because he's always one of Janion, Janet's minions coming after Zack. So he did it last year. So why would Zach be nice to this guy now? God knows what Zach said. Because Zach's mouth is bad. I'm guessing Zach called him the F word.
Ben Mandelker
That's what I'm thinking also.
Ronnie Karam
That's because they're acting like, oh, my God, what Zach said. I won't even repeat it. It's horrible like it is. I will never recover from this. You know, Janet's doing her whole thing, and I think that he probably said the F word is my guess.
Ben Mandelker
That's what I think. And poor Jared's probably watching at home like, oh, my God, it's happening. I'm in the storyline. And they don't even cut to him or explain what the fight was about or really anything. It's just we know that. That Zach went off on someone.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah. I think the producers are like, now Jared, the. Nice try, Jared. Okay, we've already made the mistake of opening the Janet floodgate. But she's not getting you in here, too. We're not getting a friend of casserole.
Ben Mandelker
No. So Brock's like, well, Zach was crying to Shayna. And then Sheena said something about Jared. And then Britney's like, well, he thinks that I'm always picking their side over his side. Like, I'm with Zach a lot. Like, I love him a lot, so I don't know why it feels that way. And I think that, like, he. Why he was saying, like, you're a bad friend. Like. Like that last night, like, when he text me, like, I was saying, a bad friend. Like, I'm not picking sides, okay? Because I think they're all pretty cool guys. Okay.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah. So then we go to Kristen and Luke. Luke's new place, and Zach's over there, and he's like, well, I think. I think what I said was, jared can go fuck himself. I think. I think she says I said something more aggressive. But, you know, you know me. It's like, I black out, you know? And then Britney, of course, came out, and she was like, you said something so bad. And, you know, and it's. You know. I mean, it's just terrible. Like, I can't believe it. She was, like, so aggressive with me, and I was just like.
Ben Mandelker
And then Zach has actually kind of an amazing confessional where he goes, I'm sorry, is hyperbole dead? I was like, it's about time someone said this on Bravo, for crying out loud. After we sat. Like, after Janet, like, claimed that she was getting murder threats because Zach posted that thing about Big Bear last year. Like, I'm sorry, I need to do hyperbole, okay? Because Britney knows me. Like, if I'm talking and I'm angry, nothing I'm saying is out of pocket or. Or out of what? Whatever. Like, I'm not threatening anybody. I'm just being hyperbolic, okay? Can we just get out of it? Like, there's no threats going on.
Ronnie Karam
Listen, when I say I'm gonna murder a faggy tobarito, does that mean I'm gonna do it?
Ben Mandelker
No.
Ronnie Karam
Maybe I'm putting an actual burrito in a microwave.
Ben Mandelker
Kristen's like, yeah, seriously, that would trigger me. If she came up to me and said, what did you say? Or, like, what did you do? I'd be like, how about ask them? I mean, stop fucking asking me how I started shoulder roll Mariposa.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah. And the producer's like, I don't think anyone in this group knows what hyperbole is. He's like, whatever, I'm gonna teach them. Okay, Marca, here's a word. Hyperbole. There. Look it up. I'm not gonna teach you after all. It's not my job to educate you, you stupid fagitas.
Ben Mandelker
Okay? I just want you to be aware that this word exists, and it's up to you to discover it. Like, guess what? If people don't know what hyperbole means? They're definitely not gonna go look it up.
Ronnie Karam
They're not gonna.
Ben Mandelker
Like, I'm just gonna say it right now. They're not gonna be like, wait a second. No one's gonna be going around. So I learned a new word last night when I was watching the Valley on Bravo. It's called hyperbole. It. Or maybe it's hyperbole. Not sure.
Ronnie Karam
I used to think it was hyperbole for the longest time. I also said macabre for a long time. I just. It's fun.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah, kind of still Hanukku.
Ronnie Karam
It's a. It's words that I read in books a lot, but I never have to say them out loud because I'm not doing a book on tape, so I just don't know. And then I hear them in real life, and I'm like, they're saying that wrong. It's Makaber.
Ben Mandelker
It's like how I. For some reason, like, there's apropos, but for some reason, somewhere in the past, like, year or so, I started saying apropos, and I don't know why I've done it.
Ronnie Karam
You better watch your goddamn hyperbole around me. We have children in this house.
Ben Mandelker
So Zach is like. Sometimes I just feel like Brittany doesn't hear me, which is crazy because I'm the loudest person on the scat. Always yelling. But, like, I'm just, like, gonna. Just gonna be there. Okay. I'm not always gonna be there. Okay.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah. He says that she. That Brittany thinks that no matter what she does, he's just gonna always stick around. And Kristin's like, yeah, yeah. I'm wearing a hat that says Valley Mentality, by the way. So, like, you know what? Here's how you feel. You feel like she just doesn't fucking care, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's true.
Ben Mandelker
That's true. Yeah, I really. I really figured that one out. It's like, yeah, that's it. And he goes, when I moved to LA by myself, Britney was the only person I knew. And to me, that's like my family. Oh, my God. I can't believe that's my only family out here. That's terrible. Anyway, I definitely have missed having that connection. And, like, sometimes I feel like I've lost a part of myself because I don't have her in the way I used to have her. And, like, I don't know. Like, things are just, like, A different. Sorry, I'm trying to cry right now. Okay?
