#3113 Southern Charm S11E04 Part 2: The Cat’s Out of the Bag

Summary

Watch What Crappens Podcast Recap
Episode #3113: Southern Charm S11E04 Part 2: "The Cat’s Out of the Bag"
Released: December 11, 2025
Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam

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Episode Overview

This episode is a continuation (“Part 2”) of Ben and Ronnie’s riotous breakdown of Southern Charm Season 11, Episode 4. The duo lampoons cast members’ routines and relationships, poking fun at their generational wealth, personal quirks, and dysfunctional friendships. They use their signature blend of affection, sarcasm, and pop culture callbacks as they dive deep into the ongoing melodrama, especially the “cat dad” saga and the stubbornly codependent bro-dynamics.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Witnner’s Early Morning Routine & Family Wealth

• Witnner wakes up at 4:35am, which the hosts mock (“Well now I know why she left. She’s so sick and tired of that fudging alarm going off at 4:35 in the morning” – Ben, 04:12).
• Discrepancy in filming times: The hosts notice the lighting doesn’t match “4:30am” and clown on production fakery (03:37–04:00).
• Comparison to viral influencer shenanigans: Witnner’s routine likened to fitness influencer Ashton Hall, but as the “common man’s” version.
• Calls with his “anarchist” mom Beth, who is hilariously living in French luxury (“Wow, look at that anarchist.” – Ben, 08:49). The contrast between their “system man” rebellion and multiple estates is ribbed.

2. Family Compound Name Jokes

• Ben and Ronnie riff on absurd farm/compound names like “Itchy Grass Farm” and invent even worse ones: “Rashy Leaves Meadows,” “Itchy Nipples,” etc. (10:44–12:10).
• These segments lampoon Southern gentry, “compound” culture, and generational privilege.

3. Sally’s Singleness & Hot Tub Escapade

• Sally struggles as the “odd one out” amid sisters with husbands and kids (“I think it’s my turn. I want to have a kid now.” – Sally, paraphrased, 16:15–16:43).
• Her mother Charlotte is disappointed, invoking Southern mom guilt and “Mammy’s” advice (17:19–18:30).
• The hosts riff on the “my turn” syndrome and Sally’s hot tub hangout with Craig and Charlie — nothing happened, to Sally’s confusion (18:30–19:31).
• Both hosts sense desperation in Sally this season vs. her former carefree self: “This season, there’s like a desperation about her that’s a little sad.” – Ben, 20:07.

4. Madison’s Bliss & ‘Karen’ the Dog

• Madison enjoys domestic life with her son Hudson and her dog Karen (21:00–21:40).
• The hosts veer into a discussion about the humor of naming things “Karen” before the meme, sharing personal anecdotes about Roombas (21:40–22:04).

5. Craig’s Feigned Depth and Charlie’s Paintings

• Craig’s awkwardness without Paige; unsure where to place flowers in the house (22:33–22:41).
• Charlie brings art; Craig’s performative interest in art, and his confusion (“Craig, you’re looking at the painting backwards…” – Charlie, 24:02).
• Ronnie calls Craig out for the classic “long game” with women and pretending interest (23:15, 23:40).
• Discussion about authenticity and “versions” of Craig — is he ever the real thing or always playing a part? (26:22–28:57)
• Notable commentary: “I think what they are saying is that there’s no there there with Craig. Maybe there is no real Craig.” – Ben, 27:17.

6. Austin’s New Identity: #CatDad

• Austin adopts kittens, seeking unconditional love (“I want to have some animals that'll never betray me and be my friends, no matter what.” – Austin, 30:54).
• The hosts delight in the kitten cuteness but stay wary of Austin’s penchant for seeking comfort in pets while his relationships spiral (30:31–31:22).
• Rodrigo gifts kittens and sasses about a “return policy” while Ronnie and Ben joke about cats’ true nature (31:14–32:03).

7. Shep, Molly, and the Bro Bonds

• Shep at a dog-park bar, reveling in how great the business idea is (32:03–32:26).
• Conversation with Molly goes meta as they openly discuss the cast’s toxic, codependent relationships and “pressing each other’s buttons” (33:13–34:32).
• Molly tries to paint Shep in a positive light despite his own self-awareness of weaponizing friendship drama (“At least you know you’re a terrible person, so that makes you good. This feels like calculus.” – Ronnie, 34:32).

8. Bro Code Meltdown – Can Craig, Austin, and Shep Ever Make Up?

• Rodrigo and Madison prod Austin about being continually betrayed by Craig and Shep.
• Montage of Craig’s Outbursts: Frequent flashbacks to Craig’s aggressive moments, including screaming matches and that infamous reunion (Montages at 39:06 and 39:31).
• Madison recalls Craig and Shep breaking up her relationship with Austin and inserting themselves in friends’ drama (“Anytime you feel like you’re in a relationship, these two idiots are single, they’re going to sabotage it or take it down.” – Madison, 40:38).
• The hosts comment on the cyclical nature of their dysfunction (“You’re their punching bag. So why do you even give them so much grace?” – Rodrigo, 41:15).
• The episode closes on whether this trio’s friendships will survive: “Will Craig, Austin, and Shep ever make up? The saga continues.” (41:30–41:46)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Classic Ben: “Well now I know why she left. She’s so sick and tired of that fudging alarm going off at 4:35 in the morning.” (04:12)
• On generational wealth: “Wow, look at that anarchist.” (08:49)
• Southern compound lampoons: “I love going to Itchy Grass Farm, but sometimes I like to switch it up by visiting our other compound known as Rashy Leaves Meadows.” (11:08)
• On Sally: “This season, there’s like a desperation about her that’s a little sad.” (20:07)
• Craig's authenticity: “I think what they are saying is that there’s no there there with Craig. Maybe there is no real Craig.” (27:17)
• On cats and loyalty: “I want to have some animals that'll never betray me and be my friends, no matter what.” – Austin (30:54), followed by “Yeah, Google cat horror stories.” – Ronnie (31:00)
• On weaponized friendship: “At least you know you’re a terrible person, so that makes you good. This feels like calculus.” (34:32)
• Bravo Recap Meta-Humor: “Will Craig, Austin, and Shep ever make up? The saga continues.” (41:30)

