#3112 Southern Charm S11E04 Part 1: The Cat’s Out of the Bag

Summary

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Watch What Crappens Ep. 3112: Southern Charm S11E04 Part 1: The Cat’s Out of the Bag

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: December 11, 2025
Episode Focus: Southern Charm Season 11, Episode 4 Recap (“Movable Feast” Birthday Party)

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Overview

In this raucous episode, Ben and Ronnie dissect the latest drama-filled installment of Southern Charm, centered around Whitner’s themed “Movable Feast” birthday dinner. The hosts revel in the show’s signature chaos—friendship betrayals, petty grievances, and passive-aggressive dinner party antics—while skewering the cast’s questionable decor, pasta choices, and emotional intelligence. Blending sarcasm, affection, and sharp observational humor, Ben and Ronnie break down the cast’s blowups and shifting alliances, and serve up their own comedic perspectives on Bravo’s Charleston crew.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter & Personal Tangents

[03:00 – 09:00]

• Ben and Ronnie indulge in their signature pre-recap tangent about bagels, bakeries, and strange occurrences on Ronnie’s Texas porch (mystery vomit, dead tarantulas, and scorpions).
• Ronnie suspects he has a “porch of death” attracting dying animals, which leads to speculation about using cameras to capture wildlife (and bitterness at not yet catching a bobcat on camera).
• Quote – Ronnie:
  “I think I have a porch of death. I think my porch is killing things. … But I still got a chocolate croissant out of it.” — [08:10]
• Ben assures: “If the person who vomited died on your porch, their body would have been there too. They just… survived.”

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2. Setting the Scene: Southern Charm’s Dining Disaster

[09:00 – 10:00]

• Transition to Southern Charm recap; recapping that the gang is at Whitner’s “Movable Feast” literary-themed birthday, and tensions are high after Craig’s outburst.
• Ben and Ronnie critique the cast’s overreaction to Craig’s “hostile” moment, likening it to running through the party with a chainsaw, even though it was just “a lot.”
• Quote – Ben:
  “They’re really acting like he had a chainsaw and was running through that party.”

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3. Craig vs. Austin: Friendship Implosion

[10:00 – 13:00]

• Analyzing Craig and Austin’s latest clash:
  • Craig outs Austin’s alleged cheating on his girlfriend, triggering a group meltdown.
  • Ronnie blasts Craig’s hypocrisy for exposing a friend’s secrets for drama:

    “We all know Austin’s been cheating… but you outing him as a friend is really shitty.” — Ronnie [11:45]

• Ben notes Craig’s performative evolution:
  • Last season he was the “sweet homemaker,” now he’s back to being “a total dick.”

Countertop Shamings and Reddit Deep Dives

[13:00 – 15:30]

• Ronnie brings up Craig’s much-mocked “waterfall countertop” (which isn’t actually a waterfall).
• They debate Reddit’s home decor nitpicking:

  “How are you gonna try and be the new Martha Stewart when you have a waterfall that looks like that?” — Ben [14:02]

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4. Theme Party Meltdowns and Newbies

[15:30 – 23:00]

• The cast is “shooketh” at Craig’s behavior, but Ben points out nobody should be surprised given Southern Charm history.
• Ronnie zeroes in on the show's “bad friends to each other” dynamic:

  “The guys on this show are just such bad friends to each other. They always have been. They’ve never been solid friends to each other.” [11:09]

• Discussion of the “new guy” Whitner:
  • Ben likes him but doubts he’s ready for reality TV mess.

  “It is your circus, and it’s literally your monkeys!” — Ben [17:48]

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5. The Sally–Charlie–Craig Triangle

[24:00 – 25:30]

• Noting Craig’s flirtation with both Sally and Charlie at the table; Charlie tries to sidestep drama but Sally is not pleased.
• Shep: “There’s a throttle. Sally, Charlie, and Craig. And I don’t know who’s jockeying for what position and why.” [25:23]
• Molly and Sally’s passive-aggressive spat over “calling dibs” on Craig, with Molly labeling Sally a “pick me girl.”
• Quote – Molly:
  “Her self-worth… is really linked to [men], and I think it creates a lot of drama.” [43:27]

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6. Dinner Disasters: Pasta Proliferation & Bolognese Splatters

[21:09 – 27:00]

• Ben and Ronnie marvel at the excessive pasta options: “Why are there so many pastas?”
• Visual humor about Austin inevitably getting Bolognese everywhere:

  “If you’re gonna be eating with Austin, don’t feed him bolognese. Red sauce is a no. People will think he got an axe to the stomach.” — Ben [26:17]

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7. Triggered & Gaslit: The Language of Excuses

[28:30 – 40:22]

• Craig repeatedly claims to be “triggered” as justification for his blowups.
• Ronnie is exasperated at the (mis)use of therapy lingo:

  “Craig is now saying ‘triggered’ and ‘gaslighting’ as part of his regular vocabulary. … You are the gaslighter.” [48:14]

• Ben: “You can say you have triggers, but you can’t say, ‘I’m sorry I screamed at you, but you triggered me.’ You’re in control of your own reactions.”

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8. Revelations and Blame: Dragging Shep Into It

[30:45 – 35:48]

• Shep is (somewhat unwillingly) forced to “come clean” about what he knows regarding Austin possibly cheating.
• Debate: Did Shep intentionally plant info with Craig to let him do the dirty work, or was it just standard messiness?
• Ben and Ronnie go back and forth on Shep’s motives; both agree the men are “emotional terrorists” and nobody should feel bad for them.

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9. Philosophies of Friendship (Southern Charm Style)

[39:58 – 49:00]

• Despite all the apologies and attempts to “clear the air,” Ben and Ronnie point out that none of the men ever truly take responsibility or repair their fractured friendships.
• Sally continues to defend Craig, angling to “service you in any way you need” [49:02], which leads to more “pick me girl” humor.

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10. Host Party Fails & Wrap Up

[49:21 – 51:00]

• Poor Whitner laments: “I wanted to create new memories in my house. But, man, what are you gonna do?”
• Ben and Ronnie mock his “milking it” over his breakup; Ronnie: “You just... threw a party. It’s fine. People had a fight. There’s still plenty of pasta. It was good. It was a success.” [49:43]
• End of part 1; party fizzles, everyone storms off, and the hosts promise part two is coming soon.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “They’re really acting like [Craig] had a chainsaw and was running through that party.” — Ben [10:53]
• “We all know Austin’s been cheating... but you outing him as a friend is really shitty.” — Ronnie [11:45]
• “How are you gonna try and be the new Martha Stewart when you have a waterfall [countertop] that looks like that?” — Ben [14:02]
• “Why are there so many pastas?” — Ben [21:24]
• “Craig is now saying ‘triggered’ and ‘gaslighting’ as part of his regular vocabulary.” — Ronnie [48:14]
• “You can say you have triggers, but you can’t say, ‘I’m sorry I screamed at you, but you triggered me.’” — Ben [40:22]
• “Her self-worth… is really linked to [men], and I think it creates a lot of drama.” — Molly [43:27]
• “You just... threw a party. It’s fine. People had a fight. There’s still plenty of pasta. It was good. It was a success.” — Ronnie [49:43]

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Important Timestamps

• [03:00] – Episode officially begins; cake and “porch of death” banter.
• [09:00] – Transition to Southern Charm recap.
• [10:00] – Craig’s drunken confrontation and the group’s reaction.
• [12:09] – Breakdown of the Craig/Austin dynamic.
• [13:50] – Countertop shame.
• [21:24] – Excess pasta discourse.
• [28:30] – “That’s What She Said” jokes and shifting blame.
• [30:44] – Shep is forced to spill the rumors.
• [39:58] – Apology semantics and gaslighting accusations.
• [43:27] – Pick-me girl commentary by Molly.
• [49:21] – Whitner’s party post-mortem.

