#3058 Wife Swap The Real Housewives Edition S1E2: Midnight Train to Gorga

Summary

Watch What Crappens – Episode #3058

"Wife Swap: The Real Housewives Edition S1E2 – Midnight Train to Gorga"

Released: October 30, 2025 Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam

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Episode Overview

This episode, Ben and Ronnie dive into Episode 2 of Wife Swap: Real Housewives Edition, focusing on Melissa Gorga (Real Housewives of New Jersey) swapping homes and lives with Michelle, a vegan, double-dutching mom from Georgia. With their trademark snark and affection for Bravo’s manufactured drama, the hosts unpack the episode’s cringey moments, memorable quotes, and surprisingly sweet lessons—while questioning just how much of the show is staged.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Early Impressions & The Gorga Family Dynamic

• Ben calls out the increasing “cracks” and artificiality spotted in reality TV swaps:

  “I felt like I saw more of the staging this episode... The kids were not as good actors as the Idaho kids.” (05:00)

• Ronnie expresses unexpected enjoyment of Melissa, noting her reputation from previous media appearances:

  “I thought she’d be a lot snottier, especially after hearing some of those Jeff Lewis clips... But she wasn’t bad.” (06:18)

• The real stars? Melissa’s husband Joe and their kids, who Ronnie describes as:

  “What blocks of cheese meatballs those guys are...” (06:46)

2. Staging, Stereotypes & The ‘Clean vs. Dirty’ Swap Formula

• The hosts question the repeat formula of “clean house vs. dirty house” and staged lesson moments:

  “Is every episode just gonna be like, we’re going from a clean house to a dirty house?” (05:57) “I do think they need to spend more time. Spending one full day together is just not enough...” (08:08)

• Ben wonders about the believability of no-real housewives having maids:

  “Why are we supposed to believe that none of the real housewives have maids...?” (13:45)

3. Meet the Swappers: Georgia’s Michelle & Her Double Dutch Family

• The new family: vegan, health-conscious, obsessed with double dutch jump-rope—who previously appeared on The Amazing Race:

  “They’ve been on all the morning shows and do the double Dutch thing... it’s too much!” (15:09)

• Ben’s bemusement at their messy house despite their athletic discipline:

  “Normally people who are trainers are super disciplined... but not with their kitchen!” (14:35)

• Discussing cleaning standards, Ronnie demarcates between 'sloppy' and 'sloppy-sloppy':

  “Sloppy is like leaving your dishes soaking. Sloppy-sloppy is caked-up food left out.” (18:35)

4. The Swap: First Impressions & Culture Shock

Melissa in Georgia

• Immediate shock at the bright-colored walls, kids’ toys, and especially the filthy blender:

  “It’s amazing to see like what homeless people look like... if they lived inside a house.” (24:46)

• Vegan rules, juice cleanses, and everything but sprinkle cookies for Melissa.

  “I’m anemic!” — Melissa Gorga reading the vegan rules (25:26)

Michelle in Jersey

• Amazement at Melissa's meticulously organized, monochrome palace.
• Finds “bedazzled olive oil” and a sea of kitchen islands:

  “You do not need to put glitter on olive oil.” — Michelle (23:58)

• Confrontation with gender roles:

  “I’ve never had a man help with the child. He’s never changed my child’s diaper. Which is crazy.” (28:57)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (w/ Timestamps)

• “A man was born with a dick. A woman was born with a mop in her hand!” — Ronnie parodying Joe Gorga (12:13)

• On kids as ‘quicksand’ for parents:

  “Hey, you wanna do something fun? Sorry, you gotta go to a soccer game and hand out orange drink. Enjoy the quicksand.” — Ben (19:31)

• “Are we to believe Melissa Gorga has never done a juice cleanse? No housewife is a stranger to starvation.” — Ronnie (30:52)

• When the Gorga kids are asked where Georgia is:

  “‘Where’s Georgia?’ You get a 10-minute scene while the kids try to figure out where Georgia is.” (21:14)

• On vegan cooking confusion:

  “I literally thought cheese was vegan.” — Joey Gorga Jr., baffling the entire table (40:10)

• Michelle’s assessment of Melissa’s glam routine:

  “This makeup represents the loneliness of Melissa’s existence where she does nothing but glam, then go to the store and take pictures.” — Ben (35:04)

• “Your husband tries to get sperm all over me more than mine does...” — Michelle to Melissa, about Joe Gorga (50:53)

• Ben’s running theme: Always being just a little too critical of a “very stupid show.” (Throughout)

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Opening Transition to Main Show – [02:08]
• Discussion of the Wife Swap Format, Episode Structure – [04:32]
• First Impressions: Gorga Family Routine & Melissa’s Glam – [09:42]
• Introduction to Michelle & Georgia Family – [13:59]
• Home Walk-Throughs – [22:01] to [25:50]
• The Swap: Melissa’s Vegan Struggles & Michelle Makes Sunday Sauce – [30:09] to [32:31]
• Rule Changes: New Households, New Routines – [33:56]
• Phaedra Parks Surprise Appearance in Georgia – [38:15]
• Dinnertime Lessons & Kids’ Reactions – [42:08]
• Cleaning Epiphanies and Final Reflections – [44:42], [52:21]

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Final Takeaways & Lessons

What Did Each Wife Learn?

• Melissa Gorga:
  Learns to relax a bit, finds joy in the chaos and neediness of younger kids, but ultimately keeps her house spotless.

  “Melissa is learning to chill, but her house is still spotless...she learned nothing.” — Ronnie (52:58)

• Michelle:
  Adopts a little more structure and cleanliness (for at least the dinner table), values some alone time with her husband, thanks to Melissa's influence.

  “My children are watching me and cleaning up and being tidy... I want to give him [Sean] that time.” — Michelle (52:21)

Hosts' Verdicts

• Ronnie and Ben are charmed by the sincerity between the moms at the end.
• Both feel the show relies heavily on forced contrasts and overdone “clean vs. messy” tropes, but credit the small real moments.
• Both are alarmed by Gorga family gender roles and the sons’ “meatball” obliviousness:

  “There’s no reason for a polo shirt just to be, like, hanging out in the foyer.” — Ben (49:27)

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Standout Moments

• Double Dutch Overload: The Georgia family's passion for jump rope is as intense as it is excessive, becoming an ongoing joke for the hosts (15:09; 33:30; 43:50).
• Phaedra Parks Cameo: Phaedra popping up at the Atlanta furniture store is “iconic” and leaves Ben wishing she’d been the one to swap (38:15).
• Vegan Sprinkle Cookies: Melissa eventually improvises, but Ben suggests a missed branding opportunity – “She should have them vegan option in her line” (48:06).

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Looking Ahead

The hosts brace themselves for next week’s Emily Simpson episode, hinting at the potential chaos of swapping in a pig as the guest star and raising the bar for absurdity and entertainment. (“I want to see that pig!” – Ronnie, 53:28).

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Summary Tone

This episode features Ben and Ronnie in peak shady-bravo-fan mode, mixing sharp pop-culture quips with genuine appreciation for the weird sweetness that sometimes emerges amidst Bravo’s most contrived reality setups. Fans of both Real Housewives and Wife Swap will find plenty to snicker and nod along with.

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[End of Summary]

Transcript

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[Ben Mandelker]

Watch what happens. Watch what crap, kids. What happens when there's so much that crap. Hello and welcome to Watch what Happens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me here is my wife that maybe one day we'll swap. It's Ronnie Caram. How's it going?

