#3102 Southern Charm S11E03 Part 2: Lost Boy Lit

Summary

Watch What Crappens Episode #3102: Southern Charm S11E03 Part 2: Lost Boy Lit

Date: December 4, 2025
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Recap of Southern Charm S11E03

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Episode Overview

This episode is a playful, irreverent, and enthusiastically detailed recap of "Southern Charm" Season 11, Episode 3, blended with Ben and Ronnie’s signature Bravo-loving, mock-celebratory banter. The main focus: the cast's ongoing romantic entanglements, a literary-themed costume party, and the ever-shifting alliances among the men of Charleston. The hosts riff on the characters’ quirks, Bravo-isms, and literary references, weaving their own side jokes and anecdotes—as always, delivering both affectionate roast and critique.

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Key Topics & Discussions

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1. Shep’s Literary-Themed Birthday Party Setup

Timestamp: 01:18 – 04:07

• Whitner FaceTimes Shep inviting him to a birthday party themed around literary figures, offering a tongue-in-cheek reason: “It's basically just a reason to see what stupid shit Craig and Sally come up with because you know, they don't read.”
  • Ronnie (as Whitner): “It’s basically just a reason to see what stupid shit Craig and Sally come up with, because you know, they don’t read.” (01:31)
• Austin jokingly claims he’ll come as "A Hundred Years of Solitude" or “Susan Sontag.”
• The hosts riff on literary costume ideas, making fun of the cast for their likely lack of reading.

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2. Shep’s New House & Family Antiques Adventure

Timestamp: 04:38 – 08:59

• Shep embarks on furnishing his massive new home on Sullivan’s Island with his father’s input and a tour through the family’s barn-turned-storage.
• Humorous host commentary about the “antiquey” furniture, Shep’s lack of style, and the family obsession with wooden Venetian blinds, which “add value to a house.”
  • Ronnie: “Do you remember that? I will never forget that. When the dad was like, you need to have wooden blinds, Shepherd. You need to have them. Very important for resale.” (06:25)
• Observational humor: Shep just wants a sectional from IKEA and a surfboard, despite inheriting plantation antiques handed down through generations.
• The group laughs about the existence of two nearly identical painted portraits of teenage Shep with a golf club, and Shep’s “glacial pace” at maturing.
  • Ben: “But then again, I am maturing at a glacial pace.” (03:31)

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3. Madison’s New Home & Vindication Moment

Timestamp: 09:08 – 12:20

• Madison moves into an extravagant $3.9 million dollar “forever home” on Daniel Island with her husband Brett.
• Madison gets emotional, reflecting on being called “white trash” in the past, and savoring her vindication.
  • Madison: “The fact that I'm even approved for something like this after being called white trash for how many years?” (11:45)
• Flashbacks to previous seasons and the cast’s oftentimes vicious insults toward her.
• The hosts point out how Bravo loves to save these “proclamations” for future dramatic flashbacks.

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4. Austin’s Cats, Craig’s Pet Advice & Literary Party Banter

Timestamp: 12:46 – 20:24

• Austin adopts two kittens (“Piper” and “Martini”)—to much ribbing from the hosts about the irony of wanting friendly, excited cats.
• Ben and Ronnie digress into a hilarious, cat-owner roast, questioning Austin’s expectations and giving mock advice on the ultimate cat toys and litter boxes.
• Preparation for the literary party includes banter about possible costumes—Austin and Craig consult ChatGPT for ideas (referencing Jay Gatsby and Dorian Gray). The hosts riff on Craig’s pop culture and literary cluelessness.
  • Craig: “So, ChatGPT, with everything you know about me in our relationship so far, I have to dress like a literary figure. Give me a couple of options.” (18:06)

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5. Whitner’s Party Prep and Sob Story

Timestamp: 21:40 – 27:05

• The hosts introduce Whitner’s backstory: his mother’s penchant for elaborate themed parties, and, more recently, Whitner’s heartbreak—his fiancée left abruptly after three years.
  • Whitner: “I was engaged in August 2023, and she walked out two months later…She just needed space and that was it. I don’t know. She just said it was things I did wrong. I had no idea what I did.” (24:13)
• Ronnie and Ben express skepticism at the classic trope of “I have no idea why she left” while acknowledging Whitner does seem more sincere than typical Charleston men.
• The backstory positions Whitner as a “stand-up guy,” possibly the new “Craig that actually works.”

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6. Party Costumes, Literary Chaos & Gender Commentary

Timestamp: 27:22 – 34:00

• Costume procession: Craig arrives as Rufio from "Hook" (awkwardly, as it may not count as a literary character), Austin as Hermione (or some variation), Shep as Gus McCrae from "Lonesome Dove," Molly as Gandalf, Madison as “Shepherd Rose,” and Sally as “Kissing Kate Barlow” from "Holes."
  • Running jokes about the men’s tenuous grasp on literature:
    • Ben: “Craig saying he doesn’t really like theme parties when he’s been cosplaying as a Southerner for literally 10 years on this show is hilarious.” (19:58)
  • Molly’s commitment to the Gandalf costume (“covered in a robe with a fake beard … melting in the corner”).
• The hosts have a field day mocking the rules, the lack of recognizable costumes, and the layers of irony in the cast’s literary ignorance.

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7. Craig’s Costume Meltdown & Friendship Drama

Timestamp: 36:06 – 45:08

• Craig’s pride in his Rufio costume quickly turns to frustration as no one recognizes the reference.
  • Ronnie: “He is so proud of this. And he’s another Sally who’s like, ‘it’s from Hook… that was a book, you know, like dumbass.’ And as he goes to each person and no one knows who he is, you see him just start to crumble.” (36:09)
• Awkward flirting between Craig and Sally about her “gun” prop.
• Madison surprises Shep by coming as “Shepherd Rose,” shorts, blazer, and all. She hands out a signature shark tooth necklace for added effect.
• Hosts lampoon the cast’s attempts at “literary” authenticity, suspicious costuming, and gendered choices (“Some girls dress like Sally and Vanita, and some girls are Gandalf…” 33:02).

