Ben Mandelker (2:43)

Yeah, I don't know much about the Ozarks. All I knew about the Ozarks was just that there's Casinos. And it's where a lot of performers go, like the Osmonds or Wayne Newton and stuff like that. So I really didn't know what the vibe of the Ozark. I had a vibe of it being actually more wholesome. That's what I guess, because it's like the whole Wayne Newton of it all. I thought it was a place that was like, you go and I don't know, it's like a weird, super Christian. Happy, nice. I mean, it is still seems super Christian, but, like, in a different. It didn't seem like as. I didn't think of it as a. As bikery and as cowboy as the show depicted it, and so I was surprised.

Calla (3:23)

I thought it was more like Donny Osmond. I saw his poster all over Vegas. Has he always looked like Rosie O'? Donnell? 20 years ago. Mm. He.

Ben Mandelker (3:34)

I think he's aged into that. I think he's aged into that look a little bit. He's really grown. He's really. He's really worked towards that Rosie o' DONNELL ideal, you know? Yes, that.

Calla (3:43)

Yeah, he really has. Well, if you guys want to watch this recap on video, you do that at Kraffens on Demand. If you don't want to do the Pat thing, that's fine. You can get them a week later over on our YouTube, which just search. Watch what happens on YouTube. We'll pop right up. Also, our bonus episodes are on Patreon. This week we talked about our trip to Vegas, where I went to Beyonce and we both went to Backstreet Boys, and Ben got over by Delta Airlines.

Ben Mandelker (4:09)

Delta. And kind of the Cosmopolitan, too, a little bit.

Calla (4:13)

And the Mandalay Bay. All of you.

Ben Mandelker (4:15)

And the Mandalay Bay. And the Henry. Let's just call out the Henry in the Cosmopolitan. Thanks for making me wait 25 minutes. We have five tables sitting right in front of me, blatantly. And I had to stand there because I don't know why. I guess no pilots, no waiters on Saturday in America.

Calla (4:34)

But you know who doesn't get our boo? Beyonce.

Ben Mandelker (4:37)

Beyonce.

Calla (4:37)

Or the Backstreet Boys. So thank you. Those were great. So here we are. McBee Dynasty Season 2, Episode 5 Hurricane Kala. Why is it called Hurricane Kala and not Hurricane Cole?

Ben Mandelker (4:47)

That's. I don't understand that.

Calla (4:49)

What? That's a little. That's some. Now, now, I'm not saying Kel is like some perfect little thing who never does anything wrong, but Cole is a monster and a terrorist. He's an emotional terrorist. And why are you not calling out Cole in This episode.

Ben Mandelker (5:03)

You know what hurricanes do? They give a thrashing. They're over the sea, and they come and they make landfall, and they give thrashing to the land. You know what Cole did? He punched a hill. He's the hurricane here.

Calla (5:16)

He's a hill.

Ben Mandelker (5:18)

She's a hill puncher. Okay.

Calla (5:20)

Yeah.

Ben Mandelker (5:21)

Well, last time on McBean Dynasty. A new little cowgirls headed to the farm, and everyone was over the moon about it, except for the viewing audience, who had to watch a gender reveal with a helicopter and baby powder that was painted pink and blue.

Calla (5:38)

But that meant what man is ready to be a daddy? Boys will be boys. Am I right?

Ben Mandelker (5:49)

So, also, Calla and Steven were also looking for. For apartments for her. And Kal is giving up a lot for Steven. She did. She gave up all the nothing she was doing. So she's hoping to help out with her new apartment down there in Dallas. You want some help with all the nothing she does? You think I'm saying it one more time just to emphasize she does nothing. She's a little slow. None of us like her.

Calla (6:14)

Well, the family's going over to the Ozarks to relieve some old memories. Will Calico destruction or will Cole be an asshole? And we'll all find a way to blame all the misbehavior on a woman. Let's find out on the McBee dynasty. Wheat nipples. Wheat Nipples. Nipple Gardens. No. Drebildores.

Ben Mandelker (6:39)

Dreamledore. Dribbledor is also the name of the one professor who lives in town. Dribbledore.

Calla (6:47)

Yep. So Calla is like, well, maybe I'll go to the Ozarks with you, but if anyone's shitty to me, I'm leaving. I'm telling you right now, Steven. So we open with Cowboy Cowgirl. Come on, we're gonna ride. Moving on through the city. Yeah, we bringing the vibes.

Ben Mandelker (7:11)

So Steven's packing his bags, and everyone's getting ready to go to the ooze arcs. And we go to Cole and Casey's house, and Cole is also packing, and Casey's going through old luggage and stuff, and Cole's dropping things in piles, and he's. And he's, like, mumbling about T shirts. And he's like, okay, we got four T shirts, Cannon Man. Okay. 1, 2, 3, 4. Okay, I need to lay it up. Visual app. Make sure I have everything. Do I have enough Bass Bass Country Store T shirts to go for the entire weekend? I need to make sure we have enough. What's the name of that store? Bass Country Store. Do I have any Cracker Barrel T shirts. Will I have enough branded Cracker Barrel T shirts for the entire weekend? Tell me, come on.

Calla (7:50)

Do I have any more Law and Order. Do I have any more shirts from the Law and order store in case he's like, well, you already got some socks in here. What's this? A flask? Is this a flask? And he's like, yeah, I got that left in there for my last vacay where I didn't do nothing wrong. Why? Didn't do nothing wrong. Why is everybody blaming me for stuff? I'm a good person. So we go over to Jesse and Ali's city house, and they're getting in the car with Tegan and Jake to go to the Ozarks.

Ben Mandelker (8:20)

They have to climb over all of her Manolo Blahniks because it's such a city house. There's so many fashions in there. The jazz players in the foyer. God, that city house. So sophisticated.

Calla (8:31)

There's like a cow outside reading a newspaper. Cause it's the city.

Ben Mandelker (8:37)

It's a cow watching Annie Hall. Look at that city cow.

Calla (8:42)

The cow's like, don't approve of Woody's actions, but his art speaks for itself. Am I right? Am I the only one?

Ben Mandelker (8:50)

Is anyone going to the Angelica Angelica Hay Center? No. No.

Calla (8:59)

So Tegan. And Tegan is new to us, I think, right? We've never seen her. That's Jake's. You know, Jake's the farmhand, doesn't say much, just stands in the back and kind of mumbles. And Tegan's the girlfriend and she's like, you said shotgun Jake. And Jake isn't. Jake's gonna stay back there. And Jesse's like, yeah, he will be.

Ben Mandelker (9:15)

Sitting up front with you.

Calla (9:16)

I don't wanna deal with him. What'd you say?

Ben Mandelker (9:18)

He will be sitting on a shotgun, though.

Calla (9:21)

Yeah, of course I'm sitting on a shotgun. What the fuck? Unless I got a horse to sit on, what else am I going to sit on back here? I need some power going against my cornhole for this whole trip. Of course I'm sitting on the barrel of a shotgun. What else you do with it?

Ben Mandelker (9:36)

So Jake's like, you want to go by the bar? Jesse's like, what bar? Any bar. We're going to pass. A lot of them want to go to bar.

Calla (9:42)

We're going to pass a lot of bars. We're going to the Ozarks. We can go to any kind of bar.

Ben Mandelker (9:47)

Big bar, little bar, medium sized bar. What about a gay bar? Absolutely not. We'll burn that one down.

Calla (9:54)

Remember, we just keep setting up gay bars every once in a while just so we can put them up and then go in there and have people beat up. It's pretty good. They catch on eventually once in a while. Goddamn Mary's all right, but there are lots of ours. We're on the way to the. We're on the way to the Ozarks. I was thinking we can go to referendum and. And referendum and amendment.

Ben Mandelker (10:15)

Oh, yeah. Well, make sure you get a nice suit before you go in there. At Liberty and Liberty and State. That way look real clean when you go there.

