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Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens. Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Crap Ins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo we love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker. Joining me today is the one and only Ronnie Caram. Hi, Ronnie. How are you?
A
Good. What's going on with you, baby?
B
Not much. Very excited because today we are going to recap some Great British Bake Off. We're in the Bravo drought, so, you know, we're just sampling different shows to recap and have fun with. We're just sort of having fun with this moment. And we decided to revisit Great British Bake off, which we've recapped in the past. We're just diving right in on Bread week. We actually already started this episode. We started it and we started. We did a deep dive into the cast. We're like, let's talk about the cast before we started recapping. And that was so long, it became its own episode. And we decided to make that our bony this week on Patreon. So if you want to hear a deep dive about this cast, that's there at patreon, patreon.com watch or crappens. But this is the episode of the recap. This is where we're going to dive into it. Now, before we get into that, a shout out that I made on the Bony and I'll make out again here because it's on the Bony. Our friend Ira Madison, his apartment burned down. He is a fellow podcaster. He was the. He just left. Keep it. But that was his podcast for a while. He's been on this show several times. We know him both in the podcast world. We know him outside. We love this guy. And he lost everything. He lost every single thing. So, yeah, it's absolutely. It's. It's terrible. He has a GoFundMe. It's on his Instagram @Ira III. Just look up Ira Madison, Ira Madison III, and go help him out. If. If that's something that you're able to do or want to do. But our hearts go out to him. We want to see him back on his feet. That way he can write cutting, cutting commentary about pop culture like he does all the time. He's an immensely talented guy. Go help him out.
A
So I love you, buddy.
B
Love you, Ira.
A
It's okay over there. It's a good guy over there. So, yeah, help if you can for sure.
B
Help him out. Help him out if you can. But with that being said, let's dive into. We're just going. Starting right into the latest episode. Of Great British baking show, which is the bread week. So we kind of touched on cake week and biscuit week in our cast preview. So again, go check that out@patreon.com Watchwick Rabbins. But. But we're gonna. Right now it's time to talk about bread. And one thing I have to say right away, something I am going to reiterate that we talked about on the bony is I love Allison. She's our new host that came on last season with Noel replacing Matt, who did not work for me. I'm also enjoying that they had a really big, silly Jurassic park skit at the beginning of the season, which I was rolling my eyes at, but somehow by the end of it, I was chuckling. I'm really glad that we are not getting really skits subsequently. Like, I was happy with the big skit at the beginning and I don't need a skit at the top of every episode. So I'm glad we're just diving in. Unlike this show where we don't dive in, where we just talk and talk a talk and promise a recap. But I have to say I'm liking that we're just getting into the episode properly.
A
Yeah, you know, I kind of miss the skits, honestly. I like the Jurassic park one. Did everybody just have a tie in with Jurassic Park? By the way, I saw Jurassic park because I was tricked by all the advertising. It sucked. Jurassic park sucks. Now why do they keep making terrible Jurassic Parks? It was actually more entertaining on baking show than it was in the real Jurassic Park. I mean, what the hell? What is that show? What is that movie? How are they still making those? Make them better.
B
When they did their Jurassic park thing and when, when Noel was like, I'm gonna like, he said something. The fact of I'm gonna save us all. And then he tapped Allison's nose. I literally crack. Was cracking up too. Oh, so good.
A
Yeah, you see, that's why I like them. I think they're good. Okay, where are my notes? I had them. I had them.
B
We're going to dive. This is. This could be a. We're going to dive in. I'll start.
A
I'll start. You know, this is a lot. This is a very dense show. A lot happens. This might be a 10 part recap. It might be 30 minutes. Who knows? But a lot happens on this show and we have to talk about every little carb. Every little, every little car. Because ultimately, you know, they say recap what you love. And I love carbs more than anything, especially Bread. I mean, what a way to jump into this. I fucking love bread. Oh, my God. I'm obsessed with you bread. I'm obsessed. The worst bread is good bread. I will eat moldy bread. I will pull the mold off the bread. It's a vegetable. Like, I'll eat it.
B
Yeah, it's living. It's organic. I texted Ronnie in the middle of the night and I was like, I need monkey bread. So now it's like, it's this time. It's Bread week. The baker's face a savory signature. Get down with donuts in the tentacle and tackle a sweet bread showstopper. Who will have reason to celebrate, who will end up feeling flat, and who will actually look at themselves in the mirror the next day and say, it's time for me to go on a high protein diet. Yeah, it's a great British bake Off.
A
We see everybody coming back to the tent and Poiman, who I think we both love, but has made a few mistakes. She was shocked that she made it through to week three. I think, um, she was right to be. She's made a few. A few big mistakes. Um, yeah. And she did an incredible showstopper last week and so that saved her. So she's back, baby. Like, Poyman's really good because she fails, but then she does really great things and they're like, we can't kick off Boyman. She's amazing. And plus, she makes wedding dresses.
B
Yeah.
A
Who doesn't?
B
And then there's Ian. Ian's very excited. He's like, yeah, I'm feeling good about week three. I think my bread is my strength. If I do well in my. In any week, it'll be at this week. This will be the week where I'll do well. I'm like, oh, congratulations. You just cursed yourself yourself. If there's any time you know you're gonna fail, it's going to be the week where you're supposed to be doing the thing that you're really good at. Like on Project Runway this season, the guy who was, like, amazing at street wear, then when they had a streetwear challenge, of course he flopped. And he flopped big time. Like, that's just what happens. I'm sorry. You're a very sweet, lovely, small man. But this will be your failure week.
A
Yeah. Toby's super excited because Paul Hollywood's gonna eat his bread, which sounds kind of sexual, but he's like, oh, I can't believe Paul Hollywood's gonna eat my bread. Which is kind of creepy. Also, Paulie Hollywood. Paul Hollywood has this kind of abusive nature about him where people are so afraid of him that any little thing he does, like, oh, my God, it's Paul Hollywood.
B
He's eating.
A
A mean person is eating my bread, not spitting it out. I have made it like the whole, like, you got a handshake from Paul Hollywood. You know, anyone else would be like, don't touch me. I've seen you licking your fingers for three hours straight, sir. Get your hands away from. But because he's kind of mean to people, they're like, oh, my God, I'm never washing my hand. It was a Paul Hollywood handshake. You know, he scratches his nuts with those things.
B
I. I'm sick of, like the over reverence for his handshake because he also gives them out, like, a little bit too much. I think this season he actually pulled back, but last season he was giving them out left and right and. And so it does. Doesn't mean anything to me. And I'm like, why do we act like Pru is just like some slouch? Like, oh, we don't really care. Like, it's nice what PR has to say, but, like, it's the Paul Hollywood handshake that matters the most. No, I think, like, we should care about Pru more. I care. I think that Pru is the one to impress more. More importantly, she's just a little nicer.
A
Yeah. So we go. And also, Prue's nicer, but she also does not hold back. She'll be like, I've always wondered what it's going to taste like to have a little jam. That's terrible. I wanted to die. I honestly will go to bed tonight hoping that I don't wake up after tasting.
B
I like what she's cutting little things.
A
It's like, bam, man.
B
She's like, so economical with her distaste. She'll be like, oh, it's a bit of a fright. You're like, that landed so hard.
A
I love a nice kaji from her. She's like, Katie, it's too cottage stodgy kaji bloody and dodgy.
B
But I do love when she also praises something and she like, sets a scene. She's like that, you know, take that and get some cheese and some wine. And that's what have. That's what you call a good night. I'm like, yes, I want to be there with you, Pru.