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8. The Night's Argument: Craig vs. Austin

Timestamp: 41:06 – 44:47

• Craig and Austin’s friendly jabs about single vs. committed life escalate into a heated and increasingly petty fight.
  • Craig: “America, by the way, there's a coffee shop next door. Why don't we just, like, close out here and head over there?” (17:28)
  • Craig: “Oh, yeah. Shall I switch it around on you and pull a Craig Conover special? Why are you so unhappy that…You're the one who's not happy. You're the only person who hear who's unhappy because you're living a lie. You're stuck in a relationship and you're not happy.” (43:17)
• The classic Southern Charm arc—fun-then-fight—hits its mark as episode 3 delivers its requisite bro fallout. The hosts note how they’re always juggling reconciliation and eruption: “It's episode three. Nothing’s happened. Said, let's fight.” (45:08)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On literary costumes:
  “It’s basically just a reason to see what stupid shit Craig and Sally come up with, because you know, they don’t read.” – Host, as Whitner (01:31)
• On Shep’s self-image:
  “I am maturing at a glacial pace.” – Shep (03:31)
• On the cast’s dramatic arc:
  “It's episode three. Nothing’s happened. Said, let's fight.” – Ben (45:08)
• On Madison’s vindication:
  “The fact that I'm even approved for something like this after being called white trash for how many years?” – Madison (11:45)
• On Craig’s dramatic fail:
  “…as he goes to each person and no one knows who he is, you see him just start to crumble.” – Ronnie (36:09)
• On Craig’s single life:
  “Well, single Craig's back. Thank God. Single Craig's back. It's amazing.” – Craig (20:19)
• On Austin’s expectations for cats:
  “I don't know that he's met cats before, because I don't know that cats are the pet you get if you want something to be...happy to see me?” – Kelly (13:50)
• On recurring Southern Charm male tropes:
  “Welcome to do the least cat store. Every man trying to get a reputation defending cat in Charleston, please come visit.” – Ronnie (12:46)

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Major Segment Timestamps

• Literary Party Planning & Shep’s House: 01:18–08:59
• Madison’s New Home & Flashbacks: 09:08–12:20
• Cats and Pre-Party Banter: 12:46–20:24
• Whitner’s Backstory & Setup: 21:40–27:05
• Party Costume Entrances: 27:22–34:00
• Craig’s Rufio Meltdown: 36:06–36:58
• Boys’ Flirting & Madison’s Reveal: 37:08–39:25
• Craig vs. Austin Fight: 41:06–44:47

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Themes & Tone

• Tone: Snarky, affectionate, reference-filled, roasty, and fast-paced, with plenty of tangents and meta-Bravo commentary.
• Themes: Male immaturity (“maturing at a glacial pace”), the cyclical nature of Charleston relationships, the farcical embrace (and occasional misunderstanding) of “literary” culture, and the everlasting comedic potential of reality-TV-themed costume parties.

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For New Listeners

Whether you missed the Southern Charm episode or just want to revel in Ben and Ronnie’s comedy, this podcast delivers all the major beats: messy friendships, literary cosplay confusion, luxury home humblebrags, and an enthusiastic, Bravo-fied send-up of Charleston's most infamous cast. As always, “we mock because we love.”

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Transcript

[Kelly]

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[Michelle]

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[Kelly]

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[Michelle]

Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens?

[Kelly]

Well, hello and welcome to Watch what Crappens. This is part two of a two part recap. If you're like, hey, wait a minute, I didn't hear part one, guys. It's because we put out a lot of recaps. Go back and listen to part one. Okay, it's before this one.

[Molly]

Bye.

[Kelly]

Enjoy the show. So now we go to Whitner FaceTiming with Shep. And Whitner's like, hey, having a birthday party Saturday. The theme is literary figures. So that can be an author or a character. It's basically just a reason to see what stupid shit Craig and Sally come.

[Craig]

Up with because you know, they don't read.

[Michelle]

Yeah, Shep loves this. He's like, I'm going to dress up.

[Austin]

Like A Hundred Years of Solitude.

[Michelle]

Gosh.

He's going to show up with like a white bang and be like, guys, I'm Susan Sontag.

[Kelly]

Just like, his head is going to be in a fishbowl. He's like, guys, it's the Bell tour.

It's gonna be all fun. Oh, Charlie's there. I think she's very attractive. I would totally be open to going out with her. Oh wow, you would? Would you lower yourself into going out with a 24 year old supermodel beauty queen with a perfect body and face chef? Really? And Rodrigo's like, well, Austin and Craig went to see Char. Or sorry. Austin told me that Craig went to see Charlie at the art gallery she works at. So.

[Michelle]

Yeah. And so Shep is like, okay, gosh.

[Austin]

I mean, well, I was in the hot tub with Craig and Sally a.

[Shep]

Week and a half ago.

[Austin]

But whatever, if Craig likes her, you know, gang's away.

[Michelle]

First of All.

[Austin]

I'm not gonna jockey for position or anything like that, but hashtag Megalodon's necklace coming in. I'm too old for that. Maybe I'm too old for her, but what do I know? I'm just a regular William Faulkner.

[Kelly]

If I.

[Shep]

If I.

[Austin]

If I may.

[Kelly]

Harsh. Maybe I'm too old for her, frankly, because she's 27.

Which, you know, now Leonardo DiCaprio has broken his 25 year old lady rule and he is dating a 27 year olds. Wow. So, you know, they're all doing it now. They're all doing it. So he's like, yeah, I got a lot of shit last year when people were like, well, of course he underdid this or that.

[Molly]

She's 26.

[Kelly]

But then again, I am maturing at a glacial pace.

I'm just a boy.

[Austin]

I'm maturing more slowly than it took to resolve the Vietnam War. The details which are available in the Ken Burke's documentary called the Vietnam War.

[Kelly]

Gosh.

So he says that Craig is just an interesting cat, and he stopped trying to figure out Craig long time ago. And he's just suggesting that Austin do the same because they're trying to reset where, you know, they have to every season where they're like, we love each other now. And then two episodes later, they're like, I hate you. So Rodrigo's like, yeah, well, I think.

[Craig]

That Austin might have a fomo.

[Molly]

He's like, oh, poor Austin.

[Kelly]

He can't make a decision for Christ sometimes, can he?

[Michelle]

Rodrigo's like, no, man. That's kind of his problem.

[Austin]

He's like, I mean, you know, what did he say?

[Michelle]

It's.

[Austin]

It's a winner. We remember, we were at Folly and we just got surfing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Michelle]

Shep, could you stop doing the flashback music? We'll let post production do it for us.

[Molly]

Okay?

[Kelly]

Car. Sorry about that.

So the dad calls and.

He'S like, hey, I was thinking I could pull right up to the storage unit and start looking at furniture for my new house.

[Craig]

And the dad's like, whatever you want to do. We're ready for you, Garsh.

[Michelle]

So they. So Shep is like, look, the grass is always greener. And I got that.

[Austin]

Just human nature.

[Kelly]

As, as.

[Austin]

As Isaac Asimov once wrote, the tree that grows next to the robot is stronger than the robot that's built next to the tree.

[Michelle]

Did he say that?

[Kelly]

Not sure.

But no one else has read it in this group, so I'm gonna stick with it.

[Austin]

No one can factor.

[Kelly]

So I recently yeah, exactly. I recently bought this new house because.

[Craig]

I just wanted a house on Sullivan's.