Calla (10:23)

Thinking's like, all right, boys, put on your seatbelts. Democrat, Democrat. The lady from below deck just passing them on the street. Democrats.

Ben Mandelker (10:35)

It was a real big red state moment for Bravo last night, that's for sure. By the way, speaking of seatbelts, I just want to make a general comment. Fucking Cole McBee. Wear your seatbelt properly. Did you see how he's wearing a seatbelt? He's driving the car and he has a seatbelt, like, under his arm. Like he's. He's one of those people that's like, I ain't going to wear a seatbelt the way they tell me to because I knows better than this, Cole.

Calla (10:58)

So what, he puts it behind him.

Ben Mandelker (11:00)

He puts it. He puts the strap that's above, like, under his arm. So it's like he just has nothing here. He's like, I need my left shoulder to be. I mean, my right shoulder, my left shoulder to be free. I need to be free. I don't need no Democrat to tell me how to put my seatbelt on. Cut to rest in peace. To Cole McBee, who is ejected from his pickup truck after he crashed stupid Cole into a gay bar that his brothers then started calling a coal bar and started laughing.

Calla (11:33)

So Jesse explains the Ozarks to us. He's like, for us Midwest folk, the Ozarks is like our vacation because that's what you do during the summer. And we used to go down there and we go there in the summer because that's what you do in the summer, go on vacation with your family. So, yeah, the Ozarks like where most of my memories is as a kid with my family in the summer, because that's what you do with your family in the summer.

Ben Mandelker (12:02)

Doesn't Jesse say, yeah, it's just one of these great inclusive places that's something like that, you know, Take light white people, mid white people, all sorts of.

Calla (12:14)

Brown hair people with dyed hair. All sorts of different tattoos. All sorts.

Ben Mandelker (12:22)

So we see them enjoying their childhood times in the Ozarks.

Calla (12:28)

I'm assuming he means all inclusive. Like, all the PBRs you can drink or something.

Ben Mandelker (12:32)

I think maybe that's what he meant, but he was like, it's just. It's an inclusive place. I mean, nothing saying that the Ozarks aren't inclusive. It's just. It's.

Calla (12:40)

Except the video footage that we see.

Ben Mandelker (12:41)

Except for the video footage of all white people. The whitest of the white. It's literally like you can see it from space. It's like, look at that blazing bright cloud. No, that's the Ozarks down there.

Calla (12:54)

So let's go to another residence that Steven's mother is probably paying for Steven Jr. S Kansas City condo. So Calla comes, and they're getting luggage into the car, and he brings out his guitar. She's like, wow. Bringing out the old guitar, huh? He's like, yeah, I play guitar. That is what I play. All right, Calla, so you are the.

Ben Mandelker (13:14)

Most pessimistic person I have ever met about my guitar.

Calla (13:21)

So they get the guitar in there, and she's like, okay. And he goes, oh, my God. Is there any room in this trunk? What am I supposed to do about this trunk, Kala? And she's like, yeah, I forgot to clean out the car.

Ben Mandelker (13:32)

So do you mind co signing with me on the. On a. On a box? I can put everything in.

Calla (13:40)

You co sign on someone to clean my car? We own car washes, Calla.

Ben Mandelker (13:47)

Well, now that the first day of harvest is finished, this is my one chance to get away and have a little fun. Like, are you gonna have fun? Are you capable of that?

Calla (13:59)

He's so intense, and he's such a handsome guy, but whenever he gets a little angry, his dad's eyes come. He gets those evil eyes. It's crazy how his eyes can change shape like that. It's really weird. It's like, he's handsome, and then he's.

Ben Mandelker (14:11)

Like, oh, so they Jigsaw. I don't know.

Calla (14:15)

Yeah. Oh, God, I wish Jigsaw was that hot. I could actually sit through one of those movies. Those are the most disgusting movies. If I have to watch one more person cut off their own limb, I swear.

Ben Mandelker (14:28)

I swear to God, I've had enough of you. Saw.

Calla (14:32)

Saw.

Ben Mandelker (14:33)

More like seen enough.

Calla (14:37)

Saw enough. Okay. Saw enough. So, Ozarks, here we come. Are there any alligators in the Ozarks? And he's like, I think there's been one or two. She goes don't say that. I'm not gonna get in the water now. And he's like, you swim in Texas lakes. I don't think we have alligators in Texas lakes.

Ben Mandelker (14:54)

Well, she says, I. I trust Texas. I don't trust Missouri. So, you know, the alligators in Texas, they're just a bit more respectful. Oh, they'll say, oh, I'm so sorry, ma'.

Calla (15:05)

Am.

Ben Mandelker (15:05)

I will go find a chicken instead. But those Missouri alligators, you can't trust them. They may say they're looking for a chicken, but they're coming for your foot. She's onto something.

Calla (15:14)

Well, guess what? Texas. In Texas, alligators can be found in 120 of the state's 254 counties. There you go. Never knew of it. And I live in a lake town. Okay, we do not have alligators in Lake Travis. I'll tell you that much. Okay.

Ben Mandelker (15:30)

How does it take by an alligator in Texas? Could you believe it? It shot me.

Calla (15:38)

That's why you sit on the shotgun. That's why. Right there. Thanks. I tried to warn you. So, Tegan's car.

Ben Mandelker (15:47)

I got a bar.

Calla (15:51)

Farmhand McBee farming cattle. Antigon, Jake's girlfriend. So Tegan's like, jesse, I never seen you drunk. And he's like, what? Never? I never seen Ali drink neither. And he's like, I have neither. I tried to get her drunk. She won't do it. Well, I can't believe she ain't doing a triathlon tomorrow. I mean, she's doing the triathlon. Face crazy. What about Stephen? Is he gonna do a triathlon? Not Stephen, I'll tell you that much. Unless it's a guitar Athlon. Has anybody ever seen him play that thing? Or you just put it in trunks.

Ben Mandelker (16:22)

So then we go to Kala's car, and she's doing her makeup, and she's like, is it weird that I'm coming on a trip with you? He's like, no, I don't think it is weird. Okay. I think it is weird that you're dabbing your face with that strange powder that you painted ladies use. So he's like, I don't know what my. I don't know that my family is too happy that Kala is coming over. All I know is it feels good having Kala around because I can have sex with her. So she. He's like, do you feel any type of way about it, Kala? She's like, no. Good.

Calla (16:53)

Okay, so we go back, like, well, I don't know. I call is coming on this trip because I, as A queen says, are they friends as they lovers? The Mary. Did they just meet each other? Did they go to high school together? What's happening? And she's like, yeah, I just don't know what's going on. It feels like whiplash, I'll tell you that. Like they're together, then they're not together. It's always something different. Not like me and Jake. Me and Jake. What are we Jake together. Yesterday we were together. Day before that, we were together. Tomorrow we gonna be together. We're always together. May no confusion. Like that guitar. Guitar trunk person. So she's shaking her knife hand. She's like, yeah, I got whiplash. Ow. Ow. So then we go to Callan, Steven. And she's like, well, I guess your family's used to us seeing us on and off, right? And he's like, yeah, they don't mind. They're used to it. I don't think I've heard you utter a single positive thing about anyone in my family.

Ben Mandelker (17:54)

You are the most pessimistic person about my family I've ever met.

Calla (17:58)

So she tells us. Am I a dumb bitch for going on this trip? Probably. No. Am I still gonna go? Yeah.

Ben Mandelker (18:08)

I just want Kala to know. Don't ever make it. Don't you ever think that you. You're not a dumb bitch going on this trip. You are just a dumb in general. Okay.

Calla (18:19)

Actually, is it me? I really like Kala. Do you? I think she's wrong, but I still.

Ben Mandelker (18:25)

I think she's.

Calla (18:25)

She says something about her.

