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Hello and welcome to watch what Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. This is part two of the recap. If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed. It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap.
So Kim is like, oh my God. We're like literally sharing 500 with eight servers. Like so we're gonna make like 50. I love that for us. Oh my God. I can't believe I'm basically living in destitution just to be on a TV show.
B
Yeah, so now they're gonna get ready and Demi's like, oh, my God, someone's in favorite bathroom. Who's in there? Kimberly. God damn it. Kimberly.
A
Kimberly. That's my favorite bathroom. It's the only bathroom. Exactly.
B
So we go to the Belmont, and outside, Kimberly's walking with her boyfriend Marcus, and she's like, hey, Marcus, do I look chunk or do I look fine, babe? He's like, who cares, babe? You look great.
A
You forgot Kimberly's important backstory. Sorry. Oh, I thought you just did it.
B
Sorry, go ahead.
A
No, this is it. I moved to LA from New York about two years ago, but I'm not a stereotypical New Yorker. I'm too zen. Just kidding. I'm as type A as they come. The girls at SIR have become like my sisters. Here in la, we love like sisters and we also fight like sisters. But to be clear, it's never my fault.
B
Yeah, she really, really bit off a.
A
Lot with that one. Yeah, she really reads the line.
B
So they order stuff. Natalie gets a double tit, a double Tito's with a splash of lemon, and Marcus does an 805. It's important stuff to know. Audrey's like, can I just do a tequila and ginger with a lime? Thanks.
A
Audrey is our scream queen, right? Yeah, she is. Just want to double check. Still just learning those names. So Marcus is like, demi, I'm not coming to work for the next three days from that shift. I just worked. You know what they had me do? I had to actually walk up to strangers who are sitting at a table, ask them what they want to eat. Like, who does that? Let's crazy.
B
So they're all like, no, my shift was the worst. No, my shift was the worst. Now he's like, nah, mine was because Lisa was angry with me, you guys.
A
What? But like. Like, no one did what you did. She's like, guys, my ex is driving me crazy right now.
B
Yeah, I love how she says her ex. That's just, like, so funny. Just to be clear, I had Paolo first. Like, oh, you stole from Demi. You stole from, like, the assistant manager of Sir Damn. And also, Paulo is really pulling some young ladies. My goodness.
A
He really is. Yeah.
B
That's how to do it at 54. Good God.
A
That's how you do it. Yeah.
B
I'm like, am I still too young for Double arp?
A
Double arp?
B
I want a discount for a movie or something.
A
Kim says Demi was dating Paolo literally up until the day that Natalie started dating Paolo. So we know what that means.
B
Yeah.
A
Natalie says, Demi and I weren't even friends yet. Like, I didn't even know what their relationship was. And I can't help that he started making out with me in the middle of the Abbey. Why do all these straight people keep going to the Abbey and making out?
B
Get out of our bar. Get out of our bar. Enough.
A
And stop having storylines there.
B
God. Just because. What's her Buns Made a song about it. What's her face? The Pink Pony Club girl.
A
Yeah.
B
Now you all think it's just your makeout place. Get out of here.
A
Look, this was a Sandoval and Raquel makeout session.
B
Yeah. It's been going on long before.
A
Not fair.
B
Right, Ms. Chapel Row.
A
Take it to the Belmont.
B
Yeah, take it to the Belmont. We have our own district for a reason. So Demi's like, that's. Everyone knew that Paulo and I were a thing. And back at the Belmont, Shane's like, okay, but is he older than your dad or younger than your dad?
A
He's younger than my dad. He's like, younger than my dad and my stepdad. Are you happy? He's like, okay, that's a brag. She's like, well, talk. Talk about the girl that you brought tonight. Call Tie my Ass. You told me you would never bring a girl into my workplace, and you're so interested in me. And then you did it anyway. Shane Davis.
B
He's like, yeah, yeah, you're right. You're right. You know what? You're right. So I apologize about it.
A
Here's the thing, okay? Give me attention and I'll give it back to you. I mean, I feel like my celebrity crushes Ryan Gosling in the Notebook, and it kind of looks like Shane because they both have eyes and a nose.
B
Also, I'm not mad at you. I'm just saying he's like, yeah, well, I'm not gonna lie to you, though. Cause I was, like, crashing the fuck out.
A
What?
B
Yeah.
A
Why?
B
Because I was like, I'm kind of feeling this girl. I don't think she's feeling me. So, like, I fucked up. I'm sorry. But I'll make it up to you. All right?
A
We'll see.
B
You like jeeps? You like jeeps? I got one. Yeah. I love a G. Top down. Make it up. Yeah.
A
Can we go to the beach after school in your Jeep?
B
Yo, do I get a hug or no? Take it a hug or no.
A
Okay. I guess I'll just, like, slide into your arms a little bit. I'm still, like, a little.
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. So then Venus comes in to add his storyline. He's like, I'm A for cargo pants.
A
And Audrey comes in with her storyline. I'm a for cargo pant, which was for any pants.
B
Yeah. She's like, I'm a whore for pants.
He's like, no, like, I'm more of a fur coat. She goes, oh, my God. Faux fur coat, leather coat. Faux leather coat. Parka, rain jacket, windbreaker.
A
Any sort of coat. Snow. I'll even cut us. No, that works for me. Anything with a coat.
B
Denim. Venus goes, yeah, you're reading my mind. Denim on denim. Yeah. Denim on denim on denim on denim. Beyonce Trump that gay.
