#2890 RHOM S1E1: It’s Hard Out Here For a Pippin Live in Seattle

Summary

Watch What Crappens Podcast Episode #2890 RHOM S1E1: It’s Hard Out Here For a Pippin Live in Seattle

In episode #2890 of Watch What Crappens, hosts Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam bring their signature blend of humor and satire to a live recording in Seattle. This episode, titled "It’s Hard Out Here For a Pippin Live in Seattle," delves into a parody recap of a fictional season premiere of "The Real Housewives of Miami" (RHOM), blending real-life banter with exaggerated reality TV drama.

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1. Returning Home: The Seattle Experience

The episode kicks off with Ben and Ronnie reflecting on their recent cross-country travels, expressing relief and joy at returning to their beloved Seattle. Ben shares his sentiment, stating:

"The two of us have been traveling across the country with our show, which has been so fun. But I tell you, coming back home, it just feels so great to escape to a place that truly feels like my own."
— Ben [00:00]

Ronnie echoes this sentiment, highlighting the beauty of outdoor spaces and the comfort of home:

"Yeah, really gorgeous stuff. You know, there's something about a beautiful outdoor space. It's just so satisfying. Your own backyard Oasis."
— Ronnie [00:11]

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2. Live Recording Vibes: Navigating Seattle's Scene

Ben and Ronnie transition into the excitement of recording live in Seattle, humorously setting the stage for a day filled with both local charm and anticipated global chaos. Ben wittily remarks:

"We are here today, recording, on the eve of World War Three. So welcome."
— Ben [04:06]

Ronnie adds to the levity, blending pop culture references with their live experience:

"I think we're so just used to seeing the end of the world that by the time it's here, we're just like, where are we going tonight?"
— Ronnie [04:18]

Their interactions with the Seattle crowd are filled with playful banter, setting a lively and engaging atmosphere for the episode.

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3. Parody Recap: The Real Housewives of Miami Season 1, Episode 1

The heart of the episode revolves around a satirical recap of "The Real Housewives of Miami" (RHOM) Season 1, Episode 1. Ben and Ronnie craft an over-the-top narrative that lampoons the typical drama-filled episodes of reality TV.

Key Events and Dramatic Turns

The fictional episode begins with a glamorous wedding night for characters Todd and Alexia, filled with typical RHOM extravagance:

"So now it's Alexia sobbing in the arms of Marisol. And Julia's like, oh, no, no, don't cry."
— Ben [21:57]

The tranquility of the event is abruptly shattered when Todd files for divorce in a dramatic twist:

"Real Housewives of Miami star Alexia, Todd's husband, files for divorce after two years of marriage."
— Ben [21:27]

This unexpected turn leads to a series of confrontations, alliances, and betrayals among the cast members, all portrayed with comedic flair by Ben and Ronnie.

Notable Quotes and Moments

• Alexia's Emotional Plea:

  "Todd, I vow to never leave you as long as you stay rich and are nice to Frankie and Peter because they're both angels."
  — Ronnie [14:16]

• Frankie's Reaction to Todd's Departure:

  "He's gone, Mom. Todd. He's gone."
  — Ronnie [24:16]

• Larsa's Struggle and Meltdown:

  "I have tears coming out of my eyes. Like, they really hurt, Mom."
  — Kiki [54:03]

• Maria's Sarcastic Apologies:

  "We love you, Alexia. And Marisol's like, pile in, hookers."
  — Ben [31:27]

These quotes, delivered with comedic timing, underscore the parody’s mockery of the melodramatic tropes prevalent in reality TV.

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4. Character Interactions and Mock Drama

Ben and Ronnie, along with additional voices portraying characters like Kiki, Eleanor, and Gertie, engage in exaggerated dialogues that mimic the confrontational and sensational nature of reality TV. They mock the superficial conflicts, overreactions, and convoluted storylines that often drive such shows.

For instance, during a heated exchange between Lisa and Larsa, the hosts inflate the drama to absurd levels:

"Like, why did you break up with Lenny? He's rich. You're gonna have to get a job. And then you were like, fuck off, Larsa."
— Kiki [73:10]

Another highlight is the portrayal of friendship strains and romantic entanglements, all presented with a humorous twist:

"I would rather drive my maid's Honda Civic again than get back with Lenny."
— Ben [38:25]

These interactions serve to parody the often over-the-top and contrived conflicts that reality shows thrive on, providing listeners with a comedic take on such dynamics.

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5. Satirical Commentary and Humor

Throughout the episode, Ben and Ronnie infuse their discussions with satirical commentary on both reality TV and broader social issues. They blend mock seriousness with laugh-out-loud moments, such as when they spoof commercial breaks or insert absurd elements into the narrative.

For example, their fake commercial for Hers Hair humorously blends typical ad language with over-the-top claims:

"And getting started is simple with a quick online hair quiz. Just answer some questions and you'll be connected with a provider to discuss your personalized treatment plan."
— Ben [25:00]

Similarly, their impromptu banter and character imitations add layers of humor, keeping the episode engaging and entertaining.

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6. Wrapping Up: Closing the Live Show

As the parody episode of RHOM reaches its chaotic conclusion, Ben and Ronnie seamlessly transition back to their live recording, maintaining the comedic energy. They thank the Seattle audience with enthusiasm:

"Thank you, Seattle. You guys are awesome. Thanks for coming out tonight."
— Ben [80:22]

The episode culminates with a series of humorous sponsor mentions and playful sign-offs, staying true to the podcast’s irreverent and entertaining style.

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Conclusion

Episode #2890 of Watch What Crappens masterfully blends live recording elements with a satirical take on reality TV, specifically parodying the drama-laden narratives of "The Real Housewives of Miami." Through sharp wit, exaggerated character interactions, and humorous commentary, Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam deliver an engaging and laughter-filled episode that both entertains and pokes fun at the tropes of reality television. Whether you’re a fan of Bravo's Housewives series or simply enjoy clever parody, this episode offers a rich and amusing listening experience.

Notable Quotes from the Episode:

• "Coming back home, it just feels so great to escape to a place that truly feels like my own."
  — Ben [00:00]

• "We are here today, recording, on the eve of World War Three. So welcome."
  — Ben [04:06]

• "Todd, I vow to never leave you as long as you stay rich and are nice to Frankie and Peter because they're both angels."
  — Ronnie [14:16]

• "He's gone, Mom. Todd. He's gone."
  — Ronnie [24:16]

• "I would rather drive my maid's Honda Civic again than get back with Lenny."
  — Ben [38:25]

These quotes encapsulate the episode’s humorous and exaggerated take on reality TV drama, highlighting the playful mockery that Watch What Crappens is known for.

Transcript

[Ben]

The two of us have been traveling across the country with our show, which has been so fun. But I tell you, coming back home, it just feels so great to escape to a place that truly feels like my own.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, really gorgeous stuff. You know, there's something about a beautiful outdoor space. It's just so satisfying. Your own backyard Oasis. Wayfair's got everything you need to level up your outdoor space. Patio sets, lounge chairs, outdoor bars, hot tubs, fire pits, gazebos, and of course, string lights. I redid my whole patio using their stuff. I've got couches out there. I've got three dining room tables. It's a big space out there. I'm just about to get a bunch of new patio chairs and do like the front patio. And it's going to be all through Wayfair. Because you know what? I can even get people to come put it together and that's what really saves me.

[Ben]

Yeah. Wayfair has everything your home would need during the warm weather season. There's something for every style, every home and they make it just so easy to tackle your summer home goals. Don't wait. Make your outdoor space your dream oasis today with Wayfair and enjoy it all summer long. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop.

[Ronnie]

A huge outdoor selection that's W a Y F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home.

[Ben]

We are so excited for our latest sponsor, Amazon Prime.

[Ronnie]

All right. You know, we have been prime members forever.

[Ben]

Yeah. And as you all know, I'm really into sewing and I was thinking about sewing a shirt for our Texas shows and I was even thinking about getting little fasteners on it. So, in fact, I've just ordered a beautiful fast or metal snap button kit from prime because it just helps me with my sewing.

[Ronnie]

Oh, heck yeah. I just got an espresso machine. It was here by the next day. Prime has incredible deals all year long on pretty much anything you need. In this economy, we need it.

[Ben]

Being a Prime subscriber gets you access to a ton of perks. You can stream sports, movies and TV shows with prime video, listen to your favorite songs on Amazon music, and of course get free one day or even same day delivery on thousands of items.

[Ronnie]

It just makes sense. Visit Amazon.comprime to get more out of whatever you're into. One of our favorite streamers, Britbox, just came out with a brand new original drama and we are obsessed. It's called outrageous and trust me, the title is no exaggeration. We're talking drama, scandal, aristocratic Chaos and a whole lot of jaw drops. It's based on the true story of the Mitford sisters. Think Kardashians if they were aristocrats in the 1930s with wildly clashing politics and a flair for international scandal. And chances are you've never heard their story.

[Eleanor]

It's stunning.

[Ronnie]

It's delicious. It's very British. So check out Outrageous Streaming only on Britbox. You're welcome much.

[Ben]

There's so much that happens.

[Ronnie]

Oh, Seattle, darling.

[Gertie]

Hello, Seattle.

[Ronnie]

Oh, my God. Thank you, guys.

[Ben]

Oh, my God.

[Ronnie]

Thank you so much, Seattle.

[Kiki]

Thank you.

[Ben]

If this is your first time coming to a Seattle show, did we. Did we sell it short? I don't think so. The Seattle crowd goes off.

[Ronnie]

That feels amazing. Thank you so much. Oh, my God. I know. So good to be here. We're staying, like, two blocks away from the ice protests.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Let me tell you, there's nothing like coming to a show after you've put a brick through a cop car. God damn, I feel good.

[Ben]

Yeah. We are here today, recording, on the eve of World War Three. So welcome.

[Ronnie]

We're handling it pretty well.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

You know, in the movies and TV shows and stuff, I watch all the Walking Deads. I watch all the zombie shit. You know, I love that. I think we're so just used to seeing the end of the world that by the time it's here, we're just like, where are we going tonight? We're literally walking through the protest like, hey, where do you want to have dinner?