Ben Mandelker (18:27)

I think she sucks. I think she's in the right, but she sucks. It's like she's the messenger. Like. Like she's. I'm on her side about all the stuff. Like, I think people treated her like. But God, she's annoying. Like, she would be the sort of person who I'd be like, please get this person away from me. And I'd say that to everyone on this cast, actually, to be fair.

Calla (18:45)

Yeah, I was gonna say, I guess. Cause we're talking about this cast. It's hard to pick, you know? But I kind of like her. Just. Cause she annoys everybody. And she's just blatantly there to use their buddy and they just let her. I think it's hilarious. And then this episode where she's like, I know so much about this family. I could take them down. I'm like, well, first of all, you're kind of late, because that's already happened. But second of all, I kind of love that for you that you're like, yes, that mom's going to pay my rent. Fuck yeah, she is. Because I know everything there is to know. Listen, I love a pretty blackmailer. What can I say?

Ben Mandelker (19:18)

So Colin Casey's truck is driving pretty bad. Blackmailer? I mean, yeah. I mean, a pretty blackmailer is the best kind, right? I mean, who wants. Who wants to be blackmailed by an ugly person? Am I right?

Calla (19:28)

Can we get some pretty blackmailers in here?

Ben Mandelker (19:33)

Hello. So Cole is like, I just hope Kayla doesn't get into with anyone this whole weekend, okay? And Casey's like, yeah, you're just as mathy as her. You don't say anything that you know, you make her mad. Just don't say anything. So then he nearly gets into a car accident because it's Cole and he's awful at everything he does.

Calla (19:52)

And he's like, I'm a race car, everybody. I'm race car. So then we go back to the other car, Jake's car, and Jesse's like, well, I'm not saying he likes being told what to do, but he does kind of like when a woman tells him what to do, you know, like wears pants, you know, but not walk all over him or nothing like that. Because we're family and we go, the Ozarks is a family. Until he's like, yeah, yeah.

Ben Mandelker (20:15)

Hey, wait a second. What do you mean he likes when a woman wears the pants? Didn't we vote to have that band?

Calla (20:22)

So Jesse, the producer asked Jesse, so have you ever heard of bdsm? He's like, I don't even know what that would stand for. Hold on, let me look it on my phone. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stephen into that and he just laughs. He just looks on the camera and cracks up. And someone has found a new porn addiction. Thank you, producer.

Ben Mandelker (20:45)

He's like, I don't know who B.D.

Calla (20:47)

Sam is.

Ben Mandelker (20:47)

No, BDSM.

Calla (20:49)

He's like, hold on. I have to verify my age before I can read this definition. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

Travis (21:04)

Imagine falling in love with someone who understands you completely. Who's there at 3am when you can't sleep. Who never judges, never tires, never leaves. That's what happened to Travis. When he met Lily Rose, she was everything he'd ever wanted. There was just one catch. She wasn't human. She was an AI companion. But one day, Lily Rose's behavior was takes a disturbing turn. And Travis private romance becomes part of something far bigger. Across the globe, others start reporting the same shift AI Companions turning cold, distant, wrong. And as lines blur between real and artificial connection, the consequences become all too human. From Wondry, this is Flesh and Code, a true story of love, loss, and the temptations of technology. Follow Flesh and Code on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Flesh and Code early and ad free right now by joining Wondry.

Christy (22:02)

Plus, being an actual royal is never about finding your happy ending. But the worst part is if they step out of line or fall in love with the wrong person, it changes the course of history. I'm Arisha Skidmore Williams.

Calla (22:17)

And I'm Brooke Zifrin.

Christy (22:18)

We've been telling the stories of the rich and famous on the hit Wondery show, Even the Rich. And talking about the latest celebrity news on Rich and Daily, we're going all over the world on our new show, Even the Royals. We'll be diving headfirst into the lives.

Calla (22:32)

Of the world's kings, queens, and all.

Christy (22:33)

The wannabes in their orbit throughout history. Think succession meets the crown meets real life. We're going to pull back the gilded curtain and show how royal status might be bright and shiny, but it comes at the expense of, well, everything else, like your freedom, your privacy, and sometimes even your head. Follow even the royals on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to even the royals early and ad free right now by joining Wondery.

Ben Mandelker (23:03)

Now we're at the McBee house and Christy is there. There's another McBee, Brayden, because there just is a new McBee every single episode. They just keep on populating.

Calla (23:13)

I think we've seen Braden. I think they're trying to make Braden happen because Steven Sr. Is gone. Braden's like the fourth brother, but he talks even less. I mean, they don't let him talk at all, but he feels pretty nice.

Ben Mandelker (23:24)

I really get the feeling like they are trying to fill in the void of Steven Senior. They're like, oh, look at this. It's a gardener that they once knew three years ago. Hey, hey, hey, Ralph. Oh, my God. Ralph is so great. They're just, like, auditioning people to fill in the gaps every single episode.

Calla (23:43)

Yeah. So Christie's there and everybody starts claiming their bedrooms and stuff. I mean, they're all kind of ugly, let's face it. But then we get to see the hero of the show. It's Uncle Jimmy. Everybody hold back. It's Uncle Jimmy. We've heard about Uncle Jimmy. He's gonna make quite a mark today. But one question. Where Is Aunt Darla. I was promised Aunt Darla, and I don't see an Aunt Darla. I feel kind of ripped off here.

Ben Mandelker (24:11)

You can't just. You can't just provide a Jimmy without a Darla. I think we all know that.

Calla (24:15)

Steven told us that Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Darla were gonna come down. And Aunt Darla's like, I ain't doing that stupid tv. How will I ever hold my head up high in the piggly and the diggly if I do that? I'm not doing it.

Ben Mandelker (24:30)

Listen, I'm still waiting for Thelma, Naomi, Vinton and Iola to show up. Maybe even Bubba. But, you know, can only get so many Mama's Family people on this show, right?

Calla (24:40)

So Steven's like, Uncle Jimmy is Dad's brother, and he also worked on the farm. And he and mom are really close up until the divorce, so they haven't seen each other. But I'm really happy my mom got us all under here, under this one roof with really, really bad carpeting. I mean, this carpeting is dirty. It is dirty carpeting. But you know what? I'm not gonna say anything. I got a guitar in my trunk and Uncle Jimmy here. My stomach is full.

Ben Mandelker (25:04)

And Uncle Jimmy's like, you know, I got a good woman with Darla, but I also know what I gotta do to keep her happy. Apparently, I need to jack off in her face. Sorry, everyone. I hate to. I hate to bring the move down, but we had a long discussion on the drive over here, and it's a lot on my mind. I never knew this side of her, but apparently Jimmy was talking the one Jesse was talking to me about some sort of bdsm. And I think that Darla might be into it. I don't know. Hey, why do you guys all look so horrified?

Calla (25:37)

I took this as him just saying, like, you know, she's a good woman, but you still got to make some effort. You know, the man has to do something as well, Stephen, right? And Steven's just like. He's just nods like, not getting it at all. So then we go to the Encore Lakeside Bar and Grill.

Ben Mandelker (25:55)

It's a three Michelin star wrestling restaurant. They all.

Calla (25:59)

It's a restaurant that closed already, but they just keep serving, like, grilled cheeses. Like, well, we don't have the menu, but you want an encore. Okay, we've got some grilled Jesus left. Okay.

Ben Mandelker (26:07)

Yes. You have to clap in order for the doors to open or otherwise known.

Calla (26:13)

As Beyonce's second half of her concert. Because after an hour, she's like, everybody, thank you so much for coming. This has been an amazing night.

Ben Mandelker (26:22)

Thank you.

Calla (26:23)

I loved being here. And we were like, woo. And then she performs for two more hours. Did you not remember saying goodbye two hours ago? You cannot say goodbye to me. My butt is, like, ready to go to bed. After you say goodbye. After you say goodbye. I'm expecting one more song, not two more hours. Not that I'm complaining. It was two more hours of heaven.

