#2992 RHOM S7E14: Cruise Controlling

Summary

Watch What Crappens – Episode #2992: RHOM S7E14 “Cruise Controlling”

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: September 8, 2025

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Overview

In this episode, Ben and Ronnie recap and dissect Season 7, Episode 14 of The Real Housewives of Miami (RHOM), titled “Navigating Friendships,” where the housewives embark on a luxurious (and drama-packed) Virgin Voyages cruise. The hosts revel in the intricate web of friendships, rivalries, and insecurities, delivering their signature blend of praise, ridicule, and deep-dive analysis on all the Bravo-staple antics—this time, with plenty of nautical puns and cruise humour.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Double Cast Trips and Production Value

• The hosts are amused and impressed by the rapid-fire series of cast trips within the season:
  • "This is the episode where they have just gotten back from a cast trip and now they're going on another cast trip. I don't think we've ever had back-to-back cast trips." (03:24, Ben)
• Ronnie notes the show's elevated production and budget compared to other franchises:
  • "Coming from going to the Fleur de Lis boutique in Orange County with like Emily and Shannon... we really need this. This is like a very important. OK. I need to, I need to see Miami." (35:01, Ronnie)

2. Gertie and Stephanie's Fallout

• Gertie reflects on lingering drama and exhausting cast dynamics post-plane ride drama:
  • "Deep down, I feel like that trip was a lot for me. A lot. A lot of money I spent on a private plane." (04:07, Ben as Gertie)
• Stephanie attempts to rebrand her approach as “nautical Steph”—chill, calm, and unbothered for the cruise:
  • “My whole vibe for this cruise is nautical. Steph, you're going to hear that word a lot because that's going to be what makes me really charming and hilarious this episode. Nautical, Steph. Nautical.” (06:25, Ben as Stephanie)

3. Marisol and Julia’s Cafe Scene

• The hosts revel in Marisol's signature mockery and playful shade about Julia’s new hairstyle and Martina’s (Marty’s) family dynamic:
  • "Marisol comes and goes, 'Oh, I love the hair.' Which is her way of saying, God, I hate that hair." (08:42, Ben)
  • Julia shares a moving story of her daughter finally saying “I love you”:
    • "It's almost like someone tells you I love you for the first time, and I’ve been waiting so long for it." (12:16, Ben as Julia)
  • Marisol, ever the jokester, pivots conversation to group dynamics, sidecar cocktails, and being “banished from Richard's kingdom.” (13:01-14:19)

4. Kiki and Father Loreste’s Sushi Scene

• Kiki’s strained family relations and humor as a defense mechanism:
  • "You traumatized me when I was young. You wouldn't be so great today if I hadn't traumatized you. Where's my thanks?" (17:24, Ronnie as Kiki’s dad)

5. Lisa and Jody’s Stiff Romance

• Hosts joke about Jody’s “locked jaw” and emotional stiffness, with Lisa openly longing for marital security:
  • “You don't want me to put too sexy in my suitcase, right? Because you don't want people coming on to me, right Jody?” (18:44, Ben as Lisa)
  • Ben and Ronnie lampoon the performative nature of Lisa and Jody's relationship for the cameras and their communication breakdowns. (19:22–21:11)
  • The Lisa/Larsa texting feud, Jody’s involvement, and double standards with other cast spouses:
    • "Jody says, I had an agreement from Larsa that she would no longer bring me up and cause drama. So I texted her, larsa, what are you doing? I thought we had an agreement." (21:11, Ben)

6. Stephanie and Anastasia (Anastasia Beverly Hills)

• Stephanie idolizes business titan Anastasia and draws (dubious) equivalencies between their businesswoman lifestyles.
  • "There is no way that this lady, who is a famous cosmetics person... is, like, looking at Stephanie's Instagram and is like, 'Oooh I love the way that she is running this generic Instagram full of selfies.' I need to know how she does it?" (24:41, Ben)
• Stephanie contemplates motherhood and freezing her eggs, leading to a hilarious exchange:
  • “I have not developed parent Steph yet as a personality, I'm just still working on nautical Steph.” (29:26, Ben as Stephanie)
• Anastasia espouses business “shark vs. food” metaphors; hosts poke fun at RHOM logic and real-life business acumen:
  • "You're the shark or the food. That's what she says." (30:41, Ben)

7. Boarding the Virgin Voyages Cruise

• Ben and Ronnie highlight the cruise’s luxury and the hosts’ genuine cruise envy:
  • “I was really jealous.” (34:21, Ben)
• Ronnie mocks the overenthusiastic cruise greeters:
  • “This is an aggressive greeter. OK. I will say that they are happy. I've never seen a greeter like this.” (33:32, Ronnie)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I'm just concerned as to how long nautical Steph might be with us. Depending on the drama. We'll see. I don't know about nautical Steph. Jury's out on nautical Steph.” (54:06, Ronnie)
• “The delivery can improve, but the package kind of still sucks. Like, I think he should work on the package.” (54:47, Ronnie)
• "If you still get poop in a box, it doesn't matter what time it arrives. It's still poop in a box." (54:52, Ben)
• "I know many badass women in business who really, like. Yeah, in business, they get tough as nails... But they know how to actually talk to their friends....” (31:08, Ben)
• “Are we allowed to cruise jail? Can we do 22 minute dance party in cruise jail?” (43:19, Ben)
• “You cannot offer a flight and then say, people will be left behind. Like, Marisol instead of just was like, okay, and then just, like, doesn't show up the next day.” (61:39, Ben)

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Key Timestamps for Major Segments

| Timestamp | Segment / Topic | |------------|------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:25 | Start of episode content, Ben & Ronnie open the recap | | 03:24 | Opening discussion about back-to-back RHOM cast trips | | 04:07 | Gertie and Stephanie process the Spain trip drama | | 06:25 | Stephanie invents “Nautical Steph” | | 08:42 | Marisol & Julia’s “hair and cake” cafe scene | | 13:01 | Marisol pivots convo to group drama and cruise anxieties | | 16:00 | Kiki confronts her dad—family trauma, generational humor | | 18:44 | Lisa and Jody’s suitcase/jaw/love life banter | | 21:11 | Lisa & Jody talk Larsa drama and “textgate” | | 24:41 | Hosts mock Stephanie’s Anastasia Beverly Hills connection | | 29:26 | Stephanie’s motherhood anxieties; “parent Steph” | | 31:08 | Ben challenges “boss lady” business talk as a friendship excuse | | 33:32 | Arrival and antics aboard the cruise ship | | 35:01 | Hosts praise the episode’s visual spectacle | | 36:47 | Adriana’s birthday/aging crisis | | 40:39 | “Bringing the group together by splitting up” | | 43:05 | Cruise “therapy exercise” and group division | | 46:25 | Larsa deals with seasickness, Kiki wants group healing | | 50:31 | Larsa & Lisa’s fractured friendship, papparazzi allegations| | 54:06 | Nautical Steph introspection, delivery/package metaphors | | 55:19 | Nautical Steph “gone overboard,” tequila shots, and aftermath | | 58:14 | Stephanie’s performative dinner distress | | 61:39 | Stephanie & Marisol’s confrontation and failed reconciliation | | 63:20 | Alexia reveals Marisol’s additional grievances | | 63:48 | Stephanie’s warning: “if you’re coming for me, hit the bullseye” |

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Detailed Recap of Episode’s Closing Drama

Stephanie vs. Marisol: Plane Drama Debrief (58:14–63:48)

• Stephanie tries to elicit an apology from Marisol over the “bossy plane” issue; Marisol stands firm:
  • “Anything that I said, I’m not taking back anything I said about you, and I’m not taking back the fact that I’m not going to apologize to you for not going on your fucking plane.” (60:36, Ronnie as Marisol)
• Stephanie refuses to own up to her perceived “bossiness,” redirecting blame to Julia for “how things were relayed.”
• Marisol, unflappable, offers a “new start, Mighty Mouse,” but Stephanie realizes she’s up against a formidable foe:
  • “If you're going to come for me, you better hit it, Bullseye. Because when it's my turn, I don't miss.” (63:20, Ben as Stephanie)
• Alexia, in the mudroom eight hours later, reveals to Stephanie that Marisol’s grievances are even longer than revealed, intensifying the animosity moving forward.

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Tone & Style

• The hosts blend sincere analysis, exaggerated impressions, and sharp wit in their Bravo coverage.
• Frequent asides, “in-character” jokes, and housewives impressions keep the tone casual, irreverent, and occasionally absurd.
• Running bits include “nautical Steph,” “cockies” (Marisol’s cocktail malapropism), and cruise puns.

