#30780 Below Deck Med S10E07: The Moldin’ Bachelor

Summary

Podcast Summary: Watch What Crappens – Below Deck Med S10E07: "The Moldin’ Bachelor"

Episode Date: November 18, 2025
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam

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Episode Overview

Ben Mandelker and Ronnie Karam break down Season 10, Episode 7 (“The Moldin’ Bachelor”) of Below Deck Mediterranean, in their signature comedic, acerbic style. This episode centers on a unique “Bachelor-style” charter, featuring a wealthy but awkward bachelor (Joe), meddling guests, and a crew grappling with new dynamics—both romantic and professional. The hosts offer biting commentary on the guests’ and crew’s antics, poke fun at reality TV tropes, and highlight the absurdity and drama, all while skewering the “mid” men of reality TV and evaluating crew leadership missteps.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bachelor Boat Charter: Satirical Highlight

• The charter mimics a Bachelor episode on a boat, with "Bachelor Joe" deliberating among several women, most notably Anna (self-obsessed), Alicia, Ashley, and Marieli.
• Anna’s performative, influencer-style personality and constant content creation is repeatedly roasted.
  • Memorable Quote [05:15]: “Yeah, it’s been a blast. I took some good photos. I got some great content. Yeah. For the next time I go to San Trope on a helicopter.” (Ronnie as Anna)
• The "casting" process for Joe’s dates is mocked.
  • [25:34]: “He got a binder of women...I can’t get through the A’s. Just choose from this chapter. Put them on the yacht.” (Ben, riffing on the artificial selection).

Notable Segment: Dinner Games Satire [13:49–15:50]

• The group plays “Never Have I Ever,” but the hosts lampoon Anna’s improbable claims (“donkey show, Mexico; gone to jail”).
  • [15:09] Ben: “Anna is a compulsive liar… Never have I ever been part of a donkey show in Tijuana… Anna, you have not done that.”

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2. Crew and Romantic Antics

Joe and V (Victoria); The “Nice Guy” Routine [07:09–09:17]

• Deckhand Joe grapples with his feelings, feigning concern for Victoria’s emotional well-being after trauma, but actually maneuvering to ditch her for the new girl.
  • [07:35] Ben: “He’s pretending…that he’s the good guy who’s in over his head. It’s like, no, you just want to stick your dinkle into someone’s winkle.”

Crew Power Struggles & Leadership

• Nathan’s new leadership role is challenged by Joe’s laziness and Max’s insouciant attitude.
• Sandy’s management style—laissez-faire until provoked—draws satirical fire, as in her “watching Wind” (her fictional favorite show) and barking for crew accountability.
  • [10:42] Ronnie (as Captain Sandy): “Guess what, guys? We’re going to undock. Okay? We undocked. I’m going back to watch Wind.”

The Kathy/Kizzy/Max Triangle

• Kathy’s arrival as a highly capable new stew causes Kizzy to feel threatened, ultimately spawning petty interactions and flirtations—especially for Max’s attention.
• The hosts break down the play-by-play as Kizzy steals Max’s attention (literally climbing into his arms, making a spectacle about “giving him a boner”), while Kathy becomes sidelined, feeling outmaneuvered.
  • [65:28] Ben: “That’s a bitch move…not a women supporting women move. She was basically like... I got him to get a boner.”

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3. Satirical Moments

The Parfait Outrage [18:45]

Ben: “If you ever serve me a yogurt parfait on a fucking super yacht, you’re going overboard.”

Yacht “Leadership” [41:27]

The hosts commend and critique Nathan’s attempt at authority—addressing the challenge of transitioning from peer to boss.

• [41:27] Ben: “I feel like Joe...got Nathan in so much trouble…and like, he’s barely even acknowledged that it was his fault and that he’s being lazy.”

Mocking the “Bachelor” Trope

• Joe is increasingly depicted as unremarkable, awkward, and desperate. The women’s lack of genuine interest is exposed especially after his clumsy attempt to keep “dating” both finalists post-yacht.
  • [60:01] Ronnie: “I mean, come on. You’re not a prizer. You’re balding.”

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Memorable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• Anna's Outrageous Bragging
  [15:09] Ben: “Anna is a compulsive liar…Never have I ever been part of a donkey show in Tijuana…and she’s like, ‘I’ll drink to that.’ Anna, you have not done that.”

• Joe’s Nice Guy Deflection
  [07:35] Ben: “He’s pretending…he’s the good guy…No, you just want to stick your dinkle into someone’s winkle.”

• Captain Sandy’s Disengagement
  [10:42] Ronnie (as Captain Sandy): “We undocked. I’m going back to watch Wind.”

• Parfait Scandal
  [18:45] Ben: “If you ever serve me a yogurt parfait on a fucking super yacht, you’re going overboard.”

• Leadership Humor
  [41:39] Ben (about Nathan): “He did tell Joe you have to stay on the swim platform. If Joe had just done that…no one would have gotten in trouble.”

• On Being ‘Mid’
  [09:38] Ronnie: “I think that's why these mediocre men are always on below deck...mid men put themselves in situations where they're your only choice on purpose so they can feel like this.”

• Final “Bachelor” Insult
  [60:01] Ronnie: “You’re not a prizer. You’re balding.” [60:12] Ben: “Even as a bald person, I was like, that was so rude, but also very funny.”

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [04:32] Charter Description & Setup – Breaking down the charter’s play on “The Bachelor.”
• [13:49–15:50] Never Have I Ever Scene – Mocking Anna and the game’s ridiculousness.
• [25:34] Binder of Women Joke – Ben lampoons the artificiality of selection.
• [41:27] Nathan Takes Charge – Analysis of leadership after Sandy’s reprimand.
• [65:28] Kizzy’s “Boner” Move – Commentary on crew drama and pecking order.
• [70:00] Kathy Gets a Promotion – The diplomatic handling of a threatened Kizzy.
• [77:28] Jacuzzi Chaos – Max and Kizzy get hot and heavy as Kathy backs off.

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Flow & Tone

Ben and Ronnie maintain a sharp, irreverent, and affectionate tone throughout, blending incisive humor with thoughtful reality TV analysis. Their impersonations, dramatizations, and real-time “what are they thinking?!” asides create ongoing comic relief, making the recap both informative and entertaining. Their discussions balance pure shade (especially for “mid” male cast members and self-involved guests) with moments of empathy, particularly toward women navigating tense ally/enemy relationships or openly hostile workplace moves.

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Conclusion

This episode of Watch What Crappens is a fast-paced, hilarious deep-dive into both the ridiculousness and the drama of a Bachelor-style Below Deck charter. The hosts salvage and highlight the best moments—awkward hookups, crew rivalries, leadership challenges, and the spectacle of reality TV romance gone awry—serving up memorable quotes and snarky commentary at every turn.

Fans of the show and newcomers alike will come away with a vivid sense of the episode’s chaos, memorable “WTF” moments, and behind-the-scenes insight, all filtered through Ben and Ronnie’s uniquely snarky Bravo lens.

Transcript

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[B]

Reese's Suspense Reese's. Who cares what happens when there's so much. That happens? Hello and welcome to Watch our Crapp ins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. Ben Mandel Ker Joining me today is the hilarious and lovely and beautiful Ronnie Caram. Hi Ronnie.

[A]

Well, hello. How are you honey pie?

[B]

Doing just great. Just great. Today we are here to talk about Below Deck Med. Don't forget we have a wonderful and beautiful Patreon community that you should certainly be part of. To get the full Kran experience, go to patreon.com crap watch what happens. And we do a weekly bonus episode. We do. We do. We do Crappens on Demand where you can actually watch us. Not just listen. It's a whole thing. It's great. There's a discord community. Get involved. Be part of it. Be active. Do all those things.

[A]

Or don't.

[B]

It's your choice. We won't get mad at you either way. Thanks everyone who came to Crappy Hour earlier this week. We had a great time talk breaking it all down with the two judgy girls talking about Bravocon. That episode is up. So if you want to hear everything that happened at Bravocon over the weekend. Well, or everything that we could cram into an hour, at least go check that out. We had so much fun with that. Also, we did an Amazon Live, so you can check those out and we'll do another one. We normally do them every other week, but we are doing two back to back weeks this time. So the new the next Amazon Live will be this coming Monday. So that's all that. That's all that. Let's get into some below deck Mediterranean. What say you, Rondell Karam? What say you?

[A]

Let's do it. This is season 10, episode 8. It's called French Kiss. There's a new girl in town and she's feeling good. And her name is Kathy. And she's not gonna let anybody wreck her good time. Not even a lady named Kizzy. Poor Kizzy broke up with her boyfriend because she thought she'd get all the men on the boat and. And now Kathy has come in to possibly wreck her dream. So what will Kizzy do? She'll go straight for a man she didn't have any interest in in the first place. Just to get one over on Kathy. Ain't them the breaks, kids?

[B]

That is correct. Well, we're also in the middle of this funky charter that's basically the Bachelor, except it's happening on a boat. And he. We have Bachelor Joe, who. Who is kind of like a like fun house mirror version of Chip from Chip and Joanna. And he's talking to this girl Anna, who is a monster and totally vapid and a pathological liar, I've decided. And he's like, hey, having fun so far? She's like, yeah, it's been a blast. I took some good photos. I got some great content. Yeah. For the next time I go to San Trope on a helicopter. Took the helicopter from Dallas to San Trope the whole way. Yeah, it totally happened. Yeah.