[Ben]

I actually love that we're recapping the Real Housewives of Miami because, like. Yeah, because you know that somewhere with all the shit going on, Alexa's like, oh, well, you know what happened to me today? It was actually.

[Ronnie]

They're calling in the Marines. The city's on fire. Oh, well, you know Peter.

[Ben]

Oh, his Instagram was frozen, so it's a big day.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. I think everybody's doing really well. We're on. I was on the plane today, coming here, and it was a local. You know, the. The flight attendants or whatever were local. You guys are a cheer. You guys are cheery in. In Seattle because you got. It's, like, rainy here, you know, So I always think it's going to be gloomy. It's never gloomy here. This was the. This was the stewardess. She was like, elbows, knees, elbows, knees, and hips. Elbows, knees, and hips. I was like, is she selling something? Like, what does she do to keep your shit out of the aisle? She woke me up three times doing that.

[Ben]

Elbows, knees, and hips you know, my favorite thing in the world is when flight attendants have that cart and it's time to serve the cocktails, and they just go ramming up that aisle and they hit everyone's elbows because, you know, that's, like, their moment when they can express themselves. They have to be polite to all of us disgusting people. But, like, in that moment when they've got the cart, they're like, my revenge will be quick and sweet.

[Ronnie]

They're fat. Shaming asses. That's what they're doing. Even if they're the fatter ones. Like, even if they're fatter than you, they'll hit you with that cart harder.

[Ben]

Well, I have to say, I mean, the world is, like, crazy right now, but it is great to be here in Seattle because it is pride this month.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

And this is, as I always mentioned, this is the city where I came out of the closet.

[Ronnie]

I always forget that when we come here. Yeah.

[Gertie]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

And today you're here with your boyfriend, your lover, your life partner. He's here today.

[Ben]

He is here. We love him.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Little Dom.

[Ben]

Both my husbands.

[Ronnie]

Remember back in the day when gays didn't have kids that much? Today there were some gays on the plane with kids. And I was like, us, too.

[Ben]

Yeah. The worst. We're like, happy Pride. Ugh. Aren't we the worst?

[Ronnie]

We are the worst. Okay, this is the gay kid. I mean, the kid wasn't gay. The kid of the gay. I mean, I don't know if he's gay. You do. You. You're too young. We'll talk later. But this is the gay child on the plane in front of me. That's how he was on his seat the whole time. I was like, the gay kid is raving. You've got a gay child and he's raving on the plane. Calm your gay child down. Gay parents. Everyone needs to be back to straight kids. What happened to those?

[Ben]

Everyone needs to calm down because I know it's pride, but people need to calm down because we were in LAX yesterday, coming up here, and we saw an influencer in the wild, and this guy, he's known for having a big butt. And so he was walking through LAX with, like, booty shorts on. Tight booty shorts that exposed, like, his whole crack. And I was like, sir, we are in an airport, and I know it's lax, but you need to calm down. Okay?

[Ronnie]

You're getting a little too lax, sir. Okay. Put on some pants, donkey.

[Ben]

It was too much.

[Ronnie]

So, anyway, I'm never going to Complain about a big old booty because I flew through Burbank and I know you guys aren't LA locals, but LAX is like the big fancy airport and Burbank is like the shitty little one in the Valley. You know lax. You hear them fighting in the parking lot. From the place that you're sitting waiting for the plane, some guy was thrown up against the door. He's like, oh. It's like, yeah, Burbank.

[Ben]

LAX is like the sir. And Burbank Airport is Jax's.

[Ronnie]

We called the Burbank Airport bridge tonight.

[Ben]

Oh, no. Seriously? The world is really fucked up, but. Oh, wait, guys, guys. Jax is doing great. He's like, really? He's learned so many things, and I know it's a silver lining on a crazy daylight today.

[Ronnie]

I can see you right now. I can see you talking right fucking now.

[Ben]

We should have known this would be a terrible week. I mean, as soon as Paige quit Summer House, we knew it was gonna be downhill. Sad.

[Ronnie]

She's fine. She's on a commercial. I saw her the other day on some commercial. I think it's for hair. What is it for? Tresemme. It is for hair. I'm good. I couldn't remember if it was for that or the Dunkin Donuts drink that. She's got Tresame now. She does her podcast. She's got, like, a big thing that looks like nuclear waste sitting next to her. It's like bright pink. Well, it's nuclear waste. I guess that's green. That. It's like neon pink. It's like, okay. Anyway, Hannah.

[Kiki]

So I was talking about this.

[Ronnie]

You do not drink that. You do not drink a whole gallon of calories sitting at your desk, Paige. But I believe that Tressa May won, though, because she was walking down the street like this. She's like, I have hair. I have hair. And then another girl passed her and she's like, oh, my God, you have hair.

[Kiki]

She's like, yeah, girl.

[Ben]

I saw. I actually saw a really weird tie in. I saw Carl promoting something called Tres Softe. That's when you want your hair to be just a little softer. It's a 24 step process. Do it go one step at a time. Baby steps get a little bit softer, A little softer.

[Ronnie]

A little bit softer. A little bit softer now.

[Ben]

A little bit softer now. A little bit softer now. It only just keeps getting softer. Just everyone lies down at the end of the song.

[Ronnie]

What song is that?

[Ben]

It's called Lindsay. It's called I Pray for Lindsay. Oh. Oh, my God.

[Ronnie]

That's Too hard. That's too hard.

[Ben]

Be gentle.

[Ronnie]

Please stop shouting at me.

[Ben]

Softer, tender, tender voices only. Thank you.

[Ronnie]

All right, so this is the beginning of the season of the Real Housewives.

[Ben]

Yes. Welcome to Watch. What crap. It's a podcast about all that crap on Bravo we just love to talk about.

[Ronnie]

So exciting to be doing. We have not done a lot of Real Housewives of Miami episodes one because it's always on a weird day. It's usually on, like, Friday. You know, that doesn't work for our schedule. And also because a couple of times we've done it and people look at us like they're like, are we allowed to laugh? This is problematic. So for those of you new to the show, we're kind of problematic, but only in the way that we're trying to actually sound like these ladies. Okay, we're not trying to. If we sound like we're doing a Speedy Gonzalez, it's not on purpose.

[Ben]

Yeah. We're just attempting to. We're attempting to sound like the specific person.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Like, we call each other, and we're like, ben, does this sound real or.

[Eleanor]

No?

[Ronnie]

We go over our Spanish phrases. We do the work. Okay. So if it's problematic, just know a lot of work went into this problem.

[Ben]

Yes.

[Ronnie]

We're trying to solve it, but we mean no offense in that way. Okay. Now that that's out of the way. And also, we really love Gayle and we're really sorry. Yes. Make mean jokes about Gail.

[Ben]

We love Gail Simmons.

[Kiki]

Why are you so mean to Gail?

[Ronnie]

No matter how many times we say we're sorry, we don't mean to be mean to Gail. We'll get like, how dare you, Shannon Beadora's like, I listen to your podcast.

[Gertie]

Did you mean to be so mean to that unfamous woman?

[Ronnie]

Dare you. Okay. Previously on the Real Housewives of Midjourney.

[Ben]

Okay, wedding vow time for Alexia.

[Kiki]

Ahem.

[Ben]

Ahem. Dear Anthony, insurance lawyer. I am sorry from aligning your career.

[Kiki]

You are a very good lawyer.

[Ronnie]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Todd, wedding vows. Wedding vows.

[Ben]

Oh, I apologize.

[Ronnie]

Hold on. Paper. Wrong paper.

[Ben]

Hold on.

[Kiki]

Blink in Spanish. Blink in Spanish. Blink in Spanish.

[Ben]

Alexia, I, Todd, vow to marry you in sickness and in health and in rent, because buying property just doesn't. You can see by watching my Instagrams.

[Ronnie]

He'S a businessman again.

[Kiki]

Again.

[Ronnie]

Deals me. I'll drink tonight.

[Kiki]

I'll drink tonight.

[Ronnie]

Todd, I vow to never leave you as long as you stay rich and are nice to Frankie and Peter because they're both angels. And if Peter is ever accused of anything, like beating up a homeless person to get views on his TikTok. Oh, well, you know Peter, people are jealous.

[Ben]

Here's to never letting anything come between us. Except for my finances.

[Ronnie]

Oh, really? Because I heard that Todd wants to leave. Alexia. I heard it in the lobby of the building while Todd was leaving the party.

[Ben]

We haven't even finished our vows.

[Kiki]

Adriana.

[Ronnie]

Alexia, you literally came right between us. Let us finish the ceremony.

[Ben]

I only want you two to be happy.

[Eleanor]

Hag.

[Ben]

I hate her so much.

[Kiki]

You're, like, not the only, like, happy one, Alexia. Okay, Like, I found the love of my life with Michael Jordan's like son. Like, he used to, like, play with my kids in the back, like, yard. Like, we have, like, a podcast. Listen.

[Ben]

Okay.

[Kiki]

Hey, welcome to our pot.

[Ben]

Okay, from the top, Marcus.

[Kiki]

Okay, Marcus, you're supposed to start.

[Ben]

Okay.

[Kiki]

Hey, you start, you start. Okay. Start over again.

[Ben]

Hey, everyone. Okay, you want to start? You want to start?

[Kiki]

You should start.

[Ben]

Okay. All right.

[Kiki]

I didn't mean to. I just jumped in. This is really good.

[Ben]

I'm Marcus. You're really good.

[Kiki]

So much, babe.

[Ben]

You're so good at this. So, so good at this. You're so good at this time.

[Kiki]

I, I Marcus in a car park. Do you remember that?

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Kiki]

I thought it was a park that cars go to. It was funny.

[Ben]

Yeah, we, we, we thought it was a chick fil A, but it was actually just a public access parking lot.

[Kiki]

Funny. Start over.

[Ben]

Okay.

[Eleanor]

I am so bored with my life.

[Kiki]

I want to have baby with old lady now.