A
So back to Marcus, and he's talking to Chris and he's like, hey, cheers for riding the wave together, bro. Man, did they make you actually walk up to tables and have to take orders? Crazy. Am I right? I'm going to hit you up, man. Cheers to friendship. I think it's a good time.
B
So then Chris leans over the table to grab Natalie's drink, and Natalie hugs Marcus. And now Kim's mad. And to me, he's like, why are you looking upset right now? Because, like, I see it in your face. You look, like, really mad. She's like, oh, my God, look at Natalie. Natalie is one of my closest friends here in la. I just said we were like sisters. But ever since her breakup, she's been looking for attention in all the wrong places, including my boyfriend.
A
Flashback to 12 hours earlier. Mark is saying to. To Natalie, how do you feel? We've been really in a good. I'm sorry. Saying this to Kim. Whoa, Freudian slip. We've been really in a good place these last few days. Haha.
B
And Kim's like, yeah, I haven't felt this good about our relationship since we started dating. And he's like, you're not mad at me at all? She's like, no, I'm not mad at you. I will be mad at you if you keep hugging Natalie and texting her.
A
Though, back to the present. After he just hugged Natalie against. Explicitly against Kim's rules, Kim's telling us Natalie was, like, sending Marcus a good morning text, which is like, not appropriate to send anyone you're not dating.
B
Okay, at first I'm like, this. That's stupid. But I wouldn't like that if some girl was sending my boyfriend good morning. Like, who does that?
A
I. I agree. I think good morning text is a little bit.
B
That's weird.
A
A little flirty.
B
Yeah, that is great.
A
So Marcus. Marcus is like, okay, well, hey, Natalie, we have some things that me and you will only understand. Like that time I put My penis in your vagina last night. Remember that? We only understand it our secret.
B
Yeah, go ahead.
A
We have our banter. We have our banter, though. And we have our friendship. It's, like, not romantic. It's, like, so not romantic.
B
Yeah.
A
Like, we are, like, crash out queens. We're just two queens that crash out and then have sex afterwards. That's not romantic. Yeah, like, I love you, but, like, I'm not interested in you. Like, look at you. Gross. I've got Shane Davis after me after all.
B
He's like, oh, my God, Shane Davis? Yeah. That guy? Yeah, Cheat on came for that guy. But, like, I'm not into you either, and that's why it's cool. We're just friends, right?
A
Oh, my God. Then she's sending him pictures of heels. Like, that's a guy's fantasy to see heels. They're called me in heels for a reason. I mean, like, really?
B
Yeah. Well, I told Shane, she's a crash out queen. I love her to death. But Demi's like, you do not love her to death. You guys really aren't even friends.
A
Kim's like, thank you. Thank you, Guinness. Like, oh, my God. Like, what's happening, guys? Are we talking about denim on denim on denim?
B
They're telling me that, like, Natalie. That me and Natalie aren't even friends. Like, what the hell? Kim's like, you're not friends.
A
Natalie's like, I'm sorry, we're not friends. That's like saying that me and Shane Davis aren't an item.
B
She's like, you're not. You're not friends. And Demi's like, yeah, you guys are friendly, but you're not friends for sure. And so they're all fighting. Like, are Natalie and Marcus friends or not? And Natalie's like, he literally called me his sister. And Kim was like, you guys don't even know anything about each other aside from what's going on at Star. Okay, so, like, okay, that's not true, Kimberly.
A
That's not true at all. I'm Matt. I use your full name.
B
Oh, my God.
A
Full?
B
You dare triple syllable me?
A
And then we just cut to this guy, this older guy with a mustache, just staring at everyone like, what happened? I used to come here and do shots with my bros, and now I'm the old man on the street looking at the youngsters fighting, fighting at the Belmont.
B
And Kim's like, I will literally up everyone here.
A
Then Audrey's like, kim being upset with Natalie wanting to be friends with Marcus. What are we in the 1900s.
B
They should have just cut back to that guy with a mustache and the fucking weird news he's had.
A
I know. So Kim is like. I mean, so, okay, if you're friends with him, what are his sisters names? You don't even know them. You don't know brain.
B
This is like, well, I don't know.
And Marcus is like, see? And Audrey says, yeah, but just because they have, like, a wiener and she had not had a wiener, like, does that mean that one can't be friends with the other? This is just psychotic.
A
This is like some 1900s psychotic. Am I right? So 1997.
B
This is like James Boston.
A
So Marcus is like, this is a dumb conversation. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it anymore. And why can't we be friends? Nobody said that. Both of you are saying it.
B
Natalie's like, I have actual photographic evidence that Marcus and I have been friends since before any of us ever even knew Kimberly. Okay, here it is. I was at Marcus's birthday in 2023, and they've been dating for how long? Not even a year. So he also likes to say I'm a little sister to him. And last I checked, incest is not okay.
A
Yeah, Our friendship goes back so long, like, at least 18 months. So, like, we are very well established from 2023, which we know is basically the beginning of time.
B
There was, like, a different president then.
A
Yeah, in 2023. It was crazy. There hadn't even been an Olympics in Paris yet. It was that long ago.
B
So then outside, Kim is crying inside, and Venus is lecturing Marcus. He's like, you need to stand up for Natalie. He's like, venus, you want me to take Natalie's side over my girlfriend? Okay, listen, you know what? I have to go through home to. I'm. She's gonna be crazy. And I've already defended Natalie, and now I'm gonna get in trouble for defending Natalie. And already my girlfriend's like, do not fucking touch me. Because you defended Natalie.
