#3016 Below Deck Med S10E01 Part 1: Inspain in the Membrane

Summary

Watch What Crappens #3016 – Below Deck Med S10E01 Part 1: Inspain in the Membrane

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Release Date: September 30, 2025

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Episode Overview

Ben and Ronnie launch into their irreverent, joke-filled breakdown of the Below Deck Mediterranean Season 10 premiere, relishing their return to classic Below Deck after a disappointing main show run. Through playful banter, savage takedowns, and Bravo-lore references, the hosts introduce the new crew, weigh in on cast personalities, and delight in the return of staple series drama and maritime mishaps. Their signature tone, a mix of loving mockery and genuine enthusiasm, keeps the recap engaging and hilarious.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Return to Form for Below Deck Med

• Below Deck Main Show Dragged:
  Ben reflects on being happy for the Med reset after a “painful” last season of the regular show, lamenting “Instagram walls” and over-styled production gimmicks.

  “No Instagram walls, no, like, strange close ups of food and slow mo shots. ...To already have an episode that, like, kind of like returned us to some of the vibes of what Below Deck should be made me really happy.” (04:01 – Ben)

Predictable Dynamics But Embracing the Mess

• "Everyone's gonna hook up":
  Ronnie bets this season's storylines will center on cast hookups, poking fun at the show for thinking it’s boundary-pushing in 2025.

  “We've got a girl who wants to fuck everybody on the boat. …It's gonna be everybody fucking everybody. I think just like the other one, which, I mean, I didn't mind.” (04:59 – Ronnie)

• Ben is “sluttiness-neutral”:

  “Every below deck season, there's always gonna be some sluttiness that happens. I don't mind that it's there. I just don't need it to be so centered…” (05:38 – Ben)

• Callbacks to Old Reality TV:

  “We all watched Trishelle in the hot tub in Real World Las Vegas. This is like nothing new for us.” (05:51 – Ben)

Classic Below Deck Chaos Moments

• Maritime Mishaps Trump Romance
  The hosts love mechanical drama more than showmances, cackling over a jet ski knocking over a lamp.

  “What's more salacious to us is watching a jet ski dangle from a chain and knock over a lamp. Like, to me, I'm like, oh, that was it.” – (06:28 – Ben)
  Ronnie laughs at Sandy’s low-key handling:
  “And then Captain Sandy just holding onto the rope, being like, oh, steady it, steady it. Slow and steady.” (06:57 – Ronnie)

Cast Commentary and First Impressions

Captain Sandy & Aesha (Asia)

• Sandy’s Never-Changing Look

  “Now, let me tell you who's not changing her hair or her polyester capri pants. Ms. Captain Sandy, okay?” (07:36 – Ronnie)
  Ben notes appreciation for Sandy’s signature hair:
  “She's been going with her sort of like he-man bob for, like, at least, like, seven or eight years. ...I think it is the look.” (08:16 – Ben)

• Aesha's Energy & Engagement
  Aesha’s infectious positivity is lampooned as “a vocal hug,” and news of her engagement is shared, referencing Sandy’s influence and engagement to her partner.

New Crew Introductions:

• Max (the French deckhand’s return):
  The hosts admit they scrubbed Max from memory despite his “iconic” returning star edit.

  “He is so annoying. I don't know why Bravo is unleashing him on us again... his whole thing was that he was, like, really lazy. He was like a child.” (35:24 – Ben)

• Kizzy:
  Joke is made that her surname “Kitchener” dooms her to service. Her self-proclaimed decorative skills foreshadow future tablescapes and possible sociopathic tendencies:

  “Kizzy is a sociopath. Like, we start learning. This is, like, the first instance of it.” (65:27 – Ronnie)

• Josh (the Chef):
  Dismissed for “wacky clown” energy, with Ronnie declaring:

  “Nothing against clowns. It’s just that I hate you. All of you.” (18:36 – Ronnie)

• Christian (the pilot):
  Skepticism around his “flight attendant gave me her number” story.

  “I don’t believe that he got a number. ...No, I don’t believe you.” (16:41 – Ronnie)

• V (the stew from Florida):
  Shares a tragic backstory about her boyfriend drowning; they both process the dark story with shocking levels of humor.

  “Yeah, my story is really tragic. 11 months ago on my birthday, my boyfriend passed away…he drowned.” (63:08 – V + Ronnie/Ben)

Crew Diversity & Blonde Confusion

• Ronnie and Ben joke Bravo has abandoned crew diversity in favor of hiring interchangeable blondes, making it hard for even recappers to distinguish between new cast members.

  “Let’s just hire 20 blonde people, okay? I want three blonde girls that nobody can tell apart.” (15:05 – Ronnie)

Yachting & Crossing Crew Esoterica

• Recap of the “crossing crew”—the grim, off-season, delivery-only team who never sees guests and tends toward existential breakdowns.

  “It’s like working on a ghost ship… everybody turns into an alcoholic…like a horror show.” (24:53 – Ronnie)

• Captain Sandy’s deadpan regularity is mocked, especially with maritime law references and her unwavering capris.

Mocking Bravo, Boats, & Beyond

• Jokes about yachting reality, the relentless preference sheet meetings, and the endless parade of stews who can’t tell a t-shirt from a napkin.
• Skewering of the show’s attempt at plot structure (“nine months later” montages) and forced attempts at novelty, like over-dwelling on install-the-baby-crib bits.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the return to classic Below Deck:
  “To now have, like, a reset button and to already have an episode that like, kind of like, returned us to some of the vibes of what Below Deck should be made me really happy.” (04:01 – Ben)

• On the cast’s supposed ‘hookup energy’:
  “We've got a girl who wants to fuck everybody on the boat. ...Which we saw in the preview. We've got like every. It's gonna be everybody fucking everybody. I think just like the other one...I do need more toilet cleaning.” (04:59 – Ronnie)

• On the new chef, Josh:
  “Yeah, I already hate Josh, because we know that he's, like, a wacky clown from the previews. ...It's just that I hate you. All of you.” (18:36 – Ronnie)

• On the returning Max:
  “He was draining. I was like, the, the fact that they are promoting him, like, look at this guy. This iconic Blue D Deckhand.” (35:24 – Ben)

• Summing up the show’s priorities:
  “What’s more salacious to us is watching a jet ski dangle from a chain and knock over a lamp.” (06:41 – Ben)

• On crew diversity:
  “Let’s just hire 20 blonde people, okay? I want three blonde girls that nobody can tell apart.” (15:05 – Ronnie)

• On crewmember V’s tragic backstory:
  “My story is really tragic. 11 months ago on my birthday, my boyfriend passed away. ...he drowned.” (63:08 – V)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |------------|---------------------------------------------| | 04:01 | Ben on returning to old-school Below Deck | | 05:38 | The show’s focus on cast “sluttiness” | | 06:41 | Jet ski vs lamp is true Below Deck drama | | 07:36 | Captain Sandy’s hair and wardrobe | | 15:03 | Crew confusion and lack of diversity | | 18:36 | Intro to Josh the “wacky clown” chef | | 35:24 | Max returns – hosts’ negative history | | 63:08 | V’s boyfriend drowning story |

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Tone & Style

Throughout, Ben and Ronnie maintain their signature snark, deploying Bravo in-jokes, reality TV history, and rapid-fire riffing. They veer into absurd flights of improv (imagined crew member clones, crossing crew horror), mix in lighthearted social commentary (“Get a job hipster clown!”), and never miss the chance for a pun (Max’s “visual dildo” compliment).

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Takeaways (for Newcomers & Returning Listeners)

• Below Deck Med S10 promises the classic blend of maritime mishaps and oversexed crewmates, but Ben and Ronnie are primarily here for yacht drama, not romance.
• The hosts offer real-time confusion about the new cast, playful skepticism about cast stories, and a running meta-commentary on Bravo’s production choices.
• Fans can expect in-depth personality assessments, jokes expressing both exasperation and affection for the show, and running bits that will likely carry through the season.

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Stay tuned for Part 2 of their recap, where more meet-the-crew shenanigans, yacht cleaning montages, and wacky table-scape drama surely await!

Transcript

[Ronnie]

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[Guest or Additional Speaker]

What happens?

[Ben]

Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens?

[Ronnie]

Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there. Hello you little Bennoni. What you doing?

[Ben]

Hello. Hello. What am I doing? I'm hanging out with you. That's what I'm doing. What are you doing?

[Ronnie]

What a lovely time for you. It is same. Welcome to the show everybody. Today is below deck Mediterranean Day. Super with Captain Sandy in Asia. Super excited to talk about whatever mess this is going to turn out to be. Join us Monday night for Crappy Hour. That's our live show on Instagram where we Talk to you, talk about Bravo headlines, et cetera. That's at 5:30pm Pacific Time. Okay, thanks for being with us. We'll see you there. Find information over on our Instagram and if you want this on video, we do videos every day now for Patreon video recaps. Watch them over there if you want them for free. They come out a week later on YouTube, so go get them. We also do bonus episodes. This week we're doing the Megan show on Netflix. Megan, what's her best?