[Ben]

I don't want a baby. Honey, find a hobby.

[Kiki]

Oh, okay. I will find hobby. I take singing class. Okay.

[Ben]

My ears. Okay.

[Ronnie]

God.

[Ben]

Okay. We'll have a baby. We'll have a baby.

[Ronnie]

Ah, there's a baby doll. I'll drink tonight. Babies.

[Kiki]

I love babies.

[Ronnie]

I'll drink a baby. I don't give a f, Gertie.

[Gertie]

Like, you're, like, a stupid bitch. Like, I can't even, like, do it anymore.

[Kiki]

Like, Larsa.

[Ronnie]

I don't want to fight with you anymore, so I'm going to tell you a secret. You cannot tell anybody. I have cancer.

[Gertie]

Oh, my God. I'm a cancer, too. Why are we fighting like, not the astrological Larsa?

[Ronnie]

I have cancer.

[Gertie]

Oh, my God. I won't tell anyone at all, you guys. Gertie has cancer.

[Ben]

Like.

[Ronnie]

You guys, as the only doctor in the group. Is cancer like a form of cancer or.

[Gertie]

No, it's like cancer. Like.

[Ronnie]

Now you're calling my cancer basic, you bitch.

[Eleanor]

You Bitch.

[Ben]

Oh, well, you know, by the way, we haven't checked in on Lisa yet, so. Lisa, what's going on? Lenny. Lenny. Okay, okay, this is very nice, but, like, Lenny left you last year, so you have to get a new storyline, okay? I'm telling you as a friend. And not just as a friend, but as a star.

[Ronnie]

Okay?

[Eleanor]

All right, all right.

[Ronnie]

New.

[Eleanor]

New storyline. New storyline. I lost my lipstick on a boat.

[Gertie]

You got those.

[Ben]

I'll drink that.

[Ronnie]

And scene.

[Gertie]

And scene.

[Ronnie]

Right now, in the world, I don't think we are. I don't think anybody knows what's happening with Housewives. I think we're worried. You know, I hear noise in the world. I hear talk of war or, like, news, news, crying, you know, explosions, people bleeding. And I'm like, but what's happening with Housewives? Are we okay? Because, you know, we have, like, great seasons, like Salt Lake City. And then we have good season. Like, Orange county had a really good season. Then we're excited for Atlanta to come back. We're like, atlanta's gonna kill it now. We're like, please. What's happening?

[Eleanor]

What's happening?

[Ronnie]

But then we get Miami. Miami.

[Ben]

Miami is so good.

[Ronnie]

It looks like a coloring book. It's like high definition.

[Eleanor]

Tears, boobs, outfits.

[Ronnie]

Like, the costumes. Like, is this going to win a best costume Emmy at some point?

[Ben]

It deserves it.

[Ronnie]

How are they even talking about Andor and not Real Housewives of Miami?

[Ben]

I also.

[Ronnie]

Marisol's been doing that shit for 10 years.

[Ben]

I also feel like I'm, like, watching the news. Everything's like, duh, duh, duh, duh. Dunn. This just in. I'm like, I need a break from this. So I go to Miami. It's like, da, da, da, da, da, da. 2024. Alexia's life. I'm like, oh, my God, it's still happening. I'm hearing the new sounds.

[Ronnie]

And finally, I'm glued to my seat. I'm like, oh, my God, what's gonna happen? So we see a very sad Ferris wheel. It's like the Ferris wheel is, like, pink. It's like.

[Ben]

When, you know, Peter. So we see a yacht that's just floating. And then it says, flashback, April 2022. Todd and Alexia's wedding night. And the, you know, fireworks are going off. Everything's exciting, beautiful.

[Ronnie]

Everybody's dressed up glamorously. And we hear Todd.

[Eleanor]

What an outrageous crowd. It's so good to have y' all here in my wedding. You, Alexia, to find the woman that looks like she was drawn by the same guy. Who does the Pokemon cards? You've changed my life.

[Ben]

I don't rent a penthouse. Because remember, that's what Lisa was complaining about in the background of this wedding. She's like, I don't rent. I don't rent. No.

[Ronnie]

She was saying, how dare you accuse.

[Eleanor]

Me of having a mortgage?

[Ben]

Oh, that's what it was. Sorry. It's even more ridiculous.

[Ronnie]

They literally had to explain to her what a mortgage was. Do you remember? It's okay to have a mortgage. People have them.

[Ben]

So we see this beautiful wedding, and then we hear Alexia's voice. She's like, todd is everything to me. And he's always been accepting of the most important thing to me, my sons and my boobs. And that is why I fell in love with Toad. Toad. To. To Tod.

[Ronnie]

Tod.

[Ben]

Emergency.

[Ronnie]

On screen, page six. Real Housewives of Miami star Alexia, Napoleon's husband.

[Eleanor]

Toddlers, files for divorce after two years of marriage.

[Ronnie]

And then it just cuts to Ariana going, yep, I was right. Called it. Called it.

[Ben]

So now flashback to April 2024, which is a whole year ago, by the way.

[Ronnie]

This.

[Ben]

I mean, this timeline is really impressive on this show. So now it's Alexia sobbing in the arms of Marisol. And Julia's like, oh, no, no, don't cry.

[Ronnie]

Don't cry.

[Eleanor]

Poor favor. Por quesos.

[Ben]

Oh, my God. Don't let him make you feel like this. Come on, cheer up. Let's turn that frown upside down.

[Ronnie]

All right, everybody, esperame. It's time for a monologue.

[Ben]

Okay. All right.

[Kiki]

Well, sit down. All of this happened on Saturday, April 6th.

[Ben]

Oh, God.

[Ronnie]

But on Friday, the day before, he told me to pick a restaurant. He said, make it beautiful. So I pick a restaurant. I get ready for the restaurant. It's a beautiful restaurant. The menus were so heavy. What is in this? Since I break in the menu so good. There was so much in there.

[Ben]

Who has a heavy menu? Am I right? I mean, it's crazy, the story already.

[Ronnie]

And then he told me, you're the most beautiful woman. He was looking for a card somewhere in my purse. I don't know. He kept calling me, okay, mom, always in there.

[Ben]

There's always a card in the purse.

[Ronnie]

And so then we had a good dinner. I ordered. I broke my arm from the menu.

[Ben]

I was like, heavy menus, heavy menu. Did you get the fish?

[Ronnie]

And then the next day, everything's gone. Everything is gone. When they moved out all of my stuff. All of my stuff. And they did it in front of Frankie.

[Ben]

Oh, not in front of Frankie.

[Gertie]

Not in front Of Frankie.

[Ronnie]

I die. Because now the rest of the episode she's like, how could he do this in front of Frank?

[Ben]

And you know, in the morning he was planning to get me out of the house. And he kept on saying like, why don't you leave already? Why don't you leave already? Because I was like going to do something with Peter. And I was like, oh well, you know, Peter's not ready yet. Why do you have to wait for Peter? I was like, oh well, you know, it's Peter. I have to wait for Peter. He hasn't woken up yet. He's like, but it says it's 11am And I said, well, Peter likes to sleep at. He's an artist. He's our sleep late until 3:00pm you know, I have to wait for Peter. Why do you want me out of the house so much? And he's like, I just want you out of the house. But Peter is like asleep. I can't leave without Peter. He's like, why can't you leave with Peter for once? I said, why don't you, if you like Peter so much, why don't you stay with him? And I said, no, I'm going to stay with him. And then all of a sudden we were knocking Peter's door. He's like, don't knock on the door of an artist.

[Ronnie]

Damn sm.

[Ben]

And he did this all in front of Frankie.

[Ronnie]

And then Frankie told me, he's gone. He's gone, Mom. Todd. He's gone. He did it in front of me, in front of my son. Julia. He left him there in the front moving suitcases.

[Ben]

Not the suitcases. Were they four wheel or two wheel? Because that explained. That's a big difference.

[Ronnie]

He had it all planned. Yeah, he did. You think he's gonna move out with you standing there over him? Of course. He escaped. He escaped.

[Kiki]

It's time for a commercial.

[Ronnie]

It's time for a crappens commercial.

[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes.

[Ben]

I have to say I'm a big, big fan of Quince and I have actually put in an order for a Flowknit Breeze performance pocket tee that I'm very excited to rock around LA summer.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, we both love quints. We wear it all the time. I even use quints to buy stuff for my father because he's trying to get more fashionable and Quint is the way to do it.

[Ben]

Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from quince. Go to quince.com crappens for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N C E.com crappens to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com/crappens I loved Marisol's version of consolation. Well, you know, you've been here before. You look you man you married a gay guy. You know you married a drug dealer.

[Gertie]

It's just part.

[Ben]

And you know what? You stood up on two feet after both those times and look where it got you. Another closeted gay man. It was okay. You're okay. You're gonna be fine, okay? Just burn all those ABBA records and you'll Be a. Okay.

[Ronnie]

She's like, honey, your blood pressure is going up. Just relax. You gotta calm down. This isn't your first time at that rodeo. I mean, look at you. Discarded. You're like a piece of gum in somebody's mouth. You can't be shocked when you're stuck under the table of a diner after a while.

[Ben]

Wait, but I have important detail to the story, okay? Because, like, on Monday, I was talking to him, nothing. Then Thursday, I get the phone call from him saying, you know, your husband wants to file for divorce. But you know what? All this time, we were talking on Monday, and what about Tuesday? And what about Wednesday? And then Saturday, we could have talked, but we didn't even get to Saturday, so. How about that? Thanks for the rundown for every day of your week.

[Ronnie]

And Julie is there, and she's like.

[Eleanor]

What a heartless, heartless person he is.

[Ronnie]

How could he? I wasn't. Listen, you've been through it. And so Julie is like, you know.

[Kiki]

What happens when men go. You have your kids, you have your friends. I have a goat.

[Ronnie]

You have pet goat.

[Ben]

You have goats.

[Ronnie]

He's in my purse.

[Eleanor]

I have purse goat.