A
Okay, yeah, but so basically what you're saying is, like, you're gonna let Natalie look like a dumbass all night rather than stand up for her. You're not even letting her have a denim jacket to put on something else that's denim. No, not even any denim on denim for your own girlfriend. I don't know about that.
B
Look, I'm already in trouble, Venus.
A
Okay?
B
He's like, yeah, okay, I know. I get it. So then we end that scene. We know it's not going to end well, with those two, because this girl's a crazy drama queen, and she's dating someone who's gonna bring her nothing but drama. So this is one of those couples. Like, as someone in the restaurant, I would steer clear of this couple, because it's that couple in high school that's just like, oh, my God, we have so much drama. That's why we're popular. And they're always like, every day is their new drama. I'm busy. I do not have time for your. Okay. It's badly scripted.
A
Yeah.
B
It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial show.
A
So now we go to Audrey rollerblading by the beach. We're getting a lot of beach scenes, which is shocking because this is like a West Hollywood show. And in the original show, they would definitely go to the beach, but not as often as this in one episode, because it's like a schlep.
B
And they were also honest. Like, they would go to the beach, but they'd be like, oh, my God, I drove two hours for this. So why do I have to fight with him today?
A
I. I haven't been. I haven't been to the beach. Like, the LA beach in. Well, actually, I went in August. It's like my first time. And. And since the. Before August, it had been pre pandemic since I went to the beach. It's like you. It's. It's work to get out there when you're. When you're on this side of the 405.
B
Yeah.
A
So Audrey's rollerblading, and then she kind of, like, falls over. And then Venus is, like, basically painting, like, a jacked torso, and he's like, oh, my God. This is like my dream man. A man with no head. I should have paid him with a dick. Wow. He's missing both of his heads.
B
So then Chris and Jason get together, and they're practicing a script because Jason's in acting class. He's like, yeah, I got class every Thursday, bro. He's like, what script is this? It's the Graduate. You want to be Mrs. Robinson? You're basically trying to fuck me.
You know?
A
He's like, who's Mrs. Robinson?
He doesn't get it. But now we have Marcus. Marcus and Shane are gonna bro out at the gym. So Marcus is like, hey, man, looking swole already. I'm gonna be a 2 out of 10 today on effort. He's like, oh, really? 2 out of 10? Let's make it a 3 out of 10, buddy.
B
Yeah. Shane's probably like my longest friend in LA because I've known him for 11 years now. We're old. It's like a rat race out here. And it's so helpful like, that someone's doing the same thing as you, namely coke, even though he doesn't do that anymore. Yeah, we're signed to the same agency, so we'd go to the same casting, but, you know, like, I'd lose if he'd win. But still Shane's like, yeah, it's very hard to compare with the Shane meister I was flown to in my city by Calvin Klein. I got to walk for Belmont. I got to walk for lacoste, Izod, Penguin, you name it.
A
And Marcus is like, yeah, I'm the budget model. I'm some random person who you. Someone. Some random person needs to hire a model and pay 500. $500 to you. I'm your boy. Like, you know, this is the guy who's like on the COVID of like the random Halloween costume you got from Spirit Halloween store. Like, this is the guy in like the policeman outfit, right? Or like in the toga.
B
Yeah, on the front of the print model. Yeah, he's got the. They're trying to give him the Jack storyline, but with the Schwartz resume, basically.
A
That's correct. But. But actually, like Shane, like, I mean, those are like legitimate credits that he has and they show some of his, like, modeling day stuff and they're. They're much more legit than, than Jack. I mean, Jax was like a model. And we always talk about how we remember Jax. Pre Vanderpump rules around la. He went to my gym. You just would see him around. You went to castings with him. Jax was hot, hot, hot. But he wasn't doing this kind of modeling and he was doing, I think like, he was modeling, but not like this. But, But Shane Davis. I don't know why I'm like, Shane Davis some. I don't know why I'm making some, like, case for Shane Davis being a better model. He's also a boy idiot.
B
I like that you have such energy for like washed up male models.
A
Like, well, like, guys, we have to make a difference. We have to understand who's in what tier.
B
So Marcus is like, whoa, how did they go with what's her face call time? He's like, nika, I was nervous, but then later, bro, when that called me, she was like, she was calling me up and she was like smiling at me and I was like, whoa. Turned her on, bro. So I don't know, man. What do we like? Why do we like crazy ass women, Bro, Man, Bro.
A
Dude, I don't know. Dude. I don't know. Speaking of crazy women.
So now we go over to Kim's apartment where Venus is there, and Venus is like, how are you? And of course, Kim is the person that goes, I've had better days.
B
How are you, Lord? So they sit and talk about what else? Her boyfriend. She's like, oh, my God, I'm losing my mind. Tell me from your perspective what you saw with Natalie. And I like, what'd you see? And he's like, you were saying that Marcus and Nelly aren't close, but, like, Natalie's being told that they're like sisters. So, like, I don't know. I've heard him tell her that. So she's kind of right.
A
Which I hate.
B
Yeah.
A
And at the end of the day.
B
You got nothing for nothing. And that's all you can say for.
A
The life of the.