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Notable Timestamps for Key Segments

• Witnner’s “4:35am” routine & alarm clock joke: 03:17–05:04
• Fake influencer comparisons (Ashton Hall): 05:24–07:33
• Compound/farm name riffing: 10:44–12:10
• Sally's "my turn" monologue & hot tub story: 16:15–19:31
• Craig’s painting confusion and persona callout: 22:33–24:58
• Authenticity conversation about Craig/versions: 26:22–28:57
• Austin becomes “cat dad” & Rodrigo delivers kittens: 30:08–32:03, 36:39–37:10
• Shep & Molly dissect bro-code dysfunction: 32:03–34:32
• Montages of Craig’s outbursts, reunion flashbacks: 39:06–39:31
• Discussion: “Will the bro friendship survive?”: 41:30–41:46

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Tone & Language

The hosts’ irreverent, self-aware humor is front and center. Their language is playful, occasionally salty, and steeped in Bravo insider references. Each segment is layered with sarcasm and affection for their “Bravo-lebs.” Personal tangents, character impressions, and off-the-cuff riffs reinforce an experience akin to listening to two witty friends dish at happy hour.

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Final Thoughts

Ben and Ronnie eviscerate, praise, and dissect the Southern Charm cast’s lives with their unique comedic voice. This episode highlights their chemistry, ability to catch tiny inconsistencies, and deep knowledge of Bravo lore — making the recap a must-listen, or in this case, a must-read for fans craving more than a surface-level summary.

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For those who missed the episode, this summary captures all the important drama, Bravo banter, and hilarious observations—without needing to sort through ads, intros, or outros.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome to a moment of Zen with Virgin Voyages. As you know, the Real Housewives of Miami took a trip on a beautiful Virgin Voyages cruise this season.

[B]

But everyone should get a chance to do that. You, me, and the ladies of Salt Lake City.

[A]

We're joining Heather and Bronwyn from the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City as they stretch out at one of our complimentary group fitness classes. That's right. At Virgin Voyages, everything from Wi fi to wellness is included in your fare.

[B]

No hidden fees, just pure relaxation and rejuvenation. Whether you're sailing to the Caribbean or the Mediterranean, you'll find plenty of ways to unwind. Now, let's see how Heather and Bronwyn are balancing their chakras. Mm. Mm. Wow. Wow. Down, dog. Okay. Okay, Heather, I'm so glad we're taking this yoga class together.

[A]

As a sisterhood, it is our duty to not just show up for a downward dog, but be an upward prediction presence for all of each other.

[B]

Okay, touch. Touch your toes. Okay, we're going down. We're going down. Okay. It's a little hard to do this. Could someone have told me not to wear an inflatable dinosaur today? Because that's making this a little bit difficult to reach my. My toes.

[A]

You know, as. As a sisterhood, we can come together and we can take this inflatable thing off of you. But just know that when we do this, we do this as a sisterhood together. And furthermore, I have written three books. Just want to throw that in there.

[B]

What are you saying, Heather? What are you saying? Are you saying you would prefer me without my dinosaur costume? Well, I'm sorry, but I use these because I have trauma, and I'm just trying to make my husband happy at an airport. Well, excuse me for living, Heather.

[A]

I'm just trying to relax with my yoga. So if anyone doesn't mind, I will be distributing some copies of Bad Mormon to everyone to use as yoga blocks. Okay? Please enjoy.

[B]

Oh, so now I'm a bad Mormon. Now I'm a bad Mormon. Oh, that's great. That's great. Oh, I suppose I'm a fraud and a con as well. Okay. Okay, great. Oh, what are you leaking? What are you leaking, Heather? Are you leaking my information?

[A]

I am doing nothing of the sort. This is a sisterhood, and really, all that I am concerned of is making sure I can stand on one leg in this beautiful yoga class. And I'm just going to meditate. Receipts, proof, timeline, screenshots, everything.

[B]

Get me out of this thing.

[A]

Namaste, folks. At Virgin Voyages, you get a perfect blend of relaxation and excitement. While we can't promise your your yoga sessions will be as eventful as Heather and Bronwyn's, we know you'll have a fabulous time.

[B]

From luxurious amenities to breathtaking destinations, Virgin Voyages has it all. Make your next vacation truly unforgettable with us.

[A]

Visit virgin voyages.com or reach out to your travel advisor to start planning your dream cruise today. What happens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Hello and welcome to Watch what Happens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. This is part two of the recap. If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed. It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap.

[B]

We start with Whitner. Actually in the next scene the alarm goes off and the house is a mess. There's flies everywhere, no one cleaned up anything. And it's 4:35am but the clock, some eagle eyed screenshot taker posted 11 someone posted a picture of the alarm clock saying like 6:38 or something.

[A]

Well it was pretty bright out for 4:30 in the morning. Even if it is the summer, it was very bright. So I was like excuse me producers, you cannot fool me. This is not 4:30 in the morning lighting.

[B]

So he was just like I'm not getting, I'm not getting there at 4:30. Okay, yeah, I'll get there at 6. Okay, we can just say it's 4:30 and you can pretend to run because there's no. They don't pay me enough for this shit.