[Ben]

So two days later, we cut to Alexia in the car. Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Hello? Hello? Who's this? Who's this? Teresa, thank you so much for calling me. You know, a lot of people say you've never seen us both in the same room. Look, it's proof we're two different people. Oh, let me tell you what happened on Monday. I was talking to Todd on Tuesday. We got postmates on Wednesday. We cleaned the floor. On Thursday, he asked for divorce. Just like that in front of Frankie. Can you even believe it?

[Gertie]

I thought we'd be together forever.

[Ben]

I know. Thank you so much. Okay.

[Ronnie]

Thank you. Thank you. That was very helpful. Does Teresa even know? She's on the phone. I could hear the blinks from over here. All you hear from Theresa's side is.

[Kiki]

Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink.

[Ben]

She still thought she was on Next Gen, New York City. I can't believe Todd divorced Brooks Marks.

[Ronnie]

Later that day. So now she's talking to the whole cast, right? So Lisa's like, oh, my God, did.

[Eleanor]

We talk about the divorce? I'm leaving, Lenny.

[Ronnie]

There was no fight. There was no nothing. That's why it was so painful. It would have been painful if I saw it. It would have been painful if the maid saw it.

[Eleanor]

But for Frankie to see it.

[Gertie]

Do you guys think you can work it out? Things out. Things out. Like, things like out Like, I'm sure it's circuiting.

[Ronnie]

Like, I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could take every moment back and make it work again, but I can't do it.

[Ben]

Every time I think I'm happy, something else happens.

[Ronnie]

You have never thought you're happy. Listen, I've been watching this lady for a decade. She's never been like, I'm happy. She has, but it's been like five minutes, and then 10 minutes later, it's like rivers of mascara.

[Eleanor]

Like, why?

[Ben]

And I just love Adriana just sitting there saying, well, a lot of things make sense now.

[Ronnie]

You know how people, like, kind of half shrug when they're right? They're like, whatever. I was right. She just keeps the shrug. She's like, the whole episode.

[Ben]

She does, actually. And all of her interviews, she's like this. She's like, I keep it up.

[Gertie]

I keep it up.

[Ronnie]

So they're like, we love you. Alexia. And Marisol's like, pile in, hookers.

[Ben]

Get on in here. Get on in here.

[Ronnie]

So now we see all the ladies in the group picture, but we don't get their opening lines yet. Can't wait. So five months later, I love. The season hasn't even started yet. This was just like a random weekend.

[Ben]

I know. We've spanned already three years in this opening. I mean, like, House of the Dragon has nothing on this show.

[Ronnie]

Okay, so shots of Miami. Boobs, cars, cars, boobs.

[Ben]

Cars with boobs.

[Ronnie]

Cars driving boobs.

[Ben]

So Alexia and Marisol, they get. They meet each other at this restaurant. They're saying hi in Spanish. They're talking about how they're both blonde now and everything.

[Ronnie]

That's the slow mo entrances. Because they don't even do them. Like, some of the women, like, Kiki will do it. Like.

[Kiki]

Like, it's me, Kiki, walking slowly through.

[Ronnie]

But some of them are just so awkward. Like, Marisol's just like.

[Ben]

Steve, tell me what? My left foot's in front of my right foot, Steve.

[Ronnie]

It's like slow motion pink. Like eroding off of a wall in a paint commercial. So I guess that would be opposite, though, with Marisa. By the way, how do the women look so amazing on this show? They do, right?

[Ben]

They look amazing.

[Ronnie]

And I think plastic surgery has come so far and so many of us have talked insurance into giving it to us. Fingers crossed that we're just getting used to these faces, because I saw Lisa and I was like, she looks 12 and not terrified.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Like, has she just grown into it?

[Ben]

It's so funny. Earlier Today I. I went on to King 5 here in Seattle, and they said that there had been a rumor of there being like a Real Housewives of Seattle. And they were like, they're like, why? Why do you think Seattle hasn't had one yet? It's like, well, I don't see any, like, plastic surgery billboards anywhere. You gotta pick up your plastic surgery game here. And then it could be considered. I mean, look at what Miami's doing. Okay.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. They look so crazy, but so good. I guess I'm just used to it. But their skin is like. It's not even. Like, I don't even wanna pull it back. Just like a little. And it's so shiny. And then somebody told me that they're like injecting people now with, I don't know, something like fetus something. I don't know. I think we're beyond stem cells, so rest easy, babies.

[Ben]

Where the whole flower cell. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

I'm like, can't wait to come to your sip and see. Packing my little cooler bag in my purse. But they're injecting themselves with something in their face. I forget what it is. If you remember DM me, the souls of children. No, we're past children now. We're like, ah, these don't last long enough. Your skin cells grow up and blame you for everything. Who needs that? We're about to be splooged on by salmon. I got a salmon sperm facial.

[Ben]

It's rejuvenating. So Marisol and Alexia are talking and Marisol's like, by the way, Lisa is coming, so let's talk before everything happens here, okay? Let's do the real gossip before monkey gets here. So then we see like the new, the first headline of like many headlines that are come across our screen, which is that Lenny Hochstein and fiance Katarina Mazeppa and their engagement after one year after proposal. I mean, I thought they were forever.

[Ronnie]

Couple, but there he is, just like that with everybody. He's like, gonna get with you and break up with you, you know, give you a house, lock you out of the house. You know how it goes. And this week the headline is actually the same. It's like, Lenny is back with this girl. Nope. Lenny broke up with this girl.

[Ben]

So they got back together this week?

[Ronnie]

No, they broke up again this week. That guy's got a lot of energy. So Mary Soul's like, I know. She just doesn't fall back. And Lenny is trapped. I'm sorry, Lenny is not trying to trap Lee pizza. He's changing the Locks on the house. It's not a trap. And Alexi is like, oh, no, she's not going to mess things up with Jody. Have you seen Jody? Have you seen Jody? Okay, let's see. Jody.

[Ben]

Hi, everyone.

[Ronnie]

Well, you can all kind of. I Earthy carney.

[Ben]

What?

[Ronnie]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

[Ben]

What dentist cemented his teeth together? This is why. Don't get on the wrong side of a dental professional.

[Ronnie]

Jody's been by her side. She's not going to mess that up. And I think women just want their exes to be nice to them. That's all we want. That's all we want. Finally, she's gonna get it with Lenny. So then on the screen, we see photos of Lenny and Jody, or Lisa and Jody. Sorry. Looking all happy. All right, enough about that. Let's talk about a different kind of couple. Let's talk about Todd. You didn't tell me you were saying him. I had to see it in the press.

[Ben]

Okay, well, I'm not ashamed or embarrassed because I'm a star, okay. And it's hard not to give him another chance when I'm still in love with him, okay? Because I feel like Todd and I are, like, not finished.

[Ronnie]

Marisol is wearing a glitter dog cone that comes. I don't know how to explain what she's even wearing in this confessional. It's like, okay, it's like a big glitter tube that someone put on her. Like a fun. And then they put a belt so it like bells out at the bottom and then it bells out at the top.

[Ben]

She looks like filter coffee. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

And her face is like looking over the fence. She's like Lucy from the Peanuts. She's like, nah, no, Anna, no quiero Todd.

[Ben]

She's like, wait, you got back together with this guy? I've got like four camera ready outfits, and I burned one of them on that scene consoling you last year.

[Ronnie]

So in comes Lisa.

[Eleanor]

She's like, hello, everybody. Three, party of three. It's under Lani. Okay, okay, okay. Hi, girls.

[Ronnie]

And they're like, well, we're just talking. We're afraid you're gonna get mad with Lani.

[Eleanor]

She's like, oh, yeah, he's asking. I'm moving back in. Just kidding.

[Ben]

No. They get so mad at her so quickly. Alexa's like, no, no, no, don't do this. I'm telling you, don't do this. This is a huge mistake. I'm joking, but it wasn't a very funny joke.

[Ronnie]

So Alexi is like, yeah, you can't do this. You have a daughter, Lisa. You. You have to be. He needs to be remorseful, you know? You need to think about your children. Think about what he did to Frankie.

[Ben]

I'm just kidding. Jesus. Okay. I would rather post a ugly photo of myself naked than I would ever want in a million years to get back with him. I love, like, that's, like, the bottom of the barrel for her.

[Ronnie]

Like, Lisa's most terrifying thing, the worst.

[Ben]

Thing in the world would be an unflattering naked photo.

[Eleanor]

I would rather go filterless on Instagram than get back. Okay, wait, wait.

[Ronnie]

No. I'd fuck lightning. I'd fuck Lenny.

[Ben]

I would rather drive my maid's Honda Civic again.

[Ronnie]

I forgot about.

[Ben]

Then get back with Lenny. You know, there are some people who don't watch Miami and are like, maybe just watch it tonight for the first time. You really need to catch up, because the lore is amazing. It's so good, because this makes sense. The Honda Civic thing makes sense to us Miami fans.

[Ronnie]

So Alexi is like, oh, you know, let me tell you. I have to tell you about Tododo. Okay? He filed for divorce, thinking he was going to close the chapter. But then two weeks later, he said, oh, my God, I can't live without the alexia. I need the alexia in my life. So he went back to chapter one, and instead of alexia, he put his penis down on it. Slammed the page a few times. It's a good book.

[Ben]

Okay, you know what they told me? I'm not full time again. So here's the line. I proposed. What's good for the whole isn't always good for the soul. Am I right? You're welcome, America.

[Eleanor]

All right, well, I'm gonna throw a birthday party for Jody. It's gonna be super Marilyn Monroe ish. Right? That had a happy ending. So come on to that one.

[Ben]

By the way, I just want to say, spoiler alert. No one shows up dressed old Hollywoodish to this party.

[Ronnie]

They do dress very like Old Elodia. This store in El Paso, where I grew up, there is this one lady named Elodia.

[Eleanor]

Elodia.

[Ronnie]

And she was from Mexico. And she's like, come to Elodia for.

[Eleanor]

All of your formal needs.

[Ronnie]

And you go to Elodie, and it's like, sparkles. Like, where are you going to wear this in El Paso? There is nowhere to wear this. But we did. We did. The gay children of El Paso and their mothers at the country club found a way.