Ronnie Karam
So he's gonna have to have a big talk with Britney, which he's not gonna win anyway. Britney's just gonna straddle the fence, and if she has to choose, she's not choosing you. She's gonna choose the other people. Because to her, you're the person who moved to be on tv. I think, like, Jax kind of. Jax disrespects Britney because he has a whole host of psychoses, let's face it, okay? And one of them is just a general, I think, disrespect for women. Duh. But I think another thing. I think another level to the Jax and Britney thing is I think he looks at Britney as the one who moved to be on tv. Like, she got with him to be on tv. He allowed her in his mind. He got with her and gave her her dreams, which was to be on tv. So she's always going to owe him something in her mind. And I think that she transfers that onto Zach. It's like, yeah, you may have been my best friend, but ultimately it got you this TV job. And these other people are actually TV people, so you're always going to come in second.
Ben Mandelker
That's an interesting theory. And I think that. I think that that part of that could definitely be true. And I think there's just the general. Like, it's the plight of the gay sidekick. The gay sidekick. That's just what happens is that ultimately you're just kind of like. People just assume, like, well, you're the gay sidekick, so you'll still be here.
Ronnie Karam
And it's kind of the best of the best worlds and the worst of the worst worlds, right? Because then when you get in a fight with people, it's like the girl wants you to be on her side because you're the gay bestie, so you can fight the guy. But then when you get in a fight with the girl, like, it's like, you can't talk to me like that. I'm a girl. Like, there's a whole dynamic with guy and girl, best gay besties and girlfriends.
Ben Mandelker
And also, like, when you're the gay sidekick, you have to, like, receive all of the girl's drama in her life, and then the moment she, like, like, winds up getting married to some guy, she's just gone. You're like, oh, okay, so I just, like, received all this drama, and now you're just not in my life. Like, you're gone. Okay, I'm just lost. Another straight person to marriage and it.
Ronnie Karam
Can be like the buffer, right? You're, like, always there to be the buffer when you're needed and then discarded when you're not. The plight of the gay, you know? But then that's also a part of the gay sidekick, like learning to grow up and not always substitute other things in your life with this drama from somebody else's relationship, you know? But it's journey. And Zach's still a fairly young person with white lipstick, so he'll get here on his own time.
Ben Mandelker
He's about to hatch out of his. You know, he's still just like a little gay caterpillar. And he's gonna go into his cocoon soon, which is.
Ronnie Karam
He's gonna hatch out of that helmet of head into a throne on his.
Ben Mandelker
Forehead, and he'll be soon a gay butterfly who won't need the Britneys of the world.
Ronnie Karam
We've all been there. You know, There's a healthy balance there. At some point down the line, you know, we all learn to be proper friends to each other. You guys, let's hug. Just kidding. It's the Valley. Let's not hug. So Kristen's like, we're talking to Brittany. Well, so then we go back to Bernie.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah. And Janet's like, can I vent about yesterday? It was like, well, I guess we're not gonna. You're gonna do it anyway, so don't even ask. And then Janet is, like, making jokes about, like, oh, Jason, do you have your wedding ring on? And he's like, I mean. And so she goes. Kristen, in a roundabout way, told us that she heard from Jasmine that Jason goes to bars and takes. Are you listening to me, or are you just putting more enchiladas in the oven? Sorry. These need to melt, Auntie. Strict instructions.
Ronnie Karam
It's my thing, so try not to be distracted that I'm putting what I call composed casserole together. Okay. While you talk about your story.
Ben Mandelker
So anyway, Janet just tells, you know, about this whole ring thing. And Jason's like. I mean, she's. I mean, you know me. I'm like, out at LAX bars just picking up flight attendants or something. I'm like, wait, is that where that happens? At LAX bars?
Ronnie Karam
Yeah, I know. He got really specific. So there's a couple weird things going on. She's all of a sudden way too defensive about it, about this, if it wasn't true. Because I think how she dealt with it. I don't like Janet, but I think how she dealt with it initially was perfect. She was like, oh, really? You really Think this guy's cheating on me? I'm following him like I'm tracking him. He's not cheating on me. You're not going to beat me on this. Like, you idiot. And then it disarmed Kristen, and she was like, oh, okay, well, whatever. I heard it, and I got mad at you, and that's why I said it. And then it was over. And then they even asked Jasmine about it. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I mean. I mean, I heard it. I didn't believe it, but I heard it, but I didn't believe it, but I heard it, but I didn't believe it. So, I don't know. Don't blame me. And so it was over. And I thought she actually handled it in a pretty decent way. But of course, Janet decides she's going to go get a ton more mad, and then she's gonna turn. She's gonna go home and power up Jason, put the batteries in Jason, put on his fatigue Dockers and send him to war.
Ben Mandelker
Yes. So she's like. I'm both impressed and annoyed with how good Kristen is at creating distractions and filling up bullshit in a room. Distract from the truth. And now you're gonna have people talking about Jason and what kind of husband he is and if he's going to bars and being shady and. What are we not talking about? Danny. Danny going to bars and being shady.