A
Yeah, Pru lives her life, you know, she really lives it up well. She'll be like, yeah, you know, this is like after I had sex with Mick Jagger in that public restroom, and I had a decent muffin on the way up. It reminds me of that. You're like, wait, what the hell did you just say? She just says everything in such a sweet little way, but I know she's like, I did line off. I did a line off a hooker's ass. Last time I had a bagel this good. It's like, what?
B
Little wow.
A
Minks.
B
Allison is like, welcome back to the tent, bakers, for bread week. So for your first challenge, the judges would love you to bake a delicious, savory, bunk bread. And no, it's like, yes, you have. Now you have to make your own monkey bread. You can't just steal some bread off of a monkey and bake that. And they're all like, ha. And then I'm at home being like.
A
Or make monkey. We'll make bread out of a monkey.
B
Which.
A
That would be terrible, wouldn't it? That would be dark. I love it. Today we'll make judges out of monkeys.
B
Do it some. Surprised someone didn't do that. The judges are looking for well flavored, pull apart loaf made with yeasty bread dough. I love how Allison just, like, punches you with her. With her, with her syllables. Bread.
A
Yeah, yeah. Allison's not a quiet person. Like, I think she's one of those people on the bus whose, like, phone rings like she never has her ringer off and say, hey, how you doing? Good, Good. Yeah. I'm on public right now. I'm on public. Go ahead. Make it quick. Don't want to bother anybody. Hope I'm not bothering you, love. Hope I'm not bothering you. It's an important one. Right? Right. Phone bill. That's right. Am I still using that? Do I still have the watch on the same plan as the phone? Do I? I don't notice. Does this look like it's getting calls? You call again. Let's see if my watch rings, love. All right. Call again. You know, she's just right. She does anywhere she is. You're like, shut up.
B
And her ringer is super loud. And it's always that. It's always that, like, American Beauty theme, I think. And she's like, really loud. You get mad at her, but then she does the thing that's so nice. She'd be like. And so I was talking to Susie. She wasn't. She wasn't answering her phone? No, she wasn't answering her phone. I was like, well, answering your phone. I got angry. You need to seat. I need to see hold on, love. One second. How? Take my seat. Take it. No, don't. Just take it. You sit right here. You sit here.
A
I'm not pregnant. You're pregnant. Have a seat.
B
Congratulations. Your first one. No, it's not. I love that for you. So then you feel shitty because she's actually being, like, loud, but, like, way more virtuous than you are.
A
Yeah, she's totally nice, but you're just like, shut up. So, yeah, that's her. And she's like, basically, you can go ape with this.
B
On. Your monkey marks, get sat begging. So now it's time to make monkey bread. And so they're all talking about, like, you know, monkey bread and stuff like that. And Pru is talking about. She starts telling us what they're looking for. She's like, monkey bread is a round loaf of bread which is made up of lots of little balls of dough. And the reason it's called monkey bread is everyone pulls a little piece of, like, a little tiny monkey. Fun fact. When I was hanging out with Mick Jagger in the 70s, he had a pet monkey, and we would throw little balls above the monkey. That was actually where monkey in the middle actually began with me and Mick Jagger. Fun fact.
A
And she tells Noel, he's like a monkey. And he's like, I'm part monkey. One of those monkeys you see in markets in Indiana Jones, that kind.
B
Missed that somehow when you said that.
A
I saw a video on, I don't know, Social the other day where monkeys were attacking each other. Like gangs of monkeys were attacking each other because the tourists were feeding one group of monkeys. And I guess the other monkeys heard about it, so they came to get some food, too. And they're like, oh, hell no. You better stay the hell away from our turf. And it's like. And then the monkeys went at it and there was dust flying everywhere. Monkey bread, you know, it gets violent. It gets violent. There's going to be riots. There's going to be riots caused by this fight?
B
Yeah, I think so. So then Paul's now explaining. He's like, to impress me, you're really going to have to come up with something that's quite unique. I want it to taste amazing, look amazing, have a real depth of flavor in your mouth. Like, oh, shit, I was going to make something that tasted shitty. But now that he says it has to taste amazing, I think I have to change my game plan.
A
I better get rid of my shallow cheese bread. I was going to make you some vanilla shallow bread, so thanks for the tip. So he's like cheese, you know, that's going to be quite strong in this challenge. Cheese. And then we cut to Ian and his mullet, and he's got a lot of cheeses laid out. You know what? He doesn't have a hair net. Listen, I don't want that little mullet headed man leaking all over my or shedding all over my food. Okay? You're making monkey bread. You need to get a hairnet on, sir. Okay. I love your mullet. Love your gravita. You need hair.
B
Yeah. This is monkey. This is monkey bread. But we don't have to have it look actually like a monkey. So let's get the hair out of there.
A
This is not mullet bread. Okay.
B
All right. Well, the final finish should be a celebration of color, flavor, and a lot of seeds. Nothing and nothing but seeds. Which is funny because later on someone has, like, a lot of seeds, and they're like, it looks like the bottom of a bird cage. I was like, well, you just asked for a lot of seeds.
A
You literally just begged for seeds, you know? He's like, but it needs to look beautiful. And above all, it's down to the bake and the proving. Improving today. He's all about proving. Oh, my God. He doesn't shut up about proving today. Like, he's. He's out to prove something about proving today. Everything he says is like, it's all about the proving to. These aren't proved very well. Tell you failed on the proving with this one. Handshake up. Not a handshake. Not a handshake. It was a wave away. It was a bad prover. Wave away. Get away from me, you disgusting, non proving loser.
B
I would shake a hand, but doesn't look like a hand has proved enough. So he's talking about proving is the one thing that makes or breaks this particular challenge. I'm like, it makes. That's what you. It's every season with the bread week. It's always grooving. He's like, get that wrong in any way or you underpre or under bake, it's going to be a problem. It's like, okay, relax and listen.
A
You don't want to underpr. All right? We call that man Rod Stewart. All right. And get to it. Like, that was a good one. Oh, God. That's a good memory. Unfortunately, we didn't have phone cameras back then. All right, Pru, keep it in your pants.
B
Well, I said to Rod, I said, if you think I'm sexy and you want my body, come on, baby, let me Go. And then he just turned that into a song, and that was me.
A
So now the judges and hosts go over to check. You know, it's like they're checking on progress things. So they go over to Ian Mullet first and tell us about your monkey bread bra. And he's like, mine is going to be modeled after an Irish cheese board because you said cheese, right? So I've got three lovely Irish cheeses and seeds. Do you want seeds? I got cheese. I got seeds. I got seeds, too. Who do seeds? I can do anything you want. Just don't ask me to put on air Net. I want to.
B
All right, very nice. Well, this is sort. This is sort of your week, right? This is the bread. Bread. Bread's your thing, right? I'm not trying to get into your head or make you fail. Fail at the thing that you do so well, but you are going to nail this one. You're the one to beat. You're going to make the best bread all week long. You're going to make a great bread for this challenge. And then also for the technical and also for the Showstopper. Right? Right. Little mullet man.
A
And he's like, yeah. My girlfriend actually told me to practice it more because she wanted to eat it more. She really focused on me eating her bread. Paul's like, oh, because she was hungry, which I didn't really get. But they all laughed. So then we see the bread he's making. One of my favorite things about this show is the carb artwork. I mean, it's always stunning. They have these beautiful drawing. Painting. Thing. Drawing. I don't know what you call them. Drawings. Paintings.
B
Drawings. I think sketches. Drawings.
