#2898 The Valley S2E10: Sexy Unique Divorce Papers - Live from Hollywood

Summary

Watch What Crappens Podcast Episode #2898 Summary: "The Valley S2E10: Sexy Unique Divorce Papers - Live from Hollywood"

Release Date: June 20, 2025
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Podcast: Watch What Crappens by Wondery

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1. Tour Reflections and Personal Updates

Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam kick off the episode by sharing their experiences traveling across the country with their show, expressing the joy of returning home after the tour.

• Ben (00:00): "Coming back home, it just feels so great to escape to a place that truly feels like my own."

• Ronnie (00:11): Discusses redecorating his patio using Wayfair products, humorously highlighting the ease of assembling his outdoor space.

They segue into brief advertisements for Wayfair and Hers Hair products, maintaining their signature comedic style.

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2. Introducing the Guest: Zach Wickham

The hosts welcome their special guest, Zach Wickham, a prominent figure from Bravo's "The Valley."

• Ben (08:40): "The number one guy of the group, please welcome Zach Wickham."

• Zach (09:00): Playfully dismisses wearing a "number one guy" shirt, teasing about avoiding giving away his merch.

3. Zach's Journey on "The Valley"

Ben and Ronnie delve into Zach's experiences on "The Valley," highlighting his growth and significant moments from Season 2, Episode 10.

• Ronnie (10:02): "Did anyone else feel so proud? Didn't it feel like our child grew up this week?"

• Zach (10:15): "I graduated. I feel like I've graduated." – Reflecting on his character's development.

They discuss Zach's confrontations with the show's antagonist, Jax, emphasizing Zach's resilience and determination.

4. Personal Anecdotes and Humor

The conversation shifts to personal stories and light-hearted banter between the hosts and Zach.

• Ronnie (12:01): "I didn't know he was tall. He's a tall drink of water." – Teasing Zach about his height.

• Zach (12:12): "6 foot 4." – Confirming his stature with humor.

• Ben (13:00): "You need to exercise your tall privilege." – Continuing the playful ribbing.

They share amusing experiences, such as Ben's wardrobe choices and Ronnie's past performance art inspired by Ramona Singer.

5. Deep Dive into "The Valley S2E10"

The hosts provide an in-depth recap of "The Valley" Season 2, Episode 10, titled "Sexy Unique Divorce Papers - Live from Hollywood."

a. Major Plot Points

• Jax's Struggle: Jax grapples with his return from rehab, attempting to mend his relationship with Brittany while dealing with custody issues.

  • Zach (57:07): "I owe you nothing. I'm leaving." – Jax's defiant stance against reconciliation.

• Divorce Proceedings: Brittany files for divorce, leading to a series of confrontations and comedic misunderstandings.

  • Jax (87:13): "I understood the... What are you talking about?" – Highlighting Jax's confusion and denial.

b. Character Dynamics

• Jax vs. Danny: Tensions rise between Jax and Danny, culminating in heated exchanges and humorous insults.

  • Ronnie (56:50): "Nobody's gonna stand up for Danny... He's a fucking alcoholic."

• Janet and Nia: Janet confronts Danny about his behavior, while Nia stands up for herself, showcasing strong character development.

  • Nia (66:53): "If you're draining someone, then you're draining yourself."

c. Comedic Elements

The episode is peppered with recurring jokes and satire of reality TV tropes, keeping listeners entertained.

• Ben (44:05): "I’m gonna leave, guys. I’m gonna leave." – Jax's over-the-top declaration.

• Ronnie (69:02): "Is that guy Scott in a mask?" – Mocking the stereotypical life coach character.

d. Notable Quotes

• Ben (56:28): "I go, you go, we all go for Hugo Jamie, she has no less."

• Zach (83:03): "She put an extra egg in the casserole." – Highlighting the absurdity of certain dialogues.

6. Audience Engagement and Reactions

Throughout the recap, Ben and Ronnie engage with the audience, sharing their personal reactions and favorite moments from the episode.

• Ronnie (76:02): "She looks so guilty. Janet, we know you're half of Reddit." – Poking fun at Janet's character.

• Ben (87:42): "He even went into your little Safari passwords thing..." – Commenting on Jax's paranoia and comedic mishaps.

7. Closing Remarks and Farewells

As the episode wraps up, the hosts express their gratitude to Zach and reflect on the "Mounting Hysteria Tour."

• Ben (90:26): "Thank you, everyone for coming out tonight and for everyone listening at home."

• Ronnie (90:33): "Hey, Beer bow, everybody. Say my name. We love you guys." – Signing off with their trademark humor.

They conclude with a humorous faux-commercial segment, maintaining the playful tone until the very end.

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Key Takeaways

• Character Development: Zach Wickham's journey on "The Valley" showcases significant personal growth amidst comedic drama.

• Humorous Commentary: Ben and Ronnie provide a satirical take on reality TV, blending genuine insights with light-hearted mockery.

• Engaging Recaps: The detailed recap of "The Valley S2E10" offers listeners a vivid portrayal of the episode's events, enriched with notable quotes and timestamps for added depth.

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For those who haven't listened to this episode, "Watch What Crappens" delivers an entertaining blend of humor, insightful commentary, and engaging recaps that capture the essence of Bravo's reality TV dramas.

Transcript

[Ben Mandelker]

The two of us have been traveling across the country with our show, which has been so fun. But I tell you, coming back home, it just feels so great to escape to a place that truly feels like my own.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, really gorgeous stuff. You know, there's something about a beautiful outdoor space. It's just so satisfying. Your own backyard Oasis Wayfair's got everything you need to level up your outdoor space. Patio sets, lounge chairs, outdoor bars, hot tubs, fire pits, gazebos, and of course, string lights. I redid my whole patio using their stuff. I've got couches out there. I've got three dining room tables. It's a big space out there. I'm just about to get a bunch of new patio chairs and do like the front patio. And it's going to be all through Wayfair. Because you know what, I can even get people to come put it together and that's what really saves me.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, Wayfair has everything your home would need during the warm weather season. There's something for every style, every home and they make it just so easy to tackle your summer home goals. Don't wait. Make your outdoor space your dream oasis today with Wayfair and enjoy it all summer long. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop.

[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ben Mandelker]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ben Mandelker]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ben Mandelker]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ben Mandelker]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ben Mandelker]

Watch what happens. Watch what happens. Who cares what happens when there's so much. Hello, Los Angeles.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, Los Angeles. So nice to be back in a gluten friendly town. Thank you so much for being here.

[Ben Mandelker]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Ronnie Karam]

On the closing night of the Mounting Hysteria tour. We've had such a great fucking time on this tour and it's so great to end at home.

[Ben Mandelker]

I will say that tonight there will be hysteria and there might be mounting. So get excited.

[Ronnie Karam]

Also. Welcome to the darkest fucking show we've done. I know. I think this has to be the darkest episode we've covered since the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Holocaust episode that we did last.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's a great time. No, this tour has been so wonderful going across the country. We've seen a lot of bravo liberties along the way. We started off with, like, Angie K. Coming to one of our shows. We had the crappies. But, like, I feel like I've learned so much. I feel like I've learned a lot from you, Ronnie.

[Ronnie Karam]

Aw, man.

[Ben Mandelker]

For instance, I've been getting a lot of questions about this shirt tonight already, and I'm proud to say this was purchased at Ross dress4less.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, my.

[Ben Mandelker]

And furthermore, my belt is from Old Navy.

[Ronnie Karam]

Actually, I love that belt.

[Ben Mandelker]

So, yes, thank you, Ronnie, for teaching me everything.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yes, I love that. I thought you were going to say temu and watch you get slaughtered. You can't say that around here. It's not the right crowd for that. Yeah, we're a different breed here. My family, my sister and my nieces are here visiting from Texas. Love you. And my niece has, like, sinus issues, so she called her doctor who is in Texas. And it's so funny. The difference between us and them like, our doctors, like, oh, my God. You know, they'll, like, sit there calmly talk you through it. This was literally. This guy, he's like, hey, what, you got a rash or something? What is it, sinuses? How old are you, 20? You know what? You need a break. What are you doing drinking every night? What are you out there drinking? You partying? Is that what you're doing? What are you, limbo? Is that what you guys do now? Were you twerking? Were you twerking all night? Stop doing the shots, all right? Just relax, all right? Go to bed. I want to talk to you while you're sleeping. Next time I talk, go to bed. Asleep.

[Ben Mandelker]

Was the doctor Seth Marks?

[Ronnie Karam]

We were. He really sounded like that. What are we doing here? What's your body count? You got some anal going on? What's that? You spit, you swallow? Tell me. I'm like your dad. Talk to me like you're talking to your dad.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, but we are so excited you all are here. We have especially because this is a hometown show for us.

[Ronnie Karam]

So.

[Ben Mandelker]

I've got to shout out all my family and friends, including my wonderful boyfriend, Dominique, who is here tonight.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yay.

[Ben Mandelker]

We love Dominique. But it's also just great to be in a room of Bravo watchers, because earlier today, I was with a group of people who are all awesome and everything, and we were playing a game, and my role in the game was Bone Collector. That was the name of my role. So I was like, hey, everyone, I'm Shrey Whitfield. I'm the Bone Collector. And everyone just stared at me silently. I was like, I'll. I'll have. I'm just going to wait till later tonight.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, years ago, I did, like, a performance art show here, which I know, but it's the only way I can get away with doing, like, comedy or whatever. And so my piece was reading from Ramona Singer's autobiography, and I did it just like her. I was like, whoa, you know what? My name is Ramona Singer. I grew up in a family. And then, of course, I didn't read it before I got up there, and it's like, oh, I came from an abusive father. And I was like, oh. And then I'm stuck there, like, doing this fucking cartoon voice with this woman doing a foreword about being abused by her father.

[Ben Mandelker]

You know what? That's just what happened. Okay, okay.

[Ronnie Karam]

You know what? That's. It. Threw some spaghetti at my face. Nice thick boy. That's it. Okay.

[Ben Mandelker]

At the end of the day, it doesn't even matter because I look young and Avery looks old.

[Ronnie Karam]

Okay. There have been so many good Bravo stars over the years, and we've been blessed to cover so many of them and meet so many of them at shows like this. And tonight is no excuse reception. We got so lucky not only meeting this guy today, but we got him here on his hero edit of the Valley tonight.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yes. The number one guy of the group, please welcome Zach Wickham.

[Ronnie Karam]

Number one guy. I can't see anything.

[Ben Mandelker]

Number one guy, right? Number one guy. Number one guy. Number one.

[Ronnie Karam]

You can take it out if you want to. You want to just hold it? Yeah, yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

You know, the louder you say it, the more it hurts, Jax.

[Zach Wickham]

And we like that. So I almost wore a number one guy in the. But then I was like, no, we don't. No, we don't want to give his merch any.

[Ronnie Karam]

No. Well, that's true. I think the only merch any of us are thinking about are, like, a Jax's hat and a Jax's hoodie so that we can all have something comfortable to do coke in.