[A]

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. I was like damn, they got that, that crew there early. So he wakes up and he says he wakes up at 4:35 sharp every day because he's a creature of habit and routine is important to me. Well now I know why she left. She's so sick and tired of that fudgeing alarm going off at 4:35 in the morning. She's like, you know what? I need a guy who's going to sleep until 7am by that is a.

[B]

Damn good reason to leave.

[A]

Because you know it's he gets up at 4:35 that he left the dog out. The dog is barking in the yard. There's so much noise. This person, his ex girlfriend never had sleep. It all makes sense.

[B]

So his dog is named Bacchus and I looked it up and it says he's the Roman God of wine, agriculture, fertility, ecstasy, revelry. And the Roman Equivalent of the Greek God Dionysus. He symbolizes liberation, the wild and the transformative power of wine celebrated. And there's just a lot of pressure to put on a dog.

[A]

Yeah. Especially a dog that wakes up so early. I feel like if that dog's doing all that stuff, like, let it sleep in.

[B]

So we see him do his stuff. He goes. Takes the dog out, he goes running. He go. He meditates, which is lying on the couch for a while. Which. Yeah, I'm into that. I do that every morning too. I didn't know I was so positive. I wake up, I take the dog. I don't run, but I wake up, I take the dog out and then I lie on the couch for an hour. So.

[A]

Yeah. And then at 7, so he meditates. And then this is. By the way, this is exactly. This is like the. This is like the doughy version of that viral thing that went around earlier this year. You know that guy Ashton hall, he's like that. He's like the muscle man guy who, like, his whole thing was wake up at 3:30 in the morning and I dunked my face into a bowl of Sarasota water. And then, like, I go and I like, brush my teeth and then I dug my face again and then I swim three laps and then I like, do a workout routine and then I dunk my face again. It was. This thing had like millions and millions of views and everyone was parodying it and. But he's like this, like, totally, like, he's. He's selling this aspirational lifestyle where if you're like this, you can be like, me, like, muscular and. And, you know, beautiful. But this is like the Witner version where it's like. Yeah, well, yep, at 4:30 in the morning and I run the. I run around and then I meditate and by 7am, I going off to work. But it's like the. It's more like the common man's version of the Ashton hall aspirational wake up in the morning thing. Also, the Ashton hall thing is totally contrived and no one ever believes he actually does that. But it was fun seeing the Southern charm version. I get up, I go to work. Inspiration.

[B]

Ashton hall, which. I'm looking him up.

[A]

Yeah. Which, by the way, this is already significantly more effort than any of the other guys on this show ever do, which is waking up, walking a dog, running and actually going to a job.

[B]

The pictures that come up when you look him up is a bicep as he's lifting a weight and Then him staring into the. Him staring into the mirror, brushing his teeth with a black piece of tape over his nose.

[A]

Yeah, that's his. And he. Yeah, he like sleeps with this thing over. It's like the guy, he's actually a ridiculous influencer. He's so stupid. Like, his stuff is so stupid. It's kind like because it's. It's all fake, right? Like he's like, this is what I do every morning, is that I can wake up and I swim laps at 3:45 in the morning in my pool. That's suspended over Los Angeles. Like he rented a spot. He has like a butler show up. I mean, it's. It's so over the top and so stupid. Stupid. But I just love that, that we have like the Whitner version of it.

[B]

So we see him do all of his stuff. It's really boring. Like I'm really bored with him. And then if my boner isn't less bone, if my boner isn't non bony enough. Okay. If my boner was non existent. Okay. Point is, I can't get a boner because then he calls his mom. I'm like, oh my God, why does everybody on this show call their mom every day? Is that, is that normal? Do you call your mom every day? I love. No, I love my mom, but I don't love my mom every day of my life.

[A]

My mom's an icon. Icon, yes.

[B]

Queen.

[A]

Don't call every day.

[B]

I'm not asking much.

[A]

I hate talking on the phone. Also, let's be honest, my mom doesn't.

[B]

Even ask me what I'm doing. She says, what aren't you doing? God, just think about that. Think about that. No, but I'm not taking every day. No way.

[A]

Here's what, here's what cracks me up. So Whitner described his mom last week. He said that his mom was like an anarchist. She's like this system man. And we see like a picture of her like giving like a. Like a middle finger or being like this. It's like, wow, she's. She's such a rebel, right? Wow. His mom's rebel. So he facetimes his mom who is like in France at some estate being like, well, I'm just here in our France. French estate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow, look at that. Look at that anarchist.

[B]

And then he shows us another home, their big family farm home and all their compounds. Yeah, my mom's a real you.

[A]

Yeah, the system. But I like this system.

[B]

I like that he's the way imbalanced.

[A]

Yeah, Go On. Go on.

[B]

This unfair, unbalanced system. I will talk about this from my third home. So she's like, have my baby boy. Oh, what's up? Are you calling me? He's like, oh, just call him to catch up. Mama. How's France doing? Oh, it's awesome. You know what? I love the whole idea of providence, of province. I just love that idea. What a good idea they had. It's really, really cool.

[A]

Hey. Yeah. Can you see the house in this FaceTime? Can you see the house like, huh? Oh, my God. Is that an olive tree in the middle? Classic, classic anarchist tree olives.

[B]

Huh? Well, I'm a mama's boy through and through. I'm a favorite to the extent that me and my oldest sister. My sister in law will walk in the house and she'll squeal and give me a hug, and it's like my sister in law's way is. Wait, his oldest sister is named Law? I thought he was talking about his oldest sister in law, but I think. You think my oldest sister Law is maybe her name's Laura or something.

[A]

Maybe like Lauren. Yeah, her name is probably like Lauren, and they call her, like, Law.

[B]

Well, that would be really annoying to be named Law and then have your brother become the lawyer. I would be so.

