#2913 The Valley S2E13 Part One: Fan-ning Flames on the Love Boat

Summary

Watch What Crappens - Episode #2913: The Valley S2E13 Part One: Fan-ning Flames on the Love Boat

Release Date: July 9, 2025

In episode #2913 of Watch What Crappens, hosts Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam take listeners on a tumultuous journey through the latest drama of Bravo’s hit series, The Valley. Titled "Fan-ning Flames on the Love Boat," this episode delves into the explosive events of Season 2, Episode 13, set aboard an engagement-themed cruise that quickly spirals into chaos.

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Episode Overview

The focal point of this episode is the engagement party hosted by Kristen and Luke on a luxurious cruise ship. What begins as a celebratory gathering quickly descends into a battleground of emotions, misunderstandings, and long-standing tensions among the cast members. Ben and Ronnie provide a comedic yet insightful analysis of the unfolding drama, highlighting key moments and character dynamics that define this particular episode.

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Key Plot Points

1. The Engagement Party on the Cruise [03:50 – 07:00]

The episode kicks off with Kristen and Luke's grand engagement party, intended to be a heartwarming celebration. However, not all guests are thrilled, setting the stage for conflict. Janet's sense of exclusion leads to immediate tension, especially when she's seemingly banished to a different part of Hawaii. Ronnie remarks at [07:44], “She’s like, knock me out, Kristen. Knock me out,” highlighting Janet’s aggressive stance.

2. Janet's Role as the Antagonist [07:44 – 11:43]

Janet emerges as the primary antagonist, using manipulation and feigned victimhood to stir drama. Ben comments at [10:19], “Janet was pretty terrible this episode,” emphasizing her disruptive influence. Her actions, such as accusing other members of being unprofessional and causing unnecessary conflicts, keep the tension high throughout the party.

3. Kristen and Luke's Relationship Dynamics [12:20 – 20:21]

Kristen and Luke’s relationship is scrutinized, especially Kristen's efforts to maintain peace amid the chaos. Ronnie notes at [13:12], “I'm proud of Jasmine because I feel like last season she was largely invisible,” indicating Jasmine’s rise in prominence, which brings her own set of challenges. The hosts discuss how Kristen’s attempts to balance her relationship with Luke while managing group dynamics often leave her strained.

4. Britney's Intoxicated Antics [09:50 – 14:00]

Britney's behavior when intoxicated adds another layer of drama. At [09:50], Ben quips, “Britney, you're late for everything,” poking fun at her recurring tardiness exacerbated by alcohol. Her accusations and unprofessional demeanor when drunk lead to further rifts within the group, as noted by Ronnie at [10:19]: “If nobody's gonna be held accountable, then I'm gonna leave too.”

5. File Moments and Conflicts [21:07 – 35:16]

The hosts recount several pivotal moments where conflicts flare up over minor issues, such as miscommunications about event timings and logistical mishaps. Ben humorously observes at [16:11], “Leave your peace. They said that like a million times this episode,” reflecting the repetitive nature of the group's disputes. These moments underscore the fragile relationships and the ease with which they can be strained.

6. Janet vs. Kristen: The Ultimate Showdown [35:16 – 55:40]

The culmination of the episode’s tension centers around the clash between Janet and Kristen. Janet feels marginalized and orchestrates confrontations to assert her presence, while Kristen struggles to keep the celebration on track. At [52:05], Ronnie emphasizes Janet’s manipulative tactics: “She’s gonna lie and say that she was victimized by not being invited because she’s Janet.” This showdown illustrates the deep-seated animosities and the challenges of maintaining genuine friendships amidst constant drama.

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Host Reactions and Analysis

Ben and Ronnie infuse the recap with their signature humor and sharp observations. They dissect each conflict with wit, providing both commentary and personal reflections that resonate with listeners familiar with Bravo’s dramatic flair.

• Ben's Take on Jason: “Jason looks so hot this episode. I couldn’t even deal. I was like, why does Jason look so hot? God, he’s so annoying.” This quote at [05:53] captures Ben’s mixed feelings towards Jason’s charismatic yet aggravating persona.

• Ronnie on Jasmine’s Evolution: “She’s becoming just as awful as everybody else, which I guess was your goal. So congrats.” At [13:28], Ronnie highlights Jasmine’s transformation from a background character to a central figure in the group’s negativity.

• On Janet’s Antagonism: “Janet's a miserable human being who could literally...” at [19:37], Ben humorously condemns Janet’s behavior, underscoring her role as the perennial villain.

The hosts also reflect on broader themes such as the challenges of maintaining friendships under pressure and the impact of social media on personal relationships, adding depth to their analysis.

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Character Conflicts and Dynamics

The episode is a rich tapestry of interpersonal conflicts, with Janet and Kristen at the epicenter. Janet’s manipulative tactics, including coercive accusations and feigned victimhood, contrast sharply with Kristen’s attempts to foster harmony. Britney’s intoxicated outbursts and Jasmine’s newfound assertiveness further complicate the group’s dynamics.

• Janet’s Manipulation: Janet’s actions are a constant source of friction, as she strategically alienates herself to gain sympathy while undermining others.

• Kristen’s Struggle: Kristen is portrayed as the peacemaker, trying to manage the group’s expectations and keep the celebration on track, often at the expense of her own peace of mind.

• Jasmine’s Rise: Jasmine’s shift from being relatively unnoticed to taking a stand marks a significant development, making her both more influential and more contentious within the group.

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Memorable Quotes

• Ben: “What a bad day to have a great day.” [46:34]

• Ronnie: “I'm the only person having a great day.” [46:40]

• Ben: “Janet's a miserable human being who could literally [metaphor about turtles].” [50:54]

These quotes encapsulate the hosts' blend of humor and frustration as they navigate the chaotic landscape of The Valley.

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Conclusions

Part One of "Fan-ning Flames on the Love Boat" effectively captures the essence of Bravo’s relentless drama, showcasing how personal relationships can spiral into public spectacles. Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam provide an entertaining yet critical lens through which listeners can appreciate the complexities of the cast members' interactions. As the episode concludes, the anticipation builds for Part Two, promising further exploration of the deepening conflicts and potential resolutions aboard the turbulent cruise.

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For those who haven't tuned into Watch What Crappens, this summary offers a comprehensive glimpse into the fiery dynamics of The Valley’s engagement cruise episode, enriched by the hosts' engaging commentary and sharp wit.

Transcript

[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ben]

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[Ben]

Watch what happens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens?

[Ronnie]

Hello and welcome to Watch what Cravens, everybody. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben. Hello, Ben.

[Ben]

Hi, Ronnie. How are you today?

[Ronnie]

Good. It's so good to be back. We just came back from a little fourth of July vacay, so feeling nice and rested and untested and blessed.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Feel great.

[Ben]

Yeah, it feels good. It feels great. Except for the fact that I just happen to look down at my phone right now and right there on. On. On social media is a big picture of Brianna Culberson shares emotional update on her family. They're utterly unstoppable. It's a picture of her with her like million children and her husband. And I was like, ah, too soon. I can't. I can't look at Brianna and her and her family just right now. That's right. I've got a podcast. Gotta be focused.

[Ronnie]

Need more of a break.

[Ben]

I'm like, listen, I'm about to recap a really toxic show. I cannot add more toxicity to it. Okay? We're at the. We're at the breaking limit.

[Ronnie]

I can't add a family who only lives on liver. Okay? Right now, raw liver. Sorry, busy. Yeah. So today is the Valley day. We just did another Love island recap. Those are all on Patreon if you want. Those are both video form and audio. If you want videos of all of our recaps, most of them except for live shows, go over to Patreon on Crappin's on Demand. That's where you find those. And we will be back next week with crappy hour Monday night. So join us for that. And today is the Valley. Season 2, Episode 13 the Cruise from Hell Ooh, I was wish I was hoping it would be the cruise spelled C R U Z from hell and we would finally get Cruz reacting to shitty upbringing just telling everybody off like I'm Cruz. Listen up here. I've had it with all of you. You let me alone to swim in my pool.

