#3101 Southern Charm S11E03 Part 1: Lost Boy Lit

Summary

Watch What Crappens - Episode #3101 Recap

Southern Charm S11E03 Part 1: Lost Boy Lit

Release Date: December 4, 2025
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam

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Episode Overview

This episode, Ben and Ronnie are back after a Thanksgiving break for a two-part, in-depth Southern Charm recap, focusing on Season 11, Episode 3 (“Lost Boy Lit”). The hosts unpack the fallout from last week’s chaotic beach party and dig into the current state of the cast: new arrivals, messy relationships, Bravo’s ongoing “bait and swap” approach with its female cast members, and the ever-shifting dynamics among Charleston’s most reluctant grown-ups. As always, the discussion balances hilariously irreverent observations, sharp social commentary, and Bravo inside jokes, with plenty of memorable quotes and comedic analogies.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter & Birthday Cheer

• Birthday Talk (01:08 - 03:20):
  • Ben celebrates his 32nd birthday with bagels, Allison Roman, podcasting, and lamenting that Dom (his partner) is out of town.
  • They reflect on the best things about LA's Valley, including bagels and home goods.
  • Ronnie jokes: “I'm in the Valley of the damned.”
  • Shout-outs to cross-podcast friends from Two Judgy Girls and One Song.

2. Thanksgiving Break Recap: Southern Charm Catches Up

• Why Missing Last Week Was a Blessing (04:48 - 05:28):
  • Both are relieved not to have recapped the chaotic beach football scene—“We would have been a nightmare. So I’m actually so glad we did not have to do that.”
• Introduction of New Cast Member Charlie (05:29 - 07:19):
  • Ben calls her “our latest twit on the Twit Express.”
  • Ronnie: “She’s a debutante. How dare you!”
  • Both delight in Charlie’s “praying mantis face—in a good way… I’m hoping she’s more of a predator than we’re seeing so far.”
  • Ronnie frames Charlie as another example of Bravo’s tendency to cycle through “the bait” (women), calling the men “the old singing bass on the wall.”

3. Bravo’s Gender Dynamics & Men of Southern Charm

• Ronnie: “They’re just getting younger and younger, and those boys are not.” (06:15)
• Pointed commentary about how women are brought on, “used up, abused, and then leave.”
• Discussion of Austin’s claimed age (34 or 36), leading to moisturizer jokes.

4. The Love “Amoeba”: Relationship Webs & Girl Code

• Confusing Rom-Com Plotlines (10:00 - 12:32):
  • Sally flirts with both Craig and Austin, tangling with Aubrey (sometimes called Audrey) and Charlie; girl code tensions abound.
  • Ronnie: “It’s like a love petri dish with Sally. Sally just wants everybody.” (16:13)
  • Ben: “Sally went from being like a sexual self-possessed person to being a little bit more of a pick-me this season.”

5. Aubrey/Audrey as Outsider: The Jamie Gertz of ‘Twister’

• Austin and Aubrey Dynamics (11:39 - 13:50):
  • Ben likens Aubrey to the outsider girlfriend who doesn’t fit in and will inevitably be dumped.
  • Ronnie: “This girl is reputation defense, okay?… He did the best thing he could—he got some girl out of town so he could cheat on her all the time and do whatever the fuck he wanted.”
  • Advice: If you’re always the one traveling to your boyfriend, “Absolutely not.”

6. Opening Scenes: Hangover at the Beach House

• Recapping Last Week (21:02 - 22:41):
  • Flashbacks of party aftermath: whipped cream, fireman-carrying, Vanita falling down the stairs (“Vanita just cannot win this show.”)
  • Discussion of the cast cleaning up and moving to Austin’s house.

7. Mothers and Manners: Charlie’s Southern Upbringing

• Charlie FaceTimes Mom Denise (25:03 - 29:07):
  • Denise: “Were you pleasant? Were you interesting? Did you ask that man about himself?”
  • Ben: “Saying ‘interesting’ is so coded. I love the passive aggression…savage.”
  • Ronnie: “Why do the moms dress like this? Like Elder Mormons from the Oregon Trail.”
  • Charlie reveals her legacy as “little Miss South Carolina overall queen” and a career in pageantry.

8. Sally, Molly, Vanita—The Dibs Argument & Girl Code Drama

• Friendship Friction (31:47 - 44:54):
  • Molly complains Sally “calls dibs on every man in Charleston.”
  • Ronnie: “You can’t just pick everybody, you know?”
  • The problem with girl code and “calling dibs” when Bravo contracts require dating the cast men for camera time.
  • Ben: “Let Vanita have her story!”—frustration over how Vanita is ignored by the cast and the show’s narrative.
• Notable quote (38:01, Ben): “It feels a little problematic…can you guys at least try to have Vanita’s back once in a while? Just once, please?”

9. Vanita & Craig: A Weak Feud?

• Strategic Observations (44:16 - 44:54):
  • Ben and Ronnie debate whether Vanita’s feud with Craig is compelling drama or a misfire.
  • Ben: “If you’re gonna play the feud card hard, go do the whole thing, so we can be like, ‘Team Vanita!’”
  • Ronnie: “Just go up to Craig and be like, ‘Hey, I saw your thing that you hate me, let’s talk about it.’ Craig usually folds pretty quickly.”

10. Patricia & Randy: Tech Support and Grief

• Attempting a FaceTime (50:29 - 53:25):
  • Extended, satirical play-by-play of Patricia struggling to FaceTime Whitney.
  • “Do you have the MySpace app on here, Ms. Patricia?”
• Emotional Moment: Mourning Chauncey the Dog (54:09):
  • Rare genuine moment as Patricia tears up, recalling her beloved dog’s death.
  • Whitney tries to help: "Have them play ‘Amazing Grace’ at the burial."
  • Ronnie (about Patricia): “We’ve never seen Ms. Patricia cry.”

11. Austin and Craig: The Cat Curse

• Cat Adoption as Breakup Harbinger (55:32 – 57:54):
  • Austin tells Craig he's adopting a cat; Craig labels it “the kiss of death,” tracking his exes and their cats.
  • Ben’s cat analysis: “There’s just no way Craig could compete with Colonel Gizmo.”

12. Craig & Charlie at the Art Gallery: The Polar Bear Comedown

• Art, Flirting, and Malapropisms (59:24 – 65:15):
  • Craig mangles questions about art: “Do you have a polar bear watercolor? So you want a white canvas.”
  • Both hosts riff on his childlike taste (wants a tiger, penguin, or polar bear).
  • Ben: “He’s just going through polo shirt logos.” (62:46)
  • Underlying theme: Craig’s approach to relationships mirrors his approach to art—hesitant, surface-level, and always a bit off.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Ben (about casting younger women):
  “It’s starting to look like a Leonardo DiCaprio, you know, story in the tabloids. They’re just getting younger and younger, and those boys are not.” (06:15)

• Ronnie on Vanita's Southern Charm arc:
  “Vanita just cannot win this show. She just can’t win nothing she does.” (22:21)

• Ronnie on Bravo’s approach:
  “Basically this is the whorehouse of Bravo. They basically hire girls to bang the guys.” (16:10)

• Ronnie on playing reality TV feuds:
  “If you’re going to play the feud card hard, go do the whole thing, so we can really be like team Vanita!” (44:16)

• Ben jokes about art:
  “Tiger, when you said tiger, penguin, I was like, please don’t say crocodile next, because he’s just going through polo shirt logos.” (62:46)

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Important Timestamps

• Birthday Banter: 01:08 – 03:20
• Charlie’s Introduction & Gender Commentary: 05:28 – 07:19
• The Football/Relationship “Amoeba” Explained: 10:00 – 12:32
• Aubrey/Audrey’s Outsider Role: 11:39 – 13:50
• Hangover at the Beach House: 21:02 – 22:41
• Charlie’s FaceTime with Mom Denise: 25:03 – 29:07
• Molly-Vanita-Sally Dibs Drama: 31:47 – 44:54
• Patricia’s Tech & Grief Scenes: 50:29 – 54:59
• Austin’s “Cat Curse” Theory: 55:32 – 57:54
• Craig & Charlie’s Gallery Nonsense: 59:24 – 65:15

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Tone & Language

As always, Ben and Ronnie toggle between parody, sarcasm, Bravo-deep cuts, and real affection for (and frustration with) these characters. Their “mock because we love” philosophy shines, blending empathy (especially for characters like Vanita and Patricia) with an incisively comic, often campy, take on reality-TV melodrama.

