Ronnie Karam (3:51)

That's a lot of gay. That's a lot of gayness from that little guy who everything is a dick joke. Yeah. Wow. So this is a gay porn episode. We are gay and have access to Internet. I knew a couple of these guys. I mean, not in real life, but like, I've seen their work and it made me so excited. I was like, oh, my God. Hi.

Ben Mandelker (4:13)

You're like, oh, my God. You're doing such great work. I only recognize one of them, actually. I recognize Cade what's his face. But no, I didn't recognize anyone else.

Ronnie Karam (4:23)

Cade Maddox is the one that I really recognize because, wow, that guy's something else. And then the other one I recognize is Sky Knox, who's the main one who's always like, oh, my God, I'll tell you what, we want a dick in our ass. Like, that's the primary. And I recognize him. He was in one. I don't know. Listen, I know people probably don't want to come to this and hear about porn, but it's a show about porn today, so you're gonna have to hear it. I saw this porn where he was in a. He was like camping with his friend and they're like, hey, our friends are supposed to show up. He's like, I know. Where are our friends? They have our sleeping bags. And he's like, yeah, but they're not here though. And he's like, yeah, but where are they though? Because they have like all our food in our sleeping bags. He's like, yeah, but our friends aren't coming. And he's like, yeah, but they're supposed to Come. He's like, yeah, I know, bro, but what are we gonna, like, do about it? He's like, well, I don't know either. And he's like, well, it really helps me to, like, jerk off when I'm stressed out. And he's like, me too. We should do that. But you better not get close to me. I don't even want to see your penis. And he's like, okay. And then they get in the tent. He's like, there's a rock on the ground. I should move closer. And then, you know, it ends up happening. Sky knocks his ass knocked out of the park. That's what happened. He got knocked. That's for sure. Hey, I guess where his name comes from.

Ben Mandelker (5:39)

I do love. I do love the opening skits in a gay porn. Or it really could be any porn, but especially the gay porn ones, because they're like. They just have a certain kind of, like, arc to them, you know? Like, oh, man, here's your pizza. I mean, I guess that's on the straight porn, too, but it's. It's always something silly. There's a lot of stuff like, hey, I'm your stepfather, and my. Oh, man, you better do your homework. I'm stressed because my wife has been out of town, and I just get so horny when she's not here, you know? And then, you know, it just cracked.

Ronnie Karam (6:12)

Me up that it's like, wow, our friends aren't here. They're supposed to be here. Well, might as well jerk off together and then bang each other anally.

Ben Mandelker (6:21)

Guess so. Oh, yeah. God bless. Doing great work. Sky Maddox. Is that what. No, Sky Knox.

Ronnie Karam (6:28)

Sky Knox. Double X.

Ben Mandelker (6:29)

The Cade Maddox.

Ronnie Karam (6:31)

Cade Maddox and Sky Knox. Yeah.

Ben Mandelker (6:33)

Sky Knox. Yeah. Well, you're doing great work. Keep it up.

Ronnie Karam (6:37)

And then I was telling my friends, because I watched this screener and I was telling my friends, hey, so this is like a gay porn episode of Below Deck, and they had this guy Cade Maddox on, and he's so hot. And then my friends looked up Cade Maddox, and they're like, ew, that' Ronnie. And then they judged me all night for liking Kate Maddox. Like, what the hell? That guy, right? Is it in my head?

Ben Mandelker (7:00)

Yeah, no, he. He's cute. I mean, Kate. Kate Maddox is definitely, like, he. I think he's like. He's, like, a really famous one because he, like, pops up. I feel like he's. I see him on Instagram or everywhere. Like, I think he, like, he's appeared on many things. I feel like he's a hard Worker. Yeah, he's.

Ronnie Karam (7:19)

He does a lot of. Okay. The man.

Ben Mandelker (7:20)

Yeah, he hustles.

Ronnie Karam (7:21)

The man is like the candy burris of porn star. He's just always working.

Ben Mandelker (7:26)

Yes, absolutely. That's exactly correct.

Ronnie Karam (7:30)

This is probably the best time to announce. Ben and I have both molded our penises into dildos that you can buy on watch whatcrappens.com.

Ben Mandelker (7:39)

Yes. Yes. That is now part of our merch set. We'll be doing a collab with Cade Maddox and Sky Skyrizi. Actually surprised you thought I was gonna be porn star Skyrizy. Yeah.

Ronnie Karam (7:53)

Mine is just a FUPA with a tiny turtle head poking out because it's shy.

Ben Mandelker (8:02)

Well, we are so happy for our porn stars because they get to go on a boat and do porn star things. Which mainly accounts it basically is just life and like, yes, you're a twink. Which, you know, that's like. That's like the vibe. So anyway, though, before they even come on board where we last left off. Yeah. So Frenchie has just come on onto the ship and he is saying, I was in the position last year and I know how intense and tough it is. And Fraser's like, yes, well, we've got your back and that's all that matters. And I'm going to get back to work with the girls. Love you. Can't wait to see what you cook. And then afterwards going up to Captain Cary and say how you're overwhelmed. Ta ta.

Ronnie Karam (8:50)

We've got your back. I'm just looking for the proper area to stab it in. And Anthony's like, oh, me and Frise is like, he's such a part of my family, you know, but he's also maybe part of my departure. So I don't know. It's going to be hard between charter, between everything going on, how to talk to Fraser. But I have to find a way to talk to Fraser. Oh, my God, what am I going to do? I'm going to put on my tightest jeans and more than anybody could imagine.

Ben Mandelker (9:18)

I don't know why it's so hard to talk to Fraser. Doesn't he have a call in show? Hey. Oh. 1990s sitcom callback. So Fraser.

Ronnie Karam (9:28)

Get it.

Ben Mandelker (9:30)

So Fraser is like, he's telling everyone to work on their cabins and everything. And he's telling Rainbow to hang around Selene because Selene is a disaster and Rainbow is really good. And Rainbow's like, can I say something? I'm not going to say please. I'm not going to say thank you. I'm just going to Be like, do this, do that. And Slain's like, yeah, I know, I know. And I'll say, why?

Ronnie Karam (9:54)

Why? And I was children, so Anthony's like, my whole life, I've never been with anyone in the galley or the kitchen, so I can be very challenging, you know, like drama. Chef. Chef. Oh, big man. Big strong man like Chef. Big strong man like me. We'll see how it goes. And it goes beautifully. They get along so well. I'm actually surprised that the other chef even quit after this. I know Anthony, like, eased him into it, made him see that it's doable. The guy was doing well. He didn't have any nervous breakdowns. He only tried to. Tried to proselytize to, like, three people in a fish. So, yeah, thought he was getting better.

Ben Mandelker (10:35)

I loved when he baptized Anthony in a pool of green peas. That was just so lovely. He just poured them all out in the freezer and said, just dunk yourself in there. So meanwhile, Kao is instructing the deck team to do things, and he's like, okay, all right, well, you know, by the leader. Wait, hold on. Before I can talk about myself, let's have fancy new beginning. And we see all these photos come up. Photos of Ko as in his life.

Ronnie Karam (11:02)

And then it says, kayo Instagram. Yeah. K without a shirt, Ko without a shirt, holding a fish. K without a shirt, holding a surfboard, K without a shirt, eating a sandwich. It's like, we get it. K without a shirt. I'm following.

Ben Mandelker (11:13)

I'm in, you know, as the boson. I'm the leader of the group, so everything relies on me. And, you know, I work hard to achieve the position. I grew up in Rio, and my first job was on a yacht. I was the chef on a 27 meter. And then they show a shot of him, like, standing on a table, like, squatting on a table, like, he's about to poop on it barefoot. I'm like, okay. Very intrigued by, like, wait, you were a chef? Huh? So it talks about, basically, his friends still live in Rio, and they're think they're like, engineers and lawyers and doctors, but he's going around the globe, which is not that common for someone who grew up in Rio, I guess.

Ronnie Karam (11:49)

Yeah. He was like, in Rio, we don't do this. I was like, really?

Ben Mandelker (11:53)

Did you not see the last season of Blow Duck Down Under? There was literally a Brazilian girl on there.

Ronnie Karam (11:59)

Yeah, I've never heard that. Rio is like, you better stay home and become a doctor.

Ben Mandelker (12:03)

But I'm the first person to leave Brazil.

