#3054 Below Deck Med S10E05 Part 1: Double Dumped and Vegan Slumped

Summary

Watch What Crappens – Episode #3054

Below Deck Med S10E05 Part 1: Double Dumped and Vegan Slumped

Date: October 28, 2025
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam

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Overview

In this episode, Ben and Ronnie recap and hilariously eviscerate Below Deck Mediterranean Season 10 Episode 5, "Double Dumped and Vegan Slumped."
The discussion zeroes in on a tumultuous charter season, focusing especially on vegan charter guest drama, an unprecedented double firing of deckhands, leadership struggles, and the ever-glorious return of recurring character Joe. As always, the hosts deliver biting commentary, outlandish impressions of Captain Sandy and Norma, and plenty of witty banter that keeps the spirit of Bravo fandom alive.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Vegan Charter Guest Debacle

[02:39–06:38]

• Ben and Ronnie reflect on the plight of vegan guests on reality TV, noting how one particularly difficult vegan charter guest revives old negative stereotypes.
• Ben shares how veganism used to be "a crazy hippie thing" and laments seeing it reduced to "pushy, obnoxious, demanding, picky" due to this guest.
• Ronnie mocks, "I’ve never seen a vegan who's like, yeah, no salads, fresh greens, disgusting. How dare you? I’m a vegan. Like, really, dude?" [03:51]
• Both hosts agree that chefs can be clueless or lazy when accommodating vegan guests, but also criticize guests who treat chefs like personal nutritionists rather than creators of tasty food.

Quote:

“As a criticism of dinner, where are my minerals? I’ve literally never heard that.”
— Ronnie [05:01]

2. Crew Firing: Tessa and Christian Sent Packing

[07:43–16:12]

• The episode returns to Captain Sandy and Nathan debating which "dum dum" to fire, culminating in a double firing of deckhands Tessa and Christian.
• Ronnie, impersonating Sandy:

  “You gotta make a change, so get out. [...] I know you come from a big boat, your family’s a family, which is great, you know, but on this boat, you’re more like a catamaran, okay? And I don’t know how to drive those.” [15:36]

• Ben ponders workplace discipline: “Why isn’t there a sense of you guys didn’t earn your downtime tonight? We’re going to work on knots all night long.” [09:27]
• The hosts agree Nathan’s promotion to bosun felt abrupt and “unearned,” comparing him to other rapid risers in the Below Deck universe.

Quote:

“I feel like we never saw a scene of Nathan being like, ‘You guys need to get your s*** together!’”
— Ben [11:29]

3. Aftermath: Crew Reactions to the Firings

[22:02–26:28]

• Max is elated at losing “two person because, well, you know, with them, we would have sunk your boat.” [22:02]
• Kizzy pretends to be sad for Tessa, though Ben jokes, “I don’t think anyone’s talked to Tessa this entire season.” [22:12]
• Discussion pivots to Christian’s bizarre family background, including his father’s 20+ aircraft accidents, which the hosts lampoon as an odd form of family pride.

  “Can you let me know what airline your dad flies for?”
  — Ben [24:56]

4. Iconic Captain Sandy and Norma Text Exchanges

[17:35–21:43, 41:43–43:56]

• The Captain Sandy/Norma dynamic shines, featuring endless “bloop” texts, biting zingers, and workplace pettiness. This recurring bit lampoons the frantic quest to find substitute deckhands.
• Running jokes about Olive Garden, OnlyFans, and failed hiring practices are front and center.
• Example:

  “You don’t need sexual experiences, because you’ve got your hands. Unfortunately, you don’t have any hands. Deckhands, that is.”
  — Guest/Caller/Bloop Run [18:58]

5. Kizzy’s Unthrilling Boyfriend Subplot

[35:15–36:06]

• Brief coverage of Kizzy’s texts with her off-screen boyfriend Tommy, a classic “jealous boyfriend left at home" narrative, which Ronnie wants to see resolved by dumping Tommy.

6. Shifting Deck Assignments—V Contemplates Switching Teams

[30:35–38:52]

• V considers switching from interior to deckhand, encouraged by Kizzy (who wants her out of the way).
• Ben highlights Kizzy’s self-interested “planting a seed” to grow her own interior status. [31:28]
• Hosts riff on the absurdity of anyone being “intimidated” by the work, given the recent firings.

7. Introduction of Joe (“Sweeps Month!”)

[32:14–34:49, 53:28–55:23]

• The legendary Joe returns as the new deckhand, with extensive bro-mance foreshadowed.
• Jokes about his cryptic, emoji-like smile and physicality permeate the episode.
• Ben: “When he smiles, you can’t tell if he’s smiling or frowning—it’s just what you project onto him. He’s just like that one emoji that’s just like an oval teeth in it.” [33:02]

8. The Ongoing Struggle: Finding Crew and Leadership Turmoil

[38:53–54:26]

• Deck is still understaffed; recruitment mishaps and miscommunications abound, all through Captain Sandy’s endless texts.
• V gets her shot at deck, while Sandy and Aisha hash out shared custody (across departments).

9. Final Group Outing: Flirting, Exhaustion, and "Mediocrity" Mantra

[39:26–47:38]

• Cast goes out for dinner and drinks; Max and Kizzy flirt; Aisha advises chef Josh to strive for “mediocrity” to avoid burnout.
• “Here’s what I want you to concentrate on, alright? Mediocrity. That’s really what you need to get your arms around. Embrace it.” — Ronnie, as Aisha [44:45]

10. Closing Segment: Joe Arrives, Deck Gets New Blood

[54:26–55:55]

• Joe’s entrance is met with giddiness, and the male deckhands literally grope each other’s pecs in a bro-tastic moment.
• Ronnie notes, “This is a two-part recap. Just come back a little later for part two.” [55:55]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Ben: “I think some people just choose whatever it is—veganism or whatever the little, you know, niche is—to just have that control over people...” [05:14]
• Ronnie: “This is why unions were invented, Ben.” [09:52]
• Ben (on Christian’s dad): “Your dad’s been in 20 aircraft accidents... Can we just rewind that part?” [24:56]
• Ronnie (as Sandy): “Just pretend I say cute face. Okay, you’re hired.” [27:21]
• On Joe returning:
  “We have one of those infamous Below Deck bromances that we just can’t get enough of on this show.” — Ronnie [33:29]
• On deckhand hiring:
  “If your CV is a cute vase... I meant cute face. Okay, do you have a cute face? You’re hired.” — Ben [27:21]
• On Max’s priorities:
  “In two months, I have sex just one time.” — Max (paraphrased by hosts) [39:44]

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Important Timestamps & Segments

• 02:39–06:38 – Vegan guest drama and chef complaints
• 07:43–16:12 – Double deckhand firing sequence
• 22:02–26:28 – Crew reaction, Christian’s bizarre family history
• 17:35–21:43; 41:43–43:56 – Sandy & Norma’s texting hijinks
• 30:35–38:52 – Discussion about V potentially moving to deck
• 32:14–34:49; 53:28–55:23 – Introduction and arrival of new deckhand Joe
• 39:26–47:38 – Group dinner, Kizzy and Max flirt, “mediocrity” mantra

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Tone and Style

The podcast delivers its signature blend of sarcasm, wild character impressions, Bravo in-jokes, and circular digressions. Ronnie favors irreverent Sandy and Norma riffs, while Ben takes a more analytical but equally mocking approach to both cast and guests. Their love for Bravo, however, is unmistakable beneath the roast.

