#3125 Southern Charm S11E05 Part Two: Pool Intentions

Summary

Watch What Crappens Episode #3125: Southern Charm S11E05 Part Two – “Pool Intentions”

Hosts: Ben Mandelker & Ronnie Karam
Date: December 18, 2025

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Main Theme

Ben and Ronnie dive into part two of Southern Charm Season 11, Episode 5, affectionately lampooning the cast’s Memorial Day pool party and the ongoing toxic-yet-endearing dynamic among Craig, Shep, and Austen. The hosts dissect the mundane logistics, petty conflicts, and subtle machinations among the cast, with their signature brand of affectionate ridicule and sharp improv. Expect affectionate Bravo shade, witty banter, and delicious dissection of Charleston’s finest mess-makers.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Grandma’s Infamous Cake

• Ben laments the tepid, ultimately unshown climax to the highly-teased cake storyline, noting, “I just felt like there was so much buildup about that cake… and then we just never see how it turns out.” (01:28-01:50)
• Ronnie riffs on southern grandma names, joking that a “plain grandma” can’t be trusted to bake:
  • “Let me tell you one thing. I don’t trust a Southern grandmother who’s not named Meemaw, Mimur, Mimi, Mama, Gigi, Gammy, Greg, Gray, Goom Goom, Bling, Ping Pong, Plonk, or Pong Pong.” (01:50-02:09)
• They both conclude the cake storyline is a metaphorical dud and just “not a good cake.” (02:39)

2. Craig’s Pool Party Planning Skills

• Setup for the party is full of failings: no umbrellas, questionable drink machines, little help from Jack the assistant (“Think ahead, Jack. Jackerson.” – Ronnie, 03:06)
• Ronnie: “You have a big backyard party and there’s no umbrellas. Hello. What are they gonna hide under, your Slurpee machine?” (03:06-03:13)
• Craig’s slapdash attempt at pina coladas in the frozen drink machine is mocked mercilessly:
  • “You will not make a pina colada. And I will bet my life on it.” (Ronnie, 03:36)
  • “We got an email from someone saying, could you be nicer to Craig? … Look at this man ruin the art of the pina colada and then tell me to be nicer.” (Ronnie, 04:04-04:20)
• Ben admits some Craig loyalty, “I wear my Sewing Down South sweatpants all over the place because they are incredibly comfortable.” (04:27)
• Tangent: Ben gets a mystery pizzelle maker, which he assumes will help him make stroopwafels. Ronnie: “Heated rivalry was boring and stupid. Free pizzelle maker—now that’s hot.” (05:42)
• The hosts agree: without Paige, Craig’s hosting skills (and the party) noticeably suffer.

3. The Core Toxic Trio’s (Craig, Shep, Austen) Relationship Drama

• Shep and Craig discuss the tension with Austen, with the hosts noting their cycle of fights and reconciliations:
  • “They just take turns... who are we gonna get this year? Let’s just rag on them the whole year until we break them down.” (Ronnie, 07:36)
• Ben: “They are kind of like a really compelling trio. I mean, they are so toxic to each other, but they always come back.” (07:54)
• The hosts break down the jealousy, projection, and codependency:
  • “Craig, who needs the most coddling on this cast, is now complaining that Austen needs coddling... classic projection.” (Ben, 11:12)
  • Ronnie: “You're supposed to invite over to hot tubs to cheat and then not tell anybody about it. That's the kind of friend group we're in.” (09:13)
• Ben analyzes Austen’s strategy to avoid Craig's party so he can return to Charleston for the real Memorial Day weekend: “It’s quite damning that he’s seeing Audrey on like non-prime days.” (11:44)

4. Party Guests, Gifts, and Oysters

• Notable early departures and functional gifts:
  • Vanita brings towels—“which was very nice.” (14:16)
• Charleston traditions and nostalgia are lampooned:
  • Ben: “Adult Memorial Day parties look exactly the same as when we were kids. Especially exactly the same.” (16:52)
• Hot takes on oysters:
  • “Give me six of them, and then just take me to the hepatitis clinic.” (Ben, 17:25)
  • “One adage that will always be good is, don’t have raw seafood at Craig’s house in blazing hot heat.” (Ben, 17:55)

5. The Molly-Vanita-Sally Vagina-Gate

• Gossip about Molly’s “rejuvenation surgery” ricochets among the cast:
  • “I'm very open about things I get done, but like, I just don't want to tell the entire world that I got my labia cut off.” (Molly, 22:25)
• Vanita’s attempts to play reality TV star come under affectionate fire:
  • Ben: “It’s so fun watching Vanita really try to do the reality star thing this season… doing the fake accountability thing.” (21:43)
• The trio circles around blame, accountability, and “fake” apologies.
• Ronnie: “No one’s labia is room. Yeah. Watch out, everyone.” (23:17)

6. Vanita, Sally, and the Friendship Triangle

• Vanita and Sally’s friendship hits bumpy territory over Craig:
  • Vanita: “You make it very hard being on your side when you’re on the side of someone I don't like.” (29:15)
  • Ben criticizes Sally, “I do feel like Sally is being kind of a shitty friend to Vanita about the Craig thing.” (29:55)
• Ronnie: “It’s kind of hypocritical, this whole thing. Whole thing. It’s hard to be on her side with this whole thing.” (29:33)

7. The Sad, Strange Memorial Day Pool Party

• The hosts note the boredom and awkwardness, highlighted by Shep’s annual Speedo appearance (“I need Lisa Kudrow to come in, dress like a cupcake, and just go, ‘I didn't need to see that.’ No one needs it.” – Ronnie, 30:59)
• Shep’s George Washington wig + Speedo is lampooned.