[Ronnie Caram]

How dare you. Hello.

[Ben Mandelker]

That would be a funny wife swap because then I would be like taking care of Bueller and then you would be like with Dom and, and that would be like a very funny, like compare and contrast. That's a pretty actually pretty easy swap. I would actually say. Welcome everyone. We're talking wife swap. It's the Melissa Gorga wife swap episode. Just a reminder, we have a wonderful and active Patreon. Patreon.com watch for crappins. We have weekly bonus episodes. We also have Crappin on Demand where you get to watch the video component of our podcast. We have a discord community. Everything is wonderful out there.

[Ronnie Caram]

So.

[Ben Mandelker]

So come join us on Patreon. Also on Mondays we do some sort of live thing. This coming Monday we have Crappy Hour, which is going to be where we talk about Bravo headlines and talk to you all and sort of just shoot the. That's on YouTube and at Simcast on Patreon and Instagram. So come join us for that. That'll be at 5:30 on the West coast and 8:30 on the east coast. And don't forget we have daylight savings time. Daylight savings time is ending this weekend, so don't miss Crappy hour by that one hour. Yeah.

[Ronnie Caram]

Oh, I hate when that happens. I can't get used to the dark.

[Ben Mandelker]

We're back. Well, talk about our swap. So much for wife swap. So anyway, what does that mean?

[Ronnie Caram]

Wait, fall forward, spring back. Oh, so we gain an hour, you fall back. Again, an hour, you get an hour.

[Ben Mandelker]

You gain an hour.

[Ronnie Caram]

Fall back, spring forward, fall back. Yeah, so we lose an hour, you.

[Ben Mandelker]

Gain an hour because it's like you went through, you went through 9 9am and guess what? You fall back. So you'd be going through 9am a second time. You gain an hour.

[Ronnie Caram]

Well, okay, well. Crazy. I'll never get it, but thank God the phones do it for you now so you don't really have to do anything.

[Ben Mandelker]

Isn't that luck?

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

God, isn't that great? So that's the excitement of this weekend. Today we are talking about Wife Swap. It's our second episode. I loved last week's episode with Angie K. I thought it was so fun. It was so sweet. I also enjoyed this one quite a bit. But I feel like I can see some of the cracks on the wife Swap experience. I'm like, okay, I'm glad this can be a short, like four, four episode.

[Ronnie Caram]

Excursion because I'm also like, what were your cracks?

[Ben Mandelker]

I felt, I felt like I saw more of the staging this episode. I felt like I could see like the kids were not as good actors as the Idaho kids. I'm not going to Lie. The kids were like, I am so happy to clean. I was like, okay. I mean, to be fair, it may have just been that they just had the. Needed to have the kids to say the line again. It may not have been scripted like that, but I did think it was still. It was better than I thought. I thought, okay. Angie was such a good episode. I was like, oh, God, Melissa Gorga. This be a good episode. Well, Melissa. Melissa seems like she's gonna be brattier, but Melissa was actually pretty good. I. I actually enjoyed Melissa. And. And even though we know that she did not spend the night in that house because she. She. She said as much, I think. What? On Jeff's show. But yeah, she's like.

[Ronnie Caram]

She. She said she begged the producers not to have to stay there and insisted on staying in a hotel, which, I mean, you know, is weird. I mean, it's two days, you know, Jesus Christ, they're giving you a pile of money. You can sleep in a fucking bed for two. For two nights or one night, whatever it is.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. I guess I'm wondering, is every episode just gonna be like, we're going from a clean house to a dirty house. Is that just what it's gonna be? I felt like some of the lessons were, like, not as strong in this one, but they're definitely.

[Ronnie Caram]

Well, yeah, we're going from a clean house to a dirty house. Like, one house is gross, one house is really clean, and then you have to eat different things at the different houses. That's also a big thing. They're like, oh, my God, people eating differently. This is gonna be. I did. I did really like this one. I was impressed with Melissa, but, I mean, you know, that she didn't bug me as much as she normally does. I thought she'd be a lot snottier, especially after hearing some of those Jeff Lewis clips, because she really came off like an asshole in that. Yeah. So I thought, oh, this is going to be really cringey. But she wasn't bad. But still, as usual, the stars were Joe and the kids. And actually, it made me think, wow, I actually want to see more of her kids, because those oafs. I mean, those are idiots, those two idiots. I mean, wow, what blocks of cheese meatballs those guys are for sure. So I want to see more of them because I was cracking up at how stupid they were and just how thick. I mean, they're just. They're made. They're just pure beef, you know, And I was cracking up the whole time. And the daughter, I think, has grown up to be really cute and gorgeous. Like, I like her personality a lot. And the, the other family was great. I loved all of the other family. That mom is hilarious. So I really liked it.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, I agree. I think, I think the show still has a lot of sweetness. You know, Another crack I saw was when they all went to the construction site together. I was like, this is like, this doesn't make sense. It does not make sense. The whole family's gonna go to a construction site together. So I thought like it was something like that. That just didn't feel. That felt like it like was a little jump the sharky, which is, I know, crazy. The whole show doesn't make sense. The whole show is ridiculous. But you know, in the. We're going to step into another world. Like, I don't know, I thought I was like, I'm just not buying this part of it. So I, I just wasn't as completely sold on the show on this episode as much as the last. I just didn't feel like as tight of a, of a, of a show. But let's. Whatever, who cares?

[Ronnie Caram]

I do think they need to spend more time. I think that spending one, basically one full day together is what it looks like. Maybe two is just not enough time. You know, it's like, wow, you see that Somebody doesn't do their dishes and you get to judge it. And also, I don't believe that because I've literally never met a mother who is going to just leave or a father who's going to just leave dirty dishes of a family of five piled in a sink all night long. That's just disgusting. I mean, it's flies. There are flies. We've all had pests. There are pests.

[Ben Mandelker]

I just don't believe that. When Melissa's. When Melissa said she didn't want to spend the night there, I was like, oh, my God, what a snobby bitch. But then when we saw the place, I was like, well, I can kind of understand if you're like a neat freak and then you come in and you see like that nasty ass blender and everything else just sitting out there and you think of like the bats and the flies.

[Ronnie Caram]

You're like, yeah, you leave a fruit blender out all day and it's not covered in flies. I just. Yeah, there's something weird about that. But you have to suspend the disbelief because. Exactly. It's so silly. You know, it's two days. What are they going to do?

[Ben Mandelker]

What are they going to do? What are they going to do? But I just felt like it could have just been a tighter episode in terms of like the compare and contrast. Like, we used to do this before and now we do this now, and now we're going to learn from it. I was like, really? But bringing Antonia to a construction site, that doesn't make any sense. If it was like, okay, instead of going to work, Joe, you're going to. We're all going to go to the movies together. You'll spend more time with your family. That makes sense to me. But like, not. We're all just gonna go standing around in the dirt. But I think I'm probably being too critical about a very stupid show that.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah, I think it's just a dumb show.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, just a dumb show, Ben.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah. So basically we meet Melissa and Joe, who we already know. Melissa is like a CEO boss. Bet she guys she boutique and a sprinkle cookie company. So she's also got a dog that wears a diaper. So that's, you know, her thing. Antonia's off to college, but she's gonna come shoot. Okay, so she'll be here. And then there's Gino and Joey. And we see a typical day of Melissa's. Joe's out at 6:30. He doesn't come home till dinner time. Probably cheating most days. Or at strip clubs. And she has coffee, she works out, she does glam, and then she goes to work. I think it's funny that the housewives actually do glam every day.