Ronnie Karam (12:05)

Yeah. So Rainbow's like, hey, babe of Celine. The bed doesn't need to be ironed if you Febreze it and you pull it. And she's like, oh, my God. Why didn't you tell me that? Because she tell me iron. You tell me, don't iron. You say, look at my eyes. She tell me, don't look at anything.

Ben Mandelker (12:22)

Listen to me. Listen. Work smarter. Work smarter, not harder. Okay, yeah. Can we just work smarter and everything gets done faster? Smarter, not harder. Okay. Because. No, your opinion. Do you need to iron this sheet?

Ronnie Karam (12:34)

No. Maybe. I don't know. What's the sheet?

Ben Mandelker (12:37)

Okay.

Ronnie Karam (12:37)

I don't know why we need sheep. Why don't we just make it on the ground?

Ben Mandelker (12:40)

You have to care about this bed. Whatever you're doing to this bed, care about it. Okay.

Ronnie Karam (12:45)

Of eggs on me. That's what I like.

Ben Mandelker (12:48)

Okay, well, okay, you know what? It's done now. Let's just move on to the next step. Okay? Just finish the bed. I can't. Okay. I'm not gonna do.

Ronnie Karam (12:54)

You'll do it. Okay, Good job. You do it. Goodbye.

Ben Mandelker (12:57)

All right. Sorry.

Ronnie Karam (12:58)

Rainbow is like, oh, God, this conversation is a waste of my time. Charlene's like, whatever, like, spraying Windex on the bed. God bless her.

Ben Mandelker (13:07)

So Linda's, like, totally impervious to hearing what other people are saying. It's kind of amazing because they will act. They're actually getting, like, annoyed with her. And she's like, okay, fine. That's fine. Do what they want to do. I don't care. She's like, whatever.

Ronnie Karam (13:20)

So now it's 5:04pm, 19 hours until charter. So now it's 6:45. Guess what? Nothing happened. Okay, so now dinner for the crew is ready, and Frasier is radioing people to let them know. And so Anthony is talking to French to S. And he's like, oh, what is going on? I hear French over here. She's like, oh, I'm fine. How are you? In French. That's what's in French. He's like. Anthony's like, guys, can we have English? Some English guys. Okay, okay, English, English, guys. So Rainbow apologized for yelling at Solene, and she goes, oh, yes, it was very bad with me today. How you yell, yell, yell and not eat yelling. Otherwise I would have dinner already.

Ben Mandelker (14:01)

So, you know, I have four days experience. Making bed is not perfect, but it's okay. Okay. It's not four days of experience of learning how to do the trapeze. It's making a bed. Like, I think it should Be like, by hour four, you should pretty much have it down.

Ronnie Karam (14:16)

Rainbow's like, yeah, but a two minute conversation about whether or not to iron sheets is way too much for me. Okay? Like, I can't. He's like, well, you know, I just think I better with a work ethic, you know, I was more than willing to learn. I will iron. Well, if you want me to iron, mom, do it. But you know, these things take, take, take a time.

Ben Mandelker (14:33)

So yeah, do it soft, please, easy. So then Barbara's like, today Solene made a really nice bed, everyone. I was really proud of her. She made a nice bed. Oh, thank you so much. But she took two hours. But it was nice. Two hours. But it was a nice bed. Car's like, oh, we're laughing today. There won't be laughing so much tomorrow on Chada.

Ronnie Karam (14:55)

So now Carrie and Fraser are going to go over pref sheets. So Fraser announces it's a five day charter, it's going to be a long one. And Celine's like, oh, they are a porn star. They are a Bond star.

Ben Mandelker (15:07)

Oh my God, all of them. Our primary's name is Sky Knox. He's from Toronto. It's like, oh my God, Toronto. Barbara's like, jesus Christ, too much testosterone.

Ronnie Karam (15:20)

This preference sheet is literally the only thing that Sky Knox has ever topped.

Ben Mandelker (15:25)

Sky Knox asked if he could submit as preference skeet instead of preference sheet. And I said, absolutely not.

Ronnie Karam (15:34)

And Barbara's like, oh, Jesus Christ, too much testosterone. Well, right, night one should be Parisian Cabaret. Lube in every room.

Ben Mandelker (15:41)

Like, oh, no, just, just like any Parisian cabaret. And then Rainbow's like, oh, God, we're gonna have so much penis on our face for the next five days. Yes. Okay. Marcel has a shellfish, but a penchant for dick. Okay, Very important. Everyone needs to know this. Lots of people.

Ronnie Karam (16:02)

He's got a fish allergy and it's not figurative. So please, let's watch out for the shows.

Ben Mandelker (16:07)

No clams in all senses of the word.

Ronnie Karam (16:13)

So Fraser's like, oh, my God, we've got eight gay male porn stars. God, I just swallowed. That wasn't intentional. I'm terrified. We're going to be stretched, we're going to be pulled, we're going to be flipped, we're going to be fucked. But not in a good way.

Ben Mandelker (16:30)

All right, guys, this is going to be hard. Charter. So we're going to be going to three islands, okay? We'll head over to Anguilla and at night time they're going to be going off in kayaks. On an adventure, a gay adventure. And then he says the next chart is going to be a doozy. It's a five day charter. We're gonna do three islands, four countries. Lots of gay sex on each of these islands have their own unique experiences. Analysis, tea bagging, everything in between. Slings, swings, stings. And each evening we're having epic theme parties that we've never done before. So this cruise is gonna get spent.

Ronnie Karam (17:07)

Yeah. So he's. They want to go to a nudist beach. I just. Look, I mean, I know that you do porn, but like, is that all. Is that all you eat, breathe and what am I trying to do?

Ben Mandelker (17:17)

That was my thought too.

Ronnie Karam (17:18)

It's like, that's like, that's all they talk about. So everything's a dick joke. Everything has to do with, I don't know, it's like too much of your work life taken. You know what I mean? I thought porn stars went home and were just like playing Dungeons and Dragons or like reading or something. Like, I didn't understand. It was like dick all the time.

Ben Mandelker (17:36)

Yeah. But you know what? They got only fans accounts to promote probably. So, hey, like, you're on camera. So like, promote, promote, promote. But I thought the same thing too. I was like, geez. I kind of. I sort of expected they were to come on board and just be like, oh, God, let's play chess, play Uno or something. I felt like they'd be exhausted, you know. From having your dinner.

Ronnie Karam (18:01)

Yeah. I don't just walk around talking about housewives all day, you know, like, I go to TJ Maxx or Home Goods or I play piano or play video games or something like that. Or look at their porn, you know.

Ben Mandelker (18:12)

I mean, I thought they would secretly all be tam gays. Like they were all going to come on board and be like, hey, does the chef mind if we all take over the kitchen and cook some Barefoot Contessa recipes?

Ronnie Karam (18:21)

Right? Like, I thought they were going to sit down and be like, guys, does anybody know why parade isn't really selling in la? So many tickets left.

Ben Mandelker (18:30)

If. If you had to choose between Jesse Mueller and the lady from the band's visit, who would you choose? But no, they came on and they were like, oh my God, you're a twink. Just so you know. You're a twink.

Ronnie Karam (18:50)

Yeah. So they come. Lawrence and Anthony are getting together to plan their meal. Cause the chefs are working together for this charter. So Lawrence is like, let's start from the top. We're starting off with oysters. Oysters would Be nice oysters, a little champagne foam. Probably like a little tiny nickel sized wafer that we could feed to people before we had them drink that down with wine and apologize to the Lord for everything that they've done.

Ben Mandelker (19:20)

Oh, that is perfect. Filet pure puree green beans. You know, it's not so hard. And Anthony's like, he is very organized and he knows exactly what he's talking about. And most of the time, I have no goddamn idea what I'm doing. I am the tornado. It's like, oh, great. Well, I'm so glad you got this job.

Ronnie Karam (19:38)

Yeah. And Lawrence is like, I'm an anti tornado and you're a tornado, bro. You're not really an anti tornado, sir. You're calm today. But you were the tears were a fluttering and a funneling yesterday.

Ben Mandelker (19:51)

Yeah, you were the. You were the storm clouds. You were the storm.

