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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Hers.com Crappens weight loss by hers is not available everywhere. Compounded products are not approved or reviewed for safety, effectiveness or quality by the fda. Prescription required. See website for full details, important safety information and restrictions. Actual price depends on product and plan purchased. Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens the podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker joining me today on this surprise engagement to Kristen Doty episode, it's Ronnie Karam. Hi. How are you, Ronnie?
Ben Mandelker
Hello. How are you?
Ronnie Karam
I am great, thanks. We're here, we're here to see Mariposa get engaged on the Valley. So excited for it. Now before we dive into it though, we, as you may know, have been recapping Love island on Patreon. And today we were so fired up that our 20 minute daily bonus episode spiraled into a 90 minute one. So if you, if you have feelings about last night's exposure explosive stand on business challenge that they did well, come join us over there. Patreon.com watchfulcrappins because we get into it and I don't know what world we live in where there's less romance on Love island than there is on the Valley. How is the Valley the romantic episode of the day and Love island the venomous one? I don't know what happened in our world. I'm okay with it. I'm okay with the topsy turvy moment.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah, Love island was crazy. The Valley less so. But you know, I like more linear villains. Sometimes it's just easier to come to this show and be like, Jax, Janet, easy. Call it a day. We're done. Like, my enjoyment is there. I know exactly who I don't like and how it's gonna slot into my day, you know?
Ronnie Karam
Yeah. The reason why we had to talk so much on Love island is because, like, people that you are like really angry against, like you're one moment, you're like, fuck that person. But also they have a point. So I'm totally on their side. But also they're totally wrong. And so you wind up having to debate all these, not really even debate. We were just agreeing the entire time. But you hash out all these different angles to all these people, these idiots. Whereas the Valley, you're right, it's just simple. Like, here's your hero, here's your Villain. Yeah. And you know, here's a dolphin. So also, but I, you know what, I am going to vent something, which is that when the Valley trailer dropped, a big huge part of it was this whole scene where Luke is in bed being like, sometimes I just want to be loved or whatever it is he's yelling and then he goes storming off into the hallway in the hotel. It was in the trailer. It's been on every single promo that they've run, every commercial that airs every single day. It's this shot of Luke losing his mind and we finally get to the episode where he loses his mind and they just bury it in a flashback. What the is going on here? How does that, what is? I, I, this is, that's so rude of Bravo to do that. You really built us up an entire season just to throw something into a tiny little like, oh yeah, this thing happened last night. I'm mad about that personally.
Ben Mandelker
Well, at least they showed it. Sometimes they don't even show it and they just show you in the preview. And then they're like, psych. But they also did it with the Jesse scene confronting Aaron where he's like, did you ever, ever before I was married, during my marriage, after my marriage, before we were ever born, spiritually, emotionally, physically, economically have ties to Michelle. And then it cuts to Aaron being like, just wide eyed, cross eyed, like Pikachu. And they've given us that scene every week, like, coming up, coming up and coming up next week, coming up next week, coming up next week, coming after commercial. Nope, they are coming up after commercial next week and we finally get it. And Aaron's like, nope, that's it. Nope.
Ronnie Karam
I, I suspect that this was re edited. Like I, I have to imagine that Luke's moment was probably the cliffhanger for one episode leading into the next one. And for whatever reason they decided they didn't want to make that the cliffhanger anymore. They decided to change it up and they just buried it in a flashback. Like that's the only way I can explain it. But I don't know why they would re edit that way. I don't know. I don't know. I don't understand Bravo's reasoning, but I will happily accept a blind item from anyone on post production. So that way we can say an old queen at the bar told us what really happened.
Ben Mandelker
If there are any old queens in the bar listening to this show, please.
Ronnie Karam
Get in touch, Tell us what the hell happened.
Ben Mandelker
All right, well, here we are with The Valley Season 2, Episode 12 Will you Maui me. So two hours earlier, Jesse interrogating Aaron. Now everyone's arriving at dinner, and he is like, wow, this is a perfect spot to kind of kick off our trip. It's like Hawaii island vibes with the location. It's just so perfect. So everyone's sitting down to a big, dramatic dinner in Maui, which, spoiler alert, isn't dramatic at all. Nothing happens. Okay, don't.
Ronnie Karam
Dramatic at all. Yeah, it's. It's not dramatic. They're just there having dinner. But, you know, hey, that's nice. So they all sit down, and Nia's like, yeah, I was texting with Kristen, and she was like, stuff isn't good with his grandma. With Luke's grandma. So it's just kind of, like, upsetting him and everything. And then we see Luke is in. In the hotel room to can take a shower. Yeah. And Kristen's like, when Luke is, like, really frustrated, he likes to take a walk and he likes to, like, take a drive and, like, deal with some of his emotions. He'll take. He'll, like, take a drive somewhere, and then he'll walk the rest of the way. It's, like, kind of crazy. Sometimes I'll bring Jill along, and he'll be like, hey, how would you like to walk me? Rolls reverse. Am I right? And then that distresses him. It's really cool.
Ben Mandelker
Then they'll, like, call me from, like, far away and be like, I can't find the car. Come get me.
Ronnie Karam
Then turns out the car broke, so I'll fix the car. It's really manly.
Ben Mandelker
So they order some dinner, and Kristen and Luke are like, oh, my God, we gotta go. Everybody's waiting for us at dinner. So then Zach is talking to Brittany about leaving town. She's like, so, what did you decide to do for cruise? Like, you have cruise now, but you're out of town, so what's going on with that?
Ronnie Karam
She's like, well, say Zuli's thing in my house the entire time that we're gone. And then Jax is just gonna come down to play with the cruise for now. You know, be real fun, things like that, you know? I hope Chris has a fun time, like, I don't know, hanging out and eating a lot of chicken fajitas.
Ben Mandelker
This is my real vacant first vacation that Jax hadn't been on, like, 10 years. Okay. And feel strange. But I'm so glad he's not here. It's like having date night with my friends. It's like, friend date night.
Ronnie Karam
I have a date night. And all you do is eat unlimited chicken feet. So then. Then a giant sushi boat shows up, and she's like, oh, look at that.
Ben Mandelker
It's like a little bridge.
Ronnie Karam
I was like, britney, like, there's something about Jax being out of rehab that's causing her to have all these funny exclamations when food arrives at the table. Chicken. Finesse. It's a little bridge. You're a cool guy.
Ben Mandelker
Okay. Little bridge.
Ronnie Karam
Look at that. Little bridge.
Ben Mandelker
Look at that.
Ronnie Karam
It's like a little bridge. Oh, my God. I always want to see a little bridge. I always imagine, oh, what sort of bridge would the little mouse use? And now I know that's all I.
Ben Mandelker
Ever want in my marriage was go a little. Go on a little bridge. On Titan 8. You couldn't even do that.
Ronnie Karam
Why can't you get me a little bridge once in a while?
Ben Mandelker
So Luke is still stressed out when he gets to dinner, and Danny's like, hey, is there any. Is there any way you're going to come out of this? I mean, where are we at right now, buddy? Hey, 10 four, buddy. Three under three. Where are we? And he's like, I'll talk to you later. I'll talk to you later. What? I'll talk to you later, Daddy. That's right. That's right. 300.
Ronnie Karam
Please never say 104 again. Makes me worried that we're gonna have 10 under 4.
Ben Mandelker
Well, we can if you let me get a place in Santa Clarita. 10 under four.
Ronnie Karam
Let's go for it. So then Danny's like, I can tell that Luke's a little fragile. I'm one of the few people that know he's proposing to Christian tomorrow. So I'm hoping that Lucas will be able to keep it together and keep the train on track for tomorrow. And he is like, daniel and I just shocked with Jaz, Jason, and Janet. And Janet apologized, and it was really awkward for me for a minute. Oh, yeah. Well, she should feel awkward. If I were her, I would feel really fucking awkward for screaming, oh. Oh, yeah. Accountability. Accountability. And then being like, oh, wait, was I wrong? Yeah, you were wrong. Yeah.
Ben Mandelker
She's like, you know, it would be really nice, like, if once in a while, Janet would, like, acknowledge she's, like, kind of an asshole and, like, maybe apologize. That would be great. That would be great. And so Nia's like, oh, wait, she hasn't apologized to you? She's not going to apologize to Kristen? Of course not. Because Kristen ruined her baby's life by suggesting that Jason didn't Wear a wedding ring. Now her baby's going to have to go to ball. Ball therapy. Ball pit. Therapy.
Ronnie Karam
Ball pit. Therap. So food is arriving. Nia makes a toast, a toast of friendship. And then Janet is just like, I'm not going to participate. I'm not going to participate in a cheers with someone who's an alcoholic and has to sneak drinks into a cabinet. And then, you know, then we go down over to Michelle's side of the table, and Jason is like, what the was that?
Ben Mandelker
Why won't you participate in the cheers?
Ronnie Karam
I don't know. Janet's really on one right now. She's like, just. Just have fun. Just have fun. Just enjoy a cheers.
Ben Mandelker
It wasn't like cheers to Kristen being pro marriage, you know, it was just like, cheers to friendship. She's like, no, thanks. Is this like a cheers to skeeball? Because I'm really into Dave and Busters. Everybody, it's me. Cool. Janet, it's me.