[A]

Now we go to the galley where Kizzy and Josh Are. And Kizzy's like, oh, only six now. Josh's like, yeah, it would be amazing if we could do this every time and just go get rid of guests. The charter goes on. Just get rid of gluten free every time. It would be a lovely, lovely turn of events. So then we see people cleaning and cooking and doing all that stuff. And Kathy is asking if there are coasters. And Kissy's like, no. And Kathy's horrified because Kathy is like a chief stew. And how have these people never heard of coasters?

[B]

Well, my favorite part was. Then we cut to Kathy and she goes, coasters, coasters, coasters.

[A]

Ack.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

So now Asha is talking about the view, and Jo comes up and she's like, this charter. We've got a bachelor, a Mitch maker, a handful of bachelorettes. I just love romance. I love watching romance. I've got me popcorn. It's like her huge popcorn.

[B]

She's watching it. And then Joe, deckhand Joe. We have to make a. We have to make a differentiation between bachelor Joe and deckhand Joe, because we have two fuckboys named Joe, but they have different stations on this boat. One is wealthy and in control and one is a poor and just has to sweep. So Dan, Joe is hanging out with Nathan. He's like, oh, this time it's affected me, you know, it's affected me. And Nathan's like, what has affected you? Or it's impossible for someone like me, you know, to like someone. That someone that much after four days. It's impossible. I didn't even give it. Massive, massive gain. It's like, I haven't even kissed her. Is he saying that he likes. It's. Is he saying that he likes V after four days? He likes her so much. And that's impossible to like someone that much for four days. Or is he saying, wow, she likes me so much after four. Yeah.

[A]

Saying she likes him too much. Yeah. He's like, oh, this girl's so into me. He's like, oh, God, I just can't help it. It's just me. It's just natural. I'm not even trying and I've already got this girl in love with me and what am I going to do with this girl? Because, you know, she's hurt. She's a hurt girl. Like, he sees the new girl. Come on. He's like, I'm going to go for that now. How do I dump this other loser? So he's like, well, I can't be with her because her boyfriend died and so she's going to need too much for me and I just can't do it. I can't do it.

[B]

He's with this whole thing of like, well, she's so into me and after just four days, that's like too much cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Am I right? Women? Aren't they always this. It's like, oh God, it's just amazing how they do this time and time again on all these shows. It's so predictable, you know, the moment that they. Well, he's afraid that he's also gonna look like a dick because he knows he's. When he says I'm gonna hurt her, that's an admission that he has no interest in doing anything serious. Not that she wants to do anything serious, but he knows he's gonna like ultimately just have sex with her and move on to the next one. And he doesn't want to get for it again. Especially since she has trauma in her and her, in her history. And so he's trying to make her seem like she's the crazy one for falling for him when he was the one who came on this boat and started flirting with her. Endlessly. Endlessly. And then it's going to act like she went crazy. No, sir, we got your. Our eyes on you.

[A]

Yeah. He says, I'm not here for hurting anyone. And I think she'll get hurt cuz she's got a situation. A boyfriend dying isn't a situation for crying. Like, for crying out loud.

[B]

The way you don't hurt someone is by not hurting them. He's like, he's like, I'm not here to hurt someone, but I think she'll get hurt. No. How about we rephrase it into. What you really mean to say is I'm not here to hurt someone, but I think I will hurt her. Not. She'll get hurt. She is not the one who is. I'm like really on one all of a sudden? We're only 30 seconds into this recap and I'm already pissed off.

[A]

Yeah. So he's like, well, you know, she's just something I'm used to that's playful and all for doing anything. And then there's Victoria. Well, that's Kizzy I was talking about. And then there's Victoria. Dead boyfriend. Dead boyfriend Victoria. You know, I love that about her, but I just don't want to hurt this girl, especially after what she's went through with that boyfriend. So I'm just in my head. I'm just in my head about anything.

[B]

Everything.

[A]

Hold on let me put my teeth together and smile.

[B]

I know he's pretending like he's actually thinking this through a lot and that he's like, he's. He's caught and he's trying to do the good thing. He's trying to cast himself in this light of being this good guy who's in over his head. It's like, no, you just want to stick your. Your dinkle into someone's winkle.

[A]

I think it's. I think that's why these mediocre men are always on below deck. Because I think mid men put themselves in situations where they're your only choice on purpose so they can feel like this. Because, let's face it, in a normal world, no one cares what this loser's doing. Like, no one's going to be fighting over this guy. You know, it's the last ice cream in the freezer. You know, we're all going to fight over it, and that's all it is. So he's going to work on boats as long as he can below deck.

[B]

Mid. That's him right there. So Nathan basically. Well, then. Then he says, I just need to communicate more and stop being a wee bitch. And Nathan's like, I've never seen you do this before. You know, I've never seen that. So Sandy is like, okay, everyone, it's time to leave the dock. Okay. Okay. So we're going to leave the dock. It's going to be exciting. And maybe some people could talk about how the table looks good for dinner. Oh, good, Aisha, you're already doing that. Aisha. Asia loves the way the table looks. And now we're undocking, and guess what? We undocked without any issues. God, what a great charter press.

[A]

Captain Carrie when you need him. All right, we're coming out of docking. Everybody could die if we don't pass that without an inch of its life, it could go down. We could all lose a limb. Mothers, children, no one's getting off this boat. All right, we did it. We did it. Everyone calm down now. Calm down. But Sandy's like, yep. Hey, guess what, guys? We're going to undock. Okay? We undocked. I'm going back to watch wind. Okay.

[B]

So Nathan says, at the beginning of the season, I felt like I couldn't even be a boson because I was working as a deckhand picking up all the slack from the crew. Let's show some greatest hits from those two dum dums who left. We see Christian and. And Tessa. And Tessa's like, how do you use a boat. What's this for? And then he said, but now I trust my team, and I can relax a bit in my mind a little bit, and I'll enjoy this as long as it lasts.

[A]

So then Joe, right after his. I don't want to hurt her. We see Joe going up to V, and he's like, oh, you're just doing so fast. Fantastic on the deck. We all love you there. You're doing such a good job. What a woman. I've always wanted my wife to do good on the deck. And you're doing it. God, I can't wait to impregnate you. Impregnate you with that little baby Sammy. It'll come out. Take care of all the. All the railings every day. God, I hope she doesn't love me.

[B]

I don't know why she's falling for me so much. She's acting like we have a whole future together. Where did she get that idea from?

[A]

Yeah. So then we go to Amy, the madam, talking to bachelor Jo, and she's like, are you having so much fun? Your eyes don't seem to be focusing, and they're slightly watery. And he's like, oh, I'm doing great. He's having fun. So she's like, yeah, well, thank God we're getting a different view. I was really getting sick of that view on the dock.

[B]

Yeah. And then Alicia's. This girl. Alicia really likes him. She's like, I have a really good vibe with him. I think I really like him a lot. I love the way that he kind of looks like the head chicken and chicken run. Like, I feel like that's great. It means that he has initiative. He's gonna, like, get us somewhere. So then bachelor Joe is saying, you know, they all have great. They all have different personalities, and they're all great. You know, I love them. They're all so interesting. And then we cut to Anna saying, what do I think of when I see him? Is just, like, low net worth alert. Am I right, guys? I'm just here for content.

[A]

So then we go to Josh, who's getting ready for dinner, and he's like, I want my food to be the star of the show, but I'm happy for this charter. You know, I'm happy for it to take a back seat, because what's more delicious than taking a bite out of love?

[B]

He says, as a hopeless romantic myself, I'm going to aid in creating a romantic atmosphere with the menu. I've got to brush up on my aphrodisiacs. I'm like, please don't. I don't want to see bachelor Joe with a boner walking around this deck. Okay, just. Just serve some potatoes and steak and we'll be fine.

[A]

So they start taking nose on. They keep showing him in that clown makeup and think it's hilarious. It's just so cringe. Please stop. Just leave me alone with this. Leave me alone with the chef. No, don't leave me alone with that. I mean, just leave me alone. I know X him out of my life is what I'm acting. Cut the chef, please.

[B]

So the now. The now Joe is sitting with the ladies, and they're at this, like, red table. Everything looks very Valentine's y. And Ashley is doing, like. So one of them asks, like, if any of them have done 23andMe. And Ashley's like, oh, my God. That's like a. Never have I ever questioned. That's hilarious. So Amy says, okay, well, now that you brought it up, I do kind of have some pre written questions, everyone. We're gonna play a little bit of a game. Lisa Renaissance. Okay? I'm sure America's gonna love this. Okay, everyone' a question. Read a question, guys.

[A]

Okay. Never have I ever gotten a lap dance. Oh, my God. Somebody's drinking. Never have I ever been kidnapped from a mall in a small town today. Some old person on a boat.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

We're all drinking. Oh, my God. Never, ever, ever had my mother kidnapped and then been blackmailed that I'll only get her head back in a box if I date some old man on a boat.

[B]

Never have I ever. Never have I ever auditioned to be on the new Vanderpump Rules, but then somehow wound up on this strange dating sub show on Below Deck. Oh, my God. That's just me drinking. Okay.

[A]

Never have I ever thought I was going to be the new Vanna White, except that Vanna White refuses to retire, which leaves me as a whore on a boat.

