A (2:26)

Yeah, I'm cozying it up. I'm wearing my Beyonce hoodie, my cowboy Carter hoodie. I feel very Beyonce up. I love wearing a hoodie to work and it's a Very exciting day because, oh, this is a very rough hoodie. It's like a very stiff material. So I'm echoing, actually, my own ears. I'll take that off. Welcome. I've never echoed in a hoodie before. That's so weird. I could hear the ocean. I didn't either. Well, everybody, welcome to the show. It's below deck Mediterranean day. Gather around for some hugs and some naps. Okay. On this cozy day, you can find this video on Crappins on Demand, which is on Patreon. That's also where you get bonus episodes. This week we are doing a preview of the Southern Charm trailer, Trailer Trash, as we call them. So join us over there for that. Thanks for everybody who came to Amazon Live last night. That was super fun shopping with you guys. We do that Mondays at 4pm every other Monday. And when we're not doing that, we are doing Crappy Hour Live, which is a Bravo news thingy that we do every Other Monday at 5:30pm on YouTube and Patreon for free. So join us for that. You can find links to everything on our social link in bio at Instagram. Okay. Or on Instagram, I guess I should say. And that's it for that. Let's get to the recap.

B (3:44)

Well, you know, before. You know, before we do the recap, I just want to give a shout out to one of our great friends here in our Bravo world. Also, we just love her in general. Amy Phillips.

A (3:56)

Amy Phillips.

B (3:58)

Excuse me, I'm getting choked up.

A (3:59)

Oh, my God.

B (4:00)

Amy Phillips. Oh, my God. I owe everything to Amy Phillips.

A (4:06)

But anyway, you're like Drama Darlings podcast.

B (4:10)

We love Amy. She. She subbed in for both of us over the summer at various times, and she's wonderful. And if you're going to Bravo Con, we just want to flag this for you that at nighttime, like, you know, I don't know what the schedule is, but I don't think there's things scheduled tonight. So if you're looking for something cool to do, Amy Phillips is doing this thing called Cabaret Me, and it's going to be at the Hard Rock Cafe. She does her comedy cabaret. And you like, you know, she does like a million impersonations, so she's going to be doing it. So if you ever wanted to see Tamara and Gretchen singing Wicked, which. Which I think we all want to see, it's Tamara. Gretchen, you know, Amy is going to knock it out of the park. So definitely go check out Amy's Cabareni. That's going to be happening during Bravo Con. Weekend. And she's also let us know that it's gonna be at the Hard Rock on the Strip. And your ticket. Yeah, isn't that amazing? Like, Hard Rock. And your ticket gets you 20% off of food for the day of the show. And if you want to get tickets, go to ticket Web and search Cabaremy. That's C A B A R a M Y. Or you can just check out Amy's Instagram. Eat Amy Phillips. And her link will be in the bio. So go support our girl, Amy.

A (5:32)

Yeah, she's great. I saw. Last time I was at Bravo, it was great. Yeah, she does a great show. And she's a great person. She's a great.

B (5:39)

She really is ventriloquist. She's, like, legitimately a great.

A (5:41)

She's not a ventriloquist, but she is a great magician. It's a great magic show she does. And she strips, she takes off all her clothes.

B (5:49)

What she can do with a tassel. You don't even realize. She can make her tassel sound like Rachel Zoe.

A (5:54)

Wait until the ping pong section. The ping pong ball section. It is absolutely, incredibly me. Okay, okay, we'll be there. Love you, Amy. Okay, everybody, let's check out below deck. Mediterranean Season 10 Episode 3 Excess Baggage we have been in a fight with Christian, who's a dummy who tries to make us think that he's getting phone numbers wherever he goes. And Max, who's also a dummy, he's a French dummy, which really makes no difference, except his voice is super fun when he yells at people. And Christian's mad that he's getting bossed around all the time. And Max is mad because he's trying to be. I don't know. Who did he say he was? What dictator was he trying to be with the guillotine?

B (6:42)

Oh, he was trying to be Robespierre. He's trying to live up to the legacy of Robespierre.

A (6:47)

Yeah, Mussolini. I don't know where that came from, but he is. I don't know history very well. Can you tell? I'm a reality person. And so they're yelling at each other, and Christian is like, don't do that. You don't fucking know me. Okay? So don't push my buttons. And Max is like, push the button, then. Push the button. Push the button.

B (7:07)

Okay. Fantasia. So Max is like, yeah. He's like, you don't know? He's like this guy, you know, I asked him to just put this. And I see him the other way doing, like, little shaming. Oh, my God. And Tessa's just sitting there watching, quietly judging, putting everything in her. In her, like, in her vault to complain about later. Not actually doing any cleaning, of course, because it's Tessa, but she's just watching.

A (7:31)

Yeah, I like that Tessa's so judgmental, but also doesn't work at all. Yeah, that's my favorite kind of judgmental. I love a judgmental that comes from a place of not having any leg to stand on, you know, in the argument. And so that's what she does. And it's really fun to watch. And so I don't even know what they're really fighting about. Like, Max wants him to dry certain things. And he's like, but I did try that. And he's like, no, you didn't dry it. And it's just a stupid fight. Max wants to be in charge. Christian doesn't want to be bossed around, but they're both dumb. So Max is like, oh, since two days. Every time we ask you something, there's a reason you don't do this thing. He's like, but literally, I did the whole thing, bro. Okay? The shammy gave me his phone number. Max is like, oh, I asked you put on cover. There's no cover. So Nathan's like, okay, stop, lad, stop. Jesus fucking Christ. Let's keep it professional. Finish the job. When you're off the boat, you have a conversation. But for now, get changed. We'll get ready to go out. Let's concentrate on not fixing my hair. This.