The life of the us, you mean? I feel like the common denominator is Marcus. Now we go back to the gym, and Marcus is like, yeah, you don't even know the rest of the story, man. The Belmont was just like, the tip of the iceberg. Like, as soon as we leave, dude, it'll all turn on me, bro. I get back to her place and she's like, oh, you're such a joke. Still with a shitty. Such a shitty boyfriend. How are you gonna let. Let someone yell at me? I would never do that. So, like, what the hell do you want me to do? I'm like, what do you want me to do? You know?
B
Huh?
A
That's what I was saying. Or you know what? It was crazy.
B
Yeah. So then we. We cut back to Cam. She's like, yeah. So we come back here and he does this typical Marcus thing where he's like, a wuss and he doesn't want to deal with it, so he just goes out to smoke a cigarette. Like, you want to smoke a cigarette? I'm gonna start the couch on fire. So I started the couch on fire, and he was like, oh, my God. Catches on fire. It's like, why don't you cry more? You? Yeah, I'm like, you're just a joke of a boyfriend fucking joke.
A
I love her. So basically. And her story is like, I was yelling at him. He went outside to get away from me, so then I started crying inside. And then he wouldn't even come in and console me for crying. Like, I love when people do that. Like, I can't Believe. I can't believe you didn't even console me when I was crying at you for me yelling at you.
So he basically told her that. That like, you know what? Shut up, you're drunk. And he left. So now he goes back. We go back to Marcus. He's like, yeah. She kept on calling me a joke of a boyfriend, saying, you're a fucking joke. Mind you, I knew I had to come to work out with your ass today, Shane Davis. Yeah, that's right. And I'm trying to sleep, and I don't give a shit. She's like, I don't give a shit. You're trying to sleep. Is that. Is your workout with Shane more important to you? And I'm like, kind of. Yeah, man. He's like a pretty big model. And she's like, I don't care about big models. Well, you should, because we're in Los Angeles. It's a privilege to work out with Shane Davis. That's right. You tell her. And you still wouldn't believe me. It was five in the morning and I finally just had to leave.
B
Five in the morning, bro. Five in the morning. Morning, bro. You should have just told her, Bamin.
A
Wow. Good thing you didn't have a call type like Nika, am I right?
B
So Kim's like. And then he leaves. Typical Marcus. So I'm calling a hundred times because I just started having a panic attack, which is like a serious thing, right? And so I'm freaking out, texting him and calling him. Like, answer the phone. Yeah. And then on the way home, I just hear my phone vibration dog. Non stop, bro. Vibrating non stop. And I'm just not looking at it. Kim's like, yeah, well, you have to do is pick up the phone. Like, pick up the 100 phone calls for me and it's gonna be fine.
A
Man, that's so dangerous. I'm. I'm glad you didn't drive your Jeep off the road. You do have a Jeep, right? You do have a Jeep, right?
B
And Venus is like, as the only gay person here, let me tell you. Marcus and Kim are constantly circling the three Fs, flirting, fighting, and fucking.
A
Yeah. If someone called me a hundred times, I would call the police. I'd be like, help, help. Put that in the trailer.
B
Marcus is like, okay. So then I check her location, and who do I see coming up the canyon?
Shane's like, her little dog was coming right up the canyon, bro. He's like, yeah, bro, her dog was coming. So I go outside, I open the door, and I Walked in my bed and she's like. She didn't say one word, but then she woke up. She's like, we're going to talk about this. And I'm like, fuck, no, we're going to talk about this. I got to work out with Shane Davis, bro.
A
Bro, you're totally ruining my. My workout with Shane Davis. I'm g. Have to put in. I'm only gonna be able to put an effort of two because of you, man. So Kim is like, yeah. And I really think, like, it's like, you know, I think the reality is my comfortability with your friends. Him and Demi have been friends for years and years before me, and nothing's ever happened. And they're friends. 5. Now, on the other hand, this is a new friendship, okay? This is a brand new. It doesn't go as far back as 2023, which, as we all know, is like, I don't know, is that like a decade from today? I don't know. They do not have the same history.
B
And Marcus is like, yeah, like, what the hell, bro? And Shane goes, yeah, bro, maybe we should just be single. He's like, yeah, maybe that's what they're trying to say to us, bruh. So Venus is like, you know what, though? All this behavior is going to age you, Kim. Like, it's a tell, you know? Like, you gotta. You gotta tell the man. Oh, it's a tell the man to shut the up 2025 that we're gonna have. Yeah, girl.
A
So then now we're back at sir. Lisa arrives, and there is Natalie. Not. Not to be confused with Natalie. This is Natalie who, you know, has been with us for years and years at least. It's like. And now he's like.
B
Today I was watching the camera because I was looking for something that I lost. And Marcus was swinging in the little bar kitchen telling Jason how to do it, how to sneak it in. And then he comes over here chatting with Venus at the bar. They are casually asking about that. Give us two shot. And then they look at shot and then they sneak to drink some more.
A
Lisa, Lisa, what did Natalie lose? She's like, I lost. I lost a cup's worth of sangria. Where could it be? Must look at the teeth. So Lisa's like, listen, this isn't the first time we've heard this bullshit. There's a new sheriff in town and her name is Ms. Magic, okay? And I mean, do we suspend all four of them? How's that going to hurt the business? Okay, America, time to hear some Hard truths. I know that people will sneak a drink here and there. I mean, this isn't my first rodeo, that's for sure. But this is 2025. It's not 2013. So has HR now, which stands for Handsome raconteurs. Haha. We have to crack down. This kind of stuff.