[Ben]

I was going to say she was before her time, so. So the question is, is Marcus Jordan going to be at Jody's old Hollywood birthday party. And then we see.

[Ronnie]

Surprised he wasn't actually, because there was a lot of coke there.

[Ben]

The AC was really good.

[Ronnie]

So, I mean, I don't know if there's any coke coke lovers in here, but, man, if there's coke at a party, I don't give a shit if fucking Gaddafi's throwing it. I don't care.

[Ben]

I don't care if I have to take an unflattering naked photo of myself. Myself.

[Ronnie]

I'll be there. Gaddafi.

[Ben]

So we see.

[Ronnie]

I'm so sorry for that.

[Ben]

I don't care if Dwight D. Eisenhower's biggest enemy is there. So.

[Ronnie]

If Gorbachev is there, I'm in. I do not care. Tear down this wall, bitch, and get me to the coke.

[Ben]

This just in. Geraldine Ferraro wants in on the party.

[Ronnie]

So.

[Ben]

So we see a headline that says, Larson, Marcus have broken up. So Lisa's like, okay, well, Lisa, so. So Larson, I had a huge issue and now my name is getting dragged all over because. Let me set the record set straight and let me be crystal clear, okay? Jody and I were at a fine establishment called Catch. Okay? Fine dining, negative three Michelin stars. Look it up.

[Ronnie]

I feel like that restaurant is anti gay, because that's like the worst thing you can say to a gay person. Catch, don't throw things at us. Stop doing it.

[Ben]

I would like if it was just called Fetch. Hey. Oh, God, I'm on a roll. Geraldine Ferraro. Na. Come on. These things happen in threes.

[Eleanor]

Killing it.

[Ben]

So, yeah, Jody and I were at Catch, and then we see all of Jody's bestest friends in all the whole wide world, including Marcus Jordan, son of the NBA. And we sit down for maybe a minute. And that was it. Just one minute. Maybe an hour, but probably a minute. And then Jody went out to dinner with his friends, which is sort of weird because we were already at the restaurant and we were leaving the restaurant, but whatever.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, that is a fucked up Lisa story for sure.

[Ben]

That's fucked up.

[Ronnie]

And yeah, so we went out to dinner.

[Eleanor]

You know, he took a picture for his Insta. Big deal. Who puts any. Who of us puts any, you know, any cred into Instagram? Nobody I know, right? Who cares?

[Ben]

Who cares?

[Eleanor]

So then he went to dinner and I was invited, but I said, hell to the no. I have respect for women.

[Ben]

Hell to the no, no, no, no, no, no, no is what I said specifically. And then Marcus takes out his phone and takes a selfie with Jody and he didn't even post it. But Jody's not gonna say. Who's Jody to say no to? Marcus Jordan? Am I right? Am I right?

[Eleanor]

Am I right?

[Ronnie]

Well, let me tell you, that really hurt her. Marcus thought you could have stopped him. Okay, sorry.

[Ben]

Not in front of Frankie. Not in front of Frankie. He's right there.

[Eleanor]

I can't stop Jody from being with his friends. He's a guy. He's a man.

[Ben]

Well, Lara said you should have controlled him.

[Eleanor]

Yeah, well, Lara, then. Lara.

[Ronnie]

You know what Lara did to me?

[Eleanor]

You know what she did to me? She exited me and she said, oh, yeah? Well, I'm going to start hanging out with Lenny and Katarina. That is really up. That is really up, you guys.

[Ben]

Yeah, well, she plays dirty like that. What can you do? Well, am I right? What's good for the soul is good for the pole, right?

[Eleanor]

It was attack after attack after attack. Listen to this. I'm going to be friend.

[Ronnie]

This text thread is just so larger to you.

[Kiki]

Okay, that's cool. Like, I'm not going to be friends, like, with anything. Like, and then, like, all my friends, including Greedy, love her. That's cool, right? Like, what if I was friends with her? You really like that, right? Like, like, really. You don't have any real friends. You. You know what? Clearly you don't even understand loyalty. Whatever. You know what? When you go to an ice cream, like, store, like, and you hand in your card, they take stamps off of it. Like.

[Ben]

So Alexia has her chin up. You know, she's gonna make a point. She's like, do you follow Marcus? Do you follow Marcus? Because you shouldn't follow him. You shouldn't follow him.

[Ronnie]

Do you do it? You should follow him across the board. Women don't follow the men that the women have a problem with.

[Ben]

I'm sorry, you need to unfollow him. I'm sorry, you need to unfollow him.

[Ronnie]

Follow fat, follow, unfollow.

[Eleanor]

It's like, well, if I did something wrong, I'd apologize, but I did not do something wrong. Okay, you know what? You want to talk to someone? Talk to Jody. Don't talk to me. Talk to Jody. Don't talk to me.

[Ronnie]

And they're like, oh, my God. If they. Should I do it at his birthday party?

[Ben]

All right.

[Ronnie]

Should I. Should I approach the talking Lincoln Log at his birthday party? Discuss us commercials? Here comes one right now.

[Ben]

Oh, watcher Crappens listeners, do we have a skip for you? So what is it, you ask? It's that Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide.

[Ronnie]

But before you tell us to clock out of our shift, at the rumor mill, we have proof that this kettle of tea is not only piping hot, but 100% true.

[Ben]

So, yeah, sometimes it pays to be a little nosy, but it always pays to Discover.

[Ronnie]

Based on the February 2024 Nielsen report. Learn more at discover.com Credit card.

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[Ben]

So now we go to Julia and Martina's house and they are baby proofing their kitchen, which, you know, Martina hates this. She's like, I paid $50,000 for this stove only to put a piece of plastic over it.

[Ronnie]

Here's what I tell babies. Buck the fuck up.

[Ben]

Okay, here's a racket. Enjoy having this ace on your forehead.

[Ronnie]

All right? I just want to make sure. I don't care about the baby proofing. I just want to make sure everything we buy this baby is Harry Potter themed. Friend to no one.

[Kiki]

Anyway, remember when we were daydreaming about expanding our family two years ago?

[Ronnie]

Women being women.

[Kiki]

Okay, Martina, Okay. Not on this show.

[Ronnie]

When we least expect it, we get.

[Kiki]

A cold saying there's not one, but.

[Eleanor]

Two baby boys and three goat.

[Ben]

So now I have goat poop in one hand, diaper poop in the other. Oh, God. It's real awkward when I mix up.

[G]

Diapers.

[Ben]

So they have babies. And you would think this would be a nice, lovely situation that would not be the source of any sort of drama, but you are wrong. This is Miami.

[Ronnie]

Well, it's also Martina. I don't think Martina really thought this was gonna happen. She's like, oh, my God, I'm so excited, Babies.

[Ben]

Chris Everett drives by like, wow, nice. Enjoying retirement with your babies?

[Ronnie]

I'm going to enjoy karma. Enjoy your karma, babies. Bitch.

[Ben]

I'm going to brunch with Steffi Graf.

[Kiki]

So she's like, oh, raising two little boys is definitely much different than raising two little girls.

[Eleanor]

I'm good.

[Ronnie]

And she's like, well, what do your friends think about it?

[Kiki]

Well, six of us joined the call. Welcome to Juliet Rama.

[Ben]

So the Zoom of drama. And so we see Julia zooming everyone to be like, guess what? I have goat poop in my hand.

[Ronnie]

Is that for your face or am I supposed to inject that? What are we doing?

[Ben]

What's good for the goat is good for the throat, am I right?

[Ronnie]

So there's this drama because first of all, if you all are real friends, why aren't you just going to lynch? Like, why do you gotta zoom each other? But okay, so they're zooming. Let's just pretend it's pandemic times. They're zooming each other. It's like, I have news. We're all on Zoom Call. Where's Gertie? And everyone's like, oh, I don't know. Dropped from the call.

[Eleanor]

Gertie didn't make the zoom call. Dun dun dun.

[Ronnie]

Get ready to die. You had your easy cancer season. Now they're coming for you because you.

[Eleanor]

Weren'T on the Zoom Call.

[Ben]

Zoom Attack.

[Ronnie]

What the hell with this show. They're like, let's get Gertie this season over the Zoom.

[Ben]

Yes. You were not on Zoom Call when I told people I have baby. So now we go. Now we go over to Lisa's rental house and Lisa's like, me and Jody decided to take a chance on our love. Right, Jody? That's absolutely correct.

[Ronnie]

Like pressing buttons on his head. I'm not the remote control. He said, oh, yeah, right, right, right, sorry. So this home is a 6, 000 square foot rental home. It's like 35 grand a month. 45 grand. I mean, it is, it is difference, right? 35. 45 grand a month. Who cares?

[Ben]

It is so white. It makes Angie K's home look like it was splattered with paint.

[Ronnie]

Like a crayon box. But no, it's this, like really, you know, I mean, who cares? Lisa works. She works five full time jobs. Yes, you've heard. If anybody could list even one of those, that would be great.

[Ben]

Yeah. So they're talking about his upcoming birthday party and she's like, so I guess you won't be inviting Marcus, huh? He's like, no, we don't need that. He's like, yeah, I don't need to give Larsa another reason to get me for something now, do I? I'm right? Am I right? He's like.

[Ronnie]

Guys, I wonder what Larsa is feeling Right now, let's go to her penthouse. So Larsa's mother. That Larsa's mother is there. And here's what I love about Larsa's mother. She looks like she's full of regrets.

[Ben]

Yes.

[Ronnie]

Like, you know how. You know how they're like those parents who are like, everything's great.

[Eleanor]

Everything.

[Ronnie]

Didn't I do a good job? Look at my kid. Aren't they doing great? Not her mom. She's like, oh.

[Ben]

This one, this one over here.

[Ronnie]

I'm just stirring up a bowl of. Please be better.

[Gertie]

Mom. Like, I know you're cooking some food, but, like, you can leave the skin on.

[Ronnie]

Like, no, I don't like it.