[Zach Wickham]

Whatever he said. Yes.

[Ben Mandelker]

Zach. So welcome to the show. What a season you're having. Not only a season. As Ronnie mentioned, the perfect Zach week on the Valley. Like I was.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

Did anyone else feel so proud? Didn't it feel like our child grew up this week?

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

During Pride, no less.

[Zach Wickham]

Where's my graduation certificate?

[Ben Mandelker]

I know.

[Zach Wickham]

I feel like I've graduated.

[Ben Mandelker]

You have. You graduated. You had a big scene where you went up against one of the biggest villains on Bravo and you won, and.

[Ronnie Karam]

He ran away crying, like, a little bit.

[Zach Wickham]

That was my favorite part, actually, was him running away.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Zach Wickham]

I will say, though, I've never understood the biggest villain on Bravo or the biggest villain thing for Jax, because I've always confronted him and done this my entire life. He just was gone for the season, so I didn't have my chance.

[Ronnie Karam]

Aw.

[Ben Mandelker]

He was at an Airbnb somewhere. Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Do we have proof?

[Zach Wickham]

I was like, I don't have. I asked Brittany, do we have a receipt? And she was like, I think there was a $30,000 bill. I don't remember.

[Ronnie Karam]

Girl Brittany doesn't even know how to check her mortgage balance.

[Zach Wickham]

Well, I did.

[Ronnie Karam]

She ain't asking for receipts.

[Zach Wickham]

I did her taxes on her house this year, so. Well, it was like. It was a. Hold on. Let me. I helped them with some paperwork or whatever when it was like, Ms. After Jax, you know, dropped the ball and the ball was hidden, so.

[Ronnie Karam]

So he's never dropped an eight ball?

[Zach Wickham]

No, he can juggle those quite well.

[Ben Mandelker]

So how are you enjoying being on the Valley? You're now two seasons in. How is it feeling? How are you being received? What's it like?

[Zach Wickham]

I mean, I feel like even in my. In normal life with people in general, I feel like I am one of those people that I'm an acquired taste. It takes. People often when they meet me, are like, this isn't real. This is. What is this?

[Ronnie Karam]

And I think that's how people are to tall people. Are you surprised that he's so tall?

[Ben Mandelker]

He's really tall.

[Ronnie Karam]

I didn't know he was tall. He's a tall drink of water is how tall he is. He's 6 foot 10. Handsome. How big are. How tall are you?

[Zach Wickham]

6 foot 4.

[Ben Mandelker]

6.

[Ronnie Karam]

4. They're giving you the Mr. Jefferson edit on that because you don't look tall on there. They.

[Zach Wickham]

You know what sucks is like, I'm like, when Jason. Jason. Six. Two. Luke, six. Almost like three. So like, most of the people that I'm. Well, then, I mean, Jesse and Danny are like midget.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Maybe that's why they do it.

[Zach Wickham]

So maybe that I don't know.

[Ronnie Karam]

But like, I do the Tom Cruise evening out where they.

[Zach Wickham]

They only let me when, like, I'm sitting down and that's the scene. And I'm like, that's so funny. Everybody comes up to me at like, meet and greets or the bar, and they're like, you're kind of tall.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, you're so tall. That's what they do.

[Zach Wickham]

And I'm like, I'm fixing. That's the one thing I will fix next season. Everyone's gonna know that I am taller than everybody.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yes, you are.

[Ben Mandelker]

You need to exercise your tall privilege.

[Ronnie Karam]

Okay, yeah, that's some bullshit. Like, watch Mission Impossible. All those action stars are sitting down.

[Zach Wickham]

Also, if you have tall privilege and you can't use it, what is it there for? You know what I mean? Like, what if my mom's sit and birth for 36 hours for exactly. By the way, I came out two feet.

[Ronnie Karam]

Two feet.

[Zach Wickham]

Well, not out of her vagina. Her stomach.

[Ronnie Karam]

Because you just jumped out. Get me away from this thing.

[Zach Wickham]

Yep, pretty much.

[Ben Mandelker]

Why do I.

[Zach Wickham]

Why do I from birth.

[Ben Mandelker]

Why do I feel like you being birthed was like, oh, my God, it was ridiculous in there.

[Zach Wickham]

Stewie Griffin, like, straight up like, Stewie Griffin, that was me in the womb, was like, I'd redecorate it.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, for sure.

[Ben Mandelker]

Disgusting.

[Zach Wickham]

100%.

[Ben Mandelker]

So wait. One thing that people may or may not know is that you used to be the personal assistant to some celebrities. One first was Nicole Scherzinger, correct?

[Zach Wickham]

Yep.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, wow. Congratulations.

[Zach Wickham]

Seven years on and off.

[Ben Mandelker]

How was that?

[Zach Wickham]

It was an adventure. No, listen. So I've known Nicole since I was a kid. Her little sister was one of my best friends growing up. And she's from Louisville, Kentucky. I know. Crazy Jennifer Lawrence, Nicole and me.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. Trio.

[Zach Wickham]

And yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

So, like, I would literally love to watch that movie. Nicole Scherzinger, Jennifer Lawrence and Zach. I'm watching it.

[Zach Wickham]

I. I constantly told Nicole, I'm like, can we get some cameras in here? That's why, like on Andy's radio show or whatever, she was like, zach always talks. I'm like, number one. I don't always talk about reality TV or wanting to be on it. So let's correct that. It was. She always said, you need a reality show. And I go, I know.

[Ben Mandelker]

And then you also were an assistant. Not an assistant, but you worked for. And I honestly, this, to me, I'm more starstruck by this and I'm also more terrified by it. But you worked for Kelly Catrone.

[Zach Wickham]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

Former Bravo star.

[Ronnie Karam]

I hope all of the people that you were assistants for work in Sunset Boulevard, because I would love to see Kelly Cattrone just being like, I'm the greatest star of all. Cry outside, you stupid, stupid motherfucker. Get out of my mansion.

[Zach Wickham]

I'm not gonna lie. Kelly is one of the greatest, most like, kind and compassionate humans. I swear. I swear I'm not even lying. I'm not. She's not paying me. I promise.

[Ronnie Karam]

Roll with it.

[Zach Wickham]

No, but I swear, she's so good. But now is she a hard ass? Is she all of those things? Absolutely. But I feel like we, like, really connected and we had a great report. I mean, we had a ball. We had a fun ass time.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. But you don't, because we're both crazy. You're not like a crier at work.

[Zach Wickham]

I'm not a crier at work. I cry out of work.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Like you said, that's what I cry.

[Zach Wickham]

On my own time.

[Ben Mandelker]

Do you think you would have been able. Do you think you would have been able to fare so well on the Valley if you'd not had formative years under Kelly Cattron? Because I feel like that. That toughens you. Right.

[Zach Wickham]

You know what? I'm going to have to give it up to Kelly and Nicole. And I'm not going to lie, Louisiana in general, for really forming me and molding me into someone who can literally withstand and hold like, hold my own in any situation.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Zach Wickham]

Thank you.

[Ben Mandelker]

So everyone go work for Nicole Scherzinger and Kelly Cattrone, and you'll be fine. And so what?

[Ronnie Karam]

Make Jesus great again?

[Ben Mandelker]

And then in terms of.

[Zach Wickham]

Okay, so I have to go.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, wait. So who are you on good terms with in your cast?

[Zach Wickham]

Wow, that came out of nowhere. Who am I good terms with on my cast? I will say it went really silent like that. It got real. You all really.

[Ronnie Karam]

I just heard, like.

[Zach Wickham]

Like, I saw, like, lights with people, like, texting, and then the. It went down immediately and they were like, say it, Zach. Say it. Say, we know what you want to say. I'll say this there. We had the reunion early, as you all know, because Kristen and Nia were pregnant and now have babies.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yay.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yay. That's sweet.

[Zach Wickham]

They're so beautiful. Kaya's amazing. I haven't met Nia's baby yet, but she named her baby Adelaide, which I think is cute.

[Ronnie Karam]

That's a cute name.

[Zach Wickham]

Cute. But I pre told her that I'm gonna call this baby Addie, and that is what I call my Adderall.

[Ronnie Karam]

So I was like, well, it would be fitting she is on this cast.

[Zach Wickham]

I was like, girl, just know, because before she was having the baby, she gave me, like, a bunch of names and I kept going, nope, they're gonna be made fun of. Here's the nickname that I would give them if I was bullying them. And, like, I literally went down a list of, like, how I would bully her child when it got older with the name she was giving it. And so she did change it from what I bullied her out of.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, I'm like, what a nice name. It's like Guys and Dolls. You're like. It's like Aditya. So is there anyone that you're maybe a little bit on pause when you.

[Zach Wickham]

Were saying you got. I thought I did. So good skirting that question.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah.

[Zach Wickham]

So you felt I gave you fucking narrative. I g. Behind the scenes shit that nobody knows.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'll go with your skirt then. Okay. So you filmed the reunion earlier.

[Zach Wickham]

I'll just say.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'll just say, was it difficult having already filmed the reunion, but then seeing all this shit happen because you guys hadn't seen all the episodes yet, right? When you filmed.

[Zach Wickham]

No, we had seen all the episodes.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, okay.

[Zach Wickham]

We had not seen the audiences. Oh, well, wait. Am I not supposed to say that shit?

[Ben Mandelker]

Bravo.

[Zach Wickham]

I'm sorry.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, no, it's okay.

[Zach Wickham]

No, no, no.

[Ronnie Karam]

That's.

[Zach Wickham]

That's known. I think Well, I mean, I guess it's not. No. We were so right before the reunion, we were given the episode. We had to watch them. How can you have a reunion when you don't know what's going on? So we did see them, but what we did not see. I'm probably not supposed to be saying any of this. Whatever. I don't care. We didn't see the after show.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Did you shoot the after show?

[Ben Mandelker]

It all goes down on the after show.

[Zach Wickham]

Bitch.

[Ronnie Karam]

That. Yeah. The after show is like a whole other experience. Most of the comments, I think, on all of the episodes are about the after show. The stuff going down on the after show.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, yeah, sure is. Well, it's great.

[Zach Wickham]

And it's not like. Cause I'm sitting, you know, now I've seen them. I'm like, oh, whatever. And like, oh, I'll watch the after show. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, wait, what? No, no, no. And then I'm like, what do I do? I can't tweet that. I can't. I gotta wait.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, if you ever need.

[Zach Wickham]

The reunion's over.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Well, if you ever need to have a nice talk about it, you guys can come do a zoom call with us and watch a crappy.

[Ben Mandelker]

That's right. I just want to say one. One thing before we wrap up with you is that I just want to say I do not like the way the straight men talk to you on the show. And I feel like Zach deserves to be treated better by those guys.