B
Hustlers and roto rooters. HR sir has hr We've got to crack down. So Natalie's like, I'm going to cry. I'm for. Really? That's not respectful. We've been struggling this much. At least you're not to have the support of the.
A
No broken bird. Ooh, I looked so hard for broken birds in this new generation, not realizing there was one under me this whole time. Oh, America. But we ourselves are in our own broken bird. West Hollywood, the brokenest bird of all was the center of nightlife in Los Angeles. But since COVID it never seemed to recover. Please show some footage of a black plastic bag blowing across Robertson Avenue.
B
Oh, sir has survived, but it has not been thrived driving. I'm going to have a staff meeting and if that's not good enough, then whoosh. Do you understand? Smoke bomb. Where's the smoke bomb? Somebody, please. All right, hand me jiggy. Hand me the. Hand me the jiggy.
A
I already made the decision to say goodbye to one baby. And they show footage of pump. No Max. Show the footage of Max. Okay.
B
I'm not gonna do it again. So now we go to Lisa. She's like, o. All right, shit like this goes on, we're going to catch it. Diana, we're go. I mean, whatever your name is, we're going to deal with it. And I know it's been a really hard few months for you, hard few months. But we've survived over the years and we're going to survive now. Okay, Natalie, now get it together. And remember that this segment was decorated. This segment was directed by Ken Burns.
A
We'll get through it. We will bring West Hollywood back to life. So meanwhile, young Natalie arrives at a recording studio and meets her producers, Daniel and Dave. And she's like, I always knew I was going to be a singer. Actor. Ariana Grande grew up in the neighborhood next to me, and she made it really big, really young. So, like, why not me? I mean, we grew up in the same mall. We grew up eating the same Italian food. Trattoria Romana. Hello. Like, we are literally putting the same stuff in our bodies. So the same sounds should be coming out of our bodies too.
Great logic.
B
She likes tacos. I like Tacos a der superstar. So Daniel's like, all right, take it from the top. All right. Just do whatever feels good. And she's. At first, she sounds really good because she has some riffs and stuff. But most of her singing really is just like.
But it sounds on key.
A
Mostly she's like, okay, should we do a little bit more of, like, a. Or do we want a little more?
B
Yeah. Well, I'm writing this song called passenger, and. Which I like because that's a callback to Stasi's dark passenger from Dexter, which he always had. And I wrote it after I went on a date with someone for, like, the first time after my breakup because I met this gun hinge and then I had sex for the first time in, like, six months. And it was amazing. So I wrote a song about it. Yeah, he was like a passenger. It's like, pull up, get in. Then I drive, then I stop. Cause there's a stoplight. And then you say, what's going on with you? And then, like, not much with you because he's a passenger.
A
Okay, Dave. Dave and Dan. Okay, let's do a straight double of the pre. And then, like, we'll do, like, a part of me, and then we'll do, like, we'll go back to the chorus, and I'll do, like, thinking that I know every part of me. It's like, yeah, that's great, man.
B
So Demi comes. She's like, hi, I happen to be in the neighborhood, like, totally normal place for a talk music studio. And she's like, you sound great, baby. Great. Wow.
A
Baby, why don't you hear me sing some more?
B
No, no, that's okay.
A
Okay.
B
Fire, babe. As in, I want to set fire to myself after listening to that babe.
A
Thank you. So did you feel something?
B
So trash babe means the opposite of what it sounds like. Okay. So, yeah, let's hang out.
A
Okay, let's hang out. Producers, get out of here.
B
And Dave's like, yeah, we gotta get into some production stuff anyway, which is why we'll leave you in the production studio, and we'll just go to the break room. Okay.
A
You know, I'm. The fact that these producers are named Dan and Dave, I'm, like, semi traumatized because my brother's name is Dan. And back in 1992, speaking of the Olympics, back in 1992, there was this enormous ad campaign because there were these two track and field stars. One was named Dan, one was named Dave, and every commercial was like, dan or Dave? Who's going to win? Dan or Dave?
B
Dan or Dave?
A
Dan or Dave?
B
Dave.
A
And I remember one, my brother was going on college tours at the time, so we went to Wheaton College. And we're walking around and we have a tour guide. And my dad is like, the guy asked my brother's name and my dad goes, well, you know those commercials of Dan and Dave? Well, this one's Dan. And the tour guide looked and then he was confused. He goes like, wait, you're Dan. And then the guy thought he was Dan from the commercials, even though this was a 17 year old kid. And that guy was like an Olympian. And then it was so. I was so embarrassed, like, dad, stop. And my dad's like, Dan and Dave, you know, like Dan and Dave. And I was like, stop it, dad. Every time I hear Dan and Dave, I'm like, taken back to being, like, so mortified by my dad.
B
He's like, stealing valor. I love that.
I like that. The guy is like, wow, that's an Olympian. Wow. Like, takes no fact checking into it. Like, not even with his eyes. Like, not even with his eyes. Like, I'll just.
A
But I was like, of course. I was like, in eighth grade. I was seventh or eighth grade. I was like, this is so embarrassing. So anyway, so ding dong, sit down, talk.
B
So they're talking about Natalie's breakdown at the restaurant, and she actually yelled at Demi too. And Demi did not like that. She's like, I'm so sorry, Demi. But, like, what. What set me off was when he was like, if you have anything to say, you can communicate with me through Demi. I mean, after a year and a half of him not wanting to speak, speak to you at all. And this is why I'm saying, like, it always feels like we're in a love triangle.
