#3046 Below Deck Med S10E04: Just the Dip

Summary

Watch What Crappens #3046: Below Deck Med S10E04 "Just the Dip" — Detailed Summary

Episode Overview

In this episode, Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam dive into Below Deck Mediterranean Season 10, Episode 4 ("Just the Dip"). They riff on the yacht crew’s ongoing incompetence, the entitled guests’ endless demands (especially for Szechuan chicken), and the unique Bravo-fied character dynamics. With their signature blend of snark and affection, Ben and Ronnie dissect the disaster-prone deck team, chef frustrations, and standout (or lack thereof) moments among the cast—all while injecting tangents about ghost behavior, competitive stew drama, and reality trope wishlists.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Initial Reactions to Season & Cast

• Ben expresses newfound enjoyment in this season of Below Deck Med compared to last’s “woeful” main franchise, relishing the incompetence, guest entitlement, and stress-inducing scenarios.

  "This season of Below Deck Med... I'm really enjoying. And I feel like it's giving us the things that we really want, which is obnoxious guests, it's incompetence, it's undermining." (03:32)

• Ronnie is less forgiving, finding the crew dull and “too similar” to each other; he describes the episode as more exhausting than entertaining:

  “These people are just too stupid. They're all just too stupid for me... I think Below Deck just needs a few episodes to get warmed up.” (04:38)

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2. Szechuan Chicken Saga & the Obnoxious Primary

• Recapping the now-notorious guest Jack’s late-night Szechuan chicken demands – a request the chef understandably rejects after an eight-course feast and little sleep.

  • Ben: Suggests some forethought could have avoided drama:

    “I think that he was entitled to get it the second night, but they should have prepared for it.” (08:32)

  • Ronnie: Dismisses the idea, seeing the request as a pure power move from a performatively wealthy guest:

    “He didn’t even make it through his dessert. I think this is just one of those people who just wants to be like, I’m rich, look what I can do.” (09:25)

  • Memorable Quote:

    “Look what I can do. I can say Szechuan chicken and they’ll make it… I like that Asia was like, 'No, you’re an a**hole, we’re not doing that.'” (09:39)

• Ben: Imagines the guest as the kind of historical tyrant who’d “just beat up a maid in front of his friends,” settling now for tyrannizing the chef instead. (10:34)

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3. Incompetence and Chaos on Deck

• The deck team’s catastrophic performance continues: Christian runs out of fuel on a jet ski (thanks to Tessa’s failure to refuel), doesn’t radio for help, and drifts haplessly into the distance.

  • Ben:

    “He is stupid, but he's also failing on the shoulders of Tessa's stupidity… These are just two stupid people doing stupid things.” (11:50)

• Max is described as the “least incompetent,” but the bar is comically low. Ronnie likens him to a “14-year-old who thinks they know everything.”

  • Ronnie:

    “It reminds me of modern politics, where you're like, how did these morons get in charge? And then you look at everybody surrounding them and you're like, oh, because those people are even dumber.” (15:35)

• Nathan, the deck lead, remains patient but increasingly exasperated—a classic case of management despair:

  • “I feel like a manager sitting in a restaurant, looking at everybody missing orders and just running behind with bread. I'm like, you can't even fill up waters. Why did I hire any of you? Is this all my fault?” (05:01)

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4. Interior Drama: Praise, Jealousy, and Stew Dynamics

• V is receiving heaps of praise for her skills and positive attitude; Aesha and Ben (jokingly) fantasize about giving her an award.

  • Ben (as Asia):

    "You could be the person that present award. And since the first award, we'd say, sorry that no one else is good enough to ever have won this award before. So we're just gonna give it to Kizzy to give to her. Hand it over. Kizzy, you can't be in the picture. You didn't win the award." (34:29)

• Kizzy feels overshadowed and desperate for recognition, drawing comparisons to “Michael Jordan” in her competitive drive (which Ben and Ronnie find delusional given she’s cleaning toilets).

  • Kristen:

    "I mean, not for the first time I said out loud, you're cleaning toilets." (36:24)

  • Ben and Ronnie note the psychological roots of her behavior, referencing parental pressure.

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5. V’s Backstory: Trauma and Potential Deck Transfer

• V, for now on interior, gives insight into her trauma—her boyfriend’s death underwater—and explains her avoidance of deck roles because of it. The hosts predict Bravo’s producers will soon force her into confronting her trauma for maximum drama.

  • Ben:

    "You're in Bravo, and they're gonna make you do it, and they're gonna make you cry. So get ready, V. It's happening." (26:34)

• Captain Sandy notes V’s deck experience and the idea of moving her to deck starts brewing—promising more conflict to come.

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6. Docking Disaster Looms: Lines, Leadership, and Looming Firings

• The team botches basic tasks (fueling, lines, radio communication), reiterating the recurring theme of collective ineptitude.

• Sandy and Nathan agree the deck is "a total clown show," and Sandy gives Nathan the “Sophie's choice” of firing a team member:

  “Fire one person. You only get to keep one. It's like Sophie's Choice.” (77:16)

• Ben and Ronnie clamoring for a good double firing, recalling their favorite reality trope ("I'm sorry, you’re both out!").

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7. Unruly Guest Behavior Escalates

• Jack, the Szechuan chicken primary, drunkenly tries to swim in the ocean at night, despite repeated instructions he’s not allowed.
  • Ben:

    “If you were flying your plane and a passenger was like, 'I want to sit in the captain’s chair,' you wouldn’t be like, 'Well, he's persistent. I guess I’ll let him sit in the captain’s chair.' You just say no.” (59:03)

• Christian, on watch, capitulates and lets Jack “put his feet in,” leading to a half-fall, half-plunge. Nathan must intervene, highlighting how deck’s failures verge on dangerous.

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8. Food Service: Chef Josh’s Eight-Course “Concert” and Critiques

• Chef Josh serves an ambitious, mismatched, and overlarge eight-course dinner.

  • Ronnie and Ben skewer the “concert” metaphor and overkill:

    "A good song has a memorable riff and a great dish has a memorable flavor combination… If a dish is like a song, then an eight course meal is like a concert. Oh, please. You're like the pentatonix with 90 fucking things playing at once. After this meal, I can't believe anybody could even eat. This was too much." (47:23)

• Guests (Jack in particular) ignore the volume of food and at 1am, again demand the elusive Szechuan chicken, only to be rebuffed.

  • Asia:

    “We always say never say no, that we’re seven star service and we’ll do anything. But if you look at the teeny, tiny, tiny, tiny print at the bottom, it says, within reason, you stupid. So the answer is no, mommy’s boy. You don't get a mother, the Sichuan chicken." (55:15)

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9. Miscellaneous Highlights & Tangents

• Ghosts & Horror Movie Tangent: Ben and Ronnie indulge in a surreal riff about why ghosts are so angry and dramatic in horror films, imagining themselves as ghosts offering makeovers or striving for happiness instead of revenge.

  • Ben:

    “Why are all these ghosts so angry? They're going to go to hell.” (06:12)

• Recaps of Memorable Guest Lines:

  • "Why not? Margarita time. Because why not?" (Asia, 20:06)
  • “I want to feel Nemo.” (Jack, 58:52)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On the Szechuan Chicken request:
  "He just wants to prove his worth to his poorer companions… So I don't think there's any making that kind of a person happy." - Kristen (10:14)

• On deck team incompetence:
  "He's stupid, but he's also failing on the shoulders of Tessa's stupidity." - Ben (11:50)

• On crew motivation:
  "I feel like a manager sitting in a restaurant, looking at everybody missing orders and just running behind with bread." - Kristen (05:01)

• On reality show firings:
  "My favorite reality trope is when they do really badly… and also, Johan—you’re out, too." - Ben (77:16)

• On ghosts, tangents, and Bravo meta:
  “I would be the best ghost. If I haunted you, I would want to play games with you. I’d want to cook for you.” - Ben (05:45)

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Important Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment/Event | |-----------|------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:32 | Ben's praise for this season’s satisfying chaos | | 08:32 | Debate on whether chef should have predicted Szechuan request | | 11:50 | Jet ski disaster exposes deck incompetence | | 15:35 | Max as the "most capable," but the entire deck team compared to modern politics | | 34:29 | "V award ceremony" for best stew, Kizzy’s jealousy exposed | | 47:23 | Chef’s eight-course food "concert" metaphor roasted | | 55:15 | Definitive "No" to Szechuan chicken—Asia delivers Bravo realness | | 59:03 | Drunken guest tries to swim; Ben rips into lack of crew enforcement | | 77:16 | Sandy pushes for firings: “It’s like Sophie’s Choice” |

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Overall Tone & Final Thoughts

The episode is rich in playful derision, Bravo meta-commentary, and real exasperation. Ben and Ronnie maintain their trademark irreverence and affection for the show’s mess, pivoting from earnest analysis to farce—mirroring the madness aboard the Below Deck yacht. The lack of competent crew, egomaniac guests, and mounting chaos make for both watchable TV and golden podcast fodder. With mounting tension and a potential firing next week, the hosts (and listeners) are primed for whatever Bravo throws overboard next.

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For listeners new to the episode, this summary covers all the core drama, comedic highlights, and classic Watch What Crappens tangents—no need to decode the chaos yourself!

Transcript

[Kristen]

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[Ben Mandelker]

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[Kristen]

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[Ben Mandelker]

Watch what happen Watch what Crappins. Who cares what happens when there's so much of crappin? Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Hello and welcome to Watch what Happens, the podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker. Joining me today is someone who is not only lovely and handsome, but he will never make demands for Szechuan chicken after 11pm It's Ronnie Caram. Hi Ronnie, how are you? I'll just get some Szechuan chicken. Well, I just would really love some Sichuan ch know I can really see myself being hungry for two. I am please. Hi Ronnie.

[Kristen]

Hi, how are you?