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Conclusion

Watch What Crappens continues to deliver a playful but insightful breakdown of RHOM’s grandiose drama aboard the Virgin Voyages cruise. Ben and Ronnie relish the elevated production, over-the-top personalities, and absurd social jockeying, asking listeners to revel in the spectacle (and sometimes, the lunacy) of back-to-back cast trips, “boss lady” egos, and the relentless pursuit of group harmony... or at least, a truce until the next cocktail.

For a full Bravo context (and maximum laughs), this is a must-listen if you want to keep up with the Miami housewives’ most dramatic (and nautical) season yet.

Transcript

[A]

Watch what happens. Watch what happens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? When there's so much that happens? This special episode of Watch for Crappens is brought to you by Virgin Voyages.

[B]

Yep, today we're going to be diving into the latest real House Housewives of Miami. And the girls hit the high seas with Virgin Voyages. And as per usual, they popped off.

[A]

If you want the same luxurious amenities, delicious food and good times that the housewives had in the episode, you can have it all.

[B]

With Virgin Voyages, the drama does not come standard, Kay. You'll need to bring your own. But one place we know the drama won't be coming from is the kiddos. Because guess what? Virgin Voyages cruises are child free, baby.

[A]

And when we say Virgin Voyages cruises are all inclusive. We mean it. Wi fi, dining, entertainment, group fitness, classes. It's all included. No hidden fees, no surprise charges.

[B]

And the destinations are amazing too. Some highlights, Aruba, St. Lucia, New York, Miami, Iceland, and a below deck favorite, the Med.

[A]

So obviously we watched this episode last night, and I'm not gonna lie, I saw those kitchens in the restaurants and I was actually very excited. Like, I was like, I would actually. I actually really, really want to go there. And, like, I really love the test kitchen. That whole situation when they were sitting around that. I was like, I have never seen a restaurant like that on a cruise before. That looked so chic.

[B]

Yeah, incredible. Like, incredible. Foods, club, like, nightclubs, dancing. The rooms are just. The rooms were crazy beautiful.

[A]

I mean, serious rooms were legitimately crazy. They were like that. That was so nice. I just did not think that, like, I really didn't think that that was something that you could get on a cruise ship. So I was impressed, personally.

[B]

Yeah. Truly gorgeous. Make your next vacation a fabulous one with Virgin Voyages.

[A]

I mean, come on. If it's good enough for the housewives, who isn't it good enough for?

[B]

Learn [e-mail] or contact your travel advisor.

[A]

Hello and welcome to Watch what Crap Ins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me today is the one and only, the perfect and special, Ronnie Caram. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going?

[B]

Well, hello. How's it been going with you?

[A]

It's going well. You know, it's. It's Miami day, and, you know, that's kind of like my favorite day. Like, because, you know, I'm not going to do my whole typical monologue about how much I love this show. You guys all know I love the show, so I'm happy. What's. What's new with you?

[B]

Nothing. Having a great time over here. Still looking for the little bobcat in my neighborhood. I saw it one time, a little baby bobcat. And so now I'm like looking all over for it to make it my little friend. But I haven't seen it again since, so getting kind of upset over here.

[A]

Well, I hope it's okay.

[B]

The cool bobcat. But here we are with some Real Housewives of Mijami. Season 7 Episode 14 Navigating Friendships Ooh.

[A]

Yes. So this is the episode where they have just gotten back from a cast trip and now they're going on another cash trip. I don't think we've ever had back to back cast trips. And by the way, they had a cast trip. They had a trip embedded within the cast trip, and now they're going on another trip. I'm like, I'm very impressed. They really, they really upped the budget on this one this season.

[B]

Yeah. Well, we opened with Gertie at home in her closet facetiming Stephanie. She's like, hello, baby girl. I was starting to pack for the trip and then I was like, should I get a little bit of a pulse for Stephanie? Because that first trip, it was so chaotic, girl. It was a lot. It was a lot. How do you feel? Tell me everything. Tell me how you feel. Like, tell me.

[A]

Deep down, I feel like that trip was a lot for me. That trip was a lot for me. A lot. It was a lot. A lot of money I spent on a private plane. Okay.

[B]

Julia, Marisol, Alexia, where are you with. With all the girls? Where are you with the girls? Tell me.

[A]

No, I most definitely have not spoken with any of them. None of them? No. I only speak to the men who I'm surrounded with because I work with men. That's the only people I've spoken to. Definitely not spoken to them.

[B]

I get it. You know why? Because it was a lot.

[A]

It was. It was a lot. Then we go to the Alexia and Frankie Beauty bar, and Larsa calls Alexia and she's like, hi, what's going on?

[B]

Like, I'm at the Beauty Bar. Hey, Frankie, you know what? You should say hi to Larsa because she's calling right now while we're at the Beauty bar. He's like, hello, love. My love.

[A]

I miss you. I miss you.

[B]

Frankie has just become like Miami, you know, salon owner, because, you know, he just says that to everybody.

[A]

Like, hello, love.

[B]

What are we doing today on your Hand.

[A]

Oh, my love. I miss you, love. Like, and this and that. And X, Y, Z was ready for the cruise.

[B]

We're going to go on a cruise. Are you ready for it? Was it a lot?

[A]

I mean, I'm, like, all packed up. Like, hopefully we can go on this cruise and, like, have, like, a good time, like, and make good memories, like, and not necessarily fight, like.

[B]

Well, I'm not trying to fight anybody. And I really hope you and Lisa are not trying to fight each other either, because you know what? It's so hard between both of you. Larsa. It's, like, so hard. Frankie, what would you say right now to Lisa if she was here? Hello, my love. That's right. Listen to Frankie.

[A]

Well, help me fix it. Like, help her fix it. Like, help us fix it. Like, let us be fixed. Like, yeah, okay, then.

[B]

Okay, then maybe you can, like, help me with Stephanie, too, because, like, I. I really did feel offended that she came at me at the Plaza. Like, how could you come to me at the plaza in front of St. Francis Key?

[A]

So then we cut back to the. To guardian Stephanie talking, and Stephanie's like, I don't understand how my words get misconstrued. And it's been, like, a tough adjustment for me. Like, I don't understand. When I say if you don't do exactly what I say and I don' your best behavior both on the plane and off the plane, I'm going to leave you behind. And if you die, you die. That's not my fault, because you don't work in business. How does that get misconstrued all the time?

[B]

I know, so Misconstrued. It's like, crazy. Misconstrued. Yeah, I mean, I want everyone to cool down, and my whole vibe for this cruise is nautical. Steph, you're going to hear that word a lot because that's going to what? That's going to be what makes me really charming and hilarious this episode. Nautical, Steph. Nautical.

[A]

That would be hilarious. I'm going be hilarious right now. Okay. Because, like, Stephanie, if you. If you guys don't mind if I speak about myself in the third person, Stephanie has, like, a lot of personality. Like, she has one personality that puts her tongue on one of her lips and then laughs. So spin the wheel. Spin the wheel. Because, like, who you gonna get today? Because nautical Steph, she's super calm. She's always unbothered, and she's definitely gonna be America's favorite. I think it's just, like, rolls off the tongue, nautical stuff.

[B]

Oh, nautical. Nautical. Steph. I love that. How is she doing? How is nautical Steph doing? Tell me, tell me.

[A]

Can I jump in this summer as Marisol as the low. As the resident jokester of real houses in Miami? Nautical staff. More like not a cool staff. Yeah. All right. You may need a khaki to enjoy that one. Okay, okay.

[B]

She tried it. She tried it. Marisol tried it, Right? That was a good one. That was a good one. She tried it. Okay, Nautical Steph. Right? Nautical Steph. Okay, Steph. Nautical Steph. I'm gonna go with that. Nautical Steph.

[A]

Yeah, because it's like, every time I hit the ocean, I'm just chilling. Like, don't you remember when I was, like, very chill on the yacht earlier this season and I called Alexia a Rottweile? Like, remember that? That was easy. I'm like, chill.

[B]

So back to Alexia and Larsa. She's like, I'll help you with Lisa if you help me with Stephanie. And the four of us are going to be hanging out, okay? Because we're going to help each other. And let's just, like, cafe, like. So then Marisol arrives to meet Julia at a cafe. Julia is dressed like, I don't know, like a lady who owned sheep in the 20s. I don't know. It's like some sound music, hair. I don't know. I think she got a new stylist. She was like, we're going to do crazy things with your hair that today. She's like, okay, I like it.

[A]

Like, braids, like, at the top. It was like she was, like, creating a surface that she could have played. Put a plate on or something.

[B]

Yeah. Kind of pretty, I think. I'm not sure, but I don't know. Listen, I love some new hair. I'm just always jealous of people with hair, you know?