8. Craig and Madison’s Heart-to-Heart

• Madison gives Craig advice to talk about his feelings. Craig launches into a surprisingly self-aware monologue:
  • “I know I’m struggling, and I don’t know how to not be the fun guy at the bar… I shouldn’t equate not drinking with not being fun, but in my head, I don’t know if I believe that.” (Craig, 32:19)
• Ben calls out Craig’s “pop culture therapy speak": “People like Craig are so savvy about saying the right kind of stuff that... they've picked up from pop culture and all to, like, what you're supposed to say in that moment.” (33:45)

9. Late-Party Debrief and Submissive Charlie

• As guests dwindle, Charlie ends up running errands for the core group—Ronnie: “Why are we ordering Charlie around? … Because she does whatever we tell her to.” (37:11)
• The infamous pina colada machine never delivers: “You didn’t follow the instructions, Craig. It's a delicate ratio of ingredients.” (37:11)
• Brief speculation about a Craig/Sally hook-up, left cheekily unresolved as the hosts sign off.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Ronnie (on grandma names):

  “I don’t trust a Southern grandmother who’s not named Meemaw, Mimur, Mimi, Mama, Gigi, Gammy, Greg, Gray, Goom Goom, Bling, Ping Pong, Plonk, or Pong Pong.” (01:50)

• Ben (on party setup):

  “We will give Craig his due for the things he's due for. His arms look better than ever. He looks great. But he's failing on the party throwing front.” (04:27)

• Ronnie (on the trio):

  “They just take turns. It’s like they’re a three-person Housewives cast every season.” (07:36)

• Ben (on Sally’s role):

  “I do feel like Sally is being kind of a shitty friend to Vanita about the Craig thing because Craig was mean to Vanita.” (29:55)

• Ronnie (on Shep in a Speedo):

  “I need Lisa Kudrow to come in, dress like a cupcake, and just go, ‘I didn’t need to see that.’” (30:59)

• Ben (on the perils of summer oysters):

  “Don’t have raw seafood at Craig’s house in blazing hot heat. Don’t do it.” (17:55)

• Craig (pop therapy):

  “I know I’m struggling, and I don’t know how to not be the fun guy at the bar… I shouldn’t equate not drinking with not being fun, but in my head, I don’t know if I believe that.” (32:19)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:28 – Grandma’s cake storyline & Southern grandma names
• 03:29 – Craig’s haphazard party setup ("Get some shade, Jack!")
• 04:04 – The pina colada machine disaster
• 07:23 – The toxic trio’s friend-group dynamics
• 15:02 – Vanita’s towel diplomacy and “adulting” up the party
• 17:25 – Oysters in the summer: bad idea at Craig's house
• 20:27-23:17 – Vagina-gate confrontation (Molly, Vanita, Sally); “exploited my vagina”
• 29:15 – Sally & Vanita’s friendship on thin ice
• 30:59 – Shep’s Speedo tradition roasted
• 32:19 – Craig’s therapy-speak & Madison’s “be vulnerable” chat
• 37:11 – The never-frozen pina coladas; ordering Charlie around
• 37:54 – Hints of a possible Craig/Sally hook-up

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Tone & Style

• The episode stays true to the hosts’ irreverent, mocking-yet-affectionate tone, peppered with improvisational character voices, jokes about Bravo tropes, and meta-commentary about the show’s storylines.
• They bounce between genuine analysis and sharp lampooning, always with a conspiratorial, inside-baseball tone for Bravo superfans.

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Quick Takeaway

This recap delivers a full-bodied roast of Southern Charm’s pool party disaster and fraught interpersonal drama—highlighting the show’s blend of low-stakes feuds, Southern pageantry, and reality “star” attempts at authenticity and shade. The Watch What Crappens boys serve up exactly what fans crave: affectionate snark, Bravo in-jokes, and plenty of laughs at a party nobody would actually want to attend.

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(For detailed coverage of earlier or later segments, see full episode or transcript!)

Transcript

[A]

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[A]

Hi everyone. Welcome back. This is part two of a two part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, well, go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. So that way you always get your episodes. But enough of that. Let's get right back into the episode.

[B]

So then we go to Craig's house. I mean, but I don't think that that works really, because on Bravo, no one expects you to eat.

[A]

I just felt like there was so much buildup about that cake. Like we got a whole story about that. The cake was from grandma, and grandma used to make it and we should serve it every Christmas Eve. And so she's making it now, even though it's summer, but it's like their Christmas Eve coffee cake. And they all put it together and they quiz like how many ounces in a cup. Oh, and it's all coming together now we're watching it. They both put it in the oven and then we just never see how it turns out. Like you got.

[B]

I think the cake says that and that's why. And they didn't want to hurt the feelings of the grandma because. Look, let me tell you one thing. I don't trust a Southern grandmother who's not named Meemaw, Mimur, Mimi, Mama, Gigi, Gammy, Greg, Gray, Goom Goom, Bling, Ping Pong, Plonk, or Pong Pong. I'm just not gonna trust it. No, there's no just grandma I have. It's my grandma's. No, it's your Meemaws, your mamas, your memers, your mimis, or your GGs. Come on.

[A]

It's. It was clearly a shitty cake that was dry and stuck to the pan.

[B]

Yeah. So then we go to your grandma would have been a better baker had she had a cuter grandma. Nickn. There, I said it. It's kind of your Fault that the cake sucked. Okay? That's why no one ever typed it. That's why no one ever typed it out.

[A]

So now we're at Craig's house, and it's two hours I turned into Braun one. Yeah. One thing that we have to admit is that it's just not a good cake.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Two hours before Craig's Memorial Day pool party from when we were little. And people are setting up, and Craig is like, jack, we don't have a lot of shade. Jack. And so he sets up, like, an umbrella, which becomes a point of contention later on for Madison that there's not enough umbrellas.