[Kelly]

Island, which is one of my favorite places in the world. It' it's like historical.

[Craig]

Four bedrooms, four baths. I don't even know what to put in it.

[Kelly]

And we see clips of this new house and it's huge. It's 5, 000 square feet, four bedroom, four bath, like he said. And it's $3.25 million.

[Michelle]

Yeah, it's a big. It's a big one. He's like, my dad, I think, is.

[Austin]

Kind of excited to get a little bit of his stuff out.

[Michelle]

So they pull up to. To the family barn, and his dad, Rip.

Waits by the fence and he's like, hi there. He's like, my parents were a big.

[Austin]

Factor in me b buying this house. Cuz my brother bought a big house with his two kids and wife and my sister. The same thing. So for them, then, the normal trajectory of a guy's life, I'm 10 years behind, maybe 15. Gosh.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Craig]

The dad's like, I just want to make sure you get some wooden venetian blinds. Those add value to a house.

[Kelly]

Do you remember that? I will never forget that. When the dad was like, you need to have wooden blinds, Shepherd. You need to have them very important for resale. And there were like those huge, clicky, clacky, you know, blinds.

[Michelle]

They're huge.

[Kelly]

That go over the windows. And that was all the dad cared about.

[Craig]

He's like, you need to get those blind, Shep. It's very important.

[Molly]

All right, dad, we'll think it over.

[Kelly]

It's been years. And that stuck with me. So Shep's like, whoa, Rodrigo, get excited. Biggest sweet.

[Craig]

I'm meeting South Carolina right here. Right.

[Kelly]

So they go into the storage unit and it's just all, you know, God knows where half of this furniture came from. Like plantations over. All over the South. I mean, I don't know. It's like a lot of very antique.

[Craig]

A lot of old.

[Kelly]

Yeah. Very antiquey stuff.

[Michelle]

It's all like, probably like great antique. Like if you're antiquing, it's probably all great stuff. But the funny thing is, it's like, is this really going to be. Is this chef style? I mean, I don't know what chef style is, but I feel like it's not necessarily his style, but he's just happy to have items in his house.

[Kelly]

Yeah, he's just going to throw shit in there.

[Michelle]

Yeah, it'll be like banana peels.

[Kelly]

He just wants like a sectional from Ikea and a surfboard. That's all this guy ever has in his house. So he's just like, dad, put whatever you want to in there. So they do. They start going through it, and the.

[Craig]

Dad'S like, well, that's nice. Those are rav flooring bars. Get those.

[Kelly]

And then there's, like, of course, a big shellacked fish.

[Michelle]

Yes.

[Kelly]

Somebody got. And then the best part is where we see a pic, we see two paintings, actually, of Shep as a teenager with his golf club over his shoulder, just posing like.

And they're two side by side, and they're exactly the same, but they're two years. You know, they. You know, they're separate times. But I just love that. It's like, it's.

[Craig]

It's time, ship. We gotta get out there and get your yearly picture with your golf club over your shoulder.

[Michelle]

Well, Cindy, our. Our young man's turning into an adult man. Time to get the painting done. We gotta get a painting of chef with a golf club. Yeah.

[Kelly]

So they go through, and Rod's like, oh, my God. I'm the designer. And this is basically amazing. Like, everything in here, basically wonderful.

[Craig]

I mean, it's just great.

[Kelly]

I was like, is it. This is not. This is not great. But whatever. They. They load up on some crap, and they're done.

[Michelle]

I feel like individual pieces again. I feel like they're all good antiques, and individual pieces are probably great, but I feel like an entire house with that. I just don't feel like matches Shep's aesthetic. It's just basically his parents. It's his parents stuff that they just put in the barn, you know?

[Kelly]

Yeah. Yeah. I. I mean, I don't know. I guess we'll see. The house is beautiful, though.

[Michelle]

Gorgeous.

[Kelly]

We'll see. So then we go to Daniel island.

[Molly]

Where Madison and Brett are driving to their new home on a golf cart. Let's see how much Brett's gonna talk this time. I'm gonna say 18 words.

[Madison]

I'm feeling emotional today because I drove through this neighborhood when I first moved to Charleston. I was like, I'm gonna marry some old rich man, and I'm gonna live out here. Because I was like, the only way I was gonna be able to do that was be if I married a rich guy.

[Michelle]

But sure enough, I married you. He's like, yeah, you didn't marry an old rich man.

[Madison]

That's right. I got a hunky man, my own money. I'll finish the joke for you. That's okay.

[Molly]

Or at least I had my own Money before I spent it on this house. And we just sold our starter home on Daniel island. And now we're moving into our forever home, which is right around the corner on Daniel Island.

[Michelle]

They mentioned Daniel Island a lot. I feel like they're constantly like, I'm on Daniel Island. So they, they arrive and their, their realtor is like, welcome in. Congratulations. I have a little something for you, but you can't drink this right away. Anyway, it's champagne.

[Kelly]

So this is who.

[Molly]

Motherfucker, get that thing open.

[Madison]

Unless you got a husk of corn, I don't care what you got.

[Michelle]

So they go, it's a nice house. Beautiful, beautiful kitchen. Beautiful kitchen. That's very good. I mean, congratulations.

[Kelly]

It's humongous. Oh my gosh, how much money is she making? This is a 3.9 million dollar house. Six bedrooms, seven bath, another 5, 000 square footer. And she's like, well, it's a high.

[Molly]

Price, but it's just perfect. I mean, if I got a bill to pay, I'm going to turn that kitchen into a. I'm going to turn into a kitchen beautician and I'll make sure it's taken care of because my dreams are coming true. Look at this pregnant wedding ring. House chick, chick, chick.

[Michelle]

Makes me a little nervous when people make these proclamations on reality TV that's like, you know, bravo. Like bookmarks it and like, okay, we're gonna turn this into a black and white flashback in about five years when her life falls apart. Okay, great.

[Kelly]

Yeah.

[Michelle]

You know, they always do that, but it is actually very exciting. And now we know why she was so messy with Audrey. She's like, gotta make sure this paycheck is coming in. I've got a house.

[Kelly]

Yeah, I love pregnant Madison just coming in and causing mess and then going home to her hot husband. I know.

[Molly]

You know, she's like, wow, isn't it amazing? I can still make money off of with Austin's life and I don't even have to him.

[Michelle]

So they look and they're. There's looking rooms and she's getting choked up because she's like, I'm gonna have babies in here. They look in the primary bedroom and.

[Madison]

This is where I'll make all these six other kids.

[Austin]

No, I'm kidding.

[Madison]

We'll do it all over the place. Kitchen, island, sofa, everywhere around this house.

[Kelly]

Brett, he's like, well, I thought we were gonna say the sex tapes. This is the sex tape room.