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For New Listeners

Even without watching the episode, this recap reveals:

• The personality quirks and flaws of both cast and guests
• The absurdity and chaos of yacht staffing on Bravo
• The iconic humor duo Ben & Ronnie bring to every Reality TV recap
• Key plot shifts: vegan chaos, the double firing on deck, new crew member arrival, and the undercurrent of flirtation/jealousy between interior and deck teams

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End of Part 1 Recap.
Come back for more mayhem in Part 2!

Transcript

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[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

Something bad.

[Ben]

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[Ronnie]

Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens. I'm Ronnie and that's the gorgeous Ben over there. Hello Ben.

[Ben]

Hi Ronnie. How's it going?

[Ronnie]

Good. How's tricks?

[Ben]

Tricks are good. Tricks are very good. Just it's my last morning here in New Orleans. I'm very sad getting out, getting on a plane right after this. But you know, it's happy to get to talk some blow deck med with you before any of that happens.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, poor vegans. Vegans just really get the brunt end of the stick on this one. Sorry vegans. People don't hate you enough. So we're going to add this episode in.

[Ben]

I felt so bad for vegans. I was like vegans have made such strides over the past 30 years. I remember in the 90s when I think of first became aware of veganism, which of course predates the 90s. But, you know, when I remember first learning about veganism, and it was like such a hippie thing. It was sprouts and weird sprouts and beans and, like, that was it. And weird, strange versions of non vegan things, like a. Like a Seitan Reuben from Real Food Daily. Real Foods Daily on. On La Cienega, which was I Learned about in 2000. But, like, either way, it was like this crazy, crazy hippie food that you had to, like, live extreme lifestyle for. And now it's become so much more mainstreamed and so inventive, and it's like, really being viewed as its own cuisine. And then. And now this guy comes along and is like, makes vegan seem, like, pushy, obnoxious, demanding, picky, like, honest.

[Ronnie]

More. Honestly, more.

[Ben]

Which is.

[Ronnie]

I've never seen a vegan who's like, yeah, no salads, fresh greens, disgusting. How dare you? I'm a vegan. Like, really, dude?

[Ben]

I think, like, one thing that we've definitely noticed, like, on Top Chef and on this show is that sometimes chefs are so cheffy that when someone says, hey, I'm a vegetarian or I'm vegan, they literally don't know what to do. And they're like, I don't know, like, here's some iceberg lettuce, you know, and it's like, okay, well, you know, vegans are entitled to have some food that's, like, inventive and. And some effort is put into it. But this guy, when he's like, I mean, I mean, this is vegan, but it's like, all starches. Like, it's not nutritious. Like, I need some minerals. It's like, no, no, no, no, no. That's not part of it. The chef is not responsible for your general wellness. The chef is responsible for putting together a meal that tastes good. It's up to you to find the balance in your life. Like, you take some supplements or some vitamins. I don't go to a steakhouse, need to eat some steak, and then say, well, this steak is. It's fine, but I'm not feeling this is a well balanced meal. I need some. I need some salads to go along with this. Like, no, no. You like that? That's not on the chef.

[Ronnie]

Like, who says, As a criticism of dinner, where are my minerals? Yeah, I've literally never heard that.

[Ben]

Where are my greens? And I don't mean salad. I mean, like, where are my hearty greens? It's like, well, where was it?

[Ronnie]

On your preference salad Already on your preference sheet salad are literally greens. And then he was serving big plates of vegetables too, and he's like, no, not those kind. Oh, my God, I can't. You know, some, I think some people just choose whatever it is veganism or whatever the little, you know, niche is to just have that control over people, you know, that like, yeah, you have to, like, be. You have to make everything special for me and my entire family, you know, and obviously not everybody's like that, but there are those people that just need control and attention who will use any little thing to just jump on. And this guy is definitely one of those people.

[Ben]

And these were like, actually, like, by and large, as, as a group, these were generally picky eaters, but they were like, nicely picky. They were like, oh, you know what? Could you fry these oysters instead? You know, but like, but this guy was just like, no, I'm going to have a little paratroop with my vegan food and I'm going to complain the entire time. And on top of it's like, I'm going to be the one to have a more difficult diet and then I'm going to complain the most and make it even more demanding than it already is. And like, that's, of course, the reputation that vegans already have. Whether it's like, whether it's, you know, valid or not, that is a reputation. And he just really kind of like anyone who already was like, stupid vegans, you know, they're definitely not getting a revision of their opinions based on this guy.

[Ronnie]

Well, I guess to make it fair, at least the non vegans are assholes too, because I don't agree that, that just, oh, go fry these oysters.

[Ben]

Like, that's not a request.

[Ronnie]

That's a bullshit.

[Ben]

No, I know. It was definitely.

[Ronnie]

You don't just go like, fry up an oyster. Like, it takes batter, it takes oil. You know, it takes a lot of stuff that's not already prepared. Like, to sit down at a dinner and be like, no, you need to fry those oysters instead. Like, he should have known is just gross. I think they're just gross. Those are gross.

[Ben]

I mean, I don't think I would be mortified if someone served me, like, raw oysters. And I was like, can you, can you fry these instead? Like, I'd be mortified to make that request. But I'm saying that, like, they made their requests, but then they, once they got their requests, they were generally, well, I don't know. I gotta read the notes again. Maybe I'm, like, blocking it out. Maybe I'm just so mad at this vegan that I'm, like, just automatically making the other people seem nicer. But I feel like once they got their request, they were. They just. Then they ate their food. They were like, I got my request. But this guy was just, like, nothing was satisfying to him. And I think that he was. And again, he wasn't the primary. What a shock. He was the friend that was brought along and is on a power trip.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. Well, here we go. Below Deck Med season. Oh, well, before we get into that, if you want these on video, Crappens on demand, that's also where you get our bonus episodes. Thanks to everyone who joined us on Amazon Live last night. We will be doing that again in a couple of weeks. And Monday is HAP is crappy hour at 5:30 Pacific. That's our live show on YouTube, live Instagram, and Patreon. It's all free everywhere. Join us for that every other week. That's where we talk to you, talk about Bravo, headlines, etc. Etc. Okay, so let's get into this. This is below Deck Med. Season 10 Episode 5 Let the Games Begin so Nathan and Sandy are on the bridge talking, and Sandy's like, okay, here's your big choice. We got Dum Dum and Dum Dum. So which one do you want to get rid of? The dum dum with terrible hair or the Dum dum with the big eyes who thinks everyone's giving them its number?

[Ben]

Choose.

[Ronnie]

Well, choose. This is your choice as a leader, Nathan.

[Ben]

Well, it's necessary for the whole operation of the boat and the safety of the guests that we got rid of Tessa and Christian. She's like, whoa, that's half your team. I mean, that's like. That's like saying, hey, I want to take your pants and want to cut off the part right between the ankle and the shin. But now that I say that, that's kind of a great idea. Okay, let's go for it. All right, cut it off.

[Ronnie]

So I haven't done something this bold since I had Malia Frame Han. And.

[Ben]

I can see Max getting frustrated with Christian and Tata, but he's also trying to remain positive. And then I'm getting frustrated as well because it's just not good enough. Okay. I love this. You're such a good leader. This is leader. These are leader choices. Yeah. And if I had time to train them up, I would, but I feel like they're miles off of it. Like, I have a question. When these things happen, why I know that people are, like, entitled to their off time and their leisure time, but when it's in between charters, why isn't there a sense of, like, you guys didn't earn your downtime tonight? Like, we are going to. Tonight we are going to be going over the knots and this and that. Like, why can't there be punishment, right? Or is it just like an anti. Is that like a not. Is that like an employment issue?