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In Summary

Part one of the recap covers the post-beach party clean-up, introduces and judges new arrivals (notably Charlie and Whitner), and spotlights the familiar cycles of Bravo casting, shifting alliances, and petty (but delicious) disputes. There’s sharp attention to Bravo’s well-worn formulas—particularly its use of women as “bait” for largely unredeemable men—and plenty of signature comedic sidebars, from Southern mothers to the saga of Bravo pets. The episode ends mid-recap, teasing the continuation of the gallery scene into part two.

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For full context and more laughs, check out part two of this Southern Charm recap!

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens?

[A]

Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there. Hello, Ben.

[B]

Hi, how are you?

[A]

Happy birthday, my little Benton Mooney.

[B]

Well, thank you so much.

[A]

Ben has just turned 32 today. Happy birthday, Ben.

[B]

It's official, I'm in my 30s.

Thanks, Ronnie. Thank you so much.

[A]

What are you doing today special for your day?

[B]

Well, first of all, I'm basking in all the love that people are giving me.

On all platforms and mediums. I appreciate it. All the loves and all the love and the loves. I already did my first big check mark, which is of course today is Bagel Thursday. So I took myself to my favorite bagel shop in Los Angeles, which was Hanks over in Toluca Lake. I went into the valley my bagel this morning.

[A]

And so I'm we've got some things going for us over there. We got Hanks.

[B]

Yeah, Hanks, Hanks and Bagel boss. They are neck and neck and home goods. I mean there's a lot of great stuff in the valley, including you, Ronnie. Although you're in Texas, you're in a different valley right now. So I did, I did that. I'm going to podcast with you.

[A]

I'm in the Valley of the damned.

[B]

And then tonight I'm going to go see Allison Roman doing her book tour, her new cookbook. So it's kind of like a very bend day. It's also national Cookie Day. I did not know that this fell on my birthday. How did I get to all 32 years of my life without knowing that today was National Cookie Day? So I'm very excited about that. I will find, I will source a cookie later today. So yeah, clearly a very exciting day. Actually, I'm saying kind of like a perfect bend day. I'm. I'm not going to lie, like, between bagels and Allison Roman and you, you know, it's great. The only thing that's missing is Dom. Dom's in Chicago teaching, so. But, you know, that's.

[A]

Oh, boo. Well, cheat. Today is the day you cheat. You know, it's your birthday. You can't get in trouble.

Today is the day you bang someone at the Allison Roman show.

[B]

I know. And I. You know, I had a great time last night. I went to the Spotify wrapped party here in Hollywood with Courtney from Two Judgy Girls who We Love and Diallo from. From One Song. So go check out their podcast there. I did have a Bravo Liberty encounter, but I'm gonna talk about that on our Beverly Hills recap. Not going to talk about it.

[A]

Oh, God, I gotta wait all the way till then.

[B]

Teaser, everyone. I've actually. I've actually already actively overhyped it, but it wouldn't be a birthday for me without overhyping something. Right. But, yeah. Anyway, the point is, it's been a fun 12 hours.

[A]

Well, good baby. Glad you're having fun. Glad you were born. Thanks, Carolyn.

[B]

Yeah, Larry takes two, you know.

[A]

Yeah, well, she did the work. She did. Not really.

[B]

She really did the work. She did the work.

[A]

No. Yeah, thank you too, Larry, for whatever you did. So, everyone, welcome to the show.

[B]

Wait. I want to thank you, Ronnie, because you put up a very funny and lovely mess thing on. On social media where you were. You put me in an Ina Garten outfit, and I'm. I assume that.

[A]

Well, you know, that's some Caitlin.

[B]

Oh, that did that. Well, either way, the spirit of you.

[A]

I just laughed. Oh.

[B]

Oh, I thought you totally did that. But that was like. That was the greatest honor of all, was to be seen in the Queen Ina Garten's, you know, bob and blue.

[A]

Shirt, a little barefoot. Ben.

[B]

Tessa. Yes.

[A]

So the best thing you can do for Ben for his birthday, go follow him on Instagram, everybody. You know it. And get some substack going on. Go the linked bio and get to his substack.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Stats are the best gift a girl could ask for. So last week was Thanksgiving, so we missed Southern charm.

[B]

Yes, we missed.

[A]

And so much happened. Did you watch it?

[B]

Of course. Of course I watched it. I'm actually so glad that we skipped it because if we had to recap that chaotic beach scene, that would have driven us both crazy because there was all the Characters were on the beach throwing around a football, and everything was crossing back and forth. It was so much. We would have been a nightmare. So I'm really actually so glad we did not have to do that. But I think for me, the biggest thing was that we met the new cast member, Charlie, who is our latest twit on the Twit Express. And, you know, talk about a birthday gift is to have a new vapid idiot on Bravo. I'm so excited. I'm. I'm ready for it.

[A]

How dare you? She's a debutante.

[B]

You're right.

[A]

She's a debutante. How dare you.

[B]

She was so bratty last week.

[A]

Do you think she was really bratty? Why do you think she was bratty? What'd she do?

[B]

Well, okay, I'm coming in really hot for her. I actually am not even that impassioned about her.

[A]

It's like, wow, what'd Charlie do?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I mean, I look at Charlie kind of as, like, a coaster. She's just somewhere you set your drink for a couple of seasons. Like, most of the people that they bring on this show, most of the ladies that they bring on this show, because the ladies are just the bait. You know, the show is about the old singing bass on the wall, which are the men. And the lady are just. The ladies are just the bait. They use them up, they abuse them, and then they leave them, and then we get a new crop of dummies. Although it is starting to look like a Leonardo DiCaprio, you know, story.

In the tabloids. I mean, they're just getting younger and younger, and those boys are not. Austin said last night, yeah, I'm 34. I was like, 34.

[B]

And I thought.

[A]

Or whatever. I think he said he was 34 or 36, something like that. And I was like, in what world do they just not sell moisturizer over there? Okay, so go ahead.

[B]

No, I. I actually don't hate her as Charlie.

[A]

I don't either as much as Charlie.

[B]

Sounds like I do. I really just came in hot because I'm just, you know, I'm fueled on a bagel and a coffee, guys. Bagel meets coffee. I just feel like last week, we're just friends. She just, like, had all these. They kept. The camera, kept on catching her, she'd be like. Around the boys, she'd be, like, smiling. And then, like, around the girls, they just. The camera would catch her just, like, sneering. Like.

I was like, oh, gosh, this.

[A]

One, you know, I think it's Just that she has a praying mantis face kind of in a. In a good way. Like in a pretty way. She's very pretty, but she's got. There's something like praying mantis about her, and I'm hoping that it goes into her personality. Like, I'm hoping she's more of a predator than we're seeing so far.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I did notice around the. Around us, the audience, she talks like this. She's got kind of like a. Hi, I'm Charlie. I'm like a debutante. And I'm like, I'm really into being Charlie. I love being me. And then when she's around the board, it's like, oh, my God.

[C]

Hi. Like, so good to meet you.

[A]

Yeah, I noticed that. But otherwise, I mean, she's very gorgeous.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, she's a gorgeous girl. I don't really know much about her. I'm automatically not disliking her. I'm just protective of her because she's on Southern charm. So I just want to show up there in my auntie van and just have it idling down the corner so that they could jump in. I mean, Shep's neck looks like turkey skin.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I did just see a turkey get cooked last week, so I think that's why I'm thinking. But I just want them to be protected, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because these men are the worst. Including Craig. You've got Craig off the wagon now, so I don't know that Craig was ever on the wagon, let's be honest. But at least he was pretending to need to be on a wagon, I guess whatever his storyline was last year.

[C]

When he's like, I'm an alcoholic.

[A]

While he was drunk.

[C]

You can't talk to me like that. I'm an alcoholic.

[A]

And then I think drank the whole season anyway, he definitely, like, like, grabbed.

[B]

Onto two ropes hanging off the back of the wagon and put some, like, rollerblades on and let the wagon tow him for a little bit. So he's like, I'm on the wagon, dude. But it's like, yeah, I don't know. You're. You're moving along with the wagon and you're attached to it, but I don't know if you're actually on it.

[A]

And listen, I'm not a huge wagon seller. I believe that people should be able to be off the wagon if they want to. I don't feel like there's any real guilt there. I mean, if you're ruining your life and stuff, you have your own self guilt. You don't need mine. But I'm not like a huge, like, get on the wagon, everybody come. I've got a.

[C]

A.

[A]

A wagon sale going on. I'm not like that. But my. I do have a pet peeve with people who performatively talk about wagons or.

[B]

Or use it together. Yeah. Or to win a fight.

[A]

Yes. Which is what he was doing. Like, do. Using it to. Yeah. Gain some sympathy and stuff like that. When you're not even putting in the work because it's hard work. So I would only get off the wall.

