#3072 Below Deck Med S10E07 Part Two: The Blah-chelor

Summary

Watch What Crappens Episode #3072 Recap: Below Deck Med S10E07, Part Two – "The Blah-chelor"

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Release Date: November 11, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Ben and Ronnie dive into the second half of Below Deck Mediterranean Season 10, Episode 7, which features a Bachelor-style charter dubbed “The Blah-chelor.” The hosts deliver their trademark blend of mockery, Bravo fandom, and character-driven impressions, focusing on the social antics, awkward moments, and over-the-top personalities aboard the yacht. The recap is filled with shade, keen observations, and Bravo-style humor as they roast poodle owners, dissect yachtie drama, and critique the cast’s attempts at love and luxury.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Poodle Owners and “Pet Genius” Stereotypes (02:09–07:01)

• The episode opens with an extended riff on poodle owners and the popular claim that “poodles are the smartest dogs.”
  • Ben and Ronnie roast the “poodle genius” narrative, suggesting owners project intelligence onto their pets to boost their own egos.
  • Notable Exchange:
    • Ben: “Poodle people say this shit all the time. They’re so smart, like the smartest dogs. I literally don’t care how smart your dog is. I’m not asking your dog to write a dissertation for me.” (02:45)
  • Ronnie questions if it’s the dogs or the coddling owners who are truly annoying.
  • The duo compares poodle owners to parents who overpraise their kids, drawing a link between entitled dog behavior and human upbringing.

2. Dietary Restrictions and Yacht Drama (07:01–08:43)

• Ben and Ronnie poke fun at the cast’s dietary restrictions—gluten-free and lactose intolerance—suggesting that they make life difficult for the chef and wish the Bachelor would “kick off the dietary preference people first.”
• They work in character bits, mocking the “inside term” for going gluten free (“GF”).

3. Max the French Deckhand’s Impression-Heavy Monologue (08:16–09:16)

• Ronnie delivers a comic impression of Max, who is excited about the new hires and likens life on the yacht to “Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, all at the same time.”
  • “He’s turning into a French Patsy Cline song.” (08:43)

4. Captain Sandy’s Surprising Admission (09:02–09:16)

• The hosts note Captain Sandy’s moment of self-awareness about putting out water toys (“Probably should have never put out the toys in the first place.”)—rare for her to admit any mistake.

5. Crew Backstories: From ‘Booby Dental Surgery’ to Drama Queen Dancers (11:00–14:02)

• Kathy, a new chief stew, shares her convoluted career journey from “surgical maxillinis” to chief stew, which Ben and Ronnie mock mercilessly:
  • Impression: “That’s where we put breasts into mouths. So you’ll see sometimes people smiling, and when they open their teeth, you see a wall of breasts there.” (11:11)
  • They try (unsuccessfully) to piece together her story involving sports injuries, dental surgery, and her quest for yachting stardom.
  • Kizzy, another stew, sees everything as a competition due to her “former leading-lady dancer” background, which prompts more comic flashbacks and shade from the hosts.

6. Bachelorette Showdowns and Cutthroat eliminations (14:02–31:17)

• The main event features “Bachelor Joe” dating and eliminating women aboard the yacht. The hosts ridicule:
  • Anna, whom they nickname the “Antichrist” for her transparent, “fabricated” stories about couture dresses and Upper East Side dating triumphs.
    • “She did not live on the Upper East Side. You did not have a couture dress. You did not have a guy that told you that. Shut up.” (22:01)
  • The way Joe delegates dumping duties to Amy, sparing himself awkward conversations with the women he’s eliminating.
    • “You just stay here so you don’t ever have to look at their ugly faces again. Thank you. Like, what a gross pig.” (27:22)
  • The “trash/rubbish” drama between chief stew Kathy and Kizzy, and Kizzy’s petty move to not warn Kathy about a ripped seam on her uniform:
    • “It was so obnoxious...that’s just, like, shitty character right there. And he did it on TV, and we all saw it.” (17:03)

7. The Mosaic Date and Yacht Flirtations (32:02–34:22)

• Joe’s group date is a ‘mosaic class’ where he invites Alicia to contribute a piece to his project, prompting eye rolls and sarcastic commentary.
• Kizzy and Deckhand Joe flirt, both insisting they’re “just like one of the boys”—a trope Ben and Ronnie promise will absolutely backfire:
  • “How many times do we see this trap? It’s always this girl who says, ‘To me, it’s just sex. I don’t even care.’ Cut to three episodes later, knocking on the door: ‘Can I come cuddle?’” (34:22)

8. Crew Gossip and Captain Sandy’s Investment (33:21–33:50)

• The hosts highlight how invested the whole crew, especially Captain Sandy, has become in the charter’s reality-tv romance—“like, they all are gossiping...can you believe they got rid of Leah, the opera singer, before Anna?”
• Captain Sandy wishes they could do this type of “Bachelor” charter every time: “Are you kidding me? This is amazing!” (33:21)