[Ben Mandelker]

That was crazy. She's like, I'm doing something that rich.

[Ronnie Caram]

People really do should know.

[Ben Mandelker]

This is that this is a very lonely person. That's what this is.

[Ronnie Caram]

This is you're doing glam to go to the mall kiosk that you rent. I mean, come on.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. If you're, if you're, if you're putting on glam just to show up at envy, then you're doing too much. I guess her justification is that she goes to Envy and then she puts on clothing and. And then she puts that on social media to advertise envy. And then she can write off the glam and she can write off envy.

[Ronnie Caram]

But.

[Ben Mandelker]

It seems like a sad existence.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah, it does. And that's maybe that's why I kind of felt for Melissa. And the other wife picks up on it right away where she's like, oh, my God, this is. This is one sad person, you know? And I agree. And I think that that was kind of what the other wife got when she went into Angie's life. She was like, wow, this is A sad woman. Like, all she does is spend time cleaning her sunglasses and spending time with her kids. So I think that's interesting. That's an interesting parallel that it's like, wow, look at all this money. And you're still very lonely and all you want to do is clean. Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

It sort of didn't make sense to have these episodes back to back because they were so similar in terms of, like, what they do. But I feel like Bravo was like, we just cannot have Emily Simpson be our second episode. We have to bury her in the middle of this four episode season.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah. So the fall off will be drastic.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. So then the producers are asking Gino, who cleans up the clothes like mom does? Like, who makes the food? Mom. Who finishes your sentences because you can't access all your words. She does. She does, she does.

[Ronnie Caram]

And just their dead eyes. They both. Both the boys are like, so like.

[Ben Mandelker]

Two oxes after they've eaten.

[Ronnie Caram]

Just like my wife, she's just so ocd, you know what I'm saying? Like, I can't with her. Like, she's like, she gotta have everything clean. Like, what the hell? It's crazy. Am I right? I'm a man, She's a woman. A man was born with a dick. A woman was born with a mop in her hand. Am I right? You can. You can catch that at Gino's comedy club coming up soon. All right.

[Ben Mandelker]

A lot of my anal ness comes from my childhood. I didn't grow up in a house where everything was. Was run as tight. And I lost my dad at a very young age. And I always. Not in my house. My house.

[Ronnie Caram]

We're not using my dad at a young age in this house.

[Ben Mandelker]

Like, wait, what did the dad do with it? My house is a piece of. And my dad died too. But I said, not in my house. Not in my house. There he is. Nah, not in my house. We're gonna see. We're gonna go see mommy and daddy home together every night. And I'm keeping it neat and I keep it clean.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah. You're so OCD with everything. Am I right? Yeah, that's the word, ocd. She's like. It's like too much, right? Like, what boobs to make it like that. Am I right? Like, this is why we can't vote. You know, you can't get women in there to vote because all they do, they spend an hour and they're cleaning out the voting booth. Then no one gets in there. You know what I'm saying? Women.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, what I hope to get from this swap is just to, like, let some things go, you know? Like, I don't know. I don't know what I really want to let go of right now. I'm actually really just trying to hold on to everything. My kids, Joe. I don't know.

[Ronnie Caram]

I don't.

[Ben Mandelker]

I've got a sad life. So now we go to Georgia.

[Ronnie Caram]

Why do we have to believe. Why are we supposed to believe that none of the real housewives have maids? Like, are you fucking kidding me? You're. You're telling me that none of you have maids? I don't believe it. You've all got, like, the secret little room behind the laundry room called the maid's room. We all know it. Okay.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. So then we go over to Georgia and we meet Michelle, and she's saying, like, I don't think I can handle, you know, the 1950s, 1960s. Man comes home, woman does the cooking kind of thing a woman does. I mean, woman does the cooking. Man goes to work. She's like, no. So we meet Michelle and Sean, and they love being together all the time. They have three kids, Sean, Jr. Phoenix, and Maverick. And they have a vegan household for. For health. And they have. They're really obsessed with double Dutch. And as soon as they started talking about double Dutch, I was like, oh, I've seen these people before. How have I seen these people before?

[Ronnie Caram]

And it was.

[Ben Mandelker]

I did some research. It was. They were on the Amazing Race, and I was like, ah, that's right. These people with the double Dutch business, they were always talking about. It's like, everything is about double Dutch. And I really love these people, but they really like the double. It's too much. Too much of the double dodge. Like, it's too much. And also, like, how are you running? Like, some sort of, like, athletic company, but you are not disciplined at all with your cleaning. I don't understand that. Normally people who are like, trainers or athletes are super, super disciplined about everything in their life, especially their personal space.

[Ronnie Caram]

Oh, really? I don't know. I don't.

[Ben Mandelker]

Makes me not want to trust.

[Ronnie Caram]

I don't know. Yeah, well, I don't think double dutching is really, like, a discipline. I mean, I guess it's a skill that you learn, but it's not like a. Well, I guess it is because it's like an Olympic sport. Right? Wasn't she saying is. I think I was surprised because I was like, wow, that's a sport. I had no idea. I've seen it a lot, like, on TikToks. And stuff. I've always wanted to know how to do that, but, girl, I can barely get out of bed. I'm not going to double Dutch.

[Ben Mandelker]

I don't know if it's not an Olympic sport, but there is some sort of, like, world championship that she is the world champion of. And they've been on, like, a million talk shows. I at first thought I'd seen them on a House Hunters, but it was amazing race. But. But then doing the research, they've been on all the morning shows and they do the double Dutch thing and it's all about double Dutch. And so House Hunters past them.

[Ronnie Caram]

I can see them on House Hunters being like, we need a room to jump rope in.

[Ben Mandelker]

100%. They are 100% going to be on House Hunters if they haven't been already.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah. And then every house they go see, they're going to be like, well, this is nice for the office, but can we jump rope in here? I don't think so, Mindy, you better get back to the books.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's Mindy Kaling as their realtor. She's like, thanks.

[Ronnie Caram]

She's, like, smiling at her own jokes.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Sean is saying, oh, no, I'm.

[Ronnie Caram]

Sorry, I thought you were saying Mindy. What's her face from Facts of Life.

[Ben Mandelker]

Mindy Kune.

[Ronnie Caram]

Mindy Kaling.

[Ben Mandelker]

Sorry.

[Ronnie Caram]

Could be Mindy Cohen.

[Ben Mandelker]

Also, it's the real estate firm of Mindy and Mindy.

[Ronnie Caram]

So Michelle wants to spend time with her family, even if that means not doing her dishes. And she's like, if we're all miserable but the house is clean, what kind of life is that?

[Ben Mandelker]

A dirty life?

[Ronnie Caram]

I mean, I don't know. I feel like I'd rather be miserable in a clean house than happy in a dirty one, if that makes any sense.

[Ben Mandelker]

I think I would rather be happy in a largely tidy house because I'm not gonna act like, look, I'm not. I'm not anal retentive. I keep things largely clean. But, like, sometimes I have dinner and I'm like, I'm too tired to do dishes. And I. I'll. I'll clean my dishes in the morning. And, like, I will do that. But what I try not to do and what I generally don't do is, like, things don't pile up and like, it's not. It does not look the way it did in this. This place. But, like, I don't always clean my dishes the same night. I will do them in the morning sometimes.