[Ronnie]

This is why unions were invented, Ben.

[Ben]

Like, doesn't it feel like it should be kind of like a you guys up so therefore you're not allowed to go party tonight, we're gonna have to be coming right back. We're gonna have dinner and then come back and we're gonna work on knots all night long. Like, is that.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, but this is the job where you kind of have to know what you're doing. Like, they need to hire people who know what they're doing. They can't just be hiring people on Instagram, which is kind of how Below Deck has been running the past few seasons. It's like, let's just hire hot people from Instagram who will fuck each other a lot. And, like, they also have to know how to, you know, tie knots and, you know, drive boats. So they should start there. So she's like, wow, what a leader. Fire everybody. Yeah, let's do it. No one gets their SNAP benefits this month. Leader. So she's like, as a first time bosun, you know, making this call, it's very difficult, but I'm gonna trust it because it's Nathan, you know, and if you got monk hair, you should treat him like a monk. And I trust monks, so. Not monkeys. Oh, God, monkeys are crazy. Those things will steal a banana right out of your hand, won't they? They're cute, but don't trust them. I'm telling you that right now. What was I talking about? Yeah, well, I've witnessed Nathan. He's been educating his team. I really like that class he gave where he stood on the edge of the boat and went, oh, no, oh, no, oh, no. Over and over again. That was a really great TED Talk. But, you know, we need some people who can understand direction, and that's not happening with Tessa and Christian. Okay? One of them's like a mop with a wig on, and the other one, God, I don't even know about him, but I think I saw him hitting on a dolphin.

[Ben]

I. I feel like we have. We never saw a Scene of Nathan being like, you guys need to get your together. I'm sick of saying this to you, okay? Like, Tessa, you're just standing around doing nothing. You're not refueling. Da, da, da. We're going to go through this all. But instead, it's like Sandy's like, I've been seeing you talking to them. I been seeing you teaching them. And, like, what we'll see is Nathan saying to Tessa, tessa, don't forget to refuel next time, okay? Tessa. It's like a. Which should be enough, by the way. And I'm not saying that Tessa and Christian shouldn't be fired because they are two dum dums. But I'm also like, I think that, like, maybe Nathan could step up a little bit in terms of, you know, urgency in teaching, et cetera.

[Ronnie]

But Nathan's really ready to step up. You know, it's like the below deck thing where they think the audience wants. And I think that they're right, that the audience wants to see people move up and excel. Right? Like, you want to see someone like, wow, now Asia's chief stew. Like, that was really cool. You know, we want those moments, but they have to be kind of earned moments. And they've got a lot of unearned moments. Like, the Fraser, I think, was kind of an unearned one.

[Ben]

And Fraser was definitely unearned.

[Ronnie]

And then we see Nathan, which is kind of unearned. It's like, well, he was a happy, go lucky, fun guy. Let's just make him the bosun next time. And I don't think he was ready for it. Yeah, I mean, I think this isn't just Tessa and Christian. It's also Nathan and then Max. I mean, on any other season, Max would have been the biggest disaster because of his attitude and his screaming and losing it and trying bossing everybody around. And the fact that Max is, like, looked at is this great employee is hilarious. And that really goes to show where the season's at.

[Ben]

Yeah, exactly. I mean, I think that Nathan in many ways is very good. You know, I. I mentioned, I think last episode that I was impressed with how calm he remained while Max was losing his mind. But he. Like, there are times when it's good to sort of like, add a little bit of fire to your voice. So Sandy's like, you know, times like this is. It's never easy. Okay. Oh, by the way. Okay, so hey, dum dums to the bridge. We'll start with Christian. Okay. All those who are going to still have a job in an hour, Step forward. Not so fast, Christian. So times like this, it's never easy for me, okay? Ever. But safety is non negotiable. It's number one, and we all know that. So at this point, Christian, I'm letting you go. And looks like you've already let yourself go. How did he wound up floating out into the water already onto that jet ski?

[Ronnie]

Wow.

[Ben]

He just sort of. That was pretty easy. When I said, I'm going to let you go, I didn't really mean literally, but I guess you're already out there in the water, so good luck to you, sir.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. And he's like, whoa, thanks so much. Great being here. Yeah, well, you know, it's just safety because you're great. I don't want you to think you're bad because you're great. I'm firing a great person today. A great person is going home. You are a very hard wanker. Worker.

[Ben]

Worker.

[Ronnie]

Did I say wanker? Sorry, it's my inside voice. You're a very hard worker wanker. So get out of here. Skedaddle and do great, do. Do great mediocre work somewhere else. They're gonna love you.

[Ben]

God, you could tell.

[Ronnie]

Let one go, but someone else has gained someone mediocre.

[Ben]

Tell you that he's totally happy with this decision. He's like, oh, thanks so much. It was wonderful. Really great honor. That's when he was like, please, please fire me. I don't want to be here anymore, but I also don't want to be a quitter. So he was thrilled. He literally was. Hey, so then, you know, next is like, okay, Tessa, Tessa, make your way up to captain's quarters. I. I'd like to meet you, by the way. I don't think I've met you yet so far, so first of all, I just want to say hello. Second of all, just say, you know, it's hard. It's hard, Tessa. But. But, you know, from what. What I've observed and speak with Nathan, it's completely chaotic. Your hair, I can't tell if I like it better down or up. It looks crazy in both ways. How did you do that?

[Ronnie]

You've just. You just used so much hairspray. And for that reason, I gotta let you go. Okay. Get out of here.

[Ben]

Dead eyes.

[Ronnie]

And she's like, so, you know, gotta make a change, so get out. You know, And I know you come from a big boat. Your family's a family, which is great, you know, but on this boat, you're more like a Cantamaran, okay? And I don't know how to drive.

[Ben]

Those, so I'm gonna need you to.

[Ronnie]

Just get out of here, okay? Also, I didn't love that picture of you on the four wheeler covered in mud while you're wearing bikini. That just seems unsafe for the road. So I know this isn't a road, but because of your behavior as a teenager, I've gotta let you go. Bye.

[Ben]

Oh, and one last thing. Santa Claus is real, so go fuck off.

[Ronnie]

She's like, I can't believe this. This is unbelievable. Well, thank you for the chance, but I'm excited to go back to the boys. I miss the boys on my farm.

[Guest/Caller]

Well, I can't believe I had all this timer with him because, like, fuck her. Because I don't really need her help. I just need the boys. I just need those McBay boys. It's so, so amazing watching them grow up so quickly. Some say love, it is a blessing when you're having sailor dressing.

[Ronnie]

Sandy, I want to say one more thing before I go. You are the wind beneath my. Okay, get out of here, Tessa, okay? With your shitty little wedding band. Go back to Gallatin or whatever the fuck that place is called. Gelatin. I don't know. Get out.

[Ben]

Based on her face, I thought that for sure she'd be Australian, so it's surprising that she had that Missouri accent. Okay, okay, well, guess what? Now we no down two deckhands. What could possibly happen? Okay. Oh, man, what a. What a funny twist. But let me. Hold on one second. Nathan, you're. After you. Leave the room. About to do some serious texting here. Okay? Bloop. Hey, Norma, I'm in a pinch. Sort of like your belt says to you every day, huh? I need two deckhands in Barcelona. Do you have anyone available?