[B]

I only support using being on the wagon to get out of a fight. If you do it in a very melodramatic, campy way, like, how dare you say that I'm on the wagon. You know? But if you're doing it the way Craig was doing it, it's not campy. It's just like, oh, you're just lying again. Also, how drunk was that person who fell off the wagon the first time? Because, you know, like, it had to have come from. I'm assuming the expression came from some situation where people were on a wagon together and then someone was so drunk that they fell off of it. And like, oh, look, drunk again. Fell off the wagon.

[A]

They were so drunk goes Marge, falling off the wagon. Oregon Trail it happened.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like this. Something significant happened.

But I have to say. So they're setting up. I. What we missed last week is that we're setting up some sort of, like. It's not a love triangle. It's not a love rhombus. It's just sort of like a love, you know, amoeba, where essentially the whole thing is that Sally now likes Craig, but then she also likes Austin. And the thing is, Austin is with Aubrey, and so she sort of wants all the guys, but she really likes Craig, even though it's a violation of girl code with Vanita. And so then she went and told new girl, well, Charlie. But now Charlie seems like she likes Craig and Craig seems to like Charlie, and Sally's left out. So there's this whole thing. And it all came to a head when.

When Craig wanted to spend more time frolicking in the waves with Charlie. And then there was a football incident where it turns out that Sally is really good at throwing a football better than I can, I'll tell you that much.

[A]

And. But Aubrey, you know why, right?

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because she's not just one of the girls, okay.

[B]

She's like one of the guys. But Aubrey can't throw a football very well, which is like, kind of like, damning evidence, the world of Southern charm that Austin and Sally should be together and that he secretly loves Sally because she's better at throwing a football.

[A]

Yeah, it was. It was. It was pretty mature, the whole storyline, you know, facing your. Basing your conquests on how well they throw a football. But Austin, we found out, can't surf or anything either, so he's kind of sucks at all, all that stuff, too. So does he kind of belong with Charlie, going by this logic?

[B]

Well, also, we had, like, our first scene of Aubrey and being cast in the Jamie Gertz role because in the past, like, because, you know, I always say I'm the Jamie Gerts where I'm like the. I'm like the. The city girl in Twister who is, like, uncomfortable with everything but is trying to, like, Is trying to get along, to get along and then gets left for Helen Hunt or something. So I think that, like, she is. Last season, Aubrey was just like the nice girl from Charlotte who came around who were like, oh, no, run. But this year, she's, like, angry. She's like, man, I'm angry. You are? Well, that's how they're. I don't think she's angry. And if she is, it's justified. But they're casting her as, like, this sullen, sour puss who comes down to Charleston, is unhappy about it. And so she's definitely, like, in this Jamie Gertz, like, outsider role that Austin's going to leave for Charles.

[A]

Yeah, they're kind of trying to get people to ruin. To root against Aubrey because she doesn't like traffic, which is really weird. Like, they had that whole, like, well, Austin, the traffic really sucks. Like, it sucks being in traffic. And I really hate traffic. And traffic, traffic, traffic. And then they just cut it all together as this one long. Poor Austin has to listen to this girl talk about traffic. Yes. Because he never goes to see her. She always has to come see him because he does not give a shit about this girl. This girl is reputation defense, okay? We all know it. Austin had a rough season that Olivia season. So he got. He did the best thing he could. He got some girl who was out of town so he could cheat on her all the time, do whatever the fuck he wanted and have nobody to call him on it. And then he. He could just have, you know, the convenient every one weekend every month kind of a relationship where she comes to see him. Everybody knows it, and this poor girl is the only person that does not know it. It's so sad, girl.

[B]

If you're if you're the one. If it's 90% of the time, you're coming down to South Carolina or I should. Yeah, To Charleston. If you're doing that 90 of the time. For a guy who's gonna go on TV and be like, I don't know. Is he the one? I don't know. I don't know. It's like, he doesn't even know if he really likes you, and he's saying that on tv and you're still making that drive. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. I'm team Aubrey.

[A]

Yeah. He's like, I love when she's here, but I love when she's gone. Like, that's. That's not good. Also, the. The fact that people are fighting over the men on the show will never stop making me laugh. It just cracks me up. Like, you've got people actually.

Poised to fight over Austin, who's just like. Like, come on, now. I just don't. I just don't buy it. This show is so unrealistic.

[B]

But we do have a new guy, but.

[A]

Yeah, so we have a new guy. Oh, we met the new guy. Whitner.

[B]

Whitner.

[A]

Just take the wit. Just take the white guy. He's a white guy. Just keep the. The wit and the e. That's pretty much what we're getting from him. He's pretty cute.

[B]

I. I think he actually is really cute. I actually really like him so far, which means he'll wind up being terrible. That's the way it goes. I'm always bamboozled.

[A]

Whitner.

[B]

What a name. Whitner. It's like he. Like. It's like someone wanted to name him Whitney and then found out there already was a Whitney on the cast. So they sort of, like, had a doubt at the end. Like, we're gonna name him Whitney.

[A]

No, I think they wanted to just take out the N. I think he was born without the N in his name, and his name was just wider. His family was just, you know what? We've got the best son. He's wider than your. So. And someone was like, that's offensive. Like, some nurse added in an N on the birth certificate.

[B]

Yeah. They're like, let's just fix this. Okay.

[A]

Yeah, he. He's cute. His mustache needs either grooming or shaving. I would like to see him without the mustache, because I think he would be cuter.

[B]

We do see him without mustache. I think in some shots coming up the season. I think it was in the trailer. I like him with the mustache. I think he's got a. He seems. And he's a lawyer. He's an actual lawyer, not a Craig lawyer, which I feel like is. I feel like that's notable, you know, on a show of people who don't do anything. He actually has an advanced degree and a job, so that means he's only gonna be a one season wonder. Let's also not forget he has. He actually reports and has obligations and responsibilities. So, yeah, he's not gonna last long here. Maybe.

[A]

But this show likes to keep duds. I mean, this show will give a dud a chance.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

I think so. You never know. So last week the plot was introducing new people and reminding us that this.

[C]

Show is like, about, like love and dating.

[A]

And basically this is the whorehouse of Bravo. They basically hire girls to bang the guys. It's always been this way since the very beginning when they were passing around Catherine like a Thanksgiving, you know, turkey, Turkey leg or whatever. And it continues to this day. And so we meet the new crop of dum dums. And we already knew Sally. Sally is. You were wondering if it's like a love rhombus or whatever. It's a love petri dish with Sally. Because Sally just wants everybody. She doesn't care. She's just like, I'm gonna get in the goo with everybody. Whatever sticks. And listen, as my meemaw said, a friend to everybody is a friend to no one. In this case, a girlfriend to everybody is a girlfriend to no one. Yeah, listen, they all want. They all want you. They want to fuck everybody, but they want you to only want to fuck them. You should know that about guys by now, you know?

[B]

Yeah, Sally's like, you know, I really like Sally last season, but for this season, I'm not. I'm not loving her. I have to say. I'm not. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe it's. Maybe it's because she's getting. Maybe it's her edit and I'm just falling for the edit. But it's just like, I feel like some of the magic has gone with Sally this season. Whatever magic there was.

[A]

I think Sally has auditioned very, very hard to get on this show. You know, we saw her on Southern Hospitality, you know, hooking up with two of those guys at the same time, trying to get on show that ended up backfiring and she was no longer welcome on that show. And then she somehow made it onto this show and she's kind of playing the same game on this show. And I mean, Learn your lesson, you know, and that's more of a. It's not like a slut shaming thing. I think we should fuck everybody that we want, you know, but it's more of like a learn how to play your game kind of a thing. Because that's not how these guys are. That's not how you're going to stay on the show.

[B]

It's like she be. She went from being like a sexual self possessed person to being a little bit more of a pick me this season. And I'm like.

Also, I will say I am enjoying. I continue to enjoy the strange, like almost unnecessary presence of Molly. Like she just is like there doing weird things, you know, like she's a little bit in the story this, this episode because she was annoyed at Molly and told. I think we'll get to it in the notes because I just. I can't remember from last night.

[A]

But she like, as Molly was shit talking Sally.

[B]

Molly was. Molly was shit talking Sally to someone, I think to Vanita. And so now there's like a little bit of tension. But Molly just sort of like shows up and has a snake, plays a tuba, dress, is like a wizard. It's just like she doesn't really make any sense, but I actually am like, I actually need that. Like, I need that for this show. I need someone who is just sort of like existing in the same space the show, but makes no sense within it. I'm like, please, just more Molly.