[Ronnie Caram]

I don't always either, but I'll at Least put them in the sink. I'll take the food off of them, put them in the sink, and then soak them. I'll put water on them so I'm not waking up to crusty shit. And I think that a lot of it was. My problem with it was they were just leaving all their food and piling it up with all the food out.

[Ben Mandelker]

Exactly.

[Ronnie Caram]

And then you wake up and you can't do the dishes because everything is caked on there. And then it's like. It just makes it so much harder.

[Ben Mandelker]

And, like, you know what? When I. My. My. My kitchen definitely gets messy when I'm here alone. Like, if Dom is, like, out in New York working on something, for sure, I'm, like, even more lenient, because I know it's just me, and I'm like, if I make a mess, it's my own mess. It's my own fault. It's like, you know what? I did this to myself, and I kind of feel like. But, like. But if Dom is here or if someone's here, if someone were staying with me, I'm, like, much more attentive to it. Because you're sharing the space with people. So it's shocking to me to have a whole family, a group of people under one household. And she's like, oh, let's just let it just stack up with food on it. Because other people need to use the kitchen. Other people need to do things in there.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah. There's one thing about. Like, you can be sloppy, but this is sloppy. Sloppy. Like, sloppy is like leaving your dishes soaking sloppy. Sloppy is caked up food on your dishes. You know what I mean?

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah.

[Ronnie Caram]

Like, there's just. There's a difference because you just. It just makes it harder. So then Michelle's like, well, you know, we're happy being, you know, not cleaning because we spend time together, but eventually someone has to clean that stuff. I don't know. I'm so hung up on the clean house. It's not even the clean house, because the rest of the house didn't bother me. It was the kitchen that bugged me. I was like, this is unsanitary. Yeah. This is like the. This is. This is like cholera waiting to happen. Okay. So then Michelle's like, well, cleaning with kids is like cleaning in quicksand. Living with kids is like living in quicksand. What are you gonna do just not have them?

[Ben Mandelker]

You know what they call kids? Quicksand. Goodbye money. Goodbye brunch. You have kids now, they are quicksand.

[Ronnie Caram]

It's like your soul, your entire soul is in quicksand. Okay.

[Ben Mandelker]

Hey, you wanna do something fun? Sorry, you gotta go to a soccer game to watch a bunch of kids chasing a ball. And then you gotta hand out orange drink. Enjoy the quicksand.

[Ronnie Caram]

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

[Ben Mandelker]

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[Ronnie Caram]

Quint has the fall staples you'll actually want to wear on repeat. Like 100% Mongolian cashmere from just 60 bucks. Classic fit. Denim and real leather and wool outerwear that looks sharp and holds up.

[Ben Mandelker]

A lot of people have been asking me about my quince Mongolian cashmere and I have to say it's soft and it's delicious. And to complete the look, I actually went and I got a watch band, a titanium watch band. So that way my little watch looks a lot more chic than when I wear the exercise band that came with it. So really it's like a one stop shop for me for looking chic for fall.

[Ronnie Caram]

Oh, so fancy. Yes. I got a cashmere hoodie from there and I look pretty amazing in it. Layer up this fall with pieces that feel good as they look. Go to quints.com crappens for free shirts shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N c e.com Crabbins free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com Crabbins so then Melissa is finding out that she's going to Georgia. And they're like, ew. And she's like, yeah, Georgia. And they're like, where that, where dat at?

[Ben Mandelker]

You know?

[Ronnie Caram]

Her kids are like, what's that?

[Ben Mandelker]

A 10 minute scene while the kids try to figure out where Georgia is. Yeah.

[Ronnie Caram]

They're like, what is that? What's a Georgia? And then at the other family, she's like, I'm going to New Jersey. And the kids are like, oh my God, Yes. Yes. Like she won something.

[Ben Mandelker]

Really excited.

[Ronnie Caram]

I've never seen anybody so excited to go to New Jersey.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're going to New Jersey? Yes, Queen. So Michelle says, the only thing I know of housewives is they live a very health, a very wealthy life. And you got to throw a glass here, there, and the house must be flawless. So Melissa is saying to Joe like, well, I don't like, leaving you. He's like, yeah, you ain't sleeping without me. You ain't. When they don't get well, when I. When I release the poison, it's not the same when you're not there. Huh? Huh? Huh?

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah. It's like, I made you all get. I made you a present. All right? And he's made a pillow with his picture on it. And she's like, oh, my God. You put yourself on a pillow, Joe. Oh, my God, I gotta take this pillow. So now we go to the women walking through each other's homes, and Melissa's like, okay, interesting paint choices, because every room is a really, really bright primary color. It's like one room's bright orange, and then another room is, like, bright royal blue.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. And it's like that. Like, it feels like the wall was painted with, like. Like, paint that you make, like, make a painting with, not, like, with wall paint. So it sort of has that kind of, like, you can sort of sort of see the layers through it. And Melissa's like, okay. And so she's like, okay, interesting. It's like, well, I brought. I brought sprinkle cookies, so I'll just put these right here. And. Okay, let me see what they eat. Oh, my God. They own a fruit farm. Because she just sees nothing but fruit in their refrigerator.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah, she's. And then Michelle goes into her house, and her house looks great. And I have to, you know, hand it to Melissa, because that house was universally mocked when it was first revealed by us for, I think, half an hour. Like, a full half hour segment on Crappy Hour, because Joe just did a terrible job on the first round of that house. Like, the windows were all the wrong size, and the roofs were all. There were, like, multiple roofs with different sizes that didn't match. I mean, it just looked crazy. And they did a good job on the re. Remodel of this house.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, it looks great now. And so Michelle's like, oh, my God, this is amazing. This is huge. And then she goes into the kitchen, which has, like. It feels like the kitchen has, like, four kitchen islands in it. It's just like a football field of kitchen islands. And she starts running around. She goes, oh, my God. All the juicing I could do in here. Oh, my God. Whoa. Oh, my God. But then she sees Melissa's olive oil. Melissa has taken an olive oil jug and bedazzled it, and she's like, oh, okay, you designed the olive oil. Okay. You do not need to put glitter on olive oil. Which I agree with.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah. So she goes through the fridge and she goes, okay, so we're eating baby chickens. Okay. And cheese. Cheese and cheese. You know, I'm sorry, no cheese. Cheese is the devil. So she loves the house. Melissa is disgusted by her. She's like, wow. But she's trying not to be. She's like, they're not neat freaks. And wow, that's so refreshing. Yeah, there's definitely little kids here. Boys, because I see balls. Basketballs only. Boys like playing with balls. So we all know that she's like.

[Ben Mandelker]

You know, my house is like monochromatic and like clean lines and extremely organized and extremely neat. And like, you can tell that, like, you know that they live here. You can really see it's like cut to the blender with some sort of like gray purple smoothie residue on it.

[Ronnie Caram]

Oh, crusty blueberry all over the thing. Then she's like, yeah, you know, you can tell that they live here. It's amazing to see like what homeless people look like. They would live inside of a house. This is crazy. So then Michelle is like, well, okay, they have a clean house. And I like a clean house, but I also like a lived in house. And this house is very white and nobody lives here. So house rules. Melissa says, Dear Ms. Temporary Wife, we are vegan. No meat, no dairy. And Melissa's like, but I'm anemic.

[Ben Mandelker]

So she continues reading. We are just finishing our group, our group juice cleanse now, which means we have not eaten food in 10 days. Just juice. Impossible. In our household, we don't follow traditional rules. We have dinner on the sofa and we'd rather stay up late playing over, making it to bed on time. She's like, wow, wow.