[A]

And your mom be an anarchist. How awkward.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The mom is like, I hate laws. No offense, sweetie. So Whitner is saying that he's sad that he's not in France, and she's like, well, you know what? You can come back anytime. But you know what? Let's do something when we get home. Which home is that? I don't know. When you're an anarchist, it's hard to keep track of the number of houses you have. Am I right?

[B]

Well, I grew up on a small farm called Itchy Grass Farm. I want to run this family off the road. Like, I want to get a big truck and just run their minivan off the road. It's 500 acres, and it has, like, the big house, and that was my childhood home. And then there's a couple cabins back there, three cottages, a barn, and, like, a garden pool. It's a compound. It's basically compound.

[A]

I love going to Itchy Grass Farm, but sometimes I like to switch it up by visiting our other compound known as Rashy Leaves. Rashy Leaves Meadows. God, I love that place, too.

[B]

My family got this compound back in the day when it was called Itchy Ass Farm. And there's a reason for that, but geez, add a G on there and we got ourselves a compound. God, I love this family.

[A]

Then it would just be Itchy Gas Farms, but we had that one too. So then Beth is like, you're right.

[B]

So we didn't need to get an R as well. You're right.

[A]

We went through a few revisions until we could make it somewhat acceptable to the locals. There was that time we called it Itchy Nipples, but that, that did not go for well. It was a total deviation from the.

[B]

Previous model back when Mama first bought it. It was Itchy Mass Farm, but mostly because she gained a lot of weight.

[A]

We also had Itchy Bass Farm, which is when dad was going through that phase again. All those singing basses and put them on the walls.

[B]

Mom almost got in a car wreck once and changed it to Itchy Mass Farms, but God, no one could sit there through church so much. I'd just rather die young. Know what I'm saying?

[A]

Beth is like, okay, what else is going on? I feel like you're telling the audience about all the naming conventions we have for our farmer. No one wants to hear that.

[B]

It's better than my storyline so far in these, these first three episodes. Mama gonna disagree with you, honey. Okay, now tell me about your birthday party province. That province ain't just sitting here waiting for you, okay? There are lots of things to do, lots of mates to order around. Get on with it.

[A]

Well, the party was a success, except for the fact that I couldn't help thinking about my ex. How she'd sleep to that God awful hour of 6:30am you would have been proud. You would have loved it. Okay.

[B]

I had five different kinds of pasta, Mama.

[A]

Were any from Provence?

[B]

No.

[A]

Well, then why are we even talking?

[B]

And you're still single? I'm still single. Thank you, Mom. Geez. Yeah, I somewhat feel the pressure of settling down and doing the wife and kids thing, you know? And then we see a flashback of a scene we haven't seen of his mother Beth sitting on the porch saying, I've got all these great houses for you guys to come back with when you've got a partner, okay? Cause that's the plan. That's always been the plan. We will have no single people in this house. I'm married, Mama. Shut up, Law. No one's talking to you.

[A]

As an anarchist, it's very important for me that my children follow the traditional rules of getting married and having kids and moving into the family houses. That's what you call anarchy.

[B]

Well, one of the shitty parts of this breakup is not just losing the person you're losing the whole future. You're using. You're losing your past to stay in Provence. All right, but I'm recently on 36, and I'm. I'm fine at moving my own speed. I want to know what you did to that girl that broke up with you. Please, whoever you are, get on TikTok immediately and tell us, because I don't know whether to trust this person or not.

[A]

Yeah, it had to be bad if you're, like, really giving up a chance to, like, have a, like, live on one of these compounds or in Provence. I mean, these houses are so gorgeous. These people have money. So Beth is like, well, sorry we weren't there to sing Happy Birthday, but you know what? I can do it now. Winner's like, please don't do that. You really don't have to. No, I wasn't going to. I'm not like your sister law and her boring ways. Okay, have fun, sweetie.

[B]

So then we go over to Sally's house, and she has two little twin dogs, and they're wrestling on the ground, and she's like, boots, I don't even know what's wrong with you today, but you did something on this too. And now she's holding a small rug, and Boots is just staring at her like, you got a problem with it? And so she's like, you. You peed on my scrubs. You peed on my comforter. Come here. You're going outside. This is the weirdest thing you've ever done. I think it's because you're out till six in the morning every day, and dogs don't like that. I'm just gonna say that right now. That is why he is peeing on your scrubs. There. You're welcome. Go forth.

[A]

Maybe the dog had, like, a body swap moment with Whitner's dog. And the dog is like, I am used to being woken up at 4:35 in the morning.

[B]

Where's the meditation in this house? So she calls her mom Charlotte. What would this show be without calling our moms? Okay, so she calls Charlotte and Charles's like, how are you? You don't really have service. Am I frozen? Look, I've been going for. For years. Finally, I just need everybody to look at me through a phone screen. I'd save a lot of money on the tox talks. It's like, yeah, mama, kind of. I mean, well, okay, you're not frozen. I hear you. At least. Mama, guess what Boots just did. He peed on my scrubs. Suck that silly dog.

[A]

So you Just called me to tell me your dog peed on your comforter.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Okay, well, I guess you got nothing else really going on in your life, do you, huh?

[B]

She's like, well, he did it when I was talking to Claire about the baby. Well, you know, I'm not the only mother on this show disappointed that my child is still single. What will people think of me as a mother, a single child?

[A]

So Sally's like, I have two sisters, Charlotte and Claire. They both have C names and I'm just Sally. So I guess I'm the odd one out anyway. They're two years older than me and I think we all kind of had the same dream, you know, of getting married young and having kids and living all in Greenville together and they're still up there and they have husbands and kids. And now I'm kind of like, I think it's my turn. I want, you know, my sister have kids. I think it's my turn to have kids. So that's, that's my thing. I want to have a kid now.