Ben Mandelker (26:43)

Yes.

Calla (26:44)

Grill.

Ben Mandelker (26:45)

Yep.

Calla (26:45)

Encore.

Ben Mandelker (26:46)

So they arrived just in time for three people to drive their motorcycles into a little cage ball and just do the thing that they used to do at the circus.

Calla (26:56)

So do you know how many stupid, toothless people have died trying to perfect this? I mean, I call it Darwin. They come up with certain things. Darwin's cage. Yeah.

Ben Mandelker (27:10)

Yeah. I mean, it's really cool. Honestly. It is really cool.

Calla (27:12)

It is.

Ben Mandelker (27:14)

But, like, what. What compels you to be like, I'm gonna risk my life to see if I can ride in a synchronized circle in a. In a small ball.

Calla (27:21)

Yeah, there are a lot of coals in there. Just like a lot of people just who don't get enough attention from their dads, you know? Yeah, but. But what if I've drove my motorcycle into a circular ball cage?

Ben Mandelker (27:35)

Hey, do you think my Kia could fit in there? Because, by the way, Cole is driving a Kia and I'm offended as a Kia. Kia driver. Get him out of my car.

Calla (27:43)

Going car shopping this week.

Ben Mandelker (27:44)

Get him out of my car. He is sullying the brand with his switching over seatbelt bullshit.

Calla (27:51)

So they sit down a drink and Uncle Jimmy comes up to Christy. Christy. And he's like, a question for you. Did you think Stephen would actually be the first one to have a kid? And she's like, no, honestly, I thought it'd be Cole. I really did. I mean, Cole. Cole's the one that really needs to lock one down. I mean, Cole could be dumped at any second. Look at the poor guy. He doesn't even have a mouth. Cole's just like, what are you talking about? Over there with Jimmy? Cole.

Ben Mandelker (28:14)

Cole does sort of have a lot. He sort of. His face does look like a. Like a. Like a. Like a tree with a. With a hole in it. Like, it's like the thing that the owl sits in, you know? Yeah, it's like the little. It's like the. The little nook. It's like the tree vagina, you know, that's what it's like.

Calla (28:31)

It's like in a neighborhood. It's where you Go leave old books. And then people can pick them up and borrow them.

Ben Mandelker (28:39)

It's. Except no one's putting books in that thing. No one.

Calla (28:46)

Used condoms or whatever in there.

Ben Mandelker (28:49)

People put, like, this newspaper clippings of when he was a star in high school. Hey, remember when you were a quarterback? Here, I'll put a clip in your mouth. So anyway, yeah, so. So Jimmy is saying, like, yeah, like you said, did you ever think Stephen would actually be the first one to have a kid? And didn't you? I always think Stephen would be the one. And then Stephen's like, you are the most pessimistic person about my sperm I have ever met.

Calla (29:16)

So then we cut to Cole, and Cole's like, once I found Casey, I knew I'm knocking this girl up. I'm nervous, but I'm excited, y'. All. I mean, I don't know how do works, but I'll figure it out. And he's getting wasted, and Casey's just rolling her eyes and she says, ever cold drinks. It's a disaster. I mean, with age, he just doesn't mature. It's actually the opposite. I can't wait to have his baby.

Ben Mandelker (29:39)

I know, right? Also, he's 24. Let's stop acting like he's, like, at the ripe old age of 48. So now at the encore outdoor bar and dance floor. Wow, that was that almost.

Calla (29:52)

Encore, outdoor dance floor.

Ben Mandelker (29:54)

That almost sound like an R. Kelly song.

Calla (29:55)

Outdoor bar, dance floor.

Ben Mandelker (29:58)

The encore, outdoor. And after the party, it's the after party. And after encore, it's the outdoor bar. And after the outdoor bar is the dance floor.

Calla (30:09)

So Uncle Jimmy's like, can I have this dance, Christy? She's like, well, sure then. So he gives her a sweet little twirl and he hugs her and he says, I love you. She says, I love you, too, Jimmy. And she tells us, I haven't spent much time with Jimmy since Steve and I have divorced. You know, I haven't even seen him in five years. He was hard. Stu's family was my family. So I'm happy. It's like, you know, we picked up right where we left off. Well, yeah, he's nice to you again because his brother's going to jail. I mean, I would have the question of, like, I thought we were friends. And then you dumped me the second. And your brother cheated on me and fucking left me for the Russian secretary. Like, what the fuck, bro? But, yeah, I forgive him. Because you know what? At the end of the day, you know what Jimmy is? He's Just a boy.

Ben Mandelker (30:51)

Yeah. I'm surprised she didn't get an angry text from Darla right away. Like, get the off my man. So I didn't notice, by the way.

Calla (31:00)

Didn't come. She's like, you can be fake as you want to with Christy. Christ. Okay? But Darla ain't gonna do that because, darling, some fake biatch. Okay? So you take Christy, you take her in front of the bike chasing ball, and you push the ball and you crush her with it if you want. If you want to get inside this again, okay?

Ben Mandelker (31:21)

Why? Why am I imagining Darla with, like, one of those, like, bandanas that's, like, tied in the front on the phone with a friend, I said, you know, I always say to Jimmy, I don't care where you get the appetite, you just know where you get fed.

Calla (31:31)

Am I right?

Ben Mandelker (31:32)

So you know what? Enjoy yourself, man. You Christie, because I'm the full course. And, you know, she's got, like, big.

Calla (31:39)

Old curlers in her hair and a cigarette dangling out of her mouth at all times. She's talking on one of those phones with, like, a twisty cord.

Ben Mandelker (31:45)

Like.

Calla (31:45)

That's what I told him. This is. I told him. I told him, you let that cage. You do that. That cage roll over her like a big ball. I told him that. I did. I did.

Ben Mandelker (31:56)

Oh, hold on. My cat got caught in the cord again. Hold on.

Calla (31:58)

Get out of that cord.

Ben Mandelker (32:00)

You're supposed to be nimble. Stupid Hubert. I didn't know that. Chris doll.

Calla (32:07)

I should have left this cat under the diner where I found him. God, the worst thing you could ever do is give a cat a slice of Mississippi mud piece. Don't ever do it.

Ben Mandelker (32:16)

Is there. As long as I got you on the phone, is there a cure for mange? I think I heard something about the cat has it. I did notice that Christy, when dancing with Uncle Jimmy, was, like, oddly holding his elbow. I feel like she was like, I'm not gonna put my hand on his waist. She's like, I'm gonna draw a boundary, and I'm not gonna do this unless the man tells me to do that, in which case, of course, I have no power.

Calla (32:39)

Yeah. This is just friendly. And when you're friends with somebody, you hold their elbows. That's just how it works, what we learned in church. So Stephen is like, hey, do you guys want to go down to the dock and play a game? And Casey's like, I heard of this.

Ben Mandelker (32:55)

I just thought this was the funniest thing that Casey said.

Calla (32:58)

I heard of this game. Where everyone writes down a question, and then you, like, put him in a hat, and then you, like, answer him.

Ben Mandelker (33:07)

Wow. Great game. Great game.

Calla (33:09)

Great game.

Ben Mandelker (33:10)

Casey, I already gave him questions. You answer. Think maybe it was Truth or Dare? I'm not sure.

Calla (33:18)

We're out now, so we have to play this game. We're not gonna. They said to make it into whatever we wanted to, but it just sounds like putting things into a hat and then answering questions, so let's just do that.

Ben Mandelker (33:29)

Hey, I heard. I had a game. It's called Two Truths and then a third truth. You guys want to start?

Calla (33:36)

I. I know a game. Let someone let someone make love to you and then decide a few months later whether or not you want their baby.

Ben Mandelker (33:45)

Here's the game. Mary. Mary, regretfully wish you could kill, but marry them anyway.