9. Reflections on Character, Agency, and Yacht Hierarchy (27:27–28:43)

• The hosts muse on the “ick” factor of Joe hiding behind Amy for elimination duties—likening it to a weird, transactional power dynamic.
  • “There’s sort of this element of, like, here’s this lady that does this stuff for me, and then I don’t interface. It’s just, like, weird.” (27:35)

10. Closing Philosophy on Bad Relationships

• Asia gives Deckhand Joe blunt advice about keeping it honest if he’s “shagging the town black and blue,” and prompts classic Bravo self-reflection:
  • “Maybe you need to take some time to reflect because who’s the common denominator?” (35:32–35:52)
  • Bit ends with: “Janice Joplin is the common denominator. I’m glad we had this talk.” (35:41–35:52)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Ben (on poodle geniuses):
  “I’m not asking your dog to write a dissertation for me. Just get it off my lap.” (02:45)
• Ronnie (on backstory confusion):
  “I was a surgeon for teeth and broken teeth and booby teeth. And then I heard myself playing sports at the highest level possible...and now I almost died, but I moved my toe, and now I’m here with my golden squeegee in hand.” (13:10)
• On Anna’s OTT fantasy dates:
  “She did not live on the Upper East Side. You did not have a couture dress. You did not have a guy that told you that. Shut up.” (22:01)
• On Joe’s elimination style:
  “You just stay here so you don’t ever have to look at their ugly faces again. Thank you. Like, what a gross pig.” (27:22)
• On Kizzy’s pettiness:
  “It just was—to me—it was so obnoxious...You are a mean person. I don’t care if she’s not as villainous as others. That’s just, like, shitty character right there.” (17:03)
• On the “not like other girls” cliché:
  “How many times do we see this trap? It’s always this girl who says, ‘To me, it’s just sex. I don’t even care.’ ...Cut to three episodes later: ‘Can I come cuddle?’” (34:49)
• Asia (channeling Bravo wisdom):
  “Listen, I’ve got no problem with you shagging the town black and blue...as long as everyone you do that with is aware of what you’re doing.” (35:08)

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Important Timestamps

• 02:09 – Recap resumes, poodle talk begins
• 07:01 – Dietary preferences and yacht chef gripes
• 08:16 – Max’s French interlude
• 09:02 – Captain Sandy admits water toy mistake
• 11:00–14:02 – Kathy’s “booby dental surgeon” backstory
• 17:03 – Kizzy’s pettiness about Kathy’s split seam
• 22:01 – Anna’s runway date story gets roasted
• 27:22 – Joe’s elimination nonchalance
• 33:21 – Captain Sandy wishes every charter could be “The Bachelor”
• 34:22 – Kizzy and Deckhand Joe’s ‘friend-with-benefits’ danger zone
• 35:08 – Asia’s advice and Bravo philosophy

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Tone & Delivery

The hosts keep it irreverent, snarky, and playful—never missing a chance to do impressions or exaggerate the cast's quirks. Their affection for the Bravo universe shines through, even as they lovingly drag its most absurd moments and personalities.

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This summary covers the major threads, gags, and character arcs discussed in the episode, providing a thorough, authentic “Crappens” experience for Bravo fans and new listeners alike.

Transcript

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[Heather]

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[Jenn]

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[Jenn]

Watch a crap happens. Watch what happens. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much CR happens when there's so much that. Hi everyone. Welcome back. This is part two of a two part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, well, go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. So that way you always get your episodes. But enough of that, let's get right back into the episode. Meanwhile, Brooke, who's one of the women, is talking about her poodle. Oh yeah, Brooke is the Harvard One. Okay, poodle. I was wondering. I couldn't understand what she said. So it was poodle. This is what she was talking about. So she's telling Joe about her poodle, and she goes. She's like, have you ever had much interaction with the poodle? They're really geniuses. He speaks English. Like, actually, he knows so many words. And he's. And Nathan is, like, fixing something behind her, and he just looks at the camera. He does, like, a full gym from the office. He looks at the camera like, what. What is happening here? And by the way, Brooke is such a poodle owner, because poodle, poodle. People say this shit all the time. They're so smart. They're, like the smartest dogs. I'm like, I literally don't care how smart your dog is. That is. I am not asking your dog to write a dissertation for me. Just get it off my lap.

[Heather]

I've also never seen proof of this being true. And I've known a lot of poodles, but poodle owners are like, oh, my God. Poodles are brilliant. Poodles can do. Your taxes.

[Jenn]

Are the most annoying dog there ever is.

[Heather]

You don't like poodles? Yeah. You've always been a poodle.

[Jenn]

Yeah, like. Like a big poodle. Like, it's.

[Heather]

The tall ones.

[Jenn]

I really. The tall ones are just inconsolable. I just.

[Heather]

I.

[Jenn]

They're awful. They're awful. I'm sorry. They are awful. They are so. They are up in your business all the time. They're always jumping on you. They're always being loud, and they just. They just bark. They just. They're bossy. Like the little French. Like the little toy. Poodles are fine. They're fine. But that's the big ones. I'm just like, oh, my God, get out of my face, please.