A
They're painted as well. So I don't know what you would call that mix, but they're so gorgeous. And a listener who is so amazing made Ben and I 1. When we recapped Captives back in the day, made us. One of their showstopper challenges was making the head. What was it called? It was like the head challenge or something. You had to make.
B
Oh, God, that was a disaster.
A
Yeah, you had to make the head.
B
It was like a bust with somebody.
A
That you liked or whatever. A bust. And so she drew us our own great British bake Off art of our heads as cakes, which were so amazing. It's in my. It's in my studio in Texas. So next time, I'm very excited. It's always in the background. I love it.
B
Should I try to rotate? Should I try to rotate so you can see it? No, you're not gonna be able to see it. I'm sorry, everyone, but it's back there. It's right over my shoulder.
A
It's so cool. So, yeah, anytime I see these, I'm just like, wow. And this one is no exception. They're all so fucking good. So this is Ian's iris, cheese, board, monkey bread. He's gonna have apples in there. Crepes, it looks like twirly. French fries, berries, roasted pear. I don't know. The apple and the pear I could do without, I think. But that's just.
B
So then Allison starts asking any questions about it. She's like, so when did you meet this girl, Dan? I love talking love. He's like. He's like, hold on, Wes. First. First week of freshers in uni. She's like, that's week? Yeah, first week in the wee bar, and we were both sitting down, and we were both like, do you want to catch a drink? And we were both like, sweet. Let's get a drink. And then I stood up, and I finished here. And then she stood up, and she kept on going. She finished all the way up there. She was like. She's like, oh, so she towers over you? She's like, yeah. And how does she mind having a little man? Which is so funny. Does she mind having a wee little man that she could put in the pocket?
A
I'm a short king. I'm a short king. It's like, I love a short king, doll. Love a short king.
B
So now it looks like I'm a short king. You're so cute. I'm a short king. Look at me with my little monitor. Short mullet king.
A
Yeah, because she's a big, tall woman, too, you know, this Allison. So she's like, how's that working out for her? All right. Might take a chat. Might take a page out of her book. Hey, love. Yeah, sure, King. All right. Give me a ride. Then he's like, okay, back away. Back away from my table. So they go up to Aaron. Now, which one is Aaron?
B
He's the one who. Who is Sweater Game. He's the one. Trembly. Yeah, he's the one. He's the king of hobbies. Oh, you know, he's the one learning French. Yeah.
A
Yeah. So he's always about to cry, this Gracie. He's like, I don't know if I'm good enough. I don't know if I'm good enough to be here. And then he makes something amazing, and then he cries. He's like, oh, I made something amazing.
B
He's Making a bread that has yeast extract, which was funny. They're not allowed to say Marmite, I guess, because that's what it was and that's obviously what the bottle was. But they had to like put a blank label on it. And then Allison is like, well. While Aaron is pinning his hopes on a love it or heated ingredient whose brand name we cannot mention, but we hope that you understand what it is, Jessica is taking her inspiration from her favorite al fresco flavors.
A
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So Ronnie, you just got something from Quince, didn't you? Didn't something just arrive?
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A
Okay, so Jessica's picnic season monkey bread. This one is intense. Walnuts and blue cheese. You know you're never going to go wrong with that for me. Okay? Walnuts, creamy blue cheese, and succulent figs. So that sounds damn good. And Jessica is. Let's see, what do they say? He says, you've got a lot of liquid in yours. And she just stares at him like, is that bad? And Allison's like, don't let him suck you out, love. That's what he tries to do. You put as much liquids in your bread as you want to. Paul Hollywood liquid hater. Come on, love.
B
What. What are you doing there? Why are you. Why are you waving your hips like sorrow? Sometimes I just step into my Oliver, close off alter ego. Apologies. I'll get back to Jessica, my drag.
A
Queen alter ego, all of her clothes off. Now we go to Nadia, whose thing is, like, dancing in the kitchen. So she's dancing. She's like, hot dance. And she's kneading her bread. Then we see Leslie kneading the bread, and she's building up gluten strands. And that's the kind of building we need in this country. You know what? I think so much could be healed with just more building of gluten strands in communities. Yes.
B
Yeah. So now Pru goes over to Jasmine, and Jasmine is going to be doing, like, an olive and rosemary one. But then also do you Julia and basil, which sounds fantastic and knows, like, jasmine spicy sausage and basin fillet will be rolled into swirls and pad with dirt balls filled with kalamata olives and rosemary. Then afterwards, she's gonna go jogging with the friends again because that's apparently all she ever does.
A
And Paul's like, have you ever tried olive and coriander? She's like, no. Should I? He's like, well, yeah, it's very superior Greek. So, yeah. Okay, well, thanks for dropping that, Paul.
B
Okay, thanks.
A
Can you just appreciate everything she's putting into this bread? It's a lot going on here, okay? We don't need you, like, walking around telling everybody already how they failed. He's like, you've got too much liquid. You don't have enough coriander. You didn't even think of coriander. Like, for Christ's sake, man, let them make their bread.
B
We don't need your what about ism. If she says she's making olive and rosemary, you don't have to come in and say, what about olive and coriander? Yeah, she wants to do olive and coriander. She do oven coriander.
A
This. This isn't Gwyneth Paltrow and sliding doors. You're like, have you ever. Have you ever thought, what if I chose a different path?
B
Yes.
A
And you know what? They're both Gwyneth at the end of the day, so just shut up and eat your slice of Gwyneth.
B
He was just bragging. He's just bragging that he knows what Cypriot bread tastes like. He's like, oh, I know what Cypriot Greek bread tastes like. Well, congratulations. This is olive and rosemary. Okay, that's gonna be delicious. Get over it.
A
While Jasmine is sticking to tried and tested med Tranian, Poiman is going for a more exotic ingredient. She's over there cooking with wedding dress scraps. She's like, real brightzilla.
B
So she's got morning glory. And. And I was like, what's morning glory? And poi man says, it's a Chinese vegetable. And pause. Well, it's a bit limp. And then they all start giggling. He's like, what? And Pru's like, stop that. Stop that. It's funny. A bit limp is what I told Rod Stewart after he tried to do me after he sang Maggie May once. It's not a good story, but it's relevant to the moment.
A
She is making festival basin monkey bread with coriander. Red. Red beans. Is that what she said? Yeah, red beans, ginger curd, pastel. So this one sounds crazy and it has, like, big flowery things coming off of the top.
B
Yeah. So she's got a lot of different. It looks really cool. But she's got a lot of. She's got a lot of ball aspirations because again, they all have to make these balls that they're going to be putting into a bunt pan, which I also want to do this because I bought, like, three different bunt pans. I was like, these are all so cool. I'm just gonna make lots of fun bunt cakes and it'll just be so fun, and that'll be, like, my thing. And then I like, never make bunt cakes. I have these bunt pans. So I think I'm gonna make a monkey bread in my cool bundt pans. Just so you know, just letting everyone.
A
Know, I would love to make a monkey. It looks hard, though. It looks really, really hard. I don't know if this is something I should start on. I've never. Pardon. You guys. So disgusting. I'm so sorry.
B
No, I'm just laughing because you. You, like. You had, like a gasp. You're like, I've never.
A
It seemed like normally I would mute or something, but that one just came.
B
On, so it's a fast one.
A
Yeah, I didn't see that coming on. But, yeah, I'm not really. I haven't proven myself, no pun intended, in the bread genre. And I don't.
B
I just.
A
I don't know. I don't know that I have the confidence to make it, but after seeing all of these, I just want bread filled with, you know.
B
Yeah.
A
How do you make sure it's all cooked evenly and stuff? Like, how is it not all goofy on the inside?