[B]

She's a my turn girl. I don't like that. I had a friend who was a my turn girl, which like, there just came a certain point of time where she's like, when is it my turn? When is it my turn? I've been to weddings and I've been to this and that. I've had baby showers for other people. When is it my turn? And then when she finally found someone, she's like, it's my turn. Welcome to my bachelor party. I'm going to be the biggest monster, the biggest monster you have ever seen. Why? Because it's my turn and I've been waiting in this line.

[A]

Oh really?

[B]

Got me a stroller with a, had a iPad screen in it. Get the out of here. This is my turn.

[A]

Yeah, monsters. They're all monsters. So. So she's gonna clean her closet while her mom watches and she's like, well, how was your dress up party, honey? She's like, it was fun. Me and Charlie went to Craig's house after that and got in the hot tub and we didn't really get home until 5am she's like, don't you know, like Mammy always said, nothing good happens after midnight. So do y' all just stay up all night chatting or you just being a little trollop which is why you don't have a husband or a baby yet? Is that what's happening, Sally?

[B]

Well, apparently mammy was never invited to a hot tub at 5 in the morning. Okay, stop saying nothing good happens every after midnight. Everything good happens after midnight. What are you talking about?

[A]

For Mammy, Mammy owned. Mammy owned gremlins. That's why she's like, I speak from experience.

[B]

Mammy's blender. Well, also, Mammy was known around town for doing cocaine right in the middle of the day. So I don't know that I'd listen to her. So she's like, well, what else? She goes, well, so what were you doing staying up all night chatting? She's like, what else would I be doing, mother? She goes, I don't know. Unless it was a menage. Twice, Mother.

[A]

Ma'. Am. He's like, stop saying those nasty words. So Sally's basically says that she was up until 4am in the hot tub with Craig and Charlie. And, like, this is crazy. It's surprising me that nothing happened in this goddamn hot tub, because here I am up until 4am which I never do in your hot tub, and nothing happened. So she basically is like, why did we not hook up? Like, what the hell? Like, it's just weird. Like, what man has an attractive younger female in their hot tub and doesn't make a move? Weird man? It's probably because he wanted to go after Charlie and you were still there.

[B]

Yeah, I think that's probably more like it. I think you put both options in front of him and you weren't the chosen one and you wouldn't leave. And she's like, oh, my God, Mom. All these clothes in my closet, they're just all Craig's clothes from getting in this hot tub without having anything to wear. We go straight from the bar and we don't have our bathing suit, so we'll wear Craig's clothes. I've got so many. Been in that hot tub so many times.

[A]

Yeah. Mm. So basically, Charlotte's like, okay, well, let's just hope Mammy can't see this television show because she'd be really embarrassed of you right now. So don't have to say any more on TV now, honey.

[B]

I feel bad for Sally. I feel like she's a Friday bagel. You know, it's like, bagel Thursday is coming up, and so excited. And then she's just the bagel that's left there on Friday. You know, she's like a dollar less. It's all dry. Doesn't understand. It's like, I'm a bagel. Why does anybody want to eat me? I'm a delicious carb. I'm a very thick carb.

[A]

I think she's more like a biali. I think that the problem with like, I feel like Sally. Last year, I was really a fan of Sally. I felt like she came in there was like these guys, whatever. I'm like a young sexual woman. I was gonna be engaged this guy. I'm not. And I'm happy because I'm just gonna live my life, I'm gonna live my truth, and I'm gonna have fun and do what I want, blah, blah, blah. And this season, there's like a desperation about her that's like a little sad.

[B]

I think it's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial. So then we go to Madison's house and she's grilling with Hudson, which I think it's so cute that Hudson has her exact same voice. She's like, you want a grill? He's like, yeah. All right. Let's take everything out there. Okay, mama, I took everything out there. Good. Good job, Hudson. I love you, mama. I love you, Hudson.

[A]

And they, they like cut up some steaks and then they serve some. Madison has a dog named Karen, which is so funny to me. You know, I little known fact, you know, with my Roomba that's named Dolores. Before Dolores was Dolores, she originally was named Karen because this was like, this predated the rise of like the Karen movement. That Karen started in 2020, but like, we got our Roombas before 2020. And so my Roomba was called Karen. And then I decided I needed to give it a Bravo name, so I renamed it Dolores, but it was originally Karen. So the fact that Madison has a dog named Karen, I just think it's really funny because it reminds me of the OG version of my Roomba.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh, Karen.

[A]

That's the funny thing.

[B]

I wonder how many Karens have named changed their name too, you know, I know.

[A]

I feel bad.

[B]

Blame them if they did. Yeah, I know.

[A]

But I also think it's like really funny to name a dog or like a Roomba Karen. Like if you take out all the modern concept of like what Karen is like, just the idea of like a little Roomba named Karen is like very funny to me or dog.

[B]

So they talk about how Brad's always working, but he's such a good daddy and they're so happy and they got a house and he's gonna love the pool house. And so great. We're. We're doing great. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. So in other words, it's boring. So then we go over to Craig's house. And Craig is making. He's taking flowers from the kitchen table and moving them. He's like, I've got a place for you. And then he just stands there and looks around the room, and he's like, in the kitchen, he puts them back where they were.

[A]

He realizes that he no longer has Paige to tell him where to put the flowers, so he just puts it back on the fake waterfall counter.

[B]

So there's a knock. Charlie's there, and she's brought paintings over, guys. She's brought 10 different pieces. I don't think Craig ever sent the measurements because they're all different sizes.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Just some tiny. There's some huge. And so he brings some in, and they compliment each other's clothes. And he's like, I like your shorts. You look like a boxer. Like a cute boxer. Though when I'm interested in a girl, I definitely play the long game. Like, I wait until we're divorced to try to have sex with them.