[Heather]

I mean, I like a poodle, okay? But I just don't think that they're these brilliant dogs. They're like, oh, my God, put a piano in front of my poodle, it will play Beethoven. I'm telling you, it's amazing. Poodles are amazing. I think it's maybe the people who get the poodles that are annoying because they. They, like, get them because they can say they have brilliant dogs. I just don't get it. You know the best dogs, Vitaliz, they're such. They're like, I'm hot. They're like, I'm hot. You're stupid. Yeah. The Hungarian vizslas, they're like, you're stupid. Like, if a dog Had a. Oh yeah. Oh, they're great. You're stupid. Look, we all look the same and we all look better than you. Stupid head.

[Jenn]

They are great. I have no. You know, in fact, I just saw a video of like two vizulas playing with an automatic ball fetcher machine and they were so excited because what happens is the machine just like spits out a ball and they go and they get the ball and they bring it back and they dump it into the machine and the machine spits it out again. And those two dogs were so excited. See, like I can be warm and loving and find joy in dogs. It's just the poodles. The poodles. I don't. I almost wonder, is it, is it a dog owner thing? Do like poodle owners because they're so obsessed with a dog being smart. Do they treat them a little differently? Do they like coddle them? Do they spoil them? And so as a result the dog just like runs rough shot all over the place.

[Heather]

Well, yeah, it's like the kids with parents who are like, you are the smartest, most gorgeous person in this school. You are going to get out of this car and you are going to win it. Everything. Because you are the. Your hair must be perfect, your grades must be perfect. Everything must be perfect. Now good to that fucking school. And you make me proud. And then those kids are always assholes. And then they end up on some charter after a heroin addiction. And they're like, you know what? This all went bad because my parents demanded perfection. And you know, they're curling their hair really tightly and you're like, oh my God, they're becoming a poodle. Stop em. Stop them. And then you've got this dummy on the boat like, oh my God, my poodle is so smart. And it's just like some shaky person in the back with a really tight perm. Like, my parents ruined me.

[Jenn]

Well, so I guess I'm glad we drilled down because once again, blaming the dog for probably the owner's fault.

[Heather]

Yeah. It's never the animal's fault. It's never the animal's fault. Okay, so I know that, I know that.

[Jenn]

But like, but to be fair, some dogs are more hyperactive than others and poodles are one of them.

[Heather]

Yeah, okay, okay, so Brooks like, yeah, so poodles, they're amazing. And my ex and I broke up right before the pandemic. Let me tell you something. That man was not a poodle, okay? And yeah, it's nuts. And then I've been gluten free since I was 16. So that's something you should know. Big into GF. That's what we call it. It's like the inside term for it, gf, you know. By the way, have you touched anything that had G in it today? Because please, if you have, do not touch me. It's just a thing. It's just one of my things.

[Jenn]

I'm gluten free, but I'm also gluten free. I will not go near Elmer's, nor will I read anything by. By Elmore Leonard, which is sort of something else.

[Heather]

I'm big on staples. Huge on staples. No glue. So Nathan's little head pop up from behind because he's spying on them from the stairs and he's just looking.

[Jenn]

So the camera, like, what the. It was generally his cutest moment he's ever had. So people are doing stuff. Anna is thirst trapping still and Joe the deckhand. Joe goes up to kids and he goes, you smell really nice. He's like, I don't Smith. I don't smell sweaty. Do I like. No, that's what I like. And. And I vomit in my mouth. So now the women are changing because they're going to be getting ready for their evening activities. And Josh is saying that like one thing that's tricky for him is that there are. There's someone who's. Brooke is gluten free, as we know because she's been since she's 16. And then Anna's gluten free and Merrily is lactose intolerant. And he's like, I hope, I hope this guy finds love. But also I hope he kicks off the dietary preference people first. Yeah.

[Heather]

So then Joe and Max are still dancing around on the boat and Max and V are taking a break. And so we go to Max in his cabin speaking French and he's like, oh, you see, there were two guys that got fired, which was good because they were idiot. But now there's new guy who come and he's the best. Right now my boss, I'm here. I've left a little out. It is like Mother's Day, Father's Day all at the same time. Oh, I got mail, man.

[Jenn]

He's turning into a French Patsy Klein song. So then Nath, then Nathan's telling Joe they're gonna get the jet skis out and everything. And Captain Sandy's looking around and she goes for the first time, this is notable, the first time ever, Sandy goes, probably should have never put out the toys in the first place.

[Heather]

Wow.

[Jenn]

Captain Sandy, queen of as soon as we even look at the anchor, I want five toys out in the ocean, okay? Always be toyin'. Always be toyin'.

[Heather]

So now there's masquerade masks, masquerade masks coming out for dinner. And Asia puts one on.

[Jenn]

She's like.

[Heather]

So Captain Sandy's just loving this whole dating thing. She's like, asia, Asia. Who do you think he's going to end up with? Check. I don't know. There's a few good options, I reckon. Leah, Alicia or Ashley. I mean, there's one who's gluten free. I'm tempted just to give her a little pizza crust just to get this party started. And Sandy's like, wow, I could never do what Joe's doing in a million years. Before Leah, I never went on official dates. And then we see a picture and the picture's Leah, and she's like, baby.

