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- [00:01]
A
Audible's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you.
- [00:05]
B
When it comes to what romance you're into, you can't be pinned down unless you want to be. Here's your invitation to have it all.
- [00:11]
A
Fancy a dalliance with a duke or perhaps a sexy billionaire? Find a book boyfriend in the city and another on the hockey field. Or if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm.
- [00:24]
B
Hear modern rom coms from authors like Lily Chu and Ali Hazelwood. The latest romantasy series from Sarah J. Maas and Rebecca Young. Arrows and Regency favorites like Bridgerton and Outlander. Plus all the really steamy stuff.
- [00:38]
A
Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30 day trial at audible.com crappins that's audible.com crappins.
- [00:52]
B
Watch what happen. Watch what crappins. Who cares what happens when there's so much of crappin? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the incomparable Ronnie Caram. Hi, Ronnie, how are you?
- [01:24]
A
Well, hello. Thank you for not comparing me to anybody.
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B
No, you're incomparable. You cannot be compared to any single person on this entire planet.
- [01:33]
A
Comparable only to a car crash and a leaking bag of turkey. That's a rondel, Kara.
- [01:39]
B
That's a horrible comparison. You can definitely do better than that if you're gonna do it. Well.
- [01:45]
A
Thanks. How you doing, baby?
- [01:47]
B
I am doing great, thank you. So today we are talking below deck med programming update. We'll have Salt Lake City up for tomorrow. The recap for that. We are not doing Southern charm this week because it's Thanksgiving and you know, we've been going pretty strong for the past two weeks with BravoCon and everything. And we were like, you know what, I think it's okay if we don't podcast on Thanksgiving. So we will of course re bring back Southern charm next week and we will, you know, sort of do a high level recap of what happened. We'll sort of touch on what happened this week. But if you're wondering where the Southern charm recap is, it's going to be in all of our heads. So yeah, it's nowhere.
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A
That's where it is. It's dead. We killed it. But we do have a dwell Hello. And we have a trailer trash for the new show the Valley Persian style coming out and also next week, we have another programming update.
- [02:40]
B
Yeah, big one.
- [02:41]
A
We will be adding Married to Medicine rotation. It's back, which begins on November 30. We haven't recapped it for a couple seasons, but we will be back.
- [02:52]
B
And yes, we are fully embracing our marriage medicine roots. I mean, we started off back when this show started. Our show started. We were, you know, Marriage of Medicine was brand new, and we were recapping it back then, and we're coming back to it. So Marriage medicine, back in the rotation. Also, I just want to say Dwell, hello. It's our final Dwell hello. So go listen to it. It was. It also happened to be one of our favorite House Hunters episodes of all time to watch, so it was so perfect. Thanks again to our Patreon Premium supporter, Jill Hirsch for finding that episode for us. Thanks to everyone who, over the past three years, submitted recommendations for Dwell. Hello. It's been so fun recapping those episodes. We're just putting it on pause. It's indefinite hiatus, just to, you know, just to give ourselves a little bit of a break on that.
- [03:39]
A
It's actually five years. You know that, right? Because we did it two years before Wondery as well. It's just been three years.
- [03:45]
B
Three years. Three years of, like, of a regular schedule of it.
- [03:47]
A
Yeah, yeah. But I just wanted to also give a quick shout out to Joey Taranto from the. I think not a true crime comedy podcast, because he's a new friend. I just met him through Matt Mar of the Reality Gaze. But I went to see him this weekend at the La Jolla Playhouse in Working Girl, a new Cyndi Lauper musical. And it was pretty great. It was pretty awesome to see it. And Jojo played Working Girl.
- [04:11]
B
So cool.
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A
She played Melanie Griffith.
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B
That's so cool.
- [04:14]
A
It was amazing. It was like watching Cyndi Lauper in Working Girl. Like, they wrote it kind of for Cyndi. I mean, Cyndi Lauper wrote it. Just want to have fun. Yeah. Yeah. And it was so good. You know, it was. It's a new musical, so they're still working stuff out. But it was so good. He was so good. It was so great to meet him. What a bundle of energy that guy is. So thanks for that. Go see it if you can. It's probably sold out.
- [04:36]
B
Please tell me.
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A
Wow.
- [04:37]
B
Please tell me, was there a dance number with dim sum carts?
- [04:43]
A
There were dim sum carts, but they moved the desks around for numbers like dim sum carts, if that makes any sense. And people danced on them and stuff. I mean, I was Disappointed there wasn't a psoriasis number because that's my favorite commercial of the past decade is I'm Cyndi Lauper and I've got psoriasis. And I really wanted them to work that in. They didn't, but it was still fabulous.
- [05:05]
B
Well, that sounds great. I'm gonna give some shout outs too. Cause you know, it's Thanksgiving week. We're giving thanks.
- [05:11]
A
If you wanna listen to this, just fast forward five minutes.
- [05:14]
B
Yeah, just fast forward. You got the button. I don't care. My first shout out is. Oh, shout out to the Washington Post for including us in their article about Bravo content creators. So go check that out on Washington Post. Also a shout out to me for writing a Thanksgiving guide. It's on my NBD Fancy. I'm not really giving myself a shout. I'm just trying to thematically link this in. Um, I'm like, shout out to me, really. But I just. I released an NBD Fancy of psoriasis. I released an NBD Fancy column today on my sub stack. And I mentioned that because it's all about Thanksgiving and how to do some. What I call low lift Thanksgiving, which was like easy Thanksgiving things or how to organize yourself. So if you're in need of that, I wrote a whole schedule how you could organize your Thanksgiving to hopefully make it go as smoothly as possible. Easier said than done. I'm aware. But go check that out. It's nvd fancy.subsack.com and I'd like to give an anti shout out, a reverse shout out.
- [06:19]
A
No, don't you dare. Don't you dare come for Wicked. I know what you're about. No, don't you do it.
- [06:24]
B
No, I am. No, the. The Wicked. Wicked is. Wicked has a. Wicked has a perfectly fine shout out. I'm giving an anti. Anti shout out to the lady who brought her 5, 4, like 5, 3 and 4 year olds to a 7pm viewing of Wicked and sat right next to us. What the hell happened? So last night we went to Wicked. This has nothing to do with Below Deck. Has nothing to do with Bravo, but it needs to be said on a platform. I'm using the platform for good right now. So Dom and I. Crap.
- [06:55]
A
For good.
- [06:56]
B
Plus 50. Yeah, honestly, this is crap. It's for good. Plus 15 seconds on your. On your podcast app. Everyone, don't forget that button is there. Plus 15 seconds.
- [07:02]
A
That means five minutes.
- [07:03]
B
Yeah, just hit that a few times until all of a sudden you hear air. Wow, look at that wind. So Dom and I went to see Wicked for good. Last night we went to a 7 o' clock showing and we went to this movie theater that's on. There's a movie theater that's on Crescent Heights and Sunset, which is semi indie. It used to be an indie theater, then became an AMC and now you.
- [07:23]
A
Went to see it at that place. Why would you do that? Have you need to go to a big nice screen.
- [07:27]
B
Have you been to the Grove lately? Have you? Like this episode of Below Deck Med is. It's called like. The actual name of it is called something about peasants. It's like peasants. You have a guy on this below Deck Med calling people on the boat peasants. If you go to the AMC, the Grove, you find the real peasants, okay? Those are the people who are on there with their phones. They're having conversations, they're texting. It's like a nightmare. You cannot watch movies there anymore. So I was like, let me go. We're going to go to this smaller theater where. Which is actually pretty good. It's a pretty nice theater. But like it's a little bit more quote unquote, like adult. Not like adult xxx. Like, they're just like more adults that go there. It's not as ridiculous. You don't get like, you don't get all the teenagers who are literally just like yapping because they think that movies are just like background noise to whatever conversation they're having on their phones. I know I sound like an old man, but this. We all know it's true. We all know that you have your whole amazing story about that lady at Sinners. And so we go, so it's not that crowded in there. Dom and I are the only people in this enormous row. Enormous row. And in the middle, in the middle, the first 10 minutes of the movie, 10 minutes into the movie, this lady walks in, she goes up to Dom and she's got like a trail of children behind her. She's like the Pied Piper of some like nursery school. And she like goes. She looks at Dom. She goes, I think you're sitting in my seat. Like an entire enormous row and you're 10 minutes late. It's like, girl, just sit like one down or two down. So already we're like, oh God, they made so much noise. The kids were running around the theater left and right. They were running, running like a playground. It was in. It was actually legitimately insane. So a big anti shout out to this woman like, why are you bringing kids at 7 o' clock at night?