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Tone & Humorous Touches

• The hosts’ affectionately acerbic tone shines, mixing Bravo fandom with biting wit.
• Regular playful digressions into pop culture, food, and home renovations.
• Banter imbues the episode with warmth and familiarity (“We mock because we love” ethos).
• Their recaps function as both roast and group-therapy session for Bravo’s messy cast.

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This summary covers the content up to the end of Part 1. For the resolution of Whitner’s disastrous dinner—and more comedic takedowns—listen to Part 2 when it drops.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome to a moment of Zen with Virgin Voyages. As you know, the Real Housewives of Miami took a trip on a beautiful Virgin Voyages cruise this season.

[B]

But everyone should get a chance to do that. You, me, and the ladies of Salt Lake City.

[A]

We're joining Heather and Bronwyn from the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City as they stretch out at one of our complimentary group fitness classes. That's right. At Virgin Voyages, everything from Wi fi to wellness is included in your fare.

[B]

No hidden fees, just pure relaxation and rejuvenation. Whether you're sailing to the Caribbean or the Mediterranean, you'll find plenty of ways to unwind. Now, let's see how Heather and Bronwyn are balancing their chakras. Mm. Mm. Wow. Wow. Down, dog. Okay. Okay, Heather, I'm so glad we're taking this yoga class together.

[A]

As a sisterhood, it is our duty to not just show up for a downward dog, but be an upward prediction presence for all of each other.

[B]

Okay, touch. Touch your toes. Okay, we're going down. We're going down. Okay. It's a little hard to do this. Could someone have told me not to wear an inflatable dinosaur today? Because that's making this a little bit difficult to reach my. My toes.

[A]

You know, as. As a sisterhood, we can come together and we can take this inflatable thing off of you. But just know that when we do this, we do this as a sisterhood together. And furthermore, I have written three books. Just want to throw that in there.

[B]

What are you saying, Heather? What are you saying? Are you saying you would prefer me without my dinosaur costume? Well, I'm sorry, but I use these because I have trauma, and I'm just trying to make my husband happy at an airport. Well, excuse me for living, Heather.

[A]

I'm just trying to relax with my yoga. So if anyone doesn't mind, I will be distributing some copies of Bad Mormon to everyone to use as yoga blocks. Okay? Please enjoy.

[B]

Oh, so now I'm a bad Mormon. Now I'm a bad Mormon. Oh, that's great. That's great. Oh, I suppose I'm a fraud and a con as well. Okay. Okay, great. Oh, what are you leaking? What are you leaking, Heather? Are you leaking my information?

[A]

I am doing nothing of the sort. This is a sisterhood, and really, all that I am concerned of is making sure I can stand on one leg in this beautiful yoga class. And I'm just going to meditate. Receipts, proof, timeline, screenshots, everything. Get me out of this thing. Namaste, folks. At Virgin Voyages, you get a perfect blend of relaxation and excitement. While we can't promise your your yoga sessions will be as eventful as Heather and Bronwyn's, we know you'll have a fabulous time.

[B]

From luxurious amenities to breathtaking destinations, Virgin Voyages has it all. Make your next vacation truly unforgettable with us.

[A]

Visit virgin voyages.com or reach out to your travel advisor to start planning your dream cruise today.

[B]

What.

[A]

Happens when there's so much that happens? Hello and welcome to Watch what Crap Ins a podcast about all that crap on Bravo we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker. Joining me today is the illustrious and joyous and holiday cheerful Ronnie Caram. Happy Bagel Thursday to you, Ronnie, how are you? Oh, hello, buddy.

[B]

How you doing?

[A]

I'm great. As I mentioned, it is Bagel Thursday. I had a bagel this morning and I'm feeling full of joy in life because that's all I need to get through the week, is my weekly bagel. We are here to talk. You had one.

[B]

Look at that. I did. Because I went to. I might get lunch today, and there's a French bakery called Baguette right next to my Botox place. So I went there and I said, hand me one of the house specialties. And she said, which? And I said, baguette. What do you fucking think, you French idiot?

[A]

Give it to a sandwich. Yeah.

[B]

And I scarfed it right there in front of her face so she had to watch me eat every crumb of it while my eyes bled from Botox.

[A]

I might get that. I have to go get a prescription. And the. The. The doctor's office where I get the prescription from is like across the street from a bakery. So, like, it's the best thing because if you ever have to go to the doctor and then you're like, well, I deserve a treat. There's literally a bakery right there. So guess who's gonna get now?

[B]

Yeah, that's what I said. I came outta there and, you know, like, I was bleeding above my. I still have some blood right here. God damn it. So I was bleeding and I was like, I deserve a treat. And I was like, you know, Botox is a treat. It's not like I just went and got a tooth pulled. Like, it's. You don't get a treat. But I did anyway. It was great.

[A]

I'm gonna.

[B]

But also, I'm going through a really weird time over here, and I did need a treat. I think I have a porch of death. I think my porch is killing things.

[A]

Did another bird die?

[B]

No. Okay, so where the bird came and flew into the window, which I still have to look at this goddamn imprint every day because I can't reach the window. It's too high to reach it. So that's. That's above this patio, right? So this little back patio. Ever since I moved here to Texas, which was in Covid, there have been little things dying up here. There was a big hairy spider that looks like a. What do you call the big hairy ones? It's like this big.

[A]

Maybe it's. That's probably a tarantula.

[B]

A couple of them have climbed up there. Well, they're brown. They're a different kind. I've looked them up.

[A]

That's like a tarantula.

[B]

Yeah, it's like that, but it's called something else. But is those. It's like a brown, brown tarantula. I don't know what they're called, but, yeah, it's a tarantula, basically. And they're huge.

[A]

And a couple of tarantulets, they crawl.

[B]

Right up to my patio door, and then they just die. And I'm finding these dead bodies. Okay. And then there was a huge scorpion, which was not a normal little scorpion. I think I've told you about these before. They're huge. They're also like, little shoes. They're huge. Huge. Also dead. A scorpion. A scorpion. Then the bird. And then this morning, I was letting Bueller out.

[A]

I mean, these are all things that I would like. I mean, no offense to these animals.

[B]

Or these critters, but, like, you want to.