B
Just cook it, man. I don't know, but I. I have to say. Well, that's why you're doing in a bundt pan maybe, because the bundt pan will, you know, there's a lot of surface area for the heat to come into. But I looked up some monkey bread recipes last night. A lot of them are actually, like, cinnamon roll type. Like, I. I wonder if that's like, a classic monkey bread, maybe almost like a cinnamon bun. And like, the one I would.
A
Cheesy and garlicky. I want kind of like a caramelized, like a cheesy garlic knot type thing.
B
I want like, a caramelized onion garlicky thing with, like, lots of, like, everything. Bagel seasoning. That's what I would love. Just like, don't you love, like, a caramelized onion? Like a focaccia with caramelized onions sort of in it or on it?
A
I love caramelized onions with anything. Yes.
B
Like, starving right now.
A
I'm getting there.
B
Let me just.
A
This damn show.
B
Let me just calm myself down now from this monkey bread talk. Okay? So she is gonna be making this with, like, morning glory and everything.
A
And Paul's like, well, it sounds off, Paul. Because she's like, oh, do you like milk bread? I hope you like it, too, because it's not in your recipe book. And why not, Paul? And he's like, it is, actually. And she's like, oh, sorry. So that was a huge fail because.
B
Ouch.
A
You know?
B
Yeah.
A
I don't know where she got down some pa. Probably set her up with that. Like, oh, God, Paul doesn't even have a milk bread in his thing. She's like, I'm gonna repeat that. Get Paul. And it felt.
B
What if it's a lie? I almost want to look up his. His cookbook and see if he has milk bread in there, because part of.
A
Me feels like, let's look it up.
B
I'm gonna look it up right now. I've got a service.
A
Hollywood milk Bread.
B
I'm looking up. I have a thing called Eat your.
A
Books Milk loaf from how to Bake by Paul Hollywood. Yep, it's in there.
B
Well, you know what? Stop yelling. Stop yelling.
A
And on Reddit, he. There's something called bread it. Which I like, I would subscribe to. I'm gonna subscribe to that. Paul Hollywood's milk loaf bread. Let's see what people say about it. It doesn't look that impressive, but I think because it's. Because it's a homemade thing. It's soft and dense, but there's no moisture in it. Maybe more like a brio. It was really good. His recipes are great. That's what they said.
B
Milk love. Wow. Is it like a milk. Is this. This bread is. Someone says this bread is a revelation. Is this like a milk bread the way like an Asian milk bread? Or is it just a bread that's like, made with milk? And is there a difference?
A
That's what I don't know. Because the recipe is not actually in here. You want me to look at it? Because there's country skill blog, Country Skills for modern Life says this bread, I have to tell you, is a revelation. A genuine flavor of my continental childhood. The first taste was one of those Madeline moments where tom pe away and you're no more than five or six years old again, standing in your childhood kitchen with a slice of bread and butter in your hand.
B
Heaven.
A
Or like this morning in my house. I mean, what the hell? You know, it's one of those recipe blogs where they're like, oh, my God, I died. This takes me back to the time where I was five or six and I first saw daddy come home with a bowling ball. It's like, what does this have to do. Tell me how to make the bread.
B
Well, I just don't know if, like, if his is just a bread with milk versus milk bread, which is like a Japanese type of bread. And that's what. I don't know. Okay.
A
Flour, butter, sugar, skim milk, instant yeast, salt, olive oil, and extra milk. You know what, for a milk wash before baking. It's bread with some milk in it.
B
That's it.
A
Well, but it doesn't look soft like the one you're talking about. So I think.
B
I don't know if it's. I think his is just a bread that has milk in it.
A
Yeah, I just thought it's also pretty standard milk.
B
I'm getting angry. I'm getting angry now. I'm getting angry because he made poi man feel bad. And I'm like, is his a Japanese milk bread, or is it just a bread that's milky?
A
Okay, well, now I'm gonna look up Japanese milk bread. Japanese milk bread. Let's see if it looks the same.
B
Japanese milk bread has a whole look like.
A
Oh, that's not the same thing. No, that's like, very soft. It's like, kind of got like a brioche.
B
Yeah.
A
It's got, like a certain Hawaiian roll or whatever. Like, buttery, fluffy top. Yeah. This is a different bread. That's what she meant, Paul.
B
That's what she meant. Paul.
A
Ramis, you ignorant milk.
B
You milk breadist.
A
I didn't even realize that he was being problematic there. I'm glad you brought.
B
It's actually a little bit problematic. It is.
A
Ye. I dare you. You don't. He's like, you. I do make milk bread. It's like, no, Paul, she's talking about the real milk bread, not your dense ass country shit.
B
Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.
A
Oh, God. I'm glad you looked it up. So I can just apologize now and not have to apologize later.
B
The Great British Bake off favorite flavors. I'm sorry, that is a cookbook. Page 250. Japanese milk bread.
A
But is it bipolar?
B
It's credited to Paul and Pru.
A
Oh, okay. Because his other milk bread recipe was just regular. Okay, so you know what? I apologize, Paul. I'm the problematic one, and I can admit when I.
B
To be fair. Wait, but to be fair, that was in the Great British Bake off cookbook. It was not in Paul Hollywood's. Paul Hollywood has milk loaf.
A
You're right. That was different. Okay, you know what?
B
So, like. You know what?
A
Like, okay, apologies.
B
It was not inherently in your tome. It was more like you got credit in the Great British Bake off, and they probably just slapped your name on it. Let's be honest.
A
This is like one of those shows where I know 90% not of what I speak. And so I'm just gonna go off and start yelling at people and then find out later that I was completely wrong about everything that I said. And you know what? I've just. It's something I've learned to accept over the years. So, you know, anyone who's hitting their steering wheel right now and calling me horrible names, you're right. Okay, enjoy it. Enjoy it.
B
I have to say, it's Rosh Hashanah today, and I love starting off the new year by. By taking this dance on Paul Hollywood, that he was making up his milk breads. Yeah.
A
Do better in the new Jewish year.
B
Paul, thank you. Thank you.
A
All right, so now Noel is telling us, you know, the judges are expecting flavors that pack a punch. And now we go over to Natalia, who's super into bacon, guys. She loves bacon, and she's like a bacon. It's so delicious. And she's really into it. So we see her loves it. Yeah, she just loves bacon. I don't know. I don't want to get in my bread, but I'm, you know, I don't eat.
B
No, I'm okay with it. Then we go to Tom, who is our very. Our resident very serious anal gay. He's our. He's our hot anal gay. And he's like. So today we are calling it a French degustation because it sounds fancy. I know, but really, it's just some very simple French flavors. Croque monsieur inside one, French onion soup inside another. Steak and peppercorns in the final one. Okay, Tom, relax. This guy being like. It's just simple flavors. Just a steak and peppercorn and croque monsieur. I mean, they are kind of simple, but, like, that's.
A
This ain't French until you put freedom fries in there.
B
Until I see Gerard Depard, you sweat glazed on top of your monkey bread. It ain't French. Okay.
A
But I like it because the drawing has little croissants all over it, you know?
B
Yeah.
A
He's like, don't forget croissants. I love croissants. Even though there's nothing croissant about it. But he's not gonna let you forget. The croissants are amazing.
B
So is he putting French onion soup on the inside? I guess he's just putting in a bunch of caramelized, like, probably like brandy soaked onions.
A
Well, from the picture, it looks like he's doing caramelized, like, balsamic onions or something, and as a filling. And then he's got, like a dip thing in the middle that you dip it into.
B
Sounds actually amazing.