Ronnie Karam
No, you are talking about that. You've talked about it every fucking week, Janet. You haven't stopped talking about it. And we need something new to talk about. And since all you want to talk about is what a piece of shit everyone else's husband is, why don't we jump on yours? Why not? You're everyone else's free game. You're fine calling that a dude, an alcoholic. He's got little kids at home and doing so. Shut up, Janet. I don't. You don't get to play that game. You don't get to play that card. And also the. Yeah, she's too defensive. And him, like, very specific about LAX bars now. I think there is something fishy before.
Ben Mandelker
He's like. He's like. He's like, I mean, whoa. You think I'm just going to LAX bars and parking in spot 27C and talking to Jan the bartender back there and ordering, you know, old fashions and telling people my name is Roger? I mean, come on now.
Ronnie Karam
Hiding in the bathroom with Southwest stewardesses? Come on. Me? Come on. Do I come home with peanuts in my mouth sometimes? Sure.
Ben Mandelker
Did I accidentally Have a pair of wings pinned to my lapel. Yes.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah. So Sheena's like, oh, and also, Janet says something when we go back to this part. Janet says, yeah, Kristen said in a roundabout way that she heard from Jasmine that Jason goes to bars and stuff. So she did say it was. Did Kristen say it was Jasmine? Who said it was Jasmine? I don't even remember.
Ben Mandelker
I don't remember. I don't remember. I watched the episode last week, but I just don't remember the specific. I don't remember how.
Ronnie Karam
I remember she confronted Jasmine, and I remember Kristen saying that she had heard it from other people, but I didn't know that it was specifically Jasmine. But then I guess she did confront Jasmine, because this week. Well, we'll get to it when it happens. But this week it sounds like it wasn't even Jasmine. So, my God.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah, it's all confusing commercials.
Ronnie Karam
Here comes one right now.
Kristen Doute
At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather, it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up, they connected with the people that I'm talking to, and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts.
Ben Mandelker
So Sheena's like, yeah, well, Jasmine didn't even come today because of you, which means I have an extra enchilada if anyone wants it. And Jason's like, I mean, here's the thing. Jasmine made this up. And then, like, she told Kristen because she wanted to get back at Janet for whatever reason to get back to get Janet for. And now that Kristin said it, she's scrambled for ways to say she didn't just make it up to. And just like, that's not my friend. Yeah, well, if Jason ever took off his ring, I'd probably be like. He'd probably be like, I've had, like, a little bit too much sodium and Today, like my fingers are swelling, you know, sodium.
Ronnie Karam
Oh gosh. Also, people noticed on Reddit, the eagle eyed people of Reddit notice that if you watch the opening sequence, he's not wearing his wedding ring like in the original preview. Which that was funny. So Janet's like, well, Kristen knows him. And Jason's like, yeah, you know, at first I laughed it off, but then Janet told me I shouldn't just laugh it off. So now I'm very upset because she told me to be. And Janet's like, yeah, cuz we went to see my mom yesterday and we were just like laughing it off. Like can you believe that Kristen said this? And my mom was like, like what? You laughed it off? Kill her. Kill her and all her future stock. No one says that about my daughter. So I'm like really upset now. She upset my mother. She could have murdered my mother. Jasmine literally tried to kill my mother yesterday.
Ben Mandelker
My mother was so mad, she was like, have you hit your head one too many times on your low hanging hood over your stove? Because you should be mad right now. And I realized, wait a second, I should be mad right now. And that told Jason and you should be mad right now. So guess what? We're all mad right now.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah. So she woke up and she's like, I'll take it from Kristen because she's crazy, but I won't take it from Janet or from Jasmine. She's supposed to be my friend. She didn't bring it up on camera all this time. She could have brought it up on camera to be messy with you. She did not do that. And if she was just gossiping with her friends, every all of you do that. That's what you're literally doing right now. So that's it.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah, exactly. So now it's time to eat enchiladas. And then we go to the beach and Janet and Jason are walking along with a metal detector. I feel like there's got to be a metaphor in there somewhere. Looking for his ring. I don't know. They find a bottle cap and Janet's like, oh my God, I love this. This is the Dave and Buster's Janet. She loves finding bottle caps in the sand. I'm gonna keep it because I'm wacky.
Ronnie Karam
It's me, wacky Janet doing wacky things on the beach even though her mother was almost murder yesterday.
Ben Mandelker
So.
Ronnie Karam
So yeah, everyone just starts arriving. Michelle brings the new crazy eyed boyfriend. That guy looks like he was made by Pixar.
Ben Mandelker
He's had a lot of honey. He's Been having a lot of honey, we are here.
Ronnie Karam
And so now they talk about Jasmine. And Britney's like, well, I told Jasmine, y' all want an apology and stuff, and she's just not here for it. She said. She said that she's gonna double down. Damn. That's what she's gonna do. And Janet's like, oh, double down. Do you want me to find two of my mothers to murder? Great.