[Ronnie]

Oh, hey there, Sandy. Wow, Speaking of pinching, I knew you were gonna call because I felt a pinched nerve in my neck. Really hurt. So glad to see the pain's on the phone. Hi. Good to see you. Good to talk to you. Thanks for the. Thanks for the sweet hello before you started asking me for shit. You know, it would be nice to have one season where you were just capable of doing some hiring on your own without relying on me within the first week. Bloop.

[Ben]

Bloop. Speaking of pinches, I guess you really had a pinch me moment where for the first time in 17 years, someone actually responded to one of your personal ads, huh? Congratulations.

[Guest/Caller]

Bloop.

[Ronnie]

Bloop. Yeah. Hope you're happy with that wife who's probably pinching your wallet. Okay, I've Never heard a one year wonder saying bb so much over text, so that sounds real realistic. Okay, Good luck with your Rent a Bride. Okay. Bloop.

[Ben]

Bloop. Oh, by the way, I just got a text from Olive Garden. They wanted me to tell you that next time when you ask for a pinch of butter, that doesn't mean a whole stick. And they didn't appreciate you yelling at the waiters like that. Okay, thank you.

[Guest/Caller]

Bloop.

[Ben]

Bloop.

[Ronnie]

Speaking of Olive Garden, they called and they want their uniform pants back. Okay. Polyester. Polyester. Poly. Jeez. Bloop.

[Ben]

Bloop. Talk about, talk about uniform. More like you don't form any sexual experiences anymore. Am I right?

[Guest/Caller]

Bloop.

[Ben]

Bloop.

[Ronnie]

You know what? Thankfully, I don't need sexual experiences because I've got my hands. Unfortunately, you don't have any hands. Deckhands, that is. So maybe should watch your lip until I get you one. Bloop.

[Ben]

Bloop. That's fair. That's fair. Okay? Just find me a deckhand, okay? If you want, you can finish that bowl of Mac and cheeses before you get out there looking. Okay, thanks.

[Ronnie]

Oh, so you need two deckhands? Okay. Wow. Wow, you're doubling competent this season. It's glad to see they're upping the game over there at Bravo. Bloop.

[Ben]

Well, I'm only as competent as the idiots you send me along, but I can understand if you couldn't Quite read their CVs after you spilled all that marinara sauce all over them. Okay.

[Ronnie]

Bloop. Okay, well, I'll just be on OnlyFans trying to find people with boobs big enough to entertain the masses and run a boat, no problem. Bloop.

[Guest/Caller]

Bloop.

[Ben]

Well, let's not try to ruin the OnlyFans brand by logging on their Norma, okay? All right. Thank you.

[Guest/Caller]

Bloop.

[Ronnie]

Bloop, this is Ellie. How dare you come for my Only Fans account? Unbelievable. Bloop.

[Guest/Caller]

This is Bri.

[Ben]

This is Bria. I don't know. Where have I put the OnlyFans? I can't find my Only Fans account. Okay?

[Ronnie]

I quit. Just. Just find me. Sir, could you also look for a new captain? I can't text anymore. Bloop wins on Bloop.

[Ben]

This is the consequences of my actions. Bloop. Jess, we're not even on this franchise.

[Ronnie]

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Grappens commercial.

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[Ronnie]

All right, so now we cut to Nathan and Max, and Nathan tells them that they've been fired. And Max is like, wow. Okay, let's go. Let's work. Yeah. These amazing, amazing. Your best captain ever, like, firing two person because, well, you know, with them, we would have sunk your boat.

[Ben]

So Max is so happy about this. So he goes. He runs down and tells Kizzy, and she's like, whoa.

[Ronnie]

Oh, we just lose to crew member.

[Ben]

Christian. Tess. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no. I have to pretend like I've actually had some sort of relationship with Tess. So Kizzy, who I don't think. I don't think anyone's talked to Tessa this entire. This entire season, she runs down to Tess and she's like, are you fucking joking me? Are you joking me? This is terrible. I can't have someone who's less hot than me leave this boat because you totally make me seem hotter. Now what am I gonna do?

[Ronnie]

She said she wasn't happy with me, so she showed me the dribble door. And now Vee comes downstairs because she's heard all this stuff, and Josh is just waking up with a clown nose on. Like, what is going on? So everyone's like, oh, my God, I can't believe you're fired. Oh, my God, this is craz crazy. And then Max goes to Christian's cabin, and he's like, ah. He's like, got a smile on his face.

[Ben]

What a dick. He's such an asshole.

[Ronnie]

And Christian says, you know, well, what's that face about? And he's like, oh, but I just know the news. Yeah, man, I don't know. I don't know, man. I tried to warn you, like, 11 million times, and now you are fired.

[Ben]

What a dick. What a total dick. I have to tell you, the. The record on French People on blow deck these days is not great between Max and Celine. So Christian is like, yeah, okay, well get a new deck and try to hypnotize him. See how that goes. Okay, I'm going back to having sex in a different place. So Kizzy's like, I can't believe that Tessa's leaving. Even though I never even got to have a conversation with her ever. But still, it's so sad to see her leave. And they're like, bye. And they're just like huggin them and.

[Ronnie]

Everything, you know, Christian, I'm sad he left because I was watching a movie last night, by the way, most disturbing movie I've seen in a long time. Don't watch it. I'm not recommending anyone watch this because you'll blame me for being triggered. I watched that one the other day. That one was fine. It was okay. This one was called Bring her Back. Oh, my God. Disturbing as fuck. So anyway, I was watching it and then a preview came on for a movie, and it was a Wes Anderson movie with Benicio Del Toro where he's dying. I guess he's afraid he's going to die, and so he's getting all his children to take over his business. Who cares about the plot? But the main thing is Benicio Del Toro flies planes. And he's always crashing the planes. And he survived like 10 crashes. And so he's just like, well, I'm going to die, so I guess I better get my kids ready to take over. And I totally thought of Christian. You know, this is where Christian is going. He's going back to just crash more planes. Because I'm still convinced that Christian is just crashing planes and that's why he's on boats now instead of planes.

[Ben]

Yeah, he. Christian literally says, well, my dad has been in over 20 aircraft accidents, and with all the scratches and blood and glasses in his skin, you know, this feels way worse than he described them. Like, is your dad. Can you let me know what airline your dad flies for just for future edification? Can we just. Can we just. Can we. Can we. Can we rewind that part? Your dad's been in 20 aircraft accidents. But I almost want to do, like, does, like, am I. I'm like, trying to imagine, is there a world where there's a positive spin on that? Like, oh, well, you know, like, you have to, like, have an emergency landing. Does that count as an aircraft X? No, no, that's. It's not a great feature I don't love.

[Ronnie]

Or is he just, like, incontinent Is he maybe, like, having accidents on the plane? I don't know. I think I said, my dad probably doesn't love this. He's going on TV. Like, yeah, my dad has crashed his plane, like, 20 times. It's probably not the best thing to be bragging on.

[Ben]

I know. So Tessa's like, well, this is sad.

[Guest/Caller]

I mean, maybe I could have had more confidence on the deck, but I just was so weary of, like, where I stood on the deck team. Like, I hope on the next boat. Like, my bosom believes in me and the dribble door and has half a brain cell. I wish he was more like those big baby boys, but, gosh, watching them grow up and become a big man who punched Hillside? That is what an honor it is for me.

[Ben]

Okay? I really do wish Nathan all the.