- [09:07]
A
How did you not. Karen out in there. Why would you not carry out.
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B
We move seats to a. Oh, I'm.
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A
Gonna move right to the manager station and wave my finger around.
- [09:17]
B
You know what? It would have been a bad look if I did that. I'll just. I'll just leave it at that.
- [09:20]
A
Who cares? It's a bad look to have your damn kids running up and down the thing. I would have tripped those little. Pulled out my. I wanted to start flicking it at him.
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B
But who's gonna bring like a series of like, like three and four and five year olds to accept to like a two and a half hour movie at seven o' clock on a Monday that features some kind of scary elements like the flying monkeys and the big Oz mask and a witch and all that? I was like, I mean, not that the kids cared because they were talking the whole time, but anyway.
- [09:50]
A
Oh, my God. Death. Death to those parents.
- [09:54]
B
Horrible.
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A
Horrible.
- [09:57]
B
Thank you everyone for allowing me the space to let that out. I understand that rant was not in the spirit of the little PSA that happened before the movie where Ariana Grande and Cynthia Rivo stood hand in hand and said, we hope you enjoy. We've arrived at the end of our journey with Wicked, but we hope you still enjoy it and you can be friends. Like the way we're friends. Did you. Did you see this, by the way? Okay, I'm gonna stop.
- [10:20]
A
No, I haven't seen it. I'm waiting till I'm in Texas. I'm gonna see it with the fam.
- [10:23]
B
They like, the two of them stood up there. They have like a little video before the movie starts. That's like, where they're holding hands. They're like, thank you for watching our movie. We hope you really love it. I was like, what is this?
- [10:32]
A
Oh, whatever. Fly a helicopter overhead and watch him have a nervous fucking breakdown. Have you seen that interview where the helicopter's going over and Cynthia Erivo's having a nervous breakdown because she can't stand the helicopter noise? And Ariana Grande. Oh, no. Stop it.
- [10:46]
B
Helicopter.
- [10:47]
A
Stop it. Leave her alone. And she's like, oh. With her nails all over her face. Oh, God. Okay.
- [10:53]
B
But ultimately, Cynthia Revo can do no wrong. After that Jesus Christ Superstar moment over the summer. Like, honestly, she every. She can feel like I will support no matter whatever paranoia she has about the helicopter. Okay, everyone, thank you for indulging me.
- [11:08]
A
Okay, here we go. You can tell it's almost the holidays because we're like two more shows left.
- [11:13]
B
Party. Let's make them as long as possible. We're like. It's like, Ronnie, we are like one hour away from Thanksgiving break. Let's talk about random shit. Let's talk about musicals, Working Girl and Wicked.
- [11:27]
A
And it's like when you were in school and it was almost a holiday time and so the teacher would wheel in that giant TV on a cart and just play a movie or something. That's what this feels like. Like, before we started this, we were just listening to old sound clips of Quad. I know. Just laughing our asses off. That's all we did.
- [11:43]
B
They're just so good, though. They're like. Each one is just like. They're all classic.
- [11:47]
A
Has it. All right, so here we go. Below deck. Mediterranean Season 10 Episode 9 this is UN Peasant Unpeasant. Oh, God.
- [11:59]
B
Un Peasant.
- [12:02]
A
Yeah.
- [12:02]
B
So where we last left off, Kizzy was making it with Max, despite the fact that Kathy was like, I'm gonna make it with Max tonight. Because he, you know, she always has to be number one. She has to be in the spotlight. So she goes after Max. And Kathy is just watching and she's very disappointed.
- [12:20]
A
And here's my problem with Kizzy. You know, I get she's competitive and she always wants to be number one. And she seems to be very self aware of what she's doing, you know, because she, she narrates what an asshole she is through the whole thing. But get better goals. You know what I mean? It's like when she, when she's like, I always win. I'm always winning and I will never stop until I win. I'm like, you're holding a. You're like literally holding a toilet scrub right now. And then you know, the other thing she's like, fight. Fighting to win is like, you won Max. You won Max. Like, dude, get better goals. You're so sad.
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B
Well, that's why she's grumpy. That's why she's grumpy the second half of the episode because she realizes she, like, like has. There's like, no one to pull from. Like, she literally, she. She thought she was like the one. All the guys were like, you know, slobbering after her. And then she just wound up with Max. That was the best she could do. Although she did sneak a kiss in with Nathan ultimately. But also this sort of. This cast is not really the cast where there's like the cool guy. There's no like, quarterback, you know, there's no college quarterback that you're trying to get with. Nathan's the closest thing to it. But, like, you know, we all think Gary is disgusting. Gary is, like, the worst, whatever. But, like, on his seasons, he was definitely like the alpha male that was like, you know, for people like the Kizzies and the Ashleys, it was like. If you got. With Gary, it was some sort of like. Like, you somehow got elevated in their minds. But there's not really anyone like that on this season, so it's like, okay, you could have, like.
- [13:45]
A
It was like, the best kind of herpes. It was like the manliest kind of herpes.
- [13:49]
B
Yeah. It's like, you have Joe, you have Max. I mean, I think Nathan's probably. Nathan's probably the best of the best. But, like, I don't know. It's just. God, you know what I feel so bad about is how they don't even consider the chef in part of the equation. She's like, well, there's no one left to choose from. I mean, these with Joe, Nathan's unavailable. Max and Kathy have something going on, so there's really nothing left. Unless I go for lesbian and I have to go after Sandy. But, oh, well.
- [14:18]
A
No one's fucking a clown. No, I'm telling you, I'm sorry. That's why they all hang out together. No one is fudgeing a clown. You know what? Do you know why you never saw Marcel Marceau in fucking tabloids? No one fucked him smart. So. And that's not even a clown. That's a mime clown in clown face.
- [14:35]
B
Why do you think. Why do you think that. That Pennywise is called it? Because that's all he wants to do. He just wants to do it and he can't.
- [14:44]
A
No one will fuck Pennywise.
- [14:46]
B
Pennywise would probably be much more docile if he just got laid. Let's be honest.
- [14:50]
A
And we know. We know it's not the teeth because we've watched this show. People with shit teeth make out all the time. You know, it's the clown makeup. I'm telling you. It's not even the serial killing. We see plenty of serial killers. Get some.
- [15:02]
B
Yeah. You can get veneers.
- [15:03]
A
Write them letters in prison.
- [15:06]
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He needs also a better, like. He needs a better, like, pad. Okay. A sewer's just not gonna do it.
- [15:13]
A
Yeah.
- [15:13]
B
Truly.
- [15:14]
A
It's like, oh, my God, do I have to come in again? It's so hard to get into that thing.
- [15:20]
B
Kizzy's like, squeezing into the vent. So when can I see your place? He's like, how about we go to your place instead? What's wrong? Do you live with your mother? He's like, no, I just. I live in the sewer.
- [15:30]
A
I live with my mother's poop in the sewer.
- [15:35]
B
I love. I love Pennywise and like a. Like a light rom com Sleepless and trying to sewer Adult.
- [15:51]
A
Okay, so Kizzy and Max are making out. And Kathy is, you know, hurt because she's been telling this girl all day, oh, my God. Finally, I found Max. He's so nice to me. He talks to me. I'm finally gonna make out with Max. Oh, my God. And then Kizzy immediately does it right in the hot tub in front of Kathy. So Asha sees it, and she sees Kathy's face. So she's like, well, you know, Kizzy just wants to be, like, the number one prize, and she knows when other girls want a guy, and she just makes it a mission to get the guy. It's just who she is.
- [16:22]
B
Aisha was. I feel like Asha had some really funny reads this episode. It just starts right here. She just says it right there, like, within earshot. And Kathy's like, yeah. So they just keep on making out. So Kathy gets out. She's like, I'm not going to deal. Deal with this and everything. And then Max is like, oh, okay. Oh, we do this all again. Oh, oh, Kathy and Nisha, before you leave, we do this all again tomorrow. And Kathy's like, yeah, you can do exactly what you did tonight, tomorrow, but without me. And furthermore, I'd like to add. Ack. Ack.
- [16:56]
A
Men. Am I right? Ack. If you think I'll be standing by the telephone waiting for you to call, you're absolutely correct. Ack me.
- [17:05]
B
No, I'm gonna go downstairs and eat my feelings with some chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate.
- [17:10]
A
Ack. So, yeah, so she kind of, like, gives him a, you know, little, try it without me, buddy. And then he just looks over at Kizzy, and she's just smiling. She's just, like, smiling with her teeth as she does. And then they cut to Vee and Joe, and they're also cradling and making sweet, sweet love in their eyes. And he's like, oh, Putin, what the fuck? I did. Kathy is mad at me now. And Kathy's like, I've never felt more rejected in my life as. And with Kizzy, it's like she doesn't even care who she's going to piss off. She just gets what she wants.