[A]

If you're right, I'm like, if you tell me this thing came up to my porch, I'm like, please die right there and don't go any further. I'm like, this sounds great. The. The tarantulet died. The scorpion died. You're like, there. There was a reanimated body. It looked like a zombie came up to my porch, and then it died, too.

[B]

No, you're right. There are definitely things that are on a kill list anyway, but they come up and they die. Well, the bird. I mean, I don't know if it Actually.

[A]

I feel bad for the tarantula. Tarantulas, I think, are pretty docile.

[B]

These are not even poisonous. Okay, So a couple of those. A couple of the scorpion things, this bird. And then today I was letting Bueller out, and he started, like, getting into something, and I was like, no, no, get away from that. And it was a pile of. Sorry to be gross, but it was a pile of like, vomited up food. And it wasn't him because he had just eaten. But he didn't barf. I mean, I was right with him and it wasn't last night because I was with him last night and it wasn't there. He didn't go to it last night. So I think somebody came up and, like, barfed on my patio and then left. Like, first of all, who does that? But I was like, is this thing dying, too? Am I killing things on this patio? Like, what's happening on my porch? The.

[A]

The mystery vomit is. I think it's time that you install a ring camera out there. You know, those are fun.

[B]

You know, get animals.

[A]

But my. My friends, Anna Nasim, they got a place up in Sebastopol, California, and they put up a little camera. It wasn't a ring camera because they're Google people. So they have a Google camera up there and they. Let me tell you something. It's like animal highway. All it is is just animals at night. And it's the best. The footage that they have. They got a bobcat on there. Coyotes, raccoons.

[B]

Stop making me jealous. You know, I've been trying to get a bobcat on my camera now. A baby bobcat. Kitten. A bob kitten.

[A]

Why don't you put a camera out on your. On your porch of death and you can see what's going out there and phantom vomiting on it?

[B]

Because it goes for, like, human movement. It doesn't usually get animal movement, but I will. I'm going to try it. I'm not going to know that.

[A]

Suggest it will get. It will get it. It will get.

[B]

Something's happening there. And I think that I'm a dark harbinger of death is what I think is happening. I think I'm like a grim reaper. The vomit is just coming up and dying. And so I'm getting a chocolate croissant. All right. While I'm murdering the world. I might as well.

[A]

If it makes you feel any better, if the vomit. If the person who vomited died on your porch, their body would have been there too. They just. They actually survived. They vomited and moved.

[B]

I think it's somebody's cat or something because it was like whole, whole chunks of food. And so I think, like, maybe it's dead under my porch. I don't even want to know.

[A]

Is there an owl pellet? Maybe it's an owl. Was it an owl pellet?

[B]

No, those aren't.

[A]

Those don't look like vomit.

[B]

Like, it's. It's whole food Anyway, the point. We don't need to spend the whole day on this. I just. I'm just telling you I needed the chocolate croissant today, and I got it. So thank you, baguette.

[A]

A lot. It's like, you know what? Baguetto chocolate. I've had a rough day. I saw some anonymous vomit on my back porch, and I deserve a croissant. I mean, if there's anything about seeing mystery vomit, it's wanting a croissant. That's the thing that I want. I get that.

[B]

All right, well, anyway, the point is. Welcome to watch what crap. And sorry for everybody. I know we're supposed to be recapping TV shows, and we're six minutes into it, but sometimes you got to get off your chest, okay? Today is Southern charm day. Welcome, everybody who will sell it original. Try to get the original back.

[A]

Back. Patio vomit. Southern charm. Don't forget our Patreon. Patreon. Our bonus episode this week is we did a trailer trash on the summer house trailer. And on Monday, we obviously have our Amazon live. We also have our last crappy hour of the year. And we have a very special guest who I am going to fangirl over. I'm not gonna lie. It's gonna be a mess, everyone. So anyway, that's gonna be very exciting. Let's get into Southern charm as you already tried to do about 30 seconds ago. So we are still at Whitner, episode.

[B]

Four, A Movable Feast.

[A]

Beasts.

[B]

Beasts. Immovable beasts. Oh, I get it.

[A]

Because it's a playoff joke. It's a pun. Yeah, it's a pun.

[B]

I get it.

[A]

Because it's a literary birthday dinner. It's insane right now. So where we left off, basically, the.

[B]

Man in the sea.

[A]

Old man and the sea. Hemingway last. When we last left off, Austin was making little comments about Craig.

[B]

Like, look at.

[A]

It's ridiculous. I mean, it's crazy crack. Just like he's from Hook. And Craig is like, austin, you're so unhappy. Stop talking about me. You're unhappy because you live a lie. And you'll never be happy because you're lying. You're stupid. And everyone was like, oh, my God, Craig is so hostile. He's dangerous. Be careful. He's got a gun.

[B]

And then we got my favorite piece of first time acting from Charlie. He was like, oh, my God.

[A]

They'Re all shaken. Look, Craig flies off the handle. We've always noticed it. But they are really acting like he had a chainsaw and was running through that party. I mean, I just feel like like, yeah, it was. It was a lot. He was being extra, but they were like, I've never seen him turn that way.

[B]

I know. It's my reaction to Meredith on the plane on Salt Lake City. I'm like, are you people new to this show? You've never seen this in behavior before? It's Craig, but Craig was fucking rude. He's terrible. Yeah. Yeah. And you know the thing, the guys on the show are just such bad friends to each other. They always have been. They've never been solid friends to each other. But Craig, the second he gets pissed off, it's like, oh, I'm just gonna dump all your shit right here on national tv. We all know Austin's been cheating on this girlfriend since we know that Austin is dating a girl three hours away because he's gonna cheat on her every night. And he can still get reputation. What do you call it? Repair. Reputation repair on national tv. And people can all pretend he's a nice person who's settling down and being kind to a girl for the first time in years. But we all know that man has been cheating all over the country, and nobody believes for one second, at least on this show, that he hasn't been doing that. We didn't need you to tell us, Craig, but you're his friend, so you outing him for that is really shitty.

[A]

Well, also, we had to sit through an entire season of Craig acting like he's so evolved and he's in a new state of his life, and he's a nice guy, and all he wants to do is have some kids and plant some flowers, and he's just sweet, lovable Craig, and he's just such a dick. He really is. He's. He's a total dick. And, like, I think he was actually a dick to Austin. Now, Austin is not innocent. Austin was being passive aggressive, making little comments, but he was. But he was muttering them quietly and. And what he thought was out of your sight. Unfortunately, what Austin doesn't realize is that his lips flap so much. Everyone knows what he's saying at all times. So, like, you literally cannot tell him.

[B]

To shut his mouth. He can't do it. Okay. It's possible. He's like. When he's quiet, he's, like.

[A]

Insane right now.