Ronnie Karam
You also just made up with Nia, so, like, at least pretend to support her her toast so that we can patch up your friendship that you're trying to do so now over Michelle's side of the table, Jason's like, so, Aaron, does this feel awkward at all with Jesse here or stuff? And has he been pretty chill so far? And Aaron's like, yeah, I think it's. I think it's on him. I think it's. It's on him, you know? And then we cut over to Jesse and he's talking about how he lost his phone under Britney's dress. And Jesse's, like, drunk and being kind of, like, silly over there.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah, Jesse is being a little bit too much, as usual. And Aaron's like, you don't even see the half of what goes on with Jesse, guys. You don't see the half of it. Which will take Jason about five minutes to run to Aaron and tell him. So then to be fair, all of.
Ronnie Karam
Us don't see the half of what Aaron sees because his eyes are open so big, he literally sees 150% more than we do.
Ben Mandelker
Well, when your dog is named Kilo, it just makes you wonder what's going on behind those.
Ronnie Karam
Yes.
Ben Mandelker
Crazy dog missing. Found it. It was up my nose. It was up my nose.
Ronnie Karam
Snorted my dog.
Ben Mandelker
Does anybody want to come see my presidential suite? Okay, let's do it. So Britney's like, well, how can every. Everyone can look at my booty. As I walk up there, you see my booty. It's a bridge.
Ronnie Karam
Hi, Zach. Do you have A little bridge in your presidential suite. I don't love a little bridge on it. And Jesse's like, hey, hey, Aaron, bro, hold back for a moment. I want to have a talk, just the two of us. You can just lean back that way and put your. Drape your arm around the side of your chair so you can look super chill, even though I know you're super nervous right now. Coke eyes don't lie. Okay, so let's talk about things. And Michelle's like, well, this. I. I want to hang back and listen because I'm nervous. I don't have a choice with Jesse. He is going to be in my life forever. Even when Isabella gets married, I'm like, you don't know Isabella is going to get married. What if she chooses a single life, mother?
Ben Mandelker
Yeah, don't. Don't make Isabella's choices. She's like, I don't want Aaron to have to deal with his dogs as it is. So I get scared. You know, one day Aaron is going to be like, this is too much to deal with. The crazy ex husband. Well, he's in it so far, so.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah, what are you gonna do? Exactly.
Ben Mandelker
So they have the talk, and Jesse's like, so, how are you doing out here? Like, with his terrifying psycho eyes? He's like, yeah, how's it going?
Ronnie Karam
Psycho versus coke, guys. Everyone's like, very well. Very well. Love all the honey. Delicious.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah. Great.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah.
Ben Mandelker
Great. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I figured it's about time you and I had a little conversation. As a father of Isabella. What a weird thing to say. As a father of Isabella. You know, something really bothered me, buddy. And you wouldn't know this because you're not a father.
Ronnie Karam
Burn.
Ben Mandelker
Burn. Whoa. Hey, buddy. I don't know if you've realized this. You have not dropped a load inside a woman that will hate you for the rest of your life. That's just me. All right?
Ronnie Karam
As far as I can tell, I'm the daddy to a whole bunch of bees. But go on.
Ben Mandelker
Coming back on coming back on Father's Day and having my mother and my friends send me screenshots of you with my daughter on Father's Day when I chose to spend it in Orange county at a wedding with my girlfriend. That is so disrespectful. To post a picture of my daughter without even asking a father who's me, if that's okay. You could have even asked Tom Hanks, because Tom Hanks is a father, too. But you are not a father. How dare you?
Ronnie Karam
That is pretty wild that Aaron Posted photos of not his daughter on Father's Day. Like that.
Ben Mandelker
Was that just not to be with his daughter on Father's Day and went with his new girlfriend somewhere in Orange County.
Ronnie Karam
So is that the story? I've sort of forgotten all the story.
Ben Mandelker
I can't keep was on the after show. So much happens on the after show. And let me tell you the same thing I tell after sun on Peacock. I do not have time for you, so thank you to Reddit for telling me what happens.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah, put it in the show if it's so important. Put in the show next time. Not the after show. But yeah, except first I was like, that's crazy that he didn't have Isabella on Father's Day. But then if it turns out he went to a wedding down in Orange County, I mean, Jesse is so full of it.
Ben Mandelker
Every.
Ronnie Karam
Anytime he says anything that gives me a shred of sympathy for him, I always know it's fake and that there's, like a bigger story behind it.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah. And that is kind of wild that someone would post your kid on Father's Day, like walking on the beach. And he goes, yeah, that was a big slap in the face from Michelle. And he goes, you know what? Completely slipped my mind. We were having such a good day. We were calling it Snow Day. It was fun and, you know, it slipped my mind. But then I thought about it and I was like, that's not right. So I took it down. So he took it down. So you're trying to start a fight with something with him about something that he rectified. So point for Aaron on that one. And Aaron's, by the way, staying calm. His eyes aren't, but he is. His eyes are bouncing down the street at this point. They've rolled out of his face.
Ronnie Karam
They're on a little journey. They're doing like, Homeward Bound. They're like, we got separated from our skull. Oh, no. How do we get back to it? So Aaron is like, one eye is a dog, one eye is a cat. Oh, no, it's a co op.
Ben Mandelker
I need somebody to play with me or I'm not getting my eyes back.
Ronnie Karam
Oh, my God. That's kind of a funny. Homeward Bound, where they voluntarily leave where they're supposed. They leave the home and then they're like, wait, how do we get back? So Aaron's like, faking his car walk. Well, let me ask you a question. How do you have your hair like that without getting a dent in it? The bane of my life.
Ben Mandelker
Anyway, another question I've Never seen you as a father. I've never seen you wearing a headband. Explanation.
Ronnie Karam
How is it that you don't have a little pocket in your hair that you could balance an apple easily?
Ben Mandelker
So he's like, yeah. Did you or did you not cross a line when I was married to. About to be married to or married to Michelle? Emotional, physical, refrigerator call, Limbo, gamey, geographical. Yeah, Any kind of line.
Ronnie Karam
Horror, scopical.
Ben Mandelker
Pharmaceutical. Okay, that was too close to home. My bad. For the record, I'd like to start that.
Ronnie Karam
Did you. Did you. Oscar campaign cross a line?
Ben Mandelker
Oscar camp, fatally. Did you claim that bear was a comedy?
Ronnie Karam
Did you cross the line by putting the bear in the comedy category? Was that you? Were you the one who was in charge of that? He's like, that is a line.
Ben Mandelker
So this is what we've been seeing all year. And it's like, commercial. So then we come back and he does it again and he's like, nope, absolutely not.
Ronnie Karam
I mean, like, nope.
Ben Mandelker
We text here and there, you know? And then, you know, one time I was like, come to Runyon. I'm selling honey. Cause you remember the honey storyline that she got honey in Runyon that you were accusing us of? So I texted her that time. I was like, I'm selling honey. But that's it. So. But then we would run into each other all the time. It was crazy. Like, I would be standing there just on the street, and my dick would run into her vagina. It was nuts. It was nuts. This town.
Ronnie Karam
Listen, listen. At this point, I want to like you because I know I can get some sweet coke off you and also some honey. But she triggers me. And as we know, I can't be accountable for my own actions. It's her fault. And she has a way to get under my skin and. Hold on, wait, wait. Hold on one second. Aaron. Let me put my hand on your shoulder and another one on your boob. So let me clear this list with you right now, okay? I think it's time to let it all go. And if we could just find a way to, like, work together. I don't know, maybe you could drown yourself in that ocean over there. I think that would help. I don't know. Maybe we could make it work.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah. Here we are on this trip to Hawaii. Maybe now's the time where we become friends. You know, a father to a non father, fucking non child having loser.
Ronnie Karam
Because I realized the way to get to Michelle is not to antagonize her lover, is to befriend him. And turn him against her.
Ben Mandelker
Yes.
Ronnie Karam
So join me.
Ben Mandelker
Ding ding ding. So he's like, yeah, we're done. So he gets up and Aaron's just like, it's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.
Ronnie Karam
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I mean, you can do this when you're having a special night out, when you're getting a last minute gift for a loved one or you're taking an unexpected trip to the vet.
Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
When you download the Earn in app, type in Watch what Crappens Under Podcast when you sign up. It'll really help the show. Watch what Crappens under Podcast Earn in.
Ronnie Karam
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Ronnie Karam
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Ronnie Karam
Yeah, I just bought some Acapulco chairs for my patio and they are so cool. They were so easy to assemble and also so comfy. They arrived quickly and like they look great out there.
Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ronnie Karam
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
So then, scenes from Hawaii. People are at the pool, drinking, cheersing. Now let's go to Danny and Nia's room. He's like, babe, there's spray tan in the bed. It looks like Walking dead season five in our bed. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I guess. I hope the maids clean it up. You better. I better. I hope you're tipping those maids, ma' am. You're leaving Donald Trump's, you know, like Donald Trump all over your bed.
Ronnie Karam
It looked like she done pottery in those sheets. It was everything. There was so much, like, orange brown staining in there. I've never done the spray tan, but, like, what is the process of the spray tan? Like, is that just unavoidable? You're just gonna get spray tan on everything? Like, it feels like that. There had to be a way around that. Like, how do you get that much?
Ben Mandelker
Like, I would feel gross. It's really gross. And look, I'm a pasty person. I don't care how I look generally except my eyes and my waddle. But, like, for the most part, I'm not like a spray, spray tan kind of a person. And it makes me happy watching Next Gen nyc, where you see people like, with see through skin. Like, that girl Georgia looks like a ghost. She looks like she died in 1920 and she's just kind of a ghost.