[Ben Mandelker]

We are talking below deck med today. Very fun episode in case you missed it. Last night we had a super fun crappy hour. None other than Leah Black, formerly of the Real Housewives of Miami came and joined us and she spoke very bluntly and plainly about her opinions on the current ladies and gentlemen. She definitely said some things where I was like, wow, you just said that. So if you want to hear some hot takes from someone who was in the mix and knows these women, definitely go listen to that episode because wow, she was Leo went there. I was like, oh. I felt like I was in trouble and I was like I didn't even do anything. I was just listening. I felt like I was gonna get in trouble by someone. I was like, oh my God, this is crazy. But it was a great time. Thanks everyone who who joined us for that. We do Crappy hour every other week. Mondays 5:30 on the West Coast, 8:30 on the east coast and we usually alternate that with an Amazon live. So anyway, we will always keep you updated on what we're Doing on our Mondays, we will always, you know, stay here to hear all the updates on what our schedule is on all that front. And of course, there's Patreon. That's where people can watch things like Crappy Hour. They can also watch our beautiful faces. Right now with Crappings on Demand, we do a weekly bonus episode. Last week we did a trailer trash on Saturday, Southern Charm. That was really fun. And this week, who knows? So that's really all the fun stuff. Patreon.com watch for crappins. Today it's time to get back to Below Deck Mid. I have to say, I'm really. I'm feeling so refreshed because, I mean, I. You, you know me, not only do I like to beat a dead horse, I will just. I will do like beating practice on it. Because I will go. I will go to this. Well over and over again. I really hated last season of regular Blow Deck, but I have to say, this season of Blow Deck met. I'm really enjoying. And I feel like it's giving us the things that we really want, which is obnoxious. Guess it's incompetence. It's undermining. I'm. I'm feeling good about it. And I felt like this episode last night was like a really solid episode of Below Deck where you're really stressed out and angry all at once, you know, what did you think?

[Kristen]

Well, that's good. I.

[Ben Mandelker]

That's. How nice for you. Bless your heart.

[Asia]

I don't know.

[Kristen]

I'm kind of bored so far. I think Below Deck just needs a few episodes to get warmed up. But the guy, you know, the fop with the Szechuan chicken, like, shut up. I just wanted to kill him. And then I think all the stews are kind of too similar. They're kind of. I don't know. They're both too similar. And then the deck. I don't know. Maybe it's. I don't know. I'm tired. I'm tired. But I think that this happens to me every few months with Below Deck. Cause it's just always on, you know?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Kristen]

So I think it just needs a little more time to get firing.

[Ben Mandelker]

But marinated right now.

[Kristen]

These people are just too stupid. They're all just too stupid for me. Like, I don't care. I know that Izzy thinks she's really hot and that's great for her. I just. I don't. I don't care who she ends up fudgeing. I don't care about Tommy, that girl who keeps Talking about her dead boyfriend and the diver. And so she's so traumatized by the sea. Girl, you're on the sea. You're on the sea right now. You're on this.

[Ben Mandelker]

I like V. You're in it. I like. I like V. And I like the.

[Kristen]

That's what I'm saying. Like, I don't hate them. I'm just kind of at this. This point. Like, why did I hire these people? I feel like a manager sitting in a restaurant, looking at everybody missing orders and just running behind with bread. I'm like, you can't even fill up waters. Why did I hire any of you? Is this all my fault?

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, I like that I have. I like that V is in the. Is in, like, her act one of a horror movie, which is that she is. Bur like, she's traumatized by this horrific accident. She's mourning, and she's going on a boat to deal with her. Her trauma. And, like, probably midway through the season, she'll start to see ghosts. Terrible things will happen. There'll be blood coming out of the. The bunk bed or something like that. Like, isn't this a standard setup? Isn't the standard setup for horror movies is that there's always a woman who's grieving the death of a lover, and she. It goes off to somewhere to mourn, and then it turns out that it manifests as a ghost. Very tried. And like, how about we have a ghost manifest out of happiness? How about a happy ghost? Why are ghosts so angry? Why did ghosts always want to do this to us? Like, literally, if I were a ghost, I would be like, hey, bitch, guess what I can do? Walk through a wall. Oh, my God. Wasn't that amazing? Oh, you can't do it. Sorry. Like, how about, like, a gay, annoying ghost? I think that would be a much better version for, like, I think I'd be a great ghost. I would be the best ghost. If I haunted you, I would want to play games with you. I'd want to cook for you. Like, why are. Why are all these ghosts so angry? They're going to go to hell.

[Kristen]

If I was a ghost, I'd just walk up to you and say, why the are you in my chair? Get out of my chair. That's my chair. That's all I would care about.

[Ben Mandelker]

Just like an ornery ghost. But, like, why are these ghosts? So I always want to kill what's.

[Kristen]

Wrong with it and take over the daughter and kill the mom. And they're so dramatic.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's always like, no One's like, soul. Oh, the soul is trapped. It needs to be released to go back to go to the afterlife. Well, you know what, ghost? If you acted better, like, the way you're acting right now, you want to go the afterlife, you're gonna go to hell. You're gonna be banished to hell. Why don't you act better as a ghost and you can go to heaven, Right? What's wrong with them?

[Kristen]

Really? Think it through.

[Ben Mandelker]

I think it's so mad. I generally worked myself into a tizzy. Like, that wasn't even me doing a bit. Like, I was generally, like, thinking about ghosts and got myself mad.

[Kristen]

Ghosts are also just drama queens, you know? It's like people who didn't get enough attention in life, and now they're trying to get all this attention in death. Like, we can't even see you. You know what I mean? Get a hobby. Go take a class. Like, when you go to Halloween and you see all the. You know, all the ghosts that are bleeding, and you're like, you didn't even have a job in real life. You know what I mean? Like, those people that come up to you at Not Scary Farm, those aren't even people who made an effort in real life. And now I have to deal with you when you're dead. Like, I didn't. I wouldn't even give you a second glance at a mall. Like, why do I have to have you running up to me with noisy shoes at Not Scary Farm?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. And could you talk normally? Like, when you possess people, why do you have to possess them in such a strange way? If I were to possess someone, I would. Like, you know what I would do if I were a ghost? I would possess a boring person and then give them personality instead of taking over someone with personality and then making them speak things like, do you want to play?

[Kizzy]

Like, what are you doing?

[Ben Mandelker]

Like, why. Why are you talking like that? Talk like a real person. Ghosts.

[Kristen]

Yeah, I agree. I would. I'd like the makeover ghost idea where you're just a ghost and you go help people who just don't understand, like, how to comb their bang, you know? Or, you know, you're like, guess what we're going to do today? Brush our teeth.

[Ben Mandelker]

It'd be like, do you want to play? You want to play? Oh, good girl. I want to play, too. Okay, let's do something about those bangs.

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

But anyway, I want to say getting back to below Deck Med, because that is what we're here to do, talk about this. Obviously, this primary is major. Douchebag just the worst spoiled brat, etc. I'm going to give him one. One thing, which is that last episode, at 2 in the morning, he wants a Szechuan chicken, and they gave him chili con carne because it was a crazy request. There is a part of me that felt like, given his request last night, could they have like, prepped some Szechuan chicken earlier in the day for late that night? Like, why did they not think like, oh, we didn't have the Szechuan chicken last night, but let's have it for tonight? Like, that's a little like, I think that he was entitled to get it the second night, but they should have prepared for it. You know what I'm saying?

[Kristen]

Yeah, but he gave them an eight. Wasn't this their eight course meal? And then, by the way, this eight course meal, which we'll talk about when we get to. It was so much food. It wasn't. It was.

[Ben Mandelker]

Thoughts on it?

[Kristen]

It was a weird. It was a weird. So he just slammed them with so much food that I don't think he thought that this person could even eat it because he didn't even make it through his dessert. I think this is just one of those people who just wants to be like, I'm rich. Look what I can do.

[Ben Mandelker]

A hundred percent.

[Kristen]

Look what I can do. I can say Szechuan chicken and they'll make it. And so I like that Asia was like, no, you're an. We're not doing that. I think that's the first time we've ever seen that where someone's just like, no, hey, do you want chef? You don't either? Yeah, we're not doing that. Okay, Go to bed. You know, I was honestly, I was.

[Ben Mandelker]

Surprised that they basically rejected him. And it was good that they did. I'm just saying that, like, probably earlier in the day while the chef was doing something, he probably could have, like, stir fried some S1 chicken real quickly, put it in some type of wear, and then the crew could have, like, they could have had it on hand.

[Kristen]

But then this guy would have been like, no, you know, I don't want Sichuan chicken now. Now I want, you know, fried calamari fresh from the sea. You know, it's just he just wants to prove his. His worth to his poorer guest, his poorer, you know, companions on the boat. So I don't think there's any making that kind of a person happy. You know, they just want to look.

[Ben Mandelker]

Powerful, probably die young.

[Kristen]

You know, you can't Beat a maid. That's probably what he really wanted to do was just beat up a maid in front of his friends to show his power. That's what would have happened in like a king show, you know, or that he would have just like decapitated a jester or something. But he can't do that anymore, so now he has to ask for Szechuan chicken.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Kristen]

God, could you imagine that guy being a ghost in your house? Oh, God, my mommy. My mommy's gonna get you.

[Ben Mandelker]

Could you imagine having a ghost that all it's doing every day is requesting you meant to make it Szechuan chicken. Like, you have. No, you don't have a body. You can't eat the Szechuan chicken. But I just like the smell of it. It's like, no, I'm not making Szechuan chicken for you ghosts.

[Kristen]

Okay, so Christian is floating away on the jet Ski as he was last week. Now there was a lot of controversy online, like, oh, my God. But maybe he's really, you know, comatose or whatever because he got hit in the head with that, whatever that hook, the hook, anchor hook thing. And so maybe he's like really just out there dazed and confused. No, he's just an idiot, okay? Which we learned. Which we learned in this episode. There's no medical reason for it. He's just stupid. God bless his wide eyed heart. He's got the wide eyes of a stupid person, you know, and they make their eyes really wide to look like, look. I'm thinking it's like, no, you're not. You know, just link a comic, a com.

[Ben Mandelker]

Like he should be in like the. The Sunday funnies or something like that. Like, he. He sort of has that look of like a character that sort of strolls in as. As stupid people do. You know how stupid people are always strolling in. But he. What's funny is that he is stupid, but he's also failing on the shoulders of Tessa's stupidity because she didn't. We'll. We'll find out soon that she didn't fuel the jet Ski. So the jet Ski died and he's stuck on it. And he doesn't radio for help. He's just floating on it, being like, huh, what happened here? So these are just two stupid people doing stupid things.

[Kristen]

Yeah. So once he's really far away, he finally radios them and he's like, guys, come and get me. I'm drifting really far from the boat. I mean, on. On the good hand, I did get a phone number From a dolphin. But, you know, I am considered hot this far away from the boat, so that's a good thing, but I need some help. So Nathan's like, oh, Jesus. And Captain. Captain, Are you. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?

[Ben Mandelker]

And the guests are like. The guests are just lying around. They want to go jet skiing and stuff. And then now we see, like, Tessa's just folding a towel, just folding a towel, you know, making herself busy. Max is probably yelling at the lines somewhere, and Christian's just still floating away. So Nathan's like, tessa, Tessa. Tessa. Hello, Tessa. Earth to Tessa. Hello, Tessa. Okay, towel on Tessa's hand. Maybe you can help. Maybe you can be more effective than Tessa herself. Okay, we're gonna have to stay on top of the fueling of the jet skis going forward, all right? She's like, yeah.