- [17:50]
B
Max has a good mental workaround, but she could have joined. She could have joined. Why not?
- [17:56]
A
So, God, Max, so now you are the last option. Yeah, you're the last thing available on the menu, sir. Other than the clown. You don't count.
- [18:04]
B
Other than the clown. So now they left. And then after they're done making out, Kizzy is now going to feel bad for herself. She's like, you know, they were talking about me whilst I was sat right there. Like, oh, Kizzy just loved the attention. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm sorry, ma'. Am. You can't. You can't pull that move. You can't be, like, a total bitch and do that and then, like, try to actually have people feel sorry for you. Like, you did the cutthroat thing. You, like, your friend there said that she wanted to make out with Max, and then you went and did it, too, after you encouraged him to do it. Courage her to do it. And then you can't be like, oh, my God, I can't believe they talk shit about me. No, you got to stand in your. Like, if you're gonna do it. If you're gonna be like, you know what? I deserve to kiss Max and fuck all those other women, then you've got to be able to stand in it as well. Sorry.
- [18:52]
A
Stand in your truth, Baby Ruth. Yeah, and also, you've been saying this whole time in your little monologues like, oh, yeah, I just want the man. I don't care. I'm gonna fuck everybody. If she wants him, then I'm gonna get him. And if she wants his job, I'm gonna get the job. Na, na, na. You basically stated in plain English what Asia just said, so you can't act like such a victim now. And I'm sorry you don't like to hear people talk behind your back, but they weren. They did it right in front of your face while you were making out with the guy. So, sorry. Don't feel bad for you. So now we go to Asa and Kathy in the mess, and Kathy's like, I just can't believe the turn of events tonight. She's, like, ironing something and cleaning a window with her other hand.
- [19:30]
B
Yeah, she's, like, making the crew mess look absolutely perfect in her rage. And then Kizzy's telling the. She's like, I know Max and Kathy were having a bit of a vibe, but I love to kiss, kiss, kiss anyone, you know? But it's still to hear when they say that you don't get a get out of jail free card just because you like to kiss anyone. Okay? Just because you like to do things doesn't mean that it comes without consequence. Like, you can guess. Sure, go kiss whoever you want. But then you also have to deal with what people are going to say, you know, sorry, I can't look. You know, jerking off is fun. I can't go jerk off at the bank unless it's. I mean, I could, but I go to jail.
- [20:12]
A
It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial.
- [20:20]
B
Cold mornings, holiday plans. This is when I just want my wardrobe to be simple. Stuff that looks sharp, feels good and things I'll actually wear. For me, that's Quint's. And the bonus quince pieces make great gifts too.
- [20:31]
A
I got a cashmere hoodie in like an oatmeal color. And it's finally time that I get to wear this thing. I'm wearing it all the time and I look adorable and dashing. I love them for the wardrobe, pieces like this. You know, when it's like cold, you get a nice sweater, a nice pair of pants. I mean, Quint is great for that.
- [20:51]
B
And I got a titanium watch band for my smartwatch that looks very chic. So this season's lineup is simple but smart and easy. With quints 50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters that feel like an everyday luxury and wool coats that are equal part stylish and durable.
- [21:05]
A
Their denim nails, the fit and everyday comfort all at a fraction of what you'd expect to pay, give and get.
- [21:11]
B
Timeless holiday staples that last this season with quints. Go to quint.com crappin for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U I N C E.com crappin free shipping and 365 day returns.
- [21:28]
A
Quints.com crappin hello, I'm Matt Ford.
- [21:34]
B
And I'm Alice Levine and we're the hosts of Wondry's podcast British Scandal.
- [21:38]
A
In our latest series, Michelle Moan, we.
- [21:40]
B
Tell the story of a woman from.
- [21:42]
A
Glasgow who Left School at 15 and devised an idea. A next level bra that remoulds the cleavage.
- [21:49]
B
An uplifting story which gives you a real boost. I hate myself.
- [21:53]
A
She moved from business to politics. And when Covid hit says she knows a great company to supply PPE and the company PPE MedPro made millions of pounds of profit from the contract. Oh, and a lot of the equipment was unusable.
- [22:06]
B
Oh, a minor detail. And having said that, she had nothing to do with that profit. Repeatedly, she then goes on national television and says that ho and her children are actually in line to receive nearly 30 million pounds as a result of it.
- [22:21]
A
To find out the full Incredible story. Follow British scandal wherever you listen to podcasts or listen early and ad free on Wondery Plus. So Kathy's like, well, get me on a sun lounger tomorrow and I will get it spotless. I'll tell you that right now, because it's their break tomorrow. So then now we go to the hot tub and there's this yellow light, and it just looks like they've all peed on it, which is really gross. And Kizzy wants to leave Joe and Vee in the hot tub because, you know, it's about to turn yellow with white speckles in it.
- [22:56]
B
Yeah. Joe is in the midst of. Midst of his boy crisis, wherein he is attracted to the. He wants to be a boy with a girl, but since her boyfriend died, he feels like he's just not. He's not prepared to deal with the consequences. The consequences of his own actions of being called not only a boy, but someone who. Boyd, essentially a widow. And so he is now leaning into this whole thing of, like, she's unlike anyone I've ever met before. He's like, oh, wow, this is my first time when I want to have a relationship with somebody that's in the same group. I'm like, we saw you last season. Don't say that. Let's just maintain professional jobs for our best friend. So he knows that he doesn't want to. I feel like he knows he doesn't want to get involved with her because he knows he's gonna it up and he's gonna look extra bad. So I think he's basically saying, let me get the street cred of. Of being some sort of gentleman in this situation and, like, withholding and tending to her heart very carefully. I don't know. It's all bullshit to me.
- [24:01]
A
Well, he's also pulling out every fuckboy thing in the book, every line throughout this episode. He goes through every single one. But I didn't understand this one. He says, this is my first time when I want to have relations with somebody that's in the same group. You just did it last year. What are you talking about? Like, you're a liar. So he's like, well, I'm not afraid of commitment or whatever. I've just got. I've got feelings for her and I don't know what to do, which is why I don't want to fuck her in case I want to fuck somebody else.
- [24:27]
B
Yep.
- [24:28]
A
Like, what are you talking about? So he says, let's go to bed. And she's like, do you want to sleep in the same bed. By the way, I'm not ever going to feel sorry for Vee either. I know she's got the whole dead boyfriend storyline and stuff, and I'm not saying I don't feel bad about that, but I'm not going to feel sorry for her going forward. Because this man has said a million times, even though he's. He's doing the whole mixed messages thing where he's like, oh, I'll say this, but then I'll tell you, like, you're my soulmate at the same time. Yeah, but even if he dropped it once and then dropped all this other stuff, you can't. You should know better. This guy's gonna do nothing but run ramshod all over your emotions, your feelings, your self confidence. He's also in my van.
- [25:09]
B
He's also. Yeah, get in the van. He's also. He's trying to paint a picture of some sort of emotional maturity, that he's actually opening his heart up. He's actually being the vulnerable one. He's opening his heart up and he's taking it slow. So that way, he's not a fuckboy. He's changed, America, and he thinks about things on a deeper level now. And he's met this girl, yada, yada, yada. This is all an elaborate setup. So that way he can her, and then when she starts to develop feelings, he could be like, it's going too fast. I'm feeling too vulnerable. She's a crazy. Like, that's what the. Besides, see this all the time. We know exactly what this is all about.
- [25:45]
A
Yeah. Basically, he can say whatever he wants, but all I hear is, listen here, America, I'm almost bold and I'm going to get any tail I can. Please don't hate me. It's the clearance rack time. It's clearance rack time. The store is closing, so everyone's going.
- [26:01]
B
To bed, and Max is talking to Josh the clown. And he's like, oh, Bhutan. Which our industrious note taker Shelby looked up and Putin is, I think, a curse in French. That. Which explains why it was, you know, it was bleeped out in the captions. And so he's like, putin, I feel bad, boy. I don't want to be in the middle of things. And so Josh is like, well, at least you're in the middle of some things. I'm just watching things from afar from my sewer grate. It's like, oh, fun. Me and Gizzy have been floating for a while. But, yeah, I fucked it up because I Actually prefer more Kathy. So full speed towards her. Try to make this up. Kathy, I'm coming for you.
- [26:42]
A
And I'm like, surely Kathy's smart enough to just be like, fuck off.
- [26:45]
B
I'm like, kathy, she's not.