[B]

Well, it's a good point. I mean, you have a big backyard party and there's no umbrellas. Hello. What are they gonna hide under your Slurpee machine? Come on, now. And Jack's not very helpful either. Craig's like, why don't we have any shade? And Jack just goes, well, I mean, people will be in the pool. Okay, Jack, you're not helping. Okay? The pool was already here. Assistant. Think ahead, Jack. Jackerson.

[A]

Jack, are you getting in the pool? No, you're not. Well, then now you've shown not everyone's getting in the pool.

[B]

Get some shade. Jack got loser. So Craig is going to make some pina coladas. He's like, what are the chances this works? Zero. You will not make a pina colada. And I will bet my life on it.

[A]

I. Probably because he's not going to follow the instructions it's going to have. Because a machine like that, I'm sure the mix has a specific instruction. You need a certain, like, proportion of alcohol to ice in order for it to get the right consistency. And Craig is just going to eyeball it and just pour it in there. We all know it. We all know.

[B]

And we actually got a. An email this week from somebody asking us very nicely. It was a very sweet email, but someone saying, you guys, you know, you're so mean to Craig. Could you be a little nicer to Craig? I thought about it long and hard, and by that I mean five seconds. No. No. And this is why. Look at this scene. Look at this man ruin the art of the pina colada and then tell me to be nicer.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yes. I. I feel like I am nice to Craig because I wear my sewing down south sweatpants all over the place because they are incredibly comfortable. And so in that way, I advertise his product. And I think that's very nice of me, but. But I cannot endorse this sort of party throwing. Okay. We will give Craig his. We'll give Craig his due for the things he's due for. His arms look better than ever. He looks great, but he's. He's failing on the party throwing front. I'm sorry. Without Paige, this is. This is. This is not a good party. He's not good at making slushies.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I have a question to the the world. Some. Someone sent me a pizzelle maker and I don't know where it came from or who sent it. Does anyone know?

[B]

I love that you get mystery stroopwafel.

[A]

I'm asking this because we're talking about the slushy machine. It made me think of, like, kitchen things. Pizzell maker just arrived and no card, no email from anyone. It just says here. And I just want to say whoever sent it, thank you because I'm going to mix troop. Going to make stroopwafels in it.

[B]

Yeah, that's a really sweet gift. So then we go to the party set.

[A]

Heated rivalry was boring and stupid. Free pizzell maker. Now that's hot.

[B]

He's like, now that got me to jack off.

[A]

That was jack it off all over that thing.

[B]

That's Ben's. That's Ben's heated rivalry. It's like the buildup of waiting for a mystery gift that you just.

[A]

A pizzell maker. Yeah, zip is pizza. Whatever. It doesn't matter.

[B]

So the party is set up now. People start arriving. Shep is first, and he's like a dad. He sees a package on the stoop and he picks it up and, like, looks it over can, shakes it, looks it up in light, makes sure the address is right. He's like, guess this is for Craig. I guess I'll take that in. Yes, dad, bring it in. It's on my stoop.

[A]

So I think someone got you a pizza maker. So Craig is like, whoa, that's actually a bathing suit. Like, oh, wow. Well, mine didn't come. Mine comes tomorrow.

[B]

So I don't think Shep has enough things covered in the American flag. I'm really worried that Shep's not going to be prepared for that. He sells flags with. He sells flag hats. He'll be fine.

[A]

He will be fine. So they're putting on bathing suits and stuff and chef. And Craig puts on his. And Shep is like, hey, there he is. He looks good. Hey, so I spoke to Austin on the phone yesterday. Oh, you did? Was it good or bad? Rated on 1 to 10. And how cool he thinks he is right now. And then we go back to Shep sitting on the stairs, and he's. And Austin's like, I mean, Greg is the guy that keeps things in his back pocket and wait for you to piss him off. And then he's like, oh, yeah, well, I know this and this and this about you. And then it's like, whoa, man. That's like, not a friend. I was, like, not afraid at all.

[B]

I wish I was an editor so I could insert the clip of Austin and Craig both ragging on Shep when they were out of town and they were at that bowling alley and they were talking about how Shep was just on his girlfriend the whole time.

[A]

Yep. Yep.

[B]

Because Austin's victimhood is making me crazy. I mean, it's not really making me crazy. It's actually kind of funny that they're always like this. They just take turns. It's like they're a three person housewives cast every season. Like, all right, who are we gonna get this year? Let's just rag on them the whole year until we break them down. All right. Okay.

[A]

They are kind of like a really compelling trio. I mean, they are so toxic to each other, but they're all there. They always come back to each other, but they all take, like, every season, each one of them takes on a different role. It's the same three roles, but they, like, shuffle the deck and hand out the new roles again every season. It's always fun to see how it plays out.

[B]

Yeah. So Craig's like, look, I wish I didn't freak out, but, like, okay, fine, I'll say sorry again. Cheese. But, like, in my opinion, he's jealous he can't come get in the hot tub and party with the girls. And I'm like, dude, you're dating a girl that you don't even see yourself getting married to. So I'm, like, not going to be very patient with that.

[A]

I don't think that Craig is totally wrong. I think that Austin probably. He wants to have Audrey. He likes Audrey. I think he likes Audrey enough. And I think that he likes what how Audrey makes him feel like he's growing up and maturing as a person. But I think Austin definitely wants to, like, hang out with girls in a hot tub and be flirtatious and kind of, like, ride that line. And the problem is you have someone like Craig who keeps calling him out. Like, you're just hanging out. You're not supposed to be doing that in the hot tub. So now he can't do It. Because before, it was sort of, like, everyone would just sort of look the other way and, like, Austin would just sort of be flirtatious, but he could get away with it. But then, like, now Craig is calling him out for it, so now we can't even do that. So he's like, yeah, he's mad. He's mad you're blowing up his jollies.