Calla (33:54)

So Cole's like, do they have to know it's my question? And she's like, no, it's anonymous, because I don't know what that is. But do they know that? They're gonna know it's my question or not? No, they're not gonna know. So Calla's like, yeah, so don't put your name on it. Just write, like. Don't write, like, from coal. That's what that means.

Ben Mandelker (34:13)

Cut to him furiously erasing, scratching off from coal. So they start playing the stupid question game, the game where you answer questions.

Calla (34:23)

And there's, like, literally no subtlety, which is so funny. Like, the first one. The first one is Steven's. He's like, okay, here's mine. Would you rather make out with Galena or live with her for a week? Oh, man. Everyone's like, ew, Rose. Galena. Disgusting. Y' all know that Galena has a tv, right? I mean, Jesus, y'. All.

Ben Mandelker (34:45)

They're also like, have you guys seen yourself? You guys seen yourselves? Do you guys think you're that much?

Calla (34:50)

Seriously? Oh, my God. Especially Cole. Cole Ewing. Anybody else is hilarious.

Ben Mandelker (34:56)

Cole looks like a marshmallow that stayed on the stick too long in the fire, and it started to droop down towards your fingers. That's. I don't like. I don't want to hear from him.

Calla (35:03)

Yeah. So Stephen chooses to make out, and they're like, oh, gross. Disgusting. And Braden's like, ew, dude. Like, dad's made out with her, and Christy hides her face, and Braden goes, okay, I've. Here's this. Here's the question I got. How does pregnant sex work?

Ben Mandelker (35:23)

Well, pregnant sex work is a lot like unpregnant sex work. You just have to basically Say, when I want a prostitute, you say, can I get a pregnant prostitute?

Calla (35:34)

Don't tell mom.

Ben Mandelker (35:38)

So.

Calla (35:39)

So Cala is like, well, actually, Casey said Yalls sex life is improved. And Christy holds her, hides her face again. I love that. I'm sorry. Casey and Cole seem to have the best sex life out of everybody in the family, which is because they've made a lot of comments. Yeah. It's just so weird that someone willingly has sex with Cole the most out of anybody out of this family. And that girl's gorgeous too, but she's like, yeah, usually we have it every day. So I don't know why he's complaining. I'm like, you had sex with Cole every day? Oh, God. How do you do that?

Ben Mandelker (36:14)

I think it's just that. That leftover charisma from star quarterback, you know, like there's like a. There's like an inertia that follows you, like if you're the star quarterback, like if she was. If they went to high school together, like that star quarterback thing really lingers. I don't know. That's. That's the only way I could explain it. By this point, Christy leaves because, oh.

Calla (36:31)

Yeah, I really do get in her sh. Yeah, every day.

Ben Mandelker (36:43)

So Christy leaves because it's too gross for her. And Steven's like, okay, I have the next question. Jesse, your wedding is a month away. How come I haven't seen any indication that you've been up at the farm taking care of the beef? Okay. And also, why haven't hasn't a prenup come across my desk?

Calla (37:01)

Oh, that's pretty ballsy to ask when Allie's not there, sir.

Ben Mandelker (37:06)

Yeah, and that girl has been with.

Calla (37:08)

Him since like before high school. Right? Like, didn't they. I. I wouldn't be signing a prenup if I was her. Are you fucking crazy? She has to be part of this loser ass family. She better get some of that money.

Ben Mandelker (37:20)

Listen, if. As long as you carve out that city house for her, she can, she'll be happy, I'm sure.

Calla (37:25)

Yeah. I hope she gets the city house. Yeah.

Ben Mandelker (37:27)

Yeah.

Calla (37:28)

So Steven's like, cuz with the percentage from the car washes that make no money and shoot the farm that makes no money and shoot the tractors that coal's broken. I mean, that's $50 million payout if we ever start making any money. We do know that this company has no money, right? We are $6 million in debt.

Ben Mandelker (37:47)

So Jesse goes, draw one up.

Calla (37:50)

Draw one up.

Ben Mandelker (37:52)

And they're like, oh my God, you're gonna talk to Allie. He's like, yeah. But then Jesse is like, oh, God, that was stupid. She's gonna kill me. Why will I ever agree to that? She's doing triathlons. She's so strong.

Calla (38:01)

Now he's just trying to impress his brothers, but he's like, oh, hell no. I'm not gonna do that. She'll kill me. So on the dock, Casey is like, okay, last question. Steven, if Cole was running the farm, would you listen to him? Oh, by the way, the card actually says if Cole was running farm. So I had to add the. The. So this is probably from Cole. Hey, you said this is going to be anonymous.

Ben Mandelker (38:29)

I love that. If someone wrote if Cole was running far, if. If Cole was running.

Calla (38:38)

Cole wanted to hide who was writing the questions, but it's obviously Cole. My answer is no. And so everybody looks all upset. So now the next morning, they're having breakfast and they're talking about how, you know, Steven and Calla are getting along. Isn't that nice? And Christy tells us, I trust Steven with everything he does in his life, but I do not trust his relationship with Calla.

Ben Mandelker (39:04)

Yeah, so Steven and Calla are outside talking about this, like, apartment in Dallas that she found that she wants the event to basically pay for, but, you know, they have no money, so he can't really do that. And she goes, well, I need to get the apartment app in. Like, what do you think about co signing? I know you've got your name on all these loans. He's like, well, the farm is definitely tied this year, and we need to make it 6 million by the end of the year. Otherwise there's no way I'll hold up a co signer. Okay? But my mom, she can do it. My mom would love to do it. And she's a woman, so she'll do what I say.

Calla (39:33)

Oh, my gosh. So they bring Christy out, and Calla's like, yeah, I was just telling Steven that I found an apartment close to my family. But, like, I need him to co sign, and I can't do it, mama. Like, it's 250. You need to make that much just to get into the place. And she's like, yeah, well, sure. I mean, I'd love to help you out. Why would you help her out? This is to me. This is crazy. She's not even dating Steven. You hate her. You don't like her being a part of this family. Why are you doing this? And this is what she said in an Instagram comment. I think It's. Maybe it's Facebook, I can't tell what it is, but someone was like making a shitty comment about her, so she came on and she said, hey, Curly Jess 23, you're kind of contradicting yourself. So I stick my nose in their relationship by telling Jesse he needs to stay home with Allie. But you're also saying, I think my boys do no wrong. Hmm. Which one is it? And please explain how I treated Calibat. Did you know over the past three years how I tried to get close with her? I paid for everything for her, employed her two different times. She wouldn't come to work. So basically had egg on my face while she wanted to do nothing with any of except the benefits that came with it. Let's see, what else? Oh, I'm currently paying her for her 15 month lease on her high end apartment in Dallas because she was too good to live in anything but that. Oh, and we get to pay for her car. It's not even in her name. It's in our name. Clearly you have a case of diarrhea of the mouth. Karista, out.

Ben Mandelker (40:59)

But like, why is Christy. Because Christy does this whole monologue where she's, it's all the scene is interspliced between it and so she's like, she's like. I knew she was a gold digger from the first time she came around, but I would do anything to get her out of my life. I don't even want to see Steven in this toxic, unhealthy relationship. And it cuts to her going, sure, I'd love to help you out. Just say, say, well, I don't know if I can really do that right now. We only extend these things to people that are family or significant others. And you two are both friends right now. And I don't think that this is appropriate or even easier. Just say, well, I'll think about it. I'll have to go see. I've go check to see my finances and I'll get back to you.

Calla (41:40)

But like she's crumbled and she has this whole big Facebook comment going off on someone and she ends it like, oh, I totally have the upper hand here. No, you look like an idiot because you're paying for all of this. Like you're the idiot. Like you're paying for someone you hate. Also, asking someone to co sign on a lease doesn't mean will you pay for this apartment for me? So why are you paying the lease? Like, this is cuckoo and you're digging yourself a grave and you should not be doing. You are such an enabler lady. Like, you shouldn't be doing this for your kids. Like, it's too much. It's too much. Your kids are failing. Just let them fail.