A
Delicious. We need.
B
Sounds like exactly what I want.
A
I actually have plans this afternoon, and I might cancel them because I'm.
B
I am literally.
A
I'm.
B
I'm considering making a monkey bread. I'm not even joking.
A
I want monkey bread. Let's do it. All right. Let's just pick one, and let's have a monkey bread off.
B
I have a cookbook, actually. It's a. I'm so excited because I have a cookbook that I picked up. I had it for like a year and a half, maybe two years. I Finally bought it and I still have yet to cook from it. It's called savory baking because I just love the idea of that. I love savory bakes and she has like a few different monkey breads in it. And today may be the day that I finally cook from savory baking because this is. I. I cannot look at these drawings of monkey bread any longer. And. And there's still so much more bread on this episode. But really it was about the monkey bread, you guys. I actually rarely, can I say I rarely care about the star baking thing. It's usually some over the top thing that's like, not like a realistic bread that I would have on my day to day life. But it's always. I think it's this, the signature bake, that's the one that I really like because it's like I could see this being served to me and eating it, you know?
A
Yeah, well, you know, let's do it today. That's going to be the rest of our day after this bread off.
B
Monkey bread it is, baby.
A
So let's see. They don't want too much, too much moisture in there.
B
I love our listeners having to be subjected to our real time descent into monkey bread madness.
A
But that's what these shows do, right? Like Project Runway. You start sewing something. Top Chef is on, we start cooking things. Now I'm like, it's time to do some baking. I mean, some of this stuff just is too incredible. Also, I would love to be one of those people who's like a cake gay, you know, who's like, oh, there's Ronnie. Like, my friend Zabeth is a really good baker and she does. She's actually really good at bread too. I'll never forget a bread. A sourdough. She made one. It was incredible. I just couldn't believe someone could do that at home. And she's a cake gay. Like, she brings cakes to people and it's just such a beautiful, like she. It was just such a beautiful thing to do. And everybody. I mean, Zabeth is also a really good person and really funny. So people remember her for like her talent, but really it's all about the bread. Like at her. Like, if she passes before me, I mean, I think I'll skip everything about what a good friend she is and just go straight to the cakes because, wow, you only have a limited time in a funeral. And I think I'm gonna remind people.
B
Like, you gotta make it a tight. You gotta do a tight, tight five. Not even type. I'M tight two.
A
I literally just killed my friend in a recap for no reason. Sorry, Zabeth, but I love your cakes. Okay, so let's go over to Nadia. The judges go over to her. Nadia's monkey bread is from Calabria, where her dad is from. And there's sun dried tomato and black olive. And she's foraged some wild garlic, which.
B
Is pretty cool because that means, I guess that's. I'm assuming this was filmed in the spring because that's when you were going to get your like green garlic and wild garlic.
A
I mean, that stuff to go through the FDA first. I'm not going to have your hand picked poop grown crap.
B
But the FDA in Britain is called the Food and Darcy Administration. It's like we discuss food and Mr. Darcy. Should he have really gotten with her? I'm not sure.
A
The Fausti Tolerance Association. So let's see the gay donut child.
B
She. I love, I love the vision for this monkey bread because it's just filled with garlic and pesto. Just everything and olives. Everything that I could ever dream of. And I also love how she says, she says garlic in this way. She goes, garlic, garlic, garlic. She keeps. Yeah, she's like, she does. She's like making some garlic. I'm like, okay, all right, we'll have some garlic. And let's hold back on the spit.
A
Yeah, she has that in her accent. I like it though. So Paul's like, you nicked that from the field, did you? She goes, yeah, an otter spool right by mine. It's good. And he's like, yeah, now I know where it is. I'm gonna go steal your garlic. So just wait.
B
Just as a recap, I just want as a recap, the garlic that you're eating is from a place called Otter's Pool. So just know that's what's going in your mouth is some Otter's Pool garlic. Daughter was swimming in this. Okay.
A
Another thing I really like about this show is all the prep that goes into it, because not only do we get this artwork that somebody. I mean, there's probably a whole team that does this artwork, but they actually practice all these recipes. Like they know what they're gonna have to make and they are given time at home to actually make it. It's like getting picked to go to Fashion Week before you even know you're going to be on Project Runway. You know, they're like, here's everybody. Do your thing before you go. So they've already practiced all these recipes and that's why they can be so intricate and delicious.
B
Yeah, I just heard a thump outside. But a good thump. The thump of something arriving at my doorstep. And I'm gonna have Dom. Oh, bring it in because I was.
A
Gonna say I hope Zabeth didn't just fall off your roof because I just killed her.
B
Recap. I brought you a cake.
A
Oh, no. Did someone mention my case? So what do you think it is? What was delivered to you?
B
I know what it is, and I want to open it up here on the. On the thing. But I'm hoping that Dom can just bring it in so that way I don't have to step away. Oh, excited?
A
Yeah.
B
It's related to what we're talking about.
A
I love a packaging unopening. Okay, so now let's see. Nadia talks about her bread. The picture is gorgeous Italian monkey bread, pesto, black olive, garlic. And then she said they all stink of garlic in her family. And then we go over to Toby, who's.
B
And by the way. And I. And I don't doubt it because the amount of wild garlic she poured on this thing was. It was so aggressive that I thought for sure Paul was gonna have a fit later on, you know, because he's. He's got delicate taste for as much.
A
I'm a garlic man. Lebanese people, we love that too. I mean, it's in everything. You had dinner at my house the other day. Did you wake up garlic infested? Did you smell yourself?
B
No, I was fine. I'm really. I. Well, because I'm a garlic myself. I'm a garlic monster. Like, oh, yeah. I feel bad for people who are around me. It probably comes out of my pores. But you know what? Sorry. Sorry.
A
So let's do. Is making a pesto for his. And a couple of people are making pestos today. Love a pesto. And he is trying. I don't know, he's kind of boring.
B
His past that we already know sucks because. Because we just saw Nadia pour an entire foraged fields worth of wild garlic onto hers. And his is like. He put like a few, like two cloves of garlic into a food processor. I'm like, you know, you're not gonna. You're not gonna say. She's a real Italian, first of all. And you're not. Your pesto is just not gonna. Is not gonna match up. I'm sorry. It just won't.
A
Yeah. Well, also, his pick. In his picture, his bunt is very ridged. He's using like a very ridged thing. And it's Very, I don't know, straight and narrow when all the other ones look like big balls full of stuff. His just. His doesn't really look like that. I need biz balls full of things. Toby, his.
B
This is a deep cut, a specific cut. But his bunt pan looks like the haircut of that lady Diane who was on British Traders. Remember her? Who had the son.
A
Yes.
B
So to those people who have also watched that, you'll get my reference. Oh, God.
A
That was a good show. That was a good season. So Toby's ode to Italy will be a parmesan topped monkey bread with porcini mushroom flavored dough balls and nuts filled with this tried and tested green pesto and red pesto. So he's like, well, right after that he goes, I've never actually made red pesto before, you know. Okay, well, is it tried and true or not? Or is only the green tried and true and you're just gonna wing it with the red? What's in red pesto anyway?
B
Blood.
A
Fairy, donut child blood. You already know. We love Virgin Voyages. This cruise line is more iconic than Ramona Singer's Runway walk.
B
We're talking all inclusive, everything. WiFi, dining, entertainment, group fitness classes. Everything is included. No hidden fees, no surprise charges.
A
And unlike most of the cast of the Valley, all Virgin voyages trips are 100% kid free. No room for loud toys and crying kids to drown out the sounds of the ocean.