[A]

I like him saying that her shorts are like a boxers. I know. She's probably like, yep, that's not what I was going for whatsoever. These are not supposed to look like boxing shorts, so thank you. I'm going to return them to the store right after this. Also, when he said, be interested in what she's interested in, and then once you snag her, you can reveal you were never interested in the first place. But it's too late for her to leave.

[B]

I'm pretending I'm really into art now. She has. I will say, I think she's got talent in what she does because she has read Craig, like, a book. She doesn't have any panda pictures or water watercolors, which is what he's asked for. But she does bring. She's. She brings everything. Is that kind of art that looks like finger paints. And I think that was a good call.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, that's. That's exactly what he would need. So she brings it over, and she's taking photos of it and everything. And he's like, wow, that actually, like, works, this painting. She's like, you like it this way? Yeah. That looks amazing. Craig. You're looking at the painting backwards. You're looking at the back. Yeah. But I love the way that wire goes across the canvas. What a provocative image. That's literally what you use to keep the picture on the wall. Oh, that's not the art. No, Craig. So they are putting stuff up, and Charlie's like, yes, I like Craig, and I definitely think he's Interested in me too. But the thing is, I just don't feel like I should have to interpret anything, which. I love this for her. I love her being like. I am, like, stop trying to kind of flirt and, like, allude to something because he's all proud of his long game and how he's going to, like, enchant her over several, you know, months and become friends. And she's like, if you like me, just say you like me. I don't. Like, what is this?

[B]

Yeah, and so he. She asked about Austin and he's like, oh, he hasn't talked to me or Shep since the party. And she's like, maybe it's because you yelled at him. He's like, okay, my delivery was terrible. So this is like day sober Craig, where he's like, reasonable. And she's like, well, I'm not going to sugarcoat it. I mean, you've got 37 year old men yelling at each other about a hot tub. I mean, calm down, because that is crazy.

[A]

Did you apologize? Yeah. Well, maybe you should try again. He's like, yeah, but like, it. I mean, I shouldn't have reacted, but like, I'm like, like, why does me hanging out with Charlie and Sally bother you? Like, how is it any of your business? I mean, says the guy who, who, you know, inserts himself into everyone else's business all the time. And they even showed footage earlier of how, or maybe it comes later about how he and Shep broke apart Austin and Madison. So, like, they always insert each other into each other's business.

[B]

Yeah, he's like, last year the whole problem was he had a problem with me staying in the whole year. And so we see that Ross is like, I'm going to get a beer and you're on my call list because you just want to hide out. He's like, making money, getting healthy, and my girlfriend. That's what I want to do. And if you're a real friend, you will be happy for someone like that. Look, the fire just came on behind you. Oh, it did for sure. I turned it off. It's got. It's on a switch. Sucker.

[A]

Yeah, it's pretty cool. I think the thing is, the reason why Austin and Shep get mad at Craig is not because, like, oh, last year they were mad because he wouldn't come out, and this year they're mad because he's partying. I think it's because Craig is always spinning a tale about who he is. He's like, I'm just a homebody. These Days. And that's all I want to be is a homebody. It's like, like, yeah, no, that. But they're like, no, we're calling on that because it's more like you like for whatever the is we're calling. And now he's gonna. Now he's presenting a new version of himself. And so I think they're always just trying to poke holes in these versions that Craig is always putting up because at the end, at the end of the day, you got nothing for nothing. And quite literally, yes, you do get nothing for nothing. Because I think what they are saying is that there's no there there with Craig. He was always trying on a new Persona and you don't really know who the real one is. And I think the authentic, the authenticity issues drive them nuts. And not that they're great, any great shakes themselves, but it drives them nuts, which is why they're always trying to poke holes in it. Because it's like he's always selling a story about who he is and what he's into now and this is what he always has been. And how could you even say anything otherwise? And they're like, no, fuck you. We know you're lying right now. We know this isn't the real you. And they're never going to be able to get to the real Craig because there may, maybe there is no real Craig.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, but he's been a compulsive liar since the very beginning. I mean, this is the man who lied about. Who lied about passing the bar or taking the bar, whatever. So. Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's, it's just Craig, you know that that's what you get. It's like people don't necessarily improve like that. They just get either better at hiding or. I mean, I don't even know that he is better.

[A]

We have different versions of ourselves. What'd you say?

[B]

Nothing. We have different versions of ourselves. Go ahead.

[A]

No, I was gonna say like we have, we have different versions of ourselves and that's okay. But I think it's that like Craig just sort of. He gets very. I don't know, there's just like a, there's like a fakery about it. And I think, I think that for them it's like anytime they criticize it, he gets very defensive and then he accuses them of like trying to undermine his well being and growth when they're like, no, it's not that. We're just saying, like, be the real you.

[B]

Yeah. So he's like, well, Austin's not going to change overnight, but he might not ever change. So if I'm going to continue to be friends with him, I just can't go nuclear on him because I. He says something I don't like. She's like, yeah, but not just Austin, but like anyone you don't agree with. And he's like, well, I don't do that usually. I was just triggered.

[A]

As usual. Trigger. So Craig is like, I'm just a highly passionate person. So speak. Speaking of trying on Personas, Craig's not the only one. Here comes Austin, who is now. I'm a cat dad. It's insane right now.

[B]

So we had a couple of different guesses in the comments. Some people were saying Piper is because he loves fish, like the band fish. And I guess that's the thing. And then someone said, no, I think it's from White Lotus, Parker Posey's character, which I think is the ding, ding, ding, Right? Because Rodrigo comes over and he's like, what are you gonna do when this cat gets on the counter? He's gonna say, popper.

[A]

No. Which I think is true.