- [26:47]
A
Spoiler alert. She's not.
- [26:48]
B
I was so disappointed in Kathy.
- [26:51]
A
I was, too, but you know what I mean, I kind of get it. You've only got so many choices.
- [26:55]
B
Yeah.
- [26:56]
A
You know, like. And you're horny. You know, you're young, you're horny, you're on a boat. There's only so many choices you can get, and you just take the least offensive out of all of them, I guess.
- [27:05]
B
Yeah. It's not as been there. It's like, you know, it's like going to the supermarket and hoping that they have an Hermes bag for you. It's like, no, it's paper or plastic. And those are your choices. You just got to pick one and.
- [27:15]
A
You have to pay 10 cents for it, too.
- [27:19]
B
Those are my 10 cents, which is five times more than my normal thought. So Joe is going to sleep in Kathy's room. So they do. It's like everyone's getting to bed, and Kathy's like, this is the worst night ever. And then she cleans up Joe's room, and then Joe and V are. Are getting into bed and. And she's like, you're such a cuddle bug. You're such a cuddle bug, Joe. And then kissing noises and all that.
- [27:49]
A
Yeah, they're making out. They probably do it. But we can't tell because he's on the bottom bunk. So we don't get the. We don't get the camera catching them doing it.
- [27:58]
B
Yeah. But we see a whole bunch of armpits. That's what we see.
- [28:01]
A
Yeah. So then Joe's, you know, making a face in his confessional, like, and she's in hers, like. So I guess they did it. And then now it's the next morning, everybody wakes up. Nathan's shaving his legs in his bunk, which.
- [28:18]
B
Is that the place to do that?
- [28:23]
A
I don't know. I never. I never figured him for a. I never figured him for a leg shaver.
- [28:27]
B
I didn't figure that either. Maybe it's that way he can swim faster when he has to save someone. Like a swimmer.
- [28:37]
A
So Josh is doing yoga on the deck and trying not to kill somebody. And Nathan goes and gets in bed with Aisha to gossip. And he's like, oh, Joe stayed in the cabin with Vy last night. She's like, Sounds like Scooby Doo in a. In a garbage disposal.
- [29:01]
B
What's happening over there?
- [29:03]
A
Stop. Exciting, Asia.
- [29:05]
B
Joe's like, we kissed. Because he comes in and tells him, yes, we kissed. A nice little cuddle here in good luck, good rest. So Max is doing yoga and Kathy. Kathy is talking to V in the crew Mass and Josh also clown. She's like, oh, I didn't notice you were here. I thought you were just a broom. Anyway, so, V, Josh, is Max alive this morning? Shall we kill him? And V's like, yeah, he's doing his breathing thing. They're just sort of talking back and forth. And Kathy's expressing that she was really upset because she thought things were going to progress last night. And then, nope, she goes, but I was disrespected.
- [29:42]
A
And kids. He just ignores her. And she's like, what if I wear this?
- [29:48]
B
Yeah. She walks in like, this is like. Like, what am I? What should I wear this for? Their day off. And Kathy goes, no, that's not beach club. Which is Kathy's way of saying, you're a get out of my sight, you stupid Pusfield skank.
- [30:05]
A
And she says, well, things are still a bit awkward with Kizzy, but I'm not engaging with that because I need to prove that I'm a good stew. Like, you annoy me, fine, but I'm going to outshine you, and you're going to look worse. And I win. I win. This place will shine like the top of the Chrysler Building after a good wash. That is the making of Ms. Hannigan. Yeah.
- [30:30]
B
That reminds me.
- [30:30]
A
That's a prequel to Ms. Hannigan. She just wants to do good. And, man, she just keeps getting thwarted by girls every. Everywhere she turns.
- [30:39]
B
That reminds me, I need to go to New York to clean the Chrysler Building. So Nathan and Asia. Nathan's saying he's gonna get up and everything, and he's just so happy that he has a day off because he's like, I can't actually express the pressure that comes with being Captain Sandy's boson. Do you know how hard it is to sit in a crew mess for hours at a time laughing and joking and dancing with your friend and then having your boss come in and say, get back to work. It's difficult.
- [31:06]
A
Do you know how difficult it is not having somebody appreciate your box step that you're doing with your friend? Like, okay, so, yeah, it's day off time, so everybody's psyched. So they get into the vans to go to the beach Club. Nathan, Joe, and Max and Asha are In one van. And she's like, welcome to my therapy session.
- [31:28]
B
Well, well, Doctor, I had a good night with Victoria last night. I enjoy our company and stuff like that. So I'm not going to look elsewhere. We're closed off. It's fine. I'm not in a position to hurt her. Like, you're acting like you're on Love Island. Like, just like, okay, you are actually specifically in a position to hurt her, and you will hurt her. And in fact, later on, we see the trailer for the rest of the season and you do hurt her.
- [31:50]
A
I'm gonna close it off. So we go to the other van with Josh, Kathy, Kizzy, and Vee. And Vee's like, oh, wow. I just haven't felt like this since, you know? Yeah, we know. And Kizzy's like, well, obviously I was flirting with Joe before. I'm so mean.
- [32:05]
B
Right?
- [32:05]
A
I'm so sorry. I'm like, okay, we get it. Your boyfriend died. I'm sorry. That's.
- [32:09]
B
I set the tone by ranting against children and wicked. Let me just. Ronnie, you're wicked for good. It's okay. You're wicked for good.
- [32:16]
A
I hear how I sound. That's terrible. But, yes, we know. Okay, we get it. So Kizzy's like, well, obviously I was flirting with Jo before. And now that I know you have feelings, I'm like. And Kathy's just like, whatever. She's just ignoring her because she knows she's fucking with her. And Vee's like, oh, yeah, thanks for respecting that. She's like, oh, yeah, of course. That's me, Girls, girl. Also, you didn't get Joe because Joe's not into you. He's into V more than you. Than he is into you. Sorry.
- [32:42]
B
Yeah.
- [32:42]
A
It's not like you gave up anything. You lost.
- [32:45]
B
You lost. Yeah, okay. Although it looks like later this season, it looks like. Does Joe make out with Kathy? Is that what happens? Which makes me sad because I feel like I love Kathy and I don't want her to do that for. For a multitude of reasons. But I could be wrong. We'll have to wait and see. So is the other van. Max is like, I love people and I don't like to create problem. And yesterday I've been a problem. It's just like, oh, well, Keezy has dirty tactics and it actually wasn't cool. And then. Then Kizzy's trying to laugh off her behavior and she's like, well, you know, I just got a bit trigger happy. Do you know what I mean? And it was My first at being single. So I was like, you understand Kathy, right? Because I was feeling a bit stressed, obviously, after last night. So you understand, Right? Right, right. And by the way, the real victim is me. Because it wasn't the nicest thing to hear what you guys were saying across the hot tub for me.
- [33:40]
A
Well, Kathy didn't say anything about you.
- [33:43]
B
And she says as much right now.
- [33:45]
A
And Kathy's like, well, I hope you know I didn't say anything bad. And like, whatever you heard that you weren't happy with, just talk it out. And she's like, well, I mean, it was more like, just say it to me. They said it right in front of your face. Should they have broken you apart? Should they have pulled your tongue out of the French guy's mouth to tell you? You were standing right there. You could hear. Give me a break. You didn't tell her when you wanted to go bone the guy that you knew she liked? Yeah, you can tell him, you know, get out of here. Just communicate it.
- [34:09]
B
Yeah. And because he's like, well, it's just. It was just more like, say it to me. You say to me. And Kathy's like, whatever. It's between you two, okay? And I really don't understand anything you're saying, because I don't speak slut. So Kizzy's like, well, listening to my two co workers talk about how I am, it's not a very nice feeling. Although I love that I get to be center of attention. And Asia's like, well, I didn't say anything that wasn't true that I wouldn't say again to Kizzy's face. And I will do that if you give me 10 minutes.
- [34:37]
A
And Kizzy's like, well, it's just a shame because I really get on with Aisha. So then we go to the other van, and Asha's like, why can't everyone just be fucking adults? So then we go to the beach club, and then we get a scene of what Captain Sandy's doing back at home. And she's lying on the couch.
- [34:56]
B
She very slowly settles in on that sofa in the bridge, and she's like, ah, there we go. Finally, some privacy. I can lie down on the sofa that I'm always sitting on. God, it's so fun to lie when you're sit.
- [35:10]
A
Geez, I've had a whole season pretending to be another woman, but it's nice to be back in white capri pants just chilling on the sof. All right.
- [35:20]
B
I wonder what little bear's up to. So Back. Back at the beach club, Asia walks up to kids. He's. Are you roughing in the.