[B]

It's insane. So Craig is to say, I'm sorry while we're still talking about what an asshole Craig is. We said the minute Paige leaves Craig, he's going to become the exact same Craig we knew before, which he did in record time. I mean, that's crazy. Another thing is, right when that breakup happened and they went to the reunion and he was acting like this huge victim, there were gossip stories like, oh, Craig is dating Molly. Or not Molly, Sally. We've seen Craig got with Sally, and they're like, oh, no, how could you? Blah, blah, blah. Well, of course that looks like it was true now. And what's the other thing I was going to say? Oh, Craig is like, oh, I'm such a homemaker. This and that. It's me, Craig with my pillows, my remodeled house. Reddit was putting out pictures this week of Craig's countertop. Have you noticed it? The waterfall countertop that. It's not. It's not cut at an angle. You know how you're supposed to cut it at an angle, like a picture frame or whatever. Instead it's like straight, and then it's just laid straight on top of it.

[A]

That is not a waterfall. That is two slabs.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I love Reddit for picking. I love. And for shamming. His waterfall. His waterfall. His waterfall.

[B]

I can't believe we didn't notice it. How are you gonna try and be the new Martha Stewart when you have a waterfall that looks like that?

[A]

Wait, I want to see it. I want to see it. I want to see. Oh, I want to see bad waterfall. Okay, yeah, find it for me and put it up on the page, because I'd like to see it. Okay, so while you look for that, let me tell you, let's start into this. So basically, they're all like, shooketh that Craig was acting crazy. And Rodrigo's like, I don't know if I was drooling with my mouth open or if I spilled my drink. And I was like, no, I didn't mean it for a happen. I just have no idea what just happened. We just had an argument. It's insane right now. And Charlie's like, it was just like, playful, sarcastic comments. Look at him, Shooketh. And Shep is like, gosh, isn't our whole friendship based on snarky comments? They're all like. They're like, wow, I can't believe Craig just. They are. They literally act like Craig drove off a cliff. They are so rattled by this entire scene. It's kind of hilarious.

[B]

They are. And I think it's also because Craig has the eyeliner on that's smeared all over his face where it makes him look extra cray cray. Okay, guess what? Record time found the picture here is Craig and his waterfall that is not met. That's what they call it. Metering.

[A]

Not metering.

[B]

Look at that. Oh, that's bad. Look at that.

[A]

Wait, is it. What's. Oh, I see. That's the tv. I was like, what's that? But what's that other texture? That's below it? That's someone's wall. Oh, interesting.

[B]

Someone's wall. This is the countertop here. That's what you mean.

[A]

I know, but, like, below it. See, look below, there's like a beige textured surface. No, that's someone's wall because it's.

[B]

Oh. Oh. Is someone taking a picture of their tv? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought that was a computer.

[A]

Yeah, I guess that is bad because it's supposed to be one. Yeah. Wow.

[B]

Wow. Guys, if you want a podcast to come to where we're gonna shame your countertop, you have found it.

[A]

This is the place. Carol Radzell would never sit on it. Never.

[B]

So Austin's like, I don't fucking get it. But, like, I'm not gonna let my evening be ruined by an insecure man boy. Like, I'm gonna stay here at a friend's fucking birthday and be able to move on. That's what Hermione would do, literally.

[A]

You're not gonna be able to move on because you're gonna storm out of this party in a little bit. And also, you're all insecure man. Boys, I hate to break it to you. So Vanita and Craig are, like. They go inside to plate the dinner because it's gonna be this big family thing with, like, green rigatoni and whatever. And so Whitner is like, hey, what were you guys yawn about out there? I'm. It's scary when people yell because I had a fiance who left me once, and Craig is like, for reasons I can't remember.

[B]

Just don't. Lots of reasons don't really matter. Don't really understand one of those reasons, but I'm sure it was her fault.

[A]

Austin cannot get over the fact that I'm single and having fun and he's in a relationship and he doesn't want to be in, and he's trying to juggle that because he thinks it's going to come out. Craig is. It's so funny because last season it was that Austin's jealous, Wasn't it? Wasn't it like. Like, Craig is in a really good relationship, and Austin's jealous that he's in a really good relationship. And this season it's like, now I'm single and Austin jealous that I'm single.

[B]

Yeah, that's how they are with each other. They just take turns doing this to each other. So they take some food outside, and Whitner's like, there will be no more fighting at my birthday party. And he's like, even though I'm a lawyer, I'm not a litigator, so I don't like conflict. He gets my blood pressure going. Not my circus, not my monkeys. I'm gonna need more from Whitner. What do you think of Whitner so far?

[A]

I actually really like him, but I am also concerned that he may not realize what reality TV is all about, because it's. Yeah, it's is your circus, and it's literally your monkeys. It's. There's a little. There's a little pygmy marmoset that has a little label on it that says Nurse pygmy marmoset. Like, this is your monkey, actually, so get used to it.

[B]

Yeah. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. So Sally, who's, like, Craig's girlfriend now, I'm not really sure what she's doing, but she's like, are you okay? She's doing that girlfriend where she's like, are you okay? Like, petting him. He's like, me? Yeah, I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be okay? And Austin's just watching him with a headband, which is so funny. And Vanita's like, I just heard people yelling. And Madison's like that. She says, communicating.

[A]

So Sally sits down next to Craig, and she's like, I just want y' all to be friends and not to fight. Well, I'll tell you what. I'm not arguing, okay? Looking like this tonight, because if I was going to argue, I'm not going to show up dressed allegedly like Shep, but somehow looking like Sandy from Great British Bake Off.

[B]

And of course, Vanita is subtle as ever and comes right behind Austin and hugs him from behind, really close and goes. Craig came out inside, and he was like, well, Austin's being this and that, and little does he know I'm team Austin and not team Craig. I'm gonna need you to find some subtlety, Vanita, okay? I need some silent fighting from. I just need better fighting from Vanita, okay? Fight better.

[A]

Well, she does say, beat his ass. So Vinya says, the thing that bugs me the most about Craig is that he knows he can get away with murder, and this group lets him. And I can't be friends with someone like that, which is fair, in fact. But all three guys can do the same thing.

[B]

So when you're. It's like the people who come on the Housewives, Whenever there's a new character on Housewives, and they're like, oh, my God, all these women do is fight. I can't be around people like this. What the fuck do you think you auditioned for? They didn't just go up off the street. You sent in videos to be on this show, ma'.

[A]

Am. So Whitner says, well, everyone, welcome to a slagsball dinner party. It does go without saying that all the styling. It was Vanita. All right, now that the queen bee has taken her seat, thank you, everyone, for playing along and the theme and coming out in full force for it. Madison, I still don't really understand what you're doing. I mean, I know you're dressed as chef, but it's really, really concerning. And I say this as someone who's also looking at Craig dressed as the guy from Hook, and Austin dresses Hermione. So, anyway, thanks. I had a fun idea for a party, and you all, both y' all ruined it. Thank you so much.

[B]

I will say it was nice to have Sally running around, people asking for people to look at her holes. But, everybody, thank you so much for being here. I hope we're together every day of my life. And so Madison's like, hey, Chet, when you look at me, is it like looking in the mirror? And he's like a fun mirror.