B
The destinations are amazing too. Some highlights, Aruba, St. Lucia, New York, Miami, Iceland. And a below deck favorite, the Medicine.
A
Oh, my God. The boats are beautiful. They're so modern. The rooms are just so luxurious. I love all the colored lighting in there, the balconies.
B
I also just love that they are tailored for adult experiences. That makes me so happy.
A
Make your next vacation a fabulous one with Virgin Voyages.
B
Learn more@virginvoyages.com or contact your travel advisor. The other day I ordered from Wayfair this really cool little side table for here in this office. So that way if I ever needed my laptop, I could put my laptop on it right next to my desk setup, which was really cool. But what I've since found is that this cute little table works really well as almost like a TV table. I can bring it upstairs, I can put a drink on it while I watch tv or if I'm watching a game because, you know, I am a sports gay. I enjoy my football. I can have my little snacks right there while I recline on the sofa. I just love my cute little table. I really do.
A
Yeah. And when you Think of game day. You might not think Wayfair, but you should. Because Wayfair is. Is the best kept secret for incredible and affordable game day finds.
B
Yeah, Ronnie, you're totally right. For instance, like, aside from my cute, adorable little table, there's like plenty of outdoor tailgating. Things like coolers and grills and folding chairs and patio heaters. Things like that.
A
Recliners, TV stands, coffee tables, entertainment centers, serveware, bakeware, entertainment, cookware. Like slow cookers. They've got everything that you need for game day. Wayfair is your trusted destination for all things game day. From coolers and grills to recliners and slow cookers. Shop, save and score today@wayfair.com.
B
That'S W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair Every style, every home. Red pesto. Well, as we all know, red pesto is. It's just strawberries, you know, strawberry jam. It's British jams and jellies. Literally everything. It's a jam pesto.
A
It's a Sicilian style sauce made primarily from sun dried tomatoes, nuts and garlic.
B
Oh, I have had that. Actually. I have had that sounds. Guys, guess what? I've had it. I've had it. You can all be impressed. I've had it.
A
I know it's often making that as well. Sun dried tomatoes, nuts and garlic. What kind of nuts? Let's see. Probably.
B
Okay, well, while you wait, we're gonna look that up. Wait, give me 10 seconds. The door is just on the other side of this. Give me just 10 seconds.
A
Okay, you do it. I'm gonna look at it. So I just looked up a red pesto sauce. Let's see what story comes with this one. In my years of cooking as a habits expert, I've learned that a good sauce can completely transform a meal. Okay, an ad just popped up. And sauces do not need to be complicated in order to be good. I have a few sauces that I fall back on all the time. This is a three ingredient. Whoa. That's crazy. Pesto Rosso, or red pesto sauce, is a delightful Sicilian inspired sauce. You know, I'm actually disappointed that this one doesn't come with a story. Like when I was a child, I first stumbled upon red pesto. This one actually is just telling you about the pesto. And now I resent this person for not telling me a story. Like, you're not gonna win.
B
You know, first of all, update. I hurt my toe in the process of doing this. I'm opening this up because it's almonds.
A
You put in there.
B
That's what they use almonds into. Red pesto.
A
Yeah, Red pesto, almonds, garlic, olive oil. This looks amazing. Oh, my God.
B
Doing an unboxing. Live unboxing as well.
A
Basil and rosemary.
B
I received two cookbooks. The New Samin Nose Rack Cookbook.
A
Good things.
B
Good things. It's a pretty good sulfat acid heat. And I'm wondering you if. Do you think she has bread recipes in here? She must.
A
Ooh, let's have a milk. A milk bread off.
B
She must. She's a real bread person. Okay. Yeasted breads and waffles. She has an entire chap. I love that. She has an entire chapter dedicated to both breads and waffles. Okay. Three, six, seven.
A
I'm into that. That's great. By the way, if you guys haven't watched Salt fat acid heat on Netflix. Great, great documentary. Check it out. Food documentary.
B
Yeah.
A
God.
B
You know, I will. I will skim through this while we. While we recap, because we don't have to sit here. Watch me turn every single page in this book.
A
Okay.
B
Do you think she has a monkey bread recipe, though? Because that.
A
What was the other one? Are you only showing one thing now? We're gonna wonder what's in the box. I'm gonna be like, what was the other thing in the box?
B
Showing one thing because I'm deranged right now. It's a Thai cookbook called Lana.
A
Oh, nice. So, God, your cookbook collection is.
B
I. I have to stop.
A
It's huge.
B
Stop. I've decided that I'm. I've decided that I'm going to start making videos where I review cookbooks. That's what I've decided everywhere.
A
That's what you should do. You definitely should do that and use that share, Right? Books. Yeah, you should totally do it. Yeah.
B
And it motivates me to actually cook from the cookbooks because I feel like you should probably have, like, five. You should have cooked five things from a. From a cookbook before you can speak authoritatively about it, right?
A
I think so. Yeah.
B
Sure, sure.
A
That sounds good. I just look stuff up on the Internet. That's my cookbook, and then I memorize it, and then I cook it wrong every time going forward and never get anything tasting exactly the same. So anyway, okay, so Natalia is doing her family table monkey bread, okay. And it's going to be stuffed with cheese, bacon, onions, and, guys, they're a nod to big Ukrainian tarin shared loaves. Okay.
B
Just Was no monkey bread. No monkey bread or milk? Milk bread in Sabine Nose Rats new book. So really burst my bubble there.
A
Yeah. No debate today, then. Guess that's over. All right, everybody, thanks for coming to the show.
B
Okay. Ukrainian terror and shit. Well, no, this is not tarantara. This is monkey bread. There apparently is a difference between tear and share and monkey bread, by the way, that comes up later.
A
Okay. I mean, I wouldn't know the difference, but this is also technically a share. A bread that you tear and share. So I don't know. So she makes this every Sunday, and it reminds her of the Ukraine, guys. And so Noel's like, there's still quite a bit of emotion in your bread. I love. I love you in your bread. I love depression in bread. I'd love. What a delicious ingredient in bread. You know, it's good in bread loss. God, I love it. Taste.
B
Taste. I love an emotional monkey bread.
A
I love misery bread. Misery bread.
B
Delicious. So then we. That now they go up to Leslie. Leslie's the. She's the Gran, right? She's the one that you love. I believe it's at this.
A
I feel like her. She's not a she. Oh, that's Mabel. Yeah. Yeah.
B
Look what she's like, everything I do, I do for Mabel.
A
Like, what happened to Mabel? She has a Jerry Herman song. As a. As a daughter. Like, how do I not love this woman?
B
Because, okay, she loves Mabel. So she's making a Stilton pear and walnut monkey bread, which sounds nice, although just not as exciting to me as all that garlic stuff that was going on with other people. And Leslie is like, so I'm gonna chop up the. Chop the pears up, and I'm gonna mix it in with the Stilton. And Paul's like, how much Stilton? It's like, I think 120 grams. It's like, oh, 120 grams. Not a lot. She's like, you think it should be more? He just shrugs. Paul, you obviously think there should be more. You just said it's not a lot, so just say it. Just say, put in a little bit more.
A
Yeah. Because he'll be telling you in about 20 minutes. That wasn't enough. So now everyone's looking at their bread, checking up, you know, now the bread is doubled in size. Now we can shake the dough balls, guys. So let's ensure the monkey bread is bursting with miserable flavor. So we watch everybody fill their bread up. Should we just go to the judging? Yeah, let's go.
B
Yeah.
A
We're gonna be here for challenges left.