[Ben]

Love Megan.

[Ronnie]

Love Megan, guys. When Megan packs for a trip, she likes to make sure that she's packing things that go together. So it's like, I mean, she is dropping some major fucking knowledge on all of our heads. I've never really watched Megan do much. We recapped the interview she did with Oprah, right? Wasn't it Oprah?

[Ben]

Yes, years ago.

[Ronnie]

Years ago we did that. And I was like, what is this lady talking about? So we had to check out her show. Love, Megan. And wow, she's a basic bee, I'll tell you that. But it was fun watching it and we're gonna talk about it this week. So join us over on Patreon. But today, here we are for Blue deck Mediterranean Season 10, Episode 1 Raising the Bar. Seluna.

[Ben]

I see what you did there. Oh, I'm so glad to be on Below Deck Med. Mainly because I really disliked the last season of Blow Deck. It really went downhill for me and it was like every week was actually a bit. It got, like, more and more painful as it went along. So to now have, like a reset button and to already have an episode that like, kind of like returned us to some of, like, the. The vibes of. Of what Below Deck should be made me really happy. No Instagram walls, no like, strange close ups of food and slow mo shots. No, like, attempts to be flashy. We still had, like, that weird preference sheet meeting format, which it doesn't, like, bother me necessarily, but I just like the old way more. But, like, not a game changer for me. It just felt like, good to be back into like, like, like they experimented below deck. It was a failure for me. And now we're back to what we know best, which is like the below deck, you know, way of doing it show, like, etc. So I was like, really happy, honestly.

[Ronnie]

You know what's so cute about you? You're so, like, negative, but also so positive in the same breath because you're like, that one sucks. But I'm being positive about this one. Well, I got news for you. This one's going to be the same. The last one, you can already tell they're doing their whole like, okay, we've got a girl who wants to fuck everybody on the boat. You know, we've got that. Which we saw in the preview. We've got like every. It's gonna be everybody fucking everybody. I think just like the other one, which, I mean, I didn't mind. I didn't mind as much. It did start to bother me. I do need more toilet cleaning. But I did appreciate that this one focused a lot on cleaning toilets and cleaning. Yeah, yeah, you know what?

[Ben]

Look, every below deck season, there's always gonna be some sluttiness that happens. I don't mind that it's there. I just don't need it to be so centered and like, below deck thought it was doing something really clever and interesting by. By doing this. It was like, how many episodes in a row was Fraser like, Let me give you a little recap. Celine's kissing Jess. Jess is kissing Barbara. Barbara, Chris, Damo. Celine kissed Demo. Demo kissed me. Kyle kissed Celine. And I think we're all somehow supposed to put on a charger and like, I'm supposed to sit here and like, giggle at this. I was like, okay, you're so proud of yourself for having something slutty. Congrats. You're only 20 years late. We all watch Trishell on the. And the hot tub in real world Las Vegas. This is like, nothing new for us. So I just, like, I couldn't stand how much, like, they were. They put it front and center and were like, winking at the audience too, and thought they were being so funny and so salacious, and it was actually quite dull. And really, like, what's more salacious to us is watching a jet ski dangle from a chain and knock over a lamp. Like, to me, I'm like, oh, that was it.

[Ronnie]

That was it.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

I was yelling, my house. I was like, yes, get that lamp. And then when it came back and got it again, I was like, oh. Oh, you destroyed.

[Ben]

Finishing finish.

[Ronnie]

And then Captain Sandy just holding onto the rope, being like, oh, steady it, steady it. Slow and steady. Slow and steady.

[Ben]

Okay, come on, let's give this Jet ski a nap. Like, that, to me, is below deck. Okay? And it was like, nice to not have Fraser winking at the audience saying something like that Jet Ski, if it crashes once more, we may not even have a charter. And that would be a terrible thing. Like, Like, I just got so sick of Fraser's little, like, wink winks at the audience that I just was like, I just was so happy. Honestly, I've never been more happy to have blooduck med on. I'm. I'm not even joking.

[Ronnie]

Yes. And Asia has a good haircut. Listen, I like when shows are like, we're gonna improve by improving our cast's hair, because you know what? A good treatment can really improve a lot, and I think it teaches us all lessons as Americans. Do your hair. Condition your hair, you know, and get it to be a proper cut. Because, I mean, what a change. Now, let me tell you who's not changing her hair or her polyester capri pants. Ms. Captain Sandy, okay? And she even got to get upset about maritime law right at the beginning, which I loved, you know, so maritime law. Our favorite housewife showed up right in the first episode.

[Ben]

She was right there. And, you know, it's funny because that you talk about Captain Sandy's hair because we actually saw pictures of her when she formerly lived in Barcelona, and she had a short little thing going on there. And it's funny because she's. She's been going with her sort of like he man Bob for, like, at least, like, seven or eight years. And it's like, she's like, she. She did make that change once in her life, and now she's like, this is the look for me. And I think it is the look. I actually don't want her in any other sort of haircut.

[Ronnie]

Do you think she was like, asia, you know, I really enjoy your positive attitud. You're basically a vocal hug, which I appreciate, but I don't want you back here unless you get my hair cut. Okay? Then Asia's like, can I do it with mold conditioning? She's like, you know what? Use whatever white rain you want to. Okay, but you're gonna have my haircut also.

[Ben]

You know what? I was really happy to deal with or not deal with. I was really glad that we didn't have to deal with that bridge in St. Martin. Like, I was really over that bridge.

[Ronnie]

I'm so mad at that bridge. I still have issues with that bridge. I resent the bridge. I resent that bridge for never being willing to open up enough, like, do your job. Everybody else is doing their job. Why is nobody bitching that the bridge is not doing its job? Open wide.

[Ben]

I agree. Yeah. That bridge was the worst piece of concrete we've seen on blow deck since those dolphins a few seasons ago. Remember the dolphins? The. The quote unquote Dolphins that weren't actually dolphins, they were just, like, cement buoys to help, like, designate a ship parking spot. But then they have to worry about hitting them every single time. Like, look out for the dolphins. Be careful about the dolphins. Oh, I hated the dolphins. But the bridge came along and, like, you know, it's just. Dolphins are like a faint memory now compared to that bridge.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Okay, so we see what's going to be coming in the season. If you want to see this, you can. Oh, I guess the end thing is what we did. A bonus on the preview. If you want a preview of the season, you can check out the bonus on Patreon.

[Ben]

Yeah, they cut the trailer kind of in half. So they sort of have. It starts off with, like, a little bit of trailer, and then the end of the show is, like, more trailer. So we did actually cover this part, but they just sort of remixed it for this episode. But it's basically Nathan being like, oh, I thought this season would be. Would be easy, but it turns out it's hard.

[Ronnie]

So, yeah, boy, was I wrong. But in the end, it just turned into be the best because of this. And then we see a pregnant belly, and it's one of those things where, like, look, it's the bosun, and he can't put together a baby. You know, cage, whatever you call those, the baby crate. And I'm like, you're running the boat. This is supposed to be cute. Because you need to be able to figure, like, this out also, you know.

[Ben]

What'S, like, not cute in general, whether you're a boson or not. People trying to figure out, like, how to assemble baby cribs. Like, that's also been done, like, it's been, like, years. We get it.

[Ronnie]

They're hard.

[Ben]

Like, every single person, every single, like, comedy thing bit, like, look how hard.

[Ronnie]

It is to put together the script.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

You need to.

[Ben]

You need to have a. You need to have a master's in engineering in order to put this stuff together. It's like, we get it. Like, honestly, I just. Just build your crib. Just build your. I don't need the whole bit to go along with it. Just build it.

[Ronnie]

Also, like, if men are this inept at putting together a crib, just put a blanket on the floor and put your baby on a leash.

[Ben]

Like, seriously, gather some twigs, make a little wall and be done with it. Yeah, twig wall.

[Ronnie]

Just put it in a box, you know, like a box you get from Amazon or whatever. Just throw it in the box like a kitten. I mean, for Christ's sake. Do we need to be this fancy? What did caveman do? They use their Amazon boxes.

[Ben]

Isn't it surprising that there's not some, like, stupid hippie kind of trend to be like, we don't actually use cribs, we actually have a nest. It's like we're like. You actually build a nest with actual branches? Well, one of our rituals is that we go out into the woods and we gather twigs and branches and we come home and we make a nest for our baby. We actually feel like it's really important for a baby to be in a nest.

[Ronnie]

Their baby's all scar face, just like scarring all over the place.

[Ben]

They're just vomiting into their baby's mouth.

[Ronnie]

Felicia Silverstone does. Doesn't she do the baby feeding where you. The. What is it called? Baby bird feeding, where you chew up the food and you spit it in your kid's mouth?

[Ben]

I really didn't think that was a real thing.