[Zach Wickham]

I feel like they have the audacity sometimes because they're so insecure with them, Their, like, own selves that they project, and they just kind of fall back into those high school ways. But it's okay, because it don't. Like, let me put it this way. Nothing bothers me. Jesse, like, sent a message the other day, which Jesse and I are. Well, okay, fine, we're cool. But he sent me a message and was like, hey, I didn't realize I said that. Like, I'm really sorry about, like, the throwing off the cliff. And I go, bitch, I laughed. And I was like. And if I had the chance, they probably cut the part where I said, I would, like, have thrown you off something. Like, it's okay. Like, that's part of whatever. But I feel like they feel they regress into this. This, like, high school mentality.

[Ronnie Karam]

And.

[Zach Wickham]

Yeah, I just don't fuck with that, though. And so, like, they can do whatever they want to me, but, like, I'm still Gonna be here.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Listen, as a famous gay once said, sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will always read you.

[Ben Mandelker]

Now, listen, before you go, I feel like we should have, like, a little toast. Is there. Should we? You wanna.

[Ronnie Karam]

Let's get some more wine.

[Ben Mandelker]

Do we have someone who can bring us out some wine?

[Ronnie Karam]

Someone?

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, wait. We have someone here. Oh, yes, young lady. Oh, my God. It's Hannah from below deck.

[Ronnie Karam]

Med.

[Ben Mandelker]

June. June, Hannah. June. June, Hannah. Everyone, give it up for Hannah, one of our favorite chief stes of all time.

[Ronnie Karam]

Hi.

[Ben Mandelker]

Thanks for keeping me entertained while I'm.

[Ronnie Karam]

Home with the baby.

[Zach Wickham]

I'm gonna get in so much trouble for this interview, y' all.

[Ronnie Karam]

What a great crowd. Well, Anna, it's so good to have you here.

[Ben Mandelker]

I love you. All right, well, let's.

[Ronnie Karam]

I love you. It's always so good seeing you. I saw that you were at dinner with captain Sandy. You and Aisha. How was that? It was very good.

[Ben Mandelker]

And Nadine, our amazing showrunner.

[Ronnie Karam]

It was. Was good. Yeah. Yeah. Sandy getting along these days?

[Ben Mandelker]

We. We are. We are. I think we've both chilled out a little bit.

[Ronnie Karam]

That's good. So is there any chance you'll end up back? I don't think so.

[Ben Mandelker]

I don't think I could sleep in.

[Ronnie Karam]

Those little bunks anymore.

[Ben Mandelker]

I've got, like, a California king at home.

[Zach Wickham]

What about traders? Would you do traders?

[Ronnie Karam]

I think I'd do traders. Yeah.

[Zach Wickham]

With me?

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah.

[Zach Wickham]

Let's do it together.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

And we'll be the traders and just try.

[Zach Wickham]

And no one will know we have an alliance except watch what crapp.

[Ronnie Karam]

Just the few hundred people that are here.

[Zach Wickham]

You can just pour it in there.

[Ben Mandelker]

All right, everyone. Cheers to an amazing tour. Thank you both for coming on.

[Ronnie Karam]

Cheers. Love you. Thank you.

[Ben Mandelker]

Love you.

[Ronnie Karam]

Cheers.

[Ben Mandelker]

Thank you. And cheers, everyone. Thank you both for coming. Zach. Thank you, Hannah.

[Ronnie Karam]

Also. Fuck Jax. I just had to say it. Fuck Jax. Yes. Yes.

[Ben Mandelker]

Thank you so much. You know, I'm gonna give this to you to bring backstage. Just. Just bring it backstage.

[Zach Wickham]

Oh, I was like. You want me to continue?

[Ben Mandelker]

Thank you so much, everyone.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, that's very grassy. Here you go. Thank you. Oh, here, one minute. Handed down.

[Ben Mandelker]

Wow.

[Ronnie Karam]

All right. Yeah, actually, that was a great idea. And Hannah stole my opening line. I would love to just start this recap out by saying, Fuck Jax. 1, 2, 3.

[Ben Mandelker]

Fuck Jax.

[Ronnie Karam]

Thank you.

[Ben Mandelker]

You can never say it too much.

[Ronnie Karam]

Feels so much better saying that with a whole group of people. Oh, my God. It's time for a commercial. It's time for A Crappin's commercial. I'm not big on trends, but I am big on clothes that feel good and last. And that's why I keep going back to quints. Their high quality staples have become my everyday essentials.

[Ben Mandelker]

Quince has all the things you actually want to wear this summer, like organic cotton silk polos, European linen beach shorts and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners.

[Ronnie Karam]

The best part? Everything with Quints is half the cost of similar brands.

[Ben Mandelker]

By working directly with top artisans and cutting out the middlemen, Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markups.

[Ronnie Karam]

And Quint's only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes.

[Ben Mandelker]

I have to say I'm a big, big fan of Quince and I have actually put in an order for a Flknit Breeze performance pocket tee that I'm very excited to rock around this summer.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, we both love quints. We wear it all the time. I even use quints to buy stuff for my father because he's trying to get more fashionable and quint is the way to do it.

[Ben Mandelker]

Stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from quince. Go to quince.com crappens for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N C E.com crappins to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quinn.com/crappens how much do I love dogs? This much you can't see because this is an audio ad, but I'm holding my hands really far apart to show that I love dogs an awful lot. You know what else I love an awful lot? CareCredit. You can use the CareCredit credit card to pay for your dog's vet care.

[Ronnie Karam]

Or for your own dental, vision and more.

[Ben Mandelker]

At over 270,000 locations, CareCredit offers flexible financing for health and wellness for pets and people. I give it two thumbs and 3.5 paws up.

[Ronnie Karam]

Visit carecredit.com to apply and find a location near you. Subject to credit approval. Well, first of all, to all the husbands, thank you so much for being here. Y Yep, you do not have to stay. If you need to go watch your balls being thrown, feel free to go into that back bar. But thank you for being here and being such supportive husbands because we know you all are. We've met you and they're like, my husband will watch it with me and I'm like, God bless you. I'll give you a child.

[Ben Mandelker]

That was such an exciting way to start for us. And what I love is that now we get to recap one of the best episodes of the year. So, yes, it's gonna be a fun one.

[Ronnie Karam]

This is gonna be long. So if you need to pee, feel free to go pee. Just don't talk in each other's ears. Okay? Are you ready?

[Ben Mandelker]

Let's do it.

[Ronnie Karam]

Watermelon bicycle.

[Ben Mandelker]

Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather.

[Ronnie Karam]

Previously on the Valley.

[Ben Mandelker]

Hi, it's me, Sheena shay. I spent $3 million to move to the Valley and get to be on the show. No. You don't want me. No.

[Ronnie Karam]

Anyways, guys, I finally did it. I left Jesse.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, that's cool, Michelle. That's really cool.

[Ronnie Karam]

That's awesome. Guys, I did it. I finally left. Dry hands.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yes. Finally. Someone finally gets divorced around here. Oh, my God. Yes. Best divorcing person ever. Maripasa. Okay, you know what? You know, so I threw a coffee table and broke a few walls. I mean, why should I have to go to rehab? I mean, you're ruining my life, you nutrisystem succubus.

[Ronnie Karam]

You're a cocaine addict. There, I said it.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're a coke addict.

[Ronnie Karam]

But I'm only a coke addict on the weekends. It doesn't count. Get out.

[Ben Mandelker]

Hey, guys, it's me. It's Jax. I'm in a mental health facility right now because I want to be a better person. It's just like.

[Ronnie Karam]

Ah.

[Ben Mandelker]

Like, by the way, you should come down, see my bar. We can take some shots, talk about mental health. I'm a good person now.

[Ronnie Karam]

I just got a text from jx.

[Ben Mandelker]

Listen here, you clownface minotaur. I've been in rehab for 10 minutes after throwing furniture at you, and you can't even visit me or bring me coke? What the fuck kind of wife are you?

[Ronnie Karam]

Hey, that's not nice. I'm taking Mamaw's beer cheese out of your bar.

[Ben Mandelker]

Um, Danny, you got drunk at a bar, grabbed my ass, made me call you daddy, and then tried to take a big bite out of my throat while screeching like a walking dead zombie.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, I did. You like that?

[Ben Mandelker]

No. No, that was disgusting.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't remember a thing. Three under three. I got three under three, baby. Guys, it's me, neighbor and friend, Sheena Shay. It's Sheena's famous enchilada night. You want to shoot a scene about it?

[Ben Mandelker]

Hey, guys. To celebrate Michelle cheating on an innocent man and ruining his life, I'm inviting you all to stay in a house in Santa Barbara.

[Ronnie Karam]

Ah, cool. Does she know about you calling her a whore in the gosh chat? Whoops.

[Ben Mandelker]

How dare you. I am the mother of your child.

[Ronnie Karam]

Women. Right, Johnette?

[Ben Mandelker]

Let's celebrate being in Santa Barbara by calling a truce.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm completely over it, Zach. I'm just glad you could apologize for saying that you wanted to murder my unborn child.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, I didn't say that.

[Ronnie Karam]

And then tying me up and putting me in the trunk of your car.

[Ben Mandelker]

I did not say that.

[Ronnie Karam]

And then digging a hole in your backyard and trying to bury me alive.

[Ben Mandelker]

That's too far. I don't have upper body strength for digging.

[Ronnie Karam]

Just say you're sorry, Zach.

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay. Sorry.

[Ronnie Karam]

Thank you. I taped this so I can play it to my child, who is still very uncomfortable.

[Ben Mandelker]

Jesus Christ.

[Ronnie Karam]

Guys, I have to tell you something really, really dark about Dark side Danny. I was in the closet looking for stuff to make casseroles, and dark side Danny came in and took a secret Dark side Danny. Chug of Dark side Danny. Tequila and dark side Danny made me very, very dark side. Hold on. Wait for it. Uncomfortable.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, no.

[Ronnie Karam]

By the way, is anybody called Jax? I really miss that guy. What a good person. We need to get him back here.

[Ben Mandelker]

Hey, guys. Here I am in rehab, thinking about all the things I've done wrong. And like, ah, I just. I could. I could list them all here, but I forgot what they were. And if I did them, it's only because Brittany made me do them. Anyway, I'm just so grateful. I mean, just that I'm a changed man now.

[Ronnie Karam]

Bloop. Yo, Jax is texting me. You dumb hooker. I've got cameras in the Santa Barbara house and I can see everything your stupid face is doing. Don't even go to bed tonight. Cause you know what? I'm under the bed. I'm under the bed. I'm eating your foot right now. You taste like a chicken and wing.

[Ben Mandelker]

You know, Janet, I really miss that guy. I'm gonna call Jax.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, Zach, Janet's telling everyone your husband is an alcoholic.

[Ben Mandelker]

That's not very nice.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, yeah, she wants to mess with my best friend. Well, her husband doesn't wear his wedding ring when he does the dishes at night.

[Ben Mandelker]

Guys, guys, Jax comes out of rehab tomorrow, so let's change the name of Jax's for a night to Brits. So she can know what it's like to run a sad, run down makeshift bar in a parking lot tent for a day.