[Molly]

She goes, well, we're gonna have to leak those to pay for this. That's for sure.

[Kelly]

So she says, the fact that I'm.

[Molly]

Even approved for something like this after being called white trash for how many years?

[Kelly]

And then we go flashback 2018, and Madison's like, him?

[Molly]

He said that I was White Trash Hairstylist 2020.

[Craig]

Yeah. Well, you're a terrible person. And you're a trash can.

[Michelle]

There's. That was the worst. He was. Craig was so vile, that reunion. But they've. They've always been so mean to Madison, and now look, she's, like, the star. The line for Madison was huge. Yeah, she did win. She really did. So they go outside, and she's like.

[Madison]

Laugh is so good. It doesn't even feel real. God, this is crazy.

[Michelle]

He's like, I can only imagine what your dad would be saying if you walked in. So she starts to choke up, and she's happy. Another milestone in her life. Now we go to do littles pet store, in case you. In case you couldn't figure that one out. It's also the mantra for all the men on this show. Do little.

[Kelly]

Welcome to do the least cat store. Every man trying to get a reputation defending cat in Charleston, please come visit.

[Michelle]

Our sister store we just opened up on Daniel island called what job?

[Craig]

Hey, my friend's getting a kitten for the first time. Oh, I think that's him right there. He's the one spitting all over the window. Craig crazy you.

[Kelly]

Well, those cats are gonna hate him. He's gonna be giving him showers every time he talks to him.

[Michelle]

They need to get him a slobber guard, if that's even a thing. Do they sell slobber guards? They should for dogs that slobber. Just, like, a little tray a little bit.

[Kelly]

A bit.

[Michelle]

So. So Austin is like, Rodrigo's cat had a litter.

[Shep]

And I. I don't like coming home.

[Michelle]

To just, like, an empty house, so.

[Shep]

I really want to have a couple.

[Michelle]

Cats excited to see me. When I walk in, I was like, ugh, you're being such a boy right now. Being like, oh, I'm lonely. I'm sad. I just want two little cats. I was like, ugh. And I hate that. I was like, that's so sweet that he wants two cats, but I'm a pushover when it comes to cats. I can't help it, everyone. I can't help it.

[Kelly]

Well, also, I don't know that he's met cats before, because I don't know that cats are the pet you get if you want something to be.

[Michelle]

Yeah, they' you come home.

[Kelly]

Cats are like, you're here.

[Molly]

Feed me you.

[Michelle]

All day. Oh, look. Look who's back. Just give us our food.

Actually, my friend's cat is so cute. And my friends, the cat that I had growing up definitely would get excited when I'd come home. Like, my cat had dog like qualities, and my friend's cat has dog like qualities. Like, always wants to play. Like, they're definitely cats that are super social, but you just never know. You never know what you're gonna get.

[Kelly]

And yeah, I think so. I think I've known a lot of cats like that, but I just mean, like, the basic reputation for a cat isn't like, oh, my God, happy to see me?

[Shep]

Yeah.

[Michelle]

The baseline cat is like, oh, well, I guess our solitude is broken up. Someone stupid's here. Let's go in the other room.

[Kelly]

Wow, you just walked in the door. That means you know how to use it. You want to try walking out again?

[Michelle]

Well, I guess I'll go back under the bed. Where sophisticated people live.

[Molly]

Are you having dinner? Good time to make a poop.

[Kelly]

Just be right here in my little house that you've inconveniently stored in the kitchen.

[Molly]

You.

[Michelle]

Oh, well, that's nice that you put a glass on the counter Here, Let me just move that for you onto the floor. Bye.

[Kelly]

So he's picked out two names, and they are Piper and Martini, which I think is funny because it's like a pipe and Martini.

[Michelle]

Really?

[Kelly]

That's like paraphernalia. It's like paraphernalia and booze.

[Michelle]

Piper and Martini, like, those do not sound like names that awesome would name a cat. Piper and Piper, Maybe Piper, get over here. But Martini is like, I don't know. I'm surprised he didn't, like, name one of them. Something like Keg or.

I don't know, Miller, I guess you can't name it after. After a competition, but, like, Funnel or Polo talkers.

[Craig]

Get in here.

[Shep]

Matthews, get in here.

[Kelly]

Yeah, so the clerk's like, so you got one cat, you got two cats?

[Craig]

Because, oh, I got two girls. They're actually in the background on my phone.

[Kelly]

Look. He's like, wow, that's amazing. Never seen pets as a background on a phone before. Thanks for sharing that with me. Popper and Martini, their names. Good. Good choice. Okay, who let you have cats?

[Michelle]

So you know what we need? We need one with a bell. Okay, can we get a bell for the cat? Put a bell on the cat. I'm like, oh, that's the last thing you need is a bell on a cat. Do you know how much cats move? You're just gonna hear that tinkling non stop. No bells on the cat.

[Kelly]

Cats already hate you without you forcing a bell on them.

[Craig]

And Craig's like, well, I suggest getting this litter box because the wall has walls and, you know, their privacy.

[Kelly]

I don't. I think anyone with a cat should be suggesting those cat boxes that clean themselves. The self cleaning cat boxes. With crystal. With crystal.

[Michelle]

Crystal litter. Oh, yes.

[Kelly]

I got that for my cousin. And I still feel like a badass because that's a good cat gift. That is a good cat cat right there.

[Michelle]

Yeah. I mean, I think for cats. Well, you definitely want to get a scratching post, right? And then you know what they love? You know what a cat loves? A pole with a little feathery thing that dangles off of it. Ugh. That is like. That's basically like getting a MacBook Pro for a cat. Like, that's. They wait in line for that shit.

Did you hear?

[Craig]

Well, I'm making a commitment to get cats. That's very daunting. Look at me. I'm making a commitment.

[Kelly]

America.

[Michelle]

By the way, there's a coffee shop next door. Why don't we just, like, close out here and head over there? The coffee shop. Okay. So they go to the coffee shop. And I was like, all that shopping.

[Shep]

For my cat makes me hungry. Craig.

[Michelle]

It's like, cool. Cheers, the kitties.

[Shep]

Thanks, man. Dude, I think they usually, like, come over and see me being a cat dad in actions. That way America can see that I'm actually, like, really adorable. Right, Craig?

[Craig]

Maybe I'll come over before we go to Wit's birthday party. What are you gonna dress it as? It's literary times.

Come on, Craig, you know what that means. Write books.

[Molly]

Books.

[Craig]

Craig. He's like, well, I haven't thought about it, so I'm gonna ask ChatGPT. So, ChatGPT, with everything you know about me in our relationship so far, I have to dress like a literary figure. Give me a couple of options. What I should dress as ChatGPT is.

[Kelly]

Like, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop. Talk less.

Form tighter sentences.