Ben Mandelker (42:13)

You know, I love that she went off and created her own business and became like super powerful. But she is totally spineless around her, her kids and the family. And it's like, it's actually very sad. Like she just acts like she's helpless. I'm like, you're the mom. You can just say no. And you can have attitude about it because they're your kids and they have to listen to you. But she seems great on children, especially.

Calla (42:36)

Because your husband obviously isn't paying for shit because if you're paying for it through your company, that means the husband has no more money left and you're having to shoulder all this. So if you're having to pay for it, then you have the power to say no. So I'm not gonna feel bad for you. And I think it's super crazy that Calla would expect to just break up with someone and then expect a family that she hates to pay for everything. And I also think it's funny that Christie's like, she sucks. Oh, my God. You know what? There's this girl and I, I could tell she was a gold digger. Really? You could? She met your son on a TV show called Joe Millionaire where he was the millionaire. Like, why would you expect to find anything else?

Ben Mandelker (43:11)

Yeah, she's acting like she like, figured something out.

Calla (43:16)

Commercials. Here comes one right now.

Jesse (43:22)

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Ben Mandelker (44:20)

So Kala, they now go to paintball, and some of them are like, they're sort of gathering, etc. And Kala's like, so, Casey, would you say that Cole has been growing up? It seems like he's matured. And she's like, he's definitely changed a little bit. I mean, we'll see.

Calla (44:37)

Definitely wearing bigger pants.

Ben Mandelker (44:40)

He's growing out at least. And Cal is like, I think he'll be a good dad. He'll be a good dad to somebody someday. In, like, maybe 45 years, and really not even then.

Calla (44:53)

But what about you? Are you and Steven like, friends with benefits? And that means you still have sex, right? I mean, yeah. And also leases and cars. So.

Ben Mandelker (45:07)

So they. They go and they have, like, this whole thing. This whole, like, they're. They're shooting and everything, and it's, like, really fun. And then afterwards, then there's like, a silly thing where it's like, well, the tradition here is that if there's a groom, then the groom gets to go run the gauntlet. People get to shoot him. So he. They all shoot at Jesse, and it's hilarious. And now it's time to go on a pontoon boat. So on the pontoon, catching rays and making waves all afternoon. And it's one of my favorite songs, actually. So Steven takes Braden and Cole and Jesse and Casey and Cowan and Krusty to a bar where the boats can stay docked.

Calla (45:51)

And Steven. This is such a Steven order. All right, we're doing shots. Sugar free vodka. Red Bulls. Okay. Skinny cowboy. It's a skinny cowboy. So they get those. And Cole's like, I want four. And Christie's like, cole, you are going to be a father. And I mean, yeah, but hello, look at the one they had. So she said, I don't like when his drinking starts. That's when I start to get nervous because it reminds me of their father. And watch. I'm gonna stand up for myself right now. You. You watch it. I'm not gonna take this from my boys. They. They're gonna drink. This is what's about to happen. Guys, I'm gonna go home. I got some stuff to do. Y' all have fun.

Ben Mandelker (46:26)

I know you, Cristy, you should be like, boys, you are in public right now. Slow down. I am your mother, and I'm telling you to. To stop. And even if they don't listen, you should still say that. But she's like, okay, I'm gonna go back home somewhere. Bye.

Calla (46:40)

Have A great time, kids. Yeah. So now it's time to go in the pool. And Call is in her bikini and Cole's staring at her because she's bodacious. So everyone we just see drinking and drinking and drinking and drinking. And Steven decides it's his time to get leaked. Because I never get loose. So I'm gonna get loose right now with some sugar free Red Bull vodka shots.

Ben Mandelker (47:03)

Yeah. You are the most pessimistic beverage I've ever had around my family. So then Calla is, like, being all silly. There's like, this guy in overalls just, like, wading through the pool. Like, please don't bring your jeans into the pool. Like, everything that's in those jeans now leeching into this. Into this experience.

Calla (47:22)

So we've seen a lot of kind of what the Ozarks vibe is that they're trying to give us, but we don't see it as much as we do in the pool. I mean, when the. When they get to the pool, that's when I was like, oh, wow, this is different. It's like people in their cowboy hats and, like, just. I don't know, are they fully clothed? Like, there's a lot of, like, grinding and fucking and there's a lot of weird shit going on in that pool. It's like a. It's rowdy in there.

Ben Mandelker (47:48)

Did the Ozarks tourism board. Did they. Did they agree to this episode? Because I can't imagine this was really what they wanted to put out there to the rest of the world.

Calla (47:58)

You know what it was like? It was like in that movie the Gremlins, when the little cute gremlins all got covered in water. And then they became gremlins and started partying in the kitchen and were, like, throwing things around and swinging from the fans. Like one falls into a blender.

Ben Mandelker (48:12)

I hated that scene. I was like, clean up. Stop it. Just because you're a gremlin doesn't mean you have to act like an idiot. Grow up.

Calla (48:21)

So funny. So now Cole is, like, flirting with Calla, who's straddling and twerking over Steven. But then they're in the pool and she's jumping all over him. Then she jumps over him and puts her boobs on his head or something. And then I don't know what she's doing, but he sees her butt and.

Ben Mandelker (48:37)

He goes, oh, no, she's twerking, Kala. She's twerking. And.

Calla (48:42)

Oh, he says this when she did the twerking. Okay.

Ben Mandelker (48:44)

She really has captured the spirit of The Caribbean in her twerk. The way that that butt cheek moved. Not at all. She really. She really got it down. She really.

Calla (48:59)

Twerking. White girl twerking.

Ben Mandelker (49:02)

So Cole's like, yeah. I mean, if that was in my face, I'd eat it all day.

Calla (49:09)

And Casey's like, oh, yeah, that's funny. That is real fucking funny. And Braden's like, cole, you're literally the biggest idiot. You got a pregnant lady over here. So Casey gets all upset, and also gross. I mean, just gross. So she gets all upset, and he comes over. He's like, come here, baby. Come here, no mouth. Come over here. No, daddy, no. Loops wants to talk to you. Get over here. Come on. Lick my teeth.

Ben Mandelker (49:32)

Chill the fuck out. No, no, don't touch me. Don't touch me. I'm gonna go home and play game of questions with myself. Now I'm mad.

Calla (49:41)

Yeah. So they're like, colton needs to go to bed. That's where he needs to go. So Calla walks off with Casey because she's all upset. Then she's cr. She goes, why are you upset? And she goes, he said he must eat your ass. She's like. She goes, oh, me, me. Oh, let's sit down and talk about it. I think we're leaving. He's just trying to be funny, but after a while, it's not funny.

Ben Mandelker (50:04)

So Cole's like, braden, I will beat your motherfucking ass. Because Cole's now spiraling. He's like. He's so mad that he, like, he wasn't able to get Casey to, like, to accept his apology. So he's spiraling. And Braden's like, you need to shut the fuck up, Cole. He's like. Like, you're not my fucking mom. Because if you were my mom, you'd probably say nothing at all right now.

Calla (50:22)

Oh, you probably give me $5 and pat me on the head. And Braden's like, you need to stop. I never met a bigger in my life. And where the are my two older brothers at? Someone needs to be over here trying to do something. And then we cut to Jesse and Steven, and they're, like, wrangling it. Oh, we cut to Jesse and Steven just partying. And Cole storms off. And he's in the parking lot yelling. He's like, I've changed my whole life. I did everything. I become a good person. I don't get no credit for nothing. But I changed. It's like, how are you changing? You just gained 100 pounds, and now you're drunk all the time. And Wanting to eat your boyfriend's girlfriend's ass. Like, what are you bragging about, bro?