[A]

Yeah, it bothered me that Molly skipped her recital to hang out with that loser Corey Kieffer. Corey Kwiefer, what a lose, what a trash bag. So I didn't love that. But she redeemed herself. She redeemed herself today for sure.

[B]

I didn't love that she skipped her recital either, but I did love that. Then she went in a downward spiral and cried about it. The party that. Where she was actively skipping, that was funny. And then had to call and like beg for her spot in the orchestra back. And I'm glad that she moved on from Corey. She was like, he doesn't even know what a euphonium is. And Cory did something last week. I don't know, it was the typical Corey thing, but he was definitely. His tongue was out.

[A]

He was very. Yeah, yeah. What girl you going to talk to?

Yeah, he's still gross. So I think that was pretty much last week. They had a party and now we're. Now I guess Vanita and Rodrigo are the decorators. Has that always been the case or is that a new thing? I Feel like that's a new thing.

[B]

I always thought Rodrigo did, like something more corporate. I don't. I never really remember what Rodrigo did. But like, they, they. I mean, Vanita's always been lifestyle influencer or whatever, but. But Rodrigo says he's a professional interior designer, but I don't know if he was just being facetious, he was just making a joke or if he. That is his chosen occupation. One of the many mysteries of the show. So many layers that happen in Southern charm.

[A]

Yeah, there are so many layers. So it seemed that that was pretty much all that happened last week. I don't know. Here's my face last week while I watched the show.

[B]

For those who do not have scrunched.

[A]

It was pinched, betrayed, all my Botox, which by the way, is still not working. Look what I can still do. This is fre Botox. So, yeah, it was okay. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Grappens commercial.

So then this week we start off with. This week is 1103. It's called a novel approach beach party house. So this is the day after the beach party. And there it's a, A, it's a. It's a sty. I mean, there's. There's stuff everywhere. Empty jello shots, stuff all over the house. And Sally's like, oh, my God, this house is disgusting. What the frick? And then we see flashbacks. 1:27am Someone's putting whipped cream into Sally's mouth. 1:53am Whitney the fireman carries Craig. Whitney, fireman carries.

[B]

I mean, he, like, he puts Craig over his shoulder and carries Craig somewhere.

[A]

Which is, Is that Whitner or Whitney.

[B]

Must have been Whitner because I can't imagine Whitney ever lifting anything.

[A]

Yeah, Whitney's not lifting something.

[B]

Whitney is not picking up Craig. He's like, like Patricia bite. But I'm too rich for this.

[A]

I'm too rich. I don't carry poor people.

[B]

So then Molly and Rod, two in the morning. Molly and Rodrigo are playing flip cup and everyone's cheering. It's all fun. And Sally goes, ew, what is that? Because she sees some half eaten food on a plate. And then it's 2:38 and Vanita Falls down the stairs because Vanita, like video just can't go very far without falling down something or falling into something.

[A]

Because Vanita just cannot win this show.

[B]

No. Okay.

[A]

She just can't win nothing she does. She's. Vanita is just never gonna win this show. You know, people aired air humping and Dancing, doing keg stands so Sally has to clean. And now it's Austin's house, and his alarm goes off, and he's in bed with Audrey.

[B]

Is that calling her Aubrey? I'm sorry, everyone. You're right. It's. It's Audrey.

[A]

Yeah, it's Audrey.

[B]

I thought Aubrey, like, 10 million times. Just.

[A]

Yeah, Little Shop of Horace. Just think of it that way. Except, I don't know, it's kind of a boring.

[B]

Never mind.

[A]

Don't think of it that way. I know we are team Audrey, but.

[B]

We'Re not that much of a team Audrey.

[C]

Mr. Mushnick. Yes, doctor.

[A]

So she gets out of bed. Is he pretending to be asleep when she gets out of bed? And then she leaves, and he.

[B]

That's what they implied. That's what they implied. And then Charlie's apartment, she FaceTimes her mom, Denise. Love her mom. Oh, wait, sorry. What?

[A]

Pause. I'm so sorry. One thing we forgot last week is that messy ass Madison sat down with Audrey at this beach thing, and she.

[C]

Was like, oh, by the way, I think that Sally wants to be in Austin.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so she caused that, which caused Audrey's eyebrows to just go crazy. Those poor things. They were like two Bic pens just, like, pointing at. Pointing up at each other. And she was like, well. And she at first acted all unbothered, but she was not all unbothered. And she tried to have a talk with Austin, and she's like, you know, I mean, I just feel like it's so weird because, like, I'm always driving here. Like, you make no effort. And he's like, whoa. But it's because, like, I don't know, when you're here, it's like, great.

Because it's easy. She's like, okay.

[B]

But he's basically like, it's more fun here than it is up there, right?

[A]

Because I think it's like, my. It's easier when you come to me. Why would I want to go to you? I don't even like you.

[B]

I think that placeholder.

[A]

You're, like, dating a bookmark.

[B]

I think specifically what happened was that she was. Audrey was talking to Madison and was like, wow, it looks like Sally really likes Craig and Mess.

[D]

Like, no, I think that she likes.

[B]

Austin and just drops because. And then there's this clip that they played now, like, 15 times since then, of Sally talking amongst a group of people being like, Austin, whoa, I love Austin. The moment that he breaks up with Audrey, I'm getting right on in there. It's like she makes this whole big announcement. So she made it pretty clear she's actually very much into Austin, but also into Craig. Denying that she's into.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Yes. Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

So. Sorry. Go ahead. Charlie's apartment.

[B]

So Charlie's apartment. So her mom, Denise calls, who's very Southern, and she's like, so either you had a busy weekend or you just could not talk to your mother. I mean. I mean, maybe if you had won your pageant, maybe there'd be a reason why you couldn't call me because you'd be so busy. But you're. You lost that. So why no phone call for your sweet mother who raised you?

[C]

So let me guess. You either had a terrible weekend, you couldn't call your mother, you had a great weekend, you couldn't call your mother. Here's the common denominator. Didn't call your mother. Didn't call your mother. And here I am dressed like a Mormon coming over the Oregon Trail in a wagon that your daddy fell off of the second he saw another drop of wine.

[A]

Well, mother, why did the moms dress like this on this show? She was dressing. She was in a full, like, frock, like, very white frock that had that clown collar thing around it. Why do they dress like that on here? Like, kind of like Elder Mormons. It's weird.

[B]

I don't. I don't know. I always think it's just so strange and, like. Yeah, I don't. I don't know. Like, she can only be a few years older than us. Only a few. But, like, why are you dressing like. Like you're, like, truly, like, you're in, like a. Like. Like one of those, like, Busch Gardens colonial simulations.

[A]

Yes. Why are. It's like colonial straight jacket. It's y. Like that. You know, the. The things they wear on their heads in those times. Like the late. Like, the nightcaps that they wear, the bonnets the ladies wear in old stories from that time. It's. The dress is like that, and it's just a weird look. I don't get it. And I've noticed it in a lot of moms on this show. So anyway, Charlie's like, what up, Mom? It was a good weekend. I had so much fun. Like, obviously, I talked to you about the singles party beforehand.

[C]

And her mom goes, oh, yeah, I saw your outfit. Now, were you pleasant?

[A]

Oh, God, here we go. You're a woman. Better make yourself nice and pleasant and pliable for the men folk.

[B]

So Charlie's like, my mom is my best friend. I'm so close to my Family. Because we're all in close proximity to each other. So I'm, like, literally close to them, you know? Look, here's a picture of us in matching pajamas. Yeah. Because I was born and raised in Greenwood, South Carolina, in the middle of nowhere. Like, this is how you would know my town is too small. Because my dad would sit me down and be like, charlie, one of my friends saw you. Saw you were talking on the driving. While talking on. On the cell phone. Are you texting and driving, Charlie? Because that's how you know your town is too small.

[A]

God, I'm so old. I got caught because my parents friend saw me driving down the road reading a newspaper in the car. Was reading a newspaper while I was driving, and I totally got called out for that. That's how old I am.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

We didn't have texting. I'd love. So that's what I was doing. I was reading the paper.

[B]

I love your Legacy media story.

[A]

Isn't that funny? And it was on a horse. I was on a horse. So it was a wagon, actually.

[B]

It was the wagon.

[A]

She talks about how she played football. The mom's like, you played football.

[C]

You are a lady.

[A]

And Charlie's like, I can prove it.

[C]

Because look at these bruises, Mom. I got one on my leg and another one on my knee.

[A]

We don't see the bruises. No, I don't think there are bruises. But she's pointing to her legs anyway.

[C]

And her mom's like, well, obviously you didn't play very well how you was raised. Okay.