Ben Mandelker
We see two nights ago at Jax's, Jasmine's telling Brittany she's getting nothing from me. You know why? Cause I heard it from a bunch of other people. Who am I gonna go to hurdle and be like, oh, Jason's taking off his ring. Cause I didn't matter to us, okay? It did not matter to me because I needed to use it strategically, okay? And that was not the right time to do it.
Ronnie Karam
And then Britney's like, I'm not sure why people got issues with Janie. She's always been there for me no matter what. You know? I mean, I don't see her as a big drama starter, you know, Everybody else does, but that's just not the friendship I have with her. Yeah, Brittany, where have I heard this before? Why is everybody mean to Jax? Why does everybody say horrible things to Jax? He's nice to me. He doesn't do this stuff to anybody else. It always comes back to you. You can be friends with these horrible people because they're nice to you. They're using you. Do you understand?
Ben Mandelker
I don't know.
Ronnie Karam
I like her a lot.
Ben Mandelker
She always brings me bottle caps and stuff from the beach for my little bottle cap collection.
Ronnie Karam
It's funny because I always got empty bottles around my house.
Ben Mandelker
So she's like, but by the way, okay, she didn't even think it was true. Jasmine doesn't even think it's true, so don't know that. And Jack goes, well, either way, someone who makes up something or, like, takes something that she thinks is true and runs to someone else. And, like, I'm not talking at the two at the time and repeats it. I'm not. That's not my. That's not a friend to me. I'm like, you literally are going around talking about Danny is drinking, so your friend.
Ronnie Karam
So, yeah, that's the thing with Janet. She's just like. Like, she doesn't even give the hypocrisy time to grow. She just does it, like, in the next five minutes.
Ben Mandelker
And I say. And I say that as someone who. Who actually does think Danny. Danny was being kind of weird with. With that whole closet thing, even though the booze was in there, I wasn't as. I wasn't as like, like horrified by Janet saying that it was a weird thing that he did that. But even me being a little bit more in the gray area on that, I'm still like Janet. You realize you talk about everyone one, so it's just like, about. Yeah, it happens. It comes around. What goes around comes around. Just like a bottle cap in the sand. Yeah, it always resurfaces.
Ronnie Karam
Just like Janet. Maybe under the sand, but it's always there. God. Looking at the clip, she's been in the show for years. Like, decades she's been on these shows. So Kristen, Luke, and Jasmine come, and, you know, Kristen is walking in, just kind of like Kristen, like.
Ben Mandelker
Getting tossed by the wind.
Ronnie Karam
Are you surfing with your feet?
Ben Mandelker
She really has mastered ragdoll mechanics. Flopping, blowing Kristen in the wind. Very cool, Coco. Today is going to be a shit show. It's cold. It's windy. See, Jasmine's over Janet. I'm over Janet. Thinking about Jason taking his ring off. Janet was fine with that. Britney's party. But now I heard from a little birdie, AKA Sheena, that Janet is talking shit. I mean, I bring up the ring rumor about her and Jason, well, stop talking about Danny and Nia, and I won't have to come for you.
Ronnie Karam
Also, can we just say that the messiest person here is Sheena, and she still doesn't even get any lines on this show. They're like, okay, you can make your enchiladas, but Sheena's made all the drama for this episode, all of it.
Ben Mandelker
She's a pro. So Jasmine shows up. She says hi to Brittany but does not say hi to Jason. And then Luke is trying to put together chairs and everything. And Jasmine's saying, you know, Britney said that Janet is demanding an apology. And all I can think is Janet can shove that apology up her ass because she's not getting one from me. I didn't start anything, so why am I apologizing? For what? And I didn't bring it to you again, so what am I apologizing for?
Ronnie Karam
Okay, so last week, Kristin said, I heard this rumor from Zach, and then it was then confirmed by Jasmine. So I think what she's doing is she's avoiding going for people that she knows will decimate her. She's not going to come for Kristen because she knows she did already, but calmly. And Kristen handled her professionally, and she's not going to come for Zach because she's afraid of Zach. So she's going to go for Jasmine. She sees Jasmine as an easier target.
Ben Mandelker
I think that's what it is. So Jasmine's just sitting there. They're, like, all sitting in a circle, But Jasmine's just kind of, like, not talking to them, ignoring them and everything. And Britney, meanwhile, has some news. She's like, hey, I got a hot date after this. I think I'm so dressed up. Hey, does it have a spare bottle cap I can wear as an earring tonight? Good.
Ronnie Karam
Brittany, I don't think anybody even thought you were so dressed up. Have you seen how you dress? I don't think anybody is even questioning what's going on anymore. At some point in a friendship, you just have to accept. Accept. It's like they're past the grief stage and they're just onto acceptance now. You know what I mean? So Jasmine's like, oh, yeah, he's so hot. He's like, so hot. I've seen him before. He's like, so hot. And she's gonna go. She's gonna date her rental, which she might as well get some use out of that thing. So Michelle's like, so what are you doing with that metal detector? What are you doing with that metal detector, Janet? And she's like, yeah, it's a metal detector. I'm wacky, Janet.