[Ben]

Yeah, that would be wonderful. But you know this, you know, Bravo, Bravo does magic on a boat. I mean they have an entire world, an entire franchise set on a boat because they do such good work on boats. And we have a boat episode for the Valley, and we. We start off with this, like, dreamy, like, coming up, this episode kind of tease, which is that we see kind of, like Hawaii and the beach and all this, like, lovely Maui Wowie kind of stuff. And then people sort of showing up, and it's like Kristen being like, you said Danny sexually assaulted someone. I was like, okay, here we go. The Valley. Back to doing what the Valley does best. Poison.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. And Jason yelling, why are we in a world where if somebody makes a steak, it can't be mistake? It can't be talked about? Okay, then why do you have a problem with everybody talking about the mistake that Janet's making? Jason.

[Ben]

Jason. Fucking Jason. Jason looks so hot this episode. I'm sorry. I couldn't even deal. I was like, why does Jason look so hot? God, he's so annoying. I get. I'm really mad about these. Well, the. Him being dead to you and him being hot are two separate issues in my book.

[Ronnie]

I was like, no, I'm not into snuff films. He's dead to me, Okay? I don't get off on dead people being hot.

[Ben]

Well, either way, Janet was. Jenna was pretty. Pretty terrible this. This episode. And it was fun times, so.

[Ronnie]

Fun times. Yeah, it was fun. And Janet's like, knock me out, Kristen. Knock me out. Kristen's like, if someone fucks with my friends, I will take you down. And Kristen was in full marionette mode, which is where, you know, there's a string on the very top of her head that pulls her head up, and she, like, tilts her head down when she's mad, and it kind of bobs back and forth, and that's my favorite. Kristen activated marionette. Kristen.

[Ben]

Chris Marinette. Kristen, especially when she has to storm off somewhere is a real joy. I will never forget the episode of Vanderpump Rules where she hobbled away on crutches and they just kept the camera on her. It was so beautiful. And I feel like later on in this episode, we have a visual callback to it. That was just so perfect. I was like, oh, God, there's so many.

[Ronnie]

She almost falls down the stairs.

[Ben]

She's like, oh. Jerry is like, whoa, hold on. I just have to ascend the staircase real quickly. Unstable.

[Ronnie]

But it's 24 hours earlier. Champagne is popping. Kristen is engaged to Luke, and now they're going downstairs to eat, and, you know, they're going to dinner. So Zach's like, okay, everybody, obviously, I will say several people are missing. So I called Janet and I basically said, listen, you know, things with you and Kristen aren't exactly, like, on perfect grounds. And Michelle's like, well, it's a little mean that she is in Hawaii and not invited. She is invited.

[Ben]

Yes.

[Ronnie]

Why are we now making. This is so Janet. To make a whole storyline about not being invited somewhere when she was clearly invited and included on a trip that she had no business being included on. You should be grateful.

[Ben]

Absolutely. And exactly. She is invited. Yeah, man. I spent all that money and stuff. It's not awesome. They're not invited. I mean, I can't believe they kicked him out of the hotel. It's like, no, they're. They were invited and they're still in the hotel. I mean, I can't believe they were banished to a different island of Hawaii. That's just so mean.

[Ronnie]

I can't believe you called the cops on her child. Her cop is serving. Her child is serving a life in prison. How could you do this? I am like, they just.

[Ben]

How could you force them to go to Alaska instead of Hawaii? That's just not nice.

[Ronnie]

So Zach's like, wait, but this. If this was switched, it was your engagement. Michelle. And Jesse's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not talk about Michelle's engagement. Like, Jesse, it's not about you, Jess. Okay?

[Ben]

Yeah, so I think he was making a joke, though. So Jasmine's like. She's like, I mean, Zach, you didn't even get to go to Big Bear. Remember that? Don't you want to be mad? Don't you want to be mad right now? He's like, no, it's not the same. Okay, let's not go back there. Or Jesse's like, well, I mean, let's be honest. He was in Big Bear. He posted that he was there, so obviously he was there. Right? Guys, guys, I'm on a one. I'm on a roll here with these jokes. Am I right? I'm, like, funny, Jesse. You know, I've got a hairband because that's where I keep my punchlines. All right, thank you.

[Ronnie]

My punchline headband Just pulled that one out of my punchline headband. And Zach's like, yeah, like, I was. I looked really good in those bushes. So now they're like, wait, where's Jeff? Where's Dani and Nia? And so now, of course, Jasmine and Britney decide to be all upset again because Britney's drunk. And when Britney gets drunk, she gets those evil Black Britney eyes. And then she starts accusing everybody of being unprofessional except her because she's like the star of the show and if she can show up, everybody else can show up. Britney, you're late for everything. You missed your flight here. I heard, like, the. What are you talking about? You're late for everything?

[Ben]

Yeah, so, I mean, so they're all weighing. These people are really so miserable because Jasmine's like, yeah, where are Danny and where are Danny and Nia? Taking a nap again, Sleeping. And then she sort of tries to pull it back. Like, no, no sleeping. You know, like, was it taking a nap? I'm like, you were trying to be messy there. Okay, so Jasmine's like, I mean, how long does it take to shower? I mean, I had 10, 20 minutes to shower and I'm here. People, relax. You've got free food all around you. Eat some nibbles, enjoy yourself. It's an engagement party. They are acting like a movie's about to begin.

[Ronnie]

I've literally never cared about my friends coming. Like, do. I don't wait to order. I don't wait. You know it. If they're late, then they. They're late. Who cares? It's so weird. And it's the exact same thing they were doing before about how dare they not be at this dinner when we're all forced to be here. Like, this is call time. This says work. What if he said alcohol?

[Ben]

Well, I think that, like, yeah, because then. Because then Brittany's like, well, I mean, if nobody's gonna be held accountable to things, then I'm gonna. But I'm gonna leave too. Like, you guys are such shitty friends. This is like Kristen's engagement party and you were making all about yourselves right now. And I mean, it's already kind of like a sad party. There's like six people there. But like now that Britney pulling this move and Jack's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop this right now. What are you even talking about? Like, now I'm as well. Wait. You know, I think I'm just like a little bit hurt because I'm so close to Kristen and like, we are like the best friend. She's like a sister to me. If I had seen her engagement, I would have brought her some chick of heighteness. But I didn't get to. I didn't even get to see her face.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, because you haven't stood up for Kristen the entire time this season. You've been working against her. And the only people that have been nice to her through her party. And then the second they do it, you run and tell Jax about it, which is the one thing she didn't want you to do. So. Gee, Brittany, I wonder why they didn't trust you to tell them to tell you that they were gonna get engaged, you nitwit.

[Ben]

So then everyone's still, like, all mad, and Zach is like, bungie, I mean, like, who the cares about D and Nia right now? And like, I don't care. I know. This is like, this is Kristen's engagement, sir. So then. Then they're coming. They finally arrive. Kristen and Luke sort of finally arrived, and there's, like, five people there. They're like, yay. And then Danny and Nia arrive after them, and Jasmine is still, like. She's still, like, very upset about it. She's like, oh, the stars of the show have arrived. Danny and Nia are here. Finally. I'm like, yes. They put in work this afternoon. They had to go on a fishing boat under false pretenses. They had to lie on a fishing boat for, like, hours.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, they already shot all day. These people tried to get Kristen to take a shower all day. You think that was easy? They deserve a nap. It's like trying to get it. You don't know what broccoli.

[Ben]

You don't understand that. They just had to spend 90 minutes coming back from the deep sea listening to Kristen saying, but I just want to confirm there are no dolphins. Correct? Because if there are, we should turn around this boat.

[Ronnie]

Were you kidding about the dolphins?

[Ben]

I took a shower to be with dolphins.