[A]

So winner's like, you know, I look forward to another year around the sun with all of you by my side. Unlike my fiance, who left for reasons that we just don't seem to know. Do we?

[B]

Yeah. So now they're gonna eat, and they've got linguine with crab and then some cabbage and then some angel hair pasta with no meat. How many meat y' all got here? Just make places. You guys got here.

[A]

I know they got rigatoni, linguine, and angel hair pasta. This is a pasta. What? Why are there so many pastas?

[B]

There are a lot of pasta in literature. Is that a literature thing? A literary thing?

[A]

Is it is. Do we have someone here as, like, Tony Depaula to represent the author of Strega Nona? What is happening?

[B]

This is very bachelor throwing his own dinner party.

[A]

I'm so proud of myself that I pulled that guy's name out of my head. I was like, this is gonna be a hard one. Ben, you could do it. Get this dragon. Nona author. You could do it for the podcast. Oh, you got.

[B]

Yeah, I've heard the Straganona from you before, but not the author's name.

[A]

The author. I was like, can I do this? Can I actually do this and watch the names game?

[B]

You were here today.

[A]

Imagine if his name is not even that. And I'm so proud of myself. Guys, I remembered the dragon and the author. They're like, oh, you mean Dean Koons presents Strega Nona in Sahara?

[B]

And Charlie's like, wait, did you cook all of this, Charlie? Okay, I know you're dressed like you're in a silent movie, but I actually love Charlie's acting. I don't even know why. I don't know why I was about to complain about Charlie, because I really like her overacting. I think it's really funny.

[A]

Yeah, I actually was, like, watching this episode, and I was like, you know what? I actually like Charlie. I think last episode, I was like, what a brat. She's such a brat. But, you know, sometimes you get. But guess what? Brat. Summer, am I right? Brat's not a bad thing. We like brat. We love that shade of green. Yeah, well, God, Charlie xcx.

[B]

It's a southern show where the people come on and Whitner does it later where it's like, oh, I'm so close to my family, and we all dress the same for Christmas, and there's 10 of us, and we're all blonde. You know, when you. When you're driving behind a minivan, there's stick people all in the back to represent. That's us. That's us. It was based on my family. You know, those people are just kind of annoying in general. It's like, oh, yeah, with your happy family and your matching pajamas. Wow. So you weren't sent to weight watchers at 11 years old?

[A]

Good for you.

[B]

You know, there's part of me that's like that, but I can't hold that against her. She's a beauty queen and a debutante and all of that.

[A]

Yeah, just kidding, of course. Allowance.

[B]

But I still like her.

[A]

Yeah, I like her so far. Also, the strike. Unknown author's name is Tommy Depala. And I'm saying that only because I bragged about knowing the guy's name. And then someone's gonna be like, actually, his name is Tommy Depala. So guess what? I consider myself corrected. Like, I. I came very close by calling him Tony Depala. Okay, so they have a lot. Would like to have a word. Clink, clink. Strike a Nona. Strike a Nona's not invited to the posh fashion show. So anyway, they're just all hanging out. And so Craig whispers to Charlie's ear, maybe I can cook for you. Because he is flirting with both Charlie and Sally over the course of this dinner. I think he's just gonna see which damn breaks first.

[B]

I've seen Craig cook. Remember when he took all that frozen meat in a bag and just dumped it all over the grill and then closed it? That's how Craig cooks. No, you will not cook for me, sir. So she just takes a drink. It doesn't answer because she feels Charlie's eyes born through her skull right next to her. Then Craig's like, did you find me a painting? Because I thought you were gonna pull stuff for me. And then we see clips of him at the gall. I wish I could buy a piece. That's a panda for a tiger in watercolor. Do you have those colors?

[A]

So Charlie's like, well, I do have things that I will bring, but it's easier if you, like, send me measurements and stuff and tell me what you want and all that, you know, kind of basic fundamentals that you just seem to be failing at. He's like, okay, I can do that. So Sally's watching, and she's, like, angry. So then Charlie sees that Sally's watching her. So then Charlie's like, oops. And Charlie's like, but guess what? I don't want to talk about work right now. No, this is a bad time to talk about it, because she's, like, trying to step away so she doesn't violate. Violate Sally's girl code.

[B]

So, yeah, so Shep's like, there's a throttle. It's Sally, Charlie, and Craig. And I don't know who's jockeying for what position and why. I can't read that room because I'm not in it.

[A]

Left out in the cold, the bolognese is on point. It's almost as on point as hamnet is heartbreaking. So Austin's like. He's like, oh, man, I already got all over my. Wow, what a surprise. Austin eating bolognese. Somehow got Bolognese sauce all over himself. I wonder what happened. Did he put it in his mouth? Sprayed out like the bullets in that game. Contra.

[B]

Listen, I don't have many rules, but if you're gonna be eating with Austin, don't feed him bolognese.

[A]

Red sauce is a no. People will think that he got an ax to the stomach. They're like, oh, my God, that man is bleeding. It's like, no, he's just talking. That's just the bolognaise coming Out.

[B]

The person across from him looks like a horror movie, just, like, covered in red splatter.

[A]

Scary. They actually, like. Okay, like, we're gonna need a special effects up here to give CC's basics some blood. All right? Bring in Austin. Bring in Austin. Give him some bolognese. Okay, Carrie, just stand right there, right in front of his face.

[B]

So Madison makes fun of Craig's eyeliner, and Austin's like, he's crying for stomping up the place.

[A]

So Craig's watching Austin. He's, like, so amazing. And Sally's like, madison, I feel so far from you. Madison's like, I know. Madison. I just feel like, you know, your shit is all the way down there, and you're so far away. Hey, Craig. She just rolled her eyes at you. Did you see that, Craig?

[B]

I'm pissing everybody off. So Madison checks in on Austin, asks if he's all right, and he's like, I just can't pretend anymore. I can't even, like, pretend anymore. So then Craig and Sally are whispering, and Craig's like, I hate getting triggered.

[A]

Well, this is the first time I've seen that side of you. You want some Southern Comfort? Let me help you out, big boy. We just trigger each other.

[B]

Are we 12? Yeah, like, you're too old to be sitting there being like, but I was triggered in your Peter Pan cast member outfit, Rufio.

[A]

So Sally's like, yeah, I can say that. But his comment wasn't nearly as bad as yours. I think you took it to a deeper level than what he did. He's like, oh, so then, like, what do you want me to do? Just, like, apologize? He's like, I don't understand. Like, they may have another beer.

[B]

I'll go with you. I'll go with you. So she goes with him to get his beer. So then we go to Shep and Charlie, and he's like, will you hold my gun? She's like, was that like. Like a real gun or. He's like, yeah, my actual gun. I'm not hitting on you inappropriately. It's season 10. And she's like, oh, this gun is, like, kind of heavier than I thought it was gonna be.