[Jenn]

Is the baby filter.

[Heather]

Yeah.

[Jenn]

You know, I was a captain. I was always at sea. I would have sea dates. I would just be like, hey, Poseidon, come and meet me over here. Just kidding. I'm a lesbian. I didn't really have time for a relationship. And then I met Leah. She is my person for the rest of my life. Hold on one second. Hey. Hey, baby.

[Heather]

Baby.

[Jenn]

Is Bear there?

[Heather]

Bears here? Baby, you know what Bear said? He said that you're cute. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. Did I say cute? I meant to say thanks.

[Jenn]

Hey, little bear.

[Heather]

Okay.

[Jenn]

Oh, so good to see you. So good to see you. Honey, what do you think Joe's gonna pick? I'm so beside myself, I can't even. I have to tell everyone. Who's Joe gonna pick? Who do you think, little Bear?

[Heather]

Well, if he's smart, he's gonna pick you, but unfortunately, you're taking baby. You're the best woman on that Bo Bean.

[Jenn]

Oh, yeah, you're right. Okay. Hey, don't forget to wash my capris before I get home. Love ya.

[Heather]

Love you. So we go to Josh and Kathy in the galley, and she's sweaty. And so we ask her what. Asks her what got her into yachting. And she's like, well, I was a surgical. Surgical maxillinis, Max. L like, you know, teeth. I don't really know how to say it. I'm sorry. I didn't graduate from Harvard personally, but I was a surgical maxinellius. Like teeth. It's a person who loves teeth but hates their son's name, Max. Okay. And I specialized in bottice bone grating implantology. That's where we put breasts into mouths. So you'll see sometimes people smiling, and when they open their teeth, you see that there are actually a wall of breasts there. It's actually quite attractive to some people. So I did that for a while, but then I realized I was just be over all day, you know, and it hurt my back. And I said, ow. And I went to the doctor, and he said, actually, two of your spine thingies are touching each other. And so I had to quit. And then I became a maid, and I decided I'm going to be the best maid in the world, and I'm going to be the top Chief Stew within two years, which I did. I've accomplished that. So it's wonderful. By the way, your teeth could use some breasts on it.

[Jenn]

Have you ever considered that I was so her. I was confused because you told Josh. I guess so. She used to do, like, bone grafting, implanting on teeth, or, like, teeth implants, or she did something with bones and she was doing surgeries. But then the story she tells us also that she went to football practice, which. And then, like, she stepped something. I was like, I just am confused how that's. I don't think she's lying. I just am confused about how football practice and the bone thing, it all mixed together. But she almost didn't walk or whatever. But she came in with a pretty big and intense backstory where she's like, I was almost paralyzed, and I used all my willpower to move my toe. And I just love that. Kizzy's is like, I like to dance, and I'm really good at dancing.

[Heather]

Kizzy's. Like, I was always the leading plays. That's hers. I was the most popular girl in the school. I was the prettiest. I was the lead in every play.

[Jenn]

And hers is a genre game.

[Heather]

I was a surgeon for teeth and broken teeth and booby teeth. And then I heard myself playing sports at the highest level possible because I was bent over trying to save people. And now I almost died, but I've moved my toe, and now I'm here with my golden squeegee in hand.

[Jenn]

Never do dental surgery while playing football. So I didn't understand. But it was impressive. But I didn't understand it. It was impressive.

[Heather]

I think she hurt her back. I think it was. She was mentioning football because it shouldn't have hurt her back. But the reason it hurt her back is because when you're working on teeth all day, you're hunched over, hunched over. And it ended up hurting her back and destroying her back. And so that's why she left.

[Jenn]

That's so scary.

[Heather]

Yeah. Yeah, that's why. Teeth. Okay, lesson learned. Okay, y'.

[Jenn]

All.

[Heather]

So now bachelor Joe is talking to Asia, and he's like, wow, you have such a beautiful name. Like.

[Jenn]

Okay, all right. That's great. Okay. So then.

[Heather]

Sounds like he's opening a garage door to hell. She's just like.

[Jenn]

You just dipped into another dishwasher bubble bath. So. So the women are getting ready, and Leah is saying they just need more time to figure out who this guy is. And Anna goes, huh? I'm here for the yacht. At the end of the day, I'm not really here for the guy. Plenty of those in new.

[Heather]

Yeah, okay. And I don't blame her, but at least pretend, you know, we're all here faking it, ma'. Am. So they all look at her like rose. So then Asia and the Joes are talking, and bachelor Joe is saying he's having a great. Who cares? So then we go to Brooke, saying she doesn't know how she's gonna choose, or Joe doesn't know how. God, I'm so sorry, you guys. Joe's like, I don't know how I'm gonna choose, but it's gonna be so hard. And now it's dinner time. Everybody gets all fancy, and what's her buns. Kathy is trying to figure out drawers. And everything's broken and everything's a piece of shit in there. And Kathy is gonna fix everything. Okay, guys?

[Jenn]

Yeah.