- [35:29]
A
Okay.
- [35:29]
B
Every yardage is very old.
- [35:31]
A
Off.
- [35:31]
B
And she's like, well, you are kind of a. To me last night because you guys were just chatting. Oh, in the hot tub. Yeah. You guys were just talking about me while I was there. Just. Just say it to me. Because it was all true. And I'd be like, yeah, it's not. It's all true. But to hear it and not be able to say, yeah, you're right. Like, I don't know. I just. I felt like I couldn't defend myself. Just.
- [35:51]
A
Well, you were right there. You could have pulled your tongue out of that man's face and said, say it to my damn face. You could have said it. It. I'm sorry that you don't like hearing, you know, a reflection of what you're doing.
- [36:02]
B
Yes, you.
- [36:03]
A
But it's like you were doing the thing they were literally commenting on. It's like a horse in a race getting upset that there's a commenter being like, hey, coming around the bend. It's like, I didn't. I really didn't like you talking about me while I was coming around the bend. You were coming. Rob was commenting that you were coming around the. Then don't go around the bend, you horse sick of these derbies, these derby divas.
- [36:26]
B
If anyone wants to come around the bend, it's Kizzy. So Asia, I love when Asia did this. She goes, oh, I will always say to your face when. That the things I say when you're not there. And I just want you to know I love you so much, and I'm so happy that I met you, and I have so much fun with you. And all those other things are true as well.
- [36:54]
A
And she says, I do like Kizzy, but she's not a girl's girl. And hopefully she'll reflect and she'll take something from it or I'll try and take you all, man.
- [37:14]
B
So everyone's getting drinks, and now Max is talking to. Kathy's like, kathy, can I tell you something? I feel a bit bad about yesterday. I.
- [37:26]
A
So sad.
- [37:27]
B
And she's like, well.
- [37:28]
A
Well, it's all right. You've got no ties to me, and I don't have any ties to you. It's just that I thought we were gonna maybe, like, hook up or something. And then I was like, wow, I wasn't even there. You could have had all of this. This package of Kathy having sex with you with one part of Me. While another part of me cleaned your cuticles. While another part of me got the lint off the ceiling while another part of me re the bathroom. Do you understand what I'm saying?
- [37:55]
B
You could have had Kathy, but instead you went for Doonesbury. So Max is like, I feel stupid about these. You know, like, you are the girl that I love. Your personality. I love who you are. I love that you just cleaned this table that we're sitting at. Well, you know, listen, let's just have a good time. Thank you for being mature and just speaking to me. And I wasn't going to make out with you, but then I realized it would probably make Kizzy feel very bad. So see me in about five minutes.
- [38:22]
A
Listen, I wasn't gonna make out with you, but I realized that making out with you would be making out with the dream of Kizzy winning something. Open up your mouth, dear.
- [38:33]
B
So now there's more partying. Now Kizzy has moved on to Nathan. They're, like, having a sexy sunscreen moment, like, rubbing it on each other. And they're being very flirty. They're up close and personal, and everyone's being flirty. Kathy's undoing her bathing suit so Max can do the. Do her whole back. And they're all, like, writhing around. And Asia's just by herself. Like, Asia is the only one who's voluntarily by herself. Josh is also by himself, but that's because I don't think people realize he's there. And so everyone's just, like, horny and. And like, literally grinding on each other. It literally looked like it was Eric niece's the grind. Because they were all just like, grinding up on a. On a. At a day club.
- [39:12]
A
You know, it reminds me of, like, nudie magazines back in the day when we were teenagers. And you look in the back and they always had ads for swingers. They would be like, swingers in Arizona. Are you a swinger? And then they'd have, like, pictures of whoever the swingers were. And I just thought, God, why would you want to go to a party of a whole room of people that nobody wants to fuck? Yeah, because those are. And I'm not saying, like, if you're a swinger right now in real life, I'm not talking about you. I just mean specifically. The people in those ads were always like. It was like, are you a swinger? And then the pictures were like. And I'm like, oh, I'm not going to that part. Who wants to have sex with any of you? And that's Kind of like watching a B cast on Below Deck. I'll try and make out for airtime.
- [39:53]
B
It's so. It's so hard because when, like, usually the.
- [39:57]
A
The.
- [39:57]
B
The. The B casts are better seasons because the focus is a little. Because they. Because they're a B cast, they don't, like, hook up as much or. It's not. It's not so much the emphasis. So the emphasis is really on the work ethic and the. And the charter guest. But then when they're all attractive, then you have what we had on, like, Below Deck last season, and then you're like, oh, this is so tiresome watching these people like that. They're just here to make out with each other. So I think I'm gonna go for, like, a homely crew over a hot crew. But I do miss the days when you could get a hot crew and it would be about work ethic. Like that really toxic season of Below Deck with that super. When you had Ashton and that super hot guy. But they were so awful. So, like, you could enjoy that they were hot, but you could also be, like, enraged by their work ethic. Like, that was the dream back then. Right. We didn't even know what we had.
- [40:43]
A
Well, Below Deck's always had people like, everybody's young and horny. Right. So it's always been like, who are you gonna hook up with? And then a couple people end up hooking up a season.
- [40:52]
B
Yeah.
- [40:52]
A
But now it's become like a new Love island thing where it's a part of the show where everybody has to hook up all the time. And it's just. It's just try hard. It's like auditioning, but it's kind of like you're not getting paid enough to be an escort. You know what I mean? So I feel like you're giving all this away for free. And it just. It's just sad. You know, it used to be like you just had to clean and be a character, and now you have to, like, fully fuck ugly people on screen to get any time. And I just. I don't know, I just feel bad for them. I feel like they need to form a union and be like, we're not doing this anymore. We don't want to make out with other homely people on a boat.
- [41:28]
B
Yeah.
- [41:29]
A
How about we just go back to cleaning Below deck. Workers rights.
- [41:34]
B
Yeah. What happened? We just want to work extraordinarily long hours for low pay. Our union is for. That's what our union stands for.
- [41:43]
A
I know. They're not even Asking for more pay. They're just like, please don't make me hook up with ugly people for screen time.
- [41:50]
B
We've had too many unions. We need a union against the union, if you know what I'm saying. It's a wordplay. Union.
- [41:57]
A
Anti Union. Union.
- [42:01]
B
So now Captain Sandy is cooking herself like an omelette or something. She's like, yeah, that's how you do it. That's what's. That's some good non stick panning right there.
- [42:09]
A
Wow, love that.
- [42:11]
B
Is that a caraway?
- [42:12]
A
Just. Sorry.
- [42:15]
B
Is that a caraway? Hey, thanks, caraway. Thanks for sending Ben and Ronnie some free pans.
- [42:19]
A
This caraway looks just like a sunnyside egg. That's the color of this caraway pan I got from Caraway Caraway. Thank you so much for these lovely non stick anti toxic ceramic pans.
- [42:32]
B
Hey, these are amazing bad news. Hey. For some reason saying ceramic pan set my phone and to turn my phone on, my phone thinks I'm talking to it right now. I just said ceramic pan. Oh, I see. Ceramic. The first part of that word is really good. Okay, stop it now. I'm not talking to you. Gotta say choppy weather out there. We're gonna have to take this boat in. No toys on the outside, but toys on the inside. Everyone gets a caraway pan to play with. Okay, enjoy yourself.
- [42:57]
A
Meanwhile, Asia is just dancing by herself crazily. You know, she's not just dancing like this. She's like.
- [43:07]
B
She's like in some weird 1992 music video. Just like there's like left and right, left and right sway. You know, I accidentally said left and white sway, but actually that works too. It was just a left and very white sway.
- [43:35]
A
So now Joe and V are making. Everybody's making out. And Kathy is grinding on Max, and she's like, let's do a sex show. And he wants to kiss her. So they start making out, and she says, I earned this. And he's like, oh, one of the best days of my life. And Kizzy sees it and she rolls her eyes. She's like, damn it. Now who am I gonna make out with? Those damn puppies?
- [44:02]
B
So and so they were like, Josh's. Josh is now talking to Kizzy and he's like, you were the top shagger last night. And she's like, I was. I won. Ha ha ha. Well, I might as well get everyone. I mean, look, let's see. I've already gotten Max. I'm gonna get Nathan later today, and then tomorrow I'll get Joe, and that'll be absolutely everyone I could make out with. Right, Josh?
- [44:27]
A
Every single penis on the boat. I've made out with Dick Slick and Rick, the. The homely men who we never see who actually run the boat. The shadow captain I've made out. The lighting guy, the camera guy, the.