A
Is it really a love triangle of two Points of the triangle are triangulating behind the other points back, actually, it's like a kite.
B
That's like a kite. It's a kite angle. She like. But in the past, like, I pretty much, like, I'm over it at this point because, like, normally when two girls share an ax, it causes problems. But it just brought us closer together because, like, we've both dated a senior citizen.
Yeah.
A
So Natalie's like, I value our friendship more than anything. Remind me your name again. Okay, I'm gonna cry. Because, like, for us to start out the way we did, with how complicated it was, and for us to get here two years later with you sitting here listening to the smells of Ariana Grande's favorite restaurant coming up through my Music. It just means so much for me.
B
So then we go to Chris and Jason's apartment, and Chris is like, all right, bro. What are we working with? Yeah, we waxed already. What the. This is fun. Oh, so this is where the boys are hanging out. Like, they're gonna go surfing. Yeah. They're talking about, is your butthole waxed already? I was like, what. What is this scene? Okay, surfboards. So we find out that they're half cousins because their moms were half sisters. But, yeah, I think if Jason is more of a brother.
A
Yeah, man. And Jason's like, yeah, we look like twins. I actually have an identical twin. People freak out when they see all three of us together. It's just like. Like, too much eyebrows for them. Am I right? Because Jason's eyebrows, really. They just. They. They are tall, wide, and they really have. They go far.
B
They are.
A
They're big boys, you know? So then Jason's like, hey, got. Let's go to the beach, man. So they go to the beach with their surfboards, and they're like, hey, you need to catch a tan on that white ass. And Chris is like, yeah, if I actually tan my ass, it would be burnt as, man. Whoa.
B
So they talk about how they weren't close until they both wrestled in high school. Rawr. I mean, these two already. And Please do it on camera. And they're like, yeah, I'd whip his ass now, but, like, up and down, sir. Instead of the mat. We'd write scripts together. We travel the world together. We got a lot of trouble together. That dude's my rock out there. Ride or die.
A
Yeah. Yeah.
B
I. I'll never forget the day he told me, it doesn't hurt if you just hold on and think of something else for about five minutes.
A
The biggest thing that I'm scared of in life is regret. I never want to be on my deathbed and think, oh, I should have done this. I should have done that. Well, that sometimes regrets, it works in a way of like, oh, I shouldn't have done this, and I shouldn't have done that. Like, I shouldn't have gone on Vanderpump Rules. But, yeah, that's fine. It's your journey.
B
Shouldn't have my cousin, you know? So then Jason's like, God, I got sand in my ass. Hey, bro, what's better way? It's Jersey or Cali? He's like, yeah, I think the waves are better in Jersey. Tbh. But, like, when I go home, I'm just reminded of why we left. It's A dead end, bro. It's a dead end. It's with Meatball and Ikea Culdesac.
A
The overall goal of being in la, I just really want to create as many opportunities as I can. You know, I do modeling, acting. I did two reality dating shows. I also do only fans. It's a good gig, man. Even if you're shirtless in a shower with a little bit of oil on, you know, it's a good way to connect with people, bro. So my dream is to do a live action Tangled and I'll be the Flynn Rider. I mean, I would kill it. Come on, guys, look, I'm Flynn Rider. Guys, look at me. Imagine that's your dream.
B
Live action Tangled, bro. I'm there.
A
I guess he does sort of look like Glenn Rider now that I'm looking at pictures of it. But yeah, I love that. That's what his gimmick is. He's like, come on, Disney cat cast me.
B
He's just waiting for them.
A
I'm sure Disney can't wait to cast. Cast the guy from Vanderpump Rule to be the center of one of their multi million dollar films.
B
They can't wait to cast an only fans guy in. In. In a Disney movie. He's like, yeah, well, Jason says acting class, it's all picking up, you know, like, I gotta ask to do another dancing thing, bro. Remember the thing I was talking about? Yeah. Don't say what it was though, because it was like mostly with my cornhole, but like, I don't know, it could be fun. Like my dancing days, remember Exotic nights, bro? That was a show.
Yeah, man.
A
You know, back then, you know, like. But you know, I was always like a really good boy, to be honest. Like, you know, it's kind of like a sexual intellectual. I was like, oh, boy alert. I was like, I like this guy Boiler, the sexual intellectual. And he's like, by the time I got to college though, I needed to pay rent and I didn't want to be a bartender. And I was studying medicine and I was in a fraternity and I was wrestling and I was sort of having late night encounters that we're not supposed to talk about. So I'm like, what's the fastest way to make money? So I started dialing up some strip clubs. Hell yes.
B
God, I love a dumb hoe who thinks he's smart. That's like my favorite.
A
Yeah, sexual intellectual. Yeah.
B
So Chris is like, yeah, you know, you just, I'm gonna show you guys how to strip. And so he's like doing Some stripping moves. He's like, don't push too hard, man. You don't want to look desperate.
A
Just.
B
Just have fun with it. You don't want to be corny. I was like, really? The guy whose dream is to be a live. Live action tangled. It's afraid of being corny.
A
Just a tangled character.
B
Take off your shirt.
A
Shut up.
Hey, you know what? You know that. That was the kind of start about thinking about TV and modeling, you know, back then, and it was kind of cool that we got to model in Athens. Wasn't that cool? I want to travel again. We got to go to, like, Europe. Imagine if they. They were sent to, like, Athens, Georgia. And all this time they thought. Thought they went to atmosphere. Like, wow. So amazing how many people spoke English there. What a welcoming country.