[B]

She's like, okay. And then she goes, you were pleasant. You were very pleasant.

[C]

Right?

[B]

Like, I was so pleasant, it's actually crazy how pleasant I was because. And were you interesting?

[C]

And I mean by that, did you ask that man about himself? Did you ask him about what he likes and his pleasures? What does he like when he comes home from work at the end of a long day? I love to talk about that.

[B]

Oh, my God. Was. Oh, my God. Were you interesting?

[A]

She was like, well, are you. Are you saying I'm not interesting?

[C]

She goes, well, you know, I guess you can be at times.

[A]

No, you're not very interesting, Charlie.

[B]

Oh, my God. That's just. It's. I feel like just saying interesting is so coded that I just love the passive aggression of saying that. And then the mom actually saying, like, you're actually not very interesting is kind of amazing too. So savage.

[A]

Yeah. So Charlie tells us. I had a very Southern upbringing. Like, my mom put me and my little sister in a pageant just to see if we'd like it. And we freaking loved it. Oh, shocker, Shocker. She's a beauty queen. Well, we knew this last week. I guess she loved being on that stage. I'm not kidding. I was, like, mistracked or something. I have to find a picture. I had a crown. There was, like, a tiara. There was a tractor on it. And I was like.

What is. Oh, cotillion. She did. She did cotillion. She was a debutante. She goes, of course I was a debutante. Of course. And I was actually little Miss South Carolina overall queen. And then I did Miss South Carolina, usa. And I lost.

[B]

And we see this.

[A]

We also find out last week. Oh, go.

[B]

Yeah. I was about to say, last week, Craig was a judge in that. In that passion. He's like, yeah, I actually voted for her to win, but, like, other people didn't vote. And then, like, she didn't go on. But I feel like as she, like, like, gone on, because the person who won actually, like, went on to, like, Miss usa, and then she, like, lost. But I feel like if she had, like, people listen to me, she would have gone to Miss usa, and she probably would have won. It's like, okay, Craig, sure, take credit. Like, there's no way to. Craig did not vote for her to win. I'm telling you that right now.

[A]

Yeah, there's no way to verify that's for sure. And she doesn't believe it anyway. So then Denise is. The mom is saying, so, well, that's good. Y' all can talk things through, because we're talking. She mentions that Sally got all pissed off at her because she was talking to Craig, and she's like, well, were.

[C]

You talking to him a lot?

[A]

And she's like, well, I mean, I don't feel like I was talking to him any more than I was talking to anyone else. And then we see another flashback where Sally's like, I mean, if you're into him, you can go for it. Just let me know. I mean, just. I mean, if you're into him, just go ahead. Steal them from me if you're going to.

[B]

And she and Charlie tells us, yeah, I mean, me flirting with Craig at Sally's party, it's not me going for it. It. It's just me flirting and maybe distracting him from someone he might want to go for, just for funsies. That's it.

[C]

Well, it's good you can talk things through with Sally. Loose. Loose Sally. Well.

[A]

And Charlie's like, yeah, I mean, you know, I wasn't going for it. Or anything.

[C]

She goes, okay, well, let me know how things are going so I can give you some other. Leave us now. Be pleasant. Smile. Don't forget to ask men about themselves. Okay, Love you.

[B]

So now Vanita goes to Sally's house, and they say hi and everything. And the dog. There's dogs and. And all that fun stuff. And Sally's like, watch out, he's going to pee on you. He's going to pee on you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which you could really say about any of the guys on the show, not just her dog, but, you know.

[A]

So they're going to go sit outside together. So they get in their bathing suits, and Vanita's like, yeah. Oh, by the way, had lunch with Molly. Not a big fan of yours, I don't think.

Smooth.

[B]

Yeah, real smooth.

[A]

So we see a clip of Molly and Vanita having lunch, and Molly saying, yeah, I got very drunk at the baby shower. So it kind of pissed me off that Sally was like, oh, my God. Molly is like. To Madison. You know what I mean?

[C]

Like, what the hell?

[A]

And then we see a flashback of Molly with Madison and Molly saying, well, I wanted to apologize for how I acted at the baby shower.

[C]

And her saying, well, Sally brought it to my attention.

[B]

Yeah. So Molly's like, okay, noted. Now we're back in the Vanita flashback.

[A]

We.

[B]

We went through Inception, we went to Vanita, Molly, and then there was a flashback within that. And now we're back. We're back down the first layer of flashback. And Molly's like, I mean, noted. I can't trust you. But, yeah, until she really pissed me off the other day, I was like, you know, I'm not gonna repeat all the things I say because I'm not a shitty friend. But Sally can't call dibs on every single man in Charleston. So that's her issue, is that Sally's calling dibs.

[A]

Okay, so wait, why can't she trust her? So, because. What happened at the baby shower? What didn't I get?

[B]

I guess Molly was saying that. I guess. Did maybe Sally tell Madison that Molly was, like, wasted or something? I don't really know.

[A]

Oh, I guess. Okay. Yeah, I couldn't remember. That was a really exciting episode, you guys. I can't believe. I can't believe I don't remember it. This is a very low effort, I think.

[B]

Think I would have to say it's low effort.

[A]

I do agree with what Molly is saying about Sally. Like, you can't just come claim dibs. We've all had that friend who just walks in they're like, mine, mine, mine. And if you go for them, you have bad girl code or bad boy code in my case. It's like, no, you don't get to just pick everybody, you know? And I always pick the hottest ones too. I mean, in this case, not necessarily. So Sally's like, yeah, I'm just frustrated. Or Molly is like, yeah, I'm just. No, Sally, I'm just. God, can we get new names? Can we change the names?

[B]

You guys don't realize there's so many flashbacks that are happening within. Because then we go to another flashback. So we're still in the flashback of Molly and Vanita at lunch. Why do we not just see this scene? It'd be much easier for us. We're at the Molly Vanita flashback. And then we flash over to the Sally single party where Molly is like talking to Sally and says, what am I going to do while you're on a surfboard?

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And then Sally goes flirt with Craig, which I guess is like, example of Molly. I don't know. So this is like, we come back to the lunch and Molly again says, you can't call dibs on everyone. Craig is not yours. Because I think Molly does. Molly like Craig. I forgot. I think they said that at the beginning of the season. Yes.

[A]

Well, Molly, I don't know, Molly, I think, look, on this show, you have to be dating one of the guys to stay on the show, right? So I think everybody wants to be dating somebody, even if they don't really want to be dating any of these guys. They just kind of like, well, where's my place? But Molly is not as desperate about it as the other one is. So Sally's like, well, I'm just a little bit frustrated with Molly for talking about shit to me about shit about me to you. Because, like, she's blowing up my phone every fucking day. And so I'm thinking we're besties. Well, anyway, there's a lot of people that I think are hot. And that's okay.

[C]

I think that's okay.

[A]

Vinita is like, okay. But to clear the air, you aren't attracted to Craig. And she's like, like, well, I mean, I don't know. Do I think he's hot? Yeah. Do I like being as hot till 4 in the morning? Yeah. So, yes, you're attracted to.

[B]

You are attracted to him. Vanita's like, yeah, I don't do the best job of letting people know the things they are doing that are making me unhappy. So Sal's like, it's not that deep, if that makes any sense. I mean, I'm talking about the hot tub. It's just like, what, like three feet deep? It's not that bad. So V is like, okay, like, don't forget my drowning again. Also. So I wish there was a world where Sally could just open up those big ass blue eyes she's got and be like, oh, right, I shouldn't be doing this because my best friend is mad at the person I'm trying to hand hang out with right now. Vanita's like, I'm trying to have a feud. Okay, okay. It's. I'm. I'm doing this. This is like my fourth season on the show. I'm trying to have a storyline. You're kind of not letting me have my storyline right now.

[A]

Yeah, I think this is just a stretch for Vanita, honestly. I think it's just she's stretching right now with this. First of all, someone can like the other cast members on the show just because you're having a fight with them. That's weird. I mean, you were with JT last year, and everybody hated him. And as I recall, the only person who was really nice to you through all of that was Craig. When everybody else was kind of against you. Like, far be it for me to stand up for Craig, but I think this is just kind of a stretch for her, this whole, like, I hate Craig because I'm friends with Paige. It just seems it's too much because he's like one of the stars of the TV show, so.

[B]

Well, no, it wasn't that.

[A]

What are you gonna do?