[B]

I agree. He's not mad that he has a girlfriend. He's mad that you're calling him out for, like, wanting to cheat on his girlfriend. And that's not what friends are supposed to do. You're supposed to invite over to hot tubs to cheat and then not tell anybody about it. But that's the kind of friend group we're in and at least a frustration.

[A]

Yeah. And even if he doesn't even plan to cheat, he's. I think he still just enjoys the flirtation. And Craig is, like, making that not fun because Craig is, like, being righteous about it. Yeah.

[B]

So Shep is like, here's what I think. Honestly, Austin wants a big apology from Craig for the past year and a half and the abandonment of their relationship. And, you know, now that Craig's having fun again, he wants Craig to come up and be like, oh, I was wrong. I see the errors of my ways. Well, good luck with that, buddy. It's not going to happen.

[A]

I think that's right, too. I think that's actually 100% right. I have no faults with that. I think Austin totally wants to be like, I told you so. I want you to say, I told you so. Why don't you acknowledge that I told you so? And Craig is not going to do that either.

[B]

But that's what they do. I mean, now Austin has apparently broken up with Audrey in real life. Spoiler alert. And Craig was on Watch what happens live. And they're asking him, like, do you think Austin's happier? Is like, yeah, because Austin. Austin, like, didn't even want a girlfriend in the first places, which was what. What I said all along. So let's see. Or just the same.

[A]

They're so funny. So Chef goes, I think there's a pathway for us to be friends again. Because he goes, how do you think I got the LOLs? Wait a second. This was friendship ending. No, I don't want it to be. Of course. I mean, I love the guy. I know you love him. God, I wish he had a pretty little lip.

[B]

That'd just be the best.

[A]

But he doesn't. But I still love him.

[B]

Yeah, but it's his coddling.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like it happened. So what, what's he gonna do? Did. He didn't even say he's coming. And he's like, no, he's not coming. He's like, he's not coming to the pool party. Yeah, he starts like a little temper tantrum.

[A]

Craig, who needs the most coddling on this cast, is now complaining that Austin needs coddling. I mean, that's why he's so angry at Austin too, because he's projecting. You know, he sees himself in Austin right now and he doesn't like it because Craig needs more coddling than anyone on this cast. So, yeah, this is just a classic projection.

[B]

Well, he doesn't even go to. He doesn't even travel in the middle of the week and he never even goes to Charlotte anymore. But now that we're having a middle of the week party, he's not going to come to our big summer pool party. I put noodles in the hot tub holes.

[A]

This is, this, this is a. This is not a strong argument. Like, he never travels on the week, so now he's traveling on the weekend. It's because he actually wants to be back here in Charleston for Memorial Day weekend. He doesn't want to be with his girlfriend on the long weekend, so he's burning up the daytime trip. It's actually quite damning. It's quite damning that he's seeing Audrey on like non prime days. A Memorial Day weekend week.

[B]

Yeah. So you can get back for Friday and Saturday.

[A]

But instead of. Craig sees it as like some grand elusive scheme to avoid coming to the pool party. Which, yeah, is too.

[B]

I mean, it is. He doesn't. He's. He's punishing Craig. But yeah, so he's like, oh God. So now, now he started our fight and I just hit him back with all this that he's been telling me for months. Don't get mad, Craig. Don't get mad because it's stupid. That's why.

[A]

That's why I just want you to repair whatever's damaged Craig. Craig's like, it's just so much energy, dude. Like, we can't change the past. Like, so what do we. Well, we go hat in hand and we say, how can we be? How can we get to a good place? I'm fievel from An American Tale with my hat in my hand. I don't get it. But that's not going to happen because he's a grown ass fucking adult, unlike me, is throwing a party from when we were little.

[B]

So they agree they're going to just try to have fun for the rest of the day. So now other people come, Molly comes, and he's like, well, the pina coladas aren't frozen yet. Mm. This is me sitting on the couch the whole time. Oh, really? They're not frozen yet. Oh, I'm sure they will be soon. Craig.

[A]

Talk about a truly heated rivalry. What about a frozen rivalry? That's what you need. So he's like, but we got a full bar made with a bees honey over there. See them? They're bearding. Bearding, by the way, what are the odds? Came from the store.

[B]

What? Jack's poking his head up like, what? Who's bearding? Who's bearding?

[A]

They're working. That's how hard they're working. By the way, I'll take you to the bar, Molly. And so. Well, it's good to see that someone's working on this show. It's Whitner and the Bees. So Corey shows up and they're all like, hey, Cory, everyone. And then Vanita shows up, and she brought towels. That was her gift. She brought towels for everyone. That she actually brought, like, a functional gift, which was very nice.

[B]

And then follow Corey wherever he goes. There should always be someone with towels. Yeah, I. I think so.

[A]

Maybe also a representative from Fantastic Sam's or Super Cuts, because that haircut, we need to revise it. Okay. You're not Benson Boone. Not Benson Boone. You're more like Benson. Boo. Get out of here. So Craig is like, benita is clearly not my friend, but I'm always gonna include everyone because, I mean, like, what is it to me? I mean, hopefully she comes and has a good time. I'm just big inclusive. Greg. That's me. Except for all the other pool parties where I specifically don't invite one person. Every season, he has a party where he's like, I'm not inviting Austin. Right. Like, and now he's gonna act like he's the bigger person.