Ronnie Karam
She has spray pale skin. She's like, hey, guys, sorry, I just got. Got some pale sprayed on me.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah, I got. I got spray paste. So she.
Ronnie Karam
She is literally. She's like, I aspire to look like a cast member in the vest, out of the wig.
Ben Mandelker
I want to look like I've never seen the sun. So now it's gonna be a great day because, guys, there's gonna be people getting married. Yay. And she's like, we're gonna be part of the proposal. Are we 100% sure it's gonna happen? He's like, well, I told him, listen, guys, I can make this happen for you if you move to Sierra Madre. Where's the Santa Clarita? But I say, Sierra Mater. What the heck is wrong with me? Danny? Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, come back to me.
Ronnie Karam
Daddy, Santa Clarita. Just so wasted. I mean, not wasted. I mean, I wasted an opportunity to say the right thing, you know, Last night, Luke had a moment. He went off the rails a little bit, probably because she did some rails. And then we see, now we see the clips that we're talking about. We see the clip of him doing like snoring the wasabi, which was in the trailers. We see him in bed being like, I'm fucking going through shit. I just want you to be there for me. That's all I want. Kristen, we see that. We see him going down the hallway in the Hyatt Regency. Like, why did Kristen yelling, you don't.
Ben Mandelker
Even have your pants on.
Ronnie Karam
I man, those people who were at that hotel. So when Dom and I went to Maui in 2019, we stayed at that hotel and. But we were off in like the sad little section. But we didn't get to be in the main towers where they were. But like, that's a big ass hotel. Like, that's one of the big. That's like one of the big ones in Maui. And like, that's like a lot of people that are there. And I was like, all those lucky people got to be there while the Valley was shooting all this shit. I'm just like, I'm just so lucky.
Ben Mandelker
People who got to see Ginger in his underwear running around crying.
Ronnie Karam
I know, because they weren't there. Because I'll tell you one thing, the food in that, that hotel was. It was. That was just garbage food. I was like, these people are lucky because even though they got garbage food, at least they got to see the Valley people.
Ben Mandelker
So I'm gonna say something a little controversial here. I like, I'm glad that Kristen got married. I'm glad she found happiness. Super glad she had her baby. I was looking at her baby pictures. What a cute baby. I love that she's not coy with her baby either. She's like, kidnap it. Like she's just putting pictures of it everywhere, which I think is cute. But you know, because celebrities are like, do not look at my baby. But she's not. She's like, that's my baby. I love this for her. Okay? But I'm worried because Luke, I don't care. Luke seems fine. He seems nice. He also seems mentally disturbed, but like immature, incompetent. You know what I mean? And I worry long term for that relationship. Like, he's crying, he's running around the halls in his underwear. That's not good, guys. Like, if that was my friend who was getting married, I'd be like, you need to, like, maybe think about this. I don't know if this guy's ready. If a guy's freaking out to the point where he's having mental breakdowns just to ask you to marry him when he knows you're gonna say yes anyway. It's not like there was a question. There might be something wrong here in this relationship, so I'm just gonna put a pin in that.
Ronnie Karam
The challenges are gonna be so much harder now that they have a child. There's. They are gonna deal with real, really, really big challenges. And if just this was enough to make him go flouncing around the Hyatt Regency in the middle of the night, then scary. But, you know, if it looks like a Van Gogh and it acts like a van Gogh, don't go. Maybe you should. Van Gogh.
Ben Mandelker
Maybe you should get in a van and go, my empty van is outside of your house.
Ronnie Karam
It was. It was one thing when he only looked like van Gogh, but now that he's starting to act like van Gogh, it's a problem. It's a problem. Okay, here's my impressionist feeling about it, which is this starry night may be a starry cross tonight, and let's get out of it. Let's go from the yellow house to the. Get out of the house. Yeah, my van Gogh references are now complete. We fucked that up.
Ben Mandelker
But you get it. Generally, it's a little scary. I mean, the guy is just getting used to indoor plumbing. You know, he's, like, proud of himself for shitting inside, I think.
Ronnie Karam
Listen, I don't want to give Kristen an earful on this topic, but I think the truth is, it's time to cut it. Maybe you might have to cut something. Cut yourself off this relationship.
Ben Mandelker
Cut your ear off despite your face. Like, go into this with both ears is what I'm saying.
Ronnie Karam
Go into this relationship with both ears.
Ben Mandelker
Both ears open. What.
Ronnie Karam
What's the name of that famous painting with the flowers? Come on. One last van Gogh reference. You could do it, Ben. Oh, I failed.
Ben Mandelker
Okay. So he's freaking out, and it's like, I'm just going through some shit. So Danny's like, yeah, you know, it's a big moment in your life. You want to get it right. So I'm sympathetic. I'm sympathetic. I talked to him this morning. I said, come over here. Sit on my lap. Sit on my lap. I stuck my finger on his cornhole, and I said, how you doing, brother? You know, I said, you want to go into the closet and do a little shot or something.
Ronnie Karam
Finger in his cornhole. Daniel coming back.
Ben Mandelker
Seems like he's coming back.
Ronnie Karam
Isn't that what you have to do for a pit bull? If it's Clinton, Pitbull, like, is like mauling you. You're supposed to stick your finger in its butt.
Ben Mandelker
His promotions, his emotions were a little bit all over the place, but his prostate's fine, so I think it's gonna work out.
Ronnie Karam
He accidentally ejaculated all over me. But hey.
Ben Mandelker
Ain'T my first time.
Ronnie Karam
But it was in the shape of sunflowers, and I thought that there is Van Gogh at work.
Ben Mandelker
All right, so now we go back to the pool. Janet, Britt is. Janet and Britt are talking with Melissa and Jasmine, and Michelle and Aaron are there, and Janet's just fanning herself. Have y' all talked to Kristen at all? Where's Kristen?
Ronnie Karam
Where is she? Me.
Ben Mandelker
Hi.
Ronnie Karam
Yo, Little bridge. Hey, hey, hey, hey, wait. Before you answer that, just remember it's a little bridge. So Janet's like.
Ben Mandelker
Janet's like, I haven't talked to her at all. Jesus, of course not.
Ronnie Karam
And Melissa. And Melissa goes, oh, yeah. Then Jasmine goes, yeah, we talked to Kristen. I had breakfast with her. Jack goes, well, I have not talked to her since El Coyote. Little bridge, yeah. So Michelle goes, well, you know, she's mad because I was trying to talk to her and you were just, like, yelling at her. And Aaron's actually lying there, which we don't really even notice at first. Then he, like, pops his head up and he's like, hey, how did that night get so heated at El Coyote? I understand the drinks were strong, but as far as I'm concerned, Michelle left her coke back at the house. So how did it get so hot? And everybody was yelling, Janice, like, well.
Ben Mandelker
There'S a group of people whose names I will not say unless I'm wearing rayon. But every time the heat is on them, suddenly there are these made up rumors that get thrown out. And Jason was a victim of it, you guys. Michelle and Aaron were a victim of it. The pool boy over there was a victim of it. I heard you were half bird. Yeah, that's right. It's a deflection. It's a deflection. And at El Coyote, Kristen was not taking any accountability and was doing like. I don't know why Jenna's around. Why are you talking about? Just own it. Just own it. Jenna is around because she's fucked all of your boyfriends. Do you understand, Janet? Of all of the thirsty People in this world, you should understand why another thirst bomb is around. And if anything, you're to blame for Jenna being around, because you showed that if you are steadfast in your thirst, you will eventually get on television. And that's exactly what Jenna's doing. She's trying to be a boring person who made good like you. Okay? So stop being a hero to all the boring, thirsty people out there if you don't want to see them show up on your show.
Ronnie Karam
I just want to be in the pool with my hot boyfriend and have fun, but my friends keep bringing up a girl he once hooked up with. Saren's like, you know what? On that note, I'm gonna get a couple's massage. And by couples massage, I mean I'm gonna find a pile of white stuff and see if I can put in my nose this cocaine. Great. But if it's just a pile of napkins, I'm also down with that. Oh, my God. You all getting cup massages?
Ben Mandelker
That is so sweet. That is so sway.
Ronnie Karam
Couple.
Ben Mandelker
Massage. Come on.
Ronnie Karam
Are they gonna let you out on a little bridge? Okay, come on.
Ben Mandelker
Come on.
Ronnie Karam
You're a cougar. You're a cool guy. I hope you get some chicken potatoes afterwards.
Ben Mandelker
So, yeah, there's, like, small talk about, like, oh, my God, Brent has a crush on Michelle. So then we go to Zuck and Benji in their room, and Zack's wearing a shirt that says soccer mom.
Ronnie Karam
Hilarious.
Ben Mandelker
It is hilarious. And Benji has on, like, a cute little flowery robe, and he's like, oh, my God, Are we giving this room to Kristen? Like, what, are we crazy? Oh, my God. Have you seen these T shirts? These are, like, literally nuts. Benji, what do you think about these T shirts? Please don't talk. I'm talking right now. Could we fit them in the suitcase? What are we gonna do? Oh, my God. There's a sliding glass door here. That is adorable. That is so cute. It's stressing me out because Kristen's getting married later, and there's, like, a sliding glass door. Like, what are we gonna do with that? Is that carpet? This should be hardwood, shouldn't it, Benji? It's like, oh, my God. Jesus. Is this what their home life is like?