[Asia]

Coffee? Sorry, my bad. I just got so much going on here with one of the boys getting married, another one having a baby.

[Kizzy]

Sorry I didn't refuel the jet skis. I was just thinking about how I raised those boys since they were boys. Well.

[Kristen]

Oh, this is terrible. This is terrible. And then we see a flashback to Nathan telling Tessa the night before about how she has to do the job list and how the biggest part of this is refueling jet skis. And then Tessa's just on the radio. She's like, I told. I totally forgot about that.

[Ben Mandelker]

Sorry.

[Kristen]

Stupid Tessa.

[Ben Mandelker]

Sora.

[Kizzy]

I was so busy folding this table that I forgot about jet ski fuel. Sorry about that.

[Ben Mandelker]

So then Nathan goes up to Sandy, and Sandy's like, wow, you know, you really need to organize this. And, you know, they have to take care of their duties, okay? Because, you know, so I. I can't be sitting here watching them. I gotta catch up on, like, two episodes of Wind. I'm behind. Yeah, well, I've said that to them two twice now. Okay, well, I'm sorry you have to do all that explaining, you know, and that should be common sense, but yet, you know, you have some people who don't get it. Have you tried hugging them? They probably need a hug.

[Kristen]

Maybe a nap. Yeah, you know, people are like pants. Sometimes you have to just sit. Sit a pair down and say, stop going below the ankles. Until they learn. Until they learn. So Max is like, oh, the dynamic of the deck team is like taking Christian on the shoulder, taking tests on the shoulder, just getting heavier. So heavy on my shoulder. So useless. Don't. Just don't wait 100 meters to say, oh, you know, you know, I'm lost.

[Ben Mandelker]

You know, I why is Max, for some reason, the one that annoys me the most? He is the most competent of these deckhands, which is not saying much. Cuz he's. I don't think he's like that great. But like the fact that he thinks he's such a good deckhand when he's. He. He reminds me of like, like a 14 year old. Like when he first came on the show, he was like a nine year old. He was very. He really, truly acted like a child. Now he's like a teenager who thinks that, like, not even like barely a teenager who thinks that they know everything. And like, no, you're still just 14. You can't even drive yet, sir.

[Kristen]

Yeah, to me.

[Ben Mandelker]

Absolutely nuts.

[Kristen]

To me, what makes him crazy is he's not a terribly competent person. But he looks so competent compared to where he's at. And it reminds me of kind of like modern politics where you're like, how did these morons get in charge? And then you look at everybody surrounding them and you're like, oh, because those people are even dumber, you know? Yeah. And it's sad and it leads to just stupidity all over the place. And that's. That's kind of what's annoying me with the whole season. Like, they're all so bad. Like, if everybody sucks, you know, there's no one to really root for. I mean, when they get me to the point where I would actually vote for Max, politically this country is doomed.

[Ben Mandelker]

That's all I'm saying.

[Kristen]

You know, I know I'm too much. But still, like, that's. That's what scares me the.

[Ben Mandelker]

Because then we see him get onto a jet ski to go save Christian. So he goes. And then he like does like circles around Christian, almost like he's in some teen movie or like some 1950s motorcycle movie. He's like just circling menacingly. I'm like, what the are you doing? Stop that. This is why I can't get on Max's side. Like, why are you making me take Christian? Like, Christian sitting there looking at Max like, you idiot. I'm like, why are you making me take the incompetent dude side here? But that's what Max does every episode so far.

[Kristen]

Yeah. So he takes him back to the boat, and meanwhile everyone else is working and Nathan is telling Tessa to pass him along a line for the jet ski. And she's just like, la, la la. She's just like ignoring him, doing whatever. And he's like, tessa, Tessa, Tessa. And he's like, we need to Be quicker. And she's like, I just wish that we had more leadership. Like, oh, God, Christ's sake, Tessa. Tessa's not only terrible at her job, she's also toxic.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Kristen]

Which means, A, I kind of don't like her, but also, B, I would totally be smoking cigarettes without her outside and talking about everybody.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. I think what's funny about Tessa is that in her confessionals, she does her hair so it looks like, like a thatch roof in, like, medieval times, you know, it's like this blonde, kind of like, like, angled a frame that's on her head that I'm, like, not even sure if it's, like, even fitting right or whatever. So I do appreciate, like, that old.

[Kristen]

60S, you know, like, evening gown, just teased up hair and brought all the way.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's like a split down the middle. And, like, it sort of looks like it's just plates on her. Like, Fisher Price hair, but. Or Lego hair. Yeah. So I do enjoy that. But she seems to be more or less a waste of space. So Nathan's saying, the first charter, I was giving my team the benefit of the doubt. I was also going to the toilet every five seconds on account of food poisoning. And I tried teaching them, and we see him teaching them, quote, unquote, teaching them, being. Which is like, oh, be sure to hold the rope up here. Okay? But now, second charter, this has gone beyond a joke, because it was a joke before. Keep an eye on. And we see him, like, now bossing people around, like, do this, do that, fuel this, or whatever. And basically he's like, yeah, they. They. They don't know what they're doing.

[Kristen]

Yeah. But he's like, fueling the. Fueling the jet skis is a pretty basic thing. Like, come on. And so Tessa apologizes, and he's like, you know, just take initiative and think 10 steps ahead. And she's like, yeah, I don't know.

[Asia]

I mean, you know what I mean?

[Kristen]

This team just feels kind of weak. It's like, you are the team, Tessa.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're.

[Kristen]

You are the.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're the one who didn't refuel. I don't think you need leadership to tell you to refuel the machines that guests will be using. That's.

[Kizzy]

That's like, I just was waiting for someone to tell me what to do with all this gasoline and what to do with this jet ski. I just don't know. I wish I had good leadership around here.

[Kristen]

Okay, so then Jack Sesuan Chicken Jack is annoyed because his mom's calling him, which, of course she is, you know.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Asia]

You're doing okay over there, Jack. You not bothering anyone for sister on chicken Iger?

[Kristen]

This is a lot of money for me, dad.

[Ben Mandelker]

And Jack has a bratty friend named Katarina who. She's just like a. She's just like awful. But I think because she's a girl, I'm like amused by her because she's like real. She's almost like a caricature. She's like a character in one of those like wacky Australian movies like Muriel's Wedding. Like the bratty like sister or friend who says things that you're like, people don't say this in real life. And she's like, oh my God. Right? Like po po mom. I mean, you're just funding this. Like, get over it.

[Kizzy]

I think I'll have a why not?

[Asia]

Let's Margarita time. Because why not?

[Ben Mandelker]

Why not?

[Kristen]

So now it's water time and the the team is still can't. The steam is this team still can't get organized. And Christian just keeps apologizing and Sandy offers Nathan help and he denies it and she's like, oh God, it's charter too. And I'm paying attention and I can see Nathan doing everything possible to lead his team. But man, Tess and Christian are same as Charter one. I'm not sure where their minds are, but it is complete chaos. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm really obsessed with Rula. You know, I'm a big proponent of therapy and Rula is really a great source for it. Telehealth has made mental health care more convenient and accessible for millions of people. However, critical challenges like finding a suitable therapist and scheduling appointments and the expensive out of pocket costs will really keep many from getting the care that they need.

[Kristen]

Rula is on a mission to make high quality mental health care from a licensed professional easy and affordable for everyone. And Rula's got you covered. They take most major insurance plans and the average copay is only $15 per session. You can now get the quality care you need when you need it at a price you can afford. The first step on your journey to mental well being is easy. Rula starts by asking you a few questions about what's important to you and then provides a list of licensed in network therapists who match your preferences. You can schedule your preferred time and meet with your therapist as soon as the next day.

[Ben Mandelker]

Thousands of people are already using Rula to get affordable high quality therapy that's actually covered by Insurance. Visit rula.com crappens to get started. After you sign up, you'll be asked how you heard about them. Please support our show and let them know we sent you. That's R U L A.com crappens. You deserve mental health care that works with you, not against your budget.

[Kristen]

So then we see Sandy on the bridge reviewing CVS for the crew. Why isn't she calling Norma? That's another problem I have with this season. Are we replacing Norma with your wife?

[Ben Mandelker]

Where's Norma?

[Kristen]

Because I'm glad that you found happiness and everything. I'm not finding happiness. Get your wife off of here and get Norma back on here. Okay. We dump Norma for your wife. I would rather switch the baby.

[Asia]

Hey, Mimi. You're looking so sweet.

[Kristen]

Mimi for wow. Sandy. I found someone as talented as your hips. That is to say completely none. But there's something like, give me some Norma. You see, I don't even have any normal me. Because there's no normal here. There's no Norma spirit here.

[Ben Mandelker]

Norma, are you okay? That. That borderline didn't make sense. Are you. Are you thinking straight?

[Kristen]

It made sense for years. And you keep that on your shoulders. Bloop.

[Asia]

Bloop.

[Ben Mandelker]

I don't know if I have to hear this guff from someone who wears pants that reach all the way down to her ankles.

[Kristen]

At least mine are still called ankles and not Kinkles. You can go slut.

[Ben Mandelker]

Bloop. Bloop. Cankles. Isn't that the name of the website you go on Internet dating with?

[Kristen]

Bloop.

[Ben Mandelker]

Bloop.

[Kristen]

Please don't make fun of my masturbation material. You've gone a little too far down. Bloop.

[Ben Mandelker]

Bloop. Your masturbation material? What is that? Like a head of broccoli or some sort of like can of tuna? Like what. What. What turns you on these days?

[Kizzy]

Bloop.

[Ben Mandelker]

Also another bloop. Hahaha.

[Kristen]

Bloop. Not answering a very offended just dot, dot, dot, moving, dot, dot, dot, moving, dot, dot.

[Ben Mandelker]

She left me moving back Left me on red. Left me unread.

[Kristen]

So Captain Sandy's worried and then Asia's like.

[Asia]

I have to admit my team is handling this second charter very well. I mean can keep up, you know, it's like the juxtaposition between the interior and the deck is like birds chirping song singing on the inside. And then it's like Apocalypse Knob on the outside. Selena versus Taylor. Taylor versus Charlie XCX.

[Ben Mandelker]

Hey, is that. Is that. Is that Cookie Monster outside talking about pop culture. Yeah. As soon as Asia said this, it's like, okay, well, producers are not gonna like that. They're gonna try to destroy this. So then the producers are like, nah.