Ronnie Karam (19:54)

Yeah. So Kyle and Barbara are looking at Carl's like, here we go. Sky Knock skateboarding videos. Let's take a look. See? So they look, and Barbara's like, oh, my God. Click, click, click. Let's see.

Ben Mandelker (20:04)

So they look.

Ronnie Karam (20:05)

They're cracking up. And Kyle's like, wow, gay porn is a lot more dramatic than straight porn. That's crazy.

Ben Mandelker (20:14)

I would love it if, like, Sky Knox is just doing, like, Macbeth porn. Like, with black and white Macbeth porn.

Ronnie Karam (20:22)

Barbara, to be in my ass or not to be in my ass. And Barbara's like, oh, my God, so much drama, you know? And then we see Sky Knox going, I can get any guy to spell his secret.

Ben Mandelker (20:36)

It's a lot of drama. Kyle's right. It's a very dramatic movement. So then Anthony is like, by the way, Laurence, never date us too. You cannot trust us too.

Ronnie Karam (20:47)

They lie.

Ben Mandelker (20:47)

And honestly, I have my cat, Paul. I'm a dad. I have my cat. I'm a cat dad. And it turns out he has a cat named Mr. Toons, who is so cute. There's a picture of, like, this cat being like, oh, my God, get me out of here, Austin. By the way, Austin Kroll just got two kittens. And I'm so mad about it because I'm like, you don't do. Don't do that. Don't do the kitten thing, Austin. Don't make me have to say nice things. Like, I already had a tough time last season saying nice things about Austin, and now he's gonna have kittens. And I love kittens and cats.

Ronnie Karam (21:17)

So I'm like, really upset about reality. Star gets a. Gets a pet. You know that they're Doing it to get some likes.

Ben Mandelker (21:25)

Yeah, unless you're just like, I have a cat, but I'm keeping her off camera.

Ronnie Karam (21:30)

Please. She's building a whole industry up based off her cat. She's building pajamas based off of her cat.

Ben Mandelker (21:35)

Craig was building an industry off her cat.

Ronnie Karam (21:39)

No, she came out with Daphne. Pajamas did.

Ben Mandelker (21:42)

Oh, she did?

Ronnie Karam (21:43)

Yeah. That's what her pajamas line is named. Daphne.

Ben Mandelker (21:46)

I know that she came out of pajamas. I didn't realize they were called Daphne. Oh, geez.

Ronnie Karam (21:49)

Yeah, they're called Daphne Pajamas. It's time for a commercial.

Ben Mandelker (21:53)

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Ronnie Karam (22:59)

So Anthony is like, oh, my God. Sometimes deserve better than human beings. Sometimes. You know, some people are so dead, but they get you fired from bots. I was like, he did. He did. But he also got you rehired, so that's something. He's not a completely terrible person.

Ben Mandelker (23:16)

Yeah, that's true.

Ronnie Karam (23:17)

See, look at me. Stuck it out the freezer. You see? So Kyle and Silane are smoking on the deck, and Kyle's like, what's this just a thing or is there a storybook there? Look at that smirk. Your ex boyfriend. What are you talking about? Over there? And she's like, more than two years that I have one boyfriend. So I don't know, but I have memory. You know, I'm not sleeping with you because I memorial boyfriend. Now everybody listen to my story about my bracelet that will disgust everyone who watches this show. Prepare. Prepare to be discussed.

Ben Mandelker (23:51)

This was. This was triggering because she's like, these pre sentenced for my ex boyfriend, Dylan. So like, okay, Dylan, whoever, who cares? Flashback to Dylan. I was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. It Was the awful die.

Ronnie Karam (24:05)

The clip they showed of him was him washing off cold cuts. E. He's like, yeah, you got to watch a cold cuts off in the sink. Cuz I used to be fat one time, so I'm not going to have sulfide. Thank God I'm not fat anymore. E. Fat people. Disgusting.

Ben Mandelker (24:22)

Why am I afraid that they're setting up the fact that Dylan will be coming back? Like, that is too weird. Like, that's. Oh man. Like, guys, look at this. I, I'm, I'm really actually quite good. I'm like a ladies man. I work out a look at my cold cuts. I'm like, oh God, he was just terrible. And then he showed up on Vanderbump rules for no reason.

Ronnie Karam (24:42)

Oh yeah, he's gross. So she said, but I still love him and I'm so sad. So now. That's why I like try to keep everything like that. No risk. Since Dylan, I never been in love again. Oh God, Dylan ruined you. He watches Cold Cut. Celine, come on. That is kind of a Love island choice though. A guy like Dylan, right? Like, hey, I really want to get to know you. So like, what's your calorie count per day? Like.

Ben Mandelker (25:11)

He was so bad in so many different ways. Yeah, I don't remember too many specifics about him except the fact that he drove me nuts every time I remember.

Ronnie Karam (25:19)

He used to be fat and so now he's obsessed with weight and calories and that's all he talks about. And working out.

Ben Mandelker (25:25)

That's correct. That's correct.

Ronnie Karam (25:26)

But he has like little blown up lips and like he looks crazy. I don't know. Yeah, bad, bad move.

Ben Mandelker (25:32)

Bad, bad. So, so now Fraser is like, all right, let's put the lube out, please. But like, don't put. But don't like put it in a high profile place. I don't want to promote sex because then we have to change the sheets. So they're basically going to like hide the lube. They'll be there, but won't. It'll be like tucked away. And she's like. Barbara's like, well, let's just say that we are catholic. So then Anthony.

Ronnie Karam (26:00)

That's so cute. Let's say we're catholic. So Anthony's like, oh, nice menu, nice menu. You want to take care of cementata? So Anthony is like, you know, it's not for everyone to get second chance. And you know, you remember what happened last season. So I cannot make any mistake. Fired twice. Oh, I might as well not go back to France. And live in a cave for the rest of my life. It would be so embarrassed.

Ben Mandelker (26:28)

And so now they're like talking about the menu and everything. Meanwhile, there's rain coming in, there's wind is picking up, it's getting kind of stormy. And Fraser's checking with Barbara about the uniforms downstairs. And Carrie's doing a walk through. They're all prepping for everything to happen. Meaning the charter. Charter start, I should say.

Ronnie Karam (26:51)

So we go back to the kitchen and Anthony's like, oh, France. Food is like making loaves is something like, this is very erotic. No, Especially with so much cream. I don't want to hear that. You know, like, love sex, love food. Don't want to eat your cream, you know, keep it. Keep it to yourself.

Ben Mandelker (27:11)

Lawrence is like, I mean, I've never looked at a plate of French food and thought, yeah, that's like sex and making love. But I have looked at a plate of food and thought, I have sinned and I'm going to hell. I guess we all just read things into the food we make.

Ronnie Karam (27:24)

I can't get married before I eat every plate of food. There's too many things.

Ben Mandelker (27:29)

I have looked at this food and thought, is this food going to survive the rapture? It's coming soon, you know, I think it might be happening during this charter.

Ronnie Karam (27:37)

Oh my God. My dad was on me about the rapture yesterday. Yesterday, whenever that was. So two days ago. Yeah, he was on me about the rapture because he's been. Instead of going to church, he goes to like one of those mega church things where they have a cool band, but they got so big that they started building multiple churches. I mean, they're humongous. These churches are like concert stadiums, like, complete with like the, the rocking leather movie chairs and shit. And so it got so busy that they started broadcasting church from one church into the other church. So you would go to the church and you're watching on this giant movie screen. Screen, right? So he was like, well, fuck that, I'll just watch. I'm sure he didn't say fuck that, you know, because he's holy. But he was like, I'll just start watching this at home. So my parents started inviting friends to their house now for church day and just getting shit faced while they watch work. Like they sit and have cocktails while they're watching church. And now they have this big thing going on at church about Revelations and it's about the book of Revelations. And so my dad's like, you know, everything going on in the world, right? Now it's all in Revelations. You want. You want to talk about it? I'm like, not really. I sure don't. Are you drunk? He's like, yeah, I just got done with church. I was like, oh, my God, you fucking people. He's like, of course. Of course I've been drinking. We've been at church, at home. What do you think we're doing? We're talking about Revelations. Getting shit faced, buddy. Are you in? Are you out?

Ben Mandelker (29:06)

Meanwhile, like, my conversation with my parents is like, how do I connect the Bluetooth to the. Our. Our old 2010 car that we refused to update?