[Ronnie Caram]

So then Michelle reads her rules. Joe gets home at 6:30 for dinner and she's like, he's gone from 6:30 to 6:30. When do you guys hang out? And then she reads that she has to do all the chores and tidy up the house. And she's like, yeah, I don't know. I don't know about this. So Michelle is supposed to spend. Michelle wants Melissa to spend more time with her family and Melissa just wants someone to clean her house. That's basically all Melissa asked for. She's like, please clean.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. So Melissa's like, well, I mean, the overall rules are that, like, there are no rules. I mean, there's a rule that they have to eat vegan, so they can't even eat any of my sprinkles. Like, oh, what a shame. You know, when they found out that Melissa was coming to the house with the sprinkle cookies. They're like, we're vegan.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

We're on a juice cleanse, actually, so we can't have your cookies. Sorry.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah. Although it would have been nice to see somebody all these years later just throw the sprinkle cookies in the trash. You know, I would have loved a nice full circle moment.

[Ben Mandelker]

Also, it would have been smart. Would be if Melissa said, well, don't worry, I actually have some vegan sprinkle cookies America. But instead it was like, oh, well, no cookies.

[Ronnie Caram]

Well, she did later.

[Ben Mandelker]

Great marketing opportunity.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah, she did later. They didn't look very appetizing, but she got that later.

[Ben Mandelker]

I, like, must have been stuff.

[Ronnie Caram]

The parents meet the kids, and she loves Michelle's kids. They're really cute kids. And so they ask the kids what they think of her. And one of the kids is like, she's very nice. She's beautiful. And the girl's like, nail polish, lip gloss, eyebrows.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's very well put together. And everything is in place. Very different from, like, that's the dad. Oh.

[Ronnie Caram]

Michelle's married to a toddler. He's like, yeah, she's put together. Very different from us. So the Gorgas come home and the dog has just peed all over the floor. And Michelle's like, why is that dog peeing? He's got on a diaper. Who put the diaper on the dog? Michelle's. Michelle's response to everything is so funny. She's like, what the kind of diaper is this?

[Ben Mandelker]

Hey, wifey. What's your name? She's like, michelle.

[Ronnie Caram]

Hey.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, this is Gino. She's like, how'd you know? Wait, you're the oldest, right? He's like, I don't know. And this is Joey. Hi, baby. Joey's like, I don't know. Okay, both of you. Not a lot of lights going on in these houses, huh?

[Ronnie Caram]

So then we see where Melissa is going to sleep, and she's like, oh, beautiful. Wow. Do you have any matches? So I could just light this bed on fire because it's disgusting. So you have a lot of books. Do you guys read books a lot? And he's like, well, he's like, I don't read to them as often as I should because we get in too late. And, yeah, we do everything together. And she's like, so you start your day together. So you're saying you guys are a team? Basically, yeah. I've never had a man help with the child of my life. He's never Changed my child's diaper.

[Ben Mandelker]

And he is.

[Ronnie Caram]

Which is crazy.

[Ben Mandelker]

That's crazy. And what's crazy is. I've heard. I've heard that that's, like, not uncommon, which. I'm sorry, the guys have got to help on that front. I will just say that if, like, both of every. Everyone has to get the. And the pee on their fingers in their face. I'm sorry, it cannot be. Be just the moms. I'm.

[Ronnie Caram]

Why would you be with somebody who refuses to help with a diaper? That's. That's idiot. Like, I can't believe this. This is crazy. And to hear that, that's commonplace. Oh, hell no. No, no.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Michelle's asking Joe if he ever cooked. He's like, no. And she's like, do you. Don't. You don't cook her a nice meal ever? He's like, hey, I work a lot, okay? I gotta go to, you know, the construction side. I gotta go to the trip club. I gotta. Then go, like, go hang out with my bros to play some golf, you know, like, touch each other's asses, things like that. You know, I don't have time to do it to cook over a nice meal, you know? That's what it is.

[Ronnie Caram]

She's like, well, I'm vegan. And he's like, vegan? What's that? She's like, yeah, but, you know, I am gonna follow her rules, so I will make pasta your style, okay? And he's like, yeah, this house is great, right? She's psycho. She's like. She's like, ocd. She's like, nuts. She's like, fucking crazy, this woman.

[Ben Mandelker]

All right, so then she's like, yeah, well, Melissa's gonna trip out of my house. So Melissa's looking at. Around the kitchen, and she has to, like, cook something vegan. And Melissa's like, oh, my God, I don't know what to do. Oh, man. So then there she's, like, trying to figure out all the vegan food, and she's like, this is crazy.

[Ronnie Caram]

And. But it's French fries. Yeah. Which is hilarious. And she wants to eat the fries, but she can't because she has to juice cleanse for a day. So she sneaks fries and stuff. And then Sean's like, yeah, we're on the last day of the clan, so that's what you got to do. And she's like, but I'm hungry. Oh, my God, I'm so hungry. So then over the.

[Ben Mandelker]

Is like, are we to believe that Melissa Gorga has never done A juice cleanse. I mean, I think if you're a real housewife. I feel like every real housewife has done a juice cleanse at some point.

[Ronnie Caram]

Right? Melissa Gorga is no stranger to starvation. No housewife is a stranger to starvation. I don't think any modern human being is a stranger to starvation. Like, I can't. We've all done it at some point. Okay, Come on now.

[Ben Mandelker]

Currently doing it as we speak. So militia Michelle. Michelle is. Has to make Sunday sauce. And she's like. She's like, Sunday sauce? Is that a thing? Antonia. Antonia is, like, horrified. This entire episode. She's the only one who doesn't seem to realize that this is all just some silly, you know, contrived thing for Bravo. She's like, in a nightmare. She's like. She doesn't even know what Sunday sauce was. Oh, my God. She's like, calling up Gia. She's like, listen, I know our moms are in a beef, but you got to help me out. I'm stuck with the woman who doesn't know about Sunday sauce. I'll be right there.

[Ronnie Caram]

Geno's just got spit dripping down his face.

[Ben Mandelker]

He's like.

[Ronnie Caram]

So then Michelle is saying she hasn't touched animal eggs since the 80s, but she's mixing them in with the beef to make them some sundae sauce. And they eat it. And the boys are like, meh. It's good. I'll eat it. I'll eat. You'd eat a fucking tire iron.

[Ben Mandelker]

I was about to say, they're, like, gnawing on a shoebox right now. It's pretty good. You're not even eating the sauce.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah. So she passes, and then Michelle's like, who's supposed to clean all this up? And they're like, you. She's like, I have to clean this up? Like, yeah, you got to do all of it.

[Ben Mandelker]

So she's like, okay, so I guess I'll do this. So now, over Michelle's house, don't clean up after dinner. And Melissa's like, I'm like, in a different world right now. Like, we're just going to, like, go to bed and leave all that in the sink right now. Like, none of that even goes. None of what goes on in this house goes on in my house at all.

[Ronnie Caram]

So Michelle's asking why they don't clean together. And Antonia is like. She's just so quick with it. Like, we put our dishes in the sink, and she cleans it really quick, and then we leave. That's it. And she's like, oh, so you're saying I'm too long, I'm taking too long? She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're taking too long. You're the slowest cleaner I ever seen. What kind of woman are you?

[Ben Mandelker]

So it's nine o' clock and all of Michelle's kids are bouncing around and having like a fun time in the living room. And Melissa's like, so I'm having like so much fun with the little kids right now because, like, I miss my kids being this age. But like, I'm also like, they gotta go to bed. So that way I can have some time for them to be asleep and me doing nothing, because that's what I do.