[B]

She didn't hate Craig because she's Team Page. It's more like she said, team Paige. And Craig said, I'm never gonna talk to her ever again. And she's like, okay, well, him. But I. I mean, I think what sucks for Vanita is that she is consistently, season after season, really viewed as an afterthought by this entire cast, which feels like. You cannot overlook the fact that it feels a little problematic. You know, she's like. She's like, has a beef with a guy, and then I agree. Oh, whatever, whatever. I like him. Or anytime she has a beef, it's always kind of like, okay, whatever, Vanita. Whatever. That's nice. That's nice. And it's like, you know, I mean, part of it is like, you know, Venita is more subdued. You know, she's not as much of a quote unquote reality star who's not gonna make as much of a scene so it's not all rooted in being problematic, but it's. Sometimes you just think to yourself, like, can you guys at least try to have Vanitas back once in a while? Just once, please?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I can see that. But I. I have Vanita's back mostly on the show, so I'm coming from a place of having her back where this just seems to be too much. I mean, you've got the Craig stuff going on. I know Craig said that, but she was the one who said something publicly first. So this, like, whole awkward thing around Craig and being like, I'm not going to be around Craig. I'm leaving. I'm leaving this party, and if you don't leave me, then you're not my friend. Or like, I. You guys are having an afterparty without me. Well, you were invited. Like, you're part of the cast. You just chose not to come. So I don't know. I think that Venita should just go to Craig and be like, hey, Craig.

I saw your thing that you hate me, so let's talk about it, or whatever. Because Craig usually folds pretty quickly.

[B]

But I think it's within Vanita's right to try to have a storyline, you know, And I think that she's like, I do.

[A]

I'm just commenting on the storyline, you know, I'm not saying she doesn't have a ride. I'm just saying, like, no, but I'm like, the best one. I think it's an uphill battle for her.

[B]

It is going to be an uphill battle considering this cast. And I do agree it's not like the strongest feud of all time at all. But I'm trying to even remember what I'm arguing about. I'm trying to think of what it was that was, like, on my mind about this. It's just that, like, I just always feel like when she hasn't, like, if there's someone that she likes or whatever. I don't know. I just feel like the cast just does not care. I just, like, they just don't care about her.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I just, like, here she is, she finally has a storyline, and they're like, oh, Vanita, you know, I'm not saying you're. I'm saying they are like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And because.

[A]

No, yeah, I agree.

[B]

Had her back and we've always enjoyed Vanita and we just want her to thrive.

[A]

But this cast, but she just doesn't. She just keeps making the wrong choices. You know, it's like last year. Okay, here's the year Vanita Venita's comfortable, she's gonna finally make a splash, and then her storyline is.

[B]

Jt, you made a splash.

[A]

I mean, she did, and then she almost drowned, and Craig had to save her.

I mean, but see what I'm saying? Like, that's the thing that people remember about Vanita. She almost drowned in a pool. Craig was the one to save her, and now she's turned on Craig. So, like, from just, like, a political standpoint, I'm like, come on, you're not playing this right.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, you're going against the wrong one. Just say. Just go up to Craig and be like, hey, I saw the thing you said. I wasn't saying I hate you do. It's just, I like. I like Paige. I was showing her support. Doesn't mean that I'm not your friend or whatever, you know? I mean, could Craig do it? Yes. Is Craig like, a giant toddler?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But then last year, she was, like, doing the JT thing, and then we found out at the reunion that even when he had a girlfriend, she was trying to date him. And then now she's this year saying that someone else doesn't have girl code when she was trying to date someone else's boyfriend last year. And I don't know. It's just like, she's misfiring, you know?

[B]

But she doesn't really have, like. Like, she didn't have a relationship with jt, that girl. I'm not saying that makes it any better, but here it's like, her best friend, and I think that she's kind of hurt by Craig. I actually don't know if she has to go up to Craig. I think that cr. Like, she. Yeah, she weighed in publicly, but. So everyone else weighs in publicly about everything on this show, and Craig especially. So, like, now someone weighs in about something, and I don't know, I just feel like, wow. Like, I think Craig could have said, I'm really disappointed with that. And. And, like, I feel hurt that. That she wouldn't have my back because I really enjoy Bonita. But instead, he's like, I'm never talking to her again. I was like, I think that, Like, I don't know.

[A]

Well, Craig is a little. Like, I'm not gonna. I mean, Craig's a little bitch. Like, duh. Yeah. I mean, of course I think that. I guess. Here's my point. We're rooting for this girl, okay? We want her to be in this cast, and at every turn, she's making moves to take her Away from the cast. The JT thing was huge. A huge bad move. Okay. Then she just made it worse. By the end, she just made the whole thing worse. Okay, so then you've got. Okay, let's start over. Clean. JT's not even here. So then it's like, okay, let's see. Vanita kind of more with the cast this year. And then she's kind of coming for Craig. Like, her. Her storyline is going anti Craig, which is like, did he start it? Sure. But is this the best move for you to be?

[B]

No. Yes, I think so. The reason why is that first episode, she's like, I have a beef with Craig. Venita, for the first time ever, has more of a central storyline. Like, should she have just gone into that, like, back party? It was not a Craig party. Absolutely. But instead she leaves the party. I was like, okay, you're doing the Bravo thing. Good. You're like, I'm angry. And I feel like she has the storyline for like, one episode. And now it's like. And now it's shelved. It's like, oh, whatever. Vanita and Craig. What matters more is that Sally kind of likes Craig. Let's focus on that. I'm like, what? Let Vanita have her story.

[A]

Yeah, that's true. You know, like, that's true. But I think it's Vanita too, because Vanita's not playing her storyline out. She's mad at Craig, but then she's running away every time Craig's in the room. And she's like, you've got this perfect cast party in the very beginning of the season. That's where all the fights happen. So you're gonna have that storyline. You go into that party and you fight it out with Craig in front of everybody. And then you pull Craig's allies from him, like Austin, who's like a fair weather ally. But you pull Aust, you pull Shep. You get those guys on your side, but instead she doesn't talk to any of them. She just talks to the girls and just tries to keep the girls away.

[B]

Doesn't even really like the girls if.

[A]

You'Re just not playing it right, is my point.

[B]

Commercials. Here comes one right now.

Here's the issue. Vanita is a normal scene, seemingly intelligent person. And so she's acting like that. She's acting like a normal person, which is that you. You sort of say, okay. You shrug. And internally you say, okay, I see who you are. I'm gonna downgrade you as a friend. But you're on a TV Show. So what you need to be saying is, Sally, the fact that you talk to Craig, the fact that you do that, it really hurts me. And I'm not sure what I should. Like that you gotta do the reality star thing. And like, instead of sitting there on this, on this beach chair and just be like, hey, this kind of bothers me. Be like, this is up. And actually, I'm not sure we could be friends anymore. Like, you gotta, like, if you, like, if you're gonna play the feud card hard, go do the whole thing. Do the whole thing. So we can really be like team Vanita, you know? And like, you know, we can rally the troops. Yeah, but she's just actually being too like.

[A]

Yeah, that's all I'm saying. Like, play these storylines better, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, come on, you can do it. So anyway, she's being very respectful here. And she's like, yeah, exactly. Be a terrible person. Okay. That's what we're saying. So Vanita's like, well, look, I just. If our friendship is something you value, you've value, you got to give me a little bit more respect. Because sometimes you choose Craig over me. Sally's like, that would never happen. You have my word. I would never choose a name over you. A penis? Yes. Doesn't matter who it's attached to. Okay. And she's just like, I don't know, I guess we'll see.

[B]

Well, maybe Vanita's doing a slow burn, you know? Well, she's like saying, I'm going to give you a nice, A nice, like, check right now. But that was strike one. And then, then we go right to strike three. Agree. That's what I'm hoping. Because Vanita, come on, you're. You gotta, you gotta build this feud up a little bit. Okay, so we both agree with that. And I think that's where we were both trying to get to. So Madison now arrives at King.

[D]

I only go to Alpha Claws. I would never go to any like, Prince Claw Beta. Beta Claw.

Because the most alcohol.

[C]

So she orders the Heineken non alcoholic. She's like, can I have a Heineken non alcoholic?

[A]

And then Austin comes in, he's like.

[C]

I say no alcohol. Alex, please.

[D]

Sarah, I never would get normally such.

[B]

A Beta beer, but I'm pregnant, so it is what it is. So she.

[C]

So when's the last time you had crabs? If you don't feel comfortable answering that, you don't have to, Madison.

[D]

Okay, well, first of all, let's talk about this party.

[B]

He's like, yeah, let's talk about Saturday.

[D]

I had so much fun and I got to talk to Audrey for a little while and you know, poison your relationships. And that was really fun for me.

[B]

Me.

[C]

Poison your fake relationship. Have fun with that. Stupid.