[Ronnie]

Weren't taken away, I'll tell you that much.

[Ben]

She seems clueless.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, so. So Nathan gives us this whole, like, I don't know how to put together a baby crib. We see nine months later. So wait, you. You got pregnant and then you left right when the baby was born? What the fuck?

[Ben]

No, that's so. No, no, no, Ronnie. It's saying nine months later, like he was having this horrible charter the season, but then nine months later, pregnancy not saying.

[Ronnie]

Oh, I see.

[Ben]

It was pregnancy that nine months later he left to go up. Although that would be very on brand for a below deck boson.

[Ronnie]

Totally.

[Ben]

Well, I have a baby baby back in Fort Lauderdale.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. And then the baby could come out already a bosun. It could like, come out a bosun. And then we'd see an Instagram wall of the baby. And then it would just be like, I was abandoned by my father. And that is why I don't like to clean my room at night.

[Ben]

The baby's trying to FaceTime its umbilical cord. It's like, ah, I have an umbilical cord in Alaska.

[Ronnie]

Wah. Okay, so he's coming from Ireland. And now instead of Instagra or instead of the thing like last time where Fraser's like, hello, chica, it's me, your chief, Stu. Would you all like to meet for a cocktail beforehand so we can get to know each other? So instead of that, we get people doing selfie cams from airports and stuff. So we start with him, and it's very hot, but he won't complain. And then we see Aisha. And even in her FaceTime, she's just like.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

I can see me. I look so. Oh, this is amazing. I don't live in a van anymore and I'm getting married to school. Here we are at the airport. I'm very used to it because I'm an Amazing Race. New Zealand got my luggage, and my love is helping me to drop me off here. Scott, where's the Uber?

[Ronnie]

All right, so those are the ones we know. And now everything else is gonna be a clusterfuck for the next four weeks for us in these recaps because do you remember when Bravo, for like, I think two years was like, you know what? There is no diversity on this show. Let's bring in some diversity. And then they were like, nevermind, let's just.

[Ben]

You know what, let's just go back to diversity.

[Ronnie]

Let's just hire 20 blonde people, okay? I want three blonde girls that nobody can tell apart. That's what I want. And so that's what we're getting this year. I don't know who the fuck anybody is. And everybody I saw, I didn't remember the preview, like, who was who from the preview? And I was like, which is the one who vows to fuck everybody on the boat? So I kept giving that personality to everybody. I was trying to figure out who it was, and I saw, is her name Priscilla?

[Ben]

I think her name is Priscilla. So we have test. Or at least she. She at least looks like a Priscilla to me. So we have Tessa. She's traveling from Sydney. She's like, we're at the airport. It's crunch time. As in, I'm going to go get some Captain Crunch.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

That's why I always say when I get off a plane, find me some Captain Crunch.

[Ben]

I'm feeling a bit nervy.

[Ronnie]

Then we see Kezzy coming from London and she spent 495 on a bottle of water. Can you believe it? Yes, I can. Actually. Cheap for an airport.

[Ben]

Have you seen the prices in America these days?

[Ronnie]

No kidding. Has America fallen that far? That someone from London is like, can you believe how expensive water is? And we're like, oh, my God, that's a bargain. I'm moving to London where the real deals are.

[Ben]

I know, it's like $7 bottles of water at the supermarket. And then, then we see Christian, who is traveling from Sydney, and he's like the hot Colombian guy. And he's like, miss gave me her number from one of the napkins on the airline. And then we see Josh, who is our wacky chef. And he's like, I'm excited to get cooking. Let's hope my knives make it through security. What can that happens?

[Ronnie]

Yeah. He's like, guys, let's hope that terrorism wins in the end. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Sir, sir. So, Christian, this guy, I don't believe that he got. I don't believe that he got a number. A number. Believe it. I don't believe him. I'm so sure. He's like, hi, everybody. My first selfie cam got a phone number on the airplane. I'm sorry, sir. No, I don't believe you.

[Ben]

I do believe it.

[Ronnie]

You do?

[Ben]

Yeah. And here's why. First of all, he is attractive. Second of all, we later find out he's a pilot, which means he knows exactly how to flirt with flight attendants. Like, he knows exact. Like, he's. He's trained in this area. He knows the look to give or the signal to give or whatever. So, in fact, I actually almost think it's probably a sport for him to get numbers from flight attendants. It's just like his milieu. He gets it.

[Ronnie]

But do people even get numbers anymore? I mean, you're not supposed to give out your number. I don't even care if you stalk me. I'm just afraid of you, like, giving my number to spam people for money, you know, I don't want you to leak.

[Ben]

People do.

[Ronnie]

I think people like. Like Instagram now, Aren't they like, hey, give me a follow. And then they make you follow them, and then they unfollow you the next day.

[Ben]

I bet it's exciting to get a number. That's never happened to me.

[Ronnie]

That has literally never happened to me. I mean, obviously. But unless someone's like, okay, if you want to complain about my driving, like, if you count that, you know, because, like, I'll take the numbers on the back of the truck just in case they fuck up later down the road. If you want to complain about my driving, call 1-800-FUCK your mother.

[Ben]

It's like, guys, someone actually gave me their number. Yeah. And they were so discreet, they left it on my windshield. There was a dent in my door, but I don't know what that was about.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, and it said, they gave me their number. And at the bottom, it says, you better send me a copy of your license and insurance or I'm calling the police. So sweet, you guys.

[Ben]

So sweet.

[Ronnie]

So, yeah, I don't believe him. So then Josh. Yeah, I already hate Josh, because we know that he's, like, a wacky clown from the previews. And listen, nothing against clowns. It's just that I hate you. All of you.

[Ben]

Yeah, all of you. I hate it.

[Ronnie]

Get a job.

[Ben]

Okay?

[Ronnie]

All of you.

[Ben]

And all these tambourina gender. Yes.

[Ronnie]

People in LA that are like, it's hipster to clown now. You know what's hipster? Get a job. Okay? Bottles of water in London are 4.95. You're not going to afford that as a clown.

[Ben]

You know what? Skipster working at Alamo Rent a car. Get to the airport and get behind that desk.

[Ronnie]

You know what kind of clown I like? A Cirque du Soleil kind of a clown. Like, if you can't put your ankle behind your head, what are you even doing in this industry?

[Ben]

Yeah, no, whimsy clown. Yeah, I agree. The best is when you see someone, like, it happens so rarely, but once in a while you do see it when there's like a clown on their way to a gig and you're like in traffic and you look to your left and you see someone as like a full on clown driving a car. That's my favorite when that happens. I think it's only happened like once or twice ever. But when it does, it's like it feels special because it's like not whimsical at all. It's like, it's just like, you know, it's like, it's like seeing a Disney mascot with the head off. You're like, oh, yeah, you're. You're just sitting there listening to like 94. 7 the wave and just trying to get to this kid's birthday party right now.

[Ronnie]

It reminds me of those people on Hollywood Boulevard, like the dirty Spider man and the dirty Marilyn Monroe, you know, like their costumes are all dirty. Also, why does the Marilyn Monroe wear white? I know that's an iconic dress, but girl, you're rolling around on Hollywood Boulevard, you're covered in soot. Pick something else. Didn't she ever wear brown? Anyway, so the Marilyn Monroe was talking to this lady on the corner of Hollywood Boulevard and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like friends and then they kiss. And then the other lady walked into the middle of the road and stopped. And I was right in the front, you know, so she just kind of looked at me and she's like, hi. And like waved at me. And then she's looking around and she's like, oh, liquor store. I was like, classy Marilyn Monroe. That's real fucking classy.

[Ben]

Perhaps on theme. She's just getting into character. So she's mad at you. How dare you. My favorite is like the stumpy Darth Vader. Or is it the stumpy Batman? Or it's like both. Like just like this short Darth Vader guy who's just like you are like.

[Ronnie]

The Fred Flintstone wasn't making enough money so he just put on a Darth.

[Ben]

Vader costume and went for it kind of.

[Ronnie]

So basically that's Josh. He's wacky, he has long hair, he loves clowning. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. Feeling better in your body shouldn't be a full time job. That's why hers makes it easier to get started and stick with it. Backed by expert guided online care that puts your weight loss goals first.

[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

You already know we love Virgin Voyages. This cruise line is more iconic than Ramona Singer's Runway walk.

[Ben]

We're talking all inclusive. Everything wifi, dining, entertainment, group fitness classes. Everything is included. No hidden fees, no surprise charges.

[Ronnie]

And unlike most of the cast of the Valley, all Virgin voyages trips are 100% kid free. No room for loud toys and crying kids to drown out the sounds of the ocean.

[Ben]

The destinations are amazing too. Some highlights Aruba, St. Lucia, New York, Miami, Iceland and a below deck favorite, the Medicine.

[Ronnie]

Oh my God. The boats are beautiful. They're so modern. The rooms are just so luxurious. I love all the colored lighting in there and the balconies.