[B]

Well, he did invite Austin, though. Austin just didn't this time.

[A]

Yeah, but last season he had a whole party, had a whole day where he didn't invite Austin. That was a whole big plot point for last season. It was like, you didn't invite me to your full body crack.

[B]

And Craig, Vanita's like, yeah, you know, I don't like Craig, but he invited me. And if I say, hey, I'm not showing up, then everyone's going to be like, you suck. But now what is he going to talk about all night? Me sucking? No, I'm going to show up, and I'm going to bring him a gift so I win. Like, you just lost 10 towels. I don't know what you. True. But you just spent, like, also.

[A]

But it also just goes how. It shows how charitable she is because she knows that Craig would never have thought to have a get towels for his pool party. She's like, let me just do this. Paige isn't on this show anymore. I'll be the one to bring the towels. He's not gonna have towels for the guests. It's either this or umbrellas.

[B]

That's funny. So Whitner is there, but he has to take a call because it's a work day and he works. So it's a Wednesday. Yeah, it's a Wednesday party.

[A]

So, Charlie, we don't realize until this.

[B]

Yeah. When is Memorial Day?

[A]

On Monday.

[B]

Always, Right?

[A]

Yeah, but, like. And, like, I get it. Like, I feel like Memorial Day weekend, people start to kind of check out on a Thursday, but Wednesday is pretty early for your pool party.

[B]

Or late.

[A]

Or late. Whatever it is, it's not timely.

[B]

Yeah. It's not smart. A timely. Did you forget on Memorial Day what the day was? The Memorial Day is. So Charlie and Sally come, and, you know, they're talking about each other's show, shows, clothes. Craig's like, wow. Charlie's got the plaid on. Yeah. It's like, red, white, and blue. Wow. Summer backyard parties when we were growing up, that's just how it was. Red, white, and blue. Craig, they're also like that everywhere on Memorial Day.

[A]

Craig, stop trying to make a nostalgia play for everything. Because that's like. He's trying to seem cute. He's like, remember when we were kids and we'd have, like, juice boxes? Like, wasn't that cute? Aren't I cute? It's like, yes. This is not adult Memorial Day. Parties look exactly the same as when we were kids. Especially exactly the same.

[B]

So Charlie's like, yeah, well, you know America. So he's like, I love America. Well, do you like oysters, too? And Sally's like, well, what kind of oysters? He's like, they're from Nova Scotia.

[A]

Oh. Can I tell you. You know what I love on a hot, steamy day is an oyster when it's out of season in the backyard of Craig's house. Give me six of them, and then just take me to the hepatitis clinic. Okay. Everyone knows May the month of oysters.

[B]

You would get hepatitis from a. From an oyster at a Craig party, for sure. But is that, like, an oyster thing. Hepatitis.

[A]

That's one thing you can get. But I think it's mainly just like the old adage is that you should only get oysters in months with Rs in them. @ least that's what it used to be. But now there's a theory of, like, it's not really the same anymore because oysters are farmed. You can kind of get them year round, but they're biggest and plumpest in the R months, blah, blah, blah. But I think one adage that will always be good is, don't have raw seafood at Craig's house in blazing hot heat. Don't do.

[B]

It. Yeah, it's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin commercial. So, hey, guys, I know everybody is curious. Let's check on. Check in on the pina colada machine. He's like, the pina coladas aren't frozen.

[A]

Yet. And Charles, kind of the best.

[B]

Runner. I mean, especially for a judgmental person on the couch who's just looking at that machine. I'm just looking at it. I'm like, this is never going to work. So he's like, oh, yeah, I got them for you, Charlie. And they taste really good. And so he's like, wait, I'm coming to the bar. I like pina.

[A]

Coladas. If I do like pina colada so much, please bring him to me. So now Rodrigo and Tyler show up with Madison. And Madison's like, it's hot. And Tyler's like, I'll get you a mocktail. I'll bring it to you, girl. Yeah. And I can tell Paige hasn't been here. Look at this.

[B]

Disgusting. I cracked up with that. I mean, it just looks like a guy's running the place. I mean, where's the umbrellas? What? No. Dig Craig slash Martha, whoever he wants to be today. But the woman's touch kind of left the building. I mean, look at that hot tub. And we just got to the hot tub, and the noodles are sticking out of the.

[A]

Place. Is up at that back to a frat party. Yeah. So Sally says hi to her and everything, and Madison walks over and like, oh, my God, you look cute. You look cute. Like, how's Eddie doing? She's good. You know? So they're making small talk, and then Madison is like, so, hey, Craig, did you just look at my boobs? He's like, probably because they're, like, shiny and, like, glittery like when we were.

[B]

Kids. So now Molly and Vanita are talking with Rodrigo, and Molly's like, oh, My God, my spray tan is, like, sweating on my tits. And. And they're telling her, oh, my God, don't rub it. So she's like, so how do you feel about this selling Craig thing? Like, I mean, they seem to be besties. Like, I don't get what the. The deal is. I mean, I heard she's, like, talking shit about my vagina, though. I.

[A]

Don'. Like that out of nowhere. And Vanita's like, wait, who did she say that to? And Rodrigo's like, to me. Hello, I'm on this cast, everyone. So we see flashback to Whitner's birthday party, and Sally whispers to Rodrigo like, hey, Molly got a new vagina, and she got all the stuff. And she's like, who do you think is paying for it, huh? Who do you think? So then Vanita's like, well, I did mention the fact that you had a little nip tuck. Molly's like, well, so that's how she knows you're acting. Like, how did you know that's. You were the one who said.