[Ronnie]

They're being ridiculous. And, you know, Jasmine is my last nerve. She's standing on my last nerve. Jasmine, you've done nothing. You have nothing going on. And all you're doing is bitching about other. Even your girlfriend's like, shut up, girl. My God. She's like, they can take a shower, Jasmine, for Christ's sake. So then we go to fire dancing and drive.

[Ben]

Just want to say I'm proud of Jasmine because I feel like last season she was largely invisible. I mean, she was. She played a role in some of the gossip, but she was largely invisible. And I feel like she stepped it up this season. So I say, good for you. Like, you are being annoying, but you are being felt so, you know, and being annoying as.

[Ronnie]

But you're at least fitting in better with everybody by being annoying. You know what I mean? You're. You're becoming just as awful as everybody else, which I guess was your goal. So congrats.

[Ben]

Congrats.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

So you become the, you become the Woodman Boulevard to everyone else's Van Nuys and Laurel Canyons.

[Ronnie]

Look at you.

[Ben]

You look at you with your parallel. You're a parallel boulevard that has an exit off of the 101.

[Ronnie]

You're like, wow, you're really Magnolia to my bourbon crayon.

[Ben]

She was a. She was giving more park energy for a while, but now she's gone and become. She's a woman now.

[Ronnie]

Keep your working your way up to Empire, babe.

[Ben]

Someone's gonna be. I don't know who Victory is, but maybe someday someone will get there.

[Ronnie]

Victory is close to Empire, right? Well, actually I'm thinking of the Empire center on Victory. So that's really the only location I need in the Valley. I feel like where the Marshalls is and the Nordstrom Rack and the. There's not a home goods. I think there's a TJ Maxx, there's a Best Buy, there's a Walmart. I mean it's all. That's where it's happening, baby. There's an rei, which I don't go to, but you know, I support people like my friend who needs, you know, SUV resistant body length clothing. I go there with her.

[Ben]

Can. Can I say something? I know we've got a lot of podcasting to do, but I forgot to tell, tell everyone about this. So last week, so we went on vacation and so the last thing that we recorded last week was I think next gen year. That was last Wednesday. And as soon as we were done, I was like, I'm going to game day. I'm playing. So guess what board games are in the Valley. So after recording all the stuff by the Valley, I went into the Valley. I go actually go to the Valley every single week for board games. But like it was like I really went into the Valley this time because I went to the shops at the Sportsman's Lodge, this place called the Sportsman's Lodge that they turned into this really bougie mall, which is low key. Like my favorite mall. Like my favorite mall in LA right now is in the Valley. And I showed up, it was 5pm and the place was. Had like a blanket of small children, like 5 and under because they were doing some sort of like kitty concert in the, in the little green area of, of this mall, outdoor mall. Like you walk in and it was like the equivalent of Barney music. Like I love you, you love me. And it was just like I felt like thousands of children in scrollers. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? Why are there so many children here? I felt, I thought like why. I feel like the, like a kiddie concert is like an 11am activity. Why is that happening at 5pm? Is this normal? Is 5pm a normal time for Kitty feel like 5pm is. Is like relatively safe for these. To. To avoid these kind of events. I was like, g. The Valley, it's never been.

[Ronnie]

That's where people go to pre procreate. I go to that little mall all the time cuz I love they have that pizza place and wins that. That pizza. That's the best crust in town.

[Ben]

I went to that Pizza Roberta's and I wanted to get Van Lens afterwards, but we were running late and the board games had to begin. No, but I was like everywhere.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. And also that little pie place is there, which is really good anyway. But yeah, there's kids everywhere and that's where people go to not watch. But it's funny because they're like upper crust, like valley kids. I guess. I don't know how you describe it, but one time I was sitting there with my friend and we were having pizza and this kid comes running back and the dad's like, what the hell? I didn't tell you? You were allowed to get one of those smoothies. That is ridiculous. And the other one had one of the giant strawberries. Because it's like where you don't watch your children and they run off and they buy the fucking. The Bieber smoothie and the giant strawberry from the whole. The parents were so pissed and I was cracking up. I was like, this is not. You have to watch your children in here. You know, God forbid they bug us, you know. But don't spend your money. I'm glad those kids went and wasted your damn money, fools.

[Ben]

Oh my God. There are just so many children and I understand that you need to have. You need to do things with the kids, but I just thought like. I thought five o'. Clock. People like to start feeding their children at five o'. Clock. I was like, what? What is happening? I was like, what?

[Ronnie]

The women have the midnight concert. They're like the Lauryn Hill of children performance. They go on at 2am.

[Ben]

She was scheduled for 11am but she didn't come on till 5 o'. Clock. But she's so good. They're like, you never know when it's gonna be their last concert. Come on. Kids were staying here all day. I bought these tickets.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Oh my God.

[Ben]

I think I texted you and you were so proud of me that I was. You were like, oh, my God, you're in the Valley.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, I was. I was impressed because, you know, once you actually move to the Valley, it becomes its own city. You know, like, you learn. When I lived in West Hollywood, I never. I went to the Valley maybe a couple times a year to go shopping or whatever, but now that I'm there, I'm like, this is actually. I can see it. I mean, I can see it now. I like it. So you get used to it. So anyway, it, like, becomes normal, you know, to, like to have a place to park and have, you know, a lot of ice cream.

[Ben]

Yeah. I lived in the Valley for. For a heartbeat. And that was a. Interesting time.

[Ronnie]

Anyway, okay, so fire dancing, drums. Everyone's cheering. Aaron comes, and of course he's late, but nobody cares.

[Ben]

And, yeah, that was funny. Where was the commentary there, Jasmine? About Aaron. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Because he's just a friend of. Yeah. Jasmine has a bee in her bonnet. They're really af. And Jasmine, I can get, you know, but everybody else shut up. No, even Jasmine at this point, I think, like, enough. Enough is enough. Like, when. When. When does. When. When is it enough? Like, how often do we have to fight about it? You know?

[Ben]

You know what's funny is that, like, when people are like, when we say that someone has a bee in their bonnet, we're usually saying, like, ugh. They're just going on and on about something. They just need to shut up. They have a real bee in their bonnet. Acting like it's like, like, whatever. To be in your. If I have a bee in my bonnet, I'm making some noise about, like, I. I don't want to be in my bonnet. Who wants to be in their bonnet? That's terrible. But be in close proximity, trapped, pressed against my scalp. I'm angry and nippy.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

I don't want to be dismissed. Oh, you just have a bee in your bonnet. Yeah, damn right I have a bee in my bonnet.

[Ronnie]

There's a b. I think that. I think that saying came out, like, during the depression or something, when there were just much bigger issues. You know, it's like people are like, have lost everything. Well, like, we're in some lines and someone's like, yeah, someone's, like, coughing up blood. And meanwhile, someone's like, oh, my God, there's a bee in my bonnet. It's like, I'm coughing up blood here with you.

[Ben]

Shut up. Yeah, there's, like, bigger things to worry about than, like, bees in your bonnet. But I also. I also feel like for those people, for those people who had actual bees in their bonnets during the depression. I just wanted to say I hear you and I think it's not fair that people dismissed you just because the depression was happening. Sorry about the dust bowl, everyone, but I think, I think the person with the be in their bonnet deserves some attention.

[Ronnie]

There are ghosts right now with big swollen sides of their head that are like nodding and thanking you with like a single tear coming down their swollen eye. Like, thank you, Frank Stanley. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. It is so nice to entertain in the summertime. I just did it this past weekend. I had a big party over here on my deck and it's a big deck and it was all furnished by Wayfair.

[Ben]

Yeah, I just bought some acapulco chairs for my patio and they are so cool. They were so easy to assemble and also so comfy. They arrived quickly and like they look great out there.

[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ronnie]

So Luke is. So Aaron goes, wow, so you proposed. Wow. So I guess you beat me to it. And Luke's like, yeah, well, I've been with Kristen for a couple years now, so I think I had a head start. Yeah, well, so is Luke. I mean, so is Aaron. Aaron's been with what's her buttons for a couple of years.