Ronnie Karam
Benji says nothing, by the way. Jasmine was, like, suspicious and was, like, something's amiss. Are they getting engaged or something? So, of course I had to tell her. It was ridiculous. Right, Benji? Anyway, don't answer that. Oh, my God. So then she's gonna come, and by the way, we have a suit. We have all these T shirts, okay, that we had to have everyone wear. So we had to get Janet and Jason's sides and make them seem like, oh, we're going group photo on the shirt. But like, whatever. I don't know how what we're even gonna do with them tonight because. Can I. I can tell you this. If Kristen gets proposed to and gets off the boat and Janet is standing there with a shirt of her face on it, it will be the biggest meltdown in the history of the world. Like, Chernobyl ain't got shit on what Kristen will do. Okay, But I feel like we should pack first. Okay. Our shit's everywhere. Just.
Ben Mandelker
It's the craziest monologue. And so now Kristen's there. She's like, knock, knock, Kristen, don't come in. Don't come in, Ben. She's like, yeah, we're naked right now. But she walks in anyway. She's like, oh, hey.
Ronnie Karam
Well, it looks like you just hid something from me. That's cool. Anyway, what's going on? No. Well, last night, by the way, I feel like number one, Luke. I love that there's someone more dramatic than you sometimes. Like, you have found a dramatic Kristana.
Ben Mandelker
It's like, he wasn't dramatic. You guys didn't say that about Luke. Like, he's having a rough time. Like his grandma, you know, like that. Like, it's hard. Come on, guys. Like, you flew for 36 hours. And he's like, oh, okay, Kristen. Okay, well, we need to start getting ready to be with your completely non dramatic boyfriend before he proposes a little to you. Who's that?
Ronnie Karam
He's gonna propose. He's gonna propose that we have happy hour. That's what I meant. Should we have happy hour? And you're gonna say, I do think we should have happy hour. Okay, I'm excited.
Ben Mandelker
I can't wait until you guys marry ketchups. You guys should marry ketchups. It was like Katie's best scene in Vanderpump Rules. You guys should recreate it. So why is my one out of everything that happened on Vanderpump Rules? I mean, out of 10 years scandal, which was like the most recent crazy thing. There have been so many crazy things from Vanderpump Rules. Why is my best memory of Vanderpump Rules Katie standing there holding a tray of ketchups? That will never get old to me. I think about it when I sleep sometimes, and it makes me smile.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah, it's sometimes some images are just iconic. They just are searing. So. So now Kristen and Luke. So the whole thing is that they're going to go on a supposed fishing trip, and Kristen does not want to take a shower. She's like, I'm just getting on a boat. I'm going to get nasty. Why should I take a shower? He's like, yeah, you should take a shower. But why? Because we're gonna go to a luau right after. So the fire will burn off my smell. No, it doesn't really work that way. Cover me in poi. I don't care. You should take a shower.
Ben Mandelker
No, you don't have to take a shower when you're on the ocean. Like, that's especially. I think when you're supposed to take.
Ronnie Karam
A shower, you should look cute. Why should I look cute? I want to wear a T shirt that says, one tequila, two tequila, three tequila floor. What's wrong with that? Maybe. What about my Stevie Nicks T shirt? I'll wear that. No, maybe something, like, nicer. Okay, I can either shower and wear my favorite T shirt or not shower and wear something pretty. What do you want?
Ben Mandelker
Okay, so Nia is really into this. She's that friend, like, whoever gets married or has a baby. She's, like, super into it. So she's like, kristen, you need to look really cute, okay? Because we're gonna get take pictures for Instagram and you really need to look adorable. Kristen's like, ugh. Oh, my God. Like, I love you with your inspo pics, but, like, I can't. Why is. Where are all these inspo pics of people getting married? Oh, wait, she sent me. She sent me. She sent me an inspo pic of a guy, like, running around with his underwear. Luke, it's you. Why are you sending to me? Sorry, I meant to send that to Walgreens to have that printed canvassed for your wedding day.
Ronnie Karam
I mean, and I love that Nia is so the girl that sends inspo pics no matter what. So therefore, it's like, they're not. She's, like, not surprised that Nia's sending pictures. Like, why don't you look like this? Or like this? I mean, neither probably single handedly keeps Pinterest alive. Okay, I just found some things from my favorite board. I'm just gonna send it to you. Okay? Please, please, please don't wear the Fleetwood Mac shirt. It's. No, Chris, I know Christine McPhee was your favorite, but, like, let's honor her. Her in a different way. Not tonight. Thank you.
Ben Mandelker
Today we're just gonna pretend crop tops aren't Happening. Okay, come on.
Ronnie Karam
Just today, maybe not wear the Crocs on the boat. I don't know.
Ben Mandelker
Let's pretend a scarf isn't a skirt today. Okay? Just try it. No NASCAR shirts. Kristen's like, oh, why is she sending me in inspo pics of people with combed hair? Disgusting.
Ronnie Karam
Okay, do you really need to wear a Tasmanian Devil T shirt? No, I don't think so.
Ben Mandelker
Not. Today's not the day to where I'm with stupid, okay?
Ronnie Karam
Oh, you're just wearing a free T shirt that says Ace Hardware on it. Okay, maybe not free T shirts.
Ben Mandelker
Send me a picture of what you're wearing. Oh, no, Kristen, you can't wear a shirt that says Pull my finger. Especially not today.
Ronnie Karam
Okay, maybe not the one that says Senior Frogs and then has a picture of a frog passed out. You're so right, though.
Ben Mandelker
Kristin has all of these T shirts that you just said. She literally owns all of those T shirts. So then, you guys, I don't know about you, but I have not felt pity for Jax, literally ever. So hopefully they can get it today, because it's time for some tinkly piano music and some really bad eyebrow pen canceling. Let's go see what Jax is doing.
Ronnie Karam
So Jax is swimming with Cruz in the pool, and he's like, I'm really, really happy that I get to see Cruz today. Don't know when that's gonna happen, so I'm just gonna swim with this child in the pool. That's Cruz. This is my son. Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, it's been seven days since I got out of the facility, and I was really worried that I was gone for so long that he's gonna forget about me. I mean, has my face changed? About five times since he saw me last, perhaps. But, like, I just didn't want him to totally forget about me. Yeah.
Ben Mandelker
And meanwhile, he's like, okay, go in the pool. And he throws him in the pool. And I can't believe he didn't just leave him in the pool. I thought Jax was just going to leave him in the pool, open a beer and go inside and close the door. So that was impressive. So I have to give him some credit for that, because I didn't see that happening.
Ronnie Karam
And he. He even, like. Like, this is the most affectionate we've seen Jax with his son ever. And all this time.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah, because, you know, he has to do it for five minutes. I mean, I'm sorry. Listen, you're in the facility, whatever kind of. The car wash facility. I don't know what we're calling it today. But wherever you were, you could come out and you had the time to come untape cameras. You never had time to come say hi to your son. That's crazy. Okay, so then for 30, even Glenn Close found time.
Ronnie Karam
Even Glenn Close found time to hang out with a child in Fatal Attraction that wasn't even hers. She was a busy ladies talking to people.
Ben Mandelker
Okay, let me tell you who never forgot Glenn Close. Even the household pets, okay? She was there.
Ronnie Karam
She had time to make a meal for that family.
Ben Mandelker
In other words, Jax, I do not feel sorry for you, you son of a. Get the off my tv, you toxic piece of. You abusive p. And stop kissing your son on the lips when we know you've at least got herpes. At least stop putting that kid through your same patterns this young. Stop it. But eater. Okay, so then Britney's like, oh, hey guys, what my hula dance be? Because they all go take hula dancing. And she's like, oh, I think mom would be grabbing Jackson's nuts and cutting them off and throwing them in the ocean. Or maybe I could be doing like this where I'm trying to grab my Jenny Craig bags back.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah. Because the guy's like, yeah, hoola is really bad telling a story. I don't know if I want Brittney Hula dancing in that case. Her story's gonna be like going to the 711 when she was in high school. That's her singing hula sounds.
Ben Mandelker
I'm trying to think of how to put gargling beer cheese into a dance.
Ronnie Karam
Always does sound kind of like a ukulele, a little bit like commercials.
Ben Mandelker
Here comes one Right now.
Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
So now Jesse is hanging out with Aaron and Jason having shaved eyes. So he's like, wow, it's amazing that this ice can do more for itself than Kristen can on her own engagement day.
Ronnie Karam
I don't need to be buddy buddy with Aaron, but I do need to be friends enough with him to make Michelle annoy it. So in the best interest of Isabella and being petty, if Isabella says she loves Aaron, then fuck that guy. I mean, I mean, then I will be nice to him too. Yes.
Ben Mandelker
So Aaron's like, so speaking of shaved eyes, when's the last time you played hockey? And he's like, oh, yeah, you want to go there? Do you really want to fucking go there, you piece of shit? You want a piece of me? And they're like, geez, whoa, why are you so aggressive? And he goes, yeah, because actually, this story connects us. It connects us even more than through our noses. All right, last time I played hockey. Go ahead. Go ahead me.
Ronnie Karam
Okay, the last time I played hockey, it was probably 2016. I got buried in the corner. I had the worst concussion of my entire hockey career. A puck hit my hair so hard it never recovered. That's why the dent is there. Fine. It's all out there now. I checked myself into Cedars, and Michelle and I hadn't been dating for a few weeks, but I had the option of who to call to pick me up at the hospital. And since I burned through all my other friends and no one liked me, I was like, I guess it's gonna be Michelle Lally. So we started to fuck right there in the emergency room.
Ben Mandelker
And then we had a baby. And that's why I'm a father and you're not, you hockey loser.