[Ronnie Caram]

So then it's four hours until the rules change. So Sean thinks that Melissa is very OCD and he wants to see what fun looks like. So fun is not doing dishes. So now they're gonna go do some double Dutch, guys, because this family double Dutches, so they go to the park and they double dutch and she can kind of do it. And the kids like, yeah, she did okay, but that was like the easiest thing ever.

[Ben Mandelker]

And Melissa's saying, you know, I appreciate what an amazing hands on dad, you know, Sean is, but like, he never gets a break. And that's gonna change along with the dirty, disgusting dishes in that sink. So Melissa's rule is be the boss. Michelle goes out to be to envy and to go to try on clothing at the boutique. And then she's gonna take pictures for social media and she's also gonna get like her some glam on.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah. So Michelle goes in there and everyone's kissing her ass, like, oh, my God. Hey, honey. Oh, my God, you look fabulous today. That's amazing. So she tries on a lot of clothes, which I have to say are very Melissa. They're very Melissa Boutique. I don't think anybody's watching this. Like, wow, what a glamorous life. I was like, wow, they can do rayon in so many different ways. That is incredible. So Michelle's like, yeah, you know, in her life you get to focus on just yourself. And I guess there's beauty in that, but it's a little lonely. I mean, the people who do come in and are nice to you are all on Melissa's payroll.

[Ben Mandelker]

It's like, well, that was a read. So then now it's time for the rules change. So Michelle is, first thing she does is wipe off the makeup, which is funny because last week we really went in on that woman for taking it, like putting back her top Pony. After, like, Sean made her hair nice, she was, like, back to me, and she put her stupid little, like, her not pony or top knot of it back into her hair. I was so mad at her, but this time, I was like, oh, yeah, take that make off. I was, like, totally in support of Michelle taking up the makeup, which I didn't even think the makeup was, like, that crazy, but I don't know. I think there's a difference between having a glam team coming in where, like, the. The glam team was like, here is a. Here's a piece of Melissa's loneliness. Like, this makeup represents the loneliness of Melissa's existence where she does nothing in her day except put makeup on, get. Get glam done, and then go to the store and take pictures. Whereas the other one was, like, a nice gesture from Sean, the husband. So I think in this case, I.

[Ronnie Caram]

Was like, okay with one other lady. Seemed like a judgmental. And this lady doesn't. And also, yeah, I think, like you said, Sean made an effort towards that lady to not do her overly Angie. Like, he made an effort to make her hair, like, how she already had her hair just pretty. He just did whatever. He wasn't trying to make her anyone else. He was making her the best of what she's got, which I thought was kind of a sweet gesture. He could have teased up her hair and made her look crazy, but he made an effort to make her feel comfortable in her own skin. Whereas I think this guy was like, okay, I got to do a glam scene, and he just shoved a bunch of makeup off her face.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. I think if, like, Joe Gorga had done her glam, which was a hilarious concept, then it would have been like, oh, that's like a little. That's like a little bean. He just did your glam for you. But, like, it's just some. Just some old queen coming in to do the. Do the makeup because he's on the payroll. I'm like, not as fussed about that.

[Ronnie Caram]

So now Michelle's rule is, nobody is leaving me, okay? They're going to be together 24 7, and just like. But what do I got to do? I got a conference call. All right, who's gonna press go on the zoom and then go. There he is.

[Ben Mandelker]

Who's gonna catch me jerking off below the zoom if I'm not on a zoom in the first place? Right?

[Ronnie Caram]

So she's like, nope, we are making a raw vegan dinner together. Okay? And you can change your faces because you're gonna like it. And she knows, like, this is just my face, though. I can't change it.

[Ben Mandelker]

I think that's just their face. So then Melissa's like, okay, well, guys, I do believe in bedtime. So we are having bedtime tonight because your mother needs a little help with organization. And I just happen to be, like, the queen of organizing. But in order to do that, I have some very important things that I want to shop for. So I'm going to take these three little ones shopping today.

[Ronnie Caram]

I'm like, oh, my God. Shopping? Yes. So she tells her husband he has to take a nap, and he's like, oh, okay. So her idea is to get them a dining room table. So she called a local friend in the area to help her figure it out. And her local friend is Phaedra Parks. By the way, Phaedra Parks would have been great for this show.

[Ben Mandelker]

It should have been Phaedra.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah, it should have been Phaedra. I would have loved to see someone step into Phaedra's life and raising those kids and being like, wow, you had an actual rocket ship that goes to space built for your child, whose name is Mr. President. Okay.

[Ben Mandelker]

He'll be like, welcome to my house. In the mornings, I like to make breakfast for Mr. President and for Aiden. And then around noontime, please go to the bank and get out $50,000 of cash and bring it to the courthouse. I was like, whoa.

[Ronnie Caram]

So she's gonna get a dining room table. Okay. So Phaedra's there waiting, and she's like, I've known Melissa for over a decade. She runs a tight ship. And when I thought. When I saw her with three children in tow.

[Ben Mandelker]

Woo.

[Ronnie Caram]

Give me a Xanax.

[Ben Mandelker]

You're in the dirty South. Please don't say that. I'm really struggling with the way. I am truly in the dirty south right now. Oh, just an expression, but I see you're going through something much more difficult. She's like, yeah, well, they're vegan kids. She goes, oh, Jesus, I can't get enough of life.

[Ronnie Caram]

So Melissa updates her on what's going on at the house, and she's like, he cooks, he cleans, he spends every minute with them, but he needs a break. And so Melissa's meanwhile. Melissa. Yeah, sorry, we're still with Melissa. She's like, yeah, but it's so important to eat dinner together. That's the only time I see my kids. So we're gonna have them have family time. So then meanwhile, conversation, like, around the.

[Ben Mandelker]

Dinner table at the Gorga household. So Joey Jr. How was. How was football today? Oh, God. Okay, Geno, how about you? I don't know. Okay. What about you, Joe? How's the construction site? There he is. Wow. How am I feeling? Lonelier than when I was sitting in the makeup chair getting blush put on my face. Oh, my God, I'm so happy.

[Ronnie Caram]

Truly. So then we go back to Michelle, and she is making a raw meal for them. Nutritional yeast is how we make vegan cheese and vegan cheese sauce. And Joey's like, I literally thought cheese was vegan. She's like, how? Are you serious? And goes. Joe's like, joey, forget it. Joey, just stop. Stop it. All right, all right. And he says, but come on. What animal, when you cut it open, got cheese in it?

[Ben Mandelker]

And then he goes, where do you get your milk from? My Antonio Let's. You're asking questions. I don't know he can really answer right now.

[Ronnie Caram]

It's like a cow. Okay, well, I'll just let you figure that one out yourself. And then he just stares off into space with drool coming down his face. Like.

[Ben Mandelker]

He does not really connect the dots there either. He's still like. But, like, if I get my milk from a cow, why would there be cheese in the cow too? It's not vegan.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah, dummy. So Michelle is doing corn, coconut milk. She's doing all this stuff, but it's basically a plate of kale. That's what comes out is a plate of kale. And the kids just look at it like, are you fucking kidding me? Gino's like, I love my steak. Right? I love my steak. So back at the other house, Melissa's like, okay, well, I'm ready to eat pasta. And the kids are like, I don't like pasta. Okay, you know what? Call social services. Have you ever heard a child say that?