[Ronnie Karam]

Y' all. Y' all are so sweet. You were the best friends a girl could ever have. Bloop. Oh, God. I just got another text message from Jax. I just had to check into a hospital with high blood pressure, hypertension, rickets, restless leg syndrome, alopecia, halitosis, blephoplasty, and sids. Now will someone please shoot a scene with me? Oh, this is from Cena. This is just from Cena Corner.

[Ben Mandelker]

And scene. Now you're all caught up.

[Ronnie Karam]

So it's the return of Jax. The homegoods finally made Jax get off of whatever couch he's been sleeping on for three weeks. Does anybody believe Jax was in rehab?

[Ben Mandelker]

I am loving this audience tonight. I really feel like we're at a town hall talking about whether or not to build a highway through town. What do we want, Fields?

[Ronnie Karam]

What do we not want? Highways.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's great. Keep it up.

[Ronnie Karam]

So we start with Brittany, and she's playing with Cruz, and they're playing with an Alphabet puzzle. And I was like, who's learning? I like when we can both learn together. We can just learn together. Bless her heart.

[Ben Mandelker]

Hey, JX is coming out of the facility today, and I'm extremely nervous about it. Okay. And I've had to do a little bit of peace knowing that he was in there when I was safe. But now. Now I'm not safe.

[Ronnie Karam]

So then we get Jesse picking up Jax from rehab, and it's a Denny's. It's just a Denny's. So Jax gets in, and Jesse's like, wow, man, I'm, like, so proud of you. Like, just listen from one emotionally abusive narcissist to another. Good for you. I mean, what, have you been in that hoodie for 30 days? Have you ever changed out of that hoodie?

[Ben Mandelker]

Thanks, bro. I. I just got my 30 day token. That's a piece of Joe Bazooka gum, but we'll accept it.

[Ronnie Karam]

Okay, good. You snorted your token.

[Ben Mandelker]

He's like, yeah, I did it. I mean, you know, I didn't think I was gonna be able to do it, but then when I remembered I wasn't actually in rehab, I was able to do it.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Jesse actually tells him. Oh, your 30 day chip. Wow. You better keep that on you at all times. Oh, he will. Trust me. He will wield that at any chance. How could you be mean to me? 30 days.

[Ben Mandelker]

Listen, I got. You know what? I got a lot of feelings because, you know, I know I'm walking into a shitstorm, but, you know, it's all about how I handle it. You know, my anger has just Been such an issue all my life, but it's all about how you handle the anger. Not a problem at all for me. I went to rehab. Yeah, totally fine.

[Ronnie Karam]

He's like, you know what? I really like rehab. Because, like, you know, like, I felt safer there. I felt safe. No one could hurt me in rehab. I mean, I could hurt them, but there's only so many nurses, you know, I got kind of bored. Looking great, Jax, he literally says, I.

[Ben Mandelker]

Just don't want to go back to my old ways because it's very easy to slip. And then it cuts him directly. Going to like, man, I am back. Some serious shit. Some serious, serious stuff. Stuff I'll take to the grave with my mother. And guess what? Who visited me? No one. I mean, I'm crying nonstop there. It was just one thing after another. I mean, this right up there with my father's death, everything. Life is tough. For a moment. You might think he's being, like, introspective, except this is a script that he then uses for the rest of the episode.

[Ronnie Karam]

And also, just for those of you without any kind of addiction problems, first of all, you must be fun at parties. Remind me who not to sit next to tonight. But the other thing is, you don't get visitors in rehab.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, that's what was weird to me.

[Ronnie Karam]

Has anybody considered that? I haven't seen that at all. Like, how is it even normal that you're asking for visitors in rehab?

[Ben Mandelker]

I was like. I was wondering about that. I was like, I haven't been to rehab, but I thought you'd just get isolated from the world. And. And anyway, it's Jack's rehab, so who knows?

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, I mean, I'm poor, so, you know, my help has always been, like, Salvation army style, but still. Okay, that got dark. Welcome. Welcome to the next five hours of your life.

[Ben Mandelker]

I know. So Jax is somehow. He's managing to blame other people for this. Right away, he's like, you know what? I was just never. I was never held accountable for my actions.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. You know, like, nobody. You know, nobody ever held me accountable. Like, I'm so glad you guys have to do it, because certainly nobody else in my life is gonna do it. Jesus Christ. Count on a fucking woman to do it. That's for fucking sure.

[Ben Mandelker]

Let me tell. Let me tell you something, bro. Hand. The days of no one taking you accountable are over.

[Ronnie Karam]

Okay, can we start with your blush? I mean, if you're Jax's true friend and you're gonna hold his ass accountable, be like, are we contouring now what the fuck are you lego, man? Stop. What are you doing? You're making yourself look like more of a meth head. Listen.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, no, no, no, no. The accountability starts today. And no one's gonna hold you more accountable than me. So if you want to complain about Britney right now, I will not say a word. Continue.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Jax, of course, is like, I'm not making excuse. I'm not making excuses, man. I'm not making excuses. You know, it's just like, what the fuck? Why is everybody making me do drugs all the time? It's like fucking crazy.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Jesse's like, look, no one's gonna give you a break. Everyone understands what's going on, but everyone's also hurting. He's like, nobody's hurting. They're all partying. If you're all hurting, they would have come to visit me. You know who came to visit me? Not one fucking person. Not even my wife of 10 years. Not even my wife. And to top it off, I found out that she had a party at my bar last night. And she called it British. I mean, the night before I get out of rehab. Now, admittedly, if this had been Countess Luann saying this, it would be hilarious. Could you believe it? They had a party in my cabaret the night after I got out of rehab. Can you even believe it? And not a single person visited me.

[Ronnie Karam]

Literally. Anybody else saying it would have been funny. You know what I mean? How could you do that to me? I spend a few dates in rehab and then I find out that the having a party, my bar, calling it Brits. I don't even know who that is. Who's that person? When did I get a bar?

[Ben Mandelker]

What's going on? So we can just have, like a party in my bar while I'm in rehab? That's what you're going to do? Yeah, just going to call it Brits instead of Bethany's. Okay, That's a Cheetah brand right there. That's a Cheetah bar. Cheetah Bar. Cheetah Bar. Cheetah Bar.

[Ronnie Karam]

You're a slut.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're a slut. Stupid Cheetah Bar. Go back to rehab. You're a stupid person. Get yourself off a dog.

[Ronnie Karam]

Wait, by the way.

[Ben Mandelker]

All right, let's go.

[Ronnie Karam]

This chicken salad is good. This chicken salad.

[Ben Mandelker]

Hold on. The beaches. Let's taste the beaches. Could use some more. It's good. Some more.

[Ronnie Karam]

That's good. Okay, so. So Jax is doing his whole, you know, it's tough. I mean, it's not easy, you know, you try to do the right thing. You know me, Jax, the guy who tries to do the right thing constantly. You try to be a good father. I mean, I told my kid, like, you want to learn what it's like to be a man? Good. I'm kicking you out of the house at 3 years old.

[Ben Mandelker]

What's your name again?

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm learning how to use fucking Airbnb, you little douchebag.

[Ben Mandelker]

So he comes to the house, and he looks and he sees all his stuff in trash bags, which I. I mean, I'm still laughing. Yes, yes. I'm still laughing at Kristen putting one shoe in one trash bag at one or the other. It was just so perfect.

[Ronnie Karam]

So he's going through. Seeing this. He's like, I'm not gonna. You know what? Like, she can't keep everything in here. Like, I got brand new everything, you know, Like, I'm not gonna take her dishes. I'm not gonna take her cups. Wow. Fucking generous, Jax.

[Ben Mandelker]

Thanks, Jax.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm even gonna give her my fucking $20,000 love sack couch. Was anybody else surprised that he has a love sack couch? I'm sorry. I've been into that store. Those couches are very comfortable. And for $20,000, they better come with a team of whores on them to please me. $20,000.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Jax is like, you know what? Like, look, I'm doing this all for my son, okay? I'm not taking anything from this home. I'm going to do it for my son. As soon as I get my haircut, as soon as I get my Botox, as soon as I go tape an episode of Watch what Happens Live, I'm doing it for my son. What's his name again?

[Ronnie Karam]

You know, on. I read on Reddit because, you know, I ain't watching that shit. But when he was on Watch what Happens Live, they. They apparently brought up his going to get a haircut and stuff, and he's like, what? I was trying to look good for my son.

[Ben Mandelker]

What is this? Is this, like, she's all that is. Jack's gonna come down a staircase to, like, kiss me. He was ridiculous. On Watch what Happens Live, I watch it, and this is every. Just ask a question, Ronnie.

[Zach Wickham]

Any.

[Ben Mandelker]

Just ask me any question, all right?

[Ronnie Karam]

She's got boobs and he loves Lou. They. Jax. Okay, Jax, what do you think about algebra? What do you think about it?

[Ben Mandelker]

You know what? Like, algebra. Like, you know, I'm trying. Like, you know, it's hard with all those letters, but it's my control issues, and I'm working on numbers and it's just like, it's. I apologize. I was a crazy person during algebra, but like, now I'm totally down with X's and Y's. It's great. Yeah, I'm totally different. Everything was that. Every single thing.

[Ronnie Karam]

Every time they asked a question to America, it's like, america, who do you hate the most? You know, Hitler or, you know, Jax is like 100% Jax. Fuck Jax. So he's just, you know, there's a lot going on in the country right now, but it was one moment where I think I could watch TV and say, I'm proud of us.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. America did two things. Like, there were two things that brought America together this. This week. There was us voting on those polls and there was us voting to recouple Jeremiah with Iris. Good job, America. We still have it in us. So Jax is going on a. Jax is still going on a rant. So he's like, he's doing this all for the child. And then he says, I mean, no woman needs a five bedroom house. I mean, you are a woman with a child. You should be living in a cave with some dust on the floor and be happy about it.

[Ronnie Karam]

And Jesse's like, okay, well, you know, like, she did mention the mortgage thing. So he's like, oh, yeah, paid it off. Yeah, paid it off. Paid it off. You did not fucking pay it off.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, he says. He says he paid off the mortgage. And then Jesse's like, well, I heard you did. And he goes, oh, well, I stopped paying it off. You know, when I found out about Julian because I stopped paying our bills, I was like, great, I hope the house goes into foreclosure. What sort of revenge plan is that? It's your house.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm gonna fuck up my entire life.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're gonna cheat on me? Well, guess what? I'm gonna make sure I lose my house.

[Ronnie Karam]

So just let me keep the golf cart. Because you know he's gonna still be in that golf. He'll be homeless. He doesn't care. He'll still be in that golf cart taking tiktoks of himself. Like, this is a good day not to have a house. So Jesse. Jesse's like, do you know about my party tomorrow? And he's like, am I invited? Because I better be fucking invited. Because you're my friend. You're nobody else's friend. You're my friend. So I'm coming to the house. I don't give a. He's like, it's for like, Benji's deportation We're trying to find something to rhyme with deportation. So I'm not really sure that you're the best fit for this party.