B
We got to go to, like, Europe. And he goes, yeah, but I want to go to Thailand.
A
Yeah.
B
After watching White Lotus, I gotta go to Thailand.
A
Yeah, man. Nothing was an advertisement for Thailand. Like, the White Lotus was.
B
God, everybody's like that. Even. Even on the Dwell hellos are doing that now. It's like, yeah, Thailand. Woof.
A
I mean, we make a great freaking team, I'll tell you that. I mean, before you know it, we'll be like the next Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. He's like, yeah. Hey, wait, wait, wait. Do you like. Do you like apples?
B
No.
A
Oh, yeah. Because I got a number. How about them apples? Oh, so good.
B
Okay, so now we get a staff meeting. Dun, dun dun. And everyone's kind of wandering in, and so here we go. All right. So as you know, sir is my baby. No, Max is just some convict I adopted for a while. Stop asking about Max, all right? Natalie works her ass off here, and this is her livelihood. Look at her. This woman has been wearing the same TJ Maxx blazer for 17 years.
A
French tears. French tears.
B
Her tears even come out as clotted cream. All right, Dedicated.
A
She is British. Now I'm pissed off, but that's okay.
B
I have watched what has transpired on videos. By the way, Natalie, did you find what you were looking for? No, I did not find Lisa. I still did not find.
A
I could not find my Edith Pf CT set. Oh, that is too bad. Well, this is what I saw on the video. Marcus was standing in the back of house sweeping cups of sangria and Venus. Standing there with Jason and Marcus taking shots. Before you even start working, what kind of service are you gonna give? I'm not happy with you all. Not at all. And you know the worst thing about it is that Natalie had to see this while she was looking for her missing item that we don't know. It is. Natalie, are you quite okay?
B
Look at her. And sad. Sad, tearful. Rayon, think about what you're doing to Natalie. West Hollywood used to be vibrant. And the pandemic has brought us to our knees. Restaurant costs are up. Many restaurants close down. Do you want to be Hamburger Haven?
A
Do you want to be Hamburger Haven? Or Hamburger Hadn't? Okay, so let me tell you, the one I'm angriest at of all, the one who I'm so mad about is Marcus. Marcus, Marcus, Marcus. You're training him and getting shit faced. Restaurant costs. Like I said, restaurant costs are up. Restaurants are closed down. Things are up. Things are down. Pib's up. Hose down. I've had enough of this. This is survival of the fittest. So right now, I want you to get your shit, go home, and have a really good think about it, because let me tell you, I don't want to speak to you anymore, Marcus, until you report right back here this evening for your shift.
B
He's like, but I am fit. No, you aren't. I heard that you only gave a 2 out of 10 in your workout with Shane Davis. What a handsome man. Get out.
A
Did somebody say something about a Jeep in there? Get out. Employees only. Shane Davis.
B
Sometimes people get a little too comfortable and they make ridiculous decisions, and this was one of them. And Marcus will pay for it. I haven't decided how yet, but I've decided this boys will be boys.
A
What did I say until this happened? He was gonna continue doing what he's doing. Like, but also like, is he dumb? Is he, like, so dumb. Be so for real right now.
B
I like that Kim gets mad at her boyfriend and immediately she's just like, has his back. Not at all. She's like, yeah, dumbass drunk. They should fire him. They should get rid of it.
A
So Venus is like, I don't even drink at work, but the one time I drink at work, I got caught. Like.
So they have this producer outside on the sidewalk. This is like at the end of like, Judge Judy when they, like, it is lost the case.
B
Yeah. It's like, Dougl out there, he's like, how do you feel? He's like, well, I didn't expect it, but it's not my day. You know, I did do the crime, so I guess I got to do the time on my couch. Yeah, it's gonna suck.
A
Yeah. And so. All right, everyone, now if we're going to Continue to survive. This is a business. And you know that because I'm wearing a tie and a vest. But also magic. Okay, sorry about the smoke bomb. Not appropriate. I understand you're all confused. It's all about being your best and your brightest and making sure that nobody's waiting longer than three minutes for a drink. Not kind of walking up and being like, oh, I had a shot. Do we understand each other now?
B
This is the longest monologue I've ever given. Now leave. Please leave. Hand me the old jiggy. Hand me the old jiggy. Ah, this is what your is going to happen to your jobs if you ever drink again at work.
Smoke bomb, please. One smoke bomb.
A
So then they. They all go. They are. They're actually so shook that they not only go to the back alley, they seem to go to like a back alley of the back alley. They find some bench off, like around the Cor. Her. And Venus is like, I thought I was gonna my pants on. That. That was like the scariest meeting that we've ever had here at sir.
B
Yeah. They're like, that was terrifying. So Audrey's like, I didn't even know they did that. They just seem so normal. I can't believe they were drinking.
A
I told him no so many times. Thank God. Thank God.
B
So they're all like, yeah, they need to stop drinking at work. And Venus is like, I doubt he does it again. And Kim says, yeah, I definitely disagree. Honestly, I'm not gonna sit here and be his support system. About what? Like, go beyond your own and realize what it's like for me not to be around. I mean, where's he when I need him? I'm so fucking tired of it. It's like, oh, God, Kim, Jesus. Still. We're not dating. You. Do we have to listen to your bullshit too? Be quiet.