[B]

So they're all doing this. It's funny. They're joking. And again, Anna is a compulsive liar because there's. They're like, everything they do, she drinks too. It's like, never have I ever been part of a donkey show in Tijuana. And she's like, I'll drink to that. I'm like, anna, you have not done that. I'm telling you this right now. You have not done that.

[A]

Yeah, and they have, like, the Mile High Club questions. And then someone's like, what's the Mile High Club? And Joe says, yeah, it's where you have some crazy sex on an airplane at 35,000ft.

[B]

And merrily is like, that's disgusting.

[A]

Gross.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She's like, that's nasty. And Anna's like, yeah, that's hot. I've done it. Yeah. Back when peanut allergies were still a thing even. Yeah, I'm a rebel. I'm Anna. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, I did it on the Concord last year. And so he's like, I guess it depends on which airplane, right? So then they serve more food, and now Kizzy and Kathy are folding.

[A]

But can I ask you a question? Have you ever heard gazpacho presented this way? Okay, so for a starter, we've got gazpacho with pesto flour, basil, and some marinated heirloom tomatoes. Flour. Did he mean flour, like, maybe an edible flower?

[B]

I don't think that's good. I don't think that you're gonna have, like, flour, like F L, O U.

[A]

R and a gazpacho, right? I don't think so.

[B]

But that's a weird seasoning. Unless it's, like, his way of talking about bread. So what we have here is we've got aged and cooked flour. We like to call that bread. And some basil. Because there is bread in a lot of gazpacho. But I agree. Flour. It's a strange choice.

[A]

So Kizzy and Kathy are folding towels, and Kizzy's like, oh, I wonder if it's going to be like the Bachelor and the last night he'll say, would you like to come to my bed? And Kathy's like, stop it. We'll have to. You know what?

[B]

Just in case, Kizzy goes, lay out some condoms. She goes, no, I was gonna say lay out various petals, but that's okay. You slut. And kids is like, her and condoms, safety first. So they're still playing games and talking up at the dinner table. And Ashley, this woman Ashley's saying, oh, never have I ever said a date up. And they all are, like, drinking and stuff. And. And then Josh brings some more food as lobster and chicken, and. And then never have I ever turned my underwear inside out so I don't have to wash it. What sort of questions are these, Amy? Are you really.

[A]

How are you?

[B]

How is this gonna be productive to finding someone their girlfriend? These are not helpful questions.

[A]

And how does that work anyway? You turn your underwear inside out? How does that help? Because isn't that just gonna make both sides of your underwear smell like ass? I don't get it.

[B]

Yeah, it's like, the thing that people do, but I don't think it's helpful.

[A]

Yeah, I don't think that's helpful. Double ass in it. So then have.

[B]

Who's.

[A]

I've never, ever kissed a friend's ex, and Anna's like, donkey show, Mexico. I was like, damn.

[B]

I know. And then she goes. And then she's like, donkey show, Mexico, gone to jail. It's like, hey, don't hate the player, hate the game. Like, what are you even talking about?

[A]

That.

[B]

That doesn't even apply to the situation.

[A]

So Amy goes, wow, you are just so fascinating.

[B]

Yogurt parfait with white chocolate basil ganache. I want everything to have basil in it tonight, everyone. Basil for the fascinating moment with Joe. Here it is.

[A]

I'm telling you right now, if you ever serve me a yogurt parfait on a fucking super yacht, you're going overboard.

[B]

Who.

[A]

That is a lot of nerve to serve a fucking yogurt parfait on a super yacht. What are you talking about?

[B]

Well, it's like there was an episode of Barefoot Contessa once where someone won some sort of, like, auction or silent auction to have lunch with Ina Garten, Alec Baldwin, and Mariska Hargitay. And they made that an episode. And so she's like, here's what I'm gonna make for our. For our auction winner. And she made them a trifle. And it was. I'm like, it was. She made lobster Mac and cheese and a trifle. It's like someone probably paid thousands of dollars for this opportunity, and you're making them a parfait. Essentially. You're putting whipped cream and raspberries in a glass for thousands of dollars. Come on in a garden. I love you, but you got to step it up. You got to make Betty's chocolate cake or something.

[A]

Yeah, they'll parfait me. So then we go over to Kathy. It's bedtime. So Kathy wants a hug from Asia before bed, And Kizzy sees, and she's like, she's the golden girl right now. And that's fine. She can have that. I mean, I don't know. Why am I crying right now? Why am I crying right now? I just want.

[B]

Be the best. So then Max and he's. He's. Max is out on, like, the. The bow or somewhere. He's at some part of the boat outside, and he's. He's getting. I think Joe. He's. He's trying to hypnotize Joe. He's like, okay, so what you need to do is breathe in, and then. Okay, breathe out. You go to a deeper state of relaxation. Okay. How's it feel? You feel good, Joe? Does it feel good?

[A]

Sandy's watching this from the. From her area, the bridge. And she's like, what the hell's going on down there?

[B]

What is going on?

[A]

Oh, it's like, oh, it's a ball of energy. Okay, okay, now. Oh, gosh. He wants to watch wind now. I can see it in his eyes. I can see it in his eyes. Like, the bridge. Lock the bridge.

[B]

Okay, now, anytime you hear the word shammy, you will do a small dance. You've been hypnotized. So Joe's like, that felt really good. Oh, God. You know, things are getting a little sloppy right now. Ever since Joe got on board, I feel like they're more interested in having fun than doing the job. Okay, and now is where I really want to see Nathan elevating as a leader, not just going back. Okay, so with that being said, I'm going in my cabin. I gotta watch the season finale of Wind. It's supposed to be a good one. Oh, my God.

[A]

So Amy takes Bachelor Joe outside to talk, and she's like, okay, well, we have the opportunity for two special dates tomorrow, so let's focus on the two you are the most interested in. And he's like, fair, Fair. Yeah, that's fair.

[B]

Fair.

[A]

Okay, well, let's take Alicia. And he goes, well, we seem to have a lot of interests and traits. Okay. Merrily, Marielle. And he's like, well, I mean, she's funny and genuinely nice, but Ashley was lovely, and I had a genuine. She had a genuine interest in getting to know me. You know, she asked me where I bought my hair. That was really sweet. She asked me what I was looking at, why my eyes wouldn't focus. I thought that was kind, you know? She handed me a tissue to wipe the tears out of my eyes. I didn't even know I was crying. Where are we? What's my name?

[B]

Okay, and tell me about Anna. Anna. What about Anna? And he says, like, oh, yeah, she's just been. You know, she's been her own unique and independent self, and that's great. There are definitely three people I'd like to get to know more. Okay. Yeah, but it has to be two. You can only cut down to two. He's like, okay, well, since I've said very specific things about each one of them, this is gonna be a very hard choice to make. I mean, there's the one who I genuinely liked and the one who I liked genuinely. And I don't know, it's gonna be hard to choose between the two of them. Genuinely. Yeah.

[A]

So now we're not gonna see his decision because it's tv. So she's like, well, they're both amazing women. And he goes, yeah, fair, fair, fair, fair enough.

[B]

Fair enough.

[A]

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.

[B]

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[A]

A 9.1 magnitude earthquake hit off the.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Right now on Wondery Plus. So everyone's going to bed and Alicia is with the other girls. Leeches one of the bachelorettes and says, you know, she's gonna go to the bathroom. And then, and then Alicia goes up to Kizzy and it's like, hey, can you grab Joe for two seconds? Because she wants to have some one on one time with Bachelor Joe.

[A]

Yeah. So then Anna's getting more pictures taken. She's like, oh my God, I've got so much content. If I get kicked off this boat, I mean, I'm still gonna have so much. I mean, nothing's gonna bring me down. Oh, my God. Donkey show on, on on land coming up. So then Kizzy goes to get Bachelor Joe and brings him up and he is. We see Anna talking to Ashley. So Anna's like, well, I'm like down for the yacht. But like, I'm not down for him. I have no interest in that poor person. Where did they get this confused elderly person? I've seen people wandering around on the freeway pushing shopping carts that look like they have more, you know, self confidence than this guy. Where did they find this man? This disgusting man?

[B]

So then we go. And Ashley goes, I think he's sweet. So then we Go to Joe and Alicia. They're kind of having their moment. And apparently he only is interested in women whose names start with the letter A. Got Anna, Alicia, and Ashley. And then poor Marielle with that M. She's never going to last.

[A]

So bachelor Joe's like, he's just a very typical guy. It's like, hey, give me all of the thin blonde ladies who have the same face and hair. Thanks.

[B]

So you got basically, like, a binder. He got a binder of women. Of what's his face style? He had a binder of women. And he's like, I can't get through the A's. Just. Let's just choose from this chapter. I don't want to read through the whole binder. Just choose from here and put them on the yacht.

[A]

Yeah, but the important thing is that, you know, beyond looks, that you have something in common that you can have a really good conversation with, because looks don't last forever, and conversation does. So I think he really might have found the right one. So here's the conversation. Hey there. How are you? Good. How are you? Nice to see you. So what's happening? Just chilling. Yeah? You okay? Yeah. I mean, no. Get a marriage. Get them married immediately. Fucking amazing. Like, who's afraid of Virginia Woolf? That's my question.

[B]

I mean, to be able to witness the beginning of just such a torrid love affair. It's just.