[B]

That's a good. That's what it is. Why Lotus? I really had more packed. I mean, how many people have we seen on House Hunters moving to Thailand because they saw that? Or what was the one that we just talked about recently? They're like, White Lotus. Yeah. Oh, Real Housewives of Potomac. It's like, oh, it's White Lotus. It's exactly. They love their White Lotus.

[A]

They love it. And. And let's not forget that Parker Posey herself modeled some of her character off of Patricia. So there is a direct link to the show.

[B]

Yeah, there you go. There you go, Randy. So Austin is setting up his kitty litter and Madison's gonna come over with Rodrigo to hang out. And so they do. They come over and she. We see the cats. They are adorable. Oh, my God, they're so cute. I love a kitten. I wish I could just. I know those say kittens. I'd have 10.

[A]

And they're little muse. Oh, it's so cute. I loved it. It's like, it's. I really hate that it's working on me so much. I'm like, guys says, don't be mean to Austin. He's got kittens.

[B]

So they're talking and Austin's like, well, it's like a 15 year commitment movie is okay, because, like, I want to have some animals that'll never betray me and like, be my friends, no matter what.

[A]

Oh, well, I'm not heard a lot of cat stories. Choice for that. I'm a cat person even I'm saying.

[B]

Yeah, Google, Google cat horror stories. And he's like, yeah, well, I see friendship as literally being there for somebody when they need you and then eating their face off when they die. Sorry, that's cats.

[A]

Yeah. Austin, enjoy having a nice little piece of pot around the edge of a surface for the next 30 minutes before it's shattered on the ground that is.

[B]

Battered down with pleasure.

[A]

Okay. Hey, enjoy that flat screen TV you have for now until the cat jumps up on it for some reason and tears it off the wall. And then it becomes a stick tock video. So he's setting things up and he's, he's like, he's having such an awesome thing. He's trying to set up this some like watering thing for the cat, a self watering dish. And he was talking to Madison on the phone. He's like, oh, I'm starting to set their watering dish for running water. Freaking matters. Like 30 pages long. It's insane right now. I mean, hey, Madison, you want to come over and like meet the kitties and Y and Rod and just go through this manual? It's crazy. I can't even figure it out right now.

[B]

Okay, I'll come over there and watch you look like an idiot for an hour. And why not? So then Shep takes his dog to the best business I've ever seen, which is a dog park for adults that want to have a beer. I mean, this is a great idea. It's actually a nice dog park. There's turf, there's all these toys, there's all these things for the dogs to play on. And then you make money while people sit there all day with their dog. Very, very.

[A]

It is actually quite smart. It is smart. It's called the Broken Leech dog park. And so little Craig runs off and there's a golden retriever that like literally has its paws up on the bar. And Chuck's like, hey, buddy, come around here often? Gosh, that was hilarious. So he meets up with Molly and her dog Zoe, and he is, he is doing the awesome thing. He's spraying food all over because he's got food in his mouth and talking. He's like, I got some snacks. This place is amazing. Have you ever been, gosh, so good. So now they start gossiping about Greg and Molly's like, so like, oh, I'm sorry. They're talking, they're gossiping about little Craig the dog. Because little Craig, there's some water thing, and little Craig is going nuts in it and keeps on jumping right into it as a hose jumping into that hose. Having the best time ever.

[B]

Yeah. So now they talk about Greg, and she's. Well, they talk about Austin first. She's like, I haven't even heard of any of these whispers of, like, issues with Austin and Audrey. And he's like, whoa, I'm great friends with Austin, and he never confided in me, but I was. Was approached in New York, and, like, obviously, I wasn't seeking information. I blabbered, but I didn't do it with ill intent.

[A]

Yeah, Craig had the ill intent.

[B]

Yeah. Gosh.

[A]

Craig seems to be the town crier on that one. You know, Craig and Austin have a lot to sort out, and he used me a little bit to drive the stake in, but I am the one who told Craig, hey, it's on me. It's me.

[B]

I'm the villain.

[A]

It's me, Kirsch.

[B]

So he says that he's gonna bet that Austin runs right back into Craig's arms before him, even though he wasn't the one who did the deed. It's just this weird, weird relationship they have. Molly's like, y' all need couples therapy. He's like, yeah, we do. We're mad so easily. We press each other's buttons. I mean, we've even gotten Craig to stay triggered.

[A]

Yeah, that's. That's a lot, you know, And I'm someone who presses buttons for a living. Euphonium. That's good, though, at least that you feel bad, because a lot of people don't feel bad for the things they do or say. I don't know. I'm just trying to put a positive spin on your dysfunctional ass relationship. I really don't know what to say.

[B]

I know. She's like, I'm gonna try and make you sound less like a sociopath after you just said something like, yeah, we push each other's buttons, and then we weaponize information and share information that we, as friends, shouldn't share. She's like, well, you're still a good person, because at least, you know, you're a terrible person, so that makes you good. This feels like calculus. This feels like.

[A]

She's like, I just. Like, I'm working with so little here. I really can't help you. I'm trying to give you a pep talk, but you're. You're really complicit with this situation.

[B]

Yeah. So she's like, well, I've been, like, a super shitty person in my past. So I get it. I'm like, could we go to the past and cast that person? Because I would love to see shitty Person Molly on my tv.

[A]

Yeah, I would like that, too.

[B]

So Austin won't even call him back. And Shep's like, you don't think I should call again? Shaw looks stupid, right? She's like, well, I mean, if he's not answering, well, maybe you can call him and you can be like, oh, you don't have to say I'm here. Just be like, I met with Shep, and he knows you might want to talk with him or see him. I don't know. Could you do something like that?

[A]

Well, I don't want to, like, lie and be like, I met with Shep even though he's sitting right next to me. No, do it. We all do it.

[B]

It's super fun.