Ronnie Karam
By the way, this guy's poor. Because in 2016, Uber existed. So you should have gotten Uber.
Ben Mandelker
Sorry, yeah, this guy's poor.
Ronnie Karam
I'm retroactively nine years ago shamming. You should have gotten Uber from nine years ago.
Ben Mandelker
So Aaron's like, so wait, so if you didn't get concussed, you wouldn't be with her? And he's like, probably not. And the producer says, wow, so that's romantic. So, wow, you wouldn't be with Michelle if you weren't concussed? And he's like, it's like, I've been concussed for eight years.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah, that's how I feel when I watch him talk. So Aaron's like, so was that the only time you guys broke up? He's like, yeah. And Jason's well, there was one more time. He's like, yeah, when you started dating her, Aaron. I mean, technically, Michelle and I are still together, right? Lawyer Jason's like, I do labor law. I don't understand. So Aaron's like, well, that must feel really good.
Ben Mandelker
Marital law. I prefer sticking up for corporations who are being sued for workers comp. So I don't really know that this is my. My category.
Ronnie Karam
That's why we have a low hanging hood. So I can understand what it's like to get hurt on the job.
Ben Mandelker
I actually, you know, Janet actually bruised her head on the hood and tried to sue, and I represented the hood company against Janet. So pretty dedicated.
Ronnie Karam
Janet versus Kitchenaid. We won. We won, everyone.
Ben Mandelker
It was the only time I was like, actually kind of morally correct in my job. So.
Ronnie Karam
So Jason is. He's like, by the way, you guys spoke for a while yesterday, and I saw when you came back to the room, you guys did a little beer toast. So I assume everything's pretty good. Jesse's like, yeah, it was a good talk. Yeah. And so Aaron's like, yeah, how did you feel about it? And he's like, well, I said, just. Just be on my team. I will do a part. I will do my part as a promise to you by not Calling her a lying, cheating whore because she doesn't deserve that, even though she totally is that.
Ben Mandelker
This guy's such a pig.
Ronnie Karam
He's such a pig. Oh, my God.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah, I won't call her a lying, cheating whore. You know, I'll just call her a whore. Mother of my child, you know, So I trust that you're a man who will respect my daughter and a man who will now respect me. And if you have a question about my daughter, you can reach out to me. Those things we can build a foundation on. Hopefully the foundation can be poured over your bones after I buried them in the ground.
Ronnie Karam
And so now I have had my carefully orchestrated redemption scene to show them a bigger person. So I think that wraps it up. And everyone's like, yeah, and respect is a two way street. He's like, oh, oh.
Ben Mandelker
Unfortunately, we're downtown and there are no two way streets here.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah.
Ben Mandelker
So die young, stupid.
Ronnie Karam
It's one way. One way. You don't go two ways on a ramp onto the highway.
Ben Mandelker
So. So Jesse's like, well, I mean, even if he respects me, Michelle doesn't. So if he says to himself, I don't feel comfortable with this, I should call Jesse. Michelle says, jesse, then what's do to he going to do? Be like, no, you, Michelle, me and Jesse are bros. It's not going to happen. But it will. We'll see. Okay, so now Jax calls on FaceTime. And Jason, I really hate that Jax is on this show. Jason makes him put a snorkel on to answer the phone. And Aaron, I don't know, they're FaceTiming with Jack's like, oh, my God, we miss you so much, buddy. We miss you so much. Hey, bro.
Ronnie Karam
Hey, bro. God.
Ben Mandelker
So now here's like powder. He's like, come on, guys, that's not cool.
Ronnie Karam
Too soon, guys. Too soon. Guys, don't worry. I've been spying you on you the entire time. Turns out there's like a little drone over their table. Like, oh, that's why that thing's been hovering over us.
Ben Mandelker
It's like, yeah, me and. Me and Cruz are having the best time. Hey, aren't we Cruz? Wait, wait, What? What the. I just gave that kid a beer and already he's. Oh, my God. Hold on. I think it took my car. I think it took my car. I gotta go. I gotta go.
Ronnie Karam
So now it's time for the big proposal on the boat. So Kristen, Luke, Danny, and Nia, they go to the boat and they see lots of things like stingrays having sex And Kristen's like, I didn't even know that stingrays did hump. I'm like, have you never seen vanderpump rules? I mean, you were on that show. I feel like we saw a lot of, like, really vicious animals humping on that show, so not surprised here.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah. Stingrays hump. Have you ever done that thing where you go on a boat? I mean, I only went on one cruise in my life, but when I went. We did the stingray thing. Thing. Did. Have you ever done that? I bring up the stingray, and the stingrays crawl all over you. Well, they swim all over you, and they kind of feel like they're humping your back. It's like, on your back.
Ronnie Karam
Why do you think those stingrays are always smiling? You know, every time they show a picture of a stingray from below, it's always like. It's because they just got, like, a handy from. From someone else. Someone else?
Ben Mandelker
Yeah, they just got.
Ronnie Karam
They got a wingy humped.
Ben Mandelker
Somebody's hairy back off a cruise ship.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah, yeah, they got a stingy, you know, so, yeah, the. They're humping, and Chris is like, I love a mother nature. So they go out to the ocean. They're fishing and everything. They're pulling up fish, etc. And the plan is that, like, Luke is gonna go, like, he's gonna go fetch the ring from his bag, and then they're gonna distract. They're gonna pretend like they're gonna take couples photos and stuff. And then they're gonna distract Kristen by saying, like, hey, look, there's dolphins. And they're like. Because she'll totally turn around and be captivated by the dolphins. Looking for Dolphins for good 15 minutes. And then he'll get down on the knee.
Ben Mandelker
So they get on here, and they're catching fish. And, you know, I mean, whatever. They catch a little fish, and he is like, I think they just kept that fish to use to catch a bigger fish. How sad is that? Which it was kind of sad. They kept Nemo to, like, feed him to an eel or something. And so Luke is, like, so nervous. Oh, my God. Like, how can I even concentrate on this? My ring is in her bag. What are we. What are we gonna do?
Ronnie Karam
Because then Kristen goes and sits on his bag with a ring in it. And of course, she doesn't even feel that. There's, like, a little box in there. And he's like, oh, my God. How do we get Kristen off the bag? Because she's like, I don't Want to scream? Stand up. Why would I stand up? First you won't let me wear my Stevie Nick shirt. Now I gotta stand up, and I don't want to stand up. This is the worst trip. Disgusting.
Ben Mandelker
Can I just drink like. No, Kristen, don't drink. Why not? Go put on some cute clothes. I am in cute clothes. Go. Go. Take the body odor off. That's disgusting. Why would I do that? God gave this to me. I love Mother Nature. Did you not hear it?
Ronnie Karam
She's so annoyed. She's like, I don't want to look pretty. It's humid out. Wash up with makeup on. Just do it, please. Says, fine. Let me reach into this bag to get my makeup. Oh, wait, there's a little box. Well, I won't open that up. I'll just reach for something else instead.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah, so finally they get her out there, and they have this thing where they're like, kristen, look over there. She's like, where? Over there. Could you be more specific? It's an ocean. Okay, Kristen, look. There's dolphins. Where's the dolphins? Yes or no? Yes or no?
Ronnie Karam
Oh, my God. Take me, dolphins. Take me to your leader. I want to join your society. Where are they? I always need this.
Ben Mandelker
Do you work for the government? Do you work for them?
Ronnie Karam
I love you, but this is a sign that it's time for me to cross over into their world. Goodbye. No, don't climb over the board. Don't climb overboard.
Ben Mandelker
Kristen.
Ronnie Karam
I must join them. It is my duty in life. It is my mission. Where's Daryl Hannah?
Ben Mandelker
As I sit here and see the dolphins, I realize I want to marry a dolphin. Propose to me. Will you marry me, dolphin?
Ronnie Karam
And Luke is now, like, down on one knee, and he's, like, trying to propose. He's like. He's like, well, Chris. And we've had so many adventures. I don't see any dolphins. All right, from the top. We've had so many adventures. Seriously, where's the dolphins? You saw a dolphin? Either way, I see one. No, it's a rock. Oh, my God. I'm really losing my mind. Are they leaving me?
Ben Mandelker
No.
Ronnie Karam
Don't let this opportunity go away from me.
Ben Mandelker
I really am disappointed in dolphins because you remember when Jax proposed to Brittany at the. At the Crab Shack or whatever the hell he was at Venus Fly Trap. What was it called? The place on Neptune's Net. Neptune's Net, Yeah. So they were at Neptune's Net, and you could see the freeway behind them. And he's like, will you marry me? He's like, and then when he retold the story later, he's like, oh, my God. There was, like, dolphins jumping behind us. And it was just so magical. Which is all a lie because it was like, trucks behind us. It was a parking lot and a freeway.
Ronnie Karam
It's a little. It's like. It's like a. It's like a Neptune's Dents, where, like, all the biker gangs go. It's like just motorcycles.
Ben Mandelker
It's bch. So you see all the delicious food? Yeah, Good. Good fried food. So I wanted the dolphins to actually jump for Kristen's because I thought that would be amazing if Kristen actually got Jax's lies her real engagement. But you know what, dolphins? You've let me down again.