Ben Mandelker
It's, like, beeping incessantly around Michelle. Sierra. I am 95% a robot. So, Jason. Jason's like, yeah, there were a lot of metals around here. Jenna had her metal detector all around this fire pit. It's really loaded. Like, lots of really interesting metals. Like, oh, wow, Great story, Jason.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah, maybe you're gonna be like one of those people who. Who lose their red rings and stuff. And Janet's like, yeah, maybe Jason took his ring off. Dun, dun, dun. Ooh, ring drama. And everyone's like, oh, God, everyone. Just kind of the people she's going for just kind of roll their eyes as her. Her sword, like, just falls flat. It's like, no one takes the bait. So Britney's like, well, this ain't fun. Let's play truth or dare. Or someone dare me to dress up. I did it.
Ben Mandelker
Brock's like, well, why do we want. Why we want to play truth of dare? And Kristen's like, oh, I'm not playing truth or dare with this group of people. Are you out of your goddamn mind?
Ronnie Karam
So Jasmine's like, I don't want to sit here. Let's go. Let's go, Kristen. So they walk off, and meanwhile, everybody plays Truth or dare. And Jasmine is like, I'm not doing this. And then she makes these little comments like, oh, the ring. Take. Take the ring off. I mean, say what you're gonna say to my face. If you're gonna say it to my face, say it right now. Come on. Come on, do it. Come for me.
Ben Mandelker
Kristen, why do you have a crab in your mouth? Well, I sort of got carried away. I did the dare anyway.
Ronnie Karam
I didn't even hear the dare, but I figured that would be it, so you did it. Ow.
Ben Mandelker
Guess who's wearing a starfish now. Me. On my head. I love a dare. Can't help it. Let's never forget the flower in the traffic medium that she ate.
Ronnie Karam
Well, that's funny. Flower. I forgot about that. Actually, she's, like, already doing, like, the wine trip. The wine trip?
Ben Mandelker
Yeah, she just. She does the truth or dare dares on spec. Well, I know this will come in handy someday, so I'll just do my dare now.
Ronnie Karam
Beating the crosswalk. Nailed it. Nailed it.
Ben Mandelker
Just go write that down.
Ronnie Karam
And so we go to truth or dare, and they're like, oh, my God, guys, where is the craziest sex that Janet has ever had with Jason? She's like, obviously missionary in bed with Jason. Everybody just forget about that part in Vanderpump Rules where I was trying to have a threesome with that waiter that got fired. That was in Sheena's music video.
Ben Mandelker
Wait, Janet was part of that?
Ronnie Karam
Yes. Janet was the one that was trying to have a threesome with. Not Max. What was the other guy's name? Brett. Brett.
Ben Mandelker
Brett.
Ronnie Karam
Brett, yeah.
Ben Mandelker
From New Jersey.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah.
Ben Mandelker
The Finding Dory guy.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah. So now Janet's like a more. You know, she's like a not Mormon. What was I gonna say? Because that shows changed the Mormon outlook. That Secret lives of Mormon wives. The, like, the Orville Red and blue. What are they called?
Ben Mandelker
Orville. What?
Ronnie Karam
Not Quakers. Quakers. Quakers, yeah. Who make crackers. But yeah. Oh, yeah. The secret lives of Mormon wives. They're like, yeah, we're fighting the patriarchy. We're dancing.
Ben Mandelker
So Jasmine's like, I'm. You know what? I'm not getting out of my neck. I'm not trying to. Okay. I'm not gonna do this is like, just don't say anything, Reika. Say nothing at all during their Truth or dare. Whatever you do, Kaka, don't do a thing. Don't move a muscle. She's like, I mean, there's, like, a time and a place for everybody. Everything, you know, they're like, working themselves into tizzy, but they're doing it loudly so everyone can hear that they're mad nearby.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah. And they're doing it right by the group, you know? So then the next thing is, how big is Brock's deck? And we've all seen Brock and a Speedo. So I'm gonna go ahead and say Kendall, but Sheena's like. Like, it's not really about the length. Like, it's not like as big as like a Southwest plane. But it's like girthy. It's like it's a girth. It's like an enchilada, but like a short enchilada that. Oh, wow.
Ben Mandelker
That was on the question list. And she was like, yeah. By the way, one time I got hemorrhoids. Cuz we did anal sex, so I had hemorrhoids. And then one time when I got real hemorrhoids, I was like, I know what that is.
Ronnie Karam
Nice. So then she talks about how she also got hemorrhoids after she had Summer. She's like, oh, my God, you know what? You know what? They put on the weight when Summer came out. They said she girthy ounces.
Ben Mandelker
We almost named her Preparation H, but then we thought, let's call her Summer.
Ronnie Karam
This is the first time I've ever told people that Summer came out of my butt. Kristen's like, get out of the truth, Gina. That's how to do it. I'll just say to metal detector.
Ben Mandelker
Michelle, do you want to do a truth or dare? I knew this was gonna call me. Okay, the answer is Rob Reiner.
Ronnie Karam
Okay. Okay. So brock's like, I'm 100% a grower, not a shower. So then, let's see. Okay, so we go to more scenes of Beach Day. So now Kristen and Jasmine finally return, and it's time for for the fire and s' mores. And Jasmine is teaching Kristen how to make a s' more. And Jason's like, what are we gonna do, Janet? You told me I'm supposed to come for her today. So when do you want me to do it? Should we do it now? We should do it. We should do it while there's still sunlight out. We lose ground in the dark. We lose ground in the dark. Should we do.