[Ben]

So especially if you were to tell. If Jesse were to tell the story. So Jesse's like, so how do you feel now? Relieved, because guess what? In three years, you guys will hate each other. So Luke is like, yeah, I feel about 100 pounds lighter. I mean, we'll put it that way. Which is my way of saying, I actually took a massive right before this party. So.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, like, if she hadn't said yes, I would have, like, jumped into the water and they would have, like, played the Jaws theme and stuff. And Jesse's like, yeah, you're not cut out for the this group. Okay. But congrats. So then we go to Kristen. Oh, go ahead.

[Ben]

I was just about to say good on you, Luke. Tying your journey into the NBCU synergy that they've been pushing all summer. Like, because this is the jaws 50th anniversary summer. Jaws all over Peacock. They did Jaws concert at the bowl and Jaws billboards and Jaws jaw. Everything's Jaws. And good, Luke, good on you to hang your engagement onto that massive marketing train. That. That is a savvy person right there.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, I watched the Jaws preview when it was playing on Peacock, and they're like, jaws 50 years later, remastered, redone to look exactly the same.

[Ben]

I know.

[Ronnie]

Fast forward, like, no, thanks. So then we go to Kristen talking to Melissa and Nia, and she's like, oh, my God, you guys, please stay quiet about this because, like, my family doesn't even know. Like, the dogs don't even know. Like, I don't want them to get this news because there's like, a time change in Hawaii. And, like, what if people know that I'm engaged? It's like, totally my business. Top eight sex.

[Ben]

Which I. Yeah, I Think that's really what it was, because as far as I could tell, it was still sunny out. It was August. Or let's say it was probably like 8 o'. Clock. I don't know. I think you're still calling your parents at 11 o' clock to be like, I just got engaged. If it's 11 o' clock in Michigan, I think you're still making that phone call or you're making the call early in the morning or something like that, but. But I think you can find a way to do it.

[Ronnie]

Well, now that I think about it, I think that she meant this idiot proposed as a secret to me without getting a People exclusive. He didn't get any kind of coverage for this. We could have made money on this. Like, hello, we're on a reality show. Like, we need to Lindsay this up. We need to have Dave Quinn jumping from behind a tumbleweed on a beach being like, yes, taking the exclusive pictures for people. Girl like, Luke can't just go off and do this for free. So I think instead of beating. I think a lot of this is just her wanting to beat Luke on the head with her purse or her fanny pack or whatever she carries around, but she can't say that. So she's like, I have to call my mom. So everyone's like, oh, my God, surely nobody's gonna tell. You all know that Janet is sitting down there on this phone like an abuser is getting married. And her name is Kristen Doty.

[Ben]

Bad news, everyone. Another terrible person finds happiness. Janet.

[Ronnie]

Kristen has forced me to move my family to Switzerland. Oh, did you read all that news this week? So, first of all, that's not what happened, but there was a headline that says, Janet Caperna flees the country due to Internet hate. And it's because she was on a trip to Switzerland. And so they're like, she fled the country. But it was just a trip. You know, it was a family trip. But she turned off her Instagram and said on her podcast she was getting death threats and stuff. Which. Whoever's sending death threats to people on reality tv, get a life. Okay? Yeah, like, don't do that. That's ridiculous. Hate people with your friends like everybody else.

[Ben]

Yeah, exactly. I. I think, like, I love Janet as a villain on this show. I think what I love about Janet as a villain is that she's just like, her name is Janet, which is, like, funny for, like, a villain name. Like, like, the big. The big boogeyman on the show is named Janet. And then, like, just like, from a.

[Ronnie]

Different Era, you know, which is. Yeah, it's like a name for the.

[Ben]

50S or whatever Reese company, you know, and I just. I don't know why. It's, like, funny. Just like Janet. Janet is the. Is the big. The big bad on this show. And she's just like this girl, just this. This lady who just sort of like suburban. She's. She's like a suburban mom. Hangs out in the ball pit in her living room, avoids the low hanging hood in her kitchen. Like. Like, I don't know, maybe she goes get s froyo. Like, there's something actually, like, very like, blah about Janet, and I just love that she's the bane of everyone's existence, both on the show and in the audience. I just think that's, like, great, you.

[Ronnie]

Know, because I think it's a very basic manipulation tactic she used that we've all been exposed to so many times that we're just over it when we see it on tv. Because on TV we get glamorous manipulation normally. We get like Beverly Hills manipulation, like who was calling Page Six and who leaked about the dog, you know, whatever. And on this show we just get some basic casserole bee who's like, who just escalates everything into this huge thing. So part of this article was her saying, you know, and then you've got Kristen, who is basically trying to ruin my child's life and accuse me of being an alcoholic because someone left a comment that said, oh, Janet, really, you had too much to drink on that day. I wonder if you're a good mother. And I wonder if you're, you know, making. Making a comment because Janet has been doing that to Dani and Nia all season. And then Kristin made a little emoji, like, loop under the comment. So Janet's like, she's trying to ruin my child's life by suggesting that I'm an alcoholic. And, you know, it's just so. The escalation is just so ridiculous. And that's. Yes, that's the basic thing that I know it makes me crazy. And I think that that's basically what's making everybody nuts.

[Ben]

She's also kind of like an avatar of, like, you know, you know, the. The Trishells of the world. Because we're not. We're trying not to say Karen anymore for our. The lovely people in the world named Karen. But, like, she is kind of that person, you know, she is. She is that person you see on the videos, you know, I'm not saying that she's. I'm not Saying that she's, like, problematic, like, racially, you know, there's nothing like that. But it's like she is going to call the manager and she is going to be like, why are you, like, riding your bike too close to my hedges? And, like, she's just kind of like that suburban watchdog who is just gonna con. I'm not calling her a dog. I'm just using that expression of, like, what that means of someone who is kind of like, you know, I. You know. You know, people get crazy, you know.

[Ronnie]

Can'T even fall all over yourself even to call somebody a Karen these days. I mean, the whole world.

[Ben]

I'm like, I made, like, three different apologies just to call Janet a Karen. Guess what? She's a Karen. And she's a suburban watchdog. I'm living in my truth. I'm gonna stand in it. Okay. She's a suburban busy body. She's just like that lady in the, like, the first season of Desperate Housewives who's, like, always up in everyone's business and stirring the pot and everything. And so, like, I understand why people just, like, can't stand her because, like, we've seen that type before and just think it's. It's. I don't know. I just think it's hilarious. Like, we just have such. Like you said, we just have such big, flashy villains on Bravo. And then you just have Janet. But she gets on everyone's nerves.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, she's the worst. So Mary Alice died, but who was The Martha Huber? Mrs. Huber was the one. That's right.

[Ben]

House. The first season.

[Ronnie]

Right.

[Ben]

She had, like, the short hair.

[Ronnie]

She's the one that got killed.

[Ben]

She was. I loved her.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

The thing is this.

[Ronnie]

Well, she was at least funny and entertaining. You know, Janet doesn't have that aspect where she's also funny. You know, she's just the worst part.

[Ben]

I'm entertained by Janet. I mean, you know, I've sort of. I've sort of. I've sort of mentioned, like, I've, like, I am sickly entertained by Janet. I enjoy Janet, but she's a villain. I get it. But I enjoy her. I think we're allowed to, like, both recognize someone's villainy and enjoy them at the same time. And I. I find that even when you're about totally vile this episode.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. You're allowed. So then Kristen's like, well, I wouldn't put a path. Janet. And Melissa's like, no, really, I don't think she will. Good people don't do stuff like that. It's like, oh, dear sweet Melissa. Dear sweet Melissa. So just a lot of small talk about the ring, etc. Etc. And Luke's like, yeah, well it's a 4.2 carat. So Jesse's like, whoa, whoa, we measuring dick now? Luke's basically measuring his by the size of the ring, guys.

[Ben]

He's like, no, actually I was contractually obligated to say how many carrots it is in order to get a 10 discount from Kyle Chan. So apologies.