Ronnie Karam
Way to go, dolphins. Don't you even realize the cameras are rolling? Seize the moment. Well, either way. So finally, she is, like, will not turn around. Now she's being the most uncooperative surprise engagement person of all time, and she doesn't even realize it. Like, she's been such a nightmare for all of them. Just getting her in the place that she's supposed to go to. So now, finally, he's down on the knee, and he's like, kristen, Kristen, Kristen. He's, like, pawing at her. Wait, no, the dolphins. I swear to God, I think I see one. Wait, what about a seagull? You know, I'm okay. I'll do a seagull thing. Like, yeah, sure, dolphins. They may not want me, but I'll be a seagull. I'll join them. Them. I'll fly with him. I'll fly with the goals.
Ben Mandelker
So he kneels behind her and he's like, baby, will you be the catch of my lifetime today? And she's like, oh, my God. Oh, holy. Hey. Holy. I just shit myself. Just shit myself. Are you serious right now? I've got poop dribbling down my leg. By the way, I've heard you say that before. That singing bass we bought at the Big Lots. I'm saying it again. Will you be the catch of my lifetime, baby?
Ronnie Karam
Well, even though our relationship was not built on fishing, I will say absolutely yes. Thank you for proposing to me with some sort of strange deep sea fishing reference here. Ah, yes, I will. Seriously? Yes.
Ben Mandelker
He's like, baby, will you be my wicked tuna? Fuck you.
Ronnie Karam
My God, we were sustainably engaged. Yes. Only found it all cards.
Ben Mandelker
Just pooped on it all, so. It's cute. And they kiss.
Ronnie Karam
It is really sweet.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah, it's really.
Ronnie Karam
It's really lovely.
Ben Mandelker
Really glad I Talked her into that tasteful crop top.
Ronnie Karam
No, this is really beautiful. But I do have a serious question for everyone. Are there really dolphins? Because I don't want to miss any of them.
Ben Mandelker
Wait a minute. You're putting the finger on the wrong hand. Okay, now do it. This finger. Pull this finger. Pull this finger.
Ronnie Karam
So she's crying. It's so nice. I loved it. I actually think. I think this was maybe my favorite engagement I've seen on Bravo. Believe it or not. I was thinking about it. I was so entertained by how she was so messing everything up. And then I was also so delighted when it happened. Despite everything that we said about Luke, like, there are some red flags. I really enjoyed this engagement scene. I'm trying to think of one that.
Ben Mandelker
Listen, divorce proceedings are much better when you have all the clips of the happy Times to show. You know what I mean? I'm just kidding.
Ronnie Karam
Lindsay Delmer, will you be my husband?
Ben Mandelker
It doesn't count if People magazine's not hiding behind a bush. You know, I need Dave Quinn jumping up behind a sea tumbleweed.
Ronnie Karam
Fair. Fair.
Ben Mandelker
So she's like, luke is my rock. I mean, he really stands by me. He stands up for me. I mean, sure, he takes the car sometimes when he's sad and leaves it in parking lots he doesn't remember going to, but, you know, I love how funny he thinks he is, but he's not Coco. That's my partner in crime. That's my ride or die. That's my fried or grilled. Wait, no. I'm just giving options. What am I even doing today?
Ronnie Karam
That was the easiest yes I've ever said. Well, aside from, would you like to see some dolphins? That's a hell, yes. So then they cheer. It's nice. And they kiss, and. And, you know, she holds up her ring, and it's. You know, she's, like, worried that she's gonna drop the ring into the water, which is a fair concern. Cause it's Kristen Doty. Oh, my God. I dropped the ring in the water. Kyle Chan will never forgive me.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah. And then Benji has packed for Zach. We go back to the hotel, and Benji's wearing a watermelon shirt. So it's a big day. And now they're gonna let Kristin and Luke move into the presidential suite. And so they're putting their shit in all the drawers and getting decorated and doing all of this stuff. He's like.
Ronnie Karam
But Luke has put. Luke knew that they'd be switching suites, but he still has managed to. He put everything into all the drawers. In the hotel. Because he's one of those people that when you get to a hotel, you immediately take everything out of your bag and put the bin to the drawers. And so Zach is like, oh, my God. Like, he knew that we'd be switching. Like, everything is in every single fucking drawer. I can't. With straight men. Seriously. Are you.
Ben Mandelker
Are you.
Ronnie Karam
Are you. Are you someone who. Who unpacks into a hotel?
Ben Mandelker
No. I live out there in the suitcase, and I take the little plastic bag that comes in the hotel room for laundry, and I use that as my, you know, discard bag for all my undies. And then at the very end, I throw the discard bag in the suitcase and I hit the road. Easy.
Ronnie Karam
Just can't be bothered. I live that packing cube lifestyle now. So, like, I basically have drawers in my bag. As a result, they're just, like, in the shape of little baggies.
Ben Mandelker
Oh, nice.
Ronnie Karam
I don't. Yeah. I don't need to. They're not. They don't look like drawers. Just so you know, packing cubes are not actually cubes, which is so annoying. I actually hate that they're called packing cubes. They are literally just little bags. That's it. I mean, but, you know, at all.
Ben Mandelker
To be honest, I walk around like a wrinkly Old Navy mess, and. And you know what? That's it. That's just how it is. I look like crap. So maybe that's why. But anyway, so they're getting this room ready, and then Zach and Benji sit down with Jesse. And Zach's like, because we didn't realize you were going to be back in the room. Like, I'm just going to have to tell you now. Luke is proposing to Kristen. Can you believe it? And he's like, well, I'm glad that my. My getting fucked over by a woman has really inspired someone else to make the same mistake I did. Great news, guys. Thanks.
Ronnie Karam
Okay. So he's like, yeah, that's why they went on the boat. He's like, yeah. Cause, I mean, who the fuck wants to go fishing? He's like, yeah, I didn't even want to go either. Okay. So I. You know, I wouldn't have wanted to go, but okay, you're just gonna have to put some earmuffs on tonight. So Jesse goes, okay, how about we call the hotel? And then at this point, I'm like, oh. He's gonna say, I'm gonna call downstairs and I'm gonna get a new room so that way they can have some privacy. He's like, we're gonna get 500 white roses and 500 hibiscus petals. Put them all over the place. I'm like, like, no, get yourself out of this suite, sir. Why are you staying in this. This suite with these two people who just got engaged? Like, get another room. Get yourself a space. Or crash. Crash with Jason and Janet. Like, what are you doing staying in this place?
Ben Mandelker
And I like that he's also just coming up with something that's so outlandish that they're not going to be able to do it. So he can look like a good guy. He's like, I'm going to call the front desk. All right, can we have 19,000 hibiscus flowers delivered to the room? They just hang up on him. He's like, what the fuck? What the fuck?
Ronnie Karam
It was so ridiculous.
Ben Mandelker
I mean.
Ronnie Karam
I mean, this guy. We talk a lot about love bombing on Love island these days, but this is. This is what? That's what Jesse is right here. I mean, like, he does this because he knows that that's how he would operate in a situation like that.
Ben Mandelker
Performative Zach's like, 19,000 hippos, hibiscus flowers. Michelle said he's broke, so I don't know if he's putting it on a credit card or what.
Ronnie Karam
Note that we never see the flowers.
Ben Mandelker
So, yeah, I guess he asked for something they can't get. You know, that's his. That's how he does it. So then Brittany is in the room with Janet. Like, can we do some room service shots? Can we do it?
Ronnie Karam
Come on.
Ben Mandelker
So then we go to Melissa and Jasmine. They're getting cute and ready, and they're like, oh, my God, what if we got engaged today? Yeah, you're going to get your. You're gonna propose, too. Oh, my God, that's wacky. Michelle's just like, yeah. I mean, Melissa. Melissa's like, yeah.
Ronnie Karam
So Zach. I mean, Zach is so funny this episode because he's trying to, like, organize this whole party. And, you know, we really see, like, assistant Zach coming out. Like, the Zach who worked for Nicole Scherzinger and, like. And Kelly Cattrone. Although I don't think he was an assistant to Kelly Cattron, but you see him like, okay, we're gonna do this party. Oh, my God, it is, like, like, so windy out here. Okay, do we want the table up there? I don't think I like this. A lot going on here.
Ben Mandelker
Okay.
Ronnie Karam
The proposal is supposed to happen at sunset. So now the sun's going down, and I can finally call everybody and let Them know there's an actual engagement happening. And she better have said yes, because I put way too much work into this bitch for this not to work out. Okay, okay.
Ben Mandelker
Happy wedding. I want them to be silver. Make it happen. I don't care how you do it. Okay? There's so much sand on this beach. We need to sweep it. Sweep the sand. This is too much for my friend.
Ronnie Karam
Okay. Hey, Brittany. You're gonna be mad at me. Is Jax there? Is there a little bridge? No, no, no. Well, actually, there might be a little bridge somewhere around here, but I would never surprise you with that. Okay, this. That's not the surprise. Okay. Are there gonna be chicken fajitas? No, that's not either. Meemaw. Is Meemaw there? Hey, wait, you got me some white lipstick like my mom's? No, like, literally none of those.
Ben Mandelker
Luke just proposed to Kristan. She's like, what? He did? Yeah.
Ronnie Karam
Are you shocked?
Ben Mandelker
Yeah. So, wait. Wait a minute. So Danny and Nia got to be there, but we didn't?
Ronnie Karam
Come on.
Ben Mandelker
What the hell? Y' all know what I'm going through.
Ronnie Karam
Come on.
Ben Mandelker
How can you do this?