B (8:29)

It's definitely a clash of egos, but they're not actually alpha males. They aren't lions. They're behaving like cats. Like, oh, this. I like cats. Stop that. Don't. Don't sully cats with these two idiots. They're acting like two stupid platypuses fighting over piece of grass.

A (8:51)

Yeah, they're acting like boys. So Nathan's like, what was that test? And she's like, honestly, I don't need. No, just can't. Could you pick up Shammy? No. Still no.

B (9:07)

So everyone is cleaning because it's, you know, the. They're. They're fixing up the boat, you know, because tonight they're going to go out. So now they're. They're getting excited and Kizzy says she's going to get so drunk tonight, like, she really can't wait. And then Sandy is in the bridge and she's listening to a voicemail from Leah that's like, hi, Mimi, I'm on my way to work. I miss you. You're like, so cute. Like, in, like, a sexy wife. Like, I'm so in love. What kind of way? And like, I don't know, like, call me when you can. I love you. Me?

A (9:39)

Yeah. You're, like, really sexy. But, like, you're cute. But I don't mean it like, in a bad way, baby. I mean, like, you're like you in a really sexy way, baby. Come on, baby. Oh, my God. How new are you two? Do you talk like that all the time? And Captain Sandy's just sitting there with a huge grin on her face, like, wow, the luckiest girl alive.

B (10:01)

So I asked Norma if she ever gets voicemails like that, and she says sometimes she gets something left by the a representative from sadness.com. so I don't know, people just get different kind of Messages, I guess.

A (10:14)

Sadness.com or Norma. My head's exploding over here. So V is asking Aisha for feedback on her cabins. Asia's like, you did it. And then Kizzy is hanging with Josh. I don't know. Just people are doing things, you know, taking a nap before tonight. What are we going to do? So Vee still doesn't really seem to know what she's doing. You know, she has to learn about things like hand towels, you know, And Asia has to, like, explain what hand towels are and why they're important because sometimes your hands get wet and you need a hand towel.

B (10:55)

I feel so determined to get V up to speed because a stronger team means more cold hard cash. And right now, Scott and I, we've got a wedding coming up and we're doing repairs on the house, and I've got a mortgage and I need to paint the house. Paints expensive.

A (11:20)

I like that. She gives herself like a three minute laugh break.

B (11:22)

Too much more, would you say? Sorry.

A (11:29)

So Sandy is walking through the boat like, wow, good. Great. Looks like a hug. This is like the clean version of a hug. Great. Everybody did great. So we're about to go out. Max is gonna go for Kizzy tonight. Everyone's all for Kizzy. Cause she's like, oh, I'm just so horny. I just love, love. And Kizzy.

B (11:48)

Is it me? Does Kizzy look different in every single shot that they show of her? I cannot get a grasp on what her face actually looks like. Like, like one moment, she sort of looks like kind of a British, like, what was the name of the woman? Jerry hall from Star Trek or whatever. Like, sometimes she looks like that. Sometimes she's like a little. Kind of like, kind of like a mom version of. Of like Charlize Theron. And then sometimes she's like this. She just had different looks. And I can't think she looks like.

A (12:16)

Rose McGowan sometimes from Charmed. Went back in the Charmed days. And I think sometimes she looks like Christina Ricci back in the back of the Addams Family days. But I don't know. I can't really figure it out, you know, that she's probably a sociopath, which I like. She's like, sociopath with an extreme need for attention, which I think works really well on the show in general.

B (12:41)

Yeah.

A (12:42)

Casting.

B (12:43)

Yeah, it's usually. It usually winds up like that. Yeah.

A (12:46)

And so she's texting Tommy, who I guess is her boyfriend, and it's really super romantic. She texts him, I can't poop. And he says, sorry, I'm driving. I don't know what that means. Like, would he normally be able to help you if he wasn't driving? Would he be able to talk you through it? Like, squeeze, but not so hard that, you know, you get a little bump. What would you do? Close your eyes. Breathe deeply. Think of coffee coursing through your system.

B (13:16)

Yeah. Think of all the good things. Think of the fiber. So Aisha is. She's somehow found some, like, fake balls, and she's, like, dipping them into Kizzy's mouth. So that's fun. They're, like, teabagging. And now they're all getting ready to go out to have their first night out as a team. So they're getting into their vans and they're excited, and Vee spills a beer on herself, and they're laughing and sticks.

A (13:48)

Her finger up Nathan's ass. And he's like, whoa, that's the first time I've ever had a finger up my ass. I do not believe you. I don't believe you. So then Nathan is saying to Max, first charter. And I think you and Christian are gonna rip each other's throats out. Abrah. And Max is like, yeah, Ye. Every time we ask him something, he always finds something to say, you know? You know, and then in the other van, V is with Christian and Josh, and they're, you know, having more fun while Max is just making everything about gossiping.

B (14:22)

Yeah, exactly. And Asia. Asia and Nathan are, like, sort of like they're talking because basically, you know, his team is totally inept, and he's, you know, like, they're just trying to figure out what to do with everything with his deck team and everything. And Asia saying, there's just, like, there's no time to train anyone, you just have to like, dive in and go and you know, because basically because it's below deck. So they are thrown into the fire as soon as possible. They get like, no lead, time to get ready for guests, etc.

A (14:55)

Yeah.

B (14:55)

So they arrive.

A (14:56)

They're purposely given people who don't know what they're doing to make a good show. But I worry for the boat. Like, it's. They're getting out of hand at this point. Like when they had one or two people who don't know what they're doing and then everybody can bully that person. But having this many people not know what they're doing is a little scary. So Tessa, meanwhile, is like, it's real hard though. Like, I don't think I've ever worked this hard in my life since the boys were born. And now everybody's in downtown Barcelona. Party. It's our first party night with this crew, right? It's the first night we see them doing their thing.