[A]

I feel honored, the repartee telling you so Ashley and Anna can hear them. So they're talking in a different section, and they're eavesdropping on them. And so now we're back to Alicia, and she's like, yeah, like, I don't want a picture with Barcelona. I want to get to know you. Because some of the girls just, like, you know, want pictures of Barcelona, but, like, you're the real ticket. And he goes, wow, thank you. This is Tommy Bahama I'm wearing. But you know what I like about you is that you have genuine questions and interests, and I appreciate authenticity. For example, how you told me I'm better than Barcelona. That's important.

[B]

You have a great vibe. And, like, kindness doesn't come around often. I like you. Yeah, it's like, fair.

[A]

Yeah, Fair. I feel the same. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So that's all I really had to say. Do you have something you want to say? Because I'm just gonna say yes, so.

[A]

And then I'm really glad you came and found me. Okay. I'm really glad.

[B]

Yeah. This is, like, so weird, huh?

[A]

Oh, come here. Come here. You're gonna get a kiss on the cheek. Let me give you a kiss. So then how do we do it?

[B]

Can you show me where I should put my head? Can you put your hand on my cheek so I know where I should aim my head for the kiss?

[A]

He's like, why are you. Why are you. Why are you kissing that piece of cobblestone you found on the street? Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I would rather kiss him than you. Barcelona. She throws it over.

[B]

Over deck.

[A]

He's like, there.

[B]

Yeah, it's so awkward. He pulls her in, he puts his hands on her cheek. And she wasn't expecting it. She's like, oh, oh, oh. I. I wasn't finished with my comparison of you in Barcelona content, but that's okay. And so she sort of gives him. He, like, kisses her on the cheek. And then you could see, she's like, oh, I guess I should do this. So then they have like, a little peck, but then they actually start to kiss. Like, kiss, kiss. And it was cringey. All three versions were cringy.

[A]

Yeah. And then he's like, okay, I've got a heart on now. I need to go call my daughter. What a weird little, weird exit. So they part ways, and then the other girls are still listening. So Ashley's like, oh, yeah, that girl kissed him. Well, I'm stealing. I'm stealing him from her. Oh, my gosh. Why? Why? This guy's a loser. What are you guys doing? Have some self respect. I'm embarrassed for all of you.

[B]

Yeah. So people are waking up. It's. It's the next morning. People are waking up. Stuff's going in the water, and Sandy's like, hey, Nathan, are they going to use the toys at all? He's like, I don't know. He's like, you know what? It's been. It's. I've been on this show for nine years, but I'm going to say something crazy. All right, Just get ready. Don't worry about the slide. Make it shorter. No slide.

[A]

So Aisha joins kissing Kathy in the mess. And kiss is like, oh, this is the gossip from last night. Primarily went to bed. And then, like, two minutes later, Alicia's like, can you go wake up Joe for me? Oh, shrew's trying to get him. I really don't know who's in the lead. I've got no clue.

[B]

Because he's like, honestly, neither do I. Kathy's a bitch, by the way. Okay, what do you want me to do next? So then we see Nathan. Nathan Goes and relieves Joe from toy duty, like, putting out the toys and stuff. He's like, go downstairs and eat. So then Joe now goes to the galley, and he's like. He is looking at the food, and he's. He's getting food from the chef, and now he's hanging around here. There, it's 20 minutes, then 30 minutes, then it's 40. He takes an hour to eat a sandwich, basically, yeah.

[A]

And so he never goes back to the deck. And then we see him brushing his teeth and putzing around, taking his time. And now it's 40 minutes on break, and then 45. And Nathan's like, okay, will you stay on the swim platform for 15 minutes while he eats breakfast? And he's like, sure. So then we go to Alicia and the Bachelor. Joe eating breakfast, and he's like, okay, wait. You ready for some convo? Yeah. What do you normally eat for breakfast? She's like, eggs. It's like, oh, my God, this decision is so hard.

[B]

I love all her genuine interests. So now the swim deck is empty. Because the swim deck is empty. So Joe decides because it's empty, he's gonna do a deck check. So he leaves the swim deck, even though Nathan told him to stay at the swim deck for 15 minutes while he has his breakfast. And note that it takes Nathan 15 minutes to eat his breakfast, not a full hour. So Nathan is eating his breakfast, and Joe is just wandering around doing who knows what. Just wandering. And so Captain Sandy comes up to see the guests, and she sees that no one's on the swim deck, and she gets really upset. So she's like, hey, Nathan. Nathan. Can he come to the aft deck? Nathan, Nathan. Nathan. Hey, can you be like. Can you do that thing that all the men don't do for Norma, which is show up? Can you meet me here? Okay. Come on. Someone show up.

[A]

Okay, Nathan, maybe that was the wrong analogy to use because you're doing what all of the guys do with Norma, and you're just ignoring. Okay, can I please get an answer? Okay, I need an answer on the radio.

[B]

Okay? To quote Norma's dating profile, are there any men out there? Any. Anyone?

[A]

Afdac. Aftac. Aft. So instead of captain, instead of deckhand, Joe going to Sandy to fix these, fix the problem, he goes down to the mess to get Nathan to tell him. He's like, nathan, Sandy wants you. So then Nathan's like, what's wrong? So then he has to run up to find Sandy. So he's like, I'm just finishing up eating. I'LL be there in two seconds. So she comes to the crew, Max, the crew, Max, the crew mess to see Max, Nathan in deckhands Joe. And so Kathy is down there basically sitting in Max's lap. So everyone looks like they're having fun. And Captain Sandy does not, not like this. She's like, we need that crew on deck, okay? Don't make me plant heroin in all your fanny packs. You want to know what that's like? Ask a girl whose name rhymes with banana. Okay?

[B]

I don't want to see all three of you in the crew mess on a charter day together ever again. And it's like, but I just came down for not on a charter. No. Someone needs to be on the swim platform. That upsets me. That upsets me. When you're in charter, stay alert. Don't relax. Make sure the guests are safe. Nathan knows better. You keep your eye on the price. Oh, wait. Hold on one second. Hi, baby. Hey, Mimi. What you doing? I just gotta say hi, Sandy. Oh, yeah, I'm just yelling at everyone for not paying attention. What are you up to? Just Little Bear there. Sick. Put Little Bear on real quick. Hold on one second. You guys get back up on the deck. I don't want to see people slack enough.

[A]

So Nathan's like, oh, God. And she goes, it's not okay. And he goes, I know it's not. I know it's not. You're a leader. You should be setting an example. So she's pissed off. So now Amy has now arrived at the breakfast. So she's asking if she can borrow bachelor Joe. So she takes him. And meanwhile, Nathan is pissed off. So he's like, we need people on the platform at all times, Joe. And he's like, I know, mate. No, but I'm fucking fuming now. Look at me. I'm fuming. I'm fuming about it. He's like, but I don't understand why. He goes, oh, but you know, you need to stay on the swim platform.

[B]

Oh, Nathan, when he gets angry, he gets angry like my grandfather. But I know it's not personal. He just wants the job done correctly. You know, I'm slacking a little bit because obviously he's me best mate a little bit as well. But, you know, we've got this under control. We're just ironing out the creases.

[A]

So then we go to Amy and bachelor Jo, and she's like, joseph, the two people who are not going to continue on. I think that should come from you because I've had to Break up with a lot of women so far, and it's awkward. Okay.

[B]

He's like, you know, I've had. Do you know how many times I've had to say, listen, from one a named girl to another a named girl. I feel a sisterhood with you, but unfortunately, we can't keep you here. It's hard every single time I have to send someone with the letter A in their name.

[A]

Oh, all right. Fair, Fair. So then we cut to Max talking to V, and he's like, just to let you know, we have been told off by Captain Sandy this morning, so we don't want to be too much in the room. And she's like, oh, my God, I love how he talks to me. Just such a sweet man. The way he looks into my eyes when he tells me not to waste time with the groom mess.

[B]

So hot. So Amy's like, joe, I'm gonna let you speak for yourself. So, Joe, ladies, Anna and I. Marielle. Say your name again. Mary.

[A]

She doesn't.

[B]

Would you like to, like, name yourself? Amari. Ellie. I think that you. That would work well for you with this charter, Marieli. No. Okay. Well, anyway, Jose has something to say.

[A]

Okay, guys, so I just wanted to let you know, then be up front, that I selected to have two dates with other ladies on the boat. Alicia and Ashley. They both start with an A. One talk to me about eggs. And one of them said I look like Barcelona, and they wanted to wrap their vaginas around me. So I've enjoyed time together, but I'm not going to pursue anything with you. I can't see a damn thing in here. Does anybody have a Josh Groban CD we could put on the dock?

[B]

Joe, this is a serious experience. Women's hearts are on the line. I'm gonna need you to stop doing your Katharine Hepburn impersonation.

[A]

That's just how it is. It's just how I talk. Ladies.

[B]

I just. This is just so old white man.

[A]

Of Joe to be like, well, I know. You know, I'm a rich guy. I can't get a date in a normal place, so I guess I'll get a bunch of prostitutes on a boat. But to escort out a boat and see if it works.

[B]

Escort Olympics. So they're like, oh, yeah. Marieli's like, oh, God, thank God. Get me off this boat. I can't. I don't want to do this anymore. Like, no hard feelings. Can we get to land now, please, please, please? So then we see Kathy. Kathy is in the cabin, and she's like, somebody's been naughty. Because look at. Look at the pillowcase in Joe's cabin, Captain. I mean, battle of Joe's cabin. There's foundation, and where there's foundation, there's a slut. So good job. Who got in here last night.