[Ronnie]

So messy ass Zach is talking to Danny and Nia and he's like, okay, well I will say I just had a meltdown. Like it was absolutely insane. There was like a flower on a table and I was like, why is this flower here? And then I moved it to a different table. It was crazy, you guys. Like literally insane. I'm dead. I'm dead. Like I was dead on the floor. I was read resurrected. Then I saw that there was a water pitcher sitting on a wine. A wine table fell over dead. I've died twice today. You guys.

[Ben]

You guys, as I've mentioned a million times on this episode and last episode, can we just make tonight about Kristen and Luke? Can we not have any drama please? By the way? You guys, I think you need to have conversations with people because I think there's a lot of resentment about you two. And like, I don't even know we can even go there. But like, I think you guys need to have like some conversations with other people. Like, I don't know, like, maybe it's like Brittany, maybe it's other people. Like you need to talk about people, okay? Because like things are happening anyway. This no drama tonight guys. No drama.

[Ronnie]

And then we cut to Britney's face and she's like, Then we cut back and he is like, but can you say who it is at least like multiple people? It's multiples. It's Britney. It's another Britney. Three Britney. There's three Britneys here. They're all very upset. Jasmine, you know, I mean like they were mad that you guys weren't down here. And she's like, but wait, was it me specifically? Because like I was, I was, I was giving a shower to my sheets because they spray tanned earlier.

[Ben]

Hi. Hi. Hi. I feel like they're talking about me over there, but I'm like, maybe they're not talking about me. I don't even know. This is funny. And then Jasmine's like, I heard my name too. I'm getting mad right now. Yeah, I'm not allowed to have any drama tonight, that's for sure. That's why I was going to leave this party early and cause the drama. Okay?

[Ronnie]

I know Jasmine and Brittany, who just threatened to leave the party because other people weren't on time, are like, I don't want any drama today. So Nia's like, that's a bummer. Like, I love these people. These are my friends, you know? I mean, let's just address it. So Brittany's like, okay, everybody, come on. Come on, Come on. Everybody, come on. So Danny's like, ah. So was Britney just talking about us? Was that who it was? How could she? We've got under three.

[Ben]

Daniel, stop it. Daniel. Daniel, not now.

[Ronnie]

Daniel, talk to him. I'm gonna go over there. I'm gonna say, why, I oughta. No, I'm gonna say it. I'm gonna say it loud and proud.

[Ben]

Why Take your piece, Daniel. Don't let them take your piece. Daniel. Daniel. Daniel, where's your piece? Did they take it? No, hold on.

[Ronnie]

You are my piece, baby.

[Ben]

You are. Daniel.

[Ronnie]

Here's a little smack, smack.

[Ben]

Don't take your peace. Leave your. Keep your peace. They said that like a million times this episode.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, this episode was just keep the p. Like, don't let them take your peace.

[Ben]

Don't take it.

[Ronnie]

Don't let them take your peace. And tell each other at the movie theater. Yeah, I'm gonna go see. Don't let him take your piece.

[Ben]

Okay? Don't let him take your piece.

[Ronnie]

Because there's signs on the movie theaters here that say no guns allowed.

[Ben]

Oh, that's different. P, I, E, C, E. Don't let him take your piece.

[Ronnie]

I got the right. I got the ride. Tom Cruise can carry one in this movie. I can too.

[Ben]

So then they wrap up this little party and everything, and Kristen's like, it's time to get gtfo. That stands for get the fuck out. It's baby making time. So then everybody starts walking away.

[Ronnie]

My sister has been walking around going, oh, my God, I can't even. Wait, what is she saying? Damn it, I'm ruining it now. I don't give a. I think she's saying gaff. I D, G, A F. No, but she's saying she's. I think she's saying, I don't gaff. She's like, I don't gaffer because her kids ID gas.

[Ben]

I do gaff.

[Ronnie]

I don't gaff. Okay? So I'm like, wow, you're. You're quick. She. I just got her to stop saying that is the Bomb dot com.

[Ben]

Does your. Did your dad ever send you something that said lol, but he meant lots of love? Because I had a phase with my dad with that where he was like, lol. I was like, love you, dad. He wrote back lol. And I was like, he goes, lots of love. It's not what that means. Oh, okay.

[Ronnie]

So Luke gives a little speech and then Kristen's like, we're leaving.

[Ben]

It's baby making time.

[Ronnie]

I took a shower this morning, so dinner's over pretty quickly. Aunt Danny's like, but wait, I just want to say it's not just me and I leaving. Okay, everybody, you can calm down over here.

[Ben]

Here.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, I just got him. Nailed it. Nailed that one, guys.

[Ben]

So then Luke and Kristen go to their honeymoon suite, which does have all the petals, the hibiscus and rose petals. But they're like, we're tired. It's a lot of time on that boat. So they just go to sleep. And now we go over. The rest of the gang goes over to Jason and Janet's suite and they're all like, you know, sitting in the living room all like, cramped up and being jokey and everything. And they're like, where's the John and Jason? They're like, over there. Oh, my God. They're like right over there. That's crazy. Just probably. Jasmine's like, yeah, I said, I said wake up. And she's like over there listening, not even saying anything. And then we cut to Janet and Jason inside their room and the lights are off. They're trying to sleep, which was funny to me. But I'm like, you have a cameraman in there, so you can't act like you're trying to sleep. Like you. There's a full on third person in your room right now, but okay, I'll buy the. The fantasy right now.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. I wasn't even sleeping. She's just like. I mean, I didn't think they were going to be here. It's really awkward that people are partying after a party that we weren't even invited to. Now here we are, we have to be subjected to this. This could harm our child. This could harm our child.

[Ben]

Well, then how did everyone get in your room in the first place? Did you let them in? I mean, they don't. People don't just, like, walk into hotel rooms and like, party. I mean, I guess they could, but.

[Ronnie]

Well, because it's a shared room, right? I think everybody has a suite. And so I think it's like the presidential suite where they're in One room and then, oh, are they Brittany in the other room, right? Oh, they're sharing with Brittany. Yeah, they're sure that's right.

[Ben]

Well, they are sharing with Britney. So Britney brought everyone in, but yeah, they're in there being like, oh, this is so awkward. I'm like, honestly, it's really not that awkward. And I think that actually Janet over blew the whole situation. If I were her, honestly, I would have gone to the engagement thing and I would have. Going back to what you said before and what we've said millions of times on this episode, what you said on our Love island episode, which is that, like, just be an adult and even if you have issues with Kristen, go to her engagement party and wish her the best, because adult, you can do that. You don't. Don't start any fights. You can even say something like, I know we're. I know we have issues, but, like, fundamentally, I want you to be happy. And I'm. I'm really happy for you too. And I know we'll. We'll get through what we're getting through, but it's not about this right now. It's about you being happy. And I'm. I'm here, you know, like some. Something like that. Instead of being like, well, I'm not gonna go. Like, I understand what she's trying to say later on. Like, she doesn't want to. Like, if she doesn't want to intrude, you know, knowing that Kristen doesn't like her very much. But she also, like. Like, she's in this weird limbo where she also doesn't want to stay away. But it's like, just be an adult and go. And just don't start a fight. Like, how many people go to parties for people that they don't like?

[Ronnie]

Everyone be the bigger casserole. Janet. Okay, so. But she's not. She's an. And she's gonna lie and say that she was victimized by not being invited because she's Janet. So they're all having a really good time, and Zach's like, oh, my God. Kristen and Luke, let's pray that the sperm reaches the egg. Is that how it works? Is that how it works?

[Ben]

I learned everything about baby making from the opening credits of look who's Talking.

[Ronnie]

So please let it be voiced by Christie Alley. That's all I'm asking. That's all I'm asking.

[Ben]

From beyond the grave. Beyond the grave. Cristiali, which, by the way, Kirstie Alley.

[Ronnie]

Comeback through Kristen's birth vagina.

[Ben]

I still have not accepted that Kirstie Alley died. By the way, it's been like three years. I still don't believe that it's really happened.

[Ronnie]

I know every time I need to see, like, an offensive tweet by someone that I used to really revere, I get sad.