- [44:41]
B
Guy that rode the ropes is the guy with rips to one provisions person. Provisions. Provisions around.
- [44:47]
A
I even let Norma touch my bum.
- [44:51]
B
Yeah. The person who drives the vans. Really? I. I really can't think of anyone else. So guess that's it.
- [44:56]
A
Like, just sitting there with his tongue out.
- [44:58]
B
Like. So there's more kissing and more kissing and more kissing. And Nathan's like, like, what the is going on? And because I guess Nathan and Kizzy are kissing now. And Kizzy's like, I'm doing this for the women of our nation. I'm like, the suffragettes. I keep. I have. I'm helping women get the rights to the meaningless slog. Everyone.
- [45:25]
A
Everyone, we've already. Women have already had that. Right. Women. You're not making anything up by having a meaningless slog. Okay?
- [45:32]
B
Meaning a snob.
- [45:33]
A
You know, I like it. She's already framing it. You're a slog. Yeah, it's not even a slut shaming thing. Listen, I'm a gay man. I. I believe in fucking who you can. You know what I mean? Look, when you can. I'm an aging gay, okay? Take it where you can get it.
- [45:48]
B
Yeah.
- [45:49]
A
Okay. I'm not passing up a Costco sample. But you're just. I think with Kizzy, it's just sad because she just wants to win something and there's just no winning in this game, you know?
- [45:59]
B
Yeah, she's like. She's like entering into smaller and smaller state fairs and, like, eventually, like. Like, it's like, how many apple pies can you bring to the. To the fair? So Asia is like. Asia is.
- [46:15]
A
She's becoming like one of those people they bring on American onto American Idol just to rip them apart.
- [46:21]
B
She's like that person.
- [46:22]
A
Even though they're not talented and they just bring them on.
- [46:25]
B
She's the person who was on American Idol and then is on X Factor and then is on like, GMT Presents Best Singer of Christmas, and you're like, it's like, worse and worse. So Asia, she has like a. An out of left field read or. It's not that it's out of left field. It just takes a twist that I was not expecting. Which, again, she's. I think she's being kind of savage this episode. She's like, oh, look at them. Kizzy and Nathan, their tongues are like cave explorers searching for something that they're not quite getting. Kissy's tongue is searching for attention, and Nathan's tongue is searching for a way to be a better person. I was like, whoa, damn, Damn. Collateral damage.
- [47:04]
A
She's always smiling, so you never think it's gonna come out of her mouth, but it's like, whoa. There's another kind of accurate read, actually, if you think about it. So then everybody's still making out, and Vee, Josh and Max are sitting together watching people make out or watching Kizzy and Nathan make out. And Max is like, oh, Nathan is busy. And V is like, are you okay about that? And he's like, oh, I prefer Kathy. Anyway, it work out.
- [47:31]
B
All of the sexual tension is exploding of everyone's faces. And you know what? I'm not actually mad about it. Of course you're not mad, because you get to do your crazy sway dance on the sidewalk over there. I feel like I've never been to a concert for Enigma, but I feel like that's how everyone dances at it, right? Like, hey.
- [47:53]
A
It'S like people from Grand Theft Auto dancing with the extras when.
- [47:56]
B
You go in the club, when you have to go in the strip club, it's like the rotoscoping went awry.
- [48:07]
A
So Josh is upset and he's playing his little guitar and he's like, why am I still single as fuck? Find me a girl with a big bum. Oh, I guess that's crude. This is why you're not getting laid, dude. You're a clown. And you're the guy with a guitar who can play two chords and can't rhyme of an improvised song. Just everything about you is unfuckable right now, okay? You just need to rethink your strategy.
- [48:31]
B
There's an amazing shot they capture of him just sitting at the edge of the pool, and he's next to Nathan and Kizzy making out in the pool and Joe and V making out right next to him. He's just, like, wedged in between these two couples making out. He's just there alone. Just like, okay, I'm trying not to break, trying not to break.
- [48:50]
A
You're the unfuckable meat in a fuck sandwich. You're just like the buffer between two fucking pieces of bread. So sad. But it's your fault. Put down the guitar, cut your hair. Stop pretending you like yoga and retreats and just go back to the abusive evil chef that you know. You are the chef that, like, Takes someone's head and shoves it down into a hot plate when they fuck with you. That's what set sexy.
- [49:16]
B
That's. Yeah, that's. That's what. All of a sudden, they're gonna like you.
- [49:19]
A
Yeah.
- [49:20]
B
So now Joe and V are having an annoying conversation. Joe's like, you're so cool. And he's. And she's like, you're so scared of me, though. I don't want to push you. I know. I want. Like, I want. I want to enjoy this journey. Well, but it's got an expedy date. Like, let's just see how it goes. Obviously. But I'm not looking elsewhere. I'm gonna explore this emotion because it's very new for me. Oh, please, let's take it slowly. And she's like, oh, God.
- [49:44]
A
So wait, wait, wait. No, I have to. I have to unpack this. It's got an expiration date. What does that mean? Because they're only on a boat for a certain amount of time, it doesn't mean it has an expiration date. And then when he says, I'm not looking elsewhere, so you're basically committing to her right now. That's. I want to close it off relationship that you're having, you know, like, we're going to close this. We're going to close it off. Even though I'm scared, I'm trusting you on the journey. And that's where he goes wrong. Yeah. Stupid.
- [50:13]
B
It is. Yeah, Exactly. And I think he really feels like he's being deep right now, which then I think makes him feel like he's being more mature, which then makes him feel like he's not on the wrong path. And we see this. We see this cycle every single season with these idiots. So he's gonna say again, he's though. Okay. So he's saying, I haven't felt this way before. And now we get whatever. One of the strangest Blow Deck backstories. We get a lot of weird ones on Blow Deck. Like, it's actually one of my favorite traditions when they wedge in a backstory to explain why someone can't tie a knot. It's like, well, I'm not. I can't. I couldn't tie that knot because I get very scared under pressure. Because when I was young, my mom worked three jobs, so I had to drive the family car, and I was 6 years old. Like, we get shit like that. And that was a very tough time for me. So this one is Joe's backstory about his last real relationship. And I Don't seem to remember this story coming up. Up his last season. He's like, seven years ago. That was my last real relationship. I generally thought, you're gonna marry this woman, you're gonna have kids with this woman, stuff like that. So I moved to Spain. She stayed in Liverpool. And I said, let's see if I can get a life on myself, then you can move in with me. I'm like, you're acting like you're like Fable or something like that. You're like, going off on a. On the Titanic to start a better life and, like, hoping like, you're gonna send the money. Money back. It's like, dude, like, it's fine. So he's like, how is the real estate? And I sold a house to somebody that was a fraud, and he put a fake deposit on it, bounces back, but in that time, he steals all my furniture. I'm like, was this Mia. Was this Mia Thornton that you sold it to?
- [51:45]
A
Why were you giving the keys to somebody whose deposit didn't go through? What kind of idiot are you? And this is fishy. This is all very fishy. Okay. And so in that time, he stole all the furniture from the house. It was Mia Thornton and Ink in there stealing all the furniture. And he's like, but what happened with me? And then we see him, we see a selfie, and this is where the real drama comes in. We see a selfie of him, and it's him chubbier and he's holding a loaf of bread.
- [52:13]
B
Yes.
- [52:14]
A
And I think that that explained everything. That explains this whole thing. He used to be chubby and addicted to carbs, and now he's skinnier and he's gonna fuck every everything and anything that he can, and that's it. He's not going to commit. He used to be chubby and he loved bread. Yeah, that's it. He gave up bread for putayte. And he's going to get the pusay, say as much as he can. He can say whatever else he wants, but that's all I needed was the picture of him chubby with a loaf of bread.
- [52:38]
B
Yeah. And then he. And by the way, we also see a picture of him in his, like, real estate days. He was, like, 19 years old. You shouldn't have been doing real. You're too young to be doing real estate. I'm sorry, also who. I mean, like, he also himself looked like a fraud real estate person. Just the way he was dressed. He did.
- [52:52]
A
So that's. That's what's fishy. I think he was the fraud real estate person.
- [52:56]
B
I think.
- [52:56]
A
I don't even know it was the other person. He's fishy.
- [52:58]
B
He did something. So I lost my job. I lost the apartment. I end up sleeping in my car. And I was like, I'm not worthy for this woman. So I just cut cords. And since that day, I've never had a butterfly feeling for a girl since then. What are you talking about? So you were too embarrassed that you got, like, ensnared in some fraud ring? That you were living in your car? That you're like, I can't be with a woman I love? Who could possibly help me in this situation? Come on. Like this. Nothing about the story makes any sense. And, like, that still shouldn't get. That shouldn't still get in the way of you falling in love with someone. Like, it's normally that someone breaks up with you and dumps you, and you're so wounded that you can't open your heart for someone else. It's not that you dump someone else, and therefore you can't open your heart because you were too ashamed because of some fraud that you stepped into. Nothing.