[Kristen]

Both people on the interior are working, well, let's move one to the outside and hire an idiot for Asia.

[Ben Mandelker]

That's right. And sure enough, we then see Sandy still looking at the CV and saying, oh, hey, whoa. Looks like V has a lot of experience on the deck. You know what I just realized? I. When I'm looking at her, when I'm looking at these cv, I am seeing V. Cv. See what? I'm. I gotta call Leah about this one.

[Kristen]

Well, hold on.

[Asia]

Bloop.

[Kristen]

Hey there, Norma. I just wanted to say, hey, we have a V that's actually working up here. No offense, sorry, yours hasn't worked for a long time. But, hey, you know, I just want you to know that we're putting RV to a lot more use than yours ever has been put to. Okay. Bloop. Bloop.

[Ben Mandelker]

Hey, bitch. I thought you were going to call and give me some good wordplay about the fact that I sent you a V to work on the sea by sending you a CV about her, but instead you decided to shame me. So thanks a lot, bitch.

[Kristen]

I sent a C. I sent a V to the C. So how do you like that? So now Sandy sees that V has deck experience. And so then V and Josh are in the kitchen, and V is asking Aisha how everything's going outside. And she's like, I'm going.

[Asia]

Every time I see them, they're like, oh, my God. Have you had a day like that when you were on deck, V?

[Kristen]

She's like, yeah, but, like, I had to rely on myself because, like, I was the only one doing lines, you know? Yeah, I'm just, like, really good at lines because I'd have to, like, time up alone. So, yeah, I've learned a lot about lines. I can really tie lines. Like, I'm super, super good at lines.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, I have, like, a little bit of experience on deck. I. I mean, I did win the award from, like, 2020 to 2024. Best deckhand in all of this, the world. Who's crazy that award. But anyway, they surely won't put me out of the deck because I love it here on the interior. But ever since my boyfriend passed away, I've had a bad relationship with the ocean because he died underwater. So it's just, like, I needed some time to recover from that, so I put myself on more of an interior path. And working on the deck would bring me back to where it all started with Bond. So she talks about Bond, and this. This whole backstory is so tragic. It's, like, very, very sad to me. And it actually is fast. Not only is it sad. Dare I say, it's fascinating to me. So V is basically, like, reticent to go out on the deck because it's. It's cutting too close. She's not ready to face that trauma. But guess what? You're in Bravo, and they're gonna make you do it, and they're gonna make you cry. So get ready, V. It's happening.

[Kristen]

Yeah. They'll ask you to, like, instruct a dive soon, because this is Bravo.

[Ben Mandelker]

They really will.

[Kristen]

That's how they roll. They're like, you know what? We're gonna do underwater aerobics with V as a teacher.

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay, go well, Go, V. They'll definitely schedule. They will. They'll schedule, like, a guest, and that guest will be someone who lost, like, someone special in their lives. And then V is going to bond with that person. They're going to do the whole thing. They're going to really, like, force it out of her for sure.

[Kristen]

Yeah. So V is still going on. She's like, yeah. I mean, I do lines. I can teach you how to do a bow line. Do you want to know how to do a bow line? Do you want to know how to do a dragon line? I know how to do a dragon line. Do you know how to do that? You want to see it? I can do it right now. I want me to do it. Hey, give me. Give me a piece of spaghetti to.

[Kizzy]

Work on the deck team. They need you out there. But don't go too soon. I first have to shame Kizzy for not being as good as you. Okay.

[Kristen]

So now Nathan and Sandy are standing together, and she's checking on him, and she's like, well, you know, you do a good job of explaining. I see. Explaining a lot. That's real good. That's real good. And he's like, I'm just not doing nothing. She's like, well, it's frustrating. Trust me, okay? I'm a person who worked with a lady whose name rhymed with banana and couldn't even get along with her. Okay? And you know what? Normally, I love that banana.

[Ben Mandelker]

Listen, I know you said. I know you feel like you're not doing anything that only applies to your hairstyle, but everything else, you're really killing it. You're really making a lot of good moves.

[Kristen]

So Christian and Tessa are on the back of the boat. And Christian's like, these snorkels are clean. Yeah. And she's like, I don't know.

[Asia]

I mean, was this hard to put out? This lighter looks hard. I mean, who even came up with the idea ladders, Stairs are bad or ladders are hard?

[Ben Mandelker]

And he's like, I didn't do it.

[Asia]

Really?

[Ben Mandelker]

It's like. It's like they. They do everything without us. And then when they tell us to do it, we have no fucking idea how to do it. And you know what's even worse is when they act. Wait a second. He said, when they tell us to do it, we have no fucking idea how to do it. Oh, sorry, I misread that. I was thinking my mind. He was saying, when they tell us how to do it, he was, like, complaining that, oh, they tell us how to do it.

[Kristen]

No, they do everything. And then. So we don't know how to do anything because they're not teaching us. Because they just keep doing it. No, they're teaching you. You guys are dummies and you're not paying attention. Instead of doing your job, you're sitting around complaining and trying to make everybody else the villain here when you're both the idiots. You literally just went on a fucking jet ski, and I don't even care if she didn't fill it up with gas. Didn't you look down and see that it wasn't full? Don't they have, like, a little empty. I know they do, because I've been on those things. They have a little. Just like anything else, they have a little ticker that goes all the way.

[Ben Mandelker]

To E. The gauge. The gauge, if you will. So Tessa tells us, well, I know.

[Kizzy]

I can do a good job. Just ask the MCB boys. I raised them. And guess what? I can also do a pretty mean print shop and flyer to invite you to a baby sharer. So I just don't understand his leadership style. Like, we can't even read your mind, Nathan. And we can't understand that strange Irish action either.

[Asia]

We can't read your mind. And most pamphlets. So what do you think about that?

[Kristen]

So Captain's like, well, we can't control everything that goes on on the boat, you know? Look at Nathan and Max. They just need to calm down. Oh, no, this is Christian.

[Asia]

Sorry.

[Ben Mandelker]

He's like Christian doing his Captain Sandy impersonation.

[Kristen]

Yeah. He's like, I can't do everything. I'm hot. You know, Those guys are so mad, but they need to calm down. Like, shit happens. You know, and just what you want.

[Ben Mandelker]

To hear from a pilot, by the way. Yeah, shit happens.

[Kristen]

But I believe that I need to know why he was fired from being a pilot and didn't go back. Because I'm starting to feel. I mean, we said it right at the beginning, like, there's something fishy there with his whole, I was a pilot, and then Covid happened, and now I'm not a pilot anymore. Like, yeah, it's been a few years, and planes still fly something. Yeah, planes are still in the air, sir. So what happened on the plane? What happened? I want to know.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Jack is looking around for Asia because he wants a milkshake. And he's like, can I have a milkshake? But only vanilla, plus a little salt and, you know, some bread, of course. Oh, can you make that too? Because Katarina wants to have on that. Oh, my gosh, she's such a slut. You want to talk about Katerina? God, did you hear? She wants another margarita. Of course she does. She's borderline alcohol. Like, all right, I'll see you up there with the milkshakes.

[Asia]

Why not margarita? Why not?

[Ben Mandelker]

So I love when she said that. What I loved is that she put her hands in the air and she pointed her fingers at Asia.

[Kizzy]

Like, oh, I'm gonna have a margarita. Cuz Warner.

[Kristen]

Even has to be difficult with this milkshake. I'll have a milkshake, but only vanilla. No chocolate. Like, okay, that's pretty standard. Just say milkshake.

[Ben Mandelker]

If you order, by the way, I just want to put this out there. Ronnie, sorry to interrupt. If you order a vanilla milkshake, I do not think that chocolate is expected in that milkshake, because that would not be a vanilla milkshake. That would be a chocolate milkshake or a. Whatever you call it. A swirl or a black eye. Whatever. But if you order a vanilla milkshake, I'm gonna say there's probably a 100 chance it's going to be a vanilla milkshake. It will not be a chocolate milkshake.

[Kristen]

So now, Asha radio is for Kizzy to show Asha what cookies Jax likes, because, you know, and she's like, oh, is he on his little milk and cookies on, yes, it is. So now Nathan is trying to instruct Christian and Tessa to bring in jet skis and stuff. And, you know, Max is sighing because he doesn't want to help them. He's just about them, you guys. And then we cut to Tessa, and.

[Asia]

She'S like, what am I even supposed to be Doing? Why ain't anybody telling me what I'm supposed to be doing?

[Kristen]

We just saw him telling you what to do. Why aren't you doing it?

[Ben Mandelker]

I know. Always she just wanders around like an NPC and like a. Like a villager in Zelda or something like that. So now Kizzy is asking Josh about what's for dinner, and he's making his. He's get doing his eight courses, you know, so he does this. He's saying how, like, planning an eight course tasting menu is a crazy man of work for one chef, which is true. And he went to sleep really late and he woke up early and everything. He's like. He's like, I'll just have to, you know, I just have to time the preparation just right so everything doesn't get cold, make sure everything element is perfectly prepped. And then I've got to do that seven more times. And it's just exhaustive for one chef. So, yeah, he's basically got work to do.

[Kristen]

Yeah, he's got a lot to do. So then we go to Tessa and Max, and Tessa's like, oh, my God.

[Asia]

We are the shittiest deck team at the moment. We are just not making the dribble door proud.

[Kristen]

And Max is like, did you say we have the shittiest decrew?

[Asia]

And she's like, well, we are shit, aren't we? I mean, God.

[Kristen]

And he's like, what is your solution? What is his suggestion?

[Asia]

I don't know.

[Kristen]

And Max is like, yeah, she's the problem. Like, what the fuck is wrong with this girl?

[Asia]

She goes, I think we're fucked.

[Kristen]

And goes, well, thank you for making us realize it. I'm meditating.

[Ben Mandelker]

He really needs to work on his hypnosis powers to help these people. So now V is. She's done in the laundry, and now she's gonna help Kizzy decorate the table. And Asia is so proud. So she tells. She's just talking with Kizzy and she's.

[Kizzy]

Like, v, she's been doing. She's been going so much quicker.

[Ben Mandelker]

And Kissy's like, oh, cool.

[Kizzy]

I mean, she's just coming along leaps and bounds.

[Ben Mandelker]

And Kizzy's like, I just wish we.

[Asia]

Had an award to give up. We could all wear dresses and stand in a line and hand her a wall and say, you are the best. Yes. You could be the person that present award. And since the first award, we'd say, sorry that no one else is good enough to ever have won this award before. So we're just gonna give it to Kizzy to give to her. Hand it over. Kizzy, you can't be in the picture. You didn't win the award. I'm sorry. Go over there tonight. Doesn't want to talk to you.