[Heather]

And she's like, kazi Kazee, could you come here? You see this bed? Does this look perfect to you? Yes, it is. Thank you. No, it's not. Look at these wrinkles on the bed. It's not proper. It's not proper. They're not gonna come out unless we wet it. Let's please wet the wrinkles. Wet the wrinkles.

[Jenn]

And she's just like. She's pointing out all these, like, little meticulous details everywhere. And Kizzy is just, like, zoning out. And so Kizzy tells us. I'm so used to having to fight for my place that it's like I see everyone. Everything is competition. Growing up, I was always the lead in plays or always front and center. I know I'm not a better student. Kathy, she's a good stew. But in the back of my head, that little dancer brains going. She's front and center right now. And you should be front and center. You're not good enough. Like, okay.

[Heather]

And this is where we see pictures of her, like, as the lead in a play. And then doing something else where she's just winning.

[Jenn]

Yeah, she's like, like, a face full. Like, she's got, like, JonBenet Ramsey makeup, and she's, like, dancing and whatever. It's actually hilarious.

[Heather]

But she's like, all I hear is, you're center stage or you're not good enough. And then it goes to Kathy, and she's like, kizzy, I can't stand when the caddies are put back with rubbish in them. Please empty the trash every time you pass one. Thank you.

[Jenn]

Just like, oh, so you think you're the savage with your rubbish rules.

[Heather]

So she's like, as I said when I played the lead Dorothy in the wizard of Oz, I hate when rubbish are in. Like, oh, I'm the lead of the plays.

[Jenn]

So meanwhile, so Kizzy is. Is that they're looking at all this stuff. And Kizzy notices that as Kathy bends over, that there is. The seam is popping on Kathy's butt. There's, like, a hole. It's big enough that you can really see it on camera from far away. Like, it's definitely there. It's undeniable. And Kizzy kind of, like, looks at the camera and is like, oh, my God. And she says, I probably should say something, but she says nothing. In fact, she just lets you. She lets Kathy just go about her business. And I was like. It just was. To me, it was so obnoxious. It's this girl's first day here. She's about to be, like, guest facing, bringing stuff out. I just was like, oh, my God, you are. You are a mean person. I don't care if she's not as villainous as others like you. Like, that's. That's just, like, shitty character right there. And he did it on tv, and. And we all saw it.

[Heather]

Yeah. Shame on you. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Grappens commercial.

[Jenn]

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[Heather]

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[Jenn]

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[Heather]

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[Heather]

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[Heather]

So she they're running plates and Josh is behind her and he's like, oh, you've got a rip in your ass. And I was like, well, who doesn't? What kind of thing is that to say? Asses are made. But it's the hole. It's a hole. So she's like, oh my God. So she's trying to like walk backwards so no one sees her. The hole in her butt. And Kissy's like, I didn't even know about the rip. She'll never get Joe now.

[Jenn]

Yeah, so shady. So and Kathy's like, I've been in cabins for a few hours with Kizzy bending over and then she hasn't even noticed I'm watching her. Maybe this is her game plan. Maybe she liked what she saw. Like, okay, let's settle down, Kathy.

[Heather]

Well, she got it though. She's true. So then Ashley's like, so do you cook Joe? And he's like, yeah, I actually don't mind it. You know, I got a nice little kitchen set up at the house. Yeah, my kids like to cook, which is great. I've got kids. You guys know that, right?

[Jenn]

Yeah.

[Heather]

It's really important to cook for your kids. Super important.

[Jenn]

No one's eating their food. It's all the plates are coming back with, like, three bites taken out of them. And then Anna has something to say. She goes, I had a guy one time I went on a date with, and I, like, I wore, like, a hot couture dress. Yeah. And I was going to an Upper east side place where I lived, and he told me, oh, it's not like you're going to a Runway show. So I said, you know what? Get out of here. Life is my Runway show, and if you don't like that, you should leave. I was like, we're making this up. As you're saying, like, I can literally hear, like, I. As someone who sits here and does this every single day and makes up half the coming out of my mouth, I know. You are fabricating this entire story analogous.

[Heather]

Every part of it. You did not live on the Upper east side. You did not have a couture dress. You did not have a guy that told you that and shut up. And everybody's looking at her like, gross. You're a gross person. And Asia goes, Anna, possibly the Antichrist. All right? Anna belongs with no one but Putin.

[Jenn]

You're gonna make that other chef mad. No, Putin is mine. This. What's so funny is she loved Putin. She literally said it on the show. But what's so funny is that this chick's her. Her story has such a strange arc to it, even if it happened for real. Like, if she wore a nice dress and the guy said, you look like you're going to a Runway show. And she gets mad at him. She goes, life is my Runway show. If you don't like that, you should leave. It's like, I think he just complimented you. Why would you sass often be like, get out. Life is my Runway show. Like, her story makes no sense.

[Heather]

Yeah. So then the opera singer gets to take center stage. They're all very excited to hear opera singing. And she comes out and she's like, make America great. Make America great again. They're like, oh, my God, this is beautiful.

[Jenn]

And now something by Kid Rock. Okay.

[Heather]

And now a little Carrie Underwood for you. And I took my keys into his truck, and I got it back.