[A]

Marisol comes and goes, oh, I love the hair. Which is her way of saying, God, I hate that hair. And Julia's like, you look so cute. He's like, well, you look terrific. And by terrific, you look terrible. And the weather is delicious, isn't it? By that I mean it's humid. What are you having? Is that tea? Is that a cocky? Is it? A cocky is a tea and cocky all together. Come on, spill the beans.

[B]

Thank God the weather's delicious because it's all I'm gonna eat. Am I right? I feel so proper. You want to feel proper? Have some English tea. Oh, yes. English tea was scone. Stop. Proper.

[A]

Scone. I don't even know what that is. How are the boys? Oh, well, Martina is in kitchen, and she said, I'm baking my mother's cake. Like mother cake. Like a cake of a mother. Like the mother who made cake and then breathes, oh, wow, wow, wow. Martina. She's such a. She's such a mommy, chica. Mommy, mommy, babushka.

[B]

I'm sorry, Ben, but I'm gonna have to correct you because we're not calling her Martina today. Today is only Marty, all right, because we go way back, me and Marty. Oh, yes.

[A]

Marty making cake.

[B]

Cake, Pie. Mommy cake. Yeah, Marty. Oh, good old Marty. Let's make that happen today. Call Marty.

[A]

Yeah, let's call her up. So look.

[B]

Look who I am on phone with. Drunk lady.

[A]

Look at her.

[B]

Do you see her, Marty?

[A]

Do you mind if I call her Marty? Now, they say if I want to be friends with cool girls, I have.

[B]

To call you Marty. Now, look, Marty, put. Put one son on phone, okay? Son, look, this lady. This is what hides under bed. It's not so scary, right? She only eats air, not children.

[A]

Look. Oh, Martin. Marty, I said you're making cake, but.

[B]

You are making pie.

[A]

Look. Look at it. Look at her Berry pile.

[B]

Show me the berry pie.

[A]

Show me your berry pie. That sounds dirty.

[B]

It's beautiful. Well, look at that. I'm just so impressed. I'm so. Oh, there's Jackson. Oh, the boys. Look at the boys. Marty has boys. Oh, their faces. They're just so cute. All right, so see you, Marty. All right, I didn't come to come to lunch to stare at your old lady pine your weird face. All right, let's just go ahead and cut that, all right? Boys, press end on your mother's phone. All right. God. Thanks.

[A]

Martinez at home with her berry pie, being like, I didn't win 45 million goddamn grand slam titles. Be called Marty. She's like, who the is this woman?

[B]

Oh, my God. When I see those babies and just tongues in my heart. Ow, my heart. God. Just get them over here. Get them over here. Give me a vampire facial with some of their blood. I could really use some of their youth. Just get it into my face. So now they're talking about, I wish.

[A]

It could be six of us all the time. But it cannot be, because daughters do not accept little cute babies.

[B]

Before, when I talked to Vika, we would touch subject and we would talk about the end of conversation. So painful. I knew it was painful for her. It was painful for me today. Hold on, Tear. Oh, you know what she told me? Mom, I got to go, but I love you. Oh, she said, I love you and Marisol's like, hold on, let me dab at my eye a little bit, I think. Can I get an olive? I've got some Grey Goose coming out of my eyes. Sorry. That happens sometimes. What a beautiful story. I'm sorry, Who's Vika?

[A]

It's almost like someone tells you I love you for the first time, and I've been waiting so long for it. The way she said I love you, it was encouraging. The way she said I love you, I guess it was so special.

[B]

Well, cheers to Vinca. Cheers to the boys. Cheers to not dying on the way home from Spain. Wasn't that something? I'm glad you thought I came here to talk about your stupid family. Family and their idiotic problems. But I'm really here to talk about what a Stephanie is. All right, can we just get to that?

[A]

All that screaming left me with ptsd. I call that Post Traumatic Sidecar Disorder. Because I. I drank a sidecar. I love cockies. I'm just trying to wedge it in. Is there something so wrong with trying to build your brain?

[B]

That was a tough one. Even though Stephanie's name begins with an S. What can I tell you?

[A]

Traumatic Staff Disorder. Oh, God, that would have been good, too.

[B]

Well, just wait. It's about to be pt. Nsv.

[A]

Ns.

[B]

Post Traumatic Nautical Stuff Disorder. It's going to be fun. It's going to be good.

[A]

Wow. I already feel that one catching on. It's so catchy. Listen, little things are becoming a big deal. And of course, I'm specifically talking about Stephanie. She's very short. And I don't think it was a big deal that we didn't go to Marbella. I mean, what, you. You know, you asked someone to be their godfather. You planned this out for weeks and weeks in advance, and it's very special. You said it was one of the most important days of your life. Not a big deal, though. You missed it and stayed back in Sevilla and went at the Starbucks. You know the Starbucks in Sevilla, they actually do a flamenco dance for you if you order a grande. It was amazing.

[B]

Yeah, I said. They said, what's your name for the cop? And I said, bari soul. And then when my drink was ready, they said.

[A]

They gave me a free tie tile and they put polka dots on my cup.

[B]

The. Laney sobbed when she gave me my drink. She sobbed and told me not to let any man ever use me again.

[A]

Well, I feel like Stephanie felt offended that I came with her on the plane and that I took your defense. Well, she's Gotta tone it down, because everybody yells so much. And I'm really worried about this cruise because I cannot be banished from Richard's kingdom. You know, Julia's like, who is Richard?

[B]

Who? He's my godfather, all right? I met him. A party, okay? It's cruise departure. Less than 48 hours. Oh, God. Dumb me, thinking I could put a fun cruise together after what we just went through in Spain. I mean, that was terrible what we went through. You know, all the stuff that I started and then refused to engage in caused a big scene by not showing up for Carl was just so much drama.

[A]

Oh, my God. You know, with Steph, you know, she's just. She's like FedEx ground. Her delivery is always just wrong, and then it rubs everyone the wrong way. And she's just. You know, she just hasn't perfected the. The lube delivery. You know, she's gotta have a lube delivery. See? What? You know, I'm saying she's really loud, okay? It's like she swallowed a megaphone. How hilarious was that? As a joke? She swallowed a megaphone. Oh, God, it's out of control. It's so loud. I can't even think because that megaphone is going off, and it's got one of those buttons that sounds like a bomb is dropping. That's the last thing I need to hear, is her mouth opens up in your.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

Too stressful.

[B]

She's so bossy. She makes people uncomfortable, Period. End of story. Well, I can't allow that for Marisol. I've got to protect my peace. I like only demure people, which is why I hang out with Alexia. Like, what are you guys talking about? Is not the second time the season where you're like, oh, my God, this cast member is just too loud. I just can't take it.

[A]

The.

[B]

I can't take the. The loudness of the cast member. Like, oh, please. You're on Real Housewives of Miami. This is the loudest show on Bravo.

[A]

It really is. So now we go to a restaurant with Kiki and her father, Loreste, and they are ordering sushi. She's like, sushi? You. Why can't you say sushi, dad? He's like, no, papa, sushi. He's like, God damn it, I hate coming onto her TV show. So she's ordered salmon, and, you know, he doesn't like salmon. And then. And he doesn't want to eat this at all. And so she's like, you're so Haitian. And then they talk about her family stuff because her family Stuff is all messed up because remember, she is having death threats from family members who think that she's actually massively famous in the United States and can afford to bring everyone from Haiti over to the US and sponsor them.

[B]

And then they start talking about how she was kicked out when she was 15 because he got a new wife that didn't want her there, and he. She wanted her kicked out. So the dad agreed with him. She's like, that really hurt my feelings, dad. He's like, well, it wasn't me. Just. Yeah, but like, you let her kick me out, and that was terrible for me. He's like, okay, well, when are you gonna get over it? She's like, dad, it really hurt.

[A]

All the.

[B]

Really traumatized me. And he's like, yeah, but look at all the cameras you have now. She's like, you're crazy.

[A]

I basically made you famous. Like, if it weren't for me, you never would have been on tv. So you're welcome.

[B]

But you'll apparent thing like, you traumatized me when I was young. You wouldn't be so great today if I hadn't traumatized you. Where's my thanks?

[A]

That's basically what it is. And then, you know, she's. She's basically like. Like, just eat the salmon, Eat the tartar, try the tartar. And he tastes it and he likes it. She's like, yeah, you have to try something.

[B]

Yeah, it was nice. So then we go to Lisa's condo and Jody. Lisa and Jody scene. So she's like, I guess what I'm doing, he's like, packing for the next trip. I don't know. Are you. Are you talking to the next Trevor or something?

[A]

Yeah, when. When are we going to get Jody tested for tetanus? Because it's. It's becoming an issue now. Like, that jaw does not move. It is locked into place.