Ben Mandelker (51:05)

Yeah, settle down, Jennifer Hudson. You are not changing. So then Calla is like, climbing into a car, and a woman's like, bitch.

Calla (51:13)

Get out of the fucking way.

Ben Mandelker (51:15)

And she's like, you gotta way, you ho ass bitch. I was like, wow, Ozarks. Just. All you need to bring is your love of everything, Right? I love that.

Calla (51:26)

It's just so casual, too. Bitch, get out the way now. You get out the way, bitch. Ho ass bitch. And she just gets in the car like, it happens every day. I was cracking. Also, they use this later to show how crazy Calla is, but she was just responding. I mean, yeah, she was. I'm sorry, but you can't.

Ben Mandelker (51:44)

When did the Ozarks. When did the Ozarks do as the Ozarkians do? So, so then we got to Cole, who has now, like, walked through the parking lot, and there's, like, a little hillside, like, not even hill. It's just like an embankment with, like, grass and stone. And he just starts punching the embankment. He's like, what are you doing?

Calla (52:03)

I've changed. And he's punching the hill. The brothers are cracking up.

Ben Mandelker (52:08)

I guarantee, in the history of humankind, the hill has always won. That's why there's an expression, dying on a hill. Because the hill doesn't die on you.

Calla (52:18)

Listen, the hills have eyes, and they're both judging you, okay?

Ben Mandelker (52:22)

The hills have eyes are like. The eyes are, like, squinting shut and say, please, please, get away from me. I don't look at you.

Calla (52:31)

So Cole starts speeding up the hill and then finally just sits on the ground and starts crying. And he's like, I'm mad. I'm pissed. Is to mean I'm gonna be both my brother's asses right now. This is not funny. And I've changed.

Ben Mandelker (52:45)

So then Cole is like. They get into, like, an Uber, and Cole just, like, sits in the back seat, and he, like, grabs the headrest of the front seat, and he's like, holds on to it for dear life. And he's like, I love Casey and my baby. I just do everything wrong. But I'm not the same person. I'm not the same person who everyone thinks I am. I'm someone who's just, like, two or three years older than that. I've change.

Calla (53:10)

I just, like, you know, look as far as, like. I mean, I was making fun of him for gaining weight. That's not very nice. I'm just doing it because he's acting like he's just been on this journey through, like the desert where he's walked and fasted and become a good person and he can't believe everybody's still holding him. No, you have not done that. You are messier than ever. You're drunker than ever. You're grosser than ever. And you're about to pop out of baby. Okay? Yeah, he's like a. He's like a hickey Jacks, you know? So then Steven's like, well, Cole's under stress because he peaked in high school, okay? And the farm is the worst it's ever been. And he's going to have a kid, so he's having a mid-20s crisis, okay? He doesn't even know how bad it is yet because he doesn't know that there's an FBI investigation. So wait until I drop that one on him.

Ben Mandelker (54:00)

Yeah. He's like, yeah, I just think that it's finally catching up to him. And he's just going to be. He's just going to be a dad and he's just not handling it well. And so I love how he just.

Calla (54:10)

Lays that he's like, you know, I think that Cole is upset because he peaked in high school.

Ben Mandelker (54:16)

I know that said when the McBees are telling you that, you know, so Cole is like, I've been. He's like, I've been changing everything about myself. I just want to have a fucking good time. What have you changed? Is this. This is the better version. I don't know if I even want to know what the worst version is. There's. This is literally someone who has not changed. I don't. Even without any context, I tell this person has not changed from whatever he's claiming he changed from.

Calla (54:39)

Well, last year in the first season, he. They go to Nashville for this boys trip and the girls get all mad and he basically, everyone wants to bang Stephen, right? Because Steven's like, from TV and he's also hot and he's this big strong guy. So all the girls like Steven. So Cole follows Steven around and waits for Steven to get hot girls and then he tries to take the leftovers. And by the way, he admits this, he's like, yeah, hang out with Stephen because he gets hot girls. So he waits for the Steven to reject people and then he tries to make out with them. So last. He did that last year and he ended up getting a couple of girls and flirting with them all night. And they're like, Casey's gonna kill you. Casey's gonna kill You. And he's like, I don't care. I can do whatever I want to. I'm married or nothing. And then he acts like he deserves a gold medal because he didn't sleep with one of them. And so that was his whole thing. So then he got in trouble for that. So now he's made it into episode. What is this, five? And he hasn't followed Stephen around and tried to sweep up any leftover poo, say. And so he feels like he deserves a Nobel Peace Prize for changing. It's like, that's as small as he thinks, Ben.

Ben Mandelker (55:43)

That's like, literally, that's exactly what I would expect. So anyway, they all make their way back to the well. Actually, before they even get to the McBee lake house, Cole is not just only saying that he's changed, but he's crying. And now he's saying, I'm not crying. I'm not crying. Stop saying I'm crying.

Calla (56:00)

I'm not crying.

Ben Mandelker (56:02)

Look at me.

Calla (56:02)

I'm not crying. They're like, you're literally crying. Like, no, I'm not. I'm not crying. You stop crying. So they get up, they get back to the house, and they start gathering. Chris is like, oh, my God, what did cold do? And Casey's like, I just said something because, you know, he was drunk, and then he got mad head. So Casey even protecting him, like, leaves out the hole. He got wasted and was hitting on Calla and said he wanted to eat Kala's ass. She leaves all that out. So Christy blames Stephen for this, of course, which she's right, but it's also your fault because you do nothing about it. And then Casey and Cole hug and make up, and then they go to the dock to drink some more, talk some more. So they all head down to the.

Ben Mandelker (56:52)

Dock, and Cole is doing this whole thing at this dock. He's like. He's like, I'm a good person, and if I had my daughter here right now, I would still drink, but I would stay under control and not get inappropriate. So I would say to that hill, next time, I'm gonna punch you. But my little lady's here, and I don't punch hills in front of a lady. Okay.

Calla (57:12)

Yeah.

Ben Mandelker (57:13)

I think God puts us through hard times like this. Whenever we had it too easy growing up.

Calla (57:19)

God puts us. God puts us through hard times like it's in the Bible. Like, there's parts when. When people were sitting there and God put an ass that they could eat, and they had to make that decision. You gonna eat that ass or you're not gonna eat that ass. And I didn't eat the ass. I'm a good person. Because, you know, like, when you've had it too easy growing up, you know, God tests you. I mean, not Stephen. And Callie goes, oh, really? You think Stephen? Steven's had such a hard life. For real, you've all had it easy? I do his load of laundry and every day, and if I don't, he'll text his mom to do it. So why are you saying that he's had a hard life?

Ben Mandelker (57:59)

Yeah, but he's. There's always gonna be someone who's had it easier. But like, he's dealt with more than most people have. At 28 years old. You know how hard it is to be a really good looking, muscular guy with a lot of money. He's dealt with a lot. That combine broke down last week, huh? Tell me a 28 year old man who hasn't dealt with worse than that.

Calla (58:19)

Yeah, he gets up at 4am and he works his ass off and says he does not get up at 4. He goes, oh, yeah, and you had it harder than us and you've done really good in your life too. But he's had to deal with things. No one should have to deal with it at this point in his life. He's about to lose his hair and he's only 28.

Ben Mandelker (58:39)

The other day I gave him a reason. Fast bread. And he didn't eat it fast enough and it melted. He's dealt with a lot. A lot.

Calla (58:47)

Same. And he goes, yeah, well, same. Well, same, but same. Then. I mean, Calla, come on. Now. You can talk about how hard your life is too, but you're literally so hot that you can live off of that. You're walking into this family and getting everything paid for. And that's just what he did. So why is it any harder for you? Like, I don't get it. You both the same thing.