[Ben Mandelker]

Awkward week for this party, I'm gonna say, but. So he's like, oh, there's a party? Well, I'm gonna go. He's like, well, it's Zach's party. He's like, well, I'm gonna go. I thought it was rich that Zach, that Jax was wanted to crash this party when he is the one who loves to disinvite and block people from his parties. And now he's just gonna walk in like it's his own shit. I was like, no, sir, you will not be doing that blocked by Frank Drevin.

[Ronnie Karam]

So he's like, yeah, you know, I just got a rehab, so I want to go. I deserve to go to a fucking party with alcohol and drugs.

[Ben Mandelker]

I know. Whoever was running that rehab was so proud when he said that. Oh, man, I can't wait to go out to a party now that I've been on rehab for 30 days. They're like, our work here is dumb commercials.

[Ronnie Karam]

Here comes one right now. We acting bad, bad, bad, bad. We ain't trying to hurt nobody.

[Ben Mandelker]

For decades, he was untouchable.

[Ronnie Karam]

I've gone from Harlem to Hollywood, but.

[Ben Mandelker]

Now it's all coming undone. Sean Combs, the mogul as we know it is over. He will never be that person again, even if he's found not guilty of these charges. I'm Jesse Weber, host of Law and Crimes. The rise in fall of Diddy. The federal trial, a front row seat to the biggest trial in entertainment history. Sex trafficking, racketeering, prostitution. Allegations by federal prosecutors that span decades, and witnesses who are finally speaking out. The spotlight is harsher, the stakes are higher, and for Diddy, there may be no second chances. You can listen to. To the Rise and fall of Diddy. The Federal trial, exclusively with Wondery. Join Wondery in the Wondery app, Spotify, or Apple podcasts right now.

[Ronnie Karam]

So now we get Zach in the car calling Jasmine, and he's like, oh, my God, Jasmine, you're not going to believe what's happening to me right now. I'm driving to the airport for bungee. I would only do that because I'm a good. It shows you what a good boyfriend I am. Remember when you picked me up at the airport, like, three episodes ago? Let's roll the clip. Roll the clip.

[Ben Mandelker]

This. This scene was painful for me only because I just watched him going down La Cienega Boulevard and, like, went one inch over the course of the entire scene. I was like, we've all been there. We've all been there, girl.

[Ronnie Karam]

My sister was like, I'm gonna come see your last show. I'm looking for. There's no nonstop flight. I think this one has three stops. Do we have to go to Burbank? I'm like, you're not my sister unless you come to Burbank. I don't care if you take a fucking bus from Austin. I will not be driving to lax. It hurts.

[Ben Mandelker]

So then we go over to Aaron's house. Aaron is the honey maven. Maven. Okay. Whoa. Who Michelle met at Runyon Canyon. Aaron.

[Ronnie Karam]

This is Aaron. He looks like a gay guy that someone's throwing a ball to. He's like.

[Ben Mandelker]

Aaron and Isabella's relationship is incredible. I never dreamt of anything like this. He wakes up, and they go outside, and then they come back inside. It's beautiful.

[Ronnie Karam]

That was kind of odd, the things that they do. Yes. They get up together, and then they go into the yard, and they walk on the grass, and they look at the flowers. It is everything I have ever wanted. Go shopping, you know, it's like, your stepdaughter. Go do something. Here's grass.

[Ben Mandelker]

Aaron's like, is it weird that I would live here with Isabella? She's like, no, no. Isabella's my other girlfriend. Oh.

[Ronnie Karam]

My name is Jenna. Jenna's still trying. She's, like, trying to climb over the fence.

[Ben Mandelker]

Jenna. Jenna showed up again this episode. They even gave her her name. I was like, oh, Jenna's gonna do it. She's gonna do her big one.

[Ronnie Karam]

No, she keeps trying. It's like an audition, but she never quite makes it. You know, she's always, like, getting kicked off of Hollywood Week, and then they're like, it's Hollywood Week again. It's already been Hollywood week 10 times. Get rid of Jenna. I can't take anymore. Jenna. Someone wrote in a comment that Jenna was the one who cheated with J. He cheated. Wait, she. James, cheated on Kristen with Jenna. Oh, geez. So Jenna's been working for a long time.

[Ben Mandelker]

You did all that work and were left out of all the scandal press. That's just hard.

[Ronnie Karam]

Give Jenna something that's hard.

[Ben Mandelker]

Throw her a bone.

[Ronnie Karam]

Throw her a bone.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Michelle starts talking about how, you know, we know her mom is dying and stuff. And she's saying that Jesse won't even let Isabella go see the mother while she's dying. What the fuck? Who does that?

[Ben Mandelker]

It's just amazing how many different ways the guys could Be terrible on this show.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Jesse is really skating by having Jax on this show because this happened. And everyone's like, whatever, fuck you, Jack. We can run over multiple people. Just make the bus big enough. Make it big enough.

[Ben Mandelker]

So then we go over to the Smokehouse. Speaking of Burbank. Woo. Smokehouse. By the way, I did go to the Valley today. I just want everyone to know I know people.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, you went.

[Ben Mandelker]

I went to the Valley today.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh. Well, congratulations, Ben. Wow. Stepping down.

[Ben Mandelker]

I wanted to get ready for the show, you know, I was like, let's see what it feels like. Like here in the Valley in the sun. Where six degrees hotter.

[Ronnie Karam]

Six degrees hotter. Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

So of course their restaurant is called the Smokehouse. They cannot stop doing drugs even to go eat. Like, Jesus Christ.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Jason and Danny get there first because this is the welcome back Jack's dinner. And Jason's like, hey, bro, I just want to say, Danny, I got your text, but we're not good right now. But tonight's about Jax. So we can pretend to be good, but we're not good, okay?

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, the Dockers are mad. Oh, no.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, wait, I got a text. Janet says, you also are not getting any casserole. Sorry.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Jason is like, yeah. At Brits Bar Darkside, Danny was drunk again. Drunk, drunk, drunk. A person on the Valley was drunk drunk. Get all the people from the houses. Cause a person from the Valley was drunk drunk. Get him. Is drunk. Shut the fuck up. You're all fucking alcoholics and drug addicts. I don't want to hear it from you. You have to have at least been drunk once you marry Janet.

[Ben Mandelker]

So more of the guys show up. Jack shows up and they give him a round of applause like he just came back from war. They're like, he's changed so much, guys.

[Ronnie Karam]

I'm like the best I've ever been in my life. Like, it was just so fucking amazing. I just came out. I felt this weight lifted off my shoulder. Yeah, I'm still the same hoodie and hat. I don't know if anybody's noticed, but yeah, you know, I was spiraling, guys. I was spiraling. It was so bad. I was just such a bad person. God, it's good to be a good person again. God, Danny, have you always been this fucking short? You fucking alcoholic. What the fuck is wrong with you? Loser.

[Ben Mandelker]

All right, guys, guys, I learned something, okay? I learned that drinking and drugs are not the problem, okay? It's deep rooted issues. That's my way of saying, I'm still gonna drink and do drugs. I'm not drinking at dinner now, but I drank a lot before I got here. I want you guys to hold me accountable. And by holding me accountable, I want you to say nothing and let's just have some steak. Am I right, bros?

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. I'm not gonna sit here and tell you I'm not gonna drink. I'm just not gonna get shit based. You know what I mean? But like, I'm not gonna stop drinking. Like, why would I do that? Like, it's crazy. You know what happens if you don't drink and you do coke? You're fucking. You feel like you're having a fucking heart attack, right?

[Ben Mandelker]

So then this guy Dave, who is Jax's business partner. Good luck, Dave.

[Ronnie Karam]

This fucking guy Dave, okay?

[Ben Mandelker]

He's like, wait a second, everyone. My name's Dave and I've got something to say. Jax went away for 30 days and you guys hijacked the bar. Okay, we gotta talk about what happened last night. We have to talk about it.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, I'm sorry, Dave. Were you the person who filled in a parking lot, put up a tent and let Jack sell some beer there? Wow, have we hurt you, Dave? Shut the up, Dave. You're too old for this crew, Dave. Nobody gonna you just because you're standing by the cokehead, okay, Go try and get laid like everybody else. Wear some risers and pretend you're a producer of something, right?

[Ben Mandelker]

I mean, he certainly had no problem accepting the cash for those drinks. So Danny's like, well, I didn't hijack his bar. And Jack says, well, you may not have hijacked my bar, but you partaked.

[Ronnie Karam]

Tell me you've been with Britney too long. I mean, why would you do this? Why would you do this? The day before I came out. The day before. The day before someone comes out of fucking mental health facility. That's what you fucking do. You came out of a mental health facility after fucking throwing a coffee tables with that somebody while your child was in the house. While you were in a. You don't get a fucking Nobel Peace Prize for being put away, you ape. Was he talking about, I love this. Like, how could you do this? Me, the victim?

[Ben Mandelker]

So then Jax is like, oh, so wow, tell me about Santa Barbara. Because I heard Danny, whoa. I heard you were blacking out. You were crazy, man. Oh, you're a bad drinker. You're a bad, bad. You got to take care of that. You're dark side, Danny. You got to take care of that drinking. But by the way, guys drinking and Drugs is not the cause of anything.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. And Jason actually starts this because Jason's like, yeah, Santa Barbara was really fucking great with Dark side Danny. And Danny's like, what? What were you talking about? What did I even do? Danny went up after drinking and was like, janet, why are you so mean? She's like, how dare you? I'm so attacked. Call the police. Call the police. I am being screamed at by a male.

[Ben Mandelker]

Call the police.

[Ronnie Karam]

Me, too. Me too. Janet, by the way, I'm so sorry for the side of the stage. I can fit in a size large when I'm standing now, but not when I'm sitting. So my whole bottom of my hairy ass is hanging out there, and there's nothing else I could do. I'm so sorry. You guys are union. You can take it. But you guys, I'm so sorry.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Jesse. Jesse's like, guess what, guys? We don't call him Dark side Danny anymore. And Jason goes, I'll do it. Jesse goes, no, we call him Pantry Danny. And Jason's like, no, I still call him Dark side Danny. I was like, wow, a real battle of the burns here.

[Ronnie Karam]

Docker's coming through with a burner. So Danny's like, I wasn't even close to blacked out. I don't know what you were talking about. I knew exactly what I was doing when I was confronting Janet about being a horrible fucking Karen. I don't know what you want me to say about it. And Jason's like, you're in such denial, it's insane, dude. Do you know how long Janet had to sit in our mini ball pit and apologize to our traumatized child?

[Ben Mandelker]

She was so upset, she hit her head three times on our low hanging hood in the kitchen.

[Ronnie Karam]

She put an extra egg in the casserole.