B
I already. I already Stopped in the middle of this recap to go fetch an Amazon box. So they're doing the normal thing. Well, we can give a high level thing of what's some of the issues that are happening. One thing is that Nadia and Poiman, their balls took a long time to, to, to finish up, so theirs had had less time to prove and less time in the oven. And it became a drama. And then at one point, one of my favorite parts was when they are removing their monkey breads from their bunt. Their bunt pans. Like the narrator, at some point, one of them says, if, like, if you. The bakers must release their monkey balls carefully and delicately from their pants. That way nothing breaks apart. And then it just cuts to Nadia being like, he's like shaking it like crazy. It's like, oh, no. And the balls go flying everywhere.
A
Toby and Aaron do not have proved bread, so they're worried. Poimons is looking better than it did at home. So that's good. And Toby's like, something is going to have to be sacrificed, unfortunately. I've chosen my boyfriend. I've chosen my boyfriend.
B
Toby's straight. No, Toby's a straight as one as well.
A
You're right. Toby, old, straight, white. Yeah, Toby's a straight one.
B
Yeah.
A
So I'm gonna, I'm gonna. Okay, I will, I'll sacrifice the. I'll sacrifice the insecure gay guy's boyfriend.
B
How's that? So, yeah, but his is. Yeah, his is not rising, which is crazy. It's just a, it's a.
A
30 minutes left. 30 minutes left. And so, you know, everybody's running around. And on this show, running around means literally staring into the oven going, oh, my God, please work, please work, please work.
B
Yeah, like one person's totally losing their mind, which in British means oh, heavens. So that was it. So then now we. Now it's time for the judges to judge. So they go to Ian first that we see his Irish cheese board monkey bread, which kind of looks like a big orange brain with seeds on it. If you, if you really think about it.
A
Yes, I'm, I'm looking at that. This one looks crazy. Irish cheese board monkey bread. This looks crazy. It looks like a mangled person with bad skin. I don't know. Here, can we show it on the. We should show it on the thing so people can see what I'm talking about. It looks, it's, it's disturbing looking. I have to say. It looks like a brain. Maybe like a brain with bad skin or like a brain with some kind of disease. Here, I'll put it up here. Sure.
B
Screen.
A
Give me the window, baby. Give me this window. Okay.
B
Come on. We gotta share this Irish cheese board. There it is.
A
Yeah. That doesn't look great. Ian's. Yeah, so that's Ian's. Okay, so Paul loves the setup. The bake looks great. Strong color. You can see individual bowls, which is great. And one has individual bowls. Love indie bowls. In the bowls of where it's at. So there's blue cheese and pear and fennel, and in another one, there's a harder cheese, and it has apple and caramelized onion. And for the last, there's a brie style with BlackBerry and rosemary. Now he likes it because Pru likes it. Paul says it's superb. He loves the nuts in there.
B
Okay, well, the nuts.
A
You know what? Pear and blue cheese go together, and that's just a fact.
B
I love your balls, but they're nuts in there too. I was like, paul, you have to listen to these words as they come out. You know what I'm also getting sick of? I'm sick of Paul that when he. Oh, actually, I'm sorry. This is. That's for later. I'm gonna pause. I'm gonna. This. This. This complaint I'm gonna save for later. The starbreaker challenge. But he likes it. It does well. And we think that Ian is on a good path because Ian is a bread guy, and so, like, oh, he's living up to it. So now that we move to Leslie's monkey bread, and it's Leslie's family favorite. F A V O U R I T E monkey bread and bruise like, well, I think that looks really appetizing. It's interesting that you've used so many seeds. Who asked for so many seeds? Certainly there wasn't anyone here who asked for lots of seeds. It's crazy. Where'd you get that mandate from?
A
It's like the bottom of a bird cage in it. Yeah, Bird brain. You're the one who made her do it. You guys are gaslighters.
B
Also, what sort of inefficient birds are you keeping around that they don't eat all their little seeds? The birds love the seeds, right?
A
Yeah. Take your birds off weight loss meds if that's your bird cage.
B
Okay.
A
And Leslie kind of gives them one of her murderous looks, and she's like, okay, well, I've got a pair Stilton and walnut monkey bread. I can't wait to talk about how fat you've gotten in my hair salon. And Pru likes it. Paul really loves the flavor of the pear, but the Stilton is lacking. Okay, he needed a bit more Stilton in there, which is why I said, did you mean to only use 130 grams of stilton?
B
Pretty much. That's exactly what he did. Now we go to Tom, the very serious anal Danish gay, and he's the one who made the French degostation monkey bread, which seems to be served with some sort of hollandaise or an aioli or whatever. It looks. It looks good. You know, it's interesting because they ding someone, I think Poiman later, for not glazing her monkey bread. And here, his does not look very glazed. I just want to point that out. But he has made lots of miniature croissants. We were like, what do the croissants have to do with anything in the drawing? But there's actually. It's like a scattering of croissants. It's like a very fancy bird's cage. It's like, oh, this looks like the. A French bird's cage where there's nothing but tiny croissants at the bottom of it.
A
Yeah. And this one's colorful, which I like. There's greens and oranges and the white one. This one looks very nice. It does look like individual little rolls. And, you know, I like that his croissants are just. What do you call it? Like, when someone has too much money? Like, is. They're just decadent. Like, they don't need to be there. They're not part of the actual thing. It's just like. Also, I had time to make croissants as well.
B
They also look kind of pale. Those are some pale croissants as well. I just want to point out they're.
A
Pale in the right places. That's what I like to call myself. Like, under my arms, my butt, under my moobs. It's like pale in the right places. This basically looks like me without a shirt, these little croissants.
B
So Paul likes. He's like, the flavors are great. Punchy, strong. Spot on. So when he says it's punchy and strong, that means there's like one black peppercorn in there. He's like, oh, it's on the verge of being too hot. So then Pru Prue is saying, oh, I love that croc monsieur. I spent two years in Paris as a student. I lived on Monsieur. Literally. There was a man that I would call croc monsieur and I'll just climb up on him. I said, rodham Cowboy. But, yeah, it tastes great.
A
Oh, when I lived in Paris, I lived on monsieur. So Prue, more like cock.
B
Monsieur, like monsieur mercy or cook. See what I'm saying here? Yeah.
A
Like, Pru, come back to the five and dime. Pru, Pru, Pru, Pru, come back. So let's go over to Natalia's bread. Let's check out what it looks like here. And here it comes, everybody. Here it comes. This is Natalia's family table. Monkey bread. This looks pretty good. I mean, they all look pretty good right now that we're looking at a lot. A lot of them look very similar. And they are all very seed heavy.
B
Well, yeah, exactly. Very seed heavy. Honestly, I love a seed heavy bread. Like, I think that's like where seeds shine. Shine, shine, shine. So Paul is like, well, the balls are quite big, which makes it more of a tan share than a monkey bread. I'm like, you know what? More like you're. You know, you're a tear and share more than a monkey bread sometimes, Paul.
A
And why is that bigger than anyone else's as those. They're not any bigger than Leslie's. Did he tell her were too big. They're no bigger than Ian's. Ian's are way better.
B
So absolutely. Why is her. Why are. Yeah, what's wrong? Why can't. Why can't. You know what? Maybe hers is taller. I bet hers is a little taller. Too tall.
A
And now that I look at it, maybe it's because her. Some of those other ones with big pieces are actually a couple of pieces of bread stacked on each other. Where I think these probably baked into each other.
B
You know, it is a bit tear. And sherry, I'm not gonna lie. I think taren share is more like the monkey bread has to be like balls. I think it has to be like. Or ballish or ball adjacent layers of balls. Like loads. These are like. This is like. This is like a. There's like a ring of. Of bread Druids that got together and stuck together. Stuck shoulders. A shoulder or something.