[B]

I worry for whatever dog bit him in the first place because, you know, that dog's walking around probably with Jody's. Jody's got something going on there. I'm not really sure, but nothing moves on his face. It's so weird.

[A]

It's so strange. In the. In the confessional, he. He does move a little bit more. His. His jaw does move, but in. It was legitimately wild. He's literally like teeth clenched together. It's not clenched, they're just stuck. And his eyes are so big. And he's like looking left and right like a Felix the Cat clock. I'm like, can we. Can we do a wellness check on this man, please?

[B]

Yeah, you don't want me to put too, too sexy in my suitcase, right? Because you don't want people coming on to me, right, Jody? He's like, yeah, can we just get things that cut your ankles and stuff that be great. Cuz I know that it could, like, call on to you and stuff. Yeah, it feels like. You know what, Jody? It's just like, so weird because, like, I haven't been a Mrs. Now for like a day. And it's just so weird, like I'm not a Mrs. Like, I want to be a Mrs. You know what I mean? Huh?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, like to somebody who wants to marry me and stuff. Right? Huh? Yeah, because, you know, I'm like sitting here, no ring on my finger. Jody, see that? He's like, huh? All right.

[A]

You know, being in. Being in. Being in a relationship is like, tough, but, like, being in this relationship is like, really, really tough because, like, the lawsuits, like, never stop. And like, the attacks never stop. And like, the latest on Larso is like, targeted in me. And it's like it caused us to fight and to the point where I have to like, sleep in another room because we said the fighting is so bad. And then I'm like, I'm going to leave you. And then you're like, no, please don't leave. And I'm like, I had never really liked you in the first place. I just agreed to be on the show with you so we could look like you're not alone. And then you're like, please, no, but haven't you developed feelings for me yet? And I said, well, I mean, kind of like you're kind of cool to be around, but, like, I don't want to be with you. And I go to another room and then I call up Marcus and I'm like, God, my. My girlfriend. Am I right? Stop, stop, stop. Too much. Too much. We're happy, America. We're happy. We're happy couple. Okay, stop.

[B]

So she says, okay, because he's just silent, staring at her when she's like, basically begging him to propose. And she goes, okay, well, I only want to get married to someone that wants to be married to me. What do you think about that? He's like, I just. I. Oh. And he says that he loves Lisa, but it's really hard withstanding all of this. So basically.

[A]

Stop. No, no, no, no. America, we have a perfect relationship. We never fight. And if we do fight, we stay in the same bed. Everything is good between us. Don't you worry everyone. America, sweethearts.

[B]

So how do you feel when you saw the email that I was divorced? I mean, my face moves so much. I remember the look on my face. It was this. Yeah, I remember that. I remember that. That was something, Jody. That was really something.

[A]

I froze. I didn't know what to do. Yeah, I was relieved because I thought the drama would go down. And then it used to be like that almost all the drama came from the divorce. And lately it's been like half the divorce and, like, half the friends, and it's just, like, overwhelming right now. Yeah.

[B]

But Larsa got together the girls, and she got. Riled them up over that stupid text message. It was so silly. It's like I wasn't even angry. I mean, this was my face. Yeah, I've seen that one. It's the same one you made about the. The divorce email. He's like, no, that was this face. Oh, yeah, you're right. You're right. Yeah, it's totally different. Yeah, but, you know, I had an agree. Oh. Jody says, I had an agreement from Larza that she would no longer bring me up and cause drama. So I texted her, larsa, what are you doing? I thought we had an agreement. And then we see a flashback to Larsa being like, oh, my God, you guys. Like, he, like, texted me, like, oh, my God. Like, I'm, like, terrified for my life. Jee. Like, texting me, like. And he's like, I'm not even, like, the one that initiated the fact that we're texting. Like, she's been texting me for a long time, so I just don't understand what's wrong.

[A]

Yeah, like, how could this even happen? At least it's like, imagine. Imagine if I've been texting Marcus. Like, what would happen? Imagine if I texted Marcus. I was like, hey, let me come over. Let me meet your dad. Like, maybe we could hang out, introduce me to other famous people. Maybe we go to a party. Do you want to hang out? Do you want to have dinner? You want to go to PF Changs? Imagine if I texted those things. Theoretically, she would be furious.

[B]

That's why I put them all in an email instead stopping her back. So Jody's like, oh, I just don't understand why the bar for sending a message is such a big deal. But Russell. I mean, Russell yelled, show me respect last year. And then we see Russell being like, larsa, please be respectful to my wife. And Jody's like, I mean, why was mine so much worse? I don't get it. Because you're being villainized. Because you're daring to go up against Larsa, that's why.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And now you've hopefully learned your lesson not to ever text Larsa again, because she will use that against you.

[A]

Exactly. So now we go to this to Showma the wonderful world of Shoma, where nautical Steph is about to enter her nautical form. But first, she has to have a pep talk from Anastasia or Anastasia. Is it Anastasia or Anastasia of Beverly Hills, famous cosmetic tycoon? So Stephanie's like, okay, we have to finish wrapping these gifts. Okay. Thank God for Anastasia Stasha. Because all this time that things were, like, sold out, like, she should be here any minute to give me stuff that no one else can, can, can get because it's sold out. She is like, seriously, me, like, we think the same. And I wonder what her outfit's gonna be today. Oh, my God, she's here. She's here. Oh, my God. Nautical Anastasia. She's here.

[B]

She's like, leave, assistant, leave. Nobody wants you here. Go, go. Anastasia, Hi. I'm so glad you're here. All the way from la. And she's like, I know. Miami is gorgeous. By the way, I brought the beautiful sunshine. This is what we call Anastas Sunshine. It's beautiful. Followed me all the way here.

[A]

Thank God someone finally brought the sunshine to famously overcast and rainy Miami. So Stephanie is like, anastasia is. I'm just gonna say I'm gonna call her Anastasia because I don't know which way it is. I'm just gonna mix them both together. Anastasia is from Anastasia Beverly Hills, and she is, like, the biggest makeup tycoon. Her makeup is sold all over the world, and her company is valued at over a billion dollars, which is like $5 in show my money. So, yeah, I remember how really cool.

[B]

I remember.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because she comes up to me and she says, I love how you run your Instagram. And I died. I literally died. That was back when I was Instagram. That was back when I was Instagram, Steph. And since that night, we clicked. We just clicked. I mean, someone who likes your Instagram. Best friends, basically.

[A]

There is no way that this lady, who is a famous cosmetics person, she has a big old building in Beverly Hills, you know, it's like, right as you, like, are leaving Century City, it's like, right there. There's just no way, way that this lady is, like, looking at Stephanie's Instagram and it's like, ooh, I love the way that she is running this generic Instagram full of selfies. I need to know how she does it? No. Stephanie totally went up to her. I was like, oh, my God, I'm such a big fan of all your products. Just like, show me everything. If you give me, like, a free lip gloss, I'll give you a house. Like. Like, that's how it happened.

[B]

Well, Anastasia just gets me and I get her because she's a businesswoman and I'm a businesswoman. I mean, it's basically the same thing. I sell real estate kind of sometimes. And she has a huge makeup emp. We're basically twins. I mean, we're straight shooters. We talk all the time. We both like really old guys. And, you know, if. If ever I have any problems, that's the first person that I would call. She's not really the first person that would answer, but I do call her. I do try. Why have my assistant try? Never answers her either. But, you know, sisters.

[A]

So. First of all, thank you so much for coming here. Obviously, you know, the only makeup I wear is Anastasia. Unfortunately, the only makeup that nautical stuff wears is just. She just takes powder that she finds around the world around. Around the boat and puts it on her face. That sounded like cocaine, and maybe it was, but I actually just meant actual talc conditioning. Okay, that's just nautical. Step. Just trying to. Trying to just show that I've got two different personalities. I like different types of things on her face. Anyway, what was I saying? I'm just so. I'm just really nervous around you, Anastasia. She's like. Like. Yes, I know, I know. And I always have extra stock for my friend. I'm so happy we still have some. Please, please, let's sit on the sofa so you can enjoy my brown tweed suit with gold medals on it. Now, should we have a talk?

[B]

I'm gonna host a Christmas party for all my new girlfriends. So that's going to be really fun. So I want to give them all your makeup. But then also, we're going to be creating a drink at this Christmas party. And all the proceeds from this special drink are going to my friend's Haiti cause. So it's like, you know, don't hate on Haiti. The cause. And so, like, as if we sell drinks, the more drinks we sell, the more money we get to Haiti. I'm like, how big is this Christmas party? What are you gonna send them? 75 at the end of the party?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you're having an open. You're having a closed bar at your party where you're charging people for the drinks. What the. What are you talking about?