[A]

I say lift up pillowcase to the side of Kizzy's face and see if it matches. Yeah, actually, you never know, Kirsty. Kizzy could be trying to get an exit strategy going.

[B]

That'd be good. So Captain Sandy goes. Okay, so. Oh. So, Nathan, let's. Let's do a recap. Okay. I'm a little amped because I thought it was the season finale of Wind. It was just sweeps week. Oh, God, it was such a big episode. I thought, surely season finale. We still got eight more episodes left. So I'm just like, my heart's racing and so I'm a little bit on fire today. And I just want to say, I walk right into the crew mess, and you're sitting there while we have guests on board. And then Joe, you know, since Joe's been on board, it's become more of a brotherly love fest. And I love that. I love, love. But you know what? You can't do this anymore, okay? I love your friendship and. But this is a fine line. It's Charter four. Rally them. Stay focused. Let them. Let them see your professionalism. Okay? Give them hugs, Give them branzino. Set up a banana. Do whatever you need to do, but show that you're in charge and motivate.

[A]

It's like, yeah, 100%. Captain's right. I'm in the leadership role. I can't really be as friendly as I would like to be with the deck thing. So by 11:30, we're going to head back to the dock due to weather. Okay? So guess what? I want to beat the wind. Okay. I'm going to beat the wind. Someone give me a foam finger or something. I don't want to break the TV screen.

[B]

Defense. Defense. So. So he doesn't want to let down Captain Sandy. So Amy. Too late. Amy tells Asia that Anna's going to be leaving. And. And Marieli. And as like, so those girls leave, we're down to two, and Max is like, oh, Anna, you have to leave. You have to go. She's like, yeah, I think I was too much for that guy. Anyway, go to San Trope now.

[A]

So then Asia's telling Josh the updates. Like, two girls have been asked to leave on the spot. He's like, did they, like, gluten or did they hate gluten? Which ones were they? Well, honored Marieli, and I'm very shocked that he sent an A home. We're literally down to full guests tonight.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Starts like, the air. He's like, yeah.

[B]

He's like, unfortunately, they've all developed seafood and gluten allergies and also peanut allergies. It all happened last night. I hope you're okay with it, George. She's like, oh, no. So bachelor Joe's with Alicia and talking with him. Just more like, flirting and stuff. And now we have Nathan, Kizzy, and Kathy sitting around, and Kathy's like, knight, can I tell you something? There was foundation on his pillowcase and kiss. He's like, naughty. It's like, yeah, I bet my whole salary that he was going back to. He's gonna pick her. That's the one to go for. Yeah.

[A]

She's seen her prey, and she's going for it. She's asserted her dominance, and kids is like, she's pissed on him. And Kathy says, well, I was gonna say sprayed by a skunk, but sorry, I need to learn more loose girl terms.

[B]

What I'm trying to say is both women left are total sluts and skanks. But meanwhile, Ashley walks by right behind Kathy's back, and she doesn't see her.

[A]

So now Alicia is talking to bachelor Joe, and we see why she stays because she saves, like, the good. The good gossip, the good information for later in the game. And so she goes, guess what? I have a wild middle name. You're never gonna guess it. Smokeler.

[B]

He goes, that's badass. Fair enough. Fair enough. No, I guess why I'd never guess it. Smokeler.

[A]

So now Nathan is trying to be really in charge. So it's like, all right, listen, I need you to do the railings, and I need you to do the floors. Don't question me. Just do the floors. Why are you questioning?

[B]

Yeah, and he's just. He's. He's bossing people around. But actually, I felt like this was, like, good. You know, there have been times in the past where a boson gets yelled at. Boson's being irresponsible. They get yelled at, and then they go on a power trip, and you can see, like, they were being a bad boson, and now they're gonna, like, take it out on their team. But I actually felt like in this situation, I felt like he's like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm not gonna be. I'm not gonna be friends anymore. I'm gonna be I'm gonna be a, you know, an authority figure. And I thought he took charge well. I thought he pivoted well. And I was like, I feel like Joe is the. In this situation, and he got Nathan in so much trouble, and, like, he's barely even acknowledged, like, that it was his fault and that he's being a lazy. Lazy. So I was, like, proud of Nathan first stepping up into his leadership space here.

[A]

Yeah. Except that he was also one of the ones around constantly, so. But yeah.

[B]

Yeah. But ultimately, he was like. He did tell Joe, you have to stay on the swim platform. Like, and if Joe had just done that one thing, no one would have got. Gotten in trouble.

[A]

Yeah. So then work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work. Kathy goes to laundry, and Asia's talking to Kizzy. So Asia's like, oh, my God, she's just so experienced. I'm really into her. I just love Kathy. I mean, I could wake up every Sunday morning and read about her adventures. That's how much I love her.

[B]

Kizzy, I hope you don't mind. I printed out this mask of Kathy so you could wear hers that way. There's two. Because it's just so sad when I come around a corner. I'm like, kathy, but it's just Kizzy. So now it's always Kathy. You don't mind wearing it to you?

[A]

I've just started to feel that she's so talented, that it's horrible to just give her one stripe. I'm gonna give her five kitties. I'm just gonna have little kitties printed out and put them all up and down all of our sleeves.

[B]

So Nathan's asking Max to stay on the swim platform, and Nathan goes to Asia to bitch about the situation. And he's like, I need to ask you something. Joe took way too long to get a quick bite to eat this morning, right? And she's like, yes. And he's like, because captain came down, and there was no one on the swim platform. And so I get bogged, and how am I going to handle that situation? And she's like, no, you got to be more strict. You got to, like, be on top of them. Like, you know, like. And he's like, I don't want to be a dick, but she's like, you're not being a dick. You're their boss, and it's okay. Like. But, you know, like, they make mistakes, but, you know, they become our mistakes. And then all of a sudden, Max comes, like, wandering up from the swim platform up to where they are. And Nathan's like, what the are you doing? I just told you to say the swim platform. Like, what is wrong with. Like, I feel like it's like the simplest thing is just to stand in this one space, and these guys cannot stay put.

[A]

He's like, but I want to go to the toilet. He's like, just stay there, and I'll swap out with you because we need one person on the switch platform at all times.

[B]

He's like, what? I know, but in my body. No. Come on, please help me out here.

[A]

Well, if he knows there has to be one person on the swim platform, why would he leave? Because they've been going toilet. Maybe that's why.

[B]

Ah, this is the thing that winds me up. It's common sense. I'm gonna have to get to that stage now where I'm just going to be a dick. I'm just pissed off. And then Max is on the swim platform. Like, I guess I'll just have to squeeze it in. Yeah, unless you want to. On the. On the balloon swim platform, you will do that thing that we all do for of all of our lives. You hold it in.

[A]

Yeah, you hold it, buddy.

[B]

Here comes one right now.

[A]

So then we go down to the galley, and Asian Kizzy are fanning their skirts, and Asa's like, oh, can you smell my vag? It's really wafting.

[B]

Josh is like, did you say you. Can you smell my vag? It's really wafting. You know I'm trying to cook over here, right? Oh, I definitely don't have a smelly vag. I just don't want people to think that.

[A]

So now we go to the swim platform, and Nathan asks Max if he wants to go to the toilet now. And he's like, oh, I forgot. I will squeeze. So now Asia is punching her vag, and she's like, oh, she's ironclad this bad. She's been through walls, this one. Eh?

[B]

By the way, I've got something to add to this, so, you know, it's interesting. Guys, it's time to bring the toys in. Toys that have not been used at all this charter. Because, you know, it's so interesting because the clients, they look at and they say, but the weather looks fine, but it's coming. It's coming. It's like they say in Wind of Thrones, weather is coming. Okay? The problem is getting stuck out there, and it just starts rocking and rolling. We lose our stabilizer, we lose an engine. It's. We all sink, okay? And then Maybe, you know, 80 years later, they make an amazing movie about us, but by then, we're gone. So, I mean, I'm sorry, but we can't do this even if there is going to be a good movie. So we got to go back to Doc.

[A]

Yeah. Listen, let me tell you what no one wants, Captain Bran. Okay? So we go to the swim platform. It's clear. And now it's. And now what?

[B]

No one wants that. Just reiterating. It's a very. No one wants that.

[A]

So the swim platform's clear. They haul the anchor, and now it's time for lunch. So Ace shows up with the guests, and she's like, oh, I love when the boat's moving and we're cruising. Do you smell my vag? That's all I want to know.

[B]

And Amy's like, God, I wish we could have gone swimming. Amy, what have you been doing all day long? You guys have been plopped there in the middle of the water for hours. Why did you not take a dip?

[A]

So now we go to the crew mass, and Max is like, oh, Kathy, you are cute without makeup. It's like, did you not think I was cute before? And he's like, oh, but I'm being honest with you. It's so honest. Your face with no makeup. Oh. She goes, okay, well, apart from my fake nose, my fake boobs, and my fake hair, you mean.

[B]

Ah, you are made in China. So everyone laughs, and he apologizes afterwards. He's like, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for saying that you were made in China. She's like, no, it was funny. You know, I'm a relationship girl. I don't think I've ever been single for more than three months. I can't help it. They just fall in love with me, and I can't say no. What's that song? I'm just a stew who can't say no and does things really, really well. Better than the other Stews. I love that song.

[A]

And she's like, you know, I'm just. It's just. I'm obviously just so great, hopefully as a person. And it's not just in bed, you know, but I just love having someone to talk to and share things with and travel with. But I'm just trying to learn to say no to people that I don't see a future with. So for now, we're just about fun.