Ben Mandelker
Janet's like, I'm really concerned because I do feel like we should confront Jasmine about this situation, but I also feel like we should confront Kristen about the fact that she doesn't know how to make a smore.
Ronnie Karam
She didn't even put a corn Tortilla and an egg on it. So I'm not really sure where does the cheese go? So, yeah, you know, like, here's the thing. Like, it's not up to us to initiate conversations about fights we're making up in our own head that ended last week. So they need to come talk to us, and they don't give a. And he's like, well, maybe something's lost in the grapevine, you know? Let's go directly to the source. Okay, let's. Let's do it. Janet, do you ready? She's like. Like, I need another minute to manufacture all the rage that almost murdered my mother. Okay, let's do it.
Ben Mandelker
I just need. I need another minute just to see if Kristen can make that s' mores. Okay. And she is somehow applying chocolate in between two Fleetwood Mac albums. Why is she burning those albums over the fire?
Ronnie Karam
Why is she trying to pull out a record player and play ham? Pam doesn't even go on the s' more. What is she doing over there?
Ben Mandelker
So then they're like, okay, we're gonna do it. So they walk up, and they're like. He's like, hey, Jasmine, do you have, like, a second? I want to talk to you about something, okay? And he says, I just don't. I don't want people's impression of me to be that I'm this dirtbag who goes out cruising for chicks. I mean, and for Jasmine to be the one who put that out there in the first place, that's really hurtful. I'm like, honestly, I would prefer that as your reputation versus a Jack's apologist, which is what we see from you lose later on.
Ronnie Karam
So, yes, you're. You're holding up Jax and Janet. You're the worst. Like, you're one of the worst people on this show because everyone else is at least honest. You're just a wuss. You're just a wuss who hides his real intentions. Like, I can't with you. At least everybody else has some stones in this group. Gross. And also, she never said you were a dirt bag who was cruising for chicks. She said she heard you didn't wear your wedding ring. That's not really that bad. So he's like, well, listen, Jasmine, I'm just confused about some stuff. She goes, yeah, yeah, well, what do you want to know? And he goes, well, what's going on? She goes, okay, the ring thing. I heard it years ago. I didn't care then. I don't care now. Okay? And, Jasmine, how many years? How many Years. How many years?
Ben Mandelker
Let me finish, Janet. Okay? You're not gonna cut me off because I know that's what you do. And Janet's like, let's go. Okay. Come on. Done. Done. You know what? I'm done. Done, done, done. We're not doing this. I was like, oh, God. This is gonna be one of these fights where they. The fight then becomes about being interrupted instead of the actual issue at hand.
Ronnie Karam
Yes. And Janet's gonna be called on her shit. And so she's immediately gonna leave. So that's what she tries to do. So Jason's like, stay and we get to. Let me talk. Janet. No, wait, no, you're yelling at me. You're yelling at me. She's like, I'm just talking, Janet.
Ben Mandelker
Okay, yeah, I'm just yelling now because that's like. Because you walked away. That's why I'm yelling now. And she's like, okay, well, all she was ask a follow up question. And that's totally allowed. She asked a follow up question in a very accusatory way with a lot of jud. But that's okay, I'll allow it.
Ronnie Karam
I'll allow it. She's like, I just asked a question and now you're yelling at me. And please don't use the term microaggression with me because I have no idea what that is. I have not been living in the past decade.
Ben Mandelker
Jasmine's like, no, you said let's go. She goes, well, because I asked you a question. Jason goes, wait, wait, you're being defensive right now, Janet. Which that's just. You can just say you're being Janet right now.
Ronnie Karam
And Jasmine's like, I'm talking to Jason. Just let me talk to Jason, Janet. Just let me talk to Jason. And he's like, well, well, don't be so defensive. And she goes, well, where did you hear about it? And she goes, from a group of friends who. Well, I'm not a snitch, okay? I'm not going to snitch on people. And there was like something going on. Like Melissa heard it too. Like, like Melissa heard it. So, like, sorry, am I allowed to snitch on Melissa? Like, we're going to be married, I can snitch on her, right? But like, like, literally a lot of people heard it. Like, we didn't care. We didn't care. We didn't care.
Ben Mandelker
So you heard this rumor two years ago and then you just sat on it. She's like, no, listen, the fact that it was brought up, like, that's sucks. But I'm telling you for a fact, I did not believe it then, and I don't believe it now, okay? And he's like, but, like, it was brought up. And that. That sucks. Like, what does that mean? Well, I'm just saying it was brought up, and that's.
Ronnie Karam
That sucks. What are you. What are you not understanding, Jason? She didn't bring it up. You can't get. You can't yell at somebody for hearing something. She heard it. She didn't say it. You're not even accusing her of saying it. Like, yeah, how is this her fault?