B (15:32)

And Nathan is, he's like talking about how like the women are good looking. He's like the good looking crew. And he's like, oh, because of one time what I went through with Gaya last season, you know, and then we see flashbacks of them being annoying. He's like, I just want something casual. Casual is exactly what I like. Something deeply, deeply casual where you wouldn't have to say something like, nine months later, there's a baby. You know, something easy, not too. Nothing that will be like a lifetime commitment. Know what I'm saying?

A (16:00)

Yeah. He's like, on the boat, I'm a person, but when I'm in the club, I'm a playboy.

B (16:05)

Mm. Mm.

A (16:07)

So they get to the restaurant and everyone's really liking Kizzy. And Asa is, I don't know, it's one of those that's like, it together. It's super awkward. Nothing's really going on. They're kind of trying to pretend that they're all. They're all in below deck mode where they're just walking around going, woo, woo. But nothing's really happening and no one has a relationship yet.

B (16:32)

Yeah. Max is still talking about hypnosis. Max is definitely like the kid that went to sleepaway camp and learned a lot of like, cool things at sleepaway camp from his friends and then has like, come back to his regular friends and is trying to be like, oh, and here's something really cool that we did. I'm gonna teach you how we did it. And like, no one cares. It's like, leave the Hypnosis for hypnosis camp. Because no one cares about your hypnosis here in Below Deck world. He's like, I want to. I want to do a hypnosis clinic. Yeah. He's like, I did learn for five months a therapy hypnosis, you know? And the one moment I swear it came to me. You will do hypnosis now. I'm like, well, I have bad news for you. I know that you said that you had this epiphany that you're suddenly going to become, like, hypnotherapist, but you unfortunately may have been hypnotized because you're currently a deckhand on a boat. So I think you're a little bit far. Farther field from your. From your therapy practice.

A (17:25)

Yeah, get hypnotized harder, bro.

B (17:28)

Yeah.

A (17:29)

So Kizzy is asking Nathan about his exes, and he's like, well, the most recent was last season. We're like best friends, you know, and just kind of. I kind of fucked it up. And she's like, rip, I haven't pooped today. And Josh is asking where Max is going next. He's talking about the hypnosis, and then everyone just wants him to shut up. Christian's just looking at him like, you fucking kidding me with your fucking hypnosis? Shut up. Who wants to calm themselves and close their eyes around Max? Literally nobody.

B (17:59)

Okay, so now Kizzy's doing that thing. This is something we see on Below Deck a lot, which is like the thirsty stew who wants to get with all the guys, which, by the way, I support it. Ghost, let it up. Those guys are good looking. Go get your fun. Etc. But she does it in like, her. Her flirting is just so clunky and so obvious. It's like. So she's like. She turns to Tessa and is like, do you want to do a vajazzle with me? Of course the guys can hear it. And she's like, oh, my God. She's gonna talk about, like, Jules on her vagina and everything. Like, you know.

A (18:32)

Oh.

B (18:33)

What? Oh, you were listening in on that. It's like, okay. Clunky flirt incoming.

A (18:38)

Yeah, she's kind of doing the flirting thing that people who are kind of not hot commodities do, you know? Like, we see it a lot with people who can't get dates who are like, hey, everybody feeling horn me all the time. It's me. And you're like, oh, God. It's like always awkward, but it's an actual hot person acting like that. It's like, you don't have to put Yourself out there that hard, you're already hot. Like, what more do you need? You don't. Like, you don't need the vagazzling prop. You know what I mean? You're gifted. You're facially gifted. You're gorgeously gifted. So, like, you don't need to rely this hard on props. That's what I say.

B (19:15)

Yeah. And I feel like we've seen. We've seen some of these people on, like, blow deck sailing. Like, there was. Remember that one crazy girl? Is that Ashley? Was her name Ashley? I don't remember, but she was the one who, like, binged on spaghetti when she couldn't get with Gary. She was at this mold. And then the last season of below deck sailing, there was a girl, Diana. I was a Diana. I think it was Diana. Or maybe Diana was.

A (19:42)

You know, I don't remember below deck people. I don't have. I don't have space in my mental DVR to remember below Deck. I don't know. I didn't even remember Max, and he did a full season. I said, still don't really remember Max. And he's on the show right now.

B (19:55)

Yeah, it was Danny. But like, these. These girls who are like, you know, they walk up to a guy, be like, I'm gonna go vagaz in my vagina. And like, of course you're allowed to say that. And of course you're allowed to be proud of that. There's nothing wrong with it. There's no slut shamming coming here. It's more like clunky flirt shaming. I just feel like, just. Just don't be so transparent. Put some art into it, you know?

A (20:16)

Yeah, artful. Artful flirting. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. So she's like, yeah, you know, that's where you put diamonds. Diamonds on your vagina. I just have a little love. Heart of gems. But then later she tells us that the last boat she was on, she had three. She left with three STDs. And I'm wondering how that works with all the vagazzling, you know? I mean, doesn't that make it, like, crustier? Or are you trying to, like, hide stuff with the vagazzle? Like, it's not an std, it's a vagazzle, you know?

B (20:52)

Yeah, I am very curious about that. It's an interesting detail. And then she giggled it off. But, like, it's. I think again, it's just to be like, look at me. Well, then she's like, act like she's embarrassed. She's like, oh, my God. I'm like, you're the one who introduced it to the table. Like, it's fine. I mean, obviously, like, if it's fine, I'm sure you got it all cleared up, right? But. But, like, I don't know, like, I can't stand a clunky flirt. That's just what it comes down to.

A (21:19)

Yeah, but they're all falling for it, you know, because he's like, it's just muff diamonds. And so the girls are laughing, and Nathan's like, wow, she's definitely trouble. She's definitely trouble. You know what I like when I have sex with somebody? I like to feel my penis being slowly chipped away, like a pencil in a pencil sharpener. That's what I imagine that her bedazzle is like.