A
I love. She makes this about her. Yeah, Like, I mean, he can come to me and apologize and be remorseful and sit at my feet if he wants me to speak to him. I'm like, I don't think he's looking for support from you right now. So I'll just like, yeah, go tell him to get down on all fours and beg. Yeah. High five.
B
High five.
A
High five. Girl power. We did it.
B
Yeah. So I don't know. That was the end of it. I enjoyed it. I mean, it was nothing. You know, Pulits are winning, but I don't think it's supposed to be.
A
I think it's. I think it's perfectly fun. Perfectly fun. Entertainment. That's what we want from these shows. We want them to be petty. We want them to be squabbling.
B
And I like that they've been working here for, like, literal decades. I think that's important, like, when you have a cast that knows each other. And I mean, most of them have known each other since. Since 2023.
A
So that's a long time.
B
I'm in, guys.
A
That's a very long time.
B
All right, everybody, thanks for being here. We'll be back tomorrow with Southern charm. And then is the season premiere of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. We'll talk to you next time.
A
Bye. Watch what crap. INS would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Allison Block.
B
Our way is the Amber way.
A
It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp.
B
Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. We never miss her call. It's Diane call. Sunday in the park with Dylan Clark. Big yay. It's Emily Gaultier.
A
Aaron McNicholas. She don't miss no Trickolas Hava Nagila Weber. You'll never hide from Heidi. Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo Jamie, she has no less namey.
B
She's our kind of mess. It's Jennifer Messer. Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch.
A
She's our favorite streamer.
B
Caroline Peacock, Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a B in your bonnet with Lacey B. Que sera sera Whatever will be will Lauren Sills be. She gets an A from us. It's Lindsey D. Let's give a kisserino to Lisalino. Fresh as a daisy. It's Maisie McHenry. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Burg.
A
This is living with Michelle Vivian.
B
I love Aya. Olivia Williamson.
A
She sure is swell. It's Raquel.
B
Yes, we can. It's Savannah.
A
Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.
B
Darn Skippy, it's Tippy. And our super premium sponsors.
A
Make way for A.J. lopez.
B
She's VV IP it's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.
A
Somebody get us 10cc's of Betsy MD.
B
We'Re taking the gold with Brenda Silva.
A
Let's get real with Caitlin o'. Neal.
B
Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte Fletcher. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. Who?
A
What why? Where? And Gwen Pentland.
B
Let's go into the woods with Guy tonight. Cubs.
A
Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Hail the cork master. The master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish, my favorite Murdo Karen.
B
McMurdo, she's a total knockout.
A
It's Katie Manock in the study with a candlestick. It's Leslie Peacock G It's Lisa H. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder Baron, she's a whiz It's Liz Sarthy, always killing it. It's Lola Al Kalani, the incredible edible.
B
Matthews sisters she eases our woes. It's Melissa St. Rose. There's a chance of meatballs.
A
It's Rebecca Cloud, maximum love for Sandy Maximoska. She's the queen bee. It's Sarah Lemke, we cannot tell a lie.
B
It's Sarah tell of son Shannon out.
A
Of a can and Anthony, please don't stop. It's solely and pop. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. You'll always get the full story with Tori Parsons.
B
She ain't no shrinking violet Coutar.
A
We love you guys.
B
If you like watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey@wondry.com survey.
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: December 4, 2025
In this lively, irreverent recap, Ben and Ronnie dive into the second half of Vanderpump Rules Season 12's premiere episode. The hosts gleefully mock, dissect, and celebrate the messy new cast at SUR, highlighting workplace drama, messy relationships, and the time-honored tradition of drinking on the job. With classic Crappens banter and sharp-eyed commentary, they shine a light on the new era of Vanderpump chaos, clowning both the show’s stars and reality TV tropes.
On relationship drama:
“It's that couple in high school that's just like, oh my God, we have so much drama. That's why we're popular. And they're always like, every day is their new drama. I'm busy. I do not have time for your... Okay. It's badly scripted.” – Ronnie (14:08)
On boundaries:
“If someone called me a hundred times, I would call the police. I'd be like, help, help. Put that in the trailer.” – Ben (22:04)
Lisa on workplace discipline and the pandemic’s impact:
“I mean, this isn't my first rodeo, that's for sure. But this is 2025. It's not 2013. So [SUR] has HR now, which stands for Handsome Raconteurs. Haha.” – Ben as Lisa (24:17)
On new cast history:
“Most of them have known each other since. Since 2023. So that's a long time.” – Ben (43:31)
On aspiring pop stars:
“Like, we are literally putting the same stuff in our bodies. So the same sounds should be coming out of our bodies too.” – Ben as Natalie (26:46)
On OnlyFans/stripping:
“Even if you’re shirtless in a shower with a little bit of oil on, you know, it’s a good way to connect with people, bro.” – Jason (34:08)
On being over the top:
“I love a dumb hoe who thinks he's smart. That's like my favorite.” – Ronnie (35:50)
Ben and Ronnie keep their signature playful, mocking, and affectionate energy throughout, never letting a petty battle or cast cliché pass without a well-placed quip. Their impersonations and hypothetical asides riff endlessly on both Bravo drama and LA culture, making this recap as entertaining (and meta) as the show itself.
For fellow Bravo fans or those curious about the new SUR-ld, this episode is a wild, hilarious ride through every squabble, side-eye, and spilled drink of Vanderpump’s next generation.