[A]

And she Says she's gonna turn Shoma Bazaar into the Santa's Wonderland. Show them a bazaar where she went earlier in the season. It was like this. This corporate lobby with, like, a coffee bar in it. She's like, we're gonna turn this corporate lobby into the most whimsical holiday experience you've ever had. I'm like, yes, I'm. I can't wait to. Can't wait to see that tramana turned into Santa's workshop.

[B]

Well, when you called me, I was in a meeting, and I have to tell you something immediately. I went, she's pregnant. I can't wait to see the baby's Instagram. What will the engagement be like? Can babies engage? Do they know how to double tap?

[A]

What would a little baby look like in brown tweed business suit? That's what I want to know.

[B]

Will the baby have a bun on its head? Yes or no?

[A]

Will there be a gold medallion that a brown scarf will come out of and go over the baby's shoulder? Because that's kind of a cool thing these days.

[B]

It's like, I don't even know, like, a baby. I mean, Massoud's so much older than me. I mean, God, he's like, you should, like, like, okay, I get it. But, like, he's, like, 24 years older. So, like, imagine like, when my baby is 10, is Massoud gonna even want to go to a baseball game? I mean.

[A]

Oh, absolutely, he will, because he doesn't understand that he is very old man. If he doesn't understand he's old now, he won't understand. He's old in 10 years. Trust me. So then we see proof that Masud is young at heart. Is him talking to a dog and saying, how was your day? And then Peter Pan syndrome. Am I right?

[B]

So then we cut back, and she's like, I can't control a kid. I mean, what if they go, oh, well, first Anastasia is like, I mean, he should have three kids right now. Doesn't he have kids? Why are we pretending Massoud doesn't have kids? He already does have kids. He's already done this. Oh, poor Masud never had children. Oh, yes, he's got him. I believe they don't speak to him right now, but he's got him. So Stephanie's like, I can't control a kid. I mean, what if they go to school and they're bullied? What if they do drugs? What if they become, like, absolutely crazy? What if they want to poop on a plane?

[A]

I have not developed parent Steph yet as a personality, I'm just still working on nautical stuff. Okay? This is too much for me to do. You know, I just turned 40 this year, and if I'm gonna do it, like, I have to freeze my eggs right now. She's like, oh, yes. Immediately. Yeah, yes. You. You know, you will be the best mom. You will cause children to have so much therapy later in life, and that's. That's all a parent could ever want. So go do this journey.

[B]

Well, it's funny you're saying that, because apparently the biggest problem I have in this group is my delivery. So let's talk about that. She goes, yeah, well, it's because you're a boss lady. That's why you're so bossy. You know, your boss lady, like me.

[A]

Anastasia with the lipsticks, you are like Fergie. You bossy, bossy. But you are a businesswoman. You're surrounded by men and women. Women must be like men to be surrounded by men. She's like, yes, that's what I have been saying. And you have to act like this because it sure. If you show weakness, you feel like you cannot get what one. And I always say, you are either a shark or you're the food. And it's business. It's always one or the other. Okay, that is. Steph. That's metaphor, Stephanie. Okay? That's what she says. You're the shark of the food. Yes. Or. Or something like that. If you have to deal with men, you have to be strong. You cannot show emotion. It's like, yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God. Thank you so much. Because these ladies do you. Let me tell you what these ladies are going to do for you. They're going to make you softer. She's like, oh, my God, that sounds great. This is. Real Housewives has never turned anybody softer.

[A]

No, no. This, no.

[B]

So beats you to hell and then gets you paranoid about every little thing ever said and get you searching Reddit and online all day, every day. Okay, this is gonna make her insane. And I'm here for the journey. Cheers.

[A]

I know many, by the way. I also know many badass women in business who really, like. Yeah, in business, it's, you know, like, they. They. They get tough as nails. And like, you just. You don't with them. But it's not what. They know how to actually talk to their friends. Like, like, you could just. Can't keep relying on this excuse of, like, I'm surrounded by men. In business, I have to be tough in. In business, I have. When you're dealing with a fleet of 80 construction workers. You have to be tough. Like, that's fine. I'm not gonna take that away. But you, like, if you. If you wanna. If you wanna pretend to me that you're so savvy in business and yet you can't figure out how to shift gears to deal with your friends. Are you really that savvy then? Are you really?

[B]

Yeah. So then we go to the Virgin cruise ship and everybody's getting out of their cars and getting on the ship and stuff. And Mary Soul's like, all right, for the next two days, you are all virgins. Richard Branson is a miracle worker. All right, Even you, Larsa. All right.

[A]

Five days ago, we're all screaming and we were all screaming in Spain. No one's getting along, but, like, call me crazy. Great time to go on a cruise. A good dick fixes everything.

[B]

That's.

[A]

That's Richard. Richard Branson Dick. You see, you know, you know, the. The name Richard often gets turned into the name Dick. And Dick is also what you call penis. Does everyone following my joke here? No.

[B]

Oh, my God. Thank God Stephanie Speedy is not involved in this trip. Okay. Hopefully this time around we can have more respect for each other. You know, unlike the last time where I ditched. Where I ditched a vacation, you know, a private plane early, I went to do something else, which was very respectful to her.

[A]

Stephanie's like, is there a way that we could divide up the screw ships? That way people can be isolated and shamed in our group. No. Okay, well.

[B]

Oh, I have one question before we take off. Are people allowed to poop here because.

[A]

Do you have cruisequette or is that just jeticate that we have to be concerned with?

[B]

Okay, everybody, nautical Steph is here. We can do this. So then we get the people who are like the. I guess the.

[A]

What do you.

[B]

What do you call these people who, like enthusiasts?

[A]

They come on and they do.

[B]

It's like Julie from the Spirit from the Love Boat or whatever.

[A]

Greeters. They're greeters.

[B]

This is an aggressive greeter. Okay. I will say that they are happy to never seen a greeter like this. I was like, wow, they really do party on this. This vote. That greeter was like, welcome to Virgin Cruise Lines. Yes. I've got short shorts, tall boots and a cowboy hat. Get on here. Get the hell on here right now. It's like, oh, my God. That is an aggressively happy fair cruise director.

[A]

They're having a great time. So they.

[B]

Larson kind of gives them a look like, what is happening on this Cruise is, you're about to party, baby.

[A]

Lars is like, wow. They just get so excited when a famous person like me gets. Comes on board. Wow. So they're like, let's go badges. And they're like, this would be the most epic cruise ever.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So then they go to this cruise and it really, like, it's like amazing. I'm not even gonna lie. I know, I know we did a whole thing at the top of the episode, but this is like authentic. Like, it's really so cool. I was really jealous.

[B]

So we see cutaways of the cruise and drinks being poured on the bars, like, dun, dun, dun dun. A big pool guest, lounging women walking around the deck. And they're like, oh my God, you guys, look at the skyline. This is incredible. What? In a crazy, incredible cruise line, like, that's Miami Alexia. Oh, yeah, Yeah. I live there. I live at that place.

[A]

Yeah. So everyone, this is the maiden voyage of the resilient lady. That's why we're all here. Oh, wow. So they're like, woo. And they're like looking at the skyline. I swear to God, this is, this show. I know. I said every, every week. This show is so beautiful. Like, this is. They had this like sunset, like orange sky, the lights of Miami, the, the water, this like beautiful cruise ship. I was like. And again, coming from going to the Fleur de Lis boutique in Orange county with like Emily and Shannon. This is, we really need this. This is like a very important. Okay. I need to, I need to see Miami.

[B]

So Kiki sees that Lisa's still wearing her ring and she's like, is that the Lenny ring? You still wear that? She's like on my middle finger though. It's like that. It's not the same. I mean, I like it. It just means nothing to me. It's just a, you know, wedding finger from someone who I don't speak to anymore, who I hate, which is. He was dead. It's only. It's not a different thing. It's a diamond. It's a diamond. Just holding on. Let me hold on. Let me hold on to the diamond, please. I don't think it's a finger.

[A]

Well, so Adrian's gonna do that thing where she's gonna like, they're all having fun. And Adrian's gonna do that thing where she's like, I'm sad in the corner, so she's all glum. I mean, you're sitting here like literally on a beautiful cruise ship looking at the gorgeous like, skyline of Miami and you're gonna sit there and be like, oh, what was me? I'm like, come on, let's. Let's. Let's.

[B]

Don't tell me when I'm allowed to be depressed.

[A]

No, but this is that, like, showy depression. This is her being like, oh, remember when I was called old? She's like, I'm just tired. Nothing special, just tired. I pinched my nerve.