B (21:40)

Her bedazzle. It's like. Like textured. It's like when you. It's like when you're feeling the radio button on your steering wheel. Yeah, that's a really specific comparison.

A (21:57)

I also like one of those finger torture games, you know, where it's like a basket weaving thing that you put your finger into. I mean, I know that you don't vagazzle the interiors or whatever, but you see, that's what you get for talking about vajazzling and trying to make it this big deal, because you're making everybody wonder, like, well, what is that like? You know, especially with the STD talk in the same conversation, it's just too much.

B (22:21)

And so I also, by the way, you know what I hate is when guys say things like, kizzy's definitely trouble. No, you're trouble. You don't put it on her. She's a clunky flirt. You're the guy who has no self control. Although it doesn't seem like you need to have self control because it doesn't seem like you're in a relationship. But I hate when they do that. They just put it all on the girl. I mean, it's like, that drives me nuts. And yes, she's annoying. And yes, she's basically like. Like, you know, trying to be like, look at me, boys. But at the same time, like, bro.

A (22:52)

Like, just means. I mean, girls say that about guys, too. Like, oh, here comes trouble. I think it's just.

B (22:58)

I know, but what happened?

A (22:59)

Sexy.

B (23:01)

Well, what always happens is it's always guys like Nathan or Gary or whoever who, like, the. The big flirt is on board. And then they get their rocks off, they have sex, they have a Good time. And then they want to keep the option for more good times, so they say sweet nothings. And then the girls wind up getting attached. And then all of a sudden, they're like, whoa, this is too much. And suddenly this idea of, like, their trouble is now come to fruition. But it's largely because the guys have been fucked with them in the first place. You know? Like, it's usually on the guys. I just. I guess I'm just on one this morning.

A (23:41)

Well, I'll just wait for the. I'll just wait for that to actually happen, because, you know, that's gonna. Something like that always happens on below deck anyway. So I'm just enjoying the calm before the storm. Yeah, the calm before the man trouble storm.

B (23:55)

So.

A (23:56)

Because he's like, I might get a bit jostle. That says bravado. That's a gigantic private part you have there. Jesus.

B (24:05)

That's a big bejazzle. It's also a bold statement to put on your. On your hoo ha. I feel like bravado. Bravado.

A (24:14)

The hoo ha coming soon to a wiener near you.

B (24:19)

This vagina's been places you've never seen before. Bravado.

A (24:24)

And Nathan's like, I would do a sparkly cobra. That would be my pizazzle. That would look like a mealworm. What are you talking about? A sparkly cobra on your wiener? No. And also, also, penises change sizes too much to be vagazzled. That's why you can't have a vagaz one minute. It would be like, ow, you know, like it's crumpling all up together and it would cut you. It wouldn't feel good. You need to have it on something, I guess, more solid. You couldn't put it on your nets either. Those things are always up and down, up and down. Big, small, big, small. Here, there. What are you gonna do, guys? Just don't vagazzle yourself. Don't pizzazzle yourself. Just. We should do it on, like, the back of our elbows.

B (25:08)

Something, I think. I think you should pizzazzle an image that looks like the back of a yacht. And so that way every time you get a boner, it looks like the passer ale coming up and getting. Reaching for the dock. They could bring, like, luggage across it.

A (25:26)

Or maybe you could sew one part of your nut sack to, like, closer up towards the head of the penis so that whenever it gets erect, it can look like the sails going up on sailing yacht.

B (25:41)

How about a ballerina who is in the process of doing an arabesque it's like, oh, my. Oh, my God.

A (25:48)

Look at that.

B (25:49)

Look at that. Look. Look at that ballerina's wonderful form. It's like, no, I just have a boner.

A (25:54)

Or you could just sew, like, little arms on the side. And so when it starts to get bigger, it looks like one of those car wash things that's, like, flinging its arms around.

B (26:06)

Yeah, but you have to do a little bit of work. You have to do some flopping on your end as well.

A (26:09)

That's true. Hey, sorry, guys. I'm doing just what we're accusing Kizzy of. And I'm doing really sexy flirting right now. I'm doing artless flirting right now. I know how many people have pulled over their cars right now just too turned on to even drive. Sorry, guys. Sorry.

B (26:28)

You know, I think the thing. I'm trying to, like, articulate what it is about Kizzy, like, this style of flirting that drives me nuts because I feel like you have to be really careful when you. When you. When you try to describe what's irritating about it. You open up the door for people saying, like, you're slut shaming. A girl's allowed to flirt, and it's like, absolutely. A girl that's not only allowed to. A girl should and enjoy it, yada, yada, yada. But there's something about, like, the. This kind of flirt where she'll, like, make a passing comment as if she is this. As if she. It tumbled out of her mouth as if she didn't mean to say it, and then it brings the entire conversation at the table over to her, and then she has to, like, laugh, like, oh, this is so embarrassing. I can't believe I accidentally said that. And then everyone's asking her questions about herself. And then it's, of course, but it's also, like, usually about her sex life. So in. In a way, like, she's trying to kind of like. It's. It's her way of, I think, trying to present herself as, like, you should, like, like, hey, hey, check. Check me out. Which. That part's fine, but it's more the way that she, like, commandeers all the attention of the table. I don't like anyone who does this. I don't like anyone who is just, like, does some social manipulation where whatever conversations were happening all come to a halt. Because this girl needs, like, attention at this moment. Or this boy. It can happen with the boy, too, I want to add. So I'm trying to, like, work through this.

A (27:51)

You're really getting yourself tied up over There.