[Ben Mandelker]

Me, Pasta's not like pasta when I was a kid. I didn't like pasta when I was a kid. But, you know, like, you just sort of make these claims of what you don't like when you're a kid and you just. You just lean into it. I was. For a moment there, I was. I was scared because I was like, is Melissa gonna, like, force non vegan food on these kids? Like, that seems a bit crazy to be like, well, I'm in town now. You have to eat meat. But she, in fact, did make a vegan meal. She made a vegan red sauce for them with pasta. And the kids were very happy.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah. So they loved it. So they sit down and they have dinner together. And they're like, oh, my God, this is amazing. And all the kids love the food. And the little girl's like, huh? Yeah.

[Ben Mandelker]

No, you say it.

[Ronnie Caram]

No, go ahead.

[Ben Mandelker]

She's like, I didn't know onion and garlic made it better. I was like, have you not been cooking with onion and garlic all this time?

[Ronnie Caram]

That's vegan. Onion and garlic is vegan, and so is pasta. I'm so confused. So then Melissa puts the kids. Kids to bed, and then we go back to Joe, and they try their food, and Joe's like, oh, God. I mean, it's got a kick to it. I mean, it's all right. But is this my meal? Like, I can't even believe this was prepared by someone with boobs. This is how women cook where you come from.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, my God. They're so unhappy with it. Like, Antonio's like, I just. This is bad. I feel. Oh, I don't. Oh, I don't like this at all. So then they're gonna, like. They're just gonna, I guess, like, not do the dishes tonight. This could be their big thing is they don't have to do the dishes. And they're like, what? Antonia doesn't even really know what to do with herself. She's like.

[Ronnie Caram]

She's just freaking out. And she was like, look at Antonia. She can't even move. And Antonio's like, I think I. I have to do this. I think I have to do this.

[Ben Mandelker]

I think I become the mother now. That's what I have to do. I'm a woman. I have to do dishes. She's, like, really concerned.

[Ronnie Caram]

Programming broken. Programming broken. So she misses her mom. She's like, and I don't want to eat this lady's food anymore. And Gina goes, it's bad.

[Ben Mandelker]

So now they're gonna go outside and do double Dutch. I'm, like, really sick of the double Dutch already. So they do it.

[Ronnie Caram]

So the other town gets a special gift of Phaedra, and we get the special gift of the fucking sisters. Hey, do non smoking. Too non smoking. All right. What it was. That kitchen's a mess in there. Melissa's gonna be furious. Okay, look, I wore some diamond necklaces to go double touching. That's what we do in this family.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, my God. All the sisters. I know. That really is a big trade off. Michelle definitely got the raw end of that stick.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah. So they do some double jumping. And then Melissa is just loving that little kids need her because she puts the kids to bed, and they all need hugs and stuff. And she's Like, I loved when my kids needed me, depended on me. Like, I miss that so much. Your kids do need you. Can two of them even read?

[Ben Mandelker]

So I know, honestly. So Michelle then is saying how she's just having a blast the family, but she feels the need to clean up because she's like, it's so clean in here that I want to actually keep it clean. So she actually goes into the kitchen late at night and cleans.

[Ronnie Caram]

Oh, everybody's learning, guys.

[Ben Mandelker]

But then they have Joe Gorga on, like, the Blair Witchcam, and he's like, hey, there he is. It's one am I at. I had vegan food tonight. I think I'm turning gay. I don't know what's happening now.

[Ronnie Caram]

I just woke up in the middle of the night thinking there was a in my ass. Huh. But it was just. It was just, you know, it was that kale or whatever, it's in my stomach. It's making the noise. Noise. They're playing this noise.

[Ben Mandelker]

He literally is acting like there's an ax murderer downstairs that they decided from me. I don't know what to do.

[Ronnie Caram]

So the next morning, Melissa's like, today's organization day.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh.

[Ronnie Caram]

And they're like, oh, God, please, no. So she's like, okay, let's wipe down the table. And they're like, what? Wipe it down. Let's get crumbs off of it and stuff. So then in the other family, they're making juice, which is going to be crazy. So they do make some juice. And Antonia acts like she's never tasted apple juice in her life, which is crazy.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, I know, right? And then Melissa's like, there's more cleaning. And Sean, the husband and Melissa's. I mean, Michelle's husband is saying, you know, Melissa showed us how organized we can actually be. When Michelle walks through the door, she's going to love it. I know. And she's gonna want to keep it that way. I'm like, it's not gonna stay that way. I'm just telling you that right now. It will not.

[Ronnie Caram]

Because she puts shoe racks in. And then she gets like a book organizer and stuff. And she's like, okay, I'm done here. Okay. So meanwhile, Joe has gotta go to work. So this is the big construction site scene. And Michelle's like, I'm coming. Cause we do everything together. Get in the car, Antonia.

[Ben Mandelker]

And she's like, joe is so old school. You know, men do the work, women do the nails. You understand? So I'm going to prove to him that that's not how that works. I can lift, too. So now we're going to go to his job site, and he's going to do the work, and I'm going to kind of stand around and be kind of funny, and then try to get all the construction workers to do double Dutch. And then they're going to get annoyed, and then someone's not going to pay attention. They're going to lose their hand in a. In some sort of saw, but it'll be worth it. So that's.

[Ronnie Caram]

So they drive up. Yeah, they drive up to the site, and Joe purposely parks in a giant puddle of water. And both of them are like, no, hell no. You better move back so we can get out of this car. He's like, no, you're supposed to see what it's like at a construction site. Women get covered in mud here. That's how it goes. And they're like, no, no, sir. Move your car back. So he does, and then they get out, and he's trying to find a pipe in the ground. So he's like, okay, you gotta dig here until you can find the pipe. So she's like, give me the shovel. So she's doing that, and he's like, antonio, what are you doing? And she's like, taking selfies in the. I like that. She's like, taking selfies in the tractor or whatever.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah. I can't find the pipe. I know how to lay pipe. I can't always find out. Figure out how to find the pipe. Hey, there he is. Catch me on tour with the There he is tour 20, 25.

[Ronnie Caram]

Hey, out of these two pipes we're working on today, only one is filled with poison that needs to get out. Am I right? Guess which one.

[Ben Mandelker]

Back in Georgia. See, this is a whole thing, and I completely blocked it out of my brain. Melissa found vegan sprinkle cookies. But here's the thing.

[Ronnie Caram]

She. Oh, no.

[Ben Mandelker]

They're making vegan sprinkle cookies. She's saying she found vegan sprinkles. They're going to make vegan sprinkle cookies. I'm just saying she should have them vegan option in her line. So she's like, hey, guys, did you enjoy hanging out with me this week? They're like, yeah. Did you have fun? Yeah. That was cool that you got us a folding table. So much fun. Yeah. Oh, you guys are so sweet.

[Ronnie Caram]

You guys are making me cry. I'm gonna cry.

[Ben Mandelker]

And then she starts crying in the kitchen.

[Ronnie Caram]

I'm such a mush. I can't Believe I. I'm leaving this family. I gave them a shoe rack and a table. I'm never gonna forget this kids. And it was really cute, though, because the kids are sobbing.

[Ben Mandelker]

They're like. She shows the kids the pillow with Joe's face on it, and the kids hug the pillow like, okay, the kids are quicksand, but they're cute. Quicksand. Quicksand doesn't come any cuter than these children.