[B]

It. And then we see a flashback to two weeks ago of Anita being like, she got her vagina redone. Who's funding that? I mean, who's funding it? So Venita is totally caught here. So Molly says, well, yeah, but, like, she's claiming, like, I have a boyfriend and that he bought it for me. Yeah, that also came from Vanita. Sorry to break it to you. That's not going to come out today. But, yeah, Vanita also did that. And Rodrigo's like, did you tell her that? Did you. Did you tell her.

[A]

That? No, I said that someone paid for it, but I didn't say her boyfriend. So Rodrigo's like, yep, she did that one, too. And Molly's like, I paid for. I paid for it out of my account in 2019, actually. Thank you very much. She's like, so Rodrigo's like, so you're the one who's spreading out the. All the falsehoods. She goes, well, but I don't have a problem with saying, yes, I did do that. It was me. Vanita is. It's so fun watching Vanita really try to do the reality star thing this season. You know, leaving parties early, spreading gossip, doing the fake accountability thing. It's, like, fun to see our little. Our little baby trying to spread her.

[B]

Wings. So Rodrigo's like, I mean, when I hear gossip about some girl's vagina, I don't, like, consider that delicious. I mean, I think Vanita is just being a shady because, honestly, she brought it to Sally, knowing this Sally has a big mouth. So what do you think is gonna.

[A]

Happen? Well, information that I got from a source I. That I trust was that Molly received a rejuvenation surgery that was paid for by a.

[B]

Man. You exploited my vagina. And Molly's like, well, I'm very open about things I get done, but, like, I just don't want to, like, tell the entire world that I got my labia cut off. Okay.

[A]

Jeez. So she's like. I mean, that's kind of up. Like, why you bring it up? She's like, yeah, well, talk to me about it. Talk to me. This is good. This is really good. She's. Well, when you know, like, she's gonna bring that up because. Well, I didn't think that she was gonna bring it up, but she's like, you know, your friend, though. Well, I didn't think she was gonna bring it up that. In that setting. And I should have not have said it. So I'm gonna apologize to you. And if I had an additional towel, I would have given it to you. But I give them all to Craig. So just very gently, I'll just pinky promise that this is. I won't do this.

[B]

Again. So Molly lets it slide because she still likes her, and she still needs people to go against Sally with her. So she's like, well, I mean, it's obvious what she's doing, and she's gonna do it to y', all, too, one day. I mean, no one's labia is.

[A]

Room. Yeah. Watch out, everyone. So Rodrigo's like, whatever. So we see people chucking oysters and stuff. And Whitner takes a call, and he's like, yeah, hello. Business, business, business. Let's pencil the first week of June in, and we'll get back to you guys. Okay, bye. Yeah, work, you know. You know how it goes.

[B]

Work. Yep. Haven't received any discovery. Nope. Not at all. Okay. See you later. So the chef gets an oyster, and the waitress is like, that's a lemon sauce. That's going to be cocktail sauce. This is hot sauce. Okay, I get it. Great. Move along now. So Corey's like, wow, now we're talking. Corey's so gross. Why is he here? I like that Corey said something. What did he say to someone? Like, wow, got your American flag. And like, yeah, where'd you get your little. What little girl dressed you today? Because he's wearing, like, a.

[A]

Doily. Yeah, he said that to, like, chaperson. Lindsay, I got from your mom said to Whitner. Or something like that. I.

[B]

Know. So anyway, is Molly Madison or Rodrigo? Go inside. And he's like, wow, look at all these memories of Paige. And Molly says, oh, my God, did she do everything? And he's like, those pink chairs. Those pink chairs are her.

[A]

Embarrassing. I don't know if I see. I trust Rodrigo on this, but I just don't see Paige getting pink chairs for Craig. I think she's like, okay, everything in here should be black. I hate it. Too many colors and flowers. So they are eating some more ceviche. And Sally's like, I feel like I shouldn't. I need to find Vanita because she's outside. So she leaves Charlie to go find Vanita inside. And then Whitner's talking to Craig, and Whitner's like, hey, where's Austin? He's like, he didn't come. I mean, it was stupid. It shouldn't have happened, but it happened. Like, you know, our beef. It just happened. He's like, well, Craig is posing it like he was defending Sally's honor. Oh, sorry. Charlie's saying that. She's saying she's. My brain is rotting as I say all these words. I apologize.

[B]

Ronnie. Literally nothing happening on this show. It's like, nothing is happening. And then we talk about beast. So now Vanita. Sally goes inside to check on Vanita, and she's like, okay, well, thank you for checking on me, but when you go back out there, be nice. And she's like, to who? I'm nice to everyone. She goes, just continue to be nice. Why is she saying that to Sally? That's so.

[A]

Weird.

[B]

Yeah. I thought you just got called out for spreading stuff. Why is Sally getting in trouble? She didn't say anything. You're the.

[A]

One. Yeah, I heard it. I think this was like, I didn't love this moment for Vanita because this is like, just say what's on your mind, Vanita, because you're not saying it, but you're being, like, elliptical about it, and you're. You're alluding to things. It's like, passive aggressive and sounds like, well, what did I do? And she's like, just be nice. It's like vanilla. Just. Just spit it out and say it. You just say, when I told you about Molly's vagina, that was for the two of us, so stop gossiping and making me look.

[B]

Bad. Yeah. And so she's like, well, I'm just saying, keep it up. If you're not being bad, then don't. Then just keep it up and she's like, I'm just like, literally standing there eating. And I looked around and said, where's Vanita? I would never be mean to you. I just looked for you. And she's like, well, okay, then just don't give me any reason to think you're a fraud, okay? That's all. And Sally's like, what a fraud to you? And she's, be nice to Molly because I like Molly, too. And she's like, I am nice to Molly. She has no. You don't know how to keep your. Your mouth shut. That's the problem. And she's like, but me and Molly were both to each other at that part. Like, Molly's, Sally's not bright enough. You have to just spell out whatever you're saying. Hints are not going to work with Sally, you.