B (27:54)

Well, I like. You know, I like to. When I start a theory, I like my theory to. To make sense. And I like it also to, like. I don't want to have to. Once the theory is locked in, I don't want to explain it again. I don't want to come on next week because. Because people are like, what Ben was saying on the show was so inappropriate and so backwards. And I'd be like, this is what I really meant. Because now I thought about it for a week. This is what I really meant. I kind of, like, lock it in. And I think that what I'm locking in here is that Kizzy wants. Is just, like, obnoxious, and she just wants a lot of attention, and she wraps it up with her flirting, and she makes her flirting annoying as a result.

A (28:32)

Yeah.

B (28:32)

And I don't like it.

A (28:34)

Yeah. Okay, well, fair. I mean, I. Yeah, in my eyes, she's just an annoying attention hog. She's just, like, desperate for attention, and it's. It's awkward. So she's just using the avenue of her vagazzle to get there. But, you know, we all do it in different. We all have our different ways of doing it. So we hear a phone dinging, and guess who it is. It's Tommy. Guys, is Tommy still driving? I'm dying to know. So Tommy's like, are you good? And she's like, yeah. And she's like, oh, my God, you guys, he's so in love. He just asked me if I'm good. He just asked me if I'm good. That's Tommy. He's my gentleman at home. And the guys are like, what? She has a gentleman at home? And Tessa wants to know if they've said the L word. And she's like, yeah, we have. And then Josh looks very confused, even for a clown.

B (29:27)

Yeah, he's very confused. And Nathan is like, holy shit, she has a boyfriend. That's fucking bizarre. And then Christian's like, oh, fuck, that sucks. And Max like, oh, she went too far away flirting with everyone to announce that she has a boyfriend now. And then Josh, we just see him in clown makeup going.

A (29:49)

Please tell me that guy never gets laid. Because it just. Just wouldn't be fair to see that guy, that clown, getting laid.

B (29:56)

Please. Oh, he definitely gets laid. It's so annoying. That's why he's getting a positive feedback loop on that clown makeup. And it's very unfortunate.

A (30:07)

So everyone, you know, the guys are confused, but they're like, okay, I guess. Cheers to that. So now it's 14.5 hours before the next charter, Max and Nathan go out for a cig. And Max is like, so she have a boyfriend? And Nathan's like, lad, I don't know there. I don't even know. I still don't even understand the virtual.

B (30:28)

They are acting like the star running back on their fantasy football roster just went on injured reserve. They're like, oh, wow.

A (30:34)

Wow.

B (30:35)

We really thought, like, I built my whole season around Kizzy, but now she's, like, not going to be playing football for the next several months. So I got to go find some other places. Like, what do we do? Like, what's going to happen? I got to recruit. Do I go to waiver wire? Like, is there anyone even available? Everyone is like, a my third RB3 at best. Like, what do we do? Guys? Like, they're in panic because Kizzy is off the market. So they're sitting. They're standing out there smoking. And then inside, Tessa and Isha, they're.

A (31:03)

Like people standing at the Golden Corral. And there's one. You know, there's like, one roll left on the buffet, and they see someone take it, and they're all upset. Like, the rules were there for everybody. It didn't make you. It didn't make you special. You know what I mean? Like, if you all thought you had a chance, I mean, I don't know. Just keep looking.

B (31:21)

You're fighting over the cottage cheese. So Tessa inside the. The. The girls and Josh are still there. And Tessa's like, well, it's a deck meeting, and I'm never heard of it. Which is okay because those boys, I've watched them then, they grew up with their little children. Look out for these gum now.

A (31:38)

I mean, it's concerning that they're cracking so early. You know what I mean? I mean, that whole team. I don't know if I can trust this team. I don't know if I can even trust this team. It's stressing me out, boss. It's stressing me out. Do you reckon it's rectifiable? I'm just hoping it's not me. I'm just happy it's not me. That's what's going on.

B (31:58)

So Max outside tells Christian. He's like, can you punch me on the shoulder, please? Because I really want, like, that we succeed into males that can communicate each other. Nathan's like, okay, well, how about you hug instead? Like, no punching. Hug it out. Like, we don't need to do any punching. A good hug. So they hug. Christian hates Max I actually. I have to say, I liked Christian more this episode because his hatred for Max is so enjoyable for me. Like, the way he just cannot hide how much he can. Can't stand this guy. Like, his. Even though Christian is a totally inept deckhand and probably should be fired, and, like, his tales of aggression are not charming at all, and they're the exact opposite. I do just really enjoy how, like, every time Max says something, Chris is just, like, shaking his head, like, why did I leave my anything I was doing in my life to come here to deal with this jackass.

A (32:50)

Yeah. So we get Christian backstory, and he's like, growing up and also called the crazy eyes in the first five minutes. And here they are. Here they are. Here's the backstory. So he's like, growing up, I used to solve my problems with being physical. Last time I got in a fight was two years ago. I was in Sydney and there were some drunk guys, you know, being stupid and having fun. And one guy came up towards me and he grabbed my nose, and he said, got your nose. He did that to me. So I punched him in the face and I said, no, I got your nose. So first of all, I knocked him out. He said, what the hell? You can't knock somebody out for doing the I got your nose. Drake.

B (33:38)

You.

A (33:38)

Do you know how many times that would have been knocked out? Jesus Christ. I love.

B (33:42)

No, you can't do that, and you shouldn't do that. But if you do the. But if you're drunk and you do the I got your nose trick to a random stranger, just know you might get your face knocked in. Like, that's. I'm not saying you had it coming, but just know it is on, like, the. The short list of things that may consequences that may happen. They are the consequences of my actions. I mean, no, I'm not advocating for it.

A (34:07)

That's an international sign of like, hi, I'm just trying to be nice to you. Got your nose. That's like, nice. Do you know my nieces?

B (34:15)

I agree.

A (34:16)

I would not punch them. You know, Texas is a concealed carry state or whatever. My nieces could have shot me back then. If that was acceptable to be hatred towards that. I was always catching their nose.

B (34:26)

I would.