[Michelle]

You can be one of the rocks in Jurassic Park. That was a book.

[Kelly]

So Austin's like, so was Fraggle Rock ever a book?

And of course they give him. They give Austin J. Gatsby.

[Michelle]

And Craig goes, damn, that's a compliment. I was like, is it? Have you read the book? Do you know that story? You know that? You know, Jay Gatsby is like a faker, you know? What happens to him at the end? I mean, spoiler alert. But is that.

[Kelly]

It actually is kind of perfect. That's kind of a perfect Craig.

[Michelle]

I know.

[Kelly]

Costume.

[Michelle]

So then also Dorian Gray. And Craig goes 50 shades of gray. And like, this is sad when Austin. I mean, I can't. But like, when Austin's like, no, Dorian.

[Shep]

Gray is the guy who has a portrait and he stays young forever and people love him because he's not only hot, he's got cats.

[Michelle]

Okay.

[Shep]

And he stays young as long as his portrait remains intact. Okay.

[Craig]

Is that 50 shades of gray? I love that.

[Michelle]

I love that.

[Craig]

Cracking. He's like, well, I'm not really a huge theme party guy. Okay. He's like, oh, you're scarred from having to dress up in the Hamptons.

[Kelly]

And then we see Summer house where Paige and Craig were wearing their mastro matching costume for nascar.

[Michelle]

Here comes one right now.

Craig saying he's not really, like, he doesn't really like theme parties when he's been cosplaying as a southerner for literally 10 years on this show is hilarious.

But Craig is like, well, now it's after my breakup, and I will say that I tried the lover version of myself, and now I'm back to the party version of myself.

[Craig]

Well, single Craig's back. Thank God. Single Craig's back. It's amazing.

[Michelle]

Yeah. Cause like, whether it's like Sally or Charlie, I'm having fun being able to kiss someone if I want to guilt free. I'm the architect of my own demise. Haha. So Austin's like, oh, yeah?

[Shep]

Well, who would it have been? Who would you guess? Craig. Who'd have guessed?

[Kelly]

So he says, charlie he has chemistry with and, well, maybe has chemistry with Sally too. I mean, geez. Like, they were hanging out in the.

[Craig]

Hot tub and Austin's like, I have fomo. Oh. Because, like, oh, God, do I miss being single? Yeah. I mean, okay, yeah, maybe I do.

[Kelly]

And so Craig's like, oh my God.

[Craig]

Like, I would do anything not to be single right now. I didn't want to be single, but someone made that decision for me. But Austin, God. And this half in, half out as well.

[Michelle]

Look, I'm like, I'm having fun being a flirt. I was really good in a relationship. I loved it. Everything in life is. Is give and take and sacrifices and stuff. And when it's the right person and if you're her person, then it doesn't matter. And it works if you're willing to put the work in. It's like, it's like in that romantic story, the Bonfire of the Vanities, it's about loving someone and then they love you back, Right?

[Craig]

No.

[Michelle]

So now we go to witness.

It's really. It's. I'm still waking up. Sorry. Like, I don't know.

[Molly]

Bon.

[Michelle]

Part of the bad news was the best I could do this morning.

[Kelly]

I was actually going back to my.

[Michelle]

It's a great book, by the way. Did you ever read it?

[Kelly]

Memory of that. Yes, I did, actually.

[Michelle]

I love that book. That book is so good. That's so.

[Kelly]

That's such a good. I haven't liked the movie.

[Molly]

Oh.

[Kelly]

I was even fine with the movie. I like the movie, too. So then we go to Whitner's house, and Vanita's there because she's the decorator for parties guy. And he. She helps him set up. They have to steam a table runner thing. So if we get to watch him do that and use this glass plates. I mean, this guy is kind of an adult. But they're not only steaming a table runner and using glass plates. I mean, what the hell?

[Michelle]

And they're not only glass plates. They're trauma plates because they come attached with memories.

So Whitner. But before that, winner says winner's backstory is. He's like. My mom has always been big on theme parties. Anything from, you know, Cole porter to the 50s to eras of history. It makes for some great family photos.

That's so not my thing.

[Kelly]

We see pictures of his. Yeah. When we see pictures of his. Extremely Cole Porter type.

[Michelle]

Cole Porter theme.

[Kelly]

Cole Porter party having. I mean, this looks like a family. And you know that they have some Santa music parties.

[Michelle]

They work same pajamas around Christmas. Oh, God. You should have seen our Doris Kearns Goodwin party. Ugh. That was a great holiday.

[Kelly]

And Vanita says she's been friendly with Whit's mother for almost 10 years because she used to work at a store, and that was one of the frequent shoppers. And then she put two and two. That they were. They were family. Because the mom really didn't even speak about her kids at all. So she had no idea about the kids.

[Michelle]

Then it. Yes. But then it turns out that who she thought the mom was was someone else entirely. Because the mom takes off a mask, like, mission possible. Guess what? I was in costume, honey. Total stranger.

[Kelly]

She's like, oh, my God, it's Cole Porter. So winner's like, my mom is very anti establishment. Straight up. I mean, she'd be an anarchist if she could. And I don't know what that means, but this Is a mother. We need to meet. You know what I. The mother who doesn't give a shit about her children, makes them dress like Cole Porter for her amusement and then wants to throw overthrow the government.

[Michelle]

I have to tell you where I love an anarchist. Cole Porter enthusiasts.

She's like, fuck rules, fuck everything. Okay, everyone, time for some Cole Porter.

[Kelly]

Seriously, where is she? So vanilla. So, you know, people are going to come over later. So, you know, they get it. They get it set up pretty much. And then we get Whitner's. More of Whitner's backstory. He's like, you know, like, I've only used these plates once, and it was an anniversary a couple years ago. I haven't used them since. But I have licked my wounds, so we can use them now. I was engaged in August 2023, and she walked out two months later. And, yeah, I was with her for three years and we lived happily for two and a half. And then I did love her, but one day it was just over. She just said she needed space and that was it. I don't know. She just said it was things I did wrong. I had no idea what I did.

[Michelle]

Yeah. No idea. No. I begged for couples therapy. Do it. And then finally I came home, she'd moved out, and so we don't know what happened. Maybe she became a lesbian.

[Kelly]

A lot missing there.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

No. When a guy's like, oh, what? I mean, she. I mean, just suddenly she moved out. I mean, she said it was things I did, but I've got no idea what they could be. I tried everything. God, when she was about to leave. I haven't tried couples therapy. After six months of her telling me that she didn't like a lot of the. That I did. I have no idea.