Ronnie Karam
How can you do this? Well, Luke wanted it to be, like, such a surprise. And, you know, like, Daniel being there, like, yes, she loves them, but, like, if you and I were on a fishing boat, do you think that even makes sense? She's like, yeah. Cause I want to go fishing the whole time. What if the boat goes under a little bridge?
Ben Mandelker
Because, of course, Brittany's the only one who's like, yeah, I want to go fishing. That was my whole point. He's like, okay, well, maybe you. But, like, I'm not a fisher. She's like, well, I can't help but feel a little bit left out. I mean, I got left out of engagement night.
Ronnie Karam
You know?
Ben Mandelker
I just want someone to show me a little love on engagement night. My bad. Can you do that to me? I mean, Chrissy is one of my very best friends, which I completely fuck over all the time and let other people trash talk her and start fights with her, and I never stand up for her, you know? You know how it goes with best friends.
Ronnie Karam
She's like a. Literally, a sister to me, okay? And I would have loved to have been in that moment. And I feel like all these other people knew but me. Okay. It just doesn't really make sense to me. Yeah.
Ben Mandelker
I mean, I guess I'm being selfish. Yeah. And you're also a twit who's gonna go tell everybody the second you hear it. It okay, they can't trust you. I can't even believe they trusted Zach, and he barely made it here. Let's be honest.
Ronnie Karam
And I think she knew because she, shockingly, did not make this into a big, like, storyline. She wasn't, like, angry. She didn't make it all about herself. I mean, we've seen this happen so many time on all the other shows. Like, I just feel like I should have been part of that. And the fact that I wasn't, it's like, where do I even stand with this person anymore? Like, what's going on? But she's like, oh, well, I guess it wasn't for me.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah, well, she apparently was talking about it on the after shows. Another clip I saw today, and she's like, well, I can't believe Luke said that. He wouldn't tell me because of Jax. I mean, I divorced him. I divorced him. And Luke's like, yeah, but Jax can get any information from Britney. And then he would have gotten it out of her, and he would have.
Ronnie Karam
Told everybody, because Brittany would have been walking around the house being like, well, I can't believe that we're just gonna be. Chris is gonna get engaged. She doesn't even know. Oh, isn't that so funny, Mr. Coffee Machine? And then Jackson were like, what was that?
Ben Mandelker
Who's getting married? And why are you wearing two different flip flops?
Ronnie Karam
Yeah.
Ben Mandelker
So we go back to Zach, and, you know, he's doing the event coordination thing. So then Zach. Zach's phone starts ringing, because, of course, Janet finds out because she rooms with Britney. So Janet's like, I heard you told Britney the news. Like, congratulations. I'm so happy for them. I just feel like, Jason. Jason and I shouldn't come to dinner because it's been kind of weird. And you know what? My child is hurt enough by all of this. And for my child to know that I was tricked on coming to a trip that's not about me is gonna really hurt their chances to get into a good preschool. So I just wanted to say thank you for ruining my child's life. Thank you, you son of a.
Ronnie Karam
My favorite thing is when someone does something like this under the. Under the pretense that they don't want to. Like, they want to make it about Chris, and they don't want to make it about themselves. But of course, by not participating, they actually make the night about themselves. So that's 100 what she's doing here.
Ben Mandelker
Yes.
Ronnie Karam
And Zach's like, well, okay. Well, I just don't want you to think that I'm discluding you. You know, it's like, well, I wouldn't think that you're just including me, because that's not something. That's not a real thing. It's not a word.
Ben Mandelker
That's not a word. Just. No, no, no, it's fine. I think it's best if we just don't come. He's like, oh, okay. But I got T shirts made, and I think it would, like, be aggressive if you had a shirt with her face on it, you know, like, you guys don't talk, you know? She goes, yeah. I said I'm not coming. Yeah, okay. But I just want to make sure you know, you're not coming, but you're also not wearing a T shirt. Okay. Because I'm gonna give that to a waiter. But, you know, like the dinner aspect, it's a stand up dinner, you know, so if you want to just come stand up, that would be fun because, you know, maybe we could, like, put a string on top of your head and pretend you're a pinata or something. Like, you're welcome to come for that. She's like, no, it's.
Ronnie Karam
It's actually like a real stand up dinner. Like all of Kristen's friends, she made when she did stand up comedy on Vanderpump Rules are all coming, and they're gonna make terrible jokes. Bringing in a brick wall. It's gonna be great.
Ben Mandelker
The first guy coming up is gonna say how men are different from women. It's gonna be wild. It's gonna be wild.
Ronnie Karam
Oh, wait, I just learned. Reza Farahan is gonna be joining, and we have a sneak preview of his material which goes something like this. Old. Old people would be, like, driving so slow. Like, I'd be driving fast, and then, like, old person be, like, driving in front of me and be, like, driving slow.
Ben Mandelker
Persian people doing crosswalks. Am I right? Damn.
Ronnie Karam
The Valley Persian style. Coming soon.
Ben Mandelker
She's like, no, no, seriously, they can celebrate, you know. Sure. There'll probably be some bobbing for Coors lights or something like that. Or maybe like a little NASCAR celebration. Not into it, Zach. But thank you, because.
Ronnie Karam
Okay.
Ben Mandelker
Thank you for that. Thank you so much for that because I was trying to figure out how we were going to get a house to land on you tonight, but since we're not gonna have to do that. You've just saved me some time. She's like, okay, totally fine.
Ronnie Karam
You know, someone. Some baby, someone should have just said, you know what? You guys are in a fight now. But you know you're gonna be friends in like six months. So don't you want to be there for her engagement even if you don't like her now? So that way down the line when you guys are friends again, you can be so happy that you were there to see this moment. Like, why, why doesn't anyone ever say that? Because we all know they'll be, they'll patch up next season, they'll be friends again. Like, this is the way it goes, the reality stars.
Ben Mandelker
But, oh, well, I don't know, at least show up and just be like, oh, my God, you know, congratulations, Kristen. That's it. That's all you have to do. Why? Not that, you know, it's not being fake to wish somebody well.
Ronnie Karam
You know, it really isn't. It really, really isn't.
Ben Mandelker
I mean, it would be in this case, but it doesn't have to be. You can actually be a decent person sometimes and just, you can just say.
Ronnie Karam
I know we have our issues, but that does not get in the way of the fact that I think this is really awesome and I'm.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah, but I'm still happy for you, you know? So then she's like, okay, well, I guess so we're going to dinner. Okay. And you know what? I don't even want to go. I want to go back to LA because, like, this is crazy. Like, I mean, I'm going to have to hang out with them tomorrow. I mean, wow. I'm already excluded. I'm already excluded from one thing, so I'm not going to jump into anything else. And no one excluded you, so even Jason, who's like the biggest simpy, you know, ass kisser on television, is like, babe, like if, if we're gonna. She. He's like, we weren't excluded from dinner. She goes, oh, really? And he goes, yeah. And it's a good thing they got engaged. But does it make sense if there's weird tension? She goes, yeah, and the trips for them. Yeah. So we got talked into coming on this trip and it's her engagement trip. Wow. Wow.
Ronnie Karam
He's like, no, it's for us. He's like, I didn't take off work to leave Hawaii early. Because she's like, we're gonna go home early. We're not gonna stay the whole time. He's like, no, no, we're staying here. Okay? We have a free hotel room in a hotel with bad food. So be it. But we're staying here.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah. And she goes, okay, then let's do our own stuff tomorrow. And she's like, okay, well, you know what? I want food because I'm hungry, okay? And I thought I'd be eating by now. And he's like. She goes, well, I'm not gonna. You know what? I'm not going to anything tomorrow. But TBD Tomorrow. Tbd. And he goes, okay, but I don't know about this tomorrow. Like, stop saying that. And she goes, okay, you know what? We'll figure out tomorrow when it comes. And he goes, what does it matter if they're engaged? Engaged? And she says, we'll figure it out. I'm just ready. I've been starving. Okay, you know what? Do you want to go to her thing? Do you want to go. Do you want to go to her thing and get food? I guess that's what you want to do. Great. My husband has left me to go support Kristen to something I've been excluded from. That's great. Our child is traumatized. Thank you for basically murdering our child, Jason. I hope you have. God, Janet, you are. Just stop. You can't go two seconds without being a total asshole. Just stop. My God.
Ronnie Karam
Here's. Here's. Here's why Janet is so mad is because she was probably raring up to have some confrontation with Kristen, some big moment. She had all her. She had all her ducks in a row of how she wanted to do it and all her points. And now it's Kristen's engagement weekend, which means that Kristen is kind of untouchable. You can't be mean to Kristen. Why would you say this? We're on our engagement weekend. It's such a special time. So basically, Janet is, like, fighting an uphill position now when before they were equals in their stupid spat. And then she's like, now I can't do the thing that I wanted to do, and now I'm gonna. So she. That's why she's spiraling, I think.
Ben Mandelker
Well, welcome to being on last season with you, Prego, when nobody could say anything to you or you'd be like, you tried to murder my baby. So. And that's, I think, another problem with the Valley. Someone's always going to be pregnant and.
Ronnie Karam
Or getting.
Ben Mandelker
And. Or getting divorced. So someone's always going to have, like, a block. Like a stop block card, you know, that they pull. It's like, okay, gotta be nice to this girl again for the season.
Ronnie Karam
Yeah. So they're setting up the.
Ben Mandelker
The.
Ronnie Karam
The room to be. To be nice. Maybe we do see the flowers here. I don't remember, but they're setting up the presidential suite. And Brittany is like, well, I would have helped, you know, if I'd known. But, you know, I just don't know why they didn't include me. Why do they disclude me from this so much? If everybody in the crew knew, I just to wanted to be able to help in the situation, make something better for Kristen. But whatever, I'm just being selfish.