A (34:26)

I love catching noses.

B (34:28)

I am definitely not catching anyone's nose in Texas. I. I will have a bullet in my head in three seconds. Okay. Like, no, I'm not doing it. There's just certain things you don't do. And I'm not saying, like, I don't like, the mentality, I'm gonna steal your nose. I don't like the idea that, like, we have to, like. Like violent men. We have to, like, cater our actions to. To suit their needs and their impulses. Like, they're the ones that should be working on themselves when we do things. Stupid. But that being said, we do live in a real world, and I am not grabbing the nose of any stranger anytime soon. I think at least. At least what I'm saying.

A (35:12)

Well, you reserve the right to not grab a nose. I'm just saying, you know, if someone does grab your nose, you shouldn't punch him in the face. I mean, that's like. That's a very nice thing. It's like. I don't know. It's like someone being like, I don't.

B (35:23)

Think it's a nice thing.

A (35:24)

Hi, I see you in the world. Got your nose.

B (35:27)

You literally are stealing my body part. That's not nice at all. That's terrible. Don't steal my nose. Don't put your fingers on my nose. Don't steal it. Don't hold it for ransom. Don't pretend to steal it. Don't even do a hoax robbery. Don't do a hoax kidnapping for publicity. Get away from my nose. Stay away from my baby.

A (35:45)

Yeah, so it was a big deal. So he got violent and he knocked this guy out. And also, I feel like in Sydney, I feel like that's like, a drunk culture, Right? Australia, I feel like, is where guys get really drunk and start patting each other on the butt, I don't know. And kissing each other on the neck and stealing each other's nose. I mean, it sounds like a perfectly charming place.

B (36:07)

It does. Australia. My impression of Australia is that there's a lot of, like, charming laughter. And so I think probably if a drunk Australian grabbed my nose in Australia, I'd be like, all right, mate, that's funny. Um, but I don't know if I would otherwise. I think. I think I might give it a pass in Australia.

A (36:25)

So he's decided, since he's already, you know, beaten a lot of nose robbers, that he is going to accept Max's apology because he doesn't want to put his job in jeopardy by punching Max in the nose as well. So he's like, yeah, I'm just trying to keep myself calm so I don't do something stupid. Like, okay, crazy eyes. Get rid of him. Get rid of him.

B (36:46)

Yeah. They seem to be setting up that he's going to do something stupid, which he does. By the end of the Episode, which is Stranded on a jet ski. So.

A (36:55)

Because Kizzy is kind of a Jazzle thing, like her trying to look cool. This is his trying to look cool. It's like, yeah, I beat a guy. I beat a guy for stealing my nose. Get out of here. Sir. So Josh is asking Kizzy where her guy is, and she's like, oh, back in England. It's new. You know, I came off my Last bet with three STDs, which has been.

B (37:16)

Nothing to do with her guy, by the way. She's just like. The question was, where's your guy? Back in England. And then I came off the last boat with three STDs. That has nothing to do with anything. But, yeah, she's like, so now, of course, like, what? So it's a great deflections that way. They're not talking about the guy anymore, and they're centering the fact that she, like, loves to have sex. So she's like, really? Like, she's like, you know, like. Then she's like, oh, my God, did I say that? And then, like, what? She's like, no, it wasn't at the same time. Yeah, it was at the same time. I had three at the same time. Isn't that hilarious?

A (37:52)

Josh is like, so would you say you're juggling STDs? I'm a clown. Speaking of grabbing your nose. Oh, geez. Well, I guess that's like nose durbation if you're. If you're honking your own nose. So then. So Tessa's like, is this one of them? And she claps and kids. He's like, no, I didn't have the clap. And Aisha's like, is this one of them? So she, like, pantomimes the crab. You see, there's one clown on board, and now everybody's, like, pantomiming and.

B (38:24)

Well, actually, the. The irony is the clown is the only one not miming right now. Everyone's trying to mime different, like, so I'm surprised someone didn't try to be like, oh, okay, okay. Sounds like pawn, pawn, pawn. Gone.

A (38:38)

Go on.

B (38:39)

Come on, Keep going. Sounds like gone gonorrhea.

A (38:42)

There we go.

B (38:44)

Little STD charades. Here comes one right now.

A (38:58)

So she's like, well, I don't have anything anymore, so. Well, those were three lucky STDs. If you've had three STDs, and they're all the ones that you don't have anymore, those are very lucky ones, because I think the normal, you know, the most common ones, you have, like, forever, right? So that's like. I don't know. I don't. I don't. I don't. Sounds like she'd be bragging about STDs at dinner, but, you know.

B (39:19)

Yes. It's like a weird thing. Like, I'm not gonna shame someone because they got, like. They got an std. Like, you know, shit happens, right? But, like, it's just.

A (39:30)

But can I eat my calamari, you know what I mean, without thinking of your private part? Crust. Can I just enjoy my calamari? So she's ready to party. And they're like, yeah. Max is like, life is good. So now they head to the club. You guys, Max still wants to dance with Kizzy. He's, like, still into it. There's no keeping the men away from Kiz, so, you know, they just party and woo a lot. And then Max and Christian are dancing, and Christian's showing Max some salsa moves. And everybody's like, what's with the bromance with these guys? And then Josh is. Josh tries with Kizzy again. He's like, is your boyfriend worried? I'm worried, clown. Back away. Yeah, you don't need to be following me around the club all night asking me questions about Tommy, Sir. Okay, go. Go in a corner and pinch your. And pinch your nose for. Squeeze your own nose. Squeeze it off.