[B]

So they dock. Tonight's theme is romance. And Joe is like. We see. We see V and Joe flirting on the deck. I just don't know why she's into me. And now they're. They're docking. No chatter. No chatter on the. On the radios. We're gonna dock. We're gonna dock. Are we gonna do it? And they dock? Everything's fine.

[A]

Yeah. So then bachelor Joe's, like, one time I did those boat clubs, and they gave me my boat, and I had a big current, and I was like, whoa, let me just gun it. And I just kind of swung in the end then. And everyone was watching, having a drink, like, who's this idiot? Oh, God, that was good times, guys. And all the ladies are like, why are we with this loser?

[B]

Yeah. Now that they're. Now that they are docked and they can see land, it's like the haze is lifted and you can already see them being like, wait a second. Why are we talking to this guy when there's an entire country of, like, super hot Spaniards on the other end of that passer rail? Yeah, let's just buy it our time until we can get off this boat.

[A]

Truly. Well, there's two girls left. Not sure who the bachelor's gonna pick, but dinner's gonna be ox and I'm gonna be fanning my vagina right into the middle of that entire time.

[B]

A T of endurance. It's like the crucible in the marines. So Nathan and and Joe are in their cabin changing, and Nathan's like, oh, it was quite an interesting day brawl. We can do better, bro. He's like, yeah, of course. Of course. Yeah. We good? So people are going up to dinner and everything. And Josh, this is. He's in his clown makeup and he. He's reading off his phone. He says, now that Kizzy is single, I'll indulge in this current tide Fully alive, eyes dilated through no fault of mine High off sexy fumes of lava's Santa pheromones. If love was that. This goes on for a while. There's a whole paragraph. I'm not gonna go through all of it. He has a poem that he's reading in clown and you just get it. He's so gross or entertaining for him than it is for us.

[A]

Lavender scented pheromones. If love was the drug. Wait until you taste me. Wait until you taste me. Now we just need five more minutes of soothing, blissful fucking minutes before the alarm smashes down the stifles of silence. I'm waiting for that alarm to stifle down the. The stifles of silence. Shut the fuck up. Kick him off this boat. This man's a creep. And he's Gonna hurt somebody.

[B]

Yeah, seriously. So Ashley and Alicia are getting ready for dinner and they're trading notes. And Ash is like, so you've kissed him already, right? She's like, mm, I haven't kissed him. I'm gonna get competitive. Okay, girl? Well, try to compete with having a middle name. That's Smokeler. Wait, was that me? Who has Smokeler as the middle name? I don't know. I don't even know which one of us is us anymore. Kind of just.

[A]

So down in the mess, Joe notices they're all there. And he's like, wait a minute. We shouldn't be in the cruel mess together, should we? And Max is like, oh, we should be on swim platform. And so they go to the swim platform. So now it's cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. And now deckhand Joe and Nathan. So Nathan's like, where are ya? Where are ya? And he's like, I'm on standby in the crew mess. And he's like, oh, Joe, if you can keep doing the port side main deck, please. And Max, go on the starboard side on the main afton. We can't be sitting around, lads. And Captain Sandy's like, this is red. Ridiculous.

[B]

And Joe's like, okay. So somewhere around here, Joe is getting very salty. He's like, it's like a different person. It's like, no, because you up. You up, Joe. You up, Joe. So there's more cleaning and stuff. And now they're having this dinner, which I guess this is more of the Valentine's looking dinner. This is all red and flowers everywhere. So Ash is like, are you looking to have more kids? He's like, yeah, I'm thinking like 10, maybe 12, I don't know. What are you thinking? They're like, wow, that means we have to have sex with you at least 10 times.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She's like, yeah, I'll see myself out now.

[A]

Yeah, bye. So then Nathan decan Joe, he's like, so what were you actually doing when we're on the sun deck doing the carpet? And he's like, I've done bridge deck. And then I just went to crack on. He's like, bro, you can't just decide what you're going to do. You have to ask me. I'm the boss. All right. He's like, okay, no problem. And so Nathan just kind of reads him for filth and he just keeps saying, no problem, no problem. He's like, okay, okay. And this is when Joe's like, oh my. Who even is this person? This isn't me. Best Mate, who is he?

[B]

Yeah, it's like, well, you fucked it up. Like if you were. If you just like you. You took advantage and now you can't complain about it because you took advantage. So Nathan's like, I'm honestly going to start to get on fucking cranky. I mean, there's fingerprints. Look, fingerprints here, fingerprints there. I know we're on the charter, but don't do that. And Max like, oh, but lady. Second, I say here. So I say here. Do I do these? Do I do this? He's like, max, don't speak back. Just do what I say, okay? We're in charge. Her. Do your job. Deckhands. Deckhands. Deckhands. Stainless paint. That's it. Deckhands. Deckhands.

[A]

Max says, I feel a lack of respect. Huh? Emotionally, I'm about to be.

[B]

Is. Your boss. He's your boss. Just do what he tells you to do. Do your job.

[A]

Do your job.

[B]

Do your job.

[A]

Vicky, Vicki, coming back to oc. Do your job.

[B]

So then now you got a job. Do your job.

[A]

Now he sends Max down for two hours and Max is all mad. Okay, final dinner time. It's final dinner. We're down to two girls, one old man. All for the marbles. Bachelor Joe's marbles, specifically. I'm still eating popcorn.

[B]

And Amy has to have. Amy has like her own private dinner, which is funny. She has. She's gonna have an old fashioned burger, which as what I like to call a burger. A burger, But I'll have one of those old fashioned, Old fashioned, old timey burgers. I was like, is that like a burger on a penny farthing? What are you talking about? It's just a burger.

[A]

So they come, and Ashley's like, hey, Bachelor Joe, you want to be my valentine? And he's like, whoa, the food's here. Thank goodness. Wow, good timing with.

[B]

Speaking of which, what do you guys think about Valentine's Day? Do I have to actually do anything special when that happens? She's like, absolutely. Like, well, at least give me some flowers. Okay, so what I'm hearing is nothing and nothing. Got it. Won't do anything for Valentine's Day? We didn't say that. No. As far as I could hear, I am only hearing, do another Valentine's Day.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Your words, not mine. Okay, great.

[A]

And while we see this Valentine's Day start to unravel, we see another V day start to unravel. When Deckhand Joe was like, last season, we had a laugh, we had a joke. We were dancing together. It was a Happy vibe.

[B]

Let's.

[A]

Let's roll the clips of us trying too hard to prove to you that we're bros. But now he's the Bo' sun and I have to respect his position on board. I just hope it doesn't cause a rip in our friendship. I hope it doesn't get to that level.

[B]

Yeah, they probably will. So they think is. Yeah. Okay, so this is the standard. This is what I prescribe for you, bro. Okay, that's it. Okay, I'm sorry again. I'm so sorry. So Captain Sandy the chef makes Captain Sandy plate of dinner. And then I guess they have to show this because there's not really a lot much in terms of dinner on this episode. Actually, if anything, the chef has a pretty easy charter because no one's eating in the first place because everyone's on like one long extended date. And you know, people don't like to eat on dates, you know, and then there's fewer and fewer people. So he's just basically, by the end of it, he's like, whatever. I'm just putting out coleslaw and french fries.

[A]

I know, I love it. There's like zero effort. So then Kathy and Kizzy are talking and Kathy's like, max notices everything about me. I mean, he went to. He went, you've got no makeup on. Like two seconds he looked at me. I might kiss Max just for the drama. And kiss is like, oh, cheeky, cheeky. Let's have a three way kiss. Can't we just get drunk and share?

[B]

It's like, no, I haven't got enough tongue for everyone. That's my way of saying, stay out of it. Because he's like, that's true. Well, you're going to be on the sidelines being like, let me in, let me in. She's like, oh, you're terrible. Note that I said I want to kiss him first. So don't think I didn't. Don't see what you're trying to do here, Kizzy.

[A]

And Kissy's not even into Max, right? Like, when did Kissy get into Max?

[B]

Well, she sort of like generally been like testing out everything. I think she was into Joe. But then like, Joe seemed to be interested in V. So now she started her thing of like, oh, V is a crazy person. V, by the way, they've just totally edited out of the show the past two episodes. She's just sort of a spectral presence floating in and out of the background of scenes.

[A]

Well, this show is like a man, isn't it? The show's like, yeah, the second you show interest, they're like. They cut you off.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Like, okay, never mind. Let's focus on Kizzy.

[A]

Yeah. So then we go back to the romantic dinner, and Joe's like, well, I mean, I would want. Would you want a guy that's 6 inches shorter to roll around with? And they're both like, no. And Ashley says, well, I mean, you're all the same height when you're laying down, right? No.

[B]

That doesn't make sense to answer. I know what you're saying, but no. So they all. They finish dinner, they have creme brulees, and then toasting seven years of bad sex. Gotta look in each other's eyes. And Asia's like, wow. They're having, like, really deep conversations. Captain Sandy. I brought these couples questions cards, and once a week, I want to do that. I'd like a day with scored. Because now that we've been together for so long, I get really lazy asking for stuff.

[A]

Me too. You know, I'm just the same. I'll just be like, can we text it to each other?

[B]

So I like that.

[A]

I just love this whole, like, Captain Sandy in love season is. It's so funny. They're like, wow, look. Captain Sandy smiled three times. She must be in love.