[Ben]

I also just love that they are tailored for adult Experiences that makes me so happy.

[Ronnie]

Make your next vacation a fabulous one with virgin voyages.

[Ben]

Learn [e-mail] or contact your travel advisor.

[Ronnie]

So then we meet Van, which hopefully she's an alien who eats rats whole. And she's coming from Miami, and she's like, this will officially be my first super yacht. I'm gonna pop my super yacht cherry. And I'm so excited.

[Ben]

Yeah. And then people are arriving, like.

[Ronnie]

And.

[Ben]

Then we see this like, weird thing. Sandy is, like, arriving in Barcelona and she has some sort of, like, runt crew. This is like the off season group. And I'm like, was this just a whole other season of Below deck that they filmed? And we're like, yeah, this isn't working out. Get them off the boat. Because it's like a whole other crew. They have names and everything. There's someone named Ben. He's the chief officer. And, like, we're doing it. Sandy, she does a whole docking. And then we don't, like, barely even get to see their faces. They just sort of like, scatter off the boat. I'm like, wait, wait, wait, wait. Come back.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

I want to get to know you.

[Ronnie]

It's the crossing crew. You know, we learned that on below deck sailing when Captain Glenn was like, gary, you want to be on the crossing crew? And he's like, I'm committed to a woman. And then the lady, the crossing crew with him. And then they broke up on the crossing crew. Wasn't that something that happened on Below deck sailing?

[Ben]

Yeah, I forgot her name. She was the worst.

[Ronnie]

We found out on. I think he was the worst. But, yeah, she was bad, too. And then she had a baby, I think the next year. But anyway, we found out that the Crossing crew is like, the hardest job ever. And it's super depressing. Cause it's like working on a ghost ship and there's no one on there. And you just. All you do is cross. And so everybody turns into an alcoholic. And everybody goes through, like, their worst times. I imagine it's like a horror show where you just see all your past and all the mistakes you've made, and it's just all there. Right, Right. To rediscover during the crossing crew times, it feels like they should have a below deck crossing crew. And we can just watch everybody go. Go crazy, you know? And all the guys start to be like, well, a hole's a hole, you know, that whole thing.

[Ben]

Yeah, I think that would be great. I feel like. I feel like Willem Defoe is on every crossing crew because I feel like everyone's losing their mind. And eventually, like, you go up to a deck, one point, he's standing up there, he's like, your first crossing, it's tough. It's not for everyone. Like, thanks.

[Ronnie]

Yeah.

[Ben]

He's been through it. I'm surprised he's actually not a captain of one of these blow decks.

[Ronnie]

I feel like Christopher Watkins probably there just because he's in everything. You know.

[Ben]

The crossing is. The crossing is very hard. I don't know how to do.

[Ronnie]

I don't know how to do a dolphin out there. Is it a dolphin in my mind, or is it a dolphin? And is it a real dolphin? No one knows.

[Ben]

You've got to share me the rail. In order for it to look good, you've got to make sure the teak is waxed. If it's not waxed, it could get stained.

[Ronnie]

I'm like, do we. I'm loving being on this crossing crew. Do we finally find out what happened to Natalie Wood? Like, somebody, somebody. Okay, so then this boat is called My Bravado, which is pretty funny. And I like that candy.

[Ben]

No, no, no, no, no. It's called Motor Yacht Bravado. Not my Bravado.

[Ronnie]

Oh. Oh, yeah. No, it says My Bravado. Okay. So My Bravado. I like that she still says motor Yacht Bravado, because I thought that's something she just did for Motor Yacht Home. Because, you know, it's weird to say, like, welcome, welcome home, or welcome to home.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

So I thought she was saying, welcome to Motor Yacht Home, but I guess they do that for everything. But, you know, it's like, bravo. So that's cute. Bravado.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Welcome to.

[Ben]

It's like bravo with an ad in the middle. So Captain Sandy's saying, oh, Barcelona. It's the largest metropolis in the meds. From the history to the art to the culture to the food to the culottes to the capri pants to the cute little babs that you can get. God, I love Barcelona. They also have football or soccer. I mean, it's called football to them. It's complicated. Should I start from the top? Sorry.

[Ronnie]

Just lesbian talking about balls. I get carried away.

[Ben]

Oh. If you look closely, you can see Gigi Fernandez hitting tennis balls at homeless people.

[Ronnie]

What's weird here is they also call tennis soccer. It's a very confusing culture. Very, very confusing culture.

[Ben]

Although Gigi calls tennis my championship sport that I won a gold medal in.

[Ronnie]

Gigi actually tried to hit a football with the tennis racket. She broke her wrist. So she's not going to be on the first charter, but God bless her. Hope she's doing okay.

[Ben]

Fun fact. Norma finally went on a date with a soccer ball. Somehow it dumped her.

[Ronnie]

You know, it's a shame. Even the soccer ball couldn't get hard for Norma for too long in a row. Had a leak. It had a leak. Bloop.

[Ben]

The soccer said it had. It had. It had goals, and Norma wasn't one of them. Norma didn't get the joke.

[Ronnie]

So we know that it's Asha who's walking up, because this is what we hear.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

It's gorgeous. Is that a boat? Is it that Samantha? Most gorgeous boat I've ever seen in my life.

[Ronnie]

She's hiking the boat.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Wait. It's like, I'll always be here for you. Mo y Bravada. This is gorgeous. Sunday. Oh, wow.

[Ben]

They hug and, yeah, she's.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Oh. She's like, oh. His big life changes.

[Ben]

And just Sandy's like, well, I'm, you know, I'm so proud of you. You finally cut your hair. Like a real captain. So proud. But it turns out Aisha's engaged. And we know this because she goes, oh, I'm engaged.

[Ronnie]

So she feels like Sandy inspired Scott. And we do see a picture of Captain Sandy proposing last season to her girlfriend. And they just say baby a lot to each other.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Yes, bab.

[Ronnie]

Oh, mar you, baby. Yes, baby. I'll marry you, baby. Is that how she talks all the time? That's all we've seen of that lady is her going.

[Ben]

I think so. That's all she says.

[Ronnie]

It looks like she was making a face, and then somebody slapped her on the back and it stuck. And she's just like. So they kiss, and we see Captain Sandy getting married. And it was like the Bravos. It was a lot of people there. It was like huge stars.

[Ben]

Huge. Kate Chastain was there. Asia was there.

[Ronnie]

Joe Zarin, probably hiding behind a bus.

[Ben]

Aaron, shall I show them how to make a Diet Coke?

[Ronnie]

No.

[Ben]

Then. So Asia's, you know, in all of this, this yacht, which, by the way, this is, I think, the nicest yacht we've ever seen. This yacht is gorgeous. It's so. It's just so nice. And they. There's like, Wayne Scotting throughout it or something, or beveling, beveled cabinets. It's like we've never seen that. Like, as. I feel like every yacht has had these, like, super smooth, like, Tomorrowland surfaces. So I really love the detail to the. I just really appreciate the beveling. And Asia is now they're looking at the CVS of, like, this of the crew, and Asia is seeing that, like, okay, you know, Kizzy is Kizzy Kitchener. Which, by the way, that's how you know you're gonna work in service in your life, because your last name is Kitchener. That's how you know you'll be. You'll be bringing things to and from a kitchen is if your last name is literally Kitchener. Kizzy Kitchener.

[Ronnie]

So she loves decorative Kitchener. Okay, so who do we have? Well, they're looking at Victoria, and she doesn't have any housekeeping experience. So Kizzy Kitchener is gonna. She's a service to. On a 100 meter boat and creating decorative, imaginative table settings.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Oh, my favorite quality in a person.

[Ronnie]

So then Josh the chef comes and says hi to Sandy, and she's like, whoa, you worked at a Michelin star? That's crazy. You're good with a table. Tire iron. And he's like, yep, 11 years at Michelin restaurants. Three in the clown car and four in prison.

[Ben]

So, yes.

[Ronnie]

Yes. We're not going to be docking next to any schools or churches, are we? I don't think so. Great.

[Ben]

Did you bring a tambourine? Any chance you got a tambourine in there? Sure do. Oh, yeah, he's going to be great. Between the Michelin star and the tambourines. Get ready, America.

[Ronnie]

Somehow the tambourine really makes the split ends work.

[Ben]

So now Asia's looking around and, like, everything is big. And in this, in the server servants quarters, it's like, there's wide hallways and there's a big bathroom, and it's just like, oh, whoa.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

I think more. I think mom is gonna be having this one. Look how big the bathroom is.

[Ben]

And Sandy, meanwhile, is waiting for Nathan. Nathan. Reliable Nathan. Good old reliable Nathan. And she's like, hey, text Bloop. Nathan. Hi. So excited for you to come on board. Just checking for an eta or are you just too busy getting. Getting women pregnant? Okay, come on, I'm waiting for you. Thanks so much.