[B]

I get it. Actually, I get her whole thing, because Gertie comes over. She's like, girl, come on. What is wrong? Let's talk about it. And she's like, oh, it's just been so intense. She's like, I know. I'm just saying, it's your birthday coming up. I don't know why you want to deny it and pretend it's not happening. She's like, because there is ageism in this world, and people, when they find out your age, they treat you different. And so she's basically saying, like, she doesn't like to celebrate her birthday since she turned to 40. Because, you know, when you get older as a woman, it's. You know, you start feeling like you're losing your worth. I mean, I totally get that. Especially for extremely beautiful people, you know, who are.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, when that starts to turn and you're not really. It's kind of like an identity crisis, you know? Like, you've always been given so much power because of one thing, and then when that thing starts going away, it's like, well, what? What do I have? Am I worthy of anything beyond that? I mean, I totally get it.

[A]

Yeah. I think she's just having, like, a little pity party for herself in the corner. I'm not saying ageism isn't a thing, and I'm not saying, like, you know, it's. Sometimes getting older can be depressing, but I think in this case, I think she's just trying to, like, pull attention. So Gertie's like, hello. Like, this is the stereotype. Like, no one's gonna do that to you. Okay? She's like, but there's a lot of stereotypes. And so then Adrian is like, you know, I've just, you know, I've been exchanged for a younger model twice. You know, so Gertie is like. Gertie's like, okay, embrace it, Adriana. Your beautiful life is ticking, and I should be the one to tell you that firsthand. She's like, oh, I just feel the pressure of society. But, like, what now? Like, why is she all of a sudden, like, going through this crisis? I think it's that she wants to have something. I think she wants to do something big and special. And they're like, no, we want to go on a cruise instead.

[B]

No, I think her birthday is coming up and she's freaking out. I mean, I've seen it happen a lot. I'm friends with a lot of ladies, but I see it happen all the time. You know, it's like, oh, my God, am I worth it anymore? What is happening? Of course you are worth it. But, you know, I don't know. She probably doesn't have that French hooker she was dating or whatever anymore. And I don't know, I get it. People get melancholy on their birthdays, you know?

[A]

Yeah, I guess so. So then the horn blares, and Maris was like, all right, everyone, come to my room. It's the rock star sweet snacks and booze. Let's go. Cockies.

[B]

Cockies.

[A]

So you go to this suite, which is. It has like a. It has. Is that a hot. It had like a hot tub in it and everything. It was.

[B]

This thing was humongous.

[A]

It was crazy.

[B]

Yeah, this was really big. Had, like, guitars on the wall and a piano and, like, its own, like.

[A]

Kind of deck, right?

[B]

Yeah, I had its own deck and stuff. And a tub. And a hot tub at least. Like, what the. There's a hot tub just sitting there. There's more food in here. I mean, what the hell? Kiki's like, well, if anyone deserves a rock star suite, if anyone deserves a rock star suit, it would be me. I got my father to eat salmon.

[A]

Like, don't you mean sweet? She was sweet suit.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Samaracel's like, hey, everyone, how sweet is my sweet, right? I mean, after that Radisson, right? Oh, God.

[B]

Really on a roll today, this one.

[A]

So they're all. They've got all this, like, they've been nice, like, you know, order of spread laid out and everything. And Stephanie's like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, the food, it all went down my boobs. Isn't that hilarious? Nautical Stephanie is having a hilarious time. Food goes down, knock on Stephanie's boobs. Okay? Regular Stephanie, it stays on of top. But nautical goes right down.

[B]

That's why I don't show cleavage, because all the food just went down. And nautical Steph is, like, calm, cool and collected, and she doesn't care what falls in her boobs. Okay. Larsa must find so many snacks in there. Larson must have, like, a buffet down there.

[A]

Well, obviously. Okay, ladies, Obviously. Before we left Spain, we all left quite divided And I thought that night after the chaos and Plaza de Espana, that maybe we should do a little separate group. You know, we were so divided, and I thought the only way we can bring ourselves together is to do more divided things. Right? So that's what we're gonna do tonight.

[B]

I want to bring this group together by splitting everybody up to talk about each other so we have something proper to fight about tomorrow. Everybody got it?

[A]

It's called doing research. It's called scene prep. All right, so let's. We're gonna do half and half, and we're gonna do lots of fun things around this boat.

[B]

And she's like, yeah, because in the Plaza de Espana. That was so embarrassing, by the way. God, you remember when Alexia kept screaming, don't fight in front of Frankie? She was, like, covering that statue. So weird. Really, it was. It was so embarrassing. It was so bad. Oh, my God, you guys, Guess what? We're here. Look at this beautiful city. Oh, my God, this is so beautiful. It got us here so fast. Still Miami, honey.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

I live there.

[A]

Well, look, none of us are. None of us are allow back in Sevilla, by the way. No, nuh. Cuz actually, the commissioner DM me and said we're welcome anytime. I'm pretty sure that was a Jamba Juice manager who messaged you. Because he messaged me too. Wait, isn't Jamba the same as Sevilla? Okay, Pips, you have to work on that.

[B]

Of course the commissioner is reaching out to Larza over dms. I'll bet. I'll bet he did. So we came up with a plan because we can't just sweep it under the wrong. Right. So we're gonna split up. So Pips, Cakes, jeans, stuff are going to the test kitchen, and the rest of us are gonna go, you know, talk about you guys. But you know what? We're talking with the wrong people. Because, like, these aren't even the people that we're fighting with. So we're like, why are we doing it like that? Let me do it this way. All right? This is how Dick wants it. What Dick wants, Dick gets.

[A]

Yeah. So, okay. We don't want any conflict. Okay? So this is an exercise in therapy. Even when there's nothing therapeutic about this, we're just going to talk about each other. We're not going to sweep it under the rug. You know, the more I say that, the more this sounds like it's good for us. And we're just going to talk it out. And we have some cockies. We're gonna have to listen to each other in order to be better. Am I right? And by listen to each other, I mean talk over, talk over, but in separate groups. That sounds good, right?

[B]

Well, I'm not going to risk going to cruise jail because there's, like, a prison in cruises, and I'm not going to prison. Oh, that's just if you bring drugs. No, it's if you're unruly. All right? So don't be unruly and don't do drugs. All right?

[A]

I will only accept cruise jail if we can isolate a member of our friend group in there. Are we allowed to do that? No, damn it.

[B]

Are you allowed to cruise jail?

[A]

Can we do 20, 22 minute dance party in cruise jail? So the first group is going to be Julia, Lisa, Marisol, Alexia, and Adriana. And they're going to go to wake, and then Julia and Lisa arrive first. And Lisa's like, you know what? You're the first one here, and I'm the second one here. Everyone else is late. Well, guess what? 12 years of showing up late just went out the window. Because I was on time once.

[B]

Look at me. The new me on time. That's right. Two for Lenny.

[A]

Nautical. Lisa is here. She's on time. So. So they're all late, of course. So Marisol shows up, and Lisa's like, thanks for joining us. And Drew is like, yes, you are forgiven to be 53 minutes late because you look so gorgeous. Marisol was 53 minutes late. That is really bad. Okay, You. You. You cannot. You can't. You can't come after monkey and then show up 53 minutes late yourself.

[B]

Yeah, but as they point out, this is. Lisa has been late for 90,000 years. They're late one time, but 53 is a lot. My God.

[A]

Well. Well, the worst part is that, like, Julia and Lisa were sitting side by side at a table, and so they had to sit side by side for like, an hour, which is, like, not a. That's. That's a strange arrangement. You know, like, at that point, I'd be like, okay, you know what? I'm gonna sit across from you. Julia. Like, no, but producers are saying we have to sit side by side. So they're sitting there side by side for a whole hour making. Making small talk. And what. What does Lisa and Julia have to talk about? Have they ever talked just the two of them alone? Is this the first time we've seen them alone together?

[B]

I don't know. What do you talk about with either.

[A]

One of them sitting there alone side by side? Yeah, they're playing a piano.

[B]

Oh, well, thanks for joining us, guys, because when you guys are late, it's, like, cool and cute. Marisa's like, oh, God. Well, that's how you do it. You smile and we giggle and we forgot about it, except for when we bring it up over and over, season after season. Well, no more giggles anymore with me, though. Oh, because you have a pattern. You have a pattern with it. That's.

[A]

I love Alexia say that. You have a pattern. So sorry. So. So then they. They're all just talking about that, and Marisol's like, monkey shouldn't even be talking right now. The amount of coupons and credits I have with tardiness at this point, I mean, that's gonna last me a lifetime.

[B]

So now we go to the other group of women, Kiki, Gertie, Lars, and Stephanie at the test kitchen, right? And they're all late, too. Kiki's the only one there waiting for them. And finally Larsa comes, and she's like, you guys, like, the boat, like, it's moving, like, a lot. Like, like, oh, my God.