[B]

So now people are in cabins. So Nathan is FaceTiming with Gail, and she's like, what's been happening? And he's like, oh, it's just hectic, man. So honestly, cup's been on my ass. Is that why you're not sleeping? Sorry. You'll figure something out. He's like, yeah, I want to go to bed. Don't we have great chemistry? Yeah. Get some rest. I will. Good night.

[A]

The repartee. So now we go to Bachelor Joe with Alicia and Ashley, and now they're on the sun deck on the big couch. So Bachelor Joe's like, well, I appreciate you guys being good sports and post yacht. Here's what I want to do. I want to hang out with both of you. Honestly, can we just do that? And now she's like, hang out with both of us. I don't like that. Like, you want to just date both of us and then figure it out.

[B]

He's like, I'm not asking to both date both of you guys. Not like Polly. I just. I just like to get to know you a little bit better before I just. Look, look, I just wanna. I want. When you go to the buffet, you gotta try some things before you know where you're gonna settle on for Round two. She's like, well, it's not like a buffet. Well, I'm not saying it's like a buffet, but, like, what I'm trying to say is you both kind of remind me of food that's in a dish over a low flame. No, I'm saying that's literally like a buffet. Okay, well, let me. Let me see if I can wear this any better. I don't know. Let me.

[A]

I just want to keep you both warm with cans of some lighter fluid that you like, and it keeps things. Food warm. It's a buffet.

[B]

All right, well, what if it's something, like, you just pay for you like. Like, hey, let's go on a date. We pay for it up front, and then afterwards, we can have as much dating as we want afterwards. And also, you guys can both hold spoons and, like, in the shape of a ladle. That's. That's. I think. And weirdly, that's a buffet.

[A]

That's still a buffet. Yeah. So everyone's pissed at him. Like, they don't like him, but they don't like this at all. And so he leaves. And Ashley's like, that was weird. That was actually, like, pussy energy. That's right, girls. I've been a waffle. Oh, God, I smell that too. Yeah, I smelled that too.

[B]

Yeah. They both are not into him. And I thought they were both, like, saying they're not into him, but then one of them was gonna be like, aha. Got her off. I got her off the scent. But then the other ones could be like, I mean, go back to Joe. But they actually pretty hold a pretty good united front on this one.

[A]

Yeah. So doesn't one of them say. Oh, she goes. One of them goes, I mean, come on. You're not a prizer. You're balding.

[B]

I missed that.

[A]

Even as a bald person, I was like, that was so rude, but also very funny. So they go to bed, and then Ashley's like, yeah, he probably has a small dick anyway. Loser. They just keep talking about him.

[B]

And though they also.

[A]

I don't even think he realizes what he does. What a. What a loser.

[B]

They text Amy also and says, we both just dumped Joe. So they're over it. It. They're over it. It's the next morning, and Kizzy leaves a note with all the gossip for everyone. Next morning, Max comes out of his cabin, and Kizzy runs up and jumps into his arms. Like, all of a sudden, Kizzy is all about Max. She's had all this time to be about Max. She's never been about Max. Even when she was. Even when she was with Tommy, she was never. Never showed that much interest. He always seemed like he was like, option number three for her. And now suddenly, she's jumping into his arms very conveniently, and Kathy's watching like, hmm, that's strange. But okay, I see you. I see what you're up to.

[A]

Yeah, interesting. So then bachelor Joe is trying it again in the morning. So he comes up to Alicia, who's pissed, and he's like, so, I'm sorry last night was so challenging. She goes, yeah, me too. Like, that was weird. I mean, I just. I liked you, and we had a genuine connection, and that's it. And he goes, fair, fair, fair. Oh, he's so annoying. Stop trying to talk like you're a fucking millennial. Sir, just stop.

[B]

I know.

[A]

And she's like, you get it? And he goes, well, I appreciate you trying to understand. I just want to spend more time getting to know you. Yeah. This man is in a life where he can't get attention from a woman because he's a fucking loser. So he paid for this experience, and he wants it to last longer than his time. You know, we've seen this man kicked out of strip clubs for, you know, wanting to continue his lap dance past $100 multiple times. No, you're not gonna get it. Okay, no free trips, sir.

[B]

Backing up just a little bit. Two important things happen, which is that Ashley wakes up first, and she just leaves the boat. So she's already gone. She goes and she gets her luggage, and she leaves the boat. She's like, bye. She doesn't say bye to Amy. She doesn't say bye to Joe. She's just gone. The other. Actually, I would argue to say even more important thing that happened is that Kathy brought some rags into the galley, and it's like. Like, guys, I've tried a new fold. This way. These. These rags will fit in the cabinet better. And they do. Everyone. They do. I was like, I love that Kathy is, like, experimenting with folds to have more efficient rag storage, especially because it was la, I guess it was last episode, where she was like, you just leave the rags on the floor. And now she's actually found a. A special bespoke fold for the rags to fit on the shelf. So between the rag developments and Alicia leaving the boat, it's. Or Ashley leaving the boat, it's been a pretty eventful morning.

[A]

Yeah, lots happened. So then we go to deckhand Joe and Nathan working, and Joe's like, did you hear my YouTube last night I was watching Do Aliens Exist?

[B]

He's like, wow, I love a good documentary. Like, is it a documentary, or is it just someone on YouTube just yammering? Wouldn't know. That's nothing I've ever done. So Alicia is gonna pack, and then her and bachelor Joe can hang out afterwards. And V is. We go to the deck where V is flirting with Joe, saying that his singing voice makes babies giggle. She's so into me. God, she's so crazy. Look at the way she's into me. God. Choking about my. My singing voice. It's too much. She's crazy.

[A]

So Amy comes down, and she's like, joe, what's going on? I got a text from Ashley saying, alicia and I both broke up with Joe. And he goes, oh, okay. Well, I said that I'd like to get to know them more after this adventure ended. And they were very unsatisfied with that response. And she's like, oh, God, you fucked this up. Geez, I thought you were gonna pick Alicia.

[B]

He's like, well, we spoke more this morning, and we agreed that, you know, we. We could. We would connect. So, you know, I appreciate your input. She's like, you're welcome, Joe. I'm surprised. I thought she was gonna be like, you can't say that to two women. Like, what do you think you're doing? I wanted her to smack him on the forehead, but she just was like, okay, well, he's paying me money, so I'm not. I'm not gonna do that. But this guy's a real idiot.

[A]

Yeah. So then it's time for guest departure, and Max is talking to Kizzy, and he's like, oh, you know the way you jump on me this morning? Oh, he's coming now. It is coming now. And he's talking about his boner, and he's like, oh, yeah. And she goes, oh, Max, that's huge. Oh, love that. Thank you.

[B]

What is happening here? This is. This is, like, wild.

[A]

I think in any other industry, this is called sexual harassment. But you guys have your fun, you know?

[B]

Look at my boner as it rises through my shorts.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are they even? I don't know. Whatever. So Max is like, it's embarrassing. I'm just going to hide it with a huge suitcase. She's like, I'm blushing. So then, of course, she runs in and tells the other girls, girls, I gave Max a boner. And V is like, oh, nice. And she's like, I literally didn't do anything. I just looked at him and he went, oh, no. Isn't that so funny? I'm like, oh, my God, you're awful.

[A]

Kathy just rolls her eyes and she's. It's humongous, girls. I was like, viva la France. Kathy's just like, what is happening? What is happening?

[B]

That's a bitch move. I'm gonna say that right now. Maybe that's the wrong word. That's. That sounds mean. It's. That's not a. That's not a women supporting women move. She was. She was basically like, guess what, Kathy? I. I got him to get a boner. You're out of the running. I was like, you're so mean.

[A]

Yeah, but if she's. If someone told me, oh, this guy just told me I gave him a boner and showed me his boner, I wouldn't be like, you know what? I can't wait to pursue that man later. So Kathy, you know, I know there's that. Come on.

[B]

But this was. This was like. This was a mean girl move for sure.

[A]

So she runs around telling everyone she gave him a boner, and they're like, wow, congrats. She's like, yeah, I did. So now it's time for crew departure. And Max runs out. His shirt is still unbuttoned. God knows why, probably trying to cover his bone bone. And bachelor Joe tells Amy that Ashley left. And Amy's really offended that she didn't even get a goodbye. Dun, dun, dun. So they walk off together. They're pretty boring. And he's just like, is that it? I just wanted this to have this big, grand moment, you know? Joe picks his girl, they kiss, they run off the boat together. It's just deflated and weird. Like, my penis.

[B]

It is. It is like a weird walk off because, like, Alicia just sort of has her. Our hand in, like, his arm. Like, he's kind of escorting her a little bit. It's just strange. Is that love? Is that what it's supposed to look like? This awkward hobble down the marina.

[A]

Okay, so now things happen as people start working and all that good stuff. It's the tip meeting. Deckhand Joe thinks his legs look like tampon strings, and Kizzy's sniffing her own foot. And so now we go into the main salon, and Captain Sandy comes in. She's like, wow, Charter 4, unlike any other charter we've ever done. So the first thing I want to do, I want to welcome Kathy. Kathy, I love your comic. Say it for me. Say what? You know what to say. I don't do it. No. Damn It. God, that's gonna follow me around for the rest of my life.