Ronnie Karam (29:16)

Oh, I get that one too. Another software update, huh? Gosh, like, basically, revelations. I mean, 4%.

Ben Mandelker (29:24)

Talk about a revelation. Bluetooth, Am I right?

Ronnie Karam (29:29)

All right, so Carrie is like, fraser, Fraser, Carrie, here. Go ahead, Cap. I'm without a uniform, mate. I'm not amused. Guess what? This isn't an adventure.

Ben Mandelker (29:42)

Oh, uniform Drama for the captain. It's a new storyline, premiered, launched by Below Deck Med. And now I guess it's part of the canon, which is the captain doesn't have a uniform. So anybody got.

Ronnie Karam (29:55)

Anybody seen my black culottes? No? Okay, I'll just be sitting here waiting. I'm not going out on that deck unless I look like I could be dancing, partying, and shopping at Target all at the same time. So someone fix this.

Ben Mandelker (30:09)

Bri. Bri. The spirit of Brie haunts this boat, so I don't even know what the cooler is.

Ronnie Karam (30:17)

Little pins.

Ben Mandelker (30:19)

Little pins for the boat, little pins for the pants. So. So Fraser lives, like, on top of it. He's like. He goes. And he's like, I need this. You can fuck up anything, but not that. Okay, if even a plug is 2 degrees off center, it's on me. So I guess I just need to continue not relying on anyone and telling everyone. And of course, the episode with the gay porn stars, the episode where I talk about plugs. My bad.

Ronnie Karam (30:44)

Although if there's an episode to miss your pants, it's this one. Yeah. So he takes his pants and he's like, sorry, I apologize. You know, we're ironing out this season. No pun. And I promise that's what we'll do. You know, listen, I'm not happy about it. I'm super pissed. If I had eyebrows, they would be raised right now.

Ben Mandelker (31:04)

So I'm sensing there's going to be a lot of action on board this trip, and I'm hoping. I hope requesting lube in every room is a bit of a check joke. I'M quite happy that I'm not in housekeeping. I just hope they don't use it all, like, guess what? They're gonna use it.

Ronnie Karam (31:18)

All the guests come and they're like, yeah, it's. It's about belt of dick. Yes. I'm gonna that bow. I'm sticking that butt up my ass. Oh, my God, not me first threesome. Threesome with the boat.

Ben Mandelker (31:33)

I love it. They're also funny because they're all, like, very sweet too. And then so he's, like, eating them through, leading all the porn stars to the boat. They're like, yes. And they get the primary bedroom where it has that skylight that opens up. And Fraser's like, now look at this. And it opens up. They all go, yes, like an anus. I want to fuck the skylight. Yes. Queen.

Ronnie Karam (31:56)

Yeah. This is where we're gonna have our. This is where we're gonna have our orgy. Kidding. Not kidding. Kidding. Not kidding. So now we get some bridge drama.

Ben Mandelker (32:09)

Bridge?

Ronnie Karam (32:10)

Are we all gonna die? It's a tricky bridge and one of the guys is like, oh, my God, you guys, look at this bridge. We're going under the bridge. Is that sexual? No, it's not sex. Do I need to brush my teeth? No. Do I need to wash my ass? What does that mean? It's a literal bridge, you fucking morons.

Ben Mandelker (32:26)

I love the porn star's fascination with the bridge. That one guy was like, you guys, look. Look at this bridge. And the other one goes, this wind is fierce. They're just like, AI. They're like, hey, AI, could you give us some gay dialogue to describe the bridge and some wind?

Ronnie Karam (32:44)

This is the tightest opening I've had for a long time. Go, Brad. Yes.

Ben Mandelker (32:51)

So Carrie's like, the wind is kicking up and we have rain, and I can crash into this bridge at any time. Imagine going over a railroad crossing and it's icy. I mean, we all might die right now. We've seen boats sink before, and this one's about to go down. We're all gonna. Everyone say final farewells because we're all gonna die. Oh, no. Made it through. Made it through. Just boat going through a passage.

Ronnie Karam (33:10)

We did it. We fucked the bridge. So they go to the table and one of the guys like, oh, my God, we've got a cock ring napkin holder. That's amazing. Someone else is like, yeah, we should give lessons. Because people don't know that cock rings actually go over the balls.

Ben Mandelker (33:26)

And then he's like, I mean, of course it goes over the balls. I mean, people put it over just the cock. I mean, what is this? An unfierce bridge? Disgusting.

Ronnie Karam (33:36)

So now the water toys are being put out, and Kyle's starving, and Domo's so hungry, he's about to pass out. And Jess is like, someone needs to go on break. Like, what the hell? So people are getting frustrated because, you know, Ko's not really doing breaks for anybody. Like, guys, we need to have breaks here, okay?

Ben Mandelker (33:56)

And don't forget, Jess used to be a bosun. And she's taken. She's taken, like, a demotion, basically, to be on this show. So she sort of knows. She's like, you're supposed to have a schedule. So now it's time for the first meal. So they've got cote du bouff, grilled asparagus, courgettes, tomatoes, shrimp, quinoa, salmon salad, tomato burrata salad. And here is a little box that you can put your dreams of bottoming tonight, because probably won't be happening after this meal.

Ronnie Karam (34:28)

This was actually very healthy. This whole meal, I thought I was like, wow, that's how you maintain bodies like that, I guess. Eat some quinoa and some asparagus.

Ben Mandelker (34:37)

Well, they had also, like, a giant pile of egg whites for breakfast the next day. I was like, man, that's times like that where I'm like, I'm always like, I want to have a great body. I want to have abs. I want to have pecs. Then I see, like, that pile of egg whites, and I'm like, I don't know if I can make the sacrifices.

Ronnie Karam (34:53)

Sometimes, like, a muffin top's okay.

Ben Mandelker (34:55)

You know, I think I want to.

Ronnie Karam (34:57)

Have a nice breakfast, especially if I can eat a muffin top. Okay. Like, okay, I'll keep my jiggly. So they. You know. But it is nice to see people with bodies like that actually working for it, because a lot of times I feel like on these shows, we see really hot people, and then they order, like, cake upon cake upon cake, and they're fine, you know? So I like that these guys are like, guess what we eat nothing in general. We're really going overboard with this. Like, steamed salmon. Let's go crazy.

Ben Mandelker (35:22)

They're professionals. So then Damo's asking Jess if she would ever make a porno, and she's like, oh, absolutely. And he's. And he's like, have you? She's like, absolutely. It's like, so there's a text sex tape out there. She's like, somewhere. He's like, wow. And then Barbara's asking Sky about how long he's been together with Tony. And Sky's like, oh, yeah, he's my porn boyfriend, but he has a wife. He's like, I'm married. Yeah, he's married to a woman. Yeah, so this is my man. So they basically have this, like, true, like, like, true work husband relationship going on.

Ronnie Karam (35:56)

Yeah. And he's like, yeah, it's called a modern day relationship. Get over it, okay. And Barbara's like, oh, my God, I have no words. No words. I'm Catholic.

Ben Mandelker (36:10)

So she's like, so he's just your boyfriend when you're in a scene. So when you're like, filming, he's like, insane. A boyfriend insane? Did you say insane? She said insane. She has an accent. She's like, no, I'm just asking because I'm wondering, did you ever do a porno where you had to make a bed? And if so, do you think you could fill in downstairs for Solene? I'm pretty sure she's sticking her foot in the sink at the moment.

Ronnie Karam (36:33)

So now the crew is. Some of the crew's having lunch and Carrie's like, wow, seems like a good group of people, eh? He's like, really lovely. You can. You just really can't judge a book by its whole cover, can you?

Ben Mandelker (36:47)

So then. Then there, Lawrence and Anthony are in the kitchen, and there's a box of linguine pasta. And Anthony, like, Lawrence is, like, upset by it. He's like, who ordered this? And he's like, I don't know. I don't know what to do with it. So they're gonna. Lawrence announces that he's. There's gonna. I'm sorry. Anthony announces that there's gonna be, like, a penis Mac and cheese that will be made with the linguine.

Ronnie Karam (37:10)

So, yeah. So Jess and Ko are still talking. Oh. So she's like, so, babe, we need to send people on breaks for lunch. Like, you can't just not starve people. He's like, oh, okay. Well, God, let's said, okay. Like, I mean, do it. She's like, but it's like five and nobody's eaten. He's like, oh, no, we all had lunch. You didn't have lunch. She's like, no, did not have lunch.