[A]

Yes. You know, I'm used to, like, the boats that are, like, very still. You mean your apartment? Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You guys, like, I was walking on the deck and, like, one of the guys said, oh, my God, get over here. I might need to use you as a flotation device. Was that, like, a compliment?

[A]

Like, Larsa also, I think she needs to go out in public more because she's like, guys, so we all get our own tables? Yes. You're in a restaurant.

[B]

I think she meant the I'll get their own chef or something, because she's like, oh, get, like, our own. Like, what? What, like, table.

[A]

Like, wait, we all get our own table? Like, and server? Like, that's crazy. Like.

[B]

Yeah, this. Your own bars and your own bartender and your own. Your own chef or whatever.

[A]

Yeah, she says you get your own bar. You. They do have, like, a little, like, set up there.

[B]

And.

[A]

And it's actually a cute little thing. And Kiki's saying it's like, it's a bummer because they are. They just have to be a small group. And it would be fun if they were, like, the whole big group. So Kiki is, you know, she's like, I just want the whole group to be there and there. She's like, I want to know from Larsa what she wants from Lisa. What does she need from Lisa, and what does Stephanie want from Alexius? That way we can all grow together.

[B]

Yeah. Like, what do I do? And Stephanie, while the server comes over, and Kiki's like, we'll take it. Everything. So they do a shot, and now Mary Soul is like, all right, well, everyone's getting along. It's good. I'm glad I invited my only people that I liked. So that was a good move. All right, well, let's make it fun. All right, listen, you know I'm always about that, and you aren't allowed to embarrass me and get banished from Dick's kingdom. Nothing's more fun than Dick. Am I right?

[A]

Yeah. Kiki, like, are we doing the whole trip? Like, is that what's happening? And he's there, so he's saying they're only gonna do like a half trip or whatever. Oh, no, I'm sorry. They're not the. I thought it was the trip. Things are doing the whole thing. The whole.

[B]

The shot. Yeah. Talking about shots. So.

[A]

I was like, they just kicked myself.

[B]

They throw overboard halfway through the. I'm sorry. The audience is controlling this boat. Richard Branson has asked that we throw Larsa overboard.

[A]

Okay. It's a shot. Okay. I got totally confused. Yeah. So doing shots in this and everything, and they're all having fun and then starts waving a napkin in the air. And then the other women, Adriana finally joins them, and they greet Adriana and everything. And Marisol goes, oh, wow. Lisa likes it. You got the monkey check of approval. Approval.

[B]

I fell asleep. I'm not feeling great. Same. But you look amazing. Very, very classy. Well, I know how difficult it is for Adriana to embrace birthday, but I don't know what is happening with her, with us in general. I just don't know. Well, you're a shitty friend to her, and so that sucks. Yeah. You could maybe call her or ask her if you see her struggling with something, but I guess that's probably a.

[A]

Little hard for you. Go up to the deck. Go to the deck and have a. Have a heart to heart. But like I said, she's like, what.

[B]

Is happening to her?

[A]

I don't know. I'm like, you can just carve out some time to hang out with your friend and check in on her.

[B]

Yeah. So then waiters bring some food to the other table, to the other.

[A]

The test kitchen.

[B]

Test kitchen people. And Kiki's like, okay, well, listen, you and Lisa, like, we spoke to you, we went, okay, we got her to unfollow us. Unfollow Marcus, and then you guys can move forward. What else do you need? No, like, no. Because, like, no. Guys like no, she, like, said, like, really, like, hurtful, like, things to, like, me, like, you guys. Like, she said, like, she knows, like, I feel like the paparazzi that I hired to take Marcus's photos, like, what? Like, what? Like, really, like, I. I know a paparazzi that I can call and take a picture in the south of France. Like, here, here, xyz. Like this, this and that. Like, what?

[A]

Like, what am I. Am I like, the CIA? Like, am I like, am I like Acia or as I call it, a what? I'm going to have, like, CIA in a bowl and be like, a super fruit. I knew that, like, he was going to be, like, outside of the pool and doing, like, what? Like, I'm supposed to just know that you know what she is. She's like cocoa for Cocoa Puffs. Like.

[B]

Yeah, like, I'm not like, that. Like, it hurt me to, like, my bones, like, for here to hear her say that I would do something like that. Like, I'm capable. Like, no one has ever, like, called me capable before you guys, so whatever.

[A]

So then we go back to wake and Alexa's like, by the way, like, Lisa, like, you guys haven't spoken in months. Yeah, it's gotten really out of hand. I mean, like, you let it go too far too long. Okay. You disrespected her. You know, Like, I feel like instead of like, you know, like, with, like, with Jody, like, you know, when he texted her in that place like, you.

[B]

Should not done that, she's like, jody never did nothing wrong. Never. She texted Jody first. But you know what? She's on only fans and she's probably talking to people's husbands, so please don't pretend to be a victim.

[A]

Wow. Didn't really have anything to do with the situation, but it's a fun pot shot. That was funny.

[B]

She's like, all he did was be friends with Marcus. So then we go back to the other group and Lars is like, yeah, I would just, like, appreciate, like, it, like, if she was some have some, like, account, like, ability. Like, like, I have no problem apologizing. But, like, when I called her A in her house, like, I owned up to it. I was like, hey, I'm sorry I called you A in your house. Like, I shouldn't have called A in her, like, like, house.

[A]

Like, well, if she apologized to you, then you guys can at least, like, try to. To take a step to move forward. My apology is here, and her apology needs to be, like, up here. Okay. Which is funny because in. In life, I'm up here and she's down here. Kelly, Ben, Simone, and Kurt is like, I suggest muscles for both of them. You get a muzzle. You get a muzzle. That's right, honey. Muzzles that are goodified, gratified muzzles for both of you. Not a bad observation.

[B]

Married soul's like, all right, why do we need to move forward? Forward? So we can fix. I just needed to, like, leave Jody out of it. Well, Jody needs to leave himself out of it, too, because that's a problem, Lisa. Okay, like, just accept it. It's like, a problem.

[A]

Just accept it. Got, like, keep it between her and I, and Adrian is like, guys, we're going around in circles. Like the sun around the earth or the earth around the sun. Another year gone by.

[B]

We are going around the. In circles. Like, I'm going around, like, circle of drain.

[A]

Can we please, like, going around, like, circles, like, the ones that are growing bigger under my eyes. So.

[B]

So they agree that they need to make up and put their egos aside. And Lisa and Mary said, goes, well, I don't think you're gonna be her best friend again because Stephanie's our new best friend now, so. Well, I don't even like to throw that word around. Best friend. Best best friend. I mean, what. What's the best friend? She's my best friend. She's my. But what are we, five? What are we on a playground? I mean, come on.

[A]

I feel like I'm on a playground all the time. Am I right? I'm on Dick's playground right now. Right, guys? Right, Dick? Right. No. So then back to the test kitchen. Kiki's like, stephanie, why are you so quiet tonight? She's like, oh, well, I told you, I'm nautical stuff tonight. I'm really making this happen. Like, I already can tell. America loves this whole thing. Nautical staff, hilarious.

[B]

Nautical Steph is very demure and very mindful. She's chill, okay? And I'm just concerned. And, yeah, Gertie says yes. She's so mindful. But I'm concerned as to how long nautical Steph might be with us. Depending on the drama. We'll see. I don't know about nautical stuff. Jury's out on nautical stuff. You get a nautical. Steph, you get a nautical. I don't know. I'll do it again. I'll do it.

[A]

Stephanie is just. Stephanie is pretending to have introspection here because she says, like, you know, my sister say, I have bad delivery, and now my friends have bad delivery, so I'm gonna try really hard to Improve my delivery. You're not going to try really hard. You're just going to acknowledge those things as, like, some sense of immunity, but you're just gonna still be the same land stuff as you are nautical stuff.

[B]

The delivery can improve, but the package kind of still sucks. Like, I think he should work on the package.

[A]

Yeah. The delivery is the least problem. Yeah. Yeah. If you still get poop in a box, it doesn't matter what time it arrives. It's still poop in a box.

[B]

So she says that. She's like, I mean, look, if there's constructive criticism, I'm open to hearing it, but I'm not accepting that because my delivery was bad. I was wrong for what happened in Spain. Okay, Nautical Steph has left the building. She's gone. Where did nautical Steph go? She's gone.