[Ben]

I think, did I tell you the story? I think I did tell you the story, but I'm gonna tell it again because Rip Kirstie Alley. I met someone who worked on Veronica's Closet, a writer on Veronica His Closet. And he said, you know, like, around the holidays. It was either around the holidays or at the end of the season. A lot of times the stars of sitcoms will or TV shows will give, like, presents to the whole staff. And she gave everyone a bird. Kirsty's like, Kirsty Alley got like a hundred birds. Engages, I guess, or, I don't know, maybe 12. I. Maybe it's just for the writers, but she got every. Want to burn in a little bird cage.

[Ronnie]

Wow, that is so her. It's like the most annoying gift. Like, here's the gift of something that will annoy you every day. Don't birds live forever? Like, don't they live a really long time?

[Ben]

Some do. I don't think all of them do, based on the ones I've seen lying dead on the sidewalk, but I used to be a PA On a. I used to be a PA on a show called Three Sisters, which had many. Had many interesting people on it. But one of them was AJ Langer, who played Ray. I think she played Rae Anne on My so Called Life. And she got a. She got a casket for everyone. She made everyone these scrapbooks. It was like. It was like a little yearbook. And she gave them to everyone on the crew except for me.

[Ronnie]

She's like, ben is not a sister.

[Ben]

After she forgot about me.

[Ronnie]

That sucks.

[Ben]

What's her name? A.J. langer.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. A.J. lang. A.J. langer. You're a low. Hooded. You're a low.

[Ben]

So nice. Actually, I think it's because I was relative.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

I wasn't on the first.

[Ronnie]

You rue the day.

[Ben]

I hope you rue the day you didn't give me a scrapbook.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, I hope AJ was one day gifted with a parrot that she stuck with. So I looked it up. And birds, it varies. They can go from a few years to over a century. Songbirds, listen, they're the most innocent. They die young. So we know that they only live for a few years, but parrots can live, like 80 years, and some birds live over a century.

[Ben]

So which birds live over a century?

[Ronnie]

I don't know. I'm just reading the little overview. But it says smaller birds. For example, some small songbirds. Yeah, large parrots can live for several decades or some even reach 80 years or more. But it doesn't say you can go over a century.

[Ben]

The longest living bird species according to Google AI include albatrosses, parrots, especially the kakapo, and certain birds of prey like Andean condors and hawks. Kakapo parrots can live up to 90 years in the wild.

[Ronnie]

And. Yeah, so AJ somebody gives you a cockapo parrot. So suck it.

[Ben]

That's what you're. Oh, my God. The kakapo parrot looks crazy. Look at it. Look up. The kakapo parrot.

[Ronnie]

The kakapo.

[Ben]

Okay, it's definitely the Janet of parrots. I've never seen a parrot like this. Oh my God, it's huge. And it has a crazy beak.

[Ronnie]

Oh, it looks like a squirrel. No, not a squirrel. A beaver. It's like an owl beaver.

[Ben]

Wow. But somehow it's a. It's not just a bird, it's a parrot. It's huge. It's like the size of like a capybara. Maybe that's why it's called a.

[Ronnie]

Those are pretty cute. Those are cute birds. I want mine commercials.

[Ben]

Here comes one. Right now.

[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

I am listening to the title Dungeon Crawler Carl, which is actually insane. And I read all the series, but I loved it so much that now I'm listening to it as I drive around. And it's just. It's so cool listening to it because the guy does so many funny characters. I'm just loving it. I've always loved Audible and this is just like listening to a play in my car. I love it. There's more to imagine when you listen.

[Ben]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

So Janet is like, wow, I'm just not sure what to do. Like, I don't want to have a dramatic exit of leaving the trip early, but I don't feel comfortable staying here. I just don't know what the move is. What do I do? What do I do? Oh God, Janet, curl your hair again and go to dinner, for fuck's sake. So they like victimize themselves in bed. And then the next day, Nia's like, it's a great day to have a great day. And I everybody I've ever known that says this cries all the time. Amaya Papaya says it on Love Island. She's the most recent one who cries a lot. But people who say it's a great day to have a great day cry a lot.

[Ben]

Yeah, I think that's a good theory.

[Ronnie]

Look at it in your own lives and tell me I'm wrong.

[Ben]

It's a great day to have a great day. Is there a bad day to have a great day?

[Ronnie]

Like, what a bad day to have a great day. Everything's going to. I'm the only person having a great day.

[Ben]

I know. I guess there are those days. But like, you're having a great day, but then like someone has terrible news and you're like, but I'm having a great day.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Could your husband pass away on a different day? This is a good day for me. I just want to scratch off.

[Ben]

So Kristen wakes up and her phone dings, and it's Jax. And he says, congrats. And she's like, oh, I'm sorry, what?

[Ronnie]

I didn't even know there were Google Headline, People magazines. Jax, Taylor's exclusive about his feelings about Kristen getting engaged. Shook, Thomas, Luke.

[Ben]

So she's like, I just want to know who told Jax. Like, that was the first text that I woke up to. I'm like, well, this is on you now, because now you've had a lot of time to call your. Your parents, and you haven't. I'm sorry. You're a public figure. Too many people know it's gonna get out. Kristen, you should have called them, right? You should have woken up your parents. That's just what you should have done. So Kristen is like, jack Stellar knows, like, loudmouth who's literally going to tell everyone under the sun. And she's like, I literally haven't even texted my mom, my sister, my brother, like, anyone. Wait a second. It was one thing if you're like, I haven't called my family because they're asleep, but if it was just about a text message, I mean, girl, you could have fired that off anytime last night. I. I actually do not feel bad that you didn't get a chance to text yet.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, I think it's. I think it's media she means, but whatever. Who knows?

[Ben]

I think you're right. I think it's. I think that's what the. I think that the code, it's. Yes, it's code for, like, I didn't get to arrange with okay, Magazine. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Oh, my God. Okay, magazine. So everybody's like, oh, my God. How in the world would Jax find out? Then we cut to Britney, and she's like, oh, hi. And she's like, what's up? How does jocks know that I'm engaged? Oh, well, I told him, but I said not to tell anything. I mean, how could he. How could he do this to me?

[Ben]

I can't believe Jake did this to me.

[Ronnie]

How could he do this on your special night? I'm going to do all respectful night.

[Ben]

Our note taker, Shelby, says, Ben was right last week, and I'm going to take the credit. I have no idea what I said, but I'm going to say, aha. I was right. Whatever I said, I was right.

[Ronnie]

Attaboy, Ben.

[Ben]

Thank you. I predicted something. I don't remember what it was. So Kristen's like, well, I mean, I didn't want him to know, cuz he's gonna use text the whole boys chat. Hey, dad. Yeah, and I didn't even, like. I mean, we didn't even get to tell our family yet. Are you fucking kidding me, Jax? Taylor told someone something. I can't even believe it. Why would he. Why the fuck would he text the boys, Jack? I don't even know. By the way, do you mind? I. I invited Jax. He's gonna be. Gonna be here in about two hours. That's okay, right?

[Ronnie]

I told Jax he could be the. He could be the preacher at your wedding. He's so excited. You know that Britney called Jax, like, you cannot believe what happened here. They had an engagement for quits and didn't even invite me. How could they do that? That should be my special noise.

[Ben]

Yeah. And she's. And she's still wondering why, like, she was kept out of a secret because she go. Like, the first secret that she's entrusted since this becomes public is she completely destroys in the first place.

[Ronnie]

So the worst person in the world.