Ben Mandelker
Yeah, exactly. And so then Janet's like, you brought up to Kristen. She's like, well, whatever, you know, the fact that I was brought up, I don't even care anymore. She's. Well, you brought it up. Janet, I need you to shut up right now. Okay, you know what, Jasmine? All right, fine. I'm gonna go. That's too much for me.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah. Kristen never said she brought it up. You're making this up just to start a fight. So she's like, I'm not gonna get loud. All right? Now, Jenna goes, go ahead. Get loud. And Jason's like, listen, no one needs to get loud, okay? No one needs to get loud. And Janet's like, that's why he was defending you, right? And she's like, I'm trying to talk to you, but she's like, I cannot talk to Jack. I cannot talk to Janet. I will not do this. I. Okay.
Ben Mandelker
And she's like, janet, you've been a shitty ass friend. You're a vibe killer. You're exhausting. You give Karen energy, and I'm done with it. And Janet's like, my mother almost just died.
Ronnie Karam
Janet, who comes over, accuses somebody of something, keeps her foot on their neck, calls them defensive, does every other thing. Stop yelling at me. Every other thing you call a. You call her a Karen, and boom, she's done. It's like, deflated.
Ben Mandelker
Then Jason does this whole thing. He's like, were you not at our home for the Fourth of July holding our baby? Oh, God, I'm sure no one cared about holding the baby.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah, and by the way, you're welcome. Why are you acting like you're doing me a favor? I had to go eat your shitty hot dog casserole and hold your snotty kid who's always trying to tie a rope around my neck for some reason. Janet, your scarf addicted child.
Ben Mandelker
Scarf addict. That child's gonna grow up in a house with a very low hood, okay? It's gonna. It's gonna have a strange perspective on life.
Ronnie Karam
That kid's gonna have a dent in his head in college. They're gonna be like, don't throw your cap in the air. You've got a dent in your head. Keep the cap on. Keep it on.
Ben Mandelker
So anyway, they're just basically yelling at each other. And now it's turned into a thing of like, but you were my friend. Because Jason's like, I looked out for you. I've looked out for you forever. And Jen's like, I know you have. And I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about her right now. Like, you broke my heart. I've always looked like a sister.
Ronnie Karam
Shut up. And she. She did protect you. She never brought up the rumor that you didn't wear your wedding ring on camera. That is protecting you.
Ben Mandelker
Yes, exactly. And he keeps on doing those. You broke my heart. Okay, settle down, Alcino. You broke my heart.
Ronnie Karam
You cut me to the core. So my mom used to say whenever we would fight when I'm a teenager. You cut me to the core, kid. You cut me to the core. I loved you with every ounce of my being. And core is caught. Got it. I've got it. Congratulations. You've reached the end of part one. Of a two part recap for part two. Go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers.
Ben Mandelker
Watch what crap. INS would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Allison Block.
Ronnie Karam
Our way is the Amber way.
Ben Mandelker
It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster she can run my country. It's Angie McGovern it's always automatic with Ashley Auto. Put your hands together for Carly Cloud.
Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
It's Diane Call Aaron mcnicholas she don't miss no Trickolas Hava Nagila Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go Hugo. We all go for Hugo. Jamie, she has no less Namey she's.
Ronnie Karam
Our kind of mess. It's Jennifer Messer Sip some scotch with.
Ben Mandelker
Jessica Trotch she's our favorite, favorite streamer.
Ronnie Karam
Caroline Peacock, Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B. Rigging the funk. It's Leslie Plunkett she gets a name from us It's Lindsey D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino fresh as a daisy. It's Maisie McHenry we love her on the rocks It's Melissa Cox Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.
Ben Mandelker
This is living with Michelle Vivian I love a yard.
Ronnie Karam
Olivia Williamson Tastier than Flanderson It's Rachel Manderson she sure is swell. It's Raquel yes, we can.
Ben Mandelker
It's Savannah Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman let's share with Sharon Eldridge the.
Ronnie Karam
Bay area and our super premium sponsors She's VVIP It's Amanda V Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.
Ben Mandelker
Somebody get us 10cc's of Betsy MD.
Ronnie Karam
We'Re taking the gold with Brenda Silva.
Ben Mandelker
Let'S get real with Caitlin o' Neal.
Ronnie Karam
Don'T get salty with Christine Pepper can't have a meal without the Emily sides Let's go into the woods with Guy.
Ben Mandelker
Tubbs who, what, why, where?
Ronnie Karam
And Gwen Pentland it's our queen It's.
Ben Mandelker
Queen Laifa Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall Know your worth with Jason Kurth Hail the cork master the master of the cork Jennifer Corcoran we got our wish It's Jen Plish she's not harsh She's Jill Hirsch She's a little bit loony Juni, my Favorite Murdo Karen.
Ronnie Karam
McMurdo she gets an A It's Kelly B.
Ben Mandelker
We love him madly It's Kyle Pod Shadley we're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron She's a whiz It's Liz Sarthi always killing it It's Lola Al.
Ronnie Karam
Kalani the incredible edible Matthew sisters She eases our way rose. It's Melissa St. Rose we're on the floor with Molly Dorset There's a chance of meatballs It's Rebecca Cloud she's the.
Ben Mandelker
Queen bee It's Sarah Lemke Shannon out of a cannon Anthony. Let's take off with Tamla playing It's.
Ronnie Karam
Always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo she ain't no shrinking violet Coutar. We love you guys. If you like, watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey@wondry.com survey.