[Michelle]

It's such. We had just gotten that cat. So Benito is like, well, have you tried dating since? He's like, yeah, to varying degrees of not successful. But I was heartbroken and probably still am to some degree. I'm injured. So the question is, I don't know. For some reason, this feels sincere to me. It doesn't feel boy, but this is very boy to be like, oh, yeah, something. Oh, I'm just innocent in this. And she just. She just walked away. I mean, like, she probably said a million times, I'm leaving you because you don't listen to my needs. I mean, I don't know what happened. She just never even said. She just never said what was wrong.

[Kelly]

He seems like a really nice guy, and in the first episode, he was Talking about how, yeah, he went to law school with Craig but they didn't really know each other because he was two years younger than Craig, even though he passed the bar way before Craig. And that he doesn't really relate to these people because he actually has a job that he has to go to. So at first thought, okay, he's being cast as kind of the new Craig, you know, that's like the one who has to work that doesn't really fit in and they're going to make fun of him for having a job and stuff. But it's hard not to have some cynicism because this is Southern charm and I know what the men on Southern Charm are like and so I just don't trust them. But yeah, he does seem pretty nice so far.

[Michelle]

I think. Also I'm like influenced because someone came on to Crappy Hour was like, my friend is friends with, with Whitner and says that he's actually a really stand up guy. So I'm like, guys, well, well, it's a fact he's a stand up guy. What can I, what can I say? But I am being, I think clouded by that. But he does actually seem like he might be a stand up guy. We'll see. Right now he's tortured.

[Kelly]

I don't know. Right now it just needs to keep me entertained. Okay, so we go to the getting ready montage. Everybody's getting ready. Sally comes to Charlie's to get ready with her and then Craig is getting his hair and makeup done and he's.

[Craig]

Like, yeah, this is like a single boy costume. Y Craig, I'd be pretty good wingman for you tonight cuz I don't think I'll be getting the chance wearing my costume.

[Kelly]

He's dressed like one of the Harry Potter kids, right? Does he say which one?

[Michelle]

It's actually Hermione, I think, I think he's actually in Harry Potter drag. I think it said Hermione. He's wearing like a little skirt. I believe I could be wrong. I mean again, when I watched this I was a little drunk. So I, I seem to remember that it said I was like Hermione but I didn't have the energy or the effort to go back five seconds to read what it said. So I'm sure we will find out soon. But Craig is like, but when he.

[Shep]

Says, yeah, I'm probably not getting the chicks wearing this.

[Michelle]

And Craig's like, the reason you're not getting chicks, Austin, is because you have a girlfriend. I mean, Greg's not wrong on that he should be concerned about that.

[Kelly]

So Whitner is offering his dog Bacchus some mojito. And the dog's like, why'd you name me that? And then Venita comes in and she's like, here comes the bride. It's no longer Venita, it's Medusa.

[Michelle]

You know, I would have liked a better costume from Benita because she basically was dressed just. She was dressed very prettily pretty. Lee looked very nice, but she had, like, kind of like a. Some sort of accessory that was like a little. Sort of little snake. I'm like, if you're gonna do Medusa, you gotta do Medusa. I'm sorry. Medusa has been done on this channel before. In fact, I actually don't even think you can touch Medusa after what's her face. Did it. It. What was her name? Why am I blanking out?

[Kelly]

Heidi.

[Michelle]

No.

You'Re gone.

[Craig]

You're out.

[Michelle]

Fallon. Remember when Fallon did Medusa?

[Kelly]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fallon did Medusa with the snakes in her hair on it.

[Michelle]

But.

[Kelly]

But didn't Heidi Klum just do that? Yeah, she had, like, snakes actually moving.

[Michelle]

I just feel like when people do Medusa, they really commit to the bit. And I feel like. I feel like Vanita did not commit to the bit. I feel like there could have just been a better literary character for her.

[Kelly]

To do, you know, so everyone else comes in and, you know, drinks and stuff. And Molly comes in dressed as, I think, Gandalf. And it's funny, she's got, like, a full beard and everything. And so she's hot. And then Shep's like, Lonesome dove. Captain Gus McCray. I was like, of course dressed as that one. Of course he dressed as a sloppy, messy one. I loved it.

[Michelle]

I was so happy that he brought a Lonesome Dove reference because you. You. You had, like, that. That, like, three months of, like, Lonesome Dove that you were going through Lonesome Dove.

[Kelly]

And it was a lot of pages.

[Michelle]

It was just such a hilarious, like, random, no pun intended chapter in your life. Like, you found this book that was so big in the 80s, that was a miniseries. It was, like, acclaimed. Like, it was like a whole thing. And it was so random that you sort of like, we're going through this Lonesome Dub phase. And then the fact that Shep, of.

[Austin]

All people, is like, I'm referencing Lonesome Dove.

[Michelle]

I was like, oh, it's perfect.

[Kelly]

I know. It's like, were we reading that at the same time? That's hilarious. But now I'm Reading Great Expectations? No. And I've just. I've just discovered Ms. Havisham. She just came into the book yesterday and I'm dying. That. That is hilarious. Why didn't anybody tell me? I don't even care about the rest of the book. I just want it all to be her.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

And for those of you who haven't read it, this is her first scene. She's wearing a wedding dress that's all old. Like, she's never changed. Something happened on her wedding day, and so she's really depressed. And she's never taken off this wedding dress. Okay?

[Michelle]

So it's all yellow Potomac.

[Kelly]

This is like, years later. And she's, like, super sad and, like, withering away and just, like, waiting to rot in her house. And so this kid comes in. She makes this kid come to her house, and she goes, do you see this? And she puts her hands over his heart or over her heart, and he goes, your heart? She goes, broken.

[Michelle]

That's should have been Ms. Havisham.

[Kelly]

Mrs. Havisham.

Hero. My new literary hero. That's who I would have dressed as.

[Michelle]

So, by the way, great.

[Kelly]

What is it?

[Michelle]

Great Expectations.

[Craig]

Go ahead.

[Kelly]

Sorry.

[Michelle]

I was going to say Great Expectations is a concept, except that is totally foreign to this TV show. So Shep is.

[Kelly]

No, it's not. It's what all the women have when they come on here, and they end with Lonesome Dove, the ending with Bonfire, the Vanities.

[Michelle]

So, no, they end with White noise by Don DeLillo. So.

[Austin]

Gosh, a post modern masterpiece.

[Michelle]

Oh, maybe it's Infinite Jeff.

[Austin]

Oh, oh, Gus McRae. He's a lazy, loquacious and charismatic rake with the fondness for alcohol, gambling and whores.

[Kelly]

Oh, gosh.

Does sound like you, buddy. So then Sally comes, and this is the best one. She's like, I'm kissing Kate Barlow from Holes. And Shep goes, from what? Holes.

[Craig]

What's that?

[Kelly]

You don't know Holes, the movie slash the book. It was the book first, so it counts.

[Molly]

Holes.