[A]

Okay, let's. Okay, just call me. He probably won't answer. She's like, yeah, he. He might not answer. I don't know if I've actually had a conversation with Austin ever before. Am I even on this show? Yeah, you are. Do it. Go do this. Come on. Wow. You're calling. Yikes. This gives me the willies. What?

[B]

Jay Williker, give him a call. Turn the dials so he's like, I hate that sinking feeling knowing someone else is hurt and you're part of that. I really don't want to be a force for bad in this world, especially if I care about someone. You know, I'm just a boy.

[A]

I'm just a boy standing in front of a friend saying, bro, love me again. Also, watch the video Vietnam War by Ken Burns. It's so good.

[B]

Gosh. So she does try calling, and he doesn't answer. She's like, yeah, no, he still hates you.

[A]

Yep. But he's also busy because he's got kittens. So we go back to Austin's house, and Rodrigo's there with the kittens in a basket, and they go upstairs, they come in. They're so cute. And Rodrigo. Austin's like, oh, my God, I'm not ready for this because. Well, you better be, because I don't have a return policy on this. Percy. See, I can be a sassy gay. I don't know. I don't get it. Anyway, look at these beauties. Oh, my heart melts every time. Wow. So now Austin's being all, like, sweet and cute, like, cat. Hashtag cat, dad.

[B]

Yeah. And Rodrigo asked about Audrey, and he's like, well, I might even drive there and bring the cats, because I'm feeling like I just want to get out of town for a little bit, you know, I asked what Audrey's good for. It's a. It's a bed to stay in when I can't be in this town because all my friends hate me.

[A]

Yeah. Seriously. It was me to have the support of my girlfriend and the gullibility too. You know, security with me and Audrey is like, here. Which is very high. I miss the very, very top. So it's great. So now Madison shows up and she's like, that's a lot of stairs. Wow, you made me really climb very high. And they. She sees the kittens and they're like, oh, this is cute and everything and. Etc. So then they start gossiping because that's what they're really here for. So she's like, yeah, I was really shocked that night. I mean, for me, I know you're gonna laugh when I say this, but in a way, Craig, for the last few years, I've really looked up to him. I was like, my God, you've changed. You're doing well, your business priority, your relationship is good. And it's just like, amazing. Is he born for Gordon? But I just wanted. Then he got so aggressive and angry. He just is so quick to flip.

[B]

But Craig never really changed, did he? I mean, he behaved a little bit better with Page, but he still had at least a couple of those flip outs last year. Like, I don't know why.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I think why everyone's acting like Craig actually just came out of rehab because he never really concentrated very much on that. He was like, I am an alcoholic while he's drunk. I've never really bought that anyway. But, yeah, he has been doing better.

[A]

Yeah, he really sold it that he's now a suburban guy. He wants to have a family. He's a professional. He can't go and party because he has to plant things for Instagram. This is a job. He's gonna be the next Martha Stewart's growing. It's doing bigger and bigger and better things. And, you know, his. His business was flourishing and he's killing it. And so, like, like, wow, he really did turn things around. But turns out, like, no, still the same person.

[B]

Yeah. So she's like, well, I mean, I thought he changed, but he's still a horrible person. He goes, yeah. I mean, Craig just lost it. And that's the thing we hated about Craig always being drunk and losing it. And then we see a montage of Craig just losing his Dr. Coconlee over the years, 2018, yelling at Austin at a barbecue about Chelsea. God, I lost a lot of the. I forgot a lot of these things.

[A]

Yeah. And I also forgot. But I always remembered him yelling at Madison at that reunion, being so violent. That reunion. But I also forgot that that hilarious wrinkle that, like, Madison was like the other woman that broke up a rod and jlo. Like, I still think that. I'm so proud of her for that. Like, that's to. To insert yourself as just like a. As like a. As a small Bravo star into like a full celebrity scandal. Good for her.

[B]

Craig was so gross in that you flew to Miami to XMLB player. Are you a home wrecker? She's trash, and I hate being on the same stage as her. Yeah.

[A]

He was so garbage. That reunion that, like, I think forever tainted Craig for me.

[B]

Yeah. So Madison's like, well, I thought he was working on being sober, so to see him kind of backtracking, that's unfortunate. I mean, Craig was making it sound like Shep was there witnessing you cheating, but it wasn't even that. I mean, I still have a good tick tock video of you grabbing your wiener and screaming. That's insane. Madison, what does he have? Nothing.

[A]

That's exactly what I'm saying. That's what she said that I said. See what I did there? Like, I'm more saying than anything. Like, those. These were like my friends. They were so happy and so willing to sucker punch me, bro.

[B]

So you're shocked that they threw you under the bus. Then he's like, yeah. She goes, well, I'm not. I mean, it's kind of a pattern at this point, don't you think? I mean, anytime you feel like you're in a relationship, these two idiots are single. They're going to try and sabotage it or take it down. And then she tells us, listen, they broke us up. And we see another montage of Craig, but this time it's Craig and Shet being monsters. And God, they are really. So whenever you fall for this, Shep is such a sweet guy, just remember this. She has your hooks in you, man. She has an opening. Why? I want to know why. I want to know why. No, just cut the bait and see ya. Say see. See ya.

[A]

So Rodrigo's basically like, like, yeah, well, guess what? You're there. You're their punching bag. So why do you even give them so much grace? He's like, I don't know, man, because I'm a cat dad. He's like, well, cut the man. He's like. Well, because I thought they were my real friends, you know?

[B]

But obviously they're not. Wow. Will Craig Austin and Chef ever make up?

[A]

Yeah. The saga continues.

[B]

What is gonna happen?

[A]

Well, everyone, thanks for being here. What a delight. We'll be back tomorrow with some Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. And until then, don't forget to follow us on Instagram and we'll catch you on the next episode of Watch what crap inside. Everyone watch what crappens Would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Allison block.

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