[Ronnie]

Estimated time of arrival from your sperm to an egg, I guess, is what we're waiting for. I saw the preview. Okay. I like when the. When the chef came to say hi and then he left. Captain Sandy goes. She looks right into the camera and she goes, this guy's gonna be great. He's just gonna be great. Like, famous last words. But, yeah, she's texting him and she's excited to have Nathan because he's had a lot of experience on other vessels handling lines. Okay. So he's comfortable on deck, he's trustworthy. I don't trust Nathan. I don't know that he's ready for this. And below deck keeps promoting people, and I don't think that they're ready to be promoted. I just don't believe it. You know, we like you. You're promoted now. I don't know that he's ready. He can't put together a damn baby crib, okay? He's not ready.

[Ben]

He is not ready. He's not. He's still rocking his Friar Tuck haircut. So let's, like.

[Ronnie]

It's like he's learned nothing, you know?

[Ben]

Yeah, yeah, I agree. So then people are going into cabins, etc, and then guess who's here. It's Max. He's like, hello. How are you, brother? We, well, we got a, A pre. We hear his voice, but then we see Kizzy and Kizzy's because he gets on board and says, hello.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Oh, Kizzy.

[Ben]

Kizzy is the one who, in the preview is like, I want to hook up with every single person on board. So keep an eye out for her. I guess I thought her name was Priscilla. I don't know why that was, but she sort of has Priscilla energy.

[Ronnie]

To me, Kizzy, Sky, Kizzy, nothing is everything. Scott, Kizzy. So, yeah, Max comes in and he calls her Susan. He calls Captain Sandy Susan. I didn't really get it. And then he's like, oh, the French is here. Back to English. I'm back, baby. I don't remember Max. I know I'm supposed to because they're giving him returning star energy. Like, play his theme song. Max is here. It's like, here he is. It's Max. I don't remember Max. They even showed clips of Max doing, like, wacky things like backflips and stuff. And I, I, I don't remember him. I scrubbed him from my brain.

[Ben]

DDR he is so annoying. I don't know why Bravo is unleashing him on us again. He's so annoying. His whole thing was that he was, like, really lazy. He was like a child. And they were just trying to figure out ways to work with Max and get him motivated. It was like the whole season was like, how can we make Max want to work harder? And he just was so, like, he was just, he was draining. I was like, the, the fact that they are promoting him, like, look at this guy. This iconic blue D deckhand.

[Ronnie]

Contract negotiations are finally done. We got him. We got him an extra 5 lira. It's max. Is Max, guys.

[Ben]

Yeah. I didn't this was not like, what's a lira? Very exciting. It's a Italian currency.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, well, he can spend it in Italy. So he's like, I was in Bali for a year because last season, you know, my energy was there, but my motivation was on the edge of burnout. And then we see flashbacks of him taking naps and stuff. And he is now cured, guys, because he did a little something that douchebags on Bravo do to cure themselves. It's called hypnosis. Okay. I have a feeling it has something to do with ketamine, because that's usually when there's a guy involved on Bravo. It's usually some kind of ketamine thing. But he did hypnosis, and he changed everything. Let me tell you. I did hypnosis multiple times in my life, and I would still eat my fist right off of my arm. Okay? Hypnosis is. I don't believe it. I don't believe it.

[Ben]

Yeah, well, if it didn't work for James Kennedy, I don't think it's gonna work for anyone. So he is. He's like, yes. Oh, hypnosis. Like a snap. Everything changed. That blew my mind. How powerful it was for me to go through this new age of inner peace. I'm like the new Mac on the. On the new brand. I'm like, I hate to break it to you, you're the same Max. You're literally. You're the exact same sad, annoying Max. Now I know why. Hbo. Now I know why.

[Ronnie]

Oh, the original Max. I'm sorry. Go ahead.

[Ben]

Now I know why Max got rid of Max. BMHBO Max. I'm just. I'm just gonna. I'm gonna be quiet.

[Ronnie]

No, it is. It's HBO Max now. Right?

[Ben]

I know they had to dilute the Max of it all because this Max was so annoying. That was what my joke was supposed to be.

[Ronnie]

Sorry, but I botched it.

[Ben]

No, you didn't watch it. No, you did. It wasn't your fault. It was a. It was an ill conceived comment from the. From the gecko.

[Ronnie]

Wasn't gonna go get my. I can get my own show on E. Because I'm. I'm botching. Botching everything. So.

[Ben]

No, it wasn't your fault. It was. It was. It was bad. It was just bad. Innately. It was innately a bad joke. Bad, bad then. Bad.

[Ronnie]

Devotion is to the maximum right now. She's like, oh, you're not gonna want to leave, right, Max? And she's just looking at him like this wacky who brought this guy back. Who brought this guy back. Would Norman not pick up his shammy this year? Anybody else but this guy, please? And so we see flashbacks of Max threatening to leave, like, two days before the end or two weeks before the end. He's like, I want to go home. She's like, yeah, it's like two weeks. Got two weeks left. He's like, oh, it's hard. It is hard.

[Ben]

But now we see on screen, it says, new Max, mentally engaged deckhand. So he's like, no, I'm here. I'm ready. You know I am ready. Okay, well, go check out the boat. Here's some nice beveling on the walls. I think you'll enjoy that, and it's gonna be a great time. Guess what? We're gonna have great food, this charter. Look at the camera. Just tell them, say, this one's gonna be good. You're gonna love the way you feel.

[Ronnie]

Maximum engaged. Max, go. Go check out that wall. Tell me if that's wainscoting or if that's beveling. And when you get an answer, couple Ben. Okay.

[Ben]

So it's 22 hours before charter, and then we get a text message from Tessa. Ding dong, these boys.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

I've known him ever since I was just. Little sc. Scale.

[Ronnie]

Scale scampions. Trying to say it's. It's Tesla from the Cowboy McBe dynasty. I wish.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Previously. Previously with my dad. Yes. Of CSM s. I'm a new decade. I got horrible food poisoning, and several people in my hotel did. But Those boys, those McBee boys, they can't turn anything around. They're basically like my boys. I can't make it to the boat, but be there tomorrow. Could not be Mercer. Hey, Captain Sandy, it's me, Tess.

[Ronnie]

I'm gonna be as honest as a pimple on the nose, right? I'm shitting my brains out, girl.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

My brains out. My dribble door. My dribble door turned into a floodgate. So, unfortunately, I'm gonna have to stay in bed today.

[Ronnie]

So Tessa texts, and she has horrible food poisoning. A lot of people in her hotel did. So I think she was doing a little with Nathan because he also has food poisoning and she can't make it to the boat. So sorry. She's like. Could not be more sorry.

[Ben]

Here, I. Here's something I want to. I have a question about. I mean, food poisoning is truly the worst. And it is so debilitating. And you do like you. It's just everything's coming out from all ends at all times. It's like you're exhausted. You feel like the world is ending. But that being said, can't you, like. Can't you, like, just take the car ride from the hotel to the boat and then just be on the boat and ill. As opposed to the hotel? Yeah, yeah.

[Ronnie]

Put a cork in it. Put a cork in your butt and just get you.

[Ben]

Yeah, I think you could do it, but, man, it's tough.

[Ronnie]

It's like Olita Adams said, can reach me by airway. You can reach me by trailway. I don't care if you're sitting in a cab. Just get here if you can.

[Ben]

Oh, she's that concert's love. You're gonna be great. She's gonna be great. Well, guess what? These people are just gonna poop in their hotel, and that's the way it's gonna be. So, Captain, just like. Like, oh, God. I mean, what are we going to do? I mean, where's Nathan? We don't even have Nathan. Okay. And so now Asia's talking to Josh, and he's getting in his ass in gear and everything, and he's saying that he's been working in a boat for three years. He's, like, working m. Working Michelin kitchens. I mean, it's good because you become a great chef, but it's intense. One time I was running him. Is he British, by the way? I can't remember. I think he's British.

[Ronnie]

I think it's Australian.

[Ben]

The Australian.

[Ronnie]

I have a lot of Michelin kitchens in Australia. I don't know. I don't remember either.

[Ben]

I just don't remember. But he says, one time, I was running a meat section at a kitchen, and I was 20 minute lates on the check. The chef behind me, behind the pass grabbed me, pulled my head down onto the top pass like that and just screamed at me. I remember getting up and being like, yes, Chef. I'm like, well, you're 20 minutes late. I mean, I don't support abuse, but I like. He's like, Well, I was 20 minutes late. I mean, you should get yelled at that maybe not have your head pressed onto a hot surface and physically abused, but, like, also be better.

[Ronnie]

Well, he did get suspended for a week, so that's something. There was an HR at that Michelin place. So he has been in the BVI doing some work on mosquito and necker. I don't know what that is. British versatile mosquitoes.

[Ben]

Well, I don't know about miss. Let's see. Let me look up.

[Ronnie]

It just comes back covered in hickeys and Mosquito bites. That's what I liked.