[Kelly]

Holes, Holes, Holes.

[Michelle]

I don't want to make fun of her selection. I never read Holes. I never saw the movie. And obviously the name Holes.

[Kelly]

Are you coming out dressed? She didn't read the book.

[Molly]

Holes.

[Kelly]

Kidding. She's just reminding the men that she's single.

[Michelle]

Reminding everyone of options.

[Kelly]

Yeah, they're like, who are you? She's like, a hole. Lots of holes.

[Molly]

Okay, pick one.

[Michelle]

Molly is like, well, some girls dress like Sally and Vanita, and some girls are Gandalf. Because, you know, of course, like, Sally and Vanita are like, you know, they're. They're, you know, showing off. They're looking as beautiful, and they're like, you know, their costume is really more like. They wedge their costume into, like, looking hot. And Sally is, like, covered in a robe with a fake beard and a hat and a staff. And, like, her face is unrecognizable and she's sweating, and she's like. She's, like, melting in the corner.

[Kelly]

And Sally's like, oh, wow, Molly didn't really even see you there. She goes, you shall not pass. We don't get it. And then Vanita takes her to the side, and Sally's like, yeah, that was really weird. It's like, yeah, I could feel the tension. Oh, really? You had tension with Gandalf? Stop it.

[Michelle]

Well, one doesn't just simply walk into this party.

So that was a Lord of the Rings reference, guys. Molly is like.

She's sweating in the corner, which is hilarious. Reminds me of the story. My friend from high school. She sometimes doesn't, like, always get things. And she told a story about how she once was invited to, like, an adult Halloween cost, like, adult Halloween party. Not, like, sexy times, but, you know, like, when it's like, adult Halloween, people sort of, like, costumes have a different look. You know, they usually are, like, sexy this, sexy that, or they're just kind of. They have like, a certain vibe. And she went dressed as an M M. She went to this part, like, a fancy Halloween party dressed as, like, a kid's costume in an M M. And it's like, could you imagine.

You'Re the Eminem, and everyone's wearing kind of, like, you know, sexy costumes and they're.

[Kelly]

Like, yeah, they're like, wearing a tuxedo and a masquerade.

[Michelle]

She's an Eminem. That's reminds me, that's what this is. Molly as the. As Gandalf.

[Kelly]

Yeah. So Sally's like, oh, my God, I'm so bad with being fake. I just can't.

[Craig]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

Oh, my God. I just can't look someone in the face if they've been talking about me. So then Austin does show up as Hermione, which I. I love that for him. I didn't know that he was Hermione. She's my favorite.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

Or as I used to call her, Hermione. Hermione. Because before the movies came out, I didn't know how to pronounce the names. Yeah, I just called her.

[Michelle]

I still don't know how to pronounce it, to be honest.

[Kelly]

I'm like, herman, Hermione, I think.

[Michelle]

Am I not Hormones, hormones, hormones. Granger.

[Shep]

Also 10 boys for Gryffindor.

[Michelle]

So Craig, Craig, meanwhile, he's dressed as. What's his face from Hook. Rufio.

[Craig]

How dare you not know who I am? I'm Rufio.

[Kelly]

Oh, my God. Okay, so Craig comes dressed as Rufio. He was wearing his big blow dried hair, which he wore at the Bravocon. It's like, where'd he come up with that hair? And I guess it was so successful on Rufio night that he just wore it to Bravo Con too. But he's got all this mascara on his face. All this eyeliner and mascara that's like, looks like it's melting off, you know? And he is so proud of this. And he's another Sally who's like, it's from Hook.

[Craig]

That was a book, you know, like dumbass.

[Kelly]

And as he goes to each person and no one knows who he is, you see him just start to crumble.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

And it just. This is all it takes. Like every person who's like, who. He's like, come on, man.

[Craig]

It's from Hook.

[Kelly]

Nobody gets it. And by the end of this episode, he's just furious. And I think it's because his costume has been denied.

[Michelle]

Yeah, I think.

Well, first of all, he looks like he's in Mad Max. That's his first problem. Because when I saw the previews, I thought it was a post apocalyptic party. When I saw Craig, I was like, oh, they're doing a Mad Max party. But then I saw Austin dressed as. As Harry Potter. I was like, oh, maybe they're doing movie party. I was like, I don't know. I don't get it. I'll see what happens. But this was not what I thought. Also, like, far cry from the Jay Gatsby and Dorian Gray. Suggestions from Chat GPT I'd have to say.

Yeah. So he's like, I'm the leader of the Lost Boys. I'm like, oh, that's nice. I'm holes. I represent holes.

[Kelly]

I'm lost in your own briefio looking for holes. I don't know. And so they kind of flirt a little bit, but awkwardly. And she, she says. Sally's like, oh, Craig asked me if he could play with my gun. He thought I met in a sexual way.

So then Craig's like, mommy, my hair.

[Craig]

Was better before the wind got it.

[Kelly]

So people keep mingling.

Rodrigo wears a shirt that says I'm Don Quixote. And then Madison arrives dressed like a little man. And no One really understands who she is.

[Molly]

She's like, hey, Chip, you know who I am?

[Kelly]

He's like, no. Tell me about yourself.

[Molly]

I'm Shepherd Rose.

[Kelly]

Oh. And she holds up his book and he's like, oh, my God, you nailed it. Shorts and a blazer. I might explore that in the near future.

[Michelle]

And she looked like the Danish judge from. From Great British Bake Off. What was her name again? Remember the Danish judge that was on that show?

[Kelly]

Oh, yeah, I forgot her name. That's funny.

[Michelle]

She totally looked like her.

[Kelly]

So suck.

[Molly]

I did it better than you, though. Okay. But I did get you a gift winner.

[Kelly]

And he's like, you did?

[Molly]

She goes, yeah. I got you your orange. Your own shark tooth necklace, of course.

[Shep]

Wow.

[Austin]

I mean, you nailed it. I think shorts and the blazer is a thing I might explore in the near future. That might be a wonderful decision for this lonesome dove.

[Molly]

All the bitches get shark teeth.

[Kelly]

And then we see clip of Shep giving Sienna that and still being embarrassingly hilarious. So now they go outside and Craig's.

[Craig]

Like, oh, hey, Austin.

[Kelly]

So Shep is like, look, she trusts me. Everybody holding up his book.

[Craig]

And Craig's like, is that the best thing that's ever happened to medicine? You're way too well dressed to be chef.

[Michelle]

And Rodrigo's like, the only thing she's missing is a 21 year old girl on her arm. But other than that, chef's kiss. So then Charlie arrives and she's dressed as Daisy Buchanan, so. Oh, she really. She probably asked Chat Chap GPT what would Craig come dressed as? She's like, okay, I'll be. I'll be Daisy. But alas, she's the only one I know.