B (40:24)

So Gizzy is talking to Tessa, and she's like. I'm, like, naturally a very flirty person, but I also love connection. Like, I just really. I love, love. Just. It's so much. But while she's telling this, she's telling this to Tessa, who seems bored out of her mind. And meanwhile, because Kizzy's basically off the market, the guys are now circling around V. Truly, like sharks. And they're all. They're all being flirty, and Max is saying, like, they're saying some flirty stuff about how he's ready to bite anything. And she's like, oh, my God. And Kizzy's still just going on about, like, you know, I just want to, like, embrace people, and I want to hug people, and I want to, like, have conversations and feelings for people. And I love that. It just makes me feel so nice. I love connection. Now, hold on one second. Let me go to work upside down on Asia. Excuse me.

A (41:13)

Yeah. And Tessa's just looking at her, like.

B (41:16)

Gross, because basically she does it because V is getting all this attention from the guys, and Kizzy is watching, and she's, like, getting jealous, and she's like, wait a second. So she barges in and does, like, an upside down twerk lap dance thing.

A (41:29)

Yeah, well, Vee is giving Asha a lap dance, and then now Vee gets up. So Kizzy is going to, like, upstage her lap dance. So she, like, does the upside down handstand lap dance thing. And so, like, whoa. Yeah. And of course, Asha immediately acts like she's eating her butt. Yeah, it's gonna be a good. This is gonna be a good season. And Josh is like, oh, yeah, encourage that twerk. And Max is like, oh, she already, like, put fire on the powder. The mail are about to explode.

B (42:04)

More purrying, more lap dance and everything. And Kizzy's like, I've been told I've been a naughty girl. We all knew this. Aren't I outrageous? So now they're all heading back to the boat and everything. And Christian showing everyone a tattoo on his butt of his ex girlfriend's Instagram handle, which I love. The branding. Literal branding. That's funny.

A (42:36)

And Asha is finally grossed out. And so Christian's like, yeah, she's hot. You guys can follow her. You guys can follow her. They're like, okay, you're gross. So Asia sends Scott, I miss you text emoji. And he doesn't even text back, you know, like, hope you're pooping. Well, which I don't know. I don't know if this relationship's a solid one, I'll tell you that. So they go back to the boat. Everyone's just jacuzzi time. And Kizzy's like, let's face all my mans. Let's face all my mens. And Christian sees her FaceTiming. So he gets on the phone and he's like, oh, she's a keeper. Yeah, she's a real keeper. The Jazzle bro. Yeah.

B (43:16)

So meanwhile, Max is, like, very disgusted by this because he's saying that she's, like, really thirsty and, like, she's in love with a guy, but, like, she also wants to be single. It's like, really up. Etc. So then the way he deals with it is he decides to hypnotize Christian. So they're, like, drunk, and Max is doing some sort of hypnosis. He's like, okay, this. We're going to settle into a trance. Okay, you're breathing in, I'm breathing out. Okay, you're going to fall asleep. You're getting very sleepy. Are you okay? Oh, good night. And then he basically is like, when you wake up, you'll be good at lines. And Christian sort of, like, wakes up and he's like, I don't think I went to sleep in the first place. He just looking at him with this face like, what are you trying to do right now?

A (43:58)

So Nathan calls gail, and it's 7:00am where she is, and he's really tired. She's like, you need to get some rest. And he's like, yeah, but I can't. And she's like, but you need to. And then we're supposed to be like, wow, these two belong together. So then Max and Christian. Yeah, Max's hypnosis is really bad. We're still doing that. So then we go to Asia, holding noodles up above her face and lowering them into her mouth very slowly. And then we go back to Nathan and Gail's notebook conversation. He's like, I have to be up in eight hours. And she's like, I'll let you sleep then I can see the wrinkles under your eyes. And he's like, fuck off. That's crow's feet, you cheeky bastard.

B (44:39)

I like that. He's like, no, I don't have. I don't have wrinkles from fatigue. I have wrinkles from age and weather. So Nathan's like, last season, I had an amazing girl I cared about. We had an amazing deck team and a great bond within the team, and I don't have that this year. And I think a major part of that is not having Gael around. There's, like, a slight hole in my heart, but I'm not trying to show that because I fucked things up and it's just time to move on. This is so disappointing. I mean, like, Gale is like, you know, she's this, like, very lovely, drop dead gorgeous girl. And even. Even with that, a guy's still gonna be like, I want something better. I'm gonna fuck it up. It's just like, what hope does anyone have?

A (45:20)

Yeah. So Nathan is giving a speech to the team. Guys, we need to have more urgency. Okay? There's, like, drool coming down Tessa's face. She's like, okay, all right, I want people in the laz organizing inflatables, getting everything out, and obviously time management. What time is it? Okay, well, we'll start. We'll start with that one at lunch. Everybody get a watch. All right, Job lists need to be done. We've seen job list, Christian. You ever seen a job list, Christian? Do not make me steal your nose, Christian. He's like, I dare you.

B (45:57)

First charter, Tessa came in late, and she was sick. I came on late, I was sick. Blowing chunks everywhere. Diarrhea all over the teak. But going into the second charter, we all know the boat. We're all healthy, and now it's time that we actually do our job. Well, no more excuses.

A (46:11)

Yeah, well.

B (46:12)

Hey, Nathan. Sorry. Someone took my nose. Oh, geez. How are we gonna do that? How are we gonna clean the decks without a nose?

A (46:20)

So, good news. We see V making a bed, so she can do that now. And then Tessa is talking to Christian, and she says that she's getting pissed off because there's, like, smudging or something. I don't know. Tessa's always, like, walking around griping about stuff under her breath, and I don't really ever know what she's talking about, but I always am friends with that person at work who's griping a lot. I find them entertaining.

B (46:44)

Yeah. Now it's time for the preference sheet. And, babe, is that person me?

A (46:50)

No, you're a very positive person.