[Kizzy]

Oh, I just heard that V also won best personality in the interior department. That's so lovely.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Kizzy is annoyed because Kizzy we. Kizzy is of the. She is. She's damaged. Let's. Let's just put it out that way. I'm just gonna say it. She's damaged. She is of the mold. I think we talked about this earlier. She's at the mold of Ashley from below deck sailing, who is, like, desperate for male attention and is also going to be cutthroat to the other woman. And so Kizzy is sitting here. She's seen the praise that V is getting, which has no bearing on Kizzy. There's no. It doesn't mean that he. Like, it's not a zero sum game. But she treats it that way, that if V is getting praise, that means Kizzy is doing badly. And that's not how it is. But she says. She tells us it's annoying because I'm definitely doing a lot more work, and I like to be recognized for, like, how much I do. Look, I put a tablecloth on this table. Isn't that amazing? Because I need to be the best, okay? I was always raised that way. I'm very competitive person. Like Michael Jordan competitive. I'm the Michael Jordan of putting tablecloths on tables. And I'd like to thank my mom for that. She was always like, win, win, win, win, win, win, win. And when you're seven years old, you go to a dance performance, and she's like, oh, God, stop being so slow. Lift that leg up higher. Jete father. She wasn't wrong. Second place is the first. First place in a long line of losers. It's like, okay, you need to go to therapy. And congratulations.

[Kristen]

I just said, I am just so competitive. Like Michael Jordan level competitive. I mean, not for the first time I said out loud, you're cleaning toilets.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Asia]

Stop with this. Just stop with it.

[Kristen]

I know. She's always talking herself up. Like, he. It's me always waking up, and it's the best. Hand me that toilet brush. I think. I mean, I can see why she's getting annoyed because she's got some newbie, doesn't really know what she's doing. She's having to train her.

[Asia]

And then Asia's like, oh, my God.

[Kristen]

But it's like a little baby Being upset that their baby sister is being praised for walking when they already know how to walk. You know, it's like, well, I'm walking. No one's praising me. But they can't remember when they were already praised for walking, you know? So then they go into the living room while their little sister is being breastfed, and they stand right in front of their mom, and they piss all over the carpet because they're sick of this treatment. And then when their little sister goes to bed, he starts ripping out little eyelashes one at a time until he gets caught and almost sent away to army camp at five years old.

[Ben Mandelker]

I love that specific example that's not based in any sort of life experience.

[Kristen]

I have no idea who that would be. So then Nathan is on the radio. He's gonna have a meeting on the sun deck. Okay?

[Asia]

So Asia's like, why isn't your hat fitting your head?

[Kristen]

Because he's kind of wearing it above his head. And he's like, I'm just, like, wearing it like this.

[Asia]

She's like, interesting.

[Ben Mandelker]

So people are doing stuff and getting ready for dinner, and Kizzy and Nathan, you know, Kizzy is. Has got a fan in her face, and she. She asked if there's a whole language with the fans, and she makes a joke that holding the fan in front of your jj. I was like, what is per Gerber Means Come to my bedroom. And he's like, but don't you have a boyfriend? And she goes like, oh, I'm going to punch you in the face. So their flirtations.

[Kristen]

So Aisha loves the table.

[Asia]

She's like, oh, I love this table. V must have done it. Where's V? She's getting an award.

[Kristen]

So now it's time for Sandy. Sandy's on FaceTime with Baby. Hi there, Little Bear.

[Asia]

Oh, look at you, baby. Look at you. Look at Little Bear, Baby.

[Kristen]

That's her dog, Little Bear. And Captain Sandy's like, I miss him. And so we see Little Bear, and she's like, today was crazy.

[Asia]

And he's like, oh, well, you look beautiful, baby.

[Kristen]

I'm sorry. I was talking to Little Bear. Could you put Little Bear back on the phone? Okay. Hey, Little Bear. This day was crazy. Gosh, I wish I was there to watch you lick your nuts. Get over it. I was really cool.

[Ben Mandelker]

Bear's like, so. Hey. Hey, Mama Bear. So I have a. I have a little bit of an issue, because here I thought I was a little bear, and I. I finally saw myself in the mirror. I'm actually a dog. So how do you reconcile the fact that you name me a bear when I'm really a dog. Do you know what that does to a little dog's mind? Do you know what sort of warped sense of self I have? Woof, woof. I'm really not happy about this.

[Kristen]

Put your mother back on the phone. I don't know how to deal with this. Okay.

[Kizzy]

Hi, baby. Hey, baby.

[Asia]

Little bear's been acting up, having some sort of identity issue.

[Kristen]

Just tell little berries a little fish. Just start calling him little fish. Surely that'll fix everything.

[Asia]

Okay, little fish, you want dinner?

[Ben Mandelker]

Seems okay with it. I think we fooled him again.

[Kristen]

Love you, baby.

[Asia]

Love you, baby. Have a good night, gorgeous baby.

[Ben Mandelker]

So now it's time for the deck team to lift the tender out of the water. So this is a process where Max is on it, and then there's a hook going down on. And Nathan's got that, like, cigarette tray, but that's actually a. Like, a remote control thing. And everyone's confused because they're all idiots. And Nathan's like, toss. I pass the painter. Got it over there. What, Max? What you doing? What you doing? And Max is getting, like, all mad. So they have to. He has to basically say, like, all right, Max, let's start over. All right, Take five. Because Max gets angry. Like, speeds the. The. The tender away from the boat to be like, I'm mad. I'm mad. Max, beyond thunderdome.

[Kristen]

He's like, no, Christian, you need to pull the. Keep the boat even at all times. There. You're swinging the boat. You're swinging the boat. Oh, God. We're gonna go back down again. Max. Unhooked yourself, Max. Oh, my God. What do I. We're all gonna die. We're all gonna die. Then he speeds off and gets all pissed off, and he's like, max, I can't have you getting emotional when we're doing Crane Crane needs some very calm, calm hands. Crane hands, we call him. We need you to have crane hands, Little bear. He's like, I'm not a bear. Okay, well, it worked for Captain Sandy's dog. All right, you can't be emotional. He's like, it is not emotion, mate. It's like. But you can't throw your hands up. Listen to me now. I just need to get a really terrible haircut and just deal with what comes to you one day at a time. Sometimes if you get mad, just take it out on your hair. All right?

[Ben Mandelker]

The crane. The crane is the most dangerous thing, and you need to be calm around the crane. I Can't help it. I have a thing for Daphne. No, not the Frasier crane. The boat crane. You need you to be calm as much as possible.

[Asia]

Commercials.

[Ben Mandelker]

Here comes one right now. I commend Nathan because he actually is as his team. Like, especially as Max is, like, losing his mind and everyone's incompetent. Like, Nathan is very, like, he keeps his cool and he keeps, like, calm. And I have to say that's like, very impressive because I would be saying so many passive aggressive things and rolling my eyes would be so pissy at that point.

[Kristen]

I mean, I don't know that it's really working. I have to say. I don't know that that approach is really working, but it is nice to see someone able to stay cal. But your team still doesn't know what they're doing. And whatever you're doing now doesn't seem to be scaring them. I can see why guys in military training are like, get down on your.

[Asia]

Get down. Give me 20, fatty.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're ugly.

[Kristen]

Your mama never liked you.

[Asia]

That's why you're going to do what I say. No, she wanted to be the fattest kid in class.

[Kristen]

You know, I can see why they're like that, because you do it, you know, when someone's just standing there like, you know, I just need a little anger from you. I don't think it works.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, I do think he needs to give them a stern talking to. But I do think that, like, in a moment of where everyone's, like, losing their minds and being chaotic, I thought it was, like, really cool that he was, like, just, like, centered. But that being said, it's time for him to start scolding now.

[Kristen]

Once everyone like, yeah, goddamn fingers out of your goddamn ears. I've known peanut butter sandwiches smarter than your twit. Now get down and give me 20.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, but I think if he does that in that moment, then Tessa just goes into the. I'm just not being led. It's like, oh, like, what am I even supposed to do? But, like, I think, like, for deck team meeting, he's got to be like, now listen up, everyone. It's like that. It's like that movie with this. That. That book with the substitute. The teacher can't control her class, so she, like, she has a quote unquote sick day. And then she comes in in drag, and she's like. She's like an old. And she yells at her students and gets them in line. They don't realize it's the same teacher all along.

[Kristen]

What movie Is that. That sounds great notes.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's actually just. They're turning into a movie. It's a. It's a famous children's book. It's like Mrs. Mrs. Wembley's day off or something, but it's classic.

[Kristen]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Kristen]

Sounds great to me. So Nathan knows it's not fair to put all this work on Max and when the others are incompetent, but if Max can't handle it, he's really. Because Max is the only one who kind of knows what he's doing.

[Ben Mandelker]

Ms. Nelson.

[Kristen]

So Max is like, okay, can we speak? Can you speak? And Nathan's like, okay, we'll have an argument. Yeah, if that's what you want. Because Max is getting all upset because he's gotten to talking to. So now Jax is Jack, not Jax. Jack is watching all of this, you know, eating his ice cream with only vanilla and no chocolate. And he's loving it. And he's got his big fan hiding his face.

[Asia]

He's like, oh, my God, do you see this? The boys are. The boys are in trouble.

[Kizzy]

The boys are in trouble.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, he's definitely enjoying all of this. So now, you know, Nathan. Nathan's gonna pull Max for a talk on the bow later. So now the girls. This girl, Katarina. This is one of my favorite moments of dialogue. I'll try to. I'll try to recapture it. So she basically is like, oh, my God. I think that my. My mother should be happy because the worst thing I ever did was fraud. They're like, fraud. Fraud. What sort of fraud did you do?

[Kizzy]

Oh, I said it was her.

[Ben Mandelker]

Her. Her. Why'd you do that? Because I was trying to steal her mind. I was just trying to steal money from her while I was trying to pretend to be my mom. Stick money at the bank. It's no big deal. It's only for all.

[Kristen]

Yeah, she defrauded her own mom by stealing her identity. So Asia comes out and Jack's like, where's big dog Sandy? Aisha, do you ever call her Sandals? And she's like.

[Asia]

Like, literally, not once in my life.

[Ben Mandelker]

Have I said that. Sandals. That was funny to me. Sandals. Do you have a cold Kipton Sandy Sandals? Well, it is one of my favorite pieces of footwear. Goes particularly well with my Capri pants. But no one's actually ever called me that, unfortunately.