[A]

Nautical Steph has gone overboard. So this episode, she was so. She was hilarious. Stephanie, take your shot. Like, take your shot. Like, And Stephanie's like, are you gonna take. Are you gonna take the rest of yours? It's like, come on. Like, come on, do the shot. Shot. So now it's like, two hours and five tequila shots later, and we're in Marisol's suite, and Julian, Alexia, and Marisol are FaceTiming with Larsa from Marisol's room. And Alexia, she's like, oh, so are you in bed? What? Like, what are you showing me? Are those your soft legs? It's like, I need to take photos for only fans so I can be the Bill's life. Like, legs for only fans. Like, so then Marisol's like, pips. Pips. Did you have some shots tonight? Because you are very frisky tonight. Pips, come on, look at her. Look how frisky Pips is.

[B]

Yeah, Like, I'm making, like, my only fans video attack. I'm gonna put up my boots in it. She just, like, pulls out her boobs on FaceTime. Like, oh, my God, I can't believe she did that right now on the FaceTime. That's like, crazy.

[A]

I love, like. Like, Adriana, Alexia, like. Like, cups, like, the phone to hide it from the camera. And then she looks at the camera like, oh, my God. You're not getting this, are you? Like, oh, my God. She's like, don't look. Don't look at the boob, but look at the boob.

[B]

So now, the next morning, Stephanie's skipping down the hallway in her Derobics outfit to go to Mary's fall suite. So she's like, oh, my God, this room is so nice in the daytime because sometimes things are beautiful in the night, but they're not in the morning.

[A]

No, that's true. I mean, it's like me, right? Okay, next stop, the cat skills. I feel like we should just lay out here and just skip the exercise entirely. She's like, no, Marisol, no. I got these spandex from Canada. We're gonna wear them. She's like, okay, well, I hate. I hate exercise. Like, well, what is this? Like, I look fat in this. I'm not gonna come out. I'm not gonna do it. Come on, Stephanie, stop it.

[B]

I don't Ain't anything more in the world than. I hate exercise. I will not do it. I would rather starve to death than do exercise. And I like that. Stick to your guns, girl. Stick to your guns. So let's get to what we're really here to talk about. Fighting with people. So, dinner. So Marisol's like, yeah, our dinner was good. We're just talking to Lisa about fixing things with Larsa. Yeah, well, we had the same conversation with Larsa, and we obviously got to the topic of Alexi and I. So it's my personality. Like, I go from 0 to 100 because I have no idea what the hell I'm saying because I get so angry. Oh, okay. God. So you're not responsible for anything that you say because you get angry? Is that what you're saying?

[A]

Well, look, I was very, very, very heartbroken about what happened the night. That night of dinner. And I was, like, clearly distraught. It was not nautical stuff, Seth. It was distraught, Seth. And I was really upset and I was crying, and it was rough on me. And so then she's talking about the dinner.

[B]

Can I just point out, nothing happened to Stephanie at that dinner.

[A]

Nothing. Nothing.

[B]

It wasn't about her at all. She just ran out crying to, like, have a scene. She's ridiculous.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like, I was so distraught, and she's.

[A]

Gonna act like it was. She was distraught from the dinner where nothing happened to her. That. That's why she was acting over the top with the plane back at the hotel lobby. I'm like, that is not really. That does not make sense.

[B]

It doesn't make sense. Like, I can't have people fighting on the show.

[A]

My plane.

[B]

So she's like, well, and when I got into the car with you, I. I thought it was a safe space. And she's like, oh, there are no safe spaces in this group. You never know. We're gonna talk about you no matter what happens. All right?

[A]

Yeah. Well, I mean, but in my mind, I thought, for sure, like, Larsa and Marisol, they're gonna be, like, my safe space. Like, when I got on that bus us, like, on the way to the airport, truly, I was like, wait, wait. Why are Alexia, Marisol, like, not coming. Safe space, right? Don't we have safe space? And then we see flashback to that whole fiasco. And Stephanie's like, nobody told me that you guys were mad at me, okay? Marisa goes, well, I'm not really mad at you. I really like you, and I. I want to like you for you. You just. You don't have to offer me anything. I don't know how much that costs. I don't want to know how much it costs. You know, Just put me on the plane and say, get me to dick. Right?

[B]

Well, I'm sorry that it has come across like, I dangle my stuff, because that was never my intention, you know? And I don't remember saying what the cost was. I think it was Larsa, you know, who probably heard it from me when I said what the cost was. But the point of it is, Julia was the one who said, alexi and Marisol feel like that if they break one of your rules, you're gonna leave them stranded. And she goes, well, you know, I had a list, you know, I know how you love a list best.

[A]

I do love this. I do love this, Stephanie. Yeah. List definitely loves this. Yeah. I just. I didn't know it was so bad that you guys didn't want to. That you guys didn't want to feel a certain way that, like, you'd rather just, like, not get on. She's like, well, that was me. That was me who didn't want to get on. Because, like, I'm the one who didn't want to go. And then I said to Alexia, I was like, you can go. I mean, I'll stay behind. I mean, what am I, just your side? Can you just leave me in the dust? I go to everything you go to. You want to stay back with me? Like, no. No pressure, bro. But, like, later on, I was like, you know, you haven't had a good day here, and, like, you want to stay behind with me. We can walk around Sevilla, you know, let's get some fresh air. Let's do some shopping. Let's go to. Let's go to Subway over there. Get. You know, see what their footlongs are like here in Sevilla, you know? And she was like, yeah, okay, I'll stay with you.

[B]

That's all it was so now Stephanie is not really getting a fight from Marisol because Marisol's, like, very kind of nicely sticking to her guns. She's like, anything that I said, she's like, I'm not taking back anything I said about you, and I'm not taking back the fact that I'm not going to apologize to you for not going on your fucking plane. So I don't know what you want from me, but she's saying it in a very nice way. So Stephanie's not getting her fight. So she's like, okay, well, that's great. Then Julia should have said that. But Julia said to me in front of the whole bus that you said I'm bossy and that if you. If anyone breaks the rules, you're going to leave them stranded. And she's like, well, I mean, Marisol doesn't really say this, but you did say that, Stephanie. Like, you were being bossy and you were dangling the plane and you were going to kick people off. So why are you going to try and make it turn? Why are you going to make it turn now that this is all Julia's fault for how she relayed the information? It's not. The information was relayed properly. You're an. And you're dangling the old man ball plane over people's heads, and they don't want to put up with that shit. What are you not hearing?

[A]

Yeah, I mean, you. The words came out of your mouth that you said, will leave them behind and they can drive as a three hour drive. Now, Marisol, she should have said, don't be like that. That's not how we act in this group. Like, you can't offer a flight and then say, people will be left behind. Like, Marisol, instead of just was like, okay, and then just, like, doesn't show up the next day. So Marisol is also being very passive aggressive. Stephanie committed the crime, but Marisol, I think, was being kind of. I don't know what it is. Is it passive aggressive, fake, Whatever it is. But Marisol could have also just been like, hey, lady, you're new to this group, but we don't do. We don't do that with our cast members unless it's Monk. So Marisol goes, well, I was worried, too, you know, Alexia, you know, you would have another pissed. And then we'd be stranded. And then that was on the list. Listen, I knew you weren't gonna like it that we stayed behind. We didn't get a chance to talk about it because, you know, we never get a Chance to talk to you. And everything blew up in LA Plaza. And then I was gonna tell you, you know, I was, as Larsa would say, X, Y and Z. And I didn't have a problem. Like, I know don't like you. I want to be friends with you. Okay. Let's have a new start, Mighty Mouse. New start. New start.

[B]

It's just funny because Stephanie's just sitting there blinking at her. Like, this woman is not, like, giving me an inch here. She was not. She was not budging, but she was saying it very nice. And Stephanie just blinks. So finally, Marisol is just like, all right, all right. You know what? New start, Mighty Mouse. Just. Okay, well, new start, Mighty Mouse. And so they hug. But then we see eight hours later, and they're in a mudroom. And Alexia's like, just so you know, Marisol had way more other things that really bothered. Bothered Marisol. Okay, There was, like, a whole list.

[A]

I just love, like, Marisol is so loyal to Alexia, but Alexa just, like, chucks Marisol under the bus. And then immediately.

[B]

And then.

[A]

Yeah. And. And Stephanie's like. And then, like, now, then the next day, and Stephanie's saying, like, I feel like Marisol is a jealous demon who disguises herself as a very loyal friend. And I know I'm going up again. I know what I'm going up against now. And I have a message for you. The message is, if you're going to come for me, you better hit it, Bullseye. Because when it's my turn, I don't miss.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Fun times. Fun times. Put these ladies on a boat. That's always going to be a wild time. Thank you, everyone, for listening. We appreciate you. And definitely tune in into a crappy hour later tonight, and we'll catch you on the next episode. Bye, everyone.

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Bye.

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