[Gertie]

No, it's better with the skin. No, it's not healthier. Like, it's not what I feel like skin.

[Ronnie]

Like, who is the chef here? You, Please.

[Gertie]

I mean, I'm a chef too, honey.

[Ronnie]

Oh, really? Boyardee? Who? Boy, are they.

[Kiki]

Who?

[Ronnie]

Open the can. I dare you. I dare you. You getting this camera person? Watch her try to open the can. Watch her.

[Gertie]

I can, but I don't want to.

[Ronnie]

Oh, okay.

[Gertie]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Stupid.

[Ben]

So Larsa talks about being raised. Her parents were great for everything, blah, blah, blah.

[Kiki]

And so she says, fat Greek wedding in my house.

[Ronnie]

No, it's not. Not even the sequels.

[Gertie]

You know, Mom, I'm kind of getting used to being, like, alone now.

[Ronnie]

Like, good. Welcome to the rest of your life.

[Gertie]

It's hard, especially when you're with the wrong person.

[Ronnie]

Oh. Oh. Are you crying?

[Kiki]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Are you crying? Any tears coming out there? Make them tilt. Tilt. Maybe they come out of you till. Try harder. Try harder.

[Gertie]

No, no, no, you don't understand. It was, like, so hard, like, on my family, having all the press in the world focused on us.

[Ronnie]

Oh, yes.

[Gertie]

It didn't matter what country you were in. Yeah, you could be in, like, France.

[Ronnie]

Like, name another country. Like, do it.

[Gertie]

You could be.

[Ronnie]

You could do it.

[Gertie]

London.

[Ben]

Like, you could be.

[Ronnie]

Okay, good.

[Gertie]

Another Idaho.

[Ronnie]

Like, okay. Country Larsa. Country Larsa.

[Gertie]

You could be in, like, the country of Cancun. Like, everyone was like, oh, my God, there's so much on us.

[Kiki]

Yeah. Like, and now Lisa's, like, talking about me, like, publicly. And look, I have. Look, I have tears coming out of my eyes. Like, they really hurt, Mom.

[Eleanor]

Ow.

[Kiki]

Tears. My face is so wet. Ow.

[Eleanor]

Ow.

[Ben]

Same tears I had giving birth to you. Yes.

[Kiki]

Wait a minute. I need a minute. Mom, I need him.

[Ronnie]

I'm giving on plane. I can't be here anymore.

[Ben]

Larsa is acting like her breakup with Marcus Was like, scandal. And, like, literally, like, we saw headline. Like, oh, okay, cool. And we all moved on. And she's like, the way he's been.

[Gertie]

Thinking, saying things about me in the media, it's like, crazy. It's just so hard on my family.

[Ben]

No one cares. Larsa.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. So then we go to Lisa's house, and Lisa's like, I mean, these two.

[Eleanor]

They get together, they break up. They get together, they break up. Who could take that in a couple?

[Ronnie]

Okay, you know what? Look, we can say what we want about Larsa, but Lisa, you're not in the place, man.

[Ben]

Yeah, so then Lisa gets a call and her dad is unwell. So she's like, sorry, everyone, you thought this would be a fun scene. Guess what? It's not. And then we go over to some docks in the Oceanside, and we have fan favorite Kiki. Kiki and Gertie are just going onto a yacht. And here's another thing I love about this show. You know, we all love Salt Lake City, but, like, the this at this point in, like, a season premiere in Salt Lake City, they're all, like, walking into Payless shoes and Kiki's going onto a yacht. So it's just nice to somehow have that glam.

[Ronnie]

Not to even drive around or anything. She's just like, I can go to a yacht. I fucked the guy from there.

[Ben]

Yeah. It's just nice to have higher standards sometimes.

[Ronnie]

So Gertie comes, check. Oh, my God, girl. What is this, a yacht? It's a yacht. This is crazy. Look at me, I'm lacking £15. It's, like, so ridiculous. And now here I am on a yacht.

[Ben]

The word cancer will never leave my mouth again. So after the cancer, I had six surgeries. I mean, we were all very happy for Gertie. We love Gertie and we're so glad that she has kicked cancer's ass.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. She's like, I had a breast reduction. I lost straight. I did everything. Cancer said, no. I said, you cancer. I'm gonna do it. So I did it. And you know, Russell and I like such a weird thing to say to somebody who's just had cancer. But Kiki's like, oh, don't worry. I'm sure Russell doesn't even mind it.

[Kiki]

You look fine.

[Ronnie]

It's so Miami to be like, don't worry. I'm sure you can still get fucked. I mean, he did marry you, right? So Kiki is like, oh, the reason we're on this yacht is because I'm a member of the Miami Beach Yacht Club. That's right. Because I used to fuck the owner, so I still get to use his yacht whenever I want. And they're like, wait, so you're no longer dating him and she. And he still lets you use it? Did you break up? She goes, yeah, what's wrong with that?

[Ben]

She's like, I'm still. I'm still supposed to him. No.

[Ronnie]

She's like, why are you acting like I have to him to be on a yacht? You guys are crazy.

[Ben]

So what's funny with Kiki is that as big as Alexia's reaction? Alexa always has so much drama, and it's always so big. Like, just what I thought. I was happy. But like, Kiki Loki always has as much drama. She's like, oh, yeah. So, you know, my son just graduated high school and started college, and I was dating someone.

[Gertie]

And then I found out this whole.

[Ben]

Time he had a girlfriend and a whole other family. And he calls up and says, by the way, I got. I broke up with my girlfriend. Anyway, enjoy the yacht.

[Ronnie]

She goes like, through Housewives Five Seasons, you know, like, well, I had a baby, then I taught the baby to drive. Then I got a divorce. I met a new man, and I got rid of the new man after I found out he had a new family. You know, now I have a yacht. How about you?

[Ben]

So then they check in with Adriana, and Adriana's like, well, I'm currently seeing someone. He's like a tall French man that you saw, Kiki. I have a pattern. I have a pattern, Kiki. I like my men like I like my coffee. French roast. Tall, dark, with a little bit of cream. I added that part for her, so I know she wanted to say it.

[Ronnie]

My rules are, don't waste my time. Oh, yeah, Well, I want to transition to Alexia because maybe she's shacking up a Todd again in a hotel. What?

[Ben]

What?

[Ronnie]

What? Did anybody read this? Did anybody read this? It was all over the place. It was all over the place. I had to read it.

[Ben]

You know, I think right now Alexia's judgment is just pretty cloudy, you know, because I understand. Because in the Latin culture, sometimes we forgive our man way too many times.

[Ronnie]

That's completely unlike my culture. I never forgive them, but I'll still fuck them. Never forgive, but never stop fucking. Yeah. Well, I hope she finds peace with whatever's going on with her and thought. Because now I can see what she's going through through the other side of the tunnel. I look through the other side of the tunnel of happiness and I Look to sadness, you know, it's like the reverse of when you die. I'm standing in heaven and I'm saying, go away from the light. You are very sad.

[Ben]

And she's like, I just hope I can be there for her. They're all like, adriana, do you know what you just. Did you watch last two seasons?

[Ronnie]

No. So then we go to Alexi and.

[Eleanor]

Larsa meeting for their fight.

[Ronnie]

Fight lunch. Fight lunch. Fight lunch. So Alexi and Larsa are talking.

[Ben]

Wait, it's actually just Alexi and Larsa talking.

[Ronnie]

Oh, don't worry.

[Ben]

No, it's not a fight lunch. Sorry.

[Ronnie]

Never mind. Regular lunch. Regular lunch.

[Ben]

Regular lunch.

[Ronnie]

Alexia's in pain. Lunch. Alex.

[Gertie]

Oh, my God. I don't know if you know this, but, like, I was just chased by so many paparazzis that they were from heaven. So they were ghosts. You couldn't see them.

[Ronnie]

Oh, my God. I just wanted to get together with you and ask you about how it's going with Marcus, because let me tell you, as somebody who's going through this with Todd, it's so sad for me. It is so sad for me. Tell me what's happening.

[Gertie]

It's just a little sadder for me.

[Ben]

I know.

[Ronnie]

For me, it's so sad.

[Gertie]

It's like a little sadder for me, though. It's sadder for me because you just get to a point where you've been hurt so many times in your fake relationship.

[Ronnie]

I'm hurt so much. I'm hurt right now.

[Ben]

I just love those.

[Gertie]

Yeah, I look back at all those other girl rumors and, like, when everyone was telling me, like, look out, I shouldn't have believed Marcus and the white substance on his nose picture.

[Ben]

Oops.

[Gertie]

Did I say that on the show? It's embarrassing for me.

[Ronnie]

It really hurt me and thought. It really hurt me.

[Gertie]

Everyone was so embarrassed.

[Ronnie]

It hurt me so much. I felt like I snorted. I felt like I snorted Marcus, and it gave me an overdose of Todd. Does that make sense?

[Gertie]

But you know what's great about those tables? They. They turn.

[Ronnie]

What are you, a waitress? What is this, Applebee's? Turn him and burn him.

[Ben]

What's good for the table is good for the fables. Am I right? Okay, I'm running dry here a little bit. I'm running dry.

[Ronnie]

So now we go to the. I love that. Yeah, I love that. They outed. Well, they didn't really out Marcus's coke thing because then we see the picture of Marcus and. And doing coke, basically. First of all, who does coke over breakfast? The Whole point of doing coke is that you don't have to eat breakfast. I mean, that's just wasteful. It's wasteful of eggs and coke. Pick one. There are children without coke all over the country. But he's. There's breakfast here. And then Marcus has like a spoon for cereal piled with coke, and he's.

[Ben]

Like, it was sugar for his tea. Sugar for his tea.

[Ronnie]

So now we go to this birthday party thing for Jody, and it's ridiculous, you know? And so Alexia, there's like a tall guy there. So Lisa's like, oh, my God, Jody's.

[Eleanor]

Got a tall friend. You should talk to him.

[Ronnie]

And Alexi's like, no, you should tell Kiki because I'm married. This one episode. You're ping ponging too much.