[Kelly]

I like that Chat GPT even knows that they're going to be together because Chat GPT told them to dress like a couple.

So he just didn't listen.

[Michelle]

They all are like, oh, my God, you look amazing. Who's Daisy Buchanan again? And trusting. I'm Daisy Buchanan from the Great Gatsby. What are you. You ever see Hook? It's a.

[Kelly]

It's a.

[Michelle]

It was a movie that was, like, not well received. And I'm a character in it. And I think it was based on a book, you know?

[Craig]

Yeah, I'm the leader of the Lost Boys.

[Kelly]

And she's like, huh. So anyway, hi, everybody. And you just see him crumble inside.

[Craig]

He's like, I could have been the Gatsby loser, and instead I chose this.

[Michelle]

Well, also, was Hook actually based? Like, was Rufio a character in Peter Pan. Because if not, then Craig is not following the rules of the party. Was Rufio a character from Hook?

[Kelly]

Is Hook not a book?

[Michelle]

I don't know. Maybe it was a book. It's. I'm looking, obviously, I'm on the Wikipedia. I don't think it is a book. I mean, Peter Pan obviously is a book, but I don't think so. I think.

[Kelly]

I don't know. It's Craig. I mean, yes, this is great.

[Michelle]

It's, like, very important for me to find out whether or not Craig violated the rules of this party.

[Kelly]

Yeah. I mean, it's a literary party. What do you expect? It's Craig. So Austin whispers like, oh, my God, he's trying so hard. And I. Craig's little. You know, Craig can hear it because he knows Austin's in the room, so he's talking about him, and he's like.

[Craig]

Rufia, you can tell Austin's talking about me. I clock more than he realizes. I'm not dumb.

[Michelle]

Was that a reference to the. The alligator or. No.

[Austin]

Peter Pan jokes.

[Michelle]

So Craig is like, austin, let's do a shot, and. Sounds like I can make you one. Holes. And Craig's like, okay, you want to do one with us? They're all getting together to do a shot, you know, which is always, like, the. Which means fight's about to come. So they do the shots and everything.

[Kelly]

And Craig, by the way, the shot is. They go. Austin says, what is this a shot of?

[Craig]

And Craig goes, this is all we have.

[Kelly]

He just pours whatever's in the shaker into three little glasses. He doesn't even make a shot.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

Definitely off the wagon now. So Craig is like, you know, a shot is just a mini drink. Wow. I mean, talk about a literary party. I mean, the. The word Smith here. So Austin's like, yeah.

[Shep]

Oh, yeah. I've been doing shots the past three years.

[Craig]

I know.

[Shep]

I know what a shot is.

[Kelly]

Craig's insane right now, and Rodrigo's. Austin really likes to make little digs at Craig. And, like, it's.

[Craig]

I think it's because he gets fomo.

[Michelle]

So Craig. So they do. They do this shot. It takes a while for them to do it, but they do the shot shot. And. And so Sally is like, that didn't even taste like anything. And Craig's like, sally is never happy with her shot. Yeah.

[Shep]

Because it's always in your hot tub, Craig.

[Craig]

Austin is so jealous.

[Shep]

That's insane right now. I'm not jealous at all. Craig.

[Craig]

Yeah. Did you hear him? You're so jealous. You're locked up in your house, you and your kittens.

[Shep]

Craig, you've been locked up for five years, and all of a sudden he emerges and he's fucking having fun.

[Michelle]

Am I right?

[Shep]

God, yeah.

[Kelly]

You know what?

[Craig]

I don't even know why it bothers you. Just be yourself, man. Like, why can't you just be yourself? You're so jealous.

[Michelle]

What? What?

[Shep]

I am. Okay, all right. Guess what? I am being myself. I hate. I'm having late nights at my house party with everyone. It's been a blast. And for you to hate on fun, that's silly. It's insane right now.

[Molly]

Now.

[Shep]

Oh, wait a second.

[Craig]

No, that was my line.

[Shep]

That's what you should have said.

[Craig]

Because if you had said that, you're supposed to say. You're supposed to say, whoa, Craig is emerged. You started it, Craig.

[Shep]

I'm not mad.

[Austin]

Dude, you're insane.

[Craig]

You're the one that's bitter. You don't know yourself.

[Shep]

Oh, yeah. Shall I switch it around on you and pull a Craig Conover special? Why are you so unhappy that.

He'S like, oh, really?

[Craig]

You're the one who's not happy. You're the only person who hear who's unhappy because you're living a lie. You're stuck in a relationship and you're not happy.

[Shep]

Okay, Craig, you don't know anything. I got cats now, okay?

[Kelly]

And everybody's like, oh, what? And the new girl's like, oh, my God.

[Michelle]

So Craig's like, you told me you were jealous that I was single.

[Craig]

It's like, no, I did not ever say that. I did not ever say it. No, I would never say that. I'm not jealous of anything you got going on. I promise you very much.

[Michelle]

You said it right after JT said that Patricia was a. I remember it exactly.

[Kelly]

I mean, he did kind of say that.

[Craig]

And Craig's like, okay, Austin, happy people don't tear people down.

[Michelle]

You're not happy, Greg, you're the one. Craig, the master of tearing down. Like, Craig tears down, too.

[Shep]

I was like, and here you are tearing people down.

[Michelle]

I didn't start it.

[Madison]

Oh, yeah?

[Craig]

Well, there you go, walking away. Whatever my blood is.

[Michelle]

This is this. What is this? Austin's new thing? It's to start up by saying, and.

[Shep]

Here you go walking away. And here you go tearing people down. Insane right now.

[Kelly]

Yeah. Wow. Craig really flew off the handle quick there. I think it's.

[Michelle]

What happened. Craig. Sad. Sad when a storyteller loses his school.

[Kelly]

Yeah. So they fight, he says. Austin says he's a dick and he calls him a loser. And it's the end. Wow. Austin and Craig are going at it for no reason. I mean, at least they know though. They're like, it's episode three. Nothing's happened. Said, let's fight.

[Michelle]

Yeah.

[Kelly]

Let's just fight about something. Who cares? I'll criticize you for having cats now. Yeah, okay, let's. That's enough for us to go on. Let's just do that.

[Michelle]

Yep. Well, everyone, that was fun. Thanks, everyone for being here. Thank you for the birthday love. Thank you, Ronnie. And we love you.

[Kelly]

Happy birthday, buddy. Thank you to many more on channel four.

[Michelle]

That's right. And then the next birthday present comes later tonight with the return of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. So we'll be back back tomorrow with a full recap of that show, which I'm sure will be very exciting. So thanks everyone for being here.

[Kelly]

Talk to you next time.

[Michelle]

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[Kelly]

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[Kelly]

We love you guys.

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