[Ben Mandelker]

It was so stiff. So Jax is like, well, you know, maybe drinking is the problem for you. You know, I mean, for me, my issue is anger. I think it's a little bit more than that. So Dane's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Things are getting blown out of proportion. I'm not an alcoholic or anything. Five more shots, please, under the table. Thank you very much.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. So now they all start jumping on Dani for being an alcoholic while they're sitting with Jax.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

And Jesse, frankly. I mean, Jesse's eyes are always like dimes. Not a one of you doesn't do this shit. Janet. You know, Janet's a wasted fucking mess off of this show. You know? She is. I would have asked Zach if I knew we weren't gonna get in trouble.

[Ben Mandelker]

I like that Jesse comes with his own cup holder in his hair. That little hair dent. Just put a cup right in there. He's good to go.

[Ronnie Karam]

So now they're all. And especially Jax. And Jax loves this. He's like, yeah, you know, sounds like you have a problem. Maybe you need to get some rehab, bro. Maybe it's you. Maybe you have some anger issues. Right, right, right, guys, Am I right? And then Jax, of course, tells us. He's like, yeah, I'm just happy it's not just me. This is fucking great. Sorry, Danny.

[Ben Mandelker]

So now we. It's time to go over to Jesse's house for Bungie's welcome party.

[Ronnie Karam]

Bungie, welcome home. Bungie.

[Ben Mandelker]

And most importantly, we get to see a prolonged shot of Chris and Dodie trying to figure out doorknobs. Oh, I always get this wrong. Oh, wait, hold on. I figured it out. Seriously. Wait, hold on. Door doesn't work. It's a wall.

[Ronnie Karam]

Kristen. It looks like an action scene. Every time Kristen's in, she's just standing there at the door, but it looks like she's riding up on a horse. She's like.

[Ben Mandelker]

It looks like she got stuck in a hurricane. She's holding onto the knobs for dear life.

[Ronnie Karam]

Whoa.

[Ben Mandelker]

And then we see, by the way, as everyone comes to the party, every single other person uses the correct knob and just walks in. But she's like, how do I do it?

[Ronnie Karam]

No, they can't do it either because it's one of those hassles. Is. It's very typical here, like in old Spanish, where they're like, we want to keep the Spanish doors, but the knobs don't work. Just put another knob. So there's one knob and then there's some newfangled thing no one knows how to open. And, you know, it's one of those where you probably have to, like, lift an inside handle and then turn it to clockwise and turn it to the other way for it to fucking lock. They confuse us on purpose. Ah. I'm standing up for everyone. Confused by doors. It needed to be said.

[Ben Mandelker]

So people are arriving, People are doing shots. It's fun times, you know, uh oh.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, Warning.

[Ben Mandelker]

Uh oh.

[Ronnie Karam]

Janet is very uncomfortable. Janet's like, it is so uncomfortable with Danny and Nia. My child has trauma. So she's like, I'm trying to, like, you know, just be like, okay, all right, they're here. We're here. They're here. I can cannot wait to tell them off through Jason's voice.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Brittany is talking to Us. And she's saying she's nervous that Jax might show up, but she's like, but I'm pretty sure he's not coming. And then she said she's telling us that Jax, since he got out of rehab, has not reached out at all about seeing Cruz. And we see a montage of Jax getting a haircut, Jax getting Botox, Jax going out to the smokehouse.

[Ronnie Karam]

Jax had a meeting with Ulta, with whoever did those cheekbones, because, my God.

[Ben Mandelker]

It'S like a Norman Rockwell painting.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Zach's like, oh, my God. Okay, so they put up this sign that says, benji deported, not departed. Did watch what happens live write this sign? Where did the sign come from? So they're like, oh, my God. It's a surprise party for Benji. Let's put it right at the front door when Benji walks in, you know?

[Ben Mandelker]

I know.

[Ronnie Karam]

So Zach's like, benji, come up the stairs. Don't even try the doorknobs. You'll immediately go home. I'm telling you right now, you do not want to fuck with that doorknob. Okay?

[Ben Mandelker]

He's like, here it comes. The big surprise. Okay, These people are idiots. What am I doing on this show? So Janet and Nia. Nia pulls Janet to have a conversation after everyone meets Benji and everything.

[Ronnie Karam]

I would really like to have clarity with you about what you're saying about Daniel, because I don't really understand.

[Ben Mandelker]

I just. Okay. I want to be, like, really real with you. Does make me uncomfortable.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's like a fish on the hook sometimes. Did you guys know that she was Raquel? Rachel, Rachel's beauty pageant trainer? Oh, girl. It makes sense, doesn't it? How could you do this to me?

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay. I want to be really real with you, Nia. I did speak negatively about Daniel behind his back because I thought his actions were horrible. And, look, I'm sorry that this happened.

[Ronnie Karam]

Horrible.

[Ben Mandelker]

Truly? Yes, Horrible. Yeah, horrible.

[Ronnie Karam]

Could you say that word?

[Ben Mandelker]

But at the same time, if your husband is going to a bar and he's attached a keg to his back and is just chugging the entire time, that's unacceptable.

[Ronnie Karam]

She's like, yeah, and he got blacked out, and he made a fool and made women uncomfortable, and it's gonna get talked about. And, you know, if it's still concerning you, then maybe you should worry about drug addiction and alcoholism, because I'm very uncomfortable right now.

[Ben Mandelker]

Janet's like, you're always trying to sweep things under the rug. I'm like, we've seen their apartment. There's no room. Room Left.

[Ronnie Karam]

I swear, there is no sweeping at this point. You just hope a baby crawls across, crawls off the couch on accident. Then you drag it by the onesie and kind of drag it across the floor a little bit and get a little spot cleaned up at a time. You know, just aim the baby spew at a spot that it could possibly clean up with a three under three.

[Ben Mandelker]

So they don't get anywhere with this discussion. So everyone retreats to their corner. So Nia's talking to Danny and saying it's not great. And then Janet's like, you know what, Jason? I talked to her. I was like, you know what? Your husband's a drunk out here sexually assaulting women. I was like, whoa, okay, listen.

[Ronnie Karam]

No one's gonna stand up for Danny going and getting wasted and saying, call me, call me, daddy and grabbing asses, okay? No, but sexually assaulting women. Janet, come back. Come back to the five and dime. Janet Hick. Janet Hick. But I like that Nia stood up for herself in this. She was like, wait a minute. You better watch out for the way you talk to me. I'm very upset. I'm gonna flick through my phone angrily. She's like, daniel, I see. I see you've got a crumb on your face. You better get that fucking crumb on your face. You're making me look like an idiot on tv.

[Ben Mandelker]

I feel like every time Nia gets mad, she just goes onto the Food Network website and looks at recipes. She's so mad. She's like, bread pudding, roast turkey.

[Ronnie Karam]

Gianna can do so much with just, like, a grilled salmon.

[Ben Mandelker]

I feel like Nia's the person who gets the air fryer magazine at the newsstand. You know what I'm talking about? You're like, what?

[Ronnie Karam]

You.

[Ben Mandelker]

By the way, you know that we've.

[Ronnie Karam]

Read that air fryer magazine. We talked about it.

[Ben Mandelker]

I bought that air fryer magazine. And that's not even a lie.

[Ronnie Karam]

So, yeah, so Janet's just tattletailing to Jason, and Jason's like, I'm gonna tell on her. So the crease in my pants straight. So Janet's like, yeah, Nia knows that Danny has a problem, and, you know, she's always pulling him out of everything until he gets to that point. Well, I mean, I don't know if she's in denial or hiding the truth, but he's a different guy when he drinks. Everyone's a different guy when they drink. Janet. This is the only one who drinks and becomes man enough to tell you to shut the fuck up. This is the first person on this show that I'm like, this guy needs to drink more.

[Ben Mandelker]

So outside, Jax shows up. So here he comes. And the doors try their best to keep him out the doors. Like, he cannot open those doors. He did not, unfortunately, he did not partake in the tutorial on how to open those doors. But he comes in and everyone's like, oh, my God, it's Jax. It's Jax. Oh, my God, it's Jax. Oh, my God.

[Ronnie Karam]

Jax is just like, whatever, where's your water? I mean, where's there like something without alcohol? And like, there's vodka here. Like, where's that?

[Ben Mandelker]

So he starts doing his script with Kristen. He's like, you know what, Kristen? You know, I did a little self care. I went. Got my haircut, got a little Botox, you know, did stuff like that. You know, like therapy. I'm doing a lot of therapy. It brought up a lot of stuff about my dad, my life. Stuff I thought I was going to take to the grave. You know what I'm saying? Is that stuff. You're my wife.

[Ronnie Karam]

No. Anyway, okay, you can, like, look me in the eye.

[Ben Mandelker]

Can anyone look Kristen in the eye? Well, seriously, it's like a moving target. Look me in the eye. I dare you.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's like when they pull you over and they're like, follow this light.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Jax is doing this whole thing, like, look, I just want to get my hair because I want to be. I just want to be healthy for.

[Ronnie Karam]

I know.

[Ben Mandelker]

Tom Cruise is that.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. He's like, yeah. And I'm. Anger issues. Like, severe, severe. You know, My new drug is anger and sobriety. I love doing sobriety. Did you see his post where he's like, guys, my new form of drug now. Sobriety.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, God. So then Nia starts asking Jesse how everything's going. And she's like, look, Michelle. I was talking to Michelle and she was really, like, sad that you're not letting Isabella see her mom for a week. So Jesse does this whole thing like, well, of course I want Isabella to see Michelle's mom. It's just that she doesn't know about death. So we have to sit her down and teach her about death first. No, you don't. No, you can't bring her to grandma's and be like, grandma's under the weather and let them have a fun time.

[Ronnie Karam]

Grandma's dying. You're done. Okay, look, if you need more sensitive help than that, just say, oh, my God. You wanted Monopoly? Here's A goldfish. Your goldfish died. Now it's in heaven.

[Ben Mandelker]

Here's what you do. You give Isabella some ayahuasca, let her go on a journey with Scott, your life counselor. She'll be fine.

[Ronnie Karam]

No kid learns how to deal with death until somebody dies. And kids aren't even like, oh, my God, they're dead. They're just like, grandma's dead. Ew. What does that mean? She smells like. I know. Be quiet. Stop saying stuff like, does she still have candy for. No, stop saying that. It's a funeral. Do we get her stuff?

[Ben Mandelker]

Shut up. Jesse starts doing the I had no idea how sick her mom is. And he starts trying. He's, like, trying to make his eyes cry. And he's trying to do that sniffle thing. Like, this is a lot for me. I mean, you know, what if I want her to meet the girl from Orange County's mom? What about. Then it's like, no, Jesse, he just.

[Ronnie Karam]

Wants to be able to sit down, but he's also, like, trying to, what, get time with Michelle so they can sit down together and tell that. No, you're done now, okay? She needs to just tell that kid, listen, Grandma is like, your dad is to me dead. So now get in the car and go put that purse back. She's dead. That's still not yours. Put it back.