[Ben]

I know. So they're all like chit chatting and everyone, everything. And then Julia is there and she's.

[Kiki]

Like, oh, Adriana, I haven't seen you in a bit.

[Ben]

And who is tall person that looks.

[Kiki]

Terrified in his eyes next to you?

[Ben]

You've been hiding him.

[Ronnie]

He's.

[Ben]

You're probably the reason why I haven't seen Adriana in a year, aren't you?

[Ronnie]

Is this French guy smart? What do you guys think? I think he's dumb. Does anybody know French? I wish I knew French so I could know what he's saying. Because I don't believe the. I don't believe the Chirons or whatever.

[Ben]

Yeah, no, he's a con artist.

[Ronnie]

You do, but she's broke. What's he gonna get?

[Ben]

Well, he's a bad con artist.

[Ronnie]

Thirsty, maybe for tv. I think he's kind of cute. He's got, like a big French nose and he's just like, oh, he sort.

[Ben]

Of looks like Oliver Martinez. Remember Oliver Martinez?

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Wasn't that guy on the Netflix show about banging a lot? 29 days, was that. Wait, is that a zombie show? Why are so many things named like 28 days? There's the rehab with Sandra Bullock. There's the one with the zombies with Kate. What's her bunch of. Yeah, and then there's that.

[Ben]

Jax's rehab. Yeah, sorry, that was called 28 seconds.

[Ronnie]

Also wedding night. Jax's wedding night. Okay, so. So, yeah, so they're all getting there. And she's. Adriana is really like, look at me. I boyfriend now, but never quite looking at him. She's always, like, looking at the cameras while she's like, camera, look.

[Ben]

That guy was there. He was like, I'm just here to meet Martina. I want to get her autograph. By, by the way, this are we are seeing the seeds of the big Julia Adriana fallout. Because that's one thing. That friendship is over now.

[Ronnie]

And.

[Ben]

And so it is very sad. And Adriana says that she has not been communicating with Julia as much because Julia has been getting closer with Alexia.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, don't Alexia and Mary.

[Eleanor]

So don't, don't, don't.

[Ronnie]

So Kiki. So Kiki. Gigi. Okay, so Keke's there and Gertie comes in. And Gertie took old Hollywood to mean full skin, tight, lace body scoop.

[Ben]

Just like Bette Davis with her badge out.

[Ronnie]

I'm going to say it was with her badge out. And so she shows up and she's like, hello, everybody, Old Hollywood, am I right? What is this like a silent movie or what?

[Ben]

And she has no idea that she's in trouble because of a zoom link. So she's like, oh, how are the kids? Hello, Julia and Martina, how are the kids? Are they good? You're so happy with your kids.

[Ronnie]

And Julia really took three seasons, but her flower has bloomed. She is just like this.

[Kiki]

She's like, oh, hello.

[Ben]

And Martina gives her a fuck off face. She goes like, okay, I guess, I guess my window of cancer sympathy has expired.

[Ronnie]

Okay, jeez. So she's like, okay, well, I know this isn't the time or place to talk about things, but I just want to say things are good. Good. Are things good? Are they good?

[Kiki]

Good.

[Ronnie]

Okay, so now we get one of the douchiest things I've ever seen. The bartender, he's like, guys, welcome to meat and meat. He's like, welcome to steak a steak's face.

[Eleanor]

Welcome to eating a cow coming out of a cow coming out of a giraffe that ate a kangaroo. We're eating them all today. So today we're doing tequila shots with bones that we slaughtered off of a cow and then cut in half so you can drink the marrow with the tequila.

[Ronnie]

That is nasty murder. Get that shit out of here. I want. You're all going to share the same marrow. Now. What happened to the masks? How did we come so far where I had to put my hand sign attacher on to get a fucking shopping cart. But now people are just, just swapping cowbones and sucking down on the same cowbone like it's nothing.

[Ben]

I would have done it. So Larsa shows up and she. So she and Lisa obviously have tension. So Lisa's like, hey, Larsa, we have stuff to talk about. And Lars is like, we do?

[Gertie]

You never answered my text. Like or you even. Or called me because I called you.

[Ben]

Like.

[Gertie]

I called you xyz. Like, called you this and that.

[Ronnie]

I don't.

[Kiki]

I didn't.

[Eleanor]

You know what? I think I didn't get it.

[Gertie]

Did you not get it because I called you?

[Eleanor]

Nope, didn't get it, babe.

[Ronnie]

You know what?

[Eleanor]

Because remember we had a whole fight on text?

[Kiki]

Yeah.

[Gertie]

Well, then why didn't you call me after we had our fight on text? Oh, well, one of your friends. You should call me. Yeah, I'm going through a national scandal.

[Eleanor]

Well, yeah, but you know what? I didn't get it.

[Gertie]

So are you drunk? Are you drunk right now?

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Gertie]

Okay, whatever. Go to use the bathroom. I'm gonna get a drink.

[Eleanor]

No, I gotta go use the bathroom.

[Ronnie]

I gotta.

[Eleanor]

I gotta go to the bathroom.

[Ben]

We gotta drink, like.

[Gertie]

We gotta drink, like, in this and that next Y Z Live.

[Ronnie]

No, I didn't hear it.

[Eleanor]

Don't call me because I'm not gonna get it.

[Ronnie]

I'll be in the bathroom.

[Eleanor]

I don't get calls in the bathroom. Maybe I was in the bathroom.

[Ronnie]

So she goes to the bathroom because she comes back like, okay, guys, I'm ready.

[Eleanor]

I feel great.

[Ben]

So over on the sofa, which I'm sure will be tossed in the trash after this episode, Adriana and her man are lying on it a.

[Ronnie]

Come here. Give me some kisses. You better give me some pieces.

[Kiki]

Oh, let me ask you a question.

[Ronnie]

How many times can I. You.

[Ben]

Every time you ask.

[Ronnie]

Oh. Oh, Seven times.

[Ben]

If you want. Seven times. Seven times.

[Ronnie]

Ten times.

[Ben]

If we do ten times, there will be not enough time in the day for ten times of sex.

[Ronnie]

And then they start playing French accordion music.

[Ben]

Which is not what you want to associate with sex necessarily, while they.

[Ronnie]

Start, like, dry humping and, like, making out on the couch.

[Ben]

It was turning, by the way, into a very scandalous Sesame street episode. How many times do you want to have sex? Seven times.

[Eleanor]

That.

[Ben]

It'll be seven times. Eight times. That'll be eight.

[Gertie]

Nine times.

[Ben]

There'll be nine. I was like, let's get the count out of here, please.

[Ronnie]

And she's like, well, you know, I really like this guy. And he just happens to be royalty too.

[Kiki]

He's.

[Ronnie]

What is he? He's a marquee. He's a Marquis. I love a good Marriott.

[Ben]

I'm just. I'm just waiting for it to come out. That he's just, like, in a French cover band of Marky Mark, Good Vibrations, Sweet Sensations.

[Ronnie]

So Jody's standing there, like. And Larsa comes up to him and.

[Kiki]

She'S like, oh, my God, Jodie. Like, it's like your birthday. Like, wow. You know, like, happy birthday to me. Cuz, like, Lisa's a. Like, she's so mean to me. You know what? She's like, not even a good communicator. Like, Lisa, Lisa.

[Ben]

No, she's.

[Kiki]

But, like, I, like, love her. Like, she's like my best friend. Like, but like, you've, like, been hanging out with Marcus, like, like, have you seen, like, what Marcus has been saying about me or like, what?

[Ben]

Oh, I haven't been following it too much. Hey, I like your earrings. I like.

[Kiki]

Oh, all right.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

So we go to the dressing room where Lisa is changing.

[Eleanor]

She's like, yeah, I got a new dress. You know, this is my party. I mean, not really my party. It's Jody's party. But you know you change at your weddings, right? I mean, that is not my wedding. But I'm changing though. It's white. Is there anything on it?

[Ronnie]

Stop snorting your dress, Lisa. Jesus. So then we go back to Larsa and Jody.

[Kiki]

Yeah, but like, have you even, like, seen the stuff Marcus is, like, saying about me? Like, in so, like, mean, like, like they reported it all over the news in like, like there's so many, like, countries that is happening in Walmart.

[Ben]

I haven't seen anything. No. I don't know.

[Kiki]

Trader Joe, Is it hot in here?

[Ben]

I think I need to go into room.

[Ronnie]

So now the cast is sitting around and Martina and Gerdier, you know, so Gertie's like, you know what's so weird? I feel like, so weird here. Like, I'm like the odd man out or something because, like, people aren't talking to me. And Martina's like, I have short hair now.

[Ben]

So basically Martina's like, you didn't go on the Zoom. So Gertie's like, I have a very busy day. I have a zoom that's at 1:30. And at 1:33 I have another Zoom meeting, okay? So if it does not start exactly on time, I will not get my full three minutes on the Zoom. And that's just what it's like. Being a professional wedding planner, I am.

[Ronnie]

Voted number one wedding lady in everywhere, including Harper Bazaar and Vogue Brazil. So whatever. And if I have to come to a Zoom, I was there to go on the Zoom. And then people didn't tell me about the Zoom, so I had to go to a meeting. What about the Zoom? And Martina is just like, I don't know, there's something about a Zoom. I'm not discussing it. I think I'm gonna go get a drink. Damn, Martina.

[Ben]

So then we cut to Jody talking to one of his bros. And he's like. The guy's like, hey, is there a shot you want to do a shot? He's like, yeah, let's do. Let's get a shot. And you want to go to my room? There's some really good AC in my room. And they go in the room and lock the door.

[Eleanor]

Yeah, let's go get some AC in my room. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

And I love the messy queen, who was like, I know what they're doing, and then just stood there with, like, a little camera, like, filming the door for 20 minutes. He's like, Although he's probably like, guys, this camera's really heavy.

[Kiki]

Can I have some ac? Can I have some ac?

[Ben]

So back to the party. Lisa and Larsa sit down to have their fight again. So Lisa's like, you know what? I'm feeling really great because karma is coming around and things are looking good for everything's coming up.