[B]

I have felt so welcomed by everyone here. Oh, you're just the most incredible addition. You're so experienced. You really know what you're doing, and you're pretty cool to top it off. And I bet for as many bonus that Kizzy gets from Max, you probably get 10 more bonus for actual interesting and handsome people. Thank you for being amazing. Yeah. You're so good.

[A]

All right, deck. Well, you know, it's all coming. I'm very disappointed. Now, V, I'm going to leave you out of this situation because you're one of my favorite shows. Okay. I was kind of rooting for the aliens, I'm not gonna lie. Okay. Now, the rest of you, I love bromance, okay? But I don't want to be a joy kill. Okay. You know, was that backwards? Maybe. But this is a job, and I've put the pressure on Nathan, and you're going to feel it because he's feeling it for me. Now, having said that, I'm giving you the day off tomorrow. Okay. Did you earn it? No. But you know what? I have to compliment you. Not a one of you is Hannah. So you win. Okay. Good job.

[B]

So then I was time to turn the boats over and everything.

[A]

And People tip is 25 grand, which is decent.

[B]

Decent. Yeah, decent. I think that's. I think that's all right. That's fine. Yeah. Dwindling numbers. That's good. So everyone's working hard, and so Asia, Kizzy, and Kathy meet on the bow. It's just like, I just want to say thank you so much for making me proud every single day. You're so experienced. And Kathy, you've been a chief stew. Now I'm wondering, would you care to air out your vagina also? We could do it in tandem. Then I'll know your really my sister. She's like, cool. Because he's like, yeah, you're a lot more experienced than I am. And I actually feel just ridiculous that you having one stripe on your shoulders, almost thinking of giving you two stripes and making it both seconds, too. How do you feel about that?

[A]

And Kizzy fakes it. She's just. She's like, I'll just fake it. She's like, oh, my God, I'm so excited for you, girl. She gives her a big hug, and nature's like, thank God she took it so well. I mean, that has been the biggest blessing for me.

[B]

Yeah. And Kizzy's like, her, her, her. Yeah. So now everyone is Hanging out and people doing face masks and everything. And Kizzy's putting a face mask on Kathy. And Kathy's like, you know, I get a little bit of a vibe from Kizzy. She's like that. She's threatened by me, you know. You know, two boats ago, my rotational chief choose two partner. She had been there, you know, a lot longer than me. And I came on guns blazing, coming up with new folds for rags, changing everything. And we just butted heads. But looking back, I was wrong in that situation. And now I know to. To be a little bit more understanding. And I want to do things in a nice way while I'm showing her that I'm a team player. So if she wants, we can throw all the rags on the floor and make this place look like a star. Just the way she's been doing it all along.

[A]

So now everybody gets ready for the night out. And Kiss is like, well, I'm single now, and I've got three very sexy deck boards. I'm just ready to have some fun. By the way, did you hear that she's marrying Tommy?

[B]

I heard that she was engaged. Is it Tommy? Wow, that's.

[A]

Yeah, she's engaged to Tommy.

[B]

So I'm looking forward to the divorce.

[A]

Max, Caesar. And he's like, oh, let the dog out. Okay. And Josh is purring like a cat. And so then we go to Nathan and Joe's cabin, and Joe's wondering what V is wearing. And Nathan's like, she's quite into your bra. She's quite into. Yeah. So now we got one van with screaming wild people, and the other van is Josh, Kathy, Kizzy just calmly doing content or whatever.

[B]

And Asia tells Max, Casey told me that she was quite impressed by your very large this morning. He goes, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Joe's like, oh, Kizzy, kissy's all over your brother. And Asia's like, kathy thinks you're pretty cute. You've got some room to play tonight.

[A]

Yeah. So they're like, oh, it's just six weeks. Let's just have some fun. So then Max is like, oh, you just need clear communication. It is only sex. So then in the other van, Kizzy's like, oh, I think the drama's about to start now.

[B]

Yeah, the drama. Drama is going to hip in right now. So now everyone gets down to dinner and they V is telling the table everyone looks hot tonight. And they order espresso martinis. And it's like a typical, like, below deck dinner. Lots of banter back and forth. And Joe wants to talk to V. So he's like, I want to tell you this before I go any further. What I'm after is just, like, a little bit of fun and stuff like that. You know what I mean? Yeah. No strings attached. Yeah, that's good to know. Like, I can't afford to hurt anyone. Yeah. So stop falling in love with me. Oh, my God. What are you so into me? She's like, I've been so heartbroken that nothing can come close. And you're an adult, and I'm an adult, and I'm gonna be fine, so.

[A]

I won't marry you. I won't marry. I'm telling you now. Jesus Christ. So then. Let's see. So then Asia is talking to Kathy, and she's what are they talking about? Oil and bread. Because Max shows them some. Some garlic bread. He's putting butter on. And Asia's like, do you think you felt like you've deepened your relationship? Look how he's buttering the oiled bread.

[B]

I do. I feel like it could be deeper, though. So now the bo. Now this time for the guys to go on a smokey bokey. And Kathy's, like, making sure her hair is good, you know, because she's gonna be making a move on Max later. So Max is like. He puts. He puts his hands around her shoulders as he walks by, and he's like, I love that this is the best part of you because you are, like, a bit sassy, but at the same time, you're classy. That is what I love. You're sassy and classy, like olive oil and butter and garlic bread.

[A]

And she's like, we're just gravitating towards each other, and I feel like we're at our own separate table. I mean, I feel a connection with him, and I can just see the nar going to unravel. Oh, God. Maybe my clothes will.

[B]

Cheeky. So everyone's taking photos, and Joe's like, I'm in a pickle. And Nathan's like, you're always on a pickle. So he says, listen, I haven't got an objective. I've got no objective. I'm just a very open man. But when I speak to Victoria, it kind of changes because I do really feel like she's into me or whatever. She wants to have me baby. And I said, I'm not ready. I'm still. I'm still pretty much a baby myself. Talking about my grandfather. How do I even have a baby in this world?

[A]

I don't know. I'm Just speechless. And it seems like that never happens to you, bro. He's like, I know, I know. Why does she want to have me, baby? So he's like, I don't want to hurt the woman. So he says that he's not ready for a relationship. But this girl's such a sweetheart, and he can see her meeting me mom and stuff like that, but I don't want to feel that way. That's the battle.

[B]

Fuck.

[A]

What am I gonna do? Someone else? What else? What else would you do?

[B]

She's just like, yeah, I'm not into anything too deep either. Oh, my God. She's obsessed. So. So then they're taking photos, they're having fun. Espresso, martinis, all that fun stuff. Nathan starts talking to Josh, and he's like, I had a rough charter. It's like, yeah, you had a rough time. It's like, yeah, our captain just came down on me big time, bro. But, like, the team as well. And they were complaining about a cleaning every 20 minutes. We're getting two grand, bro, every two or three nights, you know? So Nathan's just saying that the stress is just so much, and we just. He needs to focus on trying to get back that drive of determination because, you know, he's never been faced with this kind of situation before, you know?

[A]

And then we go to Kathy and Kizzy, and Kathy's like, I want to kiss Max. I'm gonna go kiss him tonight. Who are you gonna kiss? Kizzy. And she just shrugs. And we see Joe and Vee flirting. And Kathy's like, I'm going for the kill tonight. And Kizzy says, yeah, but she's. And she's making it look like she wants to go for Joe, but Vee is on Jo. So Kathy's like, well, I mean, just maybe you could flirt with him. So she backs off a little bit. And I was like, uh, oh, Kathy, you just gave her an excuse to do whatever she wants. Cause you just said that to her. So now she can just say, well, you were the one who told me I could just go flirt with Joe when you knew that he was with V. D.

[B]

So Kathy is like, saying, his eyes are not fixated. What. What do you think about us? Well, they're just talking about the boys. So now Joe pays for dinner. They go out. They go back to the boat. They go to the Jacuzzi. They're going to go to the Jacuzzi. And everyone's talking and, like, there's more talk about, like, you like him. You like him. Not so now we're. So we're. We're. We're approaching this Jacuzzi. Everyone gets in and they're having fun times, Fun drunk times in Jacuzzi. Max has a watermelon that he drops everywhere. It's like, fun times. Everyone's drunk. This chaos happening. Josh. Josh gets in the Jacuzzi and then he actually just gets naked in the hot tub. He's just full on naked. So I don't know if that's gonna put him in the race with Kizzy. And I'm gonna actually know. I do know. It's. It's. It's not. It's not gonna help at all.

[A]

So V is kind of flirting with Joe. She's all over him, and he's. He. She goes to kiss him, but he doesn't kiss her. And he's like, I'm utterly petrified if I'm honest. And V's like, you scare me so much. And he says, why? And she's like, oh, my God, you scare me so bad. I want to fight you. And then Max keeps taking shots, and basically they're like, can you believe we're on a super, super yacht? And then Kizzy is now hanging out of the hot tub, and Max is grabbing her butt and stuff. And Kathy's just kind of looking like, what the hell's going on? And then, boom, they start making out. And Kathy's like, what the fuck?

[B]

Yeah. And she's like, I'm out. And she's like, I checked out as much as I, like, joked about it. I'm gonna get out. I'm going to bed. And Max is. Ciao, Kathy. So now they're gonna have a day off. They can go to the day club or whatever and there'll be tension in the air. What will happen?

[A]

So much for joining us for below Dick Midtime. Yes. We will be back with more stuff all this week. Thanks for being here. We'll talk to you next time.

[B]

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