- [53:45]
A
Yeah. He's like, I'm traumatized from the girl I dumped.
- [53:48]
B
No, it's 100% what you said. It's like, oh, I used to be chubby. I used to love bread. I got into really good shape. I have muscles now, and I want to fuck around because I never had this moment before in my life.
- [53:58]
A
Yeah, I'll settle down when I'm bald, you know, is what he's saying. So he's like, I only go into a relationship. And she goes, it's been like seven years, dude. And he goes, but I need to be with someone that is capable to meet me mom. And. Oh, God, another fuckboy thing. All I care is about my mom's feelings, okay, that I've got about. And she goes, oh, you've got walls. And he's like, yeah, God, every fuck. It's like the greatest fuckboy hits. It's like one of Those, like, great CDs you buy at the end of a 90s show where they list like a hundred.
- [54:29]
B
Now that's what I call fuckboy.
- [54:36]
A
So she's like, oh. She gives me similarities of my ex. Like, it could be a potential serious relationship, but it's actually really scary to me, so I'm trying to manage it. Okay, so what you he's saying here is she reminds me of my ex, who I was never good enough for. So what he's going to do is fuck this girl and then he's going to fuck her over and say, I knew I could never be good enough for you, and that's why I did this. I'm just a bad person. I warned you in the beginning. That's 100% so exhausting. These guys. Oh, my God, whatever happened to good old school fuck boys who just fucked you, left you, and didn't apologize? I mean, I'd rather that than have to listen to you fake cry for weeks.
- [55:16]
B
I know. The new fuckboy is just so exhausting to come.
- [55:21]
A
The worst thing we ever did was send a fuckboy to therapy where they could learn how to speak. Therapy speak. And tell women exactly what they want to hear, you know, which is, oh, I'm hurting inside and I'm traumatized. And if I did anything wrong, it's because I'm feelings and I have trauma and they're like, oh, my God. And they start crying and then fuck them again, you know? Therapy has unleashed an unstoppable brand of fuckboy onto this world, and we need to stop letting them into therapy.
- [55:49]
B
An unstoppable brand. So V, I like V's way of. Of. Of using therapy talk. She goes, well, I have walls too, but I came on board and I was like, oh, whatever. She's like, yeah, who cares? So now Nathan is still making out with Kizzy in the pool and Max's car, they're just all making out. It's all. It's all the usual stuff and partying and fun and yada, yada. And Nathan's talking to Joe and he's asking like. He's like, what's the crack with you and V? You and V are vibe. And he's like, we are, mate. We are. She has walls. I have walls. Particular. It's low skill. Exp date. And I got into fraud once. Oh, it's so emotional.
- [56:24]
A
It's like, ah, she has got walls. I've got walls. It's almost like we're building a home which deposit has been taken back on and now the furniture is missing and I'm not good enough for it. Me, Nathan, me.
- [56:36]
B
Now, too many wars have come in between us. Too many wars haven't been. He's a big fan.
- [56:48]
A
So Nathan's like, be open to it, bro, because it's special. It's special for you. And he's like, bro, I told her there's an expiry. Expiry. How does he say it? Bro, I told her there's an expiry. Get out of here. So, okay, so you just opened up to her and told her that you wanted to commit her. Commit to her and have no one else. But hey, I warned her there's an expiration date. So, I mean, I.
- [57:11]
B
Actually, that's the. That's the thing that I object to the least amount. It's at least saying, hey, just so you know, I'm not planning on doing this much longer than this season. And then we're off to like, I like at least setting an end expectation. It's like the one honest thing that he did.
- [57:27]
A
But, well, before he told her he wanted to commit to her and not go for anything, I want to see what he does the both things.
- [57:33]
B
Well, it's like a short term loan that's a commitment for only a certain amount of time.
- [57:38]
A
Yeah.
- [57:38]
B
So they. So now Joe's like, reminds me of me ex. Like, you gotta stop talking about your ex. Okay? You just got it. This is already dangerous. But he may also use that as an excuse later. Excuse later. He'll be like, oh, my goodness, I can't help but see things. I see things in her, things in her that I saw in my ex. Things I didn't like in me ex. And I'm seeing them again. I don't know if I can get past it. So he may turn that against her as well.
- [58:02]
A
I'm living in me car all over again.
- [58:04]
B
There's no bathroom for me.
- [58:06]
A
Exactly.
- [58:07]
B
Oh, no. I just had a headline that there's a Airbnb somewhere in Atlanta that has no furniture. I can't deal with this anymore.
- [58:17]
A
So now Kizzy and V are talking about kissing Nathan. And Kizzy's like, why not? It's for women everywhere. Am I right? And then it's time to leave and head home. And so now everybody's tired. People are sleeping in the van and stuff. Stuff. And in the other van, people are telling Nathan he burnt himself. You know, And Asia's texting Scott.
- [58:39]
B
She's like, oh, Mrs. And then Josh and Nathan are talking. And Josh is like, how you feeling, man? Nathan's like, I'm feeling good. But you know, like, I think all that I'm getting all the same time from the captain and like, it's just a loss. He's like, oh, it's been on your mind a bit. He's like, yeah, it's coming on me shoulders. I'm just a wee bit. We relax a bit. Weird. Too much. I mean, thank God I got to make out with Kizzy today. I mean, thank God we all got to make out with someone. Right? I mean, it was just so such a relief. Even Huey, Dewey, and Louie on the boat got to make out with some people. Don't. Wasn't it so nice to finally put a tongue against someone else's tongue? Josh. He's like, don't know.
- [59:23]
A
I think I saw you making out over there with. It was a guitar. Was it?
- [59:28]
B
Was that a red balloon you were making out with?
- [59:31]
A
I saw you sticking your penis into? What? It was a tiny balloon or a tiny horn. Was it teeny, tiny little horn with a. At the end of it.
- [59:42]
B
So.
- [59:44]
A
Aisha calls Scott, and, you know, it sounds like how you'd think it would. It sounds like a siren is broken outside.
- [59:57]
B
Yeah. Seriously. She just tells him it was fun, and then now people are doing things, and Kizzy is now in Asia's cabin. She's like, do you know what's really funny? I feel like at one point, I had all the boys on a string. I could have had any of them. And now my only other option is Nathan. I don't want him. I just want a snog. Only boy left is Nathan. Oh, what a shame. No other men but Nathan.
- [60:26]
A
So now we go to Joe and Nathan's cabin, and they're talking about Kizzy, and Nathan's like, oh, my God, what the. Going on with me and Kizzy? Hey. He's like, I'm not mad into it. I mean, I just. I miss Gail, but I was thinking about her before I joined the board, and now I misbehaved. You now, what do you reckon? Well, yeah, I mean, God, I can't.
- [60:45]
B
Think you missed your supermodel. Exactly.
- [60:51]
A
Poor Kizzy, though. She really does have a track record of making out with a guy. And then they're like, oh, yeah, you know what you made me realize? I really like that other girl better.
- [61:03]
B
I also don't think that Nathan should feel bad if they were. If they were on a break. I think it's okay that he, like, kissed Kizzy in the pool. Honestly.
- [61:10]
A
Well, I think he was trying to win back Gail.
- [61:13]
B
Well, I think that because. Or maybe the break wasn't real. Maybe he was like an artificial break for the show.
- [61:19]
A
Yeah, maybe because he's still calling Gail. I mean, if he's.
- [61:23]
B
That's true.
- [61:24]
A
If he's trying to win Gail back and he's still calling her from the boat to get emotional support and stuff like that, then, I mean, it's not great for your track record. But, hey, you have. She's having your baby now, so. I guess that worked out.
- [61:35]
B
He also changed his hair. He cut his hair? I don't know if you saw that.
- [61:39]
A
It didn't help.
- [61:40]
B
It actually made. It looks. It made it look like.
- [61:44]
A
What is.
- [61:44]
B
He looks more like Luke the sexual assaulter from Blow Deck Down Under. I was like, no. How did that happen? I think Nathan's actually so.
- [61:53]
A
Whoa. What a weird call.
- [61:56]
B
Yeah. Sorry. I think Nathan is so cute, and I know, like, he sort of does have that, like, friar talk thing going on, but, like, he can't help that. I don't know. I feel like I kind of like his haircut that he has now more. I don't know. He's so cute.