[Guest/Caller]

Best, and I'm sure he'll do great. Oh, gold. I'm saying to leave his boat now.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, but she's, like, rolling her eyes like, he sucks, and this is all leadership. This is all leadership's fault. Tessa, you don't know how to do anything. You don't know how to fill up a. A car. You know what I mean? Like a vehicle. You don't know how to fill up gas. You're gone. Okay? Stop blaming everybody else. So, bye. So she leaves, and Max hugs her. You know, he's very surprised. No one is surprised. Max, stop. And so she's out. And I'm impressed that they fired them both, and I'm glad. So now let's see who else we get. Let's text potential duckhead number one. Hey. What are you up to? I have an opening on a deck in Barcelona. Please tell me that you have no experience but are hot because you're hired. I'm telling you right now. Okay. Is your CV a cute vase? Okay, not vase. I just. It's not a cf. I meant cute face. Okay. Do you have a cute face? Just pretend I say cute face. Okay, you're hired. Come on.

[Ben]

And then we get a text back from the potential deckhand that says, thank you so much for thinking of me. I brought my friend Gertie along. Can she come, too? No, I'm sorry. Only room for one deckhand, unfortunately. Well, we are hiring two, but, yeah, only room for one.

[Ronnie]

Is this cowardice a lesbian professional tennis player? Then no. Okay, she'll have to eat at the Olive Garden next door. Oh, by the way, while she's there, could you ask them if they have any extra uniform pants? God, I love those.

[Ben]

But I did hear that they are out of butter because someone asked for a quote unquote pinch of it and their marinara that they got over some resumes. So then, potential decade number two. Hey, good to hear from you. I'm reading out loud the text that I received. By the way, I didn't text them because that'd be weird if I said good to hear from you when I was texting them initially. Anyway, they say, good to hear from you. I'm sorry, but I'm not available right now. I'm uncharter. Okay. Wow, that was a stern rejection from Gigi Fernandez. I didn't like that one bit.

[Ronnie]

And now, deckhand number three. Hey, you available? I need a good deckhand in Barcelona, preferably without any experience, but a nice but. And they're like, hey, Captain Sandy, I could be available in three weeks. Would that work? And she's like, oh, jeez, God bless it.

[Ben]

Sure, I'll take it.

[Ronnie]

Christmas crackers. Shoot, shoot. I'm sorry for cursing. I don't know if that'll work. That's the end of the season.

[Ben]

Meanwhile, Josh is talking to Aisha, and he's saying about how when he first got into yachting, he didn't realize how ruthless it was. And HS says, well, it's like, you either do the job or you're gone.

[Guest/Caller]

And that's the way I like it. You really got to fear for Nathan when the most competent member of his team voluntarily rubbed jellyfish all over his face. And the other two have both been fired. That's just so bad.

[Ben]

Which is a fair point, by the way. A very fair point.

[Ronnie]

And it was great because we saw the clip of Max doing it again, which was great, you know. Oh, look, jellyfish poo poo wipes his eyes. So then Max is complaining already. You know, he's like, oh, we are just two people. How will I do this? So then now we see Captain Sandy still getting texts back from people. Sorry for the delay. I was just actually dropping off our last charter in Valencia. God, California is just so far from you. But I would love to work with you again, Captain Sandy. Unfortunately, the yacht I've been driving is stuck on a freeway.

[Ben]

That's something I would love to join, but I am in Valencia, California, which means that I've just got to go to the Red Lobster up there and then hit up Magic Mountain real quickly. So if you can wait for me to do the Batman roller coaster, I will be right there with you. Oh, well, that has some potential, I gotta say. You know, I love a dykeman that can handle a roller coaster. Wow.

[Ronnie]

Someone saying they can't come to work until they've had five orders of cheesy biscuits. What are you, normal?

[Ben]

So Kizzy V is wondering if Captain Sandy saw that V has deck experience. And Kizzy's like, well, are you gonna. Are you gonna go ask to be on deck? She's like, yeah, but I'm, like, a little intimidated because people who have, like, more experience than me just left. So, like, I don't really know. And. But of course, Kizzy is pushing for this because Kizzy wants to be the star of the interior, and V is getting all the attention, so she is advocating for her to get on out on the deck. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

She's like, yeah, but you didn't have experience when you came in here. And you're still smashing it in here. Aren't you? Smashing it a little too hard, if you ask me? Get the fuck out of here. Not tire. So she wants her out of there. And Sandy and also someone just wanting to be on deck so badly is funny. She's like, oh, my God, all I want to do is work outside all day and mop the side of a boat, Please.

[Ben]

Kizzy basically announces that she's planted a seed to get V out there, and she's hoping it's going to grow. So then Sandy calls Nathan and Aisha to the bridge, and as they head up there, we have this kind of amazing shot of. It's like one of the stationary cameras that's just, like, one of the GoPros on the wall. It's in the crew mess, and we just see the staircase, and we hear Max, like, oh, no. And we see, like, one orange tumble down and then a second one, and then, like, 50 oranges go down the staircase. It was, like, such an amazing shot.

[Ronnie]

Okay, here we are in the bridge. Well, I've got some news for you, okay? Since we fired two, not one, but two deckhands, it sweeps. It sweeps a month. I found you a replacement. He's a real good deckhand. He's experienced. He will literally fuck a doorknob. His name is Joel.

[Guest/Caller]

Oh, Joe. Oh, I love that you did this for sweeps months. It'll be so good for the ratings at this pivotal time for advertisers.

[Ben]

Oh, no, sweeps months means it's the month where you get more people to sweep things. So, yeah, Joe's coming on board.

[Ronnie]

Joe's coming for sweeps month. And guess what? You know, I know it might creep some people out. Just warn your. Warn everybody on deck that Joe Will smile at them with his teeth touching each other perfectly. Like an odd little child smiling for his first picture.

[Ben]

Okay, you know what's great about Joe? When he smiles, you can't tell if he's smiling or frowning. It's just what you project onto him. He's just like that one emoji that's just like an oval teeth in it.

[Ronnie]

Just tell people every time you make Joe laugh, he's gonna try showing off his flossing skills, because that's basically what he's doing. Every time he smiles, he's like, hello. Hello.

[Ben]

You know, I don't wanna. I had a vision in the future that we might not be able to leave the dock tonight. But if the guests get bored, they can just stare at Joe's face long enough until they can't tell the difference between Joe's face and chicken run. It's really fun.

[Ronnie]

Oh, it's so sad. We've lost two kind, lovely people today. But how cool that Joe's coming back. Yeah, me and Joe, we're were on a whole different level. And so we see wacky scenes of Nathan and Joe being like wacky boys together. They have a bromance, guys. They have one of those infamous below deck bromances that we just can't get enough of on this show.

[Ben]

I know. It's like all of the Bravo fandom was like, when are Nathan and Joe going to be reunited? God, we love the two of them together. Weren't they so hilarious?

[Ronnie]

That's all I need. I really need a scene of Joe talking about how he really wants Nathan to finger his butthole again. God, that was fun.

[Ben]

Oh, it's like Lucy and Ethel, but the bro version. Like if Lucy had a hairstyle of a monk and Ethel just liked to bang a lot of things. Which, by the way, we all know Ethel did. Let's be honest.

[Ronnie]

If Ethel was just hinting most of the time that she wanted a little anal from a roomie. Okay, it would be basically the same.