[Kristen]

You know, if someone were ever going to call me out on my favorite shoe, I. I would hope they just call me, you know, nurse Blacks, because, God, I love those. The little rubbery sound they make as you Walk across the floor. No one messes with you. And I'll tell you, you can stand on your feet for hours with those things.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, you know, I do. You know, from like 2013 to 2017, I would have really liked being called Espadrille. But, you know, that. That time in my life is over.

[Kristen]

I'd like to think if I ever went to school, I'd be a doctor. Scholes.

[Ben Mandelker]

So. So then Nathan's telling Max. He basically just stay calm. The crane is really dangerous. Stay calm. I know, but they're pissing me off. He's like, I know, but stay calm. Look, you and I are. We're doing 50. 50. You're doing 50, and I'm doing 50. Okay? It'll get sorted. But stay calm. I am calm. I am calm.

[Kristen]

So now Josh is getting ready to serve dinner. So we get a clown monologue. He's like, there's so many similarities between music and cooking, it's insane. Like, a good song has really mem stuff and a great memorable riff. And a great dish has a memorable flavor combination. And a great song gives you feelings of nostalgia. And a great dish will take you back home. If a dish is like a song, then an eight course meal is like a concert. Oh, please. You're like the pentatonix with 90 fucking things playing at once. After this meal, I can't believe anybody could even eat. This was too much. This was like serving a main course. He was. This is like serving eight main courses to people. This isn't what it's supposed to be doing. It's a tasting menu, sir.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, I agree, first of all. Also, his metaphor was really. It was. It was a real stretch saying, like, food is like music. That's a fine premise. But then he's like, a good song. Like, a really good song is really good, and really good food is really good. It's like, okay, that's not. You know, that doesn't make sense. However, you know, like the concert. Okay, fine. If. If dish is like a song, a course, meals like a concert. Fine. And I realize I've gotten way too invested in his metaphor here, but I agree. Getting back to what you're saying. So it starts with a white gaspacho. Fine. That's a nice opener. Okay, so it's a gaspacho. And then I don't remember what's oh, next. The next thing goes right into is like, was that like lobster or langoustines? It's like, that's a big second chorus. Like, shouldn't it be the progression be like a soup, like a small something leafy or green or light. And you sort of get bigger and bigger and bigger. He starts off second course with lobster. At one point he does those wagyu tacos, which really upset me because first of all, you're kind of like taking away the entire point of having wagyu in the first place. If you're sort of grinding it up and putting it into a taco. Like, the point of a wagyu is that you have a piece of it and you cut into it. It's like butter. So having it just all ground up does. Does nothing. But it was also a big, indelicate taco. And then he followed that up with like sea bass. I'm like, wait a second. So you went from the meat and he went back to the fish. I didn't understand what was going on here.

[Kristen]

Yeah, it was like fish, fish. Big and big portions, like huge dinner sized portions of everything. And then a huge soft shell crab. And then, you know, it's just too much. It was too much. I don't know how they ate all that stuff. And Jack, meanwhile, his conversation, he's like, oh, once we went to Paris and we spent €10,000 on lunch for three people. Mom is still calling me about, damn.

[Ben Mandelker]

I like, he said, he said, not only did he said that they spent 10,000 on three people, he goes, which is a lot for three people. I'm like, it's a lot for 10 people. Like, that's a lot.

[Kristen]

Congratulations. You have a rich daddy, Jack. We're extremely impressed. So now we go to the cabins where V is knocking off and she's talking to Tessa. And Tess is like, dude, it is so stupid.

[Asia]

On deck, no one knows what they're doing. It's just, I mean, fingers crossed this changes because it is just terrible.

[Kristen]

And V is, you know, pretty positive. So she's like, oh, okay. Well, I'm not going to say anything about that because I believe in positivity.

[Ben Mandelker]

Okay.

[Kristen]

And so Tessa's like, nathan's not delegating.

[Asia]

It's not just us. We, you know, we're not just a problem, but it's like something's. And I'm not the type of person to keep my mouth shut or.

[Kristen]

Or gas fields in tanks, you know.

[Asia]

Because grown up, when I was five years old, I told my classmates there was no Santa. And they're like, you're lying. You're lying. But obviously I have to say, if it's bullshit, it's those little.

[Ben Mandelker]

You are not you Are not ruining everyone's lives there. You're not taking away everyone's innocence because you were calling out. You were doing it because you were a little turtle.

[Kristen]

That's little.

[Ben Mandelker]

You were the obnoxious bratty girl. We all know you kicked. You kicked adults shins. You had meltdowns in the Starbucks when you didn't get a cake pop. You were a terror. That's what you were. You were not like on some crusade to call out. You weren't like, you know what? I'm sick and tired of this. Because by the way, no one thinks that Santa. No one thinks that telling Santa kids that Santa is real is. No one's like, look at this con they're spreading to the youth of the world. No, we're gonna fight. We're gonna get rid of this disinformation. You're just a. Yeah, you're just a little.

[Kristen]

So now Max is doing a handstand, okay? And dinner's still going. Now there's a roast chicken, which is crazy dinner. The beef tacos that look like chili, like you mentioned it. And now Kizzy's doing dishes and talking to Max and Christian. And Max is like, I'm so in love. Since the beginning I saw your eyes cross mine. And I was like. And Kizzy's like, oh, Tom's gonna punch you in the face. Oh, no problem. I love sparring.

[Asia]

I love sparring.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Christian's asking how long they've been together and she says like two months. And she tells us, love is 100. My drug of choice. I've been in a relationship for pretty much like my entire life. Life. When I was 18 to 21, I was in a relationship and I broke up with one boyfriend and I had maybe four days where I was single. And I'm in another relationship for another two years. And I probably have a deep rooted fear of being by myself. Like, that does not mean that you are addicted to love. That means you are have probably deep psychological issues where you are afraid that you can't exist without the attention of a male. So yeah, I think you should maybe get that sorted out a little bit. It.

[Kristen]

But also two months, that's not your boyfriend. Like, can we stop? Yeah, it's two months. And Christian's like, wow, imagine you pregnant. And Max is like, is that true? She's like, I bet you stop chit chatting and get washing boys. So then now they're at the end of this huge dinner. We've just seen all this food go out. It was way too much food. It was a crazy amount of food. And Jack can't finish his creme brulee, which is also a pretty basic end to the meal. I have about to say.

[Ben Mandelker]

That is very. It was also, like, just a basic creme brulee. Like, nothing funky or special looking about it.

[Kristen]

Yeah. So Jack's like, but I'm gonna be hungry. Can you make me a Szechuan chicken? And everyone's staring at him. They're, come on, Jack, you don't need to make him do that. And the chef is just looking at him like, are you kidding me? And he's like, no, no, I really want a Sichuan chicken.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. So he's like, oh, wow.

[Kristen]

No, there's still more. There's. I thought, yeah, the end. Wow. Jesus.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, no, no. The meal continues on.

[Kristen]

He's already on about his Sichuan chicken, Szechuan chicken. So, yeah, now I'm just already talking about it. Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. We're only at. We're only in. We're only in the black cod course. And by the way, Max is eating stuff out of the kitchen again, infuriating me. And we have black miso cod, which some, for some reason comes after the chicken and the, and the tacos and everything. And then they have, like, a pistachio ice cream with a caviar bump, which that's fine. That's like, what these, these guests would want. Etc. But then it's weird that he doesn't have that as the grand finale. He has a grand finale of creme brulee. Like, that doesn't. I don't. I don't get it at all.

[Kristen]

Yeah. So he gets applause. They all loved it. And so this is where Jack's like, I want chicken. And Josh is shocked. And they're like, come on, you don't need that, Jack. And it's.

[Asia]

But I do. I need chicken.

[Ben Mandelker]

Right?

[Kristen]

And Josh is like, I'm sorry, what? The concert's over. Everybody's walking to their cars. I'm not playing you another song.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. And then he says. And he's like, he's like, jack, you realize that was eight courses and it's actually 1am I didn't even realize it was 1am at this point. I, I, until right now, at this moment, I thought it was like, 10:30. So it's 1:00am the guy's exhausted. And so the fact that Jack is saying that he wants Szechuan chicken at 2am when it's 1am right now. I didn't realize it was that close to it. I Thought this was like 10 before hours. Whatever. So basically, Josh looks at Asian, goes, I don't know what to do here. Which I kind of felt like you just say, let me go look into it and just go downstairs and then go to sleep and let Alicia cover for you. I don't think, like, you should be saying that in front of the guests.

[Asia]

She's like, well, he does need to sleep, so if you could just think of something that will only take 10 minutes.

[Kristen]

And goes, okay, what's. Real quick? She's like, well, she tells us we.

[Asia]

Always say never say no, that we're seven star service and we'll do anything. But if you look at the teeny, tiny, tiny, tiny print at the bottom, it says, within reason, you stupid. So the answer is no, mommy's boy. You don't get a mother. The Sichuan chicken.

[Ben Mandelker]

They'Re like, well, what about some chips, French fries? And they're like, ah, okay. So then Jack. I mean, Josh has to go downstairs and make French fries. And then Nathan is down there talking to Kizzy, and he's like, how you're getting on? Kizzy's like, I'm having a good time. We've got a good team. Better than you think. You know, better. Better than. Than better than you, I think. And. And basically she just casually mentions, by the way, you know, that V has quite a lot of experience on deck. I was like, oh, little underminer. Yeah, little, Little underminer.

[Kristen]

Like, you might want to take V.

[Asia]

So one of us can win some awards. That would be nice.

[Kristen]

So then we cut to Jack being a drunk and getting his fries. And so then he's not even that.

[Ben Mandelker]

Hungry anymore when he.

[Kristen]

No, of course not. Power. And I'm surprised he didn't have a little fit, that he just got smacked down in front of his friends and didn't get what he asked for. So now Nathan's going to bed, and he's like, christian, whatever you do, do not let the guests swim. And he's like, oh, because they're drinking. And he's like. But also because of the condition of the water, and also it's below deck, and you can't let people go swim at night without superficial. You fucking.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. So Kizzy and Josh are talking, and Josh is like, you know what my problem is? Once I've set, like, a bar, I find it's really hard to get any lower. Last time we checked, you were in clown makeup, so I think there's a lot of room to go higher, though.

[Kristen]

Yeah. So then Kizzy brings fucking Kizzy, she's just trying so hard, and she really doesn't have that many biters. And I think it's because this show, they're just so tired. They're like, whatever, whatever.