A
Yeah, it's like a. But also, I just like to point out, while we're talking about consistency and judging is seeds. There's tons of seeds on this. He doesn't say anything about that. Why is he okay with these seeds, not the other seeds?
B
He's really. He's really lost the thread. I think when it comes to this.
A
He's lost the seed thread.
B
He has. Okay, so now we go to Jessica's picnic season monkey bread, which looks good. It's got some char in places But I like the size of it. It's kind of like a big disc and it's got, like, pools of mozzarella or something. Or blue cheese, I guess.
A
So Paul loves different than all the other ones. And it looks like. Yeah, there's a lot of melty cheese all over the. Over, like, burnt cheese kind of. And it looks gooier than the other ones, which I like.
B
This looks really into this. I could get into this one. Wow. I'll tell you one thing. All of her clothes off. More like all of her. Oliver. Monkey bread is delicious. Well, I don't know.
A
In the world of drag king names is probably not that far off base, you know?
B
Yeah. Nadia's monkey bread. So her. Her whole thing is that her monkey bread isn't the same together because she shook it violently out of her pan, so it's all falling apart. So she kind of, like, stuck it together with all this pesto. Honestly, I'm not mad at it. I don't mind a pre. Pre pulled apart monkey bread. Like, it's still gonna do the same. Same. It's gonna be the same effect. I'm gonna go in there.
A
There's just, like, one. Well, I mean, we're only looking from one angle, but we can only really see one loose thing right here in this area.
B
It's like a blue onion.
A
Great. Yeah. And I think adding all the green, like all the fresh green was actually really smart because it does look so much fresher and new, darling. It's new and fresh and interesting.
B
Yeah. Yeah. Well, and then here's what's funny, too. So Prue says, I quite like that. I mean, I love a milk loaf because it's a little bit cakey, and I think it's really delicious. So I'm like. See, this just goes to show, they are talking about a different milk loaf than what. What point man was talking about.
A
Yeah. And we're gonna have to let the milk loaf go, I guess, at some point. Man. I don't want to. I'm still thinking about it because now I want to make, like, both kinds and see how I can ruin both kinds.
B
Yeah. Yep. Toby, his is called Trey Skimmy. Which. Which means, I guess, three monkeys.
A
The Skimmy or the sh. The shimmy. Oh, the Skimmy. I guess it would be the Simmy or the Simmy.
B
Maybe it's Simi. It's probably Sime, like Simeon, like Trace.
A
I don't know. This one looks different than all the others, and this did come out with all the ridges and stuff, whereas the other ones look like big balls. This one, I don't think this one came out very good looking. It didn't come out good looking. We don't know what it tastes like. But this looks nothing like that drawing. Except for the ridges, the harsh ridges.
B
I mean, it's an abject failure. I think, like, it's cool that it took on the shape of the pan, but like, I don't know with like where I would like, like go in. Like, I feel like it's not approachable, you know, like, whereas. Whereas Natalia Nadia's, which was already kind of pre. Broken apart. I actually know exactly how I'm gonna approach it. I'm gonna go with that ball or that ball or that ball. But this is sort of like, do I slice it? Do I pick at it? How do I do it?
A
Yeah, I don't really know. Yeah, this one isn't like a grabby type thing, so. Yeah, this one's not great. Okay, who's next?
B
Jasmine. Jasmine's really good in general. Like, she's been really on point so far this season and she has a very good looking monkey bread here. It's got a nice ring shape. It's like cohesive, but it's definitely balls. You know, where you're gonna like pluck from. Paul's like, oh, this is very neat. The balls are all here. You can see everything. Clever, clever balls. I could just put my fingers around that ball and just touch the ball and pull at it and have a lot of fun with that ball, you know what I'm saying?
A
Really tickling the balls. There was really like little, you know, I could just guzzle these bowls. I could really just guzzle these bowls. It's fantastic work.
B
So she says, well, there's an olive and a rosemary one. Not coriander. Right? Because that's Greek cypr. You don't have. Do you know about. Have you heard of Greece before or Cypriot? No. Oh, I have. Just want to put that out there.
A
Yeah. So they love hers. And next up is, by the way.
B
And he even says it. He literally even says, he's like, like, I'm not getting the rosemary with the olive. I'd love to see more olive. And even then I would have always had coriander with an olive. I'm like, you know what? You have to really get. You have to get over this. This. It's not a Greek Cypriot monkey bread. And that's just how it's going to be, Paul.
A
Yeah, you need to get over it, Paul. Like seriously get, get rid of. We know It. We know you've. You've had the Cypriot before. Okay. We're all extremely, extremely impressed with you, Paul. Okay.
B
Yeah.
A
All right, let's look at Poiman's flowery thing, which I really like. So are. What. What are these flowery things? The festival basin monkey bread is what this is called. It looks gorgeous. She's got a bunch of little balls that are all put together of different colors, and then she's got these, like, red flower things coming out of it. Are those bell peppers? What are they?
B
They look sort of like bell peppers. I think they are bell peppers that have been shaped into sort of like blossoms.
A
Oh.
B
I have to say. Oh, no, the. Yeah, yeah, it is. I have to say that Pru suggests that it needed some glaze. And honestly, you can see it does. It does need some glaze, especially because the pesto kind of like sits on top of it in this weird kind of lumpy. Like, it just looks dry. You can. When they say that it needs more salt, it's almost like you can. You can almost see that it needs more salt. Unfortunately, I don't know. Really, you just can tell.
A
What does that look like? Somebody needs more salt.
B
It's like, I think when by not having that glaze on it with some shine, it like, you already. It already kind of like, looks kind of bland. And like, the shine tells you like, oh, this is gonna be like a delicious monkey bread with some. They'll be shiny and salty and yummy. And this is.
A
Well, yeah, because when we just looked at pictures of Japanese milk bread while we were talking about it, that is a very shiny, buttery looking top.
B
Yeah, right? Shiny top.
A
Yeah. We need a shinier top on this. Can I return this for a shinier top?
B
These balls need a shiny top. Okay.
A
This looks lacking in salt. I want to say that at a restaurant one day. I haven't tasted this yet, but it definitely looks like it's lacking in salt. Could you take that back? Thanks.
B
Hey, everyone. This is the end of part one of this recap for part two. Keep an eye on your podcast. Feed it coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Allison Block.
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Great British Baking Show Part One: Bread in the Face
September 24, 2025
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
This episode finds Ben and Ronnie in a “Bravo drought,” so they pivot their signature loving snark and ultra-detailed recapping skills to The Great British Baking Show (“Bake Off”)—specifically, Bread Week. The duo provides a deep-dive into all things carbs, from monkey bread technique disasters to playful tormenting of Paul Hollywood’s handshake legacy. Their tone is warm, irreverent, and obsessive—exactly what longtime “Crappens” listeners cherish.
This episode is classic “Crappens”—packed with loving mockery, deep food dives, bread-nerd tangents, cultural asides, and live fact-checking. Ben and Ronnie make a technical challenge hilariously accessible to non-viewers, all while fueling listeners’ carb cravings and channeling the warm, nerdy chaos of Bake Off itself.
You’ll walk away feeling both ravenous and up-to-date on every major bread arc, judge’s snub, and contestant triumph or flop—plus you’ll have a long list of monkey bread and milk bread trivia to lord over friends at your next brunch.
Tune in for Part Two for the rest of Bread Week and more “bread in your face” banter!