[Ben]

Thing if Ethel were just obsessed with impressing her grandfather. God, that's what this would be. So. Yeah, I forgot that. Anywho, where are we? Okay, so Sandy is like, we're dead.

[Ronnie]

We're dead. This isn't even happening. We died a long time ago. No one's even on the other end of this phone. We're all dead, Captain. Sandy's like, okay, well, I'm going to start looking for another decan. But you know, it is August in the middle of the mid summer. Oh, you know what? That Means everyone's going back to flying. Oh, wow, I just saw a plane fall out of the sky. Man, that Christian really gets back on the horse quickly, I'll give him that.

[Ben]

So then I know the only thing that America wants more than Joe and Nathan reunited are scenes of Kizzy texting her boyfriend. We've never met and we barely.

[Ronnie]

Her boyfriend don't know anything about Tommy.

[Ben]

So here she goes. She. He texts and says, I hated today. She goes, don't worry, I promise it won't be this hectic the whole time. Great. Love. This is so, so enthralling. So he. He is another one of these below deck boyfriends who gets jealous that his girlfriend is not around and then guilt her because she's off doing her job. It's a pretty big trope on this show.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, dump Tommy. Tommy's a loser.

[Ben]

Yeah, get rid of Tommy. Just slut it up like you want to.

[Ronnie]

And Aisha mentions that it's bad weather to Sandy, and she's like, oh, my God, I didn't even see this in the TV Guide. Does that mean wind is coming out? Gotta get to my screen.

[Ben]

There's showers. Oh, my God, showers. By the way, speaking of bad weather, did you see that footage of the special airplane that went into the eye of Hurricane Melissa that was showing. Showing today? I did.

[Ronnie]

I just watched that. Crazy.

[Ben]

I remember seeing it.

[Ronnie]

It's like a circular cloud that they're inside, right?

[Ben]

Yeah. What was that movie? The Day After Tomorrow. The day after the morning after tomorrow or whatever where like, like terrible weather hits the world and it all freezes over. And there was like a moment where, like a big hurricane, like, hit and they, like, they sort of like, they created that imagery, but this was real. And I was like, wow. I was like, wow.

[Ronnie]

I didn't know it was.

[Ben]

Yeah, the hurricane is. The hurricane is famously, where it's super calm. So, like, when the. If the eye passes over, everything calms down and you're like, oh, my God, the hurricane's over, but it's actually not. I think the other side of it, see, is supposed to be even worse.

[Ronnie]

I wanted to visit. I was like, that looks lovely. It's just so calm and peaceful. It's like a wall of clouds and then, you know. Yeah, I guess it's not.

[Ben]

It's crazy.

[Ronnie]

Doesn't end well. But the picture was pretty on the inside. Yeah.

[Ben]

Well, I hope everyone in Jamaica is okay because they're saying they're gonna get hit really hard. So, you know.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, that's. I was really worried for Jamaica looking at that. That's not. I mean, that thing was huge. They said it's 10 miles.

[Ben]

That's wild.

[Ronnie]

The eye of the hurricane was 10 miles in the diameter. That's crazy, right?

[Ben]

That's crazy. Jesus Christ. Jeez. Yeah, I hope everyone's getting that scary. Okay, so back to this stupid, like, I. Real people's houses aren't like destroyed and like people don't lose their lives. Anyway, back to Captain Sandy. He. I know.

[Ronnie]

Jeez. Thanks for the upper man. Nice pivot.

[Ben]

The pivot award, the best pivot of Q4 goes to Ben Mandelaer talking about blow deck sailing Mediterranean. So V is asking Nathan about the team. What? Who's on the team? And she basically throws her. Her hat in the ring. And if that's the. Is that the expression, hat in the ring? She throws a hat, it lands somewhere.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, you throw your hat in the ring. You throw your ring at a hair.

[Ben]

She threw her ring.

[Ronnie]

The cowboy's like, ouch. Yeah, you throw your hat.

[Ben]

She's doing a ring.

[Ronnie]

She's like, so who's your team tomorrow? Nathan? He's like, I don't know. She goes, how do you feel about me switching sides? You a fucking turncoat. That's how I feel. No, I just mean coming from the outside to the inside. Sorry, sorry. Okay, well, you know, I've just like. I've had one week of actual deck and safety on an 80 foot yacht. Decks do on a 100 foot yacht, but, you know, I have done lines and fenders, so you're obviously gonna have to teach me a couple of things. But, you know, I do pick things up quickly. And he's like, I'll talk about it.

[Ben]

Quick question, Ben. Sorry. You see a beautiful jellyfish floating along, what do you do? I touch it. Then touch my eye. Well, I guess that's good enough. You're on the team.

[Ronnie]

Good enough to be led that can then. All right, I'll think about it. I'll chat with the captain later to see with anyone. I was gonna go in there now, but all I can hear from her from the bridge is bb, BB and bb over and over again. You're the sexiest, sexiest cutie Pipes.

[Ben]

So now everyone's getting ready to go out for the evening. Kizzy puts her fist in her mouth because why not? And they all have fun. They get into cars and Max is like, oh, in two months, I have sex just one time. And Kizzy's like, oh, God, it's gonna.

[Guest/Caller]

Be a long six weeks.

[Ben]

I Mean, there are these attractive guys prating around the boat, and I want to have my cake and eat it. That's not the right thing to do. It's not fair on Tom. It's so hard having a conscience.

[Ronnie]

I'm sure. Here comes one right now. So they go to dinner, and now, you know, Max is picking up Kizzy, and they're flirting and everybody eats and drinks and they cheers each other and they've got a deckhand replacement, and it's Joe. So they announce that at dinner, and Nathan says that he's my best friend. He's my best friend. He's your best friend? So I can be my best friend too. I'm sorry, Buddha is busy, huh?

[Ben]

So Kizzy is like, do you think Joe's going to be in love with her? V. Or is he gonna be in love with me?

[Guest/Caller]

Hehehe. I'm a flirt.

[Ben]

And Nathan's like, I don't know, he could be. Which, like, I'm just counting down to the moment where Joe says, oh, God, Kizzy. Oh, I'm gonna be in trouble here. Oh, God, Kizzy is trouble. Oh, everyone's trouble. Trouble. It's the classic park boy thing.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, I was coming here trying to be a good guy. Now everybody's gonna get me in trouble.

[Ben]

Yeah, that's what they would. They always, like, take themselves out of, like, the causality. Like, everyone's gonna get me in trouble. So. But then Josh reminds Kizzy, like, but you're taking goods. He's not gonna fall for you. He's not gonna go for you because you're taking goods. And she's like, like, so mad. So mad that he, like, brings up that. That inconvenient fact for her that she loves to brandish at the last second. So.

[Ronnie]

But I love. It's so nice to have people love you. I just love love. I just love love. So we go back to the boat and.

[Ben]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Norma. Sorry, I was gonna say back at the boat and Sandy's texting Norma. Hey, Norma, quick update. It's Friday night and you're still at home watching reruns of just the 10 of us. Okay, TGIF is over, but bye.

[Ronnie]

Oh, hey there. Yeah, it's better than listening to the nonstop idiotic radio show that is BBB that you seem to be playing nonstop over there. Bloop.

[Ben]

Hey, you know what? I didn't really hear what you said because my connection broke up. Were you trying to eat my Wi Fi again?

[Ronnie]

Hey there. Filled one deck position. Okay, so that's Good. I heard that from you. Great. Good for you. Filled one deck position. Okay, so I guess you're gonna do your job badly again. And then I'll be sitting here ready to pick up the pieces when it all falls apart again. Bloop.