Ben Mandelker (37:33)

Yeah, you got to give us bricks, bro. So Barbara's down in the laundry getting it organized and everything. And Ko is like, talking to Damo, saying, it's just more like stuff. He's like, okay, now you go to lunch. Okay. When she comes back, you go to lunch. But actually only walk halfway to lunch and then come back, and then I'll send someone to lunch, and then you walk the rest of the halfway back, and then you. You have only half of your lunch, then you come back, and then I'll have half of my lunch, and then you go and have a quarter of your lunch, and then we'll all sit down together, and by that time, it'll be dinner, and it'll all make sense, right? And they're like, yeah.

Ronnie Karam (38:07)

And so Jess is like, wow. So, you know, growing up, I was really shy, so my mom threw me into waitressing so I'd get out of my shell. And that's. She also just probably wanted you to get shit for her, which is like.

Ben Mandelker (38:26)

Do something with your life and get me a water.

Ronnie Karam (38:29)

If my mom sent me to bartending class at 5, she would have.

Ben Mandelker (38:36)

So Rainbow was like, oh, I was so out there. And so my two older sisters kind of like, beat me to a pulp and then beat it out of me. Fighting was just part of the culture, you know, it's just part of that Dutch culture. Dutch fighting, you know, Dutch fight club. Every child goes through it. And there was a point when I was, like, 13 and my sister was 14, and we just weren't getting along at all. So my dad took us on a boat to an island in the middle of a lake in Holland. He just dropped us off and was like, okay, you've got 10 minutes to fight it out. So that's it.

Ronnie Karam (39:03)

How crazy was that story? I was like, what the. And just. No. She goes, yeah. He's like, this shit's gonna stop. So there we were on an island, just beating the. Out of each other. You know, I lost a couple of teeth, but that lost a. A nose. And that's just how I deal with it. Fighting, like, wow, you're going to work out great here. But then later in the episode, we see her just like, I can't do.

Ben Mandelker (39:28)

This is why you can't have your parents read the Hunger Games while they're still rearing children. They're like, hey, that's a great idea.

Ronnie Karam (39:35)

We play the Hunger Games literally every day. It's how we look like this. So Rainbow's like, yeah, we just fought a lot, you know, and because we grew up not talking about our feelings, they just get bottled up, up, and, you know, you explode. And that's why I'm going to beat the shit out of Seline with an iron.

Ben Mandelker (39:54)

Yeah. So then Lawrence is cleaning the galley. And Anthony loves this because he's like, oh, my God, this is so wonderful. I can actually cook. And someone cleans up my mess for me. So they're having, like. They have, like, a funny kind of vibe together. It's kind of sad that they have to break up because I do sort of enjoy them. And now it's time to get ready for dinner. And rainbow setting the table. Table. And Celine just falls down the stairs. It's not like she just stumbles. She just, like. We just see a static camera of, like, the hallway and her body just comes flying out the stairwell and just, like, slams onto the floor. She's like, oh, I'm okay, I'm okay. I'm like, wow. Nothing affects this woman.

Ronnie Karam (40:35)

Yeah, she really. She really just bounces back, literally. So then Fraser sees Carrie, and Carrie's just in this towel. He's like, fraser, what's wrong with this picture? I've got a boner at work. Not really sure. I don't have any clothes. Understood. Am I supposed to be listening to you? Would you prefer me on my knees at this point? Fraser, need my goddamn uniform.

Ben Mandelker (40:58)

I thought this was the gay porn charter, though. You can't do. You can't do a gay porn scene and then not follow through. Captain Kerry, I'm terribly sorry. We've got too many professionals on board to ignore this moment.

Ronnie Karam (41:08)

It's the third time today. How many times you get your clothes washed in the day? I didn't know captains had, like, three different uniforms a day. That's nuts.

Ben Mandelker (41:17)

I know. Well, I guess because he has the white.

Ronnie Karam (41:20)

Just regular.

Ben Mandelker (41:22)

Well, he has the whites. And then during the day he's got like that blue polo shirt or something. Don't they have like a blue polo shirt? And then at night, the blacks.

Ronnie Karam (41:29)

So there you go. Never noticed. 20,000 seasons later of recapping. I'm just noticing commercials. Here comes one right now. So Fraser's like, girls, I'm gonna say this one last time, so you can completely keep messing it up, and I can keep not checking that you're doing it correctly. The captain just came to me naked in his towel. Do I still have a boner? I do. He hasn't got his uniform. My boner is still happening. Please get a uniform on the captain so my boner can go down. That would be lovely. Thank you. You.

Ben Mandelker (42:09)

So Rambo's like, if our team is up and up and up, that's not on me. I'm doing my job properly. It's just such a show. It's just. I'm like, that's Maybe not the best attitude. It's like, I have to help out to make sure that, like, the people who don't know what they're doing can be better. But she's like, whatever, I'm doing my job. Yeah, I was the one who survived the island in Holland. They didn't. Okay, I'm not putting.

Ronnie Karam (42:31)

There's no rainbow in teams.

Ben Mandelker (42:36)

So then Fraser asked Barbara and she's like, fa. I can't think of everything. Okay. Like, I know. Like, I'm. Now I'm pissed because I'm pissed because I'm, like, responsible for it, but, like, can't do everything. Everyone has this attitude. Literally everyone on this, on the interior has an attitude of like, well, I did my stuff. I'm not responsible for something else. So I don't know.

Ronnie Karam (42:57)

I think she said that was her responsibility, but she's still pissed. Just, like, I'm responsible for it, but I'm still mad. So it's like, okay, where we live, we learn, you know? No, I'm being pulled in so many directions, doing things all the time, you know, I'm never finishing anything. It all followed me. Oh, my God, I feel like a bad crew member. This sucks. Rainbow. Go hit. Go hit. Swirling.

Ben Mandelker (43:22)

I'm putting you both on the bow and just pretend it's an island. And now fight. Great. So Fraser brings the. The stuff to. To carry. And he's like, well, I've spoken with them again. It's the third. And he's like, well, it's the third time it happened today. And he's. She's like, I know, I know. For fuck's sake. Oh, it's not an adventure. Didn't this happen with Captain Lee also?

Ronnie Karam (43:43)

Yeah, it's actually not the first time.

Ben Mandelker (43:46)

This has happened with.

Ronnie Karam (43:47)

Yeah, yeah. So Captain Carrie looks so mad, though, and his eyes get, like, really satanic when he's mad. Mad? Yeah, they get like, really. They get really scary. I don't want to. I don't want to make him mad. I kind of do. Don't make him mad because he's hot. Also mad in a towel.

Ben Mandelker (44:05)

Wow. Something about a gay porn star charter really gets the juices flowing on this episode, I guess.

Ronnie Karam (44:11)

Hot, though. Captain Carrie love a little bald man with angry eyes and a towel.

Ben Mandelker (44:15)

Zaddy. So Fraser, now they are going to do their Parisian cabaret beret theme. And Fraser's talking about what that is. He's like, it's flamboyant, it's big, it's feathers, it's extravagant, it's fun, it's flirtatious. It's a bit wily. It's absolutely disgusting. So now everyone takes.

Ronnie Karam (44:34)

They are disgusting. I went to one in Montreal. I was like, okay then, okay, anybody take a tap class? Could we start there to get your penis out of my face. I'm from America. I'm not used to people slapping me in the face with their penis.

Ben Mandelker (44:51)

Well, I'll never forget my time at Swinging Richards in Atlanta where. Oh, that's true. I tipped the stripper and he literally whacked me on the face with his dick. I was like, oh, okay, that was so funny. But at least it wasn't cabaret themed, okay? It was not Parisian cabaret.

Ronnie Karam (45:09)

Feathers. Yeah. Those swinging dicks were just in like dirty, dirty like trailer T shirts. And like those poor guys, they needed the money.

Ben Mandelker (45:19)

They did.

Ronnie Karam (45:20)

That could have taken place under a freeway and it would have been the same thing.

Ben Mandelker (45:26)

So that's a fun night.