[A]

Know? No, no. And so Molly is like, yeah, but you kept talking about me. She's like, the win. She's like, well, after the party. That's why I said you kept talking about me after the party, because it happened after the party. But like, what did I say? You were talking about my vagina. She's like, well, who said I talked about her vagina? Enrico's like, me. Hello, I'm on this show. You came to me and told me that. And I'm not mad at you. I'm just telling you what you.

[B]

Said. Molly's like, yeah, you were being shitty about my vagina. She goes, but you're being shitty. But you are shitty. You're always shitty, you. And everyone's like, stink, everybody. The newbies are coming out. And Molly's like, you're malicious. And she goes, well, that was up. She's like, you need therapy. She goes, but I'm in therapy.

[A]

Because. Yeah, because you suck. So Sally tells us what the Benita's the one who told me about the sugar daddy in the vagina. And now I'm the one getting trouble taking for it. I never talked about her vagina. I'm sure she has a lovely new.

[B]

Vagina. Sorry. I have a beautiful vagina, okay? Just leave me alone. Are you jealous? Just go get your vagina done. She's like, I did not talk shit about your vagina. I'm sure your vagina is great. Honestly, though, like, vagina surgery, I.

[A]

Never even thought about it. I'm sure I'll need it after all this.

[B]

Pregnancy. So now Shep comes and he's like, all right, everybody, that's enough. It's my time to shine now. I'm gonna go change into My annual Speedo, where my pubic hair, which I've never trim to my life, will fall over the edges and my hairy thighs will be sticking out. Is everybody ready to get turned on? Like, oh.

[A]

No. So madam goes to.

[B]

Do. Oh, sorry, go.

[A]

Ahead. No, no, I was just gonna say they go.

[B]

Outside. Yeah, it's really wacky. Sally apologizes to Molly and she's like. Molly's like, yeah, but I thought we made up and I, like, felt good about stuff. But, you know, like, even Vanita's more wary of you now. She's like, well, that sucks because we've been friends long enough that we shouldn't say the words I'm wary. I mean, I don't even know what that means. Who says I'm wary about her? To their friend, wary, that's like a curse word. That's a four, four letter word, you.

[A]

Know? So Sally now goes, finds Vanita and she's like, vanita, Molly told me that you were wary of me. What the fuck is up with that? Like, I feel like I've been a damn good friend to you. She goes, well, you make it very hard being on your side when you're on the side of someone I don't like. She's like.

[B]

Craig. Yeah, so now she's making it about Craig. So now she's like, okay, you want me to be on your side? Then don't date.

[A]

Craig. Well, I hear you and I love you, but I don't want to stop hanging out with Craig, okay? Because he's a bigger star on this show. She's like, well, I want you to hear me and you're not going.

[B]

To. So now Sally's like, well, Vanita's argument is she's friends with Craig, so she feels like it's her right to stand up for Craig. But then she, Sally is friends with Craig, so Vanita is not going to be friends with her because she's going to stand up for Craig. It just doesn't make any sense. It's kind of hypocritical, this whole thing. Whole thing. It's hard to be on her side with this whole thing. I don't like.

[A]

It. I don't know, but I just feel like. I do feel like Sally is being kind of a shitty friend to Vanita about the Craig thing because Craig was mean to Vanita and. But Sally's like, whatever, so gonna go after this guy and I'm also gonna make sure my other friend can't go after him either. And I don't know. I think Sally's rubbing me the wrong way this.

[B]

Season. Yeah, me too. But I think that Sally was just a good friend of Vanita, because I think anybody else would have said, what are you talking about? I heard that from Vanita in the first place. Vanita was the one who said all that stuff about your vagina, and she said you had a sugar daddy paying for. Or she insinuated that you had a sugar. But she didn't. She never says, well, I heard it from Vanita. She just keeps it quiet and then goes and talks to Vanita. So at least she was a good friend in that.

[A]

Way. Yeah. She didn't throw Vanita under the bus. But I don't know. I. I still, like, for me, I still think Sally is not massively, just a little bit more on the side of wrong than she is. Right. So Vanita is like, now they're mad at each other. So Shep comes out in his Speedo with a. He's wearing a George Washington wig, but he still has the netting on it. So he's like a cafeteria George Washington, but then he has the Speedo. It's not. It's not.

[B]

Amazing. I need Lisa Kathrow to come in, dress like a cupcake, and just go, I didn't need to see that. No one needs it. Keep it off my tv, sir. I get that it's tradition, but, you know, so is. So is grandma's coffee cake, and we all know how that turned.

[A]

Out. So the chef jumps in the water. It's funny. The wig gets wet. It becomes just like a sad mound of hair. And now everyone's like. Everyone's just dismayed. Summer, 2025. Me and Shep are.

[B]

Single. So now Madison has a moment with Craig, and she goes up to him, and he's like, well, I was worried that you weren't mad. You were mad at me. Me? Because you didn't answer yesterday. And she's like, no, I'm not mad at you. I love you like a brother. It's just one of those things. Just talk, be vulnerable. Craig, you know, I saw you the other night drinking tequila, being crazy and mad. And he's like, I know you don't like it when I get like that. I don't either. I don't. And I wanted to be like, are you okay? Because it's not if you're okay. It's okay to not be.

[A]

Okay. Okay, look, I, like, slipped up. I hadn't felt that instant regret in so long, and I knew instantly. I wish I didn't do that. And then I fucking snapped, and I hate that shit. Craig is just basically telling Madison what she needs to hear, because that's what he.