[Ben]

Pick up the pieces when it all falls apart again. Are you talking about your Oreos again? God, I love watching you chase those things across the kitchen floor. Bloop. Bloop.

[Ronnie]

Fuck you, Kinkos. It's late at night. Okay, I'm on the horn here trying to find someone on OnlyFans. You know how hard it is shopping for deckhand when you got a boner. Did you die?

[Ben]

I think that. I think that Weather's coming in. I'm not. Can't quite hear you, Norma. I just assumed you tried to diss me, so just pretend I dissed you back. And just know I love you. I love you. And don't get too lonely tonight. Hold on. I'm gonna go text my wife that I have because I went on a date that was successful, that went to future dates anyway. I know it's foreign experience for you, but. But.

[Ronnie]

Okay, well, what do you spend your time in the eye of a hurricane over there, Sandy? Geez. Well, congratulations. You know, the eye of the hurricane has found something actually more sucking than it is.

[Ben]

Wow. I think you're thinking about tornadoes, but that's okay. I know. Listen, if there's anyone who got excited for that Twisters movie, it was. It was you, huh? But that's because you probably thought it was a movie about tomatoes, not tornadoes. But, hey, that's okay.

[Ronnie]

It was a movie about pretzels, you dumb bitch.

[Ben]

Bloop.

[Ronnie]

So now the crew is heading out to go party, and they're gonna do shots, you guys. And Max and Kizzy are still flirting. And so Aisha is talking to Josh about how he feels. And, you know, clowns have feelings, you guys. And she's like, just remember, you don't have to do everything that gets guests, say, because they don't appreciate it anyway. And he's like, yeah, you know, like, people send things back. Like, this is a fear driver for me. You know what I mean? Like, I just don't want that to happen. So I think I try to probably just go a bit too much, you know, maybe I just need to pull back a little bit.

[Guest/Caller]

Just, like, doing things to excellence, but, like, on a smaller variety. Like, you're going to burn yourself out otherwise.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Here's what I want you to concentrate on, all right? Mediocrity. That's really what you need to get your arms around. Embrace it.

[Guest/Caller]

Listen, normally I would tell the chef to strive for excellence, but you part time do clown work. So we really know we have a certain ceiling. So let's not try to go above that. Okay?

[Ronnie]

Max and Nathan are chatting and Max is talking about Joe. He's like, is it gonna be the same with Joe here? Is everything gonna change? Like, what the hell? And he's like, well, you need to keep your emotions and see if we can work together as a team. And then I can see you in a leadership position. I can. I can see you going far. Of course, of course.

[Ben]

And Joe. Joe's your friend, bro. Huh? Joe's your friend, huh?

[Ronnie]

Yeah, but I have to think professional because you've proven so much. But I want you to correct the emotional part. That's the thing. Show me with the fist bump. Show me with the fist bump and bump. Oh, this hurts my fist. You. You will pay. Your own family will be. That's what I'm talking about. You're losing your mind. You can't lose your mind like that.

[Ben]

Max is going to have a total meltdown when Joe becomes lead deckhand, I'll say that much. It's gonna be a total nightmare. So now everyone goes back to the boat and. And Nathan's telling Max that he should go after Kizzy. And Max is like, yeah, but she has a boyfriend. He's like, well, whatever, fuck it, go for it. And now people going to sleep. And Kizzy's like, by the way, Aisha, do you think really quickly, do you think I'm like a fucking idiot for coming on here with a guy that I'm dating for the first time?

[Guest/Caller]

She's like, well, I mean, you've only been with him a month and you know, if you guys are dating solely for six months or a year, I totally get it. But yes, you're a bit of an idiot, aren't you? Goodnight.

[Ronnie]

Can I just go to sleep without having to answer stupid questions of stupid girls? Because she's trying to go to bed. She's like, hold on, what about my boyfriend? And she's like, can I just kindle? Can I just kindle and go to bed?

[Ben]

She's like, can I just watch this video of someone popping a pimple? Thank you.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, well, what I've seen of Kitty so far, she shouldn't be here with a boyfriend. She's pwning for every guard's attention. And she's like, yeah, but I do have a good connection with both Max and Nathan. So what do I do? What do I do? Oh, my God. Shut up, Kizzy. God, read a book.

[Ben]

Aisha gives, like, the most generic advice just to get out of the conversation. She just goes, this is your life.

[Guest/Caller]

Good night.

[Ben]

It's like I'm not going to provide any insight. You're a dumb twit. Just focus on windexing things tomorrow. Thank you very much.

[Ronnie]

Yeah. So now it's 6am in the morning and Captain Sandy is glued to a television screen because it's season five of wind and it's cloudy and it's seven hours before charter. Will we get another deckhand? What's going to happen? Is the storm going to kill everybody? Will Norma ever finish dreaming about pretzels? Because I said the word twister. God. And Josh is getting ready, and now Sandy's on the bridge texting Norma. Still no deckhand. Still no deckhand. Still no deckhand.

[Ben]

Bloop. What? What part of the no new person has walked onto your boat this morning indicates that there is a new deckhand? Okay. No. No deckhand. Bitch, let me do my job. Bloop.

[Ronnie]

Okay, well, if your job was sitting around doing nothing, I'll tell you what. You would get a raise right now. Bloop. Bloop.

[Ben]

You're lucky that a tornado didn't come for you, because guess what? A pretzel could have hit you in the head and knocked you right out of those capri pants. That's for sure. And then it would be a happy camper. Okay. Be careful out there, bitch.

[Guest/Caller]

Bloop.

[Ronnie]

I know a pretzel would never hit me in the head because once the wind started blowing it towards me, you jump up like Lassie and grab it out of. Grab it out of the air like magic. Bloop.

[Ben]

Well, at least one of us has some urgency around here. Am I right? Please try to not crash your boat again. Bloop.

[Ronnie]

Oh, I'm so sorry. There's an invisible gush coming around the corner. It's about to get Dennis Quaid. Sorry, I gotta go. Wind's on.

[Ben]

Bloop. Yeah, he's my. He's my hall pass.

[Ronnie]

Wow. If he knew that, he changed his name to Dennis Afraid. Bloop.

[Ben]

Well, it's better than your hall pass, AKA Mark Elkenberger. Bloop.

[Ronnie]

You don't even need a hall pass because everyone you've ever approached says pass. Bloop.

[Ben]

Well, at least my hall isn't as big and open as yours, if you know what I'm saying.

[Ronnie]

Yeah, you would know because you've been passed by the entire hall.

[Ben]

I, I, I don't have to worry about that because I'm single and there is no hall pass for me. It's called just living life. Just living life.

[Ronnie]

Have fun in your caftan for the rest of your life. It's basically your tomb. So I hope you pick a comfy one. Bloop.

[Ben]

I'm sorry, I wasn't listening to you because I was too busy writing another love letter to Dennis Quaid. I'll talk to you later. Bye.

[Ronnie]

Bleep. So, Captain Sandy is updating a shot. Joe is coming this morning, and then I'm still short a deckhand, you know, Gosh, I hope the deckhand's not short, because then I'm going to be short a short deckhand. That's saying a lot of shorts in one sentence, am I right? So, just thinking, you do have a stewardess, right? Victoria V. You know, I don't want to call her V because I really hated that show. It was scary. People ate rap. I mean, they were aliens, but still, aliens shouldn't eat rats either. You know, rats are necessary. Otherwise we can't test makeup. And then my wife, her face would melt off. So it's important. Anyway, the point is, Victoria has deck experience. Did you know that?