[Ben]

The worst person that you're also divorcing. Like, why are you sharing details with the person that you're divorcing, even if you are calling about, like, coordinating. Coordinating school for. For cruise, you know, so Kristen's like. I mean, we wanted to tell people. It's, like, really hard. I was gonna send a special letter to Lindsey Buckingham, and maybe, I don't know, Fleetwood Mac, who remains in them will play at our wedding. I don't know. It's just, like, trying things out loud. But now it's, like, all ruined because of you. Thanks a lot. Good call.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. So then we go to Jason and Janet, and he's on his. She's like, um, how long do you think you're gonna have to work today? Because says, I'm hurting over here. And he's like, okay, how are you feeling? She's like, well, I mean, it was just, like, so awkward that everybody was in here celebrating. I'm so personally attacked. And he's like, well, you know, last night was the first night I realized that, like, our living room is actually part of the room. Like, we were basically hosting Jason. Jason's too stupid to be a lawyer. Can somebody explain to me how Jason's a lawyer? He's too much of a dumbass.

[Ben]

I know. And Jazz, like, I know. And that's why. I mean, I was upset when they showed up. I was just like. I just wanted everyone to disappear. I mean, what's more awkward, Leaving early or staying and kind of quietly staying around the group. I just don't know what to do. I'm like, Janet, you've been grappling with this for way too long. This has been a five minute decision. And then you move on. The fact that you're still hemming and hawing over this, I really can't. I empathize with the turtle that they showed right before this that was swimming in the ocean and it like poked its head out. Like, I'm not meant for this. I'm not. I, I just want to be regular turtle, not sea turtle. I take it all back. It's just like, I can't do this anymore.

[Ronnie]

The only realistic turtle, he's like, God, this is hard. I have to swim all day.

[Ben]

I know. Why can't I be a palm Turtle? Like, like 95% of all the other turtles, why am I the ones turtle?

[Ronnie]

Like, why am I in the ocean? So Janet's like, I mean, this, this is just really hard because when we got engaged, Kristen was one of three people in our, in our kitchen celebrating bumping her head on that hood. I mean, it was just now. Now. Well, yeah, maybe you shouldn't have betrayed her and thrown her under the bus and treated her like crap for two years in a row. Janate.

[Ben]

Yeah. But also she said that she's one of three people that was at our house at 7 in the morning when we got engaged. Why did you get engaged at 7 in the morning? Or did you have like a. It's either one of two things. You either got engaged at 7 in the morning, maybe before he went to work, which is very unromantic, or you guys got engaged the night before, but you had everyone over at 7 in the morning, which is like, why are you having people over at 7 in the morning? That's way too early for celebration.

[Ronnie]

Very Jason. To be like seven in the morning and be like, okay, well, I gotta get to the gym before work, so will you marry me? Okay, here's your friends. I'll celebrate with you. I'm gonna put my wedding ring in this drawer and go to the gym. I don't want to lose in the steam room. Okay. Okay.

[Ben]

See you later. Hot. So then Janet is like, when I imagine Kristen getting ag, I just always imagine like a really, really happy, fun celebration that I'm part of. I'm like, yeah, you could still be part of that. You just have to put your own aside if you can possibly even imagine such a, such a world.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. She was like, well, the best thing I Could do yesterday was remove myself from the situation. So I hope she considers it a gift. Would you mind getting us one? Because it actually sounds good. I'm putting that on my Amazon wish list. Absence from Janet.

[Ben]

Okay? It's available at a reduced price on Amazon Prime Day.

[Ronnie]

And Jason's like, well, you can't force him to be your friend. She's not the one who's decided they're not friends. Janet is. You guys, stop rewriting this fucking history. You're crazy. You're both crazy. Crazy. So then we see everybody else is trying to have fun going on water slides and stuff like that. And now it's time for Kristen and Brittany to have a talk. Brittany's like, I love picnics.

[Ben]

It's like, night, night.

[Ronnie]

It's like date night.

[Ben]

They have a picnic in the most random area. So I mentioned last week that I stayed at this hotel, and they have, like, these. These, like, public paths that you, like, walk down. And you can walk to, like, the next hotel with these paths. And I'm pretty sure they had a picnic, like, right next to this path. And just like a weird place to be like, okay, let's you to see right by where all the people can walk by. It's just like, not a picnic area at all. So they put down their blankets. And Brittany's like, I can't believe. Oh, my God, I am so crazy. It's like, has my brain just turned into memaw's beer cheese? Because honestly, I'm so sorry. Like, I don't even know what the hell I was thinking, except that maybe I was angry because I didn't get to see her again. But anyway, I was on the phone with him because, you know, queers is school. And that's the only reason why I was even talking to him. And also because I like to talk to him. And also, I don't know if it's like a habit, but he's like, baby, he's my person for so long. And I was like, oh, do you have any cameras in my hotel room? Because I would love it if you could save me right now. And I was like, I don't know. I don't know. I just, like, I'm so used to telling him things. I'm so sorry.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, I mean, I know about saying weird that I was on the phone with Jax in the middle of the night about cruise to school, but, you know, that doesn't really make my sense. But Jax actually was dropping him off at AA meetings so Cruz could go in there and Collect chips. I mean, have you ever heard something.

[Ben]

He's so silly. It's so cute. Jax, he. He let. He let Cruz drive the. The golf cart down Moorpark Boulevard, you know, to get to Jax's. I was like, jx, he's too young. You can't start driving that thing until he's at least four years old. Oh, God.

[Ronnie]

Jx Cruz has already got his first drone driver driving. He's already got his first drunk done.

[Ben]

He got a DUI for driving under the influence of being cute.

[Ronnie]

I want you know, I called Jax and I went off on him. I went off on him real good. I went off on him real good. I said, I'm giving you 18 more chances. You better watch out. Jack.

[Ben]

We see a shot of Jax be like, okay, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. As he, like, slowly, like, hangs up his phone. I love Brittany always. I love. Britney's saying, oh, she went off on Jax. As if that has ever solved or fixed anything in their relationship ever. As if that's supposed to be any sort of salvo for anyone who. Who hears that. Like, oh, wow, okay, you let Jax have it. I'm sure he will feel really bad about it.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, like, you don't have let Jax have it. Rightfully so, every 10 minutes of the day, you know? So Kristen's like, yeah, it's just, like, a bummer because, like, I wanted to yell at you about something different, and now, like, I don't want you to think, like, I'm mad at you for this because I'm mad at you for that. Like, I mean, like, if I'm not honest, what's our friendship? What is it?

[Ben]

What is it?

[Ronnie]

I don't know. Lunchable. It's not. It's a. It's. It's a rhetorical question, Britney. I don't know what that is. So.

[Ben]

Rhetorical. Okay, okay. Well, I don't really know what that word means, but listen, I'm just. I'm so sorry. And Kristen's like, listen, it's about Janet and girls Night, and Michelle and I are, like, trying to make eye contact. And I'm trying to read her lips where she's like. She's trying to say, I'm not mad at you. But of course, what I read instead is cookie face, salad potato. And I was like, why are you saying these things to me? And I was like, wait a second. Look harder. And she said, I'm not mad at you. I was like, oh, that makes much more sense. These are all the things going through my mind and then Jonathan, the whole time is looking at me like. And I was like, why are you looking at me like that? And then you don't. And I said, janet, what the fuck with the side eye? She starts screaming at you and, like, I don't need you to be my bodyguard. But, like, you could say something like, I don't know, shut the up, Janet. Something like that maybe. I don't know.

[Ronnie]

Seriously, it's like, well, I did say something because I didn't like her yelling at you. And she goes, well, then tell her. She goes, but I did. And she goes, no, say, shut the up. Don't talk about my best friend. She goes, oh, okay, so you're saying you want me stand up more? You want me to stand up more? Okay, I'll stand up more than just. Yes. Like, come on, you stand up for her all the time. And she's like, you know, aren't there any repercussions for Janet being a complete psycho? Like, what the hell? She's like, listen, you mean the world to me, okay? And I'm so sorry you feel like I'm not taking up for you because, you know, you're strong. You can do it yourself, you know, But I should stand up for you more. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Maybe next time I'll be invited. Your engagement.