[Ben]

Mosquito. And Necker Islands. Necker island is that is a ver. That is Sir Richard Branson's private island.

[Ronnie]

Shout out.

[Ben]

And Mosquito island, sometimes spelled Mosquito island, is also owned by Branson. So he's been. It is working for Dick. He's been working for days.

[Ronnie]

Working for my good friend Dan. So Max comes and he's like, hello, hello, New Max here.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Oh, I guess you can just kind of pick a cabin because the basin's not here yet. So get whatever you'd like.

[Ronnie]

So that's very exciting.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Let's take the top bone. Because you don't know. You don't want that girl to be above you with that food poisoning.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, she came back. I mean, she's always coming back in a positive mood, you know, but it's like over the top positive, which worries me. And then she's letting everybody just choose their own things. No, you got to put your foot down and be like you sleeping by the toilet.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

There's no one else to take the better beds, but there could be someone better else down the pike. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, torture them. Give the first ones there the worst bedroom. That's what I say. Don't let them pick themselves.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Yeah, commercials.

[Ben]

Here comes one right now. Instacart is more than a grocery technology platform. It's a care company designed to make life easier. It connects you to thousands of stores across the United States, giving you time back to focus on what matters most.

[Ronnie]

With just a few taps, you can shop from your favorite stores and have fresh groceries and household essentials ready for pickup or delivered to your door in as fast as 30 minutes. Instacart helps take care of delivering some of the things you love so that you're free to take care of life.

[Ben]

You know, Ronnie, I love me some board games. And one thing that I do with my friends is that I have them over and we're playing games for hours and hours and hours. And of course, people get hungry. And then I'm like, oh, yeah, let me just, like, give you some snacks. And then I look and I realize I forgot to get snacks. And I cannot tell you how many times I have reached for Instacart and used delivery that Instacart enables. And it has really saved the day so many times. It's really helpful, and it lets me focus on playing my games instead of having to go to the store.

[Ronnie]

And that's what you're supposed to be doing. You're supposed to be enjoying Your not walking around a grocery store. Okay? Instacart brings convenience, quality and ease right to your door so you can focus on what matters most.

[Ben]

Download the Instacart app and use code CRAPINS20 to get $20 off your first order of $80 or more. That's code CRAPPINS20 to get $20 off YOUR first order of $80 or more. Offer valid for a limited time. Excludes restaurants. Additional terms apply. The WNBA playoffs are in full swing, and Tommy alters the young man in the three brings you closer to the game. Get complete WNBA playoff coverage as Tommy sits down with the game's biggest stars and delivers unmatched analysis. The Young man in the 3's WNBA playoff coverage is presented by Quest Nutrition. From irresistibly crunchy protein chips to rich, chocolaty protein bars, these treats make giving in feel so good.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

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[Ben]

Big on protein, low on sugar, huge on flavor. Shop Quest on [e-mail] questnutrition and enjoy all the WNBA action on the young men and the three wherever you get your podcasts. So then Max and Kizzy meet, and it's Kiz meet. He's Kiss. Wow, we're done, everyone. Thanks so much for being here. This has been Watch where crap ends.

[Ronnie]

It's officially time to retire, guys. Let's go.

[Ben]

Kiss me more like his Max. So they. Max is like, oh, Kizzy. So I. I stay here on your room. She's like, absolutely not. Cheeky. Cheeky boy. He's like, oh, I'm just joking. Ah, but she looks good. She's like a visual little doll, like.

[Ronnie]

So what the fuck was that? A visual dildo?

[Ben]

Are you planning on jamming her up your. Up your asshole? What are you talking about? He's like, I like your face. I'm going to sit on it.

[Ronnie]

Really, really weird. I thought that's what he said and I thought, that's not what he said. And I let it keep playing. And I was like, no, I have to know what he said. So I rewound it like three times. And yeah, he said, she's a visual dildo.

[Ben]

Is he? I think I kind of feel like he's trying to say, like, something to turn you on. Like, maybe he meant like, visual Viagra or like visual. I don't know. But it was. It felt like, I don't know.

[Ronnie]

But it's going to start calling him Peggy. So he's like, oh, he's going to be naughty. So V says hello to everybody, gets her cabin. She's from Florida, and Kizzy's like, oh, when you first came in, I thought you were, like, European or something. And she's like, oh, no, I'm Cuban, baby. I have, like, guys look at me that are going to be like, I don't know, like, you look like a white girl, but you have green eyes and blonde hair. But I'm like, like, listen, this ass is Cuban. And if you look at it, it's there. It is definitely Cuban ass. Instagram wall, please. Instagram wall. And we see that she does, in fact, have. Have a large butt.

[Ben]

Yeah, it is visual flesh Flashlight.

[Ronnie]

So Christian joins and says hello to everybody. Is this the guy who got the number from the person on the plane? Clean.

[Ben]

Yeah, that's him.

[Ronnie]

So he's, like, kind of handsome, but, like, really dorky, too. Which normally. But I like, like, but I don't like him. I want him to fall, like, literally fall down.

[Ben]

I do like how visibly disgusted he is by Max. Like, he just looks at Max like, what the is wrong with you? At all times. So I do enjoy the disgust on his face. It's like hot disgust.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. So now Josh is in the kitchen doing things, and they only edit in one line, but I think it's a good line. He says, sunflower oil bottle.

[Ben]

Sounds like a game show answer.

[Ronnie]

He's winning me back. He's winning me back.

[Ben]

Hey, Max, so you're just gonna run the deck until. Until we get Nathan or bosuns. Just get it clean, turn it around, you know, do the hypnosis thing. Whatever you need. He's like, oh, yes. But you'll see the arms of this guy and mantle. So we are going to be. It's going to be easy, don'. Yeah, we got arms. We can wash things down.

[Ronnie]

21.5 hours before charter. So Asia's chatting with her ladies, and.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

She'S like, so you've worked on big boats, obviously that you're good with service. What's your experience like?

[Ronnie]

And she's like, two years ago, really? Day charters. A little bit of interior, a little bit of exterior.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Oh, Kizzy, you're second. I need a suit service queen. And then your third is one of you Cuban.

[Ben]

And V is like, well, I haven't done too much laundry.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

She's like, oh, well, you're gonna learn quickly.

[Ronnie]

And she's like, so you're gonna learn quickly.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

You better, because I've have to spend another season trying to get beads. That way you understand the difference between a T shirt and a no skit. Then I'm gonna be pretty peaceful.

[Ronnie]

She brings Up Bri. And the nightmare that was. But was Bri just last season. Why does it seem like 10 years since Bri's been on my TV? I need Bri back.

[Ben]

I know.

[Ronnie]

And Ellie.

[Ben]

I know.

[Ronnie]

I need Bri was back.

[Ben]

Yeah. That was a crazy season. That was crazy. And they showed the flashback of Bri because Asia goes.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

I've read a little poem. I'm a bit worried about V because it rhymes with Bri. So I've got PTSD from last season's laundry. And also Ellie and. Oh, I need to pee.

[Ronnie]

So she wants to believe she's capable of learning, but, you know, she has last season in her mind still. So now they're gonna start cleaning. And when is the tech crew coming? Max is like, no, I'm the guy in Charles. We do, like, one side each. We make our way down. This is what we do. I learned it in meditation. So he's all excited to be Voss. And it goes to his head really, really quickly.

[Ben]

Yeah. And then V is like, will you show my Cuban ass hospital corners? And Kiz is like, okay, put your hand under the slide and don't even tuck it in. Just slide it in. Gorgeous. It's like, wow. Last. If Fraser were here this season, he'd be like, just tuck. Just slide it in. Slide the hand in. Sounds rather naughty, but he isn't, so I'll do it for him. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

So Max is making small talk with Christian, and he's saying, bro, you're like Homer Simpson. You make all the job. And Christian's like, no, because, like, I work in an airline, you know? So, like, if you hook up with a cabin crew, like, there's, like, thousands of crew. I mean, every girl digs a pilot. It's in my butt. I'm the seventh pilot of the family. Yeah. I was the captain, so I was in charge of my aircraft. And then Covid happened, and now I'll never fly again. Now all my flying credentials are completely out the window. No one's on planes anymore, unfortunately, Planes are dead now. No one's on planes. I'm like, sir, that's over. Now. Go back to the plane, stud. He's like, yeah, I was, like, the best pilot in the world, which is why I cleaned X. Now I know, like, the.

[Ben]

Something about this doesn't quite add up where it's like, okay, I understand, like, if you have to pivot, because, like, the airline industry shrank in 2020. 2021, but 2025, now people are flying. He's like, yeah, man, they. They Stopped producing airplanes. Like, unfortunately, people stopped using planes, and now they just take mainly ferries and canoes. So I had to pivot hard. Yeah, real hard.

[Ronnie]

Big walkers. Big walkers now. But thankfully, boats are still in business, and so we're mops. So, yeah.

[Ben]

About to get my hot air balloon pilot's license, because apparently that's the only way to cross the mission.