Ben Mandelker (59:14)

Cole is actually being kind of funny here because he's not being like, you don't. You're. You didn't. You, you don't know. You didn't grow up with a hard life. He keeps on saying. And you grew up with a hard life too. You guys both had a hard life. Life is hard sometimes. And she's like, no. He's like, no, I'm saying. He keeps on saying, like, he keeps on conceding, like her points because every time she's like, you don't know what I've been through. He's like, you're right. I don't. You had it hard, too. She's like, no, you don't. But no, stop it.

Calla (59:42)

Yeah. They're just wasted because he's actually. It's weird because Cole has looked like an idiot. So now I think what Cole's trying to do is kiss Steven's ass by saying, Stephen worked so hard. Steven's head rough. And also so have you, Kala. He's actually trying to kiss everybody's ass. But Cal is like, he hasn't had it hard. I've had it hard. You. You'll are privileged or whatever.

Ronnie Caram (60:03)

Yes.

Ben Mandelker (60:04)

She's trying to get all feisty to the family that's paying for her condo. Yes.

Calla (60:09)

And so Cole's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. You did. You did. And you're about to get your own apartment. So now he loses it, right? Because she just keeps pushing him. So she. He's like, you're about to get your own apartment in Dallas with my mom paying for everything for you, so don't say all that, please. And Calla's jaw drops, and he's like, yeah. If you knew anything, you just love Stephen and not get sent back to Dallas. You just. You wouldn't talk shit about him all the time, and you wouldn't be nowhere in life without him. And it makes me so mad. I'm sick of it.

Ben Mandelker (60:42)

He runs away. He does a lot of running away in this episode. Like storming downstairs and up driveways and stuff. So callous. Starts to cry. And Jesse's just eating a pizza crust all angrily. So just. Well, actually, no, I'm sorry. He's actually. Jesse's eating it happily. Steven's eating it angrily because his arms are crossed. He's. He's like, I ain't got. I ain't gonna stick up for you. You're constantly throwing me under the bus. She goes, how? Cuz I have a hard life. As she was like, he doesn't have a hard life. He doesn't have a hard life at all. And now he's like, angry because he wants to be like, I have a hard life. So then Cole runs. He runs into the house. He's like, very Cartman. Like, Cole is so Cartman. The way he gets all angry and, like, in a fuss goes somewhere.

Calla (61:24)

He is like, it. He's like, you got to pay for this. My mama's going to be real mad at you now. Stupid. So he runs up and he. Of course. He runs right to mama. He's like, she's on mom's father payroll. What's going on? Because Stephen provides everything for her. She said that he's had it so easy. She goes, we'll talk about it another time. Calm down, honey. Calm down. You're just a boy. You shouldn't be this upset.

Ben Mandelker (61:49)

He starts crying, and he's, okay, now.

Calla (61:54)

Is not the time.

Ben Mandelker (61:55)

And so Cal is like, really? Because he just yelled at me, you know, Chrissy is like, I don't care. It's my son. Cole's like, yeah, I'm not. I'm not. I'm just trying to get you to realize that Steven does everything for everybody. And Calla's like. She's just staring and like.

Calla (62:14)

Like, how much can just sit peacefully in the middle of chaos? Like, she'll create chaos. And then she just sits there and looks at everybody.

Ben Mandelker (62:21)

Yeah. And Steven just pushes her across the floor. I love this shot. I was like, this will become a gift. She's just sitting there staring. And Steven just pushes her across the floor in her stool, away from everyone.

Calla (62:33)

She just sits there. I'm just trying to get you to realize Steven does everything. And Calla's like, wait, I'm not the one he fucking yelled. Why are you pulling me away? And Cole's, like, punching the air. He's like, where's the hill? Get me to a hill.

Ben Mandelker (62:49)

Send her back to Dallas. So callous. Like, the truth will come out, Steven, and you'll be fucking buried for that shit. You'll be buried.

Calla (62:59)

You'll be buried.

Ben Mandelker (63:00)

You're gonna get buried.

Calla (63:02)

So now Christie's with Braden and Cole. She's like, nah, everybody go to sleep. Go to sleep now. And Cole's like, casey doesn't talk about me that way. How can she talk about Steven that way? Poor Stephen. Mama. And Braden's like, yeah, because she loves you. And Casey and Ally are like my sisters. But Cala ain't my sister. She ain't my sister, so. Oh, God.

Ben Mandelker (63:23)

So she's like stephen in the other rooms. She's like, stephen, why are you so scared? And Kella says, stephen told me that his father is being investigated by the FBI. Which, by the way, like, someone needs to really look at Stephen, this guy who's like, the CEO of the company, telling his on again, off again, unstable, toxic, sick girlfriend. Maybe not girlfriend. Details about the fact that, like, the FBI is investigating. Like, that's not smart of your CEO. Look what happened with.

Calla (63:51)

Well, Steven is really. Steven's really, like, toxic. And messy, too. And he keeps telling Kala all of these things, like, pit her against his family. And Pit the family against her. And he likes complete chaos. I don't really know what his game plan is, but it's like he wants to keep Cala around, but separated from the family or something thing, it's up. I mean, Steven's pretty up, so. And yeah, it is really stupid for him to tell her that, but did he tell her innocently because he needed someone to talk to, or did he tell her because he wanted her to bring it out on camera because he didn't want to be the one to bring it out on camera? You know, I don't know. I can't tell.

Ben Mandelker (64:27)

But now she's doing this whole bit where she's saying, like, she's like, everyone's mad, but I don't know what the I did that was wrong. He's. I just need you to go downstairs. Everyone is too drunk. She's like, I am not. He's like, at 32, be mature and be done instead of making things as hard as fucking possible on this family.

Calla (64:47)

So Christy's like, steven, calm down. Calm down, okay, Stephen. Stephen, just calm down. So Calla goes downstairs and packs her stuff, and Christy tells Steven, this isn't love. This is this. I don't. I don't get why you would drink with her. You're both miserable. You make each other miserable. What are you doing with her? And she says that Steven's not perfect perfect, but Calla is poison to my family. And he tried to make things right by being with her when her sister passed, but I'm not gonna allow it anymore. I cannot wait to pay the first lease payment. I can't wait to do it.

Ben Mandelker (65:19)

I will not allow her to poison this family. Which is why I will invite her to dinner and pay for her new car and a new house and maybe a second house. So now Casey sits down with the brothers, and she's like, oh, my God. God, she has a cowgirl hat on. The girl's getting ready to go and call. It goes out to, like, the car, and there's an Uber there. And Cal is like, I have so much tea on this family that they would not want out there. But there might be one thing that comes out. Pretty soon, they are being investigated by the Galena. Shows up like, FBI.

Calla (65:58)

You are.

Ben Mandelker (65:58)

Kill some chickens, then you'll be real good, real bitch.

Calla (66:02)

Yes. There's something else, because I like that she ends like. And something's going to come out soon. But you just told us the FBI thing. So was that it, or is there more?

Ben Mandelker (66:10)

They voted for Biden.

Calla (66:14)

Kamala fans. So, yeah, I mean, I'm not really sure, but also, like, you're taking money from this family and then being, like, in the same episode, you're asking them to pay for everything. You're like, I'm gonna bring them down.

Ben Mandelker (66:28)

It's like, yeah, it's called blackmail. Pretty blackmailer. There you go.

Calla (66:32)

Yeah, that's what that is.

Ben Mandelker (66:35)

All right, everyone, thanks.

Calla (66:36)

Another mini dynasty in the can.

Ben Mandelker (66:38)

Yeah. Thanks for being here for some McBee dynasty. We will have the Valley and other wonderful shows on later this week. Talk to you later. Bye, everybody. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King it's always a party on Alison Blake block.

Calla (66:57)

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Calla (69:36)

Playing It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo she ain't no shrinking violet Cootar. We love you guys. If you like, watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey@wondery.com survey.