[Eleanor]

Lisa.

[Kiki]

Oh, so, like, what are you doing? You're, like, celebrating Lenny or what?

[Eleanor]

She go, no, no, I mean, I'm not celebrating Lenny. I'm celebrating the breakable Lenny. The breakable Lenny. I'm celebrating now. I'm Lenny.

[Gertie]

It's like, lenny, oh, well, don't forget that when life wasn't so good.

[Eleanor]

Yeah.

[Gertie]

Things were sad and your friends were there for you. What about your friends? And they l. Some of us are, like, not really in a good place right now. Like, and you should, like, check in on us, like, yeah.

[Kiki]

Cause, like, when you broke up with Lenny, like, I remember when you broke up with Lenny. And then I was like, why'd you break up with Lenny? He's rich. You're gonna have to get a job. And then you were like, fuck off, Larsa. And I was like, no, working's hard, girl. Remember? I was trying to be so supportive.

[Gertie]

Yeah. Because I'm, like, trying to remove a toxic relationship from a person in my life. And, like, do you think I want you to hang out with him? Like, and, like, then have him send you, like, a message of everything? Like, you guys talked about, like. Like, why are you hanging out with, like, with him at couch?

[Eleanor]

Like, I wasn't even hanging out with him. It's so toxic. I just went to a dinner, you know, and there was, like, an Instagram there. And you know how it is. Like, there's an Instagram. What am I gonna do? Say no to Instagram? I mean, what am I Satanic? No. So, like, I didn't eat. I didn't eat dinner because, like, I don't eat it really.

[Ronnie]

You know, I get shots.

[Eleanor]

But also, like, it's disgust. Like, I would never eat. I would never not eat around him either. You know what I mean? So I didn't eat, but I also did not eat around him. I'm a friend. I'm a woman of women.

[Gertie]

I'm trying to like, remove this toxic person from my life. Like, why can't you help me do that?

[Eleanor]

Like, I can't control another person. Have you seen Jody? He's a man.

[Gertie]

You can't influence the guy whose dick you suck every night.

[Ronnie]

Like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Eleanor]

First of all, I do not suck dick every night. I'm a mother.

[Ronnie]

I told you I'm a mother.

[Eleanor]

I've got five full time jobs. When am I gonna be sucking dick?

[Gertie]

I told you it was a very bad situation for me. Like, and you didn't even, you know, like, by the way, you never even told me about all of your bad situations with Lenny.

[Ronnie]

Like, okay, yeah, but.

[Eleanor]

Yeah, but that was like, different. That was a 15 year old relationship with an 80 year old man. You know what I mean? There were so many levels of breaking up there. You know, it was like, if I leave him, is he gonna be up there? You know what I mean? There's a lot going on.

[Gertie]

You decided to have girls in your hot tub.

[Eleanor]

Like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Why are we talking about my sex life? Why are we gonna talk about your sex life? Are we gonna talk about the smurf.

[Ronnie]

Only fan butthole bleach that you do?

[Eleanor]

What are we gonna do here?

[Kiki]

Oh, my God.

[Gertie]

Why is Marcus even hanging out with Jody? It's so hard with all these cameras around, Diane Sawyer at my door, Anderson Cooper sneaking up on me and Trader Joe's. Trader Joe himself showing up. It's awful.

[Eleanor]

I mean, come on, you guys broke up like four different times. Let's be fair, okay? You broke up and like, at least one of those times was fake. It was a fake breakup.

[Ronnie]

Hey, which time was fake? They're all of them.

[Ben]

I was about to say which one wasn't.

[Ronnie]

That was a reunion. Was there one like, by the reunion, right? These storylines, there's too much to keep up with on this show.

[Gertie]

Our breakups were not fake. We were actually both murdered.

[Ben]

That was the traitors.

[Gertie]

I'm a ghost.

[Kiki]

That wasn't even. That wasn't even fake. That wasn't even fake. You're a fake bitch to Say that you're fake.

[Ben]

Don't call me.

[Kiki]

You know what? Like, you're, like, fake. Like bitch. Like, you're a bitch. Like, fake. Like, bitch. Like, fake.

[Ben]

There's the door. Shannon. Beau, you need to leave. You can go.

[Ronnie]

And now Marisol is offended. We've literally just heard dick sucking, hot tubbing, you know, coking everything. And finally, someone gets kicked out. And Marisol's like, oh, madre. Then we don't do. Us Cubans. We don't do that.

[Ben]

What's good for the door is good for the.

[Ronnie]

Am I right?

[Kiki]

So Lars is like, you're a horrible, like, friend. Like, and, like, the only time you, like, call me like, is, like, when you need people at your fake parties. Like, these aren't even people. That's Mario over there. Hey, Mario, why don't you go jump on a mushroom? Mushrooms, stupid.

[Ben]

Hey, Bye. Mushroom Kingdom is real, okay? Jody's having a moment with it in the bathroom.

[Kiki]

Nothing's even real here. All these people are fake. Look, I can put my hand right through this lady. Ow. Ow. You hurt my hand, you stupid, fake. Stupid plastic.

[Ben]

And then it literally does cut to Jody going, the AC in here is so good.

[Kiki]

Please let me in.

[Ronnie]

I'm really hot out here.

[Ben]

Hello. Star would like to talk. Lisa, that was extra mean. That was extra mean. You need to apologize. That was extra mean.

[Eleanor]

You don't call someone a stupid bitch in their home. You wait to do that at lunch.

[Ben]

Monkey, I think you've had too much to drink.

[Eleanor]

Coming from you. Jesus Christ, are you kidding? You're like a retired liver in Burbank.

[Ben]

I would have expected more from you, Marisol. So now Larsa's in the bathroom. This is like, this. This is the most we've ever seen Larissa try to fake cry. It was wonderful. She's, like, trying to start in the winter.

[Ronnie]

But her face can't move, which is so funny. She's just, ah.

[Gertie]

It's, like, so hopeful. It's so helpful when she. Lily knows I'm in a bad place.

[Kiki]

Like, literally, I hate my apartment.

[Gertie]

It's the worst place.

[Ronnie]

And Kiki's like, I've seen Larsa cry before, but I've never seen her ugly cry like this. She's hitting her own face, like, ah. So Kiki follows. Well, she won't leave, right? Larsa won't leave. So Kiki's like, okay, listen, you can't keep running. Don't leave. So Lisa's like, larsa, I don't want.

[Eleanor]

You crying, but you can't Call me a. Oh, yeah.

[Kiki]

You're, like, such a victim bitch. Like, stupid, like, sad bitch land. You know what? Hold on. I came up with this one, like, in the bathroom, like, you know where you live. You live in, like, Lisa, like, land.

[Ben]

Like, it's called the Magic Kingdom.

[Kiki]

Okay, how come you said I had a fake breakup? That's, like, so mean.

[Eleanor]

She's like, the first one was fake, okay? The whole world knows what you are. Now get out of my house.

[Ben]

Oh, monkey, that's not nice. She's your friend. Don't do that.

[Ronnie]

So Larsa leaves and Kiki walks her out. And Kiki's like, honey, honey, be safe. Do you need me to take you to a car or something?

[Kiki]

She's like, no, I got it. She goes, but you're so pretty and.

[Ronnie]

You have big boobs. Are you sure?

[Ben]

You could get kidnapped.

[Ronnie]

And that's it. And then we go back inside and Lisa's like, happy birthday to you. And then he's just like. And that brings us to the end of the Real Housewives of Miri.

[Ben]

Thank you, Seattle. You guys are awesome. Thanks for coming out tonight.

[Ronnie]

We love you guys.

[Gertie]

Bye, everyone.

[Ronnie]

One.

[Ben]

Watch what Crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

[Ronnie]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

And Gwen Pentland it's our queen it's.

[Ben]

Queen Laifa Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall Hail the cork master the master of the cork Jennifer Corcoran we got our wish It's Jen Plish she's not harsh She's Jill Hirsch She's a little bit loony Junie Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Manock's door My Favorite Murdo Karen McMurdo we love him madly It's Kyle Pod Shadley in the study with a candlestick It's Leslie Peacock we're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron She's a whiz It's Liz Sarthy always killing.

[Ronnie]

It It's Lola Al Kalani the incredible edible edible Matthew sisters She eases our woes it's Melissa St. Rose we're on the floor with Molly Dorsett There's a chance of meatballs It's Rebecca Cloud she's.

[Ben]

The queen bee It's Sarah Lemke we.

[Ronnie]

Cannot tell a lie It's Sarah Tell.

[Ben]

Of son Shannon out of a cannon Anthony, come on. Check your body, baby. Do the Sydney Congdon let's take off with Tamla Plain it's always a good.

[Ronnie]

Time when you're wasting time with Bravo she ain't no shrinking violet Coutar we love you guys. If you like, watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] survey.

[G]

Every big moment starts with a big dream. But what happens when that big dream turns out to be a big flop? From Wondery and ill media, I'm Misha Brown, and this is the big flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails and blunders of all time. Like Quibi.

[Ronnie]

It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to like get other people people to do it.

[G]

And the 2019 movie adaptation of Cats.

[Ben]

Like if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie.

[G]

Find out what happens when massive hype turns into major fiasco Enjoy the Big Flop on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to the Big Flop early and ad free on Wondery Plus. Get started with your free trial at wondery.com Every successful business starts with an idea, and on the Best Idea yet, we're obsessed with those light bulb moments. Like how a bored barista invented the Frappuccino during his downtime and then it got acquired by Starbucks. Or how Patagonia's iconic fleece was inspired by a toilet seat cover. On the Best Idea yet, we dive into the untold origin stories behind the products you're obsessed with, and the bold risk takers made them go viral. These are the wild ideas and insights that made Birkenstock the best selling sandals since Jesus and made Super Mario the most played video game in the history of attention spans. Yeah, Nintendo almost became a ramen company until Super Mario saved it. New episodes drop every Tuesday. Follow the Best Idea yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. And if this this podcast lasts longer than 45 minutes, call your doctor.