[Jenn]

Chosen Charge of my tears and my nights tribute to Scott Baio.

[Heather]

One of my.

[Jenn]

One of my favorites. In charge of my dreams and my light.

[Heather]

So I want. I want.

[Jenn]

Joe in charge of me. See what I did there? And I did a key change on it without even asking. Okay, pitch change.

[Heather]

All right, guys, well, tomorrow we've got a variety of activities. I'll have some ideas of who goes where by the time breakfast comes out. Amy.

[Jenn]

All right.

[Heather]

And she's like, yeah, okay, well, I want you to think about that tonight, and then we'll throw some women overboard. When you're ready, Joe. Okay. Every day is gonna get clearer and clearer. So now the girls are talking about him. And Alicia, I think, is saying that he. She has a vibe. She's like, actually, I kind of like him. And then Anna. Anna is outside, and Matt, she's like, max, you take my picture. So he does. And she's like, I don't even like this bachelor. He's not even hot. What am I here for? This is. He didn't even. He didn't even criticize my dress and tell me to dress down. I mean, what kind of man is that?

[Jenn]

But you. I'm liking this. You're the best. Because I'm like, I'm into, like, the bourgeois. So. Not like that. Not him. No. Like, yeah, you really sound like you're into the bourgeois. Taking photos of caviar and bragging about San Tropez and wearing couture to the Upper east side. You definitely are. Like, if anyone. If anyone sounded like. Like they were a big, bouche, bourgeois booster, it was you, Anna.

[Heather]

Yeah. She's like, I like poor people. Let's. Let's do it right now. So then Kizzy's wanting to get drunk, and Joe's like, oh, so do I, man. She's like, yeah, I want the next night out. She's like, yeah, I'm the same. Yeah, because now I'm single. Don't choke. Don't choke. He's like, you're single. You're single now. Wow. Congratulations. What do you think about that, boys? Max is like, oh, single. Josh is like, yes. And I can't. Joe's like, oh, a door that I didn't believe in just opened. I'm getting all nervous now, man. I don't know how it's going to all go down. Goodbye, V. Goodbye. Would buy. Would vibe.

[Jenn]

Be literally. Is not even on this episode. There's so much talk about V, but, like, she just says literally nothing. So Kizzy's like, she's single now, and she's ready to cause some drama. So everyone goes to bed. Max's like air boxing for some reason. I don't know why people do that. And now it's the morning. Okay. Because it's gonna be time to. To pick up the anchor. Okay. And Joe Dican. Joe's talking to Nathan. He's like, kizzy, she's single, man. And he's like, oh, Jesus Christ. Are you gonna try? I'll go with the floor. Are you gonna try? He's like, I don't know. I'll see what happens. Oh, exactly. I'll see what happens. I don't want anything serious. I don't want to date anyone. I'm a new man. Oh, God, women are trouble. What am I gonna do?

[Heather]

So now we go to Amy and Bachelor Joe having a talk. So Amy's like, we need to decipher who's going to do these activities. And he's like, Alicia and Marley. Marley. I guess it's like, perfect. Is there anyone that you think isn't for you? And he's like, yeah, Brooklyn Lee are someone I'm not going to pursue anything with. I mean, there's just not anything there. That's why I'm at. So get rid of them. And she's like, okay, I'm gonna go ahead and say bye to them and get them off the boat. You just stay here so you don't ever have to look at their ugly faces again. He' thank you. Like, what a gross pig. You don't even go say like, you guys, thanks so much for coming on. You know, I don't.

[Jenn]

I'm not really feeling a connection.

[Heather]

He just has the lady go do it. G. Gross. Yeah, it.

[Jenn]

That was. It's given definitely some like just, just lane vibes. So then Kathy is right.

[Heather]

I mean, we're all.

[Jenn]

I mean, obviously these are gain. I don't know how to say her name. I mean, I don't think that these are obviously they're not like underage. It's not. I don't think it's truly trafficking, but there's sort of this element of like, here's this lady that does this stuff for me. And then I don't inter face. It's just like, weird.

[Heather]

Yeah. Like, here's these, these hires and they're only here to please you. And they're just not human beings, you know, like, it's just gross.

[Jenn]

The whole thing is he talks about he wants someone with confidence and yet he is not like self possessed enough just to say like, hey, thanks for coming. Yeah, I don't really Feel the connection. But, like, you know, it's great meeting you and have a great time in Barcelona.

[Heather]

Yeah.

[Jenn]

So Kathy is. There's, like, a moment at one point, like, Kathy walks into the galley, and Max like, oh, did you change your perfume? New perfume today. And Kathy is telling Kizz, you know what? Max is growing on me. Not that he wasn't, but, like, he just keeps on complimenting me when I. Even. When I change perfume. He even understood that I change perfume. Isn't that crazy? I mean, what happened to the good old days of woman as passive recipient? What happened to being courted? What happened to sitting back under a parasol and granting someone a chance to try to win us over? Am I right? Chocolate. Chocolate, Chocolate act.

[Heather]

Yeah. So she likes Max because he notices her perfume and stuff, which I guess is fair.