Ronnie Karam (45:27)

That was so fun. RIP Swinging. Swinging Witchers. So now it's dinner time and the guests are seating and Fraser is like, welcome to Porters to Paris aboard motor yacht St. David. We're so excited to have the this wonderful evening for you.

Ben Mandelker (45:46)

Yeah. Can you see I was being sarcastic? So then Kyle is in a cabaret outfit and so. And they're all excited by it and. And then he's. Kyle's like, he brings sky a flower and Sky's like, oh my God, who designed your outfit? He was like, this is this right here. Check this out. And he like lifts up. He lifts up his skirt and he like shows. He's like in the thong and everything. They love it. Cuz Kyle loves flirting with the gays. So this is like his perfect charm order.

Ronnie Karam (46:14)

Yeah, Kyle loves some nakedity. I wonder if he's gonna just get naked and someone has sex with one of the guests this season. Do you think it's this Charl?

Ben Mandelker (46:22)

They say it's Kyle. Wow.

Ronnie Karam (46:24)

The guys.

Ben Mandelker (46:26)

Oh, that'd be amazing. I hope it, I hope it is. That's. That's really hot.

Ronnie Karam (46:29)

I mean, five days and these guys are horny as hell.

Ben Mandelker (46:32)

They are horny and they don't. They are. These are definitely like a hole as a whole kind of situation with demo and Kyle. So yeah, you know, they're down.

Ronnie Karam (46:39)

Yeah. So Barbara, let's see. So Fraser serves w ribeye with mashed potatoes, green beans and carrots. And he says the carrots have an erection, but they're just carrots. I'm not really sure.

Ben Mandelker (46:53)

Just. Yeah, carrots are. Carrots are normally pretty erect and then car's like, so, how is everything tonight? And sky is like, it supersedes lunch, which was exceptional. We especially like the winter cleaner, which, of course, is Kyle. It's like, well, we've got two amazing chefs right down there, which is not standard. So just know that going forward, your food will be shitty. There you go, one of them.

Ronnie Karam (47:17)

So Fraser talks to Barbara, and she's like, oh, my God, Celine was so nice today. And he's like, oh, I'm gonna go tell her. Celine, Barbara said you're amazing. She's like, oh, I know. I see in your eyes that you are proud of me. It is so cute. Get ready for that face to change soon. But right now, it's fun to watch. Much.

Ben Mandelker (47:35)

So now, dessert. It's a red wine poached pear. And now it's like, talent show stuff. So Tony starts twerking. Marcel shoves his hand in his mouth, which is maybe, like, how, like, a great, great skill set to have, as was mentioned on the show.

Ronnie Karam (47:55)

That was horrifying. And is he the one that is married?

Ben Mandelker (48:01)

No, Tony is married. Tony is the married one. Marcel. Marcel I don't think is married to a woman.

Ronnie Karam (48:06)

Oh, right. Tony twerks, right? Marcel shoves his hand.

Ben Mandelker (48:09)

Yeah.

Ronnie Karam (48:09)

Mouth. Okay.

Ben Mandelker (48:10)

Tony's, like, in kind of like a. Like a fish net. Like, like, bustier. I don't know. Or like, I don't know how. He's, like, in fishnet lingerie, and he's twerking. He's, you know, doing the whole thing.

Ronnie Karam (48:22)

Watching someone put their fist in their mouth is is something thing. So Damo is talking to Jess about KO, and she's like, oh, yeah, you know, like, look, there's a bit of a standard that we're not really setting here, you know, I mean, I can't be going to him saying, I need to eat food, but I'll speak to him. And if it doesn't change, then I'm going to have to speak to Captain Cary in Italy.

Ben Mandelker (48:46)

I know. And then pictures of Jess. And then the word Jess. I worked on Private Vessel. You know, we never had to break for almost 200 days. And it was rough, and I was so tired. And at the end of the season, I hurt myself. I fell down the stairs on my back, and it really took me out, and I couldn't work, but I got to take breaks, so that's why I have to take breaks. Like, okay. Not as good as rainbows. I had to fight with my sister to the death on an island in a lake in Holland story. But you know, it's okay.

Ronnie Karam (49:15)

So Rainbow's like, okay, so with things like this, this, instead of leaving it out, just put it away because that saves you an entire step. Okay? Oh, no, I hear you, I promise. But I'm trying to do it fast, you know, so if I was faster, then I try, I was do it, you know, like if I could be faster, I would go faster about. So here I am going fast and you say faster. What am I supposed to do? Okay, just clean the silverware.

Ben Mandelker (49:38)

Just clean the silver. Make it look nice. Make it look nice. Okay, does that sound good? So remember how you cleaned your foot in the sink before while you ate a croissant? Okay, do that, but with the silverware. Can you do that?

Ronnie Karam (49:50)

Croissant was delicious. Yeah. Did we talk about that when she was eating a croissant in the sink with her feet in the sink.

Ben Mandelker (49:57)

I don't know if that's about to come or if it did come. But like, in case we missed it, that was amazing.

Ronnie Karam (50:05)

She's like washing her feet in the kitchen sink. Nasty. Eating a croissant. So Rainbow's like, listen, this is a lot of work. No, and she's like, so Lane is on meets and I'm on late. Even though like not. Oh no, that's the Rainbow. She's like, yeah, look. Even though eating, everything on her list is done. I have to send her to bed now. And she's not even done doing. And now she's got to be up in the morning. So that's my fault. So I'm just so exhausted. And it's dark and it's a long five day charter tunnel and there's no light at the end of it.

Ben Mandelker (50:40)

And then we got the most beautiful scene, which is Rainbow at 2 in the morning vacuuming the living room. And like cry hyperventilated.

Ronnie Karam (50:59)

Just while she's pushing. The vacuum is so funny. She's just standing in the same place, pushing the vacuum. Like. That is the second breakdown we've had in three episodes. I mean, just the casting on this season.

Ben Mandelker (51:13)

It's great.

Ronnie Karam (51:14)

So good.

Ben Mandelker (51:15)

And I mean, really, you know, it is Pride month, so we have this specially timed super gay charter, you know, I'm assuming for Gay Pride, but honestly, I think the real gift for Gay Pride was this moment. Because this was, this was gay camp right here. Her vacuuming and sobbing at the same time. I was like, this is the sort of thing that like, you know, you know, goes in the gay can.

Ronnie Karam (51:42)

So then Damo is there because he's also on Nights. And he's like, do you need any more help? And she's like, no, just finished. I'm just telling everyone I went to bed at 2:15 so I can wake up and help with turn ups. That's me, Rainbow Fight Club. Rainbow working grass up for a sister, tries to knock her nose off again.

Ben Mandelker (51:57)

So he's like, we have turn ups on board. I don't really eat those. She's like, no, it's a bad thing. Okay, I'm gonna go sleep. So she's like, yeah, I'm just the type of person where I just like to brush things under the rug and I hope they go away. And I'm not gonna sit there and be like, oh, by the way, I just had a panic attack because that's not how you survive on Fight Island. So I definitely need to find better coping mechanisms for my feelings. But for now they just get pushed deep, deep down and I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm sure everything will be fine.

Ronnie Karam (52:27)

Meanwhile, close up of the vacuum, it's all mangled and bent and twisted. So they go to bed at three in the morning, which is crazy. So like Celine is so funny, but oh my God, I would hate working with her. I would die if I had to work with her. But she's hilarious to watch.

Ben Mandelker (52:45)

Nightmare. So it's 6:30am and everyone's waking up, which is really early for, I would imagine for a bunch of porn stars. And Tony has an announcement which is, guys, I never had someone do this, but he literally peed in my hole last night. Like, that's water sports.

Ronnie Karam (53:03)

I, you know, some things. I'm sorry. Just first of all, keep it inside. And then where was he peeing in your hole? In the bed? Was it in the bed? Was it in the shower? Where do you do something like that? Why do you do something like that? You've had too much sex if you need to pee in somebody's hole too much. Okay, I know we're not supposed to kink saying, but enough like, come on.

Ben Mandelker (53:29)

So then they're cooking in the, in the kitchen in the galley and Anthony's like, I'm going to kiss Lawrence. Because he's like real chef and he's real og. He did his part, I did my part and was very calm, very smooth and gy. And Lawrence is like, I'll definitely miss his smile. Like, how can you not miss that guy? Good luck, mate. I've got a rapture scheduled in about five minutes, so I'll see you sometime perhaps.