[Ben Mandelker]

So then Jax is alone in the kitchen with Scott, the life coach. And Scott's like, here we go. The white whale. I got this one. So Scott, like, leans forward.

[Ronnie Karam]

All I need to see is that is that guy Scott in, like, a mask and, like, fatigues and sneakers, walking into a fucking Mexican food restaurant kitchen because I recognize his ass.

[Ben Mandelker]

I feel like Scott looks like someone who'd be in the background of one of Louie's videos on Instagram. Hey, guys, I learned a lot on this male retreat. Theresa, I love you. I love you so much, Theresa.

[Ronnie Karam]

Tree.

[Ben Mandelker]

Come on, say it stronger. Say it louder.

[Ronnie Karam]

Be a man's man. Say you what you feel. Say it what you feel.

[Ben Mandelker]

Tree, I want more of your dad's pajamas.

[Ronnie Karam]

Reala. Make it real. I don't fucking believe you.

[Ben Mandelker]

I don't want to wear anything but no nos pajamas for the rest of my life. I want to eat in them. I want to sleep in them. I want to jerk off on them. Give me every pajama.

[Ronnie Karam]

I just came. That was good. That's a cut.

[Ben Mandelker]

Thanks, Scott. Thanks, Scott. Thanks God.

[Ronnie Karam]

That was one of the all time best Bravo moments of all time.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Scott's trying to do therapy. His life Coach therapy. And Jax is like, well, you know what? I'm a good man, okay? You know, I just did a little 30, 30 day stint in a mental health facility. And I was like, wow, spiraling so bad. Like, real bad, you know? And then Britney walked and she's like, oh, fuck.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Because Britney, who's trying to be subtle, say, oh, there's five cameras there in Jack. Okay. Whoops. Excuse me.

[Ben Mandelker]

So no one really wants to be around Jack, so he's sort of there alone. And then what we don't realize is about to happen is the main event because Zach walks into the kitchen.

[Ronnie Karam]

And, you know, Zach's up to no good because he's twirling his drink like this.

[Ben Mandelker]

He literally stirs the pot. Very literal. Nicole taught me this.

[Ronnie Karam]

So. So Zach's like, hey, how you doing? And Zach's just like.

[Ben Mandelker]

How are.

[Ronnie Karam]

You? Yeah, nice little shindig you got for your boyfriend, you know? That's good. He's like, yeah, everything with Bungie's going great. Thank you. And if I'm being honest, I'm proud of you for going to that, like, luxury. Whatever you just did, like, you just did it. That was something. So I'm proud of you. I'm proud.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. Yeah. You know, I feel pretty good about it. I went after some stuff that I told myself I was gonna take to the grave. I was in therapy for seven hours a day, 30 days straight, you know?

[Ronnie Karam]

But then between those seven hours of you doing that, then you were doing like the, you know, like, you know, that stuff. Like.

[Ben Mandelker]

Did you listen to the doctors? Yeah, yeah, of course I did. I mean, I was writing. I was journaling. Well, not so much journaling, just sort of jerking off to porn, but, you know, journaling.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Yeah. So was that journaling? Was that like the text messages to Britt? Was that just like morning pages? Like, get it all off your chest, like. No, no, no, no.

[Ben Mandelker]

She took my son away from me and said she was going to bring him here and then reneged on it. A woman living in a five bedroom house with my son.

[Ronnie Karam]

Britt Nate did not take your son away from you. She did take the ice cream I bought her son away from her son.

[Ben Mandelker]

She decided, I don't think I'm gonna bring him. And that's what happened. She took away my son from me.

[Ronnie Karam]

No, because you took a break from rehab to uncover cameras in your house so you could watch her. That's what happened. That's what happened.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, no. First of all, I just want to say this rehabilitation is a beautiful rehab. It's available. Fourteen hundred dollars a week. Airbnb.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, I'm sure it's a fucking resort. Did Cinderella come in from the Magic Castle and, like, take a picture with you? Like, what happened?

[Ben Mandelker]

I. I don't need the aggressiveness, bro. I don't need this.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, okay. Am I too aggressive for you? Like, I'm not. I'm not talking about five years ago. I'm talking about five days ago.

[Ben Mandelker]

So you know what? You know what? This is my house that I told Brittany she could take over, but it's my house, okay? And you know what? You know what? If we keep talking about this, I'm gonna walk away from the party I wasn't invited to in the first place.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, then you should go. Then you should go. I'm not even gonna teach you about the fucking doorknobs. Let's see if you can figure that out yourself, journaler.

[Ben Mandelker]

You know what? I'm not gonna sit here and do this. Cause everybody in this fucking place needs rehab. I've seen videos of you, Zach, screaming and yelling and banging doors.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, yeah, but it's fun when I do it. And I'm wearing Britney's mother's lipstick when I do it. Where's the entertainment value when you do it?

[Ben Mandelker]

You know what? This is not a bash. Jack's party.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, really? Oh, really? Is it not? Is it not? And he's like, you're on my show. You're on my show. This is my fucking show. I got you on this show. And he's like, not for the last 30 days. It wasn't.

[Ben Mandelker]

It was so brilliant. It was so brilliant. I hope it gets nominated for a Peabody Award. I mean, if. I swear to God, if fucking Deadliest Catch gets an Emmy nomination over the this, I will be mad.

[Ronnie Karam]

One thing, Zach. One thing that Jack said during all of this. He's like, yeah, I took down the fucking camera covering because I wanted to see who's coming into my house, you know? Like, I want to know who's coming in and out of my house. Like, I don't want other men coming into my house. Well, there should be one. You're never in it. Fucking cable guy would take better care of that kid. At least he'd get to watch the Mac.

[Ben Mandelker]

I also liked when Jax was like, you came into my bar, my business. And Zach was basically like, yeah, but it's Britney's money. I was like, it was just. It was just.

[Ronnie Karam]

Britney made it for you. Britney made it for you. She picked that wallpaper There is a wall of living plant. Well, they used to be living. They were living for two days. It doesn't matter. There are Britney's dead plants on that wall.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's just much better than the bear. So every, that's like my meter. Like every single show. I'm like, how does it compare to the bear? It's better. So now Jax is gonna. He wants, he wants to leave, which I love him. I love him threatening to leave. Like anyone wants him to stay. I'm gonna leave, guys. I'm gonna leave.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, here's what I really love. And you know, I know Zach here. I promise I'm not kissing his ass just because he's here. Because I would say this, either way, I really love that Jax is leaving because he can't go up against Zach and that we see it, we see it over and over again on this show and it's just someone being honest to your face. But the liars on this show can't do it. Another person who can't do it is Jasmine. Because notice this. Not Jasmine, Janet. Because notice this whole thing going on with Janet about the. Whoever said that, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah, is Zach. And she won't go for Zach, she'll go for Kristen, she'll go for Jasmine, she'll go for anybody else. But she knows better at this point. Cuz Zach will just be like, I hope you die with your baby on a roller coaster. Like, I literally don't care. It's hyperbole.

[Ben Mandelker]

So now, so now we go to Jackson Britney's house. And Jax, Jax comes in. It's time to move out. Guys, guys, this is serious. He went to rehab and he's a good man. And he needs to move out of a house that's too big for a woman. Okay? So he notices that all the pictures are turned around, which is hilarious. I feel like Britney, she's not as petty as I'd like her to be. So I appreciate these moments that she has. She's getting there. So she turns around all these pictures and of course that's, you know, that.

[Ronnie Karam]

Pisses me off actually that Brittany did that because I should have pulled. Yes. I don't need to see pictures turned around. I need to see some crazy shit like Jax's face cut out with a box cutter. You know, it's like that blank hole in the page like they show in Lifetime movies. Oh, by the way, I don't think we said this part. Okay, Everybody here can unclench their buttholes. Jax, Taylor has left the Belly.

[Ben Mandelker]

I just want.

[Ronnie Karam]

Thank you. Because someone there just said, unclench your butthole. And I was like, off. It took me a minute to register.

[Ben Mandelker]

I want Zach to be a flight attendant and just say that when you land, okay, everyone can unclench your buttholes. This Boeing actually landed.

[Ronnie Karam]

Thankfully, we've got one of the 10 people who still work at the FIA.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Jax has enlisted someone very important for the task of moving out. Schwartz.

[Ronnie Karam]

Oh, my God.

[Ben Mandelker]

SC Boxes.

[Ronnie Karam]

Boxes. This reminds me of when Katie did this to me. I just stood at the garage door and I said, but I'm just a boy.

[Ben Mandelker]

Scary. So Jax is once again talking about why he has not reached out to Cruz. And he's like, I mean, she's got me blocked on everything. I mean, I can't even talk to her. I can't write her an email. I can't do anything. I mean, I was just on her Instagram and she was talking about how she blocked me. I was like, fuck her.

[Ronnie Karam]

I saw her talking about blocking me on the cameras. It was so fucking rude. She was wearing flip flops. She knows I hate short's. Like, maybe you shouldn't do that anymore. I don't know. Poor Schwartz needs money so bad. This poor fucking guy, he'll do anything. He does not want to be there. And Jax is like, moving onto his block or like into his apartment building. Then he's just like, no, please don't do this. Maybe you shouldn't do that to Britney.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Jason shows up and he brings a message, which is that Britney wants her computer because she needs to log out of her accounts. Okay, Brittany, why didn't you do this before? All day? You've had 30 days to log out of that imac. Why are you doing this? Jax has clearly taken the computer and logged into everything and taken the passwords.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yes, he's already gone into your little Safari passwords thing and copied that just like in a little Xll. What are you, Xll? I'm really dumb when it comes to that. Xlr file. Cvs file.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's in a dot cvs BMW X7 spreadsheet.

[Ronnie Karam]

So he's like, yeah. I mean, I haven't seen my setup. It had a rehab for two days. What the. And then they show the clip again of Jax getting his haircut. Jack's getting his Botox. I mean, I could imagine my mom getting Botox while she saw me. Like while I was in the room. She'd just be like, oh, Ronnie, you did this to me.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Britney's also asking him to Log out of the security cameras. Like, not until I see my son.

[Ronnie Karam]

And like, whoa, Brittany, stop asking for a logout and ask for a fucking hammer and a ladder. Get your ass up there and knock the shit out of the wall. Jeez.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Schwartz is like, you know what? I think there's still, like, a little part of her that loves you. He's like, little? Don't say little is a big part. She loves me. Look at me, how hot I am. Rosy cheeks, furrowed brow.

[Ronnie Karam]

I, like, I don't have a third thing.

[Ben Mandelker]

I only got two things.

[Ronnie Karam]

Chunky sweaters, smell like a sock.

[Ben Mandelker]

Hockey jerseys, a social media job in Tampa someday.

[Ronnie Karam]

I love when he is like, wow, look at all these memories in these boxes. Yeah, I remember this one. Schwartz is like, oh, my God, I remember this day. This was like that time of your wedding. And then we see a clip of their wedding, and it's all the Hooters girls in, like, a line going like, yeah. Britney's like, hey, girls, I made it. Yeah, she got the dream. They all dreamt that, you know, Britney got it.