[A]

Okay, I won't say it, because then he is gonna tell me that I'm unhappy, but I can't. So I can't say that. Like, that's a. That's what she said joke. But, like, it kind of was. It's like, wait, why can't you say. I mean, I. I appreciate you trying not to say that's. What she said. Because that is so played out. And it's been like 15 years. Like, the only thing more tired than a that's what she said is a winning, you know, moment. But, like, what does that have to do with Craig saying that you're unhappy? That felt like a stretch. I felt like Austin was trying to go out of his way to complain about Craig while doing a that's what she said joke.

[B]

Yeah. So then we go back to Craig, who's inside, and he's like, oh, he just keeps talking under his breath. It's like, douchey. Okay. Triggered. So then we go to Austin and Charlie, and Charlie's like, well, you can say that. Why shouldn't you be able to say that's what she said? And he's like, no, because that means that unhappy and I shouldn't be in a relationship because I say things like that.

[A]

Austin, keep running your mouth. That's what she said. Stop it. Stop being unhappy while I do my monologue.

[B]

Something that will ruin your life. That's what she said.

[A]

Wow. You're so completely unhappy. I won't say it because she said it.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

But Chef will say something because he told me about it, and it will literally ruin your life. And that's how I know that you're not happy, because you wouldn't have done what Shep knows about if you were happy and you wouldn't be talking to me. This is so mad. First of all, this is a very. This is not a very good way to say what you're trying to say. But also like, what a dick. What a dick. I can't like him doing this. It's like, okay, I'm gonna, like, I'm gonna drag Shep into this. Well, Shep inserted himself, as, you know, one could say. One could say, but like, he's basically now throwing Shep under the bus. And I'm like, God, Craig, you're shameless.

[B]

I was throwing both of them under the bus at the same time because Austin made a joke about Sally being in his hot tub. I mean, come on. So Chef's like, I don't know about anything, Greg. I'm not even mad at you. But, bro, you just fucking popped off at me. He's like, of course you're not, because you threw the first punch.

[A]

Ow.

[B]

Triggered. So I didn't punch Craig. Then why'd you make a smart ass comment? And he said, you're insane, dude thing right now.

[A]

Rodrigo says, listen, this is not the dinner I thought we were having. I'm Like Rodrigo, this is literally the dinner that everyone knew would happen. Have you've been on the show now a few years? You know that when these three dumb dumbs get together, they have a stupid spat every single time.

[B]

Rodrigo is just basically the extra in the Music man where everybody finds out that he was a grifter the whole time. He's just like me. He's always shocked in every scene. Just like literal hand over his mouth, his wide open mouth. Like, oh, so Madison's like, oh, go ahead, go ahead, Madison.

[A]

I was going to say, I think that, that Craig crossed the line tonight.

[B]

And not cool alpha way, but in a beta way. And like, you just got to talk with him like, how many times we're.

[A]

Going to fucking do this?

[B]

I'm sick of it, okay?

[A]

We're supposed to be laughing about my wig and instead we're talking about you two idiots.

[B]

So Austin goes with Craig inside the house. Molly is like, wow, what a birthday, right? Oh, you can meditate on it. And Vanita's like, so, Shep, what do you have on Austin? Like, Vanita's like, I'm not making small talk about a fucking trumpet or whatever the fuck that lady's about to talk about. What do you have on him? And Chef's like, okay, here's what happened. Dooley, Dooley, Dooley, Dooley. That's what she said, okay? Two fucking 25 year old girls came up to me in New York City in the West Village, and it was like, you're a friend of Austin and blah, blah, blah. And I said, I don't want to know. I do not want to know. Do not tell me anything. Leave me the alone. So it's totally unsubscribed. She said, it's totally unsubstantiated. The point is, that really is what the she said. Well, why would you go to a.

[A]

Liberal bastion like New York City in the first place? I don't know. But it was so stupid and not newsworthy and that I just decided not to say anything. But I did ask Craig. I go, should I say something to him? Because I don't want to interrupt his piece. Shep, who famously never wants to interrupt someone's peace. He's always very considerate about someone's mental well being, especially when playing games involving egg tossing.

[B]

Well, Craig's the wrong person to ask about that. Just like it would be. A New Yorker would be the wrong person to ask if you wanted their opinion on a town without socialism.

[A]

When I told Craig, he said, don't tell Anybody just let it melt away. I think his technical words were, that's what she doesn't say. And now he threw me under the bus to strengthen his position.

[B]

Curse. Yeah. And, you know, poor Shep. He was thrown under the bus here. But let's not pretend that he didn't tell Craig so that Craig would carry that information and embarrass Austin so that Shep would keep his hands clean, because that's exactly why he did it. So I think Craig kind of just beat him at his own game in a way of being like, oh, really? Well, Shep, I'm wasting your season. Your episode five storyline. Shep, you have to do it right now at this party.

[A]

I actually disagree a little bit. I think that Shep is, like, more than happy to pull out information and just say it. I mean, literally, look at him at BravoCon. That footage of him talking to, like, strangers being like, that entire relationship was a sham. Look at his. Look at his ridiculous. He's happy just to on a relationship, like, and be the person to do it. So I actually personally don't see that he was trying to get Craig to do his dirty work. But what I do see is that he was not going to Craig to be like, what should we do about poor Austin? It was probably like, this guy's such a idiot. He's playing everyone, acting like he's innocent. They probably talked to talk about Austin. But I do think that Craig probably was like, that's the thing with Austin. He's totally a piece of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But now in this fight, he acts like, oh, he wasn't part of the talking, and he just puts it all onto. Onto Chef, which is such a correct thing to do.

[B]

Yeah. I just don't see Shep telling Craig and expecting any other result. I mean, you're telling Craig. And also in the Bravo con thing that you're talking about, he was railing against Craig. You know, what a phony relationship. That way. He's always railing against Craig. So I think his way. I think he's like, okay, you guys fight, and I'll just stay. I'll just stay the nice one this season. I'll get you guys fighting. But Craig just interrupted that and did it way too early because, you know, Shep was saving that up. There's no way that girls are going to come up and tell Shep that Austin is cheating and that Shep is not going to say something during the season or get it out there in some way. So you don't think.

[A]

I think if Shep wanted the word to get out. I think he would have told it to, like.

[B]

Well, I think he would too, but I think he's gonna wait. I think he. I think his plan was, like, to kind of wait for this story, you know, like to do when he wanted to, but Craig's just, like, outing it too soon.

[A]

Yeah, that's the thing. At the very least, if they were going to confront Austin about it, it was. The two of them were going to confront Austin about it because Austin had a nice edit last season. And so it's like, okay, we're gonna go get Austin this season. And Craig just did it in a way that, like, put it all on Chef. It sort of removed Craig from that situation, makes him look like the angel, as usual. And I don't know. I felt bad for Shep. I actually gently felt bad for shepherd, this situation. I was like, that's up. You guys are both probably being messy.

[B]

You know, I have a rule in my house. Never feel bad for these men. Not a one of them. Not a one of them. None of them deserve it. And every time I start to. They show a clip of them acting like mom monsters, like they did in this one, which we'll get to in a minute. But my rule is always. And then by. They show those clips, and I'm like, oh, no, you're. You're an emotional terrorist, sir. I will never feel bad for you.