Ronnie Karam (53:55)

Uss Rapture coming to get me any moment now. One horseman was the French toast. We'll see where it goes from here. I know you love a smile, and I think that's so sweet, but in one week, it's going to turn Two tears. And I can't wait. I'm so excited for the real return of Anthony. I cannot take it.

Ben Mandelker (54:14)

Yeah.

Ronnie Karam (54:15)

Now it's time to lift the anchor. Lift the anchor. And Barbara and Cade are talking about. So Barbara's like, so what about your family? Do they support you in your job? And he's like, yeah. You know, like, at first my mom was like, super scared, but now she's like one of my number one fans.

Ben Mandelker (54:34)

Barbara's like, aw. When I told my mom that I was gay, you know what, that I'm gay, she wasn't mad or anything. She was worried. She's like, let me talk about my situation.

Ronnie Karam (54:45)

Instead, she's like, yeah, my mom felt the same way when I first sat on a traffic cone. But you know what?

Ben Mandelker (54:53)

Now she just goes around town and just leaves stickers up. Cade Maddox only fans. And like, really, he's done a great job of. Of summoning the Cade army, you know.

Ronnie Karam (55:02)

On the back of her Suburban, it says, my. My son swallows. And I've never just been more grateful for a mother.

Ben Mandelker (55:11)

So Barbara talks about her coming out and around 15, and she had a girlfriend. She loved being who she is, and a lot of it is because of her mom. And she says, you know, I think you just have to be who you are. And she was the first one to support me. And she'll be. She'll be the one like, you know, like that for the rest of my life. She'll be my number one, which is. Which is cute. And then I, like, Sky goes, well, I didn't come out. I didn't have to come out because I'm just so gay.

Ronnie Karam (55:35)

It's like it was so obvious. I came out when I was born. I came out. My first word was ew. Why did I come out of that?

Ben Mandelker (55:44)

Yeah, I literally came out of the womb wearing Bette Midler's polka dot dress from big business. So everyone pretty much knew.

Ronnie Karam (55:54)

So Jess is speaking with Ko now. She's like, I was speaking to Demo. And I think we're a little frustrated with the breaks. Like, I understand we're busy, but, you know, you got to give him a 10 minute break every five minutes. You know, five minutes maybe, like, you got to do breaks. And he's like, well, hold on. First of all, all I have hair.

Ben Mandelker (56:15)

First of all. I have hair.

Ronnie Karam (56:16)

And, you know, like, some. Some boats, they don't give a. So she goes, yeah, but we give a. He goes, okay, well, I'm completely open to suggestions. Okay, your suggestion is to give people breaks.

Ben Mandelker (56:28)

Yeah, that's the suggestion. So then there's like this moment. So Ko is saying. Talking to Carrie, and he's saying, like, oh, my goodness, there's some good snorkeling, whatever. And curiously. Oh, there is. So maybe we could do a little snorkeling excursion. So they're going to set that up, which is the setup to a future issue that the two of them have in about five seconds. In the meantime, the. The guests are doing facials.

Ronnie Karam (56:49)

But actual also doesn't. Just to make note for later, Ko says, this is so sick here. Here, meaning, like right in the spot that we're in. Right. And it's good snorkeling. And he says, yes, so we could do snorkeling excursion. Right.

Ben Mandelker (57:03)

Okay, now, now, amusingly, you, you, you. You clarified that. Right. As I said, the guests are doing facials. And I think it's really important to just note that these were actual, like, you know, for the skin facials, just because given who our charter members are, just don't want to leave anyone hanging with the wrong impression.

Ronnie Karam (57:22)

But who knows what these people.

Ben Mandelker (57:24)

But they also were probably doing facials.

Ronnie Karam (57:27)

They were like. There was actual sperm under those facials. So the drop anchor is dropped and Lawrence is like, oh, I think the boat's in good hands. He's got the whole world in his hands, doesn't he? I'm out. Goodbye. I'll see you on the other side. If you're holy enough to make it there. Later, suckers.

Ben Mandelker (57:47)

Too much sin. It's a bit too much sin happening here on this boat. It is sort of funny that, like, the born again is. Is leaving amidst, like, the most, like, you know, I would have. I would imagine the, like the, The. The opposite of what I imagine of biblical. Right. Um, so then he says, bye, no one really cares. And then Fraser lets Rainbow go on the snorkeling trip because she's had a hard time. And here's where Celine is washing her foot while eating her croissant. So now Carrie is like, well, would we like to do some snorkeling this morning before lunch? And no, that is not a euphemia him for anything. So you can get your nose out of his anus right now. All right, what I suggest is back and we can go into this point which is back here. All right, and there's some nice snorkeling. So we'll take the tender and we can swim around in that location right there that I'm specifically pointing at. And I know you all care very much about where I'm pointing right now.

Ronnie Karam (58:46)

Oh, my God. Is that the chef leaving? Hey, I just wanted to tell you the same thing I told the womb. Bye.

Ben Mandelker (58:57)

So then, Gary, Carrie has now told them that they're gonna go snorkeling over there. Wherever there was, that's where they're gonna go snorkeling. But now they moved a lot.

Ronnie Karam (59:06)

Didn't the acre go down or did the anchor go up?

Ben Mandelker (59:08)

I honestly. I don't know. Because, honestly, when. When Carrie mentioned that that's where they're gonna go snorkeling, I wasn't paying attention because I just thought it was just a standard, like, here's where what your activity is going to be. Didn't realize we're setting up a drama.

Ronnie Karam (59:21)

So Carrie goes up to KO and he's like, well, they locked your idea of snorkeling once. I pointed out exactly on the map where you said it was going to be. So after lunch, we'll take the boat and an interior staff. And he's like, whoa, no, no, no, wait. Actually, it's here. The snorkeling spot. And he's like, wait, you said it was back there. He goes, no, it's in the bay. Like, maybe I'm miscommunication. I don't know. Like, hold on, son. Did you know that I have hair?

Ben Mandelker (59:49)

But I. I just explained. Hey, sorry, you just got moved your hair there a little bit. I just explained to the guest that the snorkeling is back there. Now, I look like a clown, don't I? It's like, oh, look, there he is again. Captain Gary. Don't know where the snorkeling space is. Oh, it's my biggest nightmare. First I don't have a uniform. Then I'm saying it's that patch of water instead of that patch of water where the little fishy are. Oh, great. I'll never leave this one down.

Ronnie Karam (60:13)

This is so weird for him to get so mad. He's like, well, let's get correct information before I make a big scene. And K's just like, my bad, my bad. Like, he doesn't care. Not that you think Sky Knox really gives a where this thing is. Just tell him, Scott, you're taking selfies underwater right there. He'll jump in. He doesn't care.

Ben Mandelker (60:33)

Guys, who here is very excited to go snorkeling? Specifically off the right side of the boat. Starboard, is it? I don't know. But I will only go snorkeling where I was previously shown the fish are and no other location around this boat.

Ronnie Karam (60:47)

He's like, listen, you can take me snorkeling here. You could take me snorkeling there, but here's what I'm going to get a picture of in any place. My starfish, okay? Brought me wherever you want.

Ben Mandelker (60:57)

Is it possible to piss in a starfish's hole because it's already surrounded by water?

Ronnie Karam (61:02)

Am I right? I can't. So let's see. So Anthony is now talking to the chef while the guests head out for snorkeling. And he's like, wow, look at. Look at this. Like, you never left. Wow. Big thing. We want success here, Right, Anthony? He's like, absolutely, absolutely. I will not cry today. All right, well, the biggest takeaway I'd like you to consider is we can't always reach that point. Right? Right. And some guests don't want that. Sometimes we just need to be mediocre, and that's okay. Do you understand? It is okay to be mediocre. I dare you. I'll throw you off the boat. Lose.

Ben Mandelker (61:46)

Sometimes you just have to put a giant pile of egg whites on a dish and say, that's breakfast.

Ronnie Karam (61:51)

Okay?

Ben Mandelker (61:52)

So now Anthony is like, no, okay. It was great having Lawrence on board, but he helped me calm down, Just be focused. But now I'm back in this gall alone. And so, you know, I'm kind of nervous about that. Like, me getting fat on St. David. The terrible moment. So I was thinking, damn, I'm a loser. I'm a bad chef. So pressure on for here. Honestly, I have everything to lose right now. So he's like. He's like, it makes no sense for me to kill myself if they don't want that. That's right. Low standards. Just what you want on a mega yacht.