[Ben Mandelker]

Kizzy, you know, yeah, she has no biters, but she. And the thing is that she's trying so hard to get a bite fight solely. That way she can say, I'm taken. Sorry.

[Kristen]

So that's why they're just not going to put that much effort. I think she wants to start a little drama between the guys. And they're like, we're not fighting over something that's free, you know? Yeah, like, you're not going over the last free sample is what I'm saying.

[Ben Mandelker]

We're not fighting over second place in the interior wars, Kizzy. You're no V. So Kizzy brings the. The guests are in the Jacuzzi, they're drunk. They're being silly. They're. They're, whatever, flopping around. And Jack's like, can we go in the ocean? And he's like, no, I'm afraid not, because there's not enough deck team down there. And like. Well, like, can you wake them up then? And so she's like, okay. So she radios Nathan, and Nathan's like, no, no, under no condition. Like, they. They cannot go out there. They cannot under any. Under any condition go out to the ocean.

[Kristen]

So she tells them. She goes, you can't go out there. You're gonna be dragged away by the condition. And Jack's just rolling his eyes like, I'm calling Mummy. So then everybody goes to bed but Kizzy and Christian. And so Christian goes, pardon me, to check on them. And Jack's about to fall over. And his friends look really worried, but they're not gonna say anything. Cause he's probably paying for this whole thing. And so Christian comes over and he's like, listen, I don't wanna have to jump in and save you. You saw how I am on Waverunners, okay, buddy? So he's like, please, can I go in? Please?

[Asia]

I just want to feel it.

[Kristen]

So Christian's like, put your toes in. You can just put your feet in. And he's like, but I want to feel Nemo. I want to feel the fish and Nemo under me.

[Ben Mandelker]

So. Well, okay. It's like, well, why don't you come on down? You can put your feet in. It's like, I promised I'll only put my feet in. It's like, okay. It's like, this guy has been so annoying. And the Only way to shut him up is to give him whatever the he wants. Like, no. Like, if you were flying your plane and a passenger was like, I want to sit in the captain's chair, you wouldn't be like, well, he's persistent. I guess I'll let him sit in the captain's chair. You just say no. You just say, like, call Captain Lee.

[Kristen]

He'll do it.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Kristen]

You want to get in the goddamn water? You can swim back to Peru. All right? Or.

[Ben Mandelker]

Or call Captain Cary, Captain Car. Like, all right, well, before you go down to the dock, let me just show you something in this room. It's something really exquisite. And close the door. And you. You're trapped in a room.

[Kristen]

Yeah, let me out of this room.

[Kizzy]

Democrats have trapped me in the room.

[Kristen]

So there's a monitor, okay? And Nathan, luckily, doesn't have water, so he goes up to get some water, and he sees Jack on the. Well, we see Jack on the platform, and he's not wearing a life vest, and he just jumps in. Basically. He's like, look, I'm just gonna put my feet in. But then he falls into the water on the platform.

[Ben Mandelker]

He's like a weird. Yeah, it's like a weird. Like, is it a jump in or not? He sort of, like, plops down on his butt, and then he goes into the water. It's like a. I don't know if he fell. I don't. I don't know what happened, but he basically winds up in the water, and it's like, oh. And for some reason, Christian is, like, pouring a hose in the water. Was he trying to, like.

[Kristen]

I don't know. I don't know what he.

[Ben Mandelker]

I don't know what that was about. I don't know why you water the water, but he was doing it.

[Kristen]

So Jack's. Jack is like, oh, it's so relaxing. And Christian just watching him, not telling him to get out. So Nathan comes and sees this, and so Jack finally gets out onto the swim platform, and Christian's just squirting him with the hose, still saying nothing. So Nathan tells him, yeah, don't let him go to the swim platform when they've been drinking. He's like, no. And Kristen's like, no, no. Just the feedback. Feet just defeat. He's like, no. And Nathan's like, all right, look, we have to go. I can't have you down here. You know, helps him up and gets him inside. That's how you do it. You just say no.

[Ben Mandelker]

Just say no.

[Kristen]

Just say no. That's the End. And if they insist and you kick.

[Ben Mandelker]

Them off and then the first thing that happened, he, they. They get back up to the hot tub. It's like, where's the Szechuan chicken? That's what I actually generally would feel like right now, like this fraud would get. But they just weren't quite enough. Like, I want such on chicken.

[Kristen]

God, he's so insufferable.

[Ben Mandelker]

God, it's the worst.

[Kristen]

Just let him drown, throw him back in there and just keep the boat going.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. Honestly, sometimes you just got to let nature play out. Okay? Just like, whoops.

[Kristen]

I'm not saying murder the guy, but don't let him murder himself. Just go.

[Ben Mandelker]

But don't encourage him on a path where life will be a higher percentage, you know?

[Kristen]

Yeah. So stop saving the stupid people.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Christian's like, bro, I told him many times, like, it's. I said, he can't, it's dangerous, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And Nathan's like, but under no circumstances, like, whatever, whatever. So Christian's telling us, look, he's the primary. He wants to put his feet in the water, then do it. This guy just has such low, low standards for anything. Nothing happened.

[Kristen]

Nathan's like, this has gone from being incompetent to being dangerous. And he's like, well, nothing happened, so it's fine. Right? And yeah, that's not. Not. That's not the case. He's gonna go to Captain Sandy, Buddy. So then 6:00am the next morning, everybody's doing their work, work, work. And Nathan is telling Max. He's like, yeah. So I told Christian, under no circumstances let the guests go in the water and drunk as the guests are in the water. So, yeah, I had to go out there. He's like, no way, man. God damn it. He's like smashing a wave runner against the water. Call him bro. Call him calm.

[Ben Mandelker]

I would. Yeah. So Captain Sandy's checking on everything and V is telling her that things are good and everyone's eating breakfast.

[Kizzy]

And Asia's like, so, Captain Sandy, when are you getting. Are you getting a boat?

[Ben Mandelker]

She's like, oh, yeah, I want to get a. I want to get a 50 footer boat. I'm going to call it Large Size Bear. I can't wait. SS Large Size Bear. Oh, and BE is saying how they're just talking about, like, boats and everything and. And talking about, like, how B is talking about how her experience working on day charters and they're kind of bonding on that and these talking about all the lines that she's done all the lines.

[Asia]

So many lines.

[Kristen]

She's like, yeah, it's so hard to find docking space in Fort Lauderdale. Oh, my God. Crazy, right? So hard to do lines there. And I'm great at lies to so many lines.

[Ben Mandelker]

Captain Sandy's like, wait a second. I think I have an idea that's not fully formed yet that I'll have to wait another episode.

[Kristen]

Yeah, well, you know, that is busy. And when you do day charters, you're, like, on and off the docks. You got to be good with lines.

[Kizzy]

I'm so good with lines.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yes.

[Kristen]

I'm gonna marry a line. I'm marrying a line. She's like, oh, my God. I don't know what I'm thinking yet, but sure. God, I would love to just be taken off this job and put on the deck so I could deal with lines.

[Asia]

I love lines.

[Kristen]

I'm a line addict.

[Ben Mandelker]

Starting to get an idea here. Starting to get ideas. I can't quite put my finger on it. You know who else likes lines? I'm sure those guests. So Asia. This time for every. I'm not. It's time for breakfast and. Or whatever. And Asia saying hi to everyone. And basically, Christian is talking with V, and they're flirting and talking about how, like, you know, tanning and being, you know, natural. Yeah. And how Christians say, oh, God, would you feel proud of our head? Like. Like, let's talk about, like, how she says her mom would be or her dad would be so happy if she end up with, like, a Latino guy, et cetera.

[Kristen]

Yeah. So she's like, yeah, Christian has one of the best smiles I've ever seen. It's like a line that's in the shape of a smile. And, like, I've. I've gone on a few dates since Bond passed, but I don't think there's ever a time when you're ready. And that's when I prefer to just throw myself into lines.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Christian's like, yeah, we also have Latino asses, huh? Right? And she's like, okay, sure. Because my parents would be so happy if I brought home a Hispanic guy. It's like, well, we don't need to spray tan. We don't need anything. You just need to have two Latino parents. She's like, okay, all right.

[Kristen]

Yes, we are Latino. Thank you for pointing that out. Like, okay, thank you.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Jack asked Asia for some help to pack up his luggage. And in case you didn't remember from last episode, he brought on seven giant pieces of luggage for two days. And, of course, he spread everything everywhere. So V is going to be put on that task.

[Kristen]

Yeah. So it's a big cluster there. Tessa's snoring in her cabin while everybody's looking for her. So Nathan goes to talk to the cabin, and Asia is talking to V about packing up for Jack. So meanwhile, let's see, V goes into the. So it's just packing nightmare. Okay, so Nathan and Sandy, let's go to that. So he's like, long night, Cap. Long night. One of the guests was drunk. I told Christian, no circumstances. Go into the water. They go into the water. She's like, right, right. You know what? An idea is forming here. I'm just not sure what it is. And I was thinking. What? Wouldn't it be great if we had V down there? She knows a lot about lines, you know, I just don't. Don't say that. Because there's an idea coming to me. I just can't be sure what it is. Something to do. Valentine's Day, is it? Valentine's? No. Victory. Victory. Valhalla. Valhalla. I can't think of it. Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

I wish there was someone on this boat that we could just plug in right at the last second to take over, but. Can't quite connect those dots just yet. Let's just think about this for a little bit, okay? Like, you know what? Let's dock the boat and then we'll figure it out, because nothing will go wrong with the docking. Okay? Yeah.

[Kristen]

Surely, surely with a crew that doesn't know what they're doing, the docking is going to go great. You know, I mean, look, on one hand, the guest went into the water when he wasn't supposed to. That's bad. That's dangerous. On the other hand, we could have rid the world of Jack. So I don't know where I stand on that, really. We could have done a good thing here. We just didn't follow through. You know what we need to work on? Follow through. Follow through.

[Ben Mandelker]

Let me get back to you. This is a. I'm close to something here. Let's just like. Let's just work on it. Let's let it, like, let's let marinate a little bit it. So the guests are having breakfast and they receive eggs. And someone's like, these eggs are really yellow, which I don't think anyone's ever complained about before. Usually people like that. And so someone's like, oh, they probably won't even.

[Kizzy]

Free range.

[Ben Mandelker]

I'm like, you need to be free range. I. I know I'm more on this coming up, but it wasn't there, but like, I put. You need to be put in the cage because you guys are two. Free range. There we go. Yeah. Moving on.

[Kristen]

So V is like, yeah, Katarina came to packer stuff, but I'd already done it. I got a girl.