Watch What Crappens – Episode #2877: "The Valley S2E08, Part 1: A Ring of Truth To It" Summary
Released on June 4, 2025
In the opening segment, hosts Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam share exciting updates about their podcast activities and upcoming events:
Love Island Coverage: They announce a free bonus episode recapping the latest Love Island premiere, available on their Patreon page. Ben mentions, “[02:48]... 'It's going to be a really good season with a lot of laughs.'”
Live Shows: The hosts promote their upcoming live shows in Seattle on June 12th and Los Angeles on June 19th at the Fonda Theater. Ben enthusiastically states, “[02:59]... 'We're gonna have a great time. Let's send it out in style.'”
Ben and Ronnie delve into the current state of Real Housewives of the Valley, addressing concerns about declining ratings:
Ben's Perspective: “[04:42]... 'I don't like to lead with negativity, but the Valley's ratings have actually dropped this season.'” He emphasizes the complexity and intensity of the show's characters, suggesting that the deep drama is what audiences crave.
Ronnie's Input: “[05:35]... 'Last season was around 400,000 viewers, which isn't great, but it's comparable to other niche shows like Below Deck.'” He provides a balanced view, acknowledging the numbers while highlighting other forms of audience engagement.
Ben further contemplates the shift in how success is measured for reality shows, moving beyond traditional ratings to include online chatter and social media presence.
The main segment focuses on recapping Season 2, Episode 8 of Real Housewives of the Valley. Ben and Ronnie provide a detailed and humorous breakdown of the episode's events:
Jesse and Isabella: A light-hearted moment where Jesse tries to engage Isabella with different types of cheese. Ben notes, “[17:58]... 'I got string cheese and mozzarella cheese and I got booty cheese.'”
Janet's Parenting Style: Janet’s unconventional approach to entertaining her baby with sheer fabrics is mocked. Ronnie quips, “[19:10]... 'She's taking advantage of that 10-year going out of business sale at Joann's.'”
The hosts recount their personal experiences visiting Lisa Vanderpump's new restaurant, Pinkies:
Ambiance and Food Critique: They praise the restaurant's decor but criticize the overly berry-flavored menu items. Ben humorously remarks, “[11:19]... 'The espresso martini, I thought, was very good.'”
Service Encounter: A comical interaction with a snarky waiter is highlighted. Ronnie shares, “[13:28]... 'They're both wearing fucking Spanx as outfits.'”
A significant plot revolves around rumors about Jason removing his wedding ring, causing turmoil among the group:
Janet vs. Jason: Janet confronts Jason about the missing ring, leading to heated arguments. Ben narrates, “[47:07]... 'Jason's like, yeah, here's the thing. He had Jasmine card he could play.'”
Brittany's Struggle: Brittany grapples with her feelings towards Jason and contemplates divorce, expressing exhaustion and hopelessness. Ronnie shares Brittany’s sentiments, “[26:11]... 'Hope is a dangerous word.'”
Zach's Apology: Zach offers a heartfelt apology, but the tension remains palpable. Ben reflects, “[35:04]... 'They're not gonna know unless you say it.'”
Sheena becomes the center of drama with her constant chatter and enchilada-related antics:
Enchilada Time: Sheena's obsession with enchiladas and her attempts to cook are a recurring source of humor. Ronnie jokes, “[24:27]... 'She's doing such an amazing time.'”
Triggering the Drama: Sheena inadvertently fuels the ongoing conflicts, making the episode's tension escalate. Ben comments, “[51:39]... 'She's a pro.'”
Throughout the episode, Ben and Ronnie provide sharp and witty commentary on the unfolding drama:
On Character Dynamics: They explore the complexities of friendships and alliances, especially focusing on the "gay sidekick" trope as seen with Zach. Ronnie remarks, “[38:47]... 'The plight of the gay sidekick. That's what happens...'”
On Drama and Hypocrisy: The hosts critique Janet's confrontational nature and the double standards within the group. Ben points out, “[50:24]... 'What goes around comes around, just like a bottle cap in the sand.'”
Notable Quotes:
As the episode concludes its first part, Ben and Ronnie set the stage for continued drama in Part Two:
Escalating Conflicts: The unresolved tensions between Janet, Jason, and Jasmine hint at explosive confrontations ahead. Ben teases, “[65:49] 'You've reached the end of part one. Go look for the recap that says part two.'”
Upcoming Shows and Episodes: They encourage listeners to tune in for the next installment to uncover the full extent of the drama and resolutions.
Ben Mandelker:
Ronnie Karam:
Brittany (Character):
Janet (Character):
Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam deliver a comprehensive and entertaining recap of Real Housewives of the Valley Season 2, Episode 8. Their blend of humor, insightful commentary, and sharp observations provides listeners with a vivid picture of the episode's events and the intricate web of relationships and conflicts among the cast members. As they navigate through the highs and lows of the show, their dynamic banter ensures that even those unfamiliar with Bravo's offerings can appreciate the chaotic charm of reality TV drama.
Stay tuned for Part 2 of this recap for a deeper dive into the unfolding drama and the ultimate resolutions of the characters' tumultuous relationships.