[B]

Does. Yeah, Pretty.

[A]

Much. None of this.

[B]

Is. And he's like, yeah, I know I'm struggling, and I don't know how to not be the fun guy at the bar. Like, that's just how I met everyone. That's how I met Paige and Naomi. So to me, like, should. I shouldn't equate not drinking with not being fun, because I know that's not the truth, but in my head, I don't know if I believe that. Yeah, but the problem. No one complained about you not being fun last year. I mean, they complained about you not going out a lot, but I don't think anyone was like, wow, he's turned into a boring person. Just that you went out less, you know, they're complaining.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, he's inherently fun. He's a storyteller. So Craig says, I know. And a lawyer and a storyteller. I don't. Like, I'm. I'm like. I texted my therapist, who I haven't talked to him in, like, two years, and I was like, do you have any slots? And, oh, that's perfect. And he didn't have any slot machines. I was really upset. But, like, you know, I'm not, like, better. I fixed, like, a lot of triggers, but, like, this isn't cool. I'm getting, like, worked up. It's not the best version of me. It's the worst version of me. He really is just, like, regurgitating all sorts of things just to make himself seem, like, self aware and evolved. And, yeah, Madison's falling for it because this is just what he does. People like Craig are so. Are so savvy about saying the right kind of stuff that they've sort of picked up from pop culture and all to, like, what you're supposed to say in that moment. And he's just giving it to her on a silver plate, and she's like, wow, he's going the right.

[B]

Direction. Yeah. So they hug, and then Whitner says he saved to be. So Whitner's done something today. And now Craig and Charlie have a super romantic scene at the slushy or I snow cone machine or whatever the hell that is, choosing flavors. And he's like, have you ever had egg custard? She's like, hate it. And he's like, blue raspberry, though she goes, is that your favorite? Dum dum. The sucker. I love. I love Blue raspberry dum dums. Wow. Wow. Babies.

[A]

Incoming. I really like Craig, but I feel like I might have my guard up a little because I have the tendency to put the needs and feelings of my friends above mine. I'm a hero. And Craig is like, what's a dumb. Dumb. Oh, is that like a sucker? Like a lollipop? Is that what it is? Yeah, it is. Yeah. Those are my favorite. So she says that as she gets older, she's worried that she's not thinking about herself enough, but she's learning. She's learning to put herself first. Oh.

[B]

Gosh. So then we go to. Let's see, everyone's just part. Anita decides to go home early. She's like, I'm out of here. And Rodrigo's out of there too. He's like, tyler hit his expiration date, so we're out of. Of here too. And so it's like kind of like a sad, boring ending to kind of a sad, boring party. And so everybody's leaving. And as she leaves, she says bye to Sally and she also kisses Craig bye. And Sally's like, oh, my God, you can kiss him on the cheek, but can't let me hang out with him. Yeah, it's called, like, being nice to the host.

[A]

That's. That's kind of stretch. Yes. Ally, you. That's so. No, no, Vanita, you're the one. She's actually making it easier for you now. Vanita's being a good friend for you because she's not. She's trying to, like. Like, reduce the tension in the room, essentially. So, like, in some ways, well, one could argue she's being good friends. Who. I don't know if she was actually was thinking about Sally in that moment, but, like, wouldn't you have preferred Vanita actually to have, like, a friendly moment with Craig, the guy that you're trying to. Versus, like, a tense moment, which puts you in a weird situation. But Sally trying to make it into her thing. It's like that it's too much. It's too much.

[B]

Sally. And she says, yeah, it's weird that she kissed him goodbye. And then she has a problem with me being friends with them. I mean, talk about two face. It's fake. I'm sorry. It's manners. Okay? Manners are often manners. That's why we do them. So Shep even leaves. He's like, I gotta. I gotta feed little Craig. And Molly's like, yeah, I gotta feed Zoe. Everyone's just using their pets as an excuse and getting there, which basically Leaves us with Sally, Charlie, Corey, and.

[A]

Craig. So we've got the dream.

[B]

Team. Yeah, We've got the main characters, Craig and Sally, and then the people there to just sweep up the leftovers. Sally and.

[A]

Corey. So they basically ask Charlie to, like, get. She's out of the hot tub. And they're like, craig wants a pina colada. He's like, Craig goes. Craig says that he wants a pina colada. Or Corey wants one, even though people are bitching about it. I mean, I made good drinks. They just didn't freeze. So the pina coladas, after all these hours, never froze in the machine. You didn't follow the instructions, Craig. That's what that means. It's a delicate ratio of.

[B]

Ingredients. So they keep telling Charlie to get them more and more stuff. And Sally goes, why are we ordering Charlie around? And Craig goes, because she does whatever we tell her to. And she's like, God, you guys are supposed to be my friends. He's like, we're.

[A]

Just. Cory's like, it's a. It's positive. You're just very.

[B]

Submissive. Oh, I just pretend Cory's not here. Can you tell? I just skip over every Corey line. So Craig's like, all right, well, we had so many good rainstorms nights out here. Like, the rainstorm that. That night was my favorite member. And so I was like, mine, too. And then the next day, we've golf carted to brunch and then golf carted to the country club. Like, we did the best loop. And Cory's like, oh, so.

[A]

Y'.

[B]

All. Y' all stayed here. And she just looks at him.

[A]

Like, what happens in the hot tub stays in the hot.

[B]

Tub. Yeah. So there you go. That was Southern charm.

[A]

Everybody. So maybe Craig and Sally had sex after.

[B]

All. Oh, everyone's dying to know. I'm sure. All right, everybody, thank you so much for being here. We'll be back tomorrow with some Real Housewives of Bovaly hooves. Talk to you now. Next time.

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