[A]

And we see the flashback of her.

[C]

Being like, honestly, Sally's got the hot frosting. What do you think about that? Eyebrows.

[A]

And Audrey's like, so then back to present. Madison's like, well, I mean, it's the truth.

[C]

What was I going to do, lie to her?

[B]

So yes.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You literally would do that.

[A]

So Austin. No, cuz she does know how to.

[B]

Be a reality star.

[A]

She's just going to go stir it up wherever she goes, goes. So Austin's like, oh, I'm doing a bib for sure.

[C]

Me too. Cuz I'm sitting across from you. I've had my bib on this whole entire time. I had my bib on before you came in from the parking lot.

[B]

Just a question for King Claude. Do you have some extras you can give Austin for after he leaves the restaurant? Maybe like a weekly supply he could have of bibs? I think the bib should be kind of a permanent thing with Austin.

[C]

Hi, waitress. Could you bring me a lobster that'll spit as Austin. A spit at Austin as much as Austin spits at me. Me while he talks.

[B]

What was Madison thinking taking Austin to, you know, a seafood boil place like that is the worst place for Austin. I mean. Well, we've talked about it. I feel like every season they'll take Austin to some restaurant where he's gonna spray kernels of corn everywhere. And like this poor cast, they just need to have like a Gallagher poncho on.

[A]

I think that they do that with Austin because it makes more sense for Austin to be in an environment like that. You know what I mean? Because at least the food's supposed to be messy. At least when you leave with your face covered in crap, crap you're you kind of expected at a place like that.

[B]

That's true. So I'm doing a bib for sure. Yeah.

[D]

She's like, well, why'd you get it so tight? I mean, your face turning red.

[B]

Because he's like tied his bibs extremely tightly around his neck. All right, let's get back to Audrey.

[D]

He's like, okay, well, I asked Audrey, I said, how long? How's the long distance thing going?

[B]

He's like, it's not long distance.

[D]

Well, that's because you stay here. She drives.

[B]

Oh, yeah. That's insane. Right?

[A]

So we see a flashback to Audrey Being like, well, it's been like 9010 of him coming to Charlotte versus me coming here.

[C]

So. Yeah. What's going on?

[A]

Austin, he's like, well, I just feel like when she's here, it's, like, so good, so easy. Madison, like, I'm not gonna lie, it's been easy, but. But then I also have the other end of it, you know, like, when she's gone, it's amazing. He's like. I'm like, is this forever? Like, am. Am I supposed to have those thoughts about the person I'm going to spend.

[C]

The rest of my life with?

[B]

I'll tell you this right now. The answer is no. You're not supposed to feel that way after a year and a half. If you're like, h. I don't know. That's a. That is a no.

[A]

That's a no.

[B]

Yeah. Sorry.

[A]

That guy. Listen, we all know that until Austin is. Until the line of free pus that comes with fame name starts trickling down to Austin. He's not gonna settle down.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, he's just not going to. He's getting what every guy on Bravo gets, which is a lot of girls being nice to him in bars and, like, willing to sleep with him at bars, and he's gonna keep that as long as he can. And so until that ends, he's going to have an Audrey of some kind or another. Yep.

[B]

It's absolutely right.

[A]

Waiting, placeholding.

[B]

So then Madison's like, yeah, no, you.

[D]

Have to be able to say, I can't breathe without you. I would literally die. Which is what a lot of people say when they're in your presence. When you spit food right into their mouths.

[C]

They joke.

[A]

And he's like, well, I'm 37 going on 38. So that answers Ronnie's question. Asshole. Yeah. I'm like, what am I, a guy who's gonna get married? Like, how can someone be so sure of such fucking forever long commitment?

[D]

Listen, your time is valuable and hers as well, so I wouldn't keep dragging it out. And, you know, if. You know, it's not. If it's not the end game, then you might find someone out there that actually takes your. Takes your breath.

[B]

And I think she meant to say takes your breath away, but I think. I think she meant, like, takes your breath with all the succotash that's flying out amongst.

[C]

Would actually be amazing if you had someone who took your breath or at least improved it. Good lord.

[D]

Truly, I've never identified with a song as much as Take My Breath.

[C]

Away.

[D]

Take time. Take Austin's breath away.

[C]

Please. Shoot. You know, it'd be nice if you found someone to take your breath away instead of making me wish that someone would just take my breath. Every time I'm with you.

Inhaling is hard. Around you. It's hard.

[A]

So we got over to Patricia's house and she's like, well, look at that. We've got some Pappy Van Winkles just passes a table full of drinks. So she sits down, she's like, randy, are you in there? Randy? It's like, you need to unlock this, man.

[C]

Damn it.

[A]

His crate opens.

[B]

So she's like, I have to FaceTime Whitney. But as you know, I don't know how to do it. Can you pull one of these things? So then we watch like a 10 minute scene of them trying to say, set up FaceTime. That somehow has to do with. They're like, open up the Facebook application. And I'm like, I don't know that.

[A]

Randy's the one to help you because you asked for FaceTime. And he's opening Facebook.

[B]

He's like, hold on.

[A]

Hell's going on?

[B]

You have the MySpace app on here, Ms. Patricia? I don't know what that is.

The iPad up. And then it's like the phone. It's like, no, no.

[A]

I love watching her scroll through the iPad. She has the iPad up and she's going like this, this, you know, taking her finger and just pushing it all the way up to the ceiling.

[B]

Like a magic spell. It's amazing, Emma. Like, like a Back alive. So that was a mixture of pb, Herman and Wicked together.

[A]

He's like, so we're going to go to your face via your Facebook, see if you can log in. Do you know your password?

[B]

Revolutionary War, Cornwall, US So, nope.

[A]

So then Hamilton didn't rap. Nope.

[B]

The Monroe Doctrine. Nope.

[A]

So he has to go upstairs to find her password. Oh, get her phone or whatever, because you can log in through your phone. So he leaves and he's like, oh, look, I found it on a tray of snacks. Oh, well, that's handy. Wow, look at that. Oh, I'm sorry. These are the snacks I left out for you. This is a cracker dipped in cyanide. Go ahead, eat it. Wait, I'm not eating that.

[C]

Eat it.

[B]

Hey, Randy, you ever see one of these M&Ms? Well, of course, ma'. Am. You ever seen one hit your face? Ow.

[A]

Nailed it.

[B]

Right between the eyes.

[A]

So if you hit this, will it automatically call him? I don't know. You're asking me what's the point of you, Randy? Oh, never mind. I forgot. Ow. Sorry. That was the point of my fork.

[B]

Now hold on right here. Now just. Okay, just get a little closer. Ow. Ma', am, did you just throw a Kit Kat at my face? Sure did. Thanks for the snacks.

[A]

So she calls Whitney. She's like, hi, honey. Where are you? It's like.

I'm coming up on Belgrade Square, Mother.

[B]

So you're. You're still in London?

Yeah.

[A]

You're never gonna believe this, but Camilla decorated all of Buckingham palace with Christ pillows.

[B]

Very funny. Which is my way of saying, get better material.

[A]

So Randy's like, well, before you let him go, ma', am, you want to show him the. The Chauncey thing that came in. And he hands her a little gravestone for it. Chauncey. It's like, oh, I finally got a plaque for Chauncey.

[B]

Oh, poor Chauncey. We learn Chauncey has left this mortal plane pain. And so she says that Chauncey got a neurological illness and then had breathing problems. And then she actually starts to choke up. We've never seen Ms. Patricia cry. And she's. She's really. You know, she's really sad. And she's like, I miss Chauncey. I just adored him. And we see, like, oh, you know, flashbacks of Chauncey throughout the years from a. When Chauncey was a little puppy. So chauncey was only 10, so definitely, like, very young. And. Oh, and. But I did like that when this sort of all ends, she goes. She's. She's saying that she's giving him a burial and everything. And they're. And Whitney's like, she wants to get, like, a bagpiper. And Whitney's like, have them play Amazing Grace.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. You're not being facetious, are you? Well, I was also thinking that they could just get Randy out there and have him get on a bagpipe. It will fill the entire thing up with Arsenal Nick. See what happens. Then.

[A]

Take Randy. Take Randy instead.

So she's in the confessional again, and she's crying, and she's like, oh, God, I'm. I don't want to talk about it now. If you ever ask me about my dead husband, you'll never get the same response.

[B]

So now we go to Craig, driving his car, and Austin calls Craig, I have some news. Craig. I'm gonna be a cat, dad. I'm adopting a cat. Craig's like, oh, my God, Austin. That's the kiss of death. What do you mean? My Last three ex girlfriends got a cat before breaking up with me. I'm like, it's not a kiss of death. It just means that you were so boring that they were like, I need to. I need something that's gonna give me more emotional response.