[A]

Well, I'm actually surprised because this should be a Chef bad. A bad Chef season because they. Those alternate. It's like Kyle and Amanda marriage is in trouble. Season alternates every other year. And then it's. Shep has a bad edit. It's every other year. And he had a nice edit last year. Last year, he was like, sweet Shep, who was so in love that he. He. He lost his mind for this girl from the Caribbean. So this season will be the Shep is a miserable. But I think we're gonna get the Craig as the miserable edit this season instead. So it's a little out of whack.

[B]

Yeah. So he's like, well, when I told Craig, he said, don't tell anybody. Just let him know. Oh, you already said all these lines. I'm so sorry. So Austin's like, why are you getting so. He's so fat?

[A]

He said, that's what he said.

[B]

I said one fucking thing, and it was so slight. He's like, well, clearly you're going through stuff. Like, I think you take it out on other people. That's it. That is it.

[A]

Here Comes one right now, Unlike Craig, who takes out his emotions in very healthy places and definitely not on other people whatsoever. And there's definitely not any montages that Bravo could throw up on screen to show that he does not take his emotions out on people.

[B]

Yeah. So Austin's like, what's the big deal? I said, you had a night with two girls. Like, you had a hot night with two girls. Like, why are you crying? And he's like, what a thing to be mad about.

[A]

I feel constantly betrayed by you. And now when I hear the slightest thing, I mean, you said you were scared of me last year. Do you know how up that is? Which is also, by the way, that's a up thing to say. Because, like, it was not just Austin. It was all these people were like, who's afraid of Craig? And they all raised their hands. And now the one who scares everyone is like, oh, my God, that's. You guys are so mean to me for saying that I scare you. And then you go and continue to scare everyone.

[B]

Yeah. Like, you finally have the strength to look under the bed, and the monster is like, why are you judging me? Why are you calling me a monster?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Been torturing me my entire childhood, you fuck. Yeah, Craig is also like, how dare you call me scary when he just lost his mind over no reason in the backyard, screamed, yelled, and ruined someone's birthday. I don't know. Greg.

[A]

Would say that. Yeah. You're also the only one here who dressed like. They just came from, like, the Mad Max post apocalyptic world. So it is a little. You do. You look a little scary right now. I know you're from, like, your Rufio, but you're really reading more like, you know, Thunder Road, so why would you.

[B]

Come on Southern Charm, which is a show about sexual predators of different, you know, different varieties, and call yourself Roofy. It's disgusting.

[A]

It's bad. It's bad branding. So Craig's like, it was just a big lie. Like, you're not scared of me. That's a lie. Are you really scared of me? And he's like, yeah, kind of Craig. I mean, 100. The part of Craig that scares me is the unpredictability. Well, we clearly have, like, way more work than we ever thought that we needed. He can turn on a dime. He literally will actually, like, drive his car, and he sees a dime and he'll turn his car. It doesn't matter what the traffic pattern is. It's terrifying.

[B]

Well, what would you like from me, though? It's like, I want your Friendship. Okay, well, at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing. And I shouldn't have said that stuff, but it happened, and I'm sorry, but, like, you triggered me. Okay? It doesn't count if you say you triggered me. Okay? Trigger. Using triggered in any sentence immediately makes your sentence moot. Like, no, you got no point here.

[A]

Triggered. Well, I think you're allowed to say, like, that you have triggers, but you can't say, I'm sorry I screamed at you, but you triggered me. You're in control of your own reactions to what people say. Okay? It's not his fault that you had a reaction when he made it, when he was being passive aggressive. Yes, but, like, you don't. Like, that's like, you. You're not. You're not off the hook because what's. Because of how. Because someone else said something. You're in control of what you'd say. So Austin's like, a real apology doesn't have a butt attached. The end of it. That's what she said. I'm saying. That's right. At a certain point, apologies are meaningless coming from them. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So Austin, basically, they're trying to make up, but they're not gonna make up. So outside, Sally's like, I was already giving Craig the advice that Austin deserves an apology, y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

I mean, that was crazy. Molly's like, oh, really? You said that? She's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, what do you think I'm over here flirting with Craig or something?

[A]

Yeah. I don't know why anyone would ever have that concept in their mind. So Molly's like, it looked like it. Molly. I mean, I'm just saying. Well, guess what? I already heard you've been having words to say about me, and I didn't want to start it. She goes, yeah, well, because you were coming for me. What? When have I ever came for you? Like, let's be real right now.

[B]

So that gave you the correct word to you. She said, because you were coming for me. And she's like, when have I ever came for you? Like, come on, man. She's trying to help you.

[A]

I know. And it's because you went and told Madison that Molly was, like, acting like a drunk slob at the party, and so you're basically talking about Molly behind her back. So Sally's like, yeah, but there's. There's a difference between me and you, and that's because I stated facts, and you've been telling everyone that. I'm calling dibs on the guys. Like, who? Sorry. But Fucking who?

[B]

And they all literally start cracking up because she's so full of shit. And Vanita drapes herself over someone and she's like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, Craig, Craig, Craig. She's like, molly says, I literally just said what you said. I mean, those are the words that came out of your mouth. Because if you're telling Charlie not to talk to Craig. I would never tell Charlie not to talk to Craig. You 100% did, though. And Rodrigo's like, if we're being honest.

[A]

I mean, it's like two weeks ago. And we see a clip from two weeks ago where Sally was basically telling Charlie, like, look, if you're into him, like, that's fine, but, like, you have to talk to me about it. So Charlie's like. And we. We did hash it out. We hash it out. And I now have a electric collar that's around my ankle so you can't see it. And anytime I look at Craig, she zaps me. And it's great. It's. We have. It's called boundaries and understand them now.

[B]

Then why are you acting like you've never said any of that then? And Rodrigo's like, she's right. She's right. I'm in this fight as well. And Molly says, okay, well, maybe we're drunk, like you are a lot and probably forgot, like, which is fine.

[A]

Molly tells us, I don't want to say Sally's a pick me girl, but if she were playing volleyball and people are trying to choose teams, she'd be like, I'm someone you could choose, I guess is what you would call her. Her self worth is like, really a lot. Has a lot of validation from men. It's really linked to that, and I think it creates a lot of drama.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, good call. And Sally's like, I've just been living in the hot tub, living my best life. I mean, what the is going on?

[A]

Yeah, no pick me girls about right? So then in the window while they're doing this, we see Austin and Greg. They're still arguing, and you can hear them through the windows. And now Shep is like, gosh, should I go in there? Yeah, maybe you should be funny. Get all three betas in one room and see what happens. Okay. I guess I gotta clean to come clean to Austin, but I just don't want Craig to be around because he's just gonna spit it.

[B]

Well, just say the truth and what you told him. Go in there. What are you scared of? Y' all go in there and do stuff. I'M tired. So he goes inside, and he's like.

[A]

Hey, well, well, well.