[Jenn]

That's actually pretty impressive, I think, like, noticing a perfume from one day to the next, I mean, I guess.

[Heather]

Yeah. So he's paying attention, I guess, but he's. He's the only one giving her attention. So she's like, I guess that's him then. Okay, he's giving me attention. So then Amy calls Leah downstairs. Okay, so now she has to dump these girls. So Nathan's like, oh, deckhand Joe's got himself in trouble again. And they're like, what's going on? Oh, he loves trouble. And wait until you see him with a drink in him. And H is like, I know, but V is, like, quite keen on him now, and he's gonna ruin it, you know? And I know he wants fun, but he needs to do that without buttering people up too much. Just make sure, you know, they. Then they think he's keen. You understand?

[Jenn]

And Max is like, yeah, so. And it's like, joel just wants a bit of fun. So he's like, I know, but he needs to do that. Yes. He can't do that because they're keen. So now we go to Amy talking about keen. Amy is talking to Leah, who just sang her heart out last night and goes, I wanted to personally tell you that Joe did not want to personally tell you that he didn't connect as much with you. So don't take it personally. Even though I am personally telling you. He said it did have to do with your personality, but don't take it personally. Yeah, that's fine. I didn't feel it either. I mean, he. He's not for me. He's. He really isn't. He. He's not. I, I, I wasn't. I was.

[Heather]

I totally wasn't.

[Jenn]

Into him whatsoever. Yeah, I mean, last. Last time I checked, I mean, his hair color was sort of close, but I mean, you gotta add about like another £100 and get a little bit of a fake tan before you get my. Get me all excited. Know what I'm saying?

[Heather]

You know what I'm really looking for Amanda. Grab me by the blue. Okay, you can leave now.

[Jenn]

Before I leave, could you just ask him if you can put on a red, shiny tie that hangs down to the tip of his dick? Just want to see how it looks.

[Heather]

So now she dumps Brooke next. And Brooke's like, what? What do you mean? I mean, is this like discrimination against gluten free people? Because it's not the first time. Well, I'm sorry, I'm not into hot dog buns. Okay, you prick. Okay. I'm fun eating your gluten.

[Jenn]

So Amy tells Asia. She goes, guess who he picked? And Asia goes. She goes, brooke. And Leah.

[Heather]

What?

[Jenn]

Not Anna. I did not see that coming. The Antichrist is still here.

[Heather]

And then we cut to Anna going, oh, I need to do some bikini content.

[Jenn]

Sure. Just don't share it because we don't need to see it. So now Max is in the galley and he's like, oh, and she was seeing them so disgusting things. And she's not even leaving Josh, like, oh, for sake. But at least the gluten free is off the boat. Hey, because I'm gluten free. Just like a category person.

[Heather]

So then is where we get Anna telling the girls her story. Amy's like, what's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done? She goes, oh, well, I the same day decided I was going to Cannes with a person I didn't know. So I went on the carpet. Click, click, click, click. The next day flew out.

[Jenn]

I'm like, oh, wow.

[Heather]

Like probably most people do when they go to Cannes for a job. Just show up, they do the red carpet and they leave. You're a poser lady.

[Jenn]

Yeah, that sounds like a totally real story. So Alicia is in the van. Basically we have bachelor Joe is with Merrily and Alicia, but then Joe Deckhand Joe is with kids in the back scene. They're all going on their activity. And so, like, bachelor Joe's talking to girls about something, and they wind up in a mosaic class. And Joe, he basically is flirting with her. And he's like, hey, Alicia, would you. You have to put one of your pieces into my mosaic. And she's like, oh. She kisses it and puts in his mosaic, like, oh, real smooth there. Joe. So much for V. Yeah.

[Heather]

And Kizzy's getting a little flirt, too. A little flirt on, you know. He's like, oh, put a piece of mosaic in my project because it'll be a memory. She's like, oh. So then Bachelor and Alicia seem to be hitting it off, and Kizzy kisses a piece and puts it in Joe's MOS Mosaic. You guys, what a day. What a day. Am I right? So now Captain Sandy is asking Amy for some tea, and she's like, well, I think Leah was shocked, but it's just Joe's charter and Captain's like, I love this. I wish we could do every charter like this. Okay. Are you kidding me? This is amazing. Has anybody called him B.B.

[Jenn]

Okay. God. God.

[Heather]

I've got something special. I've got something special.

[Jenn]

It is really funny how the entire crew is, like, so into it, and it's like. It's not, like, into it. Like, they have to pretend to do an Olympic, you know, obstacle course or something like that. They are all gossiping like, oh, my God, they got rid of. They got rid of Leah. Can you believe they got rid of Leah? I mean, she's the opera singer. Like, her above Anna. I can't believe she went before Anna.

[Heather]

They're all.

[Jenn]

They're all so invested, especially Sandy. Oh, Sandy wants to intervene so badly, but she can't.