Ronnie Karam (62:24)

Let's just focus on that. We're working on cafeteria food. You can do this.

Ben Mandelker (62:29)

This.

Ronnie Karam (62:30)

Okay, so Kyle sees that the banana is out in the middle of the ocean, and he's like, oh, there's the banana. Well, I got. Guess I should get it. Hello. Hello. Banana. Banana. And nobody answers. He's like, I guess I'll get a seabob and go get it. So Carrie sees it, and he's like, you got to be kidding me. That banana doesn't have its uniform.

Ben Mandelker (62:53)

Is that banana snorkeling in A place that, that wasn't supposed to be a snorkeling spot. So Kyle is fetching this banana and. And he's like, what happened? He's like, what? I don't know. I was just. I saw a yellow thing floating in the water and I thought, it looks like something I could have sex with. Let's get it. So he carries like a good catch mate. So then meanwhile, the snorkeling. The guys have snorkeled for like five seconds and they're like, okay, we're down, we're bored. Let's go back to the boat.

Ronnie Karam (63:21)

Struggling, stupid.

Ben Mandelker (63:24)

So they're coming back earlier than expected and cares like, oh, you got to be kidding me. It's disorganized.

Ronnie Karam (63:30)

Yeah. He's like, oh, I try to support my guys, but I've got so much pressure on myself. I gotta be straight up with the guy and let him know how important his job is, how much I rely on him. And that creates pressure. But there's a lot of schoolboy errors being made he should already be aware of. Ko needs to get his hair in the game and that's it.

Ben Mandelker (63:51)

I don't think Captain Carrey realizes how many scenes he's setting up in gay porns. It's like almost like the gay porn stars come onto the boat. And he's like, well, there's a lot of schoolboy errors happen around here. I'm gonna have to have a one on one talk with this person. I'm like, there's another scene dead.

Ronnie Karam (64:08)

He's back in town and he's not got a uniform on.

Ben Mandelker (64:12)

Odd, you realize I'm naked under this tower because I can't find my uniform and I'm very angry about it. So how are we gonna fix this situation?

Ronnie Karam (64:21)

What I'm about to tell you is gonna be very, very hard. Are you open enough to take it?

Ben Mandelker (64:29)

All I know is there's a long hard banana just floating around out there. And I want you to get it. Need to practice on something.

Ronnie Karam (64:39)

So he calls Kom and he's like, all right, we've got a few things happening. We've got a banana floating away way, you know that shouldn't happen, right? I want you to think of it like this way. Banana inside you. All right? Banana inside you. You've got it. All right, We've got a community. Have communication on point. All right? Now we've talked about the first day departure. You should, you should have a checklist. All right? Get a board. Shoes aboard, luggage aboard. Dick hard ass, wide loosened Up. Why am I talking like this? I can't stop myself.

Ben Mandelker (65:14)

All right, this is how I want you to think about the luggage. Just imagine if you don't get the luggage, you have to go back to that dock, maybe with another one of your fellow sailors. And you'll have to sit there alone, waiting for the boat to come back and retrieve you. And then you're just both there alone. And then what do you do when you're both alone and bored? Right. That's what I want to think you to think about.

Ronnie Karam (65:35)

That's when you forgot that luggage. The entire crew and cast and people on the boat have to be naked. Now what are we going to do? You bad little boy. So he's like, have it in you to finish this job or not. And K's like, I'm pretty sure I can do it. You know, like, we don't do this normally in Rio, but if you want to do it now, you know I can do it. I'm not going to lie. I've never had so many people under me. Oh, that's what I like to hear. You're going to take more and more. More people under you, eh? So you know the best way to scratch is at the bottom.

Ben Mandelker (66:13)

Yeah. To put some pressure on your team to not make these schoolboy errors. You know what? I'm so concerned about your schoolboy errors. It seems like something happened back in those days. So why don't you put on a schoolboy uniform and get back up here and we'll diagnose what went wrong.

Ronnie Karam (66:29)

And then Kale ends it in the least porny way. He's just like, I need to start smoking. Focusing on small things like, whoa, this is a porn episode.

Ben Mandelker (66:38)

I know. Well, at least some big things give you something to focus on.

Ronnie Karam (66:44)

Yeah, boy. Eras adventure.

Ben Mandelker (66:50)

Yes, Queen. So, fun times. Fun times on the boat with the porn stars. And my prediction, KO will be fired very soon.

Ronnie Karam (67:00)

Yeah, he's messing here. He's out of here. KO and his hair. Goodbye.

Ben Mandelker (67:04)

Kayl will be ko'd. All right, well, everyone, thanks for listening. Such a fun time. Be sure to come to our live show on Thursday in Hollywood at the Fonda theater. Go to watchwithcrappins.com to get your tickets and we will catch you on the next episode. Bye, everyone. Bye. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King.

Ronnie Karam (67:30)

Our way is the Amber way.

Ben Mandelker (67:31)

It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster.

Ronnie Karam (67:35)

She can run my country.

Ben Mandelker (67:36)

It's Angie McGovern it's always automatic with Ashley Auto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.

Ronnie Karam (67:42)

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt we never miss her call It's.

Ben Mandelker (67:46)

Diane call Aaron mcnicholas she don't miss no Trickolus Hava Nagila Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo Jaime she has no less.

Ronnie Karam (67:58)

Namey she's our kind of mess It's Jennifer Messer Sipped some scotch with Jessica.

Ben Mandelker (68:03)

Trot she's our favorite streamer Caroline Peacock.

Ronnie Karam (68:06)

She gets an A It's Kelly B. Kristen the Piston Anderson Get a B in your bonnet with Lacey B. Que sera sera Whatever will be Will Lauren.

Ben Mandelker (68:15)

Sills be rigging the funk? It's Leslie Plunkett she gets an A.

Ronnie Karam (68:20)

From us It's Lace Lindsey D. Let's give a Kisserino to Lisa Lino fresh as a daisy It's Maisie McHenry we love her on the rocks It's Melissa Cox Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the.

Ben Mandelker (68:32)

Berg this is Living with Michelle Vivian.

Ronnie Karam (68:36)

I love a Ya Olivia Williamson, Tastier than Flanderson It's Rachel Manderson she sure is swell It's Raquel, yes, we canna It's Savannah Katie cast a spell with.

Ben Mandelker (68:47)

Shannon Spellman let's share with Sharon Eldridge the Bay area and our super premium.

Ronnie Karam (68:54)

Sponsors She's VVIP It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin somebody.

Ben Mandelker (69:00)

Get us 10cc's of Betsy MD we're.

Ronnie Karam (69:03)

Taking the gold with Brenda Silva let's.

Ben Mandelker (69:06)

Get real with Caitlin o' Neal don't.

Ronnie Karam (69:08)

Get salty with Christine Pepper can't have a meal without the Emily sides Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.

Ben Mandelker (69:15)

Who, what, why, where?

Ronnie Karam (69:17)

And Gwen Pentland it's our queen It's.

Ben Mandelker (69:20)

Queen Laifa Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall Hail the cork master the master of the cork Jennifer Corcoran we got our wish It's Jen Plish she's not harsh She's Jill Hirsch She's a little bit loony Junie Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Manock's door My favorite McMurdo Karen McMurdo we love him madly It's Kyle Pod Shadley in the study with a candlestick It's Leslie Peacock we're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron, She's a whiz It's Liz Sarthi always killing.

Ronnie Karam (69:50)

It It's Lola Al Kalani the incredible edible Matthew sisters. She eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose? We're on the floor with Molly Dorset. There's a chance of meatballs.

Ben Mandelker (70:01)

It's Rebecca Cloud, she's the queen, queen bee. It's Sarah Lemke?

Ronnie Karam (70:05)

We cannot tell a lie.

Ben Mandelker (70:06)

It's Sarah Tell of son Shannon out of a cannon. Anthony, come on. Check your body, baby. Do the Sydney Congdon? Let's take off with Tamla Plain.

Ronnie Karam (70:15)

It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo. She ain't no shrinking violet. Coutar. We love you guys. If you like, watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey@wondry.com survey.