[A]

Yeah. And Austin's getting a cat before he breaks up with Aubry or Audrey. Because Austin, you know, he's gonna. You lose that.

He'S got with Audrey right now.

Where people like, oh, my.

[C]

God, he has a girlfriend.

[A]

So now he doesn't have a girlfriend, but he's gonna be. I'm so broken up about my girlfriend.

[C]

Now I have cats.

[A]

They're gonna go. And he can always pull out his phone and be like, look, it already.

[B]

Is working on me. And also, it's working on me already. I was like, oh, my God. I love that he got two cats because, you know, I'm a cat person. But Craig's like, yeah, they broke up with me. Are you serious right now? Yeah. Wow. So then we see. Because then we alert. Naomi got a new cat. Then Natalie got a cat named Stormy, and then Paige got Daphne. And Craig's like, yeah. They're like, oh, cool. We're one happy family. And then they're actually like, wait, this is a family of two? I'm like, well, to be fair, there's just no way that Craig could compete with Colonel Gizmo or Daphne. I don't know about Natalie's cat, but especially Colonel Gizmo. I mean, Colonel Gizmo. Gizmo continues to be the best cat that was ever on Bravo. Although maybe Baby. Let's never. Between Baby and Colonel Gizmo. It's a hard one. But Colonel Gizmo's a baby.

[A]

Oh, from Real Housewives of New York. Wasn't that a dog?

[B]

I think Baby was a cat. Well, there was a few babies. There was Baby Baby and Baby.

[A]

Carol's Baby was a dog. I thought.

[B]

I thought Carol's baby was a cat. She just took a picture of the cat, like, a few days ago on herself.

[C]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Baby Carol, Randy Baby.

She's had a golden doodle named Baby and two cats named Baby Belle and Baby Blue. So there you go.

[B]

We were both in love. That was her whole thing.

[C]

Baby, Baby, and Baby.

[B]

Anyway, the point is that Craig got pushed out for cats.

[C]

Baby Mare, Baby A, and Baby Son.

[A]

So Austin's like, whoa, my gosh, Craig.

[C]

I mean, it's something that Audrey and.

[A]

I are not doing together, right? But I really want a cat, so I wanted to enlist you to pick out shit for my cat. Well, I definitely have some tips to share with you. And so we see, you know, this big line of succession of cats that ended up leaving Craig over the years. And then we go to not a Pet Samark, but a mayor, a Meyer Vogel Gallery, which is some kind of, like, mom and pop cat store. You know, Charleston has done a great job of keeping mom and pop cat, you know, like, stores in general. Like, you don't see a Best Buy. You don't see, you know, you need a battery. There you go. To, like, Mr. Mr. Winston's House of Batteries or something. You know, it's like a little. A real store. Old store. It's like some old guy there in pinstripes, like, you want a battery?

[C]

What kind is it? I hope it's not one of them.

[B]

Rechargeable, like Meyer Vogel. Sounds like a distant cousin of mine. Did you go to Passover at Maya Vogel's house? No, of course not. It's too far. It's in Valley Stream. Ugh, the traffic. Terrible.

[A]

Maya Vogel. No one has better go go than Miles Vogel.

[B]

Did you see Rachel, his daughter? Yeah, she's doing well. Got a child. He's very smart.

[A]

Claims she doesn't need a man, though. Well, who am I to judge?

[B]

So.

So, by the way, maybe the reason why Craig. Everyone leaves Craig after they get a cat is because Craig makes terrible cat recommendations. They're like, I don't think I could be with a man who doesn't know how to care for this cat. But Craig's like, I love being a boyfriend, and I love sharing my life with someone. But six months later, I'm ready for a stranger in my bed. So. So guess what? Charlie greets him there because Charlie works at the Maya Vogel Gallery.

[A]

Oh, I thought they were at the Meyer Vogel cat store. I guess that comes later. So this is the Meyer Vogel cat. The Meyer Vogel Gallery. Okay, that makes more sense.

[B]

Yes. Yes. I feel like when I have a connection with someone, I really don't waste time. And I have an inherent fear of rejection that probably developed when I got friend zone in high school. So, like, any cockiness I have is fake. What is up with these? Is this the new boy thing? Because we've seen this on a few shows now where it's like, something happened to me in high school, and now I just can't get over it. I. I am a boy for life because a woman broke my heart. I guarantee you broke the person's heart in high school. That's the way the story usually Goes. But they're gonna act like they're the victims.

[A]

Yeah, that's how you. That's how you move on, you know? That's how you get a new one. When she goes, oh, I got dumped by Paige nationally.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

So he's like, so how would you suggest picking out a piece? Like, should you absolutely love it, or should you pick out something that you come to love one day? It's like, oh, God. Are you talking about anything else here, Craig?

[B]

No. Paige is like, I'd like to weigh in that I tried option B. It doesn't work out. Okay, thanks so much.

[A]

Charlie's like, no, you should absolutely love it. And she says when she first started working at the art gallery, I used to talk about it endlessly. Whenever I'd be drunk at a bar, and then the guys would, like, show up the next day at the bar, at the gallery and be like, oh, just happened to be stopping by.

[C]

And I was like.

[A]

This is crazy.

[B]

And just. I like it. She's like, I used to talk about it endlessly when I get drunk. Flashback to last week. Oh, my God, guys, I work at a gallery.

[A]

Well, if I see something I love, we'll get it no matter what. But so, like, that piece would fit there.

[C]

She's like, oh, yeah, that drawing or that painting of a gas can.

[A]

Yeah, sorry. Already sold that, so can't have that.

[B]

You know, honestly, the me, Sally and Craig situation gives me the ick of all of it. I'm not interested in him at all, which is a lie. She still is. He's like. He's like, can you outbid people on this artwork? She's like, no, it's sold. You can't outbid people. Craig, trying to throw his money around, owns.

[A]

But, like, I really like Craig. So him coming into the gallery, even if he does have those other motives, like, it's not my job to decipher his motives. So he says he's interested in art, so I'm going to show him art and hopefully buy some because I get a commission.

[B]

So do you want any watercolors or, like, oils? Well, realistically, do you have any finger paintings?

[A]

I really into that.

[B]

I really want a picture of a tiger or a penguin or a polar bear, but, like, a watercolor. Polar bear. So you want a white canvas. Yeah.

Tiger. When you said tiger, penguin. I was like, please don't say crocodile next, because he's just going through polo shirt logos.

[A]

I love a polar bear.

[B]

A polar bear watercolor.

[A]

It's just a blank canvas.

So you want A watercolor of a tiger. I'm so confused. A tiger or a polar bear? New he's like, do you have those? No, we do not have those.

[B]

Do you have a polar tiger? Those don't even exist. But like, it's art, so you can make it. Now what about a snow tiger? Well, that does exist, but is that the same as a polar bear?

[D]

Why are you asking me these questions?

[B]

I work at an art gallery and.

[A]

They cussed him going, I definitely play the long game.

The only way I've ever had a long term girlfriend is like, foundationally we've been friends for. And then we just like keep smiling at each other until like, eventually she's like, well, I guess this is the best I'm gonna do. Then she comes home with me. No, you have a girlfriend because you're so charming and so cute and you can get any girl you want. And then your real personality comes out after about two weeks. And then it all goes downhill. We've seen it. I've seen this for 12 years. 11 years.

[B]

So then Craig, in his pursuit of the polar bear tiger penguin painting, sees some sculptures that look like water balloons and he's like, I just want to touch them. Can I touch it? He just grabs these little sculptures. She's like, yeah, just. Just be careful, okay? Oh, how dare you? Just kidding. But actually kind of like, don't touch it. That is art. He's like, whatever.

[A]

And she says, well, I'm not saying that I like Craig, but I do like flirting with Craig. So. So now they're looking at floral paintings. And he's like, wow, this would be so cool if it was like, like a panther.

[B]

Or what do they call a panther that's white? Is this a joke? A polar bear? I still don't know if this is a joke or you just informing me on something.

[A]

Oh, gosh. So he's like, so do I have to just wait for these artists to die before it gets valuable? When's this artist going to die?

[B]

And. And she's like, no, I mean, yeah, I mean, after she does that, I'll get better. But like, well, I mean, I don't want her to die, but do you know her age and health condition and do you know if she lives anywhere near polar bears and if they'll attack her and if she'll make a painting about the polar bear before she dies? Will the polar bear take it?

[A]

Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two part recap cap for part two. Go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there, suckers.

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Watch what crap. INS would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Allison Block.

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