[Ronnie Caram]

They are cute. So Sean's like, I learned that I need naps, so I'm going to start taking naps. So when Michelle comes home, I think I'll be doing more naps. Thank you, Melissa.

[Ben Mandelker]

Thank you.

[Ronnie Caram]

Wow, what a touching episode.

[Ben Mandelker]

Now she has less support to do all the cleaning that she now has to do. Yeah.

[Ronnie Caram]

So then Joe's like, oh, my God, I haven't cleaned up. My room's a mess. My bed's a mess. You know, your mom's gonna be pissed. And they really played it up because there's, like, clothes hanging off the entry table.

[Ben Mandelker]

They have, like, a polo shirt in, like, the foyer on, like, the console. Like, this is. Okay, I understand the place is not as clean as normal, but, like, there's no reason for a polo shirt just to be, like, hanging out in the foyer.

[Ronnie Caram]

You all just took off your clothes by the front door. Come on, now. There's, like, a gremlin swinging from a fan.

[Ben Mandelker]

So Melissa's like, oh, my God, they're clothes everywhere. I'm like, this does not make any sense. So.

[Ronnie Caram]

So she comes in and she. Her and Michelle talk. And Michelle's like, oh, you know, this isn't dirty. We just lived a little. Okay. And you were in my space, and you know what living is like now. And she goes, oh, yes, Nice. Nice to meet you. I hope you had a nice day.

[Ben Mandelker]

So then they have. I actually like their conversation that they had because it felt like it was real, and they do kind of, like, choke up. And I felt like they really were connecting as, like, moms. And. And don't you love how I'm, like, giving a constant, like, update on, like, this is the part that I liked, and this is the part.

[Ronnie Caram]

I know how you feel about the show.

[Ben Mandelker]

I know, like, constantly criticizing. I'm Pauline Kael, and this is what I think about Y swap. So Melissa's like. She's like, first of all, I'm up obsessed with your kids. They're, like, the most polite children. And the sweetest kind is all three of them. Four, if you want to count your husband she goes, thank you. Well, we're together a lot, so thank you. Thank you so much. She's like, yeah, I heard. But Sean needs, like, a little bit more time as well, you know, like, maybe you should have more naps. Wouldn't you like that? That way you have more things on your plate.

[Ronnie Caram]

So Michelle's like, well, one thing we do have in common is we do love our husbands. I mean, your husband does try to get sperm all over me more than my deaths, but still, when everybody laughs and Joe went to work, I just felt. So Melissa goes alone. She goes, yeah, it was lonely. That's a lot of hours in the day without your family. And she goes, yeah, we do spend a lot of time apart. She goes, yeah, it's too much. And she says, well, I mean, listen, he's got to go to work. I can't just go sit in an excavator. I've got to make sprinkle cookies. How am I going to do that? We need alone time.

[Ben Mandelker]

Michelle's like, okay, I'll let her believe this. Okay. She's like, yeah, I mean, I've got. He goes to work. I gotta go to work. I gotta put on clothes. I gotta put on. I gotta do sprinkle cookies. Michelle's like, okay, yes, your work, huh?

[Ronnie Caram]

Melissa doesn't make those sprinkle cookies, does she?

[Ben Mandelker]

Doesn't, no. But, like, you could see Michelle's like, huh? Okay, well, I know you're not really working, but that's okay. That's okay.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah, I've been to your pretend job, ma'. Am. Okay. So she's like, yeah, you know, Michelle says, yeah, but I felt lonely, and it's too much time for me to spend apart. And Melissa's like, okay, well, you think we spend too much time apart, and you guys spend too much time together, so let's just both take 10% to start. And Michelle's like, okay, and agreed. Also, your sisters are awful. So I murdered them both. I hope that's okay. No one should have to live like that.

[Ben Mandelker]

Oh, my God, we figured it out. So Michelle is saying, you know, my children are watching me and cleaning up and being tidy and being organized. It's just not for me. It's setting an example. And, yes, I'm obsessed with my husband, but he also needs that time for him, and I want to give that to him, so that's what I'm gonna do. And they basically learn lessons from each other. And then we see the. The. The epilogue is that Michelle and Sean are. They have alone time, but only twice a week. And now they eat dinner at a table, which I am actually glad about. I am. You know, I hate eating dinner off of a coffee table, so I think Melissa did a good job getting them a nice little table.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah. Melissa is learning to chill, but her house is still spotless. And she's gonna spend more quality time with her kids, but she still refuses to go to a construction site. So much she lost, she learned nothing.

[Ben Mandelker]

Yeah, well, the other people also still don't do their dishes, but at least they have a table, so there's something going on there. And now they know Phaedra, so.

[Ronnie Caram]

Yeah, that was pretty cute. So that was wife swap.

[Ben Mandelker]

Everybody racing ourselves for the Emily Simpson episode next week. We'll see how that one turns out. Thanks, everyone.

[Ronnie Caram]

They were really smart to give her a pig. I'll tell you that. Because I. I'm gonna watch it because I want to see that pig.

[Ben Mandelker]

Well, I thought she'd be. Didn't Emily have stories about, like, being raised in farm country in Ohio? I felt like that pig would be something she would be happy to see. Be like, oh, my God, it's my childhood. Because this pig was more of a mother to me than my own mother.

[Ronnie Caram]

Why isn't this pig calling me back?

[Ben Mandelker]

This pig is a liar. I'm getting the polygraph.

[Ronnie Caram]

All right, everybody, thanks for joining us. We will be back tomorrow with a little Real Housewives of Orange county action. Shall we? When Everything changes. The big Everything Changes episode of Orange County.

[Ben Mandelker]

Like Cathy Chipotle. Everything changes.

[Ronnie Caram]

Bye, everyone.

[Ben Mandelker]

See you on the next episode.

[Ronnie Caram]

Bye.

[Ben Mandelker]

Watch what crap. INS would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Allison Block.

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[Ben Mandelker]

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[Ronnie Caram]

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[Ben Mandelker]

Sides who, what, why, where? And Gwen Pentland let's go into the.

[Ronnie Caram]

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[Ben Mandelker]

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[Ronnie Caram]

Knockout It's Katie Manok we love him.

[Ben Mandelker]

Madly It's Kyle Pod Shadley in the study with a candlestick It's Leslie Peacock G It's Lisa H We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron She's a whiz It's Liz Sarthy always killing it.

[Ronnie Caram]

It's Lola Al Kalani the incredible edible Matthew sisters She eases our woes it's Melissa St. Rose there's a chance of meatballs It's Rebecca Cloud Maximum love for.

[Ben Mandelker]

Sandy Maximoska she's the queen bee It's.

[Ronnie Caram]

Sarah Lemke we cannot tell a lie It's Sarah tell of son Shannon out.

[Ben Mandelker]

Of a can and Anthony please don't stop top it's solely and pop let's take off with Tamla playing We're obsessed.

[Ronnie Caram]

Doll with Tessa V she ain't no shrinking violet Coutar we love you guys. If you like, watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey@wondery. It's okay not to be perfect with finances.

[Ben Mandelker]

Experian is your big financial friend and here to help. Did you know you can get matched with credit cards on the app? Some cards are labeled no Ding Decline.

[Ronnie Caram]

Which means if you're not approved, they.

[Ben Mandelker]

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[Ronnie Caram]

Download the Experian app for free today.

[Ben Mandelker]

Applying for no Ding Decline cards won't hurt your credit scores. If you aren't initially approved, initial approval will result in a hard inquiry which may impact your credit scores.

[Ronnie Caram]

Experian.