[B]

Shep had it entered the conversation. Chip just, like, wipes his face off. He's like, okay, well, I just gotta come clean. Okay, guys, so I'm in. I'll tell you what happened. Okay. So I was in New York, and Craig's like, oh, God, I don't want to be a part of this. You started this. Craig just walks out. He's like, this is too easy for me. I'm not in this conversation. You started it.

[A]

So messy. So then outside, the girls are like, let's do shots. Okay, so.

[B]

So.

[A]

So, Sally. So Craig goes outside and sounds like, craig, where the hell have you been? I've been right here. Do you want to pick me? Craig's like, this is not gonna be good. You talk about your makeup. I know. It doesn't look quite good. No, the guy's inside.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

So Austin's like, all right, tell me what the Is going on? All right.

[B]

Gosh.

[A]

Okay. Well, three weeks ago, two girls in New York came up to me and are like, austin and our friend are talking. And I go, I don't want to know another word, okay? I don't want to know what other thing. The only thing I want to know about is what happened between the rebels and Britain. That's why I'm watching Ken Burns new documentary, the Revolutionary War. But I don't want to know anything beyond that. Go.

[B]

And then I went, shit. And I called Craig. Oh, such your fucking move to call Craig. That's what you do. Who does that?

[A]

No, no, no. I call. I. I said. I said, should I call Austin and interrupt his piece? Should I give him megalodon necklace? Because it was all hearsay. It was blasphemous. It was literally like, from their lips to God's ears. And they were lying the entire time.

[B]

And Craig said he didn't want to interrupt your piece. So that's why I didn't want to tell you there were no cameras. So I was like, come on. There is no truth to the rumor that I've cheated on my girlfriend, which is why it upsets me so much. My two friends could so callously spread so much.

[A]

The entire. The entire camera is just red now. Just Bolognese just streaming down the lens. Looks like the Shining. So. So Craig's like, I can't believe that Shep is doing this. What? What do you mean you can't believe? You literally are the one who opened the can of worms. And, in fact, Rodrigo's Like. Like, are you kidding me? I mean, you push Shep in front of the bus, in front of everybody.

[B]

Yeah, I'm not talking to him.

[A]

I gotta go.

[B]

I'm pregnant. Bye.

[A]

So she leaves.

[B]

Why are you mad at me? I said bye. Bye. Bye is a one. One sentence. One word sentence. Okay? So she's like, well, obviously, being pregnant and being sober, I'm seeing it from a totally different set of eyes. I mean, normally, let's be honest, I'd be drunk, too. But see, this is a little terrifying. It's terrifying. So she's gonna leave, but of course, she has to leave through the kitchen, which is where they're fighting. So she walks over there, and meanwhile, Sally tells Craig he needs to go to bed. And inside, Austin's like, you told everybody? And Shep's like, no, I didn't. I just told Craig. And he's like, oh, well, that's the smartest move on planet Earth.

[A]

Well, he's a friend of ours. Is he. Is he, Shep insane right now? Oh, I don't know. I hate this. Craig is outside. I'm not gonna be gaslit into thinking I did anything wrong, because I didn't. I just notice when people are doing what they don't want to do.

[B]

Oh, God, Craig. This is pop psychology. Like, the worst thing to ever happen to people. Craig is now saying triggered and gaslighting as part of his regular vocabulary. You don't get to say those words. You are the gaslighter. You are.

[A]

How about I love Craig saying, I just notice when people are doing what they don't want to do. I'm like, did you see any of the footage of Paige last year to having conversations with you? Let's have bees in the backyard. Ew, gross. Disgusting. Let's have kids. Ew, gross. Do you want to come to Charlotte or Charleston?

[B]

No. Ew.

[A]

I hate it here.

[B]

What really picked up on that between us? So now Charlie's gonna leave, and this party was just a disaster, basically. So now it's Craig and Sally, and he says, yeah, this is where the shit gets fucking frustrating, because it feels like the whole world, like, I'm just misunderstood. And hopefully, if you don't believe me, you'll really concentrate on my smeared guyliner right now. I'm so misunderstood, and people come after me a lot.

[A]

Well, you don't deserve that, Craig. And I am here for you. Just me, Sally, ready to service you in any way you need.

[B]

You need to understand. You are literally so great. And he's like, huh? And he just Smiles like, ding.

[A]

So Rodriguez, everyone's leaving, and Whitner's like, well, this is my first. Was the first time having a party.

[B]

Bop.

[A]

I'm for myself since the breakup with my ex girlfriend because I wanted to create new memories in my house. But, man, what are you gonna do? Okay, like, sir, I'm sorry about the ex girlfriend situation, but, like. Like, you're already milking it too much.

[B]

You just.

[A]

You threw a party. It's fine. People had a fight that there's still plenty of pasta. It was good. It was a success.

[B]

Yeah. So outside they go. Are they back outside? Are they still inside? Austin, the shot, fighting about.

[A]

Oh, it's sort of a.

[B]

So he's like, dude, I talked to girls at the bar, and Audrey knows, and she tells me she drives the guy at the bar too. So what the hell? People can't talk about arts. I mean, what. What do people want to go to a quiet bar? That would never happen.

[A]

Agreed, Austin. Agreed. So, like, the only way I can have peace is if I'm single and just, like, chasing every day like you and Craig does that. What's happening? It's like, no, that's not what we were even talking about. That's not what she said, if I may use that parlance.

[B]

Why even come around you? Why do I tell you guys anything?

[A]

So now he leaves, and now Craig is still talking to Sally, and he's like, I tried my hardest not to be involved with it. Like, Austin loves to blame me for, but I'm like, this is a shep thing you made. You put it out here into the scene. It was never going to come up. You decided to use it as ammunition in your fight against Austin because you were losing.

[B]

Yeah. So now everybody leaves. The party's ruined. Poor Whitner. Hey, everyone.

[A]

This is the end of part one of this recap for part two. Keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Alison Block.

[B]

Our way is the Amber way.

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She's our favorite streamer.

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[A]

This is living with Michelle. Vivian.

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I love y'. All. Olivia Williamson.

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She sure is swell. It's Raquel.

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Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

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Darn skippy, it's Tippy. And our super premium sponsors.

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Make way for A.J. lopez.

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She's VVIP it's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with A.J. amy Baldwin.

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Who, what, why, where? And Gwen Pentland.

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Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs.

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Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Hail the cork man master. The master of the cork Jennifer Corcoran. We got our wish. It's Jen Plish. My favorite Murdo Karen McMurdo.

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She's a total knockout.

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It's Katie Manock in the study with a candlestick. It's Leslie Peacock G. It's Lisa H. We're ride or die for Lisa Rider Baron. She's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthi, always killing it. It's Lola Al Kalani.

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Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska. She's the queen bee. It's Sarah Lemke.

[B]

We cannot tell a lie. It's Sarah tell of son Shannon out of a can.

[A]

And Anthony, please don't stop at Soli and pop. Let's take off with Tamla playing. You'll always get the full story with Tori Parsons.

[B]

She ain't no shrinking violet Cooter we love you guys. If you like watch what crappens. You can listen ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts Prime Members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondry.com survey.