- [62:10]
A
You know, Nathan is cute, and Nathan is a sweet guy.
- [62:13]
B
And my favorites, actually.
- [62:14]
A
I'm almost. I'm pretty resentful, actually, of Bravo for making me not like Nathan this season because of the way that they did the trailers by making it look like he was with Gale. Then he cheated on Gale, and then we found out that he's not with Gale. He's on a break. So it's fine for him to do whatever, but. Because I already had that in my head, I just think of him as a cheater and a shithead, and I don't like him.
- [62:36]
B
You don't have to say it.
- [62:37]
A
And I know it's not rational, but I just don't. I'm like, you don't deserve this job. You're not good enough to have this job. Which I actually do believe. I believe that they promoted him for TV and not for any real reasons, but, you know, it's not really fair. He didn't do anything wrong.
- [62:50]
B
I have to say, I really enjoy Nathan. I think that Nathan may be, like, one of the best bosons they've ever had. Not in terms of, like, skill.
- [62:58]
A
What?
- [62:58]
B
Not skill. Not skill. Not skill. Just in terms of likability. You know, a lot of times the bosons are, like, on power trips, and they're awful and they are condescending or they're just. But, like, I. I think that he's, like. He's such a sweet guy, and I feel like. I feel like he will be a good boson at one point, but, like, he is kind of flailing all over the place right now. But I just. I. There's something very likable about him. I really like him a lot, and I feel like we don't always talk about who we really like. I mean, what are the other bosons that we've had? I mean, they're all.
- [63:26]
A
It's like, eddie, oh, God, that's not even. It's just gonna end. It's just gonna end up in a fountain of rage. Yeah.
- [63:33]
B
Ashton had a good first season because he almost died. And then when he was boson, he just went downhill.
- [63:39]
A
Oh. Then he went just.
- [63:40]
B
He got just terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible.
- [63:44]
A
Well, you know, the old. The only boson I can remember being truly likable and just lovely, and I think the audience completely loved them was Malia. Jk. Okay, so Nathan's like, well, with Kizzy, it wasn't anything romantic. It was just, you know, I was trying to avoid reality, you know, because I've been up to me fucking eyeballs and work and shit this season, and I just, like. I don't know, just thinking about how much I miss Gail, you know, Everything about life is just. Just spinning around in my head, and I don't even know where I stand anymore. So I'd like to thank Kizzy for being another man that realized after kissing Gizzy that he wanted anything else but Kizzy.
- [64:28]
B
Next morning, time to wake up. Time for another charter. It's like, it sort of feels like the episode's over, but it's like, oh, that's right, there's a whole literal second half. So everyone wakes up and everyone's, like, cleaning and there's some hugging, etc, and Captain and Sandy's like, hey, how'd the evening go? Was it good? You guys have a fun time? Guess what I did. I laid down on that couch, real comfortable, good back support. Just want to let you know. But anyway, have a great day, everyone.
- [64:53]
A
Guess what I did. I watched a whole season of a show.
- [64:56]
B
Guess what it was called?
- [64:57]
A
Little Rascals.
- [64:59]
B
Just kidding.
- [64:59]
A
It was called Wind.
- [65:01]
B
Hey, by the way, make sure this boat's in pristine condition by this time tomorrow morning. If this boat's not in pristine condition, you will never be able to have a child. Child, child, child. Sorry. I also watched into the woods, so I was just really into which. Which Ultimatums.
- [65:23]
A
So Asia's like, well, for this charter, we're gonna switch you guys this time. How fun is that? I think it'd be good to take turns. So, Kizzy, can you please step into laundry this morning? It's the only places no one to.
- [65:38]
B
Stick your tongue into, right? Then please don't think about using the lint trap, because that's very dangerous for your tongue. So. No. And because he tells us, between Nancy Kerrigan and Tanya Harding, I think I sympathize more with Tanya because she worked so hard and had it rough. I mean, soccer. I know. What a shot.
- [66:00]
A
She's a Tanya Harding fan. No kidding. God, I could have predicted that.
- [66:07]
B
Yeah.
- [66:07]
A
Crazy.
- [66:08]
B
I mean, fucking breaking someone's knees probably isn't the best way to go about it. And just to be clear, I'm not going to hire someone to club Kathy's knees. Maybe a big toe.
- [66:20]
A
But you are trying to. You are trying to club knees and hurt feelings and. And get, you know, make those little maneuvers. And just like Tanya Harding, you're still losing. Stupid. Keep trying.
- [66:33]
B
God, don't you feel so lucky that we lived through that? What a great, stupid scandal.
- [66:37]
A
That was so good. That was such a good scandal because Nancy Kerrigan was like this perfect little angel, and she was so talented. And Tonya Harding was like this rough and tumble girl who's like, fuck that girl. So she got her boyfriend Jeff Gillooly to go tap her in the knees. And then she took her down. And then everyone's like, oh, my God. Fuck Tonya Harding. What a bitch. And she became this huge national villain. And then Nancy Kerrigan won the gold medal, so she got to go to Disneyland. She won something.
- [67:05]
B
She won silver because Oksana Bayul came out of nowhere and won gold. Remember? And then she drove off a road somewhere because she was, like, drunk driving, you know, which is so special.
- [67:15]
A
Yeah. So she got some metal. So she was a hero because she got beat up or capped in the knees. And so they made her. They invited her to Disneyland to be on a float. Do you remember?
- [67:26]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [67:27]
A
And then she went on the float and everyone's like, oh, my God, it's Nancy Kerrigan. Oh, my God. And she. She got caught. Some lip reader caught her saying something like, oh, God, fuck all these people. I fucking hate this. Get me out this fucking thing. And then Nancy Kerrigan became a national villain. And so they both ended up losing in the end. And.
- [67:43]
B
Well, and also, like, Nancy Kerrigan getting flubbed.
- [67:45]
A
Why?
- [67:46]
B
Why me? But also, like, the fact that it, like, climaxed on an. On a global stage at the Olympics. Like, that could not have been any more perfect. The only thing that sucked about it was that it took place in Norway. And so it was like. Like it wasn't, like, live on TV for us here in America. And so it was like, we, like, by like 4:00pm or like by. By 3:00pm, like, news had already come out. Like, nancy Garrigan wins the silver medal. Like, oh, you spoiled it. Like. Like, it was such an exciting thing. And then Tanya, remember, she like, like, went out There and then like her laces were too tight. So she like went over to the judges and put her foot up on the judges thing and she starts crying. Like, it's too tight, it's too tight. Let me do it over. It was just so crazy. It was such. It was like literally one of the craziest things. And then like it was then like three months later we got oj. Like, what a great span. What a great span for us.
- [68:38]
A
Yeah, those were crazy times. Wow. Congratulations. You've reached the end of part one of a two part recap. For part two. Go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers. Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens. This is part two of a two part recap. If you're like, hey, wait a minute, I didn't hear part one, guys. It's because we put out a lot of recaps. Go back and listen to part one. Okay? It's before this one. Bye. Enjoy the show.
- [69:12]
B
Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Alison Block.
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This is living with Michelle. Vivian.
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I love Aya. Olivia Williamson.
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She sure is swell. It's Raquel.
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Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.
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Darn Skippy. It's Tippy. And our super premium sponsors make way for A.J.
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She's VVIP it's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.
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Somebody get us 10cc's of Betsy MD.
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We'Re taking the gold with Brenda Silva.
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Let'S get real with Caitlin o' Neill.
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Put us on a stretcher. It's Stretch Charlotte Fletcher don't get salty with Christine Pepper can't have a meal without the Emily sides who, what, why, where?
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And Gwen Pentland let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall Hail the cork master the master of the cork Jennifer Corcoran we got our wish It's Jen Plish she's not harsh She's Jill Hirsch My Favorite Murdo Karen McMurdo She's a total knockout Out.
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A
It's Katie Manock we love him madly.
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B
It's Kyle Pod Shadley in the study with a candlestick It's Leslie Peacock G It's Lisa H We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron she's a whiz It's Liz Sarthi always killing it It's.
- [71:34]
A
Lola Al Kalani the incredible edible Matthew sisters she eases our woes it's Melissa St. Rose there's a chance of meatballs.
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It's Rebecca Cloud maximum love love for Sandy Maximoska she's the queen bee It's.
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Sarah Lemke we cannot tell a lie It's Sarah tell of son Shannon out.
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Of a can and Anthony please don't stop it's solely and pop let's take off with Tamla plane We're obsessed doll With Tessa V. You'll always get the full story with Tori Parsons she ain't.
- [72:05]
A
No shrinking violet cootar we love you guys. If you like, watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery. Com. Survey.