[Heather]

Yeah. So now we go back to the boat, and Kizzy had a fun time. And then we go to Deckhand Joe and Nathan talking, and Nathan's asking about the vibes with Kizzy, and he says it was fun. And he's like, but. But you're in a wee bit deep with V is Net. And he's like, oh, very, very deep. Women's always been my problem. That's always been me problem, bro. And Asia hears them, so she comes right over, and she's like, what are you guys doing?

[Jenn]

He's like, while we're having women chats. And real quickly, when they were driving back to the boat decan, Joe said to Kizzy, I speak to you like one of the boys. And she's like, oh, yeah, that's because I'm not looking for anything proper. And how many times do we see this trap? It's always this girl who says, I'm basically just like, a guy. Like, I don't even, like, put my feelings into it. To me, it's just sex. I, like, don't even care. Cut to, like, three episodes later, like, knocking on the door, are you there? Can I come cuddle? Can I Come cuddle. Can I come cuddle?

[Heather]

Yeah. She's like, I am not like, fill in the blank. The other girls. That's right. I'm not like the other girls. Nice to meet you. I don't want anything proper. Why can't we just around and have fun? And he gives her a high five. Yeah, sorry, I skipped that.

[Jenn]

I don't know how. No, it's fine.

[Heather]

I'm gonna say it's five hours into this recap.

[Jenn]

I'm not so predictable.

[Heather]

Let's talk more about Richard Mulligan. So Asia is like, listen, I've got no problem with you shagging the town black and blue. I mean, that's fine as long as you. You know, everyone that you do that with is aware of what you're doing. And he's like, I've been here before, haven't I? I'm just a handsome come. It's a constant loop of torture.

[Jenn]

Yes, well, maybe you need to take some time to reflect because who's the common denominator? Captain Sandy? No. Nathan.

[Heather]

No.

[Jenn]

The starfish out there in the ocean? No. Think again. It starts with J. Janice Joplin.

[Heather]

Yes. Janice Joplin is the common denominator. I'm glad we had this talk. All right, now, Mama said a piece. Keep your hand off the goods. And that brings us to the end of Below Dick Mediterranean. Well, thanks for being here, everybody. We'll see some of you this weekend at BravoCon. Don't forget 10pm at Beer park in Las Vegas. The Paris Hotel is our crappin's parti tie. So come ready to do it. And we will also be moderating the next gen NYC panel at BravoCon, Sunday at 4pm so join us for that and come back later this week for the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Trailer trash on Patreon on. We love you guys.

[Jenn]

Bye. Watch what happens. Would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Allison Block.

[Heather]

Our way is the Amber Way.

[Jenn]

It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Auto. Put your hands together for Carly. Clap.

[Heather]

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. We never miss, miss or call. It's Diane call Big yay. It's Emily Gaultier.

[Jenn]

Aaron McNicholas. She don't miss no Tricholas.

[Heather]

Hava Nagila Weber.

[Jenn]

You'll never hide from Heidi. Eleanor Jones. I go, you go. We all go for Hugo. Jamie. She has no less namey.

[Heather]

She's our Kind of mess. It's Jennifer Messer Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

[Jenn]

She's our favorite streamer. Caroline Peacock.

[Heather]

Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a B in your bonnet with Lacey B. Que sera sera Whatever will be will Lauren Sills be she gets an A from us It's Lindsey D. Let's give a Kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy. It's Maisie McHenry, we love her on the rocks. It's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.

[Jenn]

This is Living with Michelle Vivian, I.

[Heather]

Love a YA Olivia Williamson, she sure as swell. It's Raquel, yes, we can. It's Savannah.

[Jenn]

Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

[Heather]

Darn skippy, it's Tippy. And our super premium sponsors make way for A.J.

[Jenn]

Lopez.

[Heather]

She's VVIP it's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.

[Jenn]

Somebody get us 10cc's of Betsy MD.

[Heather]

We'Re taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

[Jenn]

Let's. Let's get real with Kaitlin o' Neal.

[Heather]

Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte Fletcher. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper can't have a meal without the Emily sides.

[Jenn]

Who, what, why, where? And Gwen Pentland.

[Heather]

Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.

[Jenn]

Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Hail the cork master, the master of the cork Jennifer Corcoran. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish she's not harsh She's Jill Hirsch, my favorite murder Karen McMurdo.

[Heather]

She'S a total knockout It's Katie Manock.

[Jenn]

We love him madly It's Kyle Pod Shadley in the study with a candlestick It's Leslie Peacock G. It's Lisa H. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron, she's a whiz It's Liz Sarthy, always killing it It's Lola Al Kalani.

[Heather]

The incredible edible Matthew Sisters she eases our woes it's Melissa St. Rose there's a chance of meatballs It's Rebecca Cloud.

[Jenn]

Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska she's the queen bee It's Sarah Lemke we cannot.

[Heather]

Tell a lie It's Sarah tell of.

[Jenn]

Son Shannon out of a can and Anthony please don't stop at solely and pop let's take off with Tamla Plain.

[Heather]

We'Re obsessed all with Tessa V. You'll.

[Jenn]

Always get the full story with Tori.

[Heather]

Parsons she ain't no shrinking violet Cootard we love you guys. If you like watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondry.com survey.