[Ronnie]

Hot air balloon. He's like, yeah, I'm, like, really big into licensing lime scooters, so, yeah, that's pretty much what I do now.

[Ben]

It's like, yeah, you know, like, yachting can, you know, give me the lifestyle that I want in terms of, like, good money and a lot of time off. And girls love deckhands, too. You know what? You know what girls love? Love. You know what really wealthy girls love? Someone who's sort of around and putting a jet ski in the water. Ugh. They love that.

[Ronnie]

I have never had more vagina in my life. Until I picked up a mop. Next stop, janitorhood. Next stop, janitor. Working my way up. I do not believe you, sir. You got caught masturbating in the. In the cabin or something. Like.

[Ben]

Yeah, the pilot, he's been banned for airlines. I have to imagine, like, it's weird.

[Ronnie]

Something bad.

[Ben]

It's weird.

[Ronnie]

Good. I want to know what it is.

[Ben]

Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. God, isn't it funny how my phone has my voice saying, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. Oh, it's a FaceTime from Nathan. Hi, Nathan. Where are you?

[Ronnie]

My brains out. That's where I am. I've been getting sick. I've been getting sick. I'm sick as hell. By the way, I don't know how to put a baby crib together. Spoiler alert.

[Ben]

We'll be going chatter tomorrow, so we need you here, okay? He's like, yo, so get some rest and hydrate and hydrate and hydrate and hydrate and, you know, stop pooping your butt and get over here. Otherwise, we can't leave the boat. Guys. America, guess what? If Nathan isn't here, I don't have my boson. If I don't have my bosun, no one can put together the three baby cribs downstairs. And I don't meet the manning requirements for the vessel. Oh, I won't be able to leave the dock. Maritime law will get so mad at me, I don't know what we're gonna do. Do.

[Ronnie]

Uhoh. Who's outside? It's me, Mary. Time on get your ass off that boat. What the hell is going on?

[Ben]

Here.

[Ronnie]

This isn't manned. What the hell? This is not a pro. You better get your together by tomorrow, Santia. You're not going anywhere. You're not going anywhere at all. Mar.

[Ben]

And the curtain drops and we go to intermission from act one. It's like, oh, I love the first. I love that first act I just signed. I just hope the second act maintains the momentum.

[Ronnie]

Crew, all crew, let's meet in the main salon for our first meeting. Okay, so 20 hours before charter, everyone meets. And she's like, oh, look at you guys, looking so happy, eager. No one's in Capri pants. Okay, one demerit. Pass them around, Pass them around.

[Ben]

Listen, a couple of things I want to go over, okay? I don't want you to listen to. I mean, I do want you actually. Really? There's a trick. I do want you to listen to your department heads. And if it makes it to the bridge, then you will have the wrath of Sandy. Now, I'm not talking about just my office. I'm saying if we see any bridge and you're talking. Talking about a problem, it's gonna. It's gonna be a problem. Because people have to use those bridges to travel across things. And they can't be distracted by your problems, okay? So you don't want to have the wrath of sand Sandy, Okay? Unless your legs are ready to put on some capri pants, you better watch out. So I want to introduce our. Oh, oh, everyone, it's our first officer, Ben. He came over on the passage. Say hi, Ben. Okay. He said hi.

[Ronnie]

Hey, you know why? Because he's a dog, that's why. He's only on TV one time. Okay, this is the time of the episode where we present all of the non TV ready people. Okay. Yes. Come out, homely pockmark. People, come on out. Out. Come on out. And you know what? Here. Here's the stamp. I'm giving everyone a separate stamp. You have U, G. You have L, you have G. All right, switch. Switch positions. Okay, basically you got a lot of stamps at the end. What do they spell? Read them out. Benny Barkey. U, G, L, Y. You ain't got no li by you, ugly. Okay, that's it. Now go hide your face.

[Ben]

Okay, go back down to the engine room, everyone. I know you're. I know people been concerned. But I've got. I've got massive news. Due to advances in cloning in science, someone that we thought was no longer with us is with us. Please welcome one of our. Our first engineer, Bea Arthur. Oh, my name Is Bjork. Oh, Bjork. Recording musician Bjork. She is here. I love this swan dress. No, no, My name is Bjork. New York. Oh, I love your reality show, New York. You're just. You do great work. So good, everyone. She's hilarious.

[Ronnie]

Bjork. Oh, you're a delicious peppermint Patty. We get it. How many accolades do you need here, homely? Okay, go back. Go back and put that pillowcase I left on your bed under your face, okay? We'll never see you again. So they leave, and then she's like, yeah, you know, now, Max, you're gonna have to do this because Nathan's not here. He just doesn't understand baby grips.

[Ben]

So now a little. Yeah, a little bit of bad news, everyone. First, I lost my Donna Lewis cassette. I really, really, really like that song. But also another piece of bad news is that we're missing two. Okay? Two capri pants. And I've only brought three, so whoever's doing laundry, you better. We're also. We're also down two people, too, so it's really terrible things, food poisoning all around. Okay? And do not have the fish.

[Ronnie]

Oh, boson knocks. This has nice ring to it. Like. Okay, well, you're not the boson yet, okay? We've already got one bozo here. Am I right, chef? He's like, that's right, right? That's right. Richard Branson loves me, baby. Yes.

[Ben]

You know, when Nathan gets here, he's an awesome guy. Try not to stare at his haircut too long. He's very sensitive. Apparently, he spent many years in Friar Tuck camp, and it's hard for him to get rid of that. So just. But he's great otherwise. He's great.

[Ronnie]

So h is like, nothing's coming.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

I love nothing. I love nothing crazy. Every time I think about Nathan, I just start hugging trades and kicking myself in the bot and pinching myself on the cheek, slapping myself on the.

[Ronnie]

Oh, my God. Someone had Asia a. A Benzo. It's day one. You cracked out.

[Ben]

So what is his position? You know?

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

She's boing.

[Ben]

It's like, oh, did. Did you think you were the boson, Max? He's like, no, I mean, I'll take the situation. She's like, oh, yeah. I love the confidence. Hate the. Hate the stupidity, though. Number one begins tomorrow, though, everyone. So get ready.

[Ronnie]

Okay? Let's get back to work. You can do this. You can do this. All right? It's time for me to retire. Watch my favorite show, Wind, season six.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Okay, do you guys want to start making be.

[Ben]

Like, oh, God. Whoa, my God. We don't have enough time. Oh, no. So now Josh is in the kitchen by himself.

[Ronnie]

Max is like, just shut up. We go like bull towards our ghoul. I'm Bo.

[Ben]

Christian's like, yeah, I don't get that. So Josh, he. He pulls out a tambourine and he's like, you never know when you're going to need a tambourine. I'm like, that is true. You do never know. But chances are it's probably not going to be while you're cooking. So you can take that off of the air fryer.

[Ronnie]

Also, tambourines are the instrument of the non talented people in the band and we all know it. So why are you pulling out a tambourine? Like, that's a flex. That's not very. That's true. You know, like, I'm worried. I'm worried about this guy. And it's not just the clown stuff. It's like the whole like, look, I've like long crazy hair in here. Like, he's trying too hard. You know what I mean? I feel like he puts patchouli smell all over himself just to seem like, I don't know, hippie. Like he's trying too hard.

[Ben]

It seems like also I'm gonna, I'm actually going to push back. When he says, you never know when you're gonna need a tambourine. I'm actually gonna say, I think you always know when you're gonna need a tambourine. Like, you always know exactly the time when you should have a tambourine.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. When you're in a band and you don't have any talent so they hand you a tambourine.

[Ben]

Yeah. When you are like, you've been hired to sing the do do do parts in the background and they're like, you know, like, give Nancy the tambourine. You know, like that's the. You're okay if you're on stage and you're wearing a vest and you're singing your snap. You're like, you're sort of like moving your shoulders and singing. You're gonna need a tambourine, but otherwise I think you're good to go.

[Ronnie]

When you're. When you're. When you know you're gonna eat at a place with a bunch of boomers and they're gonna be playing yacht rock. Okay, maybe. But not right now. Not right now.

[Ben]

Tambourines and ren fairs. I feel like.

[Ronnie]

No, I don't think so. Did they have those back in the Renaissance Days? I don't think they came up with those yet. Wasn't that, like, a classier time? The Renaissance, I mean. Oh, no.

[Ben]

I'm gonna get back to you on this one. I will do the research. You know I will.

[Ronnie]

I don't feel like they don't. I don't feel like they don't. They. They had the song Piano man back then. Hey, do people use tambourines to. Piano Man. Tambourine. I feel like that's a tambourine song.

[Ben]

Just want you to know the tambourine has a history spanning thousands of years, with its origins traceable to ancient civilizations of Middle East, Egypt, Greece, and India, where it was used for religious and ceremonial purposes. So, yeah, I'm gonna say you might find a tambourine at a Ren Fair, everyone.