[Guest/Caller]

Yes, unfortunately.

[Ben]

Well, and, you know, here's another question. If we're short as short, if we're short a deckhand and that deckhand is short and that deckhand is wearing shorts, then we're short a short deckhand wearing shorts. But if they wear capri pants, does that mean we're short a short. We're short a short person wearing a long short. Think about it.

[Ronnie]

I hope I don't ever yell at him so I don't have to say, whoa, hey, short person with short pants that are trying to be long short pants. Sorry for getting short with you.

[Ben]

This reminds me, did we ever find out if Martin Short was interested in becoming a decanter?

[Ronnie]

Well, it's tricky because mainly mornings and dinner, when I need V the most, I need her, so she can't be out there. But I guess that works because maybe you need her more during the day. He's like, yeah, but I'll need one deck to the night shift. And, yeah, so Ayesha's like, well, it'd be mean Kizzy doing everything, but, you know, I'll always do my mediocre bet. I'm really big into mediocre this year.

[Ben]

Yeah. She's like, I'm checking out.

[Guest/Caller]

Thank you Selfishly, the last thing I want is to give V up, because I believe we finally got this beautiful, cohesive team. But luckily for everyone, I am larger thinking chiefs too.

[Ben]

Who knows?

[Guest/Caller]

She needs to do the best for her whole boat. So just consider me the good witch of the boat.

[Ronnie]

So they're moving via the deck part time. Now we go to Max doing pull ups on the railing. And it was the same railing that Nathan used to tell Tessa had smudges all over it. And now we see why. Now we see why, Max.

[Ben]

Wow, that. That's a good lore on that railing. And then Asia is telling the team that basically Nathan. She and Nathan will be sharing custody of V. And V is all excited about this. And she's like, wow. She's like, this opportunity to do deck is like a breath of fresh air. Like, but quite literally, because I get to go outside and breathe, like, fresh air. You see what I'm saying? Okay. So when you go outside, there's air and that's fresher, but the air on the inside is, like, more stale. So when you go outside, it's truly, like, fresh air is my joke landing.

[Ronnie]

And Kizzy's saying she's gonna have to do even more now with just two. But she probably should have thought of that before she planted her seed. And then she's like, oh, my God, did I just say plant a seed? It's hilarious, isn't it? That sounds dirty. Whoops.

[Ben]

So now people are taking out trash, and Nathan is. There's this long. Okay, there's this long shot of Nathan going and bringing, like, the garbage to the dumpster. Notably, he's barefoot. I feel like I don't want to walk around in a dumpster area barefoot. First of all, I think there'd be, like, broken glass nearby. Second of all, just dumpster juices. And I just think that's kind of, like, gross. I mean, admittedly, he walks around hoses all day long, so he could always hose down his feet, but I was sort of, like, grossed out by that. And while I was reflecting on this, lo and behold, the metaphor of dumpster juices arrives. Joe, he pulls up, and then they hug and have a bromantic moment. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Now Aja comes and she starts squealing, and Joe shows us those teeth. He's like, I'm back, baby. Do I have anything in my teeth?

[Ben]

Huh?

[Ronnie]

I was literally navigating off the watch 35 meter. I was out at sea. Got the text from Captain Cindy saying that my best mate needed me on deck. Get me on. I Do consider myself a really good deckhand. But I had a few flaws, so let's take a look and see. My flaws were that women loved me. They just love me. Couldn't stay out of them. Whoopie pie. That's what I make. If I was the chef, I'd make only whoopie pie. Girls love me. They love me.

[Ben]

So then Max meets Joe. And then, you know, and. And Joe is saying like, oh, I've just done a level up. I feel so good. I'm so confident within myself. I'm just ready to absolutely smash it. And then Joe goes, he's Captain Sandy. And they hug.

[Ronnie]

Mug.

[Ben]

And he once again says he's ready to smash it. He says he's ready to smash quite a bit. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

That's one thing no one's ever said when they've looked at Norma, I'll tell you that. Get out there and do your best.

[Ben]

Ah, good. Better best. Never let it rest until your goods your norm and your normals. You're not so good anymore. Okay, so Asia is like, okay, well.

[Guest/Caller]

Guess what, Max, now you've met the infamous Joe. What do you think?

[Ben]

He's like, oh, he's good looking. He's a bit of guy. Yeah. Because this is really what bros care about. Like, how big is your chest? And in fact, like later on, they literally grope each other's pecs and are like, oh, nice pecks. Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Oh, nice pecks.

[Ben]

Yeah.

[Ronnie]

Beautiful. Hello there. This is a two part recap. Okay, this is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two.

[Ben]

Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison Block.

[Ronnie]

Our way is the Amber way.

[Ben]

It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.

[Ronnie]

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniella Etchells. We never miss her call. It's Diane call.

[Ben]

Erin McNicholas. She don't miss no Tricolus Hava Nagila Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go Hugo. We all go for Hugo. Jamie, she has no less namey.

[Ronnie]

She's our kind of mess. It's Jennifer Messer. Sipped some scotch with Jessica Trot.

[Ben]

She's our favorite streamer. Caroline Peacock, Kristen the Piston Anderson.

[Ronnie]

Get a bee in your bonnet With Lacy B. Que sera sera Whatever will be will Lauren Silsby. She gets a name from us It's Lindsey D. Let's give a Kisserino to Lisalino. Fresh as a daisy. It's Maisie McHenry we love her on the rocks It's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.

[Ben]

This is Living with Michelle Vivian I.

[Ronnie]

Love a Ya Olivia Williamson.

[Ben]

She sure is swell.

[Ronnie]

It's Raquel, yes we can. It's Savannah.

[Ben]

Cast a spell with Shannon Shannon Spellman let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

[Ronnie]

Darn skippy, it's Tippy. And our super premium sponsors She's VVIP It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.

[Ben]

Somebody get us 10cc's of Betsy MD.

[Ronnie]

We'Re taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

[Ben]

Let'S get real with Caitlin o' Neal.

[Ronnie]

Put us on a stretcher It's Charlotte Fletcher don't get salty with Christine Pepper can't have a meal without the Emily.

[Ben]

Sides who, what, why, where? And Gwen Pentland let's go into the.

[Ronnie]

Woods with Guy Tubbs it's our queen. It's Queen Laifa Nobody holds a candle.

[Ben]

To Jamie Kendall Hail the cork master the master of the cork Jennifer Corcoran we got our wish. It's Jen Plish she's not harsh She's Jill Hirsch My Favorite Murdo Karen McMurdo.

[Ronnie]

She's a total knockout It's Katie Manock.

[Ben]

We love him madly It's Kyle Pod Shadley in the study with a candlestick It's Leslie Peacock G It's Lisa H We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron She's a whiz It's Liz Sarthi always killing it It's Lola Al Kalani.

[Ronnie]

The incredible edible Matthews sisters She eases our woes it's Melissa St. Rose there's a chance of meatballs It's Rebecca Cloud.

[Ben]

Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska she's the queen B It's Sarah Lemke we cannot.

[Ronnie]

Tell a lie It's Sarah tell of.

[Ben]

Son Shannon out of a can and Anthony please don't stop it's solely and pop let's take off with Tamla playing.

[Ronnie]

We're obsessed doll with Tessa V she ain't no shrinking violet Coutar we love you guys. If you like, watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] survey.