Ben Mandelker
She's annoying. So, you know, everybody parties and they're. They get their T shirts and all that good stuff. And Kristen's like, oh, my God. Like, to go above and beyond like this, like, have all these decorations and have all these shirts printed and to keep it a surprise, like, oh, it is so sweet.
Ronnie Karam
You guys invited the dolphin, right?
Ben Mandelker
Somebody has to invite the dolphin.
Ronnie Karam
This is nice. But, like, as fun as this party is, we really should get back on that boat because there are dolphins out there. That was a lie. No, no, I'm pretty sure I saw one. We should go, guys, quick.
Ben Mandelker
So everybody cheers them on. They're all happy for them. They all party. And Luke's like, guys, please don't share with Instagram because we haven't even told our family yet, you know, and we. We don't want them to find out this way. And Jesse's like, no, it's your moment. Listen, from a father to a non father, let me just say you define your moment. Just don't let Aaron define it for you.
Ronnie Karam
So they do it. Luke does a toast, and Britney's like, as someone who's been engaged and married before, listen to your gut always. And my gut saying, want some chicken fajitas right now? Come on, let's get rid of those fajitas at.
Ben Mandelker
Yeah, that's Britney listening to her gut. Weren't you begging for a new baby six months ago? Please don't listen to Britney's gut, okay? Listen to your own. She.
Ronnie Karam
She literally has gut issues. That was like a whole storyline last season. I got gut issues.
Ben Mandelker
Jesse's like, you have a new family, guys, and I love you. Cheers to you guys, family. And he's like, you know, I love, love. Yeah. When you find your best friend, that's great. You also find a cheating whore. That can be fun too. But you know what? Every season in its time.
Ronnie Karam
Hey, guys. Sorry if anybody wants to go fishing. That didn't get to go. We didn't catch anything, so don't worry about. I wanted to go fishing. Why can't I go fishing for once?
Ben Mandelker
And Kristen's like, I've never been so happy. I took a shower my entire life. And that's the end. So Kristen and Luke are doing it, everybody. They're getting married.
Ronnie Karam
They're getting married. Looking forward to that. Next season on the Valley, the Kristen and Luke wedding special. Kristen as a bride. Bridezilla will be fabulous. It's gonna be. Well, actually, next season's gonna be the bait. The pregnancy. It's gonna be the wedding. It's gonna be a big Kristen moment next year.
Ben Mandelker
No, because she already had her baby.
Ronnie Karam
But they, I'm sure they've documented some of it.
Ben Mandelker
Oh, do you think they're shooting already? Well, maybe, I don't know, maybe not.
Ronnie Karam
But then it'll be like, well, I just had a baby. Fresh baby content, you know, be all that stuff. It'll be something. Baby, baby.
Ben Mandelker
It's already learned to roll a joint. All right, everybody, thanks so much for being here. We will talk to you tomorrow with some next gen nyc.
Ronnie Karam
Bye. Watch what crap. INS would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King.
Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
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Ronnie Karam
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Ben Mandelker
Tell a lie It's Sarah tell of.
Ronnie Karam
Son Shannon out of a can and Anthony Come on check your body, baby do the Sydney Congdon let's take off with Tamla plane It's always a good.
Ben Mandelker
Time when you're wasting time with Bravo she ain't no shrinking violet Coutar. We love you guys. If you like, watch what crappens, you can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey@wondery.com survey. We acting bad, bad, bad, bad.
Ronnie Karam
We ain't trying to hurt nobody. For decades, he was untouchable. I've gone from Harlem to Hollywood, but now it's all coming undone. Sean Combs, the mogul as we know it is over. He will never be that person person again even if he's found not guilty of these charges. I'm Jesse Weber, host of law and crimes. The rise and fall of Diddy. The federal trial. A front row seat to the biggest trial in entertainment history. Sex trafficking, racketeering, prostitution, allegations by federal prosecutors that span decades and witnesses who are finally speaking out. The spotlight is harsher, the stakes are higher, and for Diddy, there may be no second chances. You can listen to the Rise and Fall of Diddy the Federal Trial, exclusively with Wondery plus. Join Wondery plus in the Wondery app, Spotify or Apple podcasts right now.
Watch What Crappens - Episode #2909: The Valley S2E12: Mari-proposal!
Release Date: July 2, 2025
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Podcast: Wondery
In Episode #2909 of "Watch What Crappens," hosts Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam dive deep into Bravo's reality sensation, "The Valley," Season 2, Episode 12, aptly titled "Mari-proposal!". This episode centers around Kristen Doty's surprise engagement during a trip to the picturesque Maui, Hawaii, unraveling a mix of drama, emotions, and comedic mishaps that keep viewers hooked.
Arrival and Initial Tensions [03:26]
As the group arrives in Maui, the anticipation builds for what should be a trip filled with romance and celebration. However, underlying tensions soon surface.
Ben [03:26]: "We’re here to see Mariposa get engaged on The Valley. So excited for it."
Dinner Dynamics: Calm Before the Storm [07:55]
The dinner intended to kick off the trip turns out to be unexpectedly calm. Nia brings up issues involving Luke’s grandmother, adding a layer of stress.
Ben [07:55]: "Nia's like, yeah, I was texting with Kristen, and she was like, stuff isn't good with his grandma."
Luke’s Emotional Struggles [08:37]
Kristen explains Luke's coping mechanisms when he's frustrated, such as taking walks or calling friends for emotional support.
Ronnie [08:37]: "Sometimes I’ll bring Jill along, and he’ll be like, hey, how would you like to walk me?"
Danny’s Revelation [10:53]
Danny reveals that Luke is planning to propose to Kristen the following day, setting the stage for heightened emotions and expectations.
Ben [10:53]: "Danny's like, I can tell that Luke's a little fragile. I'm one of the few people that know he's proposing to Christian tomorrow."
Preparation Takes Shape [18:12 - 26:01]
The group gears up for the proposal with decorations and coordinated efforts to create the perfect moment. However, Kristen’s reluctance and Luke’s nervousness introduce elements of unpredictability.
Ben [18:12]: "I need somebody to play with me or I'm not getting my eyes back."
Engagement Mishaps [55:05]
The proposal, set against the serene Hawaiian backdrop, doesn't go entirely as planned. Kristen's comedic embarrassment when she realizes she’s dropped the ring adds a humorous twist.
Ben [55:05]: "He’s like, baby, will you be my wicked tuna? Fuck you."
Comparing Drama: The Valley vs. Love Island [04:23]
Ronnie and Ben discuss the differing levels of drama between "The Valley" and "Love Island," suggesting "The Valley" offers more straightforward antagonistic relationships making it easier to follow.
Ronnie [04:23]: "How is the Valley the romantic episode of the day and Love Island the venomous one?"
Character Critiques: Luke and Kristen [28:25]
Concerns are raised about Luke's emotional stability and the sustainability of his relationship with Kristen, given his frequent emotional outbursts.
Ben [28:25]: "If something was enough to make him go flouncing around the Hyatt Regency in the middle of the night, then scary."
Jesse’s Over-the-Top Behavior [41:18]
Jesse's exaggerated actions and lack of genuine concern for the group's dynamics are highlighted as points of frustration.
Ronnie [41:18]: "He accidentally ejaculated all over me. But hey."
Janet’s Antics and Accountability [68:09]
Janet's refusal to participate in the toast and her subsequent meltdown are dissected as indicative of her larger issues with accountability.
Ronnie [68:09]: "Stop being a hero to all the boring, thirsty people out there if you don't want to see them show up on your show."
Engagement Preparation Chaos [60:15]:
Ben [60:15]: "Are you someone who unpacks into a hotel? No."
Kristen’s Reluctant Participation [53:47]:
Ronnie [53:47]: "She's so annoyed. She’s like, I don't want to look pretty. It's humid out."
Final Proposal Success [57:20]:
Ronnie [57:20]: "I think this was maybe my favorite engagement I've seen on Bravo."
Character Dynamics Highlight [74:46]:
Ben [74:46]: "They’re all happy for them. They all party."
Ben and Ronnie’s playful rapport brings humor to their analysis, making the recap entertaining beyond just summarizing events. Their mockery of characters’ flaws and exaggerated situations adds a layer of amusement. For instance, joking about Kristen’s reluctance to look pretty:
Ronnie [37:42]: "Why should I look cute? I want to wear a T shirt that says, one tequila, two tequila, three tequila floor."
As the episode winds down, Ben and Ronnie reflect on the successful yet fraught engagement, balancing their amusement with genuine concerns about the portrayed relationships. They express a mix of delight and apprehension about the future dynamics in "The Valley," teasing potential conflicts and developments for upcoming episodes.
Ben [57:34]: "It's really lovely. Really glad I talked her into that tasteful crop top."
Ronnie [71:05]: "Next season on The Valley, the Kristen and Luke wedding special."
Final Reflections:
The hosts commend the episode for its blend of heartfelt moments and over-the-top drama, encapsulating what makes "The Valley" a compelling reality show. They encourage listeners to tune in for more insightful and humorous recaps in future episodes.
Whether you're a die-hard fan of "The Valley" or new to the show, this episode of "Watch What Crappens" offers a comprehensive and engaging summary that captures the essence of the latest developments, enriched with the hosts' signature humor and insightful commentary.
Notable Quotes with Timestamps
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