[Ben]

Janet's a miserable human being who could literally can. It's like, I've just. I just. I'm, like, up to here, okay? I literally can't take. If I were standing up, I'd be like, that's how high up I've had it. But I'm sitting down. So it's actually at a lower level, but it's a depressed level because I'm sitting down. Are you following Britney? No, not really. But guess what? She's coming tonight on the boat. You guys gonna be okay? Oh, yeah, I'll be totally fine. She's like nothing to me. I'm like a famously very chill around people I don't care about. So, yeah, she'll be fine.

[Ronnie]

She's like a piece of fucking cardboard to me. Listen, cardboard is very important to some people. My friend Michael sent me a video of Susan Powder, who I haven't seen in ages on the tv. For those of you who don't remember Susan Powder, back In the early 90s, she was the diet lady on infomercials who would go, people, you need to eat, breathe and move if you're gonna be thin. Eat, breathe and move. Just like this bundle of crazy bleach headed energy. And she still looks insanity. She'd be like, you know, if you don't want to be fat, don't eat things with fat. You know what I love? You know what's my M&M's capers. I just eat them by the jar full. I'll pour them into my mouth like she was a looney tune. And of course, I tried everything she said. So anyway, she has these videos now where I guess she's art, arts and crafting. And when she was using egg crate cartons and she, she's like, I. I am obsessed with cardboard because cardboard is never the same. Look at all of these egg crates. Would you even know they're egg crates? Nothing like egg crates because they're art now. And they are like that because of cardboard. Now let me tell you something. Tomorrow I am going live. I don't even know what I'm going to talk about. I just know I'm going to go live. You're going to be here, and amazing things are going to happen with cardboard. I will see you tomorrow.

[Ben]

Well, maybe there was a Susan Powder fan in the post production department on the Valley. Because when Kristen says she's a piece of cardboard, we get a big old like, wow, the cardboard's not gonna like to hear that. Cardboard lobby sends out official statement. We do not like being denigrated in this way. Cardboard is multifaceted. And as our ambassador, Susan Powder, once declared, we are never the same. We are not monolith. Okay, guys, not monolith.

[Ronnie]

How is cart? How is big cardboard gonna fight against the Valley? Some. Is Susan Powder still alive? Someone find Susan Powder. Introduce her to cardboard. It hasn't. Tell her it has no fat. Okay. Tell her cardboard has no fat.

[Ben]

We need to change the image around cardboard. People need to know that we are strong, we are resilient, and we will not fall apart under these conditions. Oh, I got water on me. I'm dying.

[Ronnie]

I've got water on me. I'm dying.

[Ben]

I'm thin, I'm sappy. Oh, God, I broke apart.

[Ronnie]

Poor cardboard. Oh, poor cardboard.

[Ben]

Now we know is the wicked witch the west made of cardboard? It would all make sense. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Oh, my gosh. Okay, so Kristen's like, yeah, and you know what? Zach feels that too, because she sucks and you're always standing up for her. And Brandon's like, santa, make when I'm crying. Okay, okay. So Brittany's like, well, Jani has my trust because she's been there for me. She's been a Good friend to me. Just like Kristen has my trust. She's been there too. So I shouldn't have to pick or choose. I shouldn't have to pick or choose nothing. But she tells the Kristen that she will anyway. And so then Kristen's like, you know, don't forget how she came into the group. And she's Sheena. She came in through Sheena. She's like, yeah, but she came in as a fan. She goes, yeah, but then I met her. She goes, as a fan. You met her? She goes, well, but she goes, but I, you know, the first time I met Janet, I didn't even know she was a fan. And she tells us that she met her through Sheena and they had a good friendship. But later she found out she was a fan of Vanderpump Rules and she's like, that's not a terrible thing, but it feels a little creepy now. Feels a little creepy now.

[Ben]

Hey, everyone. This is the end of part one of this recap for part two. Keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison Block.

[Ronnie]

Our way is the Amber way.

[Ben]

It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster.

[Ronnie]

She can run my country. It's Angie McGovern.

[Ben]

It's it's always automatic with Ashley Auto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.

[Ronnie]

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offut. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniella Etchells. We never miss her call. It's diane Call Aaron McNicholas.

[Ben]

She don't miss no Trickolas Hava Nagila Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo Jamie, she has no less namey.

[Ronnie]

She's our kind of met. Yes, it's Jennifer Messer. Sip some scotch with Jessica Trot.

[Ben]

She's our favorite streamer.

[Ronnie]

Caroline Peacock, Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B. Que sera sera whatever will be. Will Lauren Sills be bringing the funk? It's Leslie Plunkett, she gets a name from us It's Lindsey D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Leno Fresh as a daisy. It's Maisie McHenry, we love her on on the rocks. It's Melissa Cox, Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the.

[Ben]

Berg this is Living with Michelle Vivian.

[Ronnie]

I love a y' all Olivia Williamson Tastier than Flanderson It's Rachel Manderson she.

[Ben]

Sure is swell It's Raquel yes we.

[Ronnie]

Can It's Savannah Cast a spell with.

[Ben]

Shannon Spellman let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

[Ronnie]

Darn skippy, it's Tippy the Bay Area and our super premium sponsors She's VVIP It's Amanda V Can't lose when you're.

[Ben]

With Amy Baldwin somebody get us 10cc's of Betsy MD we're taking the gold with Brenda Silva let's get real with.

[Ronnie]

Caitlin o' Neal don't get salty with Christine Pepper can't have a meal without the Emily sides Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs it's our queen It's Queen Nobody holds a candle to.

[Ben]

Jamie Kendall Hail the cork master the master of the cork Jennifer Corcoran we got our wish It's Jen Plish she's not harsh She's Jill Hirsch Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Manock's door My Favorite Murdo Karen McMurdo we love him madly It's Kyle Pod Shadley in the study with a candlestick It's Leslie Peacock we're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron She's a whiz It's Liz Sarthi always killing it It's Lola Al Kalani the.

[Ronnie]

Incredible edible Matthew sisters She eases our woes it's Melissa St. Rose there's a chance of meatballs It's Rebecca Cloud she's.

[Ben]

The queen bee It's Sarah Lemke we.

[Ronnie]

Cannot tell a lie It's Sarah Talafson.

[Ben]

Shannon out of a can and Anthony please don't stop it's solely and pop let's take off with Tamla Plain it's.

[Ronnie]

Always a good time time when you're wasting time with Bravo she ain't no shrinking violet Coutar we love you guys if you like watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] survey.

[Ben]

Today is the worst day of Abby's life.

[Ronnie]

The 17 year old cradles her newborn son in her arms. They all saw how much I loved him.

[Ben]

They didn't have to take him from me.

[Ronnie]

Between 1945 and the early 1970s, families shipped their pregnant teenage daughters to maternity.

[Ben]

Homes and forced them to secretly place their babies for adoption in hidden corners across America. It's still happening.

[Ronnie]

My parents had me locked up in the godparent home against my will. They worked with them to manipulate me.

[Ben]

And to steal my son away from me. The godparent home is the brainchild of.

[Ronnie]

Controversial preacher Jerry Falwell, the father of.

[Ben]

The modern evangelical rite and the founder of Liberty University, where powerful men, emboldened by their faith determine who can gets.

[Ronnie]

To be a parent and who must give their child away.

[Ben]

Follow Liberty Lost on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Ronnie]

We acting bad, bad, bad, bad.

[Ben]

We ain't trying to hurt nobody. For decades he was untouchable. I've gone from Harlem to Hollywood, but now it's all coming undone. Sean Combs, the mogul as we know it is over. He will never be that person person again, even if he's found not guilty of these charges. I'm Jesse Weber, host of Law and Crimes. The Rise and Fall of Diddy, the Federal Trial, a front row seat to the biggest trial in entertainment history. Sex trafficking, racketeering, prostitution, allegations by federal prosecutors that span decades, and witnesses who.

[Ronnie]

Are finally speaking out.

[Ben]

The spotlight is harsher, the stakes are higher, and for Diddy, there may be no second chances. You can listen to the Rise and Fall of Diddy the Federal Trial exclusively with Wondery Plus. Join Wondery plus in the Wondery App, Spotify or Apple podcasts right now.