[Ronnie]

Okay, well, there you go.

[Ben]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

All right. Consider me unimpressed with the past. So, yeah, he's got a tambourine. He's wacky, guys. And so is Kizzy single? She is, Technically. Technically, she's single, guys. And V's story. V's like, yeah, my story is really tragic. 11 months ago on my birthday, my boyfriend passed away. And she's singing with this huge smile on her face, and she's like, oh.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

My God, I'm so sorry. How the did that happen?

[Ronnie]

She goes, yeah, he drowned.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Oh, God, this just keeps getting worse. Did you even get to pull some poo out of your butt that day?

[Ben]

She's like, no.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Oh, my God. This story.

[Ben]

So V tells us this story, and it's actually, like, like, so sad. We see that she, like, met this dive instructor in Mexico. They had this, like, romance. We see pictures. This guy was hot. It was like this felt like. It was like a movie, right? Like, isn't this, like, a movie that you watch where you, like, go on holiday, you meet this amazing person, like the. Like. Like, gorgeous, and you have this, like, sort of carefree thing, and you go swimming in the ocean every day. And then. And then he dies. I was like. Like, that's like, this is the tearjerker movie. I was like, oh, my God. And then she tells this sad thing about how she doesn't go scuba diving anymore because scuba was the gift that he gave to her. And it's, like, too hard. I was like. I was like, me. And she's, like, sitting there laughing. She's like, the only way I could.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

Process it is by laughing.

[Ben]

I was like, oh, my God. I was so sad by this.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. She's like. She says, it's such a mystery that he drowned because he was a dive instructor. But she also tells us that they used to like making out underwater. And so I feel like it's not that much of a mystery. I feel like he was loose with the rules.

[Ben]

So we have to talk to that moray eel that's been all over below deck, down under.

[Ronnie]

Like, what? Yeah.

[Ben]

Were you the turtle?

[Ronnie]

The turtle. She's like. And then the saddest part was as if the turtle knew, he just passed by and waved. So Kizzy's like, I'm not smiling because it's funny, by the way. I just get really uncomfortable, and I can't not smile in these situations. And it's just like, it's because you're British.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

That's how it is.

[Ronnie]

Nothing was funnier than the Queen's funeral. I mean, we watch it. We still watch it on TV sometimes.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

It's just hilarious.

[Ronnie]

And Bea's like, I've dealt with it. You know what? I just use lots of dark humor. It's the only way to do it. And she goes, yeah, your boy boyfriend's dead. Shame. And then they start laughing.

[Ben]

I'm like, I mean, it was funny, but also, like, I don't know if you necessarily needed to. Yes. And in that moment, you could just explain why you were smiling.

[Ronnie]

Well, Kizzy is a sociopath. Like, we start learning. This is, like, the first instance of it. Like, this is the first, like, example of it. But we start seeing throughout the episode that Kizzy's a fucking sociopath. And I kind of like looking. It's like a retrospective. This is where it all began. Ryan Murphy's show Monster, starring Kizzy Kitcheners.

[Ben]

So meanwhile, Max has something to say. He tells us, I'm a natural leader. I like. I like to go, like, rude, rough at the beginning, and I want to lead with fear like all the good leaders do. In the Louis XIV reign, there was a guy named Maximilian. He was just like me, just like Max Robespierre. You know, everyone famously. Everyone wants to be like Robespierre there, you know? And he started to speak up on the streets and took, like, all the people of fans together to start making revolution. And he was, like, using the guillotine. And every day he was, like, killing all the royal days. Or maybe I'm like, reincarnation. Let's do it for Captain Santi. I'm like, I don't. I don't. I just don't understand the. The link between Robespierre and, like, mopping a deck. Like, I'm sorry, I don't Understand what, like, shammying a railing has to do with, like, dropping the guillotine on Mary Antoinette Marie. Mary Antoinette. Marie Antoinette.

[Ronnie]

Marie Antoinette, Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. But they're cleaning. And so now Asha is so excited because Kizzy loves decorating. And Kizzy's like, yeah, I've always been a service girl. I've worked on lots of charges. But last season I was on a private boat, which is really cool, especially because the owner, he died. So, I mean, rip and everything, but, yeah, I didn't have to do anything. It was amazing. I'm like, okay, you're laughing about death. What's wrong with this girl? I like her. I worry about any animals near the boat because I feel like she's probably in that, you know, like, beginning stages of, like, killing small animals and stuff. But I don't know. I'm looking forward. It's been a long time since there's been someone on these shows that's like, that could be a serial killer.

[Ben]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, because he says, I mean, it's not funny. He's dead. But I didn't have to do anything. We literally got paid to, like, run loose on the boat. It was so good. I mean, of course I was the one who killed him, so there was that. But whatever. No one used to know. So basically, she's going to decorate everything. It's going to be exciting. So 19 hours before charter, and here come provisions. So all the provisions come through and see, and he's like, wow, that's a lot of provisions. You know, I see some Capri suns in there, but not some Capri pants. Who. Who made this list in the first place? Okay, that's a failure.

[Ronnie]

Someone's not listening.

[Guest or Additional Speaker]

I'll focus on getting provisions. You focus on getting kids done and.

[Ronnie]

Possibly not making fun of dead people.

[Ben]

Right? Keys.

[Ronnie]

So then it's 6:15, and Max is just getting really bossy. We see him just bossy, bossing the ex airline guy around all over the place. He's like, oh, detail here. I meet you downstairs. You do this, do that. You see me, you, or you lose your head.

[Ben]

Max, I'm impressed. He came back a changed man. I did not lie.

[Ronnie]

Huh?

[Ben]

But then Christian's like, I'm so tired. So then Asia is like, looking over stuff, and they're all just like, kind of cleaning.

[Ronnie]

It's like, yeah, it's like a cleaning episode, which is cleaning crazy. We're already at an hour. But yeah, they just. It's a lot of cleaning and hellos and stuff. And then Max is still behind tossing his guy around. And now it's 14.5 hours before charter. We did it, bro. We did it. And Christian's like, yeah, this guy's more experienced than me. But I mean, I've flown planes and he really wants to be the boss and we're in the same position. So like, you're a deckhand as well? I'm a deckhand who just got a phone number on a plane. Totally real. Totally.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Hello there. This is a two part recap. Okay, this is is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two.

[Ben]

Watch what crap. INS would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Allison block.

[Ronnie]

Our way is the Amber way.

[Ben]

It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.

[Ronnie]

Get on the right way. Step foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniella Etchells. We never miss her call it's Diane.

[Ben]

Call Aaron mcnicholas she don't miss no.

[Ronnie]

Trickolus Hava Nagila Weber.

[Ben]

You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo Jamie, she has no less.

[Ronnie]

Namey she's our kind of mess. It's Jennifer Messer sipped some scotch with.

[Ben]

Jessica Trotch she's our favorite streamer Caroline.

[Ronnie]

Peacock, Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacy B. Que serra sera whatever will be will Lauren Silsby. She gets a name from us it's Lindsey D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino fresh as a daisy It's Maisie McHenry we love her on the rocks It's Melissa Cox Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the.

[Ben]

Berg this is living with Michelle Vivian.

[Ronnie]

I love a ya Olivia Williamson. Tastier than Flanderson. It's Rachel Manderson.

[Ben]

She sure is swell.

[Ronnie]

It's Raquel, yes, we canna it's Savannah.

[Ben]

Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

[Ronnie]

Darn Skippy, it's Tippy. And our super premium sponsors she's VVIP It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.

[Ben]

Somebody get us 10cc of Betsy MD.

[Ronnie]

We'Re taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

[Ben]

Let's get real with Caitlin o' Neal.

[Ronnie]

Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte Fletcher don't get salty with Christine Pepper can't have a meal without the Emily sides who, what, why, where?

[Ben]

And Gwen Pentland let's go into the.

[Ronnie]

Woods with Guy Tubbs it's our queen It's Queen Laifa Nobody holds a candle.

[Ben]

To Jamie Kendall Hail the the Cork Master the master of the cork Jennifer Corcoran we got our wish It's Jen Plish she's not harsh She's Jill Hirsch My Favorite Murdo Karen McMurdo we love him madly It's Kyle Pod Shadley in the study with a candlestick It's Leslie Peacock G It's Lisa H We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron She's a whiz It's Liz Sarthy always killing it It's Lola Al Kalani the incredible.

[Ronnie]

Edible Matthew Sisters she eases our woes it's Melissa St. Rose there's a chance of meatballs It's Rebecca Cloud Neat.

[Ben]

It's Ronit Feldman Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska she's the queen bee It's Sarah.

[Ronnie]

Lemke we cannot tell a lie It's.

[Ben]

Sarah Tell of son Shannon out of a cannon Anthony, please don't stop it's solely and pop let's take off with.

[Ronnie]

Tamla playing She ain't no shrinking violet Coutard. We love you guys. If you like, watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] survey.