B (46:52)

And I gripe. I would actually be honored. I am the griper. So, Asia, we now have our preference shoot meeting. So there's this guy Jack, who was on, I guess, Blow Deck Down Under. I just don't remember him very well. And. And so Josh asks how this guy is, and she's like, well, he's a little bit specific. And we see, like, when he was last on the show, he's like, I want a pinata made out of chocolate. And also, can I have a deckhand come and breathe into my ear? So she's saying that Jack and his friends Katerina, Eleanor, fiance Sam, Taylor, Simon, and his girlfriend Idina, and Mickey with 2Ks, have been traveling through Europe, ruining all of the continent. And upon arrival. Arrival. Jack would like the ste to unpack for him and Katarina.

A (47:45)

Okay, so day one, spatter toys, wave runners. You're, you know, everybody remember I said wave runners. All right, because that's going to become a big plot point. Okay, you're going to get your jam down, right? We're going to get our jam down with the wave runners. Okay, listen, I know I'm going to do jam. Like, I'm in a really good mood today, but it's because I got a little message this morning. They called me BB a few times. That's just really enough to get me going.

B (48:06)

Okay, so they want a truffle focused menu. And Josh explains that with truffles, you have to put them with stuff that really works with them or they can taste kind of flat. So that's something that we should know in general, I guess, because it has no bearing on anything Else.

A (48:24)

Do not add truffles to things they don't go in.

B (48:27)

Okay?

A (48:27)

General chef rule.

B (48:29)

Wait a second. Wait a second. Are you saying I shouldn't put truffles on my Reese's Pieces peanut butter cup?

A (48:36)

I don't know. I actually don't know what truffles go with. I thought truffles were over, but I think it's truffle oil. That's.

B (48:43)

Truffle oil is over.

A (48:44)

Because on the Food Network, those chefs are always like, truffle oil basic.

B (48:49)

You're out. Yeah.

A (48:50)

Did you really just get me truffle oil on my fries?

B (48:53)

You are out.

A (48:54)

This is the Guy Fieri Network, and.

B (48:56)

We have class, so, yeah, they really hate it. I seem to remember there was some Top Chef where Gail Simmons was like, truffle oil. It just tastes like truffle oil and too much like quiet Gayle. I actually still like truffle oil.

A (49:09)

You know whose favorite I hate truffle oil face is? Alex Guarnaschelli. She has. She has the best I hate you in your truffle oil face. You know when Alex Guarnaschelli gets upset with somebody, well, she's always kind of upset. She's always, like, giving this look to people. But, man, when she hates your truffle oil, you're in trouble, mister. You are in trouble. But this.

B (49:31)

You know what's so funny? I'm such a follower because I actually really enjoy, like, a truffle french fry or a truffle. Like, I don't have any problem with truffle oil whatsoever. I enjoy it. It's fun. It's tasty. But someone recently came over, was like, wait, you guys don't have truffle oil? Okay, you guys have to get truffle oil. And I was like, peasant. But, like, I've. I actually really like it. I'm such a food trend followers. Like, oh, really? Truffle? What are we, farmers? Hey, everyone, this is the end of part one of this recap for part two. Keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Alison Block.

A (50:21)

Our way is the Amber Way.

B (50:23)

It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Auto. Put your hands together for Carly. Clap.

A (50:31)

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniella Etchels we never miss her call It's Diane call Aaron mcnicholas.

B (50:40)

She don't miss no Trickolus Hava Nagila Weber you'll never Hyde from Heidi Eleanor Jones I go, you go we all go for Hugo Jamie she has no.

A (50:50)

Less namey she's our kind of mess It's Jennifer Messer Sipped some scotch with.

B (50:54)

Jessica Trot she's our favorite streamer Caroline.

A (50:58)

Peacock, Kristen the Piston Anderson Get a B in your bonnet with Lacey B. Que sera sera Whatever will be will Lauren Sills be she gets an A from us It's Lindsey D. Lets give a Kisserino to Lisa Lino Fresh as a daisy It's Maisie McHenry we love her on the rocks It's Melissa Cox Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the.

B (51:20)

Berg this is Living with Michelle Vivian.

A (51:23)

I love a Ya Olivia Williamson she.

B (51:26)

Sure is swell It's Raquel yes we can. It's Savannah Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman let's share with Sharon Eldridge Darn.

A (51:35)

Skippy, it's Tippy and our super premium sponsors She's VVIP It's Amanda V Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin somebody.

B (51:44)

Get us 10cc's of Betsy MD we're.

A (51:47)

Taking the gold with Brenda Silva let's.

B (51:50)

Get real with Caitlin o' Neal Put.

A (51:52)

Us on a stretcher It's Charlotte Fletcher don't get salty with Christine Pepper can't have a meal without the Emily sides who?

B (52:00)

What with why, where and Gwen Pentland.

A (52:03)

Let'S go into the woods with Guy Tubbs it's our queen It's Queen Laifa.

B (52:08)

Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall Hail the cork master the master of the cork Jennifer Corcoran. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish she's not harsh She's Jill Hirsch My Favorite Murdo Karen McMurdo.

A (52:21)

She's a total knockout It's Katie Manock.

B (52:23)

We love him madly It's Kyle Pod Chadley in the study with a candlestick It's Leslie Peacock G It's Lisa H We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron, she's a wiz It's Liz Sarthi always killing it It's Lola Alkalani the.

A (52:38)

Incredible edible Matthews sisters She eases our woes it's Melissa St. Rose there's a chance of meatballs It's Rebecca Cloud Maximum.

B (52:47)

Love for Sandy Maximoska she's the queen bee It's Sarah Lemke we cannot tell.

A (52:52)

A lie It's Sarah tell of son.

B (52:55)

Shannon out of a can and Anthony please don't stop it's solely and pop let's take off with Tamla plain we're.

A (53:02)

Obsessed doll with Tessa V she ain't no shrinking violet couture we love you guys. If you like watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey@wondery.com survey.