[Asia]

And he's just like, oh, my God. He knows. Like a backhand compliment. But I'm just surprised how quickly V's been learning. It's amazing. V. Let's have it. Let's have a whole montage of our amazing.

[Kristen]

She is.

[Asia]

I would like to prevent a lot present a lifetime achievement award for voice. I've never seen anybody as good as me.

[Kizzy]

Is it chat GPT or chat gp?

[Kristen]

V. So Nathan and Max. Nathan's gonna get a coffee, but he's like, get the lines ready for docking. So Max is like, so how was the midnight gift? Gets swim with the guests. You stupid. He's like, oh, my God, this guy, man. Wow. Wow. So breakfast. Everybody has their breakfast. Nathan wakes Tess up to get on deck. And like, she's not late. She's totally late, by the way. And she's just muttering to herself, I.

[Asia]

Don'T want to be here. I don't want to be here.

[Kizzy]

I want to be with the boys back at the farm. I want to be riding a combine with coal.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Max is talking about. He's making comments by going to the gym and whatever. And Christian just can't stand. She cannot stand Max and anything that he says. So Kizzy is FaceTiming Tommy, which is about as interesting as that sounds. And she's like, you know, I really like Tom, but being on this boat has made me confused about being in a relationship. I'm sort of trying to unpack myself and my needs.

[Kizzy]

Oh, good, because V can pack you back up. She's doing. Doing such a good job with the package.

[Asia]

These actually already packed up your needs. You don't even have to worry about it anymore. Damn it.

[Kristen]

So now lines are coming in and Max is like, bro, uncoil this uncoiling recoil. And Christian's like, why? And he goes, because there's the problem. And Christian's like, but we're gonna uncoil it anyway. He's like, just do it. Just do it. And yeah, Christians, they're just the worst. Why do you only have to pick one to fire? Just fire on both, I think.

[Ben Mandelker]

Fire every single person. Christian's like, oh, man, shut the up. Every day is the same thing. Telling me what to do non stop. It's just. Max, I got a present for You. And he gives him, like, a middle finger in the confessional. And because I can't tell if Max is on a power trip right now or if something genuinely needs to be done, it's hard to say because he is someone who loves the power trip, so they're being dysfunctional. And then. Then Asia asks Kizzy to do the laundry. And Kizzy's like, but where's. Where's V? This is her third stew kind of thing to do. And he's just like, oh, V's been.

[Kizzy]

Packing for the last two hours because she's so good. She did it so quickly. She's really one of the best dudes I've ever encountered.

[Kristen]

So then Max and Nathan are on the deck with Tess and Christian, and Nathan asked Tessa how she is, and he's like, you know, okay, well, you two on the stern with me. The two crossover lines, we're gonna heaving lines on them. It's so they're easier to throw. So he's like, oh, Jesus. The first talking, she said she couldn't do lines. And, you know, it's not like you're throwing to Pluto, but, you know, Pluto.

[Ben Mandelker]

But basically he, like, gives her the.

[Kristen]

Achieving lines to crossover lines in the swim platform. He's trying to make it easier for.

[Asia]

Her, and she's still like, what? This is hard.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, he basically has put it. I guess it's like a light line that's easier to throw, but there's like a little weight at the end of it. I don't know. And I guess there's some sort of knot. I don't know if the knot is the weight or whatever it is, but there's a knot that's important. And now when they are coming in, they have to throw their lines across each other, and she basically can't throw it all the way across. And her knot comes undone. And I don't really truly understand what's going on, but I just know enough to know that she failed.

[Kristen]

Yeah, she sucks. So let's see.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's slow. She's like. He's like, faster. Tassel Boss or Tessa. I need to be a little faster. Boss or Tessa Boss Foster False or task. Come on, tell us a father.

[Kristen]

Yeah. And meanwhile, no one is communicating with Sandy. And she's like, I don't. I need to know what's going on back there. What is going on back there? What is going on back there? And then the rope wasn't even tied tight, so it comes undone.

[Asia]

And Tess is like, sorry, what? I just wish I was Taught, right?

[Kristen]

He's like, are you serious? Yeah. What's going on back there? What is going on back there? I get more communication from Little Bear, and he's a fish, so.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Max is Max. Christian has done his heaving line duty. So he goes up to help Max, and then they start fighting about who knows what. Like, you got to pull more. Pull more. Pull more. Pull more. Why? I'm pulling more? You want to say that to my face? Oh, you. They're fighting. Captain Sandy is like, oh, my God. Hey, Nathan, you might want to go check on the bow. Bow. Sort of like the way I checked on my Bow Wow Little bear that is now known as Little Fish.

[Kristen]

Little Bow Wow. Our bear that we have in our backyard. He's pretty cute little dog. That's what we call our bear. Little Bow Wow for short. So Max and Christian are you. Each other. And Nathan goes to check on them. He's like, no arguments. Let's be professional. So now he's trying to coach these guys about how to tie ropes and stuff. And meanwhile, Kizzy goes to check on V. And V is, like, sitting there and just, like, still covered in the confetti that Asia threw all over her for getting the packing done. And now it's time for guest departure. So everybody hugs by, and Jack's like, hello.

[Asia]

Love you guys. The only thing I love more than you. Szechuan chicken.

[Kristen]

Am I right?

[Asia]

Yes. I'm the Szechuan chicken guy, everybody.

[Ben Mandelker]

So, yeah, they. They give a tip. Tip. It's like an 18. Well, actually, we don't find out just yet. But they give the tip, they leave, everyone's happy, and then everyone's changing. And Nathan asks if Kizzy has a bbl. I didn't personally notice Kizzy having a noteworthy hindquarters.

[Kristen]

I'm looking at her, but what is this, the 80s?

[Ben Mandelker]

Nathan's like, oh, do you have a BBL? What's a. What's that. What's that mean? Baby bum lift or something? She's like, Brazilian. Brazilian butt lift.

[Kizzy]

Brazilian butt lift. Bloody bamboo.

[Ben Mandelker]

He's like, oh, wow. Baby bomb left.

[Asia]

Wow.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's wild.

[Kristen]

So, okay, charter number two, everybody. The good news is, interior. You killed it. Especially UV. Hey, V, give me my favorite line. Line. Exactly. God, I love when you say line. Says it a lot. It's good. It's her. It's her catchphrase, guys. Okay, so it should give me a five. High five. Okay. Yeah. Deck. God, you guys are terrible. You suck. Geez, you suck. And you have stupid hair. Too. Sorry, sorry there. Girl 1. I don't know your name yet, but the rest of you, okay, you know, we got €18,000. That's $20,000. So that's pretty good. You know, that's about 10,000 pairs of capris. Okay, so everybody per person, that something or other. I don't know. I'm not here for my math. I'm here for my hairstyle. Okay? So everybody, let's turn it around. Okay, Turn that beat around. Gay people love that one. All right, go do it.

[Ben Mandelker]

Isn't that tip about €10,000 less than the Bitcoin Bros? The Bitcoin Bros gave 30,000. So it's a shame. People are cheap. These people are cheap. I think 25,000 is what you are looking for for like a. Like a nice or standard tip. I think 20,000 is on the low.

[Kristen]

End, but they're not doing that. S. Chicken. So, yeah, sorry.

[Ben Mandelker]

So cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. And everyone is cleaning. And. And Tessa is ma. Something. She's like, this is fault. She's always mad about something. So Asia's telling her team that she's just so proud of them and wants them to keep going up and up and up. And Josh is going to go sleep. But now, finally, Captain Sandy and Nathan, time to have another powwow. So Sandy's like, so, how you feeling about your deck crew? Has anyone. Has anyone earned a Capri Pant? You know, were they still at ankle length? Have they. How far have they grown? And Nathan's like, well, it's a clown show.

[Kristen]

Josh comes in juggling steaks, not you. Get out of here.

[Ben Mandelker]

Circus on steroids on a multi million dollar yacht. And Captain Sandy goes, that's totally chaos. I don't really want to say that, but it is total chaos. Kind of like Norma's hair when she goes out on a date. Am I right?

[Kristen]

I don't want someone's spirit except Norma's. Okay, you want to talk about how bad Norma looks like in a bathing suit, go ahead, give me your opinion. He's like, no, that's pretty unprofessional. Yeah, well, okay, well, the point is, you know, tell me your side of the story. He's like, my side of the story is you hired a bunch of fucking idiots. Did you even read the resume? That's probably on his inside dots, but his side is. They suck. Like, what the fuck do you want from me? You know? He's like, this one's crazy. Max is crazy. And then the other two are just terrible. You know, she's like, okay, well, here's what you're gonna do, because you're a leader now. Fire one person. You only get to keep one. It's like Sophie's Choice. No, Sophie didn't want to kill both of her children.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, they. I fire them both. You know my favorite reality. You know my favorite reality trope is. Is when there's, like, a competition and people do really badly. Like on Project Runway, they'll do this once in a while. They'll be like, I'm sorry, Peter. I'm sorry, you're out. And then the other person gasps like, oh, few. And also, Johan. Yeah, you're out, too. And you're like, yeah.

[Kristen]

Oh, that's what you meant when they were. When they're like, you're not safe either. You have to sew it out. Now, we are giving you garbage bags, tape, and so SOS and a squirrel make a ballgame in five minutes.

[Ben Mandelker]

I think Captain Jason did this to Vion last season on down under, right? Because he had to. He fired Johnny. And then. I don't remember it was in the same session, but it was definitely the same episode. But I love it when it's like. And you're out, too. Oh, I love that.

[Kristen]

Yeah, that's what they need to do here. They need a good double firing. Just start over, you know, get noobs, get nibs.

[Ben Mandelker]

Let's do that. Well, they have to, because. Well, we know. We know someone's getting fired because obviously, because they said it. And also, Gail's gonna clearly come back, but. But Gail's not gonna come back before Nathan and Kizzy make out, I feel like. So we'll see how that goes.

[Kristen]

All right, everybody, thanks so much for being with us on Below Deck Med Day. We will be back tomorrow with Salt Lake City. And also Bravo Wife Swap, which is a new one for Yale Brav. So we'll be checking that out. So join us for that. If you want to join us on Patreon, you'll get all of our video recaps and our bonuses to do that. And we will see you Monday for Amazon live at 4pm Pacific Time. You can find the link for that at our link in bio over on Instagram at Watch whatcrappens. Thanks, everybody. We'll talk to you next time.

[Ben Mandelker]

Bye.

[Asia]

Bye.

[Ben Mandelker]

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[Kristen]

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[Kristen]

With Tessa V. She ain't no shrinking violet Coutar we love you guys. If you like, watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] survey.