[Ben Mandelker]

The ring. So Jax moves on out. So now it's time for Britney to come by. And so she comes by, and Jax has thrown away a photo of Britney with her dad.

[Ronnie Karam]

He threw the photo of her dad away. Just this fucking guy. And just Britney's reaction to it. She's like, oh, my God, he threw away the picture of my dad. That nutcase. Oh, Jackson's so silly.

[Ben Mandelker]

Turns out, it turns out it was just like a carton of Kentucky fried chicken. The Colonel. My dad, Mr. Sanders, is what I call my peepaw. So she's saying how it's all really weird because Jax used to have jerseys all over the garage, and the golf cart is gone, and he used to be kind of his place. There used to be semen everywhere.

[Ronnie Karam]

There still is. You got to keep the love couch. What do you think that thing's made out of? Only buy pleather. There's a reason she bought those hideous red leather couches in her house. You can wipe them down. So Britney's like, well, the house right now is under both our names, but I'm taking the house. But I'm looking forward to redecorating it. Brittany, no, I've seen your Airbnb. Call Zach. Call anybody.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Janet's like, well, Jason said there were a couple of times where Jax was like, well, I'm not going to change the camera passwords. And it made me feel very uncomfortable. Unfortunately, she's like, I heard it.

[Ronnie Karam]

Because I was spying on the cameras.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Britney tells Janet that she, Brittany.

[Ronnie Karam]

Finally learned that she can spy on the camera. I got mad at first, but it's a good TV show. I love Big Brother.

[Ben Mandelker]

Where's Julie Chan? So she tells Janet that she's filing for divorce, which I was shocked at because I thought for sure Janet was gonna tell Jason. Jason was gonna tell Jason, and then it was gonna be a disaster, right? But actually it wasn't. And then they start talking about social media. And this is where we learn that Jax has a finsta named Frank Dremon.

[Ronnie Karam]

Frank Dremon.

[Ben Mandelker]

Which isn't even the accurate ode to Naked Gun that it's supposed to be. That's Frank Drebin.

[Ronnie Karam]

Well, he said that's what it was, right?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, but he's his.

[Ronnie Karam]

Spell it. He spelled it wrong. He made it.

[Ben Mandelker]

He put the B on its side. Made it.

[Ronnie Karam]

This is the best part. She's like, oh my God, he's got this fake account named Frank Dremon. I knew he had this. He told me it. I can't guess he forgot that he told me, but it's so good. And Janet's like, oh my God. A burner. Someone has a burn. That is. What. What even is a burner? A burner. She looks so guilty. Janet, we know you're half of Reddit. There was a comment a couple weeks ago that a friend of mine sent me that said, ronnie's hatred for Janet is out of control. I'm against sex based violence towards women. And someone was like, what? She goes, even if it's verbal, girl, you are the only person on the planet who would ever think of something that stupid to say. So keep bringing them. I love all of your Dorothy's. So anyway, she's like, yeah. So then I found this comment by Frank driven, you know, and he did it on Southern Burner account. I mean, he's so good. It is so good. Look, he accidentally replied to me into Frank Raven's name.

[Ben Mandelker]

I mean, only Jax would actually out himself with his own Burner account.

[Ronnie Karam]

He's so bad at it too. I feel like Janet's are at least. Like if you ever come across any that are. Janet, she tries to seem like a real person, you know, she's like, well, you know, maybe if we just looked at this logically, like maybe they have some. Maybe Janet has some points or like she'll try and make it sound kind of real, but Jax does it. Like the. The comments of Jax are like, yeah, fuck Jax. And he goes, yeah, Jax Taylor, what a legend.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. Jax Taylor, hottest number one guy in the group. Love what he's doing with his blush. So then we go over to Danny and Nia's house, where. And then Luke is gonna get engaged, which is exciting.

[Ronnie Karam]

Baby, I swear to God, if you two don't tie your fucking tube soon, I'm coming over there.

[Ben Mandelker]

Luke is like, I got. I got Kristen a ring. It's actually just my ear. I'm Van Gogh. So they have a nice scene, but.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, they're gonna go to Hawaii. So he announces that their big group trip is. They're all gonna go to Hawaii for this very meaningful engagement that Jax is coming to. It's gonna be great. It's gonna be great.

[Ben Mandelker]

So, speaking of Jax, we then go over as he is moving into his condo, which is, like, next to Schwartz's, separated by, like, a little piece of glass on the rooftop. And Schwartz is watching Jax move in. And there's just, like, socks everywhere for some reason. Like. Like, every floor just has socks. But it's great because, you know, he's looking for his other shoe that Kristen hid in a different bag. I still can't find it. Still can't find it.

[Ronnie Karam]

He's like. And someone says, do you guys share a wall? He's like, don't even say that, bro.

[Ben Mandelker]

Why are you.

[Ronnie Karam]

And sing that kind of thing. Do you remember the story of him, Sandoval and Jax all living together when they were, like, young models? And Jax just kind of ended up there because, I mean, Jax, you know, and he was in a room with only a curtain. So just poor Tom is in his own purgatory.

[Ben Mandelker]

We've really. We've really all been. We've all been through so much as an audience.

[Ronnie Karam]

We have.

[Ben Mandelker]

We really have. The past 10 years of our lives have been really intense because of this stuff.

[Ronnie Karam]

We've all really learned to love.

[Ben Mandelker]

We've learned. So Jax and Schwartz are up on the roof just talking, thinking about, you know, what tree they're gonna jerk off on from up there. And Schwartz is. There's a. There's a doorbell. And Jax is like, finally, someone's gonna shoot some hoops. It's a fan. So he goes downstairs and opens it, and there's a guy who's like, jason Couchee, you've been served. He's like, oh, God. Fucking postmates. Am I right? So he gets these papers, and Schwartz is like, oh, my God, you got served.

[Ronnie Karam]

What is that?

[Ben Mandelker]

Divorce papers. Wait a second.

[Ronnie Karam]

I was just joking.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm a little boy.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah. Can I see it? Hold on, let me read this. Nuclear boundary established. Intent to proceed amicably being out of court as expeditiously as possible. Jax is like, I understood the. What the are you talking about? He's like, well, it does say with minimal cost to both parties. Dude, this is great. It's not going to cost you any money. You get to keep the hoodie that you're still wearing.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's so good.

[Ronnie Karam]

Jax, that's amazing. She.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, look.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's so great.

[Ben Mandelker]

Sign on the line. It's so. Jax is like, well, it looks like Tom Schwarz is a legal expert. He. He once watched a scene of Picket Fences, and I know he knows about 5 Ash Finkel, so I guess I'll just sign on this divorce line and do it.

[Ronnie Karam]

It's a great.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's a sweetheart.

[Ronnie Karam]

Yeah, it's great.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yep. I'm just gonna do it. Oh, except for that whole custody thing, though, right?

[Ronnie Karam]

But he's like, what. What. What is that? What does that say? And he's like, well, you know, custody of shawl, full custody and stuff. Because what, like, what even is that? Like, I don't even know what that means. Like, you have custody. Like, could they have bullet points? Like, what is that supposed to even be like? Custody? Yeah, sure. Also, Jax is totally pretending he doesn't know what that means so he could just sign his son away and get rid of the fucking paperwork. Brittany will still be on the hook for his 1.2 million tax debt that was rolled into this fucking house, and he can get away scot free. He's like, what. What's custody? Shut up.

[Ben Mandelker]

He's like, I mean, imagine coming out of a facility, dealing with your mental health issues, and then being slammed with divorce papers. I'm like, not only can I imagine it, I saw it and I laughed.

[Ronnie Karam]

Not only can I imagine it, I'm still watching it, and I've got a slight boner. So, I mean, of anybody on Bravo that we've ever called out for being someone who will never, ever be there to raise his child or fight for custody of his child. It's that fucking guy.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Karam]

He just doesn't want to have to give his car away to anybody in the future. And you know, that's the damn truth. This guy. So Schwartz is like, custody, who needs it? And he's like, oh, ding. There's headlines and really important, really important publications. This one is called Reality Blurb. Brittany Cartwright files for divorce from Tagline Taylor after five years of marriage. Just Vanderpump's spirit coming out of the headline.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. Jax is suddenly upset that he's in the headlines. I don't think so. And then he's like, I think it's safe to say that these are no longer the best days of our lives.

[Ronnie Karam]

Hold on. I can say it by the way. I live right down the street. I just bought a $3 million house. Maybe we can shoot the CD. The door just slams in her face.

[Ben Mandelker]

And that brings us to the end of the mounting Hysteria tour. Thank you, everyone for coming out tonight and for everyone listening at home for coming to all of our shows.

[Ronnie Karam]

Thank you so much, Zach, Hannah, all our friends and family.

[Ben Mandelker]

Thank you, Zach. Thank you, Hannah. Thank you, everyone. Good night, everyone.

[Ronnie Karam]

Hey, Beer bow, everybody. Say my name. We love you guys.

[Ben Mandelker]

Watch what crap. INS would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

[Ronnie Karam]

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Caroline Peacock, she gets an A. It's Kelly B. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B. Que sera sera, Whatever will be Will Lauren Sills be bringing the funk? It's Leslie Plunkett, she gets an A from us It's Lindsey D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Leno. Fresh as a daisy. It's Maisie McHenry, we love her on the rocks. It's Melissa Cox, Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.

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This is living with Michelle Vivian, I love a Ya.

[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ben Mandelker]

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[Ronnie Karam]

And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.

[Ben Mandelker]

Somebody get us 10cc's of Betsy MD.

[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ronnie Karam]

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[Ronnie Karam]

And Gwen Pentland it's our queen It's.

[Ben Mandelker]

Queen Laifa Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall Hail the cork master the master of the cork Jennifer Corcoran we got our wish It's Jen Plish she's not harsh She's Jill her Hirsch She's a little bit loony Junie Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Manock's door My Favorite Murdo Karen McMurdo we love him madly It's Kyle Pod Shadley in the study with a candlestick It's Leslie Peacock we're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron She's a wiz It's Liz Sarthi always killing it It's Lola Al Kalani the.

[Ronnie Karam]

Incredible edible Matthews sisters She eases our woes it's Melissa St. Rose we're on the floor with Molly Dorsett There's a chance of meatballs It's Rebecca Cloud she's.

[Ben Mandelker]

The queen bee It's Sarah Lemke we.

[Ronnie Karam]

Cannot tell a lie It's Sarah tell.

[Ben Mandelker]

Of son Shannon out of a can and Anthony Come on check your body, baby do the Sydney Congdon let's take off with Tamla Plain it's always a.

[Ronnie Karam]

Good time when you're wasting time with Bravo she ain't no shrinking violet Coutar we love